Eric Charles here, author of the dating tips and relationship advice column, Ask a Guy, for A New Mode.
When I started writing Ask a Guy, I had no idea that it would take off like it has. I am grateful to have such loyal readers who contribute great questions to me.
But I have a confession to make: I don’t answer every question that comes into my inbox. I would love to be able to – I just don’t have the time.
I feel bad when I don’t respond. But on a positive note, I can offer the next best thing: A consolidated post all about answers to the most frequently asked dating tips and relationship problem advice questions that I see. We also just released a book based on the most frequently asked questions we receive: “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want.”
You would be amazed (or maybe you wouldn’t be) at how often I am asked if a guy likes them or not. Or what it means when he didn’t text back right away. Or why a guy was interested one minute, then lost interest seemingly for no reason.
So to help out everyone who I am not able to answer directly or immediately, I’ve written up a list of the most frequently asked questions and quick and simple answers (as well as links to full posts I’ve written on the subject.)
What would you say are universal truths about relationships?
Relationships are messy at times - even for those of us that like things clean (no drama). Having a good relationship doesn’t mean no messes. Having a good relationship means continuing to love (the verb form of love) actively throughout the good times, bad times and normal times.
There was a woman I was talking to at a bar a few weeks ago. Really attractive, though older than me (10 years older actually). Great conversationalist.
At one point, we got onto the subject of relationships, men and women. Between swigs of her martini, she told me she was going to share the most important lesson she ever learned about men, women and dating: Men are idiots. Women are crazy. If you can find a man who is less of an idiot than most, or a girl who is less crazy than most, then you’ve done well.
What’s the State of My Relationship?
One things I’ve noticed happens a lot. A girl will observe something… a behavior, a statement an action and try to figure out what it means about her relationship. Here’s a whole boatload of common relationship stuff.
Does He Want a Relationship? or What Does This Mean About My Relationship? or Is He Serious?
This is one of the big ones. Here’s a curriculum of common situations (and what to do about them) to check out: Does He Want to Date Me Or Not?, Guy Won’t Call You His Girlfriend, Boyfriend Won’t Update Relationship Status on Facebook or Myspace, Am I Wasting My Time?, The Reason Why He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend (from a female prospective)
Figuring Out Why Things Happened
The most common types of questions all boil down to amateur detective work on why a guy didn’t do what the girl wanted him to. Here’s some of what I consider some of my best articles to answer the most common questions:
Why Didn’t He Text Back?
I could answer it here, but you might as well just read the post all about it: Guy doesn’t text back
Understanding Male-to-Female Attraction:
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
Another major type of question is trying to figure out the guy’s feelings or where she stands with the guy she’s seeing. Here’s a whole bunch in that arena:
Does He Like Me? or How can I tell if a guy likes me?
There is a wide range of “does he like me” questions that I get. They are typically an endless recounting of little details and interactions that swing the poor girl back and forth between thinking he’s into her and thinking he’s not.
Let me make this whole thing easy for you: If you can’t tell whether or not he likes you, your best bet is to strongly assume that he does and give him clear and obvious opportunities for him to make a move for you (assuming you’re into him and not just wondering for vanity’s sake.)
He’s shy? Then be patient and give him small, easy, bite-sized opportunities to gradually open up to you.
Signs He Might Not Be Into You
Not everyone is a good match with each other. And the people we’re most attracted to aren’t always the best matches for us – sometimes they are the worst matches for us!
Want to know if you’re on the right track? Check out: Signs He Does Not Like You,
Does He Really Love Me?
Can I Trust Him?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – walking down the path of distrust or suspicion is a slippery slope. The more you walk down it, the worse things get. Check out these two articles that explore the topic of trust in relationships/dating: Does My Boyfriend Really Mean What He Says?
Making the Right Moves
A lot of the time, I’ll get questions from women who feel in their heart that they want to make a move or move in a certain direction, but really don’t know if it’s the right move or not. Here are some common questions and my answers.
Can a Girl Say ‘I Love You’ First?
Short answer is that you can, but probably shouldn’t since you’ll be left wondering if, when and how he would have done it had you not been such an “eager beaver”. Detailed answer here: Can a Girl Say I Love You First?
If a guy doesn’t call, it means he’s just not that into me, right? Maybe, or see what Sabrina says when a guy doesn’t call.
How Do I Get Him To Chase Me Again?
Sometimes a relationship starts out with the man pursuing you like you’re the center of his universe. And somehow as time goes on, you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that he’s losing interest in you – he no longer seems to be putting in the effort he once was.
How Can I Make This Guy Marry Me?
Oh boy… read here immediately: How to Make Your Boyfriend Marry You
Breaking Up With Your Boyfriend
Not all matches are made in heaven and sometimes breaking up is the right move. It’s never fun or easy, but if you’ve got to do it you might as well do it right. Check out how to break up with my boyfriend.
Baggage Claim Department
These are the questions where everything would be perfect, except for this one thing…
Understanding Men and Emotional Baggage: How Guys Deal With Breakups
My Boyfriend Lost His Job (or is Having Career Problems) and Now We’re Having Relationship Problems:
For the majority of guys, upsets at our jobs can dramatically affect our relationships. Most people don’t talk about men typically relate to their jobs differently than women in terms of how it can impact the relationship (I think people fear being accused of sounding “sexist”).
Ex-girlfriends can be another form of baggage altogther.
Still, not all relationships with exes are a bad thing – there are plenty of guys who are friends with their ex-girlfriend and it’s not an issue. The question is, what does it mean for you when your boyfriend still talks to his ex-girlfriend?
It think it’s a very important topic to be aware of. Check out: My Boyfriend Isn’t Interested in Sex Anymore
When a Man Loses Interest & Things That Drive Men Away
How Can I Not Be Needy?
If that’s your question, then this is a must-read: How to Be Free of Neediness
Where Did He Go?
I see it time and time again – everything seemed great, but now he seems distant or maybe he’s even vanished without a trace. Check out these articles and get some clarity now: No call after first date, When A Guy Withdraws, Why Did He Suddenly Stop Texting Me?
Is He Losing Interest in Me?
Things were going great and now he’s throwing you curve balls that are driving you crazy with confusion and worry. Get your head sorted out with these: Guy wants to take it slow, Is my boyfriend getting bored with me?
As a closing note, again, thank you so much for being such loyal and supportive readers.
You have all said wonderful and appreciative things to me since I started Ask a Guy and I am deeply and sincerely grateful and appreciative to have your support. Thank you!
Hope it helps,
– eric charles