Ask a Guy: What Do Guys Like In a Girl? post image

Ask a Guy: What Do Guys Like In a Girl?

“There’s a guy at work that I’ve been interested in for a while.  The problem is, he sends mixed signals and I can’t tell if he really is interested in me and flirting or if he’s just being friendly.

What do guys like in a girl?  What makes a guy want to date a girl versus not seeing her as “girlfriend material”?  What do men want in a woman that makes them see them as a catch?”

There are going to be differences from guy to guy, but I’m going to try and keep the discussion of “what men want” to the most universal items possible.

I think it’s important to make the distinction between what men want in a relationship and what men want with a woman.  Moreover, we also need to factor in what men want in their life.

We need to look at all three areas because they are interconnected.  When you know what men want, then you’ll naturally know what makes a man choose one girl to be his girl for the long term.

(Update: This article focuses heavily on the emotional connection aspects of a relationship.  If you are interested in topics on how to attract men and what turns men on, I would invite you to read these two massively popular articles on the subject: Part 1: How To Seduce A Man and Part 2: How To Turn A Man On)

First, what do men want in their life?

This is where you’re going to find the most differences between men.  The good news is that if you know what factors are important in terms of relationships, you’ll know what to look for and what to understand about the man you’re dealing with.

Some men love sports, other men couldn’t care less about sports.  Some men love science, others are uninterested.  Some men love fitness, some love leisure, some love humor.

Every man loves something and it is plain as day if you actually look for what your man loves.  You’ll see the evidence for it in what he does with his free time and what he gets excited about.

When you know what he loves, you want to start digging to really understand the emotions he has about that particular thing.

Let’s say he loves going to concerts, or he’s really excited to go to a concert. You’d want to ask him things like, “Really, you’re going to a ::whoever the artist is:: concert?  Cool. Do you like concerts in general, or is it just because you like that artist?”  Get the answer. “What do you like about concerts/ that artist?”

When you ask men questions like this, they light up.  Guys are kind of weird with emotions; we keep them contained for the majority of our life and interactions, but when a woman wants to explore what we’re excited by, what we love or what we’re passionate about, we can’t say enough!

Seriously, don’t be surprised if a normally calm and collected guy starts gushing about how much he loves that particular thing.

All you have to do is be curious and interested in what he’s saying.  Keep asking questions and exploring what he’s saying.  Go deep and really learn about his loves, his passions, and his interests. More specifically, learn why he’s so passionate about them and what he finds interesting about them.

This will accomplish the following things:

First, he’ll be incredibly excited to tell you about his interests, loves, and passions because most  people inherently want to share the things they love with people who are interested.

Second, if you seem interested in his interests, he’ll want to bring you into his world and expose you to it.  In relationship terms, men love sharing what they love with people and having those people love it too.  In a strange way, sharing what we love with someone else makes it fresh for us again.

For example, when I have a new girlfriend, one of the first things I want to do is watch all of my favorite movies with her.

Why?  Well, I already feel that she likes what I like (chances are, she wouldn’t be my girlfriend if I didn’t see the world in a similar way as I do), so sharing the things I love with her is kind of like bringing her into my world further.  Plus, I get to vicariously enjoy my favorite things as if I was seeing them again for the first time vicariously through her.

When a guy feels that you are intensely interested in his feelings about things he enjoys, he’ll want to share with you.

The more intensely interested you are, the more he’ll want to share with you… and the more he shares, the more he’ll bond with you.

In many ways, men internally feel alone in the world.  We’re conditioned by society to never show our emotions, so we downplay all of our feelings on the surface.  When a woman is intensely interested in our feelings, we’re able to finally breathe a sigh of relief, open up and share ourselves.

This is a pathway to intimacy with guys and while it looks innocent and maybe even a little silly, it is extremely powerful with men.

By extension (and I wouldn’t start here), exploring the things that are really on a guy’s mind is a way to go really deep with a guy.

Women often miss this because they’re hypnotized by his “mask” – that is, the suave, cool, got-it-together appearance that the guy has on the surface.  It’s actually a huge mistake to engage with him on that surface level and believe that’s who he really is.

The reality is that he’s the man underneath “the mask.” He’s the man who feels emotions about the things that actually matter to him.

If you’re interested in what men really want from a relationship, then you want to make the part of himself that he hides from the world your number one focus.  Not his looks, not his surface image, not his “mask”, not his popularity, not his career, etc.

MORE: 5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Men

Another area to drill into is his activity passions – whether it’s business, rock climbing, playing guitar, chess, or even video games… you want to understand what drives him to love it.

Men need to feel like they’re winning in the world.

Whether it’s winning at business or even living the social life they want, they need to feel like they’re a “winner” in the areas of life that are important to them. Winning in the world essentially means that he’s getting what he wants to get out of life in the way he wants to get it.

It’s very important that you understand where in life he wants to be a winner since these are the areas of life that determine if he’s happy in life or not.  These are the areas of life that make him feel like life is good or life is bad. In short, “winning” in life is the most important thing to him.

You just need to understand what winning looks like for him because it will be different for every man.

When it comes to what men want from a relationship: men ultimately want a woman in their corner who believes in them and who always sees them as the winner they want to be in the world. Even when he feels like a loser. Even when he’s going through tough times. Even when there’s been a major setback and he feels like his world is falling apart.

When a man feels like you are the woman in his corner… the woman who gives him inspiration, strength, and confidence to compete… the woman who gives him a power to win in a way he couldn’t do on his own…

… he won’t just feel a bond with you…  He will want you with him forever.

Here’s the most important question men ask themselves in a relationship – Does being with you make him feel like more of a winner in the world than he could ever feel like without you?

I know that sounds obscure, so take a minute to really absorb that.  When you can really let that sink in, you’ll understand exactly how to reach him on a profound level that no other woman is even thinking about.

This is why it’s so important to understand what men want in life. When you understand what he wants in life, you can understand what he needs in a relationship.

What men want in a woman.

Now let’s get into the third piece and talk about what men really want in a woman. Let’s get the superficial stuff out of the way first.

First, superficial does not mean unimportant. If you ignore the superficial side of things, you will be at a tremendous disadvantage.

The smart way to go about things is that you acknowledge the superficial side of things and win in the areas where you can win.

So first, there’s sex.  Great sex isn’t going to be a relationship-maker, but it certainly is very important to men.  There are enough resources out there about being good at sex that I don’t need to delve into it here.  My point is simple: Learn to be great at sex and learn to love sex – it helps.

MORE: Exercises to Enhance Your Sex Life

Next, there’s your looks.  Sadly, women tend to pick the features about themselves that they dislike the most and focus on those.

Men, on the other hand, tend to focus on a woman’s best features.  You would do best to follow the way that men see women and focus on your best features too.

In the realm of how a woman looks, I’m all for fitness, sexy outfits, and sexy make-up. I have seen relatively plain looking women turn into super hot knockouts just by getting in shape, wearing clothes that flatter their body-type, and learning the kind of makeup look that turns men on.

You might think that this is all superficial and I don’t disagree with you.  However, this has a far deeper impact than just how he sees you physically.

It has to do with an incredibly powerful psychological motivator for men, which I call “market value.”

What do I mean by market value?  Well, it’s silly, but human nature is to want whatever everyone else wants.

You’ll hear so-called relationship experts in rag-magazines and pop-psychology books talking about how “men need a challenge” and “men love the chase”…

This advice is confusing and I often see women misinterpreting it.

The fact is, acting like a challenge for no reason or making a man chase you is simply annoying and feels manipulative.  What does work is…

Being a woman that men need to earn.

What does that mean?  It means that not every man could have you.  Only the best man can have you – the man who wins you.

See, if a man feels that you’re with him because you want a boyfriend, then he knows that he could put in barely any effort since your primary interest is in getting some empty relationship title.

However, if a man feels you’re with him because he “won” you and was better than all the other men who you could be with, then he’ll continually work hard to make sure he pleases you and “wins” you.

This makes all the difference between whether he’ll be the guy who sits on the couch all day playing video games and eating potato chips… or if he’ll put in the effort to make you a priority, take you on romantic dates, and treat you like his queen.

The trick is – you need to keep your market value high.  You need to be a woman who other men would jump at the chance to be with if given the opportunity.

Again, the reason for this is that he needs to feel like you’re a woman who’s choosing to be with him every day because he’s the best and that he’s winning you… not because you’re lonely, not because you want a relationship title, not because you “need” him.

My point here is that it’s not about a specific body type or a specific hair color or a specific look…  the factor that makes him intensely want to pursue you, keep you happy, and put effort into pleasing you in every way is  based on your market value and his perception that he’s earning you.

That’s the kind of woman he wants to be with: the woman who he feels is a prize that he won.

Granted, I went over a lot in this article and I would encourage you to re-read it and really think about everything, so go ahead and think about it.

However, it would mean a lot to me if you could leave me a comment – let me know if you have questions about anything, let me know things you liked and that helped and let me know anything else that’s on your mind.  If nothing else, leave me a short comment about anything – I just want feedback so I can keep making my stuff better and better.  Thank you.

Hope it helps,

eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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Hey Eric! How are you?
I really enjoyed and got so much out of this article you wrote! I see that you have written from a place of experience, observation, and study! You have put so much effort into your work and I really appreciate you! You have been so kind to share these useful and helpful insights you have learned! Thank you very much, Eric!

Reply January 1, 2024, 8:22 pm


Thanks so much for this article – really very interesting and gives real insight into how a guy thinks – really wish I had discovered your articles a few months back as think i would still be with my guy if I had access to this stuff back then – I can really see now how to play things at the beginning of a relationship

Reply July 27, 2023, 4:08 am


When you say market value, is that the same meaning as high-value women, or women who men are after because they are high value on the superficial level like looks/financial status/ etc…? Can I say

Reply May 8, 2022, 5:29 am


Great article. On point. Love the raw honesty you write with. Thank you Eric.

Reply May 8, 2022, 4:40 am


The trick is – you need to keep your market value high. You need to be a woman who other men would jump at the chance to be with if given the opportunity.

Reply January 10, 2022, 12:25 pm


Wear the kind of makeup look that turns men on, you said. What is it? Maybe we need photo examples of makeup looks, that are right for this.

Reply September 20, 2021, 1:18 am

Eric Charles

This can change with the times, so even if I posted examples they may no longer be relevant after some time passes.

I can tell you where to find your best examples.

Find only forums that are populated by only men where they feel free to speak openly about guy stuff with the assumption that only men are listening.

For further refinement, search for forums that happen to have the sort of archetype of man you’re attracted to. For example, if you like outdoorsy type guys, search for forums that center around such things. If you’re into athletic muscular guys, look at men’s bodybuilding forums. If you’re into rich success-oriented men, look into investment or entrepreneurial forums that for whatever reason have an audience of primarily men.

Now mind you, just as you would expect some mischief in an all-women’s forum, expect that you’ll see some crude language and ideas being thrown around. Understand that guys have certain ways of communicating that other men understand not to take seriously. So while you might be shocked at some of the things said and the way certain ideas are expressed, don’t take it seriously… in fact, probably the less you read or try to interpret, the better. :)

The purpose of this is to see what kind of women the men you like, like. You’ll be surprised, I guarantee it.

I can tell you as a guy, I’m often amazed at the kind of ideas and images that are presented to women as what men are attracted to.

Oftentimes the images presented to women have a grain of truth but have been twisted into a grave distortion of what men are attracted to.

Not all men are attracted to the same things. And men are more forgiving than women might think in many ways that might surprise you (just as many men would be surprised at how forgiving women can be in certain unexpected ways).

I can’t tell you where to look, but I’ve given you the spirit of that search.

I will say that men often feel that can’t express themselves freely and openly in society without grave consequences. As such, again I have to emphasize you will see an exaggerated form of misbehavior in the forums you’ll find sometimes to an extreme degree. It’s an expression of these men (who feel stifled and repressed) blowing off steam in the ways they feel would normally be unacceptable.

When you know this going in, it prepares you not to be sidetracked. The same is true for women so I want to make clear that both men and women have their areas where they feel stifled and repressed too.

All that said, these forums will tend to discuss the core topics but occasionally the topic of women they’re attracted to will come up and that’s where you may learn a lot about what men really respond to (after all, these are men talking to each other, not marketers trying to sell clothes or makeup).

OK, hope that gives you something useful to go on. Good luck!

Reply September 23, 2021, 10:31 am

A Non

A lot of makeup is a turn off to me because I notice if a woman is naturally beautiful, uses a little, or is a try-hard with a paint roller. The raccoon airbrush look that screams “I’m 13, just discovered makeup, and more is better.” and the Instagram “influencer” porcelain doll looks are the cliché styles to avoid. Plus, women who wear a lot of foundation or concealer feels unpleasant to the touch, much less kiss. Consider using the absolute minimum so there’s less dramatic difference between morning and ready to go. Going out and formal events, more might be fine but please don’t go overboard would be my humble request.

Aside: What’s up with pointed nail claws trend that look so fantasy creature/role-playing criminal and unladylike?
No. 1 is French nails – rounded
No. 2 is Solid nails – rounded
No 3. is French nails – straight cut

Reply May 2, 2022, 11:43 pm


Hmmm whilst all great and lovely, I would be interested to know what is reasonable to expect in return,

I was a woman of high value, and once he got me he drove me into ground, and once crushed under the weight of his continual expectation to be in his corner, he droppped me like a hot potatoe.

So where is the give and take?

Reply January 28, 2021, 4:52 pm


Me and this guy started out friends with benefits , then yes I had feelings but never mentioned them, then when he saw I was chilled and ok he told me he Loved me . He moves in months later, things are great. He proposed and we were planning to marry all his idea. He all the time feels like he needs to be on his phone with his nephew and his wife. and at first he was not that way. I work a lot and I brought it to his attention and then he said maybe we should wait on getting married, honestly I’m relieved . He made plans over a week ago to have dinner, drinks with his nephew on Wednesday and that was fine. My birthday is Saturday and he asked if I wanted to go somewhere for the weekend and I said sure, I work some nights at my own Healthcare business and on Tuesday he states his nephew had to cancel because him and his wife their anniversary is Weds. So he planned to go to dinner and drinks Friday. I was like wow to myself and it made me think if you can make plans with your grown nephew a week in advance but have not cared enough to plan anything for my birthday then I’m not that important. I am making plans with my friends and feel like now I’m guarded good enough to open a saving account with and wants to buy a house together but we have put off getting married and can’t plan for a simple birthday. He is a nice guy and I care about him but not buying no house unless I am 200% sure. He can be wishy washy and self centered. My question am I making to much out of this?

Reply January 13, 2021, 11:39 am


When I first started hanging out with the man I’m with he told me to ask around about him. I responded by asking ‘why would I do that’. I then told him that I don’t care about other people’s opinions. My opinion is the only one that matters. He was surprised by what I said. Not long after that he told me that I am the only female who made it her business to get to know the ‘real’ him. I have always believed that you get what you give.

Reply November 15, 2020, 1:55 am


I’ve been with this guy for 3 and a half years and over the time he’s been living with another female and has kids with her and still stays over there he has made no attempt to move at all he just keeps saying it’s because of his stuff and he is a trucker he’s older then me ..the girl he lives with has emailed me multiple times saying he just used me for sex and turned me into a pornstar of his choice he takes forever to answer when he’s over their …he says he loves me and wants to be with me but I have rotten gut feeling he’s lieing all the time we used to have amazing sex life but now I cant even get off with him because of what she says…I’m just looking for answers as to what he wants or if he thinks he wants a mistress or something I’m lost and cant do it anymore

Reply September 23, 2020, 8:39 pm


Hello, I need advice so I’ve been talking to this guy for a year and half now, but we’re still not in a relationship. I know he’s a Taurus so it takes him longer to make a decision for a relationship, by TV it shouldn’t take this long right??? You should know if you want to be in a relationship by now. We spend a lot of time together and I know he’ll always come through if need him but I want more and don’t see if this is going to go anywhere. He cried to me when I told him we need to spend time away from each other and I’ve never seen that emotion from him before. Should I wait or go bout my life?

Reply August 20, 2020, 3:23 pm



Your articles have helped me in so many ways, I have noticed I started becoming needy and the man of my dreams pulling away but all the articles I’ve read on a new mode helped alot. One concern I have though is he seems very defensive when I speak about his ex, the reason why I brought his 3x up is because he made remarks about her current boyfriend which were rather negative and seemed as though he is jealous or perhaps still hurt about went down between them, they share a child so she has to be in his life.
Let me know your thoughts.

Reply August 18, 2020, 2:40 pm


Your articles have been very helpful. I am in a LDR that was intense in terms of several texts a day to three short ones a day. I did not ask what was wrong. I simply remarked that something seemed off and I didn’t know what was. I was just wondering. He quickly put it on the job but I don’t buy it. I have started responding to other men’s advances but I like the LDR the best. He appears engaged when we do facetime. He loves words and trivia so I will see how to integrate those kinds of things in our relationship.
Since that remark, he appears to put slightly more content in texts. I think he is trying to figure things out or talking about sex really turns him on. Not sure which. How do you date an adult nerd over 55?

Reply August 6, 2020, 6:18 pm

Emerson Ketler

Awesome blog, thanks for the useful information.

Reply June 11, 2020, 6:10 am


Hi there I actually enjoyed your quiz. I’m an over thinker so it’s nice to hear a guys point of view. My challenge is the guy I’m involved with was my first love. I just got out of a divorce and was actually not ready to be in a relationship. Unfortunately I initiated contact with him but I didn’t know he was never married. This now also led to him deciding that we’re supposed to get into a relationship. Well now we are and it’s like I’m always trying to get out of it but he doesn’t want to. We aren’t in a sexual relationship currently which suits me perfectly coz that I feel would just complicate things. Thanks for your time and advice. Regards Lynne

Reply April 3, 2020, 4:03 pm


Met a man over 30 yrs ago from another country. He is the truly the love of my life in my heart. He married and suppose he’s happy. When he calls or texts it’s so exciting and yet I wonder why he still contacts me after all these years. We had a real love connection and affair to remember. It’s obvious he cares but can I ever win him? In ways I feel like I already have, yet our lives go on yet I know our hearts beat the same. What can I do? What does he want. I feel like he wants me to know he’ll never forget. Will he ever be mine in the real world?

Reply February 15, 2020, 12:41 pm


This really resonates with me and i think it’s true. I am still lost on specifically how to be a muse for a really successful man who is obviously a winner already.

I know that I messed up but I apologized for being kinda flaky. He told me I wasn’t communicating consistently and that is true because i felt overwhelmed.

Can I ask him to teach me to be more consistent at communicating? Or will that seem very pathetic, especially if that’s just his excuse ?

I guess I would feel stupid circling back all interested in a man who might not have liked me that much from the start….

But if there were a way to do it that would test if he likes me without putting him off more like Im chasing that would be fun.

I’ve been trying to get him to take control like he did before when we met (messed around) but it’s been a long time and I am failing. It’s coming across as mind games probably but I am just overwhelmed and trying to have fun but also feeling very vulnerable putting myself out there.

Reply November 13, 2019, 11:41 am


Very enlightening information, and very logical. Thank you for sharing.

Reply September 28, 2019, 9:56 pm


Thank you. anewmode is my favorite. I feel excited every time I open my email and read something like this especially something related to your true to life experiences. It really helps. Good work. Keep it up. You and Sabrina are awesome individuals.

Reply September 20, 2019, 4:43 am


Thank you. It is an enlightenment…….now I know the signs if a man wants you in his “world”…..
Thank you Eric…

Reply August 26, 2019, 3:01 am

Anagha Krishna

You have helped me immensely in my life, I want to thank you for your wise thoughts, advice but wonder did you find true love is it possible to find true love? I was a bit disappointed by one of the love story you shared which started on high compatibility and chemistry but ended up sore like you got focused on something else and she stopped caring about staying healthy and sexy all .. so I kinda stopped expecting a wonder full love and did my best with all the wonderful insights you offered. I fared fine in my relationship sector which was a very weak point.
Thanks a ton

Reply August 24, 2019, 7:28 am


Everything I’ve read with ‘A new mode’ is just fascinating. I’m so grateful for your help. I’ve learnt a lot , so much now I know why nothing ever worked. I’m drinking every bit of information I’m getting and putting it to work. I know I’ll return with amazing testimonies. And I’m telling every female I know to come and share in your fountain of knowledge.
I’m eternally grateful….

Reply July 26, 2019, 2:52 am


I found all of this so interesting, very very true and the tips you give about keeping him interested, asking questions about his likes, I want the man as in my life as he’s a lover of music but never been to a concert, I wanted to ask him who he’d like to see and he said who would you like to see ? I wanted to know should I look at some that are around and send him the details or should I book as a surprise? X

Reply June 2, 2019, 3:26 am


Am enjoying every bit of your advice God bless…………

Reply May 9, 2019, 5:30 am


So many good points, most appreciated: the “mask”. In the dating app world this is so common, such an intense start with texting and scheduling meetups and not doing this because it means that…but at some point this is not sustainable and it doesn’t feel good when it all just stops without explanation/understanding of wtf just happened. Does that mean it has to end? It is so unclear but definitely relies on both people making a decision of ‘F#ck Ya!’ or ‘No!’ Honestly I don’t think it matters but this should be a conclusion to all that BS versus just ghosting or whatever.
Much more calming to have point of view this isn’t a personal reflection on me and gives confidence that next steps should be more about yes this person likes me and not the default they hate because they aren’t replying to my text like before…

Reply January 23, 2019, 2:18 pm


Question: How can l get my long time friend interest in me?

Reply January 7, 2019, 9:50 pm


I really enjoyed your article. My problem is I don’t know where I stand with a guy I have been dating for 3 months. (no sex, just a hug and a peck of a kiss goodnight)
We had a good relationship and have fun together. He has always kept me at bay. We met on Match and found out we went to the same high school. He was 1 year ahead of me. So we immediately had a connection and grew up near each other. However, We went to my company Christmas party and had a really nice time. On the way back to my house I asked if we were going to see each other for New Year’s Eve. I was leaving town for Christmas and wanted to find out. He texted me all through my birthday and Christmas. I call him a pinger. The night I got back he texted me and asked me to go out Saturday or Sunday 12/29 or 12/30 but not the 31st. I texted him back to say “I am sorry but I have made other plans”. I was really hurt because he knew that I wanted to spend that special time with him. We haven’t texted each other yet not even to say Happy New Year.
I am looking for some advice about what to think about that and what to do next.

Reply January 3, 2019, 11:00 pm


I appreciate the effort & the choosing of each single word this much exact & neat. The fact that you tried your best to make the issue understandable as much as its importance is. Can say Just Thank you

Reply November 22, 2018, 2:17 pm


If I’m trying to get the guy I like to think I have a market value and to let him think he can win me over, what should I do? What r some examples of him winning me over? If that makes sense

Reply August 29, 2018, 4:58 pm

Eric Charles

On the physical appearance level, be as hot as you can… so do what you can to be in good shape, have good hair, good makeup, good skin, etc.

On the level of personality/depth, be tuned in to what brings you joy and live in alignment with that. When you make your own joy the guiding force of your life, you’ll have an inner happiness and peace that radiates outward and attracts love to you from every corner of your life.

Now, when I say let “joy” be the compass that guides your life, I’m not talking about chasing pleasure or giving into cravings. Pleasure-chasing, cravings and general hedonism is the bi-product of wanting to cover up ongoing unhappiness with pleasure as a distraction (this pleasure can even include chasing new romantic possibilities in hopes of finding happiness through it).

If you look your best and you’re truly happy/at peace/fulfilled on the inside, you’ll attract all sorts of people romantically. And the ones that you attract will be good options that make sense for you and fit with you well. The reason for this is when you’re happy and at peace internally won’t be looking to “get something” through having a certain relationship or “getting” a certain man… and the men you attract won’t be looking to “get something” out of you, either. Our state of being has an impact on who we attract.

Reply August 29, 2018, 8:02 pm


Uh I want sex. From a man. Obviously we need to get things from each other. This is the whole point and what draws people together.

This advice is great for girls who are very needy clingy attached and aren’t naturally interesting people with talents hobbies etc. Girls who need to be told to have a life and get in shape…. nobody ever needed to tell me this and honestly I am bored with how many people try to make a big point about how much they have going on. I have done this too to keep people at a distance and I am realizing it’s not healthy or real.

Problem is a girl like me with intimacy fears who pulls away and pushes away men all the time and spends way too much time alone pursuing her own stuff does not benefit from this.

I am tired of being disconnected. I have done this advice you’re giving naturally my whole life and honestly after years of being self sufficient, I want to try something new, which is being raw and vulnerable and connecting with someone because I need that to grow emotionally. I feel like sex with an intimacy would help me.

Reply November 13, 2019, 11:55 am


What are the signs that a guy sees you as a wife material?

Reply April 13, 2018, 3:38 am

Eric Charles

As a quick answer…

He loves you — not what you do or how you look or your interests or opinions… but how you are. Your being.
He feels seen by you.
He feels like you are his sanctuary from the world… he feels safe with you and trusts you that he can be vulnerable with you.
He feels you understand him and see him… understand his mission in life and who he is as a man in the world.
He trusts that as he ventures out into the world as a man, you’ll understand his need to see through his “purpose” or “mission” in life, and that you’ll be in his corner to build him up in his pursuit of seeing his mission through (not tear him down).

I could go on and on… this is a lot of the type of content I talk about in my advanced course called, “The Love Formula”, which is only offered to people who have already bought a product from us and are familiar with our introductory material… I may start offering it more prominently to the wide audience, because I feel this is material that would be really helpful in today’s world (that is, what is it that men and women give each other in a loving relationship that lasts)…

Hope that mini-list helps.

Reply April 20, 2018, 1:19 pm


Thank you for this wonderful Guide

Reply April 13, 2018, 3:36 am

Eric Charles

You’re very welcome — glad you liked it.

Reply April 20, 2018, 1:20 pm


Ive been with a guy over a year now we were friends for 6 months before that The issue is he was always a bachelor and never married or had kids well neither did I, he never lived with a woman either. Hes a golfer as well so is his family. He hangs with another golf friend whose married and at times they go to bars with 22 year old girls who are barmaids at that golf course. Hes good friends with the owner as well. So I just recently found this out and Im quite upset and he sees nothing wrong with it as he said its his friends daughter and he feels she should be protected. Im the one who is his girlfriend and he should protect me and I have no family around here either. Quite some time back I did a few things to upset him and he told all his family and friends in that golf course I only met 3 of his friends to date and have not met his family yet! There is one girl whose a waitress and shes telling him im not good to dump me she dates his brother. I never met this woman! They are all french and this is in a french town We live in the english town across from it he lives closeby. \What should I do about this sitiation? Also Im out of work and hes now out of work but hell be doing a side business soon. My self esteem is not good now although he tells me Im his woman, Im gorgeous etc also not meeting his family for like 2 years is very demeaning to me as well since I do not have alot of social life here. He keeps promising I will meet his family to date it has not happened, he said hes taking me golding there next week. I dont feel so happy as that girl may be there working, dont get where she gets off with all this power over me and him but anyhow Im at a loss about what to do? What do you suggest? He said he loves me and I love him but this is killing the love…….

Reply May 6, 2018, 10:17 pm


Forgot to mention hes done more to me than I have done to him. I have been committed since day 1, devoted, loyal, honest, took care of him when hes been sick, supported him as a golf coach thats why this year he may come 1st, he was 15th when we met. Things go great then hes distant and I dont see him and find out he met a girl in a bar and drove her home. ANother time there was a married 61 yr old lady after him and on his phone too. \We broke up then. \when we first met he was very busy with work and golf etc and he loved another woman but he did get over her so that affected us for a few months, she had no interest in him. I have given him lots of time more than most people would.. i have been fair and considerate but he was more selfish from the start hes less selfish now he has to care as much as I do right?

Reply May 6, 2018, 10:29 pm


Why do men say they’re all in and want a relationship? I make sure it’s what he wants. He said it is. Later he changes his mind and is unsure. They almost month later, he is messaging me a lot. Said he’s fine just something going in his mind but he’s back. I ask myself is it fine? Is it okay to be ignore off and on by him? Now I’m not sure about this relationship.

Reply February 15, 2018, 11:08 pm

Eric Charles

Subtract out the part where he says he wants a relationship and look at how he talks about how he sees the future of his life and where he’s headed. It’s possible he himself hasn’t even considered it, but listen and you’ll get a feel for if he’s someone that intends to be in a long term partnership… If he is, you’ll hear him talk in “we” terms and about plans for how things will be in the future, things you’ll do, things that will happen that involve both of you… if he’s not (plus him being on-and-off), it’s safe to assume his desire to be in a committed relationship isn’t strongly felt within him… additionally, if he speaks about his future but in terms that strongly resemble how a totally single person would, that’s a good indicator he sees himself as single.

There’s nothing “wrong” with wherever his head is at… it’s only a question of if it works for you or not… if you are only interested in a man that wants a long term future with you and this doesn’t appear to be that, then you’ll probably want to ask yourself if it makes sense to continue.

Good luck.

Reply April 20, 2018, 1:26 pm


Great article. I have 1 question, how can a woman “up her market value” if she didn’t at the start?

Reply January 6, 2018, 9:50 am

Eric Charles

Thank you, I’m glad you liked it.

On the superficial level, do your best with being as fit and healthy as you can. Your body will look more attractive, but there are many other benefits that come with being in great shape. Learn to be great with your beauty: hair, nails, makeup, etc. Again, this is the superficial side of things, but they have a huge impact on attracting men (and anything that attracts men raises your demand/market value).

There’s nothing wrong with improving these aspects of yourself. Being your most fit, healthy, beautiful self doesn’t how reduce your other positive attributes. It only improves how attracted people are to you, so you would be doing yourself a huge disservice to not do your best in these areas.

On the deeper level, the best way to raise your market value is to make your mood your #1 priority. People feel good around happy people. People want to be around and spend time with happy people. So learn to “live happy”. Learn to allow life to unfold while saying an “inner yes” to everything and anything that happens, so you are not constantly fighting with life internally.

To be clear: On the external level, you can do what you’d like to do and choose what you’d like to choose. What I’m talking about here is that when something is happening, instead of fighting with it inside (in the inner experience of your mind and body), you let the experience pass through you like water.

You’re still completely aware and alert, but you are not bracing yourself internally, you’re not resisting what’s occurring, you’re not tensing up and fighting with life on the inside.

This could be said for your reactions to things happening in your life or even reactions to your own thoughts inside your mind.

When you learn to “live happy” and learn to be internally “clear” (not fighting with life internally), something miraculous happens: your energy changes. You become someone that feels good to be around. You no longer feed into drama or negativity. You become like the sun, radiating good feelings… and everyone picks up on it and wants to be near you.

How you feel on the inside radiates outward. If your inner experience feels great to you… clean, clear, simple… then your presence will feel really good to be around.

Just about everyone these days is caught up in their own mind drama. Meeting and being around someone who isn’t caught up in some kind of inner turmoil feels like a tremendous relief. It feels like a sanctuary to be around them, even if you aren’t doing or saying much.

So on the deeper level, make your mood your #1 priority and don’t feed into negativity whenever it comes up for you. Let it pass through you and be internally clean. You will feel great to be around and love will come to you from every corner of your life.

Explore both levels of what I said here… the “beauty” level and the “inner” level. Both will help and both will open up a lot of joy for you. Good luck!

Reply January 14, 2018, 7:35 am

Yuping Cao

Hi, Eric Charles. I just started reading some of your articles. I came out of an abusive relationship less than a year ago. I searched for articles on the topics of relationships between men and women. I really appreciate your perspective, I find that you are writing what I have been thinking, I can’t agree with you more. And I do as well find things that are practical. I need to say thank you.

Reply November 15, 2017, 10:05 pm

Eric Charles

You’re welcome! I’m glad you liked it.

Reply November 25, 2017, 12:47 pm


Well, how about being interested in something I like? Too many times women are told to do this or that. I can’t tell you how often guys don’t even hear what you say let alone care about what you like.

Reply April 18, 2018, 12:14 pm

Eric Charles

Hey Patty,

If I’m speaking to you personally about what I would hope and want for you, I would say that I would hope you’re with a guy that enjoys YOU, first and foremost… not even necessarily the things you’re interested in (although if he is, great), or your opinions on different things (although if he is, great) or your taste in this or that (although if he is, great). More than anything, I would hope you’re with a man that thoroughly enjoys your nature, your being… how you are and who you are… what it feels like to be with you… I would hope that he would love you, enjoy you and be grateful to have you in his life… that he would want the best for you, to support you and to look out for you.

More than being interested in things you like, I would hope that he thoroughly loves you and enjoys your being.

If I’m talking in general, I would say that 90% of relationship success is in WHO you select and the nature of HOW you select your partner. No matter who you choose, they are going to have areas where you and them don’t align — and for those areas, it’s an opportunity for both of you to have space and acceptance around whatever it is that is different between the two of you.

For women who are single, I would encourage you to select your partner carefully… and be very aware of what you want from your life and why you’re motivated to select a certain kind of man. Don’t say YES to a partner that you’d be better suited to say NO to… otherwise, there won’t be an open slot for the partner who you really want to appear.

Say NO to who you don’t want in your life to make room for those who you would do best to say YES to.

And if you’re already in a relationship, orient yourself towards the best parts of your partner and practice bringing acceptance and forgiveness to the aspects of them and your relationship that aren’t perfect. To forgive is to walk away from your grievance and let it go. You won’t die from walking away from those kinds of battles — you’ll come alive.

Or, if you feel the relationship truly isn’t worth saving, then you can leave. And if you do… you can leave with your complete mind, body and soul. You can accept, forgive and move on. It is not my role to tell people whether or not they should leave a relationship, but all I’m saying is that if you do, don’t leave it messy… in all the ways that are under your control, leave it clean – with peace in your heart and forgiveness.

Hope that is helpful.

Reply April 20, 2018, 1:02 pm


Well this is the start of a late night, with me reading, like every post on this website. I really love this. I look at things like this every now and then but it’s mostly just stuff ladies have written telling us what they think a guy wants. This is the first post I’ve read with a real perspective. I really appreciate this, thanks Eric

Reply August 18, 2017, 10:24 am


I want to know why a christian man I’ve known for over 2 years showered me with affection. Long tight hugs. Making it a point to always talk to me asking for a hug whenever he saw me. Say things like “I love this woman in front of people, Kiss me on the face and say see you later babe”, “she’s a honey”, “I love you soooooo much”, ask me to go for a ride on his motorbike with him saying “I’ll keep you warm” and more. Saying to a friend “I have to come and see my girlfriend”. This was at the community centre we both volunteered in. He now works full time so I don’t see him. Then when I tell him I like more than a friend he withdraws from me. We have had contact via texts and whatsapp since. I haven’t contacted him for a week i’m giving him space.

Reply July 30, 2017, 1:39 am


I have found a guy on a dating site..He lives a distance away and we have yet to meet, in the meantime, I now know that I am being needy and am doing things to push him further away…Thank you Eric..and staff…I am a widow and he is divorced so it is complicated..but I have a lot of positive homework now..thanks so very much..Bobbie

Reply July 16, 2017, 7:12 am


Hey Eric, I really enjoyed reading several of your articles– they really opened up my mind and changed my perspective of things. I suppose you have answered the question of what to do, but now I must figure out how to do it. But thanks for the insight!

Reply July 12, 2017, 3:27 pm


Eric, this was so great! It’s so hard for women to understand men sometimes because we work so differently but you clarified a lot in this article. Thank you!

Reply June 29, 2017, 2:40 am


Sounds like Great advice Eric, gotta use this more. I really like a particular guy and am taking my time to get to know him. He’s older than me in his fifties but I’m not sure if he’s old school relaxed or just not really in to me. I like him and open enough to get to know him. Your tips sound like they can help me. I don’t want to blow it with this guy. I know I need to relax what other tips do you suggest for engaging with Ann older man?

Reply June 26, 2017, 2:42 am


Seriously some of the most helpful relationship advice I’ve ever read! Well done and thank you!

Reply June 18, 2017, 10:48 pm


Hello and thanks for all the Concepts about a man’s thinking open-minded people I do believe that some people are good and some just aren’t but when you have a friend who truly understands you guy of course why would they ever want to be dishonest to you about the most dumb things like the color of somebody’s vehicle more than once it’s stupid but it’s got me dumbfounded

Reply June 12, 2017, 7:49 am


Dear Eric….
This is a good article and and it reflects why I had failed relationships in the past… but the past is over now with a new scenario that I would never have even in dreams..!!!
Am 43 and right now am in love with a 25 old guy…however the age difference I don’t feel…I love him so deeply and feel completely comfortable with me. In reality he makes me feel good…real good….and am not taking advantage of him…
The thing is that guy is from another country,,,,,and hindi in religion….am a catholic woman… so right now there is a big margin in age…culture…..religion….race that goes with other differences….
Am not putting any pressure on that guy….but can a relationship like this works…. The relationship is new….I feel this guy has great feelings for me….but he has not ask me out yet…I felt he is still hesitant…but we both feel about each other and enjoying great sex…. am having trouble in finding him out…..and with the many barriers he is not talking much….I don’t understand what he is actually thinking of… and how do I start in asking him personal question….how can you sum this up Eric…. I need the answer….
Thank you

Reply June 7, 2017, 5:15 am


Hi Eric,

This is great work!!
You made a lot of things clear to me about men.

I must have behaved always in the right way intuitively as I was younger because I just had to watch out not to get too quickly in relationships with men. I remember now again how keenly I was interested in details of the life of the men I was dating in my twenties…

After being in a relationship for 12 years now – that seems to work no longer for me, cause I fall in love with another man at the moment – I must have forgotten my intuitive knowledge. It seems I am out of training a bit.

Now that I have read your article I understand why my past behaviour was working so well. And I understand now what lacks in my behaviour right now towards the man I am deeply interested in.

I sense he likes me a lot, but does not dare to ask me out although he wants to, I can feel that. Now I know why: Because I am not interested enough in his passions and goals respectively I didn’t ask about it enough. Also I didn’t open up enough to him and did tell him only tiny bits about me.

Of course that is not so easy because we always meet in a professional environment. But I know now what to do :-)

Thank you a lot, Eric!

Reply May 29, 2017, 10:58 am


Well, I’m a women of many contradictions. I’m not high maintenance but I shut down quick and tight if I don’t get the response or reaction I expected.
Your comment on connecting with something they like rang 100% true. I never connected that with a way of getting deeper than the superficial. I take things at face value (bad habit) what I’m walking away with from here is, is that, men will put in the work to chase you if they really like you, and fair is fair, if u really like a guy ur gonna put the time and work at finding out who they really are underneath. They may be expected to chase without being creepy we r expected to dig without being too obvious, or making the exploration uncomfortable. I guess we all need some mystery, magic and being desired. Thank-you very much, this has made me think of relationships as fun again whether or not it works out, because I have a clue now on how the journey should evolve. I also got alot from how u defined how a woman makes a man a winner, it would seem, finding Mr Right has alot more to do with my state of mind than finding the right gym, bar, or profile.
Good job. Really excellent information. I feel better than I have in a long time because this is something I can do and enjoy doing even if it goes nowhere. I think us women don’t realize we can be as superficial lazy and emotionally stunted as the guys we complain about.
Wow, I am really impressed. Thank-you again.

Reply May 25, 2017, 1:30 am


this is great. it is beyond awesome. are u single? or casado? Thank you for sharing this. We can google anything, right? Love, isn’t it not supposed to require to be taught? Attraction, isn’t it supposed to happen naturally? nah? Love, sex? Men and women? Attraction, chemistry? Lust? Thank you for sharing. I like it very much. Videmo se.

Reply May 23, 2017, 10:23 pm


You are giving me so much needed information that my brain if flooded! I always have bad luck w guys. I never get to understand them n i most of the time end up walking away. I am tired I want my present boyfriend to turn around, he has became cold but i dont know how.

Reply May 22, 2017, 8:09 pm


Hi Eric, this article makes so much sense, especially because I can relate to it.
There is a guy I’ve known for 10 years now. We weren’t exactly close friends but we would reach out once in a while.

Late last year he DM’ed me and we have been talking everyday since then. Whenever I stopped talking to him he would contact me again.

I wasn’t over my ex last year when we started talking so I didn’t pay much attention to him.
But he invited me to his friends party and we spent time together in person for the first time. I had fun, but wasn’t thinking about him that much.
I only started to realize that I have feelings for him in March this year.

Because of the feelings I was starting to have. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said yes.

I felt crushed and decided to forget about him.

But the more I pulled away, the more he would contact me.

We met again at an event, which wasn’t planned, we just met by accident. And we talked for 3 hours in his car afterwards. He did most of the talking and for the first time with any guy ever, I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else, I felt comfortable and safe sitting and talking to him. We talked about my career and passion which I would never really talk to anyone about, not even my ex.
We ended up kissing and it was beautiful.

We kept in touch since then and we would talk like we were best friends.

He didn’t have food at home and was too tired to get some (he gets really busy with work) so I went over to his for the first time to take some to him.

We watched comedy all night and he wouldn’t stop starting at me and asking if I was okay and comfortable. I stayed over and we cuddled an talked a lot. In the morning before I left he listened to music on his phone and told me about a particular song which had been his favorite for 4 years, it was strange because that’s been my favorite song as well but I didn’t tell him. I just say there and watched him sing along.

I thought things would be kind of awkward after I slept over at his, but he called me several times to make sure I was home. And texted 3 times that he was worried I hadn’t called him back.

I texted him the next day saying I was busy because I honestly had a lot to do that day. Which was yesterday.

Right now I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have met my soul mate. But he is in a relationship.

I would love if you responded to this because I really need your help.

Reply May 5, 2017, 7:05 am


Ok so first off with a smile as beautiful as yours no wonder he’s interested! But he’s cheating with his gf & if you let this be the start then u will always wonder if he’s just a cheater (u should assume that) or you will be hurt. I would pull away & tell him you don’t feel good that he’s in a relationship. Be fiends don’t pursue pressure him to break up, say you respect whatever he wants but his woman deserves that respect too. This is a bad start!

Reply October 2, 2017, 2:11 pm

Sarah Guerra

Thanks for the valuable information and helping me to see things from a man’s perspective,very helpful!! Keep up the great work!!

Reply May 3, 2017, 9:05 pm


Great article Eric!
Full of wisdom, truth and so inspiring!


Reply May 2, 2017, 10:03 am


I love your article but I think I find myself in one of the categories you mentioned ,I see myself not enough because I had a baby for a different guy before I met my boyfriend ,he knows about it though but I can’t see through him to find out what he thinks ,so to me I feel like I will loose him to other girls out there that re flawless.. Please what should I do,I live with him now but will leave soon

Reply April 21, 2017, 3:43 am


Hi Eric thank you so much . It helps a lot and I enjoyed reading it.
I have meet a guy 2 month’s sgo. He said he really like me, he enjoys tine with me and hsving a deep intimacy. We really love our compsny. He like to be touched and he is very loving caring.

After that we seldom chat only hi hello. Take care. One day he send me sms that . .. his meet s girl before me and they lost communication because she still married .now tge gorl ssked jim a second chance and they really had loving connection before. So he asked politely if we can stop seeing each other for a while. But he still askibg me sms greetings etc. Last week he said of all we’ve done he misses it. Sp he asked if he can cpme to see me and stay a night or longer spend time together. But end of the sms saying it might be the last time i see u….. so get confused what is it mean? When he came over we had a great time together watch movie, walk on the beach, kara oke , he really feel relaxed and we really enjoyed our company. He even sms me that he slways enjoyed time with me. Im beautiful , caring ;good lovet and gentle person. But im confused about lnot seeong me again.

Reply April 19, 2017, 5:47 am


Helpful reply for me too. Since my last (non) relationship I’ve really been working on just be ok in myself. I came off the dating sites. Began focusing on the things that bring me joy. Was starting to really appreciate the peace of not worrying about the things I worry about when I’m dating. I have plenty of guys making it clear they’re interested and I’m genuinely not. Well I wasn’t until this guy came in to the cafe where I work and by the third time and after quite a bit of chatting and jolly banter I realised I had quite a crush on him. I was in a meeting the last time he came in but my colleague said he was asking after me and he gave her his business card without specifically saying it was for me but that if we need anything not to hesitate. I happen to need some turf on my garden (one of his services) so I did text him saying so. I haven’t heard back but it’s the weekend and it may be his business phone number which he might pick up on Monday. Normally I would be worrying but this time I’m not and I do hope I can maintain this psychology as it certainly feels much healthier. Thanks for the great article. It’s good to know I’m on the right track :)

Reply April 2, 2017, 5:24 am


Hi dear

Your article is spot on ,everything you said about how man wants to win, how you have to support him ,be his cheerleader lol by that he will open up and he does open up to which i really like ,cos i want to bond with him and i want to know things that no one else knows ! by reading this article had made me realize how much he loves me and how to keep him attracted and committed to me . About the make -up thing i understand what you mean ,strange bcos he bought me the make up kit as a Christmas present but as time passed by he started saying “baby you don’t need make-up you are beautiful the way you are ” meaning he loves me but also he wants to make me happy and look extra beautiful for the outside world and because of the kind of job i do (entertainment industry) .
I will share this with my listeners and friends

Thank you so much

Reply March 30, 2017, 5:36 am


I do get your point. Well I have this guy wherein he discovered that I had a crush on him. I had been denying it until after a month, out of curiosity, I asked him how he felt when he learned the truth. He said he was happy and pressured ‘coz he likes me too, and said that he was confused. He’s planning on putting up a business, and that’s his top priority. We agreed that we should get to know each other further first. I agree with him. If I really assess what I truly feel, I also feel pressured having a relationship right off the bat, so I agree that we need to get to know each other further. I kind of share the same interest with him, ‘coz I also want to put up a business myself, but probably in the future. I want enjoy being his friend and I want him to be my friend. What do you think is the best approach so that we can spend more time together, get to know each other and share the same endeavor and how not to put pressure on both sides ‘coz both of us doesn’t want a relationship just yet. Just plain inspiration for each other. I’m sorry, i think I sounded confusing here. Just to note, after he told me that he likes me too, I kind of felt that we aren’t that close anymore. I just want the friendship to become a little sturdier. I appreciate any comment from your end. Thank you very much =)

Reply March 29, 2017, 11:17 pm


Thank you Eric! I love your articles! Thumbs up for you!

Reply March 26, 2017, 5:58 pm

Sanya Colpitts

This is a very enlightening article and I truly appreciate the author for composing it. I am going to reflect on what I’ve learned, and I will read this article again and again to really educate myself on learning about my man.
Thank you!

Reply February 26, 2017, 4:29 pm


Hi Eric,

I have a question I hope you could help me with.
I really like this guy and have asked him to hang out with me. He has shown sings of liking me back and has said to love and hang out with me. Now i know he is for a fact very busy and has cancelled because he wants to be engaged and not tired when hanging out with me. I give him space without being needy but i would like to know where i stand with him. The thing is that another guy has asked me out for a date. I feel like i should just go on and have dates but I’m a bit worried it might ruin my change with the guy i really like. Also am not going to sit around and wait for him to make time. Will it ruin my chance or not? Should i confront him with not making an effort and take time for us hang out? I respect his space and know the importance of it to guy.

Hope you can help, thank you!

Reply February 22, 2017, 2:59 am


By the way Eric., I love your article very much, it’s really practical and has given me insight on a lot of things. Thank you.

Reply February 7, 2017, 4:18 pm


Hi Eric, Chrisy here, I have an amazing gentleman in my life, he loves me and so do I, we are Christians, JW that is, we haven’t kiss or engage in intercourse, we hugged on several occasions and it was extremely intense for both of, if u know what I mean. He stays away from me mostly because he says he respescts me too much to hurt me because he says he is extremely attracted to me and if we are alone he may want sex, we have an amazing chemistry, we know each other for ten months but dating for five months. It took him awhile to ask me out because he was afraid I wouldn’t reciprocate now he’s sorry he didn’t ask me a long time before. He wants to marry me next year and is building our home which he says is mine. Just hearing my voice is enough for his body to be in chaos. He stays away from me because he doesnt want to mess me up or himself. Do u think I should let him stay away for the most part or should we treat it like a long distance relationship. Help me please. We also work for the same company but in different areas.

Reply February 7, 2017, 2:02 pm


Hi Eric… I only found your blog tonight, and I’ve read through multiple posts already – they are so fantastic. Sadly my last relationship after 6 years fell apart 2 years ago, for multiple reasons.. however we have reconnected.. and we have been spending time together again. He is the one that ‘wins’ me every time, he is the one that beats everyone. But I’ve never been able to help him see himself through my eyes.

This article in particular hit the spot because he is not in a good place and I can tell he feels lost, he doesn’t feel like he is winning. He is a lads lad, lovesssss sport, loves entertaining and making sure everyone else has a good time. But I think he is actually quite depressed right now. He broke his foot last year and he can’t play sport anymore, this absolutely shattered him, he is heart broken and he gets so frustrated about it, with people and his work.

I know that I can’t help him make choices because he needs to do that on his own.. but I really want to know if there is a better way for me to support him?

I don’t know how to. Because we are not in an official relationship anymore sometimes it’s hard to know. Sometimes he apologises to me and says “sorry for being shitty” and I tell him it’s ok he doesn’t need to apologise for feeling frustrated… but then after that I don’t know what to do or say. What sort of things can I say or do to ‘help’ without ‘helping’? I hate seeing him so sad and frustrated?

Reply January 24, 2017, 4:45 am


Hi Eric,

Thanks so much for the article!

I’m in a relationship with a great guy who loves me but I always feel insecure and I keep wanting him to prove his devotion to me. I know how harmful it is, and yet I have very little control over it – maybe it’s hormonal.

However, he’s still with me and obviously loves me, and your article has inspired me to do something about MYSELF in order to improve my relationship for the better. I love my guy very much and I wish he was more like a female so I could just express it in my own way, but I’ll take your advice instead.

Reply January 19, 2017, 1:24 pm


Hi Eric, 100% agree. This article mirrors a guy in my life at the moment. We had and generally tend to have these intense discussions where I get to delve deeper into his fabric and the strands that make him who he is. I feel he is attracted and really likes mr but here’s the snag: I dont want him to feel like I’m taking advantage of his vulnerability. I also am terrified that he may get to know me at such depth and not want me. It’s wierd because I think he picks up on my hesitation and thinks that I’m not interested; in truth, I really am. He seems afraid to escalate things for fear of rejection. I know exactly how he feels. How do i make sure that he realises how I feel and give him the confidence to know that I like him without taking advantage of his vulnerability.

Thank you Eric

Elle :) x

Reply January 15, 2017, 2:59 am


Hey Elle,
If he’s willing to share his vulnerability with you, that says a lot about how he feels about you. So why not do the same and open yourself to him? If it’s the right fit, he won’t see your open-mindedness as manipulation (or you taking advantage). As long as you make him feel that it is completely ok to be vulnerable, he would never feel that way. Don’t use it against him and accept him for all that he is. Do the same yourself and start showing him your vulnerability – if he really likes you for who you are, he’ll accept it as much as you accept his.

Hope this helps.

Reply February 10, 2017, 11:13 am


Your article is absolutely amazing and I really appreciate you taking the time to share this information!!

Reply January 14, 2017, 11:26 am

Eric Charles

Glad you liked it!

Reply January 14, 2017, 12:26 pm

Joy pake

U say leave u feedback or ask questiona but clearly ur not answering them

Reply May 14, 2017, 1:55 pm


Thank you! I found this article extremely helpful for me.

Reply January 10, 2017, 7:47 pm

Eric Charles

You’re welcome!

Reply January 14, 2017, 12:27 pm


Love love love this article. Thank you!!! Makes a lot of sense. Really appreciate your efforts here. All the best.

Reply January 3, 2017, 5:33 pm

Eric Charles

You’re welcome – always love hearing that!

Reply January 14, 2017, 12:29 pm


Hi Eric,

This is about the fourth article I’ve read of yours and I love your straight up talk. Thank you for not sugar-coating the truth! Wish I would have read this a month sooner.. but now I’ll be taking this into my next relationship.

Best. (P.S. I kept reading your sign off as “epic charles” :-) )

Reply January 3, 2017, 12:42 am


Hi Eric, you’re really a great guy with authenticity, wisdom, and a great heart!
But what if I don’t make up? Is make-up a must?

Reply January 2, 2017, 11:33 am


I enjoyed your perspective on what a man needs from a woman…definitely a game changer…Inspiring. Thank you. I like your view on letting him know he is winning! My POV inspire him to know he is doing his best and encourage him and be that positive woman that he has put his time, effort and energy into winning. Do this because you truly want him and see that added happiness with him.
How did I do with understanding? I would like your feedback. I want to know that I am understanding where you are coming from.

Reply January 2, 2017, 9:11 am


Wow wonderful article clear insite. I’m older widowed and a little different I’m dating a man in his late fifties recently divorced . Not wanting relationship I love a lot of things about him but he keeps saying I want no relationship none he calls me every night just about we’ve have gone out four or five times but I guess I need to turn him loose wow men and women can be confusing I do like all the articles I read in the new mode thank you

Reply January 1, 2017, 12:35 pm



Thanks for the insight. I’m currently in a situation where I know that he likes me, but we’re just taking our time. I do see a relationship in the future and I hope that he sees one as well. But for the most part I’m following his lead. I didn’t have any questions just yet, lol. I’m just reading your site for advice, thank you for the daily emails. <3

Reply December 13, 2016, 10:37 am


Excellent article, thank you for the information. It explains alot of what has gone wrong in my past relationships. It also points me towards the areas I need to improve. I really enjoy reading the articles on ANM especially how both you and Sabrina are direct instead of candy-coating the tough issues.

Reply December 9, 2016, 8:51 pm


Hi Eric,

Thats the great article I have read so far. First of all thank you for sharing this.
Well, my scenario is quite complicated. There was my ex who broke up with me in 2 months because we were studing in different cities and moreover I wasnt much romantic and flirter with him, more into study and fun. That broke up has a long effect on me that i never able to overcome from him till now, its been 6 years almost. We are still in touch with each other since our break-up. He told me, he went through guilt for an year of hurting my sentiments but never told me the reason exactly. Anyway, after that broke up, in my class, I made a best friend who was guy, we were best buddies, and my ex used to visit me whenever he come to home (which is in my city where I study). He made efforts to came and meet me up. I used to meet him, then I went to aborad for my exchange studies, there I got to know my best friend was getting married. I got devasted by that news, bcz he was the only friend who was close to my heart. I called my ex to ask him out for marriage, which he denied it completely, but always flirty over phone, share his guitar and listening to music with me. I got frustrated bcz there I wasnt able to move on in my life bcz of this ex who is somewhere on my head and heart everytime. Finally, I asked my best friend to marry me. He told me to come back from exchange program to marry him, which I denied it bcz I cant marry in the middle of my studies, I told him, i started looking him as a potential mate and lets get settle first and then think about marry. Anyone, that plan didnt work, when I came back to my country after an year, this ex showing interest in me, but I thought of moving out specially when I am seeing my best friend going away from my life who was closed to my heart more than anyone else. There my friend got engaged with some girl, I went through massive emotional turmoil of my friend leaving me, then this ex came and had physical intimacy twice with me (no sex, only a little make out). I was emotionally not stable at that time, bcz I was broken with my friend engagement with whom I wanna marry to. This best friend of mine later called me from the city he lived in which is another city than I live in. This friend cried over phone that he made a mistake of choosing that girl who his parents choosed for him. I became emotionally senisitive towards him, went to his city to meet him. There i told my friend who knew my ex (my ex also knew about my friend) about the make out session happened between me and ex bcz of emotional turmoil of his marriage news. this friend made out (no sex– god blessing that I didnt fell into the trap) also with me, and then later unable to stop his marriage. I was going through massive emotional rollar coster ride, there i connect with my ex again and told him how I am thinking to get marry to my friend bcz u r not serious for me. This ex after listening to this, again made out with me, and I wasnt able to stop him, as if my mind became numb or something. I was going through so much emotions that I was unable to stop anyone.

There, my friend marriage date was coming near, all arrangement was going on and despite his no to parents, still things was working out for marriage. There I was unable to stop myself and bursted out to both ex and friend that i made out with both of them. On listening to this, my friend abused me very badly, and went straight for a marriage to that stranger girl whose proposal was fixed by his/her parents. There my ex was calming me down by saying it why i disclosed it to friend, its just moments which I should not let him know and forget.

At the end, my friend got married, ex continued kissed and hug me to the time I rudely disconnect cords with him. Wne tthrough sucidal thoughts and all. Now I dont wanna talk about a friend bcz his chapter is closed for ever. But this ex, continues come and go in my life. For few months we dont talk, and when I start talking, everytime it leads to little physical intimacy. I told him many times, that I am not interested in friends with benefit but he kept having me. Final blast come, when my only parent i.e. my mother passed away, this ex again made out with me, made me calm down, bcz I was going though massive emotions. I asked him directly will he marry me, he stright forwardly said NO, bcz he wanted to concentrate in his career, and dont want me to wait for him bcz he is not interested to marry me or any girl. He is only passion is to start his own business.

On days of my mother’s departure, I was spillng my heart on mail with 7-8 friends tagging them all together which include ex and my friend who got married. Now its been 8 months of my mother. From last 6months I compelty again cut the cords with my married friend with whom i connected through phone or emails during my mother’s departure, but with this ex i am still in contact with. We sometimes go out for dinner, he shares his guitar playing or music with me. I mostly initiate the call and he reciprocate time to time, sometimes completely ignores me, sometimes shows care towards me. Its on/off relationship. Now we are not even intimated from last 1-2 months n so. He listen me sometimes when I shared my vulnerabiltiy and cry for mother, I used to listen him sometimes (bcz he only comes in contact with me sometimes) he shares his vulnerabilty of failure of his business plan, looking for job, going through financial crunches, still he sometimes take out time to spend with me outside dinner and tea. The other thing is, I know who his friends are but never met anyone personally, neither I met his family till now , its been 8 years of more we know each other. He mostly met with my friends, even on my mother demise, came to my home, seen all my relatives, but I havent met any of his contact in these 8 years. As we did our graducation from same college so I know few of his classmates, who is his still friends. I know his other friends bcz he keep telling me about them.

What you think, where I am going with this ex ? He clearly said me NO when 2-3 times I asked him for marriage, neither we are in relationship nor he loves me. He just say, he likes me or respect me for what I am.

What should I need to do ? I am unable to compelty cut the cords, neither I can see myself like this. I thought of less take step back, and be friends only, I did tried to or still we both try that, but for me its quite tough, as I know my heart still goes for him.

I really wanna end all these confusion and get out of this. Either we both should be together or I completly move on from him and just be friend with him.

P.S. After mom, I rarely have friends left, not even I consider any relatives as my family, only one bro who is not well. In short I am alone, and this guy is the one I respect and adore the most. But sometimes, I just hate him for putting me on hold.

Please show me the way to come out of what my mind has been trapped from years.

Reply December 8, 2016, 8:18 am


I feel like this is tricking the guy into being with you. I mean, the guy I’be liked for a long time asked me out the other day, And I didn’t make a chase or a use my market value. Why does getting a guy to like you so complicated?

Reply November 25, 2016, 3:56 am

Eric Charles

I’m against “tricking” anyone as a pathway to having a good relationship with them.

What I’m talking about in this article is what has an effect on your results versus was doesn’t have any lasting effect (or might even be counter product).

I’m giving you a lens that you can look at relationships through to better understand why some relationships grow deeper, closer and happier… and others fizzle out, become combative or become unhappy.

I’m against advice that encourages you to “make a man chase you” – that kind of advice is shortsighted and not effective to bringing about an amazing relationship.

And as far as market value goes… how is that complicated? I’m essentially saying: be desirable and don’t slack off just because you’re in a relationship now. That’s the core of understanding market value.

Hope that helps clarify the article.

Reply November 25, 2016, 12:14 pm


Probably one of the best articles into the male psyche I have ever read. Best compliment I can bestow. Brilliant article. Thank you for the logic.

Reply November 17, 2016, 11:44 am

Eric Charles

Thank you very much!

Reply November 17, 2016, 11:57 am


I love reading the books u send me thank you

Reply November 18, 2016, 4:05 pm


Hi Eric,
My bf and I lived together for 6 years during which time his drinking and crazy behavior escalated. He moved out 3 years ago. He wanted to come back but I needed time to heal. By the time I healed he had lost feelings for me. We still hung out off and on for about 6 more months when he told me it wasn’t working and he wanted to be friends. For the following 6 months leading up to now, I acted like a nut. Mostly his FB posts made me crazy and the female friends he was making. I still wanted to work it out and so I off and on depending on different things and behaviors acted very badly. We hooked up a few times off and on and he was still interested in doing that. I forced him to admit he wasn’t interested in me anymore, which was really hard to swallow. I wonder if I caused that to happen. Now I am just backing off completely. He told me throughout and after our relationship that I was what he had always wished for. Do you see any way towards a future for us? We really did love each other and had a really great relationship outside the stuff I mentioned before. And, I was the best I had ever been in a relationship. We had love, respect, trust. Hard to believe now at the 10 year mark we are likely to never be together again. What can you tell me? Any chance he will remember me the way he knew me to be before and want it again? Thanks so much for responding.

Reply November 15, 2016, 10:37 am


Intricate and enlightening details that sparked action to take place. Great work.

Reply October 30, 2016, 6:10 pm


Excellent, honest, empowering and doable advice. Thank you!!
I have a question, if you can get to it. Im crazy about a guy but on our 2nd and last date, I was just acting weird–cold and distant, trying to not let him see how much I liked him. Is there anything I can do now to fix this or undo it? He’s responding to my texts in a friendly way, but not really pursuing me. I want to tell him I was not myself that night and ask him to give me another chance. Is this a good idea, or is it too much me pursuing him? Thank you.

Reply October 29, 2016, 3:39 pm

Eric Charles

Glad you liked it.

One thing to consider is if you’re making a problem where there is none…

And if you look at the root of this, it all roots in the perception that he’s something you want to “get” and then you fear that you’re not enough.

You want him but you fear that you, the way you are naturally, isn’t “enough” to get him… so you try to hide your liking of him… you act in a way to “get” him.

Then, you second-guess yourself and think you screwed it up. Again, you “fear” that the way that you were was bad and that you need to do something to fix it.

Take a long, hard look at your dating history with men that you are interested in… how often has this cycle (of fear that you’re not OK and action to correct for that fear) played out? If you trace it back, do you see this cycle underneath how things played out for you? Do you see it as how your actions came about and why you acted the way that you did?

That’s the problem with viewing someone else as a thing you want. You want them, so you fantasize about how great it would be to have them. Then you grow attached to that fantasy… and then you fear that the bubble will be burst in reality, so you make some move because of your fear.

That’s the big problem… fear of loss… and how it steers you into making fear-based decisions that crash your relationship into the ground.

This wouldn’t happen, though, if you viewed your dating life differently.

That is to say… if you didn’t view your relationships or other people as something you can “have” or “lose”.

We don’t do that with our friends… when meeting and forming friendships, we spend time with the person and we enjoy the time for what it is… so we spend more time with them and enjoy it more… and all the meanwhile, you go deeper with them and explore different places together. It is a natural unfolding of connection that comes as a byproduct of your enjoyment of each other.

You don’t think, “I want this FRIEND! It would be so great to have this friend! Gosh I hope I don’t screw this up… better play hard to get… oh wait, no, maybe I should let this friend know I’m interested so they don’t think I’m not! Oh no, what do I do?!”

I’m not saying that a friendship dynamic is the same as a relationship dynamic. It’s not.

However, it’s best when how you approach a relationship shares the quality of how you approach friendships: “Hey, this person seems cool, I’ll hang out with them and see how it is… oh hey, it was fun… let’s do it again and see what happens… oh cool, we get along, let’s hang out some more.”

The big thing missing there is that you’re not evaluating your situation based on if you’re good enough or whether or not you’re “good enough” for the other person. You’re leading your enjoyment of your time together be what leads it.

Moreover, you’re not leading with a desire to “get” or “have” this other person. Again, you’re leading with your enjoyment of your time together.

When your enjoyment of your time together at face value is what leads the relationship, you avoid all the problems that most people face because you take yourself out of the equation and you let your spirit decide for you… there’s nothing to have and nothing to lose… if you see them more (or don’t) it won’t make you any more or less of the person you are now. You won’t be any more or less complete.

*That* is what is driving your current problems and *that* is where the solution is for you. And it’s a worthy problem to solve… you’ll take the solution with you for the rest of your life and you’ll be much happier because of it.

It all comes down to this: Are you able to be OK right now… as you are… where you are… how you are? Can you be OK where you are at this moment?

Or… will you be like the majority of the people in our society… who feel like they need something outside of themselves to be OK? A new relationship? To “get” a romantic partner? To have a baby? To buy a house? To get a cool car? To buy something?

It’s all the same thing… can you see that your cycle of building up your wants always turns into fears… and that those fears create your sabotaging actions? Can you see that if you learn to be OK (and not want “things” in order to “feel OK”) that you’ll not only solve this one problem, but virtually all the problems that upset you?

It won’t happen immediately… you’ll have to grow into learning to be OK as a lifestyle… but if you can learn it, you’ll live a life of freedom, joy and opportunity that few people know exists… because you’ll be free from the way the vast majority of people sabotage their lives and opportunities… when you’re not holding yourself back, you are free to receive the very best life has to offer.

Reply October 29, 2016, 4:20 pm


I really love this response. I’m in the exact same situation. Over and over again I meet guys who i really like. I create a fantasy of our perfect life together and as soon as I get excited about them, they stop calling. Then I freak out and go over every detail of the date wonder what little thing I did that made them go from being really into me, to not texting me. Ok, so I understand that the problem is that I have this fantasy and I really like the guy. But how do I get to the point where I don’t care if I get a guy or not? I have hobbies and a social life, but I would still really love a boyfriend. I haven’t had one in close to 10 years and it makes me feel inadequate, especially around the holidays. So i met a guy I really like and I don’t know if I’ll ever hear from him again because I’m sure he sensed how much I wanted him and ran for the hills. I’m sure I’ll meet other guys. How do I get to the point where I actually don’t care about getting a boyfriend, when in fact, I do care so much!

Reply November 15, 2016, 1:34 pm


Wow, this is me! i’ve never had it spelt out so plainly before, actually i’ve never been able to pin point it before but this totally hits the nail on the head. My question is where can I find more literature on this topic? I’d love to learn more about it.

Reply April 1, 2017, 5:46 pm


Insightful reply, & article, Eric Charles. The part about the maintaining in an overall (inner) peaceable state, is a useful observation of human-to-human interaction.

Reply April 4, 2018, 1:02 pm

Jill Monroe

Thanks for honest relationship advice.
I’m divorced and it’s easy to see yourself as “damaged” instead of as you saw yourself before you ever married.
Thanks for your really wanting to help people by giving free, real advice- and w/o trying to sell something! You are clearly a smart man!:)

Reply October 25, 2016, 10:05 am


Love what you said about market value. Learning your worth and value is so important. This is so helpful to see the impact of this.

Reply October 23, 2016, 10:56 pm


Hello Eric,
Thank you for all of your relationship advice. I’m totally obsessed with reading all of your articles. I was just telling a friend that some of your explanations of a man’s behavior are brutal but sometimes you need to hear it, whether you like it or not.
I was getting frustrated about not having the title but now I realize that I don’t need it and it will work itself out. I have someone that loves, respects, and is always there for me. We’re in a difficult situation. I’m his best friend’s widow but for the last year he has been nothing but a gentleman and a blessing. We’re taking it slow but spend every weekend together. It hasn’t gone beyond friends as we’re not ready but he said he will wait and that he’s in no hurry. We have the best times together and I can’t imagine my life without him. This article convinced me to live in the moment and enjoy every minute of it. Thanks again!
Best regards,

Reply October 20, 2016, 11:28 am


Hi Eric
Im from Iran, I read your websites and articles by accident. But it was a great accident. At the same time My boy friend broke up with me and I could concure with my feeling with reading your articles. I’m still learning from you. I also suggest your articles to my friends and every one i knew. I want to Thank you for opening my eyes to a new world.

Reply September 30, 2016, 5:46 am


Hi Eric,

So I’m 23 and just asked someone out for the first time yesterday. Ive had two bad relationships, and honestly want something really casual with this guy from work I think is cute. Im also about to move cross country, and dont want a long distance relatiohip. Therefore I have a few questions I’m hoping you can help with.

1)I always could tell this guy liked me. I asked a guy friend to do some asking for me, and my friend said my crush reacted surprised but happy when my friend told him I liked him. My friend said I’d have no trouble talking to him. Yesterday after a few weeks, I told him he’s a cool guy and asked if he’d like to hang out outside work sometime. He said sure, yes, pulled out his phone and I just handed him my cell number. It’s been a day and he hasnt texted or called. Im very new to all this, so what should I do? Ill see him at work tomorrow and dont want it to be awkward. We’ve talked a bit but I was hoping to get more in depth on a date with him.

2) I have a feeling we will end up going out. In that scenario, is it okay to tell him I dont feel comfortable doing anything behind kissing right now? My past two relationships abused me in this area, and I dont want to scare him off with messiness or by being too prudish.


Reply September 27, 2016, 1:15 am


Hi Eric –

I feel like you are the dear brother I’ve always wanted offering me much-needed advice — your articles have been immensely helpful for better understanding how men think, how men view women and view their world! It’s opened my eyes to see the mistakes I’ve been making, and comforting to recognize I’m not the only girl who has made some of these, otherwise well-intentioned, mistakes. Sincerest thanks, Eric!

I have a question. You mention that women should not neglect to wear make-up to help themselves look their best. I typically wear a minimal amount of make-up just to enhance my eyes, but otherwise I think I don’t need to wear much make-up to look pretty. But I do want to look attractive for a man. Can you offer guidance on what style of make-up most (normal) men find attractive? Natural vs Bold? Dark eyeliner? Bright red lipstick vs more subdued tones? Smokey eyes?


Reply September 25, 2016, 9:23 am

Eric Charles

Hey Sarah – glad to hear that. Thank you.

First off, I want to always be clear that when I recommend something, I’m recommending it from the standpoint that it will have a positive effect on getting results for you. That is to say, it is proven to be effective and if you look around, you’ll see evidence of that effectiveness all around you. So when I say that great makeup is effective, it’s not a social or political statement. It’s fact-based.

The best evidence for what men find most attractive is found in looking in places that have an exclusively male audience. If it’s a boys club, they’re going to post up pictures of what they find attractive (and advertising/media targeted to them will do the same).

In this day and age, I would not look at mainstream media at all for guidance in what men find attractive. A much better bet for clues would be any type of men’s forum or website on the internet – the less mainstream, the better (for the most part).

You’ll notice that men have a WIDE spectrum of what they find attractive and who they find attractive. So when it comes to attracting men, it’s best to think in terms of attracting the NICHE you want to attract. (I would have the same advice for men, by the way…)

So start there and I think you will be amazed at how different you find what men want versus what women-oriented media tells you.

You can trust the out-of-mainstream men’s internet, though, because they don’t have a reason to lie to you. They’re not a media outfit trying to push product to you as a woman. They have no political agenda they want to indoctrinate you with. They’re just men expressing what they’re attracted to… in all honesty, I think that women will find it to be a tremendous breath of fresh air when they witness what men are actually like.

Beyond that — you can look within these areas for women who are most like you… my concise advice used to be, “Find your celebrity dopple-ganger (twin),” but that changed as Hollywood has increasingly pushed androgeny as a recommended look for young women.

With regards to androgeny… and this is not a political or social statement… it is biologically sexually repellant to look non-female.

I know that sounds like a radical statement… and i’m not trying to be mean… but really this is something that used to be obvious: If you want to attract men, emphasize your woman-ness.

To expand that, I’m talking here about the biological signals / indicators that are female traits of health and fertility. Look at human history and look at animals… We certainly never had a problem figuring out sex (there’s 7 billion people) and all animals in existence today have done well for themselves as well.

If you like the androgynous look and you want it for yourself, more power to you. Go for it. In fact, there are some guy friends of mine that love women with the androgynous look. Just like there are some guys I know that love a woman with tattoos or any other presentation you can imagine.

In terms of anecdotes, there’s a limitless amount of “yeah buts” a person could say… so again, I’m stating that my comments here are to be as effective as possible based on real world evidence – these are not social or political statements.

And, again, I have to emphasize you should focus on the NICHE of men you want to attract – pro-Athletes (on average) tend to like one type of woman… nerdy punk rock rebel type guys tend to prefer another… musicians tend to prefer another… and so on, so forth.

But investigate for yourself — I can’t tell you which make up is best for you. I can only tell you the best place to look – one free of corporate motivations and political-agendas. Hope it helps and good luck!

Reply September 25, 2016, 1:52 pm


Thanks a lot Eric. This article has really enlightened me now I know what my man wants. Thanks again

Reply September 24, 2016, 4:19 am

Eric Charles

You’re welcome – I’m glad to hear the article was helpful for you. Thanks for the comment.

Reply September 24, 2016, 6:50 pm


Hey Eric. Thank you for all the info. You really know your stuff. I’m frustrated with a situation and I’m thinking you may know how to help me decide wether this guy is trying to come on to me or is just bored with himself lol. He’s at work. I worked with him for 3 months before any of this happened. Didn’t really know him to well. I’ll give you a few scenarios #1We almost ran into each other going into opposite ways through a door. He stopped, straightened up his back and puffed out his chest And I remember him looking at my smile and looking into my eyes for a second then as he walks around me he mumbles “hello, hello” to himself. #2 . I’m looking down then I look up and he’s walking past me with a couple of his friends he turns his head and looks straight at my boobs for at least 4 seconds. As I’m noticing him stare I keep looking at him and he takes his eyes off my boobs then keeps walking a few seconds later he turns his head to me again and I’m still looking at him so he keeps eye contact with me and tilts his head to the side a little and we hold eye contact for maybe 10 seconds. He keeps walking the whole time then once his head can’t bend anymore he breaks contact. And then I saw a huge smile come on his face. #3 I’m walking down a hallway and he’s walking facing me. Our eyes meet then his eyes go straight down to my chest then a little lower and then he tilts his head and goes back up to my chest then breaks contact. I felt a little uncomfortable so I decided to talk to him and tell him I was sorry if I had made him believe I was interested and all he could respond with is ” I don’t know what your talking about….what happened again?” So considering that he did all this stuff and acted like I was crazy. What is that saying about this situation?the crazy thing is he is married with a child and I am too. What was he trying to tell me? I’m just confused with it. I don’t know if he is making moves or if he was just thinking I might like him. What do u think?

Reply September 21, 2016, 6:43 am


And another question I’d like to ask is Can a man forget holding eye contact with another person for that long? Is it possible? He wasn’t dazed or anything because he had to turn his head to me. He knows my husband to and I think I’m a little naive about it because my husband is his boss. Lol oh and he used to talk about his wife always nagging and would tell his buddies that he very rarely has sex with her. But it is always very nice to me and tries to be respectful when I’m around now that I have said something to him. I’ve caught a few looks from him but nothing that bold. He tries to make me feel like we are on the same page and that we have a ton of stuff in common and once when I said I needed to go get something he just went and got it for me himself and snuck it in my bag when I wasn’t around. Just some more info for you! Thank you!

Reply September 21, 2016, 7:11 am


I broke up with my ex 3 months ago. I found out he was cheating on me with a girl his been dating for 3 years. After we broke up he went on a date with her to celebrate their 3 year anniversary but he told me they were celebrating 3 years of friendship which i do not believe. His cousines told me he was cheating on me with the same girl that’s the day i ended the relationship. We started talking after our break up. I asked him if he still dating that girl he refused. I asked him back he refused because he wants to concentrate on his career and he says we might get back in future (3years from now). I asked him if he really loved me and had feelings for me while we dated he said yes. Last month his girlfriend went back to school out of the country,3 days later he sent me a message saying he still loves me but doesn’t want us to get back because he doesn’t want to hate me. 2 weeks ago he confessed to me that he dated me while he was on a break with his girlfriend. I asked him why he did not tell me earlier his response was he did not why he didn’t tell me earlier. Since then we have been talking. I told him i want to get over him but I have failed to do so because he always comes back into life such as him sending 25 pictures of himself. I told him I found a rebound to get over him his response was ok. 2 days ago he said he would come see me on a Saturday but he didn’t come neither did he pick up my calls the whole day nor reply to any of my messages till today. I sent him a message telling him I would have appreciated if you picked up my calls or told me me you would not come, the journey between us ends today. Did i do anything wrong? Does he still love me? Does he want space? What’s happening? Does he still love his girlfriend who he calls the ex?
My ex won me over my previous boyfriend. Among all the guys I have dated I don’t know why it’s so difficult to get over him. Lies turn me off but everytime he lied to me i did not get turned off. Please help me. On 2 occasions he compared me to his ex just because she is intelligent and studying medicine and i am studying law and i keep repeating courses. He even went to on to say i am threatened by her which is not true. On the other hand he tells me he doesn’t seee himself marrying her in future because she is boring and that I am more interesting compared to her. I want to know why he has not responded to any of my calls and messages even though he has seen them? And is he worth it?

Reply September 18, 2016, 7:38 pm


I love him because of his personality. We both have a sense of humour. We always make each other laugh. He carries himself in a respectful and responsible manner. He acts mature, but after all this I have gone through i am doubting if he is mature at all. When we were still dating he said even having a short conversation once a day is enough because I don’t need reassurance if his cheating. At that time i did not think he was cheating and i did not want any reassurance all I wanted was for me to talk to him just for my entertainment.

Reply September 18, 2016, 7:49 pm

Sofie M

Eric, a lot of this is true. But there are things you don’t discuss — be independent, but not too independent that he doesn’t think you’re a team with him. Be sassy, but don’t tell him what’s wrong with him unless he asks you for the opinion. Be pretty and trendy, but don’t be high maintenance. Speak your mind, but don’t create big fights in the first year.

Men are quite visual – they care about a pretty face and body over your income. They care about a warm smile and a soft tone over your job title or where you went to college.

Unfortunately, a lot of confident, successful women find this to be a tricky balance. How can we over-succeed a man without emasculating him? They want you to have a career, but they don’t (usually) want to sacrifice their careers more than you for a family.

Most of what you said is support-driven. Men want supporters. This is fine, its a symbiotic relationship – but men are not the best listeners, console’rs, or forgiving types. Especially the successful ones. I wish there was a better answer for the more nuanced city-style relationship.

Reply September 14, 2016, 12:05 am

Eric Charles

A few thoughts:

– As far as the attraction stuff goes, I have a two-part post on “how to seduce a man” / “how to turn a guy on” — Google that and you can read my thoughts on the attraction side of things

– I don’t think being a confident or successful woman has anything to do with a relationship. I know everyone wants to SAY it does, but I don’t believe it.

I don’t believe that your success has anything to do with a man feeling emasculated.

The next part you say kind of builds off the premise that they do – “They want you to have a career, but they don’t (usually) want to sacrifice their careers more than you for a family.”

… to which I have to ask, “What kind of man, or men, are you selecting for your relationship partners?”

I don’t understand… if a man wants a family and wants you to be the caretaker and wants you to downsize or quit your career for family caretaking… and you don’t want that… why are you choosing this guy?

Moreover, why is he choosing you?

There’s no balancing involved. Talk to each other, figure out what you want out of family & career and if it doesn’t line up… don’t pursue marriage/family! I’m not saying you have to end the relationship right then and there, but… if both of you have your vision for how you want things and it’s a dealbreaker that you can’t, as two adults talking, work out a solution for… then break up and find a guy who shares your values/worldview.

Similarly, if a guy is threatened by your success/career… why are you with him?

Understand that I mean this in a tough love sort of way (but tough love is still love…) — why choose someone who doesn’t line up with you?

Relationships aren’t a goal or a payoff… relationships ARE the thing you have with the person as you’re with them…

Somehow society got fed an idea that relationships are this magical thing that everyone needs to “work at” and they’re really complicated and tough and that there’s a litany of inherent conflicts between the modern man and the modern woman. This is the crap that gets babbled about in magazines.

I can tell you, as someone who’s looked at tens of thousands of relationship questions that flow through to me over the years… 95% of relationship success is SELECTION!!!!

For the sake of a thought experiment — let’s say all your premises were true (I don’t believe they are, but let’s just say they were)…

Even still, it would be your best strategy to find a guy who will line up with what you want…

Yeah, I understand that most men these days don’t even know what they want… OK, so don’t select those guys!

Yeah, I understand that there might be some guys that want you to stay at home with the kids and quit your job… OK, if you don’t want that, don’t select those guys!

Yeah, I understand that there are a few… and I emphasize FEW… men that might be threatened by a woman who’s more successful than them… because they’re threatened by *everything and everyone*? OK, why in the WORLD would you select a guy like that?

Get the picture?

Relationships are really, really easy when you don’t select guys that aren’t going to line up well with you… a good indicator – when you’re dating someone for a little while, ask yourself this: If he were to break up with me tomorrow and we were no longer dating and never would ever again, would I still like this person on a human level? Would I still find him interesting? Would I still find him good? Would I still want to be friends with him?

If the answer to all those questions is NO, then you gotta ask yourself why you’re with him right now? There is no “payoff” in a relationship — the face value of the relationship, as it’s showing up right now, is your relationship. That’s it! That’s all! It’s not some game or puzzle or hold-out or hard-to-get act. Relationships are really simple and reveal themselves in plain view.

Speaking as someone who lives in cities (and most of my readers do too… just probability-wise that’s how it works out)… the problem isn’t that the post isn’t a good enough answer for a “nuanced city-style relationship” — the problem is trying to shove a square peg through a round hole. Always has been, always will be.

If you want to have a certain “style” of relationship that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with that. BUT the more picky you are with the relationship style you want, the more picky you need to be about WHO you select… select well and everything is easy and effortless (by effortless I mean that even the parts of the relationship that take work never feel like work… the whole spectrum of the relationship is joyful in its own ways, even the challenging parts)…

There are people on the internet and in magazines that love to endlessly micro-analyze every relationship PROBLEMS. I don’t care to invent problems and endlessly discuss them – I don’t have the patience for that and I believe it’s futile. I focus on solutions and I would highly encourage you to step back from how you were thinking about this and ask yourself, “What can I do, right now, to be successful and get what I want? How am I going to go get it?”

Focus on solutions. (And 95% of that solution is SELECTION.)

Reply September 14, 2016, 12:41 am


Hey! I really love your articles. They are truly helpful and I love your way of talking about men and women without making silly generalizations… Thank you also for taking the time to write these.

I have a question to ask you about a friend of mine (we’ve known each other for three years). I’m 22 by the way. My friend just broke up less than two months ago with his girlfriend he’s been with for four years (with already one breakup in between). Two weeks ago he came to my place for dinner. We had fun. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and then I asked him if he did. He told me that he was seeing someone but that it was not serious and that she’s wasn’t his girlfriend and that he was still thinking about his ex from time to time and before he left, he told me that he wouldn’t kiss me now because it wasn’t clear in his head and that I shouldn’t think that he didn’t want to kiss me. I don’t want to scare him. Would you have any advice for me ? What should I do? Is that a good thing if he didn’t kiss me? Thank you so much.

Reply September 12, 2016, 12:49 pm


Hi Eric, thank you for the very insightful advice…we’ve been stuck in society and doing things like we think is good…even though I alreadt learnt things in my experiences which you mentioned here…there is some things I did not know and I’m greatful to learn from you. Keep it up. Love ur stuff. ☺

Reply September 8, 2016, 4:16 pm


Eric, I found myself searching for the million dollar question we all want to know.” How can I tell if he’s really into me”. I came across many of your article’s and read them all. Now Eric, I must tell you. I am a 44 year old woman. And have been married twice. And divorced both times. My last hitting its 16 year mark that I have been single. Now I have had relationships here and there. And now I find myself back in the dating ” Area with online dating apps. I really do hate the whole dating game. I feel I know nothing more than I did when I was 16 about men. Until now… Eric I haven’t tried your advise as of yet..but I am eager to put it to the test. I actually found it very insightful. And I look forward to writting you back to let you know what happens. Thank you, Eric

Reply August 25, 2016, 12:16 pm

Eric Charles

Great! Thank you for that message, and yes, let me know.

Reply August 25, 2016, 1:00 pm


Thank you for that article, the advice is really insightful, although I do have a question about the guy I’m talking to.
We haven’t known each other long, we met through a big group of friends and went on a weeks long camping trip together. On the trip we really got to know each other, flirted and joked a little and since I was the only single girl there, he definitely paid extra attention to me by hiding my items or sitting on me or deliberately ripping me off and getting a reaction out of me. Once we went home we talked for two weeks straight and then things started to dwindle. But eventually he wanted photos from me. He didn’t pressure me but just suggested what type he liked. I didn’t send him any nudes but he saw me wearing things like workout clothes or underwear and then it all stopped. Then when we went to another event together he picked up where we left off, sat next to me and only spoke to me. Then when we started to message again after a bit he wanted photos again but didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want. What does this mean ?

Reply August 24, 2016, 4:57 pm


Great advice, as always, Eric! I will be re-reading it more than once! Straight to the point!

Reply August 24, 2016, 12:58 am


We’ve been dating for almost 2 yrs and I feel some type of way when he puts his Family in front of me all of the time! Am I wasting my time or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Reply August 14, 2016, 9:04 pm


Thank you for a great article..
I find it very helpful..:)

Reply August 6, 2016, 10:21 am


my boyfriend asked me what I consider to be the next level for us I said marriage and He said the next level for us would be deep conversation and that we’re not ready for marriage could you explain that to me

Reply August 1, 2016, 11:45 pm


First off – how long have you been going out? Less than a year (and maybe even 2 years) and I doubt you are on the same page.

2nd it means exactly what you said – deep conversation. Men usually don’t progress as fast as women emotionally in a relationship. You’ve probably already went through this stage but he’s getting there now which for a man is a HUGE deal. Don’t mess it up by pressuring marriage. You mentioned it which is fine but don’t keep bring it up or hint at it – guys might bolt if they feel pressured to ask.

How old are you two? If you are pretty young it is rare in this day and age to get married. Most people get married in their 30’s now. Having said all this if you are in your 30’s and been dating for 5 years it might be time to consider breaking up.

Reply August 5, 2016, 1:55 am


Eric, keep up the great work. Somewhere along the way, we made relationships difficult and confusing. You’ve brought it down to what’s important – love and remind us of the reason why we are searching for it. Being open to it, loving ourselves and accepting it. If we listen to what’s true in our hearts and follow, we’ll find it. If you have to work for it, play games, be someone you are not…then that’s not the right love for you. I’ve read most of your articles and love them. Thank you for making a difference.

Reply August 1, 2016, 11:52 am


One thing about superficial aspects: not all guys like the same outfits or makeups… My ex likes my girly outfits and sexy make-ups. The guy I’m currently seeing is really into my sport shorts and he also mentioned that “I’m already good enough without make-up.”

Reply July 29, 2016, 12:57 pm


This opened up my eyes but what do you do if you feel its too late to change?

Reply July 28, 2016, 7:07 am

Someone special.. I think :)

I’m looking for advice and why does your name have to be the name of my ex?!!
So trying to get over him.
He thought I thought he was a toy ..
He never was.
I love him deeply and can’t date anyone bc of him.

Reply July 22, 2016, 10:29 am


Eric, I really enjoy reading your writing and getting a man’s perspective on issues that us women often think about. I was in a relationship for 5 years (only serious one I’ve been in) and that relationship ended about a year ago. I just recently met a man online and I ended up sleeping with him on the first date. I really like this guy and I think there may be potential for us to mesh well. I’m a bit worried that any chance for a relationship may be ruined but reading your articles helped to put me at ease and I’ve learned some things that I will put to use going forward. I’m also just going to hope for the best and do what I can, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be comfortable moving forward knowing that we just weren’t meant to be.

Reply July 19, 2016, 2:51 pm


Thank you for your insight,a mans point of view is extremely helpful. Ive dated a man for 9 months,he is very good to me. He was married for 30 years,so dating is foreign to him it seems. He does try. However I was with him over a 4 day and night period,in which there was effort put forth by me sexually but hardly any by him towards me,totally different than usual. Ive brought it out in conversation and we get interrupted (phone calls) and its not brought up by me or him.What is your opinion,we have discussed long term /future relationship,but this makes me second guess things on going forward. Thanks for your time T

Reply July 18, 2016, 5:38 pm


Eric, your advice is probably the most in alignment with what I’ve learned over the years about what all men and women have in common as human beings, how our brains work and how we make choices about relationships. It’s a real wake-up call for people who’ve had a steady diet of Rom-Coms and pop songs that foster delusions and just plain ol’ laziness when it comes to relationships. I did your quiz because I’m in a “does my friend want more from me or not?” situation and I’m taking your advice over tons of other websites and giving him space to figure things out. In the meantime I’m going to work on myself, make my life even more amazing and satisfying and if he comes around and finally makes a move, great! If not, I cannot lose. I just recently read a book called, “the Male Brain” and what you say about men needing to feel like they’re winning, plus how they need physical attraction, is pretty spot-on. For women who think they can just show up without working out or dressing well etc. and feel entitled to a man’s love, WAKE UP. A good man deserves to feel good about his choices, just like women do. Likewise, if a guy insists he can’t be happy unless a woman looks a certain way and you don’t have those characteristics, MOVE ON. Nobody wins if you pursue a man who may very well accept a relationship with you because you were really persistent and he doesn’t want to hurt you. Nobody deserves the misery that comes from that situation. I should know, I married the guy who wanted the girl that I wasn’t. We should have just stayed friends. Instead we drove each other crazy for years. If I had worked on myself instead, I would have probably found a guy who was really, really crazy about me, not just accepting of me because I wouldn’t leave him alone. Thanks so much Erik, for being a voice of reason in the sea of silly pandering. Your partner in crime has excellent advice, too! If I can offer some constructive criticism, though, that goofy movie has to go. Who’s got time for an endless scrolling tease when they could be reading really sound advice? I think you’re better than that — ditch it.

Reply July 12, 2016, 12:42 pm


I will leave a comment. Although I believe all of this is true in the general sense, it is a little upsetting to aspire to be a “prize.” I mean, I get it, but part of my soul opposes it. I don’t want to be a prize. I don’t want to be on a market. I want a partner to go through life with. I can look through my failed relationships and point to a variety of things that I did “wrong.” They were all sincere efforts to know someone at a real level and love them for who they were. I want a friend, partner, and lover. It may be asking too much.

Reply July 1, 2016, 7:31 pm

Eric Charles

No – definitely not too much to ask… and nothing wrong with wanting what you want.

To be honest, over the years I’ve shifted how I express some of my concepts. Ultimately, my approach and opinion have remained the same: I want to help people by telling them what works and what is effective.

In that way, there were certain concepts that people would ask about or talk about that are not as discussed nowadays. The “problem zone” has shifted and the preferred phrasing of the answer has shifted as well.

Six years ago, people were frequently asking me to talk about the concept of neediness. I didn’t really like the concept or the general discussion around it, but I figured that it would be good to discuss it since it was what people wanted to know and I could at least speak on the subject in a way that empowers people to get better results in their lives.

If it were up to me, though, I never would have ventured to talk about neediness since a lot of what I talk about precludes neediness from being an issue if you approach a relationship effectively.

In that same way, I’ve gotten away from talking about “being the prize” these days. It’s not wrong, conceptually, but I’ve more recently found better ways to convey what’s ultimately effective in relationships… I’ve found a way to address things from a higher level so that all of the positive aspects of “being a prize” are occurring naturally and automatically.

These days, I would phrase the discussion like this (and I’ll just briefly give my bullets for it):

1) Your relationship success is 95% determined by WHO you select. So be picky and choose a guy who’s what you want… don’t pick a guy that “has potential” if XYZ were different. Choose what you want and if he’s not, DON’T choose that guy. This doesn’t just mean his attributes or how he looks “on paper” — I’m also talking about his dynamic with you and how you’re relating is naturally occurring, without you having to do something to get the relationship to be a certain way.

2) Be your best self – this means that, yes, you put effort into your appearance… but also your MOOD. Make your mood your top priority – live in a happy way. “Live happy,” so to speak. Your mood determines your vibe and your vibe determines how much love you’re attracting (not just from your guy, but from everyone). When you make your mood your priority and you allow happiness to be your guide, it becomes really easy to naturally and effortlessly attract love into your life. You won’t even need to think about it.

Follow those two things and your love life will just work — super simple.

The only reason I have a career in this is because most people want to shove a square peg into a round hole… they want to force something to work instead of choosing a guy and dynamic that’s already going to just simply work naturally.

So your comment is actually completely on the right track. So go for it! :)

Reply July 2, 2016, 12:53 pm


1) True, but sometimes we don’t know what we want. 2) Your best advice. When I find myself unhappy about something, I have taken your advice and looked inward. It’s usually insecurity or fear on my part. Then I choose happy and have actually been told I am fun by the person with whom I thought I was having an issue. “Live happy” works! Thank you, Eric.

Reply August 1, 2016, 5:53 am


This man has been constantly trying to catch my atttetion for konths already,.until finally he got me already and befor we started dating he has so many words about future already so many plans anout having an adventure and so on and so on,.weve been dating for 2 weeks and everything went well but i told him i will step back and rethink first because i feel hurt everytime he smoke beside me so he said we can be friends because he doesnt like to pressure or changing people minds so he respect my mindset,.after that we constantly texting once in a while but unlike before we do it very often he sometimes invite me but we were not pursuing it,.after 2 months we talked and we compromise about his smoke the other problem is that he said im moving out of state so he has no plans of moving because he is building his house here already,.so we compromise again if things gonna work out betweem us i might not be moving so chances that i will stay is 70%,.so he planned again for so many adventures and we will continue it he just have to remind himself all the time that i might be moving,.were suppose yo meet up the 2nd day and then he suddenly txt me this again,.
I hope your Sunday wasn’t too bad at work but, you’re off now!
You’ve had me thinking a lot the last 24hrs, too be direct and honest as I want us too be I think we should talk a bit more before you stay over. I really like the idea of us dating but, I’ve been thinking you’ll like the bigger better city in Denver and your very loyal and loving which is great but, that is for your Auntie too. So maybe not 70 – 30.

I’m going to my property in willow tomorrow am to clear the driveway and roof. It will be a good time outside working to think and be comfortable. I hope you understand and can use the time also.
I’m happy getting to know and see you even if chance only 10% u stay but, I think need to be aware in my mind more. That was his message to me so i cried so hard i can feel that he is backing out and pushing me away,.and this is my reply to him,. I almost just got off from work,.sorry if i make you think for 24hrs even if i don’t know why because we already talk and we already both agree,. will talk whenever your ready and i hope the next time we talk promise me one thing that be honest on what you really want, you make me confused,.i will respect the time that you need,.if you really don’t want this anymore just be honest don’t worry about me i’ll be ok,. And then after my text he didnt reply anymore and since we both work on the same company he is avoiding me unlike before that we split about his smoke everything is still good,.we havent talk for more thn 2 weeks already and it hurts me so bad that how can he left me hanging like this without talking to me,.what do you think went wrong,,he doesnt like me anymore?

Reply January 11, 2021, 1:18 pm

Jay Cornish

Hey Eric, I’m a father with 3 young adult daughters, (happily married for 20 years last month!) and from time to time, I come across articles like yours on sites like this one and check them out to see exactly what kind of {nonsense} they are shoveling into the world (my daughters read stuff like this, instead of going by the advice I give them sometimes…) Suffice to say, your article is the first one I have come across in a long time that hits that nail on the head – pretty much. Everything you have said is the truth, but you left out the MOST important thing (especially after having thrived for 20 years with a high market-value woman): it’s the attitude, silly! A woman’s attitude is the be-all, end-all: it’s the thing that will make a man want to approach and stay, or make him jump out of a 3rd floor window to escape…

Attitude is the underlying foundation for everything you have stated Eric, and when it comes down to it, [ladies] attitude informs and influences everything a man is drawing upon to approach, win, love and keep a woman. It’s on the same token as why men actually cheat (that winning & losing crap is for weak men, BTW), a GOOD man is drawn to a woman with a good attitude: it turns a “7” into an “11”, but a bad one turns a “10” into a “5”! (Conversely, a man who is drawn to a bad attitude has a mental instability — like immaturity or a sociopathy… I mean, really, who seeks out drama like that?!?)

Anyway, a positive, engaging, enthusiastic, and appreciative attitude will trump ALL of a woman’s other myriad good traits (and make her VERY irresistibly sexy), especially when sometimes all he has to draw on to approach (or keep him out of another woman’s arms) are a genuine smile, beautiful eyes and spectacular attitude behind them both. When a guy has that to draw him in or anchor him, he’s all in and ain’t going anywhere!

Reply June 30, 2016, 10:38 pm

Dawn Burdon

I’ve been chatting to this guy for three months now, we’ve met up only twice in that time he seemed very interested at first but there is a huge age gap and he is unsure of how he feels about it, he admitted this. A few weeks ago he joking said by text he thought a friend of mine was realy hot so I replied “gone off me then” he then replied “why do I fine myself in an awkward possition” to which I replied “just friends then” which he didn’t reply to. We’ve continued to chat since then and its been him mostly starting the conversation off. I need to know do I give him space or continue to chat ? How do I let him know I’m still interested without coming across as needy and desperate ?

Reply June 28, 2016, 8:55 am


i really enjoy your article it is so captivating. My boyfriend has so much interest in me but i get too emotional and it dos put him off. i don’t want to loose him, how can you help me? Advice.

Reply June 28, 2016, 8:27 am


Thanks for your advice.. I am 23 and my boyfriend is 25 years old he always talking about break up and he likes to say bad things to me,,,he says he don’t want to leave me and he says he loves me but I don’t think if he really mean it.. Does he loves me truly??

Reply May 25, 2016, 1:26 am


Thank you for your really good and insightful articles. I am a widow, aged 60. My “ex Boyfriend” is 65. He left his life behind, half a world away, to be with me. Then he left me after 6 months. Then 5 weeks later came back to me. Then after 4 weeks, he left me again. The reason he wanted me was because he knows that I am a winner and he has always felt like a loser in life. I inspired him to be the best man he ever could be and beyond … He loved the way I understood his goals, aspirations and dreams. The way I supported and encouraged him. The way I was his biggest cheerleader! So, why did he run away? Twice??

Reply May 23, 2016, 1:36 pm


I really enjoy your columns. I find them eye-opening and straight to the point.
Your frankness is priceless

Reply May 19, 2016, 11:52 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks Lou!

Reply May 20, 2016, 10:13 am


hi ..
tq for this article.i want to ask something..i have meet someone..1st month ,he always call and chat with me…2nd month ,he just call me or chat me sometimes…but when he come to my workplace ,i see him have interest in me..but im not very sure..can you help me how to know either he really like me or what..tq

Reply May 12, 2016, 6:10 am


Today, I am feeling so tired. I have been reading all the help tips about relationships and I still feel like a woman of convenience. We work together and he works 2 jobs, has no time and is exhausted all the time, so I am so tired of doing all the work. Our relationship has died down and while I am trying to be supportive and encourage him, I am beat. I am a very upbeat gal and have lots of friends; however, I am a giver and I think that is hurting me. I am trying to hold back from that, but it is hard for me and I do it without thinking. He is very handsome and women are always throwing themselves at him. I think I have given up at this point. I am tired of the cancellations and promises that he does not keep. I get my hopes up and then they come crashing down. I stay busy and do other things but I am disappointed. My friends don’t like to go out at night and I love getting out, so I am not at a very good market to meet other guys. I am so sorry to be so negative, it is nothing to do with your advice, I think your advice is wonderful. I am tired of being the one that has to do all the work. I know he likes me, but maybe that is what it is, he likes me and that is the furthest it is going to go. I have been so upbeat through this whole thing, and now, I am beaten down. It is too much work! :) Thanks for listening.

Reply May 6, 2016, 9:38 am


How/what does a girl do to make a guy feel as though she is the prize? That he doesn’t want to let this one get away?

Reply April 29, 2016, 2:43 pm


the information is very enlightening.. my only question at this point is how do you show a man your “market value” I understand that he wants to know that I am choosing him but how would he know that other guys are even interested. Again thank you for putting it into a perspective I wouldn’t have thought of.

Reply April 13, 2016, 1:57 pm


This is a really good article, so technically what your saying is a woman should really learn how to belive in herself be happy with her life and love herself a men will be interested in that and want to be with her because she can help him grow she inspires him to do better ….a man wants to be with a woman who enjoys loving herself and influences others to do the same…. of course not being boastful or having too much pride but Embracing every part of you….who wouldn’t want to be with someone who believes in themselves ….so it really isn’t about looks or how smart or talented you are that guys care about ?

Reply March 28, 2016, 10:33 pm

Eric Charles

It’s great to have looks, smarts and talents… but if a person is miserable, it’s going to repel everyone from wanting to be around them.

So this is why I say making your mood the primary focus of your life is so important for relationships: you could “have it all” and still repel everyone if your mood is miserable. Conversely, if your mood is great, it will shine through all of your other great qualities and you will shine brightly and attract love from every angle.

Reply March 30, 2016, 10:29 pm


The article is great. Precise and on point. I totally get what you are saying and although I thought I understood men, I was missing the final piece of the puzzle (the winning part).
One question/problem though….what if you really don’t like the same things he does? For example…my ex liked fantasy/sci fi. I like drama. I would always agree to watch the movies he liked (doesn’t matter to me)…but I can’t really pretend I actually dig “chronicles of riddick” when I don’t. What do you do in that type of situation?

Reply March 18, 2016, 3:47 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks, glad you liked it.

To your question: Those kinds of preferences aren’t important to relationship success. As long as you aren’t making him feel bad about what he likes, just let him enjoy those movies on his own – don’t pretend. When it comes to entertainment, that’s highly personal and for the stuff you’re not into, let him watch it with his friends… if you’re going to watch a movie, pick something you both like.

Reply March 18, 2016, 3:58 pm


Noted. I had the same question. I also wanted to point out that there was a particular advice you gave made me stop reading for (I’m not kidding) five long seconds. You said not to focus on his career.

I might have misunderstood that. I’m not interested in what bacon he brings home for himself. But since in the culinary business I assumed (bad word I know) it’s his passion. We do talk about it at times but it’s almost very superficial (this is what happened today) versus deeper passion (what he really loves about it).

I’m passionate about music. What I listen to has a deeper connection in my overall self.

This is the conversation I want to have. I feel I’m asking the wrong questions.

Where do I begin? Better yet, how do I start?

Reply March 20, 2016, 8:26 pm


Perfect…exactly what I did! Sometimes all the do’s and dont’s get a little overwhelming…..
Enjoy the advice overall…I’m pretty good at understanding that men are not women, but insight from the other sight that can give you a leg up is always needed/helpful!

Reply March 21, 2016, 7:57 am


Thanks for the article! It really helps! I have one question, and it is a bit long.
– To all the guys out there, I’m going to put you through a hypothetical situation.

So, there are three very beautiful girls standing side by side. Each one has an entirely different personality, but they look identical. The first one is extremely confident and outgoing. She knows she is beautiful, smart, and an amazing person, but she can seem a little bitchy at times. She can also seem self-conceited, even though she doesn’t try to. The second one is very shy, and she doesn’t feel pretty at all. No matter how many times you compliment her, she refuses to believe it. She is kinda depressed, although she does an amazing job of hiding it. She is very sweet, and has an amazing heart, and she will love someone to the point that she doesn’t care about anyone but them. She is the kind of girl who would help everyone, despite the fact that she is in serious need of help herself (but she would never ask). Then the third girl is very complicated. She knows that she is beautiful, but sometimes she refuses to admit it. Sometimes she doesn’t feel pretty, and other times she does. She likes to joke around about it too. She seeks attention, so sometimes she says she is ugly just to hear someone say she isn’t. She is hyperactive but also calm. She is humble but confident, and she is very smart. She is a sweet person, but sometimes a little bitch can show up. She immediately apologizes and feels bad if she says something rude, or if she hurts someone. She tries her best to fix broken friendships (even if they are beyond repair) She alway tries to help, and she puts others before herself. A little greediness can show up once in a while, and sometimes she cries over random things. She is emotional and moody. When she is in a relationship, she loves with all her heart.Her heart is very fragile. When it gets broken it takes forever to heal, and she builds bigger walls every time. She is both shy and outgoing, depending on the situation.

Now that you have the details, I would like to know which girl you like the most. Remember, all of them are gorgeous in your eyes.

Reply March 13, 2016, 11:09 pm


Thanx for your advice, this one and the others :)

I`m a grown up woman who has seen a man for a year now. We have a sort of relationship,but not in public.We talk and text on telefon,meet each other for dinner or just a cup of coffee.I sleep over once in a while. He knows I want a relationship with him,but that I know that he isn`t there. He knows that I want to make plans with him, want him to make me a priority.
He has told me things from a earlier relationship.I don`t think he is done mentally whit that, despite it is years ago.He has had hope for a new start. I don`t think,but who knows, he still wants her.He says he don`t have the motor for a relationship. He just want it/us the way it is,and see what happens.

I am a woman that don`t give up easilie,but i don`t want to be a doormat either.
I just don`t know what to do?
I think he is a man that needs time to trust a woman again,but do you think i just hope to much?

I have read your advices for a time,thanx :)
hugs from me,marie

Reply March 2, 2016, 4:08 pm


You are already being a doormat. Cut him off. You don’t see each other in public? That is NOT a relationship. Period. End of conversation. Unfortunately, as Eric points out in his article you need to make yourself be “high value” and letting him get away with what he is …well, that is the opposite of high value. Stop asking him. You have your answer. Yes, you are hoping too much. Let him go.

Reply March 18, 2016, 3:43 pm


Thank You for your answer. I can see why your answer is like that.
I wonder still….., I think of myself as a woman with “high value”,really, but if someone has bad experience with relationship,really burnt,don`t you think they will need some time, probably a long time, before they trust a woman again….?
I wonder if we humans are to busy finding love, so we miss someone good, kind and gentle along the road……

I asked for advice. Your answer is to cut him off. It`s answer that are finally for him and me. Whom are you Carrie?

Reply March 20, 2016, 4:36 pm


It was helpful, but me and my guy been together for 3years he disrespected me and I told him it’s not going to work. 3weeks we got back together, but he stated that he was moving on so I was hurt about that. We talk but he want me to fulfill his needs, then we can move on to the next step. Need advice? Thanks

Reply March 2, 2016, 11:11 am


Hi Eric ,
I found this web site recently and just can’t get enaf its truly great source of really spot on information’s.
I’m healing as woman of different hurtful periods and now whan I learn how to love my self I would love to be kick as woman in body shape and mind !!
So thank you for truly great source of spot on information’s! :)

Reply February 27, 2016, 11:04 am


I always find your articles insightful , keep up the great work !

Reply February 24, 2016, 1:03 am


I really liked ur ” market value” idea…great !!! …u have very technical observation of relationships…

Reply February 24, 2016, 12:45 am


Ha ha! Market Value! Love it! True.
I could not agree more with most above statements. No one is attracted to desperation. Neediness. Etc. I never, allow a man to believe / think he is my only option . . He rarely is . .
I live a full, juicy, vibrant life outside, of dating.
More, than one man at a time (non sexually) until exclusive.
Anyhow, great article and I agree with points.
Have a good evening!

Reply February 22, 2016, 11:01 pm


“In relationship terms, men love sharing what they love with people and having those people love it too. In a strange way, sharing what we love with someone else makes it fresh for us again.” I love this. I actually even like just imagining showing someone something I truly enjoy, for this reason – it feels new each time.
“We’re conditioned by society to never show our emotions, so we downplay all of our feelings on the surface.” YES. It’s not that men are emotionless cretins, we just think we have to play the game in order to succeed.
“The fact is, acting like a challenge for no reason or making a man chase you is simply annoying and feels manipulative.” So much YES. Especially if the guy tends to be more introverted, i.e. finds being around people tiring. He’s already seriously gone out on a limb by telling a girl he likes her; being evasive and playing hard to get at that point is, at best, a disappointment to him and comes across as a brush-off, and at worst, he may interpret it as the girl making fun of him when he’s at his most vulnerable.
I disagree about sex being such a high-priority item in relationship building. Based on my own observation and experience, if sex comes first, the relationship tends to stop there and not develop any further, 1. because sex has a way of preoccupying the mind, and 2. the desire for future sex discourages disrupting the status quo by revealing and dealing with your mutual quirks and deeper personalities. Sex is better thought of as dessert, after the “main course” of a healthy and strong relationship based on putting the other person first and mutual understanding; and like dessert, it’s not healthy to indulge in it to the exclusion of other things.

Reply February 19, 2016, 1:35 am

Eric Charles

Hey man, thanks for the comment.

My stance on sex has always been than it doesn’t matter when a woman does, but rather, why she does…

If she sleeps with a guy because she thinks it will some how “hook him” and make him want her more… yeah, I agree with you. The problem isn’t the sex, though, the problem is that she thinks his interest will only be there (or be as high as it is) if she uses sex as a bargaining chip.

On the other hand, if she has sex with him because she wants to and isn’t try to use it to get something out of the exchange, then it’s not a problem.

The philosophical belief of whether or not it’s a good idea to have sex early on is a loaded issue for a lot of people. So I don’t focus on that – that’s personal for the individual.

After talking to many thousands of men and women, I can tell you there are more examples than I can count of happy committed couples that had sex on the first date. They committed to a deeper relationship not because of the sex, but because of the relationship.

My opinion on it (and all of what I write is just my opinion) is that it puts the focus on the wrong things. When a woman buys into the idea that WHEN she has sex is the ultimate factor in whether or not she’ll get a relationship, it takes her focus off of being good at relationship and puts it on something silly and irrelevant: when she has sex.

Worse, it maintains the false idea that the most valuable aspect of her is her sex and not the actual reasons why a man would want to choose her as a woman to connect to.

Reply February 19, 2016, 4:46 pm


Loved the introvert statement. Intorvert women are the same. It actually took a lot of energy for me to tell a guy that I felt that he was holding back. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have exposed myself like that. I would’ve walked away and said good day to you. He’s not ready. But I’m sure he’s just not that into (me).

Reply March 20, 2016, 8:43 pm


My live in boyfriend of 2 years issed me goodbye one morning to play golf with friend, said he loved me then didnt come home for 4 nights. We did have the not ready talk the night before, but he said he didnt want to brreak up and I was the one. He thad told me he bought the ring I picked out but wasnt ready to get married. I told him we could still engaged and have a long engagement. Two weeeks before he he gave me a card that said he couldnt imagine life without me and he was looking forward to the future. He knows I hate it when he goes out and doesnt come home becausse he drank to much. He was ignoring my 2 phone calls and my texts asking him what was going on and why he wasnt coming home. He responded he was fine and would be home later, then didnt come again and I saw pictures with him out with friends. He was spending days and nights at his parents and his sisters. So on the 5th day I packed his stuff up, found the ring and took evverything to his parents. He did text that afternoon saying he was coming to change for work and no other comment. By then I had changed the locks and had his things packed. I gave the ring to his mom and his things said I didnt know what happened, but deserved a conversation. He has never talked to me since and it has been 3 months. We loved each other and had a plan for the future. Should I have moved him out or waited? This has happened before and we had broken up in the past because of similiar issues. We are both the 27. I am an RN and getting my masters. He has another year to get his undergrad and is a bartender at our country club where my family belongs, where I met him. I have reached out and he responded that we could get our schedules together and talk. I sent him some times, but he never called. Im just trying to understand how we could from A to Z like that….and what happened after he kissed me goodbye said he loved and left with the clothes on his back. I kknow he was planning on coming home when he left! Was it a little of both….afraid to come home and face mefor not coming home and not ready conversation.

Reply February 16, 2016, 9:37 am


This read was point on! Great read….

Reply February 13, 2016, 9:44 am


For myself I can’t attract a fly if I try ok I don’t try to make myself look sexy or anything and basically I don’t have a fun,fulfilling life I’m just a plain at home mother but no guys ever notice me which makes me want to give up about love and men in general but maybe you can give me some advice about attracting someone thanks.

Reply February 9, 2016, 8:10 pm


All very true. It’s funny because it takes a lot of bad experiences to realize what men want. When women stop over analyzing their moves and a stop caring about a guys intentions Is when we can actually enjoy the relationship for what it is and stop depending on it for happiness. When we live in the moment with the guy and treat them like just another person who’s company we enjoy- that’s when they 0connect most. Because they think of you as a positive moment in time and then want to spend more time with you. Weirdest of all is: I only recently discovered this myself, with my new guy.

Reply February 6, 2016, 9:38 am


As a woman with a life of her own, takes care of herself physically, a mother of an almost 22 yr old boy; I will tell you, you hit every nail on the head Eric! I appreciate every article (still have many to catch up on) to the fullest. Some women just don’t get that you have to keep in mind what the man chased them for in the first place & if that gets pushed aside & the man walks away or worse then they often wonder why things don’t work out. A woman should want to keep her man interested at all stages in the relationship. Thank you for sharing so much about yourself & men in general, I wish I knew some of this sooner but it won’t stop me from trying to learn & grow from these articles regardless of my situation. Keep up the great work!

Reply February 2, 2016, 2:19 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks a lot – I really appreciate you taking the time to send that comment and I’m glad you liked the article.

Reply February 2, 2016, 9:29 pm


Hey Eric,
I have looked at your Facebook page mainly out of curiosity, and I am starting to see why you have the point of view you do. Not to say I disagree with what you are saying I agree whit a lot of it. But you seem to have this opinion of how you like woman to look and make it out to be that this is how most men feel. With that said most men don’t like the life style you do. You go to clubs and major party cities where the way women look are top notch because it’s their job to be sexy that’s what attracts the men to those places. In everyday life for the average American man they aren’t going to see model looking women everywhere. So I wonder do most men really feel this way or do you write about what you like because it is your job, to share your knowledge of what men want. Also I am sure the men you are around like a similar lifestyle to you weather they are married or not. I feel that most men do want women who are completely themselves but still take pride in their appearance. I feel like an ugly hater who rags on beautiful women, which is not the case you can look on my Facebook I am not. But I am also who I am and if a man isn’t happy with the way I dress or look that’s their problem. I take pride in my looks and try, but I’m not trying for a man I am trying for myself. Also I have been asked by my boyfriend many times why I try so hard and spend time doing my make up and hair when I am a mom and no one expects me to, he says I should just be natural. So my question to that is why does he say that? Does he really like me to look more natural or is it the matter of the time or does he think I’m trying to impress other men? I hope to hear your I out on this!

Reply January 27, 2016, 1:48 am

Eric Charles

Hey Mackenzie,

I’m very careful about what I say to women regarding physical appearance because in this day and age society has become super sensitive to it. I mean, before if a guy mentioned a woman’s weight or appearance, it was a impolite… now apparently it’s an offense punishable by public ridicule followed by a public hanging.

Let’s be really clear about what my stance is (and always has been):

I’ve said a woman’s physical appearance has an impact on a guy’s level of sexual attraction to a woman. Sexual attraction is an important factor in a relationship, but far from the only important factor.

I’ve said that different men are attracted to different types of women appearance-wise, so instead of aspiring toward trying to attain some particular appearance in order to be more attractive, a better pursuit would be to look your best for you, your body type, your face shape, etc. There is nothing insulting about that… really, in a world where TV, movies, general media and ads are spreading the opposite message, I imagine what I’ve said would come as a relief.

And as far as anything I’ve said about being in shape or losing weight goes… don’t put that on me. Talk to a doctor – the doctor will tell you that being overweight and/or not physically fit has dire health consequences. It’s in anyone’s best interest to make fitness a high priority in life and looking more attractive is a happy bi-product of what’s far more important: your health.

You’re talking about what I’ve written as if I’m making some superficial remarks about a woman’s appearance when I know I’ve been super careful over the years not to do that. Even still, you were saying it’s my job to be honest about what men want and I don’t think I’m saying anything groundbreaking when I say that men are visual and your physical appearance makes a difference in how physically attracted he is (so hair, makeup, fitness, etc. make a difference). It would be a disservice to pretend like that wasn’t the case.

As for me and my lifestyle, I think you’re really misreading the situation. First off, I’m a huge introvert and I would much rather be at home relaxing than at some loud club or bar. Just because the pictures I have up are of me when I’m out (on business trips or whatever) doesn’t mean that’s my lifestyle. If you knew me, you’d know if anything I’m a workaholic and that working hard characterizes my life more than anything else.

I hold the same standard for myself and my own body – make fitness a priority, look as good as I can look (as best I know how) and after that… don’t worry about it. Some people will find me really attractive, some will find me really unattractive, some won’t have a feeling about me one way or another. Same goes for everyone.

Reply January 27, 2016, 6:55 pm


Saying loose weight or dress sexy is insulting, I am a mother of two I have been pregnant the past two years. I am not heavy set but I do weigh more than before I had children. I feel this is how shallow men feel. I think no matter your size or how you look it’s not about looking like a celebrity but showing you put effort into the type of woman your man is attracted to. Maybe that’s a better way of putting it. My man hates heavy make up and sexy clothes. He is far more into me dressing casual or even sporty. It all comes down to the same thing pleasing your man. But if you are with a man who needs you to be thin or look like a Kardashian then you are not with the right man unless that’s what you want. Being healthy is far more important than being thin ( and no they are not the same thing ). It’s men who say things like dress sexy and loose weight that make women insecure, even if they just imply it.

Reply January 27, 2016, 1:07 am


Being a prize or a trophy doesn’t feel good either. At least not to me. It feels shallow after a while. Ofcourse I’ve got higher self esteem.

Reply January 19, 2016, 11:03 am

Miss Nell


Reply January 18, 2016, 11:19 pm


I’ve read some of your articles and you are really good. However, I am not sure young girls will understand it cause this is something that comes with experience in life.
Wish I had read this 10 years ago, it would have made my life considerably easier then ;-).

Reply January 16, 2016, 4:50 pm


this is very insightful and it explains everything…i can’t stop reading your articles.

Reply January 10, 2016, 12:29 am


Wow you hit the hammer on the nail. I truly. See where I’m going wrong in my relationship.. I’m the prize. I don’t a man I choose to be with one. Gotta up my market value. Than for this article

Reply January 8, 2016, 6:55 pm


oh, my god what a article , Such a nice article really nice………

Reply December 31, 2015, 1:17 pm


I think the article vividly points out why most of my female friends have one failure after another in relationship, and they always end up in the same way: mostly the guys started out being interested, but lose interests fast and eventually walk away. My friends would think of themselves as victims used, abused, and abandoned by these “bad” guys. But the real problem isn’t the men most of the time, it’s really the lack of self confidence, desperation, and title seeking in women. Most of the women devalue themselves without knowing it, and they rarely think about what they can offer in a relationship. The sex, the looks both can encourage relationships, but neither can keep men or sustain relationships.

Reply December 24, 2015, 2:30 pm


Dear Eric,
I have been reading your articles and you keep saying, wear makeup and be feminine. I used to wear makeup but recently, there has been such a hype going around that men like women with no makeup at all. Apparently they think when you put makeup on, either you are hiding something or trying too hard, which comes off as a turn off. Do you agree? I used to love wearing makeup but now I hardly wear any, im scared that men will think im trying too hard. And I know how much is too much, I just like enhancing my best features. So my question to you is what makeup look do you think is sexy, playful, nice? Do you think women are trying too hard when they put makeup on? How much would be too much in your opinion?
Yes, I could go look at men’s magazines, but I want to hear your opinion! :)
Thanks Eric, genuinely love reading your articles, and love your philosophy about life, I couldn’t agree more.
Happy holidays!

Reply December 20, 2015, 2:32 am


Thank you, I just read like 5 of your blogs back-to-back and this one had the most impact–super helpful. I think the part about what men want and what they want in women helped me the most. I’m going through a little something right now and I just want to make sure I’m approaching the situation in a mature and smart way and this blog pretty much nailed it for me.

I work with Prince Roku and he and I had been eye balling each other for quite some time until one day he just popped in my office, made small talk and asked me out on a date. We went out on 5 dates and to be honest, things did escalate quickly and I know that there is no excuse for that but I absolutely don’t regret it and it just happened so naturally.
Nothing ended in a bad way or anything, we are just both in the midst of a crazy busy season at work. Lately, I’ve just been getting some awkward vibes from him, he has not been rude, always says hello and gives me a hug, its hard to interact at work cause its a small office and people try to live vicariously through other people.
I know that the one thing that marked the difference was that he didn’t want a serious relationship and I guess I do? But not one now, however, I don’t want to mess around either cause that is dangerous and I know I could catch feelings, especially since we have so much in common.
I’ve sort of decided just to let it be and give him space, I just don’t want him to think I don’t still like him or that I am writing him off completely as we did talk it through and decided to be friends. I’m just feeding off the vibe I’m getting and that is that he needs space and that space is consequently good for me as well even though if I could have it my way, I’d be hanging out with him playing video games, dancing, reading poetry, and writing jokes but that small discrepancy became a catalyst and things are now weird. I guess if he could have it his way it would just be Love Buddies but quite frankly I’d rather skip the blurred lines and keep it straight edge.

So the plan is, “Girl, half ignore the dude, and do YOU! That means, have fun, go out, do what inspires you and what you love and forget about all the minute details cause they don’t matter unless your’re writing a novel…

Reply December 16, 2015, 6:38 pm


Hi Eric,

Your articles are awesome! I’m just struggling on how to apply them. :(

So my story goes like this; Met online been talking for just over a month over text, when we first started talking he had a week off work so was texting quite a bit, now that hes back in work its not as much, but that’s normal, cause I get busy in work too.

But recently in the last week or so hes not talking as much, I seem to be starting conversations sometimes we end up talking for ages, but not as much as we did before, now he cuts it short or doesn’t reply after a few messages Should I be concerned??

Before, text conversations went on for hours into the night, and it was on most nights, but now he hasn’t text me in days.

I had planned road trip to go see my sister, which is close to his town, and was thinking of maybe meeting him, but do you think hes not interested and I shouldn’t bother mentioning it??!

Reply December 14, 2015, 5:33 am


I’m genuinely grateful for all of your articles- great work! Just one question: how exactly could a woman increase her “market value?” I understand by not being available out of loneliness or out of a desire for a titled relationship; but exactly what actions and such actually increase and decrease this? Any concrete examples would be appreciated. Thanks!

Reply December 14, 2015, 1:11 am


Ei this is the most valuable piece of information on the subject ive ever read. Thanks

Reply December 12, 2015, 2:35 pm


This website is pure science. The authors are so brilliant & they incorporate morality into the counseling. I enjoyed this article. I am wondering if I continue to pursue a man that has already “won” me in a very healthy way. I am certain I would not have sex with him until I decide it is best. He is currently dating someone and told me “maybe if it doesn’t work out” that we could try something out. I am willing to take a step back and approach him more as a friend although I have already romanticized with him. I understand his desires, attraction to me and faults. I support him completely. I do understand that I need to give him time to miss me but I feel I understand my motivations for being with him and as I said before those are all positive reasons. If he has won me and I support him, have made him feel like a winner and understand his desires…is it ok to approach him as a friend? Thank you.

Reply December 11, 2015, 8:03 pm


I have a problem with my boyfrnd.we have dated for 7months and he hasn’t given me one penny.wen I got pregnant for him he told me he wasn’t ready .he doest call me,it takes like 4days b4 he calls me.he hasn’t said the three words “I love u” he jus gives me excuse that he has been dumped three times and he is scared and all DAT.I give him my time even wen he was sick I took care of him.I always cook for him and take care of him but he doesn’t show me love.we quarrel most times and doesn’t even care.we travels almost every time.pls what do I do

Reply December 11, 2015, 2:08 pm


Honey you need to take care of you! Let him do his thing ignore him if he comes back and makes an honest effort he is worth it but if not then it’s his loss. I know how being pregnant with a non committed man feels and you are too good for that and not only that you have bigger things to worry about. It is very true you don’t know love u till you have a child of your own, though it’s not the only love you feel you need, it is. Take my advice and enjoy being pregnant even with the sickness and the pain in the ass of it all because when it’s over you won’t be left with a heart ache of this man, but a beautiful child to love and you will never want your child to waist time feeling the way your feeling now. Conga durations and I wish you the best!

Reply January 27, 2016, 1:17 am


Hey Eric, I founf ur article relevant in my current situation. Youre saying here that i shud date other guys or go out with other guys to make him feel that anytime alot of guys will snatched me if he will not do his part to take me his own. My question is what if i go out with other guys and he knew it then well tou guys think to date other women to make it fair enough? Its like you guys will think that if us gurls can go out with others guys why cant u also do it? Please enlighten me with this “what if’s” thank s Eric

Reply December 7, 2015, 2:58 pm

Wen zhu


Your article is so special and love every word of it! I believe it will definitely help me out and do you sell books I can buy and I feel finally I got the point. So THANK YOU! :) Wen

Reply December 6, 2015, 8:17 pm


Eric, Thanks. I guess the articles you write and the advice you have in each one of them is just better than probably any of those relationship and dating website.! They are always of great help.

Reply December 3, 2015, 8:49 am


Of course this all applies to men who actually are open to exclusive relationships. Guys who only want casual or hookup buddies don’t have the maturity to possess these points you make in this article.

Reply December 2, 2015, 5:47 pm


I really loved this article. It really breaks it down for us girls to what men like, and how to make it known to him that we are interested in us liking what they like to get intimate with him. Also teaches us women how men see women, what category they place us at and why. Please write an article as to ladylike manners, how a lady should dress… I love your writing work, you are amazing!!!

Reply December 1, 2015, 11:18 pm


Thank you for being honest and real. I have been reading your advise for a couple months. It’s very helpful. Even though I think I’m a good catch I do need some fine tuning. As a 40+ woman I need a refresher. Men and women are so different it’s nice to read your realistic view. Thanks!

Reply November 30, 2015, 7:04 pm


4 months ago i started seeing an old friend of 20 years, who i actually “casually dated”for about 6 months back then. We are really good friends since then. We hooked up twice in those 20 years and have always seen each other as more than just friends, we care about eachother alot. 4 months ago he professed that he has always loved me and that i have and always will have a special place in his heart, which never happens with him, hes not the type to put his heart out there for anyone. He got out of a 13 years relationship with a woman that really tore his self esteem down mentally destroyed him. A child with her is involved, and she uses that against him alot, to manipulate him. We have had a long talk about relationships and he says to me….:i am a good friend, i can be friends with anyone but i am not a good boyfriend, im not good at relationships, my biggest fear is hurting you and i dont want to do thay, i worry about that everyday” xBUT…in the last 4 months, he has been nothing but good to me and shown that he can be a good boyfriend…i call Bulls%$t to his excuse. Recently.. i expressed that i am not the girl that will just come to his house for a booty call, that i would like to go do things, experience things with him, that im not looking for a “boyfriend” im looking for a partner. He never said anything except that he understood. With in a week, we hung out with his mom, our mutual friends, and his sisters. Who All mean alot to him, they are his roots and foundation. Mind you i have known them just as long as i have known him, just not on the same level as him. My question is…am i wasting my time on something that will not go anywhere? Just because he is doing all these nice things for me ultimately do i still just hold onto “im a good friend, but i cant be a good boyfriend, im not good at relationships” thing , take that for what it os and never expect anything? I dont know if im wasting my time. I really care about him obviously, he is like my best friend and i dont want to lose our friendship over this of it doesnt work out.

Reply November 26, 2015, 8:08 am

Marsha Lynne

I had no idea men were so complicated! lol This article has been very eye opening, thank you. I am 48 years old and have been divorced for eight years, I don’t date or go out, so when an old ex contacted me on Facebook I was excited. We’ve been seeing each other for 2 1/2 weeks with constant texting until today. I kind of freaked, like most women would, I suppose, so I did a Google search and found this article. I think we’re ok, thankfully, I just didn’t want to freak out to him and spoil what we have found. Again, THANK YOU!!!

Reply November 25, 2015, 8:18 pm


Thank you very much. I love your approach. I have homework to do for sure. :) I’m going to apply this now and my future.

Reply November 24, 2015, 11:38 pm


I found this article interesting and pretty on point. I can see how all of these things make a big difference. My question is, what is your opinion on just being yourself? Is there any hope for women who are just laid back and want to be accepted for who they are (not assuming that they’re not naturally desirable)? Or should they all, and always, be this woman that you described? I realize that I will be getting the cold, hard truth ;)

Reply November 20, 2015, 12:48 pm

Eric Charles

First, thanks for this question.

Society kicks around a lot of empty advice like “be confident!” or “be yourself!”… it’s not wrong, per se, it’s just that it’s not helpful.

If I tell you to jump, you know exactly what I’m telling you to do. It’s a concrete, specific, clear instruction.

If someone tells you “be yourself” or “be confident”, you really *don’t* know what they’re telling you to do. The person saying it knows what they mean, but the person they’re advising doesn’t…

So let’s get specific on what “be yourself” means and how it can be good advice if you add an essential piece (an essential piece that nobody seems to talk about)…

The factor that attracts love to you is your vibe.

Your physical beauty, clothing, make-up, hair, etc. is all meant to attract a man sexually. There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s significant. There are countless magazines, TV shows and any other form of media that are happy to help you with that (by selling as many products to you as they can)… so we don’t need to touch on that here. That’s creating sexual, physical attraction.

I’m not saying it’s not important, it’s just a different kind of attraction… it’s not love-attraction (but admittedly, I wouldn’t date a woman I wasn’t sexually attracted to, so really you want to have both if you’re looking for maximum effectiveness in your love life)…

OK, so let’s talk about love-attraction: what attracts love to you?

Your vibe. Your vibe is what attracts love to you…

And what determines your vibe? Your mood.

Not the mood you pretend to have on the outside… where someone says, “How are you?” and you fake a smile and say, “Good!”.

No, I’m talking about your real, actual mood in the privacy of your own mind…

If you are in a negative mood, you will have a negative vibe and everything you do will be tainted by that negative vibe… even if you’re trying to hide your bad mood.

Your negative mood could be worried… angry… sad… deceitful… jealous… spiteful… hateful… afraid of loss… etc. Whatever it is, if it doesn’t feel purely good, relaxed, happy, calm, peaceful and inspiring… that’s your body trying to scream the message to you, “This is self-destructive! Stop thinking like this, stop viewing things this way… **Stop feeding this!!**”

Your body is trying to give you clues that you’re living in a destructive way. The negative feelings that come with a bad mood are your body’s clues to get you to stop.

Your negative vibe is the external clue to other people that they should avoid you. They feel this subconsciously… most people can’t put their finger on what it is, but they just know that they don’t feel good around people with a bad vibe (and that bad vibe is a direct result of their mood/internal thinking/internal feelings)…

On the other hand, when you are in a good mood internally, you give off a good vibe to other people and you attract love to you. I would say there’s one universal “good mood” – you feel OK on the inside… and then naturally you feel joyful, inspired, peaceful, content, etc.

All you have to do is make your mood your #1 priority in your life… your good mood will attract more love than you ever thought possible, and the best part is, you have 100% control over it.

Now someone just yesterday said to me, “OK, I get that, but nobody can be in a good mood all the time… We’re not robots.”

Agreed… so here’s the difference between people who have a good vibe as their normal state of being and people who don’t…

People who have a good vibe as their normal state **don’t feed into internal negativity**.

Yes, we all have bad moments or even bad days… and when negative feelings come up, we acknowledge them and we allow them to pass through us. We don’t try to hide them or suppress them.

Here’s the key: We also take direct, personal responsibility for those feelings and we don’t feed into them. You can feel a negative emotion, let it pass through you and never have to feed into it.

So, to tie this up: When you have a good vibe as your normal way of being, yes, you can “be yourself” and you’ll be tremendously attractive to people… your behavior will be soaked in your good vibe and therefore, even what people might consider the “wrong” behavior will still strike people in a favorable way.

It’s not your behavior, it’s your vibe… so when you have a good vibe, you can “be yourself” all you want and you’ll attract more love than you can handle.

Reply November 22, 2015, 2:20 pm


Wow. I need this article.. I give in my negative vibe all the time and I’m reaping it. My relationship is always in chaos bc my negative vibe. I try so hard to be positive. I have to practice good vibe to reap a successful life.

Reply January 8, 2016, 7:05 pm


Wow…you just managed to improve on perfection, Eric! Thanks for adding this extra nugget to an already complete article. :)

Reply January 16, 2016, 7:39 am


Wow! Thank you! Thank you!

Reply November 17, 2015, 10:24 pm


Very interesting article, certainly hit the nail on the coffin on relationships..thoroughly enjoyed reading
It was Great, however women should not be put in same market value as a homeowner buying a home, we are sexy creatures, not a mortgage loved it great

Reply November 16, 2015, 7:02 pm


Great article. I met an ex-boyfriend because of perceived “market value”. We parted on good terms and I once asked him why he liked me so much that night he met me (I was not his type at all!). He told me he walked into the bar and saw me wearing an Astros shirt and surrounded by 10 guys, and there was no way he was leaving without talking to me. He said he had to meet me because I liked sports and every other guy seemed to want to talk to me. It gave me a good laugh because I happened to run into a co-worker’s son that was out with a large group of guys and they were just being friendly while we were waiting for the drinks they had ordered us.

Reply November 16, 2015, 6:30 pm


Hahaha…what a great experience, Mel! Perception can be everything, but I’m sure that you were giving off good vibes (period) and because of it, the outcome would have been the same w/out the ten other guys! ;D

Reply January 16, 2016, 7:44 am


Wow, this is the second article I read from you and it blows my mind!!! It is so good and so true!!! Keep up the good work… wow wow

Reply November 14, 2015, 9:15 am

Eric Charles

Thanks, glad you like it.

Reply November 14, 2015, 4:11 pm


Hi, I just wanted to ask a quick question:
How can it be possible to have a relationship with a man, who actually sees you as his future wife, introduces you to the family, and many future plans … an all of a sudden has to travel for business with his father, and he became distance all of a sudden and says he didn’t have time to answer because he’s with his father, and a day later say he does care but he has been sick…. I have no idea what to think and how I should react….I have been silent and cool…but don’t want to loose him…please give me some advice…thanks

Reply November 15, 2015, 3:30 pm


hi .iam in bad situation right now ,,what should I do if I wants to let me go instead of fighting with his feeling .what I mean is we got argued about he thinks iam flirting with some guy thru online ..yes I admit I do that ..but that’s all iam just being nice and this guy knows I have a boyfriend wed just talked as a friend nothing farther than that ..and me my boyfriend just been dating for almost months ilike him so much he treated me like iam the queen .either way I found out also that his still talking to his exes ..I don’t know what to do …this is so frustrating ..please help

Reply November 11, 2015, 6:04 am


Hi, I just wanted to ask a quick question:
How can it be possible to have a relationship with a man, who actually sees you as his future wife, introduces you to the family, and many future plans … an all of a sudden has to travel for business with his father, and he became distance all of a sudden and says he didn’t have time to answer because he’s with his father, and a day later say he does care but he has been sick…. I have no idea what to think and how I should react….I have been silent and cool…but don’t want to loose him…please advise me…thanks

Reply November 9, 2015, 7:21 pm


I love every article u have produced and all that I can read and I have been reading ever since I came across your sight they have help me to understand a lot of things I thought I knew and didn’t thank you I love it again thank you please continue your good work I feel you are helping a lot of lady’s and I’m one of them.I appreciate you.

Sincerely yours

Reply October 30, 2015, 9:52 am

Eric Charles

Thanks Christine – I appreciate it!

Reply October 30, 2015, 12:48 pm


I really enjoyed reading this article. It was very informative and will help me improve myself. Thank you very much.

Reply October 27, 2015, 5:08 pm


Thank you Eric for this article. I really loved ready it. It has helped me to understand so many things that motivate the man I have been dating. It’s been two and a half years though, and I have to say even through all my consistency of being in his corner, being easy going and being interested in his hobbies (i.e. Ironman triathlon, etc.), to date, he still has not told me he loves me. He says that he admires and respects me for the woman that I am, what I have done for him and that he enjoys our time together, when we are alone and with our children/family. But he has been hurt before and his vision of family was “shattered” when he got divorced. He says he never wants to go through that again. Thus saying, he has no intentions in living with anyone again, etc. I love him dearly and am trying not to change him. I have just recently expressed to him that since he does not envision himself with me for the long term, that maybe we should part as friends before we become resentful of each other. It is only then when he starts to do the things that I had expressed to him I love (i.e. playful texts, date night, etc.).
At this point, our lives are so intertwined with our activities, the kids, that breaking up seems harder than I thought. I don’t want to leave him but I read that when a man says something, I should believe him. And I tried to leave explaining I am respecting what he has ultimately said, he steps up again. #soconfusing
Should I give him more time? Should I distance myself, in hopes that he will chase me? Your guidance is so appreciated. I have bought several of the programs and am trying to understand but this seems like the step of total disconnect that scares me.
Thank you again for all that you do and all you share. #gratefulalways

Reply October 22, 2015, 4:47 pm


Omg, this article is exactly what I try to tell my friends as I call it. High perceived value! If you get a Chanel handbag for free you don’t love it as much.
Good points in here especially about being in his corner. Keep up the good work!

Reply October 20, 2015, 7:44 am


I really enjoyed this article. It makes so much sense in the fact that men what to feel like winners. We ladies often forget that and it was a great reminder. I want to make him rememeber he won me over all the others and “be in his corner” like you mentioned so he can take on the rest of the world. Encouraging and simple. Thank you

Reply October 14, 2015, 11:12 am

Eric Charles

Thanks a lot – I always love hearing that.

Reply October 14, 2015, 9:02 pm


Hi Eric
Your article made me think of the positive aspects in my relationship rather than the negative which was great. However, my man has admitted to me that he is seeing another woman. When I heard this I was obviously devastated but I have noticed our relationship has changed tremendously in the last month. Like you said that actions are what we should focus on. He spends much more time with me now and the time is quality with lots of sharing in his behalf and laughter. Our time together does definitely not revolve around sex but mutual sharing He has verbally told me he loves me and he shows me all the time that he does. He makes me feel special and has mentioned many things that we are to do in the future. Sometimes though I can’t get the thought of the other woman out of my mind but do not want to mention her to him. Maybe I’m scared of the answer I’m going to get. I don’t know how he feels about her and I think of her as a non entity when we are together. Could his actions be telling me he is no longer seeing her but I’m not reading them right? Or is he really good at having two girlfriends?i believe in what we have and he does too and he shows me in many ways.
I’m Just at a loss as to what to do.

Reply October 6, 2015, 3:43 am


I live the market value tidbit! It’s so very true!

Reply October 5, 2015, 7:43 pm


I would like to know how to make my boyfriend treat me like a woman of value. I always feel like he loved his ex girlfriend more than he would ever love me because he would always make an effort to buy her gifts and spend alot of money on her just to make her happy like taking her out on dates and clubbing, but with me he does not do the same unless I push him to.

Reply September 30, 2015, 10:40 am


This article is awesome,and thanks you for sharing. I have been in a relationship for almost 4yrs now with a lady who was surpose to be my wife. This lady exhibits a lot of anoying characters like keeping secrets,keeping to friends and personal advice,lack of finacial management etc. Although we’re engaged but am willing to let go of her before she kills me with depression. I wish she will findout this type of article exist.

Reply September 26, 2015, 5:47 pm

Eric Charles

Hey Randy, thanks for the compliment, glad you liked the article.

This is just my opinion, but I think if you’re not happy with the relationship as it is now, I wouldn’t get married until I’ve either worked things out with my spouse-to-be or break off the relationship altogether.

Again, this is entirely just my opinion — so whatever you decide to do is on you, this isn’t professional or legal advice — but personally speaking, I wouldn’t legally hook myself with someone I already wasn’t happy with… on top of the regular pain of breaking up, you also would have to go through the pain of a divorce, which can be long, brutal and costly.

Again, all my opinion here, but my attitude towards marriage is I wouldn’t do it unless being in the relationship is so happy, so fulfilling and so obviously awesome that being married wouldn’t add anything to what we already have together, since the relationship is already so right and such a good fit.

A lot of people have the idea that marriage will somehow change the relationship in a good way… like it would make a not-so-serious person more committed to the relationship or an untrustworthy person more trustworthy…

More often than not, after marriage a person’s “bad qualities” tend to get worse and the positive qualities that take effort start to fade away… I mean, just look at human nature — most people are not wired to work harder or behave better when they have even less of a chance of losing you…

For me, the only way I’d possibly get married is that the person I was with was completely awesome to be with in every way, the idea of being with any other woman ever again has lost all its appeal to me (and has for many years) AND I want to have kids with her and devote the rest of my life to being an amazing father and husband.

That hasn’t happened for me yet… maybe someday it will, maybe with the right girl and circumstances I would want that. Right now, though, that’s not the case for me.

But really, the only appeal I see for marriage would be to build a life with a woman who’s so awesome to be with that living life together seems full of possibility and fun, and I want to share that with her…

I would never want to tether myself to a woman or relationship that I had to “work on” and “deal with”, while my life slips away like sand through an hourglass… just too many good options out there to try and force something to work… and getting married to someone definitely won’t change the relationship for the better — it’s not a magic pill, if anything, it will make a bad relationship much, much worse.

All my opinion, but I figured I’d share it in case it was helpful to you… hope it was. Good luck.

Reply September 27, 2015, 1:49 pm


Hi Eric! Your opinion here to Randy was spot on, as usual, and while I realize it may be easier to receive for some guys by using the phrase, “my opinion”, I would venture out to say that it should be unnecessary. Your opinion matters and has validity to Randy and all of us who read your articles and are furthermore subscribed. Please keep pouring it out — of yourself to us, I mean; just my opinion! ;)

Reply January 16, 2016, 7:55 am


Yes I have been dating this man for a couple of months now i’m getting mixed messages. He will call or text every day then he goes cold. I’v never been to his home I feel he is hiding something. He comes over at first 3 times a week 2nd week about 2 times then 3rd week once a week since. We have a great time when we are together. We have the best sex ever. But he still on plenty of fish when ask him about it he says he likes reading the profiles. I set him up my girlfriend sent him a message and he responded. So i have been avoiding phone calls and text. then he text me and asked if he could come over and make dinner. he came over he had to go to store came back with soap and mens deoderent left it at my house. just don’t understand him or what is going on in his head. need to know if worth pruseing or move on? please help eric

Reply September 22, 2015, 6:07 am


I love reading your articles! It’s so informative and everything makes sense. :)

Reply September 21, 2015, 1:04 am


Again a very good informative article. It has reassured me given some of the experiences I have had with men which have not always been great. Also information that I can learn from.

Reply September 18, 2015, 4:57 am


I’ve been reading everything you send and books… I was so down knowing in my heart I was losing my guy… That’s when I found you.. Well he did break up with me.. And I was so heart broken.. I mean he is an amazing guy.. We complement each so well.. Well he wasn’t here when we broke up so it wasn’t like I could talk to him and I’m the kind of person that like to look at you when I talk with you.. So I read your books and all the emails you send and over like 4 days I would text him my thoughts on how I felt about him and our relationship.. Remembering everything you have said never coming off as needed or that he is my world.. But more of my feelings things I never have really said to him… Then on the fourth day I told him if I’m bugging him with my texts about my thoughts and feelings to tell me… He replied your not bugging at all.. I replied with I just thought we complemented each other so well.. He replied yes we do.. He came over the next day we cried and talked and are together:) and I really think reading your stuff has made me see things in a different light and wanted to say thank you
That’s the short version of my story lol

Reply September 17, 2015, 8:11 pm


This feels a very acurate article, I have been re-reading it many times and trying to sink in.
Makes me want to go out there, and do this. To be that awesome woman, to some great guy. I want to fall in love and be loved and I feel ready for it!

This “learning what he loves” thing really works IRL, and even if no relationship develops, I use this on most people to connect to them truly, and find new awesome friends, and expand my horizons on the way, I get to know awesome new stuff I never thougt I’d know, and this is a one more new trait of mine ppl like me for, and I learned it here.

Thank You, Eric, for Your job here

Reply September 17, 2015, 6:04 pm


It’s just sad. I know what I’ve read is all true and make sense but its a sad truth for me.

Reply September 12, 2015, 10:12 pm


I’m learning a lot about myself and men by reading your articles , your advice is giving me a confidence I didn’t have before , I appreciate you for your time and blunt honesty in your articles and emails , thank you :)

Reply September 11, 2015, 5:55 pm


I do appreciate all the advise ive been reading. My friend lives 5hrs. Away and weve been seeing eachother once a month since july. I just cant think of get him to at least call me his girlfriend yet. Im keeping busy and my options open may see him this weekend he said he would check on tickets, how do I understand this?

Reply September 8, 2015, 7:33 pm


Surprisingly enough I like your honest opinion and insight about relationship and gender physiology.

Very unique and realistic than those popular magazines and even the so called ‘experts’.

Reply September 5, 2015, 2:29 am

Eric Charles

Thanks a lot. I appreciate that.

Reply September 6, 2015, 3:11 am


When I try to make my guy feel like a winner, he seems very uninterested. For example, he’ll be playing Call of Duty (which he is very good at) and I’ll say, “Wow. You are really good at this! You’re getting more kills than anyone!” And he will, in a low uninterested tone, say, “Uh huh.” That’s one example. I don’t see how to compliment him in a way that matters. I don’t want to compliment him too much and appear fake. But I want to be able to compliment him in a way that mattets. He is always a winner to me in every way.

Reply September 4, 2015, 11:24 pm


I met a really great man and thing were fantastic. He was originally here for business but came back especially to see me and we went away for a week, very romantic we get on great, have talked about absolutely everything, marriage,
pre-nuptional agreements, children, money, dating etc which I thought was very heavy but since it was it was honest, it was ok. He went back home and text every day, even when on holiday with his son and mum, sending me photos. I made a comment of how could I compete, meaning what could I show him that would be as beautiful and he said he that wasn’t necessary as he was looking to share all this with me in he future, I was surprised as it wasn’t what I was expecting, but said ok. When he came here it was so lovely, we spent 24 hours a day together, went away to the Highlands, had romantic meals but also cuddled up on the sofa. He lives in Germany and is divorced with a 13 year old son who lives with him and a mum who looks after his son when he is at work. I have accepted this and said his son is number one and we talked about how hard it will be to be part of his life but willing to try. While we were away, he said he more than liked me and wanted to see me at least every 3 months if not sooner and that in his training for his new job, I could meet him and stay with him for the week which could be Switzerland or Sweden which I thought was a great idea. Well since he has been back home, he has text and I made the classic mistake of texting and asking him to phone me and for his address (which was for a good luck card) well the first reply was good, he told me he would speak to me when he started his new job the following week which I thought was distant but ok, I then asked again for his address for the card and he replied the long distance wouldn’t work (I live in Edinburgh) and that he was just too busy! I replied that I do understand but as we are so good together, he should think about it and that I am sorry if I was intense, but this was new to me and I like it. He didn’t reply. Today he started his new job so I took photos of the card I was going to send him and sent them. He replied thanks to me and a red emoji face. I am sad because we really are great together, it’s so easy to be together, no drama, a lot of fun but open and honest too. Yes it might be too soon, but he is 52 and I am 47 so we both know what it’s like to have stress, so to meet someone on the same wavelength is good, people have said what a great couple we are and look great together, always laughing and he said people wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. My friend said he is the complicated one as I have no children, and give him time, but what do I do? I was going to email him how I feel but I don’t want to drive him further away. How can he just want to be friends after saying he wants me and sees a future together?

Reply September 1, 2015, 6:00 am


Have known this guy all my childhood yrs have liked him since my growing yrs too but we never spoke finally we lost contact n on my way to d bank we saw again n ecchanged contacts that day he called n we chatted n he told me he’s alwys like me from bk years n date but he said he has a g/f and I like him too. D day I saw him at d bank after years was so happy. We have hooked up so many times now he doesn’t chat me up like then n when I tend to complain he apologises. He said he feels smthg strong n loves me but he doesn’t wanna get too involved cause of his g/f. and I know him, his family now am sad cause I really want him wht shld I do

Reply August 31, 2015, 3:49 pm


Love your work…very insightful & super helpful. Thanks !!

Reply August 31, 2015, 10:05 am


hi erick
could i have your email addres,id like to be friend with you

Reply August 23, 2015, 12:47 pm

Eric Charles

Click my picture and it will take you to my Facebook page. That’s the best way to “friend” me. :)

Reply August 24, 2015, 2:09 pm


Thank you Eric for this article. You are absolutely correct that men want a woman who they can be sure will be in their corner. It is all in how we treat one and another. As an old boyfriend of mine always told me and as quoted in this song by Rod Stewart,

“And may you grow to be proud, dignified and true.
And do unto others as you’d have done to you.
Be courageous and be brave.
And in my heart you’ll always stay
Forever young”

We can only do this by being our best selves and loving ourselves first and foremost…being self-respecting allows us to be respectful of others. And as the song goes on to say, we all as women and young girls have the chance to build a stairway to heaven whether it is with a prince or a vagabond. Love is out there for all of us if we are only brave enough to trust and be true to our own selves first.

Reply August 18, 2015, 1:55 pm


hi Eric,
wow you and Sabrina’s’ articles really made me see things in a different light. I have met an old ‘flame’ after years, am totally in love with him, and love hi, to bits. got a bit stressed when he reads my messages and not ended up somehow getting into your advice/article column, all I can say.. its going well!! very well in fact. I withdrew a bit… and that sparked a reaction!! it works girls!! keep up the good work..eric and Sabrina.. you are amazing :)

Reply August 5, 2015, 8:03 pm


This was a great article! I have been happily married for 10 years and I’ve got to say that it has a lot to do with having applied most of these principles. Once you’ve caught the man you want, keep doing these things and you will keep both of you happy. Don’t forget about it just because you have 4 kids and are to comfortable with each other.

Reply August 4, 2015, 4:29 pm


I’m very appreciative of this article as I feel like I’ve accidentally followed most of this advice while dating a guy for the last 4 months! We started out great but after rushing in the first 6 weeks (weekend vacations and non stop texting) I did the “girl thing” and started to pressure him. We had a very long conversation about him wanting to slow down, get to know each other, so on and so forth. I was really pissed with the “friend talk” at first since i assumed it was a sad attempt at making me feel better about dumping me… he kept saying it wasnt like that, wouldnt let me disappear out of his life but i sure as heck cut off sex completely. The thing I couldn’t understand was even though we weren’t having sex, he was still coming over to hang out and spending the night, introduced me to his family and kids… who in turn brought me up to his ex-wife who mentioned I seem like a great girl. A couple weeks ago he mentioned he took his dating profile down and asked about mine in which I had to tell him I took mine down due to 78 messages in one day killing my phone battery. I thought it was funny but I really think it turned him on to know I choose to hang out with him on a Saturday instead of talking to any of them… as I search through the Internet for advice on how long I should let this “grey zone dating” title go on before I give up on his commitment phobia, you mentioned to stop worrying and enjoy the moment. Any advice column written by women would tell me to blow him off and move onto someone who will smother me in attention (not that I want that either). I really think this article helps me sort out the confusing mixed signals I’ve been getting… I might just hang in there for a little while longer to see what comes of it. Perhaps he really did want to get to know me as a person first.

Reply August 2, 2015, 7:48 pm


Love this! SO well written.

Your style of writing is very very similar to the Art of Charm’s style of speaking.

This helped see what I wasn’t doing to get a mans attention ????????????

Reply July 21, 2015, 11:49 pm

Paola men

Thank you very much for sharing this article, it has helped me to understand a lot of things that I missed before when it comes to men, and it will certainly help me with my upcoming relationships! I find this blog very useful and keeps me coming back here to check for new articles! Keep it up!

Reply July 18, 2015, 11:41 am


“…if a man feels that you’re with him because you want a boyfriend, then he knows that he could put in barely any effort since your primary interest is in getting some empty relationship title…”

Is this why online dating doesn’t work for women? Do men think women online are just looking to fill a position and are going to take whatever (or worse, chase it)? The way I’m generally approached by men offline is a bit in your face and not the sort of attention I want, the presence of that tends to make it difficult for men I do want to talk to as well so I thought I’d try online. Most of the guys I met were among the better profiles on the sites but still, eeekkk! No thanks.

It’s a bit off topic, but what does it take for a guy to declare some kind of interest or intention to go out with you? I’ve had problems with guys dragging their heels. They’d know I’m contracted to travel with work but I’d still get annoyed “you didn’t tell me you were going!” phone calls. I’m also sick of saying “I’m too busy now” when things suddenly pick up when I’m at home, why didn’t they say something when they had the chance? I don’t expect a relationship declaration but I would like to know if dating is on the table so I can weigh my work/social options (which are pretty well intertwined), I can plan to book but I can’t plan once I’m booked. I don’t know what to think of it, I can’t tell if they were hedging their bets (a no no here, especially in a tight group) and they’re just cranky I wasn’t around when they thought I should be, if they didn’t know they were interested until I wasn’t there and now they really do want something they can’t have, or if they were genuinely interested but too timid or just outpaced. It’s usually ended up he’s wiped off my date radar and I go out with someone else who did speak up with him complaining about it, which really annoys me.

Reply July 16, 2015, 1:55 pm


Great advice ???? It’s awesome to be able to have some insight of what makes men happy.

Reply July 11, 2015, 3:25 pm


This is incredibly helpful for an older singleton who has been happily divorced for over twenty years. Not looking for a relationship at all but then I met..HIM..and it has left me as confused as a first love teenager, crush…although nearing sixty, it is just as scary!!
Suddenly I feel deep love and want a relationship..and have all the maturity and experience to nurture it. He is knocking sixty too..but wants to date and sleep around. Although he wants me around every weekend and during the week so not sure how he fits in these “other women” ?!! They haven’t materialised as yet and I do not feel threatened by his words when he says he isn’t interested in love or relationships..As his actions (romantic meals, thoughtful gifts,dates, “I love you..but I don’t love you”) seem to contradict!
I have a busy life so it is me who has to decline some weekends and week day invitations. He always is “available” and often asks me to stay longer or cancel my own plans..which I do occasionally but not often. Then he ruins things by insisting..just because he wants to spend all his free time with me, doesn’t mean we’re an item!!
I know why I stayed single now! Too confusing and even mature men act like teenage
boys! I do feel, deep down we will become a couple as I know all his friends and family and vice essence he just objects to titles, categories and the fact I swear I will never give up my home to cohabit ever..non negotiable..and I would not share my home either..non negotiable!!
I am very happy and a man won’t change that. This guy is a bonus not a necessity! Long may it last?!!!

Reply July 3, 2015, 6:31 am


I really enjoyed your article. Thank you for the insight!
I have recently found a guy that is everything I was looking for( and more )
He is moving out of state for an amazing job opportunity. He has asked me to join him. We have been dating for a few months. Can u give meant advice on how to go about making this a reality? I would appreciate any and all advice. Thanks so much. Keep writing! All the ladies need sincere advice from good men like you:)

Reply July 3, 2015, 12:13 am


Well nicely written, woman objected as market value, sounds like , we are part selling homes, very superficial, but whatever works for you man I suppose.Over all I always enjoy reading your articls they are great !

Reply June 29, 2015, 6:27 pm


Thanks for your article :) I agree with how society conditions men to hide their emotions, so thanks for encouraging me to look behind the mask

Reply June 28, 2015, 8:31 am


I need some advice on a dating situation. I reconnected with someone from high school and we hit it off. We went out on a date, ended up sleeping together. Since then we’ve text every day and hung out to watch a movie at his place. He is away for work for 2 weeks, which I believe he really is. My question is, what do I do from here? I am really into him and could be in a relationship with him. He told me that he was into me and could date me. He also told some of his friends who told me.
* also when I was over there watching the movie with him, he randomly brought up a mutual friends wedding and about wanting to take a date but would be unable to because the bride was being crazy, he even said sorry I wont be able to take you. I know it’s only been one date but I’ve known him for a long time. I don’t want to rush things but I need some input and advice.

Reply June 13, 2015, 5:42 pm

Ana Barajas

Ana likes this.

Reply June 8, 2015, 1:06 am


Hi! I must say you are truly gifted & brave explaining the thoughts of men to women. This has helped me more than you know. Keep it up, you’re really making a difference! Could you expand upon how to make a man feel like “the man”, & how to make him feel like he’s winning?

Reply June 7, 2015, 9:12 pm

Eric Charles

Hey Christy – go to Google and search for “how to seduce a man”… you should find my Ask a Guy article where I explain exactly this in depth.

Reply June 8, 2015, 12:57 am


Dear Eric,
I appreciate your hard work in writing all these articles to help confused women, because you don’t have to do it, but you do. Before these, I’ll admit I didn’t understand men well & acting upon your articles has made me be more understanding towards men and able to reach below the surface of their masks. Alot more men want me too, which is great! Truth be told there is only one I want & I think he wants me too because he’s always around me, flirting with me, & we’ve been emailing for like 4 years, & lately, texting & writing letters back & forth He’s never asked me out or anything, and I think it’s because he wants to wait until he’s ready for marriage, lives 6 hours away & knew he’d be going away to the military , which is where he is now. We connect very well, can talk about anything, & have a very deep friendship. I mean he compliments me & encourages me all the time. I do the same with him. We enjoy each other’s company & doing things together. We went running together, climbed a mountain together, and worked out together, etc. Except now he went away into the military for 5 years & our only connection is writing letters. I’ve accepted the fact that we are friends & I’m okay with it, but I wonder if he’ll ever come around to wanting a relationship or if I should just forget about him completely and move on dating other guys that want to date me, even though I don’t want to date them.. Being single is fine too, though. I do really like him, but should I just erase the memories and move on even though I don’t want to? Do you have any advice on this subject? Also you sound like an extremely intelligent, and incredible man. It takes guts to reveal deep things that you have revealed and for that, you have my respect! I hope your relationship is well too, because you deserve the best! Thank you for everything!

Reply June 7, 2015, 8:57 pm


Hi Eric and Sabrina, Thank you for your advice! You really helped explain particular traits and made me understand all kinds of men in my life! I particularly like how you go into great detail and explain how there is a middle ground. Thank you keep up the good work.

Reply June 6, 2015, 5:26 pm

Joey Smiley

Hi Eric and Sabrina, good articles? In fact, these articles helped me understand some traits of men in general i.e. even my Dad, brother and friends! :-)

Reply June 3, 2015, 12:16 pm


Eric – great article. Thanks for sharing this info with
us. I wish I could sit down with you and pick your brain for awhile. What can we do to have and maintain high market value ? Is this based on our looks?

Reply June 1, 2015, 8:22 am

Eric Charles

Hey Kayla – go to Google and search for “how to seduce a man”… you should find my Ask a Guy article where I explain exactly this in depth.

Reply June 8, 2015, 12:57 am


But that article is not complete yet. We are waiting for second part your promised.

Reply June 12, 2015, 12:25 pm


Is that your real pic? I think you are verrrry cuuuuute. And you are honest enough to write about what men really feel like deep down. Not many men would take on this job. I learnt a lot from reading your articles. Making notes too :-) Thank you.

Reply May 24, 2015, 7:56 am

Eric Charles

Yes it is… and thank you, I’m glad to hear my writing has been helping you.

Reply June 3, 2015, 12:36 pm


id like to be friend with you ,could i have your email addres

Reply August 23, 2015, 12:44 pm


Hi Eric,
I really like your articles. They are so true and so helpful.
Thank you so much.

Reply May 20, 2015, 6:00 pm

Eric Charles

You’re welcome – thanks for the message and I’m glad you like my articles.

Reply May 20, 2015, 8:33 pm


I agree. I’m going through a breakup and I’m so happy I found your page. Your articles and insights are really helping me to see things in perspective – to better understand past actions helps me to get rid of anger and move towards forgiveness. This is what I need to move on. Thank you.

Reply June 1, 2015, 7:22 pm


why do guys stare at you and talk about you to there friends when they know that the girl likes him??

Reply May 19, 2015, 3:25 pm


Hello Eric. This is all super helpful and honestly points out several flaws in persuing men. Also i love your format and the context. this has soon become a website i visit not just for advice, but also for the pleasure of reading what you have to say. Thank you so much for the help, I’ll let you know if it works out!

Reply May 12, 2015, 1:02 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks a lot Danylla… I appreciate that and I’m glad you like the site. Means a lot to me.

Reply May 13, 2015, 10:48 pm


What if you’re with the man because you LIKE him?
What if you had dozens of men asking you out even in front of him, you rejected them all and asked him out yourself? He didn’t have to win you over because you didn’t play games or hard to get, you didn’t really need a boyfriend, but you want to be with him because you care about him and like him.
Sadly, seems like that’s not enough and not even a possibility according to this article.

Reply May 8, 2015, 9:58 am


Hi Eric! I recently purchased your book on why men aren’t that complicated and it changed my life forever! And I continue to read more and more advice you’ve written about and it baffles me on how spot on you are. I started using your advice on being happy and whole in my own life and putting my own needs first (as selfish as that sounds it works). I met a man fourteen years younger that can’t get enough of me. He treats me like a goddess! I simply just portray a woman that will walk and that doesn’t need him to be happy but that also rewards him and let’s him know that he’s winning the prize (me). I can’t thank you enough for all the insight you’ve given me! He told me this morning for the first time that he loves me and I am in awe at how your advice has changed my life forever! Thank you again! Thanks to Sabrina too!

Reply May 6, 2015, 11:04 am

Samantha Kennedy

Hi Eric… I’m Samantha that was some gd relationship advice I’m very receptive and always like learning new things when it comes to relationships and what a man feels and want and what he is looking for in a relationship..keep up the great work..

Reply May 4, 2015, 8:40 pm


Hi eric! Your articles are absolutely awesome. I found out mostly my commom questions about relationship in real sense since all along im refering it to fairytail endings and it all make me disappointed. I'm dealing with something right now. I was working in a cruise line industry. As i evaluate my relationship I think I started it in a wrong way. I met a guy in the ship which is my boss. It was very good when it started since he is expressing his feelings to me crystal clear. Since we only got 2 months left to be together I was thinking to cut the courting period short since i want to make some good memories in that minimum of time left for us. But I think it turns out to be wrong decision. I felt like he is distant and cloudy. But he said he is just not the emotional one.I am left always as  the vulnerable one. And so much more now since we are in LDR. I broke up with him and remain silent for about 20 days and on that days I have found out what he means about him being unemotional one. I chat to him one hi and everything turns out to be okay. He said he thought that it was fine for us to communicate 1000 miles apart but to be there next to each other is far more better yet doesn't do anything to make it realized(his mindset before was its better for us to work in different ship or i will stay in land for work so that he can visit me on his vacation). But one time I got angry since it take some time for him to reply on my message or more likely suddenly gone in the middle of our chat. Didn't think of letting me know that he flew to other country since I didn't asked and thinking he was the last one sending me message (w/c is the response for being gone in the middle of our conversation)he explained that he fall asleep that time And it turns out he is thinking im over reacting again. And in this moment my eyes were opened. Am I acting needy already? I decided to step back and give us some space. He thinks im breaking up on him and didn't try to correct it. I read about one month no contact rule. I am now in the middle of it. I dont know what to do next. If I must contact him first after I feel already ready,confident and found self love?or will i just wait untill he make a move?or forget about it and be contented without him and move on? Will i still have a chance to have the relationship i want since i started it wrong?

Reply May 4, 2015, 2:55 am


Could you give examples on what to do to feel like he “won” me (a woman) over? And examples on how to make him feel like a winner if he takes pride in is work? I read yours and Sabrina’s articles every morning before I wake up, they are so insightful and just interesting! They have made me have a different perspective on relationships.

Reply May 3, 2015, 4:34 pm


I loved this article btw, made me laugh towards the end the way you suggested that we can re-read it to further analyze it. I was impressed by the simple yet harsh truth we have to face sometimes of having to face putting ourselves together, like how we usually are in the beginning when we are interested in a person or when we are just coincidentally just are good at looking good for ourselves and the other person sees this. I have personally found this a bit frustrating and shallow but it just shows how much effort were putting in the relationship and I think that either gender can get too comfortable at times because we sense someone is putting in the extra effort so the other person if in a relationship is like “blah” ill just get ready for her or him “if” he takes me out on a date, but that is essentially what has to happen, we do have to make up for all those other mediocre days that rob us from really having to put our best face forward lol. I think its sad how were forced to rest reassured that a person can love us as we are, when in fact everyone loves a little adventure, something different either in our appearance or our behavior. For example, I like to just relax but if im sitting there impecably gorgeous then that looks like Im preparing for someone to ask me out and curiously enough I have sensed this from the other person so they propose to do something especially in public like dining out, maybe wanting to show us off in front of others, and lets face it. If we were to go around looking like were lost in a desert for days, the other person would pass up the opportunity to even get close the best we would probably get is to cook for them, or fill in some other common like shore as a maid. The fact that we have to reinvent ourselves daily for someone is challenging not to mention, will he like a more wild haircolor, a hue deeper, or a totally transforming hair do, they havent seen since the 60’s, omg, i could literally torture myself with so many bad hair choices i would die of shame just experimenting especially if they have seen me with the same hair color and predictable hairstyle for a very long time. And the makeup that has to look flattering yet indulginly natural is a total killer for me sometimes. I wish I could perfect it but the truth is that im not a plain person and i like to experiment. I feel like im not left with many choices other than to wear possibly elegant but distinctly natural looking falsie lashes with minimal lipstick and I hate that, I have tried the natural look only to look like im about fourteen years old again, however i have managed the like miss makeup doll look somewhat a result of my own ideal effort to integrate a much softer sexy vixen look. I just hope i can continue to “touch up” on the look throughout the day. Its hard to tell when someone is going to be around to even see it like its been there all along, since the makeup gets tacky thru out the day. Oh well, I guess well just have to keep at being divas.

Reply May 1, 2015, 7:49 pm


Eric- great article! This is REAL relationship wisdom which empowers women. So refreshing. Thank you!
Quick ? (Not so quick I guess ????)- met guy on-line and met in person twice (long distance we met half way- great conversations! Great food and great sex. Slept together on first date (trying to not fall into the mind set of “oh if I hadn’t slept w him so early on then we would still be together.” Anyways, he pulled away and unfortunately I found your site after he/we ended it. I realize I was needy. Hadn’t been in a relationship for ten yrs! I prefer to be happy alone then unhappy in a relationship. I don’t think he believed me when I told him it had been so long. So here are my questions 1) he said compatibility wasn’t our strong suite. Although I agree to some extent, I felt like we hadn’t spent enough time to give it a chance. I saw some red flags but nothing that I thought couldn’t be addressed and worked out as long as we agreed to it.

I don’t think he realized that at times I felt like he didn’t respect me. He had all kinds of ideas about me (he would say ” I bet a lot of men picked you up?” – so far from the truth I am shy and have never slept w a man on a first date. I told home all of this 2) he is a Sagittarius and me Pisces (logical/extrovert and me strong feeler/introvert). My emotions freaked him out. He said he was communicating with another women. He told me in the middle of the night while we were in bed. I just was caught off guard and had a strong response (crying- and I said I don’t/can’t sleep with men while they are out looking for other women. So in the end we wished each other well (I said the door is open if he wants to have a friendly conversation) and he said he appreciated me explaining that I felt like he at times didn’t respect me (ie sending a dirty text/joke, and thinking I would be okay w him “talking” w a women on an on-line datng site. He owned his bad timing in telling me about his possible interest with this other woman). I wasn’t consciously trying to make him commit to me or be exclusive because frankly we hadn’t known each other that long but I see where I was asking for an exclusive relationship. There was so much that we needed to know from each other (at least I did).

So other day (three weeks after we stopped contact) he texted me to see if I was safe and taking care (I live in Baltimore and there was all the rioting). I responded back keeping it short and simple…thanks, I am safe. I didn’t ask about how he was doing of about his work. I am confused why he would text – he said when it’s over w women he doesn’t continue contact. Just wanted your opinion. I really liked him and I can see how I was not my best self. It certainly has inspired me to get myself, my life more together. I kind of want to talk to him and I kind of don’t. I am afraid of looking needy. Plus maybe we just are not compatible. I will say I like being with someone where we can learn and grow – to better ourselves and have more understanding about the other (assuming the other person wants the same thing). Any advice/feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading this!

Reply May 1, 2015, 9:51 am


Eric Charles – You’re very straightforward and I appreciate that. You mentioned in a response to not “get caught up in the mental concept” of the relationship. Especially for me – an intellectual thinker by nature – I have to constantly stay in the present. I have gotten so far with this particular gentleman and its because I take responsibility for my own happiness and self worth. The love comes from within. With this type of thinking, it becomes easy to be “okay” no matter what my guy is doing. Thank you for helping me understand that!

Reply April 29, 2015, 2:13 pm


Wow you’re handsome. Just had to put that out there.

Reply April 28, 2015, 7:04 pm


Hi, your article was really interesting, thank you. So I’ve known this one guy for almost 20 years now. We’ve fooled around in the past and about 2 years ago tried seeing each other. I have always been shy with men, he knows me better than most men do though, and I ended up backing away from him, and I think it really hurt his feelings at the time. We started talking again about a year and a little ago, and it seems(much to my surprise) that he is still interested…. Is that a good sign? I’m really pretty dumb when it comes to men, and I really do like this guy a LOT!!!!
What should I do this time around(besides not walk away out of the blue) to not mess things up? He does seem into me, but we both seem pretty guarded emotionally… Any suggestions would be really appreciated, thank you!!!!

Reply April 27, 2015, 2:33 pm


Hi, your article was really interesting, I read it because I’m nervous about trying to hook up with a good friend. We’ve been friends for almost 20 years now, and I’ve had an off and on crush on him since then. The time was never right until about 2 years ago, and the chemistry was amazing!!!! The only problem was I was super scared of getting my feelings hurt, and I’m pretty sure I hurt I his in the process.
Well, I’m trying for round two with him, but I’m scared. Gunther he muskrat Jinan like me

Reply April 27, 2015, 2:22 pm


So I’ve been really confused about a guy I’ve hooked up with on and off for the past 20 years, I know, sounds crazy, right? In the past, I was super shy and was a large bloomer. We hooked up for a while about two years ago, and it was great in many ways but I got super freaked out that my feelings would get hurt. So I’m trying rooms two

Reply April 27, 2015, 2:16 pm


Very insightful! thank you

Reply April 23, 2015, 11:19 am


I want to know a little more detail on how to become a “prize to be won”. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months, and I’m living with him. At first I thought I was giving that vibe off, that he was the one I was choosing to be with… How do I get that back? Self confidence is key, but it’s hard when your S.O. seems to only even be interested in women who look nothing like me, and it’s making me lose any self esteem I used to have. I’m trying to gain that back and not care that he’s more attracted to these other women.. but it’s really hard when I already have very little value in myself. I want him to want me like he did before, but it just doesn’t feel like I can make that happen.

Reply April 19, 2015, 9:20 pm


How can anyone move in with their “boyfriend” after only 5 months? Why is he interested in other woman? I do not understand. I read this kind of scenario often and wonder. I say get your own place. I don’t mean to leave him, but tell him you two rushed into this living arrangement too soon and you want to date him, but need to get perspective on your relationship.

Reply June 23, 2015, 3:05 pm


I have learned so much from your advice.
But I haven’t seen this topic addressed.
How does a virgin date in the modern world?

My situation:
I am a woman of a certain age. I am extremely popular , I have fun in life and I love myself. I just have never been on a date. A guy has never asked me out – until now.
My girlfriends and guy friends have told me – the most important thing to a guy is sex. Some friends have told me a guy will not be interested once he finds out I am a big V.

The truth is I wanted to wait to get married.
I realize I am being old fashion . I have had friends ask me if I was abused. No I wasn’t. Friends have told me I need therapy and no guy will be willing to date me with no end result of sex.
Maybe if I was in a committed relationship I would feel like handing in my V card . But right now I want to hold on to my values.
But how do I date this new guy knowing he might not be interested when he finds out I am a Virgin.
Thank You ,
The big V!

Reply April 15, 2015, 8:25 am


Keep it locked until you get a rock. You are what I call a high commodity and a prize to be won. You are one of the most valuable creatures on earth because virgins are a rarity. Keep those old fashioned values. Don’t give up the V and don’t give in because once you give it up, you’ll never get it back.

Reply April 26, 2015, 8:18 am


By market value do you mean like physical appearance and sex appeal or that and the state of being meaning not needy and confident?

Reply April 12, 2015, 5:26 pm


Wow! Your advice is worth a million bucks. It’s really valuable and I hope to apply your advice in my daily life. I read them often because I truly care about bettering myself and helping to grow my relationship. I have a long way to go, but this insight helps so much. Thank you.

Reply April 7, 2015, 10:46 pm


When I became widowed back in 2013 I realized I had a lot to relearn and learn upon entering the dating world after 15 years of being a married woman. Thank God I read your article today because I can’t tell you how much material out there talks about “the Chase “- Yup; I think a lot of women are misinterpreting that and I’m glad that you gave me clarity on it today. I understood this article well and it had me reflecting on the first relationship that I had after my husband passed. I recall showing a lot of interest in something that he was passionate about and it worked for a little while but looking back I think he just got a little bit lazy. I’m aware that I’ll always be accountable for my 50% LOL. I’m continuing to read and learn as I go and I actually have another date in a few days with a new guy so this came at the right time. Thank you!

Reply March 22, 2015, 2:26 pm


Hi Eric, i have a question for you.
there is this guy who is always flirting with me and seems to be really interested in me. My friends even told him we would be cute together and he smiled and said “i know” but online he doesnt say a word to me although i see him online he doesnt respond to the comments i leave on his pictures. i dont have his number either so i dont know what to do. i really like him.

Reply March 19, 2015, 11:37 am


Wow!!! Thank you so much. You just barely talked about my new boyfriend. I know he likes me and he has equally told me what he likes. He wants me to look sexy and show off my curvy self. He has encouraged me to start with my daily exercise again. And he is telling me a lot about his life in so short time we started the relationship. I love him but its hard for me to show it well but I am doing so by taking to his advice on how I shld look more feminine than my usual jeans and tang tops. I

Reply March 15, 2015, 5:49 am


Thanks sooooo much Eric for all this great info and emails about understanding men. You are my hero. Kuudoos to Sabrina too. I must confess you open my eyes everyday to the inner world of men.
However I have a dilemma. I met an amazing guy 8months ago who liked me and i liked him on first meeting him though ive held on to confess what i feel about him. We are long distance now coz he lost his job and moved back to his home town last year and has a sick Mum to take care of. He’s open and honest telling me everything that goes on in his life. I call him not too often coz i want to give him space with all he’s going through. I went to his apartment and found another woman’s items though i was calm and asked him about it then he told me she’s just a friend. He shares his dreams, some of his fears and wishes with me but of late i tried to reach out to him and he ignored my calls. He rarely calls me but that does not bother me much. Am thinking because he asked me the last time we talked whether he can let me take care of his apartment and i said yes to see his response though deep down am not ready to do that for now. I like this guy coz we enjoy each moment we are in touch. I need your advice as usual. Thanks alot Eric.

Reply March 12, 2015, 9:50 am


How does the man know that our market value is high? I don’t think it’s a good idea to try and make someone jealous in order for them to see that we could choose to be with other men, or to tell them about how other men approach us, ask us out etc.

Also, what if a woman would like for her man to verbally express how he feels about her or their newish relationship (it’s 3 months in). If she knows they like each other due to almost daily contact and continuing to arrange to see each other, how it feels when together and knowing they are exclusive, however a little verbal security would be nice. Is it ok he hasn’t said how he feels etc? (Both divorced with kids)

Reply March 5, 2015, 9:22 pm

Eric Charles

Hey Val — first off, just to be clear… you’re right, no, I am definitely not suggesting you do any of the things you’re describing in the first paragraph of your question… those would all be poisonous to a relationship at any stage.
I’ll tell you a secret about how a man knows your market value is high: it’s almost entirely in what you AREN’T doing.
You’re not worried. You’re not seeking reassurance. You’re not seeking security. You’re not analyzing. You’re not pretending not to be doing any of the things I just mentioned…
You’re stable, grounded and enjoying your time with him. It’s pretty clear and apparent that if you’re attractive (in all ways, not just physically but also emotionally and romantically) that other men will want you… and that you have choices…
As far as the second part of your question goes… have you tried simply telling him that? “What I have with you feels great, but it would really make me feel good and happy to hear you say how you feel about me… it may not be the way you are and I’m not looking to try and force something out of you, I just wanted to tell you it would make me happy so you knew.”
Nice, clear, straight-forward language is great for guys… “Do this, it makes me happy. Do that, it turns me on” Much more effective then hoping he’ll “just know” what you want…
Now, with that said, I’m not saying this is going to make him start lilting sweet nothings into your ear… but you’ll have made it clear how to make you happy and if he doesn’t at least attempt to within a reasonable amount of time, then that’s an answer for you too…

Reply March 5, 2015, 11:18 pm



This article is extremely enlightening to the perceptively important things we as young woman feel we need to do/say/be in order to welcome a healthy relationship. Market Value. I’m loving your terminology- that is 100% correct. Market Value comes from within- we accept what we feel like we deserve. Thanks for reminding me that my stock is MUCH higher than I was ever getting myself credit for.
“Be the woman who is CHOOSING to be with him every day because he is the best fit for YOU, and because he knows he is winning with you.” Couldn’t have come at a better time! :)

Reply March 2, 2015, 12:34 pm


Eric – thank you for this article. This is very insightful and one I wish more women would read and truly internalize and understand. I am in a very unique situation with a man who lives in a different state. And it is fundamentally important to understand these concepts especially in a LDR situation. Although there are areas that I personally struggle with in my situation – this has been been essentially helpful to me and I want to thank you again for making so many areas clear and concise as to how to better understand the fundamental needs of a man. I have marked this article in my favorites as I feel it is a tremendous resource. Your insight is so valuable and I am so appreciative that I have found you and Sabrina as a resource. Thank you again. Best regards.

Reply February 20, 2015, 8:45 am


I’ve been dating a great guy for nearly six months. We are both divorced but he was devastated by his divorce. He shares all of his feelings with me and is in therapy to deal with his feelings. He is sweet, attentive, and affectionate when we are together. He texts me everyday. I know he cares deeply for me and respects me. Our physical chemistry is incredible. But he needs alot of space; more than I am used to and prefer. I’ve expressed that I would like to spend more time together and he says he understands and will try but nothing seems to be changing. I thinks its a matter of attachment styles. He says he needs more time to feel the way I feel. How important is attachment style in a long term relationship? Do I give it more time?

Reply February 20, 2015, 7:55 am


I like. This

Reply April 29, 2015, 11:36 am


The way you have described each and everything is just brilliant… i could relate to each and everything and moreover i got to know where I was going wrong!
I loved your idea of ‘market value’ and I cleared my misconception with the ‘make him chase’ part. Thanks a lot! Keep writing!

Reply February 20, 2015, 6:38 am


So I get the market value.. My question is, when you are dating a guy and he does something you do not like. You want to be with him, because everything else is perfect, but there is that one thing he does you don’t like. And he knows you don’t like it. If you accept it, does that make your ” market value ” decrease. ? How do you handle this?

Reply February 16, 2015, 6:48 pm

Eric Charles

One thing to be careful of is being caught up in your head and thinking about the mental concept of your relationship… versus simply just enjoying your time with someone.

Our culture is obsessed with doing that… the relationship starts out fun… inspiring… easy… awesome…

And then our minds get involved and start saying things like, “What’s going on here? Let me categorize the experience and put it into mental boxes… Let me judge what’s going on… Let me start working on the relationship like it’s a chess game…”

Granted, I don’t know the thing you don’t like… I will say that no matter what, whether you’ve been with a person for 1 day or 100 years, you will do well to develop the ability to “be OK” no matter what the other person is doing…

I’m not saying you prefer what they’re doing or you accept poor treatment… but there’s a tremendous difference between someone who is OK no matter what and someone who has a negative reaction to how the other person is acting…

So first and foremost, finding a way to “be OK” internally (that is, not react to his behavior) is an important skill. It keeps your mind open and clear… and when you’re open and clear, a lot of the time the “problem” ends up dissolving… or even not becoming a problem in the first place… The big lesson here: In almost all cases, it’s the “problem” that’s the problem… it’s our reaction to it.

No, with that said… assuming you’re in a place of being clear and OK… it really comes down to if the problem is a deal breaker for you or not. When you’re clear and OK, you can easily see that.

When you’re not clear and OK, you’ll endlessly loop in a cycle… wishing and wanting reality to be different than it is… poking and prodding at things to try and “solve” the “problem”… endlessly analyzing the situation and it’s possible repercussions. And other than being a tremendous energy-suck, it does you no good whatsoever.

I don’t think you expected me to answer with this… but I hope you can take it in and I hope it’s helpful to you.

Reply February 16, 2015, 7:48 pm


Hi there,
I wondered if you had any advice about finding balance between understanding men and walking away when interest levels decline and withdrawals increase. I’ve read your book and I think I’ve made some good choices by stepping back so far however, I still get confused about choosing what’s best for me when it comes to decisions about when to let go. My own insecurities can cause me to obsess at times when I feel longing for more of the deep affection we have shared. I’ve been afraid to express this at times, due to his seemingly obvious lack of interest. Then I find that when I do mentally decide to move on, he comes around or gives just enough for me to change my tune. I want to leave it all open but unfortunately, the sex added some confusion for me due to the closeness I feel after we have connected again. I won’t get in to much else, but I wanted to know what your thoughts are, since neither my heart or gut are telling me anything right now. Thanks for your wonderful insights and perspectives that have helped me so much already in dealing with my own thoughts and emotions. : )

Reply March 13, 2015, 4:09 pm


You are brilliant! The way you connected all the dots…and made them plain as day is simply brilliant. :-)

Reply February 15, 2015, 9:26 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks, I really appreciate that. Glad it was helpful.

Reply February 16, 2015, 7:39 pm


Hi- question: I’ve always been in very good shape and taken care of myself but the last 6 months things got hectic and I gained a few lbs. it’s in my belly area and I hate it!! Im getting my act together and intent on loosing it ASAP but I’ve met a guy who is in great shape! I know he’s interested and he compliments me but he hasnt seen me naked yet. I’m so nervous for that moment. Is it possible he will all
If sudden be grossed out by a few extra pounds? I’m by no means fat and still fit just have a little extra in the belly that I typically don’t have. I’ve already told him I’m not in the shape I like to be in, etc. any other advice in how to feel confident in bed, if we get that far? Thanks Nikki

Reply February 14, 2015, 9:10 pm


I love this article. I’ve been dating a man for 3 1/2 years who I adore, but we are getting nowhere!!! We have lots of fun when we are together, but spend a lot of time apart – I want a commitment from him, but he’s been reluctant – and now I know why! I also recently lost some weight, and have a really handsome co-worker interested in me, and now my man is finally getting the point that I am someone who he needs to win. This article will help me bring him to where I want him to be – if not, then he’s not the man for me and I can look toward a new guy who is! Thank you for this amazing advice!

Reply February 13, 2015, 2:43 pm


Hi Eric! First, I would like to thank you for sharing your perspective with us. You have really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I am recently divorced (2 months to date). I was with my husband for 25 years, which is more than half my life. The dating scene has really changed and for an insecure person like myself feels almost impossible to survive. I was seeing a man for about a month and I have made some of the mistakes that I have read about in your articles. I guess I was somewhat “needy”. I NEVER wanted to be that way, but my insecurities from my past reared their ugly head. We have not completely stopped seeing each other. We have just take the label of “boyfriend/girlfriend” off the table. We, or at least he, plans on seeing me about the same amount or so he says. There is a connection with us, but we both believe that we jumped into a relationship way too soon. My question to you is in your personal opinion, can I overcome this hiccup in this relationship/friendship? He told me that he wants to see where it goes. I do believe that he honestly cares for me. However, he has some drawbacks in that I may be moving in a few months, etc. I’m trying to learn to roll with the punches, but it’s very hard. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank You.

Reply February 11, 2015, 11:56 am


best article till date to understand men.

Reply February 4, 2015, 3:10 pm


great information! thanks

Reply February 1, 2015, 2:44 am


Yes, thank you. It was very great advice and it helped me to understand the opposite sex better. It made a lot of sense to me.

Hello Kitty

Reply January 25, 2015, 11:48 pm

mon zie

I read ‘he’s not that complicated’ I little bit late, I am reading yours articles and Sabrina. I did so many things wrong, but Other site, my man wasnt ready for beeing with close relationship with anybody.
Now, after time, I am reading and I am greatful for all advice. Mabye he’s feelings thoes he had for me just are fell asleep, or mabye he is with someone else, I dont know. But I am stronger and understand men much more better as before. I always was a one step behinde to beeing more happy thogeter not only with myself.
I know ,if he will comes back to me, never dont leave me again, or if I met sombody new he will be the real happy man with me. Thank you so much Erick and Sabrina :)

Reply January 24, 2015, 5:48 pm


This was the best article that I’ve read in a long time. I took a lot of notes while reading it and I’m going to add it to my favorites so that I can re-read it. I really like how it talks about “market value.” This concept seems so true. Men don’t want a woman who just wants to be in a relationship so that she’s not alone. Men seem to want independent women that can take care of themselves, but would like the companionship if the right guy came along.
There’s so much more that I could comment on, but I will leave it at that so I don’t write a book!

Reply January 16, 2015, 9:58 am


Hey, Eric! Very well-witten article! I am a teenager
with a theory about the young man (the ONLY guy) I’ve
been interested in. He seems to be interested but holding
back. He tells me that he loves me…alot. “Hello, love!” He
would say..And it makes me smile. He is very mature and loyal. I am not sure if i
understand his context. What do you think? Thanks!

Reply January 15, 2015, 8:25 pm


Great article, I love hearing the inner workings of the male mind. But tbh my actually comment is about your eyes. They’re absolutly gorgeous!

Reply January 10, 2015, 8:32 pm


Hello Eric, I bought the program with 60 days for review and a refund. To my surprise, I was charged twice…w/in 2 weeks. Unfortunately, I did not find the books, bonuses I paid for to be useful. I didn’t realize I would be charged for the woman’s program or would never opted for it, esp, monthly! This was promoted on your video as a bonus and again with 60 days to review, imagine my surprise to be charged twice. I relied on the integrity of what you claim in your video however, I’ve been trying for over a week to get this straightened out. My account keeps little funds in it so $40 debited without my accounting for it becomes a problem. I’ve emailed you and Sabrina a couple of times as well as c/s. Called ClickBank but got nowhere. I hate to have to get my bank involved but may be left with no choice if no results by Monday. It’s an inconvenience for me but I do want my $80 back. Thank you. No offense, I’m sure you’re helping others it just didn’t do anything for my situation. If you want to discuss further, I’ll be happy to do so out off this realm. Regards, CW

Reply January 10, 2015, 10:02 am


In case you’re wondering why $80…. $40 for the original that gave the 60 day review for a full refund and then $40 for the 2nd charge 2 weeks later that was not authorized. $39.99 each Totals – $79.98.

Reply January 10, 2015, 10:06 am


Interestingly I just had a conversation about “winning” with the guy I’ve been dating for four months. He admitted to needing to feel like he’s won whether its his work in sales, his sports fantasy leagues, or his relationships. He said he HATES losing. He’s been separated for over 2 years from his ex-wife of nearly 25 years and still feels like he “lost” to a “less worthy opponent” when she left him. While he is working through these issues I think it keeps him from being able to fully commit to a new relationship. He is affectionate and we enjoy each other immensely. I agree with all of the other insights here and our relationship is spot on with them but he says its still not quite there for him in terms of feeling love.

Reply January 9, 2015, 9:07 am


I really enjoy all of your articles. I’ve been subscribed to your emails for a while now but it’s really good to be able to search for answers to questions as they arise. You break things down so well and make them easy to understand. Thanks.

Reply January 7, 2015, 11:22 pm


I think this article is dead on point. Thanks and keep more like this coming.

Reply January 4, 2015, 12:29 pm


I would certainly agree with every bit of information you have shared. I found that my self esteem has to come before my boyfriend. Even if I am dying to spend time with him, I have to make me #1. If I feel ugly, I hear no compliments from him! Therefore, I definitely go the extra mile to look good in my mirror. I don’t know if he sees it too, or he has that sixth sense or whatever…..but I definitely like it when he refers to me as “beautiful”. When I feel good, life is pink and I smile more often. But when my everyday life is not great…..well, you can imagine….

Reply December 28, 2014, 2:55 pm


Hey Eric, great post. However, I was hoping you could clarify a comment please. You state “What does work is…being a woman that men need to earn. What does that mean? It means that not every man could have you. Only the best man can have you – the man who wins you”.
What exactly do you mean by “have you?”

Reply December 27, 2014, 10:11 pm


I always love everything you have to say Eric. You are my guru! Believe it or not but you have stopped me from making the WORST moves of my life. You have rescued me from my most poisonous mindsets and you really have changed me into a happy care-free girl that doesn’t stress whether I’ll get the guy or not. So thank you, your words mean everything!

Reply December 27, 2014, 12:52 pm


That was the BEST article I’ve ever read!!! THANK YOU for sharing!!!

Reply December 21, 2014, 12:03 pm


First off, I love your posts and truly take them to heart, especially your advice on what a man wants. But I still can’t seem to get the guy I want. Not to sound cocky or vain, but I exhibit the traits listed of what attracts men, yet I still get friend-zoned or nothing happens between the guy and me. I don’t know where I’m going wrong.

Reply December 10, 2014, 10:35 pm


The mindset has to be: ” all men want me” “there are plenty of fish along the sea”. You can try with him again if you want, maybe date other men before and relax in the moment. Keep on reading about relationships, read again Erick& Sabrina program until is part of you, enjoy your life, be your best friend. Sex only after you talk exclusivity and long term if this is what you want.

Reply December 8, 2014, 7:35 pm


My name is Janna and I am so glad I get to read your column as well as educate myself from your program. You have helped me so much! I do have a question; if I have “shared” a little more rhen I should have but want to get back to being the prize that is earned, are there steps I can take to basically redeem myself with a certain guy or do I just write it off and move on and make an effort to not be so “ready” so to speak?

Reply December 8, 2014, 11:42 am


Hi my name is Jessica and I really enjoy the daily emails U and sabrina sends me they really do help and for the longest time I couldn’t keep a relationship but I been learning how to be a better girlfriend slowly but I’m getting it with all the advise u guys give me so thank u I really do appreciate it

Reply November 25, 2014, 6:16 pm


Most insightful articles I have ever read about relationships with men. I love to read everything you write. I really am getting it. Now I just need to put it into practice. Thank you!

Reply November 23, 2014, 4:36 pm


Ver y specific, insightful, Andrea

Prácticas. Please continúe with thi

Reply November 20, 2014, 1:13 pm


I don’t under what you mean by winning. Could you elaborate a bit more?

Reply November 15, 2014, 2:21 pm

Lovely gal

Hi Eric,

Thx so much for kept writing email everyday to me and this article really taught me abt relationship wt men. I thk u are he best relationship coach ever and sincerely out there to help the single lady to understand how men actually operate. I m 38, Asean n brought up in a conservative society. this year, suddenly I felt I would like to hv a relationship. I do have dates but I dun date man that intellectually not compatible. In a sense picky. I work long hr and hardly meet new guy. lately, A friend told me about tinder, I download for 2 days and met a guy. Deleted e apps anyway. Find it is difficult to talk to strangers after 2 days. Anyway. We click, I just couldn’t figure out whether a man looking for a relationship or a fling. felt that part is stressful. Your sharing till now help me to evaluate every situation and see things more clearly. Just wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the sharing with all the readers here. It help to clear some of our confusion and see thing more clearly and hopefully less heartache and less broken heart for all the single ladies out there. Ladies then to give 200% in all the relationship we go in, maybe that really kill e relationship at the early stage of the friendship. Thanks again , Eric.

Reply November 6, 2014, 9:20 am


Correct me if I’m wrong. It looks to me what you were trying to say, wasn’t run out and find a posse, or fan club to prove that you are a prize to be won, and kept?. Instead more like this —

That if his friends act a bit envious about the two of you. He feels lucky to have you.

Or your man gets a vibe from other guys, even just going out in public and he leaves you for a moment to come back to find a guy chatting you up. That you are a catch?
It reminds your man, that he’s lucky to have you, without you doing anything at all to encourage it. Like when I work on my car at my bf’s place, and his friends comment that she’s a keeper.. or a cool chick. Can I borrow her? She knows more about cars then me, send her to my place next???

“No pimping me out!” I’d reply with a grin.

He knows what he’s got, and he can imagine the rest. I was just working on my motor. His friends, or other guys, will see your connection, and if they don’t have one in their own relationship, or lack of relationship at all – Your man will sense their approval, and envy, and it will remind him that he’s the winner in your love life.

I don’t think you meant, go out and get a crowd of other options (guys) to hoover over you to make him jealous.

Great article! You’re doing a bang up job.. keep ’em coming Eric.


Reply November 5, 2014, 7:25 pm


Oh.. and I mention that only because I saw some red flags in the comments, about that. I got your point, and it was well laid out, but I just wanted to add an example to help out the ones who didn’t seem to get it.

Reply November 5, 2014, 7:29 pm


PRIDE, and yet humble, were the words i was looking for. Not arrogant, or narcissist, just make him smile and beam with pride by the actions and reactions you two get from each other. Instill some pride in him, for being with you around his friends and other guys, and people in general. And it will point out that you are the prize he’s won!
Is that correct Eric?

Reply November 5, 2014, 7:35 pm


You know what I really want in a girl??


Reply November 5, 2014, 2:59 am

Comfort chioma

Elo Eric, i love this article xo xo much. Thanks to u, it realy helped…

Reply November 3, 2014, 7:52 pm


An excellent, straight forward article. Men really are awesome..they know what’s right in life and what’s important and they need women in retun who are authentic and will allow them to step up and show their best, and what’s right and important. Thank you.

Reply November 1, 2014, 3:54 pm



thank you so very much for SPELLING IT OUT!!!
Finally, I understand clearly.
Your writing is highly appreciated so please continue by all means.

Reply October 29, 2014, 12:09 am


Being the prize doesn’t necessarily mean having a group of guys waiting around incase the man your interested in isn’t pursuing you. It’s more like having the mind set that you are not going to settle for any man that’s putting in minimal effort. When you have this mind set you are pretty much showing your man that you do not need him, but you do want him if he is putting in the effort. By having this mind set you have a more positive vibe to yourself and you appear more desirable to your man and other men. So you really don’t need to have a group of guys waiting around to show your man that your desirable! Yet, if your man isn’t measuring up, it wouldn’t hurt to have a line of other options (Don’t put all your eggs in one basket unless, you know your man has also.)

Reply October 25, 2014, 1:38 am


THANK YOU for saying this; this really clarified what I was particularly confused about. I couldn’t imagine that men want to live in fear of losing their woman all the time. To me that’s a miserable existence, whether or not it gives the man an opportunity to “win” or not. I guess in a way that doesn’t work either because it’s like he’s fighting a losing battle, if he’s constantly in fear of losing you because you deliberately make it as if you would leave at any time. This really straightened me out–the mindset that you’re not going to settle for any man who is putting in minimal effort, and an increased sense of your own self which I’ve always strived for and admired in other people (my own mom is like this and is married 28 years with my dad). The idea of not needing but wanting to be with the man is the key there I’m sure. Thanks again for putting it in these words.

Reply December 28, 2014, 4:03 am


So I guess my question is this: If a woman is considered a “prize” based on the fact that she has many suitors and chose this one specific guy, how do you make yourself look like a prize without involving all these other men in your life? Is it enough just to look extra good when the 2 of you go out just so that men are gawking at you, or must you actually have a line of pursuers? (Which ends up looking like a bit of game-playing when you’re only interested in him)

Reply October 24, 2014, 5:12 pm


How do i make him think of me as a prize?

Reply October 23, 2014, 6:08 am


This guy and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks and he has already introduced me to part of his family and his son. I keep saying we are taking things slow yet he has already left belongings in my home. He says it’s to be comfortable when he comes over. Which I believe is my own fault for allowing him to stay over , night cap. He stays with his sons mother and tells me they have nothing and I’m his lady , so how do I slow things down without making him disappear? Don’t get me wrong I am very much interested although his sons mother has made me feel very uncomfortable, when she found out about our relationship. Not to mention he had their son sleep over my home as well. Now he is planning a trip to Rochester, NY to meet some other family members. Are these signs that he wants to be serious or is he just playing the game to get what he can? ( side note: since we have been dating he has asked for things financially and I have given it to him… cabs to see me , miscellaneous items … it’s reached in the hundreds by now I would say.)

Reply October 20, 2014, 11:00 pm


Dump him. He is using you. You should not be paying his cabs. You are the prize. He will find a way to pay. He is not into you. He stays with his son’s mother because she supports him too.

Reply November 12, 2014, 2:35 am


Well actually, I am 49 yo mom. Hapily married for 23 years. I am reading articles about relationships because I have a 18 y.o. who has some difficulty understanding men and women relationships. She has never had a boyfriend but there was a guy she really, really liked and she went and told him that. He got scared of course. Even the word “like” scared him :)
Your article made me realize many things: in my time ;) it was different…or so I think. But your articles helped me to understand why my daughter’s approach to relationships is a little off. I forwarded her you link so that she can read about this and see that some mistakes she made were the reasons the guy she liked left.
She also is a girl that doubts about herself and focuses a lot in her bad sides and less so in her good sides. She is beautiful. I am not saying because I am her mom, but, everybody tells me how beautiful, delicate, elegant and intelligent she is. She just does not believe it. I guess her negative attitude about herself is a “turn off” :)
Anyways, I really like your articles and they are very enlightening. Keep up the good work.

Reply October 20, 2014, 11:56 am


hi eric
i just wanted to say thank you for sending me emails..i enjoyed and loved so much advises here…very informative to a woman like me..i learned and it helps a lot to me..though i am in a long distance relationship..i like your daily articles..very straight and honest..
thank you so much..god bless!

Reply October 17, 2014, 2:42 am


I may have read this before and will prolly come back to it again….
Your information is useful.
I’m stubborn I admit but it’s because I am becoming aware of how important it is to protect my emotions. Love can come at me with all forces and sometimes knock me off my feet. I feel more sure of my direction and confident that I can move on without worrying if I tried to hard. Building a relationship is not one of my profession and it’s what I seek the most. Thanks for the tips because I feel that they have already been helpful from the read the second time around.

Reply October 17, 2014, 1:38 am


Hi Eric,

Thank you so much for this article and the time you take to ensure you touch all subjects, this one in particular helped so much today. I love all the input you and Sabrina give, but the male mind is what I’m intrigued in learning about and what better than reading from an actual man’s perspective. You’re awesome! Look forward to reading your next book.


Reply October 16, 2014, 6:28 pm


Hey Eric,
You keep saying to make him feel like he won you. Basically he sees other competition and is determined to have you but that only works in a situation where he sees you almost everyday. I and this boy met just after high school in 2012 and we let each other know about the feeling we have. He asked me out but i said no ,I wasn’t ready at the time. He still said he feelings are the same. Till today that throws me off because i do not understand his reaction. Now we are in different colleges he is in Canada and I’m in the US. How would i make him feel that there is actually competition since he is not around to see other guys around me.

Reply October 16, 2014, 3:03 pm


The trick is to BE busy. Don’t think about him all day. Do something you love don’t make it seem like he’s all you’re thinking about i.e. texting him everyday sending him emails calling him i mean you can, just not a lot. If you guys are still in contact, just sound happy and make it seem like you had a great day with a lot of fulfillment and you had a lot of fun then he’s going to be like, hmm really? I wonder who she’s talking to. Everybody wants to talk to the happy person. Just be happy and when he calls you don’t pick up all the time. Let him leave a message.

Reply October 19, 2014, 4:11 pm

Dusica Stojkovich

Eric, again you are the beat relationship coach for me. There is a lots to do
wirh your philology background.
That’s not all of course, lots to do is your talent to understand human nature, your
Insight and , masculinity.

I love the fact that you are perfectionist.

It is not always to your advantage , but it is not changeable.

I am the same – hard to fit into world and find people on thw same wave lenght.

Keep doing wonderful job !

Love and peace to you !

Reply October 16, 2014, 12:27 pm


forget all this turn yourself into a pretzel logic. there is one criteria for loving a man. do they love their mother? was she loving? if they hate their mom’s they are not available. if they have a healthy, loving, fun respectful with boundaries, relationship with their mother’s, they are viable. anything else is spinning your wheels. many men have personality disorders and are narcissists. learn to spot the difference.

Reply October 16, 2014, 9:25 am


You are so right! All I have attracted is some form of narcissistic men. All about them, I guess I do settle for the wrong people. Working on getting out now because I just discovered he has been posting adds and responding to craigslist adds for casual encounters. I beat myself up because I should have known…..the signs were all there, I just chose not to see them ;(

Reply October 16, 2014, 9:48 am


I really appreciated the honesty of this article. Men are very complex and it takes reading an article like this to remind me of that.

Thank you and I look forward to reading more.

Reply October 16, 2014, 8:51 am


This article really struck a chord with me, thank you.

Woefully I’ve been dating the mask of a guy for 6 months, he’s keeping me at arms length because he’s afraid of commitment. Says he’s too young for one (he’s 22). I’m not looking to settle down, I just want a fun relationship and someone to be adventurous with! I do think he likes me but I am not capitalising on the fact that I could be making him earn my time more as he’s recently distanced himself and treats me as more of an option now compared to a few months back. I deserve better. I’ve been asked out a lot (have gone on dates) but have my heart set on him so haven’t pursued other guys actively.
Do you think there’s still a chance if I start behaving on par with my ‘market value’?

Reply October 16, 2014, 7:55 am


Hi Eric,

Great post! After reading about a woman’s “market value” I would like to know if it’s possible to increase your value with a man if it had originally been low? Is there any way to become a “prize” again and help your man feel like he has won someone amazing?

Thanks for your help and advice!



Reply October 16, 2014, 6:41 am


Dear Eric & Sabrina I love your daily emails and all the insights into men’s psyche. I’m a 68 year old and still learning so much from your advice. After 24 years marriage to an older man, and Since my divorce over 20 years ago, for whatever reason have always dated younger men. Some for 4, 5 or 10″years. However, except for one man, it is only my current boyfriend of 5 months who @61 I find I love deeply and has made me want to stay in a longer relationship with. Though he has dated many women, he has told me that he loves and our relationship. But Last night I had to expose my real age because he is booking airline tickets! Blast the new TSA rules! Now we will see if this will make or break us as The plane trip is not yet confirmed? Yes, I’m 7 years his senior and yes we are both in great shape but He thought, due to a mutual friends suspicion, that I was only 2 years older. Though most of your advice is for younger women, it all is universal and timeless, and I am hoping that I will be able to continue to explore and learn. What other insights would you be able to give me on this point of age difference? No I’m not a cougar! I’m just a woman who enjoys men in general but have lots of women friends and have always kept my social life active outside of my male relationships. However, for me this one is a keeper! Many thanks for your great columns. Regards Camille

Reply October 9, 2014, 9:25 am


Why should it make a difference if it’s 7 years not two? Act as if it makes no difference to you and hopefully he will act the same. Good luck.

Reply October 16, 2014, 7:01 am


I just want to say I’m so thankful for such great material such as this article and many more by you guys! My dating life couldn’t be more wonderful! I’ve literally turned into a male magnet over the last few weeks and more importantly I’m feeling more positive and happy then ever! My guy friend I’ve been talking to for a year now whom seemed allergic to commitment is finally stepping up to win me over and claim me as his own. He has been opening doors, being so sweet again, calling me his gf and taking any and every opportunity he can to see me. Truth is I lost myself a little after meeting him bc I started fantasizing of a future and began haVing unconscious expectations out of him which just flooded the relationship with negative energy and was being more of a chore then a healthy relationship. Now everything feels natural and meant to be and I am not shy and insecure with him. I realized I did have a great man if he was willing to stick by my side through all my craziness. Also, our sex has been greater then ever and are way more open and comfortable with each other even in the bedroom! Thanks so much! I couldn’t be happier with myself and with my current relationship!

Reply October 6, 2014, 5:38 pm


Thank you soo much for writing this article!!!!
It has helped me realise where I have been going wrong for the past few months and the simple and easy steps to build on my relationship.

Reply October 6, 2014, 11:19 am


I’ve been seeing a guy for about three weeks now and we have gone on two dates. I really like him, but I am not seeking a “relationship” title right now. I think he likes that. I haven’t gone out with anyone else, but he knows other guys are also pursing me. I think the fact that I don’t constantly seek his approval, I am confident, I am spending my time with him and not the other potential “beau’s,” and I have a positive mindset is what he is attracted to. Do you agree? I am not trying to be over-confident, but I am just being myself and this article seemed interesting, so I thought I would shed some light on my situation.

Reply October 3, 2014, 3:14 am


Thank you so much, Eric, for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.I feel a lot more confident! I have been enlightened! You are very kind and thoughtful.

Reply September 28, 2014, 6:34 am


Thank you Eric for help making this world a better place. I enjoyed reading your articles, as I know I’m learning to be wiser everyday bringing me closer to be a better me and learn to make a right decision in life. Just sometimes when I read or listen to relationship advice from you or other relationship experts; a part of me always ask myself, do I have to do this and that other than being myself to find a right guy, so that when I found one I won’t have to worry about wearing a mask and not being myself. As a reader, if there’s one thing I could say to all relationship expert I think that would be it.
Have a nice day.

Reply September 27, 2014, 10:49 pm


Hi Eric, thank you for an article, I do follow your articles and do re-read them ,does better for my understanding.
Here is the thing. The high market value,Im full time employed,fit,student,have other interests,Im quite busy and the man Im interested in knows I get asked out by other men. now he has two kids that full time at his home,self employed basically he is super busy as well. I do not want to keep continuously casually putting in the conversations with him (as he asks) that I get asked out/evening out with friend..and so on to make him see I am desirable,I do not overdress,I have sociable and confident enough persona. All of that naturally states I have a quite high market value.
We were going out exclusively but we split up due to him being taken aback by some circumstances and he is asking me out again now.He is 33 I am 26. He wants a one real relationship as well as I. but after a split up I feel awkward, how do I keep my market value so he would step in towards committed relationship,I feel telling him everytime he asks if Im going out with someone,is becoming annoying and how do I encourage him to invest more, as I feel the life style with kids is overcharged with responsibilities. He does have feelings for me as I do have for him. But I do want all to advance to commitment.
Thank you

Reply September 17, 2014, 5:52 pm


How do you maintain your “market value”..or what do you have to do to be that? Obviously its not obtained by being a slut or anything like that im just curious as to what does a girl gotta do to keep up the market value and how should ahe prioritize her time?

Reply September 16, 2014, 2:18 am

Jessica Bianchi

Hi Eric, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciated this article… as I appreciate all of your work. You are honest and explain things straight and to the point. You give intelligent advice based on your honest experiences, and I think it’s so great that you share it with us. Thank you :-). Jessica

Reply September 15, 2014, 2:42 pm


Hello Eric,

I have a question … What do you mean by earning me? I haven’t really made him chase me at the start of the relationship; rather, I was the one who asked him out in a way.
But it’s been almost 4 months since we’ve been together and I feel like everything is going fine.

Unfortunately, I’m a woman who is overly-paranoid and overly-analyses stuffs … So when you say ‘Earning’ … What exactly do you mean by that?

Thank you for your honest answer,

Reply September 15, 2014, 11:46 am


Hi Eric,
I may say your article is more than just ”great”.Keep on with the good work.
There is also a question I have for you based on this article: I usually am interested in what people (not only guys) around me like and ask a lot of questions but why every guy things I’m flirting all the time? All I want is to know more about them and nothing else…

Reply September 14, 2014, 5:54 am


Great article. It feels good to know what men want in a woman and work at it.
I just want to add that a women should make herself attractive not for a man but for herself. What is attractive anyway? being healthy, happy, a nice figure would be nice specially if it is for a healthy diet and adequate exercise, nice clothes and makes her feel good about herself. I was talking to my fitness instructor, she looks great and slim. She said that she loves what she does but she gets paid for it too. I did not asked her if she did not get paid for being fit, she will indulge with her favorite desserts, besides, some people are naturally slim.

A problem comes when one person likes fit and expect her partner to follow and this does not happens or when you like somebody athletic and you are not athletic and he minds, or when you married you were athletic and then you gain weight and can not get back on shape because sometimes this happens with the hormones or lifestyle.

The thing is ,you do not know if you can get through this or if this will cause stress until you are in the situation. Again, shape to be healthy because whatever the outcome you have to deal with life and yourself first.

And regarding of taste for how you spend your free time, what if you love to read, listen to music and watch tv in your free time and he loves to ride his bicycle and go out doors and you are allergic to mosquitoes ? Or if he hates red dresses and you love red ? will it cause conflict ? can you deal with it an still be happy ? What if you love concerts and he hates it?.

At the beginning of the relationship if people like each other enough , they can do things that they do not like that much until they marry and they show their real selfs. How will you deal with it? will you deal with it and be happy ? will you accept it or try to change it ? How you deal with the situation , what he deals with the situation, that is important too. Just live day by day .

Reply September 13, 2014, 7:41 pm


He is merried man l love deeply and he is the same as told me and his action but he change his mind all time today he said he need to leave his wife and made promise and broken his promise after two week with out any reason as he told me he confused and I need to stop and out of from these realashioship .I sacrifice alot time but now he hhe hurts me .Because he need to stop and he need to live with his wife .as he told me he lieved for sixteen years and he never happy one day and have two children my confusion if he is not happy why he left me and back to his wife please Eric I need your iinformation our life standard is different his economy is low and my economy is I am bisiness women please I need help.

Reply September 13, 2014, 7:25 pm


Dont have much to say but I absolutely LOVE reading your work .So insightful and thankful for you! GREAT JOB:)

Reply September 13, 2014, 6:46 pm


Hi Eric,
I have been following your articles for a year. I like the whole no-sugar coated advise style. I am a direct person myself and I appreciate that kind of approach to almost everything in life. I have learned so much from your articles. But reading is not enough. We must apply them. I am applying your suggestions. I am an educated, smart, good looking woman. I am encouraging, funny and all over a fun person to be with. However, I made the mistake of not showing myself like a prize. I was too humble and gave too much credit to men’s intuition (and anyone around in that matter, including family and so-called friends). I AM a big prize. I always knew it but I misrepresented myself. Your articled woke me up. Now I am acting like it. I am showing people that I am aware of my capacity, I am confident, and I won’t spend time with anyone for the sake of it. It makes so much difference. People respect those who they can’t reach, don’t they? Humans are funny creatures. Everything is about us is paradox, yet so simple.

Thank you for sharing your expert opinions and wisdom with us. Much respect and love to you from Chicago. xoxox

Reply September 13, 2014, 5:42 pm


Sometimes you just gotta give a guy space to come to you. If he really likes you he will. Once he gets a taste of a real intimate connection like you’re saying, Eric, he wants more of it. Guys need to feel safe too. If what he needs is to focus on himself and feel like he’s winning at life, you gotta support him, even if it has nothing to do with you. If a guy doesn’t feel like he can meet his own needs he really can’t meet yours and that’s ok, especially if he’s honest and real with you. If a guy says please understand, then understand and support him even if it means backing off… here’s how you’ll really know if he’s into you… he’ll come back, he’ll open up to you, and feel like you were able to be there for him in the way he asked without pushing your own agenda. I prefer connection over relationship, I prefer understanding over commitment. Connection and understanding create relationship and commitment. Can you be totally open with your guy? Do you feel understood? Do you feel connected? If you have an agenda you’re pushing are you even seeing your guy? Where he’s at? What he needs to feel like he’s winning? True love means loving someone enough to support them when it doesn’t include you. He will feel you have his back, that you are standing in his corner, if you really really are. Men need connection and understanding as much as women do. Can you make it not all about you all the time? Talk about pressure! The real men, the ones worth keeping, the ones worth the investment, will be honest about thier needs and feelings. And if you really love him for him, not because he fulfills your list of things you want in a man, and give him the true support he needs to win at life, he will feel it because it’s real and he will rise to the challenge he’s facing, feel like a winner, and remember that genuine girl who was totally there for him. When you “see” him for the great man he is, he will begin to see himself that way. And then, Magic happens… and you won’t just be the girl he’s looking for, but the one he keeps, the one who had his back when he needed it most, even when his needs didn’t include you. Now that’s true love!! It starts with loving yourself first and foremost. Then you’ll never be a doormat, and you won’t be insecure, you’ll have enough love for both of you, even when he doesn’t have enough for himself. If he’s a quality dude, he might need space to figure himself out sometimes, give it to him, be in his corner, not only will he come back, but he’ll never let you go. Men will cling to thier freedom and independence, but once they get a taste of true intimacy without having to surrender thier freedom and independence… guess what… they will gladly and willingly and almost unconsciously choose true intimacy with a genuinely loving caring woman who makes him feel like the winner he was born to be, because after they experience that for real with a woman, freedom and independence become a lonely empty venture. Sure you can win, but without that special someone to share your victories with… what have you really got? If you always want what’s best for him, whether it includes you or not, he will become his best. And you’ll be the girl standing next to him in the winner’s circle, trophy held high, popping the cork on the champagne. Honestly, who wants a man who doesn’t want to be the very best man he can be. Be his cheerleader, and enjoy the spoils with the victor!!!

Reply September 13, 2014, 4:53 pm


Hi Eric,
Great article. I really understand everything you wrote about. I’m dating a guy and I may have messed up the last thing you mentioned. I am on the same page as him with what he loves. We see concerts together, movies, I’ve met his friends. However, two months in I was honest and I told him I was looking for something serious. I should have continued to keep it fun and I messed up. We are still hanging out a lot, but we backed off a little. I’m not sure if I can fix this. In the mean time I’ve started to date other guys, but I really want him. All these thing we are supposed to follow are so confusing. I really wish a guy had to follow all the guidelines to keep my attention instead of the other way around!


Reply September 13, 2014, 3:29 pm


Reply to EG’s comment quote, “I really wish a guy had to follow all the guidelines to keep my attention instead of the other way around!” I say, “Yeah, especially since we are suppose to be the prize!
And this “market value” stuff…it sounds like a house for sale…I’m not a damn piece of real estate!

Reply November 23, 2014, 2:39 pm


Hi Eric, thankyoooo so much for enlighting the topics it helped alot to understand my bf, I m in a relationship for 4 years and the only problem that is less communication, and he doesnot understand hat I want n what I am saying that I am feeling I know he loves me alot n some of his actions tells that he cares for me but there is a distant taking place between us I see him less intrested in terms of communication I see he talks to his other friends(both girls n boys) but he doesnot seem to make some time for me he is not putting any effort to call me or to even know me. I’m feeling terrible but somehow I am keeping myself busy and trying not to think about it I realised I was being needy before soo I have cut down my calling him and I kept myslf busy. But I really miss the times we used to share everything with eachothr atleast a call a day.

Reply September 13, 2014, 2:44 pm


Since it would mean a lot to you to get feedback, I will leave you my nugget. The best take away message I received was to be passionate about his passion. I love that! It is really applicable across all relationships. The way you presented the material was fantastic! It was real-life and easy to understand. I believe in being intentional and your spelling it for me is going to make a huge difference in my communication with everyone I come in touch with. (I just tried it with a co-worker and we had a lovely exchange about her granddaughter!)

Reply September 13, 2014, 2:38 pm



I found it helpful that you have instructed me to ask my guy what he loves, why he loves it and what he wants or already wins at. I have a guy that I’m friends with. I am comfortable with our relationship for now. I have been wondering how I could show interest without being too forward and ruining what we already have. Thanks for the info. I will surely be using it.

Reply September 13, 2014, 1:46 pm


Love all that I’ve read. Thanks. But I’m still a little confused about my guy. We have been together for a year. He doesn’t say i love you, but i know he does. My problem is he won’t move in with me. We could both save money if we lived together. I just don’t get it.

Reply September 12, 2014, 4:46 pm


Hi Eric, I love this article and I will like to know if it is wrong for me to admit to the guy I like that I am single (We are not in a relationship). Thanks

Reply September 8, 2014, 9:13 am


Hi Eric, thank you so much for bring clarity in such a simple way with your articles about what a man wants in a woman. I’m Brasilian , born and raised in Brasil, living in the USA for 14 years and, I got tell you: I can’t get used with American ways to date. To me, be fun, sexy and playful, make part of my personality. The guy I’m with, it’s a king, literally and, he’s a winner in having me by his side. I make sure he knows that on a daily basis. I don’t play games. It’s just natural to me. What surprises me, and please, don’t get me wrong if I go against about what you said in having a man close to is like to do, enjoy the things he likes and show it, to me have been backfire me. I’m easygoing, I love sports, outdoors , at the same time that I’m dressed up to go anywhere. You won’t see me in my pajamas pants anywhere else than in my bed, in winter season only:). Anyway, what I have to tell you is that I have been there, having fun, teasing, been sexy , not a hard thing to do for a Brasilian. And guys get scared off, running away, thinking I’m looking for commitment or a relationship right at the batch. No. I’m divorced for 5 years with a handsome 7 years old son, my career, my
house, not a lot if free time to date. Only one boyfriend after 2 years divorced, that lasted 2 years. I’m single for a year and not the kind to look for guys in bars or online:( . Not desperate yet. Then, a guy move in 2 doors down from my house. Good looking, friendly and introduced himself on the first time saw me outside. Recently separate, going through divorce, 2 kids. We hitch right away. Our kids too, having sleepovers next day. He asked my number and starting texting me, making a lot of compliments about my looks, my clothes and we starting talking about our lives, marriages and divorce:(! I noticed he was hurt and at the same time, eager to get to know me. After couple days of teasing and playing with each other, he came I’ve one night that the kids were with the other parent and, I cooked and he made margaritas. We danced in the kitchen and kissed. After a nice dinner and a lot of compliments, we cuddling in the sofa and watched tv. The next day, a thank you text for the great night. Then, in the evening, he came by to tell me he was expecting a female friend visiting his new place. I was got out of guard as I felt confused why he was having a woman in his house when he was alone. I didn’t say anything, he left and, I don’t know how long the woman stayed in his place. The next day, he called and, I expressed to him my confusion as he let things clear to me that we would take things slow and wait his divorce finalize to see what was going on with us and, then, he has another woman in his house the next day. He was surprised I confronted him about it but, I wanted he know I wasn’t going to sell myself low, even if I wasn’t date him officially. I asked him how he would feel if I had another guy coming over to house in the same circumstances and he told me he would feel weird… Next day, he called and said he just was as confused and didn’t know what to say to me other than he couldn’t pursue a relationship right now and , that he was just feeling he was forcing himself to me because he didn’t want to miss the opportunity of been with an amazing girl like me. I was shocked as I thought I didn’t show or told him this was what I was looking for. I was just be me, and treating him with care and kindness , because I felt this is what he needed in that moment. I was not thinking in date him officially before he officially be divorced. I thought I was clear on that. It looks like I was not and, I told him I was backing off because I never thought in pressure him right now, when I know how hard it’s a divorce. I apologize and he apologized too. I guess because we liked each other and he thought it was too soon to this happen with him. It’s like he wanted control his emotions and I don’t. 2 weeks have passed, he’s out of town in vacation and no phone calls or texts. Only an email invite for his son birthday this coming Saturday. I’m lost, I don’t know what to expect when I see him, I don’t know how to take this. He was so into and in one second, he withdrawn. Any hopes, suggestions , inputs? I appreciate your insight on this situation as I realty did make him feel like he was a winner. What now?
Thanks you south:)!

Reply August 21, 2014, 5:39 pm

alyssa dating a guy from Nigeria he mention me that he have gf his back home I thought they not talking anymore but I found out they still communication.and his telling me he loves me now im thinking his leing telling me he loves me and he have gf back home..i don’t know what to do I fall in love with him already me..

Reply August 19, 2014, 5:54 pm


Hi Eric,

This is some great insight on what men want, and it did seem to draw him in a little, but he still gave me the he doesn’t want a commitment line and like you said it doesn’t matter the reason. So I’m still not sure.

Reply August 17, 2014, 9:20 am


Hi Eric,
Wow this is awesome. Thank you so muc for this….

Reply August 8, 2014, 2:12 pm


I signed up for the newsletter last night and was expecting to unsubscribe today because I’ve read a lot of bogus articles in the past from other websites-wow was I wrong. This was a very thought-provoking, inspiring article and I have greatly enjoyed reading through your advice columns.
You seem like a genuine soul who is trying to inspire women to embrace and love themselves-hats off to you. I’m surprised by the amount of women wanting to argue with your advice “from a man’s prospective”. Don’t let them discourage you.

Just a note to say thanks and best of luck!

Reply August 5, 2014, 10:03 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks Bri, I really appreciate that. :)

Reply August 5, 2014, 10:17 pm


This article was great Eric! All these articles are great!

I knew I have market value, Now I know I have a lot more! All of this makes so much sense!
I appreciate all these articles, and all you and Sabrina’s hard work on these!

Thank you again,


Reply July 26, 2014, 2:32 am


Great advise…between u and sabrina ive learned so much…I love reading all your stuff and it helps me to stay focused on the important things…something thats helped me the most is to not over think or read more into things “the relationship is what it is at that moment” to b the prize and not to b needy! These things r working for me! Thank u so much…cant wait for more great advise!

Reply July 25, 2014, 5:24 pm


Tleive been with my boyfriend for allmost 5 years.he started emotionally cheating just a few momths into the relationship at forst he would denie it but now he just says yeah so. I allready kmow what tdo. I just wanted to lnow what your intake on it is

Reply July 25, 2014, 4:16 pm


Hi, nice article, helpful tips and ideas. But one thing I want to ask or add that if a woman is of high market value herself, a man interested also want to take his mask off or that smart woman can detect his motives. Men now demand too much in a woman they look for to be a winner but not showing any efforts at all, you think its fair?

Reply July 25, 2014, 11:17 am


Loved the article and I will read it again. I had one question. When you are in a relationship and you know he feels you are a woman he sees as “prize” that he earned, how does a woman maintain that in their man?

Reply July 24, 2014, 7:01 am


“LM” – GTF-Over it. Wow. You need help more than anyone else on here.
Eric – you are awesome. I have read alot of books and articles over the years. I truly feel you know what you are talking about and am going to continue to read and implement what you suggest. As a female in a new relationship who didn’t want to EVER be in one again after the last, I can say that what you have said so far, is straight up true. The guy I am with now, I am ONLY with because of how he is. He won, and keeps winning and I am going to keep learning more.

Reply July 19, 2014, 12:59 pm


Wendy this is “LM” clearly you have had to read many books & articles on how to keep a man. It’s obvious you are a follower & not a leader. Whatever comes from you is not from YOU. It came from what another person told you; books and articles. Find your real voice.

Reply July 19, 2014, 1:31 pm

Judy Ferris

Ive really enjoyed reading your articles wanted to say thank you I am kind of Taken back on a guy that I’ve been dating 4 months, he lives in Vegas I live in Colorado Springs I am ok with the long distance piece of it. we are both too busy to really engage in anything more than that but it just seems that it was all exciting in the beginning, and since him and I had disagreements.we have resolved those disagreements ….but it just seems we talk mostly about his work and I take interest in is work. but it just seems as though he’s not interested totally. I never call him first because he,always seems busy so I let him call me when he’s free .he brought up my moving to Vegas , I told him I needed a year to prepare then , he said ,he doesn’t know if he was ready to share his,space anyways and it was too soon then became a little standoffish..I have mixed feelings about how he’s acting .I’ve given him space and time .What Can I do different? I’ve been focusing on me and what I need to do …but cabt,stop thinking about it

Reply July 12, 2014, 8:17 pm


Hi Judy,

Please don’t uproot for a guy you’ve only known for 4months. After being hot and then cold asking you to move with him, he just seems to be living for the moment and not passionate about you. If he really had deep feeling for you, he would understand your request of giving it a year. Long distance relationship is tough, but if his giving you mix signals now, then chances of it “STICKING” when you move will be rare. I know it’s tough, believe me. But please don’t give up everything you know (where you are now) for someone who is not passionate about you. If things don’t work out (chances are slim) then you will have to re-start all over again. He will just continue his life as if he had visitor. You have to much to sacrifice next to him, his just making space for you. If it doesn’t work out, he will expect you to leave with the clothes on your back and possible a “good luck to you” comment.

Reply July 12, 2014, 10:15 pm


Hi Eric,

I want to first thank you for all the advice and wish I had read it before getting involved with the last guy. Really appreciate the male perspective.

I think my main question I want answered is can a man and a woman be friends after they breakup. A little background: I met this man online. Things were great in the beginning. First date, was great fun and the chemistry on fire. He even said it was the best first date he had ever had. 2nd date which fell on Vday was even better. But funny thing is the 2nd date almost didn’t happen. We were talking on the phone after our 1st date and he had asked me about my divorce and why it didn’t work out. I told him of my ex’s infidelities but that wasn’t why I decided to end it, the reason I ended it was because my ex would never admit he cheated. So I felt there was nowhere to go if he could not be honest with me so we could take steps to fix our marriage. To this he asked how did I know he was cheating? Well being the honest and forthcoming person that I am I told him of course a woman always knows, but that I confirmed it by reading texts on his cell. Well this was a HUGE RED flag for him! He continued to preach that that was a huge invasion of one’s privacy and there’s absolutely no reason ever one should invade someone’s privacy. Well I stood my ground and proceeded to say that in marriage there is no privacy no secrets. I should be able to see what’s on my husband’s phone and him mine. He ranted on and on about how that was wrong and how he had huge issues with his mom and his privacy growing up and so forth. Very adamant on the subject. Well I stated while I don’t make it a habit of checking my significant others phone I couldn’t say I would ever do it again. (yes I’m honest to a fault) Honesty is probably the most important thing to me in all my relationships not just romantic. Anywho, seeing that we were never going to agree on this topic, I said let’s just agree to disagree. The next morning he calls me while on my way to work and says he doesn’t think he should go to the concert on Vday and just to give his ticket to a friend. And went on to say that he didn’t think “this” would work and that we probably shouldn’t see each other again. I just laughed surprised at his reaction to our disagreement. I told him, look you already bought the ticket let’s just go and have fun and then we can go our separate ways. I convinced him. In the coming months, he would always say how convincing and pushy I was. Vday date was amazing, he pulled out all the stops, he dressed up, of course I was looking fine, he really enjoyed the concert (was even emotional at one point with tears in his eyes) then he surprises me with flowers and takes me to a really good expensive restaurant. Needless to say, I gave him the “good stuff” that night. Which I never do btw, I always make them earn the good stuff. Took my ex 3 months til he got it. I digress, the relationship, and I use this term loosely, was tumultuous. After Vday we spoke everyday, he texted me often but he would always have these reservations, doubts concerns about me. But the sex was off the charts! He would state how he hated how I had this sexual power over him. That he couldn’t remember the last time he enjoyed sex so much. He would text saying “I’m so lucky to have met me you, Sorry I fought it in the beginning, I don’t want to fight it anymore. You are an amazing woman. I like you, alot. I’m waiting for something crazy to happen. Why are you single?” But all the while he would have concerns about me and that he’s not good in a relationship. He would confide very personal things to me and tell me how devastatingly crushing his last relationship was. I in the meantime am falling for him giving him all my time and energies. Excusing his behavior for his past bad breakup. That if I could just be loving, accepting and understanding he would open up his heart to me. At one point he takes me to meet his family stating he had wanted me to meet them for awhile. Then later saying that that was no big deal that he frequently brings the girls he’s dating to meet his family. So many mixed signals that would leave me frustrated and hopeful at the same time. Now 6 months later, he has decided to end it coldly not giving me an explanation only saying that I always to have to have it “my way”. This is probably the 5th time he has “broken up” with me. In the past we would end it amicably saying lets be friends but then we would see each other and end up in bed starting the whole crazy cycle again. But this time I fear it’s it finally over. I still have feelings for him, can’t just shut those off, but I have accepted that romantically it’s over. But this time I really want to try just being his friend, no sex, no strings. Just spend time with him every so often and go for a hike together. Is that possible?

Reply July 12, 2014, 3:12 pm


This is so spot on…I’ve just entered a new relationship with a fantastic guy that is going great–a complete 180 from my last one, for sure! This article has helped me pinpoint what was different about ME, and why I’m getting better results from this guy– so I know what to keep doing. Keep it coming!

Reply July 11, 2014, 11:19 am


Awesome Article..
I am a new widow..back out there again.. And your articles are always great.. I love this one especially about finding where a mans interest lie and where his dreams in life truly exist. When you find them..his whole heart follows..soooo true.
Thanks Eric!!

Reply July 7, 2014, 4:32 am


Well done job, I think I do understand man better now. I think that my man is not that complicated. But our situation is a little complicated, we are apart we dont get chance to spend time together that often and its all because of our job. And we just started something, I am not going to say it’s relation ship but it is something, I feel frozen next to him since I first saw him. And the time we started something happen over internet and he were so nice and sweet so I think I disappoint him at one moment because he was about to help me out with something trying to “win” me and I didnt let him do that, and from there he changed. He still sweet and all that but we dont talk that much, he came to visit me and it was very nice, and he is going through difficult time with his family at the moment. And I really like him, and I would like him next to me, he told me a lot of times that I am always smiling and I am different and that I am full of good vibes and energy, that I am strong women. But kind of I have the feeling that he is not the same anymore. And I am not being needy, I let him to have his space I think that he needs that. Anyway I would like to say thank you for your articles they really helped me understand the questions that I had about my boyfriend and the reason behind his behavior.

Reply July 4, 2014, 10:21 am


This article was so helpful. Thank you so much for your insight of this topic.

Reply July 3, 2014, 7:08 pm


I don’t know if widower/widowers would be an expertise of yours. If so, would you please give some advise. There are so many people like myself who has dated a widower. I Had no idea how different it is to date one and date a divorce or someone who’s never been married.


Reply July 2, 2014, 2:57 pm


Hi Eric and Subrina,

I just want to thank you both. I want to share with my experience and how ANM gave me the courage to make a tough but a positive decision in my life.

I (37) met a widower (46) in March 2014. His wife of 13yrs. July 2013 passed from a long battle of breast cancer (age 44). We met on line and what made me reach out to him was his profile. He describes himself as a marathoner. I too love to workout. He reached out and we realize we had plenty in common. So he ask me out on a first date. When we met at the restaurant, I notice a red flag wright away. He was still wearing his wedding ring. My gut instinct, I wanted to run. Although I was disappointed, I sucked it up and decided to make the most of the night. At the time he seemed very uncomfortable. His a tall guy but kept slouching and hiding his hands under the table. Needless to say our conversation was awkward. He complemented my looks and for the most part our conversation felt forced. Further more, he confirmed my thoughts, I was the first girl he has dated (another red flag/rebound) since his wife passed. Then he asked me what I thought of our date, I was honest and told him he was not ready and I pointed at his ring. The dinner didn’t take long, but during the night I notice he removed his ring. This made me feel guilty. He continued by telling me he was ready to move forward and although he admitted he was still in morning, he has excepted his life as it is.

On the way home he text me asking for another date. I had no interest and fell asleep. The next morning he called me and asked me again. I declined. Somehow that night we talked on the phone for 4hrs. He admitted our first date was a disaster and apologize. He persuaded me to give him another chance. Since we had good chemistry on the phone, i gave in thinking it wouldn’t hurt. Fast forward, we were intimate. Again chemistry was awesome. But I couldn’t believe I slept with someone before we could even get to know each other better and be in a relationship.

During the months we dated he made plans to see me three times a week. For the most part, we never went anywhere except twice to dinner and twice to the movies. He said he didn’t like crowds. So I excepted his excuse with my sacrifice by thinking his showing his gratitude by cooking me dinner and making my lunch for work the next day. Yes, I gave my time, my body, and regardless how tired and how late it was, I would drive to his house at any cost. At times I would ask him how he felt about us. He always had the same answer. He would remind me he does not want to commit because he is still excepting his wife is gone and told me to keep my options open. Therefore, he never introduce me to anyone in his life, not even his friends, and his family didn’t even know he was dating. But I was determined that if I was patient enough he will see I’m a prize and he will commit. I was also miserable. I cried a lot, I was always anxious, I became needy, insecure, and worst, I didn’t even recognize myself.

Finally I discovered ANM. There were plenty of advise I couldn’t ignore and I related to many life stories Subrina experienced. Your website opened my eyes. After 4months of dating I came to realize “his not that into me”. I decided to end it. Surprisingly, I’m doing better then I thought. It’s only been two days, but I continue to read ANM and it helps me to recognize my self worth. And at the end of the day, “his just another guy”. Wish me strength and luck:-)

Thank you Subrina and Eric.


Reply July 2, 2014, 1:59 am


Where does sex tie into all this? I feel like he stops putting in effort after this….

Reply June 30, 2014, 1:02 pm

Eric Charles

I mean essentially, when it comes to sex, guys want a woman who is genuinely in the moment with them and thoroughly enjoying herself.

Thing is, most guys are terrible in bed and therefore some more intervention might be needed to improve the situation from his side… but that’s a totally different topic beyond the scope of this article. Good question though…

Reply June 30, 2014, 2:54 pm


What I take away from this is, it doesn’t matter when you become sexually involved. All that matters is if there is an unforced connection on both sides. Making him wait or work for it doesn’t make the least bit of difference?

Reply June 30, 2014, 3:21 pm

Eric Charles

Yup – you nailed it. It’s all about compatibility and quality of connection.

Some of the happiest couples I know (I’m talking *profoundly* happy) slept together on the first date. The whole idea of “holding out” is fundamentally flawed, inaccurate and destructive… fortunately, you get what I was doing my best to get across…

Reply June 30, 2014, 4:15 pm


Light bulb* Oh geez I been going about things the completely wrong way….Thank You Eric you are great!

June 30, 2014, 5:20 pm

Eric Charles

Haha yeah, you’re welcome — sometimes I feel like I am one big mop for the messes all the other so-called “experts” make for people. It really is amazing what some people put out there and claim is “good advice” for relationships…

June 30, 2014, 5:24 pm


Oh my Lord, is it okay for you to say this stuff publicly without being considered a man traitor? LOL. Thank you SO SO much! I will use these 3 principles you’ve laid out responsibly. This really explains so much, and I am very humbled by what I’ve learned.

Reply June 29, 2014, 11:41 pm

Eric Charles

Honestly, guys want women to know this stuff. Guys just want to feel good in their relationship and the more you understand about men, the more easily that happens (and the more easily they can make sure they’re keeping you happy too). It’s a win-win.

Reply June 30, 2014, 2:52 pm


Hey Eric,

I have a question, so I have a boyfriend and he is very open with his feelings. He has been through a lot through out his life that has caused him to be very distant and emotionless. The problem is I am the complete opposite. How do I handle this type of difference?

Reply June 25, 2014, 4:24 pm


Hi Eric..
I want to thank you so much for all your articles and advises…Infact I’m happily in a relationship with the Love of my life… I will continue to hid and apply all d relationship steps u have mapped out…. much love!!

Reply June 23, 2014, 6:47 pm

Sexy lady

i have been married for a year. All my husband wants to do is play online games. He doesnt show interest in sex, he rather masturbate. We recently had a baby but i havent gotten a mark or have i gained weight. what could be the issue why he is not interested in sex?

Reply June 18, 2014, 5:55 pm


Your article was very informative I will try your advice wish me well I like this guy.

Reply June 14, 2014, 9:22 pm


Nice article! I ‘ve been learning a lot from your articles on understanding guys m0re especially in love thing!! i ‘ ll be keeping all of this tips in mind for my future sweetheart!????

Reply June 13, 2014, 9:17 pm


Nice article! I ‘ve been learning a lot from your articles on understanding guys m0re especially in love thing!! i ‘ ll be keeping all of this tips in mind for my future sweetheart!????

Reply June 13, 2014, 9:14 pm


From my score it said he’s very interested in me but in a conversation I had with him long story short, he said he was going to the market to buy somethings what do I want, I said grits, bacon, pork chops,, he said a man has to take care of his house that he’s not going to spoil