Ok, I am confused…I thought guys were totally into the text versus actually talking on the phone. But there is one guy who I am interested in who seems to not fit that mold. Help! He takes hours to answer a text message when we all KNOW that our phones are glued to our face. I don’t understand…we will be texting back and forth for a few, then nothing…air silence! I told him it bothers me but he keeps doing it!
What is the deal? I am so OVER the four hour response time…especially when we don’t talk over any other media.
I would say that we guys prefer text because it makes it easier to avoid talking to someone when we don’t feel like it. Speaking for myself, there have been times when I’ve bailed on responding to a text simply because I’m busy with something else.
I think all guys would generally agree: we tend to be single-minded in what we’re doing and focus on meeting one objective at a time. Anything outside of our focus at that moment is a distraction that we don’t want to “deal with”.
The times in my life that I would go MIA on a text message would be:
1) If I wasn’t that into her.
2) If I was really busy with work.
3) If the girl was being needy.
4) If I honestly did not have my phone near me.
5) If I’m with another girl (note: If I’m in a relationship it’s monogamous, I never cheat, but if not dating around is fair game.)
If you want to know why specifically he’s not texting you back (and what to do about it), click here to take our “Why Doesn’t He Text Back?” Quiz.
In your situation, it sounds like this guy will try to make plans and then when it gets complicated, or it seems like it isn’t gonna happen, he directs his attention elsewhere and doesn’t feel the need to text further (again it comes down to the concept of men needing to fulfill an objective or a goal).
Now you mentioned that you’ve expressed your frustration over his behavior and he hasn’t changed. The reason for that is simple – when you call a guy out on something (‘why didn’t you call?’ ‘where were you?’ ‘why’d you take so long to text back?’) you might think you’re drawing a line in the sand, but he sees it as something else entirely: NEEDINESS.
I think I speak for all guys when I say avoid acting needy at all costs. Neediness has repelled me away from more girls than I care to disclose.
Rather than calling him out when he doesn’t respond, I would say make other plans. DON’T wait on him because people tend to see how much they can get away with. If you’re always available to the guy, he’ll treat you like a doormat. If you are selectively available and only act as accommodating as he is to you, you will get the respect and “good behavior” you’re looking for. This isn’t just a guy thing… it’s a human thing – we value only what we have to work for.
I would encourage you to look for opportunities for the guy to make an effort towards you. The more of an effort he puts into seeing you or doing things for you, the more invested in you he’ll become. This is why being accommodating to bad behavior is actually harmful to creating a bond with the guy in the beginning.
Any girl I’ve ever really cared for (and showed priority towards) was a challenge to me. She wasn’t transparent – some things were left a mystery. And she didn’t put up with behavior that didn’t work for her – namely, if I left her hanging, I could be sure she’d make other plans.
Showing the guy that you’re not going to wait around for him if he disappears demonstrates a lot of good things about you: you have your own life, you have options and your world doesn’t revolve around him. A guy wants a girl like this because he knows that you can take care of yourself and you won’t drag him down with neediness. Plus, again, challenge is everything.
If he doesn’t change and you continue to feel frustrated by his behavior then ... (continued - Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back…)