Ask a Guy: How Do Men Show Their Love? post image

Ask a Guy: How Do Men Show Their Love?


I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months.  We spend a lot of time together (we see each other every night, at least) and regularly have deep talks about our lives.

However, he still he hasn’t said that he loves me and I’m starting to wonder.  He’s never introduced me to his family (who live out-of-state), but he’s introduced me to all of his close friends as his girlfriend.

He does show affection for me in different ways, but I can’t tell if it’s love or he’s just a nice guy and knows how to treat a lady.  How can I tell if a guy loves me? How do men show their love?

It certainly sounds like he loves you, but let’s talk about how men show love and the subject of men & love in general.

To the cynical or jaded in the audience, men feel love.  Yes, we do.  But we definitely express it differently than women and interpret it differently as well.

In short, guys love through action and not through words.

Most men look at what they say as a sort of promise or commitment, even if it’s an emotionally based discussion. So saying what seems like a simple three words can actually feel like a huge risk, promise or commitment to a guy. It can feel like a risk since guys generally do not deal well with rejection, especially rejection in a moment of vulnerability.

And I can personally admit that love can make me feel vulnerable and can bring up fears and emotions in me that are more than I’m ready to handle at a given moment.  As a guy who likes to feel in control of his own life, emotions, and destiny, this can be a problem.

In terms of being a promise or commitment, you’ve probably heard the quote that “a man is only as good as his word.”  There’s truth to that.

In this context, when a man expresses his love to a woman verbally, he feels as though he is committing to or promising that he will live up to some set of expectations of what a “man in love” should be.

For me, love feels like a lifelong commitment to the woman.  I’m not saying it means I have to marry her, but it means that she has a special place in my heart and I will always do my best to be there for her regardless of how the relationship turns out (within reason).  It means I am promising to be there and to be good to her – and if I break that promise, I will suffer as well.

To other guys, love is more casual and can change with the seasons.  And to others, it is far more serious than my interpretation of it – it is a single-minded commitment to lifelong partnership.  Love can mean different things to men at different points in their life.

My point in all this is that saying “I love you” is a big deal in terms of his commitment to the relationship in the majority of men.  But he could feel love and love you for a long time before he actually says it.

So how can you tell?  To put it in terms of your questions:  How do men show their love?

There are all sorts of conventional images of men showing love through giving gifts:  roses, chocolates, stuffed animals, cards, etc but these are not necessarily signs of love.  These could very well just be customs he feels obligated to fulfill because he’s in a relationship. But there is one gift that is an excellent gauge of his love for you: his time.

When a man spends more time with you and less with his family and friends, this is a very clear sign that he loves you.  He’s choosing to be with you over all of the other things he could be doing and people he could be spending time with.

There are other “gifts” that a man gives to show his love that may be more subtle. When a man stands up for you during a difficult situation, attends functions that are important to you, considers you first when planning, goes with you to see your family or does little jobs/chores for you, these are all ways that a man says he loves you.

In fact, when a man is doing these things, he figures … [Click here to keep reading...]

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Barbie February 6, 2014, 8:17 am

Hi Eri
After reading this I m so confused..Im in a long distance relationship AnD he has just started off with his career so he doesn’t have much time for me. But on the other hand he introduced me with his family as the girl he wants to get married to. I talk to his parents and have even met them twice. I have met his close friends too andeveryone even his boss knows about me. So what should I judge! He is good at point two but not doing well at one. M so confused.. Please help I am always on a chase. I really love him and want to be with him but his behavior irritates me. I am on the giving end.

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Tina January 15, 2014, 12:50 am

Eeeeep! I met someone about 4 months ago, he is wonderful and I think we have something special. It is still early, and it is long distance, but we have been able to connect twice since and have scheduled time monthly through May. Recently…I feel like I really screwed up in “NOT” appreciating a pointed effort he attrmpted specifically for my benefit…

For our next meeting, he has hotel options that I don’t, and opened the conversation by asking me what I thought about where he should stay. I was a little confused and didn’t feel comfortable assuming much, he had the knowledge of the options, I didn’t as I never stayed where he had. So, he was trying to see if it mattered more to me where “we” stayed or if having a tub in the room was more important… I completely missed the nuance because he didn’t ask me “out” or if we could maximize our off time together, etc. So, in the end he finally admitted to just wanting to “provide a nice shower for me, if I want to stay with him”. Duh, I feel so dumb now and completely missed “appreciating his thoughtfulness! How can I redeem this? Should I wait until we are there together, meeting up at the airport and express my appreciation then?

Help, thanks…

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Mary January 8, 2014, 10:33 am

Hi dear Eric, I need your advice .It’s almost a year that I feel that I feel that I fell in love in love with a guy(he is not aware of this feeling we don’t know eachother in person but our families are in touch so it cause us to be familiar with eachother) he has got his M.A. from abroad and now works there.I wanted a lot to supress my feelings but I couldn’t be able and now I don’t know what to do?I want him to know about my feelings but I’m afraid of his reaction.I don’t want to bother him or even lost him.What do you think how should I do to express my feelings in a way that I can keep my self-esteem too.Please don’t laugh at me as I believe in telepathy .I practiced it alot . But I don’t know how much it work.As a real god believer I do believe that praying help me alot since he is a god believer too.I feel that having a connection with god will leads our souls to have a link.As I have already read in your text you mentioned that it is better not to tell a guy that you like him.But I want to convey my feelings indirectly .I look forward to know your guiding answer. Thank’s in advance cordially yours

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Nicky October 20, 2013, 12:42 am

i live with my boyfriend who is really romantic, like he kisses me all the time holds me and the usual he just wont be intimate with me anymore please help.
P.S i don’t know if it matters but i’m 18 and he’s 28

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millicent September 25, 2013, 5:01 am

when a guy wants you or likes you but swears to hid friends that he will never ask you out on a date ,how do you make him ask you or lead him to ask you axcept trowing yourself on him thats too embarrassing enough already?

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Binäre Optionen handeln September 11, 2013, 7:46 am

Everyone loves it when people come together and share opinions.
Great blog, stick with it!

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Amy June 23, 2013, 6:28 pm

Well my husband hasn’t shown me any love in 45 years of marriage. He loves his garage, work shop, his cars and his apartment he built on to the garage. For all those years we have been married but never slept the whole night nor associated with each other. Life suck’s but now I lived this way for so many years that I don’t care any more. In our mid 60′s and dieing would be an improvement .

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MILLICENT September 25, 2013, 5:07 am

NOW WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING WITH HIM IF HE DOES NOT MEET YOUR NEEDS AS A WOMAN? PLEASE DONT TAKE THIS QUESTION THE BAD WAY

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Help June 22, 2013, 6:39 pm

I met a guy on a dating website this past Valentine’s Day. He lives on another island and I live in Honolulu, so it is sort of a long-distance relationship, although it works with our work schedule (he’s a pilot and I’m a realtor).

We spent the first month talking on the phone, and finally had our first lunch date. Since then we were together as much as possible for the next 2 1/2 months. I would spend time with him on his layovers and I would fly up to spend time with him at his house. He even invited me up to meet his parents who were in town on vacation, so I went up and spent 4 days with them, which included his mother’s birthday celebration.

He showed all of the signs that you have noted in your article and I knew that he cared about me. We didn’t have a dinner here, lunch there. We spent days together and were inseparable from the moment he/I got off the plan until he/I got back on the plane. I could feel that he cared about me after spending all that time with him. When we weren’t together, he was great about texting, calling, or facetiming almost daily.

His last visit was about a month ago and my last interaction with him was dropping him off at the airport and him kissing me passionately curbside. Everything was great and then 3 days after he left he wanted to talk on the phone. That’s when he told me that he had issues with my dog sleeping in bed with me (he thought it was dirty) and that I wasn’t into keeping physically fit (by the way my work keeps me very active and I am 5’7″ and 120lbs). I sighed in relief and told him that I could totally work on those things (and I had actually planned to start yoga again). He then said that we can still see other people right? I was surprised by this, but I answered: sure, are you? He said yes, he is talking to another girl he met on the same dating website. I said that I was not looking for a fling and that I wanted to be in a relationship, etc. That’s when he said that he didn’t think we should see each other anymore. This conversation took place 4 weeks ago and I made the mistake of texting him sporadically for the first 2 weeks and have not reached out to him since.

I want him back so bad. I don’t understand what happened. Everything was going great and we got along so well. We had a great time together–he even said that we have great chemistry and that dating me has been amazing. I met his parents and his best friends knew about me. What happened?

My question is: Does he miss me at all? Will he ever reach out and try to contact me? Would he ever want to get back together? I have gone through break-ups before and have always agreed that it was for the best. In this case, it came out of left-field and I had no idea anything was wrong. It just doesn’t feel like the end of our story…help!

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Ambi May 17, 2013, 3:10 pm

Eric!! ur the man…please dont ever start charging us for the info u give us :( ur stuff is real and it works.the whole website, all ur info iv been addicted to it for days now.it really helps. And its free i cant belive it. I would love for u to answer my 1 question with ur opnion or knowldge that u hold please.. ‘The respect principle’? nothing..so I read rom a diff web..however when u respect him thats his way of knowing u lov him? is that true? sooo..question is..how do u show this respect ..cus apprantly when u show him this kind of respect…h starts falling in love with u too…hmm :) thansk Eric x
thats how guy knows u love him..tellin him u love him mean may

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Aurora April 8, 2013, 9:59 pm

Wow this is amazing :D this article made me feel much better about my relationship, I’ve been questioning my boyfriends love for me latly since he has been so wishy-washy, he told me he really loved me because I was being so supportive and believed that we could work things out after a break up, the love thing was surprising. And kinda makes me tippy toe around him (don’t want him to do it all over again) but he is doing nice things for me like picking me up from work and inviting me to dinners with his family. I really hope this is his way of saying he truely does love me and he made a mistake :)

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V November 30, 2012, 1:02 pm

22 years ago, I was in a relationship with a wonderful man. I fell head over heels for him. He was very good to me. He was always doing things for me. However, because he wasn’t one to demonstrate physical affection (hugs, hand holding, spontaneous kisses) I was afraid that he didn’t love me as much as I loved him. Dumb…I know. Anyway, we went our separate ways. I moved to a different town an hour away and ended up marrying someone about 6 years later. After 12 years, we divorced.

Three months ago, I contacted this man from 22 years ago by writing him a letter. I gave him my phone number in case he felt like calling me sometime. He called me the day after receiving the letter. During that time, we have been having a blast emailing and talking on the phone. He invited me for lunch in his town and we had a very nice day talking, catching up, and having lunch. He even called me after I got home to make sure that I made it safe and sound.

I invited him to spend Thanksgiving with my family. He baked a cake and brought it with him. He spent the day and had a very good time. I ended up emailing him the following day letting him know that even after all these years I still loved him and always had. I asked him if he would give some thought to where this reunion could take us (neither of us want to get married again).

He replied by thanking me for being honest with him about my feelings. He then told me that he wanted to think on it and then we would talk in person. He told me that he would call me soon. I haven’t contacted him further because I don’t want him to feel pressured. Also, I work 1st shift and he works 2nd shift…weekends are about the only time that we can communicate.

Any ideas on what might be going through his mind? From a man’s perspective, what are your thoughts?

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Brad December 12, 2013, 1:39 pm

If want a man perspective as man I think he loves you for sure

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bella samer October 22, 2012, 2:15 pm

it was coooooooooool

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trusters June 20, 2012, 5:36 am

Thak’s for this site, i learned a lot, thank’s to all especially to Eric,

Well me too, i don’t understand my man we’ve been dating for almost 2weeks, i slept with him but i keep telling him i’m not ready to make love, so he said ok i have patience. I’m 30 and he’s 45.
I really don’t know if he’s really interest on me because he knew me three years ago that i’m still a virgin, and then we crossed our path again after 3 years, but i’ve seen him with a diffrent woman, for the past years, but even he’s with gf hes always smiling at me always say hello…..
And suddenly he came to my place where i work and ask for a date and he’s always waiting for me till late at night, and which i really appreciated for what he’s doing, He keeps texting me I really miss you, but seems i don’t believed him.
And now he went back to his country, asking me if can wait him if i like.
I like him but i have doubt, i dont want to be hurt.
How do i know that the man is really serious?
Please i need some advice!

Thank you thank you! God Bless and More Power to all!

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sneh June 5, 2012, 2:52 pm

I’m inlv wit a guy he just keeps telling me he loves me and I love him too, he wants a baby with and all stuff but the probelm is when we together we don’t talk too much we just reach that silent moment everytime I don’t what it means cause everytime we together we don’t have much to talk we just be busy with tv or other things but not settling down talking like others like having jokes but he’s serious help please

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Lee May 18, 2012, 9:25 pm

I have been dating a guy for a little over a month, we met online and he lives 45 miles away. We slept together on our last date and he stayed till the next day. We had plans to go out this week but as of Mon. he is unsure of wether or not he will even be living in the state anymore due to his job. While talking to me about this over the phone, I told him that we should probably not see eachother anymore if he is going to have to be moving away. He said he understood and didn’t want to hurt me or himself. I quickly said “good luck and take care” and hung up. We previously texted and talked several times daily. Have not talked since this conversation 2 days ago and I am wondering if I didn’t make a mistake? I really like him and believe he really liked me.

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Christina May 9, 2012, 4:01 pm

Hi Eric

I am in a relationship with a guy who is 18 years younger than me & he is also my boss. I have been with the company for 2 years & 2 months (March 2010) & I now assist him in running it , I was diagnosed with breast cancer May 2010 & had both breasts removed. He asked me out on a date in Sept 2010, 2 months after my operation & that turned into regular dating every week & most weekends . He brought an apartment July 2010 after living with his mum & dad most of his life & asked me to help him set it up with furniture etc… He helped me through the Chemo & rad treatment & in January 2011 he asked me to move in with him. We get on great although we do have our disagreements now & then. At home, he is very affectionate with lots of cuddles & kisses & tells me often how much he loves me, even more than I know & that I am his life. We spend most of the time in each others company but he rarely spends time with his friends or family or doesn’t go out of his way to contact them like he used to. He has introduced me to his family & good friends but not as his girlfriend but his friend or flatmate. He is a very private person & doesn’t like people knowing about his personal life. His family & friends suspect we are a couple although he will tell them I am his flatmate. At work they suspect, but nothing has been said. My question is, “does this seem strange that he wants to keep us a secret. We go out a lot & if any one we know sees us, he doesn’t care, he doen’t mind me going out although he will ask what time will I be home or text him when I leave. I love him very much and we have talked a lot about it, his reply is what we have is no one elses business & as long as we are happy thats all that matters. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

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Lisa Lopez April 21, 2012, 9:43 am

hi Eric!
so i met this guy on a dating site three months ago. We live 7000 miles from each other. He just got divorced. His ex wife cheated on him. But there were also a lot more factors why they broke up. Well, anyway it is really strange because both of us fell in love after talking online. We’ve skyped a few times. He says he’s coming in a few months to marry me. We talk almost everyday. I’m calm abt the whole thing. He does give me time. I just hope he’s for real and he really is coming to meet me. I’d be devastated if he doesn’t come! =/ he’s a really nice guy. He says he wants a marriage and he can’t see himself not being married. He didn’t even want to get a divorce but his ex wanted it. So i hope the both of us will work. =) hoping for the best!

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ZY April 14, 2012, 11:11 pm

this is such a great article :) my ex and i broke up recently (he wanted out) and i am not taking it so well. i am one of those women who are insecure and i always wanted him to be around me, as much as possible. yet, we only meet on weekends (his say as he needs ALOT of space). after what you mentioned about the guy wanting to spend time with you, i see things in a different light. it is true that he loves me though his actions, by spending much more time with me than anybody else, other than his colleagues while they are at work.

i am new to this website and i will read on more and hopefully, we will get back again in time to come :)

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me April 14, 2012, 7:04 pm

Hi Eric.. It was a very beautiful article…. and you write really well with all the feelings .Ii really loved the line ” he is sharing himself with you”…and one more line ” he wants to connect you to the people he is most connected to “…..I am really lucky to have my someone special in my life …and your someone special would be really lucky to have you..

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pink March 21, 2012, 12:16 am

really im so touched. he does those things to me even I already break up with him. I love all your’e articles. “Very Realistic”

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pink March 21, 2012, 12:08 am

OMG! I was touched when you said ” But there is one gift that is an excellent gauge of his love for you: his time.”

He never gave me anything last feb.14.. And I was disappointed(But not really3x disappointed), I told him that. He told me he still have no money yet, but when the time comes he will have a job.. He promised me he will give me the things that would make me happy..

We just go out that day, and ate @ a restaurant.. were happy and enjoyed because we love eating together. :)

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Marg February 17, 2012, 11:37 pm

I am with my man for over 2 years now and he has never said that he loves me. Now there are a lot of things about him and the relationship that seem odd to me, many indications that women see as signs of not being in love… however I (after a long journey) have realized that he does love me. He loves me very much. I know this because he is brutally honest. It took me a long time to figure this out about him but if he didn’t love me he wouldn’t still be with me, and the times we broke up we would have stayed apart.

He takes care of me in his own ways, and is there for me when he believes I need him to be. That being said, if he thinks something I find to be the end of the world isn’t that bad he wont baby me… he’ll tell me to think about the good things. He’s harsh, and he’s cold but he’s real and the truth is, he’s right.

Sometimes he doesn’t introduce me to people and for a long time that made me feel like he didn’t want to include me in his life, but when I looked around I realized that he gives me unlimited access to his home & privacy. He gives me his debit card and pin # whenever I want it, he has of he and I together up on his facebook, he kept every stupid note I wrote him. Anytime he prepares food for himself, he prepares the same for me, he brings me coffee in the morning, he takes me out and if I ask for something, big or small, he gives it to me never expecting even a thank you. When he gets the shows we watch together he waits for me before he watches them, he forgives me for all the stupid & selfish things I do.

I want to hear him say that he loves me, but if I heard him say it, and he never showed me that he loves me again I would be devastated. What I’m saying is, I know now that he doesn’t have to say it for him to mean it. I don’t know why it’s hard for him, but I do know it’s not because he doesn’t love me.

I have never felt more secure with anyone in my life, and for over two years now I haven’t heard those words even once. The man in my life is the best love I have ever had and I wouldn’t trade him for all the sweet little nothings in the world.

–Marg

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Holding Myself Back January 25, 2012, 3:17 am

Thank you for sharing your point of view, Eric. I’ve been dating a guy for 3 1/2 weeks now. We made love on our 2nd date. He’s still around since our 2nd date. Even though he’s busy, he still takes time to be with me. He invites me in to his place or he visits me. He takes me out to dinner. He does things for me such as cooking, cleaning his place, hugging and kissing me, listening to me attentively, telling me what he thinks and his plans for the day or the week, and telling me his goals. He is sweet and passionate in actions. One time, he told me I’m a good friend. He is honest with me that he’s not ready for a relationship and he’s dating other girls (hands off with them). He said he wants to take it slow and he doesn’t want me to get hurt. He’s getting his life together financially, and I understand his situation. He knows I like him a lot. I’m holding myself back. I don’t want to fall on the ground. I don’t know if he’s staying or leaving. He might fall in love with one of the girls he dates and choose her over me. So, what do you think, Eric? Is he just staying with me for friendship? Is he falling in love with me? Is he just cautious? Is he afraid of getting hurt and rejected? Is he afraid of losing his freedom? Is he confused at this time of his life? Should I let him go or stay for a while? What do you think about our situation, Eric? I need insight from you, who is a guy. Thanks again.

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Bel4145 January 24, 2012, 6:28 pm

Thank you! I have been with my guy for 2 years and after reading your advice I have decided that I have become complacent and my expectations are those of Hollywood movies. Its not roses and chocolates over here, BUT I get the shoulder rub after a hard day. He teases me and says “why dont you ever hold me?”, “you know you are loved and wanted.” He has passed on a baseball game with the guys when I was home sick and every morning he rolls over and snuggles me. This is just to name the few things that I thought of after reading your response. Guys and gals just express love talk differently. So thank you for slaping the reasonable advice in my face when I was doing a poor me I never get flowers girl.

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riya January 12, 2012, 8:14 am

Hi this is riya ,am in a love with guy ,i know he loves me ,but he has never introduced to his f rens as his gf , who ever ask hims he says she is my fren only ,but he is very true to me ,i has been into 4 yrs ,we used to have fights .we have been talking abt our marriage and everything in that he is not untrue ,,he is sincere only in marriage ,,but i have asked y not giving intro to your frens he said –i don like others making fun of me (not me ,himself ),,,,,and— is that very important that they should know abt u now ,

i want him to be frank to his frens in my case …

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Sarah January 10, 2012, 7:06 pm

e f, i totally agree with you. my boyfriend shows me all these signs but he says he’s not in love with me. i’m sticking with it though because no other guy has ever treated me better. we decided to stay together for now but spend less time together to see if it helps since we’re together all of the time. so we’ll see what happens…

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e f January 10, 2012, 6:44 pm

be careful girls. notice when hes made time for you. if you havent slept with him and hes making time for you, its not love. if youve slept with him and he wants more its not love. if youve slept with him, fought with him, broke up, made up and he still makes time for you its love.

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Camille December 21, 2011, 10:49 am

Beware of this one… On one hand he might not have been receptive to your crush for the simple fact that he is aware of his friends crush for you, whom you formerly had a crush . On the other hand, it could be he’s not interested in you. If you noticed that he is looks at other girls, he could be subtly or “clearly” letting you know his attention is elsewhere; Divided, at best.

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Dangling Participle December 1, 2011, 1:36 pm

Thanks for this article. I’m an affectionate person and am a little disappointed that my new guy isn’t much of a cuddler. But reading this article gave me a new perspective, esp. the “gift of time.” He’s always the one asking “when can I see you again?” and even though he’s got all sorts of work and family commitments, makes time to see me, text, email, or call. By his own admission he’s not a “nurturing” kind of guy, so it’s a little harder to read him. But when I thought about all the time he makes for me, I realized that there’s no one “right” way a man shows interest.

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Sharon April 24, 2013, 3:54 am

I agree with you, my man is the same way he is hard to read sometimes which made me daunt but reading this article also made me think of all the time he makes to be with me and see me. And yes i do agree that there is no perfect guy that shows interest. They are all different in showing it.

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butter baby November 28, 2011, 12:22 am

its not about marriage , nor living together , nor having to talk everyday. Its about loving someone unconditionally wanting them to be happy with whom ever they are with. Letting them know you didn’t understand they felt the same, you wanted to tell them, you do love them the same way, if you like her i like her , if you don’t i don’t. Letting them know , there is someone who loves them , for themselves, criminal or not, did it or not. they have someone no matter what on their side. Ugly ass what ever you do kinda of thing. even if it child molesting . i still will be there. So, with that being said, i saw that he too loved me in the same manner, didn’t judge, said i was different , but i think he knows now, who i am, Jr.

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Lilmisslady November 22, 2011, 6:45 pm

Absolutely awsum stuff Eric! I’m kinda glued to my computer screen… Learning a lot from you!
Thank you so much, i will keep on reading and learning.

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Eric Charles November 22, 2011, 7:55 pm

Thanks – I appreciate that and I’m glad it helped.

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Angel November 11, 2011, 9:47 pm

Hey Eric , I’m with you, all us girls need to listen up and understand the interpoersonal dynamic from an open, honest man like yourself. I personally took offenxe at some needless banter about women from an earlier post,
I fall in like quite a lot and always seem to get tripped up by being a bit hoodwinked with fibs off guys in the first few nonths .
I’ve finally met someone who I think is authentic, but now we are both so nervous around each other I’m worried that we will slide into friendship. Or mutual respect and fascination of each other is clear in our communications via text, but around each other face to face, it feels like we are fizzing bombs waiting to go off ….like the pronise and potential is almost too much to bear. I’m 38 and we are like too shy teenagers ! Its an unusual predicament to be in to be honest, alomst as if the potential makes the situation that much more intense. I suppose I don’t want to ruin it by fastforwarding the intimacy and whislt the delicious potential warms my loins, I don’t want it to fizzle to friendship through fear of messing it up on either of our parts. You know when you meet someone you know something big could happen with ? Or maybe I’m mistaking the sitch and he does just want to be mates, or simoply isn’t sure….or is this a proper adult relationship and the start of sunmit….i enjoy pondering how to have a successful relationship a lot, as I have a bad marriage under my belt , so would particularly weclcome your thoughts and advices. Emotionally mature and open men are rare Eric, so your input would be appreciated. With respect and thanks to yoi and Mrs Eric, who must surely have to take some credit for your fabulousness lol

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Eric Charles November 18, 2011, 7:51 am

Hey Angel,
.
Thanks so much for your comments and compliments. Much appreciated.
.
No Mrs. Eric in the picture yet (at least, not a permanent one), but I have my amazing, wonderful partner Sabrina Alexis, who’s played (and continues to play) a critical role in everything I put out here on A New Mode.

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Princess Luv November 11, 2011, 5:40 pm

Hey Eric, I guess this was the best post I’ve ever read. Thank you.. Now I can understand Why My Boyfriend a little bit more and see through a guy’s perspective.
Keep up the good work..! :)

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Eric Charles November 11, 2011, 8:35 pm

Thanks – I really appreciate that. Glad to hear it.

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Angel November 3, 2011, 9:45 am

Guys
I can’t believe how you are treating Eric and his site! He has taken the time to build it, advise you and share valuable information (and he look hot) and you are all using it to vent your own dis satisfaction with your lives and venting neurosis – when you should be making like Jimmy Hendricks ‘wisdom talks, knowledge listens’
We all have our own unique way of understanding the battle of the sexes, but basically men want the chase from a fiesty lady, not some two bit hooker with bad underwear, and men want the chase, the thrill, the opportunity to ruminate and consider this mystery lady unlike any other. If you don’t feel that he or she is giving you a thrill. Then find someone who does! Eric, the best sex starts with the mind – and your mind is amazing – you are one sexy man – respect to you and all you do dealing with some grade A muppets! I bet you know how to love a woman properly x love and lite angel x

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Eric Charles November 3, 2011, 11:15 am

Hi Angel,
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Thanks for your comment and compliments. Much appreciated.
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For the record though, I don’t mind women coming here to talk about the problems they’re facing in relationships or venting. I can’t always answer every woman, but I really appreciate that they come to do it here.
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There’s only one thing I’m against in comments, and that’s commentary to the effect of being anti-men, male bashing or setting up a mentality of men vs. women. That kind of thing I cut-off real quick.
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But venting… everyone can vent away. I love all our readers and fans and I am sincerely grateful to have you all. :)

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Andrea November 2, 2011, 12:15 am

Thank you! I think I have been so caught up in waiting to hear the words, ‘I love you,’ that I wasn’t focusing on the important thing… His actions. Even if he isn’t ready to say how he feels, he shows me through his actions. :-)

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Karie October 29, 2011, 8:08 am

Hi Eric,
I need your help…I really like this guy but I’m not sure if he likes me..We met through common friends..At first I didn’t have any feelings for him coz I liked another guy..But as time went by I stopped liking that guy and started liking him.We’ve never really met alone…always with our group of friends.So I haven’t really told him that I like him or anything coz I don’t want to ruin our friendship, in case things don’t work out between us.I just told him once on chat that I have a crush on him,but he didn’t react much.Also I know he doesn’t have a girl friend or anything ,but he checks out other girls & I really don’t like it.How do I tell him that I like him without ruining our friendship ??

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Theresa October 26, 2011, 3:56 pm

The things you described fit what I have experienced with the man I met about 6 months ago. We have some very deep talks, shared thoughts. He always wants to be with me. This will sound strange, but we have been talking through playstation 3 home. We have not actually met, but i can tell he wants to. When we first met I was initially concerned with the things he was saying. But we have developed feelings for each other. And I really learned this when he was one for a month with no warning. He came back, and we talked, he was so concerned that I had not waited for him. I know he adores me, because he is always with me, and my pics are all over the place on home. He has told me he loves me, can this be true! He says that hes wanted me since we met, that there is something special about me, different from others met. Im concerned that when the time comes to meet, he wii be disappointed, cause hes fallen for a avitar. And not the real me, even though he’s said he doesn’t care about any of that
Has met

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Serendipity38 October 14, 2011, 11:29 pm

Hi Eric:
As I read your post I smile and then frowned. You sound like you make sense, but I am quite frustrated with my guy. We met in January 2009, started seeing each other in April 2009, became involved in a relationship in August 2009. I made the mistake of having a “i want a serious relationship” and literally sent him running a week later. We started breaking up in January 2010 and he gave me his final decision in February after 5 weeks of deliberation as he wasn’t sure he wanted to break up with me (all the while still going out every weekend). For about 9 months afterwards (slowly at first then every other week) we kept hanging out (he would always ask me). I decided I couldn’t continue in that weird state so I gave him an ultimatum which he did not accept so I stopped responding to him. We reconnected this February and started that strange it’s like we’re in a relationship but not really. Then we officially got back together in August 2011 (after i again started saying I needed clarity)…. we go out every weekend and talk several times a day (mostly his outreach). Problem? He’s never said he “loves me”. It defibitely appears he wants to spend lots of time with me and obviously thinks about me throughout the day (he texts and calls), but i’ve never met his roomate, or friends… I did meet his mom who lives in another country and came to visit him the first time around. He’s not the most romantic guy in the world… but it’s even hard for him to respond romantically…when I am romantic/sweet with words. So does he love me?

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Serendipity38 October 14, 2011, 11:33 pm

Oh one more thing… we’re only intimate (sexual) when we are officially in a relationship. So when we were hanging all that time after our break-up we were not gaving sex. So it wasn’t a “he’s getting his cake and eating it too”…. He never disrespected me like that.

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Rue October 10, 2011, 9:39 pm

I just read your post and this brought me to tears. I just stumbled across your website today and this is just what I needed to read. My ex and I recently got back together, and I’ve been struggling to understand wether or not he really loved me and was in this relationship. Then, I was reading this post and I got to “his time” I burst into tears. He has spent some of his time with me almost everyday since we got back together. Previously I only saw him 2 days a week and I was always asking for more time, and now that I have it I’ve been so ungrateful and needy I feel awful for acting out towards him. Thanks again for a great post!

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Eric Charles October 11, 2011, 12:55 am

Rue – I’m glad that this was helpful for you. I wish you good luck and a good future in your relationship.
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Relationships aren’t always easy, but if you can strive to bring your best self to the relationship and put your best into it, you’ll be fine. Keep going and good luck. :)

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Sarah October 6, 2011, 3:53 pm

My boyfriend of about 6 months shows all of these sign but he still says that he likes me. What are the chances of him actually saying it?

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......... August 14, 2011, 11:20 pm

jasmine can go to lunch or she can go to ***

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katherine July 8, 2011, 1:08 am

hey calidude, we dont give a fuck what you do for fun we dont need to know that your a player and a jackass that needs to have his dick cut off . and sufi girl for allah, men are not just for eating pussy,working and keeping a roof over your head and if you think thats all your good for then you are a dumbass bitch btw your the whore, not everyone else, you dont disrespect people you dont even know you stupid bitch.

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Corey February 4, 2012, 3:20 am

Wow someones angry and if anyone ever cut off MY dick I would make them suck their own bone marrow out of various well dur bones.and everyday ild serverly cut them and quickly carterise the wound and ild rip open the abdomen and but in ant larvae and close em up and ild do this as long as possible thays how bad I think cuting off a mans dick is so dont even threaten a guy with that if I got threatend.with that she’ld be half way cross the room weird thing is I camae to this page after I searched I have no affection for others lol!im a 6’4 ft 15 year old with.messed up emotions and a preety darn good record.for getting 10′s at the gun range so bitch deal with it! Muahhahahao

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Eric Charles February 4, 2012, 2:59 pm

Ease up…
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Play nice dude. It’s OK.

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Brook Flowers June 22, 2011, 4:57 pm

Ok I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We have a son together. When we dated and he worked long haul he would tell me/and the world all the time how he felt about me. We have been living together for almost a year and everything stopped. The nice words, nice gestures, compliments, and sexy comments. I now feel like I am unattractive to him and he’s rather play on the computer, video games, watch TV then be with me. When we were together for a year he talked about marriage. Started planning it all out the date what colors he wanted and everything. Now he says nothing to something little when i bring it up. It doesn’t feel serious to him anymore and to be honest I feel ignored most the time. I tell him how i feel but I try not to be the nagging girlfriend and I let it go but then it starts bothering me when he hasn’t even told me a compliment or called me beautiful in over a year. How do I get it back? Is he out of love with me? Do i repulse him? He tells me no but the actions speak differently… help!

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tutu June 9, 2011, 11:24 pm

I am so glad I am doing the right thing in your opinions. I agree also with not expecting anything from him and our lives are better and happier that way. There were times I wanted to shake him and asked him “why this, that, those?” . I thought what would that do if he didn’t want it, why would I want to change him. He is a person and I am in love with him , I will take him as the way he is or leave him. I am not going to change the person he is or how he has made. One thing I strongely believe is “when someone truely wants you, he would try to do everything he can to have you” and “if that someone doesn’t recognize at all to how you wanted things to go, he is not for you.”.
Thank you once again Eric Charles for your time and your energy for all of us who are here. I wish you all the best of the world in everything you do and I do believe all of us here appreciated how you are trying to help us.

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Eric Charles June 10, 2011, 12:01 am

Thank you tutu – I appreciate you saying that and glad I could help.

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tutu June 9, 2011, 4:51 am

Thank you to you Eric Charles, you have helped me so much to understand what men think.
They are weird , like you said. What I am doing to a man I love is I give him compliments in everything he did.

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Eric Charles June 9, 2011, 3:50 pm

That’s great and I’m happy to hear that.
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Appreciation and acknowledging everything you like about your partner goes a long way to improve your relationship.
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1. It makes your partner more receptive to everything you say.
2. It makes them feel happy they’re with YOU.
3. It makes them feel a bond to you, like you’re the only one who sees them or understands them.
4. It makes it easier for YOU to love THEM.
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Sadly, it can be easy in a relationship to fall into a routine or take the other person for granted. It can be easy to hold back appreciation for them because you resent something else they’re doing or feel that one of your own needs isn’t being met.
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But when you can love and give freely without needing anything back in return, a funny thing happens: Love, acknowledgement and appreciation starts flowing freely to you. Your relationship gets better.
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And when you think about it, why wouldn’t it? You’re recognizing your partner in an intimate, positive way. It seems obvious and yet somehow it’s still very rare in day-to-day life.
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I’m glad to read that you’re taking this mindset to heart. Good luck.

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csseo777 May 9, 2011, 5:32 am

thanks, great

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Jennifer April 25, 2011, 3:57 pm

Who the hell do you think you are calling me stupid?….
when did i say it was a matter of life or death??
learn to read correctly skank… you can’t even spell properly!!!
you don’t know anything about me or my interests, you are just a narrow minded cow.

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Sufi Girl for Allah April 12, 2011, 3:50 am

Jenifer your stupid , u need to be slapped 4 being stupid! a relationship with a guy isnt a matter of life n death!! go focus on other things in the world like japan relife.org 4 those who died in the earthqwake..not weather he loves your man loves u or some other dumb bitch…

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calidude April 12, 2011, 3:47 am

i would say yup i fuck girls 4 fun and dump them your right because women are stupid

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Joecy April 12, 2011, 3:45 am

3thumbs up

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Sufi Girl for Allah April 12, 2011, 3:44 am

High 5 Joecy, , i can write i love you on my lisence plate on my car , does that mean i love the fucker behind me on my way to burger king? LOL

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Joecy April 12, 2011, 3:43 am

well said Sufi! , you make me a proud woman yo! thats it sista , most dese r white hoes anyways

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Sufi Girl for Allah April 12, 2011, 3:38 am

Look as a woman , i know my ground and Men are Just for eating Pussy and working and providing a House, now most women are just fucking stupid and needy , you ladies embarass my woman hood with your level of stupidity < Bitches!! If a Man wants to be with you He will , and he will comitt Himself to you like a slave. you whores need to realise your just to damn stupid for a guy and you dont interest them , because you talk too much about nothing and they want to put their dick in your mouth to shut u up!!!, Anyways enough said , but alot of women are stupid !!! and cant seem to understand Guys

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Mia November 18, 2011, 2:43 am

lol. Sufi. I can’t stop laughing aat your statement. lol. Women do talk too much. lol

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Manda March 13, 2011, 9:18 pm

Thanks so much for the insight!! It was so wonderful to read because so many things made much more sense and I am now able to appreciate his words and actions much more. Thank you!

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kelsi12 February 20, 2011, 9:11 pm

miller1234* … i have read the comment you left and it has litterally turned my life around …. why rush love right or the feeling or the need to hear i love you …. from him or her … vise versa …. somone dont have to say i love you , somtimes it is shown threw actions and conversations between the two….. love is patient …. i think that is why my last marriage failed and bc of other reasons …. but my advise to ladies … is dont become infactuated wh him…. love comes with good and bad…. iv been wh my other for ab 7months and i dont need to feal the need to hear i love you bc he simply shows it…. and just as i simply show it to him… i live two hours away from him and hes in the airforce but far as long distance relationships … i trust him and he trust me….. i just know and i dont worry ab it… i have enough sense to tell if somthings going on…. i would think …. but this is my first time being in a long distance realtionship and i can deaf say LOVE IS PATIENT <3

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miller1324 November 26, 2010, 6:32 pm

So glad to find a close to justified answer as to what I was looking for. Out of curiosity I google’d this topic in hopes to find an answer to this “new love” that has been connected to me. This article responds to REAL,…TRUE LOVE. NOT puppy love, not love that is immature…but real, down right love. It took me 24 years to feel anything like what I do for this man, and when you know; you know, and the cases above describe it perfectly. Have I heard “I love you?”..no! But he has shown I love you in every way possible. Love truly is patient though and that’s the best part about this. There really is someone for every person out there, and it happens when you are least expecting it! Keep your eyes and your heart open, and when your heart is ready to surrender to love, it will :) Such a great article! Thanks!..and ladies… ALWAYS LET HIM SAY “I LOVE YOU” FIRST!

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KJ September 2, 2010, 6:27 am

Wow. Eric your website is amazing and truly helpful. I have been dating my best friend for about a month now and since we became official, he’s become a different person. Not in a bad way, but just different to how he used to act when we were just friends.

Although we have said “I love you” to each other already, I-being a pessimist at times-tend to doubt his feelings for me, which I know I shouldn’t do. But after reading this post, I get it now. It is true, he HAS opened up to me and he DOES do errands for me. Despite the fact that he hasn’t said those three words in a while, he shows it every single day and that’s all that matters to me.

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jennifer September 1, 2010, 5:35 pm

could someone please give me advice here?? im only going out with my boyf 10 wks but wev really clicked. the other night we got on to the topic of love and he suddenly said that i loved him even doh iv never said it, tbh i dont know how i feel yet but i do really really really like him!. so in our messing i told him that he loved me. now he has since told me he would never tell a girl first that he loves her as he would be too shy and afraid she wouldnt say it back, i told him i felt the same! now i cant help wondering do we both love eachother but neither of us is saying it and were both just keeping it bottled up?? or is he messing with my head??
any advice/help would be much appreciated!!

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Eric Charles May 23, 2010, 6:21 pm

Hi Bri,
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I don’t think that you caused “irreparable damage” by telling him you love him when you did. There’s nothing wrong with sharing your love or feelings with someone you care deeply about.
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On the other hand, we all have to remember that everyone responds differently to things and they don’t always respond how we would like them to (or even expect them to)…
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It’s the situations where we don’t like their reaction that get us into trouble. When we react to their reaction with fear, worry, anger, frustration, resentment, embarrassment, etc., then that is when we end up creating a bad situation.
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When we have the strength to avoid the subject and give the other person time to come around at their own pace, then things usually work out.
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He said that he’s “falling in love with you”… that definitely means you’re on the right track. Like I said, he might not say the three words right away, but it sounds like he feels love for you and is approaching it his own way.
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I would say just give it time, you didn’t do any damage, you’re doing fine. :)

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Bri May 23, 2010, 4:48 am

First in response to Jasmine,
he said not all guys are this way…hes making a generalization.
Just as girls do when were speaking of other girls feelings, we cant anticipate to know what every girl in the world feels.

And reading this Q&A I feel slightly enlightened but also…I feel horrible…
The reason being, usually I don’t go out right away and say “I love you” to a guy…I usually wait awhile and the guy ends up saying it which in turn kind of pressures me into saying it BUT,
I met this guy in October and we click for pretty much every thing
over winter break of college we hung out a lot, and introduced each other to our friends and family. Then a quite moment came up after we had been going out for a short time,where I had the overwhelming feeling to say “I love you” so I did…
He was understanding but said he didn’t know the full meaning of love itself for any one other than his friends and family, and although he feels as though it could become love…he couldn’t say it.
I too was understanding, but when we would talk and it come close to the topic of like/love… he got slightly defensive, and says He’s still not ready to say love and he wants to make sure its the right time.
Even when I’m not even addressing that subject, although up until recently when he said he was falling in love with me, I had avoided this subject with great care.
I feel as though I caused irreparable damage by saying “I love you” to soon.
Any Thoughts?

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JustMe May 16, 2010, 12:50 am

What’s with all the animosity? Granted, 6 months is not eternity, but sometimes we meet someone who we just “click” with and we feel that all the unwritten rules go out the window. Or there are some people whose families say “i love you” to eachother very frequently, and it only seems natural that they would feel not hearing it from a boyfriend makes them wonder. I didn’t know how to look for the signs when I first started dating – of how to interpret love rather than mere passing interest from a guy. I think what Eric is saying will be helpful.

Jasmine, sometimes guys throw around “i love you” immediately, but most of those times, a guy wants to get in a girl’s pants or is a pretty intense guy and usually will back off a bit afterwards. . When a guy meets a girl that he doesn’t want to mess things up yet, he will probably wait.

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KoalaBare May 14, 2010, 12:21 am

Just read the first paragraph and can’t believe this person expects a guy to tell her he loves her after SIX MONTHS…..wondering if I should bother reading on….?

WHERE DO U GET THESE SILLY/NAIVE LADIES/QUESTIONS FROM??? :(

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Camille December 21, 2011, 10:57 am

You are mean.

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Eric Charles May 12, 2010, 8:48 pm

Thanks, Love Destiny. Can’t please everyone I guess. :)

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Suzanna May 19, 2011, 3:50 am

I agree with Love Destiny. Your posts are very helpful and insigtful.
I have followed your advice and in just one day I turned from being the chaser to the chased! thank you soo soo much! please do not change

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Eric Charles May 19, 2011, 3:12 pm

Wow, thank you – that is so great to hear. I always appreciate hearing that I helped. Thanks!

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Mia November 18, 2011, 2:03 am

Hey Eric,
Just joined. Love your articles and I think within a week have read almost all of them. This is one of my three utmost favorites. It speaks directly of the true love of a mature man. Love Destiny has a point in stating that some men do constantly use the infamous three-letter phrase without any substance. However, the man is not entirely to blame in those scenarios because it takes two to tango. If a woman lacks the maturity and intuitiveness to believe whatever a man says without properly and objectively analyzing the situation, then she is to blame as well.

This is going to sound mean but truth is, a man will say anything to get laid even if it means lying. It is our responsibility as a women to decide what you do with the information. Regardless of whether or not he deeply means the “I love you’s” and the “I miss you’s”, I personally judge a man solely on his actions. When a man’s action matches his words then his words mean something. Other than that, save it because I could care less.

Lastly, you should never wait for another person to validate love. My love is a gift, therefore it can not be earn or lost. It is just a reflection of my internal love for myself, life, and compassion for others. Like any gift, when I give it away, it is that person’s to keep and they can do whatever they want with it. I just determine, BASED ON ME, MYSELF, AND I, if I should continue giving that gift to that person. Learn to love yourself and stop needing other people’s validation.

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Eric Charles November 18, 2011, 9:44 am

Hey Mia,
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Thank you for the comment and compliments – I am glad you love my stuff.
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I think the way you stated love in the last paragraph was beautiful. I don’t think everyone who reads it is going to “get” what you’re saying, but those who do… or realize through reading what you’re saying… will be moved by it. Great stuff.
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As a quick final note – SOME men will do anything to get sex, including lying. But it’s actually a minority of men – most men sincerely want to meet a great girl, their “one” and settle down with her.
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Problem is, these sincere men get overshadowed by liars and relationship con artists because the good, sincere guys have that inconvenience of… being honest. Kind of limits their options.
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So, in current society, young naive women date lying jerks and get taken advantage of until they learn their lesson.
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The sincere men watch this with bitterness and jealousy. They regret their choice to be sincere and some of them actually go cold to dating with openness because it looks to them like the world only rewards liars and conmen.
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Finally, after the naive girls wise up and the sincere guys step up and start going for women, both the man and woman have been embittered and traumatized by the seeming “unfairness” of dating.
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And they bring these fears into the relationship. Ironically, if those two people had ended up together in the first place, there never would have been the trauma and thus there never would have been the irrational, innappropriate fears.
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I’ve never actually written this before, but one of the reasons I write all this stuff and try to help men and women is to end that cycle of “the bad guys” ruining it for “the good guys”.
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I believe the world would be a better place if women understood men so that they could weed out the cheaters, liars and frauds easily and have relationships with men they would truly be happy with.
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It’s going to take understanding and work for men and for women though.

Love Destiny May 12, 2010, 2:30 pm

Thanks for sharing this Eric!

Found it quite interesting and not your dumbest post like Jasmine said! :-)

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Eric Charles November 22, 2011, 7:48 pm

Glad it was helpful for you – thanks!

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Jasmine May 12, 2010, 11:16 am

this is such bull sh*t. Guys throw the “I love you” around like crazy and just because a guy says “I love you” does not mean they are commiting or anything like that. It’s just a phrase. Most people, not just men, do not show this crazy meaning behind saying it. Unless the guy commits he isn’t commiting, saying “I love you” does not equal commitment and a guy does not feel like he has to live up to something when he says “I love you.” Your boyfriend probably doesn’t love you and that’s why he hasn’t said it. He may care for you a lot and want the type of reaction from you that he would get if he said “I love you,” sex and devoution but I think if he loved you he would just say it.

This was seriously the dumbest post from you I’ve ever read.

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