Eric Charles here, author of the dating tips and relationship advice column, Ask a Guy, for A New Mode.
When I started writing Ask a Guy, I had no idea that it would take off like it has. I am grateful to have such loyal readers who contribute great questions to me.
But I have a confession to make: I don’t answer every question that comes into my inbox. I would love to be able to – I just don’t have the time.
I feel bad when I don’t respond. But on a positive note, I can offer the next best thing: A consolidated post all about answers to the most frequently asked dating tips and relationship problem advice questions that I see.
You would be amazed (or maybe you wouldn’t be) at how often I am asked if a guy likes them or not. Or what it means when he didn’t text back right away. Or why a guy was interested one minute, then lost interest seemingly for no reason.
So to help out everyone who I am not able to answer directly or immediately, I’ve written up a list of the most frequently asked questions and quick and simple answers (as well as links to full posts I’ve written on the subject.)
What would you say are universal truths about relationships?
Relationships are messy at times - even for those of us that like things clean (no drama). Having a good relationship doesn’t mean no messes. Having a good relationship means continuing to love (the verb form of love) actively throughout the good times, bad times and normal times.
There was a woman I was talking to at a bar a few weeks ago. Really attractive, though older than me (10 years older actually). Great conversationalist.
At one point, we got onto the subject of relationships, men and women. Between swigs of her martini, she told me she was going to share the most important lesson she ever learned about men, women and dating: Men are idiots. Women are crazy. If you can find a man who is less of an idiot than most, or a girl who is less crazy than most, then you’ve done well.
Amen.
Figuring Out Why Things Happened
The most common types of questions all boil down to amateur detective work on why a guy didn’t do what the girl wanted him to. Here’s some of what I consider some of my best articles to answer the most common questions:
Why Didn’t He Text Back?
I could answer it here, but you might as well just read the post all about it: Guy doesn’t text back
Am I Being Needy?
Neediness is one of the quickest ways to smother the life out of a relationship with a guy. Check out: Am I Being Needy? and this post about guys and neediness.
Where Did He Go?
Is he just not that into you?, No call after first date, Why Did He Vanish?, Why Is He Acting Flaky (guy is being flakey)?
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
Another major type of question is trying to figure out the guy’s feelings or where she stands with the guy she’s seeing. Here’s a whole bunch in that arena:
Does He Like Me? or How can I tell if a guy likes me?
There is a wide range of “does he like me” questions that I get. They are typically an endless recounting of little details and interactions that swing the poor girl back and forth between thinking he’s into her and thinking he’s not.
Let me make this whole thing easy for you: If you can’t tell whether or not he likes you, your best bet is to strongly assume that he does and give him clear and obvious opportunities for him to make a move for you (assuming you’re into him and not just wondering for vanity’s sake.)
He’s shy? Then be patient and give him small, easy, bite-sized opportunities to gradually open up to you.
And you can always check out How to tell if a guy likes you?, Does he like me?, Am I Being Played?
Does He Really Love Me?
See here: Does he really love me?, Is He Committed to Me?, If He Won’t Commit Now, Will He Ever?
Does He Just Want Sex?
The age-old question: Does He Just Want Sex?… or something more. And: All He Talks About Now Is Sex and Hooking Up
Can I Trust Him?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – walking down the path of distrust or suspicion is a slippery slope. The more you walk down it, the worse things get. Check out these two articles that explore the topic of trust in relationships/dating: My New Boyfriend Still Checks His Match.com Profile, Does My Boyfriend Really Mean What He Says?
What’s the State of My Relationship?
One things I’ve noticed happens a lot. A girl will observe something… a behavior, a statement an action and try to figure out what it means about her relationship. Here’s a whole boatload of common relationship stuff.
Does He Want a Relationship? or What Does This Mean About My Relationship? or Is He Serious?
This is one of the big ones. Here’s a curriculum of common situations (and what to do about them) to check out: Does He Want to Date Me Or Not?, Guy Won’t Call You His Girlfriend, Boyfriend Won’t Update Relationship Status on Facebook or Myspace, Am I Wasting My Time?, The Reason Why He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend (from a female prospective), On and Off Relationship – Meant to Be?
Making the Right Moves
A lot of the time, I’ll get questions from women who feel in their heart that they want to make a move or move in a certain direction, but really don’t know if it’s the right move or not. Here are some common questions and my answers.
Can a Girl Say ‘I Love You’ First?
Short answer is that you can, but probably shouldn’t since you’ll be left wondering if, when and how he would have done it had you not been such an “eager beaver”. Detailed answer here: Can a Girl Say I Love You First?
How Can I Not Be Needy?
If that’s your question, then this is a must-read: How to Be Free of Neediness
How Can I Turn a Booty Call or Friends with Benefits Into Something More?
It’s much easier to start a relationship as a relationship than to change a relationship mid-stream. Difficult to talk your way out of something you behaved yourself into – there’s no quick fix. Still, we explore the issue here: Salvaging a Booty-Call
If a guy doesn’t call, it means he’s just not that into me, right? Maybe, or see what Sabrina says when a guy doesn’t call.
How Can I Make This Guy Marry Me?
Oh boy… read here immediately: How to Make Your Boyfriend Marry You
Baggage Claim Department
These are the questions where everything would be perfect, except for this one thing…
How Can I Not Be The Rebound?
Short answer: DON’T date a guy with baggage. Let him work it out first, outside of a relationship. Detailed answer: How to avoid being the rebound relationship.
Should I give it a second try with my ex or on-again/off-again relationship?
See for yourself: On-again/Off-again Relationship – Is it Meant to Be?, Should I Give This Guy a Second Try?, Is Getting Back Together With an Ex Ever a Good Idea?, Restarted Relationship With My Ex, But Is He Serious?
Understanding Men and Emotional Baggage: How to Help Him With His Relationship Issues, Do I Have Emotional Baggage (and am I Unfairly Taking It Out On My Guy)?, How Guys Deal With Breakups
My Boyfriend Lost His Job (or is Having Career Problems) and Now We’re Having Relationship Problems:
For the majority of guys, upsets at our jobs can dramatically affect our relationships. Most people don’t talk about men typically relate to their jobs differently than women in terms of how it can impact the relationship (I think people fear being accused of sounding “sexist”).
It think it’s a very important topic to be aware of. Check out: My Boyfriend Isn’t Interested in Sex Anymore and He Lost His Job, Now Wants to Break Up
Understanding Male-to-Female Attraction:
Here are a couple of hot topics in the realm of male-female attraction. Check out: Why Do Guys Cheat?, What is the Ideal Weight for Women?
As a closing note, again, thank you so much for being such loyal and supportive readers.
You have all said wonderful and appreciative things to me since I started Ask a Guy and I am deeply and sincerely grateful and appreciative to have your support. Thank you!
Do you have a favorite Ask a Guy on this list? Or one that you totally don’t agree with? Leave a comment and let me know!
Hope it helps,
- eric charles
Got a question? Send it to askaguy@anewmode.com and we’ll get you some answers! (Note: Please keep your questions short and concise, with a descriptive title – thanks!)
Related posts:Ask a Guy: On and Off Relationship – Is it Meant to Be?
Ask A Guy: How Can I Help Him Get Over His Relationship Issues?
Ask a Guy: Does He Want To Date Me Or Not?
Ask a Guy: We’re Dating, But He Still Checks Match.com
Ask a Guy: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?
Ask A Guy: Why Do Guys Vanish After A Great First Date?
Ask a Guy: Dating an Alcoholic
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Cool site! Very informative
This is an awesome article on questions to ask in a relationship. Some relationships fail because of miscommunication.
Great job with this, Eric! I think I speak for many, many ladies out there when I say we’d be lost without you!
Thank you Sabs. You know I think you’re wonderful too.
Eric your the best! I think I can honestly say that men are confusing. One advice to girls, just stop trying or wondering. Let men be men and stop trying to figure them out. LOL
Thanks a lot… Learned a lot from this article… Keep it up. Men are just hard to comprehend. lol
Hi, I need some help with my boyfreind. We have been dating for around 3 months. He has a very strong character, and tells me he is the Alpha male. Since the begining, he has done a couple of things that really upset me. The first is when he gets aroused he says, “I want to fuck you”. I have told him that it would be nice if he also used the terms, I would like to make love or lets have sex. The second thing is when he says he is going to call back in 45 minutes, it could be 5 hours later. He never calls when he says he will, so I have told him it really disappoints me, so please call when you say you will. He said he would, but still dosen’t. Can you please let me know how to approach these problems? Thanks Laara
Hi, I need some help with my boyfriend. we have been dating for 5 months and been friends for a year before we dated. He was the best boyfriend at the beginning. He wanted to take me out even though he didn’t have a job and wanted to spend every second with me. Now i haven’t seen him for really long time. for the past four weeks i saw him once for 20 min and for the past week he didn’t call or text. the last time i saw him we weren’t fighting and we never got into an argument. He hates fighting, we both think its childish. He gave his phone to his friend, whom i don’t get along with at all. Something kindda big happen about a month and half ago, but it had nothing to do wit us. His friend is dating close friend of mine whom i don’t like anymore but he still talks to her because his friend is dating her. I’m not sure why he is being distant with me. I don’t care that he still talks to her but i want him to hang me and but more time in our relationship. He says I’m the only woman for him and he has never had a girlfriend. He is 23. Im confused. whats going on?