Ask a Guy: When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back… post image

Ask a Guy: When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back…


Ok, I am confused…I thought guys were totally into the text versus actually talking on the phone. But there is one guy who I am interested in who seems to not fit that mold. Help! He takes hours to answer a text message when we all KNOW that our phones are glued to our face. I don’t understand…we will be texting back and forth for a few, then nothing…air silence! I told him it bothers me but he keeps doing it!

What is the deal? I am so OVER the 4 hour response time…especially when we don’t talk over any other media.

Read our guy’s response after the jump.

I would say that we guys prefer text because it makes it easier to avoid talking to someone when we don’t feel like it. Speaking for myself, there have been times when I’ve bailed on responding to a text simply because I’m busy with something else.

I think all guys would generally agree: we tend to be single-minded in what we’re doing and focus on meeting one objective at a time. Anything outside of our focus at that moment is a distraction that we don’t want to “deal with”.

The times in my life that I would go MIA on a text message would be:

1) If I wasn’t that into her.
2) If I was really busy with work.
3) If the girl was being needy.
4) If I honestly did not have my phone near me.
5) If I’m with another girl (note: If I’m in a relationship it’s monogamous, I never cheat, but if not dating around is fair game.)

If you want to know why specifically he’s not texting you back (and what to do about it), click here to take our “Why Doesn’t He Text Back?” Quiz.

In your situation, it sounds like this guy will try to make plans and then when it gets complicated, or it seems like it isn’t gonna happen, he directs his attention elsewhere and doesn’t feel the need to text further (again it comes down to the concept of men needing to fulfill an objective or a goal).

Now you mentioned that you’ve expressed your frustration over his behavior and he hasn’t changed. The reason for that is simple – when you call a guy out on something (‘why didn’t you call?’ ‘where were you?’ ‘why’d you take so long to text back?’) you might think you’re drawing a line in the sand, but he sees it as something else entirely: NEEDINESS.

I think I speak for all guys when I say avoid acting needy at all costs. Neediness has repelled me away from more girls than I care to disclose.

MORE: A Guy’s Take On Neediness

Rather than calling him out when he doesn’t respond, I would say make other plans. DON’T wait on him because people tend to see how much they can get away with. If you’re always available to the guy, he’ll treat you like a doormat. If you are selectively available and only act as accommodating as he is to you, you will get the respect and “good behavior” you’re looking for. This isn’t just a guy thing… it’s a human thing – we value only what we have to work for.

I would encourage you to look for opportunities for the guy to make an effort towards you. The more of an effort he puts into seeing you or doing things for you, the more invested in you he’ll become. This is why being accommodating to bad behavior is actually harmful to creating a bond with the guy in the beginning.

Any girl I’ve ever really cared for (and showed priority towards) was a challenge to me. She wasn’t transparent – some things were left a mystery. And she didn’t put up with behavior that didn’t work for her – namely, if I left her hanging, I could be sure she’d make other plans.

MORE: How to Make Men Chase You Without Playing Games (And Why It’s So Important)

Showing the guy that you’re not going to wait around for him if he disappears demonstrates a lot of good things about you: you have your own life, you have options and your world doesn’t revolve around him. A guy wants a girl like this because he knows that you can take care of yourself and you won’t drag him down with neediness. Plus, again, challenge is everything.

If he doesn’t change and you continue to feel frustrated by his behavior then ... (continued - Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back…)

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Reply October 17, 2014, 8:43 pm

Haritha

What if he takes very casual if we dont respond and we want him more?

Reply October 14, 2014, 9:48 am

Gabrielle

I’m confused as to why this guy will say sweet things to me;will say he wants to see me etc ; everything will seem fine then he will go hours without answering then will ignore me for days without explanation. I’ve tried to cut him out of my life once and for all but he always seems to say the right things to make me let him back in. He’s told me he’s bad with his phone but I don’t believe that since he always seems to have it near when I’m with him. We’ve been off and on for several months and his lack of communication and effort is the biggest problem. I know I’ve come across as needy in the past and I’ve apologized for it. I just don’t know what to do since i don’t think he’ll change since it’s been like that since the beginning but now it’s way way worse. I just don’t feel like I can justify sleeping with someone who can’t even take the time to respond to me.

Reply October 12, 2014, 10:30 pm

Beautiful River

Gabrielle,
I am in the same situation. It is so frustrating. The hard part is that I like him and he is sooo cute. He is also very sweet. The lack of communication is horrible. I feel i am always the one to text first, to suggest an event, etc. What my friends have told me and now I am going to tell you is ………. We need to realize our worth. We are worth more than to be chasing someone who is only giving us a crumb here and there. If we play “hard to get” , they should start seeking us out more. It is just so very hard to do this. I am so ready for a relationship. Maybe we are just in different places? Please let me know how it goes.

Reply October 28, 2014, 11:49 am

Stephanie

Hi there.. I could really use another guy’s take on this..I’m pretty sure i messed up big time with this guy, by getting needy and realizing my mistake too late..

My case is somewhat complicated.. I was dating this guy for 6-7 weeks, it was pretty intense, though we hadn’t put a bf/gf label on our relationship, we had agreed not to see other people. In the beginning of our “relationship” he hadn’t started back up on his studies yet (he still had about a 4 weeks summervacation left). We were together 2-3 times a week, and when we weren’t together we texted a lot..
Though we weren’t together for long, and I really don’t know if we would work longterm, we really did have a strong, intense 6 weeks, with lots a passion and sexual attraction. He several times told me, that he was really into me, and that he had never had this much in common with another girl before, and that I turned him on like crazy..
Things went wrong, after he started back in school, and got busy.. He stated taking longer to reply to my texts and didn’t pick up when I called.. Unfortunately instead of keeping my cool, I panicked sending multiple texts to get him to answer – upto 3-4 text with a few hours between them, some he would answer, others got no reply. It got to the point where I demanded to know where we stood (if he had lost interest in me).. He kinda avoided answering me, but apologized saying he had just been really busy with school and work..
After that I sent a long heartfelt text, saying that i was sorry if it was going to end this way, cause I had really gotten feelings for him, that I was infact in love with him.. He didn’t reply..
About a week after that text, i realized that I had made a major mistake, by sending all those texts, making me come off needy and desperate.. So I made another two mistakes; first I sent him a long text apologizing, saying that I had realized I had messed up, pleading him to accept my apology.. Second I had to go to the store where he works, and of course he was there.. I didn’t approach him, but I ended up wandering around the store, for a bit too long hoping to make contact, so that I could just say “hi” – I stopped myself but i’m afraid he did see me, making a complete fool of myself, looking like a crazy stalker, even though I had a legit reason for coming to the store – yikes!! :(

It’s been 3 weeks since he last replied to my texts.. So in terms there was no real “breakup” he never said he didn’t want to see me again, he just stopped answering me, after that last text he sent..
It’s now 11 days since I sent my apology, and a week since I made a fool of myself at the store (where I have to go back next week by the way :/ don’t know whether to hope or fear that he is there again).

I still miss him, so much! I can still smell him and feel his arms around me, when he hugged me goodbye the last time I saw him.. If I could only turn back time and unsend those texts, I would have done it already…

What am I to do? Is there any way I can redeem myself, now that I realized that I came off needy??
Is there still a chance, even though we weren’t together for that long, and eventhough I’ve messed up so badly?? Or is all hope lost??

Reply October 12, 2014, 6:14 pm

bianca

I’m going through the same thing right now.

Reply October 22, 2014, 12:37 am

suzanne

If a girl texts a guy saying to ‘leave her alone’ after arguing about relationship where he says he ‘wants’ to be with her but she doesn’t believe him, will he think her comment to leave her alone mean it’s over or will he think she needs space?

Reply October 12, 2014, 12:18 pm

Noel

What I don’t understand is why, when the guy finally decides to come back around, are we expected to welcome him with open arms and give him all the same love and attention, knowing he was with another girl, lost interest, etc? As if nothing ever happened.

Reply October 12, 2014, 10:45 am

agratefulreader

Hi Eric and Sabrina, this is an exceptionally useful article on the possible reasons why a guy doesn’t text back. However, i still have a heart burning question as to why some guys do reply, but they do it with photos? Does this signal that he wants to end the conversation or something? Hope you can share with insights on that. Thanks!

Reply October 10, 2014, 1:59 am

Gen

I didn’t realise wanting to finnish a conversation was being needy.
I’ve always thought not saying “ttyl8r” (etc) before you leave was rude.

nothing makes me loose interest faster then when a guy just drops his phone without even signalling that he’s going to go. Just a “soz, busy” or the like will be fine, stuff happens, phone conversations aren’t the most important thing in the world.

However, silence just shows how little you care for the people you talk to.

Reply October 5, 2014, 12:53 am

Cindy

So, if I have to play games and “hard to get” to make a guy interested, is he really worth my time? I’ve dated around and I’m over the mind games. I feel like when I find someone I’m really a match with, there shouldn’t be so much mind games. There should just be honesty about how we feel. Shouldn’t it??? Then again, things never seem to move forward with me :( do the mind games ever end???

Reply September 26, 2014, 3:17 am

Samantha Braiterman

Chris,
I read your article and I am in No Contact right now. Friday will be three weeks. Surprisingly, it hasn’t been that hard even though we work three doors down from each other. I avoid walking past his job and if I have to pass by to go to the bank, I try to obscure myself so I’m not seen. Truly, I love him and miss him. So, he’s tried to walk after me to get me to turn around, but I ignore him because I feel that if he was truly making an attempt to talk to me, he would make it evident. He tries to bump into me, but now I try to avoid leaving my shop when I know he’s working.
The reason that no contact has been easy is because to me this will show me what he really feels. I left things friendly. When he said that he needed time and space, I told him that I respected that and I told him that he will always have a friend in me. I do feel this way, still I’ve been very sad. Despite my pain, I’ve done nothing to be spiteful and in front of people, I’m my happy normal self. I’m going out with friends as usual and I’m generally acting as normal. My broken heart is just one aspect of my busy life right now.
I moved into a new place and gave him a key. He’s had it all of this time, but if he doesn’t want me, why hasn’t he returned it? There is plenty of opportunity to give it back without seeing me. Also, how do I react when he contacts me? In some ways, I’m upset with him because he’s left me hanging. I know it’s to get me to come to him, but I know if I do, I’ll never know what’s really in his heart. Part of me wants to throw my arms around him and hold him but the other part wants to punch him in the neck.
We had a great relationship. We were friends for almost a year before anything happened. I made sure that he respected me before anything happened because he’s the first man I’ve ever felt this way about. I felt like I wanted to know him. I’d like to think that he misses me too because I was good to him. There wasn’t drama until he started overthinking things. I took it all on the chin and let him go when he asked me to. As I said before, I told him that I would always care and left it at that.
So, why hasn’t my house key been returned and how should I react when I do see him?

Reply September 25, 2014, 12:47 am

Courtney Lee

So there’s this guy that I have been txt,talking to for about three weeks. We have never met yet. He txts me and will ask me questions and seems to be interested but never concludes a convo. He will just txt disappear on me and then call a day or two later like nothing ever happen. Told him that it bothers me and he said sorry. Got a little better for a day or so and then he disappeared on me for the sec. weekend in a row. Was very hurt by him doing this so I did get a lil txt weirdo about it. Felt bad and then I txted to say sorry and now I feel like I went about EVERYTHING the wrong way but there’s no way to take my reaction back so I guess I’ll just never speak to this guy again. He completely has ignored me now for three days.Never dated or did the online thing so I’m very out of touch with what to do and not do.

Reply September 15, 2014, 6:38 pm

Amanda

Hello Eric,

28 year old and I (24) have been talking for a month and a half, but only texting, every day. We say our ‘good morning’, ‘good night’, and ‘I hope you have a great day at work/school’. We both like each other (he told me he does and he confessed he would visit my job because I am there). I took the chance. He knows my mother since they are good friends for about 3 years now and she really likes him for me.

About 5 days ago I asked if i can call him for the first time a few days ago (since texting is, maybe cold to communicate?), he made an excuse that he was cooking and mentioned after dinner. I told him okay and to enjoy his dinner. Nothing. Next morning he texted last night he cooked, did his dishes and went to bed right away. I told him it’s okay and to have a great day. I didn’t bring it up anymore but he could at least tell me he doesn’t want to.
I put most of the effort by seeing him 3 times and what is weird is he is not always flirty on text but in person, he is very flirty and sweet to me. 1st time: We only chat for 5 minutes since I stopped by before he left for work. 2nd time: I stopped by to bring him coffee in the morning and stayed over for only about 30 minutes and chat and watched TV. That day that was when he started hugged me from behind and was very sweet to me. 3rd time: A week and a half ago I visited him around nighttime for only an hour since I left for school the next day (an hour away) and that was when he kissed me and hugged me from behind and everywhere, being very sweet. Of course nothing else beyond that (he knows I never had a boyfriend before). He wants to take it slow and wait for a month for a relationship to see how things go when I asked him if there will be a chance since we kissed the third and last time I saw him (since I go to school now). Plus he told me he works so much and is afraid he won’t give me the time.
I guess he stays to his word by taking it slow because he texts less and when I don’t message him first at all, he messages me but took about 1-2 hours to reply when I replied back even if he is home from work. The last time I ever heard from him was three days now. That never happened since we texted non-stop. The last message I received from him was what was I doing and if I have a lot of studying to do and I replied that I am not studying but doing research for a project that is due in a week and a half and just want to be ahead. That was at nighttime and he never replied or the next day after… I would admit that I flirt saying ‘I miss you’ or ‘Wish you were here’ sometimes but he didn’t respond to them and now I see that maybe or yes I was being forward with the flirting since he said he wants to take it slow?
I don’t know what I should do? I wish I know what is in his mind.
I want to talk about it with him, how I feel since we told each other in the beginning we can talk about anything but don’t know if it is the time? If yes, text or in person to talk? I already have a message telling him how I feel (not anything asking him like why he didn’t text) but if he does message me (which I am not sure if I should wait a few more or just send it) or better yet just text I hope you have a great day like nothing? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Reply September 15, 2014, 2:24 am

Lola

I read the email today about texting/calling behavior of men and the analogy that men can go weeks without texting or calling their buddies or people they socialize with and pick up where they left off is not just true for them, but for women as well. We can pick up relationships with friends and family exactly the same way.

However, it’s not a valid analogy, because the difference between anyone losing touch with friends and family and then catching up again or socializing again is that a relationship with those people has already been established. These relationships did not get to that type of comfort zone without a lot of time and experience together. Therefore, in a dating or romantic relationship, the time and experience together needs to be established before that kind of neglect can be overlooked.

You cannot expect women (or some men) to go days without contact from their romantic partner and have the same reaction as an old friend, family member or co-worker that has already an established relationship with the person. A good relationship requires time together, quality and quantity. To excuse the guy for not texting or calling in a timely manner is simply not acceptable if he wants a good relationship. I find the comparison absurd.

Reply September 9, 2014, 8:18 am

Mary Jo

I totally agree with you Lola…it’s definitely different when it comes to a friendship and when it comes to romantic relationships. The guy should make more of an effort to respond to the person he is interested in if he wants to keep her.

Reply September 23, 2014, 12:58 pm

csybu

I am a musician, I met a guy in one of my concerts, he was following me on youtube though for 3 years (but he did not know I will be playing, it was by coincidence). We spent twice an amazing 3 days together (because we live in different cities) and we have an amazing chemistry. we have not slept though with each other yet, but I can tell he is deeply into me and introducing me as his girlfriend to all neightbours etc. He also asked me few times to move there. Now we have not met for two weeks, and mainly we were talking every day. BUt I was busy and went on a holiday, but he could have come to see me, now I am back from my holiday he supposed to come but I feel like he does not want to make the effort to make this work (even though when we are together everything is so perfect), so I told him to visit him next week, and he agreed but since two days he stopped the communication with me.
I feel like that he does not want to make any effort, unless he has to do nothing and I just visit him.
I do not know how can I turn this around and how long I have to wait to answer to him. The worst is that he is on phonestrike and we only use facebok to communicate, and we only speak a bit once a day.
An advice should be nice, or shall I just leave this as this is too complicated? I never had a long distance relationship but I feel it would be a shame to leave this as it started like a real love. I also would not mind to move there as I am a musician so my job is to travel anyway, but this is shit like this.

Reply September 6, 2014, 7:51 am

Ian

As a guy, I find these comments both heartening and saddening.
I’m saddened that so many girls, like me, have found partners who are opposite their communication needs. I completely understand wanting to talk about little parts of your lives, to share the details, and really be interested in everything about the person. I think it’s completely fair for you to expect the attention and respect you’re not getting!
It’s also saddening from a selfish perspective because I’m the communicative one in my relationship. The woman I’m strongly attracted to seems to be crazy about me emotionally, mentally and physically while we’re together, but is extremely bad about communication via phone or text when I’m not in front of her. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she brings up baggage from a very troubled past and can’t justify treating me the way she does. But she doesn’t stop either, which I put up with because there ARE a lot of things about her personality I love. She’s nearly perfect when we’re together, but that’s only so much time with work and other commitments.
Gotta run, but to all you ladies… If your communication, respect, or attention needs aren’t being met don’t settle. Don’t believe for a second that all guys are cast from the same mold (though there’s definitely truth to the stereotypes). But there’s likely one out there who doesn’t look at you as needy, who you’ll never have to chase (except in the bedroom), who will accept you as you are and love communicating all the details.

Reply August 18, 2014, 4:03 pm

adf

That’s an awsome comment :)

Reply August 19, 2014, 11:15 am

Lacey

I would just like to say, I’ve been reading your site for a while now and whole heartedly taken the advice you put up on here and my dating life has been fabulous ever since! Ladies, take this guys advice! Not only will you start to feel more confident and empowered but the QUALITY of men you CHOOSE to date will go through the roof!

Reply August 18, 2014, 3:33 pm

PunchDrunk79

Eric Chase, S.O.S.

I’m so confused. I met a guy a year and 3 months ago. He pursued me initially, but was going through a divorce with children involved. In March I told him I was giving up because I deserved more. He replied saying he wanted to concentrate on his children, his work and himself. Told him it made sense and would contact him at a time when I could keep boundaries in place and not push him to give more than he wanted to give. In May, I sent him a text letting him know that if he still loved his wife to fight for her to which he replied there was no more fighting for her. I didn’t reply to his message because in my mind I was done. He texted me 3 weeks later asking me how I was doing and I replied. Everything started back up from there. He told me he wanted to take things slow relationship wise because he didn’t want to feel overwhelmed. He said he wanted to be more open because the relationship hadn’t gone anywhere last time and wanted to try this. All seemed well, we were seeing each other once a week since we are both busy, and would text during the week of possible. We last saw each other two weeks ago and we were fine. We made dinner and watched movies and he even answered a phone call from his sister and told her he was about to have dinner with me. I thought to myself well we’re going slow, but it’s progressing somewhere. We were both sick the following day, so I offered to bring him soup. May have sent one too many texts offering, but then I didn’t know whether he even liked soup. After finding out this piece of information I let it go and went to bed. Didn’t hear anything from him all week. Sent him a message that Saturday checking to see what him and the kids were up to and crickets. Went to a friends for my birthday and she said something comical and I texted him what she said and in an offhanded way told him it was my birthday. Didn’t hear anything from him Saturday or Sunday. Finally, Sunday my over analytical brain got the better of me.I told him I didn’t know why he had withdrawn, but that I deserve someone that will at least wish me a happy birthday. Then, I sent another text suggesting he meet with me so we could talk things out. After that, I texted that if he didn’t want a relationship we could try a friendship. He replied saying that I shouldn’t have to put up with the BS that came along with him. Told me I was a great girl and that I deserve better. He told me that he just couldn’t get himself there. Replied telling him that it wasn’t about the BS, but about wanting communication. I then texted him how I felt about him and told him to at least consider the friendship. However, still hurt from the whole situation I had myself probably created I texted him again and advised him to not contact me for a while so that I could mend. He replied that it was never his goal to hurt me. I texted again asking him a couple of questions. That evening I went to work out with my trainer and he asked me what was wrong. Anyway, he pointed out to me that a friendship with someone I love isn’t going to be very satisfying. I texted my guy again letting him know a friendship with him would be impossible because of how I feel and told him I would miss him. Still plagued that night with questions. I texted him back and asked him to meet me and that I was really tired of sending texts because it really is a pure means of communication because it can be so often misinterpreted. I also left him a voice mail. No more replies. Texted him one last time thanking him for trying.

I know I will never get an answer, but I need a guys take on it. Also, did the nine long text messages and voice mail probably push him away forever?

Reply August 16, 2014, 11:15 am

PunchDrunk79

Meant to put Eric Charles. Sorry for any typos. IPhone’s auto correction is the pits.

Reply August 16, 2014, 11:39 am

LeapOfFaith

You definitely went overboard with that amount of texting, especially if you weren’t getting replies. Neediness is a huge turn off, and unfortunately it is easy to accidentally portray that through texting. In the future, I suggest that you text no more than 2 times if you get no response. After that, pick up the phone. If no answer, then leave a voicemail explaining your feelings WITHOUT coming across as needy. There was a time when I was considering going exclusive with a girl I dated several times, and she texted me while I was at work about “where this relationship is going”. This was a pretty in depth question, and I wasn’t able to reply diligently with a manager breathing down my neck, so I quickly shot back “at work”. Instead, she proceeded to say “this is not that hard of a question”… followed by “what’s with the silence?” 30 min later, followed by “so i guess it means you don’t care enough to reply”… followed by “I think we can only be friends”. Needless to say, the neediness and lack of respect for one’s work period became a huge turn off and I decided to never see the girl again. Be careful.

Reply September 10, 2014, 12:32 pm

PunchDrunk79

Those weren’t my type of texts and I was in no way telling him that he should answer me right away and they were all sent after work hours. It was as if I was working out my thoughts through text and trying to understand. Either way lesson learned to not think out my thoughts through text messaging, that’s better left for journaling.

Reply September 25, 2014, 1:49 pm

Angel

Wow! I am learning SO much. After being in a 16 year relationship (which I now realize I was a “doormat”) I ventured into dating a guy. Keep in mind I never “dated” since cell phones came out. Texting and dating is all new to me. We started hanging out and agreed texting would be best since we are both quite busy. They started out fun, flirty and occasional. Turned into somewhat more frequent (mostly on my part) and looking back I cringe at some of the things I was texting. Not “neediness” per say but just random things. Occasionally would get a response but wasn’t surprised when I didn’t. He is a VERY busy guy with his job. I was told this by him and a few people. This is the busiest season of the year for him. Not wanting to be a “doormat” ANYMORE I decided to read blogs like this to understand. It has been 3.5 days since his last text (which was just a quick hello, which I’m great with). I am assuming he is busy with work. I am assuming multitasking is very difficult for men. I am assuming he still likes me. However, the old part of me wants to call him out if this goes on longer than a week. I also don’t want him to think I’ve lost interest due to my lack of texting (I have not texted him and do not intend to until he gives the green flag). He expressed his fear of starting a relationship at the busiest time of year. I have always been cool with this only because I don’t want to rush into things but I can’t help but feel anxious from this recent lack of texts. Damn you technology!!
Am I doing the right thing? Should I do any different?

Reply August 16, 2014, 11:03 am

eos

So I met this guy on social dating site. We were messaging each other on their for a couple days then he asked to text him so I did and it was constant for a few more days..then they started to dwindle until it was nothing. I messaged..”hope everythings alright. take care” and nothing. Two months later I get a random message from him. He was long out of my phone by that point. I’m like what happened to you, you never responded. He said it wasn’t good timing blah blah. I’m like alright and we texted constantly for a week then I finally met him. And more texts/calls for another week. Then we hit the “bed” so to speak. After that didn’t text me for almost a week. I’m like listen that’s “toolbag” behavior I don’t like being ignored. He apologized and we kept texting/talking for a couple more weeks. It’s very hard to see this guy. He travels a lot with work and is away with military, etc. I would say roughly every two weeks. He says I def want to see you, maybe Wednesday. Wednesday comes around and don’t hear from him. Whatever I do other things. We we made plans the one day and I messaged him that morning, saying can’t wait to see you! He acknowledged. That night nothing. I messaged him asking when he was coming over. Nothing. The next morning I texted him saying..”I don’t deserve to be treated like that or lied to. Don’t bother keeping my number.” Didn’t get a reply. Until two weeks later I got this long message asking for a second chance and blah blah. Being gullible I gave him the second chance, but I did make clear he has to earn my trust and I won’t tolerate what I don’t deserve. Since then whenever I text him he pretty much always texts back with a timely response. Him initiating has been slim, maybe every few days. When hes away on travel or military I hardly ever hear from him. But when I text him it seems like he appreciates it. I feel I was the nice one sending a nice text every few days to show I care. But I need to see he’s as vested as I am. This whole thing has probably been over the course of 3 months since he’s gotten a hold of me. Not sure what I should do at this point and if he is truly interested.

Reply August 14, 2014, 11:11 am

LeapOfFaith

As a guy, I can tell you that he is not interested. When a man is truly intrigued by a girl, they will respond, especially if after a 2nd chance. At first, I can say it might some things you have texted that conveyed neediness, but based on the way he goes back and forth like this to see you, I can almost sense that there are other females involved.

Reply September 10, 2014, 12:50 pm

Eos

Thanks so much for your input.since I wrote this last he has stood me up again. I emailed him and said I was no longer interested. I deserve strobe who really cares about me. No response from him until almost two weeks later where he says he’s free all week to do dinner some night. I didn’t respond and deleted it. Now it just seems like he’s toying with me. I have no intentions of speaking to him again. It baffles me how people can treat others this way and lie. People like that will never be truly happy.

Reply September 10, 2014, 9:42 pm

Aries

Honestly, I think this is available for relationships where both of them are to scared to get involved. Whenever I met a guy whom I really liked and wanted to be with, and viceversa, everyhing went smoothly. We both showed freely our interest, our appreciation, and, in the end, our love. And both of us saw a begining in this way of behaving, not an end! So, girls, if you have to play hard to get, in order to keep him interested, he’s not the right guy!

Reply August 5, 2014, 3:41 am

Cindy

Plain and simple… No calling , no texting… He/she is not that into you!

Reply July 20, 2014, 12:44 am

sam

I’ve been taking to this guy for.over a month now and we only text once a day is that ok or is he not that into me and when we do text iys only for a few minutes

Reply August 25, 2014, 7:20 pm

maryyvonne

I have a similar problem. I feel needy and agree with how to properly act towards that behavior… but i am currently 37 weeks pregnant. So whereas i would normally have no problem making other plans or pushing past it, i am incredibly hormonal and im having a hard last few weeks. Im in so mucb pain its hsrd for me to really go out for long periods of time. It wss never like this before i wss pregnant, but he always knows ill pretty much be at home. So theres no mystery on my part. So practically i feel needy and predictive. I hate it, but i feel like theres not much i can do while im pregnant. :(

Reply July 15, 2014, 12:43 am

DNG-Nameless

Please help me. I am soo confused. I’m the girl you described who relies too much on my so called boyfriend to reply when I text him. Reason I say “so called boyfriend” is because he was my ex and we started a sexual relationship in January and nothing more. One time around either March or April, while we were in the heat of the moment he said he wanted me to be his girlfriend again. I said ok just to not ruin the moment, but I didn’t mean it because I didn’t think he meant it (we both literally just got out of relationships). But we talked about it again a few days later and I told him I’d give it a try, but don’t try to give me a title if it’s really just the sex. I said this because I knew I had real feelings for him from our previous relationship that I kept buried down to not think of our rendezvous as anything more. So he calls me his girlfriend and I call him my boyfriend to his face, but I’m still waiting to be treated like a girlfriend pretty much. We haven’t gone out once, he’s been car less and been putting he money towards fixing his, but I’ve mentioned how I have a car and I really just want to be out in public for once. And he is awful with responding to texts just like the article, and I’ve mentioned numerous time that bothers me but nothings changed. I’ve even brought up again before I became too emotionally attached that if he just wants me for the sex, be straight up and don’t lie to me about it because I was fine with just that. So now I’m in deep, and I feel I’ve made myself to easy for him. Even when I disappear for a while (hang with friends or family, hell even just catch up on some reading to show I got my own things goin on and I can’t be available every time he chooses to want me) to see if he misses me nd if I worth fighting for keeps, I go have a great hot moment with him and it’s back to me waiting to hear from him again. What do I do now? I feel like I need to move on but I’m sex whipped, which was the whole reason I went back, never had any better and I had 2 boyfriends after we first broke up 4 years ago. 2nd boyfriend I was with for 3 years soo that’s still confusing to me as well. I honestly feel like if he’d just say I don’t want u I could move on easier but he keeps telling me he loves me and crap when I see him, but when I’m not around him I’m nobody to him. What’s his deal and please I desperately need to know how to deal with this? I feel so stupid for being treated this way.

Reply July 11, 2014, 8:29 am

Noks

I recently bumped into this guy that I’ve known for a while but lost contact with.
I had honestly forgotten his name and he had forgotten mine.
So he texts me saying ” this is my number ,hope you remember my name”
and we were basically going back and forth just joking about who’s going to to give out their name first.He knows my brother so I was able to get his name from him.
Then he asked me “when am I taking you out”.
So I replied “when you get my name”
His response was “If I get your name will you let me take you out?”
and then asked if he has a time frame, so I gave him 2 days. He sounded pretty up for the task .However it’s been 9 days since and I’m not too sure what that means.
Should I text him or just wait until I bump into him again?

Reply July 10, 2014, 6:38 pm

Jessica

I met a guy on a “social network”,, After about 10 messages back and forth, he asked me to call him; which I did. (blocked of course for the initial call). We talked about an hour. We continued to message on the site for about a month. I gave him my cell number and we texted during the day. He stated that he wanted to make a commitment and that we should continue talking and texting. Then, without any type of warning, he stopped answering texts, I missed one phone call from him, and then he no longer answered his phone,, I wrote him on the “social site” and asked him if he wanted to just be pen pals, I was alright with that, he never responded. Although, I was really liking this guy, rather than call him out or invest in any type of drama, I decided to just leave him alone. If and the operative word is IF, he ever decides to text or call, this experience has taught me to just move on.. I would suggest that to any girl or guy..

Reply July 7, 2014, 4:26 pm

kr21

I’m in a similar situation. We spent the night together Saturday, I left Sunday morning and about an hour after I was home he texts me and converses with me, but then it stops. Didn’t hear from him until today around 4:30, he texts me and I responded, but he never responded to my response and I know he’s been on Facebook. He’s real chill and easy going it’s just hard for me to tell if I should text him again, wait until he texts me again, or **** idk it’s annoying lol any advice would be helpful. I think he’s into, but he’s just a..an airhead for lack of a better word idk

Reply June 23, 2014, 9:29 pm

jw37

That’s what men do if they’re not monogamous. They have a lot more women “friends” than men, have you call only during certain times. My son’s father acts likes he’s not loved by anyone (not true- there’s 2 women that love him and we both have children with him), plus he’s cheating on 2 other women he’s “in a relationship with”, but neither know it yet because they haven’t been with him long enough. It’s the same story with all of these serial cheaters. If you decide to stay with him, just remember, you choose either to be happy or to tolerate his lifestyle. The only thing worse from being with someone, say 6 months, is 6 yrs.

Reply July 6, 2014, 10:21 pm

esther

Ok. So after reading the book his not that complicated’ and a couple of your articles I discovered i had pushed away a really good guy i mean i did everything wrongly, after nagging him about not replying to my texts, getting upset about not keeping appointments, i told him to give me space and to leave me alone. Then i felt bad and called over and over again to apologize profusely after which he snapped and i stopped communicating with him.(in my defence am 24 and I’ve never dated before). Any so after following your articles i realize how silly i was now i want to start over with this guy. How can i do that without looking like a confused needy girl, after not talking to him for over 2months and given our history

Reply June 23, 2014, 4:38 am

NDO

As a relatively self aware and happy person, texting with men is one of my greatest challenges because I over-analyze, think people are playing games and because my personality is to be flexible with my time if I really want to spend it with that person. I’m very much the what you see is what you get person and at my age (29) having been in long term relationships most of my adult life, the texting to facilitate dating thing is new for me.
I recently met someone at work (very unexpectedly), we got to talking and ended up having a drink that very night. Since we work in the same office/city but for different practices our roles at work are quite different. We talk nearly every day either making plans or just checking in. In that first week, we went out three times. This past whole week he’s been much less responsive and isn’t reaching out to me. Our company hosts a huge yearly summer event and he had said we would just see each other at this event since we hadn’t seen each other all week. He asked which after-event I was at, I told him, completely forgetting he might be with his out of town friends and he said he would see me at the place I was at with my account team. We end up leaving the place a few hours later, I haven’t seen him, so I text him and tell him the new venue. He finds me, kisses me and tells me we’re on for Sunday brunch (today) as his friends are leaving on Saturday. He just texted me and told me his friend is still in town and they’re doing brunch. Most of my friends do view this sort of thing as disrespectful, but I know how seriously he takes his career and the plethora of other things he has going on (travel for work, parents in another country, grad school).
He’s not the most responsive texter to begin with but I do agree with Eric that it may just be he was singularly focused on work and hosting some out of town friends of his. That being said, since he hadn’t confirmed what we were doing today, I made other plans to see some friends and run some errands. I’m not sure if telling him I made other plans reinforces that “good behavior/non-doormat” thing Eric mentions or if I sound less interested and more casual then I may feel, which becomes self-fulfilling when he doesn’t take our budding romance as seriously. So I suppose my points are: 1) There is no “right” level of response. On a very fundamental level, if he wants to talk to you, he will text you (and my guy is a phone call type). 2) Clearly I’m all anxious and aflutter because I like him so much, but that doesn’t mean I should forget I’m an independent, successful person who is fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who love and care about me and thus want to spend time with me. I think we tend to forget how awesome we are because we’re wrapped up in how awesome we think the guy is, which drives the need for his responsiveness and attention. Changing where you hang your happiness from is a disastrous thing to do. 3) I’m human – what the heck do I text him back with and say now??

Reply June 22, 2014, 12:05 pm

Sarah

Great article but I have one of the weirdest text issues I have ever run into… I think I may have met “the” guy. Every time I am with him there isn’t a moment where he makes me feel less than content and at ease with his feelings for me and he is everything I have ever wanted in a guy. The only small catch is that since the day we met he on average take 3-4 hours to respond to a text. Each time it is a very lengthy response and he will usually ask several questions but the shortest response time has been one hour. This is not isolated to work hours (because I can understand that – even if he didn’t text me all day) but even when he says he is lying in bed watching tv it takes almost an hour for a response back. It is never a one word response and he is always sweet but I think it’s really weird. I don’t know if I am being needy but in a way I would rather he just didn’t text me and would just call when ever he wanted to say something if that makes sense. I would love a guy’s perspective on this one. Thanks!

Reply June 18, 2014, 5:02 pm

Jenny

Same thing is going on with me! Like he will take hours to respond but when he does its like paragraphs long. I figure if he’s not interested he would either one word answer or just not even respond, but the waiting game is weird. I now find myself basically playing him at his own game and responding hours later, so I guess I will see how that goes. I know my guy isn’t a big texter or the type to have his phone attached to his hip because even when we are together, he will go hours without checking his phone or if it dies he just doesnt care, his friends complain about his shitty communication too. But c’mon if I send you a text and I see you are on facebook, why do you need to wait an hour or worse 3 hours to respond. It’s sad we have to play these games.

Reply June 18, 2014, 6:08 pm

Lila

Guys…I hope you never tell these guys that you’re upset that they don’t respond RIGHT THIS MINUTE. I don’t know if you realize it or not, but it comes off as really needy and clingy. If you know it takes several hours for them to respond, don’t sit there and watch your phone. Go do something! At least they respond! And long texts, to boot! I’m not exactly sure what you’re complaining about. If you expect someone to not have a life and to constantly be at your beck and call, perhaps you should pursue someone else b/c obviously you don’t have the same communication style or expectations. You should realize that men and women are different. Men, in general, are more laid back and don’t even think about time the same way as women do. So 4 hours to you is nothing to them. They could have just been sitting their relaxing…maybe they had to take the garbage out…do some dishes…use the toilet…walk the dog. Who knows! The point is: you’re making something out of nothing and it sounds like First World Problems. Think of it this way: would you rather they responded right away and gave a short answer without much thought in it? Or took their time and texted you several paragraphs of well-thought-out material?

Reply June 29, 2014, 12:30 pm

Marie

This has to be the most helpful article I’ve ever read on the subject. I have a wonderful boyfriend. He’s attentive, warm, kind, never backs out of plans, keeps his word, makes me laugh… All the good things.

His texting habits stink. He has two kids he has primary custody of, and an ex-wife that he is good friends with. They spend time together as a family, and there is no animosity. This used to make me crazy. I’m 30 with no kids and no ex-spouse. On top of which, he is military, so there are times where I go with no contact at all. It is challenging, and I used to make myself nuts going on about it. I have several past relationships that were trust disasters, and I was largely skeptical about this.

However, the thing I realized is that if you want to be happy in your relationship, you need to trust the person you’re with and trust yourself. Most of my friends were on the, “This is a load of crap,” boat, and I hopped on the crazy train in the beginning. I still don’t see him as much as I’d like, and he doesn’t text as much as I’d like, but I made a conscious decision to trust him. I have my own life outside of him, and if he can respond to my, “I’m thinking about you,” he will. And if “I” can respond to his, “I miss you,” I will. And if not, I’ll see him on Saturday like we planned. I’ll tell him if something bothered me (because heavy texts to a man are not the way to discuss things) and he tries to fix it. I see that. So I keep my cool. And we are happy.

It’s all about what you can handle. Are there men that are not answering texts because they’re screwing around? Sure. But trust your intuition. Not your friends’. Not all hormones that are telling you he MUST RESPOND IMMEDIATELY. Have your own life. Love him. But don’t make him the center of your universe and the sole source of your joy. You have to love yourself, too. And if he’s not meeting your needs and you have discussed it with him and he’s still not meeting your needs (and think about your real needs…. Do you Really need him to text you all day every day? Really? Will that make your relationship better?), then leave. And leave because he is not meeting your needs and not making you happy.

The thing I had to realize is that when I tell him something bothers me, he tries to fix it. ALWAYS. If he tells me, “Baby, it won’t happen again,” it doesn’t. And that’s huge. And if it’s not something he can consistently do (texting consistently is one), he tells me right away. And I make my decision about whether I’m okay with it. And so far I am.

Being crazy is never a good option. You will always lose. Be happy and stay, or be happy and leave. Just make sure your expectations are reasonable.

Reply June 8, 2014, 1:02 pm

kelli

My guy will go 6hrs without answering my calls or text. To find out he is with his kids and soon to be ex wife at their house. Its still his house too even though he doesnt live there.I don’t mind the kids but why the soon to be ex?

Reply June 6, 2014, 7:39 pm

Sweetcheeks64

Been dating a man for 9 months. Very loving, attentive & every weekend we spend together. We take turns and spend one weekend at his place and the other weekend at my home. We love to cook and have long conversations. Our phones are set aside and we hardly watch any TV! It’s just us enjoying each other! We go to car shows, movies, trips and restaurants. He has met my family and my daughter but I have yet to meet his family.

The only thing is that twice a year (for a week) he travels alone to Virginia to visit friends. He said he was close to their dad and after their dad passed he continues to visit. I don’t mind but don’t like the fact that if I text him, cause I never call him, he takes hours to reply. I hardly text him cause I don’t want to bother him but would text saying hi and it would just be ignored. This time he didn’t reply at all and it’s been 24 hours. I won’t text him again either but it does bother me.

Hate the fact that I’m beginning to think negative because when he’s back home (we live in NY) he doesn’t act like that. I don’t even know if I should question him when returns or act as if I was just too busy doing my own thing that it’s no big deal! What would be the best approach here?

Reply June 1, 2014, 12:51 pm

katti

Hi hi, such a good post. I received really great advice from a guy friend recently to realise that we (the female) may NEVER know why the guy stopped all contact. And to try and “fill the box” with some sort of rational answer, well, we may never be able to fill that box, and we should not worry about that missing information. So often in life, we never know the real reason, and we can manage! This friend said to me, if the guy made you feel good – told you he cared about you…just believe it, and if you feel like texting him again, do so – simply because it makes you feel nice to do it – not because you are expecting something in return. Maybe he’s scared for a commitment, maybe he ran into an old love and things re-kindled with her, maybe he said he liked you, but then thought he cannot really pursue anything so he is suppressing those feelings by cutting off contact. If you really want to send a funny joke, photograph, quote – even just a “thought of you today” message is fine, so long as it is just from the heart, expects no response, like sending a newsletter to a subscriber who has not “unsubscribed.” Then, if after a week or so, or a day or whatever is your comfort time limit, if you decide you don’t really enjoy non-responses, then you can just choose to stop texting. It’s a pretty powerful way to take control of your side of things.

Some women here are saying if after one text there is no reply, the number is deleted and they move on. Others say they keep texting and feeling more frustrated until they send the angry messages – I would say to just send the nice ones, and stop when you feel the need to be rude or angry. That’s your signal that you’ve reached the end of your tolerance. Keep your self-respect.

With a couple guys that did this to me, I found that these guys who suddenly stop getting the nice messages, eventually do reach out again – and they reach out in a very kind way. Usually, I’ve moved on by then, but it is a nice feeling to hear from them. I think if you send the mean one – clearly you will never hear from them again, as who would want to contact the crazy bitch who dissed him on a text?

Reply May 17, 2014, 11:55 am

Eric Charles

Great comment. :)

Reply May 17, 2014, 7:27 pm

Ann

This couldn’t have been more well said.

Reply June 8, 2014, 12:34 pm

Sarang

If you really want to send a funny joke, photograph, quote – even just a “thought of you today” message is fine, so long as it is just from the heart, expects no response, like sending a newsletter to a subscriber who has not “unsubscribed.”
– Good comment. The key is to “expects no response”. Without expectation, your disappointment will be greatly reduced. Though you will still feel disappointed at times, i think it is much more manageable. I speak from experience. :)

Reply September 13, 2014, 3:05 am

JCA

There’s a guy at work who I habe noticed for awhile. We would cross paths here and there and we would say, “Hi” to each other. One day, I had a work related question that I had to ask him. I had taken this opportunity to strike up a conversation. I sensed some flirting during our conversations. One day as we were talking he called me bluff on something and gave me his number (to see if I was all talk or action). A month or so later, I decided to text to see when he would be free for drinks (mind you, he had asked me out for drinks a few times and I had to take a raincheck). Fast forwarding, we had a few text conversations and even hung out. After awhile I noticed he would play disappearing acts such as texting me back 2 days, a week later or not even text back. Something just didn’t add up. I know he has feelings for me more than a friend, but then why the hesitation? He mentioned that he didn’t want anything to get back to work (due to his past history mixing business with pleasure) that is why he is so guarded. I had asked me if he wanted me to back off because of his fear of something getting back to work, but he told me, “no”. I’m not understanding all his mixed signals. He tells me that I need to step up my game, but yet, he isn’t giving me anything to work off of. I have stopped texting him (he hasn’t texted me either) because I’m not into these mind games. But I hate to say, he has really gotten in my head.

Reply May 4, 2014, 2:45 pm

JCA

*habe = HAVE*

Reply May 4, 2014, 2:49 pm

JCA

Update: I now know why the “guy” either doesn’t text me or takes a few days/weeks to text me. Come to find out, he is engaged. When I confronted him about it (3 weeks ago), his response was, “It’s complicated, but in short, yes but on the edge of being called off”. Funny how he is engaged, but gave me his number and continues to flirt with me. Sorry, but I don’t have time for these games, but most importantly, I am not a homewrecker.

Reply June 2, 2014, 1:25 am

Cory

Great advice! However does this still apply if you are in a committed relationship? I know my guy is into me , he passes your quiz and it’s obvious, but he still doesn’t respond to my calls or texts . I’ll text him 5 times for every 1 that he replies to. Usually it’s me saying something about my day and asking about his. When he doesn’t respond I’ll text him hours or a day later with a new comment or question.

It’s probably along the lines of your comment that guys have a one-track mind. My boyfriend tells me that he didn’t respond because he was working or busy etc. he isn’t lying, but if it were me the first thing I’d do at lunch break is respond to his text. Or when I got home id respond. Even if the text just says “how was your day?”

So do I just need I accept that I’m never going to get a response to all my texts or is it a legitimate request that he should try harder?

Or should I take your advice and stop being so needy? It’s not as if I can make other plans , these texts are not about making plans they are just communicating within our relationship. He knows my plans are with him that night or the next so what point is there in acting like I’m less available than I am?

Reply April 19, 2014, 7:11 pm

Jessica Anne Newman

I agree with 80% of Ask Guys/Eric’s stuff. But overall, I’m tired of seeing men giving girls BS advice, trying to not fully reveal “Guy Code” and how men really are, it’s hilarious! I mean, there really is NO justification as to why a man doesn’t text you for two or three weeks. None! Did he fall in a rabbit role after chasing a white rabbit? Did a tornado blow him over the rainbow to the land of Oz and his cell phone had no service connection in Muchkinland, I doubt it?

I don’t like being the negative Nancy and so blunt and I don’t like being mean, I believe in giving every guy a chance. But at the end of the day I honestly don’t care if a guy doesn’t text me back, I’m not gonna let some jerk ruin my day cause he didn’t text me good morning. So why should any other girl base her whole day on getting ONE text, when there is MILLIONS of other guys who are more worthy of your time anyway, and who would be more than glad to text you everyday, ON TIME!

Ladies, if he doesn’t text back within a matter of two or three days MAX: (Aretha Franklin voice) HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU! Such a beautiful word isn’t it? “R.E.S.P.E.C.T” found out what it means to me!

No text back? Most likely he is playing games, seeing if your easy for he can “toot it and boot it” or is involved with multiple women. PERIOD! Not all but SOME men get off on juggling as many women as possible, makes them feel more powerful, especially if he might have a ity bity penis. It has nothing to do with you, he’s probably a messed up Sociopath and most likely will never change! Because he cant. No amount of love in the world can change him. Move on ladies.

I’m a girl who has four brothers, who my mother raised to be gentlemen and even they’ve broken and scarred a few hearts. Now two of them are happily married now and faithful to they’re wives. But I got some STORIES I could tell you girls about the lies, manipulative behavoir and mind games they would play on innocent vulnerable girl’s before they finally got hitched. Not all guys are players, but most are in one way or another. In a man’s mind, it isn’t cheating until your married, and sometimes not even that applies.

I give a guy a one month time limit in my contacts. You don’t hit me up for 30 days? You get deleted and never spoken to again. Oh your grandma died? Oh how tragic, have a nice life though, Tootles! Life….goes…..on……….

Reply April 19, 2014, 2:55 am

Eric Charles

Let me respond to a few of your points.

First off, let me make something clear: if I am effective at helping women, my site will be popular. People will buy my book and recommend it to others. And (most important to me), both men and women will have better relationships.

You’re suggesting that I’m trying to protect some “guy code”… based on what I just said, how would it serve me to give untrue, ineffective or unhelpful advice? Plus, on a personal note, I value people who are good to other: considerate, helpful and honest. The suggestion that I would have loyalty to some “guy code” would mean I’m supporting something deceitful, damaging and unhelpful to the world. That would be against my nature — I write this stuff because I want to help make this world a better place in my own small way.

Nowhere in this article did I suggest that there’s an excuse for a man to go two or three weeks without texting you. You can’t seriously think I or anyone else would suggest otherwise…

I do agree that it would be silly to get upset because a guy didn’t text. It’s in our best interest, always, to live our life in a way where we protect our good mood.

If a guy doesn’t text you back, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t respect you. It DOES mean he didn’t text you — and that’s all it means. Projecting an INTENT onto his actions is a surefire way to make yourself bitter and unhappy – it’s a bad habit, you’re not a mind reader… nobody is.

This also extends to your suggestion that no text back “most likely” means he’s playing games. No it doesn’t.

You say “not all but some men get off on juggling as many women as possible”. Ummm, massive generalization here. That would be about as intelligent as me saying, “Not all, but some men enjoy being serial killers.”

Taking the very very very worst of a group of people and magnifying it to suggest it’s the norm is irresponsible and unhelpful to readers. The effect is that you instill fear and guardedness in the audience, which makes their love life harder since high walls don’t work well in relationships…

Don’t get me wrong, people would do well to be aware that there are some bad apples, but your tone is more pro-paranoia than a healthy does of awareness.

If I let you know that in winter time, there might be potholes, then you know to watch out for potholes. If I scream, “Oh my god, you probably won’t make it to your destination because you’re going to hit a pothole, your wheel will rip off of the axle and you’ll get into a horrible car crash and die immediately on impact!!!!”, then that does less to serve the audience and more to just make them paranoid and anxious. See the difference?

Then you mention sociopaths… again, you’re acting like the nightly news… super-magnifying the very worst of things as if it’s the norm.

Everyone has “stories” about bad stuff that’s happened. However, it doesn’t serve a person well to make that the screen/lens that they view the world through.

It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel happy. And it poisons your vibe and the mood of others around you — when people take on a view of the world or lens like this, they often feel like the world attacks them and that life is a miserable place.

If only they knew how much their perspective, attitude and mood affected how the world treats them…

The places where you introduce things like the guy having an “itty bitty penis” as an explanation for his behavior… that comes off like you are angry and bitter about men.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but it sounds to me like you feel you’ve been screwed over by a guy (maybe even a few guys) and that anger comes through in your writing.

I know you read my stuff and you began by saying that you agree with 80% of what I write in my articles. I appreciate that and I appreciate having you as someone who reads my stuff.

I’m taking the time to write this because it’s an opportunity to help get people to a better place. I want you to feel happy… at peace… I want you to feel OK… that you don’t need to have high walls anymore.

I know that some people may have left you feeling hurt in the past. I’ve experienced that feeling too, many many times. And I know how it feels to be so bitter and angry about things that have happened that it feels like poison is flowing through your veins… it makes you feel sick to your stomach… the pain, the anger, the wish that you could somehow set things right and make the “bad” people pay for what they did.

You’re a good person. You wouldn’t have written this comment if you weren’t someone who wanted to help other women who are going through a painful struggle. I’m not trying to attack you here, I just want to invite you to a perspective that feels better so that you feel happier in your life (and your love life).

Your lifestyle, perspective and choices determine how happy you can be. Let the happy thoughts, actions and perspectives be your guide – when you’re happy and clean from negativity, you’d be amazed at how much love you attract from everyone.

Hope that helps.

Reply April 19, 2014, 10:53 am

Jessica Anne Newman

I never said YOUR giving guy code. I said over all…I agree with the majority of what you say. But some guys are so full of it It’s laughable. I actually consider you very helpful…unlike some guys out there.

Reply April 24, 2014, 6:00 am

Eric Charles

Ah OK, then we’re good then. Hehe :)

Thank you Jessica Anne – I appreciate that. And I appreciated your comment too… it got me to think and add new thoughts to the overall conversation on this post, so thank you for that.

Reply April 24, 2014, 11:12 am

Laura

Help need advice. Been dating a guy since the end of 2013, we would see each other every week. He even took me on holiday. When we got back everything continued and we even started spending more time together. However recently he has been flakey and distant. I understand owning your own business is stressful and time can be limited but what has changed he was busy before but made plenty of time for me…..but now he has no time at all it seems.

My question is should I cut my losses and just leave him alone to build his empire?

Reply April 12, 2014, 4:35 am

PP

I know a guy a year ago online. He’s very smart, successful, fun & generous so always surround by friends/ colleagues. He treated me so nice, brought me find dining places, can always stay at his place, intro me his friends but he disappeared, no reply to my texts. So I told myself I like him much as fwb but he never wants relationship so just keep the nice memories & forget him.
New Year I met his flat mate & his flat mate said he’s not in town & he also can’t contact him.
This year March, he contacted me. He said he was not in SG, his job was so sh*tty, he been stressed & lost 15kg, he left his job & he got better one, back to SG, all good now & hope I don’t angry that he disappeared.
Then we started hang out back as usual, he treated me very nice again. He booked & paid Cambodia trip for me though I said I will pay. My birthday he accompanied me too but blame to myself I happen to ask him what’s my bday gift, he replied holiday not enough? I felt so bad for asking, kinda demand to him. After that he avoided me. Once he replied my hi I told him that I actually wanna apologize him in person for what I asked during my bday. I didn’t mean it, just came out a word, I’m sorry. I’m just human with flaws. Despite I deliver breakie to him, helping his flat mate for new job opportunity, all my tests, my last phone call, he totally ignored me. Though he booked & paid my flight, he didn’t contact me anymore so no holiday, no him, just absolute ignorance.
What I intentionally say a word have that much impact for a Gemini Guy?
Kindly advise from man’s opinion please. Many thanks.

Reply April 9, 2014, 2:22 am

DaZhane

PP, I think he feels SUPER unappreciated…..He gave you a vacation… a PRETTY awesome one and you didn’t even give him a proper “Thank You”…TOTALLY unappreciative…He probably feels totally taken for granted…I would be (I’m NOT a man but I don’t think a lot of men give vacations as birthday gifts). Imagine how you would feel if you did ALL that he did for you and he gave you the response you did…You may have pushed him away forever..some men, this is a permanent deal-breaker. Sorry!!!! Only time will tell..only time will tell. :)

Reply April 10, 2014, 1:37 pm

Serena

Hello all
I wonder if I could get some help. I’m rather clueless when it comes to guys, I met my current bf 6 months ago whilst i was in India, he did the usual thing of chasing and wooing me with constant phone calls and messages even after I told him it was unlikely to work out as I was 4 yrs older and was splitting my time 50/50 between India and England. Regardless we met almost everyday there after for the remainder of the time that I was there which was about 2 months . Quite soon he expressed how much he felt and disclosed personal info about himself and certain traumas he had been through, he even cried in my arms at one point. I then returned to England for 2 months over Christmas, I noticed that his messaging became not as frequent and it was me making more effort and we skyped only once a week, I missed him a lot and he occasionally said he missed me but that I would be back soon.
When I returned to India he was still not messaging or calling as much as in the beginning but continued to meet me nearly every day after work other than a week when he was unwell, in the last few days he expressed how he felt happier and content in life knowing that I was in it as he felt I actually cared about him and wasn’t using him for money and contacts like his friends. He also opened up and expressed how certain comments I had made had made me feel or hurt him. If I have a problem he is the first to sort it out, and organised my transport to the airport, (but did not come with me because of work) I am now back in England after spending 6 weeks there and have been back a few days. There has been no initiation of contact from him, I called to say I had arrived and then messages the following day to ask him if he was well, he replied ok, and when I asked how work was, that it seemed busy, he did not respond. I decided to do a disappearing act for a little while so haven’t called or messages for 2 days so far and have heard nothing. I know he’s had his heartbroken before and has said in the past that he doesn’t want to get hurt, he is quite sensitive and doesn’t generally talk if he’s upset,so I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing, I don’t want to hurt him, but really want him to miss me and fight to keep me in his life…….. ( he has also said his parents won’t accept our marrying as I’m so much older (indian parents) so this is another source of my insecurity, however he has said that he wants me in his life forever and is hoping to come in June …..please help.,,, really don’t know what to do…..

Reply April 3, 2014, 11:52 am

Emma

Hi

Never done anything like this before but bascially i’ve been seeing this guy from around 2months now- we met through my sister as he added me on facebook and we started talking then it went from there.

we spend alot of time together when we can and we have met each other familes- ive also met his son however I still just dont know whether he likes me.

we do talk quite a bit but only if i text him first as understandable i know hes not a texter and he will ring me if he hasnt heard from me but that isnt all the time..

He has his son most weekends which is great as it really makes him happy and sometimes I will be part of it depending on my work patterns or whether he wants me to be there but Im worried that maybe im just there to keep him entertained until the weekends.

I suffer with high anxiety and paranoia so I’m not sure if its just me being needy and insecure!

he tells me that i’m going to ruin things if i keep asking like this as it isnt fun me giving him grief all the time.

I really dont know what to do

Reply April 1, 2014, 6:49 pm

Claud

I think you need to relax. Dont pay attention too much to the whole thing. Don’t go out with him everytime he asks. I think that way you feel like you are in control of your days. You can’t compete against someones child or affection. You have to know what you are getting yourself into and understand that you will be #2 in their lives. If you are not ok with this then stop dating him. Paranoia many times comes from lack of confidence. You have to be confident of what you have to give someone else and understand it is their choice to either appreciate it or not and your choice to know when it is enough.

Good luck!

Reply April 2, 2014, 10:38 am

Jennifer

Life is a journey. When I was little girl I had this unusual perspective on life. I always thought how awesome it would be if we all could find a way to love one another. Down deep to core of my soul is a solid unbreakable mass of love. A life giving force that feeds me and others. Weird, I know. But you what? It sustains me. Most every man in my life, either friend or lover knows what my hearts consists of. I don’t even have to talk much and yet they feel it. As a result they feel safe with me. I cherish that because it lights up my life. The men who do disappear on me are normally forgiven, why not! Sometimes I disappear too. My soul will always be free. I find it ironic, because I am free, I expects others to be free too, and then they end up freely bonding their souls with me. :) I love that because we are now at a freewill to choose our paths, and if they would like to walk with me on my journey how awesome would that be. Maybe for a short time or maybe for a little bit longer. We’re all at different times in our lives but the most interesting ones are they who choose to walk with me for life. You know who you are :) We’ll conquer this thing called life together! hehe Yet as for now I am 28 and single. For sometime I accidently got caught up in that vortex of darkness that seems to be infusing chaos in so many hearts and minds. So glad I got ahold of my self and remembered who I really am deep in my soul. As I get older and I’m starting to love myself again, i’m staying away from the things I cannot control. Thus, I’m realizing how simple life really is all over again. And now I can’t wait for the next guy to cross my path, perhaps he’s on an awesome journey himself. If he wants to be friends, okay and if not that’s okay too. No worries :) And now I need to go to bed. Take Care everyone.

Reply March 6, 2014, 2:54 am

Jai Dee

You have your head and your heart on straight. Enjoy.

Reply May 10, 2014, 10:43 am

Laura

Excellent. Love this.

Reply June 5, 2014, 3:35 pm

Crazygirl

Just loved what you wrote…sets things right for many people:) Thanks!!

Reply August 13, 2014, 8:34 am

Jennifer

so my crush that likes me hasn’t called me yet after saying he would call me after he leaves the gym why wouldn’t he remember to call me the last he txted that was on the 27 now its march 2nd and no txt still.u know in the beginning we started txt was jan 16 we started off well he wanted to get to know me and we flirting and all I didint show any signs of neediness for him to chase him away. so iam just wondering why he has not contact me yet??

Reply March 2, 2014, 9:43 am

Jennifer Lavigat

ok so this guy has a lot goin for him self he likes me I like him so I txt him yesturday night and I was wondering why didint he answer back to my question was it because
he was still busy working on writing up his paper for school or just didint want to write back and why was it something I said ??

Here the convo :
ME: hi how are u hope ur not workin ya self to hard lol but I did want to ask u a question u can call or txt .nite later

Him:Hola señorita I’m doing a paper right now we can text wassup?

ME: Just wondered what made u see that made u say that I seem like a nice girl ( personally in your opinion) I meant to ask this when we first started texting ?

Reply February 26, 2014, 3:42 pm

trish

Hi,

My bf and I have been having issues, but we had a fight and I left. I tried to talk with him after, but he isn’t interested in conversation and it’s been 5 days and he hasn’t tried to contact me.
Over?

Reply February 21, 2014, 6:22 pm

Jasmine

I am involved in a similar situation, and needless to say, I am quite baffled. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
So, I met this guy online and we talked everyday via text for about 5 days straight, before he asked me out. I thought it would be more casual to go out for drinks at a very lovely bar located inside an exquisite upscale hotel. Let me just say that our evening went VERY well. He opened up about his life and hurdles that he has been through, I did the same but was very careful of not sharing too much information. We literally held hands the entire time that we talked. It was like we had know each other for years. We were having so much fun that we decided to leave the lounge, and go to a hookah bar and just relax and smoke. We held hands while he walked together, and even held hands while he drove. Our chemistry was amazing! When our night finally ended, we kissed goodbye, and he dropped me off at my doorstep. I had only been in the house for 5 minutes before he texted me saying that he felt an extreme attraction to my beyond the physical, and that I was a rare jewel to find. He said that a person is only as beautiful as their mind, and that he had some many things to express to me when the time was right. He also stated that we must see each other again soon.
Now, for the cliffhanger…The next day he had some problems at work (he manages a car dealership), so I barely heard from him, but were still communicating. The next day, NOTHING all day long, until around 7pm, which I ignored because I was reading a book that I was heavily invested in. He stated that he had been sleeping all day (he was out all night entertaining some guys from an event that he sponsored the previous night). He then sent me another text about a half hour later asking how my day was. I responded to him, and received no reply. I sent him a text before I went to bed saying that I would love to get to know him, but felt as though he was putting some distance between us. Then next day he responded to that message around 12pm, saying that he wasn’t trying to, and that had been dealing with a lot of things the past few days. I waited 2 hours before I responded, simply because I had class, and I simply stated that I understood and hoped that he was able to get everything sorted out. NOTHING. No response, the whole day. At this point, I am simply confused. Apparently, we had such a great connection, great chemistry, and he is thinks I am a rare jewel, and wants to see me soon, then just completely vanishes. Help!?

Reply February 13, 2014, 12:10 pm

Yulanda

Hi just finish reading your story, and I had something similiar happen to me. The only thing I can say is let it be. Well first I notice the article was published on 2/13 and it now june. But anywho, and this could go for future issues….just let it be. Continue with your life, now if you can’t keep him off your mind, then CALL HIM and leave a voicemail message (sure fire way of him seeing that you called) and just state you was calling to see what was up and how is everything and to call you when he gets a chance. Therefore the ball is in his court. Well I hope that help or will help.

Reply June 20, 2014, 9:12 pm

Valentina

I met a guy online and we decided to go for some drinks. We had such a great time and i felt that we really hit it off. At the end of the night he tried to kiss me, but i gave him a kiss on the cheek instead ( I am not used to kiss on first or second date). We went out on saturday , he did not call me or text me in 4 days. I didnt know what to do because i really liked him and its frustrating because it has been two years since i liked someone like that. After the 4th day i decided to text him since i had nothing to lose. He asked me out , and we went for a second date. We still had a good time, but i didnt text him saying i had a great time as i had done after the second date. The only time he texted me was two days after asking me about my business trip without greeting me at all. I respoded the same way and he hasnt text me or called me since then. I dont want to play any games and i showed him i was interested, but i dont want to be the one persuing him, calling or texting him. what should i do? it has been a week and nothing. I was the one who reached out to him before , but i will not make myself available to him or chase him. He had previously told me that he sucks at texting and the even his close friends give him a hard time and complain about it. so do you think he might call or text, i really like him and he showed me he was interested, but i guess he wasnt after all.

Reply January 24, 2014, 12:06 pm

lucy

It’s been just a week so I think you should give him a benefit of a doubt. As eric mentioned in the article. When guys are busy they tend to focus on their work rather than dealing with something that they can deal with later. Just make your own plans live your life and don’t wait around for someone. You said you had a great time on both dates so be confident and focus on something else and if he feels the same way he’ll eventually text or call you. :)

Reply January 31, 2014, 12:14 pm

Madison

It’s more of a question than a comment. Since last year I noticed this really good looking guy at the gym and I began to just casually make eye contact with him. I guess he noticed me too because he started to make eye contact with me too. We never met, spoke, introduced ourselves or anything but the strangest thing is we start to glance at one another everyday and smile, mouth “hello” and still never speak. I was wondering why he would never come up to speak to me, then one day I noticed he had a wedding ring, then I saw him with his wife and kid. I was more surprised than hurt. So I began to leave him alone and look at him or mouth hello, but it started up again. Finally up to a few weeks ago I went into a store and he came in right after me, we finally spoke to one another and introduced ourselves and basically told each other about our jobs but nothing about marriage or anything. Now we speak with politeness when we find ourselves in the gym in close proximity and we still check each other out at the gym. Tell me is this strange for a married man to speak with a n available woman who is a complete stranger when he is married, or is just being friendly? He doesn’t do this with another women that I’ve seen. Is he into me or thinks I’m attractive? I notice him always looking at me even when I don’t initially look at him. I just want to know what to make of it. I’m not going to pursue him or anything, I just feel bad for his wife. I wouldn’t want my husband to be speaking or looking at a complete stranger on a daily basis for over a year. Any guy out there who can decipher this man’s thoughts or motivation?

Reply January 15, 2014, 11:28 am

Scarlett

Last week I was stuck in the airport for 5hrs and I started talking to this guy who was waiting for th same flight as me. He seemed very interested and shared his number and asked me out for dinner. Initially I was hesitant but as he seemed nice I gave him my number and agreed to go out. Next morning he texted me and we spoke for a bit. He didnt really ask me when I would like to go out for dinner but he gave me hints like he can drive me around and stuff while talking. Later he did not text me. It’s been a week now. I texted him 2 days later and he replied. He was polite and nice but he never initiated a conversation after the first time. Is it alright to text him again and ask? Please advise. Thank you !

Reply November 30, 2013, 10:35 pm

Brittany

I’ve known this guy for a few months now, but as friends. I’ve always liked him, but I could never tell if he liked me. One day, about 2 months ago, we were hanging out and we kinda slept together. . . .I didn’t think that was going to happen, but I don’t regret it. I told him the next day that I really liked him and I wanted to know if he liked me. He completely avoided my question, so I dropped it for the time being. So yesterday I tried to ask him out on a date. And he didn’t respond! I asked him while he was at work, so I was patient, but he never answered. . . .I’m not really sure what to do from this point. Any advice, please?

Reply November 15, 2013, 8:57 am

Sue

So. After having a crush on a guy at work for over a year, finally gave in to flirty email exchanges and went on a date. Had amazing night. I live a few hours away so don’t work in same office. For next couple of weeks we text all day every day. Made plans to meet up. Slept together and went out for food and drinks. Had great time, again. Now he’s stopped texting me and is virtually ignoring me. He does have a lot going on in his life (caring for sick ex partner) but I can’t help wonder what I did wrong? Was it because I was too honest about my feelings and how how much I like him? I still need to see him in work, so need to keep cool. I feel a bit foolish… Any advice?

Reply November 1, 2013, 4:48 pm

Kaye

You know what? I’ll take the blame. I need to be in tune with my own needs and desires and recognize the guy for what he is for what he is in the first place: a loss. Know the term, “WYSIWYG”? It stands for “what you see is what you get.” I hear all this mumbo-jumbo about men liking a challenge, having your own life, blah, blah, blah… Plain and simple, if he doesn’t have time to answer a simple text or phone call, he’s too immature and selfish for your time…move on. Men today play too many games. You set up the challenge and the chase, live your life, and as soon as he catches you and reels you in, it’s back to the same old games. Ladies, know what you want and what you won’t put up with. Look for a real man instead of wasting your time on a boy. A real man won’t stumble over his words and won’t have a problem communicating with you, whether it’s by text, phone, or horse and buggy.

Reply October 29, 2013, 5:21 pm

Lydia

Hi, here’s my situation. I met a guy online, at first it was him asking me out all the time but I was dating some other guy so I told him I couldn’t hang out with him. But then we became friends on FB, and we talked almost everyday, but it was usually me initiated the conversation with him, and he usually replied me very quickly. Then I broke up with the other guy so we finally hang out. I know I may make a mistake that we had sex on the first day we met. But then he told me he had a good time with me.

The second time we met was very short. I was at a mall near his place and he needed to go to the airport so he dropped by the mall just to say hi to me.

We still kept talking almost everyday. Then last weekend I asked him if he would like to meet on Sunday or Wed. He said Wed sounds good and he needed to go out on Sunday before noon but asked me if I can come over before noon. I told him it’s too early for me so let’s do Wed.

Then we didn’t talk since Sunday. I sent him message on FB on Tuesday night asking him if we were going to meet the next day. Then he didn’t reply and the FB message didn’t show he had read it. So I text him on Wed and said “Guess you forget something”. He didn’t reply, so I text him on Wed night again asking if everything is OK. And he totally disappears!

Until now I haven’t heard anything from him. He’s really the guy I like a lot. From the first day I met him, I knew I would like this guy. Now I just leave him there. But I would love to know if there’s any way I can contact him again or should I just let him contact me? I’d really love to try to get this guy, because I know he has everything I really like a lot. Thanks :)

Reply October 18, 2013, 12:41 pm

Erica

Dont degrade yourself and set a prescadent of how he can treat you by texting him again. If you made plans and he ditched out without an explanation…on to the next!

Reply October 21, 2013, 8:01 pm

Jen

He’s not into you.

Reply November 14, 2013, 2:49 am

Samantha

Okay so there’s this guy that I liked for a long time and I found out he likes me back but he never texts back only in like a few hours but when he texts me at night he keeps texting and won’t let me go he also he told my friend that he is to shy to ask me out so I’ve been waiting for 2 weeks and still nothing why is he taking so long if he knows I like him back ?

Reply September 24, 2013, 7:45 pm

annie

help me~(SHOULD I TEXT HIM?) i met him at work and we became close enough! many thought that we were couples. i knew that he is intrested in me and lately im having a crush on him. we chat through facebook whole day but last week i got fired and he told me he would leave the work too cause i amnt gonna b there. he WROTE FEW MSGS TO ME BUT LATER on he didnt he liked my facebook post but no msg! what to do now?

Reply September 24, 2013, 11:43 am

Jivvy

This is going to make me sound crazy, but I started seeing this guy that was really into me. He would tell me how beautiful he thought I was and how he was worried I would leave him for someone else because of it and he spent every single day with me for 2 weeks and then out of nowhere, he dumped me. He is going through a divorce and moved cross country to live near family, so he doesn’t have a job right now and he’s living with his sister. He said he wants to get his life on track right now. None of that mattered to me because I knew it was just temporary and that he’d get it worked out. I know it was a short amount of time to be with someone and have that strong of an attachement to them, but I just haven’t felt this way in a long time. Was I a rebound? I’m trying to keep my options open and give him his space, but it’s hard because he still talks to me. I’m trying to play it cool and wait awhile before I text him back so I don’t seem like I’m just waiting to hear from him, and I haven’t hung out with him since the breakup (not that he’s asked me to). He wants to be friends, but I really don’t want to get stuck in the friend zone. Please help!

Reply September 7, 2013, 2:00 pm

Nina

K so i met this guy the day after and he was tryna sex we were wasted
And i was saying no
Well we tried but he had soo much beer it wasnt happening lol well he asked me to stay with him lol so i did another night with him and his friends and well he really seems to like me like he thought i was gonna leave and went over and made sure i had his number
But i stayed and well we texted alil last night while he was drunk again a bit and he can handle alotta beer lol
But it says hea been on and off facebook -.- he hasnt replied to me
What do i do :( it really seemed he liked me

Reply September 3, 2013, 1:29 am

Tafkas

Hey Nina,

I think you should just forget this guy (well, I hope you have by now, at least. It’s December). It kind of sounds like he was looking for a good time with you, but not much else. If he wasn’t, why else would he be so (physically) into you when he’s drunk, but hard to find otherwise? You deserve much better than that. Remember, you’re way too cool to waste your time with dudes like that one!~

Reply December 1, 2013, 8:05 pm

Sabrina

I’ve been dating my boyfriend Richard for a few months now, but when I stayed over at his we didn’t do anything sexually, I don’t know if he minded or not, the next morning we walked his dog Bailey we walked hand in hand smiling, he then dropped me off home & gave me a kiss & a hug, then I didn’t hear from him for ages until the 01.07.13 asking if I wanted to meet him again I said yes, we arranged to go bowling on the 13.07.13 – He didn’t show up, I cried, I have texted him from my phone & my parents phone & I’ve emailed him, I’ve chatted to his friend, but I haven’t heard anything, what does this mean? He hasn’t told me we’re on a break, he hasn’t broken up with me, he’s said nothing at all & I’ve recently found out the Iphone 5 is out which is the phone he was getting & I haven’t heard anything I really need help because I’m getting really ill over all this worry & stress, I need to know if I’m seeing him again as I need to see him again because I miss him very much.

Reply August 15, 2013, 4:29 pm

jenna

I met a guy on a night out and we really headed of! He text me the next morning ect. We where texting when both on holiday and I felt as though I really got to know him! He was saying that when he passed his driving test he would take me out in his car. we rung each other often and for a month everything was going well. We started to arrange to meet up but that’s when it started and I don’t know if it was because he worked a lot but he kept cancelling to come and meet me. We, however, lived 45mins away. so eventually I said I would go to his which I did! We got on so well, met his family and some of his friend, we were still friends at this point. Then I went on holiday for 4 days and then he stopped texting me! I am so confused why! We got on so well, I really would like to see him again but all I want is an explanation to why he’s stopped getting in contact with me! I don’t want to text or ring him again as this would seem really desperate I just want to know why!?

Reply August 6, 2013, 8:28 am

nozie

I’ve been dating this guy over 3 months but mostly on social networks due to distance than i messed things up by telling him how much i loved him and how he had changed my life etc, after that emailed i sent he ran for his life never called or emailed me back, i kept calling and pushing and at some stage i stopped because there was no change, i never stopped loving him but i wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life waiting for him, so i moved on and got a great guy but problem is im inlove with that other one (the one that got away) recently we have been chating and i dont know what to make of it, i really love this guy and i would love to fix my mistakes i deserve a second chance with him. how do i get him back and him chasing me again?

Reply July 23, 2013, 4:11 am

Yamileian

I saw a You tube video that you have to keep yourself away.. back it off.. don’t call him…Once you stop begging, he will start communicating with you..If he won’t..Nothing to loose..nothing to be regretted in the future, and you will find someone who really appreciate you!!!!

Reply July 24, 2013, 12:26 am

Nadiya

I know its about the guys’ behavior but why its sooooo me?
I really dont like 10 minutes or 3 hours of phone routines with any of my exs! or any dates!

Reply July 18, 2013, 1:29 am

Yamileian

Hes making excuses..thats all.He Just want sex!

Reply July 15, 2013, 9:11 pm

serena

with a guy for a year, with him every day and nght except when we went to work……was practically living together, was gonna get married
he is very insecure and has been hurt very badly in past and has been accusing me of cheating all the time……he goes thru my fone and fb, i dont care nothing to hide……..the accusations got worst over the course of the relationship…..one day all of a sudden he was just like i dont want to be with you anymore i dont trust you ur a liar and cheater…..i was like wtf……he doesnt call or text, been about a month and a half
2 weeks ago we had sex, then two days later he came to my job saying i love u, i miss u, want you to be gf again, but i told him somethng had to change, i couldnt do that anymore……he said if he leave thats it….i said ok and i walk away…..i figured he wouldve texted or called by now, but nothing
i want to give him space

Reply July 8, 2013, 7:38 pm

Ian

If you wanted to get back together why did you tell him to take a walk? I’m not saying it was a bad choice but just on face value if you tell him you are ok with him leaving for good what right or reason do you have to expect him to come back? In general a person wouldn’t want to date someone like that, but sometimes it can halfway work. If you are not a liar or cheater than you may be ok with him; but you have to give up any of that independent bs that some women want. If you are in a relationship with him then that is who you are with and you need to act like it. Baby steps might be possible, but this isn’t someone that will be ok with you going whereever, whenever, or with whoever you want. You also can’t withhold things. The good thing being that I believe that usually you can expect the same loyalty from them. Or at least close. They can get better over time but they’re volitile when it comes to certain things and obviously have trouble trusting. Like I said, sometimes people can get along sometimes they can’t; if it can work for you guys then great. If you are interested you should get ahold of him and don’t give him space for two long. Of coarse the time may give him a chance to look for somebody better, so either way. Good luck.

Reply July 9, 2013, 5:50 pm

Mallory

You have to treat each situation on a case by case basis because sometimes women do tend to over react when a guy they are interested does not respond immediately after a text. For example, if you text a man and he doesn’t respond until maybe 2 or 3 hours later, it may simply be that he’s busy. Ladies have to remember guys aren’t big on communication as much as we are. And from my experience, many guys aren’t big texters like us, women tend to be. However if a guy is taking an entire day to return a text, lose him! We aren’t living in the stone ages of technology anymore, every has a cell phone on them at virtually all times. I can make allowances for a guy not texting me back right away if its doing working hours because I know he’s a working man. But if you can’t bother to text me back and its now after working hours, 7pm and on and you wait until the morning or later to respond to a text I sent you the other day! No. Ditch the guy. I had to do this exact thing to a guy. I met him through a friend at a small get together, there was drinking involved and so we did end up making out that night. Was that a mistake on my part ? Yes, because I was actually attracted to the guy. But I’m not much of a drinker so when I do drink, I tend to be a light weight. I’m never falling over, vomiting drunk and I guess that’s because I really can’t stand the taste of alcohol to ever get to that point, but just a few shots will do me in. Anyway we ended up making out and before I knew it we were going into a private room to err get more serious. Luckily, I wasn’t too far gone and stopped things from escalating. Long story short, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. But to be honest, I didn’t expect a phone call from him, I just assumed he was trying to “act” like a gentleman instead of acting like a douche and ignore me after realizing he wasn’t going to get sex like he had hoped. Well he did end up texting me, and at first he would text me every day or few days but he would take hours or the entire day to respond to my text. I wasn’t too phased by it because I’m pretty good at not investing any type of emotional investment in someone I haven’t yet determined to invest the same in me (ladies it saves you a lot of heartache and confusion if you do this). Plus I was in school looking to finish my degree, I was in the process of finishing a dissertation and he owned his own business so I knew he was pretty busy. But just him taking an entire day to respond (meaning he’d respond in the morning) really turned me off, physically I was still attracted to him, but I had a huge inclination he wasn’t worth my time because I didn’t want just something physical and he wasn’t showing signs he wasn’t interested in me for anything more than being physical. When he did text me he always had the end goal of getting me to agree to going out to a lounge. To me that’s a red flag that a guy wants only one thing. You wouldn’t take a lady you are genuinely interested on a “first date” to a place where there’s music and you can hardly hear your date and have a conversation with, and a place where there’s only drinking going on!? And given the way we first met, I had a feeling he wasn’t hoping he could recreate that scenario because now he knew I was a lightweight. Well I continued to text him, but only would text him if he texted me. If he went weeks without texting me, that was fine by me, I continued on with my life. I would go weeks without caring or looking for a text. But he would eventually always come back and text me, but it would always end the same way; with me rejecting an offer to go out to a bar, lounge, or club with him. Bottom line, in my book if a guy is interested in you he’ll show it. With my ex-fiance he made it clear when we first started dating (our relationship lasted 3 years) he told me upfront he was interested in a relationship. A guy only makes that type of statement when he’s genuinely willing to make an investment, now of course some men are sleazy enough to use that as only a line but if the guys actions match his words than its true. And in the case of my ex fiance, his actions met his words and sure enough I found out he was really interested in getting to know me not just my body. This guy that I had been texting on and off for a few months, wasn’t interested in me; in fact I think he just wanted to see if he could recreate that night because we did almost end up having sex. Of course, I feel sad that something like that almost happened and ruined what could of potentially been something because I was interested in him. But because I had been drinking, my perceptions of things were off and my guard down and that–sex almost happened–thankfully I stopped it because he is obviously not the guy I want to have had sex with. But my point is, if he were genuinely interested in me (which he would say) he would of made an effort to show it, not go weeks on end not contacting me and then only offering to take me to places that douche bags take their potential bootycalls for first dates. If a guy doesn’t text you right away to the degree in which I’m talking, then he’s NOT genuinely interested in you. Guys sometimes will continue to talk to you, even if you haven’t given into sleeping with them because they have hopes of eventually finding you in a moment of weakness. Guys, in my opinion and of course not all, but will have various women lined up or at least like to have a woman here or there that they can call whenever they just want to have sex. You can be that girl that either lives on their street or be the girl that lives 2 hours away that they met one random night. But the point is, if they can possibly have sex with you they’ll try. A guy who is potentially interested in you for you and interested in possibly more than just sex will show more effort.

Reply July 5, 2013, 12:03 am

Lila

Sorry, but I completely disagree. Bad advice. Taking a day to respond should not a deal breaker. Maybe he’s busy? Has things to do? Forgot he read your text and then remembered? Things happen. He has a life and you shouldn’t expect to be the center of it. Let’s be realistic here. Otherwise it comes off as clingy and needy.

Reply June 29, 2014, 12:50 pm

DubDub

Input from GUYS would be greatly appreciated! Met this guy off of a dating website and went on a date. I wasn’t feeling too well that day so the first date was really just a friendly chat, and I thought that’d be it. To my surprise, a week later the guy texted and asked me out again. We went out for drinks and it went really well. The date lasted for 4 hours and we made out at the end. We hung out again the day after because I happened to be in his area for some work stuff. Had dinner and made cupcakes at his place (met his dad too since he’s staying with his parents – he’s a Master student), and ended up in his room naked etc. We were totally down for sex but he was not able to erect and he explained it’s because he’s nervous – I’ve had the same thing happened to me when I was with other guys and thought it’s no big deal. We did basically everything else except for the actual sex. The whole time was great and we even chatted for quite some time lying in bed afterwards. I had to leave around 2:30am because I had work the next day. After that it was radio silence for 3 days. I chatted with my guy friends and they said there’s a good chance that he’s embarrassed for unable to erect, and my friends suggested I contact him so he knows I’m still interested. And so I initiated text (I know I probably shouldn’t) on the 4th day, which is a Friday, just general stuff like “how’s life”. He replied and we had a few friendly messages going back and forth and that’s it. And again 3 days without any contact. I get the whole idea of he’s probably not that into me and he could be dating around, but I’m just really curious, as a guy, if sex is THAT close and you know you’ll get it as long as you reach for it, wouldn’t it make sense to make that tiny little effort and get it? And btw if it’s gonna help in any way, I don’t give the slut vibe – in fact I appear more reserved and classy as a lot of people told me. For now I think the ball is in his court since I expressed that I continue to be interested, and I’m going to wait it the fuck out and live my life as usual. BUT really? I’m not even talking about “in the long run” or what not – wouldn’t he at least wanna pick up where we left off???

Reply July 2, 2013, 12:16 am

Ian

Miss DubDub, hope you are well. I think your friends were steering you in the right direction. Even if he wasn’t especially embarrassed about the trouble contacting him was probably a good idea. On the subject of his issue, that’s an odd way of phrasing it; “unable to erect”. Are you someone with an accent? When I was reading that I was imagining you saying that to someone and you just being so hot that they don’t correct you. I wish I could see a picture to see if that theory is correct but I don’t know if that’s possible. If it is, be sure to let me know. Back to business though. I think you likely messed up. He may have been embarrassed or he may have hoped you would contact him if everything was ok. It would not be crazy to assume that a woman that had a good time (in general, not just anything with sex) would want to contact them before long. Then when you reluctantly texted him you sent him vague, friendly, friend-zone messages. He certainly may not be that into you for some reason or he may be busy dating other people or doing other things, but I think it is just as likely (if it was me in the same situation I could almost gaurantee you) that he thinks you flaked out on him. I’ve had it happen to me; woman naked in my bed one night and then the next time I saw her it was completely different. This is what is going to get you in trouble: You say the ball is in his court because you expressed that you were still interested. How did you express that? Nothing you said expressed that to me. Did you express your interest by asking him “how’s life”? Or by showing how much interest you had by finally contacting him 4 days after a failed attempt to have sex? Now you’re to the point of frustration and going to “wait it the fuck out and live life as usual”. Your comment about picking up where you left off makes me believe you may have read my other comment further down so I don’t want to beat you up too bad, but you need to realize the disconnect. I know you are interested from what you are saying, but all of the actions you are describing would make me at least consider that you aren’t interested if I was him. Now, in your defense, he should have called or texted you within those first couple days. I don’t know if he was trying to play it cool, or if he was busy, or what, but if he would have done that he would have saved you both from a lot of the confusion. Since it took him a week to call about a second date he may just not be the quickest to contact someone. As far as your sex questions, yes he would more than likely be willing to pick up where you left off; but as far as reaching out and grabbing sex, you basicly slapped his hand away when you asked him about the weather. He may try reaching out again but if you don’t show interest he’ll probably give up. Looking back at your post I realized you actually never made an effort. Do you have enough guys trying to date you that you can dismiss someone because you weren’t feeling good? I understand if you were surprised he wanted to go out again since you weren’t at your best, but if you saw enough potential to accept that second date why weren’t you on the phone trying to make another attempt at a good/better first date? So your relationship with this guy has been this: agreed to a first date (after he contacted you I’m sure), agreed to a second date after making him call you, texted him friend-zone messages after not talking to him for 4 days, and now you are waiting for him to contact you again to move things along. Is there any wonder why he might have doubts? If you think that is unfair I’ll switch it: he asked you out on a date, he didn’t hear anything from you for a week and is unsure about you because of you not being well but decides to try it again, the two of you have some fun but he has some troubles and you leave in the middle of the night, he knows he probably should call but like all of us he’s pretty much clueless of what’s best so he gives it a few days, he then gets a message from you on day 4 only to find that all of the interest seems to be gone, he has a friendly conversation with you and decides that (since he’s unsure about the friend zone) he’ll see if you’ll contact him again with more interest and maybe he’ll try you again in a few days or next week, but you won’t contact him and he may or may not just give up. You may have to put out that “slut” vibe, if by slut you mean going after a guy. Just halfway though. You say you are sexual without being a slut (which may or may not be true), so just get a little more slutty with your communication. All this assumes he actually does like you though. He may have decided you guys didn’t fit or he may have just thought you were a slut and he baled at the first sign of any kind of trouble. If you’re fine with short and long-term though what’s the worst that could happen if you got more vocal? He decides not to call you and you end up where you started? Anyway, good luck.

Reply July 9, 2013, 4:57 pm

Grace Frendo

Hi, never actually asked for any advice on this subject before, but its something thats been going on for several years now, and it would be nice to hear some sound input so I can finally leave it all behind me.

After my first boyfriend broke up with me in January of 2010, I started using a dating website, and of course, being female got inundated with messages. One guy stood so far out from all the rest though. I can’t explain what it was (is) about him that I find so damn alluring, but its been three years now, and I keep going back to thinking about him.

He started talking to me, and right from the start it got quite intense, he complimented me, told me about his life etc. We kept pretty regular contact for about two months, talking every two days or so. He wanted to meet me, but as we lived about a hundred miles apart it was a little difficult. But he didn’t seem daunted by that. He kept saying I should visit, he wanted me to visit. But when I asked for a concrete date, he was busy on the ones I suggested. And then eventually the dialogue tapered off.

I got involved with someone else, had a serious relationship for about two years, then when that ended I got back on the dating website, and contacted him. He was happy to hear from me, said that he’d missed me. And it got intense again, he said I should visit etc. And again when I asked for a concrete date he was busy. Again, communications tapered out.

Fast forward to the beginning of June this year, I contacted him, and it happened again. Intensity, he really wanted me to visit, his words “We need to make this happen”. And now, nothing for ten days. He hasn’t been online, he hasn’t replied to my messages.

Some background on him, he had been in a serious relationship, engaged and all that, and then dumped by his fiance before our first communication. At present he works two jobs at unsociable hours, he had a serious health condition involving his lungs early last year, and he has a sleep problem (liable to fall asleep at the drop of a hat).

He says I do something to him, I make him tingle etc, but when he disappears like this I start thinking that he’s fed me a line.

I’ve never asked for a relationship, and I’ve always tried to not act crazy (though he makes me feel crazy), all I’ve ever wanted is just to know him better, meet up one weekend casually.

I’m just not sure what to think about him anymore.

Reply June 30, 2013, 7:20 pm

Bob Turner

I’m in the same situation with a woman I’ve known for about six years (similar again). The only difference being her and I have met and were intimate years ago.

She drives me crazy. And we always contact each other. However, there’s always something that gets in the way of us spending time with each other again, to the point where I have to conclude that, even if there’re good and plausible reasons, she’s playing games.

Like you, the same thing happens: the conversation is intense, then we both agree to meet. I set dates where I’m free, and she says she can’t, because she’s busy on those days. This has happened at least four times over the last five/four years.

I’ve never been crazy with her (well, not crazier than she’s been with me in the past), and like you, all I’ve really wanted is to know more, and more about this seemingly wonderful, smart, interesting person. She was engaged, too, just like your guy.

I’m sure if I still make her tingle, but she still gives me butterflies after all these years.

But unlike you, I do believe she’s playing games with me. There’s no way a person could be THAT busy if they’re interested in meeting someone they care about. I know this, because she was obsessed with me and wanted to meet all the time before. Other women’ve been like this, too; if they want it, they’ll make it happen.

Think of all the things you’d cancel just to see him. Exactly.

He’s either nervous about meeting you, doesn’t want you to see him in his current state (could be unfit/not well), or flat-out doesn’t want to progress things to that level.

Reply August 11, 2013, 10:41 am

sinai

I’m really confuse. I went to prom with this guy I have a crush on. We had an amazing night, he bought my ticket,payed for the ride for both of us,and matched the color I wore. Anyways, when we where at the place where prom was being held, we first took pictures in a photo booth, then we went inside the ballroom. Dinner was serve,etc. So then he decided to go to the washroom so I waited for him to get back, but in the meanwhile one of my guy friends took me out on the dance floor,my prom date came back and he just looked shock but then I went up to him and started dancing with him. We were dancing really close.. So then once again he decided to go use the washroom, then one of HIS friends asked me to dance with him,which I did.. He pass by shock as well but right after the song ended I went to go sit him with (his friend wanted to continue dancing). So whatever, the rest of the night he was the only guy I was dancing with. We danced the slow songs which I didn’t want to,but he convinced me to. After prom ended, he was inviting to go the after party with him (he had mention it to me before) but I said I couldn’t because of my curfew. So he decided to walk me out the door and right at that moment he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. Then out of the blue, he kissed me on my lips. I sort of pushed him because I was really shock and it was unexpectedly. Basically, after prom he hasn’t made any effort to talk to me,I also found out that he took some other girl to the after party. I tried talking to him but he drags on texting/messaging or he completely ignores me. I don’t know what I did wrong or if it was just that he was caught in the moment. One of his friends (they are not so close) tells me he could feel something towards me because he took me to prom when he could of gone by himself like the rest of his friends,also because he spend so much money on me and decided to take me as his prom date when he could of taken someone else… Which I honestly don’t think he ever felt anything for me. What should I do?

Reply June 16, 2013, 8:55 pm

Gen

i don’t know what you should do, but i know why he’s being so airy around you. At the prom he was being serious with you, he was going to spend the whole time with you, and by the sounds of it he did. When he saw you dancing with other people he was shocked, he realised you wern’t into him, as you wernt saving your dances for him.

This isn’t your fault, neither is it his, its just a misunderstanding. You view dancing with others as being fine, he views it as not being serious about the person your with. He’s not angry or anything, just a bit… nervous I suppose. He likes you, but thinks you don’t feel at all the same way, and he doesn’t want to hurt himself.

Reply October 5, 2014, 12:59 am

Nakisha

Ok, so I have been messing around with this guy for 9 months I’m 17 by the way and I love him to death. We moved too fast when we first started dating and we broke up I was a reck. I thought he was over me so I started dating other people and everytime he would see me with another guy he would start calling me and getting me in my feelings and then stop talking to me again. So we started talking again in February and everything was so good until I found out when we broke up he slept with my best friend and got her pregnant. But I still decided to stay with him and work it out. We were still doing good until I decided to get a std test and I tested positive for something. That was about 2 weeks ago and now he’s real distant he won’t talk to me I blew up his phone and I don’t understand why he is putting me through this when I didn’t do anything? I didn’t give him the std he gave it to me so idk what’s wrong with him. But he talks to everyone else…??

Reply May 31, 2013, 12:30 am

Fiona

I was recently dating a guy for almost 5 months. We met at a bar. He asked for my number and pursued me pretty intensely. He took me out on dates and always paid for everything and even bought me flowers. I waited about a month and half before I slept with him. My girlfriends met him and really liked him. They said that it was obvious that he really liked me. He seemed like such a good guy. He was my date for a friend’s wedding about 4 weeks ago. I asked him what we were and if he thought this was going anything. He said he liked me and enjoying spending time with me, that he always wanted to spend his weekends with me. After that, he didn’t text or call me every day, maybe every 2 days or so. He did ask me out the following weekend and I met his best friend and I also met his dad. Everything seemed ok. Last week he was scheduled to leave for a business trip in the middle of the week so he invited me over fo dinner. He cooked a wonderful dinner and we watched a movie later, it was a great night! We both left for work the next day and I texted him that night wishing him a good trip. He texted back and and eventually I fell alseep. We didn’t text or chat at tall the next day. The following night he texted me and everything seemed ok. I went to bed and texted him the following day. I got no response. I figured he was busy on his trip and he would text me when he got home. It’s been over a week now and nothing! Then the other night my roommate was on a dating website and found him!! I am so hurt and confused. I don’t understand what happened??

Reply May 26, 2013, 7:28 am

Cdub

I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. Are you sure it wasn’t just an old profile on the dating site? I certainly hope that he has manned up and talked to you about what is going on in his head. I had something similar happen to me. I was dating a guy for a few months. We got along very well, but we were both busy and traveling alot. He was charming and sweet. He can to see me a few times including driving very far to come see me when I was out of town. We had plans to meet up when he was next home from his business trip one weekend so I contacted him Thursday to find out what the plan was. I never heard from him again. Weeks and weeks went by. I was very hurt and confused. He didn’t even bother giving me the respect of telling me he was not longer interested.. He just vanished. To this day I suspect he may have been injured in the line of duty…… because I feel that is the only reasonable excuse for such disregard for someone elses feelings.

Reply June 3, 2013, 2:38 pm

Crudemood

So, I’m kind of seeing this girl. We went out to a concert, yoga, and lunch together. We had good times.

One night when we went out clubbing together I could tell she was REALLY into me at that point and I was a little bit scared (I don’t know why) so I started drinking my beers faster… By the end of the night I had a little too much to drink and she got upset at me the next day saying she was disappointed in me because of certain things I’ve done that night that I don’t remember doing. I waited a week to apologize to her. I asked her if she was going to stay mad at me forever and she said she was just waiting for an apology. Okay, were all good for now. (I think)

A week or so later I ask her out again and she told me she was busy. Thats fine. But then I asked her out two more times and she said she was busy. I know that she’s upset at me for what I did when I was drunk so I told her that I genuinely was sorry and wanted to make it up to her and so I tried for one last ditch ask out and she finally said yes. I told her we were gonna go to the beach.

Come the day before the beach date I contact her asking if she’s still up for it and she gives me a maybe but she suggest we go to the lunch instead so she would feel a bit more comfortable… Okay, I agreed.

During this lunch date, she was on her phone and not paying attention to what I said. She revealed to me that she had been depressed and that her life sucked. She didn’t seem too happy. I kept carrying the conversation and finally it died and we sat there for a while not saying anything to each other. Turns out she was called in for work that same day after lunch, so she must have been stressed because she would have worked 7 days that week. I tried to not take it personally…

As bad as I thought the date had went, she texted me right after saying how she was off to work. I told her to be happy and smile more.

A week later, today, I texted her saying good morning and asking her how she was. I didn’t get a response.

Do you think that one night at the club ruined any chance I had with her? I really do like this girl but I think she’s totally turned off by how I acted that one night clubbing.

I’m trying to put myself in her shoes… am I missing something? I don’t know if I should keep trying or not.

Reply May 25, 2013, 9:53 pm

Cat

I am or maybe now, was seeing a guy. We met a year ago but nothing happened more than the odd coffee as friends until a month ago. He text me out of the blue asking me out on a date. We went to dinner and it went really well, this followed with another coffee the next weekend then the following I stayed at his, nothing intimate happened apart from some kissing but we did share the bed. He introduced me to his friends and neighbours and it seemed all to be going well. After initially putting in a bit of effort he has completely stopped texting me, I am not one to chase someone, and am not a big texter myself but I am really noticing the lack of communication and its driving me crazy, is this a sure sign he’s lost interest? Its been over a week of no contact. GUY opinion please??

Reply May 6, 2013, 5:04 am

Ian

Cat before I say anything else I am going to tell you to contact him. From what you said it sounds like this may be a situation where two people who don’t like to put too much into the chase have started to see each other. I’m a limited chaser myself so don’t think I’m putting you or him down for it. From what you said, I gather a couple things: 1.He initially tried to keep contact up with you but after not much response he has lost interest or given up possibly. 2.Judging by the fact that you specifically said you don’t like to chase or text in general, you did not keep up the comunication anywhere near the level you should have. If you don’t like to text that is fine but he needs to know this and you need to ask him if he would be willing to try to communicate in more ways. If you like talking on the phone see if he is willing to talk to you, when he can, on the phone. If you like in person contact try to see him more. Maybe don’t increase it too fast like being together every day but since it sounds like you were together once a week before (once on the weekend?) so maybe try for two or three times a week. There are several ways to communicate. Texting has become the norm for talking nowadays for many people so now everyone has to text more but he may not have an issue with mixing it up and just texting here or there for quick messages or when he can’t talk, as long as you are willing to do the same. It’s a hard sell to tell somebody you haven’t contacted them because you don’t like to text. You don’t have to lead the chase you just have to keep it going. In my opinion (and it sounds like the guy is somewhat similar so he may somewhat agree with me) one of the worst things a woman can do is stop communicating. It’s better to say too much than nothing at all. Like I said in a response to another post, atleast if you’re contacting us we know you’re interested. Otherwise we don’t know anything and we assume that there’s not interest on the other end. Also remember just because you got his text it doesn’t mean you’re communicating (or vice versa); you don’t have to answer every text/call each other sends but if you don’t both do this it will never work. Oh and you get half credit just for being around, so as long as you are not distant or cold you don’t need to talk all the time (if you are having a conversation talk obviously) while you are together. Sometimes that can be an overload and that’s where the stereotypes come from.

Reply May 7, 2013, 5:10 am

BS

Such a double standard. A girl who wants a convo and asks a guy why he hasn’t responded is “needy.” A guy DEMANDS sex on the first date…why? Because he NEEDS it. And girls are expected to follow through with the man’s needs, but GOD FORBID a man acknowledge OUR NEEDS. This is why I will remain single for the rest of my life, WILLINGLY. Because a man who is self-indulgent is no man in my book! He’s a narcissistic loser.

Reply May 4, 2013, 4:52 pm

Eric Charles

You and I are on very different pages…

First, if a guy “demands” sex on a first date… well, frankly my dear… he’s an asshole.

And even if a guy “demanded” sex on a first date, you don’t have to have sex with him. You don’t ever have to see him again.

There’s nothing wrong with sex on the first date if that’s what you and the guy want to do, but if a guy is being pushy for sex and you don’t want to have it with him, nobody “expects you to follow through with the man’s needs”.

Your point here about a double standard makes no sense.

Reply May 5, 2013, 1:35 pm

laura

no a good example of double standards would be what my boyfriend does. If i dont text him back within 3 minutes he sends a hello? if i dont text back in another2 minutes he calls me. in the mean time he randomly ignores the crap out of me and wont text me back at all. but god forbid i dont text him back.

Reply June 13, 2013, 1:04 pm

Bunny

Yup, that would be a good example of a double standard, Lauren. I have been on this friendship thingy whatever with some dude in another country. He sometimes sends me texts and if I don’t answer he will continue to text me the next day until I give in and either text back or call him. However, if I text him first he will not respond. This will continue for days on end until his royal highness dignifies my cell phone with a response. Lately I’ve come to the realization that I don’t mean much in his life in the grand scheme of things, and that I should just continue on my merry way and hope to meet a guy within my zip code who actually gives a damn about acknowledging me. I am not demanding that this guy drop everything to answer my texts, but just a “yes” or “no” response (or something called respect), is all I am asking for.

Reply June 16, 2013, 12:42 pm

Ian

I agree with Eric, nobody said a guy should “demand” sex on a first date. Even in the context of your argument it’s not a double standard. You claim demanding sex is wrong and he said that overtexting/asking for attention is wrong. Seems like the common ground would be to say they are both wrong which is the same standard. Also they are kind of the same thing. In both cases the person goes the extra mile because their partner isn’t being clear with them or communicating enough. A guy initiates sex because read minds. We try to wait until there are clear signals but women don’t always initiate (usually don’t in most cases probably) so we take a chance. It isn’t something you should get mad about. If they don’t take no for an answer that gets into a different story, but still. Take the breast grab as a compliment, it means we think you are atractive. If the tables are turned do you think we are scarred for life by it? Men get hit on by women they aren’t attracted to or who are moving too fast all the time. We joke about it and move on. Let me clear, I’m not advocating men forcing themselves on women; I’m just saying that generally we “demand” sex because a.You’ve given us mixed signals or no clear (not subtle hints that guys don’t pick up on) negative signals, or b.We think you’ve just wasted our time and money. Reason b women turn into “he thinks just because he bought me dinner I have to sleep with him”, but it’s more about feeling used or conned. We don’t mind spending money on you, or taking you out to have a good time, or waiting a reasonable amount of time for sex; but it’s not hard to feel like maybe you had no interest from the start and were just using us. Typically this would happen if we just got the cold shoulder. If you have interest but don’t want to have sex then just be warm and kiss him goodnight or something.

Reply May 7, 2013, 4:32 am

RightOn

I agree!!! To hell with ‘em!!!

Reply May 28, 2013, 12:56 pm

Justme

I met a guy everything seemed great. He introduced me to his bestfriend and also took me to his parents house for dinner., I was really happy because I thought he was really into me. We would text/talk daily.. Then about a week ago I call him no call back or text reply. I wait 3 days then text him “hey” he replies telling me that he just realized that he had an unsent message to me. I text him a couple days later and we talked on Friday. This was the first weekend since meeting him that he didnt make plans with me. He said he was busy so I did not want to bug him. Saturday no call no text. So sunday I text him “Hey we haven’t talked much…whats going on?” I wanted to know if his feelings have changed for me or if there was something going on in his life that he wanted to talk about. HE NEVER REPLIED! so the next morning I text him That I really thought he was decent enought man enough to just let me know what was going on. I know realize I never knew you. Goodbye I don’t know what happened?! I’m angry, hurt and confused :*(

Reply April 29, 2013, 3:43 am

Sam

Okay. So the guy I am texting is my ex. Him and I have been very close friends for the longest time and a while after we broke up we started getting feelings for eachother again. But I was dumb and messed everything up. I know I messed up and I even admitted it to him a few months after. (He told me he never wanted to speak to me again because I broke his heart) So I waited till when I thought the time was right and well when I told him a few days ago, I did it though text message. We had a pretty decent short conversation and said it would be nice to get together on Friday to catch up. So the next day(Wednesday) to confirm plans I texted him and he didn’t reply. Its like he disappeared off the face of the earth. I waited a few days to text again and he still won’t reply. I’m not sure if I should keep trying to talk to him or not. My friends know he still cares for me and they “say” he is testing me to see if I really care. But I’m not 100% sure. I told you as much as I could in short time but my question is should I give it time or tell him how I feel?

Reply April 23, 2013, 5:34 pm

mel

My boyfriend just broke up with me. i tryed to text him but he wont text me back. im am going nuts please help

Reply April 21, 2013, 4:02 pm

Karen

Hi, i really need some advice… desperately!! :0 i like this guy.. A LOT…. we used to be good friends! we’d txt and sometimes he wouldnt respond… in the past i asked him why he didn’t ( i know… needy)… then he asked me if it bothered me tht he txt back… i didn’t respond -pure silence- “exactly” was his answer , as if he took it as a yes….. he texted me a once while ago after a long break when he was upset at me ( we’re fine now) but im really scared on texting him.. i really want to talk to him but im afraid he wont text back because i really dont want to be a avoided… (i know i know… thats what every girl is afraid of when texting a guy…. but its different because he wouldn’t be doing it for the normal guy reasons and that reaaallllyyyy confuses me! This guy is different than other guys… he’s infantile, but he’s great! He really enjoys bothering me…. he always comes at our lunch table and hangs out… though, he hasn’t been coming in awhile…. (i worry too much, i know) but please, please! help mee!!

Reply April 14, 2013, 11:13 pm

Malou

Hey! I could need some advise.
I met this guy a weekend ago at a party at my friends’
dorm, and we ended up
talking most of the night, but when we parted he didn’t ask me
for my number or anything, just said I should tend the next party with a big smile
and we hugged.
The next day my girlfriends convinced me that I should get
in touch with him, so I ended up cyber searching him on fb.
It took a while but I found him and applied for friendship and left
a message. It’s been 5 days now, he accepted friendship the next
day after I send, but the message is still unread and unreplied.
Did I scare him away? And is there a way to do some damage
control? Should I delete the text and/or friendship?
I might run into him in a week or so at a party there, if he just isn’t interested it
would be nice to cut the awkwardness.
/Malou

Reply April 13, 2013, 12:09 pm

aisha

hi, when you aren’t friends with someone on fb yet and you send a message, the message usually goes into a parallel inbox marked as ”other”. I don’t think many people check that inbox, so maybe the message didn’t even get seen=)

Reply June 5, 2013, 5:27 pm

Margaret

I need help!! I started talking to this guy we hit it off great. We talked non stop allday pretty much everyday. He would say your so beautiful, I’m going to treat you the way you deserve and your my princess. I want this to work please dont hurt me baby. Things were going great like too good to be true. He told me he had a criminal past everything about it. It was strange circumstances with it. I told him I understood and didn’t care about it. We were together a month at that point and he was talking about having kids and getting married and everything. I was head over hills he was everything. This was also my first serious relationship. Then one night my best friend didn’t believe he was telling me everything about his past and looked him up. Found his record and told me everything that was on it. I confronted him about somethings he didn’t tell me were on there. I just wanted to know why he lied? I didn’t care what was on it just the fact that he lied. He flipped and was like this is why I have trust issues. We fixed things later that night or so I thought. He said he loved me and I did too. Things were back to how they were. Then one morning he texted me goodmorning like usual and told me he started talking to his ex again. I was like what?!! She’s the one who got him the criminal record and deeply hurt him. Told me he wanted to break up because he still had feeling for her. But wanted to be friends still. So we were friends for a week I really wanted him back did some stupid things trying to get him back he said we could only be friends. We both agreed. She got jealous told him he couldn’t talk to me anymore so he told me just that. A month later he txted me saying she left him. Found out he had proposed and they were to get married. Then she left him. We have stopped talking then started again 3 times he keeps he wants go be friends then wants to be with me.all throughout this he keeps saying he loves me and doesn’t want to loose me. I’m too important to him. What do I do? I love him so much and want him back. But I feel like a Rebound. How do I get him to make up his mind me or her?

Reply April 11, 2013, 11:19 am

Ian

You make up his mind for him. Tell him he chooses her. Period. You are off the market. The guy is a punk. He didn’t tell you everything because he didn’t want you judging him too hashly and scaring you away. That part isn’t that bad on face value but the fact that he’s a fuck-up does weigh into the decision a little bit. The fact that he talks to you the way he does is about another dozen red flags though. Calling you a rebound would be giving you more respect then he has for you. You need to get away from him. I’ve seen plenty of women like you before and you’re probably gonna go to someone similar the next time even if you do tell him to hit the road but it’s best to atleast try to change things now and maybe the next one will be atleast a little better. Maybe a smaller record. Please don’t have children with these people. Maybe after you’ve been together for several years but not before.

Reply May 7, 2013, 3:50 am

ramona

there’s a guy i liked years ago but in a way still like. he’s always the one who starts texting first and when i answer he answers back short like he’s not interested. it’s confuses me! does he still likes me too or is he just playing mind games.

Reply April 9, 2013, 1:11 pm

crazy

I have a bf that im 17 years older than him…i feel in love with.and we have been with each other for close to.two years….Here is the crazy part he is very unhapply married he.was forced to.get married when he got his gf prego…he keeps telling me he is.going.tp leave and move in but nothing happens….He told me he.is.waiting to get money.up.for a divorce and then he will.move in….please give.me some advice on thisi know he.is truly unhappy and afraid to leave his little girl….help

Reply March 11, 2013, 7:27 am

Lawgirl

Hi!
I need some major advice please!!!!!
Okay long story somewhat short lol. I was with a guy for 2 years I loved him, and I thought he loved me… we spoke about marriage but after a year he back away and said he has a strict family and they will pick his wife and he can’t do anything about it (this is actually true it a culture thing from where he is from) BUT he broke up with me via text out of the blue… we met one day and 2 days later he sent a message… of course I was crushed this was my first relationship. Okay so throughout the breakup I made mistakes and texted him, told him why blah blah… but I stopped later.
After about 2 years later he messaged me on e-mail saying the major reason why he broke if off was he knew it wasn’t going anywhere but refuse to tell me.. and two he wanted a girl to have sex with and I wasn’t giving it to him because I am a virgin (oh I am now 23) and he said I was a girl for a man to marry not to mess with. So he found a new girl and brags that she and him ONLY hang in a parked car and why couldn’t I do that. I just LOL at it. So the past 2 months him and I have been talking just as friends. He would always repond to my texts (which before he would ignore or cuss me out etc, and this is 3 year after the break up). I told him it great hearing from you and I hope our path cross… he replied saying God willing our paths do cross I really hope that. So I just replied saying yeah. we would text throughtout the day mostly the morning, talking about all sort of stuff, TV, our lives, just friends talking. So he keep complimenting me and I just say thanns nothing more to make him feel like I want him back (BUT I DO STILL CARE A LOT FOR HIM). He than proceeds to say he is loving the way I live my life and he is envious and jealous. I moved away from the state I used to live in that he is still in and now in law school… and he always says he is jealous of me, which I don’t like.. always saying I am beautiful, that he misses me, wants to see me, calls me a “G” but I just say don’t be your got it good too… anyways he asked to see me, I said may be when I am back. So I later told him may be if we meet in public NOT A CAR, and just get coffee. He agreed and said he would find time. I said sure. He told me last week that may be this week we would me, well, I text him saying hey did you find a day so I knew bc i would be leaving back soon, he didn’t reply.. so I left it. Hours went by nothing. I told my friend, she took his number and called private without me knowing :/ he picked up!! So I later text saying I don’t know what’s going on, but I will respect that bye friend. The next morning he text saying hey, I replied with hi 2 hours later. He wrote how are you feeling, 2o min later I said pretty good. THAN he proceeded to ignore me again so I wrote if you don;t want to talk to me than don’t text or play games. I don’t want to waste time. I am really sad because I care so much for him, and am his friend and had faith he would be a MAN and just not play this game of hot and cold anymore… we are just friends. I am away and busy so I don’t expect much from him but a polite I can’t meet up but have a safe trip back maybe next time or just if he doesnt want to talk to ne stop talking don’t talk to me than, ignore. The week is over and I am going back to my University I didn’t hear from him….

OH, and he kept saying he would come visit me in the state I am in now bc it is a tourist state, and said we would have fun and just hang… he was saying/asking would it be awkward, i said no but if we meet it would take the awkwardness away….

So will he ever text me? Because I secretly do want to hear from him again??? Why does he do this? is he fooling me? Please help, my heart is broken again. I been hurting for almost 4 year becouse of this guy… this is a long long long story that is very condense. He is kind of a jerk, obivosly a player since he left to find a sex buddy. I feel like he doesn’t care, yet I still do. He says I am a great friend and that he has love for me, but why alway do this?

Do you think he will ever call me or text me? I need you help!!!!! please

Reply January 14, 2013, 3:50 am

Ian

I know it sounds simple, but I would move on. You are probably a decent girl/woman and you’re just being held back by him. Not actively, like if you were still in a relationship, but passively because you haven’t gotten over him. You would probably be someone that myself and others would be happy to get to know but if you stay stuck on him it’s going to prevent you from getting to know other people at times. He really sounds like someone that isn’t worth your time. I don’t see a point for you to meet him or continue contact; it doesn’t sound like he is interested in being with you and since he’s a jerk the friend part doesn’t have a lot of value. I don’t know why you are a virgin or if you want to stop being a virgin but if he wants to have sex then that is what he wants. He may think that he can take your virginity. He treats you the way he does because you let him. You stay in contact with him and because you aren’t a priority he contacts you when he feels like it. In my responses to the other people I’ve basicly said to try to give the guy a chance when possible, but in your case I think you may have somebody that you should stop talking to. The only reason he is talking to you is because he has nothing to lose. If he is with someone then maybe he can get with you and if not he still has that person; if he doesn’t have anyone then worst case he’s again no worse off. The things he said to you and the way he acts are not a good fit for you besides being a jerk. Granted you may fit well with a jerk, but be with someone like me that will actually like you (maybe we can negotiate the virgin thing). To answer your questions, yes he will likely text you; Yes he will likely call you if that is something that was not uncomon for him to do; yes you do want to hear from him again (you desire to hear from him, not that it is a good idea); he does this because he’s an a-hole; Yes he is probably somewhat fooling you, although leading you on may be more accurate; yes he is a jerk; no he is not a player; no he doesn’t care that much; yes you probably are a great friend; no he does not have love for you; he does this because he can and he really has nothing to lose, and because you let him by not breaking off contact with him.

Reply May 7, 2013, 3:37 am

Tuiou

Don’t overanalyze the lack of texting. I’m not a youngster, and even I have the temptation to find out what so and so is doing. But what I have learned, that no man who won’t respond to your overtures is worth setting up a nest in your head. FYI, this also works for guys who’s gal pal hasn’t texted them back. So, guys, just switch the pronouns and this scenario will work for the girl who can’t seem to find the time to respond to your test.

If the man wanted to be with you or text you, he would. Plain and simple. It’s highly unlikely that he’s in a body cast in the hospital or recently entered the FBI Witness Program. The days of snail mail or landlines are over. He can be in touch with you 24/7. So no excuses. He’s either moved on, playing games or in a quandry about how to handle the “commitment” implied by a text from you saying “Hi.” Yes, he thinks he’s that special. He thinks that now you want him to father your 4 kids. That type of man is not a prize.

However, no one likes to be rejected, even by a dumbass. Especially by a dumb@$$. I was dumped by a redneck (his neck was even red) who thought he could do better than me. Why? Because I was stupid enough to go out with someone who wasn’t in my league. He got me easily and he was moving on up (fyi, he still hasn’t found anyone).
The real issue is the feeling of being dumped. But remember this, if he didn’t want you, why the heck would you want him? Do you want to date someone who doesn’t see your value? So a lot of the pain is just the feeling of being rejected, whether you actually liked the guy or not.

So, here’s what you do. If the guy does not text you back within a reasonable period of time (reasonable for you, that is. Compare your contact now to when he was actually interested), do not text or contact him. Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you think about the guy. Delete the guy’s number from your phone. Block the guy’s number from your phone. Meanwhile now that you have time freed up, go out and have fun with friends. I suggest not finding another lover until you’ve stopped being a doormat.

If and when your lover finally sends you a text, here’s how you’ll respond (even if you’re heart is beating and you know who it is. Don’t be charmed unless he has a hospital bill showing he was in a body cast.)
You who is this ????? (question marks or periods show at least puzzlement if not outright irritation.)
Him: John
You: hmm. . . . er . . .which John?

Yeah, you might know John, and maybe he’s the only John in your life. However, if you haven’t truly forgotten this guy, isn’t it nice to know that he probably feels the piercing twinge in his heart that he has been forgotten. Revenge is best served cold. However, colder yet, and truly awesome is when you’ve truly forgotten the guy and you’re absolutely clueless who he is.

Reply December 26, 2012, 11:29 pm

Ian

This advice is fine if you want to be alone. Not if you want to be with somebody. Just be cautious when dealing with people. Give him/her a couple chances before starting to move on. If “John” didn’t do anything wrong to you before besides not text you for a while maybe see what he’s looking for; but keep in mind what you are looking for. If it seems like he just wants sex and you want a relationship (or vice versa) then maybe he isn’t a good match. Atleast not right now. You may want to be as clear as possible with them about your thoughts though.

Reply May 7, 2013, 2:59 am

Mallory

I can’t agree, just quit responding to his text all together. Why be immature and petty about? A man can get the picture and will feel very stupid after seeing he’s texted you and you are no longer responding to his misguided “advances.” If one thing I regret, it’s regretting acknowledging a guy who use to text me HOURS apart and sometimes a DAY apart. But what can I say, he was VERY attractive, that and a guy friend of mine had introduced me to him, vouching that he was quite the gentleman. But at this point I’m sure both were big frauds. Anyway, I regret acknowledging his text for as long as I did, I suppose in some part of my mind I had hoped he would genuinely be interested in me.

But now who cares, he may have not been genuinely interested or invested in getting to know me, but that doesn’t have to be a reflection on me; because he was never interested in taking the time to get to know me in the first place–so who was he to really judge who I am!??

I don’t think its necessary to play the “who is this?” card when someone you are nudging out of your life texts you…that’s amateur and juvenile, and if you take that approach during your confrontations, I can guarantee you are taking that approach doing your other social interactions and that may be one reason why men try to run a scheme on you or your relationships or those you hope to become relationships don’t work out. The best policy is just to rise above it, if a guy doesn’t act truly invested in you, stop leaving it in his court. Instead see it as “HE’S NOT doing enough to grab YOUR ATTENTION,” when you think like that, it makes it a lot easier in not fretting over a guy who is just playing games.

With the texting guy, I eventually just stop responding and eventually he got the message. For some ladies this isn’t juicy or filled with enough vengeance and fire but guys hate knowing they’ve been forgotten or that they aren’t the one being left–in fact not just guys, people hate knowing they are the ones being passed up–so for me, just quit with the games and handle it like a woman, especially if you want to be perceived as one.

Reply July 5, 2013, 12:01 am

Candice

Is there any hope?

Basically I have liked my best guy friend for a very long time. We were always very close and flirty especially if we have been drinking. He was dating this girl the whole time I have been friends with him, but they recently broke up. 2 days after they broke up we went out and ended up making out that night. Then we made out the following weekend. Then the weekend after that we had sex (apparently he doens’t remember that or basically anything from that night). I didn’t see him for a while, because we had a break from school. This past weekend we had a formal and ended up making out on the bus ride home, but he said I couldn’t come over because he was going to hang out with his roommate who had a bad night. Yet, he was texting me but I literally passed out so nothing happened. I am not sure what any of this means or what to do. We haven’t talked at all. Bottom line if nothing further happens, I literally do not want to lose him as a friend. What should I do?

Reply December 3, 2012, 12:25 am

Ian

I don’t know what you mean by “Yet, he was texting me but I literally passed out so nothing happened”. Why haven’t you talked? Have you tried getting ahold of him? Whatever his interest level is, you stopping communication will not help. If you’ve known him for a while chances are he will be fine having some sort of relationship with you but he probably doesn’t know how you feel. He may not be sure either and may be more comfortable going back to friends but if he knows that you have some interest in dating him still he atleast knows that’s an option. You have to understand that many guys have had bad experiences with women and have heard of even worse so we don’t know how you will act in a situation and we generally have no clue how you feel. You don’t have to get serious next time you talk or see each other but try to see him and stay in contact. Stay cool and maybe work up to talking about it. Try to be the person you always are that he liked. There’s no gaurantees but the only times I’ve given up on someone is when I couldn’t take the mixed messages anymore or they just completely flaked/changed.

Reply May 7, 2013, 2:44 am

Kelcey

Okay, it could just be me blowing this out of proportion, but lemme give some background: I had a crush on this guy last year when he was a senior and I, a junior. He added me on Facebook and he started to message me and we sent some texts back and forth but nothing major. Then we kinda just stopped talking altogether. Well, a few weeks ago, he messages me just kinda starting casual conversation, what have you, and we hung out like two weeks ago. Well, I was basically there all night and we talked for quite a few hours and then we watched a movie, cuddled, yadda yadda. Before I left, we were making out, but then his dad came home and it was like 2am and I hadda leave. Since then, we’ve been messaging each other back and forth and I’ve been wanting to hang out with him again but I only really asked him a couple days ago if and when he wanted to. Well, he keeps saying that he’s incredibly busy with work and everything and when he finds out, that I’ll be the first to know. It sounds really bad when I type it out, but (to me) he really does not seem like that kind of a guy. He’s definitely not like any other guy I’ve talked to. He’s an absolute sweetheart and he’s totally down to earth. Anyway, after he told me that, I asked him where he works (’cause I’ve never asked before hahah) and its been like 3 days since I’ve heard from him. Now, my phone shows whether or not someone is online and stuff like that so I’ve kinda been periodically checking to see if he is or not and he has been but I’ve gotten nothing. It could be like you said in that post that he really is just trying to focus on work and stuff, but I’m kinda just like wth, ya know ? Now I’m plagued with whether or not I should just message him anyway or if I should just wait a little longer and see if he replies. What exactly do you think of my predicament and what would you suggest I do, if anything ?

Reply November 30, 2012, 9:04 pm

Zoe

Kelcey,
The way I see it, it could be one of two things. Or, maybe both. Okay, so it could be these things:

1. He really is busy with work.
It sounds like he either did or does like you from what you said about when you two first hung out, so this is definitely a possibility. It really doesn’t sound like he would just all of a sudden forget you ever existed.

and/or:

2. He’s confused.
This is also a possibility. He could’ve really enjoyed the first time you guys hung out but became confused for some reason and doesn’t know what to do about it.

I can actually relate to your story with the whole working guy thing though, so I understand your frustration. We could sure use a guy’s input on this one!

Reply December 7, 2012, 10:07 pm

Kelcey

Okay, lemme apologize ahead of time that this will problly be really long; I’m sorry.

I feel like both of your answers could be possible. There have been two instances though where I felt completely blown off and at the same time understanding: the first time, I asked him if he wanted to get some ice cream with me and he said that he had to work and suggested the next day. Next day, I ask him if he still wants to go and he said he was about to go play basketball for a little and that he’d message me when he was through … I didn’t hear back from him until I woke up the next morning to a message saying that he was sorry and that ‘something came up.’ I was like okay, no big deal. The second time, he said he was free for a few hours and that we could chill, but when I asked him if he was ready he never answered. Later that night he said ‘i’m really sorry, i hungout with family :(‘. To that, I almost kind of felt like he should have added ‘instead’. It was around Thanksgiving and everything but still, if he didn’t want to hang out with me, he could have said so, ya know ? Fast forward to when we actually hangout again: the entire time I felt like he just wanted to hookup with me because he was being all touchy-feely and wanting to cuddle a lot and trying to kiss me. At one point he said he was ‘infatuated with me’ and I thought it was sweet but I still kind of had a guard up about it. The thing that really trips me up is that we did have pretty stimulating conversation, both in messages and in person, so why do I feel like I was there as almost a joke ? I will confess, my last real relationship was when I was 14 and I’m now 18 and guys haven’t really shown much interest in me between then and now.

In relation to your suggested answers, though, do you think it could just be me not being able to actually let him in ? So much so that I’m actually pushing him out ? :(

Reply January 11, 2013, 11:16 pm

Ian

Hey Kelcey. I don’t want to get into too much of a guessing game, but it doesn’t sound like anything too abnormal. Your situation is probably a bit different at this point but I’ll just say a couple things. If he made it a point to contact you then he is open to the idea of dating you or getting to know you better. The fact that you made out, that you talk on a normal basis (maybe not as much as you want but it doesn’t really stop), that he wants to be around you, and honestly that he bothers to give you excuses, are all indicators of atleast a little interest. Here’s where the problem comes into the situation though. What are you looking for and does it match what he is looking for? Do you want sex or some sort of sexual activity? Because if not you might as well join a convent or focus on school or something until you do. Very few guys don’t want something sexual eventually out of the relationship. Women tend to look at this as a bad thing. It’s not. It’s just guys being realistic. In comparison ask yourself what you would really like to do with a future boyfriend. Maybe go dancing? Go to dinners? Or movies? Picnics? Walks? I’m not a woman (or you) so fill in the blank for yourself. Now imagine that guy telling you that there is no way that he is going to do that with you and every time you try he is going to say he doesn’t feel well, or he has a headach, or he has to be up in the morning, or whatever. Hell maybe he claims he’s on his period. I think I’ve used that once or twice. Basicly he says that if you ever want to be seen in public together or get what you want out of this relationship then you need to think again. Now, how long would you stay around?
You might be completely fine with having sex, but I bring it up partly because you mentioned that it seemed like he just wanted to hook up. That certainly could be possible. You have to judge by his actions if he actually gives a damn, which is hard. It’s fine to be cautious when having/thinking about sex but you have to understand that there are differences between men and women. For one, many times (personal experience) we treat these situations like a video game; we have a goal and we know we have to figure out how to slay that goddamn dragon to get to the treasure chest. One problem is that we want to start where we left off and you (a woman) want to start the game over. To use another analogy, when you guys were making out he got to second base let’s say and then he had to stop because of a rain delay. When we get back on the field we go back to that base in our heads. So when he came over in his head he may have been like “we made out before so she’ll be fine if we start making out again and maybe more if everything goes ok” which you saw as him moving too fast. Ironicly moving too fast is a turnoff for women, so even though we are only going by the signals you have given us in the past, we get ourselves into trouble. Much like with not texting back (see other comment to the woman from an older post) we start to assume that you have lost interest, or are playing games, or whatever. Keep in mind I am assuming a low dushbag level and that he is not just trying to use you. You will push him away by rejecting him (obviously) no matter what kind of guy he is or how he feels about you, but if he is using you he may not be hurt by your rejection. As far as him being confused, I can pretty much gaurantee it. We are confused up until we die, we just get slightly less so as we age.
So I guess to sum up: don’t worry as much about him cancelling plans or getting sidetracked as long as he is staying in contact with you and he does go through with plans at least from time to time. Don’t assume he doesn’t like you both mentally and physically just because he gets a little excited and touchy-feely. If you don’t want to do anything sexual be very clear but also understand that he may disappear; very few guys want to be with a woman that doesn’t want to have sex with them and this IS NOT a card you want to play; you WILL lose every time. Unless they want to wait till marriage this is not something you want to play with; we will wait but not THAT long. Let’s be honest, after everything I’ve said, he’s probably a dirtbag. Biggest indicator being that “he is infatuated with you”. That’s code for whatever I’m doing isn’t working so I’m going to double-down and hope she falls for it. So be careful.
I don’t know if you think this has been helpful or not but I should probably delete this if possible after you see it cause if I encouraged others to give a-holes another chance, the rest of us a-holes would never get a chance. I think that might be a bro-code violation and I could have my card suspended. Tread lighty with any information you have gathered young one. For both our sakes.

Reply May 7, 2013, 2:23 am

angelina

well i were dating this mexican for awhile but he text me late ,but i didn’t answer him right away and i told him i were asleep and that i were in an arguement with my roommate he want to know with who i told him ask me were i dating him ,he assume it were with a men just because i said roommate .every now and then he will text me he never would say it over, what should i do

Reply October 18, 2012, 2:01 pm

Yessem

I’ve been texting a good friend for years and recently we started sexting.
Another friend of mine that he knows was talking to me and knows about it, when I mentioned she said hi he flipped and hasnt really texted me back or he initiates a conversation and leaves after saying hi, it’s annoying me and I almost regret taking our friendship to this level :/

Reply October 18, 2012, 12:14 pm

Valia

I’ve been talking with this guy I met online two months ago. We would talk every morning, text throughout the day, and always talk on the phone at night. Two weeks ago he told me he was falling for me and I said the same back. The next morning he didn’t call and from then on he’s barely been texting/calling me. If I text him he’ll respond and we’ll talk for a while but I feel like if I don’t text him first I won’t hear from him. I don’t understand the sudden change and i’m trying to not text him as much so I don’t seem clingy. He’s coming to see me next week (decided this a month ago) and I don’t want it to be weird. The very few times we do talk he says that he misses me and can’t wait to see me. Is he not interested anymore? Seeing someone else? Any advice would help. Thanks!

Reply October 15, 2012, 9:59 pm

Wise

Unfortunately, the truth is almost anytime a man acts that way he probably is talking to someone else. As hard as it may be, I would try to take my mind off of him. Men love the chase and for some, once they’ve caught you then they decide to find someone else to chase. Not all guys do that. The truth of the matter is though he may seem soooo into you and say a lot of sweet nothing’s…sometimes they’re just that, nothing’s. I also wouldn’t advise you ask him about it either. 9 times out of 10 he’s not going to give a straight answer because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and he doesn’t want to close the door on possibly coming back to you if he thinks there is potential.

Always guard your heart though. Just to reiterate the point that just because a guy acts a certain way and says certain things doesn’t mean he’s leveling with you. Men aren’t wired to automatically feel emotion the way we do, the are more logical first. They can feel emotion but its something that isn’t so readily tapped into, so at this stage in the relationship and the fact that now he’s being wishy washy, I’d say just don’t spend so much time on him and wondering what’s going on and just live your life. Chances are he’ll be coming back and by then you’d probably be in a different mindset as to whether or not you’d even want to deal with him and if he didn’t hey by the time you notice, you won’t even care.

Believe me it took me a while to really do this when I was in a situation just like yours. From experience I’m telling you that the best solution which may seem the hardest, is to just move on with your life. I would even question the date that you guys are supposed to go on simply because going on it will make it harder for you to move on. He’s already showing you signs of not being as into you as he lets on so don’t risk falling deeper and making it harder for you to guard you heart. Believe me I’ve been there. You may think this date may change everything and make him pursue you again and sure for a short time it might but in the long run he’s already showing you his hand…he’ll go right back to being wishy washy. When I realized this and stopped letting guys like this take me through emotional roller coasters is when I truly met a guy that deserved my attention because I stopped giving men that acted wishy washy like that the time of day and I made sure my heart was guarded enough so that moving on wouldn’t feel like a quasi break up. You never know he may clean up his act but if he doesn’t there will be someone out there for you that has there act together. Just gotta be patient. Hope this helps :)

Reply October 16, 2012, 10:07 am

Anais

If a guy ignores a text that requires a an answer, I ignore them back or take awhile to answer, depending on the situation. Most guys don’t take it as a sign of loss of interest. It seems like if they really want to speak to me, they will find a way to get in touch again, they will text me again, etc. Sort of how we behave with those guys we don’t care about. We may be hesitant to reply but keep trying to get in touch due to your lack of quick response.

I rather do what is effective than what sounds “logical” I’ve seen that with guys who have ignored me, replying when I hear from them sends out the message that it’s ok to ignore me and they will do it again. They need to know you won’t always be available if they aren’t seeing it yet. I see it as a way of communicating that your time is valuable in a manner that works (yeah saying “why didn’t you text me back” doesn’t work!)

Reply October 11, 2012, 11:05 am

Ian

I don’t even know what exactly you are saying and I know it’s completely dumb. First of all, I don’t think I have to go any further than your first paragraph to explain why it doesn’t make any sense. You are talking about a guy you presumably like and then you talk about using a tactic on him that it appears you yourself say is what you would use on somebody you don’t like.
Second, every guy is different of course, but in general if you don’t text/contact a guy you are giving the impression that you don’t like him. We don’t play games in that way (if at all). If you don’t show interest then we assume there is not interest. Sure if you text a lot it can get to a point of being needy but atleast we know there is interest. We don’t know anything from silence. You are COMPLETELY wrong that guys don’t take it as a loss of interest. We will give you a few chances to keep it going before giving up on you, but that’s all it is.

Reply May 7, 2013, 12:56 am

B

When my boyfriend didn’t text me back, it was basically his way of breaking up with me. I was really upset for a while because I expected him to just say it was over but I realize that I did nothing to make him ignore me and I deserve someone who will talk to me about what’s going on instead of running away like a coward. I really don’t get why people ignore someone as a way to dump them. I’m all about being direct and honest, even if someone’s feelings get hurt in the process. If he had just said it was over, I would’ve understood and had immediate closure. Instead I went months not hearing from him and waiting for a sign that things were okay. Men need to cut that shit out. You may think you’re avoiding drama but in reality you’re breaking someone’s heart and leaving them hanging.

Reply October 2, 2012, 12:46 am

a.price

Well i have no idea what to do im 14 almost 15 and my bf is 15. we have been together for 3mths and 2 1/2 wks. and we have perfect everything andknow everything and trust and theres no arguments but the he brought up what u want for xmas and ur day and then i had said nothing as usuall girls do but i did want nothing. He saidsomething was in the mail then he sent me a pic of what it was and it was a most beautiful promise ring but my friends are telling me a year isi better and i agree or something like new years is good to. but he is the one tht enforces our comitment and we love each other and my mom and my gma the 2 most ppl close to me even said he was just amazing but idk how to respond if i get a promise ring early or 1 yrs. so i need help please anwser me im like a lost puppy on this thanks

Reply October 1, 2012, 8:27 pm

Annabelfay

There’s this guy will text me “good morning!” everyday. I did the same thing too. After greeting each other, our conversation often died.. and he always seems to reply me 4-11 hours later. He can use twitter while not replying my text. The way he talks seems like he’s not into me.. But why he still text me everyday ‘good morning’? I just don’t get it.. He is making me confused. anyone out there help me please. And i do like him.

Reply September 3, 2012, 5:52 am

Mallory

Hi Annabel

I have experienced something similar with a guy. He asked for my number, he would text me–always initiating the text–but he would text me, like your guy 4+ hours apart or just not reply back to my text until the next day. What I did was I’d only text him if he texted me, now this isn’t something I do with every man I talk to, but this guy from the start would take hours to a day on end to respond to a text of mine, and sometimes we’d go weeks without talking. The circumstances of how we met made me feel even more suspicious of him because we almost hooked up (I was drunk–I’m a bit of a lightweight) but thankfully I stopped it from getting any further and I had good friends who made sure they kept me from making a decision I wasn’t really conscious of making. But because of that, I had a feeling–sort of what Ian said an above statement–that he just wanted to pick back up from where he started. During our text he never really made an effort to get to know other than the starter how are you? how is your day going blah blah; and each text always ended up with him inviting me out to a spot that served alcohol–it felt like he was only trying to bait me into falling into the situation in which we had met. I wasn’t interested. Now, I was with a guy for 3 years and we were engaged for the last year of our relationship. He made such an effort to be with me, in fact I wasn’t interested early on in knowing him, to date him. I was a freshman in college and was at a point where I felt all guys were the same and just wanted to hookup and have sex. Well I was a virgin too and didn’t want to just lose it to someone that only wanted to USE me, but with this mentality I had decided I wouldn’t commit to a guy until I knew he was committed to me. For me, it wasn’t about playing games but doing what was smart for me. I remember telling my [guy who is now my ex] that I would go on a date with him, but that I was going on dates with other guys too because I wasn’t going to commit to people that weren’t willing to be the same for me. I wasn’t sleeping with these guys mind you either–but my point is–my ex had told me that, that was fine. And that he “wanted me to do whatever I pleased and that someday I’d realize he was the right guy for me and when that day came, we could be together and that he’d be waiting.” Now of course that sounds all so dreamy, you’re probably wondering why I’d let a man like him go haha but that relationship and that experience taught me that when a guy is ready and when he is interested, HE WILL SHOW IT! A guy who takes that much time to talk to you is not interested in you, he text you good morning everyday only to see if he still has you in his pocket…guys love having potential hookups, both present and future. You are nothing but a possibility of sex for him and as long as you acknowledge his good morning text he will continue to think that–someday–he will be able to hook up with you. This guy probably has another girl that he is either a. already getting sex from whenever he wants or b. he’s talking to another girl that he is more interested in. He’s texting you these small little good morning text only to keep you around if a or b were to fall aside.

What I’ve learned or what I believe is, if you have to even ask yourself if this guy is really interested AND you can even say…IF YOU EVEN have to say you feel like “he’s not into me,” then the guy more than likely isn’t. I know some men will try to say no no that’s not true but it is, when a guy really wants something…hell even if it is just sex, he WILL go after it with all he’s got. When he doesn’t, [you, it's fill in noun] just meh to him and if its meh he won’t bother really making any real effort.

What you should ask yourself is, “Am I really attracted to this? A man like this?” If it’s no then move on with your life, don’t leave the ball in his court. For me if every time I talk to a guy and he takes that long to talk to me–sure if it happens a few times no big deal, he may ACTUALLY be busy–but if he is on average taking that long to respond EVERY time you talk and leaves you feeling like he’s not into you…then why be into him? Why make it a matter of “am I attracting or making him interested?” And make it a matter of “is he doing enough to keep me interested?”

Reply July 5, 2013, 1:31 am

sara

The not texting me thing is happening to me too. We were texting back and forth sometimes he would call and we would chat. I would visit him at work. We went to a bar one night after he got off and had a terrific time. I even came over to his house once and we watched a movie, ordered pizza and had wine. Then one weekend I went over and spent the night the next morning got up, we had breakfast and he took me home. We chatted the whole time it was great. We said goodbye he kissed me and I said I’ll talk to you later. I text him a while later to see how his errands were going and replied back. The next day I worked but did not hear from him, I got sick at work and did not want to bother him. Next day he text saying he was busy but asked how I was and what I was doing. The next day I asked if he wanted to do something he said he had dinner with his parents and the next day completely booked understandable. So I thought we would do something Friday I text him and nothing. Next day (Saturday) he did text me and apologized for Friday and told me he has been busy. Which I understand but at the time I was half-up and sent a stupid text message about “i thought he was mad but i was glad he was busy and doing what he enjoys” and now it has been a week. His birthday is Sunday and part of me wants to wish him a happy bday, a part of me thinks giving him space is a good thing but I don’t want to be “needy”. I am still just stuck…but am keeping myself busy.

Reply August 20, 2012, 9:10 pm

so what

I don’t care if a guy doesn’t text me back because maybe I’m just not that into you. However very rarely you meet someone who is special. Rocks your world and not in a physical sense but you know he’s the one. You don’t want him to make the same mistakes that an average guy would make because then he would be average and if he acts like an average guy DO YOU WANT HIM?? NO!! Alls fair in love and war and there are no hard set rules to da game. In the end, you will be with the one you were meant to be with. p.s. i’m lovn it!!

Reply August 12, 2012, 9:46 am

Lona

He’s So weird !!!!! We used to talk all night , but tonight he said I’m tired I want to sleep we used to sleep together at the phone but tonight he’s diff he was so cold with me !!! I feel he got bored of me Nd maybe hell go to call some1 else now !!! plZ I need help some1 help me Plzzzzzz ;( he drivin me crazy

Reply August 7, 2012, 8:30 pm

Arlen

Yea I think he’s cheating girl. I’m so sorry. Best thing to do right now is give him space n stop freaking out! All the pieces will come together eventually…I hope he’s not but it really sounds like he is. Until u know for sure, like I said, give him space and live your own life b stop freaking out.

Reply August 7, 2012, 8:50 pm

Lona

But he told me The other day That hes so in love With mee i felt It! He looked to My eyes nd he asid i cant Live without you ! Im so confused be4 2days he was fine With me But now hes diff !!! Aah nd he asid smth yesrerday i asked him him Wts wrong ge said I’m bores I need to relax go somewhere I just need to relaaax life is boring I asked him Wt do u mean ur bores of meee he told me ofcourse not baby not you but I need to relax we can go to a hotel or something for 2 days I Dnt know Wts wrong with him I’m sorry I know I look like I’m crazy but I’m so in love with him Nd I’m afraid I Dnt want him to leave I’ll die !!!!! Nd the proble m is I can’t give him a space I can’t live without talkin or see him every dayyyy !!! ThAnk you

Reply August 8, 2012, 7:31 am

Golda

Your not going to die…… what the fuck. how old are you? get a hold of yourself. Some good words of advice are “if a man doesn’t want you then why would you want him” YOU DONT SO BE A STRONG HUMAN BEING and continue to do you and live your life the best you can.

Reply September 11, 2012, 11:47 pm

Lona

Hey … Yesrerday theres aguy talles to me My boyfriend Sae him nd he hit him After That he told me i love u nd i cant Live without you he was so in love With me ! But today hes so diffrent With me he didnt Call i told him i wanna See u i Miss u he told me i wanna c My friends he seemed Cold With me i dont know Why i Dnt know whats wrong With him hes weird Im so tired i need help !!!!

Reply August 7, 2012, 1:36 pm

Lona

Hey it’s lona again :) well I’m confused … I told u be4 my story …. today I had so much fun with my boyfriend he seems in to me love me very much he told me I love u million time today until the same number called him I asked him Whoooo he told me like always my friend I really Dnt know Do I have to stop thinking bout this number ? Am I overreact ? He told me be4 2days that I becme too sensitive !!! But Wt Bout the number he Dnt answer n front of me !!! I think there’s something !!!! I changed I’m so crazy Nd every 1told me that they told me stop or u will die cuz I’m thinkng too much bout my boyfriend Nd if he’ll cheat on me !!! Anyways do u think I have to believe my boyfriend that the number is his friend plZzz answer mee ???? Thanks

Reply July 27, 2012, 5:06 pm

Lona

yes he’s cheatin on me ! First I feel it sec last night he was talkin for 1hour thro the phone at 2am when I asked him he told me my brother Haaa!!! Omg!!! Nd I told him ok baby Nd he didn’t say anyth I told him say Smth baby he told me can I go to sleep !!! He avoid Goin out with me !!! I Dnt know do u think he’s telling me the truth maybe I’m just over reacting I have no idea !!! What’s Goin on ! But I’m sure he loves me I hope now he still love me !!! Yea maybe u will say I’m crazy bcoz I am I love himm I love him no way i can imagin my life without him !Today he didn’t call but I called him once he was So cold with me he was at work ! I dont know if he will call me back ….. Is he cheating on me ???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply July 26, 2012, 9:18 am

Lona

He’s still weird with me !! I don’t want to leave him!!! I think he
hide Smth he’s not in to me anymore ! He’s always angry with me! It
really hurts I need a plan or Smth ! I can’t live like that without
him I just can’t , I dumped all my exes but he’s diff I’m arras he’ll
dump me ! ;( I feel like my whole world is fallin around me
I really need a plan to return him

Reply July 25, 2012, 5:50 pm

Eva

Try not to make him the center of your world anymore. Sometimes we have to go through this stuff to learn that nimatter how great it was or how much into you he was before, his behavior right now is sending you a clear message that he needs space. I really liked a quote Eric Charles had sent in a previous email an I’m paraphrasing but it stuck with me: No amount of hopeless desperation will keep a man that doesn’t want to be with you. There’s no amount of desperation required to keep one that does.

I’m not saying that this man doesn’t want to be with you but you will only push him away but running towards him and expecting him to give you reassurance that he still wants to be with you. It makes you seem desperate to him and thats not attractive to men. Even though you are probably an attractive girl and you have dumped every other guy. Don’ say you can’t live without him, time heals everything. I’ve been there too and I’m stronger now for it so just keep your head up and whether he comes back or not, there’s plenty of great guys out there who’ll appreciate you. Sometimes, you have to set someone free and if they come back that’s great but if not then it wasn’t meant to be.

Reply July 26, 2012, 1:09 am

Malon

PLEASE HELP EVEN THOUGH THIS IS A NOVEL. I JUST WANT TO BE AS PRECISE AS POSSIBLE.
I have this guy friend whom I’ve had for 2 years now. By guy friend I mean a bunch of my friends and I would go to a Karaoke bar in town every weekend (small town) and he’d also be there with his friends so we would all enjoy each other’s company. Sadly, the karaoke bar closed down but he always kept in touch with me via texting. Often I wouldn’t reply because I’d be very busy with school and my boyfriend at the time was sort of a jealous type (not that he had any reason to worry). Anyway, this past mid June my boyfriend (now ex) and I broke it off after a year of dating and so I finally decide to hang out with the guy friend. We’ll call him Dwight ’cause it’s such an awesome name. Dwight had been bugging me for months to watch a movie or go for food, just casual it seems as he knew I was dating my ex (before we broke it off). Anyway, we hung out a few times (getting along very well, just as we always did). He’d show me tons of personal things, like some short, funny family videos and stuff about his job, etc. He was just super funny and sweet, and he was also interested in my job. He ended up kissing me at the end of one of the nights we saw each other, and after our ‘macking session’, he quickly grabbed my hand as we started walking back towards his house to watch a movie, and I remember feeling sort of stunned…it felt like he had been just waiting to hold my hand and “have me” (if that makes sense..). I wasn’t expecting anything to happen with us before that night or afterwards…He was always very outgoing and neutral about most things and consequently, he was difficult to read.

Anyway, a week later (Canada Day weekend) we had plans to spend the saturday together (he had asked me weeks before if I wanted to). We actually spend Friday night and sat together, and both days included much (probably 90% initiated by him) cuddling, stroking, holding, kissing, even cute kissing like on the forehead and on the hand…very loving like.

Now, I guess I should stress that I am not a clingy person…Usually he initiated texting, kissing, holding, asking to hang out, etc. I’m extremely easy going and was not expecting anything from him, even though he persistantly acted like we were “together”. That Saturday night, we slept together. The next week was like the last, he always texted me throughout the day (though not constant, we’d both throw in a text or two every hour or so as we’re both extremely busy with work). We saw each other a few other times this month, slept together a few other times. Last Monday we had a normal texting day, and he also asked me if I wanted to get food the next day, to which I responded sure, if I got my work done.

The next day, he didn’t text me at all until I texted him in the late afternoon, just mentioning that if he still wanted to get food I’d probably be done soon. He responded an hour later saying that he just woke up, sorry. I said no worries. He didn’t text me at all the next day (neither did I) expect to say something like hey sorry I’ve been out of it lately. The next day I repsonded with, It’s all good. He then texted remotely quick saying ‘You’re alive?!’ ….I said I was busy and asked how things were with him. He didn’t respond. I texted him again the next day, he texted me for a bit but it died off. He didn’t text me Saturday, and sunday I asked how his weekend was….10 hours later, he texted for a little bit, but it also died off. Clearly the guy isn’t into me anymore…or at least that’s what I’m totally sensing. I sensed something earlier that week. I just don’t understand what happened after that Monday night when he asked me to get food the next day. I have been going mental trying to figure this one out. I’ve been debating asking him at the end of the week, assuming he doesn’t text me at all, what happened.

Did he randomly just decide he wasn’t interested in me anymore? Is he playing hardcore hard to get? Does he perhaps feel like he’s falling for me but feels like because I just got out of a relationship that it’s not a good idea? I’ll obviously live if we don’t end up together as I never had expectation to begin with but I really need to know. He’s the one who turned it into a touchy-feely couple thing, I could have just kept it to sex :/ But he totally made it confusing and then bailed!

Please help me solve this one…Also, I’m 24, and he’s 21. He’s quite mature and is doing very well for himself. The age difference was never an issue.

Reply July 24, 2012, 12:53 am

Sandy

Guys are ass holes plain and simple. I can’t tell you how many times this happens. There’s no explanation and it leaves you wondering and wondering, not even like you car as you said, but bc you are so damn dumbfounded how things can just turn. You can always just leave it to “he’s just not that into me” because if he liked me he’d call/respond. Bc that’s what you do when you like someone, right? Nope, not for guys. They claim to care and they claim they don’t like girls who play games but yet they make us feel “desperate” and “clingy”. It just proves guys will always go for the bitches and the rest of us our screwed! I’ve learned to breathe, brush it off and stop analyzing what I did wrong because… Hey.. There will be another asshole next weekend, right? :)

Reply October 2, 2012, 3:35 am

Kitty

Going to make this short and sweet need advice ladies!

Basically this guy i used to see. its all messed up and confusing. I text him now and again but i don’t hear back so i decided to leave it. Then he randomly messages me asking how things are.
Should i reply? or give him a taste of his own medicine. Because i’m scared he will think i’m not interested but at the same time I’m sick of him saying “jump” and me saying “how high ?”

Reply July 23, 2012, 8:49 pm

Malon

You can, but whatever you do just play hard to get. Wait a while to text back, and if he asks to hang out just say you can get back to him when you’re free (cause you’re super busy) and then don’t get back to him ;)

Reply July 24, 2012, 12:58 am

MAWADH*

That it is the real all :( i have a much friends and i feel sge dont care And i always say for them lets go to shopping and they say no ,one say: i am traveling on sat.day and one say :yaah me too i am traveling and one say: i want go to my grand mother and them always busy but i know shes not busy cuz i say them tweeting ON Twitter 24 hours i dont know i just feel she didint care And we be friend in 4 year and i am a girl my name is MAWADH from saudi arabia. And i am 14 years old :*

Reply July 11, 2012, 6:21 pm

Crystal

I just want to love someone….that is all. I don’t want to have to do anything for someone by a standard or a chase. Otherwise I will just be single the rest of my life and be happy about it. Whats the point in having a heart if you can’t use it. At some point, you will need me when your ill. Guess what? Your can’t play chase anymore..

Reply June 29, 2012, 3:10 am

Claire

Please can someone help me i’m driving myself mad with it all. I met a really lovely man over a month ago when on holiday in Ireland. He has texted me daily since getting home to England and the day i returned home he booked a ticket to come over here. His texts were so sweet and he was lovely and talked about me going there to see him. He came here the weekend just gone and got on really well and the day he got back i got a message saying he had a great weekend and a lovely time. Then the next night he was out with his friends watching football and he sent me a couple of texts when he was drunk, asking how i was then another calling me babe so he was still affectionate. That was the last i heard from him and its very strange indeed and out of character completely. I don’t know what to do as i don’t want to risk looking needy. My friends say as he was out drinking you don’t know if he has lost his phone or maybe feels rough. I really don’t know what to do and i’m trying not to obsess but i can’t sleep and just wish he’d text me

Reply June 21, 2012, 4:24 am

Ally

Honey,

This is a man thing, they retreat into their caves. I know its hard,but don’t contact him. Leave your phone at home, go out and enjoy yourself. He will come running back. Men dont respond to words they respond to no contact.

Reply July 8, 2012, 5:52 am

Grace

Ally’s advice is sound.

Reply July 12, 2012, 12:00 pm

ana hernandez

Well have knowing this guy for a long time. This past two months we have gone out to eat, last month we had our first date. Everything went well he presented me to his friends, we just hug but nothing else. I have been honest to him about my parents being strict with me, me being 21 and virgin. he have told he likes that about me, etc..last friday we had plans going out for dinner, then I text him on that day to see if our plans still going. he replys he forgot to tell me if we had a chance going on saturday. So, I said i will txt him if i can. he said why can’t i saturday. I txt back saying I couldnt because my dad is using my car cuz he doesnt have one.But if he liked i could go during the day or tell my cousin to drop me. he said okay. But ever txt me back seens then, is only have 3 days. Did i said something wrong or his not interested in me anyone or wat? help

Reply June 20, 2012, 11:55 am

Cherry London

Hi Sabrina Alexis ,
Love the email’s I looked forward to it everyday. I know i supposed to post in the forum have not figure it out yet. But hopefully i will when i am on vacation. I’m sending this email because i take in your guys advise like not chasing an all and suddenly i saw hope.For instance ,last Friday he sent an invite to go an event through facebook I ignored it then he sent another invite to like his page on face book so i like it this time around. But the weird thing is we had not communicated for nearly a year and all of a sudden he just popping up. Right after i like the page he message me saying …thanks for the support ,I was like no problem ..but i logged out of facebook . But when I wake up that morning I saw another message saying he trying a little something meaning he opening a business. I responded to that message eight hours later.Now am thinking why he did ? is he interested again ..did I push him away by how i responded …Arggh this feeling is painful I want him back but I not going and chase him down and send him another message like “Hi” . I feel like i needed an explanation or something .Did I do good by responding like that what should I do next sigh……
Thanks alot Sabrina and Eric ,

Reply June 19, 2012, 8:34 pm

Preslie

I’ve been talking to this guy that I’ve known for about a year now and we’ve kissed and stuff but we were never really serious. Usually when I do stuff with guys and they do stuff with me it’s usually a one time thing and I never talk to them again but for some reason we continue to talk. He just recently told me that he is curious about is being together and wants to try it out when he gets back in town from work in a week. He wanted to skyp with me last night and I agrees until that time came and he was never on skype. I asked what was wrong an hour later an he said he was stuck in a meeting but he still wanted to Skype later that night but he seemed a little upset when I told him I already made plans to go to the club with my friend. He said it was fine and I texted him that night after the club but he has not messaged me back :( I’m really confused on how he goes from wanting to try out a relationship to not even talking to me. Help please.

Reply June 19, 2012, 1:01 am

meko

hi, me and my ex bf always on n off but recently we are chatting on whatApp
we spoke 3days on the 4th he dint talk to me eventhough i could see his status online
after 5days i text him saying hi hope your having a good night , just wanna let u know i was at the movies and you came to my mind am going out wd a frnd now chat to u soon . he replied saying thnx flower ,enjoy am at work . wht does it mean ? cuz if his at work n busy but still gaved me 1min from his time eventhough the past days he didnt talk?

Reply June 16, 2012, 2:32 pm

jlynn

heya iv got a question .. i met this really cute guy in a night club i gave him my number he text me and we arranged to meet up before we met up he would text me every cuple of days but then we went back to school and he stopped texting so i text him and goes are u still up for our date and he said yes deffo .. so we met up anyway and we kissed and made out a little ..he drove me home and said before i got out the car that it went well maybe we can do it again ..i said yes .. so he text 4 days later and we chatted about how well things went and that we we would do it again soon and he would leave it up to me about were we would go ..then he just stopped texting ..so i text him a week later and text back but he still didnt text me first so 2 wks later i text him again saying i was free dis wknd do u want to meet up ..no reply.. 7 days later i got a facebook msg saying he had just got his phone back he had no credit heed like to but he had grinds and a match so he couldnt and he suggested wat about next week .. so i replied saying ill see wat im doing ..and he didnt reply .. however i bumped into him in a club a week later for graduation and he danced with me all night we kissed for a bit he bought me a drink and sat down with me introduced me to his mates .. he spent most of his time with me instead of his friends and when we were going away i said so will we meet up soon and he said deffinatly ill have to drive in to see you soon and i said ok give me a text ..he still hasnt text me and its been a week and a half .. we have serioius exams coming up in few days though the biggest school exam ever so maybe hees busy with study ..please help xx

Reply June 3, 2012, 5:05 pm

Charlie

I’ve been dating a guy I met online for about 6-8 weeks. We live in different cities so we’ve only had 3 dates although each lasted about 8 hrs (spent all day together).

The 3rd was on Sunday (27th May). We had a really nice date. Spent most of the day in the park. He was more affectionate (kissing me constantly, holding my hand, hugging me, stroking my hair) than he’s ever been. The only issue was that he said from the 2nd date he wanted to sleep with me. On Sunday at his he asked when I was next up (I’m seeing friends in London this weekend) and that I could stay (for obvious reasons). I said I’d prefer to be exclusive with someone before sleeping with them. He felt that he needs to sleep with someone before becoming exclusive to see if there’s a connection. I said that I wasn’t prepared to be one of many girls he’s sleeping with but he said he would never sleep with more than one at once and would always be honest with me so would say if he met someone else. He could tell I was unsure so hugged me and said there was no rush/pressure and not to worry. He said this several times unprovoked. When he dropped me at the station he repeated it but said I should still visit so to let him know.

I let him know I was home safe and had a fun time. He replied saying he’d also had a nice time and commented on the length of the journey apologising. I said it wasn’t his fault just my lack of checking that transport was running normally and that I should hurry-up and move there (before we met the 1st time I’d said I was looking to move to London).

Thursday I text him in the day asking if he was about that evening to discuss plans and if he was still free. No answer. I thought he must be busy so I rang that night anyway. He didn’t pick up. Obviously I was crushed as he said he’d be honest. I thought about it all yesterday (31st May) so last night messaged him on the dating site saying I wasn’t sure if he got the text/call but I was free tomorrow (Sunday) and would stay (saying I wanted to spend time with him and not worry about catching trains). I know it was probably needy but I thought maybe he’d lost his phone. I still haven’t heard back. Please help. I don’t know what happened in those 3 days to make him change his mind.

Reply June 2, 2012, 7:26 am

Anonymous

Why should I? I do not know him. In so far, I do not want to meet a guy since today. I am really afraid to talk to any guy. Because I have had a bad experience.

Reply May 20, 2012, 9:24 pm

confused!

Not even sure if this is the right place to ask a question but i’m gonna try.
Long story short, I met this guy ,he pursued me. Texting like crazy every day about random things just getting to know each other.He seemed so into me and we really hit it off. We hung out and ended up sleeping together. He got kinda weird after that with short responses and me texting first. Then he kept asking to hang out again and finally I gave in. We hung out then went home together and he tried to hold my hand. We talked about why he got weird after and he said he thought I was being weird and because I left in the morning without saying bye. He said he wants to get to know me and see where things go.
That was Friday, today is Monday. I have texted him a couple times and he has not responded. What on earth is happening?

Reply May 14, 2012, 1:45 pm

Ina

my boyfriend doesnt text or calls me anymore which is obviously making me really upset. i texted him a lot the last few days but still without replies. i know i probably seem too clingly and needy but sine we are in a long distance relationship i kind have the need to talk to him everyday! whats the right behaviour and what shall i do to make him contact me more? oh and every time i call him he barely answers but when he does i ask him why didnt you contact me and i get really mad! soo how should i behave? thanku

Reply May 8, 2012, 2:23 am

Erika

Hey guys! :)

So I’m having kind of the same problem here….I’ve been talking to this guy. He is like in his late 30s early 40s and I’m 21. Well he knows I like him and we’ve kissed before. It was 3 days ago (past midnight when he got off work. in his car. If it helps to figure him out, he had my head held really tight and wouldn’t let me pull away not even for some air! when he first kissed me [the week before] it was slow and not much tongue or saliva & he had his hands on my waist… but the night in his car it was a little more tongue flicking (nothing creepy) and I guess a bit more possesive with his hands…his other hand was on my arm. I could feel him a little shakey…don’t know if he was nervous of just horny though).
I’m pretty sure he likes me, but the problem is that whenever I text him, he doesn’t reply. I told him once I felt like I was reaching out to him and he’d just back away and he said he hadn’t replied cuz he fell asleep…so I asked him why he didn’t say so the morning after and he just put food in his mouth…obviously to evade the question.
He texted me last night saying “hello?? I cant sleep :-)” I was sleeping so I didn’t answer but I texted him today [about an hr or 2 ago] saying “I was fast asleep haha. :P how do you feel?” but AGAIN he doesnt reply. I really don’t know what to do. I wish I could ask him what it is he wants from me, but I’m not sure if I should. I know the right thing to do would be to move on…because he is so much older…but I really like him :/ [he doesnt really look that old...but he isn't someone I'd go out with if it wasn't at midnight to the 711 for a coffee]

Reply April 29, 2012, 2:44 pm

jj

sounds exactly like the guy I am seeing right now. He does exactly the same things…even the text is the same “hello? can’t sleep”…. I hope is not the same guy and just curious….. where is this guy?

Reply June 18, 2012, 9:21 pm

Laughter

LOL @ you two. You’re still giving up the ass for these guys, though, aren’t you? This is why men do it.

Even though both sexes do it, it doesn’t work the other way around. A woman won’t ignore your attempts to reach out to her, and then give you some ass when you keep persisting. If anything, she’ll think you’re a loser, and you’ll kill your chases.

But if a man ignores a woman’s attempts at contact, what happens? SHE WILL SLEEP WITH HIM. That’s why they do it, and that’s why women who fall for this are dumb.

Women who sleep with men who do this are reinforcing it and forcing men to have to play games with them.

Women pull away if they don’t like the guy, then the guy will get nothing. But men pull away, and even if they don’t like the woman, the woman will open her legs for him.

Good is bad, bad is good with women like this (ie: most of them).

Reply August 11, 2013, 11:39 am

Tanya

Hey all,
So I’m in need of some advice here because I do not understand. About a month ago, a friend of mine (we will call him C) told me had a friend(we will call him D) who had seen my facebook profile and immediately claimed he was inlove with me. D told C that he wanted to take me out on a date the next time he was home and was seriously interested in getting to know me. Along with a lot of other great things he said about me. Bottom line, he was HIGHLY interested. Next thing I know, we are FB friends and messaging each other back and forth. We would msg about twice a week because he would be busy being he is a semi-pro athlete. He would say things like he’s glad he will be getting to meet me and suggest that I go visit him during his season if I was free. He would also ask what I like to do in my free time. The last message he sent me was about a week ago. He sent me a wonderful message about what he likes to do and what his days consist of. A very long message at that. Clearly he took the time out of his day, which I dont think you do if you’re not interested. So I messaged him back the next day; answering all his questions and asking him some questions as well. It’s been about a week and I have still to get a response? Does this mean he is no longer interested? Even if he is the one that initiated everything?

Reply April 20, 2012, 9:21 am

Erika

hey :)

Maybe he’s just taking the time to make sure he doesn’t blow it with his answers. If he wants to make a good impression, then he has to think things thru. Also, he might be playing hard-to-get…you just gotta play bak! ;)

Reply April 29, 2012, 2:47 pm

Lostinlove

Hello everyone, I think I really need help here.
So on Jan I met this nice guy at a party, and we clicked. Then we texted and talked before he asked me on a date. That first date was perfect. Ever since then we been talking and texting every single day. On Valentine’s he took me on a romantic date, and ask me to be his gf. I was not completely sure since we had just met… but at the end of the night I finally said yes. Everything was perfect at the beginning of the relationship (by perfect I mean, he will txt me all the time, call me, tell me he always wanted to be with me, etc) then it has been slowly changing. He still reaches out, txts, calls, but not with the same intensity. And sometimes he takes hours before he texts me back. I know that I sound needy, clingy, etc. But I can’t help it.
-What should I do to KEEP him interested?
-What can I do to attract him more?
-How can I stop caring so much about him and focus on my own life/goals again?
-Should I stop txting?
-Should I ignore him (but then again I don’t want to act passive-aggressive)

Help please!

Reply April 15, 2012, 12:33 am

Anon

What’s going on actually sounds quite normal. The intense, OMG…I finally found someone I actually like…phase is morphing into a quiet sigh. Not in a bad way, but he’s just relaxing in the relationship with you. To keep him interested, do what you’ve always done. Have you pestered him in the past if he didn’t text you? It sounds like you’ve been following his lead, if so…continue to do that. Why would you want to attract him more? Any more attracted and dude would be a stalker. lol The way you can stop focusing on him so much (I’m speaking from experience here) is maybe to view a pic of him in the morning or hang one of him on your dash or put one on your desk/locker at work to remind you that he’s not far from you…just becoming more and more confident in your relationship…take your moment to reflex on how you feel about him and then take off on your own life like a kid on a bike. lol Just do your own thing. If he’s as confident in your relationship as it sounds, he won’t mind at all and will totally support you doing your own thing. Only stop texting if you’re uncomfortable with how much you’re texting him. If you’ve been texting him like crazy and he’s been responding, don’t stop. That means that he enjoys you reaching out on a regular basis…which some guys like. Please don’t do the game playing thing that some of these comical, but absurd hollywood movies support. Game playing only leads to more game playing. It’s funny on the big screen, but in reality, it sucks and is a true sign of immaturity.

Reply April 18, 2012, 4:07 pm

ConfusedLatina

so met this guy at my college and seemed pretty cool, we would totally hang out lots on weekends and even weekdays. never did anything sexual even though he would ask. he would ask me for photos and i sent him one of me but he said thats not what he wanted. that he wanted one of my boobs or booty. so i played it off and said no. a month later i gave in and sent him one. things seemed coool between us. he would still call and text me, and we still would hang out.. ( and when i say hang out like it was more of spending time together like we were a couple or some but we were just friends). then bamm! out of nowhere things changed and i sorta noticed it in late Feb. when i sent him a text he would give me one worded answers. Then it would be weeks before I heard from him, but thought it was nothing weird cause he would usually take a few days to text me after we talked before. But now its to the point where he doesnt even bother to text me or he wont even say hi to me when he sees me walking on campus or at a party. he will totally ignore me and I dont know why. I haven’t did anything to him. It hurts cause like i said we were soo close before this happen. Just wish I knew why he had to go and be a jerk. But I guess thats how men are, deprive you of your values then its eff you on to the next one.

Reply March 27, 2012, 11:38 pm

person

girl, he’s got a new gf. sorry, but i’ve seen this kinda thing more times than necessary. he’s prob been playing around with her since he realized u weren’t dtf. he’s avoiding u bc he’s a jerk who doesn’t own a pair and doesn’t feel like dealing with the awkwardness of telling u that he’s got a new gf.

Reply April 4, 2012, 2:58 pm

ConfusedLatina

:) makes sense .. sorta wish I never gave him the time of day.. but I learned my lesson.

Reply April 11, 2012, 6:26 pm

Stephanie

Heyy i really would appreciate if you gave me what your take on this is.
I have this bestfriend..or at least we still obviously feel that way but we aren’t much like bestfriends anymore.
We’ve known each other for 6yrs now and for almost 4of those years we’ve been split apart.
Back then we’d gotten complicated. We left alot unsaid but what we had was very much beautiful.But this girl came along. He liked her or at least that’s what i knew. I’d confessed and he didnt reply my messages when i tried to get to him. Then he replied me finally saying”i dont hate you” and that was his final text.
We both have a close group of guys in our circle of friends. One of this guys came to me and started taking extra care of me ,wanting to take my bestfriend’s place sort of . Then he told me something about my bestfriend.That night before we split, he’d gone up to a rooftop to be alone and cried. he’d told this guy he just didnt want to hurt me.
I’d asked one of a girl friends to help me pass him a leather chain with a ring on it. A mood ring..i had this rare one and he liked it so much that i’d promised to get him one too. So i kept my promise ya. He’d got together with that girl and even left our guys.
He’d somewhat got influenced by her and our guys told me he’d changed.After some time , she’d broken up with him, like it wasnt long and he came back to our guys. I dont know why she broke up with him.

I read your “how do you tell if he’s not into you “?? yea, i read that. And honestly he’s been doing everything that tells a guy is interested in you to me some time after that whenever we met up with our guys.Kinda like back then too but back then he was more expressive because we we tight and real close bestfriends. So yea..

And so i missed him, and started looking through his pics online. Something caught my eye by shock.. it was a leather chain with a ring on it . And i ran through his pics again just to realize he’s been wearing it ever since back then til now. But i’m the kind who doesn’t like reading into stuffs much so i’m just thinking it could be another ring or maybe he’s just wearing it because he likes it . i don’t now. But the ring definitely looks wayy too identical.
He’d also put up stuffs online which led me to think he’s feeling teh same way i am and maybe he did all that as a sacrifice for my sake back then.
And he can’t let go either but then again i don’t want to read into stuffs. He could be talking about that other girl ya?
There’re many possibilities.
What do you think?
I loved him back then and i still love him~

Reply March 26, 2012, 3:33 am

Rachel

Meet up with him . Go to arcade or party/dinner with friends. Play video games . Go to pool/beach.

Then ask him,… ” is that my ring ?”
He responds. No — just let things be.

He responds .yes— ” Oh, you must love me then ” * laugh it off*

From there I think he will let you know.

:) Carpe Diem.

Reply June 17, 2012, 1:45 am

I'll

I’ll complain that you have copied materials from one more supply

Reply March 23, 2012, 4:05 pm

Eric Charles

ALL of my content is 100% original and written by me. What are you talking about?

Reply March 23, 2012, 4:19 pm

Mair29

OMG…eric you are so hot! and intelligent! I know women arent suppose to pursue men…but geez! You make me wanna break the rules! lol

Reply April 1, 2012, 11:09 pm

Eric Charles

;)

Reply April 2, 2012, 5:22 pm

Bianca

So ive been talking to this guy for a good few months now, we talked before but then he just dropped off the earth and didnt hear from him for 2months. i got over him, then he texted me one day… we started talking again solved everything. Here is the tricky part, we go to school together in same gym class but have only talked in person once or twice. We gotten to know eachother a lot over the months even just over text. he says he likes me alot and all this stuff. but he is too shy to talk to me. i make him feel this way and he gets so nervous and doesnt know what to say or do. Do i talk to him first? I feel like he leads me on though. His friends know about me, mine know about him. We open up to eachother alot when text. It is like we have known eachother for years but wont simply walk up to me at school… wtf?
WHAT DO I DO? GIVE UP OR KEEP TRYING…IM HEAD OVER HEELS FOR THIS GUY! HELPPPP

Reply March 22, 2012, 6:23 pm

Jane

Okay, I recently started talking to this guy. He kept on saying things that he liked and I liked also and we ended up having plenty in common. He said all of these really kind and sweet things. He just did something to me. Gave me a feeling that I never had from other people who talk to me. Then we started talking to each other over webcam so I could make sure he wasn’t some pedo phile. He was gorgeous, funny and had the sexiest English accent that I fell in love with.
It was perfect, until he told me where he lived. He lives in England while I live in Scotland.
After we found out more and more about each other. I decided to turn it into a “thing” which actually meant a long distant relationship.
It hurts when I think about him now. I feel a physical pain when I ament talking to him but when I am, it is magical.
Recently he hasn’t really been replying to me on facebook so Ive felt really worried. How should I feel ?!?!

Reply March 20, 2012, 4:42 pm

Frustrated

Need some help everyone!!! 

I have been dating a recently divorced guy ( final divorce for 3 weeks) for a few weeks now. Everything is perfect. He likes me , I like him , it’s magnetic! However his friends (that are women, he doesn’t ask his guy friends ) tell him he should not get to serious with anyone this quickly after a divorce because he needs to play the field and date several people  so he can be sure when he finds the right one.  I will admit I believe dating after a divorce or long term relationship is essential. I would probably have given him the same advice . I have been out on several dates (8-10) since my last long term relationship which ended 3 months ago. The  dates were fun but there just wasn’t any chemistry with any of those guys. When I met this current guy it was like immediate chemistry between the both of us.  Now… He unfortunately has only been out on one other date before meeting me and said there was no chemistry between the two of them but he is “scared” of hopping into a serious relationship with me because his friends (that are girls ) keep telling him to continue dating . He doesn’t really want to date anyone else and he really doesn’t have time to date anyone else but after being hurt so badly by his recent divorce , He is  trying to protect himself.  It seems obvious to me when you meet someone and it just clicks, why would you continue to date other people??? 

P.s.  I know he is not a player and isn’t trying to play me… He is totally genuine but I think he actually believes in what his girls that are friends are telling him …… Of course ….. 

IMPORTANT….. I don’t think he has actually told his friends (that are girls) How he actually feels about me because if he had they probably would tell him to go for it . 

So my question is: 
1. When does someone know they have dated enough?  

2. And  what does a guy do when his (friends that are girls) keep telling him to keep dating because it is to soon to settle down even though he feels like he has found a women who he is very compatible with and enjoys spending time with? 

3. What should I do? I don’t have any interest in dating anyone else now that I have met him but again I have had the chance to date several other people when he hasn’t. So I feel like I know what else is out there where he might not. 

I need y’alls help… Send some suggestions my way. 

Reply February 28, 2012, 2:32 pm

Fajitabub

Ok, so. I’m 15. My boyfriend is 16. We have been together about 4 months but before that we were best friends and even friends with benefits for a while(about 6 months). I’ve always liked him quite a bit and yada yada yada. Ok so I gave this boy(his name is Joe), my virginity. I never felt this way about anyone, and I care for him so, so much. I’ve always been the girl who’s “hard to get” and people are always attempting to be more than friends. I know all the tricks, all the games, and all of the things that potentially are the things you do that get guys to wrap around my finger.
I recently got in a lot of trouble. With authorities, the school, and my parents, etc. I’ve been grounded now since about October and am still working on cleaning my mess up. Joe knows
this, he’s my best friend and knows everything. He is also the only person allowed over at
my house-the only person I’m allowed to see,and he understands how much I need him.
Well, everythings fine and dandy. So far, he seems madly in love with me and he always comes over when he can. He constantly does things that are just sImply very sweet, and I do the same. But, when I text him on the weekdays I dont see him, he constantly fails to even text back once. And when he does, it’s usually 4+ hours later :(.
I need help. What do I do? I don’t even usually text people. I normally get people texting me.. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. And I dont know how to handle this situation..
I’ve never felt this way about anyone. And of course, me having an overimagination, I assume the worst. Every absent text turns into a “he’s probably having sex with his friend Autumn”, or “he doesn’t really like me. He’s using me.”
It’s eating away at me…
PLEASE HELP!

Reply February 27, 2012, 10:15 pm

Ahdavizc

So, I met this guy on a dating website. We texted for a few days then decided to hang out. We went out to eat, watched some comedy, listened to music, and had great conversation. He kept asking me how I felt about him and what I was thinking so far. Proceeded to tell me how he really enjoys that I love to laugh, my down to earth, “chill about everything” personality, etc. Told me how his best friend friend said she really likes me and kept making comments about if we ever dated. He kissed me, and all around I thought it went well. I introduced him to a song, he fell in love with it. Today I updated my status with lyrics to that song, he ‘liked’ it and then updated his to lyrics of the same song. He has not texted me yet though or tried to get ahold of me. Is he waiting for me to do the talking or am I completely crazy and this is a lost cause? lol I know I shouldn’t be stressing it this much but I just want to figure out what’s going on.

Reply February 16, 2012, 7:14 pm

Ahdavizc

I understand where you’re conning from but we didn’t hook up. Yeah we kissed. But there was deff. No sex involved. Lol

Reply February 18, 2012, 8:07 pm

Emily

So I was pretty certain this guy liked me because he texted me all the time, flirted, and there were rumors going around. We’re both kind of shy in person so we mainly talked over texts. All of a sudden he stopped texting me and we hardly talk anymore. It was totally out of the blue so I figured he became interested in someone else. I had an idea that he became interested in my friend because they talk in person more and sure enough, they just became married on facebook. They’re not actually married of course, but we’re teenagers and I’m not sure if it’s just a joke or if it’s leading to an actual relationship. I’m kind of upset by this being that I really liked this guy. I’m pretty attractive and fun I guess so I don’t understand why he would so suddenly become uninterested. Not many guys are interested in me and I don’t know why. I guess I’m not a huge flirt but I don’t plan on being one any time soon… I need some advice.

Reply January 20, 2012, 1:06 am

Karen Spivey

Well I agree you shouldn’t say “why haven’t you texted back” but after reading numerous online articles from varying sources I must say I found a tactic that worked to my advantage … let me explain that we had communicated a few times then … a week goes by and nothing … so instead of saying “why haven’t you responded” I took a wittier approach. In my previous email to him I referred to him as a “mystery man” and that I was interested in knowing more about him (all being light hearted and jokingly). … I used the exert from my email in my text to accomplish my desire to see why he wasn’t responding and it turned out positive. My example text was “When i referred to you as a “mystery man” in my email … I wasn’t hoping this would turn into an “unsolved” mystery lol lol :) and he responded promptly … :)

Reply January 18, 2012, 9:19 pm

Karen Spivey

And actually I am so proud of myself for handing this in the “right” manner that I could honestly care less if this goes somewhere now or not … because I have since went out with another man :) I am taking this whole dating scene to a new level for me … building confidence and educating myself with all of your great articles as well as any forums online that can help make me better at this dating game! Yayaya thank you so much for all your wisdom! :) Much luv and appreciation!

Reply January 18, 2012, 9:45 pm

Hmmm...interesting stuff here

Hey there Eric and All,
I have read almost every single comment in response to this article. This is why….because I truly believe that a person who falls off from communicating, via text, phone call, or visiting in person is someone who you should let go. So, I just wanted to see how this theory has been working out for others, because as an older (37), vivacious, mature, stable, and very healthy minded single woman…my theory really hasn’t worked for me in regards to partnership. It’s kept me comfortable with my convictions as an individual, but we are talking about dating here. Dating is not about the single person being single. It’s about transitioning from singlehood to partnership. Now, with that said…lol…I wanted to address a statement Eric made back in July, because it really really stood out as a key indicator of what is wrong in every single one of these exchanges that have gone awry.

“I think you’d agree that if a woman is happy in general and loves herself, she’s in a better position to relate with men than if she’s not in a good place emotionally.”

This couldn’t be further from the truth. A woman who is happy in general and loves herself is in a better position to remain single. Let me explain why. Because as a loving and confident woman, so far…no one can love me like I can. Ahhhh…I see the light coming on. Get it?

A woman who is looking for partnership is not expecting the man to validate her being as men are for some reason unable to understand and relate to. A woman looking for partnership isn’t necessarily looking for love. She can get that from her bestie. A woman looking for partnership is looking for that special attention FROM a man, that ONLY a man can give partnered with loce in the way that he chooses to express it. I truly believe that a major part of what is wrong with the dating world today is that men don’t seem to understand that we think they are as special and unique as men see women. Men still think that women are looking at them as a resource or a tool…like a finely tuned vaccum. Well…let me tell you, I have NEVER met a vaccum that could give me what a man could and I promise you to God that if they ever do make one…I’m going to expend my entire income to buy however many of them that I can afford.

I do agree with a statement made by one of the male respondents in regards to a woman relaxing around men, to be true in the successful interactions I’ve had with men. Now, sucessful interaction doesn’t necessarily mean that we were able to sustain a long term committed relationship. Just that things didn’t go all bad, we just came to a point in the interaction where our ideas of what it means to make a partnership work, the process, didn’t agree. We had too different of POV’s about it all and they either were too different to combine or the timing was all wrong. I’ve been on both ends of it. Ones where the men were ready for committment, like an actual actual marriage and because I felt like I didn’t know them well enough…for like 2-3 months, they married someone else. NO LIE! I sent them my congrats for finding the committed relationship they were looking for and all was well. In other cases, there has been amazing chemistry between us and I felt like I was ready to at least take the relationship further as in declaring myself to be exclusively committed only to have him admit and be honest that he wasn’t quite ready, which in that case I’ve even asked to be wished well in my quest for partnership. lol However, I think this is where my experiences differ from alot of the other women’s who are on the board. Yes, we are all single or not in the committed relationship we envision. But, I can truly say that because I’ve seemed able to remain calm, relaxed, and understanding about whatever is going on with the man… ladies, I don’t know what it is, but I do not freak out. I don’t text over and over and over or call repeatedly or any of those things. Not because I’m anything more that you are not….but just because, well…I don’t. lol My personality is more laid back.

Going back to Eric’s statement, which is what compelled me to respond in the first place. A woman who is not in a good place emotionally is probably the BEST candidate to relate to a man. She is going to be so happy and appreciative to have his attention that he is able to bask in her love, proudly.

Actually, in my observation, it’s the fragile woman…the one who admits that she needs to be held and will appreciate that from a man…the one who IS falling apart and coherently can express WHY she is falling apart who is delivered the strong arms to help catch her from falling. I only have one request before I depart. Can someone PLEASE pull some of my seams apart so that I can genuinely become such a woman?? lol ha ha ha ha

Just kidding.

Men want MORE than just to relate. They want to be the knight in shinning armor too.

Thanks for listening and take care all,
Tee

Reply January 17, 2012, 6:45 pm

Eric Charles

You believe that a woman who’s not in a good place emotionally that her relationships will turn out better?



I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one…

Reply January 17, 2012, 7:07 pm

Hmmm...interesting stuff here

Eric…let me kinda explain further where I’m coming from. I was on break at work when I typed all that out and then had to interrupt to crisis solve before I proof-read my post. lol My apologies. However, AS a woman, I KNOW what other women in relationships are doing. They don’t talk to their men about their manipulative games. Those who aren’t playing manipulative games are an emotional TRAIN WRECK. Who do they talk to? Other women! I have one of the healthiest mindsets I know and I’m not bragging…it’s been through alot of faith and inner work that I’ve developed this far. I’m peaceful, understanding, calm, and collected.

That last piece, the collected piece…men like to be in the presence of it, but truth is…it makes them nervous. They don’t get how they can really help me, because to them, I’ve got it all together. I’m a single mother with older kids who are well behaved. We live in one of the biggest if NOT the biggest house on the block. Now, that’s not to say that I have more than most others. This couldn’t be further from the truth, but I’ve created and adopted healthy techniques for managing resources.

So, this is not to say that I haven’t had the freak out “feeling” that other women have. It’s what I DO with it that makes a difference. A HUGE difference. In conducting a somewhat loose study of what’s going on in the dating climate, I’ve asked the men who I’ve dated what they think of me…let’s say…2-6 months later. The accolades are baffling. Then they go on to tell me about who they are dating or are interested in and I find that the woman they are describing…from their POV, clearly NEEDS their help. I hear things like, kids are giving her a hard time, health issue, money problems, isn’t happy with work, family issues, met during some type of tragedy etc. Now…we ALL have issues. I’m just baffled as to why when we got along GREAT (as far as relating is concerned) that those men immediately viewed my strengths as a threat OVER considering my calm/sunny disposition as something desireable. Actually…men tend to lean more towards women who freak out. Not 50 texts a day freak out, but women who cry and ask them what’s going on or who tell them that they notice something is different between them and demand that it be fixed or revealed. Me…we relate well. They drift, I put in ONE call or text, no response? Ok…see ya later. lol Now, most times this isn’t a bitter farewell…like I said, the reasons you described are pretty much on point so I figure either he’s decided that another woman was a better fit…which is his right to choose for himself or he’s distracted/gotten busy, etc.

Now…9/10 guys boomerang, but I don’t know how to handle a boomerang, so I don’t accept the offer to re-engage. lol I’m the one who’s liable to miss that darn thing and get wacked in the face. lol ha ha ha ha

I guess to further my observations, can you please enlighten me on your description of an emotionally healthy woman?

Reply January 18, 2012, 12:02 pm

jane

every guy is not the same lol good job to/

Reply February 1, 2012, 12:12 pm

Rachel

A weak / broken woman … Needs a man to heal her & fix things . So dhe’ll devoted her mind , body & soul to him. Praise him like a God.

A happy , strong woman. Wants a man to compliment her lifestyle and be there for her.So, they have difficulty being satisfied .

Reply June 17, 2012, 1:57 am

sha

Happy New year

Reply January 1, 2012, 2:29 am

sha

hi, i hope you can help, me and my bf have been together for 4 years ,we were both abroad university students . after 1 year we move together and leave together for 3 years .we love each other so much and both still love each other , but 6 months a go he graduate from university and start looking for a job and although his qualified he couldn’t find any, but they have an office in the country we study and he start thinking to do something with the office , mean while his farther came to our city and told us start working on that office and he wish us luck in our life together and his proud of us because after 4 years we didn’t have any problem or fight with each other and we still love each other and he said i can’t wait for your wedding!!!!!!! we were both happy and start buying furniture for his office and ect . after 1 week his father ask him to come to our homeland and spend some times with him and he wants to show him some difficulty at work and he should experience this … so he left me in my midterm period.after 1 week i went to our country and he was surprising me with different things and had a great time like always together.after 3 weeks i came back for university and he told me he’ll be there in a few days ! i start working on my project and spent a whole week at uni . i was tired and start nagging why you r not coming , i can’t wait anymore and ect. the only problem we had in these years was in a long distance. he preferred less phone calls and be alone and i was nagging i miss u and it’s enough , i can’t wait anymore and so on , when he called me that night i was nagging and he told me i’ll come soon and stop this it’s not that big , lets talk about something els . but i continued and suddenly he told me he wants to go to usa and his father ask him to go! and his leaving in 2 weeks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was weekend so i bought my ticket and went to our country and talk with him.i told him this is my last semester y u wana do this and what happend …. and after a long conversation he told he will stay until i finish my school and then we’ll talk! so i cam back to uni and after 3 days he came too. and he was fresh again and start working on office stuff and he was happy again , but the day after his father called him and told him he should sell everything and in a week, he should go to our country and work with him or go to usa and start his MBA. so we were crying and i called her mother ( she is leaving in usa) and ask her y ? his parents got divorce 7 years a go but they are still in touch! and she told me its not his fault and he loves u so much and he talked about marrying you and it’s his father who knows how much my bf loves him and his using it as a power to stop him. it was my final exam period and he ask me lets forget everything and focus on ur exams and i did he was helping me and support me like always and when my exams finished he told me in a week we have to sel everything and you should go to dorm and he registered me for dorm and he payed the payment and everything. in a week we packed our stuff and i was crying and crying asking him whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ? many times, and he was silent. and told me its not you it’s time for us to get separate and do our life in a different ways . and you should accept this, its happening soon. he was crying too and keep saying i love you so much but i have to do this. i was beging him okey go we can continue our relationship. it’s 3 months i’ll finish my uni and i can join you. but he told me No it’s not gonna work !!!!! i’m still shocked. i’m 26 and his 24 and i know he loves me so much and he is my man!!!! we even talked about our wedding song and all stuff and our work, home, our kids our goals. Now i’m screwed. it’s been a week we brok up and we still in touch but his ignoring me and keep saying it should happen. you strong and you can do this ! in a week i should go back to the f country and start my last semester of university without him. he was my friend family roommate and all my support. i really don’t know what to do. yesterday i talked with him and he told he want to be free …. plz give me some advice i really don’t want lose him. i love him so much and i know his my man.

Reply December 30, 2011, 9:56 am

Bibi

If you can help: My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years. Thigns have been good but as of late we’ve been fighting a lot. The other thing is that as of late my bf has bought a condo. Originally when he was searching, in told him I like the idea of house a lot better because of the future implications, but he said the condo was an interim investment just for 2-3 years, and then he would sell it. Now, because of my interests in life, (I’m in my early 30s), my bf and I have discussed things like marriage and children in the near future, so having a discussion about a house did not seem that inappropriate. Mind you, he’s 26 only. Fast forward a bit, and before I know it my bf has bought his condo, his furniture and has even selected his paint, without my input. It hurt me…I didn’t even know when he got his mortgage, when the paperwork or the down payment was approved or processed. It hurt me a lot. I didn’t even see pictures of the place before he bought it.
To add fuel to the fire, around the time of his move, I had exams and papers and wasn’t able to help him move or pack. He took this very personally, and told me I didn’t care. I did, and I did try to give him alternative dates which would work better for me, for things like painting, but it didn’t fit his schedule. I sincerely felt like an awful human being during that time.
Now that he’s moved in, there is now another thing. When I go over, and we fight, he starts threatening to kick me out. His excuse is, that I’m talking loud, but I think it’s just him power wielding, when I’m in his space. Sure, I may be speaking loud, or yelling, but I’m never screaming, and I don’t think it’s even that often in comparison to the times he’s mentioned kicking me out. Unfortunately, I don’t think anything warrents someone kicking out a woman (bc of her vulnerability), but that’s just me.
I’m miserable. I’m confused, and I don’t know how to react. The threatening to kick me out got to such a point, he once even said he would talk to security and tell them to not let me come up. That hurt, it brought tears to my eyes.
At this point, I’ve told him I’m not coming over to his condo anymore. I told him that I don’t feel comfortable being constantly threatened to be kicked out. I told him I don’t feel safe, and that unless we came up with an alternative solution we are both happy with when I’m over I would not be coming to his condo. It’s been really hard to keep to this, as I do miss him a lot.
It’s been a week and we still have not reached any conclusions. I tried to get him to resolve the issue for the past week, but it’s been a no go. I went as far as going to the coffee shop across his condo so that we could talk, and he feigned indifference when he learned that I was there. That hurt. He’s also refused to meet me outside of his condo ie. for coffee or the like, and thus, we haven’t been able to meet.
What Is going on here? I am so unhappy, and I don’t have the energy to endure games. Please help.

Reply December 20, 2011, 8:35 pm

kiara

Did you talk about this with your guy? i believe he is under some sort of pressure maybe,why not just sit down and talk?

Reply December 21, 2011, 11:36 am

Bibi

Well, I’m not comfortable going to his place, because of him threatening to kick me out, and when I suggested the coffee shop, he said no. Now, he’s completely not returning my calls, and it’s been two days and I’m more confused then ever. I’ve tried to reach out several times, and nothing. Now I’m just tired. thoughts?

Reply December 21, 2011, 8:11 pm

Corinne

I’ve been dating this man for just 4 month. In the beginning when we first started seeing each other there were frequent texts through out the day. All flirty, cute and sweet. As the relationship progressed it became more serious. Even involving a trip abroad together. Very rarely would I receive a call…often times they would have to be prompted by me. During these 4 months there were two big hurdles that we had to over come. After every hurdle I believed we became closer. Unfortunately the texts are now rare and mundane. And I barely receive any calls. The few times I’ve initiated the calls I get the feeling that he’s just not really interested in talking to me but continued on just to be polite. Days pass between any communications. We normally see each other on the weekends and rarely during the week due to busy work schedule and horrific traffic for commutes. Often times I feel that he’s really not pursuing me or putting in the effort at all. As I always have to travel to see him on the weekends. But once in a while he surprises me with efforts so sweet. He doesn’t call. The texts are mundane. I always have to initiate dates and phone calls. Am I being delusional here? Am I the only one trying to make this relationship work? When he doesn’t contact me I feel that he’s lost interest. Is this neediness talking? Or is this man just not interested? Or does he just have poor relationship etiquette? And how to change that?

Reply December 7, 2011, 7:38 pm

Dan

Easy solution to everyone’s problems:
Don’t message somebody about important things. Call them or see them in person. A text message is like an email- you can ignore it, forget about it, or perhaps not be obsessed with your phone- all of these things cause people not to return text messages.

Long story short: text messaging is a weak form of communication- don’t stress about someone not communicating when you’re not communicating well either (i.e. texting.)

Reply December 3, 2011, 9:41 am

Rachel

You’re right Dan!

I will start to do that.

Reply December 3, 2011, 11:01 am

Appleblossom

There’s a man I used to work with a long time ago. We had a brief relationship and when I left we drifted apart. Now over a decade later he’s back in my life. We’ve both come out of long term relationships (me with children). We’re a lot older and I hope wiser. We went away for what was a lovely break. Now we’re back, we’re still in close contact. We text back and forth a lot as its convenient. He texts me to say ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ with a lot of talk in between. He always texts me first, but the messages can also stop abruptly with no warning. The last couple of days the messages have been more sporadic and I’m not sure where I stand. He has a very high profile career and I have my children and my own career to keep me occupied and we’re both living in different parts of the country. I, in a roundabout way, let him know how I felt and now I’m wondering if that’s why he’s become more distant. I’m far too old to play games so if he’s not interested, I’d rather know for sure and move on with my life.

Reply December 2, 2011, 6:43 am

Apple Blossom

Lovely break = weekend away. Wasn’t sure if that would translate as I’m from the UK!

Reply December 2, 2011, 6:59 am

Flower White

He is dating other ladies. A man is never too busy to contact a woman that he desires.

You should NEVER be unsure about a man, should never allow yourself to feel bad or scared or unwell over the lack of contact from a man.

Reply December 5, 2011, 6:16 pm

Appleblossom

Your Crystal Ball tell you that he’s dating other ladies, does it? Just tell it like it is without thinking that what you say may actually hurt someone’s feelings. Thanks

Reply December 5, 2011, 6:22 pm

Hillary

OK so this post really helped me open my eyes to the past problems I have been having with this guy from my dorm. The relationship started on a mostly physical level as in I only wanted to hook up with him (Bad breakup 3 months ago, wanted a distraction :/). It didn’t exactly happen due to certain circumstances but ever since then ( 2 months) we have still been talking/texting/hanging out etc. He claims he likes me and he is just really hard to get to ( which is true, he is a perfectionist-never has had a drink or substance in his life, always works ahead in school, bed at 1030 kind of discipline) but ever since I showed interest in him he has gotten soooo cocky. Like I will admit I have been kind of clingy lately due to the insecurity of my breakup and the fact that this guy seems like a “challenge”, but he honestly treats me like dirt now. He will only text me if I text him, talk to me if I talk to him, etc. He is driving me crazy and dragging my self esteem through the mud, but I am like addicted to it or something?! I can’t just “pack up” and let go of him. Its been really bad lately and I have been falling under the “needy” category as described ^, but its not because I am needy, its because I want to draw guidelines. But as also mentioned, if you let it go for a certain time, they will think they can do whatever they want. The last couple weeks we have had limited/tense contact because of my last “needy” fit. I went home for the holiday and before I left we talked (FINALLY, literally took me forever to pin him down) and I explained to him that I dont like acting like I have and that I feel like I am degrading myself. I told him we should just be friends because it would be easier and neither of us would feel so annoyed all the time. But he told me that wasn’t what he wanted and said he had “already told me that he liked me”. We agreed to have space and that we would reevaluate after a week at home. He said he would text me, and we left it at that. HOW THE HECK IS HE SHOWING HE LIKES ME?! HE ISN’T. Anyhow, all week I was waiting for him to text me and he didn’t. By the day before I went back I had enough and texted him just saying “Hey I hope you had a good week”, and he replied “You too”, and that was it. My question is, is it too late tp redeem myself to the type of girl described ^. I know for a fact he is exactly the kind of guy described ^, likes confidence and a challenge. I can be that, normally I am, but I got in a funk from all the emotional baggage of my ex and now I made myself look stupid. I want to start over and be like the independent girl, but it might be too late with this guy…yes?

Reply November 25, 2011, 12:01 am

Karina

Thanks! I only had to wait for 3 days! Patience is key!

Reply November 22, 2011, 9:46 pm

mags

my friend mari likes my friend matt and he likes her back. We are all really close but Mari doesnt know how to tell matt she likes him back. last week Matt told mari he likes her but she doesnt know how she should say it to him. matt told her through me which was really horrible cuz first he didnt want me to tell her and she got mad cuz matt is horrible at being nonshalant, so mari felt like we were beiong rude keeping secrets. she got mad at me because they kept secrets from me for way longer an i stopped talking to them for days. but mari is depending on me to figure out how to tell matt which is weird because she is usually the confident one and also because i have been gettting mad at matt lately because hes been rude to me but any way how should mari tell matt?
please help!

Reply November 20, 2011, 1:15 pm

Sana

Thankuu soo much..it ws all so helpful to deal with the problem.

Reply November 20, 2011, 8:44 am

Confused 101

Hi, Yesterday I went into a store and the boy serving me couldn’t ge this eyes off me and he complimented once. I definatly felt a connection so I went back a second time and immediatly when I walked through the doors he flashed me a smile and seemed mesmerised. I tried my best to control my emotions, but I can’t help wonder if he’s worth going back to that store and getting his phone number. Do you think he wants to see me again and should we hook up?
Please help

Reply November 20, 2011, 12:10 am

gingerheart

men are men… they wanted to be in control…and us girls think if they don’t text back it seems to us that they don’t love us but why not reverse the things that they’re doing to us??? they hate that… ignore them too, make them miss you, reply once and avoid talking to him so he will make him think why??? is the text reply will be ur basis for their love??? why not refrain yourself from texting?get the ugliest celphone that is too hard to use with texting so you will be lazy to text… we cany control anyone’s emotions…we are responsible with our own emotions! so show them not too much emotions…

Reply November 19, 2011, 8:46 am

PollyAnna Playgirl

This is GOOD advice!!

Mirroring is often a good tool. If someone doesn’t care, to try to draw them back in by acting like they mean the world will distance them further. Act like you don’t care too and they’ll be thinking “Why isn’t she caring about me as much as she should?”. It will make them CHASE you (something men are wired to do) and you will end up better for it. And if they don’t chase? Well, it wasn’t gonna work out. I’m telling you, men hate desperate women.

Case in point: when my boyf dumped me, I adopted a nonchalant attitude to the breakup instead of trying to get him to talk. I literally told him I accepted it…I mirrored him. Now this guy has literally been BEGGING me to get back together!!! Can you believe it? I swear, had I been the one to beg or shower him with love in order to get him back, I doubt very much he would have shown as much interest as he is doing now!!!

Reply February 15, 2012, 8:35 am

Fajitabub

Yeah I feel the same way-
But then that problem arises within my head…
What if he just continues to not text, and I don’t text? Then I feel like I’m failing as his girlfriend and I feel like it’s partly my fault we’re drifting…
Because he doesnt text me. And when he does, I have to start the conversation. If I never started the conversation, we would never have it. Thus, we drift and become less close. :(
I don’t know what to do!

Reply February 27, 2012, 9:54 pm

Tina

I discovered 10months after dating my boyfriend is dating another girl and has been dating her for past 3 years. A night before I called the other girl, I saw text messages which they both exchanged. The contents were too erotic for a mere friendship/ex/business partner relationship that he had claimed it to be when I asked him once. I was so angry and furious. My boyfriend told me that he didnt want to be with the other girl. Said he was trying to pull away gradually because he had some financial commitments with the other girl which he was trying to break off. He also said, the girls family was trying to give him some magic portion to make him marry the girl out of his will and he was trying to be careful about breaking it off abruptly.
I didnt believe his story. Next day i called the girl, and to my dismay, found out that he had been dating her all along. I discovered he had lied to me on several occasions about several things. I disclosed to the other girl, what he had said about charm and financial commitments. Later that day, without knowing that I had called the other lady, he went to visit her. Apparently she confronted him. He called me and told me the relationship was over and he didnt want to ever talk to me again.
He said I betrayed him. Is this a cheaters ploy?? or did I really betray him??
I pleaded with him even after knowing that he cheated on me, but he said the relationship is over and it will NEVER work out. Its been 10days of no contact, and I am hurting so bad. Do you think he will ever contact me again??

Reply November 18, 2011, 12:32 am

Julia

OMG Whats wrong with you girl? Why do you want to even speak to him again??? He’s a loser and has one of the WORST qualities a man could ever have- he is a backstabbing LIAR!!! Go out and start looking elsewhere, and I mean now. Go call your friends. Go out. Do things, anything to not think of him.. Go to the gym, get your hair done, nails done. Laugh, have fun. Don’t even spend a second wasting time thinking about him! Why not go on a dating website maybe like OKCupid?? ( After a horrible break up I found an amazing man on there) Distract yourself from him and NEVER look back. Trust me on this and BE STRONG! Do not waste your tears on a lying, backstabbing piece of shit LOSER! I know there were certain things you liked about him, and you and him might have had some good times, but honestly you’ve seen his true colors and this a huge, blazing RED FLAG. Ask yourself in your heart would you really, truly want to be with a man like this????? No girl, you dont! You deserve way better! LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU and MOVE ON. You MUST. And in a year or two’s time you will probably laugh back and think how you could have accepted such behavior. AND most likely when you find a great, loving, NON-LOSER new man, or after ignoring him for awhile, this piece of shit will most likely come crawling back to you with apologies but you know what- YOU WONT WANT HIM!
BE STRONG.
<3
JZ

Reply November 18, 2011, 11:37 pm

Odetaa

hello!! I have a little question…

basically, there is this guy in my class who i have been friends with for a year and recently we have gotten really close and have been talking about everything. Also, recently we have started this kind of flirty game going on, and its weird because we know we do it as a joke but sometimes i feel like it could be serious flirting leading onto something, but im confused because I dont have a clue of what he thinks this is; a game? etc. To give an example of how we flirt? well, we kind of have this thing where whenever we see eachother (be it from across the room, next to eachother..) we say ‘I love you’ in whisper, so that only us two see what we say.. we also stare into eachothers eyes, and sometimes i make little flirty jokes and we laugh (as if to say, i know you’re joking..)whatever, i dont know.. its been going on for a couple of weeks i think. the other day, he asked me if i would ever go out with this guy form our class (he is gross by the way) and he basically wrotee : “would you go out with him? because if you would i would be heartbroken”, i said definitelyy not! andd we kind of laughed. we both acted like that was a little joke, part of our flirtatious game, i took it as a joke (although i dont want it to be a joke), was it a joke though? could he have been hintingg in a sly way? :S or was it just an addition to the flirting we developed? another time was when a teacher saw us whispering our secret messages to eachother, suspected that we were going out. so when she asked him if we were, he said ‘ mmmm, why dont you ask her?? (me)’ we have led a few people to think we are going out, and havent denied it but havent said that we are, i dont know why, maybe we just get a buzz off it?? he has a few days ago gotten friendlier with his ex who he swore to me he wudnt go out with again for certain reasons, and it has slightly bothered me a bit. I asked him if anything would happen with her, and he was a bit unsure, although after contemplating about it he said he will stand by what he told me before. i told him that honestly, if he did go out with her again, it would bother me. and after he asked why, i tried to be sly and told him that she has just been annoying me lately, attracting attention. i dont know if it seemed like it but he seemed to back her up by saying that shes just like that… he saw that that wasnt it, so he managed to get more out of me. not the whole truth, but i wud say enough of a hint?? or not? you tell me, i said that me being bothered by him dating her again wudnt necessarily have a lot to do with her, it wud be more to do with how i feel…. after which his response was “hmmm, i see” and smiled(what do you think of that? obvious enough clue for a guy?) his ex also happens to be a friend of mine. i would say a good friend, but whos been becoming a bitch recently. nevermind that though, i would say the flirting was harmless if i didnt like the guy. but ive started to develop some sort of feelings towards him, and im pretty sure i like him. but its complicated because he is my friends ex and shes starting to think of trying to get with him again (she told me) . i may not be a good friend by doing this, but i will try and put her off him and onto someone else because all my trust in people has gone so im sticking with myself, and i want to know if you think there might be a chance with this guy or if this flirtatious game is just that, a little game to him?
is there a good chance that he could be feeling the same way towards me aswell? i just want to know if theres a chance, i would deal with the friend-ex-thing later :/

Reply November 17, 2011, 6:44 pm

julie

where has my comment gone?

Reply November 16, 2011, 8:53 pm

Lily

So I was wondering if anyone had some advise… So I’m 14 years old and I’ve known this guys for 7 years, he is 16. We’re both home-schooled which makes everything super annoying because I can’t see him very much. So around 3 months ago we got back in touch, texting each other all the time, he told me about how he had liked me for the past 5 years or so, we would stay up texting for hours, and he would bring up our relationship a lot saying we should get together. I didn’t like him that much. I kept telling him I didn’t want to yet, I wanted to wait and just be friends for now. So he just asked me the next day! This went on for a while… But I was falling in love with him… I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too. Then out of nowhere he said that he would wait for me. I was very happy, but also disappointed because I really liked him now. Then for like 2 weeks he didn’t text me once first, although he would reply if I did first. Though I didn’t, I thought it would annoy him. I asked him why he wasn’t texting me, he said he was bored of texting and he didn’t text anyone anymore. (Yeaaah right…) Around 2 weeks ago he told me that him and his family might have to move. He told me in these stupid one word texts and it took me a while to figure out what the hell he was talking about. Last week, I waited about 6 days with nothing from him, resolved to hear from him first… I couldn’t do it… He replied though. Now, if I say ‘good night and I love you’ he’ll say ‘love u too’ back, but I don’t really think he 100% means it… He hasn’t texted me first in… I don’t even remember… And now sometimes he’ll just ignore me for like 2 days… I’m probably just over reacting… But I kind wish I hadn’t pushed him away. What do ya’ll think? Am I just being a stupid little girl??? Sorry if I bored you…

Thanks
Lily

Reply November 16, 2011, 4:38 am

Rachel

@Lily: forget him !

Ignore him.

You’re young and all ” most boys” want right now.
Is sex.

Watch YouTube videos, about boys … Players… Cheaters…. a guy using you…. if a guy likes you”

FOCUS ON SCHOOL!( play a sport, volunteer, participate,join a club )
NEVER LOSE YOUR PARENTS TRUST
Stay a VIRGIN UNTIL MARRIAGE( girls will hate u because you are pure)
NEVER SEND ANY DIRTY PHOTOS
(you will soon see 1/2 your class pregnant or up to no good)

Always tell the truth.

” Friends do come and go”( less friends the better ; 1 friend is enough)

Don’t tell anyone your business, not even your friends.

Reply November 21, 2011, 7:20 pm

VeryConfused

I just moved and was becoming interested in this guy at my new school because he’s the only cute one here but i did stuff with two of his friends when i shouldn’t have because my boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me and i just wanted to be wanted, and now he thinks I’m too wild for him. What should i do? because i want him to be interested in me too…

Reply November 14, 2011, 8:45 pm

S

I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for just over 3 years, we met just before i went away to university and have had to deal with distance for a long time. Now I’ve graduated and i’ve had to be away a lot due to various work placement opportunities i’ve been taking with my creative partner. We’ve had our problems along the way just like any couple and we always seemed to get through them. 2 years ago we he had broken up with me because of some difficulties we were going through and i was heartbroken, i tried to spend time with my friends as i was a mess and still very much in love with him, however I ended up seeking comfort in another man, something i’m not proud of but don’t regret as i often felt confused if my bf and I were really meant for each other, he was my first sexual parter but as he is 6 years older than I am he had been with many women before meeting me. The man i found comfort in made me realise how strong the connection with my bf was and i knew we had to make it work. We got back together and i didn’t tell him about what had happened, we were still so delicate and I couldnt bring myself to tell him. As it happened while we were not together I don’t consider it cheating but I hated myself for it for a long time. During the first couple of weeks we were together I had kissed a boy at university and told him straight away, being drunk was not an excuse and i told him how badly i felt about it. He was angry and upset and he said he wished i hadn’t told him, we got through that and he never held it against me in any way.

What happened with myself and the man i found comfort in during our break up so long ago came out into the open a few months back, he wouldn’t speak to me for a few days, he brought all my things round to my house and told me he never wanted to see me again. I persuaded him to meet with me as i had some things to return to him and I gave him a note. we parted and i was in tears, he contacted me a short while later and we discuess our situation, we spoke about what had happened and he asked me if I still wanted to be with him. We got back together.

Now our relationship is on the rocks again, the combination of many things, me being away, our previous break up, our sex life (he has some problems but i’ve always been understanding and we still don’t know what is wrong here as it comes and goes), and other little things seem to be bothering him a lot. He said he doesn’t see me the same way anymore and he’s been treating me differently for awhile now, not wanting to see me or talk to me, not being intimate with me, and it hurts a lot because i still love him. We spoke on the phone for a long time as he explained how he thinks we shouldn’t be together anymore, saying things like ‘he doesnt want to hold me back in my career’ and ‘he still loves me’ i’m so confused by all the mixed messages. We are still talking through text messages and i know his home and work life are a mess right now. I just need to know if there is any reason for me to keep fighting for our relationship or if it’s hopeless. I need to know how he really feels because if we are not going to be together there are opportunities for me to move away from home, something i told him i would never do if it meant we couldn’t be together.

Reply November 14, 2011, 5:11 pm

Moons

Hi,
I desperately need a piece of advice here. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now, everything was going smoothly at the beginning. However, starting this year, things started to change. I was the one calling, texting, sometimes he did call/text me back but sometimes not. I started even to be the one who always suggest we hang out to which he responded most of the time that he had a lot of work bla bla. I tried to talk to him about that and he told me that he loves me but he has so much work and his head was so stuffed with things. things started to get well between us, we even started to bring up marriage. 3 months ago, i dont know what got onto him but he went back to his bad habits, not calling, not texting back, disappearing and so on. So I decided to change the way i used to react to this and started giving him the silence treatment. it did work actually, he would get abck to me, trying very hard to win me back. but once everything is well between us, he went back again to his bad habits; this has been the case for the last months. I even tried to leave him but he would beg me to stay with him saying that he loves me and he just cant live without me. I really don’t know what to do, does he really love me ? but if he doesn’t why would he do anything to win me back and to avoid the final breakup? I am really confused….pleaaase help

Reply November 13, 2011, 5:30 pm

Rachel

Let him go.

Your heart will heal.
He will regret it.

Don’t ever take him back.

Watch videos on YouTube about boys, heartache, getting ex back,breaking up, signs cheating , … and all your boy troubles .

Reply November 21, 2011, 7:09 pm

Divya

Guys are so stupid they get so vague!
So I like this guy in school and he’s kinda interested in me.. We are really good friends, like backslapping, always teasing and making fun etc.. But since this liking thingie began I dunno where from all this dumb shyness has come!! I am usually quiet around him (I was since beginning only, but when I start talking I get normal) but he was super chatty and nice.. But now it’s like he’ll look at me from a distance, stare, and look away. He talks normally (though less) to my friends! Also he expects me to always go upto him and talk, why the hell cant he come??
He told my friend yesterday when she teased him & me that she could check his cell, it dsnt have many msgs from me, and also tht I “hardly reply” to his msgs.. Well, what the hell am I supposed to reply to forwards?! And I do msg him (once in 2days/daily), like forwards only..
Please tell me how can I get him to open up like previous!? And should I do more like msg more, and go & talk to him..?? :( (@Rachel do reply :) )

Reply November 11, 2011, 5:18 am

Rachel

@Divya : Stay in your lane.Don’t Change

He like you and is too shy and lacks confidence.( A man must have confidence)
Forget him.
He’s had more than enough time

—- just ignore what they say about him and LET HIM TEXT/COME TO YOU
don’t ever text or go to him first—

You are a Queen.
Royalty.
DON’T EVER CHASE A MAN!
” pick , choose , and refuse ”
NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS.

Don’t let Love make a fool of you , Darling :)
Use your Noggin!!!!
Okay,Beautiful ? :)

* visit back soon*

Reply November 21, 2011, 6:51 pm

Divya

Hey Rachel lonnng time.. :) :)
Yeah you’re right, we’re royalty, girl. I’ve gotten over the crush; I was getting too hyper ya. He sure has had enough time..
You know what that’s exactly what I’m doing since I’ve written to you avoiding him. And he’s got something in his head- like he’s getting er, excited :P. Kept waiting at his class door to see me I had to chng my place to avoid. And came and sat with us during lunch & STARED AT ME QUITE ER SERIOUSLY AND STUPIDLY :P
And today I didn’t talk, neither did he come (told you na, he expcts ME to go upto him.. Well gone are those days, we aren’t desperate! ;) ) so during releasing time he waited till we came out & then stood and started a convo. The supid kids of my bus weren;t coming quickly & I just wanted to leave, man :P. He was chatting with another friend of mine & told me “Go home directly ok don’t go roaming around” (obvio in a joking way), I looked at him to acknowledge and went and looked for my bus driver. When I came out he was still there and again he called my name and said the same thing.. I was like “No no, today toh I’m coming to your place!” :P
He pointed to my friend whom he was talking to “Come to her place, she stays beside me only”. [Seems he thinks I die for him (or WHAT DID THAT MEAN?)]
U know Rachel I still feel he’s got something for me but ego’s coming in between. More so cuz that day when he came to sit while we were having tiffin, I noticed this expression of “See-I’m-here-I-had-to-throw-my-ego-off-just-because-of-you-now-are-you-happy”, it was weird ya as if he’s doing me Succchhh a favor by coming to talk .. Noone told him to come. Hah!

Reply December 16, 2011, 7:12 am

Jessica

Please Help! My boyfriend and I have been dating for a month now and he doesnt text me! he has a phone, I know he does, because he only texts if i hav texted his more than once. And at school, he doesnt talk to me. I mean, he acts like we are dating but he doesnt truly talk to me. We have never had a true conversation! and it kinda hurts to think i dont mean enough to him to text me. or even call me! what should i do?

Reply November 10, 2011, 8:55 pm

Rachel

@Jessica: He’s not your boyfriend

He’s just trying to impress the guys.
Most likely he has another girlfriend.

Cut him off. He’s a stranger. No sex or naked pics.
Too many STD & pregnancies.

Be a Good Woman… (girls will envy )
Focus on school. Take care of body,hair, & health.
Play a sport. Workout and have good times with friends.

Trust me. A good guy… will meet your parents.
Tell the world. Call & text you everyday ..and show you off.

Just please you and do all you want.

Just be a beautiful smart girl til then.

Watch YouTube about Boys .. Side chick …players… other woman. All your boy troubles & questions.

Reply November 21, 2011, 7:02 pm

Dany

Hi Eric ! Can you help me out?
I met this guy this summer who leaves an hour flight away from where I live and I think we had a good connection. (Spent the night talking and kissed).
When I got back he started messaging me on Facebook and we messaged back and forth. But he’s been acting differently for 2 months now. He keeps on sending me messages, so I answer and ask questions back but he NEVER answers back which is kind of frustrating. What should I think and what should I do?

Thank you !
Dany

Reply November 10, 2011, 7:09 pm

Heidi H.

Hi, Eric! It’s times like these where I need male insight the most; even though I feel as though I have a pretty good head on my shoulders, I am starting to enter the realm of the irrational. FAIL.

Anyway, I met a guy a few weeks ago. Long story short, we attend different universities about 4 hours apart. He got my number, began to text me, and then asked me out to dinner. He traveled all the way down to my city this past Friday for shopping (or “shopping” – not to be presumptuous) and to take me out, as a reward to himself and some downtime. Throughout our date, he kept mentioning how much he liked how clever I was, and gave me a few strategic complements about my appearance. Our conversation was filled with everything from politics and traveling to the craziest things we had ever done. He paid for everything, put his arm around me during walks from restaurant to restaurant, asked me to dance, and was thrilled when I could keep up with his level of sarcasm. We ended up getting drunk and spending the night in his hotel, drinking wine, cuddling, kissing, watching terrible late night movies and laughing about them. We woke up the next morning, made a few snarky remarks about waking up together, and got coffee. I then dropped him off and he gave me a big hug, thanked me, and told me to call him when I was back up (during Thanksgiving). On my way home, I received an inside joke reference text from him, and we had a little text conversation. That was Saturday. It is now Wednesday. I contacted him on Sunday night with something funny I found that had to do with our date (he answered back and we had a brief text conversation), and again on Monday because it was his birthday. He hates birthdays, so I sent him a picture of his favorite kind of beer and wrote something to the effect of “a beer for your completely normal day, which holds no significance ;)”. He wrote back “Haha. Yes.” And that was the last I heard from him.

I am worried I did something wrong, and I usually don’t get like this, but it seems as though he and I really clicked and I don’t understand why he has stopped texting me. Before our date, he contacted me almost everyday (there was a gap of one day a few times, but he was consistent and his texts were longer than just a few words). I have not texted him since Monday. Could you please give me some advice, or your opinion on what’s going on?

I am really worried…

Advice?

Reply November 10, 2011, 3:02 am

Heidi H.

Also, I might want to add that I usually have a “hit it and quit it”
problem… guys always assume that I am a bimbo (because of my appearance; big boobs, blonde hair), and don’t really take the time to get to know me. They try to get with me, and then move forward with their romantic lives regardless of whether or not I give them anything. What is most interesting, however, is the fact that most of them remain friends with me and come to me for girl advice. I have been told that I am too nice…

Can anybody help me? It seems as though I am perpetually stuck somewhere between “friends with benefits” and a second date.

Thank you.

Reply November 10, 2011, 3:13 am

Karen

Hi Heidi! I just wanted to suggest to read a book called “Why Men Love Bitches”. I too am a “nice girl”. I have not completely read the book Im halfway thru, but it gives really good insight on why “bitches” (the book explaines being a “bitch” is not in the derogatory form of the word) always gets ahead. In your case, i think the reason he kinda pulled away was because you didnt let him work for it. I mean, he did at the beggining, HE came to you, HE paid for dinner, etc. But you hooked up on the first date. Leaving him nothing to work for. His objective had been completed without him going out of his way to work hard for it. I am not suggesting you are a floozy or anything of the like-you sound like a down-earth girl. However, you need to make him WORK for it. Hard. You are too valubule to give it up after a first perfect date… Pull back a bit. Dont text or call-even if you are DYING to!! Keep it to yourself. Do things you like to do to pass the time. And if you guys had the chemistry you think you did, he will come back. Patience is key! Good luck blondie. :)

Reply February 18, 2012, 4:15 pm

Karen

I’m sorry Heidi, I must have misunderstood when you said hook up.. did he ever call you again?

Reply February 18, 2012, 8:53 pm

Meghan Cahue

Soo. i know this guy and I knew him since 6th grade and right now im in 8th. We go to different school. He doesn’t have a facebook or cell phone. Only time I see him is at soccer practice, which ended. But i do see him every Sunday at family ccd. His father was my ccd teacher in 4+5 grade but now im in family ccd with his family and mine. I really like him. I knew him for a long time and we talk. At are soccer party last week, my neighbor meet him and now likes him after meeting him once. I might invite him to go to free skate or the movies with me, him, my friend (girl), and her boyfriend. He is not a jock or nerd, he is really sweet. My mother says he is a gentlemen.

Reply November 7, 2011, 9:57 pm

anna

ok so I met this guy last weekend when I was on a short (1hour drive away) weekend away. We gelled and talk for about 2 hours then he came back to our place and we talked for another 2 hours. And then (going against every advice) we made out and did ‘a bit’ (but not all) of other stuff and then he asked for my number. the next evening again being a little tipsy I texted him a short (one sentence,no question) text and he texted the morning after. I then sent another short, text the next day (with no question) but no reply. I guess I’m wondering if I should send him a quick text this weekend or just leave it. Its hard because we really gelled I felt. And yes I know that hes probably just not into me and if so what should I do next time this situation arises? I mean tbh I don’t have problems meeting guys or ‘picking up’ guys but I do struggle with going further than that night. And the guys that I do end up dating are the ones Im not attracted to physically. Im 25 now and really just want a normal realtionship with a normal guy that I have chemistry with.

Reply November 5, 2011, 2:07 am

Maria

Hey there, so I have a little problem. And I’m most likely over thinking and should just stop worrying about it but here it goes. So me and this guy have been friends forever, and hooked up for the first time over the summer. Then a few months later he gets a girlfriend, and that’s like what ever. But anyways a few weeks ago he started texting me saying that he wants to hook up again even thought he has a girlfriend! And he even told me that his girlfriend thought he was cheating on her, and he still want’s to hook up. But I finally said to him that this is why she thinks hes cheating on her. you know because of the messages he has sent me and he says to me “well I would never fallow through with it”. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!!! Please help

Reply November 1, 2011, 3:31 pm

Mika

Maria… Hi, I’m not Erick but I’d like to help if I may :)…

Honestly, I don’t really think you need an answer to this. i think the answer is self explanatory, and is probably galloping through your subconsciousness as we speak…

This guy is not ready for anything serious. I mean, he isn’t even owning up to the relationship he’s in, so why bother? I’m not judging you, but something like this should probably turn you off.

I’m not sure deciphering his text is what matters here.. maybe you should try to pull back and look at the situation as a whole before you think this guy is giving you any special treatment.

I hope that helped :)

Reply November 2, 2011, 1:35 am

Rachel

Leave him alone!

He’s trying have his cake and eat it too.
Clearly, he’s not ready for commitment.

Respect Yourself!
You can do better and deserve someone who gives you thier all.

Don’t believe him.

Do not go out with him… Even if he breaks up with her.

He’ll forever be unfaithful.

Remain , just friends!

Reply November 6, 2011, 12:03 pm

Maria

Hey there, so I have a little problem. And I’m most likely over thinking and should just stop worrying about it but here it goes. So me and this guy have been friends forever, and hooked up for the first time over the summer. Then a few months later he gets a girlfriend, and that’s like what ever. But anyways a few weeks ago he started texting me saying that he wants to hook up again even thought he has a girlfriend! And he even told me that his girlfriend thought he was cheeting on her, and he still want’s to hook up. But I finally said to him that this is why she thinks hes cheeting on her. you know because of the messages he has sent me and he says to me “well I would never fallow through with it”. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!!! Please help

Reply November 1, 2011, 3:31 pm

vnks

Hi, I read the post and become part of the forum as well, logged in, but still I cant get to read the article u recommended: How To Get Him To Text You Back It keeps me sending to the enroll page, how can I read it?? Help please.
Thanks.

Reply October 31, 2011, 1:20 am

ban

girls welll i cheated on my gf and i told her about it and she got real mad and dumped me and we didnt even txt for a month and she dated this guy like 2 days after we broke up and now she txtes me all the time and we actually call eachother and stay on the fone for an hr or 2 but she still has a bf and she told me not to tell anybody but she says were also friendds just friends and i understand tht but how long do u think it will be before she will go bck out with me or trust me again bc i only got a pic from a girl it wasnt tht mad and do u think she still loves me and stuff

Reply October 28, 2011, 4:44 pm

Rachel

DUMP HER!!!

She is using you.
Taking advantage of your kindness.
Be with someone who appreciate it.

Cut off all contact.

She can’t have her cake and eat it too

Reply October 28, 2011, 7:38 pm

Sam

Dump her?. They weren’t going out. The dude just said they were friends now. How can you take advice or help from other people when you can’t help yourself. Work on yourself, and fixing the problems you created and maybe re-evaluate your situation

Reply December 20, 2011, 3:36 am

c.belle

I met my boyfriend 4 mouths a go and ever think was going so good. we talked ever day even when he was at work we would intil we fall a sleep some times. he would alway tell me how much he loved me and how he would never let me go or let anything happend to me. he would tell he was so luck to have me as his girlfriend and he would tell he hated all my ex boyfrinds and he would never hart me. he asked me if i would have his kids and we would joke aroud about how many kids we would have and talk like we had kids and we where married. he use to call me babe or wifey and he would tell me how Beautiful i was and when we frist stared going out he would call me after are date to make shore i got home ok and he would tell me he miss me and tell me how much he liked are date. and when we frist met i had a promise ring and he told me he would get me a better one. and alway talk about thing we would do together.but now it seem like he want nothing to do with me to talk to him i alway have to call or txted him fist inless we are going to hang out then he will be calling and txting me but after it what ever. some times he gets upset with me if he dosent what i say or ask him like one time i said to him i would talk to him later because he was busy and he told me to never say that again. and some times he will say well why are you with me for no reaseing and it makes me feel like he dosent want to be with me and now he will only tell me hes loves me after i tell him frist and he use to txt me good night and now he will only say it after i say it. and he txt it back like good night love ya 2 and one time when i was on a date with him his friend call looking for him and told his friend he went for a walk. oh two time we had planes to hang out and he didnt show up. and one of the times we had plans to met up and he never showed up and he lefted me waiting at the beach and he told me only that he couldnt after i txted to see if he was come. but when i got mad at him he turn it aroud and made it my folt. and i just stard haveing sex with him and 3 nights a go he want to see me but it was late so he askedme if i would sneak out so i did.but two days later i txted and he told me he was sorry and he would never have me sneak out again. i want to but at the same time i was hopeing it would make him want me more. some times i feel like he dosent want me any more and i think about brake up with him some times just to see if he will try to get back to with me but at the same time i dont want to do because im scard he wont came back. i love him so much i scard of loseing him so i dont know how to fix whats wrong and i dont know what to say to him because i dont want to make him upset.

Reply October 28, 2011, 12:44 am

bella

I meet my boyfriend 4 mouths a go and ever thing was going so good. we talked ever day even when he was at work he would call me and all day intil we went to bed some time we would fall a sleep on the phone. he would alway tell me how much he loved me and asked me if i would have he kids and we would joke aroud like we a right had kids and like we wher married and he told me he would neve let go and he would never let anything happend to me. i have a promise ring but he didnt get it for me but when we frist meet he told me he would get me a better one i thought that was so sweet but a little after that he still hasnt gave me one. and now he dosent call or txt me that much anymore i alway have to call or txt him frist and it seem like we olny talk when we are going to hang out to gether. and now he only said i love you if i say it frist and some time when he txts me i love back he say i love ya 2 and he gets up set with me wehen i say some thing like telling him i will talk to him later because hes busy or some time ask him some thing like one time my friend told me he was seeing a other girl and i told her he wouldnt do that but to get her to stop saying that i asked he and he all most broke up with me. but if i get upset with him about some thing he truns it aroud a makes it my folt and then he will ask me why im with and tells me to find some one better and makes me feel lke he dosent want to be with me. now some times i feel like hes tired of me and some times i want to brake up with him to see if try to get back with me but im scard to do that because im scard that he wont and that he will go find some one else. and still love him so much that this is all harting me and i dont know what to say to him with out makeing him mad.

Reply October 27, 2011, 10:45 pm

Rachel

@Bella

Break up , with your boyfriend.
He’s only telling you what you want to hear.

All lies ….

His response to your actions is a sign of abuse.
No one should ever talk to you , Like that .!!!!
Don’t ever tolerate it.bad behavior.

You & your happiness is your 1st priority

;) you will love again.
Go out , exercise, find a hobby until heart break is over

NO SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE

:D Virgins are 1 of a kind , now
. Highly favoured by God.

Be proud and shout it out loud!!!!
Seriously, no sex until marriage.

Too much STD & Babies.

You are a Queen.
Wait for your King.

Watch Virgins on YOUTUBE.

Reply October 28, 2011, 8:07 pm

kady

a coupleof weeks ago, i met this guy and we instantly clicked, we had so much in common and i was really attracted to him. HNe initied most text conversations after that but i initiated a few too. we met up twice after that, each time HE asked if i wanted to meet up.. The 3rd time we met i slept with him. I wanted to wait, but i really wanted it in that moment and i thought i shouldnt try to manipulate the siuation. If he wants something more, then having sex so soon wont change it, if he just wants me for sex at least i’ll know and be able to move on. I told him i’d be around near his place that saturday as i go to a clothes market there sometimes and if he wanted to come. He said he’d text me. Anyway later that evening, he texted me asking how im doing etc, but after texting back he took over a day to reply. After i replied to that he didnt text back anymore. He didnt text to say if he was coming to the market, so on the saturday i called him once but he didnt pick up so i guess he was sleeping. Later that day he called me back but i missed it. So 12 mins later i called him, again he didnt pick up. So i texted saying i was around earlier but i guess he was sleeping. Late that night he texted back saying he hoped i had fun and that he had an exam the next day. This time i replied 2 days later, and it has been 3 days and still no reply. I had got free tickets to a comedy show and asked if he wanted to come, he asked when it was, i told him when, and he hasnt replied.
Do i come across as too needy? I regretted calling him again on the saturday, thinking i came off as needy, and I have asked him if he wants to hang out (at the market and comedy show – even tho he’s the one who said we should see a comedy show soon). I’m really new to this relationship stuff (in fact im not sure i even want a r/s with him, just be friends or sth casual) and i’m just confused as to how i should be acting, and why he suddenly is uninterested.

Reply October 27, 2011, 2:59 pm

Rachel

Leave him a lone.

When a guy wants to be with you or be your friend .

They will make the time & effort.

Leave him alone, cut off all contact.

He will only link you for sex or when he is bored.

He has shown you he has no interest in you or the things you do.
:-/ sorry girl.

Reply October 28, 2011, 7:56 pm

Natgoden

I am currently in a difficult situation where my ex-boyfriend seems confused about what he wants….He teases me by doing a lot of the things we did during our relationship (sweet, affectioned, and etc). He has been coming around and calling on and off……just last week he came over feeling sick and so i took him to the hospital and stood with him all night till the morning to find out when his results came back a day later that he has liver cancer….that same day I had to go to work and so I had a normal day to find out that my company is undergoing an organizational reconstruction and my position was eliminated. However, he still not receiving chemo therapy but his mother has chosen to have him seen by some kind of natural doctor because they dont want to put him on chemo treatment. He has tried talking to his mother about me and his mother had a negative response from her…how can we or I talk to her if she does not wants to see me next to him nor talk to him? Its has been very difficult talking to him and seeing him because of her….Please help with some advise on this situation……!!!!! :-((

Reply October 27, 2011, 1:57 am

Evlyn Lary

What is the facebook page under? I came across this page and am finding it very helpful in all that i have read so far. :)

Reply October 26, 2011, 3:55 pm

Denise

I my man only play with video game when he get home from work , I alway have to come up with something for us to do. he nerver show me no love then he get in bed than go to sleep no touch or hug .what should i do.

Reply October 25, 2011, 3:36 am

Rachel

Your man sounds depressed.
or maybe he’s just not into you …..and just focused on himself .

What are the things he likes ?

Try : Dave & Busters is fun ( invite a group of friends too : )

Sushi place …..where they do all that cooking stuff/entertainment
b)Gun Range
c) Go Carting
d) concert

e) comedy show
f) bowling…pool hall
g ) Comic Con
h) Auto Show

Or have a get together at your place with some friends.
A hr or two of games & laughter

Look what events, new places in or around your area …and try them.

Reply October 25, 2011, 6:22 pm

Divya

@Rachel
Yeah girl. As it is we’re absolutely pressurised with our studies (we’re in Science stream!) and have no time for stupidity. Plus I don’t believe in relationships, I mean what’s with “being in a relationship” when you both know you like each other? And anyways if it’s not meant to last, it wil never, and if it is meant to last, it will however..
I’m not aksing or saying anything. Just going with the flow as you say. By the way, it’s kinda nice this way. :)
P.S.- Pray it lasts for a lifetime, people!! :|

Reply October 25, 2011, 1:58 am

Rachel

Study,Rest and exercise.:)
I know you will do well on your Exam.

Go with the flow
But he may think you do not fancy him at all
Since , he is clearly leaving hints …but ignoring his advances.
( he must be afraid of your rejection, since he is being so vague )

But continue to be friends
…..Love knows no time or distance.

Reply October 25, 2011, 6:07 pm

Divya

Why would he think I don’t fancy him.. I guess even I’m picking his hints, that’s enough right? Or should I do more.
I message him daily (Good night/Good morning/randomly) and he mostly replies on the same day. :P. And I do talk to him (right now it’s holidays so we’re not meeting). But I think he does more to interact than I do. (Or maybe it’s my romantic nature feeling that way!)
But you got to agree I message him more than he does.. :P :D
What say?

Reply October 27, 2011, 1:17 am

Rachel

@Divya

:-) you are doing fine, darling.

School first.

Love is a distraction.

Reply October 28, 2011, 7:46 pm

Divya

But i think you’re right, Rachel.. :P
He thinks I’m not interested…!
But I just feel TOO shy going up to him, really.. I feel he doesn’t like that I always have to walk with my friend(s) who go up to him and then I join in. But.. I get embarrassed.. :/

October 31, 2011, 10:52 am

Rachel

@Divya:

:) practice in the Mirror.
” Do you like me? because I have the feeling you would like to be ” more than friends ”
” Right now, I am focused on my studies . So, I just want to be friends for now…. only time will tell.”

——
But I think , you should let him know…. So he can sleep at night :)
He likes, that you’re strong, beautiful, independent, … a leader not a follower.
Don’t change.
Just get better.

—————-
Remember !!!
Being more than friends …. Can lose it all
An make it awkward & difficult for other friends.

Reply November 1, 2011, 5:17 am

Divya

Hmm.. :)
You can’t be serious about that “So he can sleep at night” part. :P
I’m gonna get him comfortable first. He’s getting nervous around me I feel. (How stupid, noone has gotten shy around me, not even kids or my own parents! :D :P)
And I will let him know if all is well.. :D
Thanks again Rachel.. You’re such a sweetheart. :* :)

November 2, 2011, 3:06 pm

Rachel

^____^ lol!

You’re Welcome, Yaar.

:-*.

Reply November 6, 2011, 11:53 am

Divya

(Yaar..? Indian!? :) :O :D )
Btw, his friend apparently went and asked my friend “Divya has a crush on him na?” she said “NO.” (That guy is our enemy’s bf :D )
He’s like “Nahi nahi, she does..!”. To that my friend said :Even if smthn’s there, u leave it na, don’t go & tell him!”. That dumb guy says “What will I say, my twin brother’s already told her!”
My friend asked “Ok idiots. Big deal! Btw what’s his feeling for her do u know?”
He said “He does not believe in all the teasings that go around and wouldn’t believe till she (means I) says something.. And he’s refused to tell us what he feels, he says it’s my personal life what’ve you guys got to do with what’s my feeling.”
Wow. So much and I really feel like killing his friend. What’s his damn problem man!?
Should I consider the option of going and asking him “Do u like me”..?
He’s still behaving in the same way, looks from distance, gets shy, doesn’t come up to me but keeps waiting till I do. :(
I think he doesn’t like me somehow. :/

November 7, 2011, 4:33 am

Rachel

@Divya
Hmmm…ask him later in person .
” Do you like me ? ” because I get the feeling that you want to be more than friends.

Which is a sticky situation
Because if you guys started datin
Then start a relationship….and break up ..it affects everything and everyone

Either way,
Don’t. Change Anything

Or act brand new

Go with the flow .

Reply October 23, 2011, 12:59 pm

Divya

Hey Rachel!! :)

Few days ago he sent me a forward indirectly stating he was single.. I replied to that and he was like “Forget all that, understand the emotions!”, I asked “Who emotions? :P”, and guess what he replied, “Me feelings! :P.”
Now what? I think he is kinda into me, because today during break I didn’t go to his class to talk to him and when I relaised that, I saw he was a bit upset and avoiding me sort of.. Then I went down, he came out of nowhere and stood out the window of the room we were in, looking here & there. My friends teased me, waved to him. Even I waved to him, and man, he smiled so *cuuuutely!*, and went totally red.. What say now? :|

Reply October 23, 2011, 12:33 pm

Chris

Im a guy and i know, guys will only like you if you relax around them and treat them like a friend, rather than expect loads from them and for them to suddenly treat you like a princess. don’t expect them to text you first because they don’t think its clingy, but that you just want to talk to them. It may take the several years for them to find out that they really love you, and when it happens, they will ACTUALLY LOVE YOU AND WILL DIE INSIDE WITHOUT YOU. Just find the guy you like and act like a normal person

Reply October 22, 2011, 5:52 pm

Rachel

You are so right.

MY husband loves me to death. Like,we were best friends and now we are martied with child.
He shows me fairytale love 24/7. With me 24/7 am his everything

But the guy I was in love with , used to do this texting and random hit ups now. Then disappears.

( explianed history up top 18 Sept )

I just want to know how to handle him !!
!
So conflicted.

Cut off ties with ex & his family who love me ?

We were lovers since childhood,high school,up until last 2009..

Now coincidental parents at. The same time
He even spoke of …” Repo ” when I get divorced
( totally laughed that off ,no entertain the thought)

And he flirted & said all this ” me. & you ” stuff.( husband knows everything )

Honestly, feel like we were ” meant to be ”
Everyone says it .
Guess, that’s why his crazy on/off Baby Mother is ultra psycho now.

>.< Ugh !

Just want some answers

Reply October 23, 2011, 1:04 am

GML

To the ladies here that are freaking out on the site owners for not responding you’re acting psycho and crazy. I’m sure these folks aren’t sitting here every minute of the day and night waiting to pick up every msg. Plus they have hundreds if not thousands of viewers. And we wonder why girls are called crazy…..

Reply October 22, 2011, 5:34 pm

GML

Why do we all go crazy over waiting for a text back or wondering why it took so long to respond? I’m guilty of it too but never ever again. If he responds great and if he doesn’t then seek out a guy that will. Instead of questioning them why they waited so long or never responded at all just accept it for what it is. I truly believe if a guy is into me I won’t be left hanging REGULARLY. I emphasize regularly because of course there will be times when someone is busy or not near their phone. I really like the advice on this site. It’s so logical, sensible and rational. I wish I followed this advice in my last relationship. I could’ve saved myself a lot of heartache. Next time I’ll only give as much as I’m given and if he’s not committing then I won’t either and will continue my search for a guy that will show me all the love and affection I deserve :-)

Reply October 22, 2011, 5:27 pm

Rachel

@ Eric Charles:

After weeks ,

you only replied to Mindy post ?!!… and no one else’s .

Granted , it is your choice to respond as you please but I think that’s so unfair.

Like , I’ve been visiting your webpage periodically… commenting on other girls problems ; while waiting for my own. ( 18th Sept or something.)

( sigh )

It’s alright ,though.
Guess, I’ll try to ask someone else.

Reply October 22, 2011, 6:39 am

Divya

Heeyyy. So there’s this fellow senior to me (he’s super cute!) who I like and my friends tease us together. He’s basically a very very good-natured boy and talks friendly with almost every girl I know. But last day he sent me a fwd indirectly stating people who’re single still send fwds. I took the clue and replied “not really, maybe they don’t have balance”. And he replied “forget all that.. understand the emotions!”, I was like who emotions, he replied”My feelings! :P.” He told my friend next morn “Oh i sent Div that msg becuz im single.”, she asked “okkkkk u like her or smthng..? :)” so he replied”No its just that every1 teases us together and we’re very good friends.” I really dont kno wat to make of this and every1 is equally confused. He met me today and behaved absolutely normally. WHAT’S UP!?
:?

Reply October 19, 2011, 1:13 pm

Rachel

Nothing.
You’re really just his friend .

:) but you , want to be more than friends …..

Don’t do or say anything.
In time, everything will fall into place.

Patience. Cause when a Man wants you. He’ll let you know.

Reply October 22, 2011, 6:44 am

B

I have a kind of similar but not the same problem and I’m so confused I desperately need some advice.

It’s not that the guy has not texted back, but what is contained in the texts!!

A bit of background – you must know this to understand the context of the texts!!

I met this bloke through a work situation. We talked on the phone a couple of times and he was LOVELY, very interesting, clever, intelligent etc etc. I then went into the office to drop some stuff off and met him. He obvisouly fancied me as he kept dropping his papers and just everything, the whole body language and all that, ya know. We chatted a bit. I should add that I fancied him too and was a bit shy!

Anyway, we talked on the phone a couple more times. He phoned me when he didn’t really need to, he could (and probably should) have phoned my colleague for the information he needed but because I had passed a message on for her once he was kind of corresponding with me. He sent me a text telling me to tell this colleague something. I didn’t reply and the next morning, he called me just to say ‘did you get my text’ and I said ‘yes’ and that I’d told her and all that. He then checked (for the second time – he’s checked with my colleague also the day before) that I was still coming into the office to bring him the delivery to do with work. I was like ‘yeah!’ Then when I brought in the stuff and saw him for the second time – oh my god, the flirting was outrageous, he had a silly smile on his face (and so did I) as I approached him – you know that uncontrollable smile you get when you fancy someone? Kept making more conversation when I tried to leave. Etc etc, Don’t get me wrong, I was nice to him I wasn’t being off. Just he was tryin to get me to stay as long as possible (I reckon). The next day I texted him saying I wasn’t going to be able to collect the stuff he needed as I was very busy with my other job. I had a text back saying no worries, thanks for lettin him know. Then what are you up to tomorrow, fancy coming out in town? I replied saying yeah and he replied saying he’d call me tomorrow. He did call me and said to meet him wherever it was. When I arrived he was obvsiouly very pleased to see me (kicked my bum playfully to get my attention as I didn’t see him at first…) all smiles and everything.

So anyway, all I’m sayin is he was very much chasing me at the start of all this.

That night, we literally talked ALL NIGHT non stop. One of his friends came up to us and said ‘will you two just stop it!’ (jokingly….) Let me just add this was a drunken night out with him and his mates, it wasn’t a formal date. He kept looking for me when I dissapeared’ (to the toilet) and I had a text form him at one point in the night sayin ‘where you at?’. I got too drunk because I was a bit anxious, and hadn’t eaten all day. Stupid, I am. There was a lot of banter generally being a drunken night out, but I took a couple of things he said the wrong way…. at one point I had my head resting on the wall and I caught him chuckling at me. I said ‘what you laughing at?!’ and he said have you had too much to drink!! I was well offended and stormed off. Then he said again later on in the night ‘have you finished your drink already?’ and I said ‘stop judging me!’ I’m an idiot, I know. These things seemed to be forgotten quickly though as we carried on talking and stuff after. I get a bit leary when I drink. At the end of the night, I had my head in my hands (I was really drunk – I know I’m an idiot don’t judge me..) he came up to me saying what’s wrong, then he said ‘get up’ and he sat in my place and pulled me onto his lap! And he said have you had too much to drink. I said yeah. I said I wanted to go home and he said ‘you know what, I was just thinking the same thing. I’ve just gotta go say goodbye to some people and then we’ll go home.’ He lifted me up and put me down in a nearby chair. He literally swept me off my feet. He brought me a drink of water. We walked to the taxi. When we got back to his place, he made me a cuppa tea, he made a pizza, we talked LOADS. We hadn’t kissed or anything. Then we went to his room. We talked some more. Then we were laying down and I kinda layed on his chest. He said ‘I don’t really like just jumping into bed with people so, I’ll cuddle you tonight but that;’s it’. I was like ok. He didn’t elaborate so a minute or so later I said ‘so why don’t you like jumping into bed with people’ and he explained it was because you never know what your’e getting yourself into when you sleep with someone you don’t really know, he’d gotten himself into a situation before and also he didn’t like the horrible feeling after a one night stand. Then about 2 minutes later he kissed my head and then pulled me head up and snogged me! We were rolling around in bed for ages kissing. He rubbed my back, kissed my neck, he was so lovely. Then he kept saying ‘ok we’d better stop now, or we won’t stop’. I said ‘I think this is just something you say to girls!!’ It seemed like he was playing with me a bit…. Anyway he said ‘ok well, you carry on thinking that!’ we carried on kissing and stuff. We were all over eachother. We didn’t have sex though.

Next morning we were both extremely tired and hungover , having had very little sleep due to our shenanigans. The conversation was not as lively as it had been previously but to be honest I could barely muster up the power to speak and I just wasn’t thinking clearly or sharply at all! He made us breakfast and a cuppa tea. He’s so lovely!! All the guys I’ve ever been with are lazy gits. Anyway.

He was stressed because he got some phone call about work and his flat was a mess because of his housemate and he just got in that mode. I kinda took it personally and felt a bit uncomfortable. I guess I was tired and sensitive and I’m a bit of an insecure person and since things weren’t how they were last night I was second guessing the situation thinking maybe he wanted me to leave. He said ‘I hope you don’t mind if I just tidy up a bit’ I said ‘Well, I’d better go now actually’. He said ‘don’t you want me to show you where the train station is?’ I was like ‘actually, yeah’. So he said he was gonna come with me becausae he needed to go to town as well anyway and he’s tidy up later. So we went to the station to go into town, where my car was parked.. As we parted ways when we got to the town, I said ‘ are you going that way, because I’m going that way’ pointing the opposite direction. He was ‘I was just gonna make a couple of phone calls actually’ and started to. I waited because I got the impression he wanted me to wait there… he didn’t say bye. He said ‘I might be going the same way as you’ and phoned his friend who lived that way to see if he was in as he needed to pick something up from him., He wasn’t answering so he said to me’ ok well I’m going to the shop’ which was right next door. We hugged and parted ways.

So, everything up to this point seemed like he liked me. Well, that’s the impression I’m getting anyway!! NOW FOR THE TEXTS!!

I texted him about a couple of hours later saying : ‘Hey, I had a lush time with ya last night. Thanks x x

He texted back saying: ”No worries, was nice to meet you properly. Glad you had fun! X”

I texted back about an hour later (because I was testing him – that previous text did not hold enough info in it for me to ascertain if he wanted to see me again!!) – ‘‘I kinda miss you tho….it’s nice havin someone to cuddle” (was that too needy? I didn’t mean to be, but I thought maybe I might have been a little off with him during the day…also like I said I was testing him)

That was at about 4pm. It took him hours to respond. At 11pm had a text from him saying ‘‘It is nice to cuddle, I think all a little quick though x”

I texted back saying ‘‘Ok, well, no pressure or anything. Sorry if it came accross like that. Goodnight x”

He replied three minutes later saying ‘‘No worries, ur a lovely lass, just a case of once burned is all. I had a good night n all. See you soon x”

I texted back saying ‘Ok, I understand :)”

That was on Sunday, and I haven’t heard from him since (it’s Wednesday now) I don’t expect he will contact me until the weekend anyway if he does at all. He works very hard in the week and was telling me sometimes he doesn’t finish until 8-9pm and it’s a really stressful job. So it’s not the fact that he hasn’t texted me yet but more that I am worried because it seems like maybe he was fobbing me off in his texts.. I don’t know if these texts mean he doesn’t really want to see me again. I mean, surely, if you like someone you like them, you’re not thinking about how fast it’s going?! And what is he a bloody snail – a little quick?! All we did was talk and kiss, after 2 weeks of talking on the phone and meeting twice previously…. It’s not exactly a one night stand.

I’m not going to text or call him first because I’ve already initiated contact and gotten in return what I see as rejection or at least he hasn’t matched my own interest .

Someone please tell me – does this guy wanna see me again?!!?

Reply October 19, 2011, 1:00 pm

Rachel

Hmmmm maybe he’s was interested until you got pissy drunk.
An it was in front of his friends .

( sigh )

Or
he figured ;you are just tease …..and you responded a little too late .

Or

He wasn’t down for the Chase .

Reply October 22, 2011, 6:54 am

honey

Its Not About text etc …I’m Very Confused right now ;/ … last month my boyfriend and i broke up he told me “im not good for a relasionship and i dont want it” (i read that when he say that to you becouse thye dont want a relasionship with you,and i am scared) i was shocked but he keeps talking to me sending msgs asking me about how am i doing and he keeps saying i love you i still love you(there was like something is pushing him away from me), and i never understood why he left me…but something in my mind came and it was something bothering him i taught…we were fighting a lot because of his hobby(football) and i saw him changing a lot when we were talking about marrige, time passed and i could’t live with out him and a told him if there was something bothering him…we meet and he Said i left you becouse i dont want to get married and i didnt want you to love me more and get hurt (he cryed),i dont feel like to get merried and i said who told you we are getting merried now and ect ect …he made it clear that he was confused becouse of the marriage thing and becouse of his hobby .i see he love his hobby more than he love me. he prefair to go play football instead of stay near me, he changed a lot after we arranged things and i dont like the way he is …and that is bothering me a lot.. .i’m feeling very sad all the time because i am afrid that he will tell me to stop from the relasionship and i dont want that ..i dont now what to do, pls help i wish i have someone to tell me what is the best to do

Reply October 17, 2011, 4:23 pm

Rachel

I think, …..you should stop talking about marriage.

An stop , comparing his love for Football
To his love for you

Be satisfied with the qauliy time he spends with you .
Why are you so clingy ?

Like, let him breath !
he has a life .

Football is his stress relieving, bonding time, freedom to be himself.

So, let him be an stop being greedy .

More pressure you apply. Suffocating him , with your constant presence .
He will leave you ..For good.

Give him his space. Let him have Football and be satisfied with all the time hr spends with you ….and all he does for you .

Reply October 22, 2011, 7:05 am

Rachele

Eric Charles,
I kinda feel stupid for being on here, I feel like one of those needy girls, but here it goes.
Ok, I went to school with this guy, and I always thought that he was cute in school but rarely talked to him. While I was hanging with my 2 one of friends, I ended up meeting him, I talked to him a little bit, but other than that nothing else. About 2 weeks after that, he started randomly texted me (I never gave him my number or anything). Now we have been talking for a couple weeks, but I usually have to start the conversation, and sometimes he will just stop texting me in the middle of a conversation. Or I will text him and he will never answer that text back. Why does he do that?

Reply October 16, 2011, 11:34 pm

Rachel

He texts you when he’s bored.
Totally using you.

Like, you didn ‘t snap when texted you ….and you didn’t give him yoyr number?
That’s rude &creepy.

Plus, he knows you like him now.

When a guy or person in general….
Likes, and wants to spend time with you.
They do. No confusion.

Reply October 22, 2011, 7:15 am

Manay

hey eric,
Ive been talking to this guy for over a month via text we were coworkers before but have now just been texting eachother after work ended. we used to text everyday and bascially he said it first that he trusts me and how thats a first for him and that he likes me im someone he can talk to, i also told himm that i like him and that ots easy talking to one another. but last week he just abruptly stopped replying i thought because of thanksgiving he was busy but we had plans and he totally blew me off. so althugh at that time he still didnt respond back to me i read his bbm status which said dinner w family, i let it go. but as the days went on i stil didnt get a text so i just texted about 1 week after my last text and said hey, did i say something to piss you off? and his response the next day was basically hey im not mad at you ive just been busy at work coming late and just sleeping and work, why would u think that anyways? and i replied bc you didnt replying back to me. no response from him after that. sooo here he is asking me why i would think that :S when clearly i noe hes ignoring me. we talked about basically everything and i thnk geniunly liked talking to eachother with obviously a physical attraction to one another, but maybe because he hasnt been in a relationship in a while im not sure if he just doesnt wanna get into it or if he just doesnt like me. i dont think im needy but i have no idea why he’s being distant.
why would he just start ignoring me all of a sudden?

Reply October 16, 2011, 6:34 pm

Rachel

Co Workers are off limits!!!

Like, you keep your job & social life seperate .

Of course , he’s ignoring you .
Take the hint .
Let it go! Save your job & dignity .

Reply October 22, 2011, 7:24 am

Katie

This youtube video addresses in a witty and hilarious manner (reverses the genders) the different approach with text messaging.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FukzyfIqYf8&feature=player_embedded

Reply October 16, 2011, 2:41 am

Mindy

Hey Eric, what have I done wrong?? Why won’t you talk to me?? I am so confused!!

Reply October 15, 2011, 6:06 pm

Mindy

Hey Eric, just wanted to make sure my comments were going through since I haven’t heard back from you yet…

Reply October 15, 2011, 5:29 pm

Mindy

ERIC WHY HAVEN’T YOU RESPONDED TO MY QUESTION?!!! IT’S BEEN OVER HALF AN HOUR!!! Do you not like me??!!

Reply October 15, 2011, 5:40 am

Eric Charles

Oh I’m sorry.
.
I didn’t realize that I’m now the “Domino’s Pizza” of dating inquiry responses. ;)
.
I read your question… and… well…
.
What exactly were you trying to ask, if you could boil it down to a single sentence?

Reply October 15, 2011, 6:19 pm

Mindy

lol. Why are all these guys texting me “hey” then not saying anything after I respond?

Reply October 15, 2011, 6:34 pm

Eric Charles

Possibly answers:
- Booty call.
- They are ADD.
- Some other girl responded back faster than you.
.
Regardless, you’ll do best to get to a mental place where you don’t care whether they do weird stuff like this or not… When you start living your life as the desirable prize and not as an “emotional detective”, dating in general gets a lot easier.
.
Something to think about…

Reply November 7, 2011, 11:00 am

Ceris

P.s. Once again spelling is due to using a phone. Thinking I may have to resort to getting the laptop out to avoid risk of looking stupid!

Reply October 15, 2011, 5:27 am

Ceris

Here’s the thing… We all seem to think there is a mold that men are magically made in and that they are all the same. Sadly, it’s not true.

Some men like to text and some don’t. My exboyfriend used to text me ever morning to say good morning and yet he could never tell me he loved me. My new boyfriend hates to text which I put down to nit being in to me, but yet whenever we’re together he us all over me and constantly tells me he loves me and talks about our future.

You should judge your relationship on the quality time you spend together and nit how ling he takes to text back.

Eros is right… The more you moan or nag the less he will want to speak to you, especially if he us stressed. Accept that he may be busy or just not wanting to text at the moment. Make yourself busy, get a hobby.

If in doubt don’t text back fir a while. If he loves you I guarantee he will continue texting until he gets a response. I once turned my phone to silent and had an early night as I was getting fed up of not getting a response to my text (note u didn’t nag). When I got up in the morning I had 5 text messages and 9 missed calls. He had even called my house mates to see if I was ‘ok’. The point is I didn’t go on at him. He didn’t know where I was or what I was doing and it drove him crazy.

It’s important to keep your independence in a relationship so relax and make yourself busy. The more unavailable you are the more he will want to talk to you. Plus… You will enjoy your own time too!

It is important to note he is obviously going through a tough time at the moment so you should still try to be supportive, but who says you can’t do that without having some girl time too! Go out and let your hair down! Stop waiting by the phone and I guarantee you will have him asking ‘why hasn’t she text back? What is she up to?’

Good luck!

Reply October 15, 2011, 5:24 am

Ceris

Here’s the thing… We all seem to think there is a mold that men are magically made in and that they are all the same. Sadly, it’s not true.

Some men like to text and some don’t. My exboyfriend used to text me ever morning to say good morning and yet he could never tell me he loved me. My new boyfriend hates to text which I put down to nit being in to me, but yet whenever we’re together he us all over me and constantly tells me he loves me and talks about our future.

You should judge your relationship on the quality time you spend together and nit how ling he takes to text back.

Eros is right… The more you moan or nag the less he will want to speak to you, especially if he us stressed. Accept that he may be busy or just not wanting to text at the moment. Make yourself busy, get a hobby.

If in doubt don’t text back fir a while. If he loves you I guarantee he will continue texting until he gets a response. I once turned my phone to silent and had an early night as I was getting fed up of not getting a response to my text (note u didn’t nag). When I got up in the morning I had 5 text messages and 9 missed calls. He had even called my house mates to see if I was ‘ok’. The point is I didn’t go on at him. He didn’t know where I was or what I was doing and it drove him crazy.

It’s important to keep your independence in a relationship so relax and make yourself busy. The more unavailable you are the more he will want to talk to you. Plus… You will enjoy your own time too!

It is important to note he is obviously going through a tough time at the moment so you should still try to be supportive, but who says you can’t do that without having some girl time too! Go out and let your hair down! Stop waiting by the phone and I guarantee you will have him asking ‘who hasn’t she text back? What is she up to?’

Good luck!

Reply October 15, 2011, 5:24 am

Mindy

Oops I meant I’ve only been needy with guy#3/said something to guy #3……………. and guy #2 is the one I sacrificed.

Reply October 15, 2011, 2:03 am

Mindy

Eric Charles,

I appreciate your advice, it’s fantastic. I just subscribed so I can learn more from you. I’m really hoping you can answer my question. Here it is in a nutshell: Why do guys text me to say hi, then don’t write anything after that?

Tonight 3 guys texted me & never wrote back. Here is what the texts looked like:

Guy 1 (5:35pm): Hey there
Me (5:46pm): Hey, what’s up?

Guy 2 (8:03pm): Hey
Me (8:12pm): Hey

Guy 3 (8:41pm): Hey.
Me (8:46pm): Hey, how was work?

If it matters, I’ve probably only been needy with guy #2- but I think he likes it because he strikes me as the type who loves needy girls because they’re easier to manipulate and abuse lol. Hot. Jk. Anyways I’m not sleeping with any of them, I’ve never even kissed any of them.

I’ve only ever said something to Guy 2- I told him a week ago to quit texting me if he didn’t have anything to say. Also, they all think I’m a really nice girl and have no idea that they are part of a giant collection of men I have.

So tonight after it happened 3 times in a row, I was SO CURIOUS to find out why they are doing this that I decided to ask one. Now I know a thing or two about men, and I knew that if I did this it would significantly lower my chances with a guy or lose him altogether. So… I figured I can sacrifice Guy #2 because I don’t like him that much.

So, I texted Guy #2, told him I wasn’t mad or anything but was really curious why guys say hi then don’t write anything after that, and he just said “I am at the bar and have really bad reception. Sorry babe.”. So obviously he thinks I’m upset about it and is giving me a lame excuse. Sucks!

So can you please tell me the truth? I understand that it could be as simple as them not feeling like talking after they contact me. But if that’s the case- why do they text me in the first place?! Are they trying to keep tabs on me? Or maybe test me? If so am I passing?

Thanks!

Reply October 15, 2011, 1:53 am

lydia

Why do men text non stop for weeks everyday, then vanish for 5 with not a word. I know they do things in their way but its very inconsistent.??? Ps met this dude once he got my number he just texts he never calls ???? Weird???

Reply October 14, 2011, 7:35 pm

Mindy

I don’t know about the first part, why they text non stop for weeks everyday, then vanish for 5 days without a word. Probably Eric could answer that better than me. But… when I do that with guys it’s just because I go back and forth with lots of guys. So, sometimes I focus on someone else for a little bit. But then again, I’m a chick- and most guys can only handle one love interest at a time. Love interest. Not booty call.

As far as the why he never calls? Because he doesn’t have to, you text him back every time. Quit texting him and he’ll be forced to pick up the phone.

Reply October 15, 2011, 4:35 am

Nicci

reading other ladies’ comments has made me feel better about my sitch. went on a couple dates with a guy and it went really well. hasn’t called or texted. i don’t know how to play these games. if i like someone, i tell him. if i don’t, i tell him. on my friends’ advice i didn’t text this guy, thinking if he wanted to see me, talk, whatever, he’d get in touch with me. but he hasn’t. it’s been almost a week. no one is that busy.

i’m just so sick of all the game playing. all these rules. don’t text too soon, don’t sound needy, don’t obsess, blah blah blah. so what am i supposed to do if i like the guy? sit around and wait? NO!

if my infinite awesomeness doesn’t compel him to text me, then he is just not worth my time or energy. or yours ladies. someone better will ALWAYS come along. and he’ll be the best flirt texter ever. until then, MOVE ON…. that’s what i’m doing. and you’ve all helped me. thanks again.

Reply October 12, 2011, 4:44 pm

Brittany

I have known hims for years .. alot of spread out one night stands .. which was what we both wanted at the time … anyway, he saw me in a public place, then texted me why didn’t you say hi and we started talking ..

the first week I would say we hung out nights 3 times sex once

next week 5 days afternoons nights .. and like asleep over.. no sex

3rd week there’s a text morning i wake up to come over that we need to go do blah blah blah and he needs to get blah blah blah that i needed to come and we fell in to a routine.. i would call .. insuperable ..

well i addressed the fact that we dont have sex that he doesn’t want to. he said its because he wants to find some one to straight up be with and because he “feels like he did enough girls and sex does nothing for him now”
… but i also have been with some of his friends .. witch is funny in a ways because this kid doesnt have friends and is never with anyone else but me ..

i forgot to say that he said he wasn’t attracted to me when he was mad, along with “thats why i wont wife you up”

.. forth week im over it but theres a text in the morning ever day

why does he always wanna be with me , eat every meal with me, conversational always, and do projects with me, ask for my advice and get mad when i leave .. if he doesnt fucking like me

please help ..

Reply October 11, 2011, 4:24 am

Rachel

You are just there for pleasure .

Or
He likes you .. but doesn’t TRUST. You.

He’s believes that it won’t go anywhere .
Relationship will die before it starts.

As he has mentioned. He doesn’t like certain things about you.

He can not see himself , loving you .

Reply October 22, 2011, 7:44 am

christiana

i started talking to this kid back in august, we were very flirty.. he would text me in the mornings he would call me at night… the whole 9…. but then sometimes he would stop answering mid-text and say “you never texted me” or “i never got it” and i really did answer because why would i not? i love talking to him! hes so sweet and reminds me of someone i cant have, my 11 year crush. but now hes getting lazy he dosent text me all day every day anymore and im sort of getting the feeling he’s not interested. but why was he interested before i didn’t change.. and it suck because i really grew feeling for him and i like him a lot!! what do i do? should i stop trying to get his attention and talk to him?

Reply October 9, 2011, 12:21 pm

Rachel

Yep. Leave him alone.

Only people you need in your life. Is those who want you ?n theirs.

Reply October 22, 2011, 7:36 am

Sarah

So 6 years ago, I had a far away crush on this guy ( we didn’t know each other, just saw each other in the hall ) for about 2 years before he graduated. Right before he graduated, he randomly friended me (we have one mutual friend) on facebook and I saw him once after that. He said hi to me and that was it. 4 years later, our mutual friend and I got close and he randomly popped back in the picture. We’ve been randomly messaging (more like me messaging on FB chat :/) for a couple of months. I would invite him to events and he would say “oo yea let me know!”, and he would not followup when I text him the day of. So a few months pass, I go on vacation with some friends in which he was supposed to come but plans fell through for him. We texted while I was on the trip and another one of my friends stole my phone and texted him “Hey you should hang out with my friend” (he knew it was her and not me). After I came back from the vaca, we messaged on fb, and he asked me “how many guys did you make out with?” I said none im a good girl. Things picked up from there. He came out to a BBQ where he only knew our mutual friend. Everyone else there were my friends and he made an effort to make friends with all of them! Unfortunately i have a friend who gets pretty friendly when hes drunk, he kept cockblocking (squeezed into a spot between me and eric, put his arm around me shoulder and tell me things to boost my ego). After that things went downhill, he never texted. When I text, we’ll have short conversations, or it’d be friendly but not flirty.

Couple months later, we’re picking back up, but it seems I always have to text him. He never really initiates. But once we start texting, we’ll text for the whole day. We probably text about once a week. Its like a really flirty type (but my friend said we’re on the border of friend flirting? i have no idea)…And weirdest thing is that he always makes me write on his FB wall. Why is that?! I pretty much spammed his wall!

Also, i’m at school and he’s back where i’m from. I move back home in about a month or so. My friends tell me he probably doesn’t want to get too caught up in anything before we hang out (we’ve hung out twice but both times with friends). They’re telling me to just wait until I come home. We made plans to do all these things when I get back (well I pretty much initiated them or came up with the idea).

Our mutual friend recently said to him “you guys are good together”, his response was “are you trying to set me up?” she said “no i dont set ppl up, i’m just planting a seed”. According to her, he didn’t really say much other than the fact that he doesn’t really know me.

What do you guys think is going through his head?? why doesn’t he text me first? Why does he make me write on his fb wall? HELP!

Reply October 8, 2011, 1:16 pm

Rachel

He’s playing you for a fool.

Delete hum out your life and online .

Reply October 22, 2011, 7:31 am

uhh..

okay.. so what happens when you are “talking” to a guy and he just changes his ways and turns out to be a huge douche bag? and then another comes along and your stuck between the two you know the one you want but you dont know exactly how to tell this other guy.. help!

Reply October 7, 2011, 7:18 pm

Katrina (:

Hey Eric, I have a question for ya. Why the hell does this bug us so much? haha

Reply October 7, 2011, 12:13 am

Mary

This guy and I texted a lot for two weeks before school started, he gave me cute nicknames, but now he says he is really busy with school and I’m just not sure if that’s true or not. During those two weeks he would always text me, but now I have to text him.

Reply October 6, 2011, 11:46 pm

Rachel

@Mary : STOP TEXTING HIM!!
He doesn’t want you.
Obviously , he’s into something or someone else.
The minute you cut off all contact… he’ll be chasing you.
Now, that he knows you want him and he can have his way with you.
Since, you’re not going to say ” NO” or ” Ignore ” him.
Most likely, he’ll just treat you or be with you when he wants sex or bored.

Those” sweet words ” and ” cute names” was just bait.
Now, you have bitten.
An’ he can reel you up or put you back…as he wish.
Plus, ask you to do or go anywhere, as he please . Because you really like him.

I HAVE LEARNED .. That when a man wants you, he’ll be with you.
He’ll call you , hang out with and please you.
Give you all his time .. and meet his friends and family .

Trust me. I’ve been where you are.
and that ish sucks. Worst feeling in the world .
To be ignored and look desperate , when you want someone or something but they don’t want you/you can’t have it.

Then feel dumb/stupid when you realize too late.

Reply October 7, 2011, 10:20 am

Molly

I am visiting friends this weekend. I contacted 8 people 2 days ago to arrange to see them. One of these for romantic reasons, the rest are friends. The 7 that replied equate to 2 guys and 5 girls. The other guy, who I thought liked me, hasn’t responded to my suggestion apart from to ask when we could do something- I told him when I’d be free and then nada. I haven’t heard from him since. This is very odd- you can’t explain it away by ‘busy’ because who doesn’t have the time to write a quick ‘yes’ or ‘no’ text or suggest an alternative? It also can’t be explained by him not thinking I need replying to- surely when you’re trying to arrange something together then you communicate until it’s arranged? Can anyone explain this- I’m pretty sure if I texted him (which I haven’t since his lack of response) he’d act like I was crazy and he was GOING to get back to me but I obviously expect him to do it 10 seconds after he gets my text. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to hear from someone over the course of 2 days. But hey ho.

Reply October 6, 2011, 8:55 am

Chelly

He doesn’t care. I can’t explain “exactly” why guys act the way they do because all are different but guys do think alot on some terms. The guy who you thought like thinks you’re cute but not enough to really start a serious relationship with you. He probably wanted to sex or didn’t have anything els emuch to do. I know that sounds offensive but that’s the truthful answer I can give you. Just move he’s a lost cause.

Reply October 6, 2011, 7:11 pm

Stephanie

My boyfriend of 2 years and I discussed last week that we need to call eachother more often instead of text and make more concrete plans instead of winging it all the time. My boyfriend was the one who proactively brought this up and obviously thought it was a great idea:) All of last week he’d call me after he got out of work instead of text and we’d have like a 5-10 min conversation about our day and then plan for the next time we could see eachother.

Last Friday we went out for dinner and he was being a bit disrespectful to me..or atleast I thought he was. He was just sorta being rude because he knew it pisses me off & then on the way home when I was driving because I was so tired I kind of was not in the zone and out of it. He was making fun of the way I was driving and it was annoying me. I decided not to stay at his house and just wanted to go home. I didn’t really explain why I made that decision..I think he was pissed that I didn’t want to hang out after dinner.

The next day instead of calling he went back to texting me…now I am mad because I felt so relaxed that I didn’t have to worry about him texting before.

Why do you think he did that? Did he loose feelings for me and stopped wanting to make the effort? I don’t want to keep up this calling expectation or rule if he’s not going to…

Reply October 3, 2011, 12:32 pm

Chelly

Well don’t you know your boyfriend by now? What it looks like to me is that he’s a jerk some what. He seems not to be too sensitive when it comes to making jokes. He probably didn’t think it was really offending or if he did then he was just being a jerk. And he probably reverted back to text because he didn’t feel like talking or he didn’t think about it when he text you. Sometimes call him but if he doesn’t call you first after a while then dont CALL him unless it’s emergency. Guys don’t take alot of things seriously -_-

Reply October 6, 2011, 7:04 pm

Mindy

I have a really simple solution for you. But depending on your self control it might be hard. Quit responding to his texts! If you want him to call you, then don’t text him back. It shouldn’t take that long before he calls you to see what’s up. Don’t whine or pick a fight. Just be like “I don’t like texting” anyways, he sounds really lame. You should upgrade before you waste another 2 years.

Reply October 15, 2011, 2:10 am

o snap

Hey! so i have a lil problem here. some background for me is that im single, the guy’s single. we are both 18 too. and we live within 10 minute drive from each other but go to different schools. he is friends wit people that i don’t get along with.

so i had a funeral for a friend yesterday at 11 am and a couple of days before that, this guy facebook im’s me sayin” stay strong” and the convo started from that, to hey your cute, to lets chill. he also was close wit the guy who died too. anyways, we exchanged numbers and then he gets all “your so beautfil! perfect! etc etc etc” like this guy gets all sweet and charming.

we ended up seeing each other for 15 mins only due to something coming up on his part. and then yesterday morning, we made plans to see each other before the funeral and we chiled in his room on his bed. we cuddled, laughed, talked and watch tv. but then he tickles me and it got the point it was flirty tickling and i turned around to face him and he does teh sweetest kiss i hav ever had. i let him and kiss him back for a couple mins and i ask wat that was for and he said”im not allowed to?” and i jokingly said “idk” and he laughed and continued.

he tried to go under my shirt but i stopped him and he respected it. he goes and then cuddles with me face to face and really close body to body and we were touching nose to nose and lil pecks from there and smiled and hes a true softie.

then we saw the time, got ready for the funeral, and he drove off to pick up his friends and i left to go straight to the church. he showed up later on and i saw him and we made a one second eye contact becasue i was on the other side of the church and he was with the boys. i texted him after the funeral saying “hey” and i did not get a response. so this morning, i texted him saying “hey i think i left somehting in your house but im not sure” no response.

I understand the fact that if a girl texts him too much, then it will be seen as needy and if he doesnt respond within 5 days, he doesnt wanna talk to that girl no more. so i just want to no why he hasnt responded when i no he has his phone on him 247. is it because we kissed and we crossed that boundary? but he did start it because he took his hand and held my chin and came to me. so im confused. should i wait for him to text me or just give up hope?

Reply September 29, 2011, 9:46 am

Rachel

@o’snap: He wants sex . Leave him alone.
He friends with people you don’t like. An gossiping about you.

He’s bad company.
If you are a virgin.

Go to college . Study. Work .
Have good clean fun with friends & date ( no kiss/sex)

Reply October 3, 2011, 7:24 am

Mindy

It’s only been one day! Patience! Also, quit texting him. And guys all know that “I think I left something at your house” trick, so don’t try it again. He’s only 18, he’s probably trying to follow the 2 day rule or something. I guarantee he’ll call you or get back to you soon, because 18 year old boys are horny- and when they get a girl who will make out with them they aren’t going to just forget about her. Even if he doesn’t like you romantically, he’s going to make you his new conquest. Have fun! Wear a condom.

Reply October 15, 2011, 2:17 am

o snap

Well i stopped textin him and everything and he hasn’t hit me up wat-so-ever. so i feel like he doesnt wanna see me again. cuz i am cute enough and i do have a nice body because im a model in new york and milan. but i just feel like he was just using me to see how far he’d get wit me. idk .. thanks tho for ur advice. im bad at figuring out guys

Reply November 1, 2011, 9:40 pm

Rachel

:-/ so sorry Hun.
Men are very selfish!!!

Just Focus on your career

Think it’s best you date another Model though…. From a different Agency.

Good Luck.

Reply November 6, 2011, 11:48 am

lady mo

hey, my question is this, so there is a guy im interested in, and this was a subtle way of lettin him know that i think went wrong. there was an event going on so i asked him was he coming and he said sure. so when i got home that evening and it closer to the time to get there i text him and asked, “are you coming to party for real”, he text back and said that he wasnt going to make it because he had been called to wk, he wanted to know why i asked, I text back i just wanted to know, he texted a period back to me , than right after that he texted yea I at wk. i felt like he was upset with me, oh by the way i think that we are both interested in each other but i do already have someone and he knows.

Reply September 26, 2011, 12:26 pm

Rachel

@lady mo: just ask him. Guys a pretty straight forward.
Like, go go carting, gun range, sushi place or something fun. Then ask him at the end.

Reply September 29, 2011, 2:32 am

Mindy

If he knows you have a boyfriend, then he probably just thinks you’re playing games. And lets be honest, you are. But all judgement aside, it sounded to me like he was trying to figure out whether or not you were coming on to him. If I were him I’d be totally uncomfortable flirting with you because you have a boyfriend- but if THAT didn’t bother me, I’d still be uncomfortable flirting with you unless I knew you were really into me. Make sense?

Reply October 15, 2011, 2:26 am

kiara

Hei,could someone help me out,i started having this affair with this guy,he asked me out,and we kissed so insanely passinately at school,but 2 days after he told me that one of his friends had told him that I’m a player,he simply won’t trust me cause all his friends have told him bad about me…I’m really really sad cause I love him for real,I want him to trust me…..Could someone please help me out?

Reply September 26, 2011, 8:13 am

Rachel

@Keira: Tell him face to face how you feel and what you want. Apologize for not bring honest with him and that you now know having an affair. Is wrong.

He doesn’t trust you and probably is disappointed.
Probably , will never trust you as much, if not at all.

I wouldn’t suggest starting a relationship with him because he may do the same.
Or just use you for sex, since he sense your desperation .

Guys forget but they never forgive.

But apologize and let the chips fall where they may.

Reply September 29, 2011, 2:41 am

kiara

Rachel,I know guys don’t forgive but the thing is I DIDNT cheat on him,his friends have passed on some rumour about me :( and he believes them

Reply September 29, 2011, 1:32 pm

Rachel

Talk to him and if he doesn’t believe you . It’s his loss . But neware, he might use you.

Reply October 2, 2011, 7:34 pm

kiara

Thnq Rachel but things just changed,he texted me last night,do u guys think that maybe he still likes me?

October 8, 2011, 3:02 pm

Mindy

Guys are so territorial. You hear about “the other woman” but you never hear about “the other man”. Yeah, there are PLENTY of guys out there that would screw another man’s woman, but how many guys have you heard of that were romantically involved with a woman who was already taken? Not many. At least none I’d want to date. If a guy truly likes you, the idea of you going home to another man every night is going to enrage him and drive him nuts.

Reply October 15, 2011, 2:34 am

Rachel

If he spends all the time with you. People know your his girlfriend. You met his parents & friends. He likes , you .

If things ate shady & he’s texting you on and off.
Disappearing from time to time.
Leave him alone .

Reply October 24, 2011, 10:57 am

Lizzie

Okay , so my boyfriend won’t text me back at all.I confronted him about it and he said he hasn’t been in the mood to talk lately.So I thought okay , no big deal , but he’s still doing it?I’am being to clingy?Does he wanna break up.Please , Help Me ! D:

Reply September 25, 2011, 12:58 pm

Amanda

Lizzie,
i am no relationship expert, but i believe you should not text him either until he’s ready to “talk”.

Reply September 26, 2011, 12:28 am

Mindy

Yes, he is definitely thinking about breaking up with you. Don’t talk to him. Don’t talk to him to tell him you are going to not talk to him as much. Don’t apologize. Leave him alone! In the mean time, you need to go get a life outside of him. He could just be breaking up with you in a really passive way by hoping that you will just go away and “the problem” (you) will fix itself. Let him be, and go do something fun. Go get your hair did, and get a new outfit and go dancing with some girlfriends.

Reply October 15, 2011, 2:38 am

melina

my boyfriend is confusing he told my best friend that he wasnt cheatin on my like about a week ago but den on wensday his friend told me tht my boyfriend is cheatin on me n now my boyfriend wont talk to me i feel scared and heartbroken i dont kno wat to do :.(

Reply September 24, 2011, 2:16 pm

Chelly

Don’t over reacte over the situation. Guys do alot of things that we think are stupid. Don’t assume you don’t know what really is going on all you know is that that’s what YOUR friend said. It may not be true unless you see it with your own eyes don’t flip just ask him again and if he won’t talk to him consider options of break up or seeing other people if you don’t trust him. A relationship that’s based off of lies never last.

Reply October 6, 2011, 7:15 pm

Mindy

Run for the hills girl! That is a classic cheater move!!! As soon as they get caught- or close to getting caught, they act SUPER PISSED at you! And eventually you are going to them and apologizing for not being trusting. lol. Think about it- why would HIS FRIEND jeopardize (or probably) completely ruin his friendship. For nothing? Really? You’ve been given a gift! This poor man has sacrificed his friendship with your boyfriend to tell you that you are being cheated on! Don’t spit in his face by not believing him. RUN GIRL, RUN!

Reply October 15, 2011, 2:42 am

claire

ive liked this guy for a a long time. i talk to him on facebook all the time ,sometimes we have really meaning full convsationns, and really weird ones. but we can never talk face to face. hes really nice. :) i want to be more then friends, i cancatch the bus with him. hes went to my school but i left school.i dont know if he likes me coz sometime it doeos and sometimes it doesn’t????please help.

Reply September 24, 2011, 9:59 am

Mindy

If you really think he’s worth it- ask him out. Not a “let’s hang out sometime” but a “Would you like to go out to dinner on Friday, your treat?” haha jk. But seriously, make sure he pays. It could be he’s just really shy. Good luck!

Reply October 15, 2011, 2:45 am

Andrea

What do you do when you ask out a guy and he dosent reply???

Reply September 24, 2011, 9:49 am

Mindy

Find a new one, and have him do the asking out this time around! Don’t worry, I’ve been rejected so much, it’s no big deal! Rejection is just part of the fun of dating!

Reply October 15, 2011, 2:49 am

Rachel

@Amanda
Your guy seems just as scared as you are.
What was his last relationship like…?!
Heartbreak?
Did his parents marriage fail?!
Did he come from a dysfunctional home/family ?!
Does he has Trust Issues?

Simply, say how tell him how you feel
Reassure him that you won’t hurt him
And your are ready
Have you not proved to him your love & safety ?!
There’s no need to doubt a relationship that has yet to start
If you both want it. It will work.

….waiting for my answer to my problem :(

Reply September 23, 2011, 9:22 pm

Amanda

Hi, Eric or anyone else that will read this.

So, my little problem happens to be this guy that i have been seeing for almost a month now. We have been having fun but we don’t go out on dates, mostly because our schedules are conflicting but we do have “home dates” where we have and don’t have sex. We get along very well and we talk a lot. If anything we are dating since its exclusive and we are pretty much just focused on us, but i worry that we may never go on a date. And not only that i find myself questioning his refusal to label us because i want to know then, if someone else who is offering long-term, labeled and possible love in the future relationship will i be able to get out without him being jealous? Is there anyway if i decide to go out with someone who will offer the aforementioned things, since he refers us as “friends that we are”, can we still be friends with me going out with someone else? Can i ask him if “we are just friends”, then if i find a better candidate am i able to go out with him. This guy is very charming and easy to fall in love with but i don’t want to fall for someone who might break my heart in the long run. For now i could care less if we are “friends” but everytime we see each other its like an emotional well opens up and we just free fall into it. I have also noticed him becoming more open with me and he’s not holding back as before but again, i don’t want my heart broken so how do i protect myself from falling in love with him, because he doesn’t believe in long term relationships and he says he will never get married.

Reply September 23, 2011, 5:54 pm

Mindy

Guys say what they mean. Flat out, he does not want to be your boyfriend. He wants to be friends with benefits. Can you go out on dates with other guys without making him jealous? Probably not. But who cares, that’s his own fault. You want to be his girlfriend, he doesn’t want you as his girlfriend. And the more you sleep with him the more attached you are going to get, and yes, you will get your heart broken. Get out now while you’re still thinking logically. If you don’t, you’ll regret it later. Either way, my suggestion is that you stop hanging out with him. When he eventually wants to know why you never want to hang out, just tell him “I really like you a lot but I want to be in a committed relationship so I need to start focusing my attention elsewhere” or something to that effect. It could be that you just need to withdraw in order to draw him out. But don’t count on it.

Reply October 15, 2011, 4:08 am

Cecilia

A common mistake women make is drink too much. I have many guy frineds that say that a drunk women on a date is the worst impression one can make. One should know their limits and it is okay to have a good time but once you cross a line it can actually ruin a good thing. I think it is a lesson sometimes we learn the hard way.

Reply September 23, 2011, 12:27 pm

Angel

Hi,
I was seeing a guy who I hardly know. We were mutually attracted to each other and wanted to take things slow. But the day after our first date, I blurted out that i loved him as i was drunk. He said that we hardly know each other and how can that make me fall in love with him. but I was not listening. The next day, i apologized for what i said and told him i would like to take things slow and he replied that its upto my wish.
But after that, he started avoiding me and before he left to Paris (I’m living in India), he said that he hopes that i will forget him soon. But i want to win him back. Please help me.
Thank you,
Angel.

Reply September 23, 2011, 12:17 pm

Angel

Hi,
I was seeing a guy who i hardly know. We were mutually attracted to each other and wanted to take things slow. But the day after our first date, I blurted out that i loved him as i was drunk. He said that we hardly know each other and how can that make me fall in love with him. but I was not listening. The next day, i apologized for what i said and told him i would like to take things slow and he replied that its upto my wish.
But after that, he started avoiding me and before he left to Paris(I’m living in India), he said that he hopes that i will forget him soon. But i want to win him back. Please help me.
Thank you,
Angel.

Reply September 23, 2011, 12:14 pm

Mindy

I really don’t think you’re going to be able to win this one back. There’s no “winning him back” because you never had him to begin with. You two don’t have any history together, so any trying to win him back will just make you look like a stalker. I’d say let this birdy fly away. That’s really funny that you told him that you loved him after your first date lol. Don’t shame spiral over it, I’ve done so much worse. As my grandpa says, “The bus comes along every ten minutes.”- there will be many, many more guys.

P.S. Like BOTH of you pointed out- you don’t even know him- so there’s probably something else going on with you (maybe you are lonely, or maybe you think he’s the best you can do, etc.)

Reply October 15, 2011, 4:24 am

Nat

Long Distance Relationship.
1. We were together for 3 weeks before finally I went back to my city.
2. HOT n COLD. One day he said he missed me really bad, and want us to meet. But, the next day he didn’t text me back once I told him that I could visit him.
3. He’s busy at work and I know it.
So, why do I keep on reading somewhere that a guy isn’t just into me when he didn’t even bother to text me back. I mean, he got time to still post video on facebook, or he could’ve text me before going to bed or whatever, right?. Is a text like “Hi, how are you?” so hard to respond?

Reply September 22, 2011, 2:49 am

Rachel

@Abby: cut all contact off with him! Don’t say nothing. NO CONTACT.
He will never leave her.
Those sweet words and everything he said are lies!!!
He will never leave her for you .
Sex is all he wants.

:(
Trust me. I know.
Men can be so selfish.

Reply September 21, 2011, 10:39 pm

Abby

Okay, soo i need some advice fastt on this one cause i dont know what to do! I started talking to this guy in the summer we met over facebook when he added me and i messaged him and said he was cute so he gave me his number and we started talking, and at the time we started talking he was single. So we would talk all cute and stuff and he would tell me that ima be his girl like a guy would talk to you. And we talked like that for a week because he was up north, but he got home and stopped talking to me , so i was like why are you not talking to me i thought we were gunna meet and all this stuff. He said to me that since we go to different schools it wouldn’t work out and we wouldn’t see each other and i already started hanging out with this other girl i use to go out with and i kinda like her. So i said whatever fuck you, and i stopped talking to him for a while. But he texted me a couple weeks later wanting to sext me, so i went along with it because i still had feelings for him because all the stuff he said to me, he was soo sweet to me. and we started talking again a alittle and we would always say from the begining that we were gunna have sex we always planned on it. But just what i didnt want, him and this girl got ina a realtionship , but even tho he was in a relationship he still talked to me like we did! and he would always hit me up on the weekends to hang out with him and his other friendd. We never got to hanging out though because it just never worked out. But on Saturday me and my friend picked him up to go to a party and he was like in the car whispering to me we can do whatever you want baby, and i was like okay. Because obviously i want to he was just so hot, and we pplanned on itt from the start before he even strated dating this girl. So we get to the party and he starts flirting with me hardcore, and he took me in the room and we had sex. People at the party i think knew, but they wouldnt say anything. Because theres was like 6 guys and they were all guys that were close to him and just me and my two girls i had with me. so no one was going to say anything. and they night went on and people started passing outt and me and him went in the bedroom to sleep together, and we had sex again. but after we did we talked to whole night about how we both felt. He said that he liked me and that him and his girlfriend werent working out and they never hung out and they fought all the time, and also said that he wanted to break up with her but he didnt kno if he could was because she was going thru shit with her grandma and that he would feel like a jerk. if he did that to her. but i said to him that i liked him and that i have more feelings for him after this happened and all he said was i know. We were talking more and he said that if he does break up with his gf that he wants to go out with me and that he gunna make me his. So obviously i get all excited believing him, but he told me that we didnt want me to just start telling people and i said i wont but if some how it gets out im not gunna lie and tell them we did so he said okay. and morning came and me and my friends left. Then on sunday we texted a little, and Monday came everything was good but after school got out his gf messaged me from facebook saying “I heard youre saying you had sex with my boyfriend. Ha, that’s funny. Who the fuck are you to talk? And if you even think about making him a sign for Fridays game, you better believe you’ll get your ass kicked dumb hoe.” and im thinking wow grow up, ya know and i didnt even message her back because it wasnt worth it. then he texted me saying why is my gf saying we had sex who is saying this shit, and i was like i never said anything. and he believed me. so i guess his gf beleieved him that we didn’t have sex and they are still together but it has only been a couple of days now. Idk what hes gunna do i feel like i just got used , he hasnt been talking to me. i need some advice what should i do?

Reply September 21, 2011, 8:11 pm

Teina

Also he was the one being foward with his moves at the start. He wanted this more then I at first. Lastnight he text and said “Goodnight babe, sleep well and talk tomorrow”. That was the last text I got. I am so lost, I have no one else to talk to about this and I just want to know where I stand. He told me that he’s falling for me and that Im what he wants in a lady yet I get the silent treatment? What should I do, please help me!

Reply September 19, 2011, 10:38 pm

erin

Teina, it sounds like what I went through not too long ago so I can definitely relate. I’m still not sure why a guy would compliment a girl and claims to really like her and then just disappear out of the blue. How rude! It seems as though guys who pull crap like that is only out to get a piece of ass. They SEEM NICE, but are really jerks who are ugly on the inside. Then when you try to confront them and ask why they are being mean, they make excuses to make you think its your fault. It isn’t your fault girl. Guys are always telling us girls that we are overreacting when it comes to relationships. Clearly we are not overreacting. Guys expect women to keep talking to them and to not be mad because they obviously don’t think ignoring women is rude. Famous asshole line: “jeez, calm down, I’ve been really busy and I haven’t had a chance to tell you I’m busy.” Then its like “oh really??! If you were all that busy then you wouldn’t be all up on facebook every two hours posting statuses. You can find the time to be on facebook, but you can’t take two minutes out of your day to at least hi to me??” I know facebook is a silly thing to get mad about, cuz its JUST FACEBOOK, but my point is that purposely ignoring someone and lying is really immature. Its like “don’t tell me you really like me and don’t beg me to hang out with and then suddenly become MIA

Reply September 26, 2011, 12:57 am

Teina

I have started seeing this guy who I am head over heels for. He has expressed to me that he feels the same. He will stay with me at night time, make me feel beautiful by complimenting me and picturing a future with me the once a week he will blatently ignore me for the whole day. I may drop him one or two texts but he won’t reply. He is able to reply as he has a house full of people whose phone he can use. He doesn’t work at present so he isn’t occupied (as he also only has a very small social group) but I still feel stink for having to wait. The waiting game sucks. Thing is we’ve only been together for a month and I already feel asthough he is the one. I have had this kind of treatment before and have held off with getting treated like this again. I don’t see myself as needy. I came on here as I need help. It’s slowly killing me and to me the small things like this matter. Please help me!

Reply September 19, 2011, 10:21 pm

Now what?

This guy and I have liked each other for 2 years (we see each other at work once or twice/week). I am recently divorced, so we finally went out a couple of months ago. He took forever to ask me out, and I was getting frustrated. I gave him my number and he didn’t call right away. He is extremely busy with work (doctor) and has visitation with his child every other weekend. Finally he texted me to ask me out. Our first date we just went out for drinks, and we ended up just sitting and talking for 6 hours! The next weekend we went out again (to dinner and back to his house). We got hot and heavy, and he said that we should stop because he doesn’t want me to think that he’s just after sex. I thought that was very sweet. We ended this second 6 hour date by embracing, kissing, and just showing our affection for at least 45 minutes. I have never connected with anyone like that. We both admitted that we’ve liked one another since we first met. It was amazing!!!

So…fast forward two months later. He called me once the week after we went out, and I called him the following week (just to chat since he had 2 weeks straight with his child, and he wasn’t free). After that, I haven’t really heard from him. I backed off so that he could contact me. Then about two weeks ago, he saw me and said, “How are you? I haven’t heard from you lately!” Ok…so I texted him to see if he was free that upcoming weekend. No response, so I called him on Thursday to see if he wanted to get together. He said we could see each other on Sunday, and then when the time came, he totally flaked on me! Then he sees me at work and acts like he’s still totally interested. I don’t get it!!!!!!! I’m not acting needy. It’s been two months since our date. WTF???? He acts all interested, says he hasn’t heard from me, and then doesn’t return texts and flakes on a date. What do I do now? I really have never felt this way before, and I can’t imagine hitting it off any better with a guy. He said he wants more than casual sex/dating, so why isn’t he making an effort?????

Reply September 19, 2011, 8:42 pm

Eva

I was in a relationship with a sweet guy. He would text me all the time and immediately respond to my texts. After a while, I began to lose interest. Then I broke it off because he acted like too clingy.

Now, I’m seeing a guy who at first texted me lots and replied pretty quickly. As soon as he knew I really liked him, the response rate has decreased and so has his interest. I know where he’s coming from because I felt that in my last relationship. Maybe it’s karma, I dunno. Yesterday, he didn’t contact me all day and I wasn’t having it because he knew I was sick at home. His texts leading up to yesterday were decreasing. Then I just didn’t contact him all day and he didn’t contact me. At night, I sent him a text that “I’m over it. It was fun. Wish you well.” Within minutes he came springing back. Said he dropped his phone in water (which I think is BS since he wouldn’t have gotten the text, it implies he contacted me on his own accord).

I guess this thing we had is just as serious as I’d like it to be so I’m not putting in more effort. Yea I like him and it hurts but it’s a wake up call because I know the difference between someone truly being into you and just a marginal attraction.

Reply September 19, 2011, 7:39 pm

Shelly

I appreciated your article. Now i do like this guy and he likes me but he asked me out and i said no due to my religion and all the drama that was happening in my household. He did seem pretty upset considering he is a top football player and all the females like him. A part of me thought he wanted me for sex. Anyway nest year of High school (10th grade) he had a girlfriend and i didn’t really care i was actually happy for him, but then he started flirting with me and trying to kiss me while he had a gf. I didn’t do anything with him because i knew had a gf and rumors will fly. Then he stop texting me and next thing you know he broke up with his gf. This year he’s been talking to me all the time and always touching me but sometimes he talks to his gf. We had serious talks before but he hasnt ask me out but i know he still likes me from the serious conversations that we had so idk. I don’t want to wait for him anymore I’m ready to date and feel good (not sex wise i am a virgin lol) But i still care for him and deep down want to be with him, but i dont want to waste my years of high School waiting and then nothing happens. :(

Reply September 19, 2011, 6:42 pm

Rachel

( continued)
…..I honestly , am gorgeous and practically win any heart over. Never ever have I been mean to anyone.

But I do not understand .
Why did he treat me like crap ?
and even now … treat me the same .
A million texts & random calls.

* he did like me first…. But I turned him down ( childhood )
*Then We became lovers in our teens and he ended it last year
…we both were lawfully able to buy liquor

Reply September 18, 2011, 5:34 pm

Rachel

S.O.S !!!!!! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!
I and ex-lover are in contact again.
We ‘ve been messing around since High School; we both can buy liquor now.
I used to be The-Girl-Next-Door.
Both our families are close.
Mother calls me her Daughter.

Either way, during all these years he had an’ On&Off Girlfriend( smart girl ,skinny & not pretty). Spoiled Drama Queen.

He’s sexy & has it all. an only child & serial cheater .strip clubs & everything,

Now, am married & we both had child at the same time. Coincidence ,huh?!

Everyone thought we were going to be together since we’re so compatible .Also , Family Loves me still.

Long time GF hates me. Sabotaged me over the years and now.

I loved him deeply & did everything he ever wanted.fulfilled every fantasy.

He still does this texting stuff . Close to Never calls.
Disappears . I was the one who calls & reached out .

QUESTION:

a)Why did he continue to mess with me after every bad moment ?(lover days)
b)Why does he try flirt with me still?

c)He’s happy to see me ; when I visit his Mother?
But he never makes an effort to hang out with me ?

d) what should I do, ERIC ?!

Reply September 18, 2011, 5:13 pm

Amanda

He might genuinely like you but you are unavailable. He may not realize the emotional toll this is taking on you or he does but wants you to suffer too since you are married. If he can’t be happy and he fees you are his soulmate then why should you. II seriously don’t know the answer to this but my main guess will be because u r unavailable and he wants you.

Reply September 26, 2011, 1:16 am

Rachel

@Amanda : :) thanks for replying . Sounds about right. But I was all his up to last year. Then to tried to move on and got hitched. Should O still go around and contact the family?
How often should I ?
I’m just so confused as to whether I keep my presence or not .
Cause the Family does love me.
Mot the sabotaging bitter Mother of his child.

Reply September 28, 2011, 1:31 am

erin

Yes, AB is right! We as women need to stop reading so much into a TEXT! Like seriously laides, don’t be so damn clingy. Give the guy his space! The more you bug him, the more he will be inclined to drop your ass just like that. No hesitation. Guys ignore you when they feel smothered. I freaked out on a guy once and ONLY ONCE. But I feel like I had a valid reason for confronting him. He acts as if he had done nothing wrong, when really he DID. In the rudest way. Yeah, I liked him, but why would any woman like a guy who treats her with such disrespect? After the stunt he pulled, I had no problem cutting him off as I have said in a previous comment. It wasn’t really all that hard to be like “see ya later asswipe!” Ladies, you are better than how these guys treat you. Everyone has a side to them that someone may not like them for, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t worth it. You are worth it! And if some butthole tries to make you think otherwise, then who cares, HE’S THE ONE WHO ISN’T WORTH YOUR TIME. LOVE YA LADIES!

Reply September 15, 2011, 11:24 pm

AB

This is just a general comment…I love Eric’s articles and I believe he provides a lot of good insight. In this case, I think it’s natural for someone to want a guy to respond to a text message–otherwise, why try communicating at all? However, you shouldn’t need his response to validate how much he’s into you and it shouldn’t be a marker of a man’s maturity level. I believe an indication of anyone’s maturity level is the ability to live independently and enjoy one’s life according to what fulfills them. If he responds to you within 2 seconds, 2 minutes or 2 days etc, that’s great. But if he never responds, well that’s great too…now you can use that time to get to know someone else or do more of what you love ;)

Reply September 15, 2011, 9:51 pm

Nancy

Ok i just got so happy realising this site was still being used when u scrolled down! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME! Right, here goes… I met this guy when i was out in a club, quite a smallish one (not that thats important!) anyhow we ended up spending a great amount of the night tgther, singing dancing just having a reallly fun night. Wwe kissed that night and he took my number. Im 18 almost 19 and hes 24 , i kno the age gap but we just had such fun. Anyhow weve texted for about a week and a half and hes mentioned more than once that hed love to meet up with me again. Suggested going fr a drink, but i cant tell if this means casual or more?!?! I asked really bluntly wt it meant and accidently saud ‘im stupid i presume things will go somewhere’ and his response was what makes u think they wont, he works alot but always texts me bk even though it often tks a few hours he still always responds and keepz the convo going. Hes complimented me amd flirts. But has also tkn an interest in my life and askedme about uni work etc, on the first night we met he was a gentleman and still has been, but does drinks mean he hopes thats an easy way fr a casual progression :| after reading sme sites im really doubting his intentions, if hes nt replying sooner js that a sign. Im usually glued to my phone so wen i gt a text i just txt bk, should i be waiting befre responding?!,! Pleaseee helpp befre i agree ro a drink next weeek!

Reply September 15, 2011, 5:39 pm

Confused

So this guy that I’ve been talking to; mainly over text & fb but we finally made it to hang out last weekend. We went to the movies then afterwards we went our separate ways & planned on hanging again next weekend but he’s never texted or called since. Maybe he’s scared to make a commitment because I have a 5 month old son. I always have to text him first but I don’t really like to because I feel like I’m bothering him. He replys back every tine but is it because he feels like he has to or because he really wanted to?? Nd he also always say “yeah definitely” when I say we should hang out sometime but then he never goes thru with it. Am I missing the memo here or something?! One minute he seems interested than the next I don’t hear from him until I text him!! Yours or anyone else advice would be very appreciated!

Reply September 13, 2011, 4:36 am

Jess

Eric Charles…you’re pretty freakin hot :)

Reply September 12, 2011, 11:58 pm

Janine

Ive been seeing my FWB for 2years now on and off. We get on really well and recently found ourselves meeting up for just drinks or a meal. He became obbessed with coming over my house for the night so we had arranged on it and then he vanished for three weeks. He had finally texted me back a few days ago saying he was sorry he got scared that we were going deep and he shut off, now feels like a dick, as im Great!
We meet up that evening and he took me back to his house (he still lives with his parents) we talked and I said stop being so stupid im not ready for a realtionship yet either and dont do that again …communication is the key!. We ended up having sex again he didnt want me to leave his house but i insisted on leaving, as he’s working really long hours at the moment.
I havent heard anything from him since, he agreed he wouldnt ever get scared off again??? We meet on an online dating site, and now ive seen him actively on one again over the weekend.
Is this a lost cause? or am i being stupid ? I do really like him and think Ive fallen for him but i wont tell him that till hes more consistant. what do i do, please help me

Reply September 12, 2011, 2:38 am

erin

@soccerdumbie…….you should ask him one more time why he isn’t texting back and then I would just let him know what your thoughts are on why you think he isn’t responding. Explain to him that if he wasn’t responding because he thought you were asking him to homecoming, that he was mistaken and that it wasn’t meant to be interpreted the way he might have been thinking. Anyway, if he still does not respond to you, then I would just let it go and stop talking to him altogether. He clearly likes acting like a jackass.

Reply September 11, 2011, 9:25 pm

soccerdumbie xP

Okay so my this guys been my friend for awhile and i just developed feelings or whatever last year .. and hes been dating this girl on and off ever since she found out i liked him . yeah . so now their broken up and homecoming is coming up and i was getting a group of friends together to go with and i texted him if he was going and my words were kind of mixed and it sounded like i asked him to homecoming , and that wasnt really what i meant even with my feelings . and now hes not texting me back /: what is he thinking ? and what should i do now ?

Reply September 11, 2011, 9:19 pm

erin

I wasn’t aware I had the option to reply directly to another commentors post. I’m on my phone, so I didn’t see the tiny little “reply” option until just now. Lol. My bad my bad.

Reply September 11, 2011, 9:36 pm

bieberlover

hey, so i like this guy and i think i might love him and i told him but everytime i text him he doesnt write back but when i facebook him he writes back and hes like text me sometime cutie and etcc what should i do?

Reply September 11, 2011, 8:45 pm

erin

@Be Strong. Yeah, I agree with you. But I think I’m one step ahead of one of your suggestions. I have taken every measure possible to make sure this guy won’t be able to talk to me unless we happen to run into each other in public. I downloaded an app so that I can pick and choose who is able to call me or text me and who isn’t. I blocked his calls, blocked his texts, deleted and blocked him on my facebook. I did all that because no matter how much I wanted to believe he was sorry and that he didn’t mean to act like he didn’t even know me in public, I KNEW in my heart he was tryin to play me and that ain’t how I operate. Yeah, he was good looking (to a certain extent). His teeth were not pefect, but neither are mine so who was I to judge him, right? I think I did a pretty good job telling him what a jerk he was being, even if he didn’t care about the way he treated me, at least now he knows that there are some women who don’t fall for every hot guy that tells them they’re the perfect woman. Bogus! Lol. I bet he never thought he would see the day when a woman would tell him “omg, you ain’t even all that dude. Yeah, you drive a mercedes, yeah you’re tall and good looking, but you’re one ugly mother fucker on the inside and you need to save your breath because I can see right through your fake apologies!” Hahahahahaha. I’m thinking him being an only child had a lot to do with it. He expects to get everything he wants. I don’t think so honey! So in conclusion, I don’t care how hot someone is or how many compliments they give me or what a “nice guy” they think they are, if I feel like someone is tryin to play me, ill handle minez and cut people off left and right no hesitation. LADIES, TAKE IT FROM ME, Y’ALL ARE TOO GOOD TO PUT UP WITH GUYS WHO TREAT YOU POORLY. YOU’RE BETTER THAN THEM. ANY GUY WOULD BE LUCKY TO BE WITH YOU!

Reply September 11, 2011, 3:46 pm

bieberlover

hey ok, so this guy i liked before would nEVER text me. it was always me texting him .. and he would take HOURS to reply back but he acted like he liked me sometimes and everytime i ended liking him more hed act like a jerk. :S now i dont talk to him for other reasons..

Reply September 11, 2011, 2:55 pm

janine

Hiya,
Ive been seeing my FWB for 2years now on and off. We get on really well and recently found ourselves meeting up for just drinks or a meal. He became obbessed with coming over my house for the night so we had arranged on it and then he vanished for three weeks. He had finally texted me back a few days ago saying he was sorry he got scared that we were going deep and he shut off, now feels like a dick, as im Great!

We meet up that evening and he took me back to his house (he still lives with his parents) we talked and I said stop being so stupid im not ready for a realtionship yet either and dont do that again …communication is the key!. We ended up having sex again he didnt want me to leave his house but i insisted on leaving, as he’s working really long hours at the moment.

I havent heard anything from him since, he agreed he wouldnt ever get scared off again??? We meet on an online dating site, and now ive seen him actively on one again over the weekend.

Is this a lost cause? or am i being stupid ? I do really like him and think Ive fallen for him but i wont tell him that till hes more consistant. what do i do, please help me :-(

Reply September 11, 2011, 8:41 am

laura

I use to obsess over why any guy I am talking to doesnt text back right away but two of the guys I have been involved with over the past 6 months are sherriff officers. We text each other a lot when they are at work. I HAD to learn to be patient because obviously their job is way more important than any text message conversation. Sometimes it takes hours for them to answer. Sometimes I never get an answer, they will just text me the next day or even a few days later. It’s not that big of a deal. I will even do the same thing myself now. It doesnt hurt to make a guy wait for you to respond to him. You don’t want him to think that you have nothing better to do than sit around with your phone in your hand waiting on him to text or call you. Go MIA during a text message conversation with him, let him wonder what you are doing that is more important than answering him right away. You have to give them time to miss you.

Reply September 8, 2011, 6:51 pm

Emily

I forgot to mention that this is not the first time this guy acted like this. When we were just friends with benefits (5 years ago) I was kind of into him (a lot) and he was very into his ex-girlfriend at the time, who, just like the last one, was treating him like a doormat. But back then, I confronted him about the not answering the phone and ignoring me and he said he did that for 2 reasons: 1 because he was hoping to get back with his girlfriend and second because i was too clingy and calling him too much. But now is different.. i even texted him several days ago and told him i’m not inlove with him and i just want to hang out, i’m not trying to force him into a relationship or something, so he basically doesn’t have a reason to not talk to me. So what I want to know if what do do/say to make him realize that having fun together is good and i don’t want anything more than that. Thanks again :)

Reply September 8, 2011, 3:22 pm

Emily

Hi! I have an issue :) I am kind of seeing this guy.. seeing is too much i think, we’re just sleeping together. We started out as friends (5 years ago) and then we started to date but didn’t work so we went back to being friends with benefits :) After some time I moved out of the country and been in other relationship for the past 4 years (still am). We used to IM sometimes – during these 4 years – and all was nice, very friendly. A couple of months ago I came to visit my home country and I met him too. He had just broken up with his girlfriend who treated him badly as far as I understood and he was kind of depressed. We went out a couple of times and also slept together. It was a lot of fun but then I went back to where I live with my boyfriend and while I was there we IMd a lot and from what he was writing I could see that he was kind of missing me or smth. Anyway.. now I am back to my home contry and will be here for some time. I contacted him several days after my arrival and we texted eachother for 2 days. He asked me to meet him at his place, 2 weeks ago, but I couldn’t go. The next day, instead, when I could go, he didn’t answer anymore. I like hanging out with him and the sex is amazing but I also don’t want to be pushy or needy or smth. I love my boyfriend a lot and I know cheating is wrong and I shouldn’t but, again, the sex with this guy is mind blowing and I can’t stop thinking about it. Anyhow.. it’s been 2 weeks now since we last communicated and I have called or texted every 3-4 days while I was out, to ask him if the wants to join and once I invited him to my place, but still no answer, and he also removed me from his IM list. What’s up with that?
Thanks :)

Reply September 8, 2011, 8:10 am

erin

I hope I’m in the right place for my dilemma. First of all, the guy who I stopped talking to was the one persuing me from the very beginning and then I got sick of his mixed signals and hpw he purposely ignored me. He requested me as a friend on facebook and I accepted, then we started talking all day and all night for like a month. He had asked me to hang out on a daily basis, but I declined the first few times he asked me. When I finally agreed to hang out with him, we hung out a few times and we seemed to have a strong connection (or so I thought). The day after our last hang out session, he seemed to be ignoring me. I figured maybe he was busy working and I’m not the clingy type so I really didn’t mind. I mean, I wasn’t tryin to make him my boyfriend, I was just annoyed that he seemed to purposely ignore me on facebook and ignoring my texts. I finally got sick of his crap and confronted him. I was like “why do you act like I’m the coolest and most beautiful girl around and why do you keep asking me to hang out if you know darn well you’re full of crap?” So basically, we hung out, had some great laughs together, he said he was really into me, then just disappeared. I just kept thinking “oh my god, why do guys do that kind of stuff?” If someone doesn’t like me then they should speak up instead of being fake. And what’s even worse is that when we would go anywhere together, he walked behind me or in front of me like thirty feet apart and just kind of acted like he didn’t even know me in public. Then he made up every excuse as to why he did that, but I didn’t buy it so I just cut him off. He even tried to making me seem like the bad guy. LIKE WTF!?

Reply September 8, 2011, 1:59 am

Be strong! :)

I can say that i understand u perfectly. I think you shouldn`t talk to him anymore. I`m sure he`ll call you or try to make contact, but i think he`s an ass so u shouldn`t respond to any of his texts or phone calls. If u run into him just play cool and pretend to be busy and always in a hurry (sorry :( but i`m sure ur a worth girl) and guys like him only appreciate crap and crap. They`ll only go after craps that look like girls! sHOW him who rules! Use him (wihtout any sex contact) reverse the situation. MAKE him ur pet! Believe me, u`ll feel much better under u see that just deserves to be treated like this. He`s only crap and deeply inside, he knows that!

Reply September 8, 2011, 1:06 pm

erin

I’m sorry, I posted another comment on the public board responding to you because I didn’t know I had the option to directly reply to you. I didn’t see the “reply” button. Lol. I did the same thing with soccerdumbie.

Reply September 11, 2011, 9:48 pm

vanilla22

@ UPSET :(
Hey np. :) Well i hope everything works out . Idk what you should do, i think its best if you fallow your gUT feeling. I on the other hand….. give him a call! :) 2 months is past and soon to be 3! so it dosnt hurt to say a little hello and how are you. :) Of course you might be terrified.. but whats the worst that can happen ?? He either does not pick up, he says im busy cant talk. BUT atleast u tried. think positive though. :)

PS: good luck whatever you choose to do, life isnt over no matter what happens. we all have our doupts at one point, just ned to step up and beleive ;) hope my babling helps!!!!

Reply September 7, 2011, 10:38 pm

UPSET :(

Thanx for ur advice and words, Vanilla22! It might sound weird to you but this calling or texting thing is the worst situation under-pressured i`ve ever been to. I`d rather expect to run into him sometime and say “hello” ask him how he`s doing. What in the world could make him so busy that he can`t text or call? . He might be into “something” else. Anyways, I think the most important thing is my heatlh, and believe me this thing have been making me feel very sick. I`ve realized that, not thinking on him helps me feel better. I appreciate ur most positive energy and words. Sice he was very into me and sice he used be the one who texted or called, I`m that one of these days he`ll show up for better or worse. Still, if he`s really interested he will call sooner or later. If he doesn`t, means he wasn`t “that” into me. I got hurt many times by thinking the “he might not feel secure about my feelings towards him” and believe i got unbeliveable sorprises. I`d rather just wait and see what happens! My best regards to you. I`m deeply thaNKFULL for your replyings!

Reply September 8, 2011, 12:46 pm

Be strong! :)

Vanilla22!!! where r u!!!! Missing u already! I wanted to tell that i thought a lot on your advice! The other day i saw this wonderful movie with jennifer aniston and jay mohr”picture perfect” and it made me cry a lot. Cause it reminded me of my “GUY”…and i felt kind of encouraged and i texted him!!! yeap! I TEXTED HIM!!!! but wait….as an ANONYMOUS…..i didn`t dare to write my name…..I`M STill terrified! I love him son much that i coudn`t stand a “no texting back”. He might know that it was me…eventhough it was an anonymous…he might at least think or supect it was me..well let`s see! Misiing ur comments already!

Reply September 12, 2011, 9:38 pm

dotJenna

Ummm… neediness is a normal response to attachment stimuli. Read the book, “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment.” Scientists have confirmed that neediness and protest-behavior are part of the normal attachment cycle. It is not maladaptive to be needy, no. In fact, it’s unhealthy to be AVOIDANT. Avoidant attachment style in one, in fact, gives way to Anxious attachment style in the other. It’s a viscous cycle, and one I’m glad to have identified.

When two people undergo attachment, neediness is a natural feeling and response. The true mature gentleman who has secure attachment style will respond to the woman’s needs. When he does, the woman actually becomes less needy, sorta like babies when they know their caregiver is nearby, they feel safe to wonder about.

While your advice is good, I’m concerned that you’re treating normal attachment behavior as if it were a disease. Neediness is instinctual and hard-wired into our brains. No person can take away their instincts, and you’re making woman feel guilty for how we attach and bond. Men can have the same issue when a woman is avoidant or anxious. Just read the book man so you can stop leading people astray.

dotJenna

Reply September 7, 2011, 3:35 am

Eric Charles

I’ll check out the book. And thank you for your comment.
.
I want to clarify where I’m coming from and what I’m advocating here (and pretty much all my articles.)
.
And forgive me, I’m going to go on a bit of a tangent here but I think you’ll understand where I’m coming from.
.
There’s nothing wrong with connection, attachment, bonding, etc. It’s a beautiful thing.
.
I mean, if you want to zoom out to a crazy philosophical level, there’s nothing “wrong” with anything. Like for example, there’s nothing “wrong” with eating tons of fast food and junk, but it’s a pretty certain way to lead yourself to results that you don’t want.
.
What I advocate is women filling their lives with all sorts of joy and fullness, so their potential relationship doesn’t have them feeling like “all their eggs are in one basket”, so to speak.
.
Sure, anyone can whip out a book with “scientific studies” and tell me about oxytocin till their blue in the face.
.
But at the end of the day, just because a study says that certain bonding chemicals are released during a female orgasm doesn’t mean it’s in her best interest to send him 50 text messages asking what he’s doing. (I’m half-kidding here, but I’ve seen some stuff over the years…)
.
I’m sure the book is interesting, but there’s lots of stuff that we’re “hard-wired” for that is not helpful in today’s world.
.
There’s lots of talking heads in the dating advice world who want to throw out “being hard-wired” as the end-all be-all argument for people acting poorly.
.
We’re hardwired to love eating sugar and other garbage. We’re hardwired to love drugs (depending on our genetic predispositions).
.
Should we run out Krispy Kreme and start blowing lines of coke off the table?
.
Again, I’m being silly here and I’m not saying that the book might not have good info, but I’m just throwing out some caution here.
.
I think you’d agree that if a woman is happy in general and loves herself, she’s in a better position to relate with men than if she’s not in a good place emotionally.
.
I’m sure when I read the book I’ll enjoy it and agree with the points, but I’m also pretty certain there’s nothing that I advocate that the book would negate.
.
We’ll see. Again, thanks and I’ll let you know what I think once I have a chance to read it.

Reply September 7, 2011, 5:16 pm

Megs

Well I came this site because this guy I like would txt me and stuff and we’d laugh. But he didn’t txt back today and it made me think he doesn’t like me well I read some of your comments and thought may be it just means he is busy but he told me one time that this girl was ignoring him so he didn’t txt back and he didn’t like her so now im not sure what’s up? But I’ve liked for a year and we are just now becoming close enough that I thought there might be something there but idk like he talks to me and stuff but I always have to txt him. Idk I guess I just wanna know what you think cause I’m not sure if i should tell him I like him or if that would mess everything up caz I’ve told a guy I liked him before and then he stopped liking me cause I guess he only liked that I didnt like. So basically I don’t know what too do?

Reply September 6, 2011, 9:42 pm

UPSET :(

Vanilla22! Thanx for words! But i`m terrified! I`m super afraid of being rejected or not getting any text or phone call back. I believe that if a guy is really into someone he`ll go for it! PLUS, i`ve already called him once after he dissapeared and he thanked me (but not even that helped the situation) but…well….i`m very upset cAUSE i think i have sent my last soldiers to fight. Thanx for words anyway cause you`re very optimistic. I hope i still have another chance. I hope he remembers those great times we had together. I don`t wanna miss his friendship! I think he`s a great human being! And i hope he calls me sometime. Send me ur most positive energy and vibration cause i really need it.

Reply September 6, 2011, 9:23 pm

Kayla

what does it mean if you wanted to tell your friend something scretly. but then your guy friend said is it about me ? dies it mean he likes me or something cause im confused .

Reply September 6, 2011, 6:45 pm

vanilla22

Hey @ UPSET : ( I was reading ur post and well i personelly think anybody deserves a secnd chance. Maybe thye one night stand thing was not such a good idea because most of the time one of the people fall in love. I think you should call him up, and just be yourself. Ask him how he is and that you miss hangning out with him. Maybe even if you can chill together? Dont feel sad. :) anything canppen you jsut need to beleive.

Reply September 6, 2011, 6:00 pm

UPSET :(

Charles! I need your help! i was seeing a guy for more than a month. Since he was just a one nihgt stand i just didn`t really pay attention to him or to his efforts to make me fall in love with him. Every time we went out was because he texted me or called me. We even had a fight one time and he called me after that more than one time. We were ok. Now it`s been almost 2 months that i haven`t heard from him. He just dissapeared. Like a month ago, i texted him but he never answer back. I also called him once, i played cool and i wasn`t more than 3 minutes on the phone. i told him that just i callled just to say “hi_”.. He thanked me for thinking of him and calling him, but since that it`s been already a month. 2 weeks ago i googled his name and i found out that he was a mini celebrity in the heavy metal world in my country. I found many articles about him and his career(he`s a musician) i feel so bad cause i didn`t payed attention to him and to all the stories about his life. I didn`t even know his last name until the last day we saw each other. Now I just feel empty and stupid cause i miss the conversations we had when used to hang ou, i miss him as a friend, lover, i miss him in the whole sense! I`m in bIG TROUBLE, cause i think that now he`s gone i realize that I`M IN LOVE WITH HIM, and the worst is that i was just trying to play hard and see how much i could get from him. I`m very sad, but i`ve definitely decided not calling or trying to make any contact with him whatsoever. My question is….Do i still have any chance with him? Did i go beyond than the play hard rules?

Reply September 5, 2011, 11:13 pm

mariex3

so i’ve worked with this guy for 2 years now. we both started talking this summer. He would call me every night and we would talk for hours, when he got back from vacation he wanted to pick me up to hang out so he could take me home. I met his family and all of his friends. I really started to like him. and one day we were talking about relationships. were going to different schools in a few weeks but i said we could visit eachother and still have fun. he said he didnt want a relationship becuase of the long distance. I understood and still just wanted to have fun with him. We hung out almost everyday and became very close. But recently he stopped texting me. and wanted to hang out way less. we hung out last night and then today he said we needed to talk. he said he needed space and didnt want to lead me on. Im very confused because earlier he was saying he really liked me and wanted us to visit eachother and stuff. but now he’s being very weird..

Reply September 5, 2011, 2:12 am

Gatorgurl

Same here…why all of sudden you are texting and then it just stops. I don’t get it, it is like your in the middle of a conversation and then they disappear or at least we think we are in a conversation. Two can play the game. If i just wait as hard as it is, he will text me..in my head i am like dang it has only been 24 hours. We are just friends with the whole benefit thing, but i like him more than that and he has said he has feelings for me. But right now it wouldn’t work out…. ;(

Reply September 4, 2011, 1:17 pm

Ashley

Hi, i love this website and all you’re advice:)
so i decided to ask you for some as well… My friend tried to set me up with his friend so he gave him my number and we talked on the phone for about ten mins. I sent him a pic of me and he sent a pic of him and we both were very attracted to eachother. He was having a bbq at his house last week with some friends and invited me and i went with my best friend. it was kind of weird at first because we didnt know anyone and i never met him before but after a while we warmed up. It was fun and we havd a good time. then later then night when i was leaving he walked me to my car and we were just tlking for a little bit and we hugged eachother and he asked me when i was going to “hit him up”.. i told him he should call/text m first and he said he was going to the next morning cuz he was really tired. so i waited for him to text me and he never did. so 2 days later i texted him and he never responded.i know hes really busy and stuff but i think he would have at least texte me back. also hes 27 im 19 idk if that makes a difference.

Reply September 3, 2011, 8:33 pm

enne

Thanks :)

Reply August 10, 2011, 10:49 pm

Grace Anzoaetgui

Hi! I`M so glad i found this website! All the advices about guys have been very useful!

Reply August 9, 2011, 10:03 pm

Apoorva Gora

y would u tell all the secrets to everyone..

Reply August 5, 2011, 4:13 am

rose

i love a guy who ive been friends with for two years now, on and off. We’ll speak for days at a time via text or facebook and then not speak to each other again for months at a time. Every summer while i was working in the country, he would drive up every weekend, for no other apparent reason then for us to hang out. He gave no signs that he liked me at all except i had feelings for him. He went through a rough patch at one point, we were supposed to meet up but he couldnt bother to come sober, so I stopped talking to him altogether. I deleted him off facebook, deleted his number off my phone. 5 months later he realizes i deleted him and tries readding me and asked why we werent friends. I chose not to re add him because it was too much of a rollercoaster for my emotions but he was very persistent. He sent me a long apology letter explaining how sorry he was for acting so disrespectfully to me and that he treasured our friendship blah blah blah. That summer I see him one weekend and we have a really amazing time as usual, just friends. I had a connecting flight in chicago where he lives and he came to pick me up for a few hours, which is when he chose to introduce me to his recent girlfriend who i had never heard of until this point. It broke my heart and I didnt speak to him again until january when we skyped for about two hours and my friends overheard the whole thing and said “that guy is so in love with you” but he’s not. its the most bizarre situation. He puts so much effort into calling me and skyping, but when it comes down to it, he has a girlfriend who he’s been dating forever. please tell me what his deal is and how i can get away from these mind games i can’t take it any longer.

Reply August 5, 2011, 12:23 am

ban

ik help someone plz i need to gt my swagg bck

Reply August 4, 2011, 10:43 pm

mii

ok so i had a bff lets call him um jack and so jack and mii txt like five hours strait a day and he askes miii out and says things like if i give him one kiss he would smile a lifetime but i said no time after time and he is so sweet but im scared of fallin for a guy that lives an hour away i have no idea wat to do i think im startin to love him but i cant cas hes mi cuzs bff also but we hav to everything in secret cas well im more popular and well hes not very and if i date him mi parents would kill mi miii sister will make fun of mii idk wat to do i wanna say yes but we only see each other every other week and it wont work datin a guy i knew since first grade :( help

Reply August 4, 2011, 7:32 pm

vron

ok so my bf of 2 yrs is now travelling for weeks on end now for work. week on weekend home etc. I know he s busy with work and all but a simple hello text or when i txt an i love you text he doesnt text back if he once in a while does he says u 2. so i just quit saying it its not like i harrass him and always say it he knows i do but like ive told him its nice to be able to communicate once in a while. I don t know how to get it in his mind. words mean so much and so does the little things in life and i dont know how many times ive said or shown him. I feel abandonned everytime he does that and yet he calls to (check up on me) but i never call him because when i do he gets mad(out with his friends), like iam suppose to know that. He is more stubborn then i am.

Reply August 4, 2011, 5:05 pm

lori

Im confused…my friend n I were texting each other non stop….he did said once that he likes me how serious he was idk. Not to long ago he invited me to go with him n we did go out n it was nice. After that he started to not text back like how he use to. A day n a half passed n he texted back (ok maybe he needed space, not a problem I understand) I didnt mentioned anything bout y he didnt text back when I texted him…I ignored that. We texted each other again but for me something was not feeling right. We went out again like three days ago n everything was ok as it seem.we textes after that but then he didnt texted back again…its gonna be 3 days now n he hasnt texted back n I havent texted him either since that day…should I text him n see whats going on? Should I ask him if everything is ok eventhough we are only friends? Or should I just ignore this again n wait until he textes back? Im confused!!! Help!!!!

Reply August 4, 2011, 11:02 am

ban

emma its like 3 or 4 cooments up

Reply August 3, 2011, 11:22 pm

hexywoman

To all you lovely ladies with questions about men – I would like to direct you to google “manslations”. It’s a website by a guy who gives advice from a man’s point of view – he’s honest and funny as hell. I promise you’ll learn so much with his “golden rule” and also his “2 questions” system and you won’t regret it. There’s also pretty much every situation covered there – just have a look through the “archives” section for all the questions posed to him and his explanation for the men’s behaviour. You’ll be both enlightened & empowered by what he writes. Good luck out there all you lovely ladies!

Reply August 3, 2011, 2:24 pm

Emma

Ok I will try, thanks for the advice :) but whats your sinuation??

Reply August 3, 2011, 1:00 pm

ban

help me with my sinuation tho

Reply August 3, 2011, 4:54 am

ban

dont be like tht im 13 when a girl does tht to me i think i have her and i can do anything and she wouldnt leave me just ignore him tell him u like him then stop txting him unless he txtes u bck

Reply August 3, 2011, 4:52 am

Emma

Hi the guy I like keeps ignoring me, and I asked him out but he still has not emaild me back and we were supposed to have a date but we were not sure when, so I just asked him out but he just wont talk to me I tried everything and for some reason my phone wont let me text or call him to see whats going on.. and I just need some adivce to tell me what to do :( . Do I sound to desperate???

Reply August 2, 2011, 7:08 pm

Nirali

Hi,
My crush and I are casual friends. We’ve texted before and called eachother about school before. Last thrusday would have been the last time I saw him, when we took our college summer class finals(july 21st). He’s moving away to start university at a different school bout 2 hours away. And since I didn;t want the last time we saw eachother to be on that day. I asked him to the movies with me and my friend(through text message) on july 28th for the 30th, he texted right back with “right on. But I’m going deer hunting right now”. I didn;t text back after that as to not distrub him. Then on the 30th, I texted him the time and specifics in the morning since the movie was around 7pm. He didn;t text back and then I texted him 5 mins before the movie was gonna start to see if he was coming and then I tried to call him but he didn’t text back at all or pick up the phone. It’s been a whole day since and still nothing. Whats going on with him, why hasn’t he texted back ?

Reply August 1, 2011, 7:11 am

April

I’m confused. Every comment to this post is a relationship question. Hmmmm….

I think what Eric is saying here is SO valuable and so true. As a woman, if I can keep my insecurities in check, keep my self-worth and self-esteem where they belong (i.e. #1) and think in the terms he has put forth, I am SOOO much happier not only in my relationships, but in my day to day life.

Also, I have recently gotten off the txt train (aka lazy man’s road to nowhere). If a guy wants to talk to me, he has to pick up the phone and call me. Now, if he wants to be a sweetheart and not make me look up the location of our date, after he asks me out and gets an “I’d love to!” he can feel free to txt me the address. Otherwise, a random txt may get an LOL, but after that, I have a life so he won’t be getting much more.

Thanks again Eric for the great advice! I am a big fan and read all of your postings.
x,
April

Reply July 30, 2011, 7:09 pm

simple

I have a question. If a guy talks to you for a couple days straight..then he ignores you. What does it mean? Like it was and endless conversation about what we like, family all that and now no answer. Im thinking of moving on..but some advice might help, as to why the sudden ignoring, cheers :)

Reply July 30, 2011, 8:02 am

Nikki

I meet this guy 3 months ago, and I really like him, he seems to be very up front and honest about what is going on in his life, and although we exchanged numbers we never really did a lot of communicating but we did communicate, also I just happened to continuously run into him when I would be out with friends, and when I run into him he is always alone, no females or male friends around it is just him. When I ran into him he always redirects his attention towards me and focuses on me the entire time we are out, so I took him home for the 1st time about a month ago after randomly running into him (which was also the same week that his father had passed away) we slept together that evening and he contacted me the next day, and the communication was great for the 3 weeks that followed, before and after the funeral, and the communication started to decline. And I kind of over reacted a few times, and he explained to me that I am over reacting but he has been busy working because he had to pay for his father’s funeral out of pocket no insurance because his dad had cancer for the past 7 yrs. When I would send him a txt telling him that I was upset at his lack of communication he ALLWAYS replied to those messages, being very apologetic. The last time I went out him he introduced me to a lot of his friend then he told me that he may not always do the right thing but there are no other women, he want me and he would never cheat on me. We went out to eat and back to him place and then he did not call me for several dys, I went off on him again and we decided, well he had so things that he had to take care of and I was wanting to know how things turned out, so I text him to see how things when and he told me fine and that he missed me, I think I may have assumed the break was over because the communication stopped again, the only time I txt him was to ask him to send me a new pic I had gotten a new ph and then I had 2 job offers come in the same day I txt when bth came in & he replied “good” to both. 4 dys later I txt him and told him I was done bc of the lack of communication and that was 4 dys ago and he has not txt me back(no surprise) the problem is I think maybe that is not what I want, like I said he always replied when I would tell him off abt his lack of communication but not this time, I know it may be too much too soon. I want to know how do I go about re-breaking the ice since I am the one that threw in the towel, and how long should I wait to contact him?

Reply July 29, 2011, 5:08 pm

Zigy

Hey lili just wait, if he calls you act
Normal as if nothing happened. If he doesn’t text him saying that you were waiting for him to call, did anything happen? (;

Reply July 29, 2011, 10:43 am

Zigy

I would say you are either annoying to him, or he wants to see weather you like him or not by testing how much you can wait. The best way is to directly ask him if he likes you or not. If he said no don’t freak out, because he
Might change his mind. If he said yes with an annoyed voice than you
Are being annoying, and probably he doesn’t want a serious relation ship.
Good luck

Reply July 29, 2011, 10:39 am

Yvemyre

If you have a boyfriend he stop calling and testing what should I do to make him text back or call please answer my questions I need advice…

Reply July 29, 2011, 2:41 am

Lily

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we got into a disagreement and now i haven’t heard from him for 3 days, I’ve called and text him and i don’t get a responds. this weekend we were suppose to go to a concert together and now i don’t know if we are since we haven’t spoke. i just don’t know if i should sell my ticket and forget about it or just wait around and see if he calls me. what should i do?

Reply July 28, 2011, 1:56 pm

Jezzy

I have a question:
This guy only came out saying he likes me since the day he met me and thinks im beautiful,amazing and pretty much thinks im attractive and have a good personality over myspace and he would of told me sooner but he’s shy. anyway two days later we spoke again and i had asked him if he meant it and he said yes and he kept saying the sweetest things like im glad i met you but all a sudden he asked me if i had made love with he’s friend a couple of years back and i told him the truth and told him it was all in the past and if he really likes me he’ll understand but now he’s stopped talking to me? does he still like me or should i give up ?

Reply July 28, 2011, 2:06 am

aliana

Okay so me and my boyfriend will be 2 months tomaro and so i havent talked to him in like lets say 2 to 3 days and i decided to text him yesterday but he didnt reply, so i left it like that cause i dont want him to find me annoying. But i really want to talk to him so we can make plans for tomaro (our 2 months) what if he doesnt reply ? Like when he makes plans i end up not going cause i cant but then when i make plans he cant so one day we both made plans and he said he was going to go but it was a lie cause he didnt! so should i end this or should i just be upset with him an not text him back when he says sorry. Like he didnt reply when i wated to talk to him. I just dont want it to happen again.

Reply July 28, 2011, 2:01 am

bethany

That all happened within the past week and a half. My birthday was , on this upcoming saturday, two weeks ago. Why is he doing this?

Reply July 27, 2011, 11:05 pm

bethany

Ignore the 1st one. That one had mistakes in it lol.

Reply July 27, 2011, 11:01 pm

bethany

Okay so I met this kid named Jack last halloween through a few mutual friends. Then, a few months later, I saw him again because we were in a show together. The show was High School Musical 2 (the Jr. version.) I played Taylor Mckessie, and he played Troy Bolton so we had quite a few scenes together. People (more specifically my mom, one of our best friend’s John, and my aunt) were ALWAYS telling me that him and I should get together. They said it so much to me that at first, I was like “no.” But then I started to listen to them, and I started to like him a little. I got the feeling that he kinda liked me too, but then a few months later, he started to go out with our friend ‘becca. I remember crying on the phone to my friend Alysa about it saying that my life was exactly like the song “Teardrops On My Guitar” by Taylor Swift. They broke up about 2 months ago. About two weeks after their breakup, I texted him and he texted back. He was really, really upset about that (and still kind of is. He is more angry than upset though. Like, he is more angry at her for breaking up with him than being sad about it.) This went on for a few weeks (texting each other back and fourth) but it then slowed down a lot because school was ending and our teachers were throwing work at us left and right. After school ended, we started texting again. We would text for HOURS every single night. We would take turns texting each other back and fourth every day. Then, after my 16th birthday (which he came to) the texting kind of died down. A few days ago, we got into a little arguement over something completely stupid. I told him something and I asked him not to tell anybody. But he told our best friend John and John told me, and I got mad at Jack because I asked him not to tell anybody. It wasn’t like it was a little secret. In my mind, it was a pretty big secret. After that, it became kind of awkward. He rarely responds to my texts anymore and if he does, it takes him a few hours. It’s not like I text him every second saying something like “why don’t you answer me anymore?” or any of that because that would make me sound desperate. I would just like to know why he is being like that?

Reply July 27, 2011, 10:59 pm

bethany

Okay so I met this kid named Jack last halloween through a few mutual friends. Then, a few months later, I saw him again because we were in a show together. The show was High School Musical 2 (the Jr. version.) I played Taylor Mckessie, and he played Troy Bolton so we had quite a few scenes together. People (more specifically my mom, one of our best friend’s John, and my aunt) were ALWAYS telling me that him and I should get together. They said it so much to me that at first, I was like “no.” But then I started to listen to them, and I started to like him a little. I got the feeling that he kinda liked me too, but then a few months later, he started to go out with our friend ‘becca. I remember crying on the phone to my friend Alysa about it saying that my life was exactly like the song “Teardrops On My Guitar” by Taylor Swift. They broke up about 2 months ago. About two weeks after their breakup, I texted him and he texted back. This went on for a few weeks (texting each other back and fourth) but it then slowed down a lot because school was ending and our teachers were throwing work at us left and right. After school ended, we started texting again. We would text for HOURS every single night. We would take turns texting each other back and fourth every day. Then, after my 16th birthday (which he came to) the texting kind of died down. A few days ago, we got into a little arguement over something completely stupid. I told him something and I asked him not to tell anybody. But he told our best friend John and John told me, and I got mad at Jack because I asked him not to tell anybody. It wasn’t like it was a little secret. In my mind, it was a pretty big secret. After that, it became kind of awkward. He rarely responds to my texts anymore and if he does, it takes him a few hours. It’s not like I text him every second saying something like “why don’t you answer me anymore?” or any of that. I would just like to know why he is being like that?

Reply July 27, 2011, 10:54 pm

Dakota

Ok, I have a crush on this boy, and we txt each other and he told me that he likes me then he siad he didn’t between a week! We still txt but he always answers with ok, ya, sure, idk, yeah, and I’ve told him about that he just kept doing it! I want to make him like me but it just seems impossible with him! He’s so cute but so ANNOYING!!!! Help!

Reply July 27, 2011, 9:59 am

Mellie

I met a guy on match.com. He sent me messages for about 3 weeks before I would agree to meet him. We have been to dinner and hung out at his place twice. He sends me a message at least once a day to say “have a good day or something sweet like “you’re wonderful or hey beautiful. However, he seldom sticks to a planned date, he cancels or says he is going to be late and then I don’t hear back from him. Do I give up?

Reply July 26, 2011, 10:51 pm

rita

Men just suck forreal. Women deal head on while men just coward away by just not telling us whatshe problem. I wanna know why are men so afraid? *women feel free to comment but i need some men to answer that question.”

Reply July 26, 2011, 6:37 am

Lucy

mimibabii is completely spot on!

men are simple creatures (no offence to any man reading this) but if they want to speak to you they will text you/text back! from my experience if a guy wont respond after you’ve text them once or twice then just leave him! delete his number and find someone who gives a crap about you, if theres a genuine reason for them not to text you you will find out sooner or later, but more often than not its because they dont want to pursue anything further with you, they’ve realised you may not be the one, they may have met someone else. life is cruel…
x

Reply July 26, 2011, 6:00 am

xoxoxo

I’m so confused….my ex called me out of the blue a few weeks ago after not speaking for like 4 or 5 years. He explained to me that he had been looking for me for several years, and was finally able to make contact with me after involving a friend of his who is really good with computers. We spoke on the phone and texted each other everyday for like a week, then all of sudden he just stopped calling and texting. I guess I just don’t understand why he would go through all of the trouble to find me and then just stop speaking to me like that. I never once asked when we were going to see each other again, I wasn’t blowing up his phone or being “needy”. I don’t know what to think or how to feel at this point!!!!What’s the problem?!!! Why would a person do that?

Reply July 26, 2011, 5:42 am

mimibabii

hi, i have been in this situation recently & this guy i’ve known for quite sometime did this exact thing which i really coudn’t understand because i never really liked him but he liked me so a few years later meet up again..bing bang boom we’re a couple i end it..he wants me back..i stop talkin to em..then he starts talkin back to me..i miss you miss you too type of crap then back at square one with the no response of text messages nor phone calls. I’m not the type of woman to wait around for no man, if he starts actin stupid & possibly ignoring you MOVE ON!! In my opinion its a complete waste of time to be at a guys feet & be there when he wants you to, i’m not saying i haven’t done this cause i have but i learned my lesson & mine was getting my feelings hurt to much cause he made it seem like & sound like something it never was or could be. He can’t be there for you cause he never responds to you, so automatically what does that mean?? He simply doesn’t care whatsoever what you have to say cause if he did he would make time PERIOD! I think guys that do this are just plain right out jerks for this (not the ones that are truly busy with work or something important), but then theres the wanna be playa-pimps, married ones, & the ones that are in relationships but their too chicken ish to say so & want both. Life is too short ladies don’t wait around for a man to text you back or call if he’s takin too long.Like my bf says there are 24 hours in a day texting with some ppl take 2-5 seconds to say hey im thinkin about you or i wont be able to make it or i cant tonight can we hang tomorrow, if he doesn’t go hang out with your girls, go have fun you might meet someone that will always make time for you because he’s really that into you:) Somehow someway i hope this helps & i didn’t offend anyone:) Take care ladies

Reply July 25, 2011, 10:35 pm

Cheerchikka

Ok, so I really like this guy, and he knows that I like him, but he doesn’t like me back. Everyone says that he does like me back and that he’s just being stupid but I’m too confused to tell. We talk a lot, and it looks like he’s flirting but we’re not getting anywhere. What do you think is going on inside that crazy guy mind of his?

Reply July 23, 2011, 5:06 pm

Ella

So, I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, we actually used to hang out a few years ago but nothing happened because he wouldn’t text and I wouldn’t text..we just stopped keeping in touch… so then I moved on and found someone else, who is now my ex.
Now, years later we’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks and kind of picking up where we left off…and I really like him, he makes me feel very comfortable and tells me that he likes me a lot and that I am so different from every other girl hes ever gone out with and that if things go well down the road if I think I would be his girlfriend and of course I said yeah……but the thing that I don’t understand is that he doesn’t call me, and , he takes forever and a day to text me back. If I text him sometimes he takes a whole day to reply or even gets back to me the next day and If I don’t text him, he wont text me. I told him that that’s the reason why we stopped hanging out before, and in a funny, none-bossy way I said “don’t let it happen again, I really like you” because he knows I really like him and I know he really likes me, and yes he did tell me that he doesn’t like to text, that he prefers to call and that he would call me everyday and then nothing, I just can’t get myself to comprehend why he doesn’t get back to me. I thought that when a guy really likes you he would keep in touch with you and call you and all these other things, and its all there when were hanging out but not when we’re apart, I get mixed feelings and I am not the best person at having these conversations, and it’s not like we’re exclusive but why would he ask me if I would be his girlfriend or how much I like him all the time if he doesn’t care to text me back, he waits on me to do it and I am not one to be chasing after men… I don’t know what to think anymore…

Reply July 20, 2011, 3:08 am

marieee

i want my boyfriend to stop talking too these two girls(sisters) that like him but all he says is he’ll try .. i told him once but he didnt stop he made it seem like he did by deleting there numbers so i got fed up because he tells me i cant talk to my two best guy friends and i still do secretly but its just like what the hell .., i need help .. & we been going out for amlost 11 months

Reply July 19, 2011, 1:33 pm

michelle

just for a mtest

Reply July 17, 2011, 9:52 pm

andy

we spoke at the

Reply July 17, 2011, 9:46 pm

judy

Hi I like this guy I’ll call him jo we see eachother at the coffee shop every day, How do I ask him out for a date?

Reply July 17, 2011, 9:44 pm

peterr

hey it looks like you have to be the one to ask.

Reply July 17, 2011, 9:49 pm

michelle

Hi my name is robert ive liked this girl at school, we talked alittle how do I know
if she likes me?

Reply July 17, 2011, 9:42 pm

michelle

Ilike thisguy at school we try to talk but it seems that his friends won’t leave us
alone. What can we do to find some alone time?

Reply July 17, 2011, 9:40 pm

Tuuu

this one guy doesn’t fit any of your stories..I text him a lot, he texts back like 1 for three texts.. When we’re mad at each other..I think it’s completely over and I delete all of hid texts.. It happened more than I can count where I just delete everything. 2 days later he comes back to me..it’s so strange because I thought i did something to screw it up. He prefers calls over texts also, like this afternoon he called. I always think he’s unpredictable. I think everyone is just different.

Reply July 16, 2011, 10:54 pm

Jessie

Up above I meant me and this guy started talking

Reply July 14, 2011, 12:33 am

Jessie

Ugh it’s drivin me crazy because me and this started talking cuz my friends boyfriend came to visit and I met his cousin and then later tht week me and his cousin started dating and then a few days later I found out tht he was with someone else and he apologized and blah blah blah and then we ended up dating again like a week later and then a few days later I found out he was still with the same chick and then I broke up with him and he never texted back or anything. He even said he was in love with me and that be wanted to take things slow and he was just such a sweetheart and Im just so wanting him to call me right now. I don’t understand why I can like a guy like that and yea it’s only been a day and I can’t get over it over night but I’m just sooooo desperate for him to call me I just need some advice from someone besides a friend :/

Reply July 14, 2011, 12:32 am

neonpinkchick

i started to text this guy and we text for 3 days straight until i stopped texting him then when i text him like a week later he doesn’t reply then i texted him a couple days later he still wont reply until i told him happy birthday he said thanks and two days later i texted him and he don’t reply i dont know if i should try to text him again or delete his number and forget about him.

Reply July 13, 2011, 5:05 am

T

Tell u how u really feel if it’s bothering you.. When a girl suddenly becomes cold, like when u didn’t text him, then normal again the guy doesn’t understand.. Dont let someone slip away from u if u really care.

Reply July 16, 2011, 11:19 pm

rita

but wont that be needy?

Reply July 19, 2011, 8:56 am

Laura

Hi. I have a neighbour who recently broke up with his fiance about 4 months ago. He’s going through a hard time over that and I totally understand that. Anyway, we both have dogs and when I walk by his house we would chat sometimes even when he was with his girl. After they broke up he made sure to let me know he was single a couple months later and one day said if I felt like company when I take my dog for a walk to call on him to join me. So, a few days later I did. I really liked him for some reason even though I didn’t know him well. Anyway to make things short, he was so nice and we had such a good time together and after that first walk he literally text me every day and invited me over every day and was such a gentleman to me. He was straight forward from the beginning about not being ready to jump into a relationship which was totally understanding for me and I didn’t blame him so I told him we are friends and if eventually something comes out of it then good. I remember one text message he sent me said that he wanted to do so much with me meanining relationship wise but he just wasn’t ready for it. I was fine with that and we agreed to stay friends and see each other and we still did kiss each other. Now he’s done this total turn around. I just live down the street from him and he seems to have o time for me but yet I always see him with his other female friends and if I do see him it’s for so short or never a day like he seems to spend with one of his female friends and takes her out but never really aske me if I would like to go out. It’s only always to his place I guess because that’s just so easy since I’m only 9 doors down. One thing I don’t understand is why he would just totally change and not ask to see me as much anymore. The strange thing is that he texts me every day and every single morning I don’t go without a good morning text message from him. I feel like he doesn’t care about me but yet he texts me every day and I’m too nice to tell him not to. I don’t understand him. Why does he still want to text me when he has no time to see me.

Reply July 12, 2011, 1:03 pm

T

You’re the rebound girl.

Reply July 17, 2011, 3:13 pm

sam

ok…. so i really like this guy ?( ill call him kay) so kay and i were talking and he told he liked me and i said i liked him back and we were friends for like 2 years now. he sent cute pics to me and i sent them back! we got very close and then he never texted me back after like 3 weeks or so now! im really upset and i have liked him for 3 years now!!!!! i really dont know what to do! i want to be close to him but not seem needy and ive texted him like a lot trying to figure it out. im so sad!!!! i like love him!!!!!!!!!!!! :( i really want him to be with me and he said he felt the same but now…… i dont know anymore!!! :( ughhhhhh </3

Reply July 11, 2011, 5:49 pm

Anna

Ok so, there is this guy that I met at a puplic pool the other day. I’ve known of him for a while, but never actually comunicated. Him and his brother came over to my group of friends and we all started talking. And “marcus”(the guy I like) was asking us if we had facebooks, we all said yes, and then I blurted out, “we’re already friends on there” and he said oh I didn’t know that. Well the next day I got on and chatted him, we talked for like 2 hours and exchanged numbers. He then told me he was going to bed, and to text him in the morning. So the next day I texted him no reply. This went on for two days. And then finally he texted me, and 10 minutes later he had to go. The next day I get on facebook to see that he has poked me. But still no texts. Then the next day he messages me on facebook saying that we need to hangout and that he wants me to come to his football game. Now, 2 days later, we’ve not talked since… I’m so confused.. HELP!

Reply July 11, 2011, 2:37 am

Hannah

Ok this is really complicated to explain but ill try… I knew this guy (lets call him james) like 5 years ago and we were in the same music class for a year or two. So i hadnt talked to him for like 4 years and this year me and my family and my friends and our whole branch of music were at a competition. So me and my friend (lets call her nora) were walking around and ended up in the music shop. So when we went in there was ‘james’ sitting in the middle playing an instrument and hes in noras music class last yearso we sat down with him. No big deal. Then we started talking and he remembered me and i definately remembered him. I was like joke flirting with him for the next while and until music broke for the summer. Then i wanted to text him so my friend (not nora so lets call her sophie) got his number for me. I texted him and he didnt reply for 2 weeks so i texted him again and he didnt reply so i said like you have no clue who this is do you and then he texted back but that was the end but i think he was really pissed at me for texting him even though i didnt say any thing that would really annoy him. I saw him yesterday and every time i looked at him and he was looking at me he looked all angry. So now i dont know what to do so thats why im asking a guy and i hope i can get some answers to why he is so angry at me :( please help because i like him a lot ;(

Reply July 10, 2011, 4:49 pm

mirna

hey… i had been in a relation with a boy for 5 months and before that we were friends for 2 years then we broke up after one month he send me message that we need to talk so after two day we talked and we decided to stay friends as we both realize that we don’t love each other and i felt good but when we hang out with groups who are not our friends we act like lovers but when we hang out with our friends we act very strange and he keep talking to girls when am around but when am not near him he do the opposite( he don’t talk to girls !).. and also lately when i send him messages he don’t reply back and he know that when he don’t reply back it drives me crazy so why he wanted us to be friends if he can’t act like one ? and he is not dating anyone.

Reply July 9, 2011, 11:47 am

Kanthan Jeevatharan

Hi Mirna,

It means that he still love you and probably he scared that you guys might end up in a problem again. Well as you said that he talks to girls a lot when u around and not when you are not, this is to create a bad inspiration on him so that you will hate him. I guess probably he needs you but he just scared. If you really loves him try to show him that you still have the feelings towards him or do something that could impress him. Show him that you will be there from him.

Reply July 27, 2011, 11:45 pm

nina smith

I have just started talking to this guy and he seems to already have sum issues he asked me to borrow sum money and i did . Now he owes me he keeps making up excuses of y he cant meet up with me first it was his daughter then he jus never anwsered after that i dnt know wat to do i think that he had jus played me real good…………

Reply July 9, 2011, 9:06 am

viikay

okay..ive been in dffrnt situations, diffrnt rlatnshps nd none wuz rytt 4 me…apart 4rm tht very 1 i thought wuz ok…we wer goin owt 4 three yrs b4 it turned sour cuz we wer hearing dffrnt rumors about ourselves. we ended everything. and thiz guy comes up!…rich, nice and evrythng any grll wntz. but one problem, his friends despise me. including his brother who is his closest friend. we wer going out in secret. but it became known after 2 months. now, it has turned soggy cuz of his friends. itz lykk we dnt evn knw each othr anymore. i think his friends are intimidating him cuz they hate me. the last tym we chatted wuz 3 weeks ago. and to end it all, he changed his number.. pleasse! what is rily going on? i would av asked him but i cnt connect to him anymore!

Reply July 8, 2011, 9:30 am

Kat

Try spelling right and you might get an answer

Reply July 17, 2011, 2:43 pm

Jay

@ Kat, are you a dude? If not, shut your mouth, she wasn’t talking to you.

Reply August 4, 2011, 2:08 pm

Susie

Theres this guy that has always been very quiet and SUCKS at texting back. He also rarely reaches out to me, I’m constantly planning our hang outs but he seems excited when I do. He claims it’s cuz he’s shy and a part of me thinks it’s b.s but then I remember how shy he rlly does seem a lot of times when we chill or when we first met. He treats me really nice, compliments me soo much, buys me stuff, holds doors for me but he gives a million excuses as to why he doesn’t wanna be boyfriend/girlfriend. I hate to admit it, but we started sleeping together too but I wonder if hes just lying about everything and he’s just not interested in me. I bet you guys are gonna say he’s just using me for sex… but we hangout without doing that too, he kisses me and stays tellin me how pretty I am.. B.S???

Reply July 7, 2011, 10:49 pm

Alexia

Ok so my boyfriend is an awesome guy but everytime i text him he never texes back!!!!!! When we first started dating he wud tht me like crazy but now its like he dosent want anything to do with me :( i dnt know if i shud dump him or not cuz i really love him and one day he said he was going bikeing with ALOT OF FRIENDS so im sitting there thinking is there going to be girls there????? So i dnt kno wat to do someone plz tell meeeeee!!!

Reply July 7, 2011, 7:52 pm

Bailey

My boyfriend broke up with me because he found a picture of a guy friend on my phone that my girlfriend sent me and i forgot to delete it but i didn’t want it on my phone, i don’t like my friend like that, and he said that we’ve been fighting lately. He said that time would be the best thing for us and that he wants to get back together and that he will always love me. Then he went to church camp and when he came back he said he made a promise to God that he wasn’t going to date for 6 months to a year to try to get closer to God, which i understand and im happy for him doing this. Lately he’s been ignoring me or been short with me and i found out that he’s been texting other girls. How do i make him want me again? I’m just afraid he’s going to move on and date another girl after those 6 months or whatever, but he said that he has a feeling that we will get back together. HELP!

Reply July 7, 2011, 1:57 pm

Theresa

So what Does it mean when your ex says we could possable think about getting back together but i wont promise you anything. Still learning this guy code. We are married still and been seprated for 8mths and he is seeing someone else. ..

Reply July 7, 2011, 1:53 am

Cassidy

so last night i was talking to this guy i like on the phone, (he claims he likes me too, and wants to date me)
and i suffer from depression so i was crying on the phone and he was complimenting me but i kept ignoring/denying them.
eventually he said he was tired and got off the phone, and i texted him saying he sounded upset and he said he was cause i didn’t believe anything he said.
eventually he just said “fine i’ll stop :/”
i haven’t heard from him since.
that was at 2 am
its 10 pm now.
did i do something wrong?
is he mad at me?
done with me?

Reply July 7, 2011, 1:17 am

Sam

When you start crying over nothing that is a big turn off to a guy. You need to learn to control your emotions or you are going to make him run the other way. He cares about you if he complimented you. You should apologize about the way you acted. He may think you are a bit on the psycho side

Reply December 25, 2011, 5:08 am

aadv

ok me and this guy like each other alot and we both know it. we talk about almost everday, he takes naps during the day so we can talk all night but last night when i text him he was asleep and i felt bad so i decided the next day i would wait for him to text me first. i have waited all day and i still havent heard from him. but a few days ago he wasnt acting like his normal self, it really bothered me but i didnt say anything about it. is he trying to avoid me or does he need a break?

Reply July 5, 2011, 6:40 pm

GuitarGirl

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months and he went to France for 5 weeks at the begining of summer. He was leaving the Friday that school ended, but he wasn’t there the last week due to packing and getting ready and things like that. He texted me the night before he left and told me ue was leaving the next day for 5 weeks. I asked him for his email or the address of his auntsl’s house where he was staying but he didn’t answer. I didn’t want to loose contact with him for 5 weeks. He never texted me back but i k ow that he would. He always does whenever he can. I sent him a text with my email and address of my house so that he could talk to me. It’s been about 3 weeks and he hasn’t emailed me or wrote me either. I’m wondering if he just didn’t get my texts of if he just doesn’t want to talk to me. It seemed like we were growing further appart the second to the last week of school. We had thing dance that was a major deal to everyone, we went together and danced and stuff but when it was over his parents showed up and he left. He only said ‘bye’ and gave me a hug… I don’t know if that means that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore or if we’re just going through some rough spots. And we’re also going to different high schools nextyear and everyone keeps telling me ‘why don’t you just break up with him already. Also everyone gives me crap about how much shorter he is then me, but that doesn’t bother either of us….. I’m just tired of people saying things…. Does anyone have any opinions on my situation? Or of what I should do? Please and thanks(:

Reply July 5, 2011, 12:02 pm

Kelsey

I have a problem. Well see I like this guy and he says he likes me too. We use to talk everyday on fb and txting. But when i txt him now he wont even answer. I dont txt him everyday. But when i do he just doesnt txt back. He tells me its because he’s busy but i dont even know what to believe. He tells me that everytime he doesnt txt me back. The thin is when he gets on fb he has the nerve to talk to my friend Andre and not me. He told Andre that im on his mind sometimes everyday, and now i’m not so sure if he meant it. I dont even know what to think. So can anyone tell me what they think?

Reply July 4, 2011, 9:08 pm

georgie

Ummm basically i like dis guy and we were flirtin for ages and den he started ignorin me! like wtf. :( So what happened???

Reply July 4, 2011, 4:50 pm

Tia

He started liking some other girl and he didn’t want to tell you

Reply July 6, 2011, 8:04 am

Kiana

I meet this guy online we went on two dates and he seemed to really like me. So i decided to invite him over to my house for lunch. The day before i had text him to ask him if the plans were still happening and he said he will definitely come at the time we had agreed. On the day of the date he never came i text him to ask if he was still coming he never replied and i tried calling him twice he never answered his phone. I am confused, i don’t understand what is so hard about letting a person know that you cant make it.. Also he only ever texts me he never calls me , when he does text me and reply he wont text me back after that or he will text me a couple of times after and he goes quiet… Is he leading me on and making a fool of me.. I have never been stood up before and treated like this by a man…

Reply July 3, 2011, 10:48 am

Shaun

Ok I need help from all you girls! So I really lime this girl, we talk on the phone but whenevr I text her she takes forever like 3 hours to txt back and she always texts me to chill and I agree but then she never replies, so I guess these are signs she doesn’t like me but my question is how can I get her to like me based on this. Please help me!

Reply July 2, 2011, 2:28 pm

Amanda

My boyfriend hasnt been responding to any of my texts for a whole week. I really, really like him but Im now getting a feeling he doesnt want to be around/talk to me anymore. The last time we saw eachother, we had our first kiss. He tells me hes grounded so he cant go anywhere, but he goes to the skatepark everyday. I went to a party today & he was invited, but he said he was ‘grounded’. I asked my friend if she could text him & see if he would reply to her, & he did…… His ex girlfriend is probably talking behind my back to him.. Im extremely upset I dont know what to do about this. He still wont reply after I text him “Are you mad at me.. ?” He just.. Wont talk to me. I wont see him for about 2 months since its summer break. I dont want to last this whole summer without talking to him :(

Reply July 2, 2011, 12:44 am

Megan

So i need some help. :( Anyone availble?

Reply June 30, 2011, 6:35 pm

Alice

What about when HE says HE doesn’t want to seem needy and backs away – then ultimately comes back. He’ll let me cook dinner for him once in a while, but then says he was gonna try to get out of it, because he doesn’t want to be needy. Or even giving him a back rub. It’s a yes/no struggle with him. Any words of wisdom?

Reply June 29, 2011, 9:34 am

Eric Charles

You wouldn’t believe me, but beneath the surface guys are WAY MORE neurotic about dating issues than women are these days.
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On the surface, guys will act like they have it all figured out. But then that same guy will scurry home and search Google till 3 AM to try and figure out how to solve his dating problems…
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I know because I work with guys too.
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The thing is, this dude doesn’t even know what it is to “be needy”. He thinks that allowing a woman to do something for him or enjoying/appreciating something is needy behavior. Or he believes that letting you do things for him will make him appreciate you, and then he’ll become attached, and then he’ll become “needy”.
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Here’s what neediness is: It’s NEEDING the other person to act or do something and if that other person doesn’t, then the “needy” person will get upset, freak out, etc.
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The solution comes down to just being cool with the situation and handling it instead of being upset.
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Then again, it could be that he doesn’t want YOU to become attached, so he keeps the relationship at arms length. Don’t know.
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I would say just don’t do things for him and wait for him to come around. I mean, if doing things for him = him feeling “needy” (aka bad), then don’t do those things!!!
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If you think he should like pizza, but he doesn’t… don’t try to force feed him pizza!
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That’s my 2c.

Reply June 29, 2011, 4:04 pm

Alice

Okay, so here’s the short answer to my own question: he’s pushed everyone and everything that’s good, away from him (except his bar buddies). He’s very quickly become an alcoholic — or maybe always was and hid it well (I didn’t realize this until I woke up at 5am one morning and there he was sitting on the couch, drinking vodka). He is now always drunk, except when he’s at work. Anyway, he only texts me once or twice a week and asks for a back rub. But because it’s normally between 12 and 2 am (when I am asleep), I rarely text back.

Reply October 9, 2011, 12:05 pm

gabby

so i am dating this nice cute boy and during our relationshit we always text when were not with eachother but today he hasnt texted me at all or answerd my texts! what does this mean ? please help

Reply June 28, 2011, 9:35 pm

miya

so i met this guy and we text and we dont talk its just hey watr u doin then i say not much and then nothing what does that mean ?

Reply June 27, 2011, 11:57 pm

Tina

sooo. i’ve been talking to this guy for like 4 months now, and he’s been texting me everyday. we both told eachother that we like one another about 2 months ago. but just recently he kinda stopped texting me, and the other day i had to text him. and everything was fine, and we were flirting and what not, then i expected for him to text me the next morning and he hasn’t. and its been about three days now. what’s wrong!

Reply June 26, 2011, 5:27 pm

chris

ok so even though im gay this still applies and id like some backup. I started talkin to this guy and we didnt talk much when we started talking. over the next few weeks we started gaining an attraction for each other. then after a month of talking to him, i finally got to meet him i stayed at his house and hung out for a few days. on the second he asked if i was his dude now and i said its a yes on my side and he said that made him really happy. i came back home a few days later so we wouldnt get tired of each other but most of the time im back i rarely hear from him. i txt him a few times a day to show im thinkin of him and he’ll send about 2 replies then i dont hear from him for 6 hrs or even the rest of the day. Then went back up there for 4 days and came back down and the same things happening. I know hes not cheating because hes a very bold straightforward guy and if u in my shows u would know too. its just the situation and i wish hed actually talk to me a lil more and show he cares but i know he has his own life and im not gonna try to force it on him. i guess u could say im scared of the result cause i dont wanna lose him. anyone got any tips?

Reply June 25, 2011, 9:41 pm

jadeyanry

Please help me… me and my bf broke-up last june 21… his reason was there was an oppotunity that i need to prioritize.. and he said, he doesnt like my mom… yeah, my mom doesnt like him when we had a relationship because he is younger than me… but she liked her before we had a relationship… i loved him so much… i couldn’t ask for more… for the 1st months, we really click… i mean we had both chemistry… everyone noticed that too… i dont know why all of a sudden he changed his mind.. he tells everyone how serious he is to me… and now, he broke up…i really cant accept it… and now, he still makes some move to be close to me again… i dont know what his reason… he even complimented on how i looked… then asked me to go out with him… asked me when will i cook his fave food… he ask me if he can have my jacket, as a souvenir… he even wants to go to our house to watch dvds of our fave movies… he always make me smile… im confused of what he is doing… if only i can read his mind… please help me… :( =’(

Reply June 24, 2011, 10:16 pm

Alfalfa

PLEASE, please, please answer this. I texted this guy I like and asked him if he wanted to go to the movies with me and a few friends, he agreed, but then he had to go to lax during the showtime so it didn’t work out. The next day I was with my best friend and we decided to hang with him, he txted me back right away and said he has lax again but really wants to hang out the next day.. That night, we txted from 11 a.m-11p.m straight…he told me about his dad dying and i told him some stuff and we ended on a good note.. The next day was the day he wanted to hang so he called me.. I missed his call, txted him asking if I should call him back right then and boom! never replied…i txted him that i was leaving to go out of town to a place we both moved from and no reply…I invited him to my party, we flirted alot and talked about music and what music makes us feel this way and that way and I txted him the next day and no replies!!!??? WHY?!?!? He is soo nice, too. My mom made food for everyone and she said he was the only guy who 1. said thank you, 2. threw his stuff away, and 3. said thanks for the whole party when he left! Soooo… tell me what you think!! ASAP please!!

Reply June 24, 2011, 11:08 am

Elissa

Okay, I met this guy through my bestfriend and a guy I used to only talk to, a we weren’t really officially going out or anything. So me and this new guy started to talk, after many tries, I gave him my number finally. We started texting back and forth, talking till late night. Texting me goodmornings and goodnights, every night, for about 2 months. We even talked about personal stuff, he told me some stories of his. His regretion and mistakes he’s made in life and stuff like that, that brought us closer and gave as a sense that we can start trusting each other. He started talking about how things between me and him might work. The thing with me is that im really scared of commitment. Not that it’s a problem to me, but I feel like the guy be just a lier and trying to use me. I have this thing that it’s very hard for me to trust someone and rip my heart and hand it out to someone. It takes a lot of time for me to fall in love, and to say, I’ve never fallen in love. There was something we were talking about one day, these were the first couple of weeks we were talking and he told me as a joke “why are you playing hard to get,” he said it in a joke way, but I knew he was being honest. Ever since then we started tlaking more and more. Then all of a sudden, we stopped talking. He deleted me of facebook and lied to me how his phone fell in water. I texted him a week after we stopped talking, he told me to forget about him. I just played cool, trying not to make it look that Im clingy, so I told him what ever you wish. Then I never texted or tried talking to him every again. Then exactly after a month he re added me on facebook and texted me. He played dumb at first, thinking things will be cool. But I still remained mad, not because he stopped talking to me and deleted me on facebook and lied, but for having so much pride and not apologizing first when talking after a long time and thinking Ill be okay with it. I talked to him for a bit, and told him Im busy. Also to mention, he did apoloigize for being an ass, but I didnt feel it to be sincere. I also didn’t want to show I cared too much, so I just left it and hung up. When usually we would talk over stuff and issues we got. It’s not that Im playing hard to get, I just hate when people try to play games, and think they are okay with it. What do you guys think, is he trying to play games ? … because he seem intereted, and cared alot about me. But all of a sudden I don’t know why he changed.

Reply June 22, 2011, 8:29 pm

Sabreena

hey there…i need a serious help…well my story is bit long…i have been with this guy for 5 years now….its a long distance relationship…he lives in USA and i am in INDIA we started dating in 2007 but then we broke up in 2008 feb..it was him who broke up with me for no reason..he stopped talking to me, calling, texting me…i desperately tried to contact him but no response..then finally after 4/5 months i stopped calling/texting him…then few months he started calling me (blank calls). texting me asking how am i but he did that few times and he took prety much long time to send me the next text or call me next time..so it kept going till May 2009…finally he texted me in august 2009 that he is coming to India then he dissapeared till he came here in sept. 2009 and called me to meet him…then we met and we again patched up…then we had a very smooth relation going till we decided to get engaged…his mom and sister were totally against it because they hate me…but he fought with them and decided not to marry anyone else except me..finally they had to agreee with him..so last yr in sept he came here and we got engaged….then he left and we were very happy for one month….but suddenly things started to change…he started to act really weird with me..whenever we had fights he used to either tell him mom or sister to talk to me about it…his mom always insulted me..but then he again used to fix things and we always got normal…our fights increased after our engagement…but inspite of everything we loved each other…i know he loves me…but past few days he kept telling me he doesnt want to be with me and he has no reason for that…i called him but he refused to ans my call…he only texted me..so i asked him to call me when he feels like..he said he will..so last friday his sister gave birth to a boy and i texted him to congratulate and asked him to give his brother in laws number but he didnt reply to my text nor my calls…since that day i havent called or texted him nor did he….whats should i do now?? its hard for me to break up with him…i dont even know if he is going through any problem or not…he doesn’t call me anymore its been 5 days…i miss him a lot but then i thought this time i better let him take the first move since my birthday is on 25th june..but i have a feeling he might not call me…i wonder did he really break up with me??? please advice me something what should i do….

Reply June 21, 2011, 11:46 am

Ana

my bf n i having a LDRS. he lives in India n i’m in Indonesia. we met on facebook. it took months to build trust as we let each other know bot phone number. we’ve been together for about 6 months now. we talk mostly by facebook and talk by phone stimes. he always been so kind and sweet. we have a beautiful relation ship that grows from only friend to bestest friends then lovers. our love just happen naturally, he never proposed me but as we know that we love each other so much that’s enough. i love him so much. actually we have kinda backstreet relation ship. it’s just that not easy for us to tell publicly bot what we have now. only plenty of friends who know this. im so happy to be with him and he says so he does to me. as we are backstreet so when his friends tease him bot girl he uses to say that he’s single and not being into any girl at all. . i know it’s difficult to be open since maybe not everyone may understand the situation we are facing now but as a girl i feel so sad to know this. we just too aware of what people think bot an impossible LDRS, though i let my family know that i have a bf who lives abroad. and one thing i hardly understand bot him is why does he always let me be the first to take step every time we have fight or argument? i always be the first to mail him or calling him. i just dont think he’s as eager as i am to work on our relationship. these two days we are having argument and hardly talk. this afternoon i tried to send him mails that he didnt reply. i tried to call him too but it seemed that my phone call had been rejected then he switched off his cellphone. his acting frustrating me a lot of time and i really dont know what to do. we talk a lot bot probs we have, we try to fix mistakes we did but mostly of time i think it’s always me who try eagerly to discuss it. lately i feel smthing different about him thought he’s still nice and when i try to confront him about what happened he strikes me back as the prob came from me. sometimes i just think bot give up on him but i just too love him? distance seems too difficult to deal with a bad communication that we are having now. i’m so sad, what should i do??

Reply June 23, 2011, 9:44 am

Kachina

I am having the same problem /: i have been dating this guy for a little over a year and things before seemed great, we were always happy, texting..etc. but nowadays he BARELY answers my messages. and when he does, we only text for maybe 10 minutes then he stops and never answers until i text him again. And whenever we’re at school he always picks to be with his friends and always talks to them and just ignores me when he’s around them. We barely hang out. the last time was maybe a month or two ago…and whenever i ask him to hang out he always rejects it at the last minute. it’s the most annoying thing. but he always reminds me that he cares about me but it never seems like he really does. what’s with him? please help :(

Reply June 20, 2011, 11:24 pm

jenifrer

sabreena dont be its happen to us all

Reply June 23, 2011, 5:59 am

Amanda

I think he is either using you, or he wants to keep his single man status in-front of his friends, but i say talk to him face to face and give him his options. If not i guess you can chose to hang out with your friends and always cancel on him like he does you…

Reply September 26, 2011, 12:21 am

Albert

I am a 24 yr old guy and consider myself a technologist to the max. However there is one thing I will not do by text, and that is talk about relationships. Case in point a girl I had been dating for a month tells me via text message she doesn’t want a relationship anymore because she just got out of a three year relationship. I took her on at least three dates that cost in excess of $100, and believed things to be going well. She wanted to talk about it via text and I would absolutely not do it and tried to call her three or four times over the next week. All I got back were text messages. Finally I told her via text “call me when you want, I’m not doing this by text message.” I got a call a week later apologizing and what not, which I appreciated (although I still feel taken advantage of slightly).

The point of my story is text messaging has turned many people into cowards. It is not the proper medium through which to discuss relationships because you cannot convey feelings, tone, and context in 160 character messages. What you say is only about 20% of what matters in communication, how you say it is vastly important, as is body language.

Reply June 20, 2011, 10:57 pm

Dixie

I have a problem. So I have a HUGE crush on this guy. Actually he hit on me first so I know he likes the way I look(: and okay, so he told me to text him so of course I started texting him. This guy is drop dead sexy. We started talking and we’ve been hangning out alot lately. And when I’m around him he acts like he really really likes me. Like he never pressures me to do anything. And so I know he just doesn’t want sex. And he texts me really sweet things all the time. But somtimes it’s hard to believe him because his dad was on TLC from being a three timer and litterally marring three girls at once. And now that I look on his facebook he flirts with every girl on facebbook!! I don’t know what to do help):

Reply June 20, 2011, 3:31 pm

Natalie

i have a problem. okay so theres this guy who is just my type. sweet funny bad boy material ect. none of us had said that we like each other, but we both stare at each other. ( its a little weird )he will come up to me and be like nice shoes, then walk away. he will try to say something funny then look back at me to see if im laughing. we would watch a movie he came and sat next to me and committed on my hair. but when i would text him he would respond then no response after like 4 hours. can someone help me out please!!!

Reply June 20, 2011, 11:24 am

Alysha

Okay so,I’m new to this school.There’s this guy who has been like kinda staring at me..In the starting,It was kinda awkward,but then I(just don’t know why) liked it when he looked at me. He’s in my english class to,so like he knows my all-time place,so he come’s and sits right behind me..Like every time…So like one day,His partner wasn’t there and neither was mine,so like we started talking. ”I” asked him for his number,he gave,then he told me to call him so that he could save my number too.I did.Then like we have been talking since yesterday and I like him.Don’t know if he likes me back! But I surely do.Recently,he’s started talking to this girl in our class named Allison..I feel insecure even though he hasn’t asked me out yet! Look, know that they are like good friends and I’m a new-admission(It’s been a month now),but I still want him to look at me,I liked it when he did…He now just look’s at her during class,not me anymore. I guess I want him now..Help me anyone?
-Alysha

Reply June 20, 2011, 5:50 am

Luiza

Okay I need some advice.
So, there’s this guy I’ve been friends with for about a year and we’ve always been super close. He’s apparently liked me since the wintertime but I didn’t like him back then or know about his crush so nothing happened. We’d still talk on facebook like every day tho for a long time. We’d text all the time too and he’d invite me to hang out with him and his friends and stuff.
Then he got a really bad concussion and was totally out of it for probably about two months. (February/March) I still talked to him on facebook and texted him and stuff and he seemed normal. But since he came back he’s been acting a little more distant with me and not so open as he was before. We’re *really* good friends and I value his friendship a lot.

Apparently he still likes me, and I like him back now but he’s too scared to make the first move. He’s different now, too. I’m not sure exactly how different but he is. The thing that’s confusing me though, is that he’s *always* hanging out with other girls/more girls than guys. (He’s not a player, he just genuinely enjoys female company.)
When were at school and its just me and him then he acts like he likes me, but as soon as this other girl, Jenna, shows up he completely ignores me until shes gone. I don’t think he knows that he’s doing this, and lately our facebook conversations have been short-lived and awkward. I don’t know what to talk about with him anymore and I still like him. Last week our mutual friend sent me a text saying he was going to ask me out soon but he never did. Now school’s out and he’ll be leaving on vacation for the east coast soon and facebook is all we’ll have bc his cell phone won’t work over there. I don’t want to come off as awkward and clingy but we used to talk for hours on end about anything and now it just seems like he doesn’t care; which is *not* the signal I get from him face to face. Once a bunch of our friends were staying over at this one person’s house after a party and we stayed up talking (just the two of us) until 4 am. (Sober, and this was in April)
Help?!

Reply June 18, 2011, 12:17 pm

Ronica

Great advice, thx you.

Reply June 17, 2011, 10:59 am

Marie

Do guys act distant when they’re about to leave for a long time?

This guy that I’ve gotten deeply involved with is leaving to travel for a year (cross country on a motorcycle) this coming week. We’ve had an incredible time the past few months and my feelings have gotten really strong. He says that he really cares about me a lot and will always be there for me – he said this as he made me turn around to face him, looked me directly in the eye w/the most intense eye contact I’ve ever experienced and told me this. The past couple of weeks, he’s been acting kind of distant though.

First off – we’re kind of long distance right now (3 hours away) but we visit each other often (we both live at our parents’ house b/c of financial problems so we’ve met each other’s families as well). We’re NOT in a relationship and I know going into this he couldn’t commit or have anything serious (he doesn’t believe in LDRs b/c his love of his life ex cheated on him when it went long distance and she ended up marrying that guy). When we’re together, everything’s great. When we’re not together, (in the beginning), things were still great – he’d text me a lot (2 to 3 times a day), enthusiastic texts w/smileys and I’d never wonder where I stood with him. But now when we’re not together, he seems very distant and not as enthusiastic with his texts. He’ll still text me (not as much) and will still reply to my texts.

My question is – since he’s being so distant recently, why is it? Is his head just in a different place so much with this upcoming trip that he doesn’t even realize it? I know guys can be very one focused and they suck at multi-tasking like that. Could he be distancing himself from me since he is leaving? Or distancing himself to spare my feelings? Or do guys try to spare their own feelings by distancing themselves as well?

Please give me some insight into this situation!

Reply June 16, 2011, 2:50 pm

molly

im dating a guy, his cute but he never texts me back when i text him. i ask him why he never replies he says his busy at work etc… the thing that burns me is that he always has time to go on faceook and chat to girls but dosnt have the time to text me.

i met him the other day and we had a very fun time but after we finished he didnt text me or call me at all. now duno wat to do… i cant stop thinking about him i ador him to much.

what should i do???

Reply June 15, 2011, 5:41 am

Mykala

Well Molly wat I wud do is go flirt wit all his friends rite in front of him this will make him relize he’s losing u and if he really likes u then he’ll talk and text u more

Reply June 16, 2011, 8:23 am

lauren

so i recently just hooked up with this boy and i thought it went well (except that fact he was too drunk to finish..) but he texted me apologizing for being to drunk and that he wanted to hangout but when i text him back the next day I get no reply. Whats the deal? Im not one to be clingy and double text. why wouldnt he respond?

Reply June 14, 2011, 8:29 pm

Ashley

I have had this crush for a trimester at school. He came to my class room often ( I worked in the school liabary) and we would chat and laugh and he always promised he would come back soon and he did he was in the liabary with me 2 or 3 times a week. But then he stopeed coming in and my teacher in my other class would let us choose which lunch we went to and most of my friends were in the same lunch as him so we always talked then too. And now its summer I saw him every Sat when I went to town to get supplies for my Open house and he always took the cart from my parents but never any other carts around. I texted one of our mutual frineds and she said that he knows I like him but she didnt know if he liked me back. I have messaged him onilne a few times but he has never answered but when i saw him at his work he would answer any questions from online or chat about what I wrote to him. Ive asked for his number to text him but I didnt see him after i asked for it online. what should i do?? any advice

Reply June 14, 2011, 10:42 am

lauren

let him come to you. the ball is in his court now. just wait it out

Reply June 15, 2011, 12:08 am

Ashley

I just heard from the mutual friend now that he is a man whore and only uses girls. Im not sure if I believe them though. :(

Reply June 15, 2011, 1:12 pm

jenifrer

dude only belive in god

Reply June 23, 2011, 5:56 am

Kimmie

@ Eric:
Thanks for the reply. I understand what you are saying. The thing is, technology is too advanced for anyone not to answer their phones these days. It would be different if we were living in the beeper days where they had to find a friend’s phone, or a payphone. Most people have cell phones and texting capabilities. My whole point is, there has to be a way for someone to call the other person back or text them and let them know. Yes you are right, no one is perfect. I have been in this situation but if I call a man and he doesn’t call back I just leave him alone either for a while because he has things in his life to sort out, or let him be. Real case scenario: I called a guy but he would always tell me he was busy. I said OK. He would never answer my calls nor texts. Didn’t get upset-I left him alone. Two weeks later he sends some multimedia message (those chain e-mails) to myself and like 7 other people. I’m like “really?” and just didn’t open it. Another week went by and he finally called, wonder why IIIIIIIIII haven’t called him-and he was upset about it. I’m thinking to myself “……..wait, what? Are you serious?” I told him that he has a cell phone just like I do; told him that I called, he didn’t answer, I didn’t know what to think and so I left him alone. He was really upset about it. I am a big fan of communication; I know if someone tried to get in contact with me I would at least call and just say “hey, I’ve been busy but I will get back with you when I can.” That took a few seconds. In some cases, texting takes longer. We can all be complicated at times. Thanks for the message; may have to come here more often to ask man questions (lol).

Reply June 14, 2011, 7:45 am

Eric Charles

You are right: Technology is not what’s preventing men from answering your texts…
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Doesn’t matter if you think it’s “easy” for another person to text you back. Doesn’t matter if you think the other person “should” text you back. People are going to do as people do, and I *promise* you that if you want to be angry about what people do you’ll find an infinite number of reasons why people make you angry…
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OR
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… you could accept people as they are, stop choosing anger and blame as your response and choose to be happy, forgiving of people and appreciate the infinite reasons why men and women in the world are great.
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Happiness in anywhere in your life is your choice and your responsibility.

Reply June 14, 2011, 1:36 pm

Kimmie

Good info. Thanks, Eric.

Reply June 14, 2011, 6:26 pm

jenifrer

dude guys are cute but never do that.

Reply June 23, 2011, 5:53 am

Maggie

@ Eric. I am loving your responses!

Reply July 4, 2011, 9:37 am

Kimmie

Here are reasons why the author would go MIA on a text message (and here are some solutions, in MY opinion):

1) If I wasn’t that into her. (how about just telling her; you are hurting her more and leading her on)
2) If I was really busy with work. (again, just let her know you were busy with work. You don’t have to go into detail; it’s none of her business)
3) If the girl was being needy. (…again, honesty is the best policy, even if it hurts)
4) If I honestly did not have me phone near me. (understood)
5) If I’m with another girl (note: If I’m in a relationship it’s monogamous, I never cheat, but if not dating around is fair game.) (tell her)

I don’t understand why men have to find the easy way out of things. I mean, I am not bashing the author, but giving reasons as to why he doesn’t text back (and other men as well) just shows how much of a wuss they really are. Some men are quick to talk so much s*** about how much of a man they are, how strong they are, but when it comes to a simple text or a phone call, all of a sudden there is some article stating WHY they don’t return the communication. Eric Charles, I am by no means bashing you, but I don’t get it. Really. Yes all men are different but it seems as if people get online and make excuses for their actions. It’s the same for women as well.

Reply June 13, 2011, 9:44 pm

Eric Charles

@Kimmie – I get that you’re not bashing me and I understand how frustrating it can be.
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But think about this: Thinking about what other people (men or women) *should* be doing seldom leads to a happy place (I want to say it never leads to a good place, but maybe there’s some example where it does… I don’t know.)
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Ultimately you can’t control other people – you can only control yourself (that is, your actions and your reactions to things). Saying that guys are wusses or that guys should do something will just make you angry.
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You might not like what some people do or how they do it, but guess what: not everyone is out to do things that please you. For some people, it’s not even a consideration.
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Personally… I do text girls back and I’m honest about where my head is at in a relationship. But I try my best to be considerate and I learned many lessons by making tons of mistakes along the way. People are human – who they are today isn’t necessarily who they’ll be tomorrow. If you can forgive people and allow them time to grow, I think you’ll find that life is better (not always easy to do though).
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P.S. Honestly, I would be pretty mean if I didn’t text girls back… 250 comments and counting is a good hint to me that girls like to get texts back.

Reply June 14, 2011, 12:37 am

janine

Hiya,

Ive been seeing my FWB for 2years now on and off. We get on really well and recently found ourselves meeting up for just drinks or a meal. He became obbessed with coming over my house for the night so we had arranged on it and then he vanished for three weeks. He had finally texted me back a few days ago saying he was sorry he got scared that we were going deep and he shut off, now feels like a dick, as im Great!

We meet up that evening and he took me back to his house (he still lives with his parents) we talked and I said stop being so stupid im not ready for a realtionship yet either and dont do that again …communication is the key!. We ended up having sex again he didnt want me to leave his house but i insisted on leaving, as he’s working really long hours at the moment.

I havent heard anything from him since, he agreed he wouldnt ever get scared off again??? We meet on an online dating site, and now ive seen him actively on one again over the weekend.

Is this a lost cause? or am i being stupid ? I do really like him and think Ive fallen for him but i wont tell him that till hes more consistant. what do i do, please help me :-(

Reply September 11, 2011, 8:39 am

Liliana

So true Eric. This is the first time I sign in to your discussion forum. Thank you for allow us to vent here and get your honest opinion. What I value the most in a person is honesty. No matter how harsh.
I have a question for you. I know you have lots of question. I just hope I can hear back from you on this :) First I never though I will be asking this question here. I being married for 16 years I have two kids. Long history, I’m separated. I met this guy at a company event at a hotel bar. He was there for a convention. We talked at the bar, he was very polite and we had a great conversation. When I left the bar someone he left with me and followed me to my hotel room. I honestly don’t know how that happen. Anyway. I was so tired I laid down on the bed. He just looked around an talked a lot about him and his family. We hold hands for a little bit, don’t know how we got there either :) long history. after like 2 hours of pure talking he said he had to leave and I didn’t even responded. We didn’t exchange numbers. I had met some of his female friends at the bar as well. I texted her the next day to let her know it was nice meeting her and that if she could let him know he forgot his conference agenda. I told her to give him my number. He never texted me. A couple of days later I found him on Facebook and requested him to add me. He accepted a couple of days after. I then send him a Facebook chat, thinking he was online. I said. Hi how are you? He didn’t replied. I’m not so good with Facebook chat. Usually I receive chats message so I had not idea when someone is online or not. I asked my cousin and he said he was online. So I said. How was your conference? he never replied. Has being 2 months and no replied. After that second chat I stop trying to contact him. I really enjoyed our conversation. I though he was so nice and respectful, a true gentleman. So I wanted to get to know him better as a friend, since he lives in another state anyway. How can I approached him to make him want to get to know me better. I figure I will give him time, since he probably is trying to get to know a little more about me by what I post. I usually never pursue man or even approached. I had always being confident and had luck with man approaching me. Of course they only man in my life for 16 years was my husband. I feel I had no idea now how to date now or start a relationship. Thank you for your though and response in advance. Excuses my misspellings :)

Reply July 11, 2014, 3:02 pm

martinique

gota new problem, so I gota bf and now Im starting to see him only as a friend, but i dont wanna break his heart so i’ve been kinda avioding him, you know?? Now i spent the night at my bestfriends hose and she has a 16 old bro(im 15), cute funny, blah and blah. all the old stuff. woke up this morining pj’s on(short shorts and a t) NO makeup and my hair was not it best looking, he walked in and looked at me and…smiled, so i smiled back. we all went to go eat breakfast i left the room and when I came back my friend whispered to me that HE thinks IM hot, i was flattered. lol. and now the major downer…he has a gf…anyone wanna help meh out??:/

Reply June 13, 2011, 12:24 am

Ness

This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.
What you say at the conclusion of your sentence “Don’t bend over backwards for someone who won’t even press a send key for you” conflicts with all that you’ve said.
A girlfriend shouldn’t have to pretend to careless for her boyfriend just because the boyfriend is to child-like to deal with what it really is to be in a relationship.
You are mostly writing through your opinion and not from the opinion of most other men; because i know for sure through previous relationships that all (or even most) men are not like that.

Reply June 12, 2011, 3:52 am

Eric Charles

Is that so?

Reply June 12, 2011, 12:04 pm

Lucy

i happen to think eric is pretty spot on with everything… i wish i was born with this knowledge! its not about pretending to be careless,i think its about actually going out and getting your own life so you dont rely on other people all the time. and if my boyfriend was too “child like” then i wouldnt want to be with him anyway

Reply June 12, 2011, 12:16 pm

Suman Sahu

Guys and gals, its humble request that if you want quick solutions; don’t just post stories here coz no one is interested in reading your long stories nor anyone has so much of time and patience reading it out. Keep it short and precise and post only the really crux matter. Hope you understand. Love you all !

Posted by: Suman Sahu
e-mail: suman_ideal@rediffmail.com
Mob: +91-9784629734.

Reply June 10, 2011, 8:03 pm

Madeline

wow hey guys! I have a similar dilemma .. there’s this boy whom I only met two weeks ago.. I met him on facebook ! haha I know stranger danger but we had two mutual friends and I added him thinking he was a doctor whom I worked with but it ended up being a MBA student.. we spoke on facebook (private message) and then after three days he asked me for my number and I have never given my contact details to any stranger online and I was freaking out but for some reason i felt as though I could trust him and so we started text messaging for the next three days (NON STOP!) and if I was the one to reply last he would wake up in the morning and sometime during the day he would text me from work and apologize for falling asleep! 
then three days after texting like maniacs he decided to see me in person and I said no the first time he asked then I finally said yes the next day but I made sure I met him at Uni so that people are around and i’l be safe but I wasn’t scared at all.. 
so I met him and when we walked up to each other I waved at him and generally you could give a peck on the cheek or a friendly hug or what not but in our case this didn’t happen and I liked that!
it was freezing and so we sat in his car and spoke for two hours non stop .. about random things and he told me all about his family back in his country and about his two exs .. On facebook his status says “in a relationship” and when he asked me if I was in a relationship I responded no and I asked him and he laughed and said ” No it’s on facebook as a joke”!.. apparently he broke up with his ex in December last year as she was using him for money!

during our conversation in the car he answered few phone calls in his car but apparently his work rang and took this phone call outside his car and apologized to me.. later he told me it was his accountant  and he didn’t pay staff right etc etc and how much work he had to do because of it because his the manager! 
 it was raining and he said he will drop me to my car and I said no its ok i’l walk I like rain. and he got out of the car and walked me to my car in the rain …a stranger doing that was amazing and then he just said bye and no hug no kiss so I decided to just give sort of like a half hug and then I sat in my car and I get a text saying “drive safely “ 

then we messaged normal and next day he finished work at like 8:30 at night and was insisting to see me again and was willing to drive after working 11 hours ..we planned to meet  the next day.. and he asked where I’d want to meet him and I said I don’t mind wherever and he said “my house?”

so I said yes and he lives with his room mates in an apartment.. I finished work and I’m a type of person that takes something with me to peoples houses so I took dessert (cream rice) because I didn’t know whether he drank wine.. 

I went to his apartment his mates were there but I did not see them he took me to his room as his mates were praying..
then we sat on his bed and watched 
a movie and we spoke and laughed .. then he gave me his pillow and made sure I was comfortable .. he answered some calls (work) whilst being in his room and two outside his room.. he then opened the dessert got a plate and two spoons and was forcing me to also eat but I didn’t and then he fed me with his spoon :) lol..it was cute

later on he had to go to work because they needed him to do some stuff and so I said i’l go home and he said he didn’t want me too.. so he asked if I wanted to stay and wait or go with him and wait in the car..

I went with him & he parked his car and told me he will be back In 15mins.. being a girl I wasn’t going to sit and stare at the windscreen so I decided to look around …

*BOOM* I find a bag on his back seat and I was freaked out to open it so I rang my mate and he told me to open it but I was scared because his car was tinted to the Max so there was no way of knowing if his outside.. so I quickly got the bag and there was two zippers and I opened the first zipper and it was PACKED with makeup like nail polish.. who carries that in their little bag.. *weird*

my mate told me to confront him when he comes back and i didn’t because I only knew the guy for a week .. what right do I have to ask him that! while I was in the car he messaged me and apologized because he had to drive all the way to the city .. so he drove me back and went upstairs to get my bag then he dropped me to my car .. he asked me three times when we are meeting up again and I said let me know.. he got out and dropped me to my car door even though his car was half a metre away from it. this time he hugged me and told me to message him when I’m home safe!
so I went home and texted him and he never responded.. next day no reply no messages!
I messaged him at night and he said sorry I was busy all day with friends, how was your day?
I replied and he never replied and for the next one week I’d send him a message and he would reply hours later and tell me how extremely busy he is and then when I reply to his message he would either message back once only or not message back at all!

so I decided to leave it and didn’t message for two days .. then he was on facebook chat and I didn’t talk to him and he started initiating a convo asking me how iam and how he misses me and how his sorry he was busy with work and shit..I replied and he never responded then I left it for one whole day then messaged a day after and he responded and spoke for the next 3 or 4 messages and then *boom* no reply so I messaged and said hey hope work was good can I ask you something? 

Now if someone texts you that you immediately want to know what it is right? and what do you know he doesn’t reply so I was over it i told myself I won’t make an effort anymore .. 
anyways then next day I get a message from him and this is the first text message that he sent me First since the last time I saw him because usually for the past one week I initiated the convo..  and this message  said ” Hey Madeline how are you? I have a favour if someone calls you and asks you about me can you not tell them anything ok.. ”

I nearly fainted when I saw that.. I didn’t message for like hours because everyone told me to forget it and move on but deep down I wanted to know what happen.. 
so I messaged and said “oh why would someone call me regarding You! so do you want me to pretend I don’t know you at all or that I don’t know what I do know about you.. why do I get this feeling you want to tell me something but your not able too”

he replies two hours later saying:
“no no don’t say anything.. if someone calls just say I don’t know you so why should I talk to you or tell you anything! hahaha why do you have that feeling, what do you think I’m not telling you”

and I just replied ” Ok!”

so that’s my story .. sorry it’s so long! I’m just twisted as to how he can be so nice and act like a gentleman and have moral ways and not once cross his line yet I get this message from him :(

what should I do ? never talk to him again or wait till he messages one day! 
I don’t hate him and I’m curious like if he did have a gf and he was just playing around then he would meet me at odd place not his house … 

:( 

Reply June 8, 2011, 8:17 pm

Natalyie

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for about five months now, Im 15 and he is 16. We used to talk 24/7, both calling and texting, He lives with his mom ussaly, but when he moved to go live with his dad, which is 3 hours away. He doesn’t text me that much. I understand because he says he is working. For the next two weeks he moved back to the town he used to live in ( I live in that town too) but he doesn’t text me much anymore, I mean I’ll get a couple text threw the day, but no real talking, He ussaly text me at midnight or sometime around in the really early morning ( like 1-3 AM) and im never awake at that time. Im really worried… and i just dont know what to do, I mean I know he wouldnt be cheating on me, he isnt that kind of guy.. idk what to do. help!

Reply June 7, 2011, 9:23 am

Lucy

are you texting him alot and acting a bit needy? if you are then id suggest backing off for a bit n see how he reacts, if he doesnt, then perhaps its time to call it a day, some relationships just dont work and its kinda tough but thats life unfortunately :( theres no sure-fire ways that will force someone to want you (how annoying?) hope that helps xx

Reply June 8, 2011, 1:26 pm

harman kaur

my boyfriend..once was my best friend….in the starting of our relation we both were very happy .. we both used to talk a lot with each other … but suddenly his behaviour changed and he started ignoring me….i used to call him and he used to cut the call or did not pick up the call…sometimes when he picked up my call then he said that he’s busy and will cal back after sometime..but never called back…..and then it became too much…..he ignored me like m invisible for him….so one day i had send him a message about that but he did not reply me back..i waited for a long time ang then checked his id….he had talked to his other friends but not replied to my messages..then we both had a break up…but i really love him and can do anything for him….i want him back…please can any1 tell me that what should i do..??

Reply June 2, 2011, 11:49 am

Natalyie

Wow your situation seems bad, I would try telling him how you feel, see how he feels and see if there is a way you two could work this out

Reply June 7, 2011, 10:28 am

Amanda

i really think this is a toxic relationship you might want to leave as is. I think you should not go back to him, and in the status you are in i think you need to build yourself to your strongest then see if you really want this guy because he sounds like he’s not a very good person. I say step back from the situation examine it, dissect it then come with a conclusion. Most likely you will realize you are better off without him.

Reply September 26, 2011, 12:40 am

Amanda

Hey I need advice. Ok so just now I messaged the guy I liked on facebook, but he didnt reply. Matter a fact that green button that signafies that ur online turned clear. What does that mean? Anyway, exactly said this: Uhh hey yea today was kinda weird so yea srry.” I agree that that does sound stupid, but I was only saying srry because earlier today in school he figured out that I liked him, and one of his friends asked if I spread a rumor saying he likes me, and almost everyone knows. So it totally got outta hand. So what should I do? Should I confront him and talk to him cause im not afraid to do that ever since I sent him that message. Please please PLEASE. I really like this guy, so I need some advice major quick.

Reply May 31, 2011, 8:10 pm

Kayla

Hey just talk to him in person and apologize and tell him whether or not you truly tarted the rumor. The don’t bug him to talk to you. Maybe smile when he walks by or make light chit charcot he happens to be around an she where is goes from there. Tell me I this works!!! I know guys can be rele annoying!!!0

Reply June 12, 2011, 10:09 am

Lucy

men r stupid, but then again so are we, if we suddenly didnt text them or call them back do you think theyd be wondering whats going on?! or checking their phone every 3 and a half seconds? unlikely =/

Reply May 28, 2011, 3:07 pm

Suman Sahu

Lucy, actually guys have this problem of not making the first move. Its only the girls who do so. Its very often that the guy calls you first. It happens only when boys cannot help talking to you. But please mention that guys too have the habit of checking their phones at random times to see if someone has call or text.

Posted by: Suman Sahu
e-mail: suman_ideal@rediffmail.com
Mob: +91-9784629734.

Reply June 10, 2011, 7:54 pm

Lucy

Soz, yeh i wasnt talking about that – of course men check their phones to see if someone has call or text, but i think girls seem to read into it a lot more than guys, like a guy may look at his phone “oh no text” put it back in pocket, girl is like “omg! no text, have i got signal? is my phone broke? whats he doing why hasnt he replied, does he like me?! maybe i should text again… etc” get my drift?

Reply June 12, 2011, 12:59 pm

alissa

ok so me and this guy have been talking over facebook for around 3 months. Finally i gave him my number and he called me, before that we text and spoke. But after he called me he told me ok so ill call u tomorow ok and i said yer thats fine. We shut. So the next day he never text back its been three days what does this mean?

Reply May 28, 2011, 12:14 am

Green Eyez

First off all its not safe to give your info to someone on Facebook do you know the guy from somewhere else? I don’t know exactly what it means my guess would be the same lame excuse that they use that they need time or he’s just busy. Also depends on what your conversation was you know how guys get scared of serious relationships easy.

Reply May 30, 2011, 10:54 am

Suman Sahu

If you see him online the next time on facebook, ask him why he doesn’t text you any more and what has really happened.

Reply June 10, 2011, 7:49 pm

diana

why r guys stupid

Reply May 27, 2011, 2:45 pm

Rach

well the boy i like is my ex and he told my friend that he still loves me and so on and he gave my his phone number and he hasnt text me back and now i feel empty :(

Reply May 31, 2011, 1:33 pm

Rach

well i deleted his number when we broke up and he gave it to my friend and gave it to me.

Reply May 31, 2011, 1:35 pm

krystal

my boyfriend says he loves me and idk what to think and when his friends hit on me he dont care idk if i should belilve what he says….plus my friends say i am to good for him and to just move on to sum 1 diffrent for a change ….sum one help idk what to think

Reply May 27, 2011, 2:37 pm

Lou

Nikki: I only read bits of your incredibly long post :p what I think is….
You sound a lot like me, I always get caught up between multiple men and you THINK you love them both/all
But as u said urself if u truely love someone u don’t go flirting and arsing round other people
But that’s exactly what ur doing, u can’t truely love the one if your still seeing the other
I was seeing 3 men when I met my current bf and I knew straight away so I called it off with the others!
So basically – do what makes u happy, ul meet someone soon enough who will treat u right and vice versa :)

Laura-sorry I’m not at school so I don’t know how it works :p

Reply May 27, 2011, 11:02 am

MyLife'sAWreckThanksToHim

Ok, so, There’s this guy at my school, and he hugs these other girls, and then me. He hugs the other girls A LOT, and then ME a lot, and then one day, after we texted a lot, he stopped texting me, and talking to me, and hugging me. I really like him. EVERYONE likes him… but I just can’t get OVER him! I ask his friends if he likes me, and they say no.

I’m HEARTBROKEN </3

Reply June 4, 2011, 3:55 am

Suman Sahu

You are heartbroken because you asked from his friends and may be they have sound rude to you. Why don’t you directly face him and ask him. If you like him, you have to get a bit over him.

Posted by: Suman Sahu
e-mail: suman_ideal@rediffmail.com
Mob: +91-9784629734.

Reply June 10, 2011, 7:44 pm

Laura

My Boyfriend Is The Sweeest Guy When It’s Just Us Two.But We Go To TheSame School&He Kinda Ignores Me In The Hall SomeTmes Or When He’s With His Frends&It Makes Me Mad.He Says He Loves Me,But iDont Know Wheater Or Not To Blieve It .Why If He Really Cared Why Doesn’t He Igknowlegde Me ?/: Help ?

Reply May 27, 2011, 10:52 am

Green Eyez

Laura u didn’t mention if you have talked to him about it cause let me say one thing I know that guys aren’t like girls that we can basically tell what each other is thinking without saying one word so make sure you talk to him about. My fiance once my boyfriend didn’t even hold my hand or hug me in front of people I started thinking he didn’t love me or even like me but i talked to him about it and he changed completely on that aspect. He is very shy and since his previously other girlfriends didn’t ever do that such as hugging n holding hands he didn’t think that was necessary with me. My point is that in a relationship its important to have communication. Make sure your not becoming to bossy like wanting him with you all the time because instead of having him more with you the more u will pull him away from u. I hoped this helped if u need more help let me know I would love to help you out :) good luck!

Reply May 30, 2011, 10:49 am

Suman Sahu

As Green Eyez mentioned here that guys can be shy as you girls. May be he doesn’t want his relation to be revealed in front of his friends that’s why he tries to avoid you at times. Try and talk with him if this is what bothers him from talking to you. Good luck my friend. :-)

Reply June 10, 2011, 7:37 pm

Jenna

well, my brother did the same thing to his girlfriend. but then they would hang out together on the weekends and stuff. once it became a little serious, he would talk and do all that stuff at school. so i think its just a matter of time to find out.

Reply June 20, 2011, 11:17 am

Nikki

Okay, so I am dating this guy, hes sweet, cute, funny, ect. I love him, but he doesn’t always treat me right.. He flirts with other girls and totally likes my best friends, I mean I tell him alllll the I hate it,and its completely stupid when he says he loves me, thwm cany leave them alone.. I mean if you truly love someone, keep your tounge in your mouth when it comes to other people, right? and to all you guys who say stupidity as if uo need space or we are needy things like that, no, we are all humans, there is no excuse for nonsence. I mean if we did the same stuff to you, youd flip shizz. Anyway, back to my point, not only do I love the boy but I finally got sick of him being dumb after almost a year.. I met this boy at a carnival during summer break, and I totally knew he liked me, because, well I dont like to say things like this, but I know what i look like, and lots of guys like me, I can tell when they do and dont, and I have never been wrong about it. Anyways, I thought he was one of my friends brothers the whole time or I probably wouldnt have talked to him, but he kept flirting the whole night, I knew I had a boy friend so I shouldnt flirt back but well my boyfriend did it right in front of me and he wanst around so.. what the heyy, is what I thought and started flirting back, but barley.. I liled the boy a lott though.. After that night I didnt see the boy anymore, but a few months later, I texted him for one of my friends to find out why he broke up with her (she gave me his number) this was still over the summer like the last month, but I text him and he told me he just didnt like her, and then we started talking for a lonnggg time like we would text each other nonstop, and he started calling me even, my boyfriend didnt even do that. So i enjoyed it. i started liking him more and more and develiping feelings for him.. Kinda like I had my boyfriend,.. I hadnt seen my boyfriend hardly all summer so I guess that made our relationship a little difficult.. but then I broke up with him and dated the other because he was everything I wanted and treated me like a princess.. but we broke up and we dated off and on a while, then I finally went back to my old boyfriend, because I couldnt get over him, thing is still couldnt get over the other boy either.. so here we are a year later from that sumer, and I have dated both boys on and off and I love them both to death.. Thing is, the both love me too.. And I still talk to both of them… so can somone or many people give me advice on what is going on?? I need help, pleasee.

Reply May 27, 2011, 8:49 am

Maya

Well I think you should focus more on you. I know from experience its hard to do that when it comes to boys. And I too have been in similar situations. But I think you should do things that you want to do. Like live your life as it is without the boys. I could be wrong but I sense from your message that you seem to only value yourself when it comes to being with a guy. I also do not think that you love any of these guys truly. And maybe if you concentrated more on getting intouch with who you are and making yourself a better person someone better will come along. Just letting you know from my experience I wasted alot of times on guys that I thought I was inlove with. When the truth was I was inlove with the feeling that each guy gave me at different moments in my life. You should focus on making yourself a better person. From your writing you seem quite young. You might hate my response when you get it but over your years you will appreciate it. So focus on improving your writing, working out, learning something new, reading, going to college, finding a career focus, becoming a better and more classy/independent woman. And I know you are beautiful, thus you will always have men falling in love with you.

Reply June 19, 2011, 10:20 pm

Rachel

Maya is soo right, I have been in this same situation and if i had listened when my mom gave me the same advice Maya has given, i may have been able to change a lot of things. Well one thing I can testify to is that, you may ignore this advice now but this situation your in can become a long and painful pattern (I should know). It has been three years since my mom gave me that advice but as I write this at this moment i can sincerely say am back in that position and this time I am going with what Maya has written.

Reply June 28, 2011, 3:52 pm

Nikki

Okay, so I am dating this guy, hes sweet, cute, funny, ect. I love him, but he doesn’t always treat me right.. He flirts with other girls and totally likes my best friends, I mean I tell him alllll the I hate it,and its completely stupid when he says he loves me, thwm cany leave them alone.. I mean if you truly love someone, keep your tounge in your mouth when it comes to other people, right? and to all you guys who say stupidity as if you need space or we are needy things like that, no, we are all humans, there is no excuse for nonsence. I mean if we did the same stuff to you, youd flip shizz. Anyway, back to my point, not only do I love the boy but I finally got sick of him being dumb after almost a year.. I met this boy at a carnival during summer break, and I totally knew he liked me, because, well I dont like to say things like this, but I know what i look like, and lots of guys like me, I can tell when they do and dont, and I have never been wrong about it. Anyways, I thought he was one of my friends brothers the whole time or I probably wouldnt have talked to him, but he kept flirting the whole night, I knew I had a boy friend so I shouldnt flirt back but well my boyfriend did it right in front of me and he wanst around so.. what the heyy, is what I thought and started flirting back, but barley.. I liled the boy a lott though.. After that night I didnt see the boy anymore, but a few months later, I texted him for one of my friends to find out why he broke up with her (she gave me his number) this was still over the summer like the last month, but I text him and he told me he just didnt like her, and then we started talking for a lonnggg time like we would text each other nonstop, and he started calling me even, my boyfriend didnt even do that. So i enjoyed it. i started liking him more and more and develiping feelings for him.. Kinda like I had my boyfriend,.. I hadnt seen my boyfriend hardly all summer so I guess that made our relationship a little difficult.. but then I broke up with him and dated the other because he was everything I wanted and treated me like a princess.. but we broke up and we dated off and on a while, then I finally went back to my old boyfriend, because I couldnt get over him, thing is still couldnt get over the other boy either.. so here we are a year later from that sumer, and I have dated both boys on and off and I love them both to death.. Thing is, the both love me too.. And I still talk to both of them… so can somone or many people give me advice on what is going on?? I need help, pleasee.

Reply May 27, 2011, 8:48 am

Prashant

hi
I am trying to chat one girl but see not responding from last one week then what to do any solution

Reply May 24, 2011, 1:25 pm

Suman Sahu

Do that girl know you personally ? Hope you are not texting her being a stranger.

Reply June 10, 2011, 7:30 pm

sarah

Hi, I really need some advice. There was this boy that i have known for a long time and after so long he finally decides to make a move. He kissed me at a party but the problem at the time was that he has a girlfriend. Even though he had a girlfriend i was still talking to him( i am not a home wrecker). We had stopped talking becuase i did not want to be his “toy”. He and his girlfriend are broken up now but they talk on and off. And now he is currently talking to her again. I really like this dude and i want to call him and talk to him but i am afriad that he might just “toy with me” again. I am the kind of person that people call complicated. I do not liek to show my emotions or feelings. Shoudl i call him? And if i shoudl then how should i approach him??

Reply May 23, 2011, 4:02 pm

martinique

Hi, so I need some help…theres a guy at my school, in my same grade(8th) and I’ve liked him for 3 years now, we dated once in 6th grade. I was his first girlfriend. Now, dont get me wrong, we talk alot at school, but whenever I txt him, he doesnt txt back…but the way he starts acting when I’m around him, you’d think he likes me. There is only 10 days left of school and I really wanna go out with him, what should I do???

Reply May 23, 2011, 2:49 pm

Suman Sahu

Ask him out if he could too make out for the dating. If he agrees you can meet once again.

Reply June 10, 2011, 7:26 pm

Lucy

Agree with Cecilia on this one, dating men who are unavailable is a very bad idea, i tried and failed at it… men VERY rarely leave their girlfriends let alone their wives, back out immediately! if he really wants you then he’ll see that he needs to leave his wife! =)

also men who take ages to text back do my head in! and i always manage to find and like the ones who do it, you just gotta kinda forget about it, they will text you back eventually and if not then stuff em!!! theres plenty more fish =)

x

Reply May 19, 2011, 1:34 pm

Cecilia

Lynda,
Being invoved with someone which is not emotionally available is always a bad situation. I think you need to remove yourself from the situation and find a single man. You dont want to get involved with a married man which can not only ruin your life but also his families.

Reply May 18, 2011, 9:58 am

Lynda

I met this guy who was new and more senior at my workplace. we became friends at first and kept loosing contact on and off and eventually when we met we went intimate in two occasion. The guy has been avoiding me, when i call he says he will call back which he never. I like him so much although he is married. I feel so uncomfortable and however much i try to avoid calling or texting i just cant avoid it what do i do?

Reply May 18, 2011, 9:16 am

Suman Sahu

The guy is a married guy. May be this could be the reason for not showering too much love on you coz he may love his spouse more than you. But still you can keep a friendly relation with him.

Posted by: Suman Sahu
e-mail: suman_ideal@rediffmail.com
Mob: +91-9784629734.

Reply June 10, 2011, 7:23 pm

stephanie

okay..so i started seeing this guy who is 26 and im 20 and we went on a couple of dates and i started liking him and such but we hooked up too soon too quick he still wants to see me but doesnt know if he wants a girlfriend or not..soo im all confused in what ii should too make him see that a girlfriend could be a good idea.. or something like that ??

Reply May 17, 2011, 12:46 pm

Jennifer

The hell? Why is it if a man asks you to contact him in a timely fashion he’s just stating what he expects but if a woman does it, its neediness?

Balls.

Asking someone to reply to you in a timely fashion especially if you are in a relationship is not being needy, its called being courteous. No one expects someone to high jump at a text, but leaving someone hanging for days on end is ridiculous, especially if you’ve been seeing one another for a while.

Reply May 16, 2011, 11:24 pm

Sat

Yah, if I guy you’re with a while, consistenly doesn’t text you back ladies/gay men, be sure to call him out on it. If you rejects you for being needy, despite what the article says, he was never the right guy anyway ! Its not “needy” to want to be prioritized and treated with respect. Everyone knows its hurtful to be ignored, he knows this too, he’s just being selfish and self-centered. And, what, it takes like all of 15 seconds to send a text, how hard can that be, right ? Yah, don’t agree, call him out, see if its simply a communication issue, or he’s just not into you issue, either way, he’s a big selfish jerk for treating you this way regardless !!!

Reply May 13, 2011, 12:46 am

Lynn

i met this guy last summer during a summer school session i took.
he would always look at me in class and i caught his glance,
and the day we actually started talking, he asked for my # so i wrote it on
paper, and later that night he texted me, asnd it was a really nice conversation,
until after an hour of talking, he called me and we talked for about 30 minutes.
i think we just clicked..
we talked everday and it was obvious that we were really compatible,
but after summer school ended, he didnt text or call me as much,
i was guessing it was because he didnt see me everday anymore..
so a few weeks after we just lost touch.i still thought about him from time to time but was way too scared to contact him, until about a month ago i just texted him one day, asking how he was, and then it went on from there, then all of a sudden he sends me a random, and weird text..asking for $20…..haha, i knew this guy was in a gang so i thought it was some kind of trouble he was in and it could have been a death situation..crazy..my guess was right.so the same day he came to see me and we hung out for a little bit before he had to hurry and leave, being around him again made me feel that warm familiar sensation in my chest from back when we just met.and then the next morning he texts me saying how much he appreciates what i did for him,and that most ppl wouldnt care.after that we didn’t text for a few days then i texted him and he found stuff out about me that he didnt know before, which made him more interested, talking to me more and replying faster…we made plans to see each other over the weekend last week, but something came up with him and it was cancelled, and we havn’t talked since then..last Sunday…so anyway i want to talk to him again and see when we can hang out but its happening all over again, i get scared..i know how guys are..and theres silence again unless he decides to text me one day..but im tired of waiting for that..what im trying to say by all of this is..maybe we’re going” too” slow??…because its obvious we have strong chemistry, its almost been a year, i’ve dated other people, but ive never felt as comfortable with someone until he came along…i just don’t want there to be a “could have been”.but at the same time, i cant have him mistaken, thinking im “needy”..any advice?

Reply May 10, 2011, 11:54 pm

Leanna Demetriou

Ok, so here’s the situation. I met this guy and he text me quite a bit, never all day every day but he made the effort. I played it very cool and always took a while to reply etc. On sunday we had our 3rd date and he came to mine to have a dvd day. Nothing too physical happened, just alot of kissing and a bit of touchey feely. But he saw me taking some painkillers and he asked me why; so i told him that I have endometriosis…we are both training to be nurses so he knew what it is. I didnt intend on telling him, it kind of slipped out because it had been on my mind a bit because the worst symptom is pain during sex. So i told him that, and just said sometimes it can be painful but most of the time its fine. He seemed ok, and when he left, he text me when he got home and I said thanks for a great day and sorry for blurting out about the endometriosis and that i wasnt sure when the best time to mention it was. I didnt hear from him all day yesterday but he was on shift which is 12 and a half hours long so he wouldnt have got home till about 8 oclock, but still no message. Then today came and it got to about midday so i decided to make the first move and text. I asked him how his day was and if he was busy, and the reply i got was “yea bloody busy, im knackered x hows u? x” so i replied and at the end asked if he was about sometime in the week to do something. No reply…. now he finished work at 8, but am i being paranoid and he could well just be tired and not to panic? I am worried I have completely put him off by telling him about my endometriosis. I really like him and i dont know if its just my insecurities coming through or whether I freaked him out. Should I not have said anything? Stupid me :( it just all came flooding out…

HELP MEEEE PLEEEASE :D
x

Reply May 10, 2011, 5:40 pm

Linae

Here’s my situatuion: i have a friend i’ve known for 15 years and neither one of us had the guts to say what we were feeling til recently. Now everything is out in the open, i have always loved him and he has always loved me and now we finally get a chance to act on it but we live four states away from each other. The first few months conversation was great, we talked about us, the possibility of moving, but littele by little its like his time is more and more limited. We hardly talk, no more texts everyday or even once a week. What happened?

Reply May 8, 2011, 2:24 pm

Aracia

Help my bf isn’t texting anymore he used to talk to me 24/7 :( I think he’s cheating on me is he or not I mis his dick lmfao I think he’s just bust with uni cuz he’s gonna finish skool :) yeeeeeeeeeee DAWG MY PUSSY IS ITCHING ME :$ oopsy

Reply May 5, 2011, 8:04 pm

kate

I have hung out with this guy 2 times one weekend by accident, and both nights we sat and talked after for a couple of hours. the next week we went on a date then we hung out in his dorm the next night, but the problem is he doesn’t text me much. He only texts me sporadically, and never just a hey how are you. I’m confused if he interested or not.

Reply April 29, 2011, 12:05 am

Cheryl

I had that happen too. Made plans, showed up, but he didnt. Never heard from him again. I afree, women are complicated?? Whatever!!

Reply April 27, 2011, 8:49 pm

Gal90

this is so true wish id read this before, i was supposed to be going on a date to the cinemas with some boy i knew to meet up on the weekend, i checked the cinema times and realised the film we wanted to watch wasnt showing anymore, so i text him having not spoke to him for 2 days to ask him if he wanted to see another film instead, i got absolutly no reply back, i knew he read it because we both use Blackberry messenger and it show’s once they’ve read a message, i didnt text him again as i wasnt really bothered as he asked me to go with him, i just found it funny how me asking him a general question means i was being “needy” in boy terms….an men say women are complicated lol

Reply April 27, 2011, 8:13 pm

Cheryl

Thanks, Cecilia!
I wish I could list all the things he said to me in his emails. They were very leading. He is the one that wanted to meet me as soon as possible. He is the one that said “after you meet me and decide you don’t like me, just tell me, I’m a big boy.” He is the one that said he was not looking for perfection. He was the one that said he is not judgmental. He is the one that wanted to make the plans for lunch the next day. He is the one who asked if we could exchange number. I guess I shouldn’t have seemed so interested, but I am who I am. I’ve never been a very good “dater” so I guess lesson learned! I will wait it out as long as I can, but in the meantime, I am getting back on the dating site!

Thanks again!

Reply April 27, 2011, 11:37 am

Cecilia

I agree with the friend that says you should have waited. One text ok but emails, text, phone calls and a text apologizing for a text is a little on the obsessive side especially since you just met. Maybe you are commitment material and he got scared. Give it time. Everybody needs time to think and their space. I have this guy I like sometimes he text me and sometimes he doesn’t. When I don’t text him for a week all of a sudden he will start texting me wondering what going on. Make them work for it, don’t make it easy. Don’t seem desperate and clingy.
Good luck.

Reply April 27, 2011, 11:17 am

Cheryl

I met a guy online 2 weeks ago. After chatting all day via email (and with him telling me he was deleting his profile, and had found the one he wanted to be with), we met that evening for a drink. Great first date, short, but great date. We made plans for Saturday afternoon, but he called and cancelled, and said “I’ll be in touch”. I’m not sure what that meant, so I sent him a few texts and a few emails, short and sweet, just saying “thinking of you” or “good luck” or “can’t wait to see you when you get back”. When I didn’t hear from him when he was scheduled to be back into town, I waited 3 days, and then called him. He ignored my call and I did not leave a message. I started feeling that “oh shit” moment, meaning I screwed this up by saying or doing something wrong. I sent another email basically apologizing for my emails/texts. As of the moment I am typing this, I still have not heard from him. One friend of mine says I should have stayed silent until he contacted me. Another friend says there was nothing wrong with me letting him know that he was on my mind. I really like this guy. We have a lot in common. I just don’t know what to do next, if anything….HELP!

Reply April 27, 2011, 11:12 am

Cecilia

Audrey
It sounds like you are invested in the relationship and he is not yet. I dont think your both so in love…I think you are. It doesn’t sound like a steady relationship. I would leave him alone. Sometimes when they dont hear from you they start to wonder and then test you and want to talk to you. If he doesn’t text you then that means he is really not that interested. Move on and ignore him. When you give them space they sometimes come back on their own and then you can decide, not him, if you want to continue or not. Go out with your friends or do stuff you like to do and put him on the back burner.

Reply April 25, 2011, 12:07 pm

audrey

alisha- i can totaly relate. my guess is hes trying to make you jealous so you will come crawling back to him. in this situation, u need to be strong and flirt with other guys. play hard to get. guys love a challenge.

Reply April 25, 2011, 11:03 am

audrey

me and this guy have been dating for a couple months and we r so in love. the only problem is he never texts me and when he does we have this nice long conversation. i always text him the next day hoping to have the same type of conversation but he never replys. i send him a few texts throughout the day because ik he is busy sometimes. but when he doesnt text me for at least a day or so i feel like he is ignoring me. i mean even if he was busy he cud at least send me a text saying he cudnt talk so i dont feel like hes ignoring me you know? but anyways its monday and he hasnt txted me since friday. and when this stuff happens, ill see him at school and he never acts like i sent him a text asking why he didnt reply. i know this article or whatever says that im being needy when i say that but he doesnt act like im needy when we r in person. in fact when we r in person, HE is the one whos all over me. which doesnt make sense why he wouldnt text me then. even just a “whats up” wud make me happy. i know you are thinking then call him but i do. and he never answers. i dont want him to think im needy but he could at least tell me if he couldnt talk. thats all i would ask of him instead of just not replying all together. leave tips if u can help me.

Reply April 25, 2011, 10:52 am

alisha

hi
i have dated this guy and now we are taking a break cuz we were going to fast and he said he’ll wait for me and now he is flirting with this girl in my class like he did with me and he’s not talking to me and im so depressed and he doesnt stare at me in class anymore. i dont no wat i did and he was the only guy that would talk to me in my classes…should i just forget him and move on?????

Reply April 24, 2011, 10:30 pm

alisha

hi
i have dated this guy and now we are taking a break cuz we were going to fast and he said he’ll wait for me and now he is flirting with this girl in my class like he did with me and he’s not talking to me and im so sad cuz he was the only guy that would talk to me…should i just forget him and move on?????

Reply April 24, 2011, 10:25 pm

Suman Sahu

Yes you sould move on coz this guy looks like a mere flirty person. There may be other friends too with whon you can talk.

Reply May 24, 2011, 12:52 pm

Sierra

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months now, and we usually talk every day. Today is wednesday and he hasn’t talked to me since monday. He randomly stopped talking to me than, so I assumed his phone died and it wasn’t a big deal. But, I texted him a few times and he never responded and ik he has plans today (wednesday) so he should have his phone to make sure his friends are coming, right? Am I over reacting, or should I be worried that he didn’t text back… Like that he’s gonna break up with me…? I really don’t see us breaking up, we say I love you every day… HELPP!

Reply April 20, 2011, 8:07 am

furry

hey so i was wondering if it is okay to send a guy <3 even if he hasn't sent it to you yet or does it make you seem too pushy?

Reply April 17, 2011, 11:00 pm

Cecilia

Monica,
He likes your friend, sorry. You can’t dictate who people like or don’t. Chemistry between two people happens or it doesn’t. So he wasn’t the guy for you. Look for a guy with similar qualities but that likes you. Everybody teaches us something through out life; he showed you what you like in a guy. Now go find yourself one that likes you. Be happy for your friend and don’t text him. She is your friend and you should respect their chose to be together even though it hurts now. Be a friend not an enemy. In the end if you are mean spirited you will lose a friend, respect and a little of your good self.

Reply April 15, 2011, 10:02 am

Cecilia

Nicky,
When the fairy tale is gone it is very hard to get it back. The problem sometimes is that the more we are rejected the more we want something. Unfortunately, when that someone does come back it might just not be what we were looking for. Then all that time wondering was a waste of time. We all say things that we regret because sometimes our emotions do get the best of us but forgive yourself. You were right to be angry and embarrassed by his behavior. The worst part is that he did not recognize the hurt and tried to not own up to it. Do you really want that? You are a beautiful person that knows what they want. So what that your friends date…good for them. Now you need to find that guy that gives you the fairytale. You will and when you do you will know that everything is right. No relationship is easy but in the beginning its not supposed to be that hard. Word of advice, its better to be alone than with bad company. I know as women we sometimes don’t like to be alone but trust me alone is better than with someone that does not respect you or your values.

Reply April 15, 2011, 9:57 am

monica

hello,
i have liked this guy for a long time. hes my guy friend i want to be something more then friends, i want to ask him out. i currently found out that my friend likes him too and that he apparently likes her. i want him to like me, ive liked him longer. he found out i liked him and doesn’t reply my txts anymore. can anyone help me?

Reply April 15, 2011, 4:21 am

Suman Sahu

Call him straight forward and ask the reason for not replying to your messages.

Reply May 24, 2011, 12:48 pm

Nicky

I guess it just hurts worse when someone completely ignores you. Even if there was no chance of fixing it I would feel better if we could talk about it and at least be on a peaceful level with one another.

Reply April 14, 2011, 6:12 pm

sabaa

soo true

Reply May 17, 2011, 9:35 am

Cecilia

My advice to Nicky would be to cut your losses. He is not worth it. I have seen friends get back together and even marry people like him. It never ends up happy. Don’t worry you will find someone that has qualities that you will like and has respect no matter the situation. Letting go is never easy but you dont want to regret it down the road. Never settle maybe it was good for you to tell him like it is. He maybe will learn his lesson and become a better person.

Reply April 14, 2011, 5:16 pm

Nicky

Thank you so much for your advice Cecilia. What he did after one month basically took the innocence out of the fairy tale I was falling in love with. Now I feel like everything has been turned on me. I exploded on him on the phone and called him bad names but it was out of frustration and anger of what he did the past weekend. I am not the type of person who likes to have conflict and call others names. I feel sick to my stomach with guilt for this and the things I said. I still care for him and I guess I am just remebering all the good times before this situation and I want to go back to that place. But your right maybe I should cut my losses, I have apologized via email, phone and text a few times now with not one response from him. I have said how terribly sorry I am and how much he means to me in the emails. I think it will be best to leave it alone for now and maybe try to call and talk it out in a few weeks when emotions arent so high. One issue is my best friend is dating his best friend and now I just feel like I caused more drama than it was worth.

Reply April 14, 2011, 6:09 pm

Nicky

Hi,
I need advice, I was dating this guy for about a month and a half, everything was going great, he was the first guy in a long time I was actually falling for. A couple weekends ago I joined him on a business / personal trip. During that weekend I started to see a side to him that I didnt like. He was getting wasted drunk and embaressing me and acting like a total dick to me and other people around us that we didnt know. By the end of the night I had helped him find his lost phone, put up with him calling me names like bitch and even worse stuff and also telling me he loved me in the same breath (I thought this was an odd way to first tell a girl your newly dating that you love her since he was wasted). The next day I was in shock over what had happened. He woke up and said he didnt know what happened and why he acted that way, he cried, begged for my forgiveness and I said I forgave him. I didnt really forgive him in that moment though, I was exhasted from fighting and had to fly back home so just needed to have peace and harmony in my life in that moment. When I got home and thought more about the events I was furious that he treated me like that so I wrote him a harsh but also caring email about how bad he hurt me. After a few days we spoke for the first time and he seemed to be justifying his behavior which really made me lose it on him. I cursed him out told him he wasnt a man and said some pretty hurtful bad things to him. In that moment I didnt care what I said and it was over in my mind. Now that the steam has settled I feel very bad for the things I said. I have written him and email apology and called him once and both times expressed my sincere apology. He is not responding to anything and now that the tables have turned on me I feel so bad for basically doing to him what I was upset at him doing to me. This was the first fight but it was really BAD. I miss him and I forgive him for being a wasted idiot and just want to move forward. I have learned a lot from this but just need to know if him not responding means he is over it and I should stop trying to get him to hear me out or do you think he just needs time to cool down. Its been a week now and I just want to fix things but I also dont want to come across as “crazy” trying to contact someone who is not responding. what should i do, cut my losses or try to talk to him?

Reply April 14, 2011, 5:08 pm

carina :)

i know this guy and i like him i always talk to him on fb. i found out that he knew i liked him. now when i talk to him he doesn’t answer? i dont know what i did?

Reply April 13, 2011, 3:21 am

sabaa

it sounds to me that he’s just not hat into you.. a guy who hasnt got the decency to say this to your face is NOT worth your time love or care. either that or hes afraid of making a committment. he could like someone else possibly. trust me, guyz can like more than one girl at a time. have you even tried phoning him?? if you have tried a couple of times and you still do not get a response, then i suggest you just move on with your life. believe me, you deserve a lot better and can do better-im saying this from experience. sorry if my tone appears to be harsh, im not really like this its jus that we all need to face reality sometimes right.

Reply May 17, 2011, 9:25 am

Melissa Guillen

Dear Eric and readers:

I know there might be no wrong or right answers here I think everyone has different preferences, and I think that is legitimate based on where you are in your life and what you want for your future. Let me tell you my story (based on my own romantic history).

When I was 18, I was of course very inmature, insecure, and confused about love. I felt madly in love with a guy going to a different college. Although I tried very hard not to appear “needy” I truly was. All those things Eric talks about: dont wait around for him, have a hobby, have a life is more than just doing activities. I would be in my dance class dancing and still pondering about how my boyfriend hadnt respondto my text, I would go out with other guys and still wonder about why he hadnt call. I think feeling secure in a relationship is important; and there are of course more underlying factors to this than texting. If you sleep with a guy too soon (and sort of worry about what he might see you as), if he has dropped off the face of the planet, if he is not that nice to you, or puts you down quite a bit, etc; his text are going to mean more than just text, his text are going to mean reassurance that things are ok. Anyways, that relationship ended badly.

Fastforward 4 years, things have changed in my life. I graduated college, started my career, followed my passions: writing, dancing, community organizing. In the mist of it all I date, had relationships, etc. Two years ago I met “puzzle man.” Very handsome, hardworking, a bit of a jerk but hey, no one is perfect, and I was very attracted to him. Mystery man took me on some very fun dates at first everything was fine but then it took a turn into the weird texting games zone.
Puzzle man: Hey, how is it going? how is your day?
Me: Going well thank you, yours?
(no reply… no reply until that night (4 hours later, or next day, or just no reply).

Mind you 4 years had gone by and I am now 25, my priorities are different. I want to get into grad school, I want to stay fit, I want to see the city, I want to become a better dancer/writer, I love mentoring youth and I do think about what traits are good in a man to be a fit father/partner.

It sort of irritated me, I hardly ever initated the text, he did, but then he would never respond. However, there is more to a person than his texting, and so he was goofy, educated and sex was great. He wasnt my boyfriend and never stated he would be. After 6-7 months of this I knew I liked him, and so I did have a conversation letting him know that although what we had was fun, I was looking for more. I knew I wanted someone to take me out to dinners, reliable, caring, a boyfriend. This guy was honest he wasnt in the same spot. Through this all I went on dates with other men, kept studying for my grad school exam, kept my dear hobbies because i want to be the best I can and do the things that make me happy(see ladies, you truly cant fake or should fake being busy for someone- to love yourself to the point where you know taking care of your mind and body is important is what does it, seek you passions because you deserve it). I knew Iwanted more than unreliable, still he was fun, so we kept each other around, butI knew this wasnt it. I wasnt going to change him, I have to worry about me first to accomplish the things I dream of in other areas and set mysel up for a hopeful future. Ladies, if you know what you want, that’s ok Dont try to change the man, give him a chance I am sure he is more than his texting patterns. If there are no day dates, if he is not interested in talking to you, then, the problem goes deeper than how long does it take him to text you. I never faked business for puzzle man, I actually was very busy doing “me” lol.

So I labeled puzzle man booty call, I thought this was our ground. I began dating my “nice” guy best friend 8 months ago. I myself have never really liked texting, he or I will call each other at night and maybe once during the day (but not often). We never text unless is pratical or a joke. I love it :) I feel that text sometimes sort of interrup life (in that sense I am sort of lik a man – task oriented; my boyfriend also is not big on texting. But here is the kicker:

Puzzle man wont stop texting. Of course most of these are at night, or recently early in the morning. He want to see how I am doing lol

So if you are busy because you love yourself enough to want to be fit, be educated, read many books, find things you look forward to, wher do you want t be in 10 years? Your one and only answer shouldnt be “married.” Is there a language you want to learn? a skill? an instrument? If you want to be married, then join sites, go to mixers but do “you.”

Love y’all. There is definitely a fine line between he doesnt answer, neediness, and downright rudeness and neglect. I dont hold anyone to I would do this so they should. But if he stands you up and doesnt bother to text you, that is rude, unless there was an emergency I he couldnt text one line. I dont do that to friends, co-workers, or ppl I dont know that well; it is a blunt I dont care about your time. If he is text flaky and you dont like it, that’s ok. Definitely dont spend too much time hang up on something that makes you uncomfortable- on to teh next one baby!

Love y’all

Reply April 5, 2011, 6:23 pm

A dude who stumbled on this thread

As a guy who stumbled on this thread…wow.

Just saying Eric is not going to answer an essay, brainstorm or narrow down your situation to a few key questions or points.

And STOP thinking soo much. All that thinking everyone does usually leads to becoming worried and confused about everything. If he doesn’t answer a text don’t let it bother you. I can probably speak for many guys, we don’t like texting that much. I use it to plan things, ask a simple question, get to the point. I dislike when someone tries to have conversation over text. It never works, because texting is slow and not dynamic, and with texting it allows you do live your life still without putting it on hold. If I don’t text back it’s because I read the text and was busy, so I couldn’t reply and forgot about it. OR I didn’t notice it, or I couldn’t care for petty talk when I could be doing something else.

If you want to talk to someone CALL THEM FOR GOD SAKES. A conversation makes someone usually pay attention and if they are busy they will say so. I can walk on the phone and talk, but I can’t on a street and text. It does not work at all.

TO SUMMARIZE:
– texting is a broken, poor way of communication
– sometimes it is bothersome to text in situations
– too much effort to text constantly
– call the person for once
– stop overthinking everything, thinking makes everything worse…he might have forgotten about your text or just didn’t respond because he was busy atm, while you worry about him ignoring you or avoiding you

Reply April 4, 2011, 10:37 pm

sabaa

truue sayy duude

Reply May 17, 2011, 9:17 am

Rose

A guy I like is really confusing me. I don’t understand him. We have been talking for about a year now and I know he likes me. He had me meet his family and friends and I’m the only girl hes asked to go to a dance with. We do stuff every time we see each other. The part that confuses me is that he hasn’t asked me to date him. I really don’t date but I would like to date this guy. It wouldn’t bother me if he wasn’t the dating type… but he seems like he can’t go without a girlfriend for very long. I want to know why he doesn’t ask me. I’m not a jealous girl. I give him his time and i don’t pester him, I don’t care when he’d rather hang out with his guy friends, and I do what he wants me to do but without being a push over. We have been doing stuff close to a year now, while his girlfriends only last about two weeks so i don’t understand why he hasn’t asked me out yet.

Reply April 4, 2011, 9:24 pm

Sarah

Sooooo…I was witht his boy for a while. We stopped talking because of certain things. Neither of us wanted it, but we had to. Then a few weeks ago he txtd me to see how I was doing. He told me he wanted me, missed me blah blah blah. Then last week we really started talking. Everyday, all day. We’re not dating…but he calls me baby, tells me he really likes me. Then all of a sudden he doesnt txt at all. I wait for him, say goodnight and he says goodnight back. But then the next day he doesnt txt at all. What does this mean? Because I honestly dont want to go through the same thing all over again if I lose him. Help??

Reply April 3, 2011, 8:14 pm

monica

try and talk to him not by txting he probably ran out of credit or sumthing from all that txting dw. call him maybe a better option.

Reply April 15, 2011, 4:28 am

Keyara

So I know my boyfriend loves me, and would do anything for me. We’re bestfriends and everything. We’ve only been a couple for a couple of months but he told me he had a crush on me about a year ago and I pretty much played hard to get for like a bit more than half a yr but then he said he was in love with me and I knew he’d be a good boyfriend and i could see a future with him so a couple of weeks after he told me how much in love with me he was I gave up my hard to get act and became his gf. And he’s honestly so great i love him a lot.
But yeah, the problem i guess that I’m kind of conffused with is that when he’s out he doesn’t respond to me. Like the thing is I still text him when I’m with my friends, it might take me a bit longer than usual but i still manage to get a text sent every hour or so. But he almost never texts when he’s out. Like we might be texting every like 5 min to each other then right before he goes out he’d give his response to my text and then add something at the end like “so hey im going out now I’ll be back in a few hours so i’ll tttyl” and my response is usualy like “haha ok cya”
So I was basicaly wondering if all guys don’t text when they’re out? like I don’t know whats so hard about responding while you’re out. I kind of figure this isn’t something i need to worry about . I don’t let him know that this bothers me cuz im pretty sure that would come off as clingy and needy so yeah i just pretend im cool with it.
But I really don’t like it when he stops texting just because he’s with his friends I honestly don’t know what to do. I thought maybe doing the same thing as him would work but i don’t think that worked well, but then again I gave up after a day.. :S I also tried responding while im out with friends and letting him know im with friends So hed know that i still talk to him even thought im with ppl so he should to but that didn’t work at all I dont think he gave that a secound thoght
but yeah im just confused about how to get him to stop doing that.

Reply April 3, 2011, 12:58 am

Fred

Today i told this girl i liked her, we have sort of a rocky past, cause one day before we were supposed to go on a date i went over to her house and ended up kissing her and some other kinky stuff. But that was part of our moment. But the next day she says she can’t go on our day I ask why and she says my boyfriend is coming over……I was completely heart broken. I ended up ignoring her for a while, later on she and her boyfriend ended up breaking up and now shes all sad and depressed, but she keeps talking to me and sorta actin like she likes me still. We’ve been flirting a bit, yesturday i told her i still liked her and her response was “mmmmmm i see” and then asked me if i was sure. Dumbfouned I said yes and now she say she suprised and has to think about it…..

Reply March 25, 2011, 2:35 pm

Amanda

She sounds like she likes to play games and drama. Stringing people alone is not good and she sounds like that is the kind of thing she will do, maybe ’cause she can’t stand being alone… Be careful you may be next in her line of drama.

Reply September 26, 2011, 12:47 am

Sara

Theres this guy who i really liked and we texted for 3 days straight one time. I told him i liked him and he sayed he liked me too. This was over winter break and now that we are back in shcool we never talk. Was i being too pushy?

Reply March 24, 2011, 8:09 pm

Suman Sahu

No, you were not. Just ask him once over the phone or in school that why did he stopped talking to you. After you have your answer, get back to me via my email below and I will try to give you a solution or make you understand why did he did that to you.

Posted by: Suman Sahu
e-mail: suman_ideal@rediffmail.com
Mob: +91-9784629734.

Reply May 24, 2011, 12:40 pm

Janice

This article really brought me idea and cleared my mind though there are still things that I’m confuse and feeling betrayed with him. Thanks Eric.

Reply March 24, 2011, 12:53 am

Aliyah

Hi Eriq
I broke up with this guy 3 months ago, but i am still not over him…I Still ove him and i am finding it difficult to get with another guy because i cant think of anyone other than him. the reason why we brokeup was because he didnt feel the same way i did. he really likes my bestmate and is trying to get with her. but i cant see him with any other girl let alone my bestmate.
i really dont know what to do…should i just let my bestamte get with him, because i know he is a lovely guy and he will treat her right?

Reply March 23, 2011, 7:40 am

Suman Sahu

If the boy is trying too hard for your bestmate so let him go with her. Since you already had a break up with him so try for another guy. The reason you couldn’t think of anyone else is because you don’t have any other guy other than him. Try for some other guy and everything will be alright.

Posted by: Suman Sahu
e-mail: suman_ideal@rediffmail.com
Mob: +91-9784629734.

Reply May 24, 2011, 12:36 pm

Oscar

HELLLLLLP!!…i was dating this girl for about 2 months, then we didnt see each other for two weeks and on the Saturday via Facebook she said “I can’t wait to see you” the next day she has her head buryed in a book and wont even look at me or talk to me. A week later she breaks up with me via one of my friends…what happened???

Reply March 22, 2011, 9:38 pm

Andi

Hi I have a similar sitch. I met this guy and we agreed to have an nsa/fwb time, and it ended up hot and passionate and with us cuddling and talking and just kissing for hours. And then it happened again a couple days later. We nevr mentioned getting anymore serious or anything. He kept kissing me and saying he liked me so much and yadda yadda. Then he left that morning and I’ve never heard back from him. He lives down the street and I have to pass his house daily when i leave so its hard not to think of him. You just cant fake that kind of connection. My guy friend mentioned that since this guy met and married his ex wife within 6 months, that mabye he gets attached quick and got scared. But I’d rather him just reject me then leave me in the dark like this. Its only been like 4-5 days. I just find it odd and rude. and It hurts just not knowing. Any ideas?

Reply March 22, 2011, 7:23 pm