I read your “Does He Like Me” post (very helpful!), but my question is: Can you help me decode signs a guy doesn’t like me?
There’s this guy I really like from work. We’ve talked a few times – he’s really cute. To be honest, I have a total crush on him!
Problem is, he’s been more stand-offish lately and I’m afraid I blew it, but maybe I’m just being paranoid. Can you let me know common ways to tell if a guy isn’t interested?
I haven’t had a crush in a while. Count yourself lucky – it’s nice to have crushes.
Stand-offish isn’t exactly a promising sign, but who knows? Let’s go through the checklist of ten ways to tell a guy is not into you:
1. He’s not around you.
This is the biggest sign of whether or not a guy is into you. If he’s not into you, he won’t be “around.”
It’s funny – guys will act 100 different ways around the girl they like… they’ll even completely ignore her! Or tease her. Or be annoying.
But if they’re into her, it’s not a matter of how they’re acting. It’s the fact that one way or another, they always just seem to be acting that way around her.
He’ll find reasons to be close to you. He’ll always just seem to end up in the same parts of the room as you.
You may not have noticed it before, but once you start paying attention you’ll completely notice it. And if you don’t see that tending to happen with this guy, it’s a sign he does not like you.
2. He talks to you about being interested in other girls comfortably.
So maybe you and him talk on a regular basis. If he talks to you about other girls, or a relationship with a girl, casually and comfortably, that’s a likely sign he’s not into you (in a romantic sense, at least).
Now, a guy might talk about how another girl is hot randomly, and sometimes that can be innocent. However, if you notice that he not only talks about other girls, but talks about liking a girl on more than just a physical level, or wanting to date her, then that’s a very clear sign he’s not interested in you.
3. He has no interest in talking to you.
This is plain enough. If he doesn’t have an interest in talking to you, it’s pretty much a given that he’s not interested.
But don’t assume he’s not interested based on something like him not texting you back immediately. Guys and their texting habits can be tricky, and you can’t use that to assess his level of interest.
If he has ample opportunity to talk to you and never acts on it, that’s a sign he’s not interested. On that same note, if you talk to him and he always finds a way to stop talking to you, or always lets the conversation fizzle out and die, then it’s very likely a sign he doesn’t like you in a romantic sense.
4. His body language/general behavior.
Negative body language cues include: avoiding eye contact, positioning his body away from you, not engaging in the conversation (non-verbal signs of this are him not smiling while talking to you, or not nodding and showing active interest in what you’re saying), maintaining distance from you, looking around the room while talking to you… It’s usually pretty obvious when someone isn’t focused on you.
If he does any of these things, he most likely isn’t interested. There’s enough dating advice / flirting tips stuff out there that beats those points into the ground, so I’m not going to spend time talking about body language.
5. He’s always busy. No rain check. He sets up dates last minute, he keeps rescheduling, he flakes constantly on you – if any of this sounds familiar, he’s not that into you (as they say). Missing a date or two is one thing, but if this is a regular occurrence then it becomes telling. A guy will make the time for a girl he’s interested in. Period.
6. There’s no difference between how he talks to you vs. other friends. Casual tone of voice. When a guy is interested in a girl, there’s always a slight difference in the way he interacts with her. It may be subtle, but you’ll notice it. He’ll have some special way of talking to her, or extend some special kind of attention to her that he doesn’t generally extend.
The best thing you can do to tell if a guy likes you is pay close attention to how he interacts with others in general. Which brings me to my next point…
7. He flirts with you… but he flirts with everyone else, too. This is where I see a lot of girls get confused. They get all wound up because some guy totally swept them off their feet. He got her number, they had a charming conversation, she texts him and…
Nothing! Where did he go?
The problem is this particular guy flirts with every girl. That’s just his way of being.
In fact, I used to have a habit of calling girls pet names like sweetheart, “hun,” and stuff like that. I thought it was affectionate and nice, but I meant it in a platonic way.
I didn’t realize it, but I ended up leading girls on and they took it to mean I was into them and started crushing back on me. I honestly wasn’t talking to them this way to be flirtatious, but it came off that way.
I learned my lesson, and the lesson I want to impart here is that you have to pay attention to how the guy interacts with others in general, not just with you.
8. He’s a friendly, outgoing guy in general. Similar to above. Pay attention to how he interacts with others.
9. He doesn’t talk about feelings, doesn’t say “I love you,” or says he’s “not sure what he feels” (a.k.a. I know what I feel and you would not respond well if I told you).
This is more in the realm of relationship problem advice, but I figure it’s worth mentioning here.
If you’re dating, or “seeing,” a guy and it’s been going on for several months, the common warning sign that he’s not really invested is if he doesn’t share his true feelings with you.
This isn’t exactly a