Ask a Guy: Why Did He Suddenly Stop Texting Me? post image

Ask a Guy: Why Did He Suddenly Stop Texting Me?

There’s this guy I really like and at first things were great. We texted constantly for about five days but then he suddenly stopped. I left him alone because I didn’t want to come across as annoying or something.

After that it seemed like I always had to initiate the conversations to get a response. It really seemed like he cared so why would he go from talking to me all the time to not talking at all?

You’re not alone.  This type of question has been sent to me hundreds of times and I want to write about this to help you and everyone with this type of situation.

Actually, A New Mode’s relationship section is only part of my business – I also help guys with their dating questions.  And believe it or not, I had a guy send me virtually this same question in hopes that I would discuss it at a speaking engagement.

To answer your question, I want to quickly tell you what I cover in this article:

  • If you just started seeing him and he suddenly stopped texting, why that’s a good thing
  • If you’ve been seeing him a little while and he suddenly stops texting, what to do about it…
  • The best way to text with your guy in your relationship

Also, I highly recommend you take the following quiz to see why he’s not texting you back.

Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Why Didn’t He Text You Back?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Why Isn’t He Texting You Back” Quiz right now and find out why he’s not texting you back...

I also put a link to another quiz at the end of this article about how to understand your guy’s texting style, so I recommend you take that one too.

If this is a guy you just started seeing…

Over the course of the last decade and a half, texting has increasingly become a constant part of waking life.  For most people these days, it’s tough to imagine waiting for something or sitting idle without checking your texts, social media, etc.

Sooner or later, though, there will be a point where the person you’re seeing doesn’t text back and you’re left wondering what they’re up to…

And if you haven’t discovered this yet, it will be at these moments that you discover one of the necessities of modern relationships is to remain undisturbed when it does happen.

When a guy suddenly stops texting right at the beginning of a relationship, it could be for a number of reasons… you don’t know his patterns yet, so he might be at the gym.  He might be focused on something and have his phone off.

If he’s not that into you, consider that a blessing in disguise…

Or, yes of course, he might not be all that into you in the first place and be fading away.  And if so, do yourself a favor and let him go… there are plenty of signs a guy isn’t into you and it’s a fruitless venture to think you’re going to convince him he should be.

So just to get that out of the way: When a guy likes you, it’s obvious.

No analysis or detective work needed… and you don’t need to put in effort for a guy who’s into you to remain in contact with you.

I’m not talking about constant, minute-by-minute response times and non-stop chatting, but if a guy is in the mindset of establishing and participating in a relationship with you, he’s not going to unpredictably disappear for days or weeks at a time.

So if that’s happening, you’re probably looking at a guy who isn’t all that into you… at which point I would recommend you would cut things now and meet someone new.

Some great reasons to cut it off now if he’s already suddenly disappearing:

  1. While you’re chasing a guy that isn’t that into you, you could instead spending that time with a guy who’s head over heels in love with you.
  2. And, in the scenario you’re with the guy who’s head over heels in love with you, you could be putting in time with a guy who is moving with you in the direction you want, towards the kind of relationship you want?
  3. And if you’re with that guy who’s heading toward the kind of relationship you want, doesn’t it make sense that if he’s heading in the same direction as you, then you’d be swimming with the current instead of against the current?
  4. And in that view, wouldn’t it make much more sense to view dating as a process of finding someone who’s “on the same page as you” and “heading towards” the kind of relationship you want?  That is to say, you say NO to guys who are not heading in the direction you want to go and YES to the one who is?

Dating is not about impressing him, it’s about selecting him

This is a slight tangent, but the vast majority of the problems we have with dating in our culture is how we view dating.

Currently, the western world views dating as a process of impressing the other person.  Which is foolish on two fronts: first it implies that the time to be impressive is only at the beginning and second it implies that another person should select you because you impressed them (and that you should select them because you found them impressive).

The problem with this is that it fixates on you and the guy putting on a sort of performance for each other… and an unsustainable one at that, in most case.

Dating is not meant to be about impressing another person or being impressed.

Dating is about selecting someone who’s a good fit for you.

And who’s a good fit?  Generally speaking:

  1. Someone who’s on the same page as you (their manner, their values, their views, their way of living, their way of being, etc. matches or complements yours)
  2. Someone who didn’t outright and explicitly say they don’t want to be in a relationship (for any reason, the reason is irrelevant…)
  3. Someone who is enjoyable and natural for you to be with.

Dating is about selection! 

And relationships… relationships are about learning to still relate to your partner from a place of love and compassion even when it’s not easy (especially when it’s not easy)… and that goes for your partner too!

So to tie this tangent up… letting a guy go who is already showing signs that he’s not that into you early on… well, you could be saving yourself a ton of time and heartache.

I’m not saying that there aren’t those rare cases where some disinterested guy inexplicably changes his tune and comes around… it can happen in the same way a person could win the lottery or a tree could be struck by lightning… but the odds are bad.  The odds are much higher you’ll waste a ton of time, youth and heart on chasing a guy who isn’t interested, when you could be spending it with a guy who wants exactly what you want… with you… right now!

Now granted, I don’t know your exact situation… so if you think that you have a good relationship with the guy you’re with but you believe he’s starting to lose interest, then I highly recommend you take the following quiz.

QUIZ: Is he losing interest in me?

Good relationships tend to come about when you’re swimming with the current, not against it.

So let’s return to the subject at hand… if a guy has stopped texting you all of a sudden, and it’s a guy you’ve been seeing for longer than, let’s say, 2 weeks…

Sooner or later, this kind of thing is going to happen and now is as good a time as any to become comfortable with the idea of giving a guy space.

When should you expect a text back from the guy you’re with?

The best way to think of text messages is this: If he tells you, specifically, he’s going to text you at a specific time for a specific reason, then it makes sense to expect him to do what he told you he’s going to do.  After all, he explicitly said he would!

Outside of that, texting (in the view of most men) is an interruption to whatever we’re doing at that moment.  Now there might be those moments where you catch a guy in a chatty mood, but those are best viewed as the exception to the norm, not something to be expected.

If you don’t have the expectation the men should text a lot or that men want to text a lot, you’ll save yourself a lot of grief wanting something that, for the most part, goes against a man’s nature.

When it comes to relationships, treat your actual physical time together as your quality time.  It is infinitely better than text messages, there’s no room for misinterpretation or miscommunication like there is in the limited medium of texting and it takes the pressure off both of you.

So as a general rule in relationships, try to keep texting to a minimum and, when you do need to text, your texts will have much more impact.

And if you need something urgently and immediately, call him.  Don’t text.

For texts that remain unanswered for some length of time (and it’s going to happen sometimes), the real benefit comes to your relationship comes from how you handle it…

Why you should become comfortable with giving your guy space:

In this day and age, what we really would do well to embrace in our lives is more space

There’s this expectation nowadays that we’re almost meant to be constantly available and in contact with others… that we should be on our phones at every waking moment, ready to respond to any message sent to us.

Things didn’t used to be this way.  There used to be moments of space mixed into our days, where we would just have to wait for things.

We didn’t have Candy Crush to play while sitting on the toilet.  We didn’t have social media to check while gassing up our car.  We didn’t have stories to post while sitting in the doctors office.

At most maybe there was a magazine to read… or if you were at home, you might be on the phone with someone on a landline… but there were many portions of the day where there was space to just “be”… without doing something or reacting to something.

With a near constant stream of things to react to, we have created and have been participating in a world that’s become increasingly frantic and stressful.

I mean, could you imagine being bored in today’s world?

The most sane thing you can do for yourself is to start bringing space into your life as much as possible.  Stillness.  Silence.  Peace.

And for your partner, allow them to have as much an opportunity for that as possible as well.

What’s so great about space in a relationship?  Why should we want our partner to have space?  Why should we create space in our own lives as well?

Plain and simple: It is within moments of space where we are most able to connect with ourselves and the life within us.

Our outer world of smartphones and social media is a constant stream of unending noise and a frantic freight train of activity to react to.

Without space, it almost feels as though this constant activity is like a vortex that pulls us into it.

We can get caught up in it, thinking about and reacting to the happenings streaming through our smartphone into our head.  With the social aspect of social media, we might even find it very hard not to feed into the constant drama of it.

Contrasted against that, we have a whole inner world that, for most people, remains largely unexplored.

When people talk about having a relationship with yourself, what does that really mean in the deepest sense?

In the simplest terms, it means to step inside yourself… reconnect with how you feel inside… reconnect with your body… reconnect with the still, silent sense of “you” that’s always been there (even since you were a little child) and has remained unchanged…

Reconnecting with that “space” within you is, in its essence, having a relationship with yourself.  Finding the still point of sanity that rests in the background behind the frantic insanity of the outer world and, more importantly, that rests even behind the chaotic and perhaps constant thoughts of your inner world.

What does this have to do with relationships though?

It is within this space… this re-connecting with “you”… where you recharge your batteries and re-connect to your own sense of OK-ness.  It doesn’t happen in the outside world and it doesn’t happen in your relationship or through your partner.  It happens directly, through you and through you giving yourself space to be in touch with “you” (the “you” within).

This is where you recharge your metaphorical batteries… and this is where your partner does as well.

It is in our best interest to give our partner as many opportunities as possible to have space in their life and this very easy to do when we understand it benefits the relationship immensely.

They recharge their batteries.  They become more calm inside.  They re-center themselves.

And, from that place of renewed inner clarity, they come back together with you and that improved inner state reflects itself outward in how they relate to you.

And the same goes for you, too.

Relationships aren’t something to extract happiness from.  It doesn’t work that way.

Relationships work best when viewed as a place to bring happiness into, so as to help your partner come into alignment with that inner state as well (and vice versa).

Make space a priority.  Make your mood a priority.  Your relationship will improve immensely when you focus on the inner you and not what he’s doing or not doing.

Another note on men and space…

We all need space, although men relate to space and silence in a way that is different in character to the way women seem to relate to having space…

That’s not to say that women in today’s world don’t need space in their own lives.  They absolutely do.

What I’m saying is that, for men in particular, there’s a part of our masculine soul that hungers greatly for pockets of time where we can be left completely alone… not have to deal with anything or talk to anyone.

With my male friends, there have been times where we hang out doing an activity and maybe say 10 words or less to one another over the period of many hours… and if someone asked how it was hanging out with them, we’d probably both say it was great.

Whether or not the guys you know have men in their lives they can hang out with without being unnecessarily chatty, the vast majority of men could relate to how this is possible.  Most women I know would find the thought of sitting in silence with another woman for hours to be incomprehensible and… not much fun.

In addition to appreciating giving a guy space as a good thing, there’s a lot to be said for how men experience space and time with other men.  It’s good for guys to have pure guy time with other guys… if you’ve never paid attention to this, you might notice that when your guy spends time with other men, his energy can shift into a more masculine place in a way that brings more passion into the relationship.

I would say the same thing for women spending time with other women.  There is something to be said for enjoying and accentuating the polarities of your gender in who you spend time with.


I say all this because I want to drive home the point that there is much more to having a healthy relationship than being in constant contact with your partner.

One thing I would encourage you to do, within your own space and inner self, is explore the reaction you’re having to him not texting you back.

In many cases, when someone doesn’t text you back, it might stir up feelings of fear or worry that the other person has lost interest or is going to leave.

Whether or not this is the case, your worrying isn’t going to change what is true… all it will do is drain you of energy…

If finding the inner space and stillness within you and “living there” is what recharges your batteries, then one might ask what drains your batteries?

Other than the most basic functions of living, most people needlessly drain their energy and vitality being caught up in their head… worrying about things… wanting to get “somewhere” or do “something” or become “more”… they spend all day looping, again and again, on thoughts…

Do these thoughts ever lead to any positive outcome?  Usually no.  In fact, I would argue that these types of “draining” thoughts never lead to a successful outcome… they only keep you caught up in your mind, stirring up uncomfortable feelings within your body… and then we try to distract ourselves from this discomfort through whipping out our phone and tinkering with it.

Living this way comes with a horrible price… the drain increases and becomes more pronounced over time… it affects our mood… and our negative mood radiates outward and affects our relationship negatively.

Your mood becomes your vibe and your vibe determines your love life

Or, as I’ve said it in the past: Your mood becomes your vibe… and your vibe will attract (or repel) love from you from every area of life.

If you want to experience love coming to you from every area of life, easily and effortlessly… then you’ll want to improve your vibe… which is to say, improve your mood (your inner state).

And the path to repairing your mood isn’t through feeding into more thought activity, but less.  Reconnect with “you”, the silent field of consciousness behind your incessantly thinking mind.

You’ll still have awareness of your mind’s activities while you connect with the stillness within you… you just won’t mind it.  You won’t take it all that seriously or view it as anything important anymore.

The punchline here is this: If a guy not texting you back is upsetting to you, instead of paying attention to what the mind wants to pull you into fixating one (what the guy should be doing, what you fear it means, what you need to do in reaction, etc. etc.)… get off the ride of your mind.  Instead of paying attention to your mind’s story and reaction to what’s happening, step back and give yourself space to be OK anyway, even in the face of the hurricane of your mind.

Wake up from the dream of your mind… the unending stream of thinking…

By pulling the plug on the negative thought loop, you won’t die… you’ll come alive.  You’ll be free and your head will clear up… you’ll regain your gracefulness and your mood will become light again.

In that space, it will be very easy to see what is needed for the situation.  And, oftentimes, you’ll see that nothing is needed at all!

Make texting about quality, not quantity… less is more

(This portion is in direct reply to the question stated at the start)

The problem is not that you (or women or men in general) are doing something inherently “wrong” that results in the guy (or girl) stopping their frequent texting with you.

The problem is that it’s not sustainable.  Texting constantly is a pain in the ass.  Speaking from personal experience, I am an extremely busy guy and I generally avoid habitually texting back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth with women because I already know it’s something I can’t maintain.  So I try to keep things short but polite.

Truth is, this guy probably was really into you when he was texting constantly and probably still is.  But again, the problem is that it’s not a realistic, sustainable habit to be constantly texting little messages all day.

He might have been texting for the five days and then was thought, “Wow, this is really time consuming and distracting from… the rest of my life!”

Sometimes we can get caught up into thinking that the other person is being rude when our text message goes unanswered.  The truth is that when we send someone a text, we don’t know what they’re up to.  We are interrupting them and expecting that they should answer a text message just because we sent them something is selfish.

I know you don’t mean it to be selfish, so I’m putting this way of looking at the situation out there because it’s useful to see things from that perspective.

From the other side, when you consider that you may be interrupting someone, you could see how one interruption isn’t that big of a deal.  But if the other person might feel that they are being barraged with messages and it could be overwhelming or even annoying sometimes.

With that said, I can be guilty of being “that guy” who doesn’t text back.  And I (probably more than any other guy on the planet) know how much that can drive a woman crazy.

But I’m busy!  Even though I know better, the unconscious thought I have is that “she knows I like her.”  Generally speaking I do make more of an effort to send an occasional text message so she knows I’m around and nothing’s wrong.

No reason I can’t be considerate to a woman’s feelings, but I promise you most guys don’t have any idea how upsetting not being texted back is for most women.

Now the useful question from here is:  What should you do about it?

I stand by everything I said in the first section of this article, but if your mind is on fire and you just need an emergency method to catch your breath, take this approach:

I’m going to give you the same advice that I give to guys in this case because it applies across the board:  Be un-reactive to it and assume they really, really like you.

What do I mean by un-reactive?

I’m not saying don’t have an awareness of what’s going on around you.  I’m not saying become like a robot, absent of emotion in general.  What I am saying is don’t react to the stuff that’s happening or your mind’s thoughts about things.  CHOOSE not to have a reaction and be cool with everything.

This advice is for you.  It’s not for the other person, although at first glance it might look like you’re just letting them do whatever they want.

When you stop reacting to things automatically, you gain awareness of the situation.  You stop getting lost in emotions that don’t help you and start clearly seeing the best way to respond to something (if the situation even warrants a response).  When you are un-reactive, you get to choose the best move.

So be un-reactive to this so that you have clarity of the whole situation.  I think once you can stop reacting and look at the situation clearly, you’ll see that there really isn’t a big problem here.

Again, this is more or less a restatement of what I was saying more explicitly above:

  • When you have the view that giving your partner space is a healthy thing, it’s easy not to have a bad reaction to him not texting back…
  • When you have the view that your good mood helps improve the relationship (even without speaking a word), it makes it easy not to have a bad reaction to him not texting back…
  • When you have the view that negative reactions around texting creates relationship problems where there don’t need to be, it makes it easier to not react negatively to it…

From a deeper perspective, you might find that there’s a way of looking at just about anything that doesn’t have you reacting negatively to it… and, in freeing yourself from a continuous series of bad reactions to things, you’ll find you’ll gain a much greater sense of clarity in your relationships and love life.

And if you’re going to assume anything…

The other side of how to handle this in a useful way is to assume that the other person really, really likes you.

The fact is none of us are mind readers… we will never know exactly what the other person is thinking.

But I can tell you that people who assume that other people don’t like them usually end up with other people not liking them.  I can also tell you that people who assume that other people love them usually end up surrounded by people who love them.

Same goes for relationships and attraction.  It’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sure, it may seem a little delusional to just choose an assumption to make about how the other person feels about you, but the truth is that we do it all the time anyway!  You might as well choose an assumption that serves you instead of one that guarantees failure.

And finally, one of the best things you can do is make sure that you have a full, enjoyable, fun life.  When your life is full of fun and friends, you won’t fall into the trap of obsessing when that next text is going to come or if he called or not.  You’ll be too busy enjoying the rest of your life.

The beginning stages of a relationship are best served as “icing on the cake” rather than “the cake itself”.  Make your life your focus and it will make his erratic texting behaviors much more tolerable.

Oh, and one last thing… don’t take a man’s texting habits personally.  That is a recipe for disaster if you do…

I hope this article helped you better understand a guy’s texting habits. But there is more you need to know. There is one defining moment in every relationship that determines if it will last, or if you will be left heartbroken…

At some point, he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens or ends. Do you know how a man decides a woman is girlfriend or wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

Another big reason why women worry about a guy’s texting habits is because they think he might be losing interest or pulling away. Do you know what to do when this happens? If not, you run the risk of making the most common relationship-ruining mistakes. Read this now and learn exactly how to handle it: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

Hope it helps,

eric charles

Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Why Didn’t He Text You Back?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Why Isn’t He Texting You Back” Quiz right now and find out why he’s not texting you back...

P.S. If you want to better understand a guy’s texting habits (and why men act the way they do when it comes to relationships), take this quick and easy quiz to see what your guy’s “texting style” means about your relationship:  What’s Does His “Texting Style” Reveal About His Feelings For Me?

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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So insightful thank you so much for this article. I used to always freak out about this type of thing and think that they’re not interested but now I just relax and give them space .

My only question would be how many days should you let go by? What’s the timeframe you should give them, especially if another date isn’t concretely set up yet.

Reply December 12, 2021, 1:36 pm


As a guy, I only text because it makes her feel good, and comfortable. Make an effort to meet up more. I love spending time with girls that interest me. Time together is important. You can text while watching TV. That means he is competing with TV. Do you want to compete with a TV?

Reply March 30, 2020, 2:15 am


Wow! This article is perfection. It gives you everything you need to hear on the matter. It doesn’t talk down to you or make you feel “crazy”.
It gives you hope but not just in getting your guy, also in keeping a healthy mindset even if things are going south.
Thank You!

Reply March 5, 2019, 1:18 am

Eric Charles

I’m glad you liked it. Thank you for the comment, I really appreciate hearing that.

Reply March 5, 2019, 8:54 pm


Hey so ive been talking to this guy for 2months or so all the sudden he met someone else but i cant get over him do to how he was with me different than the rest.We recently got in a fight and stopped talking I want to txt him but his still mad should i hold off and give him space and time to cool off?

Reply October 27, 2018, 4:44 pm


Hi, I just met a guy and I heard from my colleague saying that he thinks im beautiful. we had a gathering and he initiated topics to talk to me. I believe he’s also interested in me. I texted him after a few days from the gathering, he even asked if I would go to watch his competition. he replied me a few times but he stopped texting me. does it mean he’s actually not interested?

Reply May 11, 2018, 3:25 pm


Hi! My boyfriend asked me today “Do You think I can make You happy?” I was shoked , what does he think? I asked him If everithink is ok and told him he is everything I ever needed ( I love him a lot and I want to make him happy) . What’s on his mind?

Reply February 3, 2018, 11:44 am


Dear Eric Charles,

I just have to say that this is honestly the best article I’ve read or could read on this subject. You were reassuring, yet politely blunt at times on what to expect and/or what to do. Thank you very much! It was greatly appreciated. Reading this cleared my head, and I will definitely be keeping this article handy to go back to anytime I need it. I’m not going to say, why can’t there be more guys like you, because realistically I know there are.. I just haven’t found them yet. I’m hoping that this guy I’m talking to ‘really, really’ likes me, because I’m 99% sure he does, but I know I’ll be just fine if not. Thanks again!

Kind Regards,


Reply January 29, 2018, 12:25 am

Eric Charles

Hi Carolyn – thank you for the kind message. I’m glad you liked it!

Reply January 29, 2018, 7:05 pm


I used to be friends with this boy when I was younger and more recently we have started talking daily on text for about a month now and we have met up 4times. The last time we met up went really well and that evening we talked and said goodnight as usual. However, the next morning he didn’t text me and I just thought that he was busy and didn’t think much of it. The day after he didn’t text me and a few days later I still hadn’t got a text so I decided to text him to say hi and he didn’t reply. A few days later I texted again asking what was wrong and if we are okay and he just didn’t reply again. Its been nearly 2 weeks since and I don’t understand what has happened or what I should do because I really like him. I do know that he does have a lot of friends that are girls so I don’t want to come across desperate etc.

Reply November 8, 2017, 5:18 pm


What happened to your story? I’m currently on the same boat. We were texting every day, and he just stopped, and I’m taking the advice Eric has given, but it still stings a bit inside because I don’t know what went down, and I don’t want to act desperate either. I do want to give the guy space. How did your situation turn out?

Reply January 7, 2019, 10:28 pm


Dude. Thank you. For real. I feel better.

Reply November 4, 2017, 1:38 am

Eric Charles

Awesome – I’m glad!

Reply November 25, 2017, 12:51 pm


I have a friend of mine that has been my friend since February 2017, we’ve been close in the school year, and we would always talk to each other, but July is the month that changed him idk why, but he’s not texting me as he used to, now he’s ignoring me all the time and I’m super mad about it, he told me he was in Saskatchewan but then I see a pic of him and his friends together! And I’ve been waiting for a response for almost a month! But when I send him a text he reads it but never responds, I wanna settle things but he won’t respond. So then I get a response from his dad saying he got grounded, so he is not ignoring me?! I got told his phone got taken away, but later on I see him commenting on a post! Is he actually making dumb excuses to not talk to me? I need help please, I’m on the edge.

Reply August 2, 2017, 2:01 am


Thanks for all your content, Eric. As cliche as it is for me to get worried every now and then and overanalyze things and therefore look for articles online to help calm my nerves, it really does help. You’ve got such a level head about things and such a realistic perspective that I often find myself nodding along with what you explain. Like, “Yeah, that makes plenty of sense” kinds of things. Rationally I know that nothing is wrong, but I suppose we all have our inner demons that make us believe differently. All those nasty “what ifs” tend to pop up into my head. Good news, though, is that this has been gradually happening less and less often. Self-esteem is just something you have to gradually work on. :]

And I know obviously you can’t speak for all men seeing how everyone is different, but yeah. That being put aside! :3

Reply May 1, 2017, 7:10 pm


Peter, I agree 100% ! You are the mature, straight foward guy women are looking for.

Reply March 25, 2017, 4:50 am


I’m dating this guy, and we texted almost every day, around 0-7 messagede a day, ik okay with him being busy, I know he has a life and I don’t have and need for a text every minute or day.
But now he hasn’t texted back in a week and I don’t live close to him, so I can see if something is wrong. And I can see he has seen my text, but not answered it, and now I don’t know if I should wait for him to come around or just assume I don’t want to hang out with me any more.
Cause I told him, I rather wanted he tell me I don’t want me any more, than just stop texting med – no answer

From line

Reply March 12, 2017, 1:28 am


I met this really hot, nice guy 3 days ago at a kids play land. His son and mine were playing together. I saw him checking me out and we were clearly attracted to each other. He asked for my number and texted me 10min later with a pic of our kids. We ended up texting all night then. I ended he conversation that night as it got so late and he then texted me again, initiating the next day around noon. We sent a few texts back and forth and I sent him the last one yesterday around 4pm, not really asking anything but agreeing to a situation that is similar to his (childcare). He was very consistent in his texting and it flowed well, no playing games.
Now it’s been over a day without hearing from him and we haven’t made concrete plans to hang out. What should I do? Does it mean he lost interest? He seemed very into me and I followed his lead.
Am I being paranoid? TIA

Reply February 28, 2017, 1:19 am


I’m currently having the same situation here and I really get the point. If he’s interested, he’ll text back. And I completely agree with all of you saying that you prefer to see each other rather than texting (I hate how technology turns everything complicated). But then it keeps me thinking, I think the problem with girls being in the relationship as someone who want to keep texting, is because we are still in the beginning of dating phase where it is started through texting. Girls want to keep texting not because we prefer texting, but we are hoping that it will get us to the next level, which is going out with the guy. We don’t prefer texting, I think we’re just afraid that if we stop texting, it will not get us to the next step of this relationship. You know what I mean? Because if we don’t get closer (in this case first step is by texting), how will this relationship jump straight to going out frequently? Does it make sense? Is guy’s first step always through texting? I’d really love to hear some thoughts on this.

Reply January 26, 2017, 12:03 pm


do you think a guy would ever regret bc of stop texting and leaving?

Reply November 26, 2016, 8:29 am


Actually ive been through such a thing but we texted for 5 months and he suddenly just stopped and that hurts like a pain in the neck… i undrestand

Reply November 26, 2016, 8:16 am


Very helpful advice!
Also, I got used to following the “let him pursue you” advice. (I’m in my early 50’s)

If a guy stopped texting, then I wouldn’t text him… Until later and I would send a text. Then the guy would text ME back saying that he had not texted because he had not heard from ME and assumed I lost interest.

This happened with 3 different men!

Now I do want to say, I didn’t go wild with texts… I’d just send one with a “how’s your day” or something and leave it like that until I heard back. I was used to hearing that women should not initiate texts. NOT always true!

Reply November 1, 2016, 1:58 pm


Wow thank you so much for opening my eyes! I am going through a very similarly situation like this. This is very helpful!

Reply September 21, 2016, 4:25 am


So im married and I have a few friends but we never hang out. I just made a new friend a few months ago and we were texting all the time and have even hung out a few times and we have a lot in common including the fact that neither of us has friends to hang out with and we were having a lot of fun and were so happy to have someone to hang out with. About 4 or 5 days ago he had a job he was working on just for the day then after that I’ve barely heard from him except like hi every now and then if I write him. I did see on fb that he has a girlfriend now so I don’t know if maybe that’s why he isn’t talking to me as much but idk why he wouldn’t just tell me that. Also the day after he had the job he said he was busy with the job again which like I said I thought was only a one day thing and also I saw that he posted new pictures of him n his gf on fb like right after he told me that. I’ve had other people I thought were friends just stop talking to me (guys and girls) so I can’t help but think it’s something about me. I really don’t want to loose him as a friend since i actually had someone to hang out with plus we have so much in common. Should I ask him why he hasn’t talked to me as much lately?

Reply September 2, 2016, 12:41 am


Amazing site…really helped me understand my special some One.:)…thank you Eric…

Reply August 25, 2016, 3:44 am


hi i’m wondering why this guy i met hasn’t texted me in a week. i basically met him 8 months ago back when i had a boyfriend. I was taking the train and he worked there and saw me and came up to me first. he admired my style and made it a point to ask me to come sit with him so i did to chat. he asked me if i had a boyfriend and i said i did but we continued to have friendly conversation anyways, no flirting, just normal talking. we had a lot in common. so my ride was over and i still thought he was cool so i got his instagram, no number. we didnt really talk much after that. there was a lot going on in those months for me after that and my relationship with my boyfriend ended. i ended it. 8 months later i hit up the guy on ig and let him know i wanted to hangout. we DM for like 4 days until he asked me for my number after i made it known that i wanted to hangout. he agreed to the hanging out part. so we texted for like 4 hours last week and we were flirting, and then he asked me basically why now? I told him that basically “i dont know if you remember but i had a boyfriend back when we met, which is why i didnt give you my number or anything, im a good girl, so i thought it would be rude. but i still thought you were cool so i kinda wanted to stay in touch through ig. i did find you lowkey attractive but i had a bf. fast forward, i broke up with him so now im just focusing on me, and i want to be outgoing again and enjoy myself again and you seem like a fun, down to earth person to be around and i like that. we had a really good conversation on the train so i thought why not” He said me reaching out to him “was a pleasant surprise” and he “appreciated the clarity” bc he was a bit confused. So it was late and we had already texted for 4 hours that night so he asked me if he can text me tomorrow and said to have a lovely night. i told him i appreciate him understanding and that im an honest and genuine kind of person so. he said “yeah many people lack those characteristics. it’s difficult to find the honest type in the times we live in now. so anyway have a lovely night” it’s been 8 days since and i still havent heard from him and before i was playing it cool but now im starting to get worried. im worrying if i maybe came off the wrong way by telling him that. I should have said there was a lot going on and stress and i really didnt hangout with anyone other than my close knit friends, which is true too. maybe the ex boyfriend part threw him off? but its hard to explain all that thru text bc i didnt wanna text him a whole book, i just wanted to keep it simple and straight to the point. i didnt wanna make it seem like im lonely or anything bc thats not the case, and my keywords were im focusing on me and trying to enjoy myself again and be more outgoing like how i was before i met him, so i dont truly think anything i said was nessessarily wrong, but i am getting paranoid that maybe he was turned off or something. but he seemed like he responded positively? im confused. please help!!

Reply August 18, 2016, 10:46 am


I was chatting with a old online friend for half of August. Both of us really into each other and was willing to drive 7hrs and stay at a hotel. As a road trip and meet him. Texted that I’m planning this road trip in September, nothing concrete. Not a single word from two weeks ago. I’ve had to move on. I don’t understand, wasn’t trying to scare him. Oh well his loss I say.

Reply August 16, 2016, 1:08 am


There was this old crush I use to like that suddenly wrote to me on fb because my friend told me he likes me which I was shocked by. We met up and chat for a bit then went to grab something to eat but then when we were walking he wanted to hold my hand so I let him then later on we texted everyday then he texted me he also like me in high school. But he also told me he got out from a serious relationship too so I didn’t ask but he introduced me to his family as a friend ( im not used too this itsit’s the first) but we like each other so I just left it at that cause I didn’t want to label or anything but everytime I go home he always ask me to text him when I get home but now since he kind of couldn’t come for our plan date ever since he never really reply to my messages? I’m kind of confuse but I been trying not to think about it but I do?

Reply June 1, 2016, 9:58 pm


I usually agree with your advice but this time you didn’t actually help. It’s like you’re contradicting everything you said. This article doesn’t really tell me what to do but instead forces me into accepting his terrible behaviour just cz he’s a guy I’m so this doesn’t make sense at all. When he doesn’t text back he’s just not that into you coz how else is he supposed to contact you if he’s never called or asked you our yet. So basically a woman is just supposed to say he still likes me. Nah

Reply May 30, 2016, 1:41 pm

Eric Charles

It’s not a contradiction…

That’s the behavior of the guy you’re CHOOSING to be with…

Nobody is forcing you. Everyday, when you wake up and decide to continue participating in a relationship with this guy, you are CHOOSING it.

So if anything, I’m saying just the opposite of how you interpreted the article…

If you don’t like his behavior, nobody is forcing you to continue participating in the relationship.

And at the same time, if you are going to choose to be with someone, it makes sense to swim with the current instead of against it.

What’s the point of choosing to be with someone and then getting upset by the way that they are, resisting it and fighting it constantly?

There’s 7 billion people on Earth, half of them men… I don’t understand choosing a relationship that isn’t working for you on basic levels and then whining and complaining about it when the easiest and most obvious thing to do is STOP participating in it.

But… most people do…

Staying together for the sake of children or because a divorce would have devastating financial implications… OK, I can understand that… outside of that, I don’t see any reason to participate in a relationship you don’t want.

So if you don’t like it, don’t choose it.

And if you choose it, figure out how to like and how to not be upset by the parts that aren’t perfect. Or… don’t choose it.

You’re the one choosing this guy, don’t put this on me.

Reply May 30, 2016, 2:55 pm



Reply June 11, 2016, 11:52 pm


This is one of the best responses I’ve ever read. Seriously

Reply May 31, 2017, 1:10 pm


I would also like to add to this that if a guy is truly interested then he should make a move and ask the girl out to start a relationship outside of texting. Until then, I’m not assuming anything. If he was interested, he would be pursuing.

Reply June 26, 2016, 8:29 am

lamisa choudhury

i totally agree with u.

Reply January 2, 2017, 8:31 pm


Also, it really doesn’t take much to text someone back. If you can’t do that, you are definitely not interested.

Reply May 4, 2016, 7:38 pm


This behavior still pisses me off. I understand that it is not natural to be constantly texting back and forth. People need to get work done and go about their daily lives without a phone in front of their face. I understand that completely and totally. But there is such a thing as common courtesy and etiquette. It’s one thing if I text you on a Monday morning and don’t hear back from you until the end of the work day–or even not until the next day because you were super busy. It’s another thing if you randomly decide to start texting me again months after you stopped. That is just insulting and unacceptable. I am not someone to be turned to out of the blue just because you are bored. If you stop, you probably shouldn’t start again because I won’t respond.

Reply May 4, 2016, 7:19 pm


I agree completely with everything you said. It honestly doesn’t take much at all to return texts. I really don’t buy the too busy excuse.

Reply November 7, 2016, 2:08 am


Hey thanks for the advice! Your article is sooo on point. I shall take that advice. Be non-reactive and stop worrying. He sounded nice and genuine even though he doesn’t text all that frequently. So,i’ll just go with flow.

Reply April 28, 2016, 10:56 am


Hi, I talked to a guy before a week ago. We know each other from a matrimonial site. At first he was crazy talking to me. Before a week ago one day we talked over phone for the whole night. Don’t know what happened he is not showing any interest about me. But I really liked the guy. And he also told that he likes be and he wanna be my life partner. Seeing his ignorance today I told that “sorry to disturb you. Babye. ” then he just text I was doing lunch. What should I do? I know am getting crazy. But can’t understand why he is doing like this. It’s true that I showed my crazyness about him. Please help me. How can I get him back? Should I call him??

Reply April 9, 2016, 9:31 am


Im going to weigh into this one from a guys point of view.

I’ve never understood why anyone plays games. The three day rule is just sad. If you like someone, message them. Life is way too short to assume anything, and honesty goes a long way.

I recently met someone, been on two dates and I know we’re both crazy about each other. Everyone has a life I get that, but it doesn’t take much to send a message and say ‘I’m busy, can we chat later?’. Even if you get through your day and send it before getting into bed…..30 seconds of your life. It goes a long way.
So this girl would always wait anywhere between a full two days to respond to my texts and never respond to the questions I asked. My conclusion was that she was either not reading them or trying to play it cool. Big mistake. If you’re clearly to busy to let me know or you take two days to respond to my messages, I’m gone. I’d rather devote my time to someone who thinks of me the same way I think of them and give them that respect.

Anything less, not good enough. You owe that to yourself to be happy. You’re the one in control of your life and everything happens for a reason.

Plenty of ‘better’ fish out there ladies. Be patient and stay true to yourself and you’ll find that one person you’re meant to be with.

Reply March 21, 2016, 1:21 am


Agree! People just want respect & courtesy. And, if you started this relationship by showing me you were able to text me in a somewhat routine fashion like “Good morning” “How’s your day?” Then by on all acounts I’m going to expect it to continue or think sone thing is wrong.

Reply February 18, 2017, 5:48 pm


This was a really insightful article and I do appreciate the perspective.
But just to be honest it takes nothing to text, and who isn’t interested in hearing from someone they genuinely like? I really tire of people making excuses about texting yet they have every social media app, post lattes and grande, and potlucks on their timeline, and pirate any free wifi they can get in range of. Stop it right now.
Yes, I get it, we all have lives, but communication is key especially if that is how the relations started. even if it’s a “Hello have a good day” or “gonna be super busy today lets catch up” something, but seriously cold turkey for any more that 48 hours and you better be dead. because anything past that and our friendly little relations and just going to stay that “friendly”. To me it says you’ve gotten a little to comfortable and I’m one who tend to think the worst, like, is he dead?! don’t play with people like that especially after getting them so emotionally attached. do yourselves a favor ladies, have other options.

Reply March 20, 2016, 6:12 pm

Juanita Juniper

YES! have other options!!!

Reply November 11, 2016, 2:42 pm


This article makes some sense, but it’s still so difficult to not feel uneasy about the situation. Like, it hasn’t occurred to me to send “hey where ru :)” or an equivalently off putting message, but he hasn’t texted me for three days and it’s just a bit sad. I met him through an activity we’d both been doing for years and I’d seen him around but never talked to him, and we kept running into each other this one day and I asked his name and then that night he asked for my number. He literally texted me that night and the next day and we’ve been talking pretty consistently for two weeks. I know three days isn’t too terribly long, but it’s just disheartening because I thought we really clicked and neither of us had any “let’s not talk for a few days” bs because we just liked talking to each other and now he’s just completely silent :/

Reply February 25, 2016, 12:45 am


Thanks :-) I think that was what I was looking for

Reply February 21, 2016, 1:56 am

The Man Who Knows It All

The very same thing has happened to me recently, only I’m a guy.
I assume the reason for your attraction’s cold-shouldering is as a result of the fact that they simply are not interested enough.
I’ll explain based on my own situation.
I met this girl- she couldn’t stop blushing and smiling around me. I asked for her number and she took my phone from me to type it in herself and went on to ask if I remembered her name.
I did.
Anyway, I waited a whole five days before texting her a message to which she simply did not respond.
Fair enough.
I tried again another two days later and we spoke for a few minutes or so.
Two days from then I tried to text her, but have had no reply for the past three days.
I conclude that she already has someone and simply won’t just say so, or she’s too busy to check her phone AT ALL.
Yeah not likely, so I’m going with the person is busy- but when free doesn’t care enough to respond.
Conclusion: They’re not interested.

Reply January 24, 2016, 3:30 am


If you took 5 days to respond then it went way past the 3 day rule and she decided you just weren’t into her. She probably waited with baited breath for those 3 days and then after that gave up.

Reply February 1, 2016, 3:00 am


What was the purpose of you waiting five days? who does that? what you fail to realize is the signals you sent, obviously you weren’t interested enough, and you texting that much later sends two messages: a jerk, or a booty call, some girls just won’t tolerate either, good for her. If you waited to text me after 5 days I would have put your number in the spam box and let you eat the silence. especially if she was giddy and blushing when the number was initially given. If someone gives you their number they are expecting a text that day at least one to say Hi this is so-and-so…get a grip buddy stop playing with people.

Reply March 20, 2016, 5:53 pm

Juanita Juniper

yes, what on earth are you thinking? you text the SAME DAY, like even a few minutes after you leave her!! geesh.

Reply November 11, 2016, 2:45 pm


There’s your mistake, waiting a week to text her. She probably thought you were no longer interested in her so that’s why she didn’t respond.

Reply March 20, 2017, 12:20 am


I went on a date with this guy after we’ve been chatting on line for 3 days, we flirted and kissed. We both got tipsy and I ended up at his place and we had sex 5 times ( best sex of my life ). Anyway he dropped me home and we spoke the next day and he will message me quite frequently. We went on a second date and had sex again but it was a bit awkward not sure why.
We texted the next day but now he has stopped replying to my text and we haven’t communicated in 3 days, I really like him but I don’t know what to do,has he lost interest, should I initiate another contact? can you advise please.

Reply December 29, 2015, 9:22 am


he used you for sex hun. guys are immature and want nothing but sex from girls they treat us like dogs

Reply March 14, 2016, 7:54 pm

Juanita Juniper

do not ever contact him. Let him contact you and suggest an actual date. It’s possible it could still work out. You can rewind a little and hold him to a higher standard now.

Reply November 11, 2016, 2:46 pm


First time meet already have sex with him, the guy will think you are cheap and for sex only. I never have sex with guy even we already out many times because we respect to each other and I am not a just easy to have sex with someone.

Reply May 13, 2019, 7:36 am


he didn’t text me since 5 days, n I’m tired of waiting, even though I try to do other things so I can stop thinking, so what should I do? should I start texting him or wait for him to text me?
I need an answer asap pleas..

Reply December 26, 2015, 2:05 pm


start dating other guys

Reply March 20, 2016, 5:54 pm


I knew this guy for 2 years and have been dating for most of that plus we work together. I wanted to be exclusive but he wouldn’t say that he did, so I dated others. He found out, got jealous, and asked me to choose. I chose him. After that, he wouldn’t have sex with me anymore. When I would ask if we were in a committed relationship, he would change the subject. When I told him, I love him, he didn’t say anything. I did finally ask him to just tell me if he loves me or not and he would respond that “love is girly.” Several months of no sex and now he says he doesn’t love me and doesn’t want me to come around anymore. I don’t understand what happened.

Reply December 18, 2015, 10:02 pm


Hi Mr. Charles, I read your article today. Your article helped me a little bit. I have question what if I have already text him 5 times. I texted 4 this weekend and one today. I also go to school with him. So you will understand where I coming from. I am not very good at the texting guy thing. my friend just stopped texting which is not normal. This is the first time he has done this. I am confuse on what I should do? Should I be worried that I have done something to make him stop texting me. I am the type of person if you don’t want to text me just tell me so I don’t think I did something wrong. By they way I go to school with him and we have one class together. Thank you so much for any advise you can give me.

Reply December 8, 2015, 10:19 pm


Hi Mr. Charles, I read your article today. Your article helped me a little bit. I have question what if I have already text him 5 times. I texted 4 this weekend and one today. I also go to school with him. So you will understand where I coming from. I am not very good at the texting guy thing. my friend just stopped texting which is not normal. This is the first time he has done this. I am confuse on what I should do? Should I be worried that I have done something to make him stop texting me. I am the type of person if you don’t want to text me just tell me so I don’t think I did something wrong. By they way I go to school with him and we have one class together. Thank you so much for any advise you can give me.

Reply December 7, 2015, 10:40 pm


he told me he likes me and then i told him that “we can be friends for the mean time, and then after highschool lets see if we can work this out” because my parents says so, and after that we got really close by social medias. Like only texting and chatting but we became more awkward in person because of his friends and mine’s too. Always teasing us then now he stopped texting me for days and i dont even know if its my fault, i dont know if he got tired of waiting? Always initiating the conversation first? Or just lost his interest? I saw his tweets like “i did not ask you to stay but im dying to” something like that and i think hes making me blame myself i dont know anymooore it feels like hes creating a problem out of something foolish though thanks to whoever answers this

Reply November 26, 2015, 1:28 am


I recently started back conversing with an ex because he said he wanted to try a relationship again. We have spent time together and were supposed to go out but his finances weren’t how he wanted, which I understood. But he told me he would contact me later when he found out what time his sister wanted him to come over and babysit his nieces and nephews because I was gone chill over there with him but I haven’t heard from him since earlier. Hes been on face book and read my messages that I sent him but he didn’t respond and he won’t answer my phone calls or texts, should I just walk I way because honestly if a man wants me he will make it known. Stuff like this wouldn’t be happening if he really wants this relationship like he claims he wants. He’s been close to me even after this many years of his breaking up and everything was fine SO I THOUGHT, so PLEASE tell me what to do

Reply November 8, 2015, 12:46 am


I’ve read lots of articles on this website and now I feel a lot more calm and relaxed about things.. Like when my bf doesn’t text me all day it’s okay. I’m cool with it. I just have two questions: Is it possible that he’s waiting for me to initiate just like I’m waiting for him to? If he hasn’t initiated conversation all day, should I say hello first or just assume he’ll text me when he can? Ty anyone who answers

Reply October 14, 2015, 6:32 pm


A guy that I have been seeing for three months now has a very busy job. Some weeks he works as much as 90 hours. Early on there was a week I had barely heard from him and he was not responding to my messages as quickly as he normally did. This worried me that he is not interested anymore. But I was reassured when he finally phoned and apologized for being distant. Recently he was promoted to a position that requires a greater time commitment and although I would text him in the morning or afternoon I would hear back from him the next day and this has been continuing for over two weeks now. To add, last weekend he took a trip to the states to visit his family during a very busy work week. I texted him that weekend to see how his trip is going and he told me that he is on his way out and that he will talk to me later. Its been 4 days now and I still have not heard from him. I know he has returned from his trip and that he frequently checks his facebook messenger. Reading this article I am hoping that he is in fact busy with work. But my gut tells me that he is not interested anymore. I believe that if someone truly wants to talk to you they will make an effort. I am a busy girl too but I still make time to respond to people’s messages. Does anyone have any advice?

Reply September 1, 2015, 2:11 pm

Real talk

I think some of this is good advice and some is bad. Not reacting is cool and all but, assuming anything is bad.

If everyone around me tells me they speak to God but, when I pray I don’t get a response. I won’t believe them. Same goes for assuming anything. If you can’t find hard evidence you have to let that go as your imagination.

If I text someone today I texted last week and they respond with : who is This. I don’t have to assume they deleted my number because there is hard evidence of it by their response. I sure as heck won’t assume that someone got on their phone and deleted all their contacts. Or that they got a new phone, especially if it’s the same number.

What happened to just asking them in person? Call them out. All this passive stuff is stupid. All you end up doing is assuming. Then the other person will think: they must be okay with my non responsiveness because they act normal after I do it. I’ll keep on doing it.

If you have that much of a problem get to the source. Damn. You don’t need an article online to tell you that. It’s common sense.

Someone did that to me before. I called them out. I didn’t insult them or anything. Know what happened? They got defensive. I was cool with it. I just wanted the truth so I could stop wasting my effing time. They reassured me that was not the case. Even told a lie or two.

I knew it was all a lie. Whenever I see them they are glued to their phone. I didn’t care. So, I stopped contacting them. I got What I wanted. My time back. I don’t need one sided text conversation. I am not a supply source so you can feel important.

You are not special. I am not some lonely fool who is so desperate that I stick around with someone who ignores my messages. Filters them out unless they are what they like. That is narcissistic.

I stand by that. No hard feelings. I will even thank them the next time I see them. “Hey. Thanks for ignoring me. I am so glad you showed me you are a flake so early so I didn’t waste too much of my time on you. Damn. I almost made the mistake of having a LTR with you. What a disaster that would have been. So, how’s your day going?”

Reply September 11, 2015, 3:41 pm

Juanita Juniper

That’s really good. The worst feeling is imagining them picking up their phone, looking at the message, and not even reading it, just scrolling onto the message from the more important person. :( You have a good attitude there, and good standards.

Reply November 11, 2016, 2:52 pm


Having the same problem, bf suddenly stops messaging for 4 days now, we went outside of the country but he is ignoring my messages (i only send him messages like have a good day, how are you, and only once a day)

I’m not even asking for conversation, I just want to know if he’s ok since I’m a bit worried, why do guys do this?

Reply July 30, 2015, 7:39 am


This article was very helpful and it is going to be something to put into practice. Ty.

Reply July 23, 2015, 5:22 am

Maria Elena

This article was very insightful and has helped me to comprehend many things and has especially helped me comprehend that I shouldn’t blame myself for how the other person will react as long as I stay true to myself. I just went through a similar situation. I will provide some background so that my story will make more sense. About three years ago, a guy that I didn’t know at all well but works at the same place that I do (he doesn’t work with me), sent me a friend request through Facebook. I accepted but we never really contacted each other. He later unfriended me and I noticed this but was cool about it as we were not friends, just acquaintances. However, I noticed that when I would run into him, he would turn away or walk the other way which I thought was strange but I just kept on saying “hi, “good night, or would just wave and he would reciprocate by doing the same. Well, now we are in the here and now and a week and a half ago, he sent me a message on Facebook wishing me a great weekend. I didn’t notice the message and replied four days later. Needless to say, we starting chatting through Facebook. I was surprised about the message he sent but didn’t mention anything about it as I sincerely enjoyed chatting with him. Now, I have to admit that I am in my late thirties and he is in in his early twenties, therefore, there is a big age difference between us. However, the age difference didn’t appear to matter to either of us because he never asked my age nor I his but I do know from another person how old he is. Well, to make a long story somewhat shorter, we were chatting and I made a comment that maybe someday I could hear him play as he is musically inclined. He commented that if I was saying that I wanted to hang out and I was not sure what to reply but ended up saying that I would not mind hanging out someday if he would like to. I know it might have been to soon to say this but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because I would see him often and had classified him as a decent person although a little shy and reserved. I forgot to mention that before this, he had asked if we could chat through a different way and I later responded if he was referring to talking on the phone. He then mentioned that yes, that would be cool and I gave him my cell number and he gave me his. Well, after saying that I wouldn’t mind hanging out instead of saying what I really felt which was that it may be a little too soon as we were just getting to know each other, he asked me to visit him at his place of work, which is where I also work. I said that I wouldn’t want to bother him while he was working and he said it wouldn’t be a bother and that he wanted me to visit him. I was reluctant and I thought he understood that I wasn’t comfortable with that. I asked him what his schedule was like and he said he worked nights and that no one would be around while he was working. I immediately felt an uncomfortable sensation in the pit of my stomach and it wasn’t a good feeling. I told him that I would rather not hang out with him during work time but if it was possible, perhaps when he had a day off or before he reported to work. He then explained how he worked two shifts and it would be a while before he had a normal schedule which may or may not be true. Well, he seemed disappointed that I wouldn’t accept his invitation but we still chatted and then he asked a question that made me feel very uneasy. He asked if I had told anyone that we were talking. I told him that I casually mentioned it to a friend and he asked me what friend I had told. I asked him if there was a reason for wanting to know if I had told anyone and he said he was a private person and didn’t like people knowing his life or his business. I told him I agreed about the privacy because I was also a private person but I mentioned that his question surprised me. He asked if I could keep our conversations between us and I told him that I didn’t like hiding things because I had nothing to hide. Well, I agreed to keep things between us but I wasn’t okay with it but didn’t tell him that. After work he asked to meet me outside and we walked together and we agreed to text each other. He then said that we could discuss about me visiting him at his work and I said that I had already told him I wouldn’t feel comfortable. We texted and I answered his questions. He asked me if I lived with anyone, if I was married and had kids, he also asked if I had a boyfriend and to all of his questions, I replied honestly that no, I didn’t have any of the above. He then told me that he was surprised that I didn’t have a boyfriend and when I asked him if he had a girlfriend he didn’t reply instead he again said he was surprised that I didn’t have a boyfriend. He then asked if I had anything serious and I said no. I asked him that same question and he replied that he had nothing serious. He then said that I was very pretty to not have a boyfriend and asked if he wasn’t being too straightforward. I said that he wasn’t and that it was very nice and sweet of him to say that to which he replied “good.” I replied with a smiley and after a few minutes, I texted him asking him how work was going. He said good but that his phone was dying and asked if he could text me when he could charge it. I said sure no problem and that he could text me when he finished charging his phone. About 14 minutes later, he said that he did not have his charger and that his phone was at a low percentage and that he wanted to say goodnight because he would not be able to talk for the rest of the night. I replied no worries as I went to sleep at a certain time and for him not to worry. I also said that I wished him a good night and to take care. I also said hopefully we can talk tomorrow. It has been 4 days and he has not texted or messaged me. Now, if I am honest with myself, I know that I may have said things that could have led him to get the wrong idea because I wanted to be polite, friendly and didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I know that he won’t contact me again but I felt horrible because I knew I would still have to see him and was afraid of how he would react since we had a cordial relationship up to that point. Even though he didn’t text or message me, I did not text or message him. I wanted too but I knew deep down that if I did, I would come across as being insecure and that it would not make a difference for him in regards to what he did or didn’t think about me. I continued my routine and went on with my life. I ran into him today as I was leaving work and he saw me from afar and waved with a smile. I waived back and said, “Hey, what’s up!” I was in a happy mood as always so I didn’t think twice about waiving back to him. Of course I kept walking and so did he and he didn’t answer my “Hey, what’s up!”and I wasn’t expecting a response. I was just glad to know that he was nonchalant about the situation because it would have felt so awkward and uncomfortable for me because I pride myself in being a kind person and honestly, it would have felt horrible for me to run into him and have him look the other way because in reality nothing major happened between us. I understand that he probably doesn’t care and most likely is relieved that I didn’t try to contact him before. In any case, I was flattered that a young, good looking guy like him would approach me but I
wasn’t okay with the fact that he asked me to keep secret that we were talking and wasn’t comfortable with being asked to visit him where he works and where I also work in the evening when no one was around. He is young and I know he is probably dating other girls and I wasn’t looking for a relationship, only a friendship but he may have interpreted things differently. I could spend an eternity wondering how things went wrong or choose to accept the fact that things progressed too quickly and I was caught between not doing something that I wasn’t comfortable with and not hurting his feelings. I like him but I know we are not on the same page in life and that we have different expectations. I am a kind, generous, beautiful, mature and intelligent woman. I deserve much more than to settle with becoming someone’s booty call or casual hookup. I deserve someone that will be willing to invest in a relationship in the same way that I would. At first, I feel like an idiot for being so trusting but that is my nature and I wouldn’t be true to myself if had acted differently. Sometimes these experiences help us to understand that we have to go through them to find the person that is right for us. This guy is not a bad guy, he was just not the right guy for me as we are both in a different place. I know that he will not contact me in that way again and I am okay with that. We didn’t even get an opportunity to become better acquainted with one another but I can’t go back in time and change what has already happened. I can only learn from this experience and hope that it will make me a better, stronger and more confident woman. Eric is absolutely right in stating that our reactions are the only thing we have control over. I know that I did the right thing in my situation by not communicating with him. This demonstrated the confidence that I have in myself and has me to grow as a person. These situations occur all of the time and that it is okay because I have the power to take control of my actions and reactions and this has allowed me to be true to myself and understand that what he thinks or does is not important. What is important is that his actions do not define me or my self worth.

Reply July 11, 2015, 3:14 am


I’ve been dating this guy for about 5 months. We text everyday, bust since he got back from his about 4 weeks, he never answers any of my messages.

Reply July 9, 2015, 10:39 pm


So I was talking to this guy for a few days and things were going great then he decides to just disappear not telling me why. And when we see each other he acts like I’m not even there and it hurts. Should I ask him why things didn’t go well or should I just let it go?

Reply July 9, 2015, 5:01 pm


There is this guy i really like and we talk sometimes on or way to class then all the sudden he stopped talking to me then next thang i know he is talking to me a agen and he has need doing this on and off thang all year. What does it mean. Someone plz help

Reply May 27, 2015, 10:30 pm


What should I say when he finally responds and apologise for not replying?

Reply May 23, 2015, 5:19 am


how he said it ? what u have done to make him text u back pl tell me……………..

Reply December 1, 2015, 10:27 am


wow. This was a surprisingly enlightening and well-written perspective. Thanks for this insight.

Will you be my shrink?

Reply May 19, 2015, 12:27 am

Eric Charles

Thank you, glad you liked it…

I won’t be your shrink, but I would invite you to read more of my articles if you liked this one… hopefully that will help you.

Reply May 19, 2015, 1:08 am

sha lagac

thank you eric… it really helps me…:-)

Reply June 23, 2015, 7:43 pm


Loved it!!! Your eyes too, great pi

Reply September 21, 2015, 3:47 am


You don’t need to be MY shrink ;) ;)

Reply September 21, 2015, 3:50 am

affectionate southern woman

My boyfriend has suddenly stopped talking to me and when he does it is very cold and detached. We had a very intimate but very infrequent relationship. He has been married 3 times and calls his exes “monsters”. I have made sure I don’t act like he has said they did. Two days ago he apologized for not talking and knows it upsets me because I worry about him. Yesterday he sent me a text that was very cold and distant. I know he is hurting from his failed relationships, but don’t understand his behavior lately

Reply April 16, 2015, 7:37 pm


He is holding on to excess baggage. The best thought I’d have is that he is into you but doesn’t want to be hurt so hexcited puses you away. It is a major defense mechanism.

Reply July 23, 2015, 5:34 am


hi i need to ask my bf was talking to me yesterday but next day he did not reply he also study in that acdmy that i m study he looked me that he use to be but not repling i donot knw why can anyone answer me what should i do

Reply March 25, 2015, 4:19 pm


I thing he wants to talk to u. But he things u should start first talking to him… You ask him how are you??? Or any other question… Make him interest in you

Reply August 18, 2015, 4:01 pm


hi i need to ask my bf was talking to me yesterday but next day he did not reply he also study in that acdmy that i m study he looked me that he use to be but not repling i donot knw where can anyone answer me what should i do

Reply March 25, 2015, 4:16 pm


I just wanted to throw my two cents in because I am going through something similar right now. I met a girl online a little over a week ago and we began texting. she seemed really cool, had similar interests as me, was very attractive (at least from pictures I saw), and I was excited to get to know her.
However, almost immediately i began getting multiple texts from her about all kinds of random things, everything from “Good morning” to pictures of her hands to a link to a relationship article about how couples should act toward one another. Mind you, I only had just started communicating with her for a couple of days before this started.
At first, I was willing to look past the constant random texting because I didn’t want to judge her and not even give her or an “us” a chance because I know texting can be a bit awkward and sometimes it’s hard to get a sense of someone. After all, we all get a little nervous when first talking to people, and that can show up on on text as well.
We had a phone conversation that lasted for almost two hours (went well) a day before I was leaving to go visit friends and I told her I would be out of state for a couple of days. She immediately said “well, call me before you leave” and when I told her I was leaving from work the next day she said “oh, ok, I’ll just text you” and all throughout my couple of days away, she sent me random texts … a video, a request for me to take pictures of myself (non-sexual … I think) because she wants to “see me”, a photo she took of something outside her apartment.
Anyway, suffice it to say, there’s a good chance I’m going to move on from this. I know this doesn’t apply to all of you who have posted on here as many of you are talking about what’s happened in an actual relationship, or at least with someone you’ve met. My situation is as much about the content of the texts (talking about things we are going to do months from now when we haven’t even met yet) as it is the frequency, but I do think it gets to the heart of the issue. Barraging a guy with texts, especially very early in the relationship, comes across as somewhat clingy, even deparate. Many of us have been in relationships before with someone who might have become possessive and the hint of that early on can and will scare us off. if im at work during the day, chances are im working. if i get multiple texts, none f which require a pressing response, im probably not going to respond. also, there arent a lot of work environments where bosses are cool with seeing their employee jump on their phone every five minutes to text.
i feel for women because i know many of us guys can be pr**ks and some of you are just being used or mistreated, and it has nothing to do with how many times you text. however, i do believe the best course of action is to just be chill and relax. if you have a connection with a guy, let it grow organically. if youve found someone you like and he likes you, if hes a good guy worthy of being with, you dont have to worry about making sure he knows youre there every second. a few flirty texts here and there will do the trick, as will being relaxed if you dont get an immediate response.
i think the situation with this particular girl would have been different if it hadnt been guns blazing for her right off the bat. at least lets meet and talk face to face before we plan our summer vacations together….
just relax. if its going to happen, its going to happen.

Reply March 22, 2015, 9:29 am


It seems she got comfortable with you and wants you to be a part of what she is doing. I think its really sad that you are going to end it with her because she is interested in you. I get what you are saying but it still sucks. Why dont you tell her that you dont like to text too much or its distracting? I feel so bad for this girl.

Reply March 24, 2015, 8:02 pm


I agree with Bee. While I definitely see where Jon is coming from regarding texting all day being a pain, I’m not sure if by ‘random’ texts, he means that this girl is texting him constantly as well. It seems to be a frequent occurrence that overly available becomes boring quickly and this seems to be a classic case of this – many guys (and girls) prefer the uavailable snob/jerk over the genuine alternative. In any case, I think he should come clean with her when/if he breaks it off, just so she knows what went wrong, as many of us never find out.

Reply March 27, 2015, 9:24 pm


I hope you at least had the decency to tell her you’re no longer interested in her. I understand it can get annoying when someone texts you too much but it’s also annoying when no one replies.

Reply November 7, 2016, 8:42 pm


I never really give feedback, but you should that this helped me a whole lot. I’m gonna look at this everytime I want to text him for the 100th time.

Reply March 10, 2015, 11:08 pm


I want to have a guys opinion my husband and i separated in march of last year and then we started talking again in may of that same year . In july i found out after i set him up he told me he had sex with one of his ex. She had constantly had been talking to him until i told her of of course. My husband and i see each other often we talk alot but recently he just tells me or cuts off the conversation to “let me call you later, let me let you go yeah i am tired” i dont know if it is because of a family memver who is very ill or maybe because he is busy or vecause he might be seeing some one else…. its confusing

Reply February 22, 2015, 9:21 pm


Yeah.. so im reading this article in 2015 which is not at all close to the last comment but anyways. . I read your article and loved it to the core xx. I agree to everything you’ve talked about. Xx. Youre awesome .thanks. xx

Reply February 22, 2015, 8:03 am


Eric, you’re an idiot.

Reply February 20, 2015, 10:55 am


I have a question. So we’re part of a group of friends. Then at first he was really showing his concern for me in his own little simpla ways. Which I found really sweet. We were texting constantly and he was always teasing me and making me laugh. Since before I had a crush on him. And because of those things I fell deeper.
Then we had a movie matharon and sleep over with the group. Then because we were pals I did’nt really payed attention when he hugged me in the back. Then he started hugging me tighter. Then when I turned around he gave me a peck on the lips. I was shocked so I did’nt respond. But when he hugged me I hugged him back. But since then. He started ignoring me. All the thing he used to do like texting, teasing EVERYthing stoped. And when I see him he used to look directly in my eyes but now.. he can’t and he woun’t..
Why is that? I’m confused. Plss help.

Reply February 8, 2015, 10:06 am


Ok so I have a question. I’m talking to this guy for about 8 months now. We finally had our first date last weekend. We live in different states. Anyway, we had a great time. He had to catch his flight the next day and as soon as he left he text saying how much he missed me already He text me when he landed and again later that night. Again a day later. It is normal to go a day without talking. We are both single parents and he has his own company that he is very focused on and trying to make it work. He is busy with work all the time, which I understand and admire his devotion. He has told me twice, once thru text and when I saw him, that just because he’s busy and may not text often for me to stop texting him. That I am no way bothering him by messaging him. When he told me this he said that he is always busy but hearing from me makes him smile. So, 5 days later and I still haven’t heard from him. I try to space my text to him but idk what to think if I should even worry. I mean this man spent money on a plane ticket to see me and take me out and did not expect anything in return…just having fun together. If he didn’t like me or didn’t want to see me again I feel he would have stop texting all together right after I left but he’s the one to text first. And just minutes after I got into my car. So, opinions anyone? Just wondering.

Reply February 2, 2015, 8:46 pm


I think you are okay! Although 5 days can feel like a long time, sometimes even 5 days can easily slip by for someone who’s focused on his work routine. You’re doing the right thing by spacing-out your texts. Don’t worry! I think you’ll hear back from him soon.

Reply February 6, 2015, 9:35 pm


Thank you, thank you, thank you! I so needed to see this for a major wake up call. Me and my guy were texting nonstop for about 2 weeks. This was before we met (online dating) then I would say after the second date the text slowly started tapering off. I became very worried and to make a long story short I had to do some damage control lol. I was lucky I didn’t scare him off. Anyways, I relaxed and he called me. He has also gotten used to routine texts and when I didn’t send one he noticed. But it does get exhausting so I have been trying to give him more space.

Reply January 30, 2015, 3:08 pm


I’ve been dating this guy for awhile (6 months) and we were doing well. One time my friend sent a embarrassing text from my phone. My boyfriend was doing a presentation and it popped up on the screen. All of his bosses and colleagues saw it. He texted me back that he was furious, and very embarrassed. He also said that he doesn’t want to talk to me for a while. It has been over a week. Does this mean we are broken up because of a stupid prank?

thank you

Reply January 27, 2015, 2:49 pm


If he’s that kind of guy don’t text him ever again LOL. First of all that was absolutely HIS problem. He should have put his phone on Do Not Disturb or otherwise. If he’s actually upset about that, he has serious issues.

Reply January 31, 2015, 1:07 am


My online friend is not coming online anymore and i dont know why. I am desperate. At first i thought he could be ill and i was worried but then one day i saw him online somewhere else, hes just not coming online on Skype anymore where we always used to chat. I just dont understand that. Why is he doing this to me? We have known each other for four years. I wish he would just at least say goodbye to me, if he is not interested in our friendship anymore. It really hurts. What should i do now? How to move on?

Reply January 6, 2015, 5:34 pm


I wonder what happened between you guys after? Same situation here!

Reply May 13, 2015, 9:17 pm


Overseas women get a grip we no what you are doin get your own man no money coming from here

Reply January 3, 2015, 9:53 pm


Welp. None of this applies to me so it’s especially frustrating. In the beginning HE was constantly texting me and calling me on his lunch break, 1st & 2nd break, and before bed. He was always dissapointed with me because I thought the conversation would end in text so I wouldn’t respond, or sometimes it would take me hours to reply in the middle of a conversation. Then one day I send him a good morning text and wish him a good day at work, he responds, and I still expect him to call. He doesn’t. Two hours before he gets off work I send “Miss you! :)” and he replies “Awww <3". So I'm just gonna be aloof about it, like I had been all along, and prepare to move on if he has lost interest. I've yet to find an advice piece online that doesn't automatically assume the girl is annoying the absolute crap out of the guy and doesn't understand what having a life means and it's not the other way around. I thought taking the quiz would help, but I couldn't even finish it because none of the answers applied to my situation. And the sad thing is I already know how to solve my own problem. It's uncanny: I always act aloof (but still romantic/sexual) in a relationship, then the second I think I'd like to emotionally invest more, it's his turn to act aloof. I've noticed it since middle school when I dressed cute and the same guy would compliment my outfit and I would start to think about him when I dressed up to go to school and he would be sick on ALL those days. My solution is to go back to not giving two f**ks, but after a while those kind of games become exhausting.

So I am not texting him back at all today, and maybe if it lasts longer than today, I'll send a heart or something tomorrow just to express that he is still on my mind and I care. Then, after a few days he may say something about it, and that's when I'll communicate that I really appreciated when he would call more, and see if he can't at least call at bedtime. If he complies, the conversations will become shorter and shorter until it's a simple "Just calling to say goodnight".

Reply December 29, 2014, 6:47 pm


So the question is do we reply or not? When he stops replying

Reply December 27, 2014, 4:05 pm


my ex and just got bk together and we whent form talking all the time to not really talking much today he called a number he though t was his brother and it was a girl he was trying to get her name and then all the suddon he muted it we were on skype and he muted it and he been acting funny

Reply December 20, 2014, 8:56 pm


thank you for this, it has made my morning much easier! the secret is.. always think positive!!!

Reply December 17, 2014, 7:40 am


Why doesn’t my boyfriend text back when we’re in a long distance relationship??? It’s been two days and I’m getting worried whether he’s alright or not!

Reply December 13, 2014, 1:24 pm


It has only been 2 days he might have something else he needs to attend to. Be patient and it will all work out.

Reply January 6, 2015, 5:34 pm


Simple reality: if someone really likes you they will find a way to be with you. But it is devastating when they stop talking to you, not responding to your phone calls, texts or emails. No one in the world is that busy they can’t just send a quick hello or busy can’t talk now text. What’s worse is when you see they’ve been online on their social media. If they have time to go on Facebook and post comments and photos, they most certainly have time to text us. We’re not asking for a blood donation, just a few moments of their time. Maybe a week is too soon to be freaking out over his sudden silence. But it’s awful when the person you like seems to have fallen off the grid. You don’t know if they’re alive or dead. It isn’t very nice to leave someone hanging. I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this.

Reply November 24, 2014, 3:34 am


Ashlyn, you are right. Its so easy to send a quick message. It doesn’t take much to send a quick, how are you, thinking of you, missing you, hope you’re okay, etc.

Reply November 24, 2014, 11:08 am

sha lagac

Good Day!

im also in the situation today….my ldr bf left me hanging for 2days….im glad that i didnt annoy him for sending messages… il wait for him to reply my last message…because i dont know if hes busy at work or just wait and i hope he will comeback and send me a message soon. :(

Reply June 23, 2015, 7:58 pm


This actually really sets my mind at ease
Ive been telling myself that but until i read it here i was still worried
When we were texting back and forth constantly he would tell me if he was busy so id know but know its really disconcerting

Reply November 10, 2014, 10:00 am


plzz help me,m nt satisfied with ur ans.i lv my bf vry much and in starting evrything was ok,we used to chat daily like late night conversations,texting,whenevr i was nt able to reply he asked me whts the matter is…!!!…in busy situtations he texted me he tht he ll b busy going smwhr,so dnt b tensd if he did,nt respons.means he cared me alot earlier.we nevr missed a single day to had a talk.even when he went abroad in merchant navy,thn after one month we started mailing each othr daily as i cn not talk on phone at home..he was very cared….but jbb se vo vapis aaye hai.tbb se thoda change ho gae hai…means baat to krte he..but sirf jbb mai text krti hoo.khud se vo text nahi krte….mai jbb puchti vo kekhte hai k vo busy hai…to mai smj jati hoo…mai fir wait krti hoo k vo kbb free ho k baat krte hai…but uske bad bhi vo khud msg nahi krte mujhe he msg krna padta hai…..after smdays he told me that his x gf texting him and he answerd her not to text him as he has other gf in his life now.i said okk.its betr u block her if she texted u again n again,but he refused to block her.
ptaa nahi kya problm hai…time nahi milta yehi bolte hai..btt pta nahi facebook,whtsp krne ke liye kahan se time mill jata hai.ghar aa k bhi vo pehle jaise baat nahi krte…mene pucha bhi k aap khud msg bhi nahi krte to ble yar mai nahi kr skta..means jbb bhi baat krni hoti hai mai he msg krti hoo.din mai 10 10 msg krne k bad bhi unka ek msg ata hai that m busy.ek din mai ro ro k bhi pooch rahi vo bole aisa kuch nahi mtt mai busy hoo..bad mein baat krta hoo aram se…but he didnt ask but sent only one msg that “plzz baba jo tud busy sochti hai viasa kuch nahi hai..mai ghr pe bhot busy tha iss liya time nahi mila.””but he didnt supposed to ask me why i cried.ajj vo vapis kaam pe chale gae hai..kehte mai jaa kr baat krunga..but ajj 5 din ho gae unka ek bhi msg ya phone nahi aya.still waitig for his respons.its very hurting…..m in pain. he is very nice but dont understand my emotions.
m very tensed sir…;(;(….plz help me i dont want to loose him,,i love him so mch.
wht to do.why he is donig like this.pll tel me.

Reply October 16, 2014, 12:07 am


Thanks for this article! I feel like us girls put way to much emphases on texting i am guilty of this too! I’ve been talkin to a guy for a little over 3 weeks and we went on our first date this last weekend. Before our date we were texting pretty frequently each day but since our date the texting has dwindled. The date went extremelyyy well and we’ve discussed hanging out in multiple instances. I’m just wondering what’s causing the drop off? It will take him several hours to respond to a text which didn’t use to happen, but this morning he texted me saying good morning and I responded saying the same in return but that’s it. Should I be worried or am I just over reacting

Reply September 17, 2014, 10:12 pm


Thank you so much for this article! It really helped me out.
This guy who I like, and who is a very good friend of mine, stopped texting me throughout the whole summer.
This has happened before with another guy who i liked but wasn’t a close friend or anything and i blew up at him and things were just horrible between us.
I think you are right about just being unreactive
Thanks a bunch!

Reply September 1, 2014, 11:04 am


“if he doesn’t have the sense to act like a man, DO NOT TREAT HIM LIKE ONE.” – Yessss!
LOL – And they say I’m mean…. Particularly when I call em cheap. HA!

Reply August 27, 2014, 5:13 pm


hi…. me and my boyfriend have been going out for a week. his phone broke and waitting on insurents to go though. so we been snapchat and everything was going great last night and this morning i went to say morning and he deleted me. what do i do???

Reply August 25, 2014, 5:18 am


It was probably a mistake. If he takes a while to say that, ask him what’s the deal and move forward from there.

Reply August 27, 2014, 4:56 pm


SO with my understanding of this article is “f*** it”?

I guess I could really use this advice. It seems to apply quite well to gay men as well(I’m a gay guy)

Reply July 29, 2014, 11:58 pm


I’m having this very same issue with my boyfriend of 11 months. When he got a phone, he would text me a lot but over the past few months he’s steadily stopped. Now he won’t text me back at all. I don’t push the issue so if he doesn’t respond to 1 message, I’ll leave it be unless I got to inform him about something or if something exciting happens, I let him know right away (somwhat hopping he’ll respond but I know he won’t) He’s even reduced his calling which is now seriously starting to bugging me. I know his work schedule so I know when he’s able to talk to me but when I know he’s off he will ignore me for hours or go 2-3 days without anything until his day off. When I am around him, he is always texting some female and it makes me wonder why he can’t do the same for me? I know he’s faithful but I just feel like because he now has me, he doesn’t have to make an effort to keep me anymore.

Reply July 16, 2014, 2:18 am

No Need for a Name

So if the texting is so disruptive, then what is the problem with communicating and saying, “We need to change our mode of communication because I’m enmeshed in business and have to concentrate on what I’m doing”. What’s ******* selfish is not texting or writing back to express your need to change the mode of communication and leave someone hanging wondering if they are wasting their time with the neanderthal on the other end. Would you leave a business associate hanging like that if they were used to texting back and forth about business and then it became bothersome? NO. So, why not grow a pair and have some basic courtesy. It’s no **** wonder relationships are such a pain in the ***. Who’s the real selfish one?

Reply June 21, 2014, 11:22 pm


Ok don’t bash me here because I want to help but maybe you should think about it from a guy’s point of view. If your phone was constantly buzzing and you were in the middle of work, wouldn’t you feel annoyed that the person couldn’t just wait for 1 single reply instead of constantly trying to contact you over something that’s probably not even important?
Its not that hard! Put your phone down and find something else to do. Guys like time ALONE! That includes texting/calls/emails etc. If you constantly bug him, he’s going to be less likely to respond. You’re better off just not sending him anything… Guys generally do one task at a time… for example if I’m playing bball, I put my phone down and leave it there because I want to enjoy playing without having to think about the response I’m going to send. Once I have finished I will reply and if its been a long time (hours) ill give her the reason as to why I was busy, Too many girls get so worked up over this, just chill… relax! He’s most likely still thinking of you he’s just busy doing something else. I guarantee he’ll appreciate you more if you keep the texts short and to the point and have fun when you actually spend time with him he’ll like/love you that much more!

Seriously its simple as that! It may be an assholish thing to do but guys dont see texting as a romance builder, texting to guys is a tool to utilise when working towards REAL TIME CONNECTION. Seriously, you write a long paragraph on text and ill guarantee he’ll take a long time to reply… men are just not interested in petty conversations. Spice it up! Send him a quick flirty message, tell him a joke! Guys get bored if you make it too long or too conversational!

Hope this helps! :)

Reply January 30, 2015, 1:19 pm

Fools Gold

Here here *slams down gavel*, what this chap said.

Reply February 16, 2015, 10:51 pm


So I’ve liked this guy for like a while now on and off but for the last 9 months i had believed these feelings had gone because i would look at the types of girls he dated and i didn’t think i was his type. We are really good friends, we get along so well, and have so much in common. We flirt a little bit here and there and have great chemistry but nothing had every made me think he liked me in that way until the other day when i had a little gathering at my house and he came we had a few drinks and at the end of the night he left with his friends but forgot his jacket and keys and had to come back. he came back alone and one thing led to another and we ended up in my living room alone hugging for like 10minutes while he was kissing my forehead and touching my arms and back. We didn’t make out because he has a girlfriend but later that night he sent me a goodnight text. This brought back all the feelings i had for him but left me really confused I felt he was giving me mixed messages. This happened 3 days ago and i havent heard from him since and i dont know what to do. I want to talk to him about it and find out if he truly likes me but i dont know how to approach the situation because we were both under the influence of alcohol and he has a girlfriend.

Reply June 8, 2014, 8:30 am


Ok Eric- i love your articles (thank u!!)… Now i don’t mean to sound naive here but, what about sexting?
I’ve been flirty friends with a guy friend overseas for a year. we’ll often talk for hours at a time; he’s told me how much fun he has texting me, likes and respects me etc etc. Recently we’ve even incorporated innocent but “sexy” pics into our conversations. He’s said countless times he thinks I’m hot/ sexy.

Like many girls (im sure) i start to feel close, but when i say anything appreciative to him (sometimes i send a text the next day telling him thanks for the smiles/ laughs), I won’t hear from him for a couple of weeks and with no acknowledgement when he returns.

Why the silence after this “moment of appreciation” ??? Its not like im confessing my love to him– its honestly a non- committal, gratuitous comment by me… To make HIM smile! I do not put out a needy vibe with him either (i keep this confusion about his behavior to myself!!)

It’s hard not to take this personally. It’s like he likes the closeness but in his terms. Have I just found myself trying to please a jerk? Or is this common for many men to do this?

Reply May 27, 2014, 8:52 pm

Phyllis Villeral

A new mode is a great way to open our own hearts willing to look closely at what our desire, and heal ourselves.
Instead of constantly seeking ways to please my ex boy friend, I find pleasure within myself. Sleeping all day implicates the unwillingness to, learn, & live.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 4x’s and the first time It was extremely hurtful, out of the blue he was so cold and blunt about it. I had been supportive friend and I love him dearly, and the second time he suddenly broke up with me, I wasn’t feeling all confused about why he was acting like a DOG. When you know how much you care and love your man, you best believe he knows as well. Think about how much he doesn’t care about your day and your feelings do not matter, according to him you have become unimportant. How can he just do this to me, why is he so disrespectful and cruel to me now, what did I do wrong…. I had to pull myself together because I was asking the wrong questions!! I’ve been a good woman who has a great spirit, and I have been supportive of him while he is going through hard times. The more money I had freely given, the more hateful he became, I do understand why, but I don’t like the negative things he would say to me, instead of appreciating me he became envious, he began to view me as a stupid sucker. The 4th time he did his last minute break up, about 5 days ago,he said so many negative things to me, he talked about all of my weaknesses, my short comings my heart was brutal ripped out, and for what! Even though he cut me deep,”because the truth hurts,” it can Break us or make us. Choose to be willing to leave, look,& learn, How to love ourselves and provide solutions for ourselves.
Missing his love started way before he left me with no warning, in fact less than 24hrs prior he told me how much he loved me and I was the only woman for him. Emotional and verbal abuse is what I noticed just from being able to take care of me, and yes I still love him and I hope this time upart will bring him back to me. However I don’t focus on that and I have no problem loving on me right now.

Reply May 18, 2014, 8:30 am


I really like this idea, because I personally get exhausted by the concept that it’s necessary to always text back immediately. (I’m at work, people. I cannot talk about groceries right now.)

But I know many men who text their male friends constantly. My ex kept up a dialogue with his bros nonstop, two or three times in a couple of hours, and yet took half a day to respond to me. Another man I’m interested in… something similar. Initiates texts with me then stops responding. Talks to a mutual male friend constantly.

I wonder if it’s about power.

Reply May 17, 2014, 11:04 pm

Eric Charles

The thing to consider here is how being around his buddies feels compared to how it feels to being around you.

Does being around you *always* feels good to him — as in, it always feels light, fun, easy, enjoyable, inspiring, etc.

… or does he sometimes feel like he has to “deal with you”, like he has to put energy into improving your mood, reassuring you, arguing with you, etc.

Guys are really simple: if something (or someone) always feels good to us, we like interacting with them all the time. If something (or someone) sometimes feels good to us, then we like interacting with them sometimes. If something (or someone) almost never feels good, then we avoid dealing with it or giving it attention.

It’s not about power. Power has nothing to do with anything here…

Guys just want to feel good. Talking with his buddy feels good. That’s why he always talks to him. It’s really that simple.

The question you can ask yourself is: “If there’s something I want in my relationship, how can I make sure doing that ‘something’ feels really good to him?”

Figure out the answer to that for yourself and relationships will never be hard or confusing for you…

Reply May 18, 2014, 9:30 am


This comment here in your eyes is expressing your views on how supposidely simple men are and how suppposidely complicated women are. The real reason is that we do not have any true men left on this planet and that many men do not know how to deal with their emotions so instead they find different methods of quick mental satisfaction rather than confronting the situation they are dealing with. Communication is very important and shoud be a base of any relationship. A women should know her worth but also express her feelings and not assume a guy is busy since he is not texting back. that very well may be the reason but if a person has a gut feeling about things, that feeling is a atrong feeling that should be taken into close consideration.

Reply August 24, 2017, 10:32 am


I’m seeing a lot of replies of “women need to know this”, but guys, women aren’t mind readers. So if we need to know something why not, just a suggestion here, tell us. How hard is it to say, “texting constantly is too distracting”? or whatever the actual reason is you are not responding. Don’t just consistenly suddenly not respond. It’s rude.

Reply May 15, 2014, 12:24 pm



Reply May 22, 2014, 11:37 pm


Imagine they don’t even have time for that. If they are in a rush, and can’t even check they’re phone then they might not even be able to. (Married Expert)

Reply January 6, 2015, 5:38 pm


Um, ok so if a guy I’d aware that he is going to busy for the next few days, why not just say so? It’s stupid not to treat a girl like your friend. If it’s just for the guys, just say something. It’ll take you one minute to respond. I don’t expect someone to answer right away, but definitely at some point in the same day. Even emergency situations, especially if you like a girl tell her what’s going on in your life. It’s called communication.

Reply December 18, 2015, 9:11 am


So me and my ex we text daily and he says that we are friends but acts like more than friends!!
The thing is lately he would text me and we talk then he disappears mid conversation!!! And he sees my last text and he checks his whatsapp frequently!!!
I never push the conversation i most of the time let him initiate!
I honestly don’t get what’s wrong with him and it scares me that what if he found another girl!!!
Plz help :(

Reply May 3, 2014, 4:44 am

Gill Williamson

I love that Eric Charles.. its a very good message to keep reminding females.. Im not sure but I reckon many of us who are not in stable relationships are insecure.. at times..particularly to do with love and finding a new partner… and with our girlfriends we are probably used to chatting via text .. and then when we’ve finished chatting we get on safe in the knowledge of our connection.. with a new man its a little difficult to know that they are not like our girlfriends and we dont have the added bonus of feeling secure .. a great reminder and article.. thank you Eric..

Reply April 13, 2014, 6:57 pm


Oh what an awsome post!!!! Thank you!

Reply February 12, 2014, 12:01 pm


Wow this article is simply perfect!

Reply December 7, 2013, 4:42 am


Is it weird if a guy asks me out to see a movie and then I have to figure the times, the movie, and the directions. I mean…he did pay but this seems strange to me.

Reply March 29, 2014, 8:13 pm


Sounds like a good indication of what the rest of your relationship with this person will be like; You doing all the work and him reaping the benefits. I’d end it now and just be friends until he can actually step up and be a MAN.

Reply March 29, 2014, 9:02 pm

Hopeless Romantic

THANK YOU! Simply thank you!!! I really needed to hear this right now.

Reply September 26, 2013, 12:46 am

The Realness

Heartbroken. Let me help you: he used you!

I’m a guy and I used to be a really, really successful womanizer until I got sick of it. As soon as that happened, and I looked for something real again, guess what happened? A woman did to me, what that guy is doing to you!

He was all over you, because he wanted to do you and didn’t – at the time – have other options. Simple and plain. He saw that you were inexperienced and probably pretty, too. So he targetted you, persisted, and coerced you into giving it up. I see it all the time.

You know what’s going to happen next? You’re gonna treat the next guy who genuinely likes with contempt/suspicion, because of this experience. He’s gonna chase you, and you’ll pull away from him. And the cycle will happen all over again.

If you want to avoid this eventuality, you have to stop texting this guy. Ask yourself why you’re chasing a man who’s treating you badly after all that work to obtain you? He’s playing stupid games or he’s emotionally damaged. He will never be happy.

You will never be happy if you keep chasing him . . . unless you like being treated like crap? Then it’ll be your fault.

Try and fall for a genuinely good man next time.

Reply August 11, 2013, 10:02 am

Liz. G

Ty. From a man this hits home for me. Was seeing someone like this and had his type of relationship if you want to call it that. He could never tell me, just would say we’ll see where it goes. Anyways out of the blue stopped texting me, etc, texted him a few times with no response, was heartbroken and so confused . Your right, why am I chasing him ? It is self defeating and so soul crushing, ty!!!

Reply January 14, 2018, 7:45 am

Mixed signals

So me and this guy used to be super close and he usually texes me first but we haven’t been talk for a couple months and tonight we where talking and he just dosent responde but then likes my pic on Instagram why didn’t he respond to me? I feel like we flirt all the time help I’m just stressed what should I do?!

Reply August 8, 2013, 2:27 am

Feeling stupid

So I met my bests friends boyfriends best friend, we all hung out and hit it off like my best friend thought we would. He told her I was cute. We hung out again and exchanged numbers. We talked everyday since then. He told me he wants to take me fishing since its his favorite thing too and told me to text him in the morning because he wanted to wake up from a text from me. We were supposed to go out for dinner one night he cancelled due to a death which is completely understandable but since then I haven’t heard from him which is about 4 days now. I just don’t understand ughhh

Reply July 29, 2013, 7:22 pm

Natasha B

Oh my gosh this is inspiring. To know that at least some one understands this really helps me.. I think that it is great that you are involved in your daughter’s life like that.. Ha but really you sound like an amazing dad and just keep doing what you’re doing.

Reply July 18, 2013, 3:46 pm


What can I do to make him like me again? i love him I can never imagine my life with someone else. I don’t know he just stopped texting me. I never said any mean word to him I begged him to tell my mistake I asked to be just a friend but he just stopped replying. I can’t stop crying its been almost a week since he turned into an asshole. I saw him commenting on other girls’ posts using his phone

Reply July 18, 2013, 4:28 am


You need to relax. It sounds as if you are way too interested in your daughter’s social life. Let her figure it out on her own. What a wierdo…cursing and threatening. You are a pathetic male role model….no wonder your daughter is attracted to wierdos who apparently are just like her Dad!

Reply June 13, 2013, 9:47 am


Bravo… great post JMR! Your daughter should be proud she has such a caring and honourable da.


Reply July 4, 2013, 2:15 am


well i really appreciated this comment….iv never had a dad to put input in stop being a cow

Reply April 30, 2014, 5:11 pm

Natasha B

My boyfriend hasn’t responded to texts in a week..
So we have been dating for 2 months. We go to different schools and berally see eachother, i think we have maybe hung out 6 times tops. It sucks because the time between hanging out is always so long and we are both really busy; me with volleyball and him with football. So the only way that we really keep the relationship going and communicate at all is by texting. For the past week we have only sent about 40 messages to eachother… compared to the 800 we used to send per day!! and he keeps ditching me when we text and has only texted me first once during this period of time. He has stoped trying to hang out with me and i don’t know what’s going on..

I had this thought that he was cheating on me. This one girl in my english class says that he cheated on her best friend last year, but that just doesn’t seem like him. His bestfriend even says he knows nothing about is, but i havnt ever brought it up with my boyfriend because i’m afraid of what he will say. also people are like whatever just don’t be clingy.. but just saying this is the ONLY way that we talk at all and i miss him. The last thing people have said to me is maybe he lost his phone. But i know that he hasn’t because he has responded a couple times before ditching me and he has posted photos and posts on instagram and facebook from his phone. so he is pretty much down right ignoring me. I’m so mad about it and i don’t know what to do!! pleaseee help.

Reply June 12, 2013, 3:04 pm


What if girl A who was hot and showing you a lot of interest when girl B who wasn’t so hot was showing you less interest? Would be the same way around vice versa?

Reply June 1, 2013, 10:57 am


I think this is pretty good, and I can understand it, but I’m just really confused. The guy I like, and I have been really good friends for almost three years, and last weekend we went on a date, and he kissed me goodnight, four separate times… Since then, we’ve been texting back and forth all week, in between finishing up school. Suddenly yesterday, he didn’t text me for a long time, I texted him first, then when he finally replied it was four hours later. He had a good reason, but then he didn’t text me back later that night either for three hours. Today, he initiated the conversation, but when I replied he gave me one word replies, or messages I couldn’t really reply to. We were like best friends, then we both admitted we liked each other after our date, but I don’t get it. If he really doesn’t like me, I wish he’d say something before I end up falling harder for him, and ruining our friendship.

Reply May 17, 2013, 6:57 pm


Back off, stop texting him….and keep busy with your own life and friends! Spend energy on making yourself happy and healthy, and stop expecting so much attention from these poor guys!

Reply June 13, 2013, 9:50 am


This is the exact situation I’m in right now. I have been in contact with this guy for least half a year. Few mths ago he went overseas for his studies and got back recently. Everything was fine within that few mths, constantly contacting each other with texts. Thought things will work out just fine. He came back recently but there was no news for him, at all. That was when I began to realize, all the waiting is worthless after all :(

Reply July 2, 2013, 8:07 am


Well what about a girl who is deaf/hard of hearing. When I date a guy who is hearing with no problems my only means is texting since i CANNOT hear on the phone, therefore makes texting my main source of communicating electronically. So if a guy really cared, then texting me shouldnt be an issue, right?

Reply May 12, 2013, 8:59 pm


I met this guy on line. We have been going out for more than a month now. He was injured a while ago so we only saw each other three times. But each time we were together, it’s like we never wanted to part. So except the first time, every date would last for more than five hours.
At first, I didn’t even want to meet him since I sensed the danger of a broken heart. But he finally convinced me to meet him and we kind of really liked each other. He texted me everyday and we emailed each other a lot. His messages are all very romantic and well written. Even though, we never talked about love, but there was definitely chemistry between us. He would put a lot of effort to spend time with me. We spent almost ten hours together last Wednesday.

We were so happy together and he was so gentle with me. Well, we only held hands, cuddled and hugged when he left. He seemed so happy to see me again and he specifically made that day for me. On Friday, he was still sending me texts on my way to a vacation spot. But I didn’t hear from him on Saturday. He texted me on Sunday, and after that, he just disappeared. Since we met on the dating site, he has been texting me every day, always first thing in the morning. I called him two days ago and left a message, but he didn’t call me back. I signed in on the dating site, and found out that he was on line today and yesterday and he even updated his profile by adding something. I have no idea when he did that.

When we met on Wednesday, I cooked lunch for him and he took me to a park. It’s a long drive and he was still recovery from a rib injure. I tried to talk him out of the long drive, but he said he would be all right. We spent quite a few hours there. Later we watched a movie at my place and he left after the movie. He kissed my forehead before he left. We didn’t kiss and I didn’t know why. I was quite sleepy then and he even joked about I should not forget to brush my teeth before going to bed. He knew I had back surgery before so he was constantly stoking my back so I would be more comfortable. He even stroked my hair for a long time. He was so gentle it’s almost like the way we would stoke a beloved child. Now, out of the blue, he just disappeared. I just don’t get it.

Reply May 11, 2013, 12:31 am


Thank you so much! Helped me so so much :)

Reply April 27, 2013, 5:16 am


so i knew this guy for a month now. we went on only one date though and it went great. he asked me to go on a second date and kissed me goodnight. I was away that weekend but he still initiated the texts. when he came back he cancelled the date and never rescheduled but continued to text me. After a few weeks the texting eventually stopped and i found myself texting him . I asked him if we can hang and he said he was too busy. I asked him 2wice and he always came with an excuse. finally i semt him a message. This is what it said…
Good Morning.
Just wanted to let you know if i say something i follow through and i expect the same.
Don’t get me wrong, im no stalky girl but I think your not a phony guy and wanted to get to know you more, if you don’t see it that way then stop saying we will hang out and we never do cause being led on and lied to hurts me, telling me the truth i okay with that. Many girls don’t fess up to that but I am.
He did not reply. I dont know..i really liked the guy fro the first time i saw him but how can i tell if he still likes me or has he moved on.

Reply April 3, 2013, 8:05 pm


Okay so this is my most recent experience with yet ANOTHER guy that has done this. We met online orignially. He lives only 70 miles from me and we instantly struck up interest in eachother. He was texting me everyday and even would call me once or twice a day just to say hi. Very sweet and very genuine. He even would tell me that he wanted to show me differently from how other guys had treated me in the past. So, I reluctantly believed him. We had been talking on the phone and texting non stop for two weeks. Without hesitation he said he was going to come out and visit his family for the weekend and take me out on a nice little coffee/dinner date. So of course I agreed since I was very eager to meet him and I genuinely liked him. Just for further detail he works a lot, but he has always managed to make time to text and call me despite that. The thing is I work a lot too and I have school yet I never go without keeping up with my friends and family, since they are people that I value a lot in my life. A few days went by before him supposedly come down and see me one weekend and he just starts to text less and less even to the point where he would just suddenly stop texting and I’d have to kind of be like “hey you still there?” and he’d randomly text back “oops fell asleep haha” and that was it. No other response after that. He did that two nights in a row and I kind of brushed it off as being well maybe he’s tired and just busy. Then the next two days after that he just wouldn’t text or call at all anymore. It just bewildered me. How could a guy that was literally in awe of me, complimenting me, extremely strong connection with, texting/calling, almost everyday, just suddenly go to little texting, no calls, seemingly disinterested in communicating with me all together? I didn’t get it and then the weekend before he was supposed to visit I texted him to see if he was still coming up, and he literally made it seem like it just wasn’t that important to him anymore. After that point I was extremely hurt because I thought that I meant something to this person and he just dropped me so suddenly, like I meant absolutely nothing anymore. So I moved on. Now he starts texting again like nothing happened but I am done. I just can’t deal with the mind games anymore. One moment a guy is hot then he’s cold. I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.

Reply February 23, 2013, 9:44 pm


Good for you! You dumped his sorry butt. Move on with your life, you sound like a confident girl who has her act together. Keep focusing on yourself and your health and happiness and the right guy will come along. My experience is…once they start acting up and being disrespectful, it is time to dump them. You are young…live it up!

Reply June 13, 2013, 9:54 am


Wow…thanks Eric, for the article.

I have known this guy for 5 months. He would reply selectively to the questions posed to him.

I played it cool but still could not help getting anxious at times. He gives the same reasons…”too busy at work”…”was napping”…

I will just let him text me from now onwards..:]

Reply February 19, 2013, 2:17 am


I need some major advice please!!!!!
Okay long story somewhat short lol. I was with a guy for 2 years I loved him, and I thought he loved me… we spoke about marriage but after a year he back away and said he has a strict family and they will pick his wife and he can’t do anything about it (this is actually true it a culture thing from where he is from) BUT he broke up with me via text out of the blue… we met one day and 2 days later he sent a message… of course I was crushed this was my first relationship. Okay so throughout the breakup I made mistakes and texted him, told him why blah blah… but I stopped later.
After about 2 years later he messaged me on e-mail saying the major reason why he broke if off was he knew it wasn’t going anywhere but refuse to tell me.. and two he wanted a girl to have sex with and I wasn’t giving it to him because I am a virgin (oh I am now 23) and he said I was a girl for a man to marry not to mess with. So he found a new girl and brags that she and him ONLY hang in a parked car and why couldn’t I do that. I just LOL at it. So the past 2 months him and I have been talking just as friends. He would always repond to my texts (which before he would ignore or cuss me out etc, and this is 3 year after the break up). I told him it great hearing from you and I hope our path cross… he replied saying God willing our paths do cross I really hope that. So I just replied saying yeah. we would text throughtout the day mostly the morning, talking about all sort of stuff, TV, our lives, just friends talking. So he keep complimenting me and I just say thanns nothing more to make him feel like I want him back (BUT I DO STILL CARE A LOT FOR HIM). He than proceeds to say he is loving the way I live my life and he is envious and jealous. I moved away from the state I used to live in that he is still in and now in law school… and he always says he is jealous of me, which I don’t like.. always saying I am beautiful, that he misses me, wants to see me, calls me a “G” but I just say don’t be your got it good too… anyways he asked to see me, I said may be when I am back. So I later told him may be if we meet in public NOT A CAR, and just get coffee. He agreed and said he would find time. I said sure. He told me last week that may be this week we would me, well, I text him saying hey did you find a day so I knew bc i would be leaving back soon, he didn’t reply.. so I left it. Hours went by nothing. I told my friend, she took his number and called private without me knowing :/ he picked up!! So I later text saying I don’t know what’s going on, but I will respect that bye friend. The next morning he text saying hey, I replied with hi 2 hours later. He wrote how are you feeling, 2o min later I said pretty good. THAN he proceeded to ignore me again so I wrote if you don;t want to talk to me than don’t text or play games. I don’t want to waste time. I am really sad because I care so much for him, and am his friend and had faith he would be a MAN and just not play this game of hot and cold anymore… we are just friends. I am away and busy so I don’t expect much from him but a polite I can’t meet up but have a safe trip back maybe next time or just if he doesnt want to talk to ne stop talking don’t talk to me than, ignore. The week is over and I am going back to my University I didn’t hear from him….

OH, and he kept saying he would come visit me in the state I am in now bc it is a tourist state, and said we would have fun and just hang… he was saying/asking would it be awkward, i said no but if we meet it would take the awkwardness away….

So will he ever text me? Because I secretly do want to hear from him again??? Why does he do this? is he fooling me? Please help, my heart is broken again. I been hurting for almost 4 year becouse of this guy… this is a long long long story that is very condense. He is kind of a jerk, obivosly a player since he left to find a sex buddy. I feel like he doesn’t care, yet I still do. He says I am a great friend and that he has love for me, but why alway do this?

Do you think he will ever call me or text me? I need you help!!!!! please

Reply January 14, 2013, 4:50 am


I’m sorry, but I can’t get behind this article 100%. I know I’m the odd woman out, but I have to echo another commentator who said that trusting your instincts is still good advice, and sometimes a man not responding to texts or not texting at all when they were in the beginning is a sure fire sign that the person is dishonest and irresponsible. I started “seeing” a man very briefly who did the old hit and run texting with me, something that I hate. First of all, let me say that I hate texting period. I think it’s impersonal and ineffective communication, best left to the “I’m here” “I’ll be there soon” or “I’m running late” messages.
This guy, I should have known was flaky because I stopped communicating with him when he made a date with me and didn’t show or call. At that point I wasn’t that interested in him so it was easy to just ignore him. Months later he text me out of the blew just to say hi, and kept it up for three days. Random texts saying Good morning or how are you. I responded out of curiosity and basically said we should meet. Big mistake!!! After hooking up that one day, he did text me randomly through out the day. I told him that I didn’t believe anyone could get to know a person by text and suggested he call me. He actually did call, and expressed consistent interest. During a text convo, I made a date to cook/bake for him since his birthday had passed recently and he was very please and excited. He texted me right up until I put the frosting on the cake, told me he’d see me in a few and I never heard from him again until the next morning when he claimed he fell asleep on the couch after taking a shower. He apologized profusely and said he’d come that day, and then DIDN’T SHOW UP!!!!! I told him, by text, that he owed me an apology and didn’t get it for 6 days! To my shame, I accepted the apology and continued speaking to him, thinking I was practicing the high ideal of forgiving and moving on. Well, just a few days before Christmas he did it again, no word from him on Christmas day, and for several days after. Then he resurfaced for a few days after Christmas with a “Hi beautiful” text only to disappear again just before New Years.
Now any woman who would not take this behavior as a sure fire sign that either the guy is sociopathically insensitive or MARRIED I think is crazy. Having a life and having fun would be a great recipe for a guy like this, but it doesn’t cure the hurt feelings any woman would feel when she is treated as if her time or feelings has no value! If I would have taken this article’s advice of assuming that this guy really liked me, and not paying attention to his behavior, he would have successfully continued seeing me for months in this manner, and I would have put up with insensitive behavior that I hate for months!

I don’t know what the happy medium is, but as a few others have said, it takes two seconds to text a quick response, no days! Anyone who doesn’t text for days is just being an ass! Disappearing for weeks is unforgivable, and unless a person is deathly ill or in the hospital, there’s no reason for any woman to put up with that.

Reply January 5, 2013, 11:01 pm


I am going throgh an something like this too :( really hurts because I actually care about this guy a lot, and I don;t know how to move on. :(

Reply January 14, 2013, 4:59 am


Sounds like my ex !! Last I heard from him he had moved to Ohio to have his mama take care of him as well as hiding from some girl who was 4 months pregnant !! Smh…not to mention he contracted herpes from some threesome…thank god I didn’t catch nothing from him. But yep, he’d only hit me up when he wanted to use me…

Reply January 26, 2013, 3:11 pm


oh my, you have made my day. i don’t date a lot, and i just had this really good date last week. ever since the date, we haven’t text as much as we did before the date. we met through a dating website.
when we went on our date, i knew i really really liked him. but i tried not to act that way. we went to dinner, then went and walked around stores and then we went to starbucks. we talked about doing it again soon. i was happy ;)
but then the last few days after the date, we haven’t text as much. but, thanks to your article, its not as big of a deal as i am making it out to be
so thanks

Reply December 22, 2012, 5:11 pm


So me and this guy have professed our love for each other numerous times over the past 4 or 5 years. I’m 18, he’s 20, and we live in different countries and only see each other every 2 years or so since we were kids. Usually we’d have months of talking all the time, then kind of slow down a bit, but we’d always find our way back to each other. 2 years ago, when he was 18, he told me he’d talked to his dad and wants to marry me when he’s out of college and ready. This summer we saw eachother for the first time in 4 years and our feelings were still there and more so than ever before. He told me he loved me and he even said in 2 years he’d bring up the marriage thing with his parents and mine. When I came back home to America, we messaged on Facebook for days, then all of a sudden he stopped responding (Facebook is our only mode of communication). I kept messaging him and he kept telling me he was busy, but then I saw on Facebook he was on and talking to other people. I started messaging him every 2 weeks or so just to check up on him but he didn’t reply except for little messages. I’m always first to message him, so I’ve stopped messaging him. He doesn’t even ask me how I am, it’s been about 4 months since this started. And it’s been almost a month since I’ve gotten any sort of response from him, and I’ve consciously decided to stop messaging him and just waiting for him to message me, which is looking like never except maybe on my birthday that’s in 4 months. I’m worried he’s lost his feelings for me and that’s why he isn’t replying, because no one is too busy for at least messaging the girl you’re supposed to care about, once a month in the very least. But we’ve literally had strong feelings for each other for years and he’s probably more protective and caring of me than anyone so I know he wouldn’t just do this to me. I’m confused about how to feel and what to do…help? Why’s he doing this to me?

Reply December 7, 2012, 10:37 am


Sometimes I wish us women were not built to be constantly ruled by our emotions – especially when it comes to men. There are times when a guy has hurt me so bad, that it feels even worse then when someone close to me has died. It’s ridiculous! And these games we’re supposed to play to keep guys that we care about interested is physically draining. 
I respect what the author of this article is saying here. But the point is that most women are not wired in such a way that we can just be unreactive and assume a guy really likes us if he is not doing enough to show it. We cannot switch off the hormones and become like men. 
I have always assumed that if I guy really likes you then he will show it. If he really cares for you and wants to be with you then he will be. No games, no man cave, no messing around.
From reading a lot of the comments here, I feel as though most of the guys in question are not ready to be in committed relationships – otherwise why would they be prepared to lose a good woman? Surely men aren’t that stupid?
What the author hasn’t considered is that men need to do their part too and keep us interested…if they care for us as much as they say. Please let us not let men of the hook. A relationship – whether in the early or later stages is about two people making the effort to make it work, not just one.

Reply December 3, 2012, 3:54 am


Right on.

Reply December 4, 2012, 11:14 pm


Thank you!!!!! I feel like many of the men who behave this way are immature or players, and not at all ready to date like adults.

Reply January 5, 2013, 11:05 pm


I agree with you 100% Too many times have I been hurt by these types of guys.
You’re right. We are women, as much as we try it is difficult to just switch off the hormones and become like men. We really aren’t wired that way. We have the whole “nurturing, maternal instinct thing” going on. You can’t just switch that off and be like “hey bro, no big deal” at least not me anyway. If I a guy acts so interested one day and then a few weeks later acts like he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me, I am going to assume that he really has moved on, and I will too. Playing these emotional mind games gets tiring, and sometimes I just want a guy to be a man for once and stop toying around with my emotions making me cry and feel bad about myself. If I didn’t want a real or serious relationship then sure, maybe the emotional mind games and tag-you’re-it games wouldn’t bother me; but THEY DO. It is so time consuming and it seems like most guys now a days that is what they are focused on doing. They don’t realize how that affects us as women. I can’t deal with it after awhile. I have a job to go to, classes to attend, other crazy people that I have to deal with as friends and co-workers- the last thing I need is some wacky love interest that keeps me guessing high and low does he like me or not? It’s stupid, and if you’re a guy that likes to do that then you need to be single and not put yourself out there as I am unfortunately single and I want a woman to share my life with, yet you don’t give that woman that opportunity to try and share your life with. You keep her jumping through #$@! hoops and fire rings just to try and be with you! What the hell? No, I am done and tired of that @$#!. And I think that it’s true men must be that stupid.

Reply February 23, 2013, 9:31 pm


I totally agree with you. Life is too short to be playing games. I wish men would be straight forward. That hot & cold gets old fast. You either like a girl or you dont, dont lead her on.

Reply March 24, 2013, 4:42 pm

Laura Walmer

WOW! This is the greatest thing I’ve read all day! What a motivation! I’m going to put my phone away and start living MY life! :) Thank you!

Reply November 6, 2012, 2:01 pm

Jenny Cruz

Thankyou, yeah, i wuz startting to freak out, but your right just think of it in a good, i guess. it doesn’t help to over react, yeah your right, you took a huge weight off my shoulders. Im only 15, but i can still see, how the texty texty thing does get annoyNG after a while :/ ima just find quality time to spend with all my other friends, I don’t necessarily need his ATTENTION to be happy

Reply October 29, 2012, 3:36 pm


This drives me crazy because I don’t care how busy you are someone should send a response sometime because I get crazy busy and always respond to people. But I also know I am crazy organized and over analyze so this article really helped in thinking hey stop getting crazy over a little text. If he like you he will text if doens’t on to the next. So thanks great artilce. I need to calm down haha.

Reply October 23, 2012, 1:50 pm


i’m new to all this however i came across this site and fort i would just ask a quick question, ok so i have a hard time trusting guys as it seems the last few guys i have met have only been interested in having fun with me, although some girls might enjoy that, its not what im looking for, i recently started talking to this guy whom i met on a dating website @ first as i was talking one someone else i dint think it was wise for me to mess bout with someone else emotions however the guy i was speaking with turned in to a prat so i forgot about him. The other guy messaged me and we started to and exchanged numbers (he gave me his) i messaged him as he asked for me to let him know i had recieved it. it took a while for him to message me back . so here is the thing he asked me to be his GF and i said that i need to get to know him more and meet him before i can make that desicion which he seemed cool with, then i dont hear from him and then he will message me say when am i going to see you.

Well we was meant to meet up last week friday however said that he had to go work in the evening but still wanted to come and see me which i thought was sweet i gave him a time to meet however he never showed i waited for 30 mins in the rain i might i ADD and when i called there was no answer i think i called bout 5 times as i got worried and texted him which i know he read as i have delivery reports on my phone? what do i do, the thing that annoys me the most was i had come cross him on the site and thought he wasnt interested in me so i never messaged him but then he contacted me so i thought it must of been fate ?? and now this 4 days and not even a call

Reply October 22, 2012, 11:55 am


Hi guys! So i am having a huge guy problem. This guy is a delivery guy that comes in to our store tues-thurs. It all started when i wrote my number on his cup and the next day he texted me. We were texting for awhile , then all of a sudden he just stopped talking and ignored me at work. ANyways, couple months later he started talking to me again at work. Then one day he told me he got a new phone and gave me his new number and asked me to text him. I texted him like a few days later and he replied, but then he stopped replying after awhile. Then he would come in and say things like “I’ll text you tomorrow or something” and he never does. He has done that multiple times now. THen he would come in and ask me to hang out but he never texts me. And when i text him first, he replies but then he suddenly stops replying. I am really annoyed and frustrated with him. I dont know if he is ignoring them or if he actually didnt receive them. Anyone help??


Reply October 20, 2012, 1:46 am


its hard for me to text im busy because i feel like im ditching her so i usally just tell her hey ill brb i promise :) and if u really do have to go then i sauy im really sorry ill make it up to u tomorow by not having to go or getting her something. but if the girl really does like u then shell forgive but cmon guys text something back at least saying sorry i gtg

Reply October 17, 2012, 10:50 pm


I’m sorry but NO ONE is that busy that they can’t contact you for days. It takes less than a minute to text someone “Hey how’s it going?” And when you see that person on Facebook and you KNOW they aren’t that busy because they are posting things and commenting on photos or whatever… that is freaking annoying.

Reply October 17, 2012, 2:03 am


I agree Jess, taking so long to reply to a text message…emails can take awhile because not everyone checks email all the time but texting shouldn’t take days for a reply. And the FB thing, that behavior drove me nuts with the guy I dated last year, sometimes he’d say he would call but didn’t and yet I’d see him on FB… Everything is so electronic nowadays and this is straying off topic but I think it’s best to not friend a potential romantic interest on FB until you two are together… And some couples decide to just never be friends on FB and that works too. FB seems to ruin relationships too often. If he asks to friend you, just tell him how you feel uncomfortable doing so. Relationships develop organically and I think the social media world where he an always see what you’re up to and parts of your life make him know too much too soon. Plus you won’t have to worry because you won’t be obsessing over if he’s on there while you want him to reply to your text.

Reply October 17, 2012, 11:43 am


Thank you soooo much for this!! Can’t tell you how much this helped me to understand things. Great words of advice as well!

Reply October 14, 2012, 7:42 pm


This was awesome. Definitely helped me put things into perspective, and feel ALOT better. Thank you!

Reply October 6, 2012, 7:30 pm


So i have been talking to this guy that i met and he is really sweet he does t like a lot of drama so we have a lot in common, but since he found out that i wasnt the age he thought i was he had kinda been avoiding me… And to add on my friend has been telling him stuff about me that is negitive… Should i be mad at her and should i stop talking to him???? HELP!

Reply September 30, 2012, 10:14 pm


Hi Eric,

I think I read this too late. Been dating a guy for a couple months, nothing serious. I was playing it cool, Im not a very clingy person generally. We initiated equal amounts of communication, he asked me out on all our dates but one, the last one, where I asked him if he wanted to hang out. The day after our last date he text me in the morning and that evening and then nothing. I gave it 5 days and text him “hey how’s it going” and got no reply, left it a couple days and then text saying “I am assuming this silent treatment is your way of saying you’re done. Take care” and I meant it genuinely as there arent any real feelings there just lust. No reply. Which has made me feel hurt and used, which I don’t like. Anyway, he saw me out at the weekend which was only 2 days after my last text to him and he just stood and stared at me before leaving the club. I didn’t acknowledge I had seen him. I don’t know why he would stand and stare if he was the one who lost interest. Or did I act too soon and he thinks I called it off lol?

Any clarity on this would be really good!!!

Reply September 25, 2012, 10:14 am


J what happened with this?

I know this entry was a while ago, but I think you handled yourself well. You didn’t create any drama, you just assumed he wasn’t interested, let him know and moved on with dignity and What happened in the end? Was it a miscommunication or had he lost interest and was playing games when he saw you in the club?

Reply December 29, 2012, 9:54 pm


Hey Eric : ). I’m so glad I join this site. Gives by far the best advice and a great perspective to think from. I have to say, that I’m currently in a situation like this myself, by I’m not sweating. Just playing it cool. I really, really like him. Before, not getting a return text can be annoying, nonetheless, as suggested having your own FUN AND FULFILLING LIFE totally fills the void : )

Reply September 22, 2012, 5:43 pm


This is a brilliant suggestion !
It’s good to always focus on your own life and keep a peaceful heart…
Let things go naturally. True!

Reply September 3, 2012, 12:31 am


Thank you so much for this advice! I have been taking it an my life is so much less painful now. You can’t control other people. All you can do is control your reactions and choices.

Reply August 26, 2012, 8:51 pm


So I met this guy in school and we became friends and I started to like him as more than a friend. Then this summer, we started hanging out outside of school and the first time we hung out alone he kissed me. We hung out once a week for the next month and texted pretty often. The first actual date we hate we went to his house before going to the movies because his parents were having a party and he introduced me to his parents and all his parents friends who he’s close with. Then 2 weeks after the first date he came over to my house and introduced himself to my family. After that he went on vacation and I was going to a festival that’s a pretty big deal so he brought up how we should get eachother gifts, and we both did. Then the day he got home from his trip he texted me asking if I could hang out, which I thought was sweet because he wanted to see me the day he got back. p.s. (He had been calling our outings and hang outs dates and told me his brother is referring to me as his girlfriend yet he has not referred to me as his girlfriend but has referred to me and him as an us but he texted using hearts and kissy faces and he’s super sweet) After that night when we didn’t talk for a few days and after 3 days he texted me “hey we haven’t talked for a few days how are you” and I responded, or course. Then we didn’t get to talk much cause he had to go. The next day I texted him and he was very short worded so our conversation didn’t take off and I let it go. It’s now 4 days later since he texted me and we haven’t talked. Is this a bad sign?

Reply August 19, 2012, 3:29 pm


So,.. texting someone is selfish but calling them isn’t? … Yeah, okay.

Reply August 17, 2012, 1:09 am


So, my friend set me up with this guy and we started texting for like a week and it was great. So then we went to the movies and afterwards he wanted to get wendys and we walked some trails with our food and then sat watching the stars…Perfect night! But after wards he slowly just stopped texting me and I don’t understand why!! He did just get out of a relationship a couple months ago… But I really don’t understand, if he didn’t want a girlfriend, why get my hopes up???

Reply August 16, 2012, 4:01 pm


Ok so I’m in need of some non-biased advice….2 weekends ago I met a guy out while with a friend. We hung out with him and his 5 friends…my friend is married, but she didn’t mind doing me a favor. Haha…anyway at the end of the night he asked for my number and kissed me. Okay great great but fast forward I didn’t hear from hear until Thursday…4 days later. He said he had a great time and wanted to grab a drink next week…so he said he would text me the next week and I heard from him Tuesday…he asked if Thursday was good…so come Thursday I go and we have a great time…but oops…we slept together. Bad right?! I didn’t hear from him until this morning…wednesday…he asked how my weekend was…I responded a few hours later when I woke up…but he never text back? Why start a conversation when you don’t want to finish it? Input?

Reply August 16, 2012, 12:26 am


This happens to me too! Met a great guy, seemed really keen, texted me for the first 2 days, then one every four days, but he would ask i was and then not reply? WHY DO THEY DO THIS! But the worst part is he asked me for drinks, i said yes, and it has been 6 days and no reply.

Reply September 8, 2012, 11:14 pm


I’ve been seeing this guy for the past 2 months, at first he seemed very interested in me, we both said to each other that we liked each other, but we agreed to take things slow, so we aren’t in any kind of formal relationship. We kissed, gone all the way actually, had some really great conversations since we have a lot in common. However, he works in another town, so he moved back there a couple of days ago, said he’d call but still haven’t heard a word from him. Should I be patient and wait, or just cross him out? If he liked me, he would call/text me just to say hi, right? And I don’t want to be pushy or needy by texting him first.

Reply August 15, 2012, 7:13 am


My boyfriend and I used to text 24/7 but recently he hasn’t been texting me back. He did send me one message the other day telling me he loved me but that was all and I haven’t heard from him since. I’m just wondering what I should do because I wouldn’t want to break up with him over something as silly as a text but then again it’s wrong of him to be ignoring me. I know his phone didn’t break because he’s been on twitter. It doesn’t make sense. What do you think is going on?

Reply August 10, 2012, 9:44 pm


So there’s this guy and he would constantly stare at me. Today he gave me his number over Facebook and I texted him. The convo was going good and then I replied 5 min later and he hasn’t replied. It has been 3 bourse and he’s the type that is glued to his phone. And I know 3 hours isn’t that long, but I just want to know what is going through his mind. I k ow he
S interested in me because he complimented me. So please help ! I need to know why he didn’t respond ! :(

Reply August 10, 2012, 8:12 pm


I don’t think a compliment implies that he is interested. Maybe he was just trying to be nice. If I was you I wouldn’t worry too much about it. You do not want to come off as needy so just go on with life. If he wants to talk to you he knows where to reach you.

Reply August 10, 2012, 9:50 pm


Ok so I just stumbeled on to your blog and what ive read so far has been relly insightful. So im relly hoping you will take your time to help me out because i have a problem thats been driving me nuts the past 6 months. So theres this guy I met at a club and we hit it of instantly. We only ha d three real dates but we met all the time anyways because we have alot of mutual friends. During this time he would introduce me to all hos friends, who obviously knew who i was and he even wanted meet his dad. suddenly he stoped texting me. I tryed not to make a big deal out of it, and one night he asked me to come over, so I did, and it was the first night we slept together. Afterwards I asked him what had been up lately and he tells me that he started dating his ex again. After that things got even wierder. Now he wouldnt even say hi. He would just give me the stinkeye. So finally i decided to make peace with him and we decided to be friends again. The thing is i never lost my feelings for him. Since we became friends hes texted me a couple of times. Its very seldom and he has stoped answering in the middle of the conversation every time. Once he wrote a flirty text at 3 am so i think he was going to bootycall me, although i didnt respond. I never text him because it feels unapropriate but i dont understand why he keeps texting me.. So my question is, do i still have a chance? He and his ex never got back together as far as i know.

Reply August 6, 2012, 5:04 pm


Hi there! I know how you feel when you like a guy, but you’re not sure if he even likes you the same as you do. I’m in a situation right now where this guy who I like so much (I even dreamt about him- I know, it’s awful!) is not texting me any more as much as before. He did almost the exact same thing as your guy did. (I don’t know what is up with these people). He first made me feel so special, then he suddenly went in a relationship with another girl, then started booty calling/texting me. It’s degrading. It makes me wonder what the heck did I do to give him the idea that I would fall for his cheap moves. ANYWAY, back to your story… Once a guy display an act that obviously suggest that he doesn’t care about your feelings, he will never care about your feelings. He may act like he cares, but he doesn’t. I’m sorry girl, you deserve better. Have you confronted him about your feelings? about the inappropriate bootycalls? Confront him, he needs a little slap in a face. LOL. My point is, do you really want him back after all that his done to you? I know for myself that the smartest way to do is to forgive and forget even if I still want him so bad.

Reply August 6, 2012, 5:27 pm


ok so i’ve been talking to this guys for a couple week, he is very sweet and nice and i’ve never met another like him i want him to be mine so bad but he is so hard to get… we would text constantly and he says that he really likes me and that we need to take things slow eariler we was texting and doing just fine, the last thing he said is ” sorry its raining and i am trying to drive” and i texted back ” ok thats fine” after that no text or anything its been like 6 hours now and i don’t know whats going on.. i don’t know if he is hurt or if he is busy.. it worries me to death, i tried not to blow up his phone and tried to wait on him to text me and tell me everything is ok, but i texted him a couple time asking if he is ok and if something is going on? no response i am worried he is hurt but i over think stuff… i have never had to chase a guy before and its hurt for me to do because i always had the guy text me… i am 16 and he is 21 and yes we have hung out and went on dates, he has met my mom and i met his mom.. when we went on all of our dates not once did he touch me.. not even hold my hand? not even kiss me.. thats how sweet he is, and it kills me i want him to hold my hand or something! but now i think i pushed him away.. i don’t wanna text him something stupid and then he responds back and is like i am busy! i don’t know what to do.

Reply August 6, 2012, 1:01 am


There’s this guy I really like. We were kindy mates. Recently, he added me on Facebook. We chat a lot and he even asked for my number. Normally, he starts the conversation but after I told him the reason (because of my height) my ex broke up with me, he don’t start the conversation anymore. My ex broke up with me because I am short. If I’m not wrong, this guy I like only starts the conversation once after I told him about it. Why? I should not have told him about it. :(

Reply July 27, 2012, 2:18 am


So i met this guy hes 14 years older then me and So wonderful I am 24 almost .. i met him at a work place and he approched me, and gave me his number it was good for the first coup;e weeks now all of a sudden hes not talking yes i do text him alot but not trying to annoy him . hes always telling me hes working, or with his kids or tyerd bc he just got back from mma. I dont know what i did to run him off should i just let it be for awhile? and not text him Just because hes so “BUSY”? Let me know Please

Reply July 24, 2012, 4:17 pm


did you check to see if he was married? Most men 38 years old ARE married. No offense.. but you may or may not be a mature 24. If you’re not, chances are he’s not looking for anything serious with you. Sorry. Just my opinion.. So he may be seeing a lot of younger women casually but would be more interested in dating someone closer to his own age that he has more in common with.

I’m not saying this is the case but from what you’re saying, it’s the sense i get.

Reply July 26, 2012, 7:26 pm


good day. im new here,i just need some expert opinion of you guys.

i juz want to know if this signs of a likes me, we always txting exchanging txt from day to night?, sometimes we used eat lunch she will wait for me at 2pm juz to see each other bec i have only 1 hour break because of work.. then we go to THIS place far from out city juz to hang out, we ride into a bus and then wen we r going home were both tired, i tell her to sleep on my shoulders smiling at me, and shes very comfortable,she also ask me to sing =D , maybe 2 hours of riding that bus. and wen we are city she tell me that i will load my cellphone if i ddnt txt her she will get mad.but i txt here. but this is the issue “” after that night when im txting her she juz rply to the answer,just a closed ended question, then she admit that she’s stress what was happen to us in the bus, because she fell asleep in my shoulders i think..she’s STRESS FROM WHAT WAS HAPPEN” tell me why the girl is like that” is she denying that she also likes me or what? pls reply. and sorry about my english

Reply July 23, 2012, 8:37 pm


and 1 more thing on my facebook ithink she knows that i have a gf but now im single

Reply July 23, 2012, 8:39 pm


you’re overthinking this way too much.

Reply July 26, 2012, 7:30 pm


@tulip any suggestion?i realy like this girl, actualy were ok in person but when im txting her, she just rply to the question, “closed ended question”

Reply July 27, 2012, 1:42 pm


Thank you thank you THANK YOU.

I seriously, really needed to hear this.

My situation is unique because my boyfriend is currently a two hour flight away from me. We were texting constantly and then suddenly a week or so ago, he wasn’t texting as much (though we’re still talking every day) and what had started out with a wall of constant texting, facebooking and skyping has now become a couple of daily texts and a skype call.

The weird thing is that this is easier for me too. I PREFER this sort of contact so i’m not constantly tied to my phone. But the CHANGE was what concerned me, not the amount of communication, merely the change in communication.

And i was pissed. So i asked him, calmly, if anything had changed. He insists nothing has. So i’ve let it go but it had been bugging me. To hear this? it makes perfect sense. And i feel better. I see him soon.. so I can best see how things are once i see him again but for now i’ll just assume everything is just fine.

Thank you. Again. Thank you..

Reply July 17, 2012, 1:48 pm


I am humiliated beyond belief. He was sick. and just wanted to sleep.

I’m glad i didn’t hound him. What kind of a psycho would i be then..? :D

Reply July 26, 2012, 7:28 pm


hahahahah OMG I cant stop laughing. :p

Reply July 28, 2012, 4:05 am

Sarah Davies

Seen this guy for a month, we text for 3 weeks beforehand 30 times to each other a day, first week I saw him 3 times, then twice the secodn week, each time him asking me, third weeks once as he was working late but always text me when he was leaving work, fourth week one week and he was as normal as anything, we slept together third week but did other things at end of 2nd week and fourth week but then last Tuesday he has just been completely ignoring me, we send each other pictures and he has even ignored them even though he told me the Friday before he loves getting them and they turn him on so much. He text last Wednesday saying he’s been a bit porrly and hasn’t answered me since. Why has he just done a complete u-turn when the SUnday before he wanted me to stay over and can’t keeo his hands off me.

Reply July 17, 2012, 11:14 am

mixed signals.

There’s this guy i like who i’m really attracted to suddenly just stopped texting me 2 days ago. Long story short i had broken up with my ex a week ago. And this guy i like added me on fb and thats how we pretty much started messaging back n forth. He started talking to me a week before i broke up with my ex. And no this guy was not the reason i broke up with my ex. But he definitely helped me open my eyes. Anyways we’ve texted each other everyday all day. I knew he liked me.and he knows i like him. we haven’t texted i.actually deleted his # so i keep myself from bothering him. i see him all the time when i work and he always starts up a conversation says hi and bye. But no text. Idk what…am i thinking this too much? Because i feel like at this point he’s not so into me anymore but i have a strong feeling he does…any ideas?

Reply July 16, 2012, 3:39 am


so i met this man at a matching dinner set up by both our parents /well sounds weird but this is seriously happen/ he’s smart and tall, maybe a lil bit conservative in a way. we talk a lil after the dinner and i think he’s quite a serious type, i mean i was the one doing all the goofy talk. and after the dinner we change numbers, and we text each other… he text me 1st for a few days and then within a week, its nothing at all.. i start to text him first once every two or three days, eventho no matter what i text, he always… i mean ALWAYS replied, well thats a good one. we did go on a date couple times after the matching dinner and he’s quite cool. i like his personality, and how he opens the door for me, how he told me to walk on the inner side, how he patiently explain his work which i have no clue about.. but i don’t know, last two weeks he went overseas for work and not contact me at all.. i did text him and he replied as usual. but i mean, i want him to text me first…sometimes, to cure my insecurity about wether he’s thinking abt me or anything…but none. now he’s back in town he’s not texting me 1st at all.. i ask my girlfriends, they said, go on text him. and like usual he replied to everything i asked, but he never asked me back..that saddened me. we didn’t have a chance to meet cuz i personally thought he wanna do his things and i can’t be the one asking him out right? and then i ask him that “lets meetup after you finish your work, we need to talk”. all i want to talk about is our relationship, what will happen to our relationship? shall we continue or not, is he interested in me or not? cuz i can’t love a man who doesn’t interested in me right? well, yes, am never been in a relationship before so i’m basically clueless about this whole dating matter. and he said, “sure we can, 3weeks from now” he told me he will go overseas for work again for 2 weeks, and the next week is his holiday, yes he went overseas for holidays so we really can’t see each other… so now during the three weeks, what should i do? shall i procceed to “unreactive”?

Reply July 15, 2012, 2:04 pm

Sweet Sherry

I was gonna leave a comment telling my entire story but I really don’t have to because I see myself in virtually every one of these post. Judging by the responses from others and Eric I know what I must do. I’m just gonna let it go. I’m not going to delude myself thinking he needs space, or he’s just in his “man cave”. I think all those are cop outs, I think we are all very desperate women seeking answers and comfort for the bad behavior of the men we care for. In my mind although I like Paul so much he is not worth the heartache, stress, pain and uncertainty. It has been almost 2 weeks since we last communicated. I don’t understand how we went from him asking me to be exclusive relationship to which I said yes, him planning romantic getaways for us in the caribbean island ( he initiated all of this), we were suppose to go within a few months. He tells me daily how much he likes me and enjoys being with me and can’t wait to spend time with me again. This makes me so sad I feel like giving up on love completely, I think its better to spare myself the pain, it hurts too much. I really thought he was the real deal, I even introduced him to my family after an appropriate time, they liked him and he seemed to like them. Why would he just vanish. I’m so confused. The worst thing is he’s still on my BBM friends list, I wonder why hasn’t he deleted me yet or is he waiting for me to do it? I’m so confused, looking at our last chat he seemed very vague but I really didn’t see this coming. The last time we talked he said he was busy and I said ok. I assumed that seeing as he was the one that cut the conversation short due to whatever he was busy doing, he should be the one to call or text me when he was finished being busy. I didn’t contact him at all because the text felt rather cold. I really don’t think I did anything to upset him, I am not needy if anything I’m cautious because I’ve been hurt so badly before. I’ve just come to accept the fact that maybe love wasn’t meant for me. I’m not throwing a pity party its just the way my love life as always been. I’m at a point where even if he ever contact me. I’m just gonna let him know that being MIA for 2 weeks is not okay and I can’t be with someone that would do that to me especially after asking me to be exclusive. In the back of my mind I wonder should I just call him and find out what’s the matter, I will never move on if I don’t get closure, I’ll always wonder what did I do that was so bad. What do you guys think I should do? I know I don’t want him anymore but should I call him to find out why he’s stopped calling or texting me?

Reply July 2, 2012, 7:13 pm


I feel the same way about closure. If you feel that you need to confront the situation in order to move on then you should. I think you deserve an explanation. Don’t think of it as you did something wrong. That will just make you feel awful and will play games with your head. Trust me. I have been there. I would call. If he doesn’t answer and never calls back then remove him from your BBM and tell yourself that he is not worth it. It will be hard but you need to realize your self worth. Hope this helps

Reply July 7, 2012, 7:51 pm

Sweet Sherry

Hi Vanessa thank you for responding, the bastard contacted me the very next day after I first posted here. He was apologetic and full of excuses, apparently he had family issues and a bunch of stuff which I confirmed to be true. However that does not excuse his behavior and the fact that he was in a bad situation regarding lawsuits etc and he did not tell me shows that he does not trust me or feels he can confide in me. He has been working to win me back but I can’t help feeling that whenever something traumatic happens in his life he will run away again and pretty much forget I exist. He has moved into my neighborhood, 10 mins away from my house to show that he is committed to making things work and desperately wants me to give him a chance. He now has a 45 minute commute to get to work. I did not ask him to move into my neighborhood he did it all on his own, much to my surprise. He bought the airline tickets for the Caribbean getaway but I basically told him to return the tickets because I am not going away with him. I am not ready to be intimate with him at all and going away to a romantic Island with him will probably make him think that if he does his disappearing act again wooing me with gifts or whatever will make me take him back. There’s a part of me that’s telling me to just erase him from my life, but another part of me tells me to give him another chance because this is the first time he has done this and he has been working so hard for me to take him back he has moved to be closer to me. The pain I felt when he disappeared is still with me. The fact that he is back in my life did not make me forget, I am so torn.

Reply July 14, 2012, 10:50 am


This is exactly what happened to me. Although it was right after I introduced him to my dad, he “chickened out” and stopped communicating with me. And, what did I do about it?? Don’t hold it in girl!! Ask Ask Ask. It’s your right to get an explanation, you’re mature enough to settle a closure than just letting it go like this. What I did last May 1,2012 (ugh I hate how I still remember the dates!) was I called him and he didn’t answer, I texted him and he replied a very vague answer, as if he was really avoiding me, but I didn’t stop there. I annoyed him throughout the whole day. I showed him how it really upset me, but to some limits, I still have my dignity on. At the end of the day, he called me. HaHaHa. But then, just like you, I didn’t want him back anymore because of what he did, but that’s not really what I feel like doing. Everytime he texted me after that happen, I still ended up flirting with him a little. We communicated for 2 months after I asked for that explanation, I let him text first or do the first move because I know I already have my explanation and I’m ready to move on.
I think I just lost my point… Oh here it is! It’s been two weeks since this guy has stopped communicating with me and I don’t know if his done with me or the countdown is not over yet. The most important thing is that you have an explanation or some sort of closure to that certain issue you have and you can move on from there.
P.S. I told my family about what happened, and they didn’t like him anymore, they know what kind of guy he is and he’s not worth a single kleenex! Now, I’m really ready to move on because I know he’s a bad record to my dad now and I can’t bring him back to the house anymore.
And I want to point out how helpful Eric’s suggestion of “Self-fulling prophecy” is, It works! I just need to stick to it and realize that it’s not just me who’s had this kind of situation.

Wish you the best! :)

Reply July 16, 2012, 9:41 am


This guy is AMAZING. I was nodding my head the whole way through like “Oh my God… He’s actually RIGHT!” such a brilliant response that will help both guys and girls so much!

Reply June 26, 2012, 4:53 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks, I appreciate that – I’m glad you liked it.

Reply June 26, 2012, 11:29 pm


I’m so thankful that I found this, and thank you for setting the story straight! I’ve been obsessing these past two days. As expected, it’s gotten me nowhere except the bottom of a tissue box, which is ridiculous! It’s so silly that we invest so much into what every word of every text means, and that the number of minutes that has gone by determines his interest in you. Sure, it might… but also, it might not. I’ve never been lucky in this department of my life, and I know why. This article (and site) has allowed me to reclaim my sanity. Thank you :)

Reply June 20, 2012, 10:22 pm


i like pie and it taste so GOOD BABY

Reply June 19, 2012, 10:06 pm


I was tling to this guy for about a month or so and broke up wif him cuz wht I was told. About him such as how he would. Tlk to other girls b now I c how much I realy like. Him. So I texed him and he was realy sweet it almost seemed like we were thogether again he even textt me and asked me if he was going too c mee tonight. And we tlk till he got done geting ready and he told me he was coming so I texed him and. Asked if he still was coming and he ignored me its been two days and still haven’t texed me what should I do I want him bk

Reply June 19, 2012, 4:09 am


I met a guy through a mutual friend, We will call him #M.

I have also been in a relationship for over 3 years with a different guy(we will call #T), whom I met after meeting #M. Anyways, dated #T with no hiccups for 3 years. We were in the process of breaking up when I stumbled on #M again after all these years.

See #M and I always were attracted to each other, yet never acted upon those emotions. So Naturally seeing each other after years brought about a new burst of familiar emotion.
We have an obvious physical and sexual attraction and We could not keep our hands, eyes or minds off each other. We decided to start dating. This was May 5th, 2012, we have been dating for over a month now. We mutually agreed to not have sex until at least 90 days.
I have spent the night at his house and we have fooled around but no sex. Last weekend we had plans to hang out on Saturday and he stood me up. I saw him the next day and he swore he would make it up to me, he was so sorry and blah blah blah. Texts have been cut back dramatically and this weekend he didn’t call me at all. He texted me Sunday night and said “whats up baby??” WTH!! I have not talked to him since Friday night and I will not be calling him at all whatsoever. My question is WTF happened??

important points:
* told him him and my bf were broken up and that he was moving out at the end of the month
* we told each other that we would be 100% honest no matter what
* he voluntarily ran game on me and told me that I was the only one he was seeing

Reply June 18, 2012, 3:06 pm


Glad, i found this web page, i need your help, I met a guy online we talk/text we connected alot i felt he like me and i was getting to like him too, we never saw each other face to face however we saw each other pics after several weeks talking which everything was going okay , he just started to be distance not calling or texting after several days i asking if everything is okay he said he been really busy with work.. well i try several times to text he reply but really short so i stop… well yesterday i send him a text telling him that i see is not putting the same effort that he was really distance that i like him and i would like to move forward if he allow me, that i did not wanted to waste my time with somebody that was not into me that i hope he would understand.
well he text me back few hours later and told me he would like to meet and he understand the way i feel.
i reply would i hear from you more and would u stop been cool with me.
few hours later he respond: I thought abt wht you said and i been so busy lately i have my sons pretty much all this summer i think right now might not b the right time for a relationship. we can stay friends if u like…. and of course i say yes no problem…
I got so mad at my self and sad at the same time i really like this guy and think i loss my change with him so im not sure what to do HELP ME

Reply June 16, 2012, 1:47 am


if a guy tells you “i thought you weren’t interested in me anymore so thats why i stopped talking to you” does it means what it says or is just an excuse to get away for ignoring you?

Reply June 15, 2012, 2:18 am


You completely made me feel soo much better and thank you for making my day too :)
i finally understand so much more about the male species haha

Reply June 11, 2012, 8:21 pm


BTW…now he’s back in my head again…zeesh!
I didn’t need this…what should I do?

Reply June 10, 2012, 5:35 pm


I met this guy in Feb on a dating site…he said he went through lots of profiles and narrowed it down to two…he texted both of us, but the other girl evidently texted way too much and seemed needy from the get go…so he says…so he asked me out…we hit it off and had a good time, but old ghosts came knocking in the form of his ex-girlfriend…she laid a lot of drama on his plate, so he ended up backing off to deal with that…I had no problem with it because I certainly didn’t want any drama in my life…not from someone I just met…so I got him out of my head and went about my life…now it’s June and I occasionally check my inbox on the dating site…lo and behold there’s an email from this guy saying he lost my number and apologized for being so distant but the drama had been cleared up and he wanted me to call him again…he hadn’t rejoined but just added the profile to send me the email(there was no pic or personal info attached to the profile. In the subj line of email he told me who it was)… I thought about it and after a couple days called & left a msg with my number. I sent a text saying ‘Good to hear from you again…glad the drama is over’…he replied ‘Ty for the number. Really nice to hear from you. Will call you tomorrow’ … Well that was 5 days ago… What’s up with this guy? I left him alone…didn’t seek him out…had wiped him out my mind! Now he reappears saying he wants to call and talk and go out, but doesn’t ??? I’m ready to ignore him for good…

Reply June 10, 2012, 5:31 pm


Give him time let him do the work…

Reply June 16, 2012, 1:58 am


I met this guy, we talked for a little while and later that day he was all ready texting me. We have been texting back and forth for like a month now. Our talks did get a little deep and we got to the point where we trusted each other. I sometimes did have the feeling that he liked me because he asked me to the prom and said that he wanted to go for dinner with me and my friends. He also said he considered me very pretty and that i would make his days happier. But at the same time i don’t know if he likes me because he told me he really liked another girl and that he thinks about her every day. 2 days ago he just stopped texting me and I have no idea of what should I do? Is he expecting me to be the one to talk first or is he just not interested in me anymore? Also, does he like me or does he just want a friend to talk to?

PS: I dont like this guy, I am just really looking forward to his friendship because I recently lost my best guy friend and I feel I have a lot in common with this new friend.

Please help!! Im in a big depression!

Reply June 8, 2012, 7:00 pm


I would just move on. He already told you that he liked another girl. Even if it’s not that girl, there will be another that he has more of an interest in because if if was interested in you, his actions would show it. Sometimes people, men and women, enjoy talking to someone of the opposite sex because it makes them feel good/boosts their ego. He probably liked the attention. It’s human. Doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with him but my experience with guy “friends” is that if it’s the beginning of a friendship, the texting shouldn’t be so regular (just occasional) else it’ll seem like something more. Put yourself in the shoes of another girl who may be going out with him. Texting a girl who is “just a friend” everyday is something I wouldn’t put up with from a guy I’m dating. Again, you’ll find someone who thinks you’re ALL THAT. Best to you!

Reply June 9, 2012, 11:28 am


Wait, I just read that again. He said that you would make his days happier and yet he also told you that he likes some other girl and thinks about her everyday? Ugh, I appreciate the openness but you’re being sent mixed messages which you could A) ask him to clarify or B) leave it alone b/c, again, if he likes you, his actions will show it (not his words).

Reply June 9, 2012, 11:32 am


So I met this really cute guy at my friends party. He got my number from my friend and texted me a week later. We texted like 2 weeks. It was reallysweet. He called me once saying he was busy at a car wash and then another time to hang out at the mall but I didn’t hear my phone so…:p So now for the past 3 weeks we havent talked texted or anything. I mustve sent him like 3 texts during those times and he was like yea ive been really with school work and sports. But 3 weeks is a long time! Is he trying to be polite by meaning “leave me alone”? Or do you think he really is busy and he might posibly like me? I’m so confused and kind of upset:(

Reply May 31, 2012, 6:58 pm


Just pick up the phone and call him. Chat, get to know him. It seems like people have lost the ability to have a conversation and know what it’s like to sense the emotion from someone. You aren’t going to figure it out on text and you’re probably just going to annoy him or get ignored. Call and say “hi,” you’ll figure it out.

Reply June 9, 2012, 11:54 am


I worried that he was not into me after not hearing from him for 2 days. I understand this man perfectly. He is a player. He messages me at the end of the 2nd day with, “You broke up with me?” Geez guy I am not stupid. He obviously was busy with his other ladies and didn’t find what he was looking for and came to me (his back burner chick). I told him, “last time I checked you wasn’t mine to break up with!” I also told him that my grandma once told me that when a man stops doing the simple things that gained your affections he must be sharing those simple things with another. I went on with life. Although, he was on my mind the whole time. I will never tell him that. Tired of the games fellas. Next…..ready for something fresh and refreshing.

Reply May 31, 2012, 10:57 am


I really enjoyed reading this article because I just went through something similar to this recently and was left confused which is why I was doing some internet research. I met a guy at a friend’s party and he was flirting with me but never asked for my number so I figured he wasn’t really that into me. Well a couple days later I get a text from him because my friend had given him my number and we went out for happy hour (i believe this was a date because he paid) and then we went back to his place and watched a movie and fooled around a little bit before he took me home. He walked me to my door and kissed me good night and I told him I wasn’t much of a phone person but a texter so he said that he would text me or I could text him. The next couple days we texted each other quite a bit (not enough to be distracting or life consuming) but enough to know that we were interested in each other. This only lasted for a couple days and then all of a sudden our texts became very minimal to the point of no more texts. I refuse to sit around checking my phone constantly so I just carry on with my life as I always had (i’m pretty busy since I train for triathalons and I am part of a swim team). What i don’t understand is why go through all that trouble to get my number and take me on a date to only lose interest in me so quickly? Do most guys do this? I don’t date much because I am not good at playing this “game” that girls and guys play. any advice would be great!

Reply May 29, 2012, 9:54 pm


Eric, this article is refreshing to read as so many others just assume if he doesn’t call that you were played or insignificant to him. I still believe there are good men out there where that is not the case but just communicate differently. So…met a guy, hit it off great, he initiated most contact and he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship right away and I wasn’t either but did say that I’d like to keep the door open to it. I believe he is a stand-up guy and mature. After a great night he asked me out for the following weekend and I told him I wasn’t sure yet as I might have plans. The next day I texted that I would like to see him and he made other plans thinking I would be gone. He hasn’t texted me back but has responded to mine, but being very short (which is unusual). I am going to give him space for a week but my question is after that week is there any reason to keep waiting? I don’t want to move on with someone else prematurely. Thanks!

Reply May 26, 2012, 12:34 am


Coming from a guys perspective, if a guy is SUPER into you he’ll get a hold of you…. if its gone more than 2-3 days, chances are he’s not into you. It’s also nice to hear from a girl you like as well, something short and sweet.. girls you aren’t the only ones who have feelings ya know.

Reply May 25, 2012, 9:41 am


Yes, but what happens when he calls every week? I mean ONCE A WEEK!, he doesn’t even call! just texts…that’s making me crazy!

Reply May 25, 2012, 11:11 am


Ok so from a guy’s perspective – is there anything a girl can do if she scared him off…actually probably told him she liked too soon. Two great dates…no reason not to expect another one…but at the end of the date I made the mistake of telling him I like him. Then I received Text silence…so I would text him..would get responses…then felt like I was chasing. So it has been two weeks.

Reply May 25, 2012, 2:08 pm


I just can say ALL GUYS are SO DIFFERENT! everyone likes different things and you can’t know what’s on their minds, I said the one I was dating I liked him on 3rd date haha…look, if he’s for you he will come back, if not, leave him…I will never contact him again, I’ve done silly things but he too…so don’t worry too much, there are SO MANY GUYS out there! I’m happy now waiting for the next one, but I’ll try to be smart, because I’d scare away the last one by texting no big deal, I’m dying inside but nothing I can do now. He started treating me as a friend. SAD! I KNOW! But it was my fault too…

Reply May 25, 2012, 3:50 pm


I wish he was at least treating me as a friend :(

Reply June 14, 2012, 6:10 am


CAN I GET AN AMEN! This article is great!

Reply May 22, 2012, 6:20 pm


Also I notice if i dont send my intitial good mornin babe text by 11am…He is calling saying whats goin on how come you havnt texted me…I been waiting lol. Which was a huge relief. I was waiting on him to text 1st that time. Let him come to you. He will wonder were you are ;) Its good to put a little space in between you and him. So he can miss you and then when he finally calls or comes to you welcome him with open arms.

Reply May 15, 2012, 5:29 pm


I completly agree. this happens all the time. Best advice i have found on the internet so far reguarding this issue. thanks :)

Reply May 15, 2012, 5:21 pm


I completly agree with the last responder to this artcile as I often worry way too much over everything as well. This article was a huge help, and I’m feeling more confident about my situation. The only problem I have is that we go to seperate schools and live 15min away from one another, so that obviously makes me more pair-annoyed… But after reading this, I feel pretty good about the situation. Whenever we are with our group of friends, we mix with everyone yet still have some fun between us and flirt, so I think I need to stop worrying about it as much as I have been. Thank you so much for this response, it has really helped me and I feel much better! and on the plus side, summer is just around the corner which makes everything better… haha, Thanks so much!

Reply May 14, 2012, 11:28 pm


I just want to thank you so much. I’m definitely a natural worrier and insecure to boot so when the guy I like stopped texting as much, I just automatically assumed that he had gone off me. Friends can only do so much reassuring but your article really opened my eyes, it makes perfect sense and I wish I had known about it sooner. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I even feel more confident about the situation. I really like this guy and I’m sure he likes me too (Why wouldn’t he? Hehe) so I’m gonna relax and just let it progress naturally instead of feeling uptight all the time. So thank you again for your words as you have pretty much changed my view on my situation.

Reply May 14, 2012, 2:37 pm


just looking for feedback on texting situation as wrecking my head….now I have only just met this lad, we talked on phone for weeks before we met and got on fabulous when we did meet….really on same wavelength so were defo into each other….but all this week I have had to send the initial text, just general chit chat when I get a minute @ work (he also @ work),…..he does reply maybe withing the hour but just an answer…never a question for me so hard for me to reply, like pulling teeth!!lol
now the thing is we both said how we hated when people weren’t up front and just say “I’m just not that into you”….so if he not into me should I just say it for him????
now, we aint kids, both in our 30’s and I ain’t up for playing mind games!!!

Reply May 4, 2012, 7:47 am


Leave him alone. Carry on with your own life. If he wants you, he’ll look for you.

Reply May 3, 2012, 1:13 pm


So how long do you wait for him to text you when you are being ‘unreactive’? Before you text him…

Reply May 3, 2012, 12:45 pm


I usually text a few times a day, or once every few days if things are busy. He does ‘look for me’, but now and then. I think he’s just playing an inane little game, which is quite annoying.

Reply May 3, 2012, 2:55 pm


I’ve been ‘casually’ seeing this man for a few months, I’ve been on weekends with him etc and he used to text first sometimes. But recently I’ve been texting him first pretty much 100% of the time. I actually asked him about it, and he just said it was because he’s busy etc. After that he did text first a few times, and asked me out. Is it possible that he’s just not the type to text first? He always texts back, and most of the time it’s within an hour, or seveal hours. I’m not the kind of young woman who cares about the whole ‘men should do the chasing’ thing. That’s rubbish. I just want to know if he’s getting bored of me or not.

Reply May 1, 2012, 7:02 pm


I’m in the same situation now. Just curious how it’s going and if things have been better for you

Reply May 26, 2012, 12:03 am


I do that, but it all turned into something weird, now he’s been treating like a friend…I might not text him anymore…

Reply May 26, 2012, 12:35 am


Psychologists say it takes several months for people to show their true personality. Maybe the initial texting first habit from him was his way to impress/show interest but now that it’s been established, he’s let his guard down and he’s showing you his lazier side. You could accept it or you could let him know that hearing from him first sometimes makes you feel loved/feel good or that you love it when you get a text from him. Otherwise, you’ll know if he’s bored by your face-to-face interactions. Don’t judge a relationship merely by texting habits.

Reply June 9, 2012, 11:43 am


Ii totally understand & agree with what fannygrass is saying. Although if i were nasty to my fiance when he returned. I would never know why/what happened. We had an akward falling out 1 week before his best friend died tragically & i was the last person he wanted to talk to. (I had said some things i didn’t mean).

every situation is different. Just go with your gut. Don’t go crazy for a guy. Carry on with your life. If it’s meant to be it will happen. You’ll find out in due time. Don’t wait. Enjoy your life. It will be great with or without the man you worry about but, only if you allow it.

Reply May 1, 2012, 6:18 pm


Yes, we should do what our gut says and I really liked your story, I’d read it, it was really interesting.
I still believe in love so I will keep waiting until the right one comes to me…I’ve been doing all the work and I feel really stupid now…so I will wait for him to text me, and if he doesn’t I know what he was only looking for, and he didn’t got it anyway, lol…

Wish your story could happen to me too :)

Reply May 1, 2012, 7:19 pm

Franny Glass

I’m sorry, but I can’t get behind this advice… And some of these responses are shocking, as well… Being kind to a man that disappeared on you for TWO MONTHS?! Sorry, I’m not so desperate to be married/in a relationship that I’ll stick around for that. I understand the concept of never reacting/being emotionally sound, but what happened to the concept of common courtesy?

It takes all of ten seconds to send a text message saying, ‘Busy’ or ‘At work.’ An extra ten to say, ‘Hey, I might not be able to text for awhile, why don’t we meet up?’ if you’re still interested but don’t have the time to text all day, or a nice ‘Hope you have a good day,’ in the morning (and morning texts don’t even REQUIRE a response). When did it become okay to just leave people hanging? And, better yet, when did it become YOUR fault for being concerned that a person left you hanging? If you like somebody, it shouldn’t be a chore to speak to them.

Reply May 1, 2012, 6:00 pm


THANK YOU!!!! I thought I was alone here. What happened to common dog on courtesy.

Reply May 5, 2012, 8:25 pm


SERIOUSLY! Thank you Franny Glass for the clarification. Its called common courtesy.

Reply May 7, 2012, 3:26 am


thank you and amen

Reply August 20, 2014, 1:07 pm


OMG thank you sooo much for this article! It’s like this article was written for me. This makes me feel so much better and puts a smile on my face :) That totally makes sense about how it’s not sustainable and a p.i.a. for him. Thank you again!!!

Reply April 30, 2012, 10:53 pm


My boyfriend broke up with me in march but, he said he wanted to gain back my trust so we stayed friends. After awhile he got of us talking he started flirting with me and i flirted back, a couple days later his friend texted me and he found out and asked me a bunch of questions about it. He started getting super jealous for some reason and would talk about me n him but, just recently he has been ignoring me alot and i dont know why personaly. So im wondering what would be going through his mind or his feelings about me and why he is ignoring me?

Reply April 30, 2012, 9:17 pm


He’s angry. I’ve dated guys like this. Sometimes men don’t know how to express their emotions, especially when they are the territorial/jealous type. If he has to gain back your trust, that’s a red flag right there. Why did he lose your trust? If he was trying to gain it back and then he hears that his friend is texting you, maybe it was the straw that broke the camel’s back for him? Not all guys can handle women who have male friends.No one can tell you what is in his mind or what his feelings are – you have to ask him yourself.

Reply June 9, 2012, 11:49 am


I’ve been dating this guy for over three weeks now and the last two days his text messages significantly dropped. Today, I haven’t heard from him and the day is almost over. He always had initiated the texts and calls and I am unsure if I should text or call him. Help.

Reply April 28, 2012, 9:15 pm


If he always starts everything is ok if you start texting sometimes…so he can see you’re interested too, just don’t go crazy but they like it when you do something for them too, if he doesn’t reply then there is your answer, he’s not into you anymore!

Reply April 30, 2012, 5:08 am


I had my man vanish on me too. I did the whole freakout. Going to his house, leaving gifts, sending letter….the works. Nothing worked. I changed my thinking, started doing things that made me happy. Nearly 2 months later, he showed up. I was nice to him, we didn’t talk about what happened until it felt right. Anyway, we’re getting married. My point is, don’t freakout.

Put positive energy out and you’ll get it in return. If you believe it’s done, it is. If you believeit will work out, it wil. You have to truely believe it whole heartedly and the alignment will happen. Don’t put your life on hold.enjoy yourself, love yourself, be happy. It’s easier than you think.

Just stay optimistic, busy yourself and you will be surprised. Also, when you reinite, you’ll have great things to talk about.I’m a better woman now than when my man and i first met. I love myself now & therefore I’m lovable.

Reply April 28, 2012, 10:25 am


I like this reply. This guy I have seen, unfortunately only casually, had been ignoring my texts now when I ask if he would like to get together. He used to reply a few days later at times, now not at all. If I send a follow up, lately he isn’t available. In my mind he is just really busy, he lives an hour and a half away, so that makes it hard. I am going to try to remain positive, and try to keep the positive energy. My intuition told me that May will work out better for seeing him, so I am hoping that is for real. With the work he is doing, things slow down, maybe even wind down soon. I don’t want to freak out, because that is my reaction. I want to ask if he is mad or if I have done something, but don’t think it will help, as my intuition just says May will be better.

Reply April 28, 2012, 2:02 pm


Great inspiring story! Thanks for sharing! We need all the encouragement we can get!

Reply May 25, 2012, 11:55 pm


Aww yes! I want this to happen to me! :(

Reply May 26, 2012, 12:40 am


Hey, Thanks I really need this one right now. I NEED AN ECOURAGAMENT.

Reply January 6, 2015, 2:04 am


Please help here – this is a lil complicated, but i will summarize
met dude – had great time – he asked for my number n i gave it – and he txt me for the next four days in a row, then slacked off, no biggie – i know he works crazy hours, but when he slacked too much and still hasnt tried to ask me out ( a month later ) i just straight asked him to be honest and let me know if he was really interested cause i appreciate that more and i admit bein confused. so he replies that hes down to chill with me just busy with work. ok, that was an avoided answer so i figure he isnt sure if hes interested. fine. but he still hasnt tried to make time to see me again yet. soooo…. do you think he is interested or not? i dont wait and be the backburner girl, but i cant “date”. i only like tryin to see one person at a time so if i drop him thats it. What should i do?

Reply April 28, 2012, 7:30 am


just followin up for those that read this stuff – he was just tryin to figure out what my worth to him was, and he took his sweet time (far as im concerned) figuring it out, but we did meet up again and now we’re exclusively seein only each other n i could not be happier!!! He is the diamond in the rough, and im just so glad i was patient with this despite my over-thinking.
Maybe ladies just be a lil patient and you’ll see good things can happen

Reply May 25, 2012, 3:46 pm


WOW! You are so lucky!! :( I scared him away…maybe he’s not coming back, i am so sure.

Reply May 25, 2012, 3:53 pm


That’s awesome to hear that it paid off to give him space! I’m in a similar predicament now where met guy, went on dates and I don’t get the impression he’s anything but a stand-up kinda guy but now the last 5 days he hasn’t sent any texts but will respond to mine with short replies. He says he’s just been busy and it’s nice to hear that it might actually be the truth!! Just out of curiosity….How long did your man take to finally figure things out?

Reply May 25, 2012, 11:47 pm


So – i think this is the best response i can offer. Just my opinion but i think its part of a personal growth moment in our lives, when we get that intense surge and our brains go “aww” and it all gets fuzzy cause someone comes along that seems to -just fit- and its awesome. But then what immediately follows is the -oh no, can it last, does he reciprocate, did i do something wrong- blah, blah, — bad negative thoughts when he takes a few days away from txting or seems to not meet up.
Solution – first, stop the negative thinking, im telling u it effects the outcome of, well, everything in your life. Second, i dont know about you – but i like me, and i enjoy my life and friends and i dont want to lose that to a potential partner — this is the big one, cause neither do men. So you should create the same balance in the beginning as you would have in the middle of any partnership. Time together, time apart – even from txts n calls sometimes. And i know thats difficult in the beginning when you just want them around, especially for assurance that it could be going somewhere.
If your initiating then stop and let him, and if he wants to be with you he will contact you, id say within a week, and if not then yes- do txt/call him whatever. Try for it if you think he’s worth it, but give him a chance to chase you first — and never assume, you dont know whats goin on in his life, maybe he just needs a moment to clear some space for you so when you are in contact just relax and give him the best you
If its meant to be it will work out

Reply May 26, 2012, 11:28 am


One thing I’ve learned about men is that they will avoid as much as possible being “straight with a woman” they would much rather do anything to avoid anything uncomfortable. In this case he’s definitely putting you on the back burner…another thing they will do is not be directly honest so they can keep their options open in case they are lonely, or whatever. Please forget about this guy…if he comes forward later then great but let him come to you. We women let these guys waste our time by keeping us dangling. Never let them be that comfortable with us…make them step up to the plate. Sorry I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear but we need to value ourselves more and stop their bad behaviour but not letting them continually get away with this. If all women stopped putting up with guys crappy behaviour maybe they might change.

Reply June 1, 2015, 1:27 am


i love this guy and his loccer is right next to mine and he talks to me all the time and he just broke up with his girlfriend so idk what to say or do I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH lol what should i do?

Reply April 25, 2012, 10:45 pm


i really like this guy but i feel like he gets turned off by everything i say, alot of people are telling me he texts every now on then so you wont turn him in ,because the thing is we work at this place that we are not allowed to date co-workers so we started to text and we met once and he kissed me and everything was going good until one day i told him you know i just want you to know that if your looking for sex and only sex that’s not me, because he was texting about some R rated stuff like real sexual and i wanted to tell him where i stand before i get hurt later on and also i asked him if he was actually interested in me? so he said your acting like we’re dating after such a short time but that’s not what i meant , and he said he was turned off by that later on ever since the texting slowed down but he texts me one day and when i respond he responds back or sometimes doesn’t and than dissapears for another week , that why people are telling me that hes just doing this now because hes afraid ill turn him in because hes kind of my boss and if i say something he can get fired so is that’s whats going on ? and is there a way i can get him back? i really like him and i feel so stupid after answering his text cuz he doesn’t answer and dissapears till 5 days later and says i told you im busy but he doesn’t even set a day to go out either i need your help!!

Reply April 23, 2012, 10:30 pm


He replied to me so cold a text message that I feel so sad, it was my fault because I was too stupid the last time I saw him, I was teasing too much and he didn’t like it, I made stupid comments and things, so it’s over, the thing I don’t understand why did he reply…he just did it to be polite…I just want to cry

Reply April 22, 2012, 5:35 pm


He replied because he wanted to get back at you. When you tease someone, you assert a card of dominance and, even though your intentions may have been good and all might have been said in jest, you’re putting the other person down on some level; you forced him into a place of submission. A more passive person would simply have ignored your text message (which can be very cold and painful, too!), but the steely reply he sent you was one backed by rage. He wasn’t being polite.

You might find it more helpful to consider why you were teasing him. Sure, on the surface it’s fun and playful, but it’s indicative of something more deeply psychological. Do you like the power of it? Does it help to check your insecurity?

Hope that gives you some insight!

Reply April 23, 2012, 2:11 pm


Well…you are so right! HE REPLIED!!!!
You are amazing! THANKS FOR REPLYING ME!!

Reply April 24, 2012, 12:43 pm


Thanks for this post! It’s so true. I’m a girl, but I HATE texting; it feels so impersonal to me. I strongly believe that any budding relationship needs a good dose of face-to-face time. If someone texts me for five days and in all that time we never make plans to meet up, I don’t care how cute he was initially, I’m going to get BORED.

My advice to guys and girls in this sitch: find a way to hang out with them soon.

Reply April 19, 2012, 8:53 am


I’ve been having a hard time with this myself…although my situation is a bit different. f

I was seeing someone for awhile and we would talk via text almost every day, when we wouldn’t talk I would freak out and assume I did something wrong, he was over me, or whatever. It’s silly thinking, but it’s what I jumped too every time.

Now he moved away and I realize that things are different, we won’t talk every day…we aren’t even in a relationship…so it’s still hard when I don’t get a response or some sort of communication daily because I’m so used to it. I know he likes me, it is just harder when he’s so far away…I start to doubt myself completely if we don’t talk. I do try and keep myself busy and enjoy my life here, but it’s hard when my mind keeps being drawn back into the situation.

What do you suggest I do about this thinking? Assume that he really likes me, but we can’t be together so that’s why we aren’t going to talk as often?

I need advice badly.

Reply April 18, 2012, 9:31 am

Laila Delilah

Hi Liz.
Your situation is same as mine. And what I’m thinking right now is move on but I think I still will reply him if he text me, because I know waiting for a reply ain’t feel good. Of course I have a hope that he would back to me, but maybe without him I would feel much better.

Reply April 18, 2012, 11:29 pm


I really enjoyed this article! I can agree to 100% of what you said. The reason why I was doing a search on this subject was to honestly get some validation! I recently have got into the online-dating field, as a woman it’s not a problem meeting someone, just the right one – and honestly that’s not even a problem, I’m just interested in meeting new people, I enjoy my own life, passions, etc… Anyways, I was so annoyed because I have only met 1 person in person so far, only been on the site for about 2 weeks. The first man I spoke with on the phone (didn’t meet in person yet) we hit it off on the phone on the first call and spent about 2 hours talking) he said he would call in 2 days or so, I said fine take your time, whenever – he goes I’ll give you a call tomorrow, even just to say Hi, I said okay. So he calls and I admit probably expectations to have just as good of a conversation-combined with probably just staying on the phone for shits sake, kind of made me realize it was getting to be too much too soon. He said that he would contact me within the next couple of days. So, what does he do. The very next day he text me “Hey stranger, on a hot date?” (THE FUNNY THING I WAS!) I didn’t respond, and he responded back again that I guess I didn’t find it funny and wished me a goodnight. The very next day I get another text asking if I wanted to meet up later that evening. I responded and said that I was busy but maybe next week, then text back saying that maybe we can meet up tomorrow early evening. He responded back with “Call me to discuss” – I text him and said I was out of commission for the rest of the day (meaning I had other plans but I’ll call him the next day) – he then got all paranoid I didn’t like him and I was blowing him off, etc… and he got the “vibe” when I didn’t respond to his text. Meanwhile, I think after only two telephone conversations it was too premature and personal. So, long story short he turned me off, I don’t think I can meet him! I mean, your right, he is being selfish… and kinda weird…because we didn’t even meet, we aren’t girlfriend or boyfriend… and already is kind of clingy.

Reply April 13, 2012, 3:47 pm


Hi Gina! It’s nice to hear this story from a female for a change and to remember that, for the most part, it’s human nature to want some mystery and intrigue with someone and it’s not just a “man thing”.

Reply May 25, 2012, 11:33 pm


So i’ve been seeing this guy for 6 months, and we’ve talked almost every day back and forth. he just recently stopped texting me. I’ve been starting the conversations, and he is taking forever to reply. Recently he hasn’t been replying at all. Am I doing something? He’s been ignoring me lately with the occasional hug and chat, but mostly is with his friends. I’m not sure what is wrong.

Reply April 5, 2012, 5:35 pm


this article is really really nice and helpful….
its sooooo damn true….
thanx a lot….

Reply April 5, 2012, 2:01 am


Okay, how about this…I have been talking to this guy for about a week, and we have hit it off pretty well, we would text a lot, and Skype at night, to which he would play his guitar and just make me feel very special… I went to his house 2 days ago, and he was hugging me before I even got out of the car. We went into his house, and his arm was around me as soon as I sat down… We listened to music he kissed me a couple times, but then I had to leave. We were on the phone the whole time I was driving… Then we texted, and got back on skype that night. Then yesterday we texted a little, but I have not heard anything from him in now 24 hours…I am trying not to be all obsessive, so I’m not texting him, I texted him a couple times yesterday just talking about work , no response…So I have paranoia problems, and I am worrying that he has lost interest in me, or he is injured or something, I don’t know what to do…Please help

Reply April 4, 2012, 11:12 am


So, ERIC, help me with this question; if you give me your number and I text you–will you text back?

Reply April 3, 2012, 8:03 pm


One more thing to add: I know that its hard to ignore the fact that he doesnt call or text but remember this: It is what it is and it aint what it aint. If he wants you he will call. He knows how to find you, he has all the contact information you need. There is no amount of “busy” that will keep him away either. You never should question whether or not a guy likes you because he will make it known. TRUST ME

Reply March 29, 2012, 11:13 pm


i gotta say it again – a-MEN. does NOT get much simpler than this

Reply August 20, 2014, 1:16 pm


Hey eric hi!

i really need a help on this one..
this whole thing is happening with me the guy just lost interest after like 2 weeks of texting… now each time i have to initiate the conversation…
But recently he told me that he just broke up with someone and he is lost( i didnt even knew he had a girlfriend)… how to deal with him i have no idea please help…

Reply March 29, 2012, 4:32 am


very stupid article… the guy was just excited by the chase now that u r desperate after him he doesn’t find u interesting anymore. Just get away from him , ignore him , make him call u/text u . pretend to be busy , don’t reveal your feelings so fast nd so intense that makes the man think that ”he got you” and i m not saying to ignore him completely nd avoid noooo answer him show love but don’t show yourself that ”available” hope it helps because this guy’s advice who wrote the article doesn’t make sense

Reply March 29, 2012, 12:09 am


Maybe you just aren’t that smart. Eric Charles is amazing! If you don’t like his stuff, it’s probably because you are stupid and can’t read or write.

Reply March 29, 2012, 11:02 am


No i don’t like it…i can’t like something that sounds so stupid.I don’t know what experience he has , how many relationships he has been in .Anyway is my opinion if he doesn’t like it he can delete it but don’t call me stupid u don’t know me idiot !
And it looks like the ignorant is you if you can’t accept a different opinion , u expect everyone to like what u like? You are ridiculous !

Reply March 29, 2012, 1:47 pm


Elena, you can’t write. You can’t clearly speak your thoughts. You sound like a child, whining and pouting and calling everything stupid. Everyone reading your comments realizes that you are probably not that intelligent or successful at anything in life. It’s not the article, it’s you.

Reply March 29, 2012, 5:24 pm


Is because english is my 4th language so is not that easy for me to express myself in english …nd read what u wrote is you who called me stupid, is you who insulted first i just answered your insult .I think i have right to an opinion , i don’t need to justify myself to you You don’t know where am i from, my age or my occupation so stop assuming things and insulting me if u really want prove you are better then me but i guess you can’t prove it because you already showed your education and your character when u insulted me first .Anyway success , english can be learned at any age but education, respect, class , manners is too late after a certain age. Now please stop replying me i m not interested in talking to people from your level .

March 29, 2012, 5:32 pm


Yea Elena! Your totally right. Karen, like really go to youtube if you want to insult people’s comments, it seems that’s all they do there.

Reply May 7, 2012, 3:38 am


I’m in a little bit of a bind and I need ( well, maybe not need but — I would like… ) a guy’s opinion on the situation.
I started talking to this guy that I met at my job. We hit it off pretty great. A lot in common, great conversation, similar personalities. We would text all of the time. We make plans to see each other, an official first date and he cancels because he has to work, which I understand. So, I go over the next night to his place to hang out and watch a movie. It goes great! We laugh, kiss, get all cute and cuddly… It was like we just fit. We end up fooling around and then I have to go.
The next day I get a text from him that I bruised his, you know… After apologizing like crazy, the conversation just died. I felt mortified and embarrassed. I really like this guy and I feel like I completely messed up. The next day I text him and ask when I can see him again and he says he’s not sure. I was completely honest and told him that I like him but, if that was how he felt that I understood. He apologized and said he has two jobs and his schedule was crazy and I replied with a simple ” I understand “. I mean, I get it. We’re both adults and we have lives and jobs…
Now, it’s been 4 days since I talked to him and I’m kinda starting to think that maybe I did something wrong. Or maybe he’s just not interested… Which would kinda suck, he’s a pretty great guy and I think he needs a pretty great girl like me. ( not to sound full of myself )

Reply March 25, 2012, 7:23 pm


Glad things are working out for you. Good luck and thanks for the post. I’m kind of going through the same thing. It’s good feeling and fun. :):) wish I could contact you to to know how things are working out for you..

Reply March 25, 2012, 12:28 am


This article was very insightful and I enjoyed reading it. I am actually going through a similar situation in which a guy and I are in a long distance dating situation and we were at one point texting all the time, calling, and skyping. Recently (within the past week and a half) he has is trying to get a promotion and the calls and texts were less frequent. I still get a good morning and he checks on me throughout the day but we do not converse all day. I started to freak out and I took a step back to think… maybe he is busy. So I move on with my life. I have two jobs and I am in school so there is plenty for me to do outside of him. Well today I get a text that says “hey I really want to see you” and now we are making plans to meet up for the first time. It pays to just not worry about it because guys get freaked out easily. I also find that whenever things are progressing a guy will take a step back to regain control. It may feel like he is shutting down but he is really just figuring out his feelings. Its best to relax and let things flow. What do you think?

Reply March 24, 2012, 1:21 am


Hi Ash, thank u for sharing ur thoughts. I find them very calming and it does remind the test of us less levelheaded people not to panic. I am also in a r’ship with a man qho blows hot and cold. Especially after we had spent time being close and he had been very affectionate. Maybe its partly because I am a needy person and I need a lot of time and attention. Very juvenile I know, i try to rein it in but its uphill all the way. Anyway, all the best to everyone. Let’s pray hard for each other to find the happiness that we deserve.

Reply April 29, 2012, 3:51 am


I completely agree with you saying that guys freak out easily and whenever things are progressing that a guy will take a step back to regain control. It pays to let him figure out what he’s feeling and hopefully absence will make the heart grow fonder. It really sucks not knowing what’s going to happen but it’s better than regretting things we did in a temporary period of weakness.

Reply May 25, 2012, 10:54 pm


I’m 30 and she is 45…We met at the bar, talked for couple of hours and exchange numbers. I texted her and she would reply back after taking forever. Finally I asked her out and we went out on date, then met for lunch the next day. Then I was out for work for like 10 days, when I came back we met again for dinner. All this time we’ve been texting back and forth. Almost everyday I texted her Good Morning and she would reply back but I’m getting the feeling that maybe she is ignoring me? Shoudl I stop bugging her? I really like her and its been about a month since we met. She’s been telling me she enjoy spending time with me and all but it’s bothers me when she doesn’t initiate text etc. Is she just busy or is it me having issues and just let it go?

Reply March 23, 2012, 6:35 am

Eric Charles

OK… the biggest enemy here is yourself and your fixation on her.
Neither you nor I can read her mind… but I can guarantee that if you fixate on her, it will make you nuts… and lead to you becoming afraid she’s not into you… and then you’ll start to take on bad behaviors that WILL repel her, such as:
Psychologically “crowding” her
Constantly fishing for reassurance that she likes you
Attempting to flatter her or win her affection (chasing the relationship)
And on and on.
Your best bet is to assume she likes you and give her the space to reach for more of you. If you make her into more than she is (just a woman), then you’ll add so much pressure to the situation that you’re fears will sabotage everything.
Just relax.
I did have a girl who was standoffish with text messages and communication in general. Turned out she was still working things out with her ex-boyfriend (and probably seeing other guys too).
It happens… I have no hard feelings toward that girl – she didn’t make any commitments to me and all is fair. But if I had fixated on her or made it about me, I would have driven myself nuts.
Sometimes people aren’t in the position to have a full-fledged relationship with you. But if you can be cool about it and occupy your life with other fulfilling things, you’ll be able to give them enough space to come around and reach for you when they’re ready.
Remember: It’s not about you…

Reply March 23, 2012, 6:26 pm


Thanks ….kind of makes me feel better after reading your reply.

Just last questions about the texting her in the morning. Should I stop doing that? I do know this much that she is quite busy with her work/kids but she does text and will usually tell me whats going on. I agree it is just me, thinking too much about it. BTW she texted a few times today..:):) feels good..

Reply March 24, 2012, 12:22 am


Glad, i found this web page, i need your help, I met a guy online we talk/text we connected alot i felt he like me and i was getting to like him too, we never saw each other face to face however we saw each other pics after several weeks talking which everything was going okay , he just started to be distance not calling or texting after several days i asking if everything is okay he said he been really busy with work.. well i try several times to text he reply but really short so i stop… well yesterday i send him a text telling him that i see is not putting the same effort that he was really distance that i like him and i would like to move forward if he allow me, that i did not wanted to waste my time with somebody that was not into me that i hope he would understand.
well he text me back few hours later and told me he would like to meet and he understand the way i feel.
i reply would i hear from you more and would u stop been cool with me.
few hours later he respond: I thought abt wht you said and i been so busy lately i have my sons pretty much all this summer i think right now might not b the right time for a relationship. we can stay friends if u like…. and of course i say yes no problem…
I got so mad at my self and sad at the same time i really like this guy and think i loss my change with him so im not sure what to do HELP ME

Reply June 16, 2012, 1:39 am


I knew a guy in high school and we had a class together and would chat in that class and had fun. Then two years out if high school we caught up on Facebook chatting back and forth every now and then. Then he asked for my number and I gave it to him and he would say that he thought I was pretty and cool and so on. He would text me in the morning saying “good morning!” and I would reply then at the end of the day he would ask me how my day was and we would chat back and forth all day for about 2 weeks then all the sudden he stopped texting me. It’s been about a week since he has text and I have just assumed he lost interest because the last text I sent he said nothing and I don’t bug guys cause I don’t like it when a guy bugs me sooo that’s my story and I don’t understand it but o well I guess. Move on right?

Reply March 21, 2012, 3:08 am


i do that. but what if i am really mad at him. like if i calmly say pay me what you borrowed! if i tell him to it calmly he will just think that it’s ok not to pay me back. but if i insist and show him im mad he will pay me asap! i think it depends on the situation

Reply March 20, 2012, 1:45 am


Hi Eric,
I was dating this guy who is 23 and I am 33. The age thing and the fact that I am divorced w ith a childbothered ne more than him. From the moment we met we had this great connection and although we only went out for a couple of weeks we talked every night and saw each other quite shit. He was the one that initiated all calls and was also very affectionate. I responded to his affection, but may have been somewhat guarded because I felt myself falling for him very quickly. Suddenly, out if the blue he didn’t call me for a couple of days so I texted him and he responded, but never to my last text and hasn’t called or texted in a week. I sent him a text a couple of days ago telling him “I guess I’ve got tthe hint th at things didn’t work out between us and while I am disappointed I wish him the best.” He never responded and I wish I hadn’t sent that because I really liked this guy and don’t like not knowing what happened…sorry for the mistypes, my phone isn’t letting me fix them.

Reply March 19, 2012, 1:03 am

Laila Delilah

HI Eric. I am from Malaysia, 22y.o, and he is 32y.o.
I been dated with this guy for several times and went for honeymoon last month. He was really caring when I was at his place, we just met for past 2weeks. (but not yet to official relationship)
Before that, we did a lot of constantly texting, day and night.
this recent, he suddenly didn’t reply my messages or even answer my calls. HE even up something on Facebook, but he never look for me look, this is so unusual. I know he is there, he just ignore me. I don’t know what going on.
besides, I know that he is having his problem, and i told him “I am sorry that I couldn’t help, but u can talk to me about anything.”
And yet he still haven’t reply me, that really upset and mad. Thus, I removed him from Facebook. (I think he don’t even notice about that).
I emailed him to ask for a reason, but get ignored.
Tell me why he behave in such way.
I just need a reason. If this is normally happen, I would wait for his replied, if not, I want to move on. I will be having my final exam so soon, but this really distract my concentration. :'(

Reply March 17, 2012, 9:35 pm


Hi Eric,

Great article, I think it’s refreshing that your articles focus on how to deal with the situation as opposed to just saying “He’s just not that into you!”

I do have one tiny question and I hope you’ll answer it. If you’re dating a lazy texter ( only texts to make plans, not really anything flirty or random) who admits to being lazy about it, should the girl just go ahead and text him? It’s been 5 days since I’ve heard from the guy I’ve been dating for 6 weeks, and he was always bad at texting back quickly or initiating texts, but I have good reason to think that he does like me and isn’t just playing me.

Is it ok to text him and start the conversation again? Or do you think he will eventually come to me if I just let it be? I know if I ask my girl friends they would all say “DON’T text him, let him come to you” but I’m just not sure! HELP!

Reply March 14, 2012, 11:54 pm


I don’t understand. Honestly, if the girl and guy were busy, they should care about each other well enough. When I dated a girl, I texted her when I had free time, but I didn’t look at it like a “chore” or something “I had to put effort in”, I looked at it as a “hey I really care about you, and I have free time, tell me about your day.” To me, when a guy feels that texting his girlfriend seems like a responsibility, then he doesn’t care about her.

Reply March 14, 2012, 2:26 pm


Exactly!!!! I was really confused at first because yes I understand people are busy but if he cared he would find it in his down time to talk to someone he really cared about even if it was through text. I personally would not want to talk to someone who found it annoying when they had to text a girl because they dont like texting. If he cared he would be excited to see that there is a text from a girl he likes!

Reply March 21, 2012, 2:39 am


Knew this guy officially for about a week and we had been texting alot during that week. We went on a date and I could tell he genuinly had as much as fun as I did and he told me this more than once and spoke about other activities we should also do, as well as how awesome he thinks I am. The following week he doesnt even text me first at all and when I texted him he replies for a while but just stops after a while and I know for a fact he isnt busy. Help anyone?

Reply March 9, 2012, 2:15 am


Hi Eric. I could use a little advise/input. I met a guy on a dating site and we seemed to really hit it off. Before I met him I rarely if ever texted but after I sent him the first text saying a simple good morning and have a great day, things quickly escalated to texting almost constantly throughout the day. We met in person several times and everything went really well. There was every indication that he was very interested in me. Throughout the two months of our getting to know each other, there was never any indication that he wasn’t interested. In fact, during our texts back and forth he would mention almost every day that I was the best and that he was quite happy with how things were going. In person he was very attentive, would put his arm around me or rest his hand on my back. Then one day last weekend, when I texted him good morning he sent a friendly good morning etc. back. I told him that he seemed busy so I would let him go and talk to him later but a part of a previous text (a joke about him buying dinner which he thought was funny at the time) mistakenly got pasted into the message. I apologized for the mistake, explained what happened and I haven’t heard from him since. I’m left wondering if he’s given up entirely because of the text mistake or if he’s tired of all the texting (which, I have to say that, I was getting to that point as well). I know there’s no real way of knowing, but a little insight would be nice because I’m wondering if this is one of those instances of “Leave him alone and give him some time and space. He’ll talk to you again in time.” Or is it an instance of “Forget it. He’s not happy and has lost interest, so you should move on.” If anyone has any helpful input or advise, I would really appreciate it.
I would also like to say thanks Eric, I found your article to be very insightful and you’re right; texting can be a real pain, especially when the meaning gets mixed up.

Reply March 8, 2012, 10:35 pm


Hi Michele,
Try to keep yourself busy and not think about him so much. Guys are more sensitive than they care to admit. Even though you tried to explain to him about the text mistake, he has it embedded in his mind that you meant it. That’s why it’s important to proofread the text before you send it. If he really likes you he’ll contact you again, but do yourself a favor and resist calling or texting him. He’ll surely will get an ego boost. You did your part. If it was meant to happen, it will happen.

Reply May 9, 2012, 10:06 am


Either he reads posts on this site or it’s my good luck charm but, he answers me every time I post here. Had a lame excuse but, all the same…. he answered me. I’m irritated so, I don’t think i should respond for a while. Even though we just started dating… he didn’t need to go radio silent on me. Bad sign for the future I think. I have to decide if I even want to be with this type of person.

Reply March 6, 2012, 8:03 pm


Well he did call the same day I wrote my post after 1 day of silence (thursday). Friday, I texted good morning, he replied right away. Then he told me he would be busy for the weekend other than sunday. I started talking to a spaz gf of mine on friday who I allowed to put all sorts of thoughts in my head.

I panicked & sent him a msg saying hi, are you busy tomorrow? no ans. 4 hrs later, i tried to remedy the text and basically told him, i’m not trying to pressure him, we’re taking it slow. No answer, no phone call. It’s day 4. So i texted him today. hi how are you? Been over 2 hours. Sigh…. this is a lost cause, I should have not sent those other messages. Everything was going fine. What to do now? Just go back to being quiet I guess.

Reply March 6, 2012, 7:40 pm


Forget about him. If he really liked you a whole lot, he would want to talk to you all the time. A guy who likes you, will actually want to hear your voice and call you. Don’t settle …ever. Want to be with someone who wants to be with you.

Reply March 6, 2012, 8:49 pm


We talked today. He apologized for being m.i.a. Should I still give him a chance but, just watch him more closely?

Reply March 7, 2012, 12:37 am


It’s not that you need to watch him more closely, just the fact that if it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. If he wants to be with you,you won’t ever question if he likes you or not. Give him a chance, if that is what feels right to you.

Reply March 8, 2012, 3:32 pm


Also, its ok for guys to do things that drive women crazy and yet its severly frowned upon if we do something that drives a guy crazy! give me a break. If a guy blatently ignores me its over, end of. Move on, plenty of lonely men out there ( Wonder why?)

Reply March 5, 2012, 8:04 am


Pleeeeeeeaaaassssseee, Give me a break, all a guy has to do is text the girl stating he is busy and that he will call her tomorrow or whenever, it is a complete and utter lack of respect to blatently ignore a womans text and I feel that Eric Charles is wrong on this one. Whats wrong with texting back, sorry im busy????????????????

Reply March 5, 2012, 8:02 am


Well, knowing some of my friends…a guy telling a girl that he’s busy is follow by “What are you doing? Why are you busy? When are you going to be free? Why didn’t you respond immediately?”
And some girls text guys 24/7. I can’t blame some of them for not responding…

Reply March 20, 2012, 9:11 pm


I’ve been seeing a guy for just one week and we’ve gone pretty much full steam into a relationship. Texting/calling me everyday, sleepover, planning activities months down the road with me, too much too soon I guess. Even though, I like him a lot, I was getting nervous about the pace. He was probably feeling the same but, it’s too new to have a discussion.

Anyway, yesterday was the first time he didn’t call me. Thanks to your article, I have been able to restrain myself from contacting him. Now I realise it’s probably best for both of us to relax for a day or 2. I’ll just keep myself busy and allow things to go at a pace thats comfortable for both of us. Hope it works out. I’ll be back to report.

Reply March 1, 2012, 4:20 pm


Hi i need some serious advice. I have been dealing with a guy for two years. At first we would text everyday but he would never call me because he said he was shy. To make a long story short he would always stand me up when i would want to spend time with him and he would disappear for months and then show up as if nothing happen. People say he wants me for sex but the strange thing is he wont have sex with me and tells me he is having a hard time in his life and wont tell me anything else. He will text i miss you and then disappear for months . I decided i had enough and block him from texting but it is hurting me not knowing. Please Help

Reply February 29, 2012, 2:07 pm


I think you did the right thing. He’s unavailable emotionally, clearly going through some of his own personal issues, so you may never know what happened. He might not even be honest enough or understand himself enough to know what happened himself. It’s difficult, but try to accept it. You may walk around with this pain for a while, maybe your whole life, but almost everyone nurses hurts from their pasts that are there but just kind of fade with time.

I once seriously dated a guy that was like that and whenever I would ask him what was going on when he started going cold, he’d just say, “I have a lot of shit going on in my life right now.” He would NEVER elaborate any more than that. Eventually I realized that he would never tell me, and hell, HE probably didn’t even know what was going on. He was too dishonest with himself the rest of the time. I could tell. Then I had to become okay with not understanding. And today it still bothers me a little bit because that part of me still wants to be able to control everything, but I have more or less accepted it. He’s a strange soul, but I know it wasn’t meant to be, and life moves on.

Reply April 2, 2012, 8:49 pm


this guy i think i like we went on our first date and we have been texting non stop for five days and its been a day that he hasnt text me:(

why is that…?

Reply February 20, 2012, 1:05 pm


I’m only 18 but i’ve still never have had a serious boyfriend, I always seem to get close but then I find out they only want one thing or they are playing me with another girl, and its starting to knock my confidence with guys, I started talking to a boy a couple of weeks ago and he texted me every day, and things got more flirty with time however he stopped initiating the conversations and when I started them he’d stop replying half way through, I no he is quite social, and he has a job. Should I leave it or text him?

Reply February 19, 2012, 2:42 pm


I’ve gone through that and I would leave it! I was texting a guy for about a couple weeks and it was flirty and fun then all the sudden nothing. I would also initiate the convos and then all the sudden we just stopped talking all together. In my opinion I think the guy loses interest after he realizes that he isn’t going to get “any” with just flirty texting and that he actually has to go on a date with this person he is texting. I feel maybe he finds that it is too much effort and he moves on! I could be wrong but that’s what I think! I’m 21 by the way and have never had a serious boyfriend because I don’t put out immediately!

Reply March 21, 2012, 2:52 am


Hey Eric! I’v been talking to this guy for about a month now and we arn’t official yet or anything. We work out together just about every day or every other day. I see him on tuesday and thurday in between one of our classes and he always kisses me bye even if we are in front of other people. I’v met his roommates and he he introduces me to his friends. He works two different jobs and is a full time college student. We both don’t text a lot but when we do it’s about plans to hang out or just a random what are you up to. We hung out for Valentines day but he was very tired because he had 4 classes that day and work so we just lazed around which i was fine with and understanding about. For valentines he got me flowers which I wasn’t expecting and I baked him something. On Thursday we went to the gym together and I noticed he wasn’t wearing my ponny tail holder on his arm like he usually does but I didn’t say anything about it. After we worked out he had to work the night shift so I told him to let me know if he wanted to chill the next day because I’d love to see him. It’s sunday now and I have yet to hear from him. I have this weird feeling about why hasn’t he texted. I am kind of freaking out and don’t want to text him first. Please help me! Do you think his feelings for me have changed???

Reply February 19, 2012, 11:59 am


Whats happening is he’s trying to wean off all feelings of you so the withdrawal of eventually leaving you is not so painful.

Reply March 10, 2012, 9:13 am


my boyfriend told me not to contact him…let me wait him to do it and its been a month since then. I don’t know the real reason…I felt the sincerity but why he suddenly get out from the picture? I don’t know if he loves me…

Reply February 16, 2012, 2:22 am


Sounds like he has something going on the side. Is he in a relationship with anyone else?

Reply March 20, 2012, 9:14 pm


He may or may not love you. The only way you will know is if you ask him. If you ask him, will he really tell you the truth? Find out if you even trust his word enough to talk to him and you will know the answer. If you don’t trust him, talking to him will do nothing for you.

If you do trust his word, then the question is – Can you accept rejection? Are you prepared for that possibility?

When you get to the point that you just need to know and you’re prepared for possible rejection, even if you get rejected, the question will be put to rest and you can move on, albeit hurt, but it will no longer be this “How am I supposed to feel???” struggle. Which is the worst kind, I know.

But he might tell you he loves you, then you’ll have other things to deal with.

Reply April 2, 2012, 8:57 pm


Well theres this guy i like , and i have all my classes with him , and we are always glancing at eachother and looking into each others eyes . We dont talk alot but we do sometimes text . he doesnt really reply to my textes though. Is this a sign he doesnt like me ? or he doesnt like texting ?

Reply February 10, 2012, 10:49 pm


Hi Eric, thanks so much for writing this article, its been really helpful. Can I just run something by you? My friends aren’t being so helpful. Girls don’t always give the best insights into things.

So I met this really nice guy 3 weeks ago, we’ve been on 3 dates since then and we’ve got on really well, we talk non-stop during the dates and seem to have good chemistry. He texted me a LOT at first (it was kind of annoying actually so I didn’t always respond) but these past few days less so. He always seemed to be the one to initiate the texting at first.

He went a bit quiet last weekend (i.e. didnt text me for 24 hours, which is weird for him) so I decided to ask him if he wanted to do something the following week. We went out on a great date 2 days ago, which was great, but I haven’t heard a word from him since. I still didn’t sleep with him yet (was going to hold off for a couple more dates, just to be sure) and he looked really disappointed when I didn’t let him in. Did he just want sex? Is he testing the water to see if I’m really into him? I shouldn’t initiate the text messaging right?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :) Thanks


Reply February 10, 2012, 7:01 pm


Well I went out with this guy on Fri. Today is Sunday. We met on the internet, and we talked back and forth through messaging for about 3 weeks. When we went out I had fun. I’m usually shy around people when meeting them for the first time. But not him. I was able to act like myself. At the end we didn’t kiss, hug, or exchange numbers. But I didn’t think too much of it, because we are both new to the online dating scene and are skeptical about it a little. I sent one message telling him I had fun, and then the next say I sent another one letting him know I am interested and hope to see him again. Now he hasn’t been on the dating website much. When he was talking to me he was online every time I sent a message. But now he doesn’t come on. He’s been on twice. And I’m guessing they were to read my messages. I don’t want to come off strong. But I like him and we have so much in common. I want to send another message, but I don’t want to bug him. My friend and her boyfriend say he could be nervous. The date went great. We talked a lot and were laughing and joking around. And we made eye contact and smiled at each other… Any help? I don’t want to meet new people since I like him.

Reply February 5, 2012, 4:35 pm


Don’t email him anymore. If he felt the same way you do, he would have asked you out again while you were on your date. Guys on dating sites seem to just like the daily online communication. They don’t seem to me like they want to actually date, they just like talking to a bunch of different girls. They are always looking online to see if something “better” comes along. Granted, not all guys online are like this. I just haven’t met any. Bottom line is, if you have to ask the question, does he like me, he probably doesn’t. If a guy likes you, you will know it. Don’t waste your precious time.

Reply February 5, 2012, 11:23 pm


Hi, I am the exact same. We were great at the beginning texting 24/7, yes this is not healthy but we were getting to know each other then it stopped and I was disappointed and started feeling insecure. I only started getting the Morning text, lunch text and texts after work that was 3 months into the rship. Then 2 weeks ago (together 13 months now)that started to go down to nothing, a text in the evening and that would be it. I didnt know he was going through an awful lot of crap with ex (he has a lil girl with her) the ex is being a nightmare. Plus he goes into his Man cave (only learning about that now, reading the book Men are From Mars, Woman are from Venus). But I had a go at him about it and said if you are losing interest dont be wasting my time. He got very angry but all ok now. He isnt texting much at all, I get one or two texts a day. I cant get my head around it cause i couldnt do that to him. You cant but think he is losing interest. This article is brill, i think ill save this in my favs so I can read over it. Im expecting the texts will stop for a day or two now cause thats the way it seems to be going. He has so much stuff going on in his life I am going to take a back seat now and let him get on with it. Thanks a million for such a good article.

Reply February 5, 2012, 1:00 pm


Dear Eric,
I liked this article very much, in fact it was one of the best articles I have read. Other articles and dating books which I have read have left me feeling worthless, rather then showing how to take control of the situation and not allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It can be difficult but, you have demonstrated an ideal way to take two steps back and evaluate the situation for what it is….and with time the situation will speak for itself.

Reply February 1, 2012, 2:27 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks so much, that really means a lot to me. Glad you found it helpful.

Reply February 1, 2012, 7:07 pm


I agree too – one of the best articles I read! This one really made me wake up and realized how insecure I was being. I have seen my other half ignore texts from his closest family and friends – so I guess this is just a habit of his. I will just assume he likes me from now on and I’ll get on with my life. Thanks for sharing. :)

Reply February 2, 2012, 6:47 am

Ashley L.

I keep re-reading this article. It’s such a hard lesson to follow! But I’ve realized that I read waaay too much into texts or text silence. I know that the fear that a guy doesn’t like me because he didn’t text me today comes from insecurity in my relationships. The guy I’m dating now has made it 100% clear that he’s really into me, he texts me every day, calls and makes plans to see me more than once a week. But the fact that he hasn’t texted me yet today (at 1:00pm) has got me anxious already. It’s like I need constant reassurance that says “yes I’m still here and I still like you”. Even though this reaction is partially the result of years of dealing with emotionally unavailable men or jerks who would rather stand me up after dating for 4 months than break up with me, I know I can’t keep painting all the guys I date with the same brush. Treating every relationship like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop doesn’t do anything good for me or my relationships. So I’m working on the “this guy really, really likes me” mantra to stop freaking myself out when the phone goes silent for a little while. Because when I write to them to end the silence, I’m mostly doing it out of a place of fear, and that’s not healthy.

Reply February 1, 2012, 1:14 pm

Eric Charles

Those are good insights – and you’re right, it is a hard lesson to follow.
The thing about good dating advice is that it’s simple, but not easy to follow. When we’re in the heat of the moment or drowning in emotion, it can be the hardest thing in the world to do the “right” thing and instead do whatever we feel like.
Some people would argue that people *should* do whatever they feel like… to which I would respond that children do!
Having a mature relationship (as opposed to an immature relationship, which inevitably leads to failure) requires stepping back and being able to follow the simple good advice that you know is right, but is still difficult to follow when emotions run high.
Thanks for the comment.

Reply February 1, 2012, 1:31 pm



I wanted to thank you so very much for this article. I realized that I may have become a victim of too much texting ‘TMT’ and that I probably put my life on hold when I shouldn’t have. I met a wonderful man over a month ago and we hit it off. I did warn him of one thing: I like to text. That is how everyone talks to me and he should not be alarmed if he receives maybe 2-3 text messages from me before he replies (not all at once, over the course of the next few hours at work). I tend to text before I forget anything (ex. funny story, joke, silly picture, questions on plans), but it usually does not bother me if a person does not text back, it really doesn’t. We all have lives, and usually when we are out and about our lives, they do not involve looking at a cell screen.

On Thursday, I made plans with him the for the next weekend (which he happily agreed to) because our plans fell through for this last weekend. I know every time I’m with him how much he likes me (silly smiling, hand holding, introductions to friends). However, I got a case of the crazies this weekend. My company Christmas party, I got a little drunk and while I did not text anything regrettable, I know I did a little TMT, to which I acknowledged my stupidity. This little act cause insecurity though. The weekend then turned into a ‘OMG he doesn’t like me, he’s not texting me back much’ event until I read your article and sat back.

Thank you for making me realize that I need to get on and keep my own life! I have my friends I hung out with, cleaning, working out…cooking…doing stuff that does not involve having a phone glued to my hip…and the best part is I know that this man likes me and we are going to see each other again on the weekend. I took a step back and told myself to stop the PMS BS and be the normal girl again that he likes; not a needy, clingy and whiny thing that would never be fun to be around.

Cheers and have a wonderful Sunday evening. I know I am :)

Reply January 29, 2012, 7:56 pm


so i am talking to this new guy. been talking for at least a week. yes we text like 3 to 4 hours in the evening when we are done for the night. but i’m wondering if he playing with my heart? he texts i miss you and i have been thinking of alot. then it seems like he text me everyother day. so what he doing is he interested or is he a player? i mean he sounds like it to me but i wanna make sure. please help!!!

Reply January 24, 2012, 11:11 pm

Ashley L.

If you only met a week ago, it’s weird that he’s already sending you things like “I miss you”. If it were me I’d be on guard, he could be a player if he’s laying it on so thick. Just my opinion.

Reply January 30, 2012, 5:20 pm


Thank you so much!
Been driven myself crazy with this the past wee while. I have met a fantastic guy but his texting is erratic! He is a busy guy and i really need to take it into consideration he can’t always text back. Also fairplay to him because he admitted to to me he is bad at texting back. You have made me feel better about my situation :)

Reply January 16, 2012, 6:49 pm


Wow, even though I can barely keep my eyes open after a long day, I just have to say that you really shed light on the dilemma that I thought I was stuck in.
I’ve known this guy for over 4 moths now. He voluntarily admitted we r dating just this past weekend but nothing official yet as I see it. We briefly parted from a argument for three weeks and got back together. We manages to see each other once or every other week out of our busy schedules though I would love to get together more. Every dates are really enjoyable because we share mutual attraction and he acts super considerately and 100% in.
I am not a text freak, but if text is the main media of communication (his preference cause he seldom calls) , then I am starting to get concerned to see that he’s cutting back on the frequency of and from time to time drop the conversation. He always responds if I initiate it, but the fact that it’s taking him longer to get back to me is making me wonder what could cause the before-and-after change. I’m doing exactly what you suggested in this post expect I don’t assume that he really really like me. Might be because I feel if a guy really likes you, he would take some little effort to check on you not just to make plans with you. Well, unfair to say he only texts now to find out my availability, it’s just I feel not connected during week days when we don’t see each other. I’m those type of COOL girl who can totally be happy if you just check in upon me by saying “Hey, babe, I’ve been busy. Just want u to know I’ve been thinking about u. I’ll catch up with u soon” or just say “I’m sorry I’m kinda in middle of something but let’s talk later” if I initiate the talking.

Reading this helps me make mine mind not to do anything about this situation, at least for the time being. But I don’t know how long I can/should hang on here. LOL~~~

Anyone has been in similar situation? How did you deal with it and how it turned out?

Reply January 11, 2012, 4:23 am


Yes, exact same situation as you Jing. Exactly. He ended up giving me the, “You should date someone with more time” line. Go with your gut. If a guy wants to be with you, he will never stop texting. Also he will call you, because he will want to talk to you. If a guy really likes you, you won’t have to wonder if he does.

Reply January 11, 2012, 7:24 am


Thanks for the comments, Amber. :-). Maybe human beings just think and act alike. The first time he found fault with me was blaming me being sarcastic when he was busy with something and couldn’t really text. He went on by saying I should not be obsessive and judge if he cares by how he texts me, which I totally am not. The truth is I’d rather him to call me for 5 minutes then to waste each other’s time by constantly check my phone to see if I need to reply, cause I don’t usually text people but to me timely reply is just basic courtesy. Some people are just emotionally unstable and unavailable I assume.
I believe most girl would agree it’s natural for a guy to want to talk to you often enough if they r really into you. For me, keeping it short is acceptable, but being aloof is a red-flag.

Reply January 12, 2012, 1:24 am


Yep, big red flag. I wasted 3 mos on the exact same type of guy. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t.

Reply January 12, 2012, 9:28 pm


Aww, now I so wanna quit. Four days passed without a word. I’ll be out of town this weekend meaning no seeing each other. If he had contacted during the week, we would’ve been able to meet before I leave. I guess I hate neediness but I neither can stand this distance. Yeah everyone should have a fulfilling life on their own being in or without a relationship. But, how do you build a relationship without communication and quality time together?? Sadly, I have no time to waste and like you said, Amber, it doesn’t feel right.

January 12, 2012, 11:22 pm


i totally agree with u amber, from the experiences i have had with guys and watching my friends’ relationships, i cannot emphasize enough how guys will do exactly what they want. it doesnt matter what happens during the date or how exciting and ryt it feels. what matters is his follow up. does he call frequently? does he move his schedule around to be with you? if the answer is no, then you have your answer right there. i think the main problem ive seen as ladies is that we tend to be in denial and make excuses for guys just because we are super attracted to them. and that my dear, is when we start to settle for less and one day wake up miserable wondering how we got to that point yet all the while the writting was on the wall.

January 13, 2012, 4:22 am


i agree with u amber

Reply January 31, 2012, 5:10 pm


Yep, and I agree with lipsy06. We sometimes are in denial.

Reply January 31, 2012, 11:43 pm


wow, same exact situation here. He only contacts me the day he wants to hang out, which is like once every 2-3 weeks. I would think it’s just a booty call when he is in town, but then when we are together he gives me mixed messages. A couple months ago he said he wanted to be exclusive. then when we hung out next he asked me if I have been dating anyone else. He made a point to see me around Xmas to give me a gift and wanted to make valentine plans with me. He then says the songs off the latest lady antebellum cd make him think of me. Then I send him a text wishing him happy new years and I get no reply. I still have not heard from him.

Yikes, after writing this message, I realize he is not as interested in me as I thought he was. He warned me he was commit-a-phobic though. He is like 40 and has never had a girlfriend. He also said when he likes a girl a lot, he will run away from the situation. I just don’t know about him? Maybe I should just walk away. But then I think he’s just been broken by a girl and is protecting himself and I should give him a chance?

Reply January 14, 2012, 6:07 pm


Im dealing with the same situation here we have been dating going on 4 months. I hear from him every 2-3 weeks He text or calls me when it convenient for him or shows up at the place I work at on a Friday night I feel like it’s a booty call. I went away for Xmas he wanted to see me before I left but something came up with work never got to see him was away for 10 days we made plans for New Years and something came up with his kids he never replied after I sent him a Happy New Years text. I really like this guy we hit it off from day one now he is like he don’t want to be bothered. After dating a month he asked me if I loved him I told him I didn’t have feelings like that yet and from that point on he has seemed to be distant with me why? Dose he feel rejected cause I said I didn’t love him yet?

Reply January 17, 2012, 4:31 pm

Ashley L.

Yes you should definitely leave him alone. He’s flat out told you the truth about himself: he’s afraid of commitment and even if he ends up liking you he will run the other way. If you stay with him after he’s disclosed this to you, he will probably keep seeing you anyway because he thinks “well I gave her fair warning and she’s still around, so I might as well enjoy it”. Trust me, when a guy tells you things like this it is a huge red flag. Especially if he’s still getting over another girl… girl, you need to protect your own heart and say “goodbye” to this guy. Trust me, I learned the hard way and it was the worst heartbreak I’ve ever experienced. Don’t let it happen to you. Free yourself to be with a man who’s emotionally available and won’t turn into a vapor trail after you give your heart to him

Reply January 30, 2012, 5:17 pm


Great advice, man – especially the bit about what-you-give-is-what-you-get, creating-your-own-reality type of deal. Why not think you’re awesome and everyone wants yo be around you? :D
I forget these things often, so I really appreciate the post! It totally helped me. Cheers!

Reply January 4, 2012, 8:27 am


Awesome advice, btw remind me to never listen o my gfs, they told me to move on. In similar situation, been dating this guy for about a month, beenon four dates, texted constantly, trying to move slower with the physical stuff so haven’t had sex yet Our situation is somewhat different and a guys insight would be very helpful, h0a and I’m 21 with a very mature personality, he says I act way beyon my age, another however :-/ he’s an family friend who knew me when I was about ten when he was 18, He says a little weird but not weird enough to stop talking to me, but I feel like he’s faulting me for something I can’t change. Help me please :-)

Reply January 3, 2012, 6:14 pm



This article really helped me understand a situation I am currently facing. I really like this guy I’ve been out with twice since last week. I know for 100% fact that he is in to me. When we were in public he showed me PDA (Which I reciprocated) and wasn’t afraid to let me know he cared. He also made a LOT of eye contact in fact every time I looked over whether it was at him or not I always found him looking at me and letting me know he was looking. Also, He always found an excuse to touch me in some way.

For the first week we texted constantly. As of yesterday the texting pretty much stopped. I wasn’t sure how to react because to be honest before him I wasn’t that big in to texting. I waited until later in the evening to send him a simple text message asking how his day was. It was simple, direct, and I didn’t mention anything about the text messages slowing down. A few hours later he responded on what he was doing. I texted back a reply, got a reply and then the texting stopped again. I know for a fact he was busy but i think it’s just all those wacky “I just met a guy I really like” hormones kicking in. It’s really starting to get irritating! lol.

Reply December 21, 2011, 9:02 am


Thank you so much for this insightful article!
I’m currently in a situation where this new guy who I really like and I have regular text conversations that go on for all hours of the night, but then when we go a day where he doesn’t text me at all I begin questioning whether or not he actually likes me. I do agree that the self-fulfilling prophecy can be a dangerous thing and so it’s best if I just try and remain positive rather than set myself up for failure. However, suppose there is a day where he doesn’t text me first, as a guy what do you think his response would be if I decided to text him first?
Thank you so much for all your great advice!!

Reply December 10, 2011, 12:16 pm

Kelly H.

Great article Eric… It seems the ladies are impressed by your insight. However, and it is a small “however”.. could it be that they see what they want to believe? Uncertainty can lead to obsession over why isn’t he texting me back? And this uncertainty must come from either an insecure place.. or the fact that they have dated enough men to trigger a sixth sense. Their instinct tells them he’s just not that into me while they still seek an answer because we want what we can’t have.

Your article makes a great point but the majority of men (busy lawyers, doctors, bankers, blue collared, etc) will text you back within a reasonable time frame if they are interested. There is a degree of interest…nothing is black and white. There are gray areas… that is why we google “why doesn’t he text me back”. If he is really interested (maybe even heads over heels) he will text back within the hour or day. If he is just keeping you around for future entertainment or still testing the waters then he will text within the week… All this means is that you’re not a priority yet. The guy of interest will get your text no doubt because our phones are glued to us.. he will read it then decide to put the text away until he “feels” like texting back.

Eric – your article makes a great point but it can only be applied to a select few.. (such as yourself) The majority who does not text back is just not that interested.

Reply December 9, 2011, 10:03 pm

Eric Charles

Writing these articles puts me in a tricky spot.
On the one hand, like you said we all want certainty in an uncertain situation, but the reality is nobody can read minds (especially through a second hand description).
At the end of the day, my goal is to lay out the facts and give women the perspective to end the “obsession cycle” (the worrying, wondering, clue-hunting, etc.)
There are times where the guy just isn’t that interested. The window of opportunity has already past in that case. That accounts for some of the guys, but not the majority… the reality is that most guys, if they’re in a situation where you’ve made a number exchange have a spark of interest at least.
Problem is that neediness, worry, insecurity, etc. will extinguish that spark in a heartbeat. To give these girls a fighting chance, I put my focus on showing them how to leverage what they have control over: themselves and their perspective. Handling themselves well is often the key to turning a spark to a flame and beyond.

Reply December 9, 2011, 10:24 pm

Kelly H.

Ah and I completely agree with that strategy.. I apologize If I come off as knit picky. We can’t control our emotions but we can learn to manage it better. Look forward to reading more insightful articles.

Reply December 9, 2011, 11:11 pm

Kelly H.

Ah.. not sure if my reply went through…

I agree Eric. Your article is clear in making a point that we need to better manage our emotions. Look forward to reading more insightful articles :)

Reply December 9, 2011, 11:28 pm


Found this very interesting, been seeing someone for 5 weeks, he was full on, texting all day long, ringing me in the evening, making the arrangements to meet up, which we only did once a week. Then last week, i asked him to stay overnight during the week (I didnt have my children) which he did, left in the morning seemed fine and had a boys weekend, the texts were few and far between, and sending mixed messages. now he has told me to back off and its getting too serious? Whats that all about?

Reply December 6, 2011, 10:04 pm


hey eric, i must say its a blessing i stumbled across your site. im from a 3rd world country in Africa but im amazed by all the posts ive read. its funny that we all face the same perplexing issues with guys regardless of which continent or country u r from, seasons,blah blah…lol. ive seen some of my self destructive patterns in the articles ive read and i want to say a big thank u for helping me not drive myslef nuts :)…n to the rest of y’al that have amazing insight. u guys r all i have since in my country,we dont have shrinks to go to or cant afford them and evryone else seems to believe in the same destructive about one blind person leading another…lol! but anyway, please keep it coming…u may never know just how much u r appreciated…God bless u eric :)…oh n u r hot…;)hehehehe!

Reply December 6, 2011, 2:18 am

Eric Charles

Hehe, thanks so much – that’s so cool! I’m glad it helped you and I agree, this stuff is universal.

Reply December 6, 2011, 2:03 pm


I’m not a girl but I still found the article that you wrote to be extremely helpful. I know sometimes people can do things because they know it bugs you and people can not be very responsive. The trick is how you respond to it. This can apply to men and women across the board. If you’re good friends with someone and they haven’t been responding to you it probably isn’t that big of a deal. I just tend to worry sometimes a lot though but I think that I’ve found the answers to my worries.

Reply December 4, 2011, 12:40 pm

Eric Charles

Hey dude – I appreciate that.
I actually work with men and women… and there are a lot of cases where men and women need to hear the same things…
Men and women are different, but in many ways we’re all the same.

Reply December 4, 2011, 1:38 pm


this was amazing help… i have been speaking on facebook to a lad for about a week an he
just starting ignoring me and when i commented on a photo i though was cute he ignored that aswell he is in my school and we get along great and some of the facebook messages he sent me meant quite a lot but none of us said anything meanful to put eachover off i am going with the idea he is busy and i am still trying to stop thinking it is personal…. i dont want to fall out with him and although i wanted him to carry on chatting to me in a cute romantic manner i would do anything right now to just here a simple hello from him to know i am in good books with him ….. thanks

Reply December 4, 2011, 5:12 am


This article was sooo helpful to me!! So I wanna run my situation by you. Been dating a guy for almost two months now. We hang out about once a week on average…he plans the dates, he initiates the calls…I try to let him do that as I feel he should be the one to pursue and from what I’ve read guys want to do that…though I will once in a while send him a text to say hi or tell a funny story. He doesn’t seem to be a big talker/texter…has even mentioned how his parents get annoyed that he doesn’t get back to them right away. And mind you I’ve only known him a couple months. But I really like him. Anyway, last two dates, we ended up getting intimate…before that we had just kissed. He had been very respectful so once we finally slept together I was OK with that. Truly. But he still only calls or texts to make plans with me…or once in a while will text me a funny joke. That’s it. He doesn’t call to say “hi” or see how I’m doing. But when we hang out everything is great…and we share a lot of stories about our lives with each other. I saw him Sunday and now it’s late Wednesday and though he said he’d call w/ plans for next date I haven’t heard from him yet. He usually is very good at calling by Wednesday for weekend plans and he did tell me he had extremely busy week this week (he has two jobs), but I sent him a quick funny text today (nothing I asked for a response to, just asked him to check out a site I found), and I haven’t heard back from him. But should I be focusing on the fact that he never has been a big caller/texter and that he did say he had a busy week and how when we are together he is very attentive and thoughtful? Again it’s only been a couple of months. Just a little freaked out because we haven’t had the talk yet (I know it’s still early for that…)….just wanna know if this fits in with what you’re saying above. Thanks for your help!!

Reply December 1, 2011, 1:34 am


I won’t get into all the details but I’m in a very very similar situation and was glad to read your post. How is it going?

I really wish that ERIC CHARLES would comment on your post!

All my best,


Reply January 13, 2012, 1:57 am

Eric Charles

Did somebody say my name? :)
Quick response: When someone asks me if they should worry, I tell them, “No.”
Worrying is most of what gets women (or men) into trouble in relationships in the first place. Relax… know what you can see and have control over… and what you do not.
You can see that when you’re together, he’s thoughtful and attentive. And when you’re apart and he’s not busy, he tells you that he’s busy.
You can’t read his mind or spy on him. You have to TRUST him.
Trust is part of the price you pay when getting involved with someone else – you give up some certainty and control over your situation in exchange for having someone else in your life.
The solution here is learning to trust, not trying to figure out what his texting/calling habits mean.
And for the record… I’m not a big caller or texter. I rarely initiate, even with a girl I really like, because I’m busy.
If that freaks her out, then she’s probably not a good fit for me (since I’m busy a lot). Just sayin’.

Reply January 13, 2012, 8:50 am


Hey Eric,

That was fun! Didn’t know if I’d get a reply (I don’t typically write on forums but thought I’d try it out).

I realized pretty early on that the guy I’m seeing isn’t much of a texter. In fact, I initially had second thoughts about going on our first date (we texted before our first date) because he seemed to be distracted (he would send a text, get a reply, then “disappear”). I figured he was distracted but wondered why he didn’t make an effort to focus while he texted me. I’ve since learned that he is very busy guy (also has 2 jobs) and, yet, he still finds time to see me. In fact, if he wants to see me, he’s better about his texts/more attentive to his phone. Otherwise, there are times when I don’t get a reply to a text. Sometimes it bugs me but I don’t say anything b/c of everything good that we have. I really like him. We have such a great connection.

There is one problem. Even though he doesn’t always answer my texts (& I don’t text him that much – I’m not the type to bug people – just like to let him know I’m thinking about him), I expect him to text me if he makes tentative plans to see me, etc., and then gets caught up at work, etc. He doesn’t always do this. Recently, he texted to say that he wanted to stop by sometime that morning and asked if I was home. I told him I’d be home for awhile b/c my first meeting was at 1pm. Anyway, I texted him after 3 hours to say, “hey, papi, sorry I missed you, I was here for 3 hours but gotta head out.” He called right away and said that maybe we could grab something to eat that night (I think his intentions were good but he can’t always commit b/c of work). I said that’d be great and told’m I’d call/text when I got home. I did this but never heard back from him so I finally, after a few hrs, I sent a text saying that I would’ve felt good with a text that said “sorry I can’t make it” both times that day. What did he do? He came right over. I think he knows when he’s messed up and he responds by calling or coming over. I love that, still, I feel like I’m not being respected when he flakes out, gets busy, or whatever you wanna call it, and doesn’t text or call to say he’s not gonna make it.


Reply January 14, 2012, 9:53 pm


Hey Eric! I just wanted to add something to the statement below:

” I feel like I’m not being respected when he flakes out, gets busy, or whatever you wanna call it, and doesn’t text or call to say he’s not gonna make it.”

Shortly after we met, I invited him to a holiday party that I was co-hosting w/some good friends. He seemed eager to come. He tends to run late (even when he sees me, he stays longer than he should & then runs late for his next client) and although I told him to be at my place at 5pm, I had some cushion, just in case. He called at 5pm to say that he had a car problem and was at the shop getting it fixed. He didn’t know how long it would be. I waited until around 7pm and finally just had to leave. I texted (& may have called, don’t remember) saying that I hope everything was okay but that I needed to leave. I even texted him the address in case he wanted to come on his own.

I sent him a text at the end of the night letting him know I was disappointed. He wrote me back early the next morning saying that he had gotten sick to his stomach. We later talked and he explained that he had considered coming when he got the text w/the address but then he fell asleep. After I explained why it was disrespectful not to call, he apologized for being disrespectful and when he did this, it almost seemed like it was a new concept for him. Do you think this is just a weakness in him or do you see a red flag? He honestly seems genuine but it also seems like a lot of work to be in this relationship if he’s going to flake out like this.

I really could use your help :(

January 16, 2012, 7:06 pm


Hi Eric,
Great answers… I do find myself over-obsessing when the guy I really like doesn’t reply. I txtd him and asked him a question and it was my only txt after spending the night with him on the weekend, I asked if we would be going to the hockey game next wknd like he said we were. That was yesterday at 5 pm and it’s been 24 hrs with no reply!! Instead of sending a bunch of txts, I deleted his number so I couldn’t do that. Now I don’t know his number so I can’t txt him at all… Wow that feels childish but the way I see it if he really likes me like he says he does, he will txt me before the wknd

Reply November 29, 2011, 6:45 pm


Hello Eric!

So, I am married with a kid.
& I still catch feelings 4 my ex bf.
Who behaves & texts like that still.

I seriously, desire to know if I ever meant anything
and do want him to regret me

Maybe , I was too nice .

Still close with his fam . Even now that he is with baby mama and thier On/off love hate relationship

Dat grl totally hates me .cuz am gorgeous &&

was there 1st…plus, the fact that if he wasn’t with her .. He was with me … Or other girls

Reply November 27, 2011, 3:15 am

Eric Charles

Hey Lehcar,
All right… think about this…
You want to know that your ex-boyfriend cared about you. If you meant something to him… if he regrets losing you… etc.
You want to know this because you believe it will make you feel better about yourself. You believe it will make you feel more valuable, more worthy, more worthwhile.
Here’s the problem: Whatever validation you *think* he can give you is just an illusion…
Why are you making him the judge of your attractiveness and value? Why are you handing him the keys to your self-worth? Why are you making him the king of your feeling that you mean something or that you’d be a loss to lose?
Think about it? You’re giving him a role for determining how YOU feel about YOURSELF?
And in the end… only you are responsible for your emotional state. Nobody else. Hell, not only are you the only one responsible for it… you’re the only one who even has the ability to control it…
But see… most women want to believe that it’s the guy that shows them their worth. And that it’s the guy that validates that they’re attractive and worthwhile.
And the second you believe that, the guy has you… he knows that you’ve conned yourself into believing that he holds the key to your happiness – and he can very easily withhold and grant the access to that key to get you to do anything…
Most guys aren’t so manipulative, but some are…
Now… on the other hand…
You might also be asking because you still have some kind of romantic interest in him. Or you might feel you do, while really it’s a desire to get validation from him and feel good about yourself…
Regardless… just remember… in relationships: The garden you water, grows.
If you pour your attention on some other man, outside your marriage, that desire for the other man will grow.
If you pour your attention on your current relationship, that relationship will grow.
I’m not the type to judge that sort of thing – do what you want to do. But just remember… if you feed desire outside your relationship, don’t be surprised if it grows into something more than you originally expected.
Good luck and hope that helps.

Reply November 27, 2011, 12:38 pm


@Eric Charles: :-/ You totally drove a stake through my heart.

:’-( I want it so bad… so bad to mean something to him
To matter. To be important . Hear him call me ” Beautiful”

Everyone else …Loves me, want me , need me and just can’t get enough.
Scholar, feminine ,stunningly gorgeous, cook , clean , active..etc

Every other boyfriend has been head over heels for me.

My husband … just adores me; can be overwhelming at times.

Thank You, Charles

It just tearing me apart … I want it so bad. Want him so much.

Trying to give it up. Since , I don’t mean shit.

Reply November 28, 2011, 1:30 am

Eric Charles

Wanting someone is kind of a funny game…
When people throw themselves at us, we don’t want them. We feel that they must be lacking something to just supplicate themselves like that to us.
On the other hand…
When someone seems just slightly out of grasp, it can be an easy trap to fall into… to want them to want us.
For whatever the reason… I can tell you that at the end of the day… it’s an illusion… it’s a trap.
Doesn’t mean that illusion or trap doesn’t have a really strong, compelling power. But in the end… you’ll be underwater (emotionally speaking), gasping for air… and that breath of air won’t come…
Hate to be the one to burst anyone’s bubble, but… I think the real issue here has more to do with how you feel about yourself and your life then this one guy… think about it…

Reply November 28, 2011, 9:01 pm



November 28, 2011, 11:19 pm


I… don’t believe I will ever find out ” Why” I feel the way I feel.

But this desire ; feeling of desperation ; wanting and needing him so…. will die someday.

Just don’t know when.
Although , I hope it’s soon…sometime in the near future.

These daydreams , fantasies and never ending thoughts of him & his life are simply maddening !

Thank You, Eric :-)
Happy Holidays

December 11, 2011, 12:50 am


wow thanks, this actually helped alot :) but can you answer this? this is what happened to me, like he stopped talking to me and that, but when we were talking and even when we were together (which is at work) we did flirt quite a bit i guess, but it seems like he may flirt with other girls too :/ how do i no if he is, what do i do, and how do i no if hes intersted in me?????
p.s. i really like this guy.

Reply November 23, 2011, 6:29 am


wow. i needed this.

Reply November 19, 2011, 8:34 am

Eric Charles

Thanks, it’s what I do. ;)

Reply November 19, 2011, 11:01 am

Sarah M

You’re a great guy Eric. So helpful and undoubtedly correct with every answer you give. Keep up the awesome work, you definitely have some fans! :]

Reply November 15, 2011, 11:47 am

Eric Charles

Thanks, I really appreciate that. I am grateful to have you – I love my fans!!

Reply November 19, 2011, 11:02 am


I was kind of worried because the first month we dated, we texted a lot but then it slowed down a lot. This article described where I am in a nutshell. He’s a busy and I just don’t think he’s a big texter. Thanks for reminding me that he has a life of his own besides texting and seeing me. I know he likes me – I will just choose not to react. Thanks for all your articles!!

Reply November 3, 2011, 10:20 pm

Eric Charles

You’re welcome. Thank you for the comment.

Reply November 11, 2011, 8:36 pm


i miss his texts though. and i saw in the previous comments that you had replied to assume that he is no longer interested after a week of no show. I think its so unbelievably unfair how this happens to many girls, and its so painful. Is there any way i can get him to be interested in me again, Eric?

Reply November 3, 2011, 1:29 am

Eric Charles

Hey Lara – Starbucks is going to kick me out in half an hour, so this needs to be a quick answer, which is:
If you want him to be interested in you again, be “more interesting” again.
By that I mean, love your life, love yourself and believe with every fiber of your being that you are hot and that every guy would love to be with you. And consider yourself single and available for any man to date until a guy explicitly “locks you down”.
If that sounds difficult or different than your current day-to-day life, then that’s where you need to put your energy.
Believe me, if you can do what I just described, this will never be a problem for you again.
Good luck and hope it helps!

Reply November 11, 2011, 8:39 pm


I love it!! I was so wrong about my boyfriend before reading this article. I thought my boyfriend does not love or like me anymore and I kept asking him that whether or not he loves me lol. Now I am pretty sure that he loves me so much. Thanks Eric. :D

Reply November 1, 2011, 3:44 pm


Awesome article.Thanx Eric. And it’s comforting to read all the comments posted. :) Apparently so many women are feeling the same way that I do regarding this issue. I always wonder, if the guy loves you, why won’t he even reply you? Haha.. Interesting to see things from another valid point of view..

Reply October 31, 2011, 8:20 pm

Caitlyn Jackson

UGH WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT. This article is so true. I guess I get anxious in thinking that the guy isn’t interested or is secretly ignoring me when he doesn’t answer for hours. Because come on now….EVERYONE checks there phone, and when I see a text I answer!!! So why wouldn’t anyone else do the same?! Especially if the guy “likes you” you’d think he would respond to keep you reassured. But apparently not! ha!

Reply October 18, 2011, 7:59 pm


THANK YOU SOO MUCH this is exactly what has happened to me

Reply October 18, 2011, 3:50 pm


I have hit a bit of a rut in the last few weeks; A dating rut. I meet a guy, we hit it off, we go out on a “first date”, and all contact stops! This has happened a few times :(

Recently, I met a man at my favorite watering hole (not a place were I generally meet men, it’s just a place to have a good time with my friends). He approached me, we chatted for a bit… there was even a good night kiss on the cheek, which I thought was adorable. He asked for my number and wanted to know if I had any plans for the following evening. I told him to call or text and we would figure something out.

The following afternoon, he texted me and we set up a date for the evening. We met at a lovely Italian restaurant downtown, we talked quite a bit, asking eachother questions about career, family, friends, etc. Good convo! After dinner, I asked if he wanted to do anything else (since it was still pretty early) he said sure, so I suggested the arcade! We went and had a friendly air hockey competition, drank beer and played games for a few more hours. Again, more laughs and great conversation.

At then end of the night he walked me to my car and said we should do this again soon. we kissed and said goodbye. Before I went to sleep later that night, I texted him, “thanks for a great night! I had a good time.” He responded with the same sentiment. The following afternoon, I texted again, asking how his day had been. It’s been 2 days… no response :(

Did I do something wrong? I haven’t badgered him with tons of needy text messages. During the date, I honestly felt that things were going well. I have been on plenty of bad dates… this was not one of them! How can two people laugh, joke, talk and play as much as we did on that date and just end it there?

I know that I am not supposed to think the worst, but texts are very simple to return. Especially a simple one like ,”hows your day going?”. I am not sure what I did wrong or what he may have thought of me, but I am tempted to send another text. Should I? Or is the first unanswered text the big hint; He’s just not that into me?

Reply October 10, 2011, 5:39 pm


You know I was actually kinda scared that he wanted nothing to do with me because for 2 nights we constantly texted and then a day later I would send him a text and he’d only reply about 2 times after and I was so confused cause when he see’s me he always gives me a hug . So I didn’t know if he wasn’t interseted but this actually really helped me THANKS :) apparently guys dont like texting as much as us girls ;) You’re great :)

Reply October 7, 2011, 4:56 pm

Eric Charles

That rocks and I love hearing that. Glad it helped you.

Reply October 7, 2011, 6:24 pm


If I text one of my friends and they don’t respond right away, or even for days, it does not bother me one bit. When a guy I am seeing doesn’t text back, I admit, at first, it does bother me. So, I get over myself and realize I owe him the same amount of courtesy I give my friends. I would never badger a friend who didn’t answer me back, so why do it to a guy? Instead of concentrating on him not texting back, think of all the little things he does for you when you are together, how he makes you laugh. He will get in touch when he can. Any new relationship you text for hours, because you are excited and want to get to know this person, but realistically this amount of time on texting can’t last forever. You do have lives to live. And really, what’s the worst thing that can happen if he never texts you back? You get to go out and find someone perfect for you.

Reply September 30, 2011, 11:57 pm


Thank you! I really needed to read that right now :)

Reply November 11, 2011, 2:04 pm


I needed to read this, as well. I don’t get as worried if a friend does not text back, but with a guy I am seeing, it bugs me. I so want to text him as he did not respond the other day and in the past he would have replied and said no if what I asked wasn’t going to work with him. I feel bad right now because of his no reply as it is a new behavior for him, other than in the beginning when it took hours or days to respond. Unfortunately it is a casual relationship, so it makes it harder not to wonder “does this mean it is over?” He likes me. Gotta have faith.

Reply February 16, 2012, 3:10 am

Fatima Nicholson

That is what I needed to hear, it bugs me and I can’t stand it. But from that perspective I understand now, thank you!

Reply September 29, 2011, 10:23 pm

chay chay

What if a guy textes you after three days with a “heeeeeeeyyyyyy whats up?!” n you text him back saying….”im fine, thank you!….” n he doesnt text back… that a bad sign or did it sound like I was being rude or that just wasnt a right way of answering???!

Reply September 23, 2011, 11:56 pm


When can we safely assume and realize that he stopped texting because he DOESN’T like you anymore? …When does the self-fulfilling prophecy turn into bullshit?

Reply September 2, 2011, 6:37 pm

Eric Charles

A week.

Reply September 2, 2011, 7:26 pm


Ok One week. I have this guy that stops texting for 2 weeks, and then two weeks later he appears out of the woodwork.We talk for one month and two weeks and he has stopped talking… what’s going on?

Reply September 29, 2011, 9:31 pm


wow.. the single most sensible dating advice i’ve read in a while… objective and to the point. no alarming “he’s just not that into you” crap… thanks.

Reply September 1, 2011, 9:14 am


sorry for the typos… auto correct on my phone is awful.

Reply August 13, 2011, 5:42 pm


I stumbled upon this site and am so glad I did. This guy and I have been dating for about two months. I just noticed over the past few weeks his texting has declined. I actually googled why he stupid texting because he didn’t text at ask yesterday or today (w saw each other Thursday and things seemed good). Of course first think I thought is that he’s losing interest. I’ve read all kind of things… like this is the way guys “fade out” … their way of breaking up with you without breaking up with you. That guys sometimes need to back off to decide if they want to keep seeing you. Then there are the sites that say guys are simple…its either game on or game off. If he’s not calling/texting…trying to see you… he’s simply not interested in you. Honestly don’t know what to think…we are both 40… at this stage of the game you would think itd be easier! lol So I’m giving him space and hoping for the best. Advice?

Reply August 13, 2011, 5:40 pm


You. Are awesome. Best article I’ve seen on this topic. (Yes, I was googling, “Why he doesn’t text back. Haha)

Reply August 12, 2011, 1:39 pm

Eric Charles

Awesome – thanks! I appreciate that.

Reply August 12, 2011, 2:52 pm


I always read these types of articles, this was my first time reading an article by you Eric, and believe me I never comment on any of them either..,BUT, this article was so great I had to let you know how wonderful and well written it is. Thanks so much for your perspective; and great advice!!!

Your soo awesome :-)! !

Reply July 30, 2011, 5:30 pm


love this article! spot on :)

Reply July 25, 2011, 4:32 pm


It’s all about women standing up for themselves, not a bitch in a bad way but a woman who holds her own… read the book.

Reply July 22, 2011, 11:18 pm

Eric Charles

Men love bitches?
Ummm… We do?

Reply July 22, 2011, 8:18 pm


They do not.

Reply September 30, 2011, 11:44 pm


and might i add that the xbox live thing doesnt at all bother me. lol i miss messages and requests on there all the time and dont see them for weeks sometimes so that was kind of pointless to even put in that post. lol

Reply July 22, 2011, 2:45 pm


should i assume this is the issue with my guy? we’ve been talking for a month now, and when we text he usually ends up just disapearing from the conversation. didnt bother me to much, only did a little cause i wanted to talk to him cause i like him. also, he’s busy with managing gamestop and he’s building a video game so he’s busy. well last friday we went to a party then went to his house and hung out and cuddled and had a nice time. sunday i hung out with him for a little bit and he seemed sad when i had to go home. that night when i got home i told him to text me when he found time in his busy life, and i havent heard anything since. i texted him last night with a simple “hey, hope everything is going ok.” and i got no response. still to this moment i have not spoken to him since sunday. i assume he likes me, but should i assume the above advice also and just pretend like a week of nothing, no call, no facebook message, no text is just him not wanting to deal with it? he didnt even respond to my xbox live friend request on monday…

Reply July 22, 2011, 2:43 pm


Wow…thank you so much, that is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Makes so much sense. Us women take things way to personally and try to read into EVERYTHING! =)

Reply July 21, 2011, 9:00 pm


Thank you so much for this post! I met this guy through an online dating website, he seemed interested in me and I was starting to like him. We were texting for about a month because he is out of town. Last week I told him goodnight and he never responded so I thought he would text the next day and he didn’t, up to now he hasn’t texted me. I’m worried I scared him off or maybe I was beginning to become attached. Anyway when I read this I realize this may be something else.

Reply July 18, 2011, 12:55 pm


thank you! same situation here, freaked out for a couple of days…but im just curious. if you are in a relationship already, he doesn’t txt you as much anymore, what should you do? it says unreactive but should I still text him regularly (maybe once or twice per day) but not expecting his replying and let him know you understand he’s busy and can’t reply the txt? cuz it used to be him text first always! so I don’t know if should texting few msgs, or just leave it completely, as in not texting unless he txts first? thanks

Reply June 29, 2011, 2:41 pm


ok same situation here with a guy. we texted all day for the first 3 days , and then nothing. i have to be the one to initiate.. but funny thing is, when we are together, he is ALWAYS texting .. he even told me once when it was 11 at night, that he was texting his mom… he said that same thing the next night .. so i dont get it, he can text all day long but then be “to busy” to text me back when i text him… idk, i sent him a message today saying ‘so if i dont text you then we wont ever text? is that how this goes?” he responded 3 hours later saying “no i have had a busy day and right after work i went for a ride and i just finished” … he rides his motorcycle but idk if i should believe it .. im just not going to text back , im not cocky but im very pretty n from his “past” i look the best .. n im fun! i dont get it!!!

Reply June 1, 2011, 7:10 pm

Eric Charles

@Rei, @Mimi, @Dulce, @Fluffy – Thank you!!!! I appreciate hearing that it helped.

Reply May 19, 2011, 3:15 pm


Your post was very insightful and really put my thoughts into perspective! Thankyou.

Reply May 19, 2011, 5:02 am


This is freaking uh-mazing. Thank you,.

Reply May 18, 2011, 1:31 pm


This is some of the best advice I’ve ever heard! It’s like it was written just for me :) I’m having this exact problem right now and this article really helped. Thank you! xx

Reply April 30, 2011, 8:45 pm


Thank you! This is really helpful ?

Reply April 8, 2011, 8:51 pm

Hit Girl

I agree and disagree with you Eric.

It’s true and natural for the crazy texting to ease as time goes by because like you say, it’s not sustainable and we all have our own lives to take care off.

BUT if someone really, truly likes you, they WILL STILL take the time to reply texts or contact you regularly, not erratically. If they don’t, they’re 1) just not that into you 2) playing games cos they think you are as well.

At least there is hope for the second scenario though- it’s usually an insecurity/pride thing so once both parties are assured feelings are mutual, there is a lot more ease and spontaneity in texting/calling.

It’s good advice to tell women to assume the best instead of the worst since much too often we are guilty of over-analyzing things in our heads and tripping over ourselves to disastrous results. However, there is also much to be said about intuition and instinct. Sometimes YOU JUST KNOW when something’s wrong. The early warning signs are fairly easy to pick up that he/she is losing interest and has a foot out the exit door. Not calling/texting in a regular, interested manner is definitely one of them.