Ask a Guy: Friends With Benefits Rules post image

Ask a Guy: Friends With Benefits Rules


I’d like to know your rules for having a friends with benefits arrangement.  I’m not looking to be in a relationship right now, but I’m only human and I have needs.  I want something that’s dependable enough that I can take care of my needs without having to jump from guy to guy or pick some guy up at a bar or club.  Yes, I understand that this isn’t what women say they typically want, but I just got out of a long, difficult relationship and I don’t want to dive right back into commitment again.  

Can you tell me the best friends with benefits rules so I can make this happen without drama or complication?

Yes, I’d be happy to share the best friends with benefits rules so you can hook up without things being complicated.  It’s certainly possible, but it requires that you look at things honestly and set clear boundaries for yourself.  It also requires that you know yourself – some women can have a friends with benefits arrangement with a guy and have absolutely no problem with it… other women absolutely can’t.  It’s a mixture of biology, personality, and psychology that will determine if you’re someone who can do it or not…

One note before we get rolling. I am not encouraging or advocating having a friends with benefits arrangement in your life or as a lifestyle. At the same time, I’m not discouraging it. I’m simply answering your question and speaking to what friends with benefits rules will lead to the most successful results – those results being to get what you want without hurting anyone (including yourself) in the process. I want you to get what you want for the greatest good of everyone involved.  Fair?

OK… let’s begin with…

Friends With Benefits Rules

(aka: how to have a friends with benefits arrangement without drama, difficulty, or disaster)

    • Rule #1: A clean break must be possible (and know that it will end eventually).

      Friends with Benefits Rules by Eric Charles

This means no neighbors, no co-workers, no ex-boyfriends, no guys that are currently your friend and no people within your social circle. Really, the term “friends with benefits” is misleading because having a FWB arrangement is not sleeping with a guy who’s your friend.  It’s an arrangement that you define from the get-go as a purely sexual arrangement… and when it ends, it needs to be clean without loose ends (for you or for him).

Now, I understand that some of you might be reading this article specifically because you are sleeping with a friend and you want it to become something more. You’ll still benefit from reading this article, but read this article as well:

MORE: How to Turn a Friend With Benefits Into Something More

    • Rule #2: Make sure you’re already happy and OK in your life.

In our modern society, it is common for people to want to add something to their life to fill some sort of emotional void. This is a recipe for disaster in a friends with benefits type of relationship since it’s easy to slide from wanting to fill a void into making a friends with benefits arrangement into something more.  FWB arrangements are super clean and simple: a relationship purely for sexual enjoyment and exploration. Nothing more (we’ll talk about this soon).

If you’re not currently happy, fulfilled. and whole, then your focus needs to be on living your life where you’re 100% in touch with your grounded, stable, ever-present sense of being OK before you bring any sort of relationship into the picture (whether it’s a friends with benefits arrangement or any other type of relationship dynamic).  FWB arrangements are best thought of as a bonus to be enjoyed in your life, but not something you need to hold on to or possess… when you have it, you enjoy it… when it ends, you allow it to end gracefully.  You’re not looking for (and you won’t have) a “happy ending”… but you can have a satisfying and graceful ending.

Take The Quiz: Are You Accidentally Sabotaging Your Love Life?

    • Rule #3: Both he and you are allowed to do whatever you want outside of the time you’re together.

Expect that he will do whatever he wants to do.  Expect that he will see other people.  And because this is the expectation, you must practice safe sex and educate yourself on what it means to have safe sex.  It is essential that you understand the risks involved with sex and protect yourself accordingly.  Also, because the expectation is that he will probably be seeing other people, you need to be able to be 100% OK with this or don’t attempt to have a FWB arrangement in the first place.  This brings us to the next rule…

    • Rule #4: Keep it simple and keep your options wide open.

Being that you can expect he’ll be seeing other people (or at least, that he’s open to it at any given point), it’s important that you keep your options wide open too. I’m not saying that you’re sleeping with multiple people, but it’s important that you keep your options open and keep yourself in the dating market.  This protects you from slipping into thinking of the FWB arrangement as something more than it actually is, which is pure, simple, uncomplicated sexual exploration and enjoyment with a guy on an ongoing (but time-limited) basis.

    • Rule #5: Don’t treat him (or even think of him) like a friend or boyfriend.

The most important rule of having a friends with benefits arrangement is that you limit what this relationship is in your life.  This rule is what makes the difference between a fun, light, satisfying FWB situation… and a messy, disastrous, regretful relationship situation. If you feel you need to connect with someone as a friend… call up one of your friends. If you feel like you want a boyfriend, then start a relationship with a guy from the foundation of creating that kind of relationship. As a rule, though, never put your FWB into a role that is outside the arrangement (which is pure sexual enjoyment and exploration).  This doesn’t mean that you’re cold, distant or treat them like an object.  It simply means that you limit how  you relate to them… keep it fun, light and flirtatious.  This brings us to the next rule…

    • Rule #6: There’s no drama or problems in a FWB arrangement.

If you follow rule #5, you will most likely avoid this entirely.  FWB relationships are fun, easy, and flirtatious. You’re not bringing your problems into it and neither is he.  There’s no drama or heaviness in the arrangement.  Similarly, you are not arguing with each other or putting expectations on one another.  If you notice strong negative feelings coming up in yourself, it’s time to end it.  If you notice strong negative reactions coming up in him… or that there’s problem between the two of you… it’s time to end it.  With all this in mind, this is why the next rule is super important…

    • Rule #7: Choose a guy that is emotionally stable.

Even if you are great at following the first six rules, everything will come apart if you choose a guy who isn’t emotionally stable. This means he’s a guy that isn’t emotionally volatile (as in, he doesn’t explode into anger, he doesn’t pressure you with demands, he doesn’t get jealous, he’s not a trouble-magnet in his own life, he’s not vindicative) and he’s got his life in order (he’s not depressed, his own life isn’t filled with drama or problems and he makes level-headed decisions).  This relates to all the previous rules… people with problems always find a way to suck other people into them… and they succeed if the other person isn’t in a stable place herself.

    • Rule #8: Be (and maintain being) as sexy as possible.

Just because you’re not a couple doesn’t mean that you can slack off on being your sexiest self.  This means you’re going to maintain great fitness habits and great grooming habits.  The relationship might be casual, but being your sexiest self is important to maintain the mutual excitement of a FWB arrangement.  It also keeps you on the radar as an attractive option on the dating market.

Take The Quiz: “How Sexy Are You?” Quiz

    • Rule #9: Make sure you both “get off”…

Being that the FWB relationship is purely based on having a satisfying sexual experience, it’s important for you to make your pleasure a priority.  The idea is that you are both satisfied… he “gets off” and so do you.

    • Rule #10: It is for sexual pleasure and exploration only.

The great thing about having a FWB arrangement is that it’s outside your social circle and any heavy drama or expectations… this means you can really let loose and explore your sexual desires and fantasies without worrying that it could screw up a relationship.  So go all in… allow yourself to do what feels good, feels exciting and feels sexy to you…

As I said at the beginning of the article, I’m not encourage or discouraging anyone from having a friends with benefits type of arrangement. That’s your decision.

I will say that there’s nothing wrong with having one, though.  Sadly, it’s typical for people in society to shame others for pursuing anything that falls outside of the most rigid, puritanical, formal type of relationship… and as a result, many men and women feel pressure to learn and explore their own sexuality.  They’re held back in fear of being shamed or shunned by their peer group or society as a whole.

I don’t see society as a whole changing any time soon, so my opinion is that it’s best to keep this sort of arrangement to yourself and not talk to your peer group about it (unless you feel you have someone you feel you can really trust, who won’t judge you, shame you, moralize you or gossip about you after you share the details… which is a rare person, but they exist).  This relates back to rule #1 – when it ends, you want things to be clean… you don’t want to have to explain to other people that it ended or your reasons why.

Now, there are lots of times where someone will bring up the hormones released during sex and argue that sex, for a woman, is guaranteed to lead to feelings of attachment.  When they argue this, they tend to dig their heels into the ground, citing studies on oxytocin as a scientifically undisputed guarantee that all women become attached after sex.

I agree that … (continued – Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: Friends With Benefits Rules)

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Donna

My DO CALLED FWB gets pissed off when he thinks I’m stepping over the line BUT when he asks whats going on and I say I have a date he txts me next day asking if I had sex how date went and it’s confysing because throughout our FWB he asks if I met anyone and if I did he asks questions about it, I met someone now but haven’t told him yet its early but how do I approach it when I decide too?

Reply November 14, 2016, 9:25 am

Jem

Hi there, I have had a few FEB arrangements and they are all different. Some have been guys that the sexual thing is quite strong with to begin with but we soon realised it wouldnt work as a relationship, so just became friends. Others I’ve been friends with and we had sex every so often when we were drunk! Others was just a sex thing BUT we always used to hang out. Not a lot of texting or calls in between time but we would have a night out or meet for coffee or sometimes a whole weekend and make food and listen to music and lots of great sex! It would feel very cold to me to just have sex then go :/ . All these terms can be quite confusing for what I guess would have been called ‘LOVER’ before. Which could be any kind of relationship that had no strings attached or commitment. There are no rules it’s individual for everyone. Anyway my question is I met a new guy, 14 years younger than me. We met on a night out ended up having great sex and he came over again the next day. He has messaged me a few times since but it’s only friendly messages, no flirting really or anything sexy. Should I step up the flirting? Because honestly usually It would be quite a 2 way thing in the beginning and quite hot and lusty. It just feels like nothing and I’m wondering what’s going on?

Reply October 3, 2016, 4:19 am

Sarah

In a Kind of in a confusing Fwb situation it started off just fantastic sex, 8 months later not enough for me, but he can’t commit more. But when we are together seems so much more, we spend the night together cooks meals for me sometimes just cuddle no sex involved , just fall asleep cuddling holding hands. when we go out together for food or go to shops we hold hands. Don’t know what we are anymore?

Reply August 28, 2016, 9:38 am

Donna

I hear ya talk one way act another

Reply November 14, 2016, 9:56 am

CSJ

Eric, great article!! I agree 100% with everything you’ve said. I have had 4 FWB in my life. I’m 44 and single again and just entered my 4th FWB “relationship”. We met online, we share no friends, and we both know that it’s just sex, really great amazing sex. I’ll be sad when it ends, I always am, but not because I’m emotionally attached, but because it’s hard to find the right person. I actually saw him in the grocery store last night and we made eye contact, smirked, and kept walking.

I want to caution everyone reading this that Eric is correct about knowing boundaries and not expecting it to turn into a relationship. Ever. As soon as you do, end it immediately. I had 1 bad experience with a man who fell in love and it was soul crushing to break his heart.

Yes, there is a stigma around this but two consenting adults who can make it work around busy schedules, it is really fabulous. Honesty is the best policy!!

As a woman, it is very empowering to own your sexuality and not be timid or shy about what you want. Thanks again for a great article!!

Reply July 28, 2016, 3:38 pm

Micaela

I couldn’t figure out how to ask you guys this anywhere else on this page!. Hey so I’ve kinda had a fwb going but not quite that general just circumstances called for it on my behalf but we get along amazingly and feel very comfortable around him but I don’t want to settle. Yesterday we were mid/kinda making plans to hang out a he will be going away and yes sex was planned to be involved. Anyways I was going to get back to him and I did a bit later on s snapchat (that’s how we were communicating at that moment. message was opened. I texted later saying “so same plan as last time?” Where he didn’t reply till later saying that he Didn’t realise I had texted him and had just had some weed brownie and will be a bit wasted and feel stink. ( he doesn’t often do weed these just one offs).

(A back story) I have had a long relationship in the past with a guy who was addicted to weed and I was never a priority And weed was always chosen first. )

Anyways I pondered one wether to say anything to this guy in getting close with And ended up deciding to say something otherwise I would have been annoyed if I wasn’t honest and didn’t want to just stop talking to him for no reason or seem to play games so I messaged him this “Ohkay I’ll be honest with you as I always am and always will be ☺️ But yeah I don’t know what we are but I know I look forward to seeing you and hanging and being crazy with ya and everything this has been ☺️ but yeah the weed thing was just a sensitive thing for me. I don’t have an issue with people doing weed just as long as they don’t really choose it over me or it doesn’t take over their lives wich I know you don’t really and plus ya could’ve waited for me to be round and taken my weed brownie virginity!!” I don’t regret saying it as I’m trying to be careful and wise about what I deserve but I never intended to guilt trip him or anything. I have had no response

Reply July 14, 2016, 2:00 pm

Micaela

Oh and a tongue face at the end of the message haha accidentally deleted that out.. The also messaged him earlier saying .. I’m sorry, it was never my intention to make you feel stink or to ruin your buzz I know it was just kinda how the night worked out aye and I’m sure and hope u had a good one I just know I would have been annoyed with myself if I wasn’t honest. Hope you Have a really good trip away!

Reply July 14, 2016, 2:04 pm

Cher

Great article. I am new to this site and I am already liking how you approach things from a neutral but informative perspective. Thank you.

Reply June 20, 2016, 4:14 am

Raskal

Im new to this tried it with a friend i new for over 4 years now the friends with benifits started a month ago its good yes but. First of all with cretain boundries yes occasional trinkets no problem  beacause there is occasionally petty cash to keep her afloat problem but she currently gets angry beacause I dont let her use my credit card noor shop for her cuz she needs clothes  she dont eaven go out with me. I think buying her something nice to know I appreciate her is enough really and truly im crazy about her and by her that eaven seein ive baught somthing new sneakers or clothes wise she acts funny i think its crippling whats going on.To me If its that way we’re pushing it beacause thats relation ship stuff shopping shit.I would like it to materalise yes but its up to her dont wamma cross d line but in my eyes i think thats too much for friends with benifits  I wuld appreciate u guys advice 

Reply June 1, 2016, 9:07 pm

Cher

Doesnt sound to me like you just want her as friends with benefits, sounds like you’d like something more, doesn’t sound like you have clear boundaries either. Decide what you want.

Reply June 20, 2016, 4:12 am

Just another girl

Just one thought that came to me when I read this … “the hormone oxytocin is released for women during orgasm. I do not agree that it creates a guaranteed attachment… I have yet to see a woman marry her vibrator and I understand those things are pretty good at dealing out the orgasms…”

I’m a woman who can usually get a good orgasm from a vibrator. It can be very intense at times and occasionally a better orgasm than from the real thing. BUT afterwards there is always a feeling of not being fully satisfied. Yes, there is a physical release, but it is what I call an “empty orgasm”. I believe this is because the emotional side of having sex with another person is far more fulfilling than sex with an object. There is evidence that the hormone prolactin is released in far greater quantities after sex with a partner than after masturbation.

Reply May 8, 2016, 6:43 pm

Lb

Fantastic response, I too was a bit perplexed by that section of the piece and the idea the attachment is purely due to chemical factors. There are times where a woman may like a guy and sleep with him a few times, have good sex but soon it just fizzles out. Same chemical release, NO attachment.
Then there are times that sleeping with a new beau for the first time has you absolutely enamoured, you just cant get enough of this person. It is more than chemicals- it’s the emotional connection, his smell,the way touches you, looks at you etc – something amazing just happens.

Also know exactly what you mean by ’empty orgasm’- thought I was the only one who felt this. For me masturbation is more about stress relief than any kind of real sexual fulfilment.

Reply June 18, 2016, 6:38 am

Eric Charles

I appreciate your responses here… and look, I’m a guy, so no matter what I research, I can’t speak to whatever your individual experience is as a woman.

All I can say is that I’ve spoken to tens of thousands of women over the decade of me doing this work, and I can tell you that there was a significant portion of them that could hook up with a guy without feeling any feeling of attachment. In fact, when I would probe them a bit and ask if they felt any feeling of attachment to the guy, they would say, “No… it was just a hookup, it’s not like I wanted to date the guy.”

Maybe it’s a temperament factor. Maybe it’s a mindset factor. Maybe it’s a biological factor.

I couldn’t tell you that… but so far, neither can anyone else (including science) why some women have no problem with no-strings attached hookups while other women don’t.

I don’t claim to know that answer… and no, I am not promoting no-strings attached hookups as a lifestyle – I’m just not discouraging it either. My only recommendation on what anyone wants to do is that they do it safely and with good information.

I felt it was a disservice to talk to women as if *all* sex for all women inevitably led to feelings of attachment when I have observed that not to be the case across a significant portion of women.

At the same time, *you* are the one who lives in your body 24/7. It makes sense for you to carefully observe how you personally respond to sex and if you choose to engage in a no-strings attached hookup, that you observe if you have any feelings of attachment. If you find that you do, then I would encourage you to decide what is the best lifestyle choice for you.

Lots of people want to talk about a woman’s romantic life and sex life like what they do is some kind of chic lifestyle choice… like doing Pilates for exercise or getting a mani/pedi.

Your body, your sex life and your love life are highly personal and unique to fit *you*… even if everyone in the world was having random hookups, it doesn’t mean its right for *you*… and, also, even if everyone in the world was waiting until marriage for sex, it also doesn’t mean it’s right for *you*.

Look inside and listen to your body, your mood, your emotional responses. I’m trying to be inclusive with this post by not alienating or shaming anyone’s lifestyle choices and desires… decide what is right for you and live accordingly.

Reply June 18, 2016, 12:32 pm

laura

ive been in one, for TEN years! thru relationships with others, each if us having KIDS, me 5 yrs ago, him 6, and we were really relllyyyy close as friends till about 7 yrs ago, I moved a lil urthr away, we obv both had new relationships, we never cheated on our Sig others but as soon as they were over we have started right back up. sex is AMAZING. idk why we always go backto eachother but we do! what does this mean> I KNOW for a fact, not in denial, that he cares for me. the only time I get emotionally involved is the period after drunk sex(obv drunk texting happens!) and I start rambling but he never really answers I assume bc he knows its drunk rambling, but the next day I always wake up in lala land thinking of him for a week, thinking should I end it or ask for a “talk”, but idl what to do. at this point WHY nOT just be in a relationship, we were pretty much best friends platonically before the FWB started, so we have a good foundation and closeness, but I still cant decide. I want more from a relationship and would def take it with him but were both single idk whats right to say b I don’t want to lose the amazing sex. hes answered a cpl times like asking why am I getting so into wanting a relationship but like I said WHY NOT and knowing he DOES care for me, including getting mad and jealous over my prev relationships, why doesn’t he take a step or whatever? I’m sooooooo confused. AND btw we have never SET any rules or anything

Reply April 27, 2016, 11:11 am

Jennifer

I have a question I use to do friends with benifits one time and I was just wondering if it’s only about sex??cause I had it with him at the time where he would help me out with things like money would spend money on me for food or other things like stuff for my kids and just help do things around my house but it would be all the time just ever so offend is that what some ppl with fwb do

Reply April 4, 2016, 9:34 pm

Sandra

My best friend with benefits is not only my ex’s roomate but my neighbor. We’ve been doing this for about five months. I’m kind of confused though, and I need help. Being FWB means sex only, right? Well our thing is hangout first than have sex. We do this once a week, but when we go out we hold hands, kiss, and hug like if we’re a couple. Is that okay? So every time I bring up my ex up he gets mad, but he says he doesn’t. Does that mean he is catching feelings for me? He told me in the beginning Kiss and don’t fall in love, ever since he told me that, that’s what I did. Help me, please?

Reply February 16, 2016, 12:46 am

Lidia

The relationship is no longer about sex . The first sign is showing affection in public , if its just sex it shouldn’t leave the bedroom. Secondly he shows emotional signs like getting jealous . Research shows the more you spend time with someone its inevitable to get attached . I believe he is developing feelings but you mentioning your ex sends him a signal that you are not intrested in him , which is probably why he denies it

Reply March 26, 2016, 3:50 am

Napendah

Rule #7 is where I went wrong. I would play by the rules 100% but the guy would start playing mind games, projecting his insecurities on me, asking for boyfriend privileges etc happened three times with different men. This fwb thing needs mentally and emotionally strong people if you’re neither just stick to being single or looking for a real relationship. Great article.

Reply January 25, 2016, 12:00 am

Napendah

*either

Reply January 25, 2016, 12:02 am

Guiness Citron

Really good article thank you! I have tried to have my 1st FWB and got myself all confused! I guess it is quite normal as it is a completely new experience for me. But I really like it! It is great fun and great sex too! I see how following the rules is in fact very important, obviously. So I am tidying up my feelings and putting my thoughts in order and definitely want to carry on 😉

Reply January 14, 2016, 8:51 am

Li

“Don’t treat him (or even think of him) like a friend”

Hold on, but then why is it called FRIENDS-With-Benefits? What this article seems to be describing is F*ck-Buddy rules. I would say that FWB starts off as friends and then turns into FWB, rather than meeting a stranger and calling it FWB.

Reply January 10, 2016, 4:02 pm

Eric Charles

Yup… that’s on purpose.

Reply January 11, 2016, 11:36 am

Joe

My friend with benefits situation has always included extra benefits for her. I take care of little things around her house and help her with whatever problems she has that I can. I don’t enjoy it much anymore, so I am hoping she finds someone who she is happy with, since it no longer seems to be me. Sounds and feels more like a disgruntled girlfriend most of the time now. It’s just that I wanted to make sure her life was okay, and that I really was a “benefit” to her life. I now think it was a bad idea to do this, but it’s just the kind of person I am. I always give my all in everything I do. I’ve been waiting for it to end for a while now because that’s where it seems to be going. Should I be patient and wait for it to end, or bring it up and end it. I am quite patient. 40 years in the desert is an understandable wait, but it seems a month without meeting isn’t.

Reply December 23, 2015, 8:07 am

Meghann

I think I may be falling harder then I should be for my friend with benefits. We have been together since the beginning of June it’s now mid November I don’t know what to do or say if I should even bring it up to him in conversation. Im trying to be the strong one and stick to the original deal that I made. The rules to be FWB that I wasn’t looking for anything more then that.. But things have changed since we set the rules. We changed, and are exclusive to one another for the past 5 months with the understanding if you do sleep with someone else use a condom and tell the other person. I personally have had no desire to be with anyone else.

I can’t complain because everything is going perfect with us. No arguments of any kind on my side or his, we just get along really well. Also I can’t pick out but maybe a hand full of flaws like snoring loud (broke rule number 1 he asks me to spend the night sometimes and I have) and getting embarrassed if I watch him eat, and the negative insecurities he has about himself when in my eye I can’t see them, to me he’s perfect the way he is. I couldn’t ask for more. But as far as a few quarks here and there who doesn’t have them, I know I do.

We both work in the Airline industry so he is also a co-worker. He and I had just spent an entire week together in Easter Island. I think a week is a long time to spend with someone that’s only supposed to be FWB. It really was a pleasurable trip and we are really looking foward to the next vacation together in Quebec in February.
This past trip we both really respected one another’s personal space more then enough. I don’t know if that’s because that’s how he is or just is on good behavior because he wants more out of a relationship. He feels just like a boyfriend just no title.

As far as l go I am just very laded back and chill person. I know he texts other women and has a lot of girls as friends. He texts me a good morning and a goodnight everyday, I let him be the one who starts the texting because I don’t want to come off as being needy and push him away, do you think that’s to shelfish of me? I don’t get jealous because I text other men as well, and do have quite a few guy friends myself. So how can I get upset with him if I do the same thing he does. He is on the understanding that I’m not looking for anyone else and it is harmless. But I’ve heard from other co-workers he gets a little jealous but he has never said anything to me about it. I’m perfectly happy with him and my eyes are only for him at this point in time. I often think about what it would be like to add an official title to the relationship we share but we are also co-workers. But the part that scares me the most is adding the relationship title is will it change things. For me nothing changes except the fact I get to refer to him as my boyfriend, it’s getting a little confusing because I really don’t know what to tell people when they ask me about him. We spend a lot of time together at work and do see one another outside of work on our days off at least twice a month, that’s not counting the few times a week we sleep together.

But that being said I am very much my own person and don’t try and change things I have no control over. I will always be glad to offer advice but it’s advice its your ultimately its your decision to follow it not mine. I’m not the type to get offend if you don’t take it. If you are my significant other and I will support you in any means possible. When in a relationship it’s not my goal to change you and the things you like to do, I would never want you to sacrifice who you are because that’s the part I love about you is your true ability to be yourself. I’m 100% faithful to him and probably will be for some time, he fulfills ever desire I ever have. Don’t get me wrong because I’ve had more then a few opportunities present themselves but deep down I couldn’t take it farther then kissing another guy. And first thing I think about when I kiss another guy is guilt because it’s not him and the other guys just don’t know how he kisses me and puts the biggest smile on my face after I get that kiss. He has something really special about him and I don’t know why I’m so drawn to him.

Any thought on how should approach this one or should I just continue the way it is? I’m not new to FWB I’ve had them before but this one is just really confusing

Reply November 15, 2015, 8:56 pm

Meghann

Just wanted to update if anyone cares. We did have the talk and decided we definitely don’t want it to end. If that means being in a monogamous relationship with one another that’s what we’ll commit to.
Im glad I followed my gut and asked him because he was just afraid to bring up the subject to me as I was to him. I’m very happy the way it ended up, still on edge though because it seems like your typical Hollywood love story. Hope it’s not to good to be true. Well wish me luck on my new endeavor I’m sure I’ll grow a lot as a person and learn some valuable life lessons. Remember the best things in life just happen. You can’t be looking for something that doesn’t exist. What does exist for you comes to you when the time is right in your life no sooner no later. Best of luck to all

Meghann Blaze

Reply December 5, 2015, 1:44 am

Moi

So makes sense, but here’s a question:

I recently (thought I) entered a FWB thing with a guy I have known for two years. We had a rocky start back then (him being taken and me not knowing), we hooked up a couple of times, then I broke it off when he came clean about his girlfriend. I moved on, had a serious relationship and a live-in boyfriend. He used to contact me on a regular basis during those years, reminiscing about how it was and what could have been between us had we been single. I just brushed him off and kept the conversation very dry and friendly.

I recently broke up with my ex, and since this guy was the best sex I ever had and was single for a couple of months too, I decided, why not have some fun. We hooked up the same day and many times since, have been sexting for two weeks non stop. Everything was peachy, great sex, no drama. Until last week.

Sexting stopped, instead he began texting me about normal stuff, asking me about my day, invited me over on Friday AND we spent the evening playing games on his xbox, I spent the night, without any sex. Next day, he texts me how beautiful it was and thanks. He messages me every day, but there is no more sex talk and I am wondering, did I somehow break my FWB?

We have been messaging back and forth since but again, not about sex, he asked me out for this week. He has always initiated contact at least 90% of the time, since I broke it off two years ago and I still rarely contact him first myself.

And I am confused. What changed?

Reply September 2, 2015, 6:28 am

meme

Sounds like you were the one that almost got away!! No man likes that feeling…so he has a deeper appreciation and respect by the sounds of it…for you and your new fwb relationship. Just my opinion though.

Reply November 8, 2015, 8:40 pm

Barb moore

An extremely good article and very accurate – i have been in a FWB arrangement for last 4 years – works perfectly for both of us – we have a laugj huge amount of fun and amazing sex eaxh time – no expextation of anything more on either side – bottom line is if you do it right – its fun fulfils needs and no washing

Reply July 15, 2015, 4:17 pm

OM

Thank you so much for this article. This is so refreshing to read and I agree with the ground rules. One has to be mentally and emotionally stable and having a chat with ‘yourself’ is crucial. I will definitely apply these points.

Reply July 15, 2015, 8:27 am

K

This has become so confusing….
Boyfriend separated from his wife almost one year ago….been seeing eachother exclusively for 8 months and other than issues about his son and two step kids the relationship has been great.

Two weeks ago he begin to get possessive and started complaining that I dont answer his calls, texts or return his calls fast enough….now he has gone for a week and has not sent any calls or texts….

Very confusing situation! Want the relationship but feel like he is playing games with me.

Any advice is welcome….

Reply July 14, 2015, 7:53 pm

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