“Ok, I am confused…I thought guys were totally into the text versus actually talking on the phone – levitra side effects.But there is one guy who I am interested in who seems to not fit that mold; levitra side effects.Help! He takes hours to answer a text message when we all KNOW that our phones are glued to our face.I don’t understand…we will be texting back and forth for a few, then nothing…air silence! I told him it bothers me but he keeps doing it! What is the deal? I am so OVER the 4 hour response time…especially when we don’t talk over any other media.”
Read our guy’s response after the jump.
I would say that we guys prefer text because it makes it easier to avoid talking to someone when we don’t feel like it; levitra side effects. Speaking for myself, there have been times when I’ve bailed on responding to a text simply because I’m busy with something else.
I think all guys would generally agree: we tend to be single-minded in what we’re doing and focus on meeting one objective at a time; levitra side effects. Anything outside of our focus at that moment is a distraction that we don’t want to “deal with”.
The times in my life that I would go MIA on a text message would be:
1) If I wasn’t that into her.
2) If I was really busy with work.
3) If the girl was being needy.
4) If I honestly did not have me phone near me.
5) If I’m with another girl (note: If I’m in a relationship it’s monogamous, I never cheat, but if not dating around is fair game.)
In your situation, it sounds like this guy will try to make plans and then when it gets complicated, or it seems like it isn’t gonna happen, he directs his attention elsewhere and doesn’t feel the need to text further (again it comes down to the concept of men needing to fulfill and objective or a goal).
Now you mentioned that you’ve expressed your frustration over his behavior and he hasn’t changed; levitra side effects. Levitra side effects: the reason for that is simple- when you call a guy out on something (‘why didn’t you call?’ ‘where were you?’ ‘why’d you take so long to text back?’) you might think you’re drawing a line in the sand, but he sees it as something else entirely: NEEDINESS.
I think I speak for all guys when I say avoid acting needy at all costs. Levitra side effects: neediness has repelled me away from more girls than I care to disclose.
Rather than calling him out when he doesn’t respond, I would say make other plans. DON’T wait on him because people tend to see how much they can get away with. Levitra side effects: if you’re always available to the guy, he’ll treat you like a doormat. If you are selectively available and only act as accommodating as he is to you, you will get the respect and “good behavior” you’re looking for; levitra side effects. This isn’t just a guy thing…it’s a human thing – we value only what we have to work for.
I would encourage you to look for opportunities for the guy to make an effort towards you. Levitra side effects: the more of an effort he puts into seeing you or doing things for you, the more invested in you he’ll become. Levitra side effects: this is why being accommodating to bad behavior is actually harmful to creating a bond with the guy in the beginning.
Any girl I’ve ever really cared for (and showed priority towards) was a challenge to me.She wasn’t transparent – some things were left a mystery – levitra side effects. Levitra side effects: and she didn’t put up with behavior that didn’t work for her – namely, if I left her hanging, I could be sure she’d make other plans.
Showing the guy that you’re not going to wait around for him if he disappears demonstrates a lot of good things about you: you have your own life, you have options and your world doesn’t revolve around him. A guy wants a girl like this because he knows that you can take care of yourself and you won’t drag him down with neediness. Levitra side effects: plus, again, challenge is everything.
If he doesn’t change and you continue to feel frustrated by his behavior then just drop him.Don’t bend over backwards for someone who won’t even press a send key for you.; levitra side effects..you don’t want to end up head over heels for someone that could care less.
Hope that’s helpful.
eric charles
Got a question? Send it to askaguy@anewmode.com and we’ll get you some answers! – levitra side effects
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That was really helpful! Thank you so much.
It’s a problem that I’m dealing with as well.
Great advice. I read the book ‘He’s just not that into you’ a few weeks ago and it put everything into perspective for me. If a guy wants to really talk to me, he’ll find a way to do it. As simple as that.
I don’t really understand why being into someone would come off as needy? If you’re not into the girl as much as she is into you, why don’t you just tell her that? If she is looking for something more it may sting but she’ll find someone else. If she is down for a ride it won’t be a big deal. I’d rather be agressive/blunt with a person than be passive agressive and ignore a text but maybe “adult” men aren’t ready for that step yet. (;
I think a girl being really into a guy is great! I think a guy being really into a girl is great. A girl being into a guy does not equal neediness.
But needing a guy to respond a certain way for you to feel secure, that equals neediness.
I mean, let’s be honest – just because an adult man doesn’t want to text back doesn’t mean he’s not adult. There’s no rule that says that the guy has to respond to every text message a girl sends, especially if it’s from a needy place.
When I talk to men about women, I always caution them against blaming the women for not acting the way that they want them to. Guys will come to me and say, “I did this and this… Why should I have to buy her flowers? They’re just going to wither and die anyway… Why should I have to tell her I love her? I’m here, I’m not fooling around with other women, I’m taking care of her. Maybe ‘adult’ women aren’t ready for stepping beyond constant reassurance and traditional signs of affection.”
See the trap? Blaming men for not being adult and acting how you want is just as unhelpful as men blaming women for not acting how they want. Equally unhelpful.
Hope that clarifies where I’m coming from here.
I think…its easy…dont call a guy, dont text him back immediately, have other hobbies than HIM !
its always the same , they all are so into the girl until the girl falls in love
and than its just a power struggle.
Not all men are the same , but most are this way..
So, girls…be strong SILENCE works the trick !
texting him and telling him off, he will switch off
Men dont understand we also do love the chase
it is not needyness..as Eric says..its a human thing
sad..some will lose some good people on the way
and will be hooked forever to bad guys or girls
You have the choice, he might be to slow for you
and you to passionate ? Perhaps you need a ” stronger ” man
who can deal with a passionate woman like you
send him a quick text : YOU ARE TO SLOW , BYE !
lol
good luck
@Isa
I agree with you for the most part. Thank you for posting it.
The one thing I would caution against is where you’re saying “Perhaps you need a ” stronger ” man who can deal with a passionate woman like you.”
I’d say be careful of blaming a man (or men in general) for not being strong enough (or smart enough, or committed enough, or good enough, or honest enough, etc. etc.) for you.
YES, you should absolutely be discerning when you’re selecting the man you want to be with. Nobody should have to settle – there’s no reason to when there are so many great matches out there. At the same time, I think it’s destructive to pick a man and then when doesn’t respond the way you want, you blame him for not being ______ enough.
The truth of the matter is different women like different men. One woman may love a guy who’s a lovable dork. Another woman might say that lovable dork isn’t strong enough. See what I mean? Your personal preference is not the other person’s problem.
I am making this point because the way you think about relationships very much determines how successful your relationships will be. If you have a tendency to blame, it will be destructive in your relationships.
Rather than blame the other person for not being the way we want them to be, I think it’s a better use of our time to be the best person we can be. If the other person isn’t a good match for us, then that’s that. It’s not that they’re bad people, it’s just that they’re not a good match for us.
But again, I agree with pretty much everything else you said: have hobbies, be strong, give him space to come to you, etc. And yes, it’s a human thing: trust me, lots of guys have asked me about this (when a woman doesn’t text back)… so it happens to guys too.
I’m in a similar situation where he just sort of stops replying occasionally, but he never seems to mean anything by it as he’ll make an effort to text at another point in time. But my issue is that I want to encourage a meeting (we met once and then he went back to where he lives which is pretty far away from me) but I don’t know how without seeing incredibly keen…do guys really like being asked out or is that just an old wives tale? and how on eaaarth should I do it?
xxxxxxxxxx
I mean, if he lives far away it might be more of a logistical problem than a question of whether or not he likes you or wants to go out with you.
If you live far apart, he might just not want to start something with someone who lives far away. But I’m just speculating based on what you wrote… I guess one important factor is how far away is far away?
Yeah, I’ve been looking for an answer to a problem like this. Except I’ve already went to far and now I don’t know how to fix it. This guy I talk to has been fine up until about 3 days ago, he started seeming more busy than usual and barely ever answered me. I finally got to the point where I was like “Okay so what’s up with you lately? What did I do?” which right after I sent it I knew, oh god that it was a mistake. He answered and told me “Nothing is up with me. I feel like you’re being a bit obsessive.” I apologized and told him to text me when he wanted to talk because I didn’t want to make it worse, he said okay I will. But it’s been a couple days and I haven’t heard anything from him. I don’t want the friendship to be over but I don’t know what to do. Would texting him with a simple “Hey how are you?” be something I shouldn’t do?
Hey Jenise…
I’m a little confused. You said that everything has been fine until 3 days ago?
I mean… if it’s three days of him not being as responsive as usual, I think the problem is more what you’re making of it in your mind than what’s probably actually happening.
Maybe I’m missing something. How long have you been seeing each other?
We aren’t “together” although he is aware I like him. A couple days ago he said something nice to me and I wasn’t really thinking and said “don’t say stuff like that to me it makes me think you’re interested.” He answered “I didn’t want to lead you on, Any other guy would use a girl. Atleast I didn’t do that to.” The day after that he started talking to me less and less. I figured he was busy so I let it go until I texted him just saying hey what’s going on? he just said nothing. So I proceeded with the what’s up with you? and what did I do? and he just said nothing was wrong with him and he felt I was being a bit obsessive. So like I said I apologized for it and let it be. But he hasn’t talked to me since and I haven’t tried to talk to him because I didn’t want to make it worse. I realize I probably shouldn’t have jumped on his case like that but now I don’t know what I should do.
Here’s what I think is happening – and note, this is just my opinion:
.
It sounds like you guys were friends, he became aware that you like him, he isn’t in the same place right now. And he probably feels like if he talks to you, he’s going to end up hurting you.
.
For the vast majority of guys, the whole attraction thing is a vague mystery. When a girl is attracted to them, they have a foggy sense how they are being around the girl and what light she sees them in, but for the most part it’s a mystery exactly why he sparked attraction with a particular woman. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’ve all heard “be confident” and “be cool” and all that, but it’s still mysterious in many ways.
.
My point in saying all this is that you’re attracted to him and it wasn’t something he intended – it was something that just happened from him being himself. So with that being the case, he feels that if he continues to talk to you he’s essentially leading you on, since his intention was never to attract you in the first place and it just happened that way.
.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that he can’t be attracted to you ever (he might even be attracted to a point now), but what I’m saying is that for whatever reason you’re not a good fit for him right now.
.
With that said, if you want a chance with him at all, your best bet will be to look elsewhere for a crush. If he does have some amount of interest in pursuing you romantically, then you moving on will definitely spur him into action to pursue you. At the same time, even if he doesn’t pursue you, you’ll be better off since you’ll be putting your time and attention on finding someone who’s into you and readily willing to be with you in all the ways you would want a guy to be.
.
But again, this is just my opinion and one thing I’ve learned a long time ago about giving my opinion: people are going to do whatever they want to do. They just want to know if other people agree with what they’ve already decided on doing…
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I would say moving on is your best bet. Both for having a chance with him and for finding someone better.
that was abolutely amzing. i have the same problem and i will admit that judging bu what you just said. i have been rather needy towards him. but its so hard cause i love him and i feel sooo weird when he does not text back.
almost to the point of crying cause i feel as tho he has forgotten me or moved on to one of my bestfriends cause im so far away from him now. but thanks now i think i can win him over!:))
okay here is the thing. there is this guy who lives 2000 miles from me cause i moved. we used to be extremely close at one point but when i moved things got worse. i began assuming things like crazy and making matters worse. i always told him i would change and lets start over but i never could keep it. i broke my promises all the time. he told me he does not like me.. because i act like were dating, im to needy, andddd im so far away. but im going back next year. sometimes he doesnt text me back and it drives me crazyy. im kinda insecure so i always think the worst of things. especially since im so far away. i just wanna be with him. i have tried to move on but i always just went right nack to him no matter how sweet or cute the guy was. i just couldnt help it. could he be the one? i hope he is cause i would be sooo happy. i just wanna know what i can do so that he will like me back, i know there has to be some possible way. i thnk about him all the time. i cant help it. he is starting to become distant. after he told me why he didnt like me acouple days ago i told him, well okay i wil change it! and i have not heard from him since. he used to just text me randomly all the time but now im lucky if he even says hi back. uggghhhh i just wanna be with him. what can i do so that he will like me back? i know there has to be something i can change or do so that he will feel the same. i have been looking for this answer for like ever so this will really help me alot. my summer is sucking cause of everything thats going on between us, i just wanna be happy again and be with him. help?
wow, i like your honesty, Eric
Amanda,
It is non of my business but….i think you need to get out there and meet more people and get yourself a hobby or something you love doing (besides thinking about the man). I used to be like you when i was in my teens.
For god’s sake, dont you ever change yourself for a man. You should love you for who you are, that way you will draw him in (not only him, but also other great men out there). Who would wanna be with a person who is not genuine? unless they want a rubber doll.
I met this guy off of a website and we kind of hit it off the first time we started emailing each other the first time. About 2 hours after emailing each other he gave me his number, but I also gave hime mine. Later that night he call me and we stayed on the phone for 2 hours straight. That whole first week we talked to each other about 3 times a day. He would call me in the morning and then I would call him in between classses (I’m a college staudent) and then he would call me when he got off of work. That following Monday, I didn’t hear from him that whole weekend, and so on Monday I texted him then later on called him. Then he said that he would call me in the morning like he did the week before, but didn’t. I called him instead and for about 2 weeks straight I would call/ text him. I was freaking out wondering if he was into me anymore or even something bad happened to him. This past Saturday I called him for the last time and he texted back saying that he broke his phone while at work and was without a phone. I him Sunday when I got on campus from being at home and he said that he was driving and was goin to call me back, but he never did. Texted him once on Monday and made up my mind that I wasn’t going to call him until he called me. So ofcourse today I broke down and texted him again. What my question is how can I reverse what I did wrong? What did I do wrong and how can I get him to call/text me back?
If two people are into each other there are no games. Who text who last, how long to wait to return a text, how not to appear needy etc., etc…If a man is into you he will want you to text him and call him, if that’s called being “needy” guess what? he will want you to be that because he wants you as much as you want him. If a man is into playing games then that’s different. Some men lose interest once the girl shows interest in them and acts accordingly…but do you want to play hide and seek games just so you can be “chased” for a while or do you want a real relationship where you are loved? If you want to be chased then play unavailable and be hot and cold as much as possible …but those are just games that will not lead to any type of lasting relationship.
Eric, I’ve just read this post and would like your advice as you seem to have a good outlook on relationships etc.
Bascially I’ve known this guy for three years now through Xbox we’ve always been friends and played together etc but we got talking one night and then I went off and next day or so when I went back on he had sent me a message with his number. Now I was just friendly towards him not in anyway flirty but he started putting kisses at the end of his texts and I made a joke saying oh I get kisses now and he said do you have a problem with that, bascially to cut it short I said no and started returning the kisses at the end of my texts to him. We were texting and talking on the phone and we bascially both made it clear that we were interested in each other but not looking to jump into anything fast. The thing is we live close to each other but he works away for weeks at a time and right now he is working away. The part where I am confused about is this, for night and day the past few days he has been constantly texting as have I and we were talking on the phone for hours and the night before yesterday he told me to text him when I woke up as he was up at 4am for work. When I got up I texted him like he asked me to (usually he texts me first in the morning/day so this was a first time for me) Ok this was around 9am by 2pm nothing so I called him and never asked why he never texted back just bascially how he was doing and how work was etc. The signal got really bad and the call cut off, he then texted me and said his signal was crap no kisses I just texted back saying “its fine was just phoning to see how things were” he replied with “ok i guess x” my reply “u guess?” his reply “Tell you later lol just gona grab some sleep x” mines “Alright nite then x” That was it and then no text from him later that night and I’m not really liking this guy to the extent I would miss him if he wasn’t interested but I just want a males opinion because I don’t want to play silly games, he either like me or he doesn’t and if he didn’t like me then I would rather he told me instead of no contact. I’ve not called or texted him as I want him to text me first but can you give me your opinion as I’m quite confused whether he is playing games or if hes changed his mind. I just don’t want to waste my time if he has.
Okay well Eric can you help me with this I really like this guy and he told me he had feelings for him and I told him the same but now like he never texts me I’m always the one to text him and then sometimes he just stops out of no where he calls me babe and everything is this something I should be worried about am I overreacting should I not text him anymore for a while or what please help me
Hey Marcia,
I really couldn’t say just based on what you said in your comment. I wouldn’t use him not texting you as the litmus test to find if he wants to be with you or not. If he makes no effort to have you two see each other in real life, then that’s a problem. If you do see each other and you both enjoy each other when you’re together, then that’s a good sign. (I’m stretching myself on this one…)
Yeah I can understand what you are saying I mean he text me goodmorning one day but I’m just confused on why he doesn’t do that anymore I just don’t want to be the only one putting effort into it and I feel like he’s getting lazy what do you think?
Eric, Can you please give me ur insight on this, My question is very similar to Marcia’s. I met this great guy, he used to be very attentive and would always text/call me, Recently that stopped. Sometimes one or two weeks pass without me hearing from him, and when i do he says he is doing good and is trying to settle down and get stuff done (he just moved into a new apartment) I dont text him as often, because when I do, he dosent text back and if he does it makes me feel like he only did so because i texted him first. We have not seen each other or hung out in almost 3 months. He said we would be able to spend more time together and that things would get better as soon as he got settled in his apartment, however i havent seen anything get better or any effort on his side. It also seems like he has withdrawn. So does that mean he still likes me? should I be patient and wait for him, or should I take it as he dosent want to talk to me? please please HELP!!!!
Eric…you seem to give very good, straight-forward advice. Wonder if you would mind commenting on my situation?
A guy contacted me on a social network site, and over a period of months we developed stronger feelings for each other. We live in different countries, but were trying to work out how we could meet each other. One sticking point was that we were both in relationships and he was not ready to leave his. He kept saying he hasn’t had the chance to tell her the way he feels yet.
In our last IM conversation, he once again brought up me coming to see him and we were pretty detailed about deciding on a time/place. Then he asked if we could chat via Skype the following evening. I agreed, and when the time came, I sent him a message letting him know I was logged onto both Skype and Facebook if he was available. Then, suddenly, he reset his privacy settings on Facebook, while I was logged on, and no longer came up on my friend list. He never contacted me that evening, as we had originally planned.
I was very upset, and decided to remove him from my friend list on another social network. I first sent him a message asking if he would mind if I asked what had happened, and promising not to contact him again after that. He read my message, but didn’t respond, which is unusual for him. He had also been cleaning up his friend list on there, and had removed many other girls from his friend list.
I guess I’m making myself crazy, but I just don’t understand why he came on so strong and then just suddenly seemed to cut me out of his life? Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated. Unfortunately, I’m one of those lost people who has a great boyfriend, but I’m in a place where I just don’t feel in love anymore, and now my head is wrapped around this other guy.
Hi Eric, I would appreciate if you can give me some suggestions. My situation is that I met the guy in class and we were in the same group for presentation. He is really silent and doesnt smile much or at all. He does help me on the paper though. After the class, he graduated. I dont have any contact with him except two emails with instant reply within two days. Then last month, I emailed him to ask whether he would like to meet for a coffe and take a look at my paper as well? It has been two weeks, no reply. I know hes not gonna reply. Is that he doesnt like me even as a friend? I am so frustrated? what shall I do? should I text or call him? it is so embrassing…
Hey Eric,
Can you please give me your point of view about that because I really don’t understand how guys are thinking?
Actually I met him in a church trip and by coincedence his family are my family’s friend.
He is so interested when he is talking with me. he always make that eye-contact.
and he sends me txt-messages at cermonies only like christmas,..
now the problem is , when we go to a sunday meeting at church he becomes so shy to talk with me , so sometimes I have to initiate the speech.
but now I am trying not to do that , inorder to wait for him to do it. ( I am doing that in order not to show me that I’m needy) but he doesn’t .
all his body language says that he likes me. But I really don’t know does he likes me or not? and if yes , why he is not proposing?
Is it considered needy if a girl texts a guy like So you think your to cool for me or something, when a guy she knows liked her has not texted back to two of her text messages in the past two weeks (the only two I sent him) and is ignoring her even though for the past three months there has been way to much flirting going on?
I have a similar situation in that I met a grown up in class, he approached me. I was not looking for anyone and school was the last place. I have not been in a relationship for many years and am celibate. anyway he asks me out for coffee, we go out a few times for coffee, then he tried to kiss me and I turned away. then I thought about it and kissed him the next time…I became so freaked out by all of this kissing stuff, I started to really like him, he said he liked me too..but then he began to stop texting me, he stopped sending nice texts messages before I awoke in the morning, he stopped making time for me. I asked him and he just kept telling me to relax, but I got freaked out that he was just playing me, I have been alone for so long I don’t know how to do the dating thing or anything. so then he insulted me on our last meeting and I became angry with him and put him straight as it were..then it just got worse from that point on, he did tell me that we were good, but I did not feel that way anymore, I was very hurt by his comments and very hurt that he was distancing himself from me..he made no effort to soothe the insult only to say he apologised, which i accepted, but then he asked me if I would do him a favour, he sent this via text and this was asking me to get him a paper from school…I was thinking are you serious? only last night you had me angry and I don’t get angry like that..but the insults were too much…we spoke briefly a few dasy ago as he had to go away for his job and he said we would speak when he got back, he has not responded to my text I sent to him yesterday, I thought I would be a bigger person and say I too am sorry but he has not responded..despite this mess I do like him, we have a lot in common and we laugh at the same stuff desire to accomplish the same goals which is very rare I am assuming…the point is do you think I scared him away? I am not needy have been alone too long for that, just wanted to have some time made for me, not 24/7 just quality time..do you think he has gone? thanks
Ahh Please Help Eric, I’m sure my question’s going to sound pretty much the same as everybody else, but I’ve been with this guy ( sort of) for about three months now, and at first we were pretty dang good! He was the one who actually would call me, and text me none stop, and I would always meet him half way on that, and we connected so well!
About half way into it, we broke up. And then a little later on we sort of hooked back up again, but not the good hook up, Like I mean Friends with Benefits, and when I’d text him he’d only reply once or twice a day.. And nothings really the same anymore, I mean now we’re clearly more than just friends with benefits, we’re on that level on boyfriend and girlfriend, but the texting habits are still the same, and My problem is I neeeeed attention. Last night we got into an argument, He actually told me I was acting crazy when he wouldn’t ever text back/.
Ahh help?
This question is for a guy. If you ask a guy to let you know if he doesn’t want you to contact him anymore (either by phone or email) and ask him to please respond to let you know and he doesn’t, does that most likely mean he does not want to hear from you again but doesn’t know how to tell you or does it mean that he isn’t sure so he doesn’t want to answer right away?
Thanks for your advise.
this is a complicated one..almost a year ago, a guy relative of mine contacted me for some help he needed with his music…i wasnt able to offer any help but then he started texting more and more ..texts of conversation developed…there seemed to be a connection…then a month later..he shows up at my doorstep without my knowledge and that whilst texting me!! he didnt mention he was coming over..luckily i wasnt around. a month later, he sends a text inviting me to his musical performance..i didnt reply…and when he asked if i had recieved the msg and attending…i replied back no i wont be attending…he texted back..”why not, ill be performing!!”…i said its not my kinda scene..and he laughed. there was a time when i interviewed him for a piece that i was writing, and he agreed, but was very avoidant about it and had his nose up i must say. yet, when i called him, he was stammering and then went blank at the first question..sounded nervous in contrast to his offbeat of a text. a few months later, he sends a text like its directed to everyone “anyone have any nice plans for tonight?” i didnt reply..then a week later, on a weekend again, he texts me “what are you doing today”? i was so busy and didnt bother replying. when i texted him in summer what he wanted , he texted back that if i were a lawyer, he would be dead by now in a sarcastic tone. i didnt text back. then no word from him all summer, until the fall, when he calls and i wasnt there to ans and texts for some favor..i agree but never get around it so forgot about it then. a few months later, there was a reception and he didnt bother approaching to say hi like everyone else..yet when i went towards the exit and passed by him , i could hear his lil brother telling him “hey hey look look thats ash”…and i dont know how long he stared me walking out, but he did glance up. a few months later, he comes to a dinner party, shakes my hand and says “heyy” with a big smile on his face (in a way like he hasnt seen me in ages). although he was sitting on the same row at the table, there was someone in between and he was talking to others and i was focused on the people at the other side of the table. when the person in between got up, i couldve sworn he started looking and meaning to say something yet i suddenly gave him my back..and that was it. a few months later, he rings me up but i was out of town so never replied back. its been a year and no word. what do you think? i always had a hunch that he was attracted in some way or still is i dont know, but what do his signals mean?
relationships are for mature adults anyway so how bout not playing games period, who txts who, don’t answer right away blah blah blah.
Ok so I need your advice. I have a really good guy friend who I like alot and I’m pretty sure he knows. A couple of weeks ago he texts my best friend while he’s supposed to be on this “five day field op” (he’s in the army) and she asks him why is he texting her and not me and he says he lied to me so I wouldn’t be “texting him all the time.” I got really angry and I texted him and he never texted me back and still hasn’t. I was texting him because I thought we were friends and I wasn’t even texting him that much. What really made angry is that he lied to me and I don’t appreciate that. Friends are supposed to tell each other the truth. Now I really want to text him but everyone tells me not to and that he doesn’t appreciate me as a friend and so on. I now have no idea what to do, I’m stuck and it sucks because usually I do. I just don’t get why he won’t text me, does he not care about me at all?
Hi Eric,
I’m 25, the man is 29. Admitted commit-phobe, has never really been fully able to commit to me in 2 1/2 yrs, even tho he says he tries. He left me once by just not responding to anything, it stung for a good 3 months until we ran into eachother and started up again. Things have been ok recently, since I figured out i’m a bit of a commit-phobe as well, and we agreed to take some space, since thats what he says he needs.
This past tues, we confirmed the space would last till end of month, and things were fine. Next day, he called and talked. Day after, Thursday, I send goodnight text, but nothing back. Friday, I text good morning, and nothing all day. Saturday, today, no texts back at all. I just been asking him if he’s ok or something, he never goes 2 days not answering. I didn’t even send him texts in the 2 digits. Needy? yes, prob a little, but he’s left me before like this.. I couldn’t take it anymore tonight, and told him I’m not putting up with this behavior, and good bye. Did I make a good decision? I don’t know, maybe he really did lose his phone, or something..
I’m just sick of playing the waiting game when I always answer him in a timely manner.
hi i met this guy and right away we had a connection we met when i was almost 18 and he was 22 at the time and we had like a friend relationship but we both knew we liked eachother we told each other or feelings but didnt go anywhere with it because of my stepfather because that was his bestfriend. We were kind of seeing each other for 4 months than something happen he got into a fight with my stepfather and never seen him for 7 months now he is back into my life talking to me and i still like him but i dont know if he is playing mind games are not my mom and her friends tell me when he is at the bar he firts with girl but now he is saying he wants to bulid a friendship back up and than sleep together and than have a realtionship i guess to see if the sex is good. I dont know what to do because he is confusing we are talking one week than when i text him he never texts back and he will go mia for 2 weeks than comes back to me talking like nothing happen i have to say i text him alot is that a bad thing? i need help on this whole thing i have been going through this for to long for about a year i think all he wants is sex but why would he leave for 7 months than come back like never happen? I need help.. thanks
hi eric… hope you can help me. i met this guy 3 weeks ago and with that, he always texts me.. he always calls me even if the payment for the call is expensive.. he also sends sweet messages to me and he also even says he loves me… but then, starting last week, he just didn’t text me up to now and i don’t understand why.. would you help me?
Eric Please help!! My question is… it seems like whenever I try the whole unavailable thing the guy I’m seeing will say things like.. you normally text me, fine don’t talk to me (adult tantrum), or you don’t WANT to talk to me? He has no problem cancelling plans with me or not returning my texts but when I do the same to him.. he calls me out on it. I always respond to him right away because I do love and respect him. But this is the third time that he has cancelled plans with me this month because he says he is working. I just don’t want to be his doormat anymore. At the same time, I don’t want to come across as needy. Help!!!!
hello can anyone help?? my husband has walked out for 2nd time for another woman in jan he decided a week ago he wanted to try again and I agreed with have 3 children and a house together but its been a rocky few months for me and hes just been living it up with his mates and still is but he works away all of the time and he is now just sending texts saying sorry busy or rings midday in secret from his mates telling me how bad work is I still love him throughout this but I FEEL like a doormat and a complete useless thing that only gets attention when he hasnt got anything better to do I will admit I can be needy I was 16 when we met and he was 26 he was my first boyfriend but I have been needy for a long time because he has frequently abandoned us for something better or when his life seems bad he runs away he can be a good man but would like someone elses opinion about what I should do … I really do love him and I ALWAYS SEE the good in him …thanks
Eric, can you please give me some advice? I really don’t know how to go about this situation. There’s this guy whom I met acouple months back. He was away on vacation for a few weeks, but when he got back he “texted me”. Remind you, we never spoke on the phone. So, we just texted eachother back and fourth for about a week. He called me atleast once everyday…and left voice messages every time. He would tell mE he was very interested and he absolutely could not wait to get together. So, for about two weeks we would text all day long while we were at work and etc. So, here is where it gets fishy, one night we talked for four hours. Great conversation. After that night, went down hill. He has not called me again, he only texts me to reply. He said he has been busy with work, and he still is interested. However, lately he doesn’t respond back. He use to text me goodmorning and goodnight everyday. Now, nada! I’m into him, he says he is into me. When I asked why doesn’t he call, he told me he thinks he is going to get “voicemail” that is what he runs into he said. And I can call him anytime, not to put it on him. Help please. Should I give him a call? Or just let things naturally take its coarse, if any?
Hey Eric,
I have a problem that is making me really mad. There is this guy who is 19 and a marine. I am 16. We met like two months ago. I did the first move into putting my number in his phone. We started to text and everything started to go well. Untill I let him know I was a virgin and I wasn’t going to give it up. I felt as if he needed to know. He said that wasn’t even the deal and if it was he would have stopped talking to me. He didn’t text me for 3 days strait. If it weren’t have been for me texting me he would not text me. Today I text him and he didn’t text back. I am confused! He said he liked me and I told him I liked him. Is there any hope? Please help.
@Alexis
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I think a few things are going on here.
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First, I think you’re afraid that he might “only want you for sex”. This is a phrase that gets tossed around in our culture and the media, but reality is more complicated than that.
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Still, the idea that someone could want you only for sex is a scary idea. Nobody would want to be taken advantage of and have their genuine feelings betrayed just so the other person could get what they want.
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So you felt that if you told him your feelings and beliefs on the matter, he would reassure you and then your fears would disappear.
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However, from his side, it doesn’t sound like he was pressuring you for sex. So imagine how he feels when, out of the blue, you just say to him that you’re a virgin and you’re not going to have sex with him.
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He is probably thinking, “Wait a minute. I never pressured this girl. I have been good to her and I genuinely like her. And yet, she said this to me. She must think that all I want is sex and not even see the person I actually am!!”
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In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a little insulted. It would be one thing if he was pressuring you, but it doesn’t sound like he was…
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Now, in your defense, I would be able to understand where you’re coming from and not take it personally. But I have a lot more experience than a 19-year-old guy.
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I don’t think you messed anything up in the long run, I just think you need to understand that when you say something like that to someone, you’re putting them on the defensive. You’re implying that you think that it’s a barrier you need to set because otherwise they wouldn’t respect it on their own.
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Just leave the whole issue alone – don’t make an issue where there is none.
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If he’s pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do, then that is a major red flag and you DO need to say something and put up a clear barrier. But if he’s not pressuring you and you’re just speaking out of your own imagined fears, then that is something destructive and I would recommend stopping.
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Hope it helps.
ok……i like this guy but we never really talk…..and when i finally get the courage to text him he doesn’t text back………what does that mean????? ):
Candace, he’s not into you. Move on.
ok i like this guy and we talk a little……………when i asked him if he wanted to hang out if he was ever in my neighborhood bc his grandmother lives there and he goes there a lot he responded with “yea i might go over there”…………………..was it stupid for me to ask him that and does he thinnk im weird?
Hey Eric,
Here’s my problem. So I’ve always like the guy I’ve been working with for almost 4 years. (Let’s call him John) He’s told me he’s liked me it’s just that he couldn’t be in a relationship at the moment. I go off and start dating other people when I finally meet a guy that I really like. (David) We were together for a year and during that year John tells me he likes me and he’s jealous I’m with David. At the end, David and I part our ways. I’m happy and kind of sad because I guess I can be with John now. Wrong. He decides he rather just be friends with benefits for the moment. I agree because I’ve always liked him so why not? I eventually get tired of the friends with benefits thing because I develop stronger feelings. I tell him this and he’s like “I like you a lot too but let’s keep it slow.” A month goes by and I date this other guy. (Luis) Luis and I are great I love his family his family loves me. But then 6 months go by and I start realizing I see Luis more as a friend then a boyfriend. We broke up. John is happy. We get together and then I find out that the entire year and a half he had girlfriend the entire time! I’m furious he says he’s so sorry that he was gonna end with his girlfriend. They hadn’t been getting along, he doesn’t like her anymore. Point is that he said he was going to end it because he cared for me and only me. I took him back. And now we’re together, it’s only been 2months but he’s so secretive and mysterious. RIGHT NOW he hasn’t texted me back in a day in a half. I don’t know what to think. Maybe he’s still with that girl. I’m not one to look at my guys phone and snoop around. I thought I could trust him again. But i don’t know anymore. I only texted him once because I hate sounding needy. I try to follow the code in that sense. Don’t act desperate or needy, don’t text him all the time. I wrote one simple text earlier today: “I’ve been having a great day so far, and the only bad thing is not having heard from you” Bam! That’s it. And no text back. HELP ERIC PLEASE! “/
I’m 18 and I’ve never been on a date or had a bf. For the first time a few days ago, my best friend and I went to a club. We were dancing and ended up dancing with these two guy friends for like four hours. We exchanged numbers, had been dancing close (nothing aggressive or really sexual) and they walked us to our car. We texted them for like two more hours after we got home and then went to bed. The next day I am texting the boy I was dancing with and we’re talking about electronics and boring things like that. :/ I keep asking him questions to find out some stuff that’s a bit more personal, like favourites. He responds and everything, but often the convo just dies until I get bored and decide to text him a new question. My mom says boys will ask you questions if they are interested. So I’m a little down he’s not asked me anything.
And yesterday I didn’t text him all day. I saw a text the next morning that had been sent at midnight with my name in all caps. So I thought that was sweet and I texted him back today and we’ve had the start stop convo about what we were both gonna do today. -.- I can’t figure out if I should ask him about a double date or just leave it until further into the week. Should I just shut up if he’s not the one texting me first? I think it’s so dumb there has to be rules to liking someone!
I hope that im not looking too much into this; I met a guy bout 2 weeks ago we met up again in the first week and he asked me out. At first he would txt and call me loads and telling me how much he liked me. He went on holiday last wednesday then it seamed that he just stopped texting and calling me. I left it a day or two before texting him again because i didn’t want to seem too needy etc. He replied and called me and every thing seemed fine again. But them he didn’t text me again for another 2days. So i just casually texted asking him how he was etc. but his reply seemed a bit blunt. It has been another 2/3 days since then and still nothing. I first thought that he was just busy but now im not so sure. People gave said to me that in the first few weeks a guy should want to talk/text at least once a day. As i thinking too much of all this?What should i do? Thank-you.
(Sorry made a few typos above! ‘People have said to me…’ not ‘People gave said to me..’ and ‘Am i thinking…’ not ‘As i thinking…’ etc
(Also i am just 15 and he is 16)
Thank-you again =)
Hello Eric,
Maybe you can help me because I can’t find it anywhere else. There’s a guy I have been talking to for about 5 months. He does seem to be depressed for some reason and I think its him questioning what type of person he really is. He is what I would consider the perfect man he has a good job won’t cheat loves his kids dearly but always says he’s a bad person or its his fault him and hisawife split. Now mind you they have been split for about 3 years now. We just had sex for the 1st time not long ago because he don’t believe in haveng sex unless your in love. He’s a very sensitive guy but very fun at the same time. He tells me tonight he really don’t know what he wants with anything. And thinks its best we spend time apart to see if he misses me. Is it possible that he’s trying to find his feelings again or is it his way of saying I’m not interested in you? I know what you say is true about the cat and mouse chase but now is he really seeking his true feelings? He definitely don’t act like your typical guy so that’s why its so hard to read hisareal thought. Thanks so much for your help! Andrea
Hey Eric!!!
Okay I have a problem. I started dating a younger guy I am 23 and he just turned 19 we work on the same air force base in the same office actually….Well we ended up having sex this past weekend…it had been around a month usually i might them wait longer and i am usually in a long term relationship. Being that we never had the talk about what we are its been weird lately. We went from talking everyday…too not….We were together friday,I spent the night saturday and half the day sunday. Monday rolls around i pass by say good morning smile and keep walking…pass by a few other time for work reasons later while i was walking by he look upset and said HEY GINA. I was like Hey boy hey i’m normal bubbly self. And after that its just been wierd….i sent him a text monday night asking how his day was and got NO response…i was like okay…so i let it ride the next day i sent him a good morning text and said ” i sent you a text last night did you get it?” 3 hours pass by and he finally said yea i got it but i was playing call of duty and i wasnt paying attention to my phone..” All i said was oh okay…i havent heard from him since that was yeseterday afternoon…Its just weird because we went form talking all the time to not
/ I am confused …and i am feeling horrid that i slept with him i never do that unless it is very serious. Please help!!
Hi Eric,
I’m a college student and I recently met a guy in my english class. At first it was nothing but then he started teasing me and started playing footsie in a jokingly way. He started noticing what I was wearing cause he would mention about it. Example: I wore shorts one day and his response was “It’s not summer yet why are you wearing shorts?” a few days later he mentioned ” you’re not wearing shorts today?” He also notice little things, I wear a ring on my right hand. One day he asked if I was engaged or something but I explained to him that I wasn’t cause it would have been on my other finger and the ring was given by my mother. I only saw this guy every other day and this started happening towards the end of the school quarter. I promised him I would take him out to lunch if he finished all his essays that he never written for the class. On the day of our final, he calls me to ask if I was on campus because he said he lost his study guide. So I met up with him and gave him my study guide. There I asked him if he finished all his essays and he told me he did. But I didn’t mention anything about the lunch and he didn’t either. He then asked me what I was going to do before our class. My response was to go hang out with my friend. We said bye and then we didn’t see each other until our class time and that was the last time I saw him. During our spring break, I texted him “Hey I still owe you lunch when are you free?” he texted me back “thursday afternooon” great right? Well, on Wednesday I texted him and asked him what time on thursday. He told me the time. I then asked if we could move the location of the restaurant. He then texted back “I only get 1 hour lunch break. Given that it will hard for me to come down to that area. we can schedule for another time?” When I read that I got upset because I felt I was just worth an hour of his time. So my response was ” Yeah sure whatever is fine.” After that he hasn’t texted me back! It’s been about 2 weeks. I want to text him but my friends are telling me not to because it might show that I’m needy or some sort. But I feel like the way I responded was the reason why he never texted back. What do I do??? Was it my fault or was he just being a big flirt?
hey! I new this guy for abt a month for now.. he doesn’t call or text only in the weekend! we go out.. then on sunday i texted him and he texted me back! but than nothing till now.. what should i do? i really like him!! should i send him msg or call him?! or wait till weekend to call me? i really need ur help! thanks
Hey Eric
so i met this guy that im really interested in. We meet at the library occasionally and everything goes well. When we talk, he gives me his full attention (his eyes are always looking at mine, his body is turned towards me, he taps me on the shoulder, he uses my name in the conversation, etc) and when it gets time for him to leave he taps me on the shoulder and tells me how great it was seeing me. So the next day i saw him in the school hallway, i wanted to say hi to him as i was passing by but i felt like i should wait and see if he said hi first so i didnt do anything… well.. he just walked straight past me and seemed to not even notice me.. then three days later i decided to text him first and i said “hey whats up?” and he didnt reply. I dont understand, what did i do wrong? Why didn’t he text me back? i really like this guy but i dont want to ruin anything. so i havent texted him back either.. helpp? any advice?
thanks , you seem to help a lot of people
hi eric my ? is i meet this guy like 3 months ago BUT i am married amd this guy no’s that we had been talking over the phone and texting each other everyday and night for about 2 months straight until about a month ago he changed on me he stoped texing & calling me 1st and when i ask him he say’s “what does it matter on who text first” so i continue to text 1st all the time and sometime when i text he won’t text back not often but some times and when i ask him if he even likes me or just wanna have sex here and there he says i really like you but i feel like i am chasing him and he no’s it i think about him alllll day everyday and i can’t get him off my mind how do i reverse it and make him text me 1st?
First question. I am trying to figure out why men shy away when I am are interested, but when I get tired and tell them I want to be just friends, a few months later he is blowing my phone up and leaving me messages. All of a sudden he wants to try to establish something.
Second question. I had one guy stand me up two times. The third time he planned to meet, I went to the movies. I did not want to be in the house alone another night. He calls and says he is on his way. I told him I wasn’t home and I would be there in 20 minutes. He got so angry it was commical. Why is that?
One last question. Why is it women have to figure men out and they make no attempt to fugure out what we want or need in a relationship. If I like flowers, why can’t the men just buy me some freaking flowers??
i just hooked up with this guy and were friends but after the hook up he never contacted me. what does this mean?
okay, so this boy and me has like each other since 1st quarter of school. i havn’t talked to him since and he is really shy….i know he won’t make the first move,,but now when i text him, sometimes he doesn’t reply backk or it takes him too long….in school he is always looking at me, but somedays he don’t look at me as much as he used to…what does this mean?? should i talk to him??? does he want me to talk to him?? is he giving up??
@lila
Hi lila,
guys are really weird like that. maybe he is trying to remain cool by not texting you back (seems like he also might be shy if he won’t make the first move). rather than just exchanging looks, try and hang out with him in school. get to know his friends a bit (say hi, ask about what classes they go to… find some common ground) that way it will be less weird for you to go over and chill with them.
TAKE THE PLUNGE! in the olden days it might have been expected that girls don’t make the first move but you like him right? just be really casual ask if he’s seen this latest movie, do you want to hang out after school or meet up on the weekend to enjoy the good weather. that way he’ll know that you’re interested. even if its a group thing, you need to get away from the school environment so he can see you in a more relaxed way. within the group, you guys can hang and get things going.
if he says no perhaps he’s a little shocked. if you feel brave enough, try once more and if its a no again (even after he has had time to adjust to your new found confidence) then i would say to leave it. i wouldn’t say flirt with everyone but have a look round at other people. he’s not the only guy there is. perhaps if he sees that your not just totally into him and you have interests of your own/ other people who might be possible dates, he’ll be more interested and want to snap you up before its too late.
whatever happens, you will be fine!
good luck.
@ Reece
Q1. why guys shy away when you show interest.
i used to get the exact same thing. it’s this phenomena called ‘the thrill of the chase’. some guys don’t like women who know what they want and don’t like the BS of playing games as they find this aggressive. i’m not advocating game playing but instead of being honest like i was before and just making it clear i was interested, i held back a bit. initiate contact, flirt a bit, then let them come to you. if they don’t then that really isn’t the kind of guy that you’re after if he can’t be bothered to make some effort in return. or, continue to show interest and you will see at lot more guys retreating away in shyness, BUT you could eventually find a guy who matches you and isn’t afraid of a forthright woman.
Q2. hate to say it, but the first mistake was after he stand you up even the first time, you should NEVER have agreed to another date. that just sends the message that its ok to mess you around. no matter how nice he was/ you thought he was its just NOT ON to treat someone like that (unless of course his reason was legit – someone was hospitalised/ dies etc) but obv his intentions were crappy because he stood you up twice. i really wouldn’t worry about why he got angry as he obv was a pig!
Q3. yes it is difficult question why we have to figure men out. however, a relationship should be about compromise. if you want flowers from a man then i believe you shouldn’t get them. something like that should be because HE wants to give them to you NOT simply because you want them. won’t you be happier if he surprised you with something romantic rather than hinting heavily? if you’re with someone who isn;t making any effort to understand you/ want to please you and you are effectively ‘doing all the work’, you should talk to them about it rather that waiting in silence for something that may never come.
WOW…Bianca, you are right on target!! Truer words have never been spoken. If people want to play kids games with each other then this is what you get. If you are serious and sincere with another person, Bianca nails it! Bianca, you should be running this site! Thanks for the input girl, it is true true true!
I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months and he has backed away and i have been reading about what this means and what i have done for this to happen. I have found i have done quite a few thing wrong. So i am going to give him his space now.
The main question is that is i decided to stop contacting him as of today as i need to make sure i put myself first again and to work on myself as i feel i must have smothered him. He didn’t reply to my two messages yesterday but sent me a message today but just saying “well my weekend was great” i feel like he likes to make me jealous of what he is doing or he trys to do things that he knows i would want to do just to make me upset.
How long should i wait to text him back if he makes me wait?????????????
I am seeing this guy from past one month.since the time we hooked up he was never into calling me much.he calls once in three days or so and that too for five to six minutes.we chat via texts more.there has been a change in his texts pattern.from past fifteen days his texts reduced even if he does he just forwards me normal messages with occasional “miss you” and “love you” in the end.he is not chatting now a days and haven’t text me from past three days.he called me the other day but I was in my class and could not take his call when later on I called him he didn’t took mine.Yesterday after two days of resisting myself from texting I text him asking how he was doing to which he replied in lovely way that he was doing good and asked how was I doing,then I guess I did a mistake by dropping a message saying that he does not think of me now a days to which he didn’t reply.during these fifteen days he stops texting after sending few and replies only when he feels like or does not do at all and I keep on waiting like fools.he says he is keeping busy with work and its right to some extent but then hes has time to play games on face book and has time to comment on people’s links but has no time to text and ask my well being. when I call him he does not take my call and later on tells some or the other lame reason.another thing yesterday he commented on one of my posts which read “bitter reality”(which was actually for him) he wanted to know what i am finding bitter to which i didn’t reply,I hope I did right by ignoring his comment.
anyways please tell me what should I do to make him text me or call me.What I am doing wrong.Will ignoring him help?I am way too much confused.please help me!
@princess
don’t call/ text first. ALSO – stay off facebook chat for at least a week – appear offline and don’t comment too much on stuff cos he’ll see. you already let on that your not happy about him not texting you as much and he just ignored it – that is rude! shows that he doesn’t care enough to make sure that you are feeling good about this r/ship as a text only takes a minute to send. also if he doesn’t reply to your calls then that is the same if not worse – he should be making an effort.
because you texted/ called back before giving him a chance to reply, that lets him know that you don’t mind if he doesn’t reply because you will keep coming back so he won’t bother to make an effort now.
if he texts/calls you, text/call back also cos again its rude not to reply BUT wait a long time before you reply (at least a few hours normally the same day but if its late at night wait till the next afternoon/morning) because you have other things to do than to be waiting around for him. ALSO if he texts keep it brief. your r/ship should not be based on texting cos that’s a bit lazy no? if he texts you something trivial like ‘hi hows your day’ just be like ‘doing an assignment if your not busy drop me a call a little later’ – that way he has to make an effort to talk to you and I’ll say it again don’t go on facebook because if he chats to you there, he won’t bother to call you. the object is to get a CALL not a text.
if he calls you, again try to be brief – don’t talk about anything really on the phone. try and find a time to meet up SOONISH! just be like ‘hey, sorry i thought i’d be free to chat now but i’m a little pressed for time. do you wanna meet up ___day? (coffee, cinema, whatever) – don’t go on facebook once again because this just looks like you were making it up and you don’t really have anything to do. texting/ calling is great up until a point. when you meet up and see the person face to face then you feel that spark/ chemistry. you also have more to talk about after the date (do you remember that time we did this…etc)
it’s a little weird that he’s telling you he loves you no? especially when the two of you only text and its only been a month!
you did the right thing not to reply to his comment.
also, he’s just a guy, there are plenty around. if this one doesn’t work out then its not you, perhaps you just didn’t click. the WORST thing to do is get analytical about everything (texting patterns, facebook page checking). you have to train yourself to not care honestly princess you must resist!!!! the more you beat yourself up about it, when he finally does text/ call you’ll be really overjoyed and get too emotionally invested. guys are different they take a while to become attached. don’t wear your heart on your sleeve just yet and keep your options open.
@Zee
Thanks a ton for replying.I am and will try my best being carefree,its bit tough though.I will surely follow your face book advice as well.lets see how things turn out.I will let you know if anything favorable or unfavorable follows.Thanks again.
Okay, So i met this guy through a friend about 2 weeks ago.. we havnt met but we have been texting a lot and i think im starting to like him..He dosent usually text me first. He has mabye 2 times. But he always asks me why i dnt txt him and that i should be the one textting him. is that true? Also when we text he sometimes responds in a few min and other times over an hour. Does that mean that he is just busy? and he just texted me and all he said was text me later…i dnt wanna ruin anything with him cuz i like him. please help me out with what he is most likey thinking.. thanks
Hi, Eric Charles, will like to know your true opinion, i was dating this guy for almost three months, he always make the approach and we both know we where attracted, he was very nice with me, calling me all days, texting me, we also had sex, it was very nice sharing, until one day, i invited him to a party.iItold him the day before that i will pick him after 8 pm , because i was going to work, he says it was ok. When the day came, i arrived to my work, and a put my cel phone in my locker because the supervisor was there. So when i go out of work around 7 00 pm i called him to let him know i will pick him, i saw on the cell two text messages, which i couldn’t reply because he know i was working, in the past i used to reply because my supervisor wasn’t in the area. But this time i couldn’t. But when i called him several time he never picked his cell. The next morning he text me at 6 am and i called him, he says he called me a lot and message me, and i dint respond. I told him i was working, and he knew i was going to pick him up after 8 pm. He told me, i called you and get tired, but i didn’t have any miss call, just two text messages. He told me he wanted to talk to see where do we stand up. I says it was ok, i ask him if he liked me to go to his house and be aware pf picking the phone, he says it was ok.I told him i will call him like 12 pm. I went to sleep again and called him at 12 pm, but he didn’t respond, called him like 4 more time more later until night, but never pick it.So next morning i just wrote him a card, telling him about the situation. But he never answer me, so i decided no to call him more, after 7 days i tried to call him just one time, but nothing, he also never went online, how he used to do. So, after 10 days, i saw him online, but he didn’t respond to me, so i didn’t even to him. After almost 3 weeks, he text me Hi. I hope you are ok. I responded the message after 2 days, saying i as very fine, how about you, But he never respond either. He went back online, but he doesn’t speak to me, So, I really don’t know what did i did wrong or why is he behaving like that, i think is so immature, he just keep ignoring me after all we share, and even says me why did he changed from one night to an other with me?? I don’t think i am being needy, i never acted like that with him…in a moment i called him back, because taught maybe something happened to him, but when i saw him online, i realize he was a least ok.??
i was talking to this guy for about 6 months. but we never got into a “serious relationship”. i would constatly hear he would be talking to his ex girlfriend but at the end they were just rumors. he did alot of things for me that proved he liked me. about a month ago i told him i didn’t want to talk to him anymore and that we were better of as friends, even though he was very upset we were just going with the flow but things between us where still the same, like if we never stopped talking. i started hearing rumors about him talking to one of his friends and when i asked him he completely denied it. last week i saw a picture of them two dancing at a club the weekend me and him had gotten into a fight. i flipped and told him to get out of my life. he deleted me from facebook & deleted my number. yesterday i alpologized for saying such thing and he told me “he was going to think about it”. i’m very upset & i think he doesn’t care anymore since he alredy has somebody there
If you text a boy saying it’s over between them and they dont text back , does that mean they dont care ?
I been interested in a colleague lately we got to know each other at a official party . It seemed like he liked be back ever since, I text-ed him first after the first time we met and he did seem to reply quite enthusiastically. I was travelling for the next few weeks and I am back now, I get to see him at work and have casual conversation, on one side i do feel he still likes me back yet i wonder why he wont reply to a simple text msg that would say – ” How have u been?” Its been a few days now.
Should i just let it pass?
I can possibly not think of any reason why he would not text back to a very casual text as this; even if he were not interested in me. help!!
Hi, so there’s this guy that I like, he’s from our rival school, and the other day I texted him saying hey, what’s up? And he replied, saying that he doesn’t really want to talk to me because we don’t really know each other that well. I told him straight up, point blank, that there’s a simple way of changing that. But he obviously didn’t understand what I meant, and now I don’t know what to say to him to get him to have a conversation with me. Even after we talked( well texted I guess, bu basically the same thong anyways) for 5 hours one night, and all of a sudden he just didn’t want to talk to me that much after that night…what should I do?
Umm. I think Guys that don’t text back Just don’t want to. They probably have another girlfriend and just don’t want too hurt your feelings but seriously I’d play the same game. Well i do play the same game. I like a guy and he lied to me and it broke my heart. I am still crying he was sweet but i guess you can judge by that :!.
Ok, I get what you mean, but it’s hard not to think about him a lot, and I guess I don’t know how to get over him after all of it
heey, well there is this guy i really like and i dont know if he is interested in me or not. we text all the time but sometimes he makes me think he doesn’t like me by not answering at random times but i figure he is busy with work , but other times i think he might like me when he sends me smiley faces randomly and he acts all flirty but i dont know what to do my friend told me that he asked her 21 year old sister if she was single and he said it right in front of me but someone help me . i want things to happen with this guy .
Ok, so me and this guy have been talking for a few months and have only met on three occasions. He has these phases where he’ll text me all the time everyday and call a lot, then he just drops off the face of the earth. He says sweet things, calling me babe, boo, and other pet names, and eludes to future meetings. We just saw each other two days ago and in those two days he hasn’t made an effort to contact me at all. I texted him last night and still no response, should I just play it cool and not text him, and just wait til he texts me? And how long should I let the silence last before texting him?
hello my names avra. i am working at a summer camp and it is my first year. on the first day i met this guy who is 2 years older than me (he is a counselor in a different tribe). so i friended him on facebook that night because we talked that first day and i thought it’d be okay…so we fb chatted that night too. i really liked talking to him on the computer as well as in person because i started to develop a little crush on him (his name is ben). so the next day at camp we say hi and stuff but its hard to communicate because we have to stay professional and the campers come first, so it’s hard to socialize and stuff. i see him around camp though because he helps out with basketball, which my campers go to sometimes, so i see him there and we talk a bit. every night though throughout the first week of camp we would talk on fb, and he would start the convo one night and i would start it the other night, it kind of went back and forth like that. one night he asked for my number on fb chat and i gave it to him so we started texting. we texted throughout the camp week too and talked when we could at camp…but still, nothing too much since we have to stay professional.. we were having a nice convo via texting on a friday night, and he stopped responding so i figured he was busy. we didnt talk at all saturday and i texted him sunday and he never replied. he was on fb chat but didnt IM me at all throughout the weekend. thinking that i did something wrong and that he lost interest in me i went to camp feeling a bit frustrated. he didnt wave to me in the morning or smile like he usually did. but then basketball rolled around and he asked me what was up and said hey and started a convo. i guess my confusion is this: why doesn’t he wanna talk to me via fb and text? should i just not worry about it since he talks to me in person anyways…which is probably better in the long run? and how do i get closer to him? its hard to do this throughout the camp days…and i told him that i would like to hang out sometime so im leaving that up to him to ask me to hang. i dont want this to turn into a texting/online thing (if he ever does contact me again through those things..). i just need advice on how to handle this. my friends say that i should never ever text him first which i havent, but its so hard. if he wants to talk to me then he’d text me, correct? i dont wanna seem annoying and always text him first. :/
I am a grown ass woman and you are a grown ass man. If…
…I call you several times and you don’t pick up
…I leave you voicemails you don’t reply to
…you don’t return my calls
…you don’t answer my texts
…you say you’ll call me back but don’t and then don’t bother to call me the day after either…
…then I’m going to assume you’re not interested, tell you I’m assuming you’re not interested and that I’m no longer interested in you or your inability to freaking communicate, then move the hell on. Cause adults shouldn’t have to play games with each other. I shouldn’t have to not call a guy so he’ll think I’m unavailable so he’ll be freaking interested. And if you are playing games to get a guy to notice that you’re not that worried about his ass not calling, then you’re not ready for an adult relationship. You’re interested in oneupmanship and games and BS.
so usually this guy texts me everyday, and if he wants me to text him first , he tells me the day before. either way we usually talk everyday. he told me he likes me awhile ago and i told him i like him. this is the first day where he hasnt texted me. at alll.i dont know if i should be worried about this? i really like him and i really dont want to lose him but i dont want to be too clingy. should i ignore him? i dont want him to think im not intrested anymore but i also dont want him to think im annoying if i try to talk to him. i dont know what to do.
So my problem hasn’t been solved, but I guess I wasn’t sure what I needed to know…. So this guy, Adam, is from the rival school, he’s a starter on their soccer and basketball teams, and I really like him, but he told me, completely out of the blue that he doesn’t want to talk to me until after the summer’s over, why could it be that he wants this after we talked for hours and hours so many other times?
I understand your take on this, but it still pisses me off when I ask for specifics (because, incidentally, I do have a life, and my time is valuable) and get lame vague answers, then either a guilt trip for making other plans, or he acts like it’s neediness when I’m annoyed my time isn’t being respected. Sometimes I think men are so afraid of this imaginary needy woman they’ve constructed, which they expect us to potentially transform into at any time, that they just preemptively assume neediness is the problem, when the real problem is that guys frequently act like inconsiderate immature cowards who expect women to just go along with whatever their whim is. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! I’m normally very nice and do not get angry very easily but this is one of my pet peeves and such a lame turnoff. Just because I’m nice doesn’t mean I’m a pushover, and just because I like being communicated with doesn’t mean I’m effing needy. The guy I’m about to dump over this was friends with me since we were kids, thirteen years we’ve known each other, and we’ve been romantically involved for two. I love him to death but I don’t see how I can stand this type of thing permanently. I spend enough time with him to know he’s glued to his phone. There’s no reason why he can’t send me a simple “I’m running late, I’ll be another hour” or something, especially when he knows I have other things to do. I hate feeling like I’m potentially ruining such an important relationship in my life by breaking up with him over this, but I don’t see how I can stand to be permanently with someone who does this. And it’s not just him. Lots of guys act this way, both guys I’ve dated or guys I’m friends with who I see acting this way toward the girls they’re involved with. I shouldn’t have to change, they should.
Sorry to bombard you, but that’s my rant.
@emma – Why should the guy have to respond to you when you want, how you want? And why should you NEED him to respond that way? In the grand scheme of things, it’s so insignificant that getting upset about how a guy responds to a text message is enough to make a guy want to avoid you. I wouldn’t want to deal with a girl who flips out unless I text her the right way…
I’m not trying to be mean, but this isn’t guys imagining things. This is guys not wanting to deal with nonsense. And plus, it’s not all guys… it sounds to me like you happen to date guys who act like assholes when it comes to texting you. That’s not the world’s fault or even men’s fault. You are responsible for your dating choices.
Want to get text messages every time you send it? Date a pushover wussy nice guy – he’ll shower you with attention and affection…
Or… stop taking a guy’s text message habits as meaning something about you and/or your relationship. A man’s world is bigger than your text message.
Eric, thanks for the response, but I think you misunderstood me. I apologize if my original post was unclear (I was pretty irritated when I wrote it). I’m not upset about not getting responses to every text message immediately, clingy people in general are annoying. And for the record, I don’t stay with people who treat me badly, I don’t think every flaky guy who’s bad at communicating is a complete asshole, nor do I think all guys are jerks or anything like that. I just don’t like being thought of as needy when I expect someone to respect my time. All I want is common courtesy. It seemed like there was this idea underlying your article that girls are needy and that somehow justifies being rude to them (maybe you didn’t intend it but that’s the way it came across to me). And of course in my irritated state I got all ranty and ravy and said something. Regardless, I still think a guy can avoid dealing with nonsense without being rude about it, and also without being a wussy pushover nice guy.
“I just don’t like being thought of as needy when I expect someone to respect my time.” Expecting someone to respect your time does not equal neediness. NEEDING them to act a certain way or you get angry/sad/upset/self-conscious does. Expectation is fine, but your reaction is your responsibility.
From your comment I feel like I need to clarify that I don’t think girls in general are needy – I do think that anyone (guys or girls) has the capacity to be needy. And if that’s the case, it’s destructive to relationships, plain and simple.
Generally speaking, it’s nobody’s responsibility to meet someone else’s criteria for how they should or shouldn’t act. The best thing we can do is take responsibility for how we handle things – people are going to be people and if someone has a tendency to act a certain way, it’s your responsibility to recognize that and decide whether or not their character is compatible with yours. If it is, expect that they will act they way that they act. If it isn’t, don’t get bent out of shape when they act the way they act.
I appreciate your feedback and I respect your perspective. But you have to realize that I’ve got hundreds of e-mails about this article and approaching 100 comments on the post itself and you’re the only one with this interpretation of the article. I have to tell you that your interpretation doesn’t match up to what I was saying in the article, which makes me think your perspective is being colored by your current experience.
In the context of this blog I share my perspective with women on dating topics. In my life, I work with guys as well. You would be amazed how many guys have similar hangups about women acting rude or flaky or not acting the way they “should” be acting. I tell them the same thing: Your response is your responsibility.
Hi Eric,
There’s this guy I was in a relationship. we broke up the end of last fall and remained friends through our spring semesters and throughout this summer up until now. We got really close.
He and I talk on the phone every day if not every-other-day, and we text ALL the time.(pretty much every day) We both respond to each others messages within the hour.
We always laugh and have GREAT conversation… Plus he’s told me that he does in fact like me and that he thinks I’m special and a good person.
Recently, i noticed he’s taken interest in another girl. Which is totally fine…he and i are not committed… However, with him investing so much time everyday talking with me I thought it might actually mean he was really considering working towards us re-establishing a relationship again…. I guess i was mistaken….
I told him that it’s best if he and i put some space between each other until i no longer have anymore romantic feelings because i don’t think i have what he wants in a relationship. I assumed his feelings were as strong as mine but i guess we were not on the same page. I told him not to call or text me for awhile and that I’m sure he would understand.
He and i later had a phone conversation…. He said that he was interested in two other
girls plus me… And that he could not give me a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to wanting to be with me. He said he needed more time and that he needed to get to know me longer.
(we’ve known each other for a year and 2 months)
I told him that he can’t expect for me just to sit around and wait while he decides to figure out who he wants to be with…. Next thing he says, i was putting pressure on him.
I told him i wasn’t trying to put pressure on him. But i can’t just sit idle and expect something with him when he might choose someone else. I don’t want to over-invest.
Then he went on to say, two can be good for each other but it doesn’t mean they are compatible; He also brought up our past relationship and the mistakes we made….and questioned if we might repeat them. I told him that we need to set provisions, or steps in order where we won’t make those same mistakes…
Then he brought up people that might have crushes on me and why did i hide him out my news-feed on FACEBOOK!
At that point, I just stopped the entire conversation and just said he and i should be friends and that we will not be talking on the phone every day nor texting every day. Then he said can we still be close? And if I completely stop talking to him that would be bad.
And the end of our conversation, i said we’ll just be friends, and if something happens later down the road then maybe we’ll be together again.
I think I made the right decision in distancing myself from him. I truly liked him and cared a lot. Maybe he did have care for me in some aspect; But i just don’t think he wanted me.
What I’m SERIOUSLY trying to figure out is why did he invest all that time texting and calling!?!?!?!?! and why couldn’t he give me a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to wanting to be in a relationship with me? What do you think????
I feel like i wasted my time; But all in all i will remain to have a lot of care for him.
Okie dokie Eric I got a question…
I have known this guy since 2007. We met in the summer and at that time he was EXTREMELY clingy. I pushed me away (I was kinda flaky). However, once in every blue moon I would fb chat him just to ask how he was doing. This last time he told to text him. I didn’t text right away (not because I was waiting on purpose, but bc I was really busy). Well, since then, he started truth or dare by phone and wanted me to answer several sexual questions (I’m a virgin and he knows that, when we first met we had many long convos about this). He said he was cool with me being a virgin, but continued to ask me questions that comes off (to me) as rude. I guess my real problem is that if you know certain things about me then why try to compromise my beliefs or morals?
On Friday he asked me to send him a pic of me in my underwear… I said no and explained my response. His response “Aww you suck”. There are other flags or things that I don’t like but since I really don’t know him know I let them pass. One of the other flags is that on fb it says in a relationship with: NAME! I asked him in the beginning if he was and he said “no I’m just dating” (WTH) then why does fb has your status as otherwise?
Anywho, lol Friday night @ 9pm (my time) I said “you’re elusive, It’s like I know you, but I don’t, which brings me to the conclusion that I don’t know you. Just a thought…moving right along” (lol haha I know you’re going to get me for that) he replied “Oh”.
My questions are, why can he ask me ANYTHING he wants (and for the most part I answer, only avoided one question out of MANY!) but he can’t answer my questions?
He hasn’t sent a text and neither have I. But, I was wondering if I should apologize for my actions because it was out of my character and he’s definitely not my BF, was I wrong?
I actually like him, but I think I may be romanticizing about the guy I knew not the one now… by our last conversations, I feel that he only wants a physical relationship now and that not me (but I could just be creating this too).
ok so me and this guy have been together for 6 months
it was going well and everything he used to text me everyday and respond pretty quickly
he had a job but when he would have his break he would actually take the time out and text me
but these past two months we meet sometime like maybe once a week and we always text i asked him “why dont you call me” he said he “does not like to talk on the phone” so i just gave up on that and said okay…but now he doesnt text me at all barely and when we do talk it is at night
i know he is busy and has his own life so do i but that does not mean that you cant take 2 min of ur life and text me saying maybe that im busy talk later….
this past week i just gave up on him and dont text him and dont wait for him either and when he does i sometimes dont reply because i dont feel the need to say anything anymore..
and once he didnt text me the whole day until like 2 at night saying his battery was low and phone turned off and i was like okay….but then he said the same thing again the next day and i was lik thats not possible so i told him u are lying to me…and then he finally told me that since he works with his dad he does not let him text….i told him y couldent u just tell me that from the start y do u have to lie abou it……
and also this whole month he is not working so i was like so we hang out more and he said he cant because his grandfather is coming and he has to be with him…like seriously bullsh*t
and i have been thinking abou breaking up with him cuz our communication is really bad
so wats up him? y he actin lik that
Hi Eric, I came across this website because I’m new to texting, and dont really know how its done with regards to response time, or all the other etiquette involved with texting.
I purposely avoided texting before, not wanting to fall into the whole ‘walking around with the phone stuck to my face’. I am an adult woman, I am cute, I just dont feel the need to be constantly found. like at the supermarket or when I’m out for supper, if a person cant necessarily ‘find’ me right away, thats a good thing. So a ‘good’ friend of mine, found me while I was on vacation, I happened to check the time on my iTouch, and I had an offline message from messenger on my screen, which then directed me to my messenger app. I briefly went in saw that ‘he’ (the good friend) was online still, he was the one who had left me the offline message, but I hit the home button and checked my email, in doing that he left me another message with a sad emoticon say “aww you left” .. I hadnt talked to him in a few months so it wasnt expected of me to talk to him upon initially seeing him in messenger, being why I hit the home button on my iTouch and left messenger. so I went back and talked to him. It was basically friendly chat, until I asked him why I had the pleasure of having this time with him, he then told me he had a few minutes before he had to run to work, that he just wanted to say hello. So I responded with a “hello, and we’ll catch up soon”.. and then he said ok, and then he flirted with me.. that little flirty comment he made had to do with how he missed me and my great butt.. which I thought was funny, since I hadnt talked to him for a while, and he was so out there with that comment, I like the open and honest way he speaks to me, I’m not offended by his comments, we have flirted like that for years, whether we were in relationships or not, because we’re so attracted to each other, we just live in different provinces now. He then went on to say that he missed me and wanted to see me, and since I wasnt home and on holidays that maybe we could text…
Well we had never had to text before, we usually just used messenger or hotmail to stay in touch, he had asked to text me years ago, and I declined, and then he asked to skype, and I declined. Until the other day when he asked me to text with him.. the way he asked I thought was cute and I could sense this need from him to want to see me even through a pic, so me being funny I asked him if he had forgotten what I looked like and he said NO! he just missed me…I thought it was cute! and because I hadnt talked to him in months, I considered the idea and told him i’d get back to him with my number via email, athough he’d already given me his cell number. I emailed him my number later that night and went to bed, when I woke up I had noticed a text picture message from him.. ya… well.. I texted him back a “good morning” and he said he wanted a pic of me, and then he asked for a sexy pic of me.. which.. was just sexy, not graphic. Feeling hesitant.. I agreed, hesitantly because texting isnt my thing let alone sending sexy pics.. whatever.. I sent something cute and his response was more then positive.. we texted a few more times throughout the day, and it started being something fun for me, I do like him, and I know he likes me, so I was happy with it.. it was fine.
I wasnt expecting to hear from him again this morning, because like I said we dont always talk.. it would have been to soon, and I dont want to have those kind of expectations with anybody.. Im always doing my own thing, but because I had fun with him yesterday and in part because I am on holiday and not around all my friends and other attachments.. I suppose it filled a void for the day.. I am having fun on my holidays, though that ‘texting’ was different and exciting from the norm.. I dont like playing games because I am an adult woman, I pretty much know what I like and what I want for myself, and this particular man knows this of me, but because I am new to this texting I guess I dont know how it works, I dont want to over step or get ahead of myself, normally I wouldnt over think something this simple I would just do it, and whatever, its usually fine.. but today I was anxious about it.. I checked my phone and he didnt text me.. not that it was expected.. I checked again later.. and at that moment I thought I would text him a quick cute little message. I know that not all texts or emails warrant a response, let alone an immediate response. but I havent heard back from him and I thought shoot. It could obviously be a number of reasons as to why he hasnt sent a response back.. maybe he’s playing games and now keeping me waiting.. I dont like it I’m forthcoming with almost everything, so it makes me uncomfortable. I just sent one message today, I wont be sending anymore, and if he texts me back (after reading your advice, and some comments) I think I will make him wait it out! haha.. I dont like playing games like that, I dont think its necessary, BUT I also dont want to feel bad inside about something so trivial.
I didnt need to read your advice, because this is all something I know already, I thoroughly enjoyed your advice as a quick refresher.. Thanks.. I also wanted to tell you that I think its so good, that your reading these texting issues and responding to most.. The responses you gave were all very well worded and I was impressed with your honesty and the way you tried to help even with out knowing all the details of the readers relationship..
I could only imagine knowing a man like you, that would talk so openly and honestly with some knowledge and thought about what he’s saying, in one of the comments you mentioned in so many words, that people are attracted to people for different reasons that its a mystery to men why women suddenly become attracted… I dont know anything about you but I was attracted, just by the way you spoke.. and then I saw that pic.. haha.. I think you’re awesome. Keep up the good work.. Have a nice day!
what dose it mean when a guy usually always tells you to text him first? like when were done talking at the end of the day/night he’ll always say “okay hit me up tomorrow”, its rarely ever that he says “ill text you tomorrow” unless i end the conversation first. and also this guy constantly is asking me why im acting weird .. or is something wrong if im the slightest bit short with him.. yet he is always short with me most of the time, and im always reasuring him nothings wrong and then the conversation just gets awkward. we’ve been talking now for almost 6 months and were still not official and were getting ready to go to school together in the fall. could you please give me some insight… hope that all made sense. haha thanks so much!
-kait
Hey Eric, so this guy Adam, that I was talking about before, things have changed a little….I needed to sort out my feelings, so I wrote him a letter, being completed honest, and I still have it, and I dint know what to do: send it and risk him showing all his friends causing total humiliation on my part, send it and he takes me seriously and keeps it to himself, or keep it and read it every so often if I feel like it…… I don’t know know what to do, since the letter explains everything: my feelings for him, how we met, all my impressions if him, an my cutter confusion on why he didn’t want to talk to me all summer. I might see him on the 12th, hut he probably wouldn’t even say hi then, but then again, I don’t know….. Any advice or ideas on what I should do???? Thanks!!
heyy, i have been talking to this guy that i met recently and i text him every night and i start the conversation. he texts back and all, but i dont know if he doesn’t text me in the day because he is at work or because im using my moms phone to text and he doesn’t want to bother her…i just dont want to mess things up that haven’t really gotten to far..i have made that mistake too many times! We have a lot in common. i just dont know what to do. can you help?
Hey Eric,
There is this guy who lives about 6 hours away from me. We are in our final years of high school, and I met him just last year because our parents have been good friends since they were kids. The first time I found out about him was on facebook. He made a comment on one of my photos saying I looked hot. lol. The following October, I saw him at an LSU football game. This was the first time we actually met in person. He was extremely sweet, and we spent the whole day together at the game, and he put his arm around me and held my hand. He asked for my number but I didn’t have texting back then so I just gave it to him in case he wanted to call. He never did, but I understood because calling can be awkward when you’ve just met somebody.
Then the following May, he wrote on my facebook telling me I “hey long time no see, what’s up” “You are absolutely BEAUTIFUL”, things like that, etc. He wanted to see me again so we made plans to have our families meet up at a lakehouse for a weekend.
That weekend was amazing. He was so sweet, complimented me all the time, showed off to impress me, and it was obvious that he liked me. This time I gave him my number again now that I have texting. So again, I had to go back home 6 hours away. He texted me the next day, and every day after that for about 2 weeks. And HE would text ME first a lot, which I loved, and when he didn’t text me first by late afternoon, I would text him. Of course, he was always very sweet in his texts. He said he wanted to kiss me so bad at the lakehouse but didn’t know why he didn’t. He said he really liked me, complimented me numerous times, said he wanted to be with me, asked me to apply to the college that he wants to go to so we could live close to eachother next year, etc. He started planning to come over to my house, and I started planning to go to his. Whenever he asked his dad to come here, his dad would say they don’t have time, so it was hard for him to make plans to visit me. However, my family has made plans to visit his next month at the lakehouse again. He told me the plans he had for whenever I visit him in his city, told me where we could go and all the places he’d show me. He even wanted to play “the 20 questions game” that a lot of guys like to play when they have a difficult question to ask… and he asked me how far we would go. I told him not too far at first, but as we get to know eachother better we could go farther. He said I sounded like a pretty cool girl, and when I asked him the same question, he said we would go as far as I’m comfortable with. This was great to me because I knew he didn’t just want to get some. He said that on a friday.
The following day, a Saturday, was the first day he stopped texting me. I texted him, but he wouldn’t text back. I decided to give him some space if that’s what he wanted, and only texted him about twice that week. No response. Then at the end of the week I asked if there was something wrong, because we had texted and skyped almost every day for two weeks and then he just stopped. He said everything’s fine, he just didn’t feel like texting sometimes and “didn’t want to skype anymore”. BS?
For about a week after that, I checked my phone WAY too much, like every 20 minutes the entire day, hoping he would text. When it started to sink in that he wasn’t going to, I became really mad, going for runs at the gym and listening to a lot of rap to shake it off lol. Then I became really sad for several days, almost depressed and complaining to my friends all the time about him and I’m sure they got annoyed. Then out of the blue, after like a month, he texted me asking when he was going to see me. We tried to make plans for him to come to my house by himself if his family didn’t have time… it gets a little complicated here. He thought the plans would be more likely to work out if I had my dad talk to his dad, but my dad said my guy should talk to his own dad. So my guy, (i’ll just call him B), sent me the text he was going to send to his dad asking permission to come and visit me. He supposedly sent his dad that text… a few days later I asked him what his dad said. He said his dad “hadn’t responded” but it probably wasn’t going to happen.
Well that’s the last I heard of him, and I’m seeing him at the lakehouse next month. I have no idea how that will go, but I need your opinion.
Why do you think he was talking to me all nice, every day, taking the initiative to talk to me and try to see me, and then one day just drop out of the world?
And what do you think I should expect at the lakehouse? Should I tell him how he hurt me? If he says he wants to be with me, should I make it work or end it because of the distance between where we live and also the way he just left me because he could do it again?
Please, I need your advice! I need a guy’s opinion.
to i’ve got a question,
the guy i like texted me yesterday and then we had been talking for maybe like 2 hours and then he asked me who i liked. i basically did the whole like idk if ill tell you stuff for a will which i guess made him want to no more. so i ask him who he liked.. i swear i thought he liked me because in our conversation we were having earlier and was flirting with me,we had been hanging our at the pool earlier that day and he works at our icecream stand and i left to go back swimming and then i never came back before i left and he told me he i had. and so when he said he like no one and he swore and i didnt no what to say but eventually i told him that truth. and i said “well i sorta like you…” my friends are saying he probbly feel asleep before i responded because it was late at night, but i think there just being good friends and not saying what they really think.
i have gone out with this guy before.. we broke up over childish reasons.. it was in the begging of 7th grade now its summer time and were going into 8th we have both really matured over this past year. essapacialy him.
i really would like a guys opinion! thanks to much:)
Hey Eric,
Just trying to seek some advice/suggestions about this guy i’m seeing…
I work at a hotel and i met him because his conference comes in for meeting rooms etc. (this happened in January 2010) He approached me and initiated conversation. He’s very charming. Asked me for my number, i said no but i’ll take his and he gave me his business card. He stayed and talked to me until my shift was over which was a very long time and before i sent him on his way i left him my number. He texted me the next morning with a cute morning text and we would flirt back and forth. He then sets a date (it was for a Tuesday) to meet up and grab some coffee. We were excited for our date, but then that Tuesday morning everything was strange to me… He hadn’t texted me the cute morning texts he did every single day since we started talking. I waited until noon and still no text so i texted him and said “So i take it i won’t be seeing you tonight?” his response a couple ours later was “Why do you say that? did i do something to upset you? I’ve been quite busy that is why i haven’t responded quickly. I don’t want you to feel like i’m avoiding you. Maybe i was alittle too ambitious in asking you out for coffee. Maybe we will try again another time =)” my reaction was “It’s okay, forget it.” Which was probably a mistake and hadn’t heard from him. (Alittle break down: We met in Jan, he came into work to surprise me sometimes and chat with me for hours, we texted lots, and then everything ended in April because of that Tuesday date)
I rarely work at the hotel now so i hardly see him anymore. I only work Sundays at the hotel now but there was a Tuesday where i was asked to come into work to take a shift and little did i know his event was there for a meeting room that day. My heart raced alittle, he walked by and saw me and said “Hey”. In some senses it felt like he wanted to talk but one of his buddies budged in and grabbed my attention away from him. He then walked out and left. I sent him a text right after and said i missed him. He admitted it was his wrong for ending our relationship the first time. We began texting again like how we used to except his weren’t so frequent. He would text me back within 3-5 hr periods. It bugged me at first but after talking to some people i dropped it. But it does bug me when all i ever receive from him is a text in the morning, a text at around 5pm after work and then a good night text.
Recently he’s been setting trips, i’m guessing because it’s summer. He’s gone on hikes, he went to banff, and stayed in the mountains for the weekend but he doesn’t tell me any of this until he gets back into town. I would keep my mind off of him by keeping myself busy at work. But by night if i still don’t hear from him i get alittle antsy. I don’t find myself ever saying anything to him though…
I’ve never brought up the negative things to him or how i felt. I always make it out to seem that i’m okay with everything and that what he’s doing doesn’t bug me.
I guess my question is, is he not that interested in me? or could he possibly be seeing someone else? He’s 34 and he’s the oldest man i’ve been with which is possibly why i feel different with him because all the other guys i’ve dated have given me priority. Everytime i don’t hear from him, my mind makes up the decision in letting go and it seems as though God is playing a game with me because everytime i’ve decided to let go, he will contact me and then i am back to base one.
Does he not text much and is it normal because he’s 34 and he’s busy? or am i making up excuses now?
In some ways i feel insecure, i feel like maybe he’s seeing someone else…
Your opinion would be greatly appreciated. Sorry my post might be alittle confusing as i have so much on my mind and i don’t know how to express it since everything happened in different periods of time.
Thank you in advance
Vee
I have a burning question that’s been buggin the hell out of me for days now. I have a Facebook account and a classmate of mine (who has shown an obvious interest by looking and following-from a distance), have just started Facebooking each other. We had our first online chat last Sunday. Now, I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t make the first move and all, and plus I really don’t bother anybody, but I’ve been really careful in this case cause I do have an interest in this guy. What I did was I let everything spread out, like I would send little message just saying “Hi” , like letting him know that I was thinking about him. I only did this every other 2 or 3 days so it wouldn’t look like I was needy. So anyway, I noticed a few days ago that I was missing him on my Friends list. One of my friends told me that it’s either one of two things: either he deleted his Facebook account or Facebook deleted him. I know I wasn’t bugging him to death or anything like that, but I just have to know what happend and if it’s anything against me. Funny thing was, on Wednesday night at school, I saw him walking across the street looking at me, but as much as I wanted to , I really couldn’t talk to him, cause I was on a short break. Please give me an answer to what’s going on cause I can’t stand it!
I truely appreciate this site and it is better than those relationship books or discs. Eric hits the point quickly without wasting our time by talk ing around the point so to get readers to make purchase. Thanks. I also see disagreement everywhere as a sign saying readers are interested and they want depth. Myself want to share a bit of thought from a different perspective serving as a enrichment of what this topic is about.
Neediness is one of the reasons that turns a seemingly good relationship (or interaction) sour. Yet, it is not the true reason. The true reason is that both sides are not on the same page. Let’s say someone is pathetic and needy and insecure. He (she ) won’t have any problem with the relationship if he (she ) can find the counterpart just like him (her). On the good side, there are soul mates and love at first sight, so no game at all. Neediness becomes mutual. So it doesn’t matter. But, let’s face it. A lot of us won’t have a instance relationship. Some trust is given as a starting fund. The rest is earned. Testing/self-protection is an unfortunately and inevitable jurney for most of us before the destiny.
Girls, here is a not so good example. Did you ever see a female animal watch indifferently two males fight to death for her? She won’t help neither but choose the winner when he proves himself. And that is natural selection driven by built-in instinct of her. Why we girls can’t even perform that? And we have to chase after guys and care so much about what they do and how they act? Reason: we have too much desire and not enough natural instinct. We have to be woman enough to not to chase man. Since we deserve to be chased. Don’t ask yourself to be less. A particualr guy who won’t try hard enough is simply not good enough for a particular girl.
Yet, I know girls don’t like guys who couldn’t keep their general promises like “I’ll be right back.” “I’ll call you at such such time” is not solely because of neediness. This is not neediness. This is trust. If you can’t trust a guy with his word, how can you trust him as a person? No one is obligated here. If one doesn’t mean to do something, please don’t say it. Mean what you say and say what you say. No need to ask him to behave. Simply cross his name off your attention list. He is not worth it. In general, girls are more particular about how certain things need to be done in a certain way as a common curtesy. They simply have higher standard and are more conscious about behavior. They apply that to themselves. One standard.
Girls are also multi-taskers. Just because we are very into relationship doesn’t mean we don’t have enough going on in our life. We do. But we are simply more passionate and giving and caring toward people in general. When it comes to relationship, women are more purpose driven. We girls should be proud of the way we are. We are made this way for a very good reason so we can provide better and more care to our infants. But when you are facing guys, they are not wired the same way. Remember your instinct and selection to start with. You couldn’t help but do all the investing later on because that is your nature. It’s ok if you can’t fight it. Don’t. Be courageous. It’s a double-edged sword. Meaning you should also be courageous to let him go if you find that he just doesn’t fit and you are investing in a bad stock. Get out off there! You should know your heart well. Its strength and weakness. What it can and can’t do. Where its limit is. As long as you have power and control over your own heart, you can date without Waterloo. Control is power. That control is to control your own heart. So to decide how things would be around you, the key is you.