Ask a Guy: When a Guy Won’t Commit on Facebook post image

Ask a Guy: When a Guy Won’t Commit on Facebook

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks and he often refers to me as his girlfriend…but refuses to change his facebook status from being single. He is always asking to meet my parents, and introduces me to all his friends so I’m not sure what the problem is?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

We truly live in the era of Love 2.0 now, I guess. :)

First off, you’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks. Ease up a bit on the fella – Facebook status can be a touchy thing.

I’ve been on the receiving end of the whole Facebook relationship status drama. For me, it was annoying as hell and it turned into a battle of wills between me and my girlfriend at that time.

These days I don’t list my relationship status on Facebook – too much hassle and nonsense for something I prefer to be personal. But I digress…

With regards to your situation, step back for a moment. It’s not really about the Facebook status. At a deeper level, it’s probably about a couple of things.

First, his commitment to you. In my mind, if he’s referring to you as his girlfriend, he’s into you. He likes you, he wants you and that’s all the commitment you should want or expect within a few *weeks* of seeing a guy. Frankly, if he’s referring to you in conversation as his girlfriend, you’re doing pretty good!

Second, it’s about public acknowledgment. You want that status up there so that it’s official, so to speak. So that everyone who knows you knows you’re with him and everyone who knows him knows he’s with you. I can understand that and at the heart of it, I think it’s a nice thing.

But give it time. When I think of relationships, I like to keep it personal. I don’t want to stand on top of buildings yelling and declaring love like some fool in countless romance movies (that’s why it’s a movie… not real life). I don’t need to call everyone after a few weeks of seeing a girl and gush about my new girlfriend. I let people know gradually, over time. Moreover, my focus is on things being good at the moment – not the label.

And as a guy, I know that relationships can change… In the beginning, things are unstable, uncertain… anything can happen! And that’s part of the fun of the beginning stages of a relationship!

Relationships eventually move into a more stable stage and mature into something different. Guys know this and usually when it enters *that* stage, that’s when a guy will probably change his Facebook status. That is, when it’s so obvious that you are his girlfriend that you’d be able to see it from space.

But I would say it’s a bad thing to ever pressure a guy into changing his Facebook status. I took down my relationship status because I didn’t need my family, distant relatives, employers and ex-classmates to see every time I’ve started or ended a relationship. Again, I am PRIVATE and that is my personal preference – I would be very annoyed to have a girl pushing me to change my status, even if it were a girl I liked very much.

So my bottom-line response – forget about it, focus on enjoying the relationship for exactly what it is in real life.

Hope it helps!

-eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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what if my relationship is over 1 years but he never wants to post our pictures together ever? He is very active in favebook and has over 1000 women friends from all over the world pretty or not pretty

Reply April 27, 2021, 12:02 am


I found a guy’s profile that I was crushing on (and I still have feelings for him) and he is hiding himself by going by his middle and last name. He finally acknowledges his relationship with g/f by posting a pic to announce that they’re a couple because she is preggars and has his profile listed on public for ppl to see his profile that are not his friends and he is declaring himself as being “single”. He has a few pics of them together (she is tagged on the photos) and declares his love for her but he is constantly posting memes about his relationship and some are explicit sexual material. She is also claiming that she is “single” and constantly posts memes about their relationship on his wall and responds to most of his posts. Does this mean that they aren’t secure in their relationship? I think it’s weird to announce to the world that they’re in a relationship, but still pose themselves as being “single”.

Reply April 5, 2021, 11:53 pm


I’m kind of in the same predicament we’ve been dating since January he denies that is talking to females but I know he is I woke up this morning to me being in a relationship with him as of last night to the whole relationship being hidden soon my head I think that he doesn’t wanna be with me but he kept telling me he does but if you really does what does he keep the relationship hidden why did he hide it in the 1st place according to him I over think but I think it’s just because of been hurt so many times ever know he talks to females even though he lies to me about it

Reply June 13, 2018, 8:15 am

Stephen G

OMG badgering a man to update his FB relationship status is such a schoolgirl move!

Reply November 7, 2017, 8:23 pm

Stephen G

A girl would care deeply about FB relationship status. A Real Woman would be indifferent.

Reply November 7, 2017, 8:25 pm


This is not a schoolgirl “thing”. Plenty of “men” won’t post because they want to look available. If he says he wants to keep it personal but will post about his work trips, kids and divorce, that makes ZERO sense. Especially after 2years together.

Reply June 21, 2023, 3:50 pm


I have similar situation with my boyfriend. We are in long distance relationship for 2 years.
He did change his status into “in relationship” but my problem is him not posting any of our pictures on his Fb wall (he visited me last month and we did take pictures). His parents, sister, friends and cousins know about me/us.

But he still has pictures with his female friend he met last year. When I asked him why he is keeping her there without any mentioning or showing us we had arguments, through texts before he arrived and while he was here. He even said he will add our pictures in album where he has pictures of his trip here. It’s been a month, and our pictures are still not there. He said that he doesn’t want to put pictures of us (taken a month ago) because – to quote him – “I don’t want my parents to blame my girl for exams i might fail”. At the same time he is spending all his free time with one of his female cousins.

When we started texting 2 years ago, out of blue, he sent text about going on a date with *hot blond girl* which made me pissed. and then he added – she is my cousin. we have same last name. After that everytime he talked about her, he emphasized *my cousin her-name*. I even sent her fb request upon which my boyfriend said to me “you will never take her-name away from me”. Whenever she needs something he picks her up and ride wherever she wants to go, they go to deserted beaches together, she doesn’t mind when others mistake them for couple, etc.. pretty unusual cousin-ship to me. I even asked him if they ever dated because she once said to him “we are not real cousins, our dads are cousins”. And he accussed me of making them look like incest. But their *doings* are typical couple things (except making out).

So my guesses are – either he is trying to hide me from that certain female cousin or from other girls that he wanted to date before, but made himself interesting now when is taken.

p.s. sorry for long post :$

Reply September 3, 2017, 8:03 pm


I DevillnHells90~
I think it’s time for you to either start paying attention to this “cousin-ship”. I think you should ask him to bring you along one of those dates, because you’d like to get to know “his cousin” better. If he has nothing to hide, he should agree. I know some people are going to disagree but you should put your inspector gadget hat and do some inspecting work. You aren’t being insecure or needy or anything. You have legitimate concerns about their relationship. Don’t be passive aggressive. Be up front and tell him how much it bothers you, but be ruthless with your actions and easy with your words.
Regarding the status and pictures, that’s a whole other issue. Two years should be sufficient for him to post pics. What i’d do is post the pictures from his trip to you and tag him. Voila ;)

Yes, I get the privacy thing Charles talks about in the article, but if you have concerns definitely address them.
For ei: in my case, I found pretty flirty texts and even a hook up attempt with another old fling. I have asked him to change his status, and while I get people are going to ask (we’ve been together for about 9 months now) but we meet under different circumstances.
Good luck, hope it all works out.

Reply October 10, 2017, 8:30 pm


Yeah, any guy who is refuses to even acknowledge a relationship, has something to hide. Idc what anyone says, if he isn’t proud to show his woman off, then fuck em. Simple as that. I refuse to associate with a man that appears to be single, knowing damn well he’s putting on a facade for his own narcissistic agenda. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT! Doesn’t change with marriage either. Dating and Facebook in general, has and will always be, awful.

Reply June 25, 2017, 7:39 pm


Yeah, dude is NOT into you. Sorry, but true. He wants to appear single and available. You are not the ONE unless he has no problem changing the *status* without you asking or anything. I just went through this and HE admitted that he wasn’t sure.

Reply March 23, 2017, 9:43 am

Johnny Singleton

I think women that think like this should dump their boyfriends and date Facebook instead…

Reply October 21, 2016, 6:38 am


No, the problem with statuses on social media as far as I am concerned (and based on experience) is that it tells other people he isn’t available. There are honest men and women , who want their privacy intact and it’s understandable. However, other some people use the “single” or no status on SM as an excuse to continue to flirt and do their thing on the side, even while in a relationship That’s what I think– some are referring to.
No matter how many times you bring it up, it’ll go into deaf ears. You may not be like that, but there are guys are there who are.

Reply October 10, 2017, 8:35 pm

Johnny Singleton

There’s no shame in staying single if Facebook is more important I guess….

Reply October 21, 2016, 6:35 am

Johnny Singleton

Putting your relationship on Facebook is the WORST thing you can do for your relationship! All that does is invite the whole world into your relationship. It’s really bad with women when they start making passive aggressive posts about you when they’re mad at you and posting “WordPorn” in reference to you. If you want too keep your relationship intact, keep it off Facebook. He helping her as far as I’m concerned!

Reply October 21, 2016, 6:30 am


If you are “private” … Then you shouldn’t be on facebook :)

Reply August 29, 2016, 5:14 am


You can find everything on the internet. I asked this about this question and got an answer from a man’s perspective. So thank you. Was killing me. Like he didnt want people to know and why? I am so appreciative for this. Hope he will forgive me for being a pain.

Reply July 9, 2016, 11:20 am


Thank you so much for this. The perspective you gave on this subject is quite possibly what saves my relationship. I’ve been seeing a guy for a few month and we have very different ways of thinking. This is a sensitive subject for him and now I understand the problem isn’t so much with me like I thought it was. Thanks again!

Reply June 11, 2016, 3:27 pm


I have the same problem with my bf of fours years, i really dont care about the status but the fact that he.has.never posted a picture of us is really killing me and posts picture with his family, friends and.even things.from work but never one of us. I think he wants to hide it on social media, i had asked him and he says he doent like it but why he posts pics with his guy friends btw, and he cant post a single pic with me :(

Reply April 10, 2016, 12:01 pm


That would bother me to. What did you do about it? Similar situation here.

Reply July 9, 2016, 11:23 am


It’s different if he just doesn’t want to post it until he is sure, or maybe not at all, but when he makes it a point to make his face book look single, so other girls can comment and flirt with him and he can flirt back, is crazy. He loved it when I posted I was in a relationship, but never would do that on his FB. Also, he texts mainly 4 girls and has said he quit and begged me to forgive him about 7 times in 2 years. When offered a way that he could prove he was truly sorry, instead of I’m sorry and won’t do it again. He wouldn’t do it, which was, post relationship or pics of us on FB. He can’t see where he is wrong, but would’ve had a fit if I did it. We are broken up for the last time.

So if he just is a private person and not being deceptive, it really doesn’t matter what’s on FB, but when he wants to hide it, so other girls that he is talking to don’t see it, that’s another story.

Reply December 9, 2016, 3:56 pm

Johnny Singleton

Why do you just post the pics on your own page? I’m sure you have common friends anyway.

Reply October 21, 2016, 6:36 am


I normally don’t comment on these things, but I have to chime in.

In the scenario above, I agree that one shouldn’t expect a facebook status change after a few weeks. However, in my situation, my fiance of a year (been together for three) still has his status listed publicly as “single.” All I’ve asked him to do is remove it–not change it, but merely make it “Only me” so it’s no longer publicly listed. I’ve brought it up numerous times, but he refuses to change it. He does, however, have me all over his facebook in pictures and statuses, so I’m not terribly worried about it, but there is something to be said about the principle of the matter.

All that said, a facebook status change to “In a relationship” is not going to keep a man from cheating if that’s what he wants to do. All it does is give us a false sense of security. I know too many men (and women) dating, engaged and/or married who practically have made their facebook a shrine to their significant other, but cheat all over them.

As such, my suggestion is to not let facebook dictate your feelings about your relationship, but it still makes little sense to me why someone would keep themselves listed as “single” when they’re clearly not UNLESS they subconsciously or consciously want to keep their options open.

Reply March 10, 2016, 1:06 pm


Speediest way in the direction of eliminate belly pounds?

Reply October 18, 2015, 2:13 am


Obviously you are a man hoe. If changes like that.

Reply August 11, 2015, 1:22 am


Make your FB page so he can’t see any info, not your relationship status, friends, nothing. That’ll do it.

Reply May 19, 2015, 6:13 pm


I do have a problem with this. I’ve been dating the same man for almost 4 years now. When I’ve checked his Facebook account it never stated he was in a relationship with me. When I confronted him about it, he said he did have it posted on his Facebook. Well, I’ve always had it on mine. And when I saw he was lying about it, I removed my status completely. Then he got mad at me! So I took screenshots of his Facebook to show him how he doesn’t have a relationship status posted at all on his FB. And then I got mad and unfriended him for lying to me. When I asked why he’s been telling me he’s had it posted, but hasn’t, he avoids answering. To me it shows that he has issues committing to me. He does introduce me as his girlfriend to some, and others as his wife. However he said if we get married he’ll never wear a wedding ring. To me, what comes out of someone’s mouth should also be reflected in their actions. A man who doesn’t want to be honest about a relationship status, or wear a ring is trying to look single… Breaks my heart…

Reply May 12, 2015, 12:12 pm


My partner didn’t want me to be her friend on Facebook…making up various excuses such as, she didn’t want to expose me to the foul language some of her family use. I was ok with it because I assumed she just wanted her space. She was talking to me on one occasion about her daughter’s new boyfriend so I checked him out and noticed that my partner was listed as a friend on his facebook. Her daughter’s boyfriend was good enough to be a facebook friend but not me? I thought about asking her for an explanation for a while but decided to just dump her and move on.

Reply February 6, 2015, 8:02 am


What about a guy who claims he’s single and broke up with ex two weeks ago, yet facebook status still says in a relationship? And the reasoning is because he doesn’t want to get a bunch of questions sent to him on why the relationship ended?

Should I still push for him to say he’s single? It just seems fishy to me, and don’t feel comfortable talking to a guy whose showing interest in me when what he says and what’s online don’t correlate.

Reply January 5, 2015, 4:22 pm


Facebook doesnt announce to your family and friends that you are now single. It will though if you announce you are in a relationship. Someone would have to go search your page and find where it says your status to find out the truth.

Reply July 9, 2016, 11:33 am


Thanks for this article, I was wondering myself. and I am now 35 years old and he’s 37….you think initially it’s not trivial but it is and the last line you gave ‘focus on the real life’ made me think you know what that’s what i shall do.

Reply January 5, 2015, 5:38 am


I have been with my guy for almost 8 months and we live together.. Why hasn’t he put a picture up of me on Facebook yet but he has pictures of his exes especially his most recent ex on Facebook with captions like isn’t she beautiful or are my sleeping beauty but he can’t post anything about me. How should I take that

Reply December 16, 2014, 4:37 pm


Right! I’ve been seeing a guy since last June he started introducing me as his g/f 6 months in, hasn’t acknowledged publicly on f/b i am his g/f, has 3 photos of me from last sept when we took a trip, but no one would know i am his g/f. He hasn’t changed he hasn’t changed his status from “single” so anyone can look at his profile and not even no he is dating anyone. If you don’t want to share that kind of info- LEAVE IT BLANK- am I right?

Reply March 21, 2015, 10:23 am


I commented on this in the past bc I wantwanted some advise about why my boyfriend was keeping him as single on Facebook. Well now he has in a relationship but doesn’t have who he’s with. We’ve now been together for almost two years and he doesn’t have pics of me or anything showing we are together. Whenever I bring it up we end up getting into an argument over it. I tell him how I feel about it but it doesn’t seem to matter to him. What advise is there?

Reply November 21, 2014, 3:46 pm


hello janet. we do have the same situation. we just had an argument like 10 mins ago. We are also dating for 2 years now. We are in a long distance relationship and for me relationship status is important. It does not matter to him at all. I am hurt with his words and I don’t know if I can still can take it anymore. He is in NY and I am in the Philippines.

Reply December 8, 2014, 12:17 am


Well I am sorry to hear that you are going thru that with your relationship. I also think that relationship status is a very important thing but men do not think the same way as women do. Unfortunately not all guys think they need to make that public for everyone to see. But I think it’s unfair to women who have been in relationships for as long as we have. Long distance relationships are hard to have and alot of work to keep. But they can work if both parties want it to. If you two are happy don’t give up on him just yet. Give it time and see if things change.

Reply December 10, 2014, 8:41 pm


End it. If he’s hiding you, there is a reason why. He’s trying to keep his options open. Find someone who isn’t afraid to have a girlfriend.

Reply December 9, 2014, 2:37 pm


If a guy is really into you he is gonna be proud to claim and show you off especially on facebook. If you are in a serious relationship with a guy and he states he is single on facebook he keeping his options open.

Reply November 19, 2014, 12:58 pm


this is all fine and good except if he is IN A RELATIONSHIP then why does it need to say SINGLE? why not just hide the status all together? If it says SINGLE then believe me girl – he wants to be perceived as single. sorry.

Reply November 18, 2014, 7:51 pm


Let’s not be naive here…there could be a possibility he could want to show his “single status” because somewhere deep inside he’s still trying to be open to his “options”. I think its rather selfish of him to try and get you to fully commit when he clearly isn’t doing that. The most he could do for you is keep it blank.

Reply November 14, 2014, 2:58 pm


This is more of a question, not comment.
If you have been in a relationship for some time and your boyfriend has you blocked from his social network, should that be raising red flags or am I just over reacting??

Reply September 20, 2014, 4:12 pm

Eric Charles

That does strike me as a red flag, but more importantly, I think it’s important that you just simply get on the same page about it with him if you’re concerned.

From my perspective, it’s far more poisonous to the relationship to have worries floating around in your mind and then trying to figure out where you stand… than just to simply have a conversation in an open and honest way. The trick is to have that conversation in a way that’s open and doesn’t make him feel like he’s being cornered or trapped in some way.

It’s not that guys don’t want to talk about relationship stuff… it’s that they don’t want to feel like they are going to upset you and then have to deal with the emotional aftermath… if they feel like that’s what they’re being confronted with, most guys are going to just avoid the conversation or put up a wall… it’s not that they want to hurt you or shut you out, men just simply don’t want to feel trapped in a no-win conversation.

The best way to approach it would be to simply say it how it is for you… something like, “Listen, I don’t want to invade your privacy and I don’t want to worry about this, so I just want to ask you something… and anything you tell me is fine because then at least I know the truth and don’t have to speculate or worry… can you tell me why you have me blocked on all your social networks?”

And just let him answer and listen… try your best to be open and not attack or react… give him the space to answer honestly (and the majority of men will give you their honest answer if they feel like they have a safe space to have that conversation with you)…

From there, you’ll have clear information and you can make a decision on whether or not his reason is a problem for you… if it is, then you can make a decision on whether or not it’s something you can overcome or, if not, that it’s time to open yourself up to the possibility of leaving this relationship.

In all this, I want to make clear that I’m not saying that this conversation excuses him or that you’re expected to put up with something that’s unacceptable to you… what I’m saying is that the place to start is always to reach a point of clarity within your situation and then be able to make a clear decision based on clear information (not on worry, speculation or fear of the unknown)… you might get news you don’t want, but at least you’ll have clarity.

Bottom line: the place to start is being able to have a clear conversation that gets you the information you need in order to know where his head is at… and to do it, you have to be able to have a conversation that is open, safe and without hostility. It’s not to excuse him, it’s to get the clarity you need.

Reply September 20, 2014, 5:30 pm


I won’t touch my online status (it’s blank… not that it says I’m single if I’m not). My ex-boyfriend got really upset that I wouldn’t change it. For me, my “real” friends know I’m in a relationship because I tell them. My FB “friends” aren’t just friends but people I work with, networking, etc. They don’t need to know every time I get together or break up with someone. If anything, I find it tacky and insecure to have to post updates like this.

I can only assume that it could be the same if a guy didn’t want to change his status. I would suggest asking him why he didn’t want the status change, but listen if he gives a reason like mine. Now, if he lets his status be “single” and he also refuses to let you tag him in photos, etc… there could be red flags, but still hear him out, especially if it’s early in the relationship.

Reply August 13, 2014, 3:11 am

Johnny Singleton

A voic of reason! This is exactly it. My real life friends ALWAYS know who I’m dating and I don’t need to get on the computer to tell them. If Facebook matters more than that, then I’m dating the wrong woman!

Reply October 21, 2016, 6:43 am

Johnny Singleton

As far as tagging photos. I deny all tags, friends and family included.

Reply October 21, 2016, 6:44 am


This. One time I was seeing someone for only a few weeks and she threw a fit because my relationship status said “single.” We hadn’t even discussed making things official at any point so I didn’t see myself as strictly taken at that point. Thinking I’d eliminate future drama altogether, I just removed my status from my profile and swore I’d never put it back on there. Now, 10 years later, every woman I’ve ever dated since has made a huge issue about how people think I’m single. It’s ridiculous. It’s so bad I have to ask about this on first dates. It’s insane how many women see my choosing to not display anything at all as a dealbreaker. And then of course there are the ones who say they’re ok with it then later down the road start drama about it.

Dating is hard enough without having to deal with the results of Facebook’s social engineering. Let people maintain some sense of privacy with their personal lives without making an issue of it.

Reply June 13, 2022, 12:58 am


It’s funny seeing all you ladies commenting on this because I happen to be a guy with a boyfriend so my situation although it is different considering I am a guy well I can relate. But my situation is different in the sense that he won’t even so much as add me as a facebook friend. I have brought it up many times before and told him I am on facebook but he just changes the subject.

Whenever he asks about my day or something and I mention that I was out with a friend hanging out he immediately asks me to send him a picture of what they look like (makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me) and he asks for a picture just about every time. He said that he just likes to know who I am talking to these days but I just have no clue. It would be nice if instead of me having to bring up the facebook situation he could just add me but in the 4 months that we have been together so far I doubt that will be happening anytime soon.

Reply May 6, 2014, 6:03 pm


That would bother me to. Like is he afraid to share that he is gay?!? Or Doesnt want his family to judge you or be a bunch of assholes cause they are not supportive? Or is he hiding something else? I feel for ya. Hopefully things are better now. You should have the talk and try not to jump to the bad first.

Reply July 9, 2016, 1:54 pm


Simple solution: Delete your Facebook.

I don’t know how many of you realize this, but people went thousands of years without posting their “relationship status” for all to see.

This nonsense about focusing on FB statuses is nothing more than insecurity and mistrust on both sides.

Reply April 18, 2014, 6:49 pm

Johnny Singleton

100% agree!

Reply October 21, 2016, 6:45 am


You are one big coward!! You don’t want to change your relationship status because you you want to be available for other girls!! I hate guys like that!! And i know how to deal with this!! Delete all pics with your boyfriend and hide your relationship status too!!! Play his game!!!

Reply February 16, 2014, 10:37 am

Johnny Singleton

I really hate to break this to you… A taken man is generally more attractive than a guy that’s been single a long time. Women tend to think like women when it comes to men. I have a buddy that told me that he wish he knew when he was single how much he’d get hit on when wearing a wedding ring. He would have just bought the ring and stayed single! Ha!

Reply October 21, 2016, 6:49 am


My bf and I have been together for four years and we’ve had spits msking him change his status but he hasn’t changed it back to “in a relationship” since the last spit months ago. Even back then I had to nearly beg him to change it.
He’s a photographer and uses his page for it but also personal things and he has a ton of models listed as “friends” there. Makes me feel insecure.
At first I thought it wss just hidden but it was not only that but set on single also.
Its not like having a gf effects his photography business…

Reply February 16, 2014, 5:01 am


If your boyfriend can’t post a picture of the two of you without stating his status…red flag! I am having the same problem after dating him a year. There are plenty of pictures of us on my FB wall but none on his. Hmm? A friend introduced us and that friend told me of the other girl he was wanting a relationship and had a few puctures of them posted on his wall. He was NOT being private but with me, he is? BS!!! We are “taking a break” now because my radar(doubts) is up. Ladies, your man needs to be consistent always. I was introduced as his girlfriend to the friends I met in person but not known worldwide to his other friends. My radar indicates he is hiding me from someone on his friends list…either knows the girl he was with or something along those lines. A man should have no problem saying this is my woman right now whether it works out or not after a year if dating. Everyone should know who you are to him! Sick of men hiding wo they truly are!

Reply February 7, 2014, 6:39 pm


I am in the same situation and have been with my man for a year and a month now and all he has is in a relationship and when I ask him if we will ever put us being together or putting pics of us together up he gets mad and we fight and it sucks bc he’s the love of my life and I feel like he’s hiding me from people and just today he told me that he doesn’t want people to know how he feels about me… :'(

Reply April 3, 2014, 4:22 pm


Hi this is quite reassuring, but if if my boyfriend is liking another girls profile picture every time she updates it. And has recently just added a new friend who happens to be a model and is liking her pictures too. This suggests to me he doesn’t want ‘certain’ people to know he has a girlfriend.

Reply November 18, 2013, 12:44 pm


My bf is a photographer so he has a tin of models as ‘friends’ there and also won’t change his status.

Reply February 16, 2014, 4:54 am

Lily Oropel

I want to confront him so bad and ask him who that woman is and why but he isnt here. He wont be back until next week. Im not even sure what to thibk about this. Im really thinking of breaking up with him depending on his answers. I really love him and it hurts to see that one pic of him and that woman and we do not have any pics together at all in his page :-( it reminded me of what he said before that he would change my fb relationship status and post pictures of us together when the right time comes. Im beginning to think the right time will never come since he aleeady posted this woman’s picture with him and this makes me think he already made his choices and its not me. it might never been me at all and i might be just the only one thinking about us being a couple and being together after all these months. Help me decide please anyone?

Reply September 28, 2013, 3:30 am

Lily Oropel

what about me? I have the same problem. At first my bf and i didnt change our fb status for first few months that we are together then when he finds out that men kept hitting on me and adding me on fb or tags me on fb he told me to change my fb status to in a relationship but not add his name to it. I changed it but he didnt change his status as a matter of fact his relationship status has always been hidden. He doesnt post any of our pictures nor does he want me to post our pictures just.yetis what he say. Then today I just had a spare of the moment to check my tagged account and happen to see he added new pics 2 days ago and one of the picture id with another, girl I dont know of and I felt betrayed, disappointed, angry, upset and everything else

Reply September 28, 2013, 3:19 am


If he likes you nothing will change that, he would do anything and everything to let the world know. Looks like he loves someone else. You should start focusing on slowing things down abit with him. He will make that move if he trully wants you. If he doesn’t, so be it! There are always guys out there who will love and cherish you and show you off to the world!

Reply October 16, 2014, 8:39 pm


What about when your bf won’t add you on his fb?

Reply August 23, 2013, 10:27 pm


Really?? All this back and forth about Facebook is absolutely ridiculous, IMHO. I personally am fairly private and maybe a bit paranoid of identity theft, so I have no issue with things being private or at a bare min. on face book. My EX boyfriend felt differently. He decided that I needed to post my relationship even though I had never done that before whether single or not. Then he did not like that I had my friends list set up so that my friends (including him) could only see mutual friends on the list. Then I did not post enough about him or someone seemed to be commenting too much on the things I did post (rare), it went on and on. It seemed like the most ridiculous thing to me that Facebook could be an issue at all because we were in a real life relationship and everyone I saw or interacted with in real life knew this. It was exhausting so I simply unfriended the boyfriend and told him until he could get a grip and act like a rational, mature, respectful adult I would not friend him again. It did not take long before that same insecure and suspicious behavior worked its way into our everyday relationship and I was finding I was being questioned and having to answer for what seemed like everything. It was his insecurities based on a lot of things but not one of them was any shifty stuff on part. If you feel like you can’t trust the person you are with look at yourself first then the situation. Figure out if it is you or if they are actually doing something sketchy. If it’s you work on it with you if it is in fact them or you even strongly believe it is them…move on.

Reply August 30, 2013, 9:20 am


I think that sometimes not changing the Facebook relationship status can mean a sign of trouble as far as commitment and whatnot goes BUT this would have to tie in with other signs too. However, it also doesn’t mean you’re suddenly in a more stable or stronger relationship if he decides to publicly proclaim his relationship to others on Facebook. I mean I think it’s one thing if you decide to ask him why just to see what he has to say on the matter but to pester him about it? I mean really, who wants to be pestered? You never really know what someone’s reasoning for things are until you actually ASK.

As some people have said, what if he doesn’t want to deal with the annoying Facebook drama of people knowing when you break up with someone (“Oh why did you guys break up?” Yes I’ve had this happen before and it was quite annoying to deal with)? Or what if his life is NOT spent on Facebook and just doesn’t care enough to change it? I mean if you’ve met his family and friends (therefore it being obvious you’re dating), what’s the issue? Relationships have been surviving (and dying) for thousands of years PRE-Facebook. If you really think that it makes that HUGE of a difference and is an all-telling one in that, the one with relationship issues is YOU (pretty serious ones in that too if you ask me).

Reply July 30, 2013, 8:01 pm


If you ask me, changing the relationship status on Facebook to “in a relationship” should be more of a bonus so to speak and not an actual requirement.

Reply July 30, 2013, 8:02 pm


I agree. Changing a relationship and posting pictures, stories on facebook “should be more of a bonus.” Depends on each person, couple as well. Some who got a problem, however seem like they may have “a problem” because you’re actually supposed to just communicate why one side feel uncomfortable.

I don’t refer to my bf on facebook at all. He posted our picture, and he wants me to do the same. I know it kinda sweet couples. But I explain him that I don’t feel comfortable sharing my photo on facebook, all kinda photos. It doesn’t mean I don’t accept him though.

Reply October 1, 2013, 8:49 am


I’m in the same dilemma and this is what I wrote to my boyfriend.

I’m trying to understand for myself the reason why I want to be added in your FB list.

It may sound that I don’t trust but really it’s just that I want you to entrust to me more and vice versa. If you love me and trust me then you know that I will respect the trust that you give to me and that includes your FB profile. I don’t mean that you link our profile as “In a Relationship with…”. It’s just that your FB profile in a way is you or a side of you—and I want to know all of you coz I love you. If you have friends, colleagues and near perfect strangers in your list, why not me?

No need to answer coz I believe action speaks louder than words.

Reply July 22, 2013, 7:33 am


I’ve been dating exclusive a guy for 3 mouths and we are in a LDR ( I know, I can’t believe it either :D), but he still haven’t changed his Facebook status from nonexistent to in a relationship so neither did I.

I know he likes me because we talk and text every day, he visits me every week and always brings me flowers, he introduced me to his closest friends and his brother and so did I (he also met my parents, his are dead) and he always listens to me and remembers the things I say (which I love because it means he really pays attention to me). Things are great (at least from my point) and he says he wants a serious relationship with me and I caught myself wanting that too. He’s very patient and he waits for me (I’m 22 and a virgin, not because of religious beliefs/waiting until marriage/waiting true love, just because I had a string of unlucky short term relationships and, looking back, with guys I didn’t really trusted). I’m not saying I am a beacon of confidence and trust, but after reading a few posts here I realized a man can cheat on you even if is in another city just as well as he could do it if he was married with children. How he controls himself is up to him not me.

The thing is I really like him and I do trust him more than any other boyfriend I’ve ever had. And I know he likes me because if he didn’t then why wait (I’ve told him from the start!), why spend money, why spend his time, why make the effort? He makes me feel beautiful, sexy, smart, funny and most of all, relaxed. He also makes me want to do things :”> Now, he hasn’t said he loves me, only that he really likes me, but somehow that doesn’t bother me ( I think if he would say it, it would just seem fishy like he had a hidden agenda or just saying it just to say it). He has some tagged pictures with me on his Facebook, but not the kind of kissy-lovely-couple-pics.

My point is I want to change my status “in a relationship with____” just like I want to have sex. Not to be a leash (because a status won’t stop him from cheating if that’s what he wants just like a weeding ring won’t either), but because I never had it, and, now, I’m fantasizing about it :”> I want all the world to know that I love and I’m loved and I want to post cute quotes or pictures on his page (he hasn’t forbid me that, I just haven’t done it because I don’t know how he will take it).

So do I nicely bring it up or patiently wait?

Reply May 15, 2013, 8:19 am


Well actually, it’s not just about the relationship status now is it..? Its about the public validation. For some people it’s hard to see when something does not have the potential to last the distance (I have witnessed my single dating girlfriends get crushed because they missed the vital cues that things weren’t that great)… Now if a man is with you for over a year there should be no issue with making with the digital PDA in facebook, who cares about the relationship status stuff it’s the other stuff..

It should be barrier free.. any man who makes up excuses about posting on HIS page when he’s decided to stick with you for a year is on the dodge side.

If he doesn’t want pics of you two together on fb after a year, then he doesn’t want anyone to know because he’s unsure it’s going to last and is too lazy to go through the rigamarole of deleting pics post relationship.. key word, lazy.. not being bothered because something is too much hassle = lazy… (probably works out best for you if you leave him since you don’t need a big son to be intimate with).

If you have to approach him on the issue then it’s best to do it in a pressure free way and only if you are absolutely sure he’s on the same page as you (and from what I’ve seen with all the talent t.v shows there’s too many deluded people out there, so find someone who isn’t deluded that has spent time with you and your man, who will be straight up with you and will give you the raw version of what they see – good or bad) and then tell your man that it would be great to see a tad more love/attention/affection from him on fb… doesn’t have to be mushy, it’s simply another forum that you two enter just the same as when you walk around town, go to events, the beach, hikes etc…

Men put a ring on the finger of the women they love in their attempt to show the world this woman is the one.. fb is like the new ring.

P.S if my man was hiding me in anyway and making me unhappy, I’d let him know what I didn’t like in a pressure free way, why I didn’t like it, without placing blame, and I wouldn’t be sorry for feeling the way I do and asking for the things I want. Partnerships are about being there for each other through thick and thin, giving each other what the other needs… Unless you’re a vampire.. then you can forget it.. if it’s too hard then find a man who clicks with you, love yourself more and create the right environment (mentally) for the right man to sweep you off your feet and show you off to the world…

Reply May 12, 2013, 4:12 am


Umm comparing Facebook to the new ring is actually a pretty creepy comparison and would be all the more reason to NOT change one’s Facebook dating status. Really, people wear rings on a specific finger at least here in the States because they are engaged and are thus at least considering “tying the knot”.

Some people are more private and don’t really want others’ involvement and if it’s a mutual decision that’s fine. There are a multitude of reasons why the Facebook relationship status may not be showing or whatever; whether or not it’s a sign of not being committed or being faithful is another story. If people are really into each other and have met each others’ friends and such, yet don’t really care to put it on Facebook for whatever reason (assuming it’s a mutual thing), what’s the issue?

Reply July 30, 2013, 8:12 pm


My bf and I have been in a committed relationship for about a year now. We are FB friends. Both our status is hidden, and that’s not the issue to me. What is, I have commented about him and even posted a couple of pic’s. One of them I tagged and he deleated off his page, saying he didn’t like the pic of himself. I have met his family, spent holidays with them and more. I have met his best friends and co-workers, have been to events with all of them too. Yet on his FB page he has NEVER mentioned me or shared a picture of us. We have been out on rides, he has posted a picture of the ” ocean” or other beautiful sites and comments: ” Out enjoying the day, hope you are too….” Things like that. Never says ” we”, includes me. Now, he has many girl ” friends” on there. Most of them are exes and whom he has been intimate with. One in particular he was dating, while seeing me before we were committed. Maybe there are others too. I have brought this up once or twice before. In the past, he claims it’s his ” personal ” page. Last week, a ” Friend” posted twice about getting together with him. I finallly had enough, we had a pretty long discussion about it. He says he sees how this would hurt me, and plans on including me, announcing our relationship on FB. Here is what still bothers me. It has now been 3 days, still no post. He had said twice the night we were discussing it, he would do it right then, and then the conversation got redirected and he NEVER did it. I know he loves me. We spend a lot of time together, and talk about a long term future. I feel like, he is protecting someone, or hiding something…. He told the other women about me, that’s what he said. But I’m thinking, he played it down or something, like… I’m dating someone. Something is NOT sitting well and my GUTT is telling me, he is delaying this post for a reason! What do you think?

Reply April 26, 2013, 1:12 pm


My ex cheated on me with a girl for a few months, he later came clean, begged me to take him back and to have babies with him. His fling (I call her that because he told me he never really liked her) posted pics of them together.. he deleted all of them and untagged himself because he didn’t want to ruin his chances of getting back with me. Your story sounds exactly how I would expect the other girl to be writing about her experience with my ex.. hope you’re not her because no one deserves to be treated like they are not that important. And he needs his butt kicked.

Anyway… He lied to her about why he didn’t want to be with her (well, that’s if he even told he didn’t want to be with her, he could have been lying to me with his brand new cheating and lying record and he’s a chicken sh*t when it comes to people not liking him). We had been together for 9 years so I gave him a shot to work things out with me…

The thing I learned the hard way is to ‘always’ trust your gut, it’s your intuition. If something does not sit right with you then trust what you feel. Hit him up, if you still feel something isn’t sitting right, don’t over look it, always listen to your intuition.. always..

Prepare yourself for short term pain with long term rewards… When you know that pain is only temporary (physical and emotional) you approach things differently and can make decisions for your next move without fear based craziness… So whatever you decide to do.. just remember, there’s a thousand perfect matches out there for you.. he just happens to be ‘one’ of those matches… Hit him up if you think it’s worth it otherwise make yourself even more fabulous and let a new love enter the Marie zone.

Reply May 12, 2013, 4:26 am


I never showed my relationship status and not active, as well as my bf. When we got in a relationship for 5 months ago, we didn’t go anything about that, like the last thing we’ll talk about. He broke up with me and now we got back for like 2 months. This time he started mentioning why I never posted anything referring to our relationship. For me I wasn’t ready now, cause I don’t want it to be like facebook drama too.

Reply November 19, 2012, 1:49 am


I have been dating this guy for 5 months now. He has introduced me to all of his friends and family, so I know he’s not ashamed of me. In the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me with an ex. Then, a couple months later I caught him sexting other girls. He is still friends with some of these girls on Facebook that I caught him talking to. His Facebook is completely blocked from anyone commenting on his page or seeing that he’s online. His relationship status on Facebook is hidden to where no one can see it. I have asked him to change his status to “in a relationship” and to make it public. I think it is more of a trust issue here, where I need this to make me feel more secure and help me gain his trust back. In my head I want these girls to see that he is in a relationship to help put my mind at ease. When I brought this up, he got really defensive saying he doesn’t want people knowing his business. He doesn’t want his relationships to be determined by what’s on Facebook. Am I wrong to push this issue?

Reply November 11, 2012, 1:09 pm


You are right to feel “insecure” but if you are and he’s not trying to ease your mind then in his mind you’re not his girlfriend. You’re the girl that he’s with right now and if the other women know about you he’s either going to pass them up or tell them what he needs to tell them to see if he wants them to be his girlfriend. If you are broken up by now because of that, well you know why now. That is what this article is about, asking him makes him feel pressured if he is not ready for something that serious (particularly with you but with anybody too).

Reply February 26, 2013, 11:55 pm


well i had a friend with benefits on and off for years, well the last time he was acting wierd about me coming to his house to drop off his watch that he left at my house, so i looked him on FB and saw he is in a relationship so i was repulsed that he would use me to cheat on his gf. i am not big on facebook and i never friended him, but his profile was public. so ladies just because you are facebook official does not mean he is going to be faithful. quit being insecure and enjoy who you are dating, plus you look stupid if it only last a few months…all my long term couples i know dont change their status and they have been together for 10 plus yrs. in my opinion i really dont like people knowing my personal business on FB and I am female…

Reply October 16, 2012, 6:08 pm

Johnny Singleton

I hate to say it but that’s pretty much the consequence of friends with benefits vs a relationship.

Reply October 21, 2016, 6:57 am


I have trust issues with my boyfriend that I have tried to be getting over. He’s never cheated, but I have problems with myself in which I paint scenarios in my head and overthink too much. I’ve broken up with him three times, and gotten back together each time. It’s been a month since the last time we broke up, and we’re doing a whole lot better than we’ve ever been doing, but when I asked him to change his relationship status this time, he refused saying that he didn’t want to because I still haven’t trusted him yet. Is that a legitimate excuse?

Reply August 15, 2012, 6:32 pm

Rose Bailey

Thanks for this post Eric! Very interesting topic the whole Facebook relationship status.

I’m not one to place too much emphasis on Facebook but I do have to ask a question, a guys opinion would be great but I’ll be happy to hear anyone’s opinion.
My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 mths ago. I still have pics of us in my albums and still displayed in my profile pic album (not my curent profile pic). I want to work things out with him and we are still in contact. He still has all of my pics in his other albums and pictures of us that clearly state we were together as a couple in his profile pic album. Everyone knew we were together (not just on Facebook). He was very happy to announce it on Facebook back when we started going out. We have never changed our status to single but we both hid our relationship status on our profiles after breaking up. When we first became friends on Facebook, when I knew he liked me, he quickly deleted all evidence of past girlfriend (he never had pics of them together as profile pics posing like he did with me, they were just pics where they were tagged together at a couple of outings). I also did the same with my previous ex.
My question is; “If a guy still has pictures of you in his facebook albums does this mean he is still into you?”

Reply July 5, 2012, 5:42 pm


OMG!!! Really people?? Facebook status vs relationship in real life? I’m a girl, I have a boyfriend for 1year, we live together, I know his family/friends, he knows my family/friends, we are very serious but I don’t want to change my relationship status on Fb and he does ask about it. We just don’t care. I have friends that are married, with children and they haven’t change their Fb status, one of my best pal has been in a relationship for 10 years and in FB he is in a relationship with his Best friend. I don’t get all the fuss really. I love my boyfriend but I don’t get the meaning of putting that Ina page for my 5K00 contacts!! My real friends, the one that really matter to me, they know about it. And let’s be honest I HATE some of my friends that have 10 or more relationship changes in one year..: FB means nothing today. Really girls do you really think that because he just change a little thing on his profile he is going to be more commit to you??

Reply July 5, 2012, 1:23 am

confused gyal

I’m a girl who has been dating a guy who is younger dan I am for about 2months,at first he said he likes fat girls because I am,but now I’m finding out he actually likes slim girls,he shows me to his friends but he has neva tried to add me on facebook,I didn’t try either,funny tin now is dat he’s been behaving suspicious for bout two weeks now,he no longer calls or say ‘I love u’he always acts tired n cranky,so I checked him out on facebook,he always uploads pictures of his girlfriends who are always slim as iv noticed but he hasn’t even tried to upload ours,the real problem now is he has uploaded anoda pix of a girl n him on facebook,I asked him n he said she’s just a friend,how can u upload a pix of u ª?ð just a friend @1 a.m in the mornin,wen u don’t even av ur so called girlfriend there,is he cheating?or is he ashamed of me ª?ð cannot upload our pictures on facebook?I’m not even sure he loves me anymore,although he insists he loves me ª?ð dat I’m his only girlfriend,he just won’t let me go,I tink my boyfriend is a snake….

Reply May 21, 2012, 4:16 am


This took me 5 minutes to understand what you were saying…

He is probably cheating on you.

Reply June 28, 2012, 4:10 am


Haha!!! :0

Reply August 29, 2012, 7:09 am


me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years exactly now. In the beginning he had his status to in a relationship and did it himself by himself because he loved everyone to know he had me. As time went by our relationship has never been straight forward always rocky and now he doesnt have anything there. He’s known to be back in the day a very flirtatious type, and in the past he’s lied about alot and we broke up for months in between but were back together and now on his profile is a girl he’s just become friends with and i asked him he said doesn’t ring a bell. I feel like this is obviously at a deeper level but idk what to do, is he a cheater?

Reply March 24, 2012, 5:10 pm


Also, this whole thread is hilarious. If you look at the comments, you’ll realize that the original post is a lame excuse, and that for most of the women who aren’t being relationshipped on Facebook, the guys with whom they’re involved are playing them like a piano.

Reply March 24, 2012, 2:41 pm

Eric Charles

Maybe… maybe not.

Reply March 24, 2012, 2:50 pm



Reply March 24, 2012, 2:57 pm


Titania, how solid could a relationship be if it all depends on what a person’s Facebook status is set at? Do you really think that a man’s commitment to a woman is measured by what he puts on his profile? Or perhaps is it a combination of the time, effort, and affection he puts into her? Relationships are built on trust not a Facebook relationship status, and women who place so much importance on such trivial matters tend to overlook so many valuable parts of their relationships. If a woman is insecure about something like that there is a bigger issue on hand. Also, your man’s failure to post his relationship status is absolutely NO EXCUSE to cheat. If it’s that important to you and you don’t get your way break up with the man.

Bottom line is a man is going to be loyal or unfaithful regardless of what his relationship status says. There are dozens of ways for a person to express to the world that he adores his woman, but the things that are most important are the things that happen when no one else but the two of you are around.


Reply March 25, 2012, 6:08 pm


A solid relationship does not depend on, nor is created by, a Facebook status. You have it backwards. The status *points* to the man’s intentions with the relationship. 95% of the time if the guy won’t change his status, it’s a red flag that his intention is not monogamous commitment.

Exceptions do exist, but they’re just that – a minority occurrence.

April 4, 2012, 3:14 am

Eric Charles

Haha, Titania – OK, now that was a good point…
… and I couldn’t agree more. It is kind of a funny idea to think that getting a guy to change his Facebook status = a better relationship. The relationship itself is what people should be looking at… not a dumb website where people post pictures of their cats and “duck-face” mirror self-shots.

April 4, 2012, 12:18 pm


Well, Eric, the thing is I don’t have a bone to pick. I’m ecstatic in my committed relationship to the man of my dreams. All I bring here is my logic and good high IQ (LOL) and my observations of my own experiences and those of my women friends. That said… I have no idea what you’re getting at, because I haven’t yet seen anyone claim in these comments that their relationship is being ruined by their lack of a Facebook-confirmed relationship. No one has come here saying, “My boyfriend won’t ‘ship me on Facebook. How can I convince him to do it so we’ll have a better relationship?” Bullshit. The question everyone’s asking is, “My boyfriend hasn’t ‘shipped me on Facebook. When you paint that into the picture of him doing XYZ that obviates cheating or disinterest, does this mean he’s NOT THAT INTO ME?” Yes. Yes, bitch, it usually does.

I don’t take kindly to guys trying to wear down our justified suspicion with pseudo-logic. It’s practically gaslighting. “No! I’m not cheating on you. You’re crazy! That naked girl in my car was my second cousin. She was changing because she spilled soda on herself while I was driving her home from visiting our sick aunt in the hospital. How can you be so heartless! Also, I can’t relationship you on FB yet because I’VE BEEN HURT SO MANY TIMES, etc. etc.” LOL! Come on, Eric. You can’t kid the kidder. I know all the lies because I invented them all. ;-P

May 21, 2012, 10:25 pm

Eric Charles

Using big vocabulary words doesn’t make you right. For whatever reason, people on the internet think that if they throw around fancy terms (like “obviate”, “gaslighting” and “pseudo-logic”) that they’ll intimidate the reader into thinking, “Oh gee, this person must be right…”
Oh and blatantly saying you have a high IQ… nice touch.
Any time that I see someone obviously straining to look intelligent, I know that they’re setting up an angry tirade and then justifying their own anger, frustration and bitterness.
The formula is this:
Step 1) Try to appear intelligent.
Step 2) Go on an angry rant.
Step 3) Attack the author and try to make it look like their point was just ridiculous.
Sorry, not going to work here.
I disagree with your *opinion*. It is based merely on your own personal experiences and frustrations. Period.

May 22, 2012, 10:37 am


of the many things wrong with titania’s logic… let’s start with this one, keeping it short and sweet, much like me.

Here’s why we don’t want to accept your facebook relationship: it’s a control thing. you’re trying to control your man. you want to lose a guy fast? try to control him.

if he’s not accepting your facebook whatever, he’s not cheating. he’s probably still into you, chill. it is not “gaslighting.” lol. gaslighting = gaslighting. also, if your amazing “poontang” hooks up with another guy because he’s willing to change his fb status, well… like the wise philosopher willy d once said, “you gotta let a ho be a ho.”

i don’t even know how i got here.

June 3, 2012, 6:17 pm

Eric Charles


Reply March 24, 2012, 2:28 pm


Dont you love Face Book.
Im amused with some peoples relationship status changes.I know the guys to keep away from..his in ,hes out,hes in,hes out .I truly wonder what they consider a relationship to be.
I guy pressured me into updating my status once.My son was shocked,it was news to him.
Eric.I would expect a guy after a certain period of time..perhaps getting close to a year to update his status if I was his partner.Screw what others might think.
Yes I want a man to let the world know ,hes happy with me and has hopes of sailing off into the sunset.
Not too soon though.I wouldnt pressure him if he wasnt comfortable and I was feeling secure.Have to be honest, part of me would be a tad suspicious.I dated a cheater who made up all sorts of FB excuses.

Reply March 11, 2012, 4:31 am


It’s always important to ask yourself why you want something when you want it, and to be sure of what it is that you actually really want. Anytime you approach a person with a request you need to know what the underlying foundation of your desire is in order to truly be able to come to an agreement in a matter. For me, I’m with my boyfriend for two years now, and on my profile it says “In a relationship” and when I posted it I did send a request for him to acknowledge that he is the “with______” but he didn’t acknowledge it. Now does that mean he doesn’t want anyone to know that he is with me? Absolutely not, and I would be a fool to believe that’s the case.

I don’t know why it’s so important to him to keep his relationship status private, but the truth is it doesn’t really matter therefore I don’t care. He has photos of he and I together in his albums, photos of me alone, and when I post something to his wall he leaves it up; if that’s not public cyber validation then I don’t know what is.

Sure I want my status to say “In a relationship with _____” but what I really wanted is for the people in his life to know that I’m the girl he’s in a relationship with… and that he has made very clear.


Reply March 6, 2012, 2:39 pm


Marg, I think you’re failing to see the argument. It’s one thing if your guy has pictures of you and him on his profile, mentions you here and there on his page, but its another thing ENTIRELY when there is no acknowledgement of him being in any type of relationship.

If a guy doesn’t want to declare his relationship publicly online fine, but he shouldn’t be posting pictures and making statuses that give the illusion that he’s single. That’s not only deceptive, it leaves an open door for inappropriate relationships with other women. Also, it’s an issue if a man’s status says all together that he’s single, when he’s given the woman he’s been seeing for some time, the impression that they are together.

If a guy doesn’t want to post a relationship status, fine, but don’t send mixed signals about your love life with questionable statuses and pictures…and yes, I have to quite agree with Titania, Marg, I highly doubt Titania is referring to relationships where the man does introduce a woman as his girlfriend to everyone when out, and has pictures of them together all over his page. I’m quite sure Titania is referring to the type of man that gives NO INCLINATION or hint of a relationship with a woman, that he has–more importantly–led to believe is his woman.

(Sometimes I think women on these sites are almost too eager to allow men excuses, as a way to appease them. But I think most of you taking aim against Titania missed the circumstances she was specifically referring to.)

Reply March 16, 2014, 10:43 pm


I have been seeing a guy for a little over a month, and we had the exclusivity talk about a week ago and both decided we wanted a commitment, but he said he didn’t want to rush things. Well two days ago he asked me to be his girlfriend. Yeah, a little old fashioned, but it’s like a flat out way of saying I want to commit to you. The next day I changed my relationship status on facebook to in a relationship with his name. He said he was going to accept it next time he went on his computer. It’s been over a day and he hasn’t accepted it. It still says he’s single which I don’t like cuz he’s not. W’re in college people use their computers all the time. I don’t think he goes on facebook as much as some people do, but I don’t know. I know it really hasn’t been very long since I sent the request but it still bugs me a little. Not sure what to think of it.

Reply January 25, 2012, 9:34 pm


Wait. So asking someone to be your girlfriend is a bit old fashion…jesus no wonder there are so many single girls out here, unable to keep an actual boyfriend. I mean, if the question is never asked then how on earth do you know if you are free to date other people or not…good grief the mind of women these days, no wonder men don’t bother.

Reply March 16, 2014, 10:48 pm

pissed off

My bf and I have been together for about 1 and a half years. We share everything (or so I thought we did). My problem isn’t about him displaying his relationship status, it’s about letting me see his facebook profile. I’ve never seen it, he rejects my friend requests and part of the reason is his friends bullied him and me when they found out we were talking/seeing each other. We broke up cos of that. He continued seeing these friends while we were getting back together, he hid that truth from me, I found out and ended things, he realised his mistake and vowed to cut them out of his life and we’re back together. He has stopped seeing these friends because they really hurt me, although they dont know he’s with me. But they still remain on his facebook. He says he keeps them there to ‘keep an eye on them’ and he doesnt use facebook much. He’s told me on two occasions to remove pics of me and him on my profile incase his friends see it and start trouble again. I’ve listened yet he refuses to answer me when I ask why he wont let me see his profile and we’ve been fighting cos of this for 2 days whereas he could’ve just shown me if he has nothing to hide. He’s seen my profile ages ago yet he doesn’t want to show his to me. He says clearly that he is not hiding anything. I want to believe him but can you blame me for not accepting that? I’m pissed off and fed up and having had my trust already broken, he’s not helping us build it back up. I even tried to sympathise with him and asked if it’s just about him wanting some things to himself and he confirmed that. But it still hurts and bothers me.

Reply January 20, 2012, 12:02 pm


i honestly think you have a reason not to trust him. it has moved beyond just an innocent misunderstanding if you guys have been fighting and breaking up because of it, and the whole thing with his friends. a relationship involves both of your lives together which includes including each other in each others friend groups sometimes. doesn’t sound like the kind of person you should be wasting your time with.

Reply January 25, 2012, 9:36 pm


im 17 dating a 23 year old guy we have been dating for six mo0nths… because he is my first boyfriend. i do want to change my facebook relationship status and he always kept it single and i did beg after 3 months and he refused. his reason was our age difference. from the beginning and everytime i wrote on his wall he would delete it and every single picture i would post(which was from the holiday we went on) he would untag all the photos of me and him,he also put a password on his phone and then one day it was unlocked so i checked it and it was a conversation between him and this girl he was previously seeing and he denied to her that him and i were dating and this was our 5 months.. am i just trying to tell myself everything is ok? or am i completely wrong and he could be cheating..? i really need help

Reply January 15, 2012, 4:09 pm

Jaded Girl

Yes, he is cheating and trying to keep his options open.

Reply January 20, 2012, 3:10 am


yeah i dont know exactly what he’s doing but i wouldn’t trust him.

Reply January 25, 2012, 9:38 pm


Your mistake was thinking you could actually date a 23 year old guy while you’re 17. He’s a man, you’re a child. Your competition are women, you’re in high school, he’s either in college or working in the real world. Either way, you two aren’t evenly yoked.

It’s almost cute–naive–but cute, when I see high school girls dating men, but I’ll help you out for future sake…I’m rather mature for my age and have always been attracted to dating older, but one thing you need to ask yourself before entering a relationship where its clear you’re in different stages of your life (hs vs. adulthood–responsibilities aside from hw and getting to school on time), what is it that this man wants with me? And more importantly, why can’t he find it with women his own age?

Not every guy has a jerk motive, but a lot of times when a man is dating a woman–scratch that a teenager still in hs–while he’s an adult, it’s usually an ulterior motive. There’s the possibility of control, whether physical or mental, and a sense of security, because usually the man in this position will have considerable power over the younger, unsuspecting female.

In your guys case, and given your instincts, I’m pretty sure it’s clear what’s happening (or happened given the time stamp of your post).

Reply March 16, 2014, 10:55 pm


The guy I’ve been seeing for around 6 months took me off his facebook as a friend. He says it’s because his ex-girlfriend used to facebook stalk him pretty much, but I just don’t see why he’s grouping me in with her and why he refuses to be my friend on facebook. Is he hiding something or am I just blowing this up?

Reply December 19, 2011, 9:07 pm

Jaded Girl

He is hiding something.

Reply January 20, 2012, 3:11 am


My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and he doesn’t have me as his g/f on facebook but I don’t really care about that. What bothers me is that he doesn’t want me to post on his facebook page because he says anything I can post on there I can just text. But when I wanted to leave a clip from this movie that reminded me of a way he laughs at me he said no and I asked him why and he said just that he didn’t want me to. we never take pictures together because he says he doesn’t like the way he looks in pictures. He’s had me go to family functions and group outings with his friends. I don’t know whether to take him for his word or if he’s making excuses. He’s in his thirties and I’m in my twenties so I’m not sure if it’s an age thing or the fact that he’s been married but I am really upset about this and I’m not sure what to think anymore.

Reply December 6, 2011, 2:11 pm


I found this to be very helpful. Thank you!

Reply November 18, 2011, 11:29 am

Eric Charles

Cool, I’m glad. :)

Reply November 18, 2011, 11:54 am


Great advice Eric! But I am confused. I still don’t understand why men don’t want to “show off” their prize, so to say. I have been in a couple of relationships where a guy doesn’t seem interested in publicizing our relationship on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Etc. But when I break up with them they don’t mind posting pictures or even WHOLE albums of their new Girlfriends, even gotten MARRIED. I have finally concluded that it was me all along!

Anyway. Their relationships don’t last. But can you specifically tell me why I wasn’t chosen to put online like their “trophy” women?

Reply November 13, 2011, 8:21 pm

Eric Charles

Hey Nia,
I think you have the answer right there: When he sees you as a prize of trophy, then he wants to show you off (not to say that he sees you as *only* a trophy or anything…)
It’s not about the girl though, it’s about the feeling he know has because he’s with her.
I know that might be hard to wrap your brain around, but think of it like this: When Apple comes out with a new product, Apple customers can’t wait to get it and whip it out in public, talk about it, play with it for no reason, etc.
But you don’t see them doing that with a 2nd generation iPod from 2007. Why? Because it’s not “cool” anymore – the “I’m cool because I have this new toy” effect isn’t there and so it’s not a prize… it’s just an older piece of electronics that plays MP3s.
Relationships have feelings associated with them too.
Sometimes, two satisfied people who love themselves and love their lives come together… and because they are “full” and happy… and because they want each other, but don’t NEED each other… their relationship flourishes and they intoxicate one another with great, amazing feelings and can’t wait to plaster Facebook with 20 albums of their new-found love.
Unfortunately, in many other cases one or both people come together with baggage, dislike for themselves and dislike for their life. They lean on the relationship like a crutch, trying to use it to fill the void within them. It might work at first, but very quickly that person (with the baggage or insecurity) sucks the other person dry with their neediness and the other person withdraws.
I don’t mean to sound cruel or offensive, but without sugar-coating my message: Nobody thinks of a parasite as a trophy. (Not talking about you personally, talking in general about the opposite extreme of the spectrum for the love drunk fools that post a billion Facebook pics.)
And as a cruel twist of reality, when someone is dating a needy person (or had dated one), they will be irresistibly drawn to a non-needy woman. Her presence (and essence) will feel like a refreshing breath of fresh air after having previously being held underwater, unable to breathe.
He will have relief from the suffocation of the last girl’s guilt-inducing neediness and feel free… which will only heighten his feelings of levity that he found his “true love”.
It’s not to say that he’s not truly into the new girl, but the *relief* that he’s experienced combined with the happy feelings of new romance is an unbeatable and irresistible combination… he will be intoxicated with feelings.
Sorry if any of that came off as harsh – not intended to be… Only want to help! Hope I did.

Reply November 18, 2011, 1:12 pm


Wow! Can’t believe this thread is still accepting comments and you’re still answering them Eric!! Well, here is an update from me. I’ve been in a new relationship since 2012 and we’re moving in together next month! Whoo hoo! My new guy doesn’t have FB, Twitter, Instagram..any of this! Whew! Sigh of relief! :-)

Reply November 18, 2014, 9:59 pm


Ok so my question is this, I v been with my guy for 2 years on and off, he still aint changed his status on fb and he hasn’t even got me as a friend, one of his friends was on the phone to him and heard my voice and must have asked the question if we was back together from what it seem , he ignored it and just said some thing stupid and laughed it off , he still hasn’t met my family and he still hasn’t got me to meet his , I m getting really annoyed because I love him dearly but don’t want to waste my time and get dumped by him again like I did last october , his exhuse was he needed to sort himself out and 2 months later we was back together , now I m a very smart and good looking girl , em I wasting my time on him and will it end in tears ? That’s my tears

Reply November 13, 2011, 3:05 pm

Eric Charles

Yeah, I guess you found yet another benefit of Facebook. :)

Makes sense – some people are liars and I have no sympathy when they get caught and pay the price.

I stopped updating my Facebook pics almost entirely because pictures of me with girls would upset other girls I was dating or had dated. I finally had enough – locked down my profile and stopped sharing pictures. Not worth the aggravation for me, personally.

Sorry your situation turned out that way – but fortunate that you know the deal and can move on to greener pastures.

Reply September 30, 2011, 12:21 pm


Oh and also, he was never a friend on my facebook and my page is set to private. I don’t care anything about setting my status on there either. My status has, is, and will always be hidden. I am a very social person and pictures are always posted. As far as I was concerned, our picture was just added to the album. I came to ask Eric because I couldn’t understand why he would get so pissed about it. Unfortunately, the next day I learned he was living a double life. So in this situation, thank goodness for facebook! It saved me from wasting any more time on that douchebag! :)

Reply September 30, 2011, 1:26 am


Actually, I am 26!
and we HAD been dating for 6 months. If I hadn’t posted the picture on facebook then I wouldn’t have ever found out he was cheating on me. So, think again before telling someone they need to get their priorities in order!

Reply September 29, 2011, 9:56 pm

Eric Charles

Well I guess that settles that…

Reply September 30, 2011, 12:15 am


What has this world come to when one has to question whether or not their relationship is the real deal by putting it on Facebook. Hopefully the guest asking this question is a teenager and understandable she wants her friends to know who her man is…but if their over 25 you need to get your priorities in order and maybe there’s a reason his status remains a secret from the world!

Reply September 29, 2011, 9:50 pm

Jaded Girl

It’s not about the relationship being real or not real by a social website.

Reply January 20, 2012, 3:15 am


What does it mean if he gets mad I uploaded a picture of us on facebook? Last night he told me he how much he truely cared about me and said he loved me. But today, I actually accused of him of seeing other women because he couldn’t give me a reason why our picture on facebook would make him mad. Needless to say, it’s been almost 24 hours since I’ve texted him or called me back. He hasn’t tried to help this situation at all either. He wrote A text that said ‘No’ after I told him ‘have fun with your other women and forget about me.’
Is he playing games?

Reply September 27, 2011, 5:02 am

Eric Charles

I can see where the guy’s coming from…
He’s just starting a relationship with a girl, he’s starting to have feelings. Then, without his consent, an “announcement” is made to all of his friends, co-workers and family that he might be seeing this girl.
His ex-girlfriend messages him, “Who’s this new girl?” His aunt Sally messages him, “Oh, my little Billy has a girlfriend!!” His lacrosse buddies start making fun of him for being “locked down” by a girl.
He didn’t ask for all that crap… and he if he could avoid it, he would. It’s annoying… most guys are private about their dating / relationship lives. Even their sex lives – women tend to be the ones who spill all the gory details about all-things sex and relationship. Guys like to be private.
So I don’t think he’s playing games. I get weirded out when girls put pictures of me on Facebook unless I’ve known them for a while.
Problem is, instead of calmly trying to understand where he’s coming from or just letting it go, you accused him of seeing other women (basically calling him dishonest and having bad intentions). That would be enough for me to dump a girl if she did that with me…
Just saying…
I would get in touch with him and try to understand and just remain calm. Facebook weirds some ppl out, it is what it is.

Reply September 27, 2011, 8:02 pm


I would personally be very dubious of how much a guy cared/loved a woman if he was too ashamed to have the pride to admit he was in a relationship. Eric’s privacy comment aside, I think nowadays a lot of women (and I wonder how many of the above this applies to) THINK they are in a full blown, committed relationship…whilst from his perspective he’s just killing time and exploring his prospectives? I would only be happy to be in a relationship in which a man is happy to announce that he is exclusive to his special woman. There is pride and honour in that. I think women with low self-esteem tend to settle for so much less, badgering a man into a relationship, or trying to get him to change his status – facebook or otherise just makes men run in the opposite direction. Ladies, please, it is so undignified to chase a man or pressure him into something he doesn’t necessarily want or isn’t ready for. DON’T DO IT!

Reply July 3, 2011, 8:22 am


I think it’s nice to show relationship status. It means you want people to know and are proud to be with that person. Yet at the same time I understand the thinking that it’s not anyone else’s business. I’m a very private person. I don’t ever do wall posts and have barely any profile info or pics but I do show relationship status. If you’re worried about the drama of it showing up in news feed just delete it from your wall immediately. Or if you’re worried about changing it after you break up and that showing up in news feed just hide your status to avoid the drama of people asking you what happened!!

Reply May 10, 2011, 11:17 pm


i believe its a little stupid to show it . i think its basically insecure girls that feel that way NO offense to ANYONE. im just saying if you truly trust him i don’t think it truly matters. i think relationships are about trust aren’t they there are guys who don’t want everyone in there business

Reply March 30, 2011, 11:08 pm


how about if you’ve been living together for a couple of years. we split up last spring and he changed his status from in a relationship to single, interested in women. when asked he said he did it on purpose because he knew I’d see it. we were apart for 5 weeks. his status hasn’t changed and he said i make a big deal out of nothing, because no one pays attention to status or at least he doesn’t. i receently changed mine to single and the response i’ve received is obvious, people do pay attention. is he just not committed to me or am i making a big deal out of nothing.

Reply February 25, 2011, 2:09 pm


Jessica! LEAVE HIM – That is UNHEALTHY and a half! I know you don’t want to hear that, I’ve been in the same boat but listen, leave him. There’s plenty of fish in the sea that will certainly treat you better. If he’s PUSHING for you to dump him so he can basically cheat on you and then come back. That’s just disgusting and he sounds like a terrible person. Push him away now before you get sucked in love any deeper.

Reply February 10, 2011, 2:23 pm


I have been with this guy for a year and 4 months and his facebook status shows he is single. He don’t like to kiss me and never cuddles me. He hardly texts me or calls. I have to do it first. He told me he don’t want to give his self to me and then get hurt. I love him and he told me he loves me too. He also told me that he knows I love him but I don’t know he loves me. He has went out with other women because he pushes me to dumping him and thinks if I dump him it’s ok to have sex with someone else but I can’t because he didn’t dump me. He makes me feel like he is ashamed of me and I don’t think he loves me. I just can’t understand why he keeps coming back and won’t let me go. Please help me!

Reply February 10, 2011, 7:38 am


Hi Jessica,
Dump him as you deserve much better man and treatment than this. He does not seem to care whether you get hurt by his stupid actions and games. So do not waste your precious time on him…

Reply January 31, 2012, 3:05 pm

Honey Bee

I’ve been with My bf for 4years now, he Never wants to put he’s in a relationship on His site, He doesn’t take pictures as a couple cuz he says “he’s not photogenic” He says he doesn’t tell people he Loves them but he acts like he’s in Love with me and we do everything together……..What’s wrong with us…what’s wrong with me? Why does he seem so ashamed of our love and the funny thing is its are 4th year starting and I’m sitting here with it stuck on my mind to afraid to do anything.

Reply February 7, 2011, 2:06 am


I agree and disagree. I get the privacy thing but my boyfriend his main concern, after 5 years (we’re in our mid 20’s) is worrying if we break up again he doesn’t want to on facebook. I don’t see why after a mini break up that he changed it to single and then blank after we got back together (which I KNEW was going to happen…he has these weird episodes) when all this time before he had it down that we were in a relationship together. He tells me that all his friends know we’re together but he’s worried he’ll have to babysit me if we all go out somewhere together with friends (because apparently I need a lot of attention which def isnt true). I don’t give him a lot of physical attention but he doesnt give me very much attention if we’re out. There’s very few things I truly want in this sad life we live and I want his facebook to say that we are in a relationship together. I’m a bit of a romantic and I want him to brag about me. I want him to show off to the world that he has this beautiful girl because I just want to feel special…

Reply December 4, 2010, 11:19 pm


I don’t agree with this. As a woman, I expect my BF to be happy that he’s in a realationship with me and to want everyone to know. If he’s dragging his heels on such a simple matter, there’s something wrong. As a matter of fact, I know this to be true. My first BF asked me out 10/22/10 and still had another chick’s name as his girlfriend on FB, I finally got him to take it down, but he wouldn’t add me. I finally accomplished that, and he took it (my name) down. Got him to put it back up, he hid his relationship status. Finally, I contacted the woman that had been listed as his girlfriend b/f me and found out she was still his GF, his only one she thought. Ladies, DEMAND that he adds you as his GF on everything, b/c how he reacts to it and what he does will tell you loads about him. That’s how I learned by BF was a liar and a cheater. I would have discovered it eventually due to other behaviors, but I nailed him in 2wks thanks to his FB relationship status. If he really cares about you and wants you, changing his FB status should be a hasseless thing.

Reply November 12, 2010, 4:29 pm


Wow thanks for the update on it. I was having the same problem now im more relaxed and not worring about it. I hide my status and if my friends or family want to know they can ask me. This caused alot of dumb fights between me and my bf cause i was hurt when he didnt change it. But now i under stand were people are coming from So thank u for great advice.

Reply October 27, 2010, 3:50 pm

Smart Payment Plan

People need to focus more on day to day living and less on a website. Sometimes the female thinks people are in a relationship before the relationship has had time to solidify. Let a good 3-6 months go by before making it official.

Reply October 19, 2010, 8:36 pm


I have my relationship status hidden, we both have. Recently I asked him if he doesnt mind if i change mine into ‘in a relationship’ (im starting my uni and a few guys started to flirt with me as there’s nothing stated on FB). He said he doesnt mind but he wont change it because it his privacy. I know that he is afraid that i will dump him at uni because of someone else (his exes did that) and I think he just doesnt want to change it back from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’ after potential break up. I love him, I dont want to change him, I dont want to be pushy, if he feels he is ready to make such a commitment to me on FB, he will do that.

Reply August 29, 2010, 8:09 pm


Wow, I really needed to read this. My boyfriend and I just made things official after a few weeks of dating/talking… but he hasn’t changed his status like I have. I casually asked him about it once, but he just said that facebook won’t let him change it. I don’t know whether he is lying because he is unsure or if he is telling me the truth… Does facebook really keep you from changing things? Anyways, after reading your article, I’m just going to try and relax and live in the moment. We’ll see how things pan out and I won’t freak out over a facebook status. Thank you so much Eric!

Reply July 2, 2010, 2:28 am


reading this made me feel SO much better. my boyfriend and i broke up a few weeks ago, and things got good again, but he didn’t wanna make it facebook official. he just tells me to not get so anxious. hes been hurt a lot in his past so reading this and understanding that, i feel better :)

Reply April 8, 2010, 11:40 am


I agree with Teri.

Reply February 15, 2010, 7:46 am


people use facebook as a dating site and this is a known fact….it has broken up relationships and marriages and both men and women use it to cheat….if a man or woman refuses to change his or her “status” for a significant other as you write, that person needs to be dropped immediately simply because they are too high a risk….it is a courtesy you extend to the person you claim to care for…if you care enough to get naked with them, you should care enough to change your freaking facebook status for them…

Reply November 9, 2009, 10:09 pm


I like this guy and I wana get outa the friend zone concept and date him. How do I steer the convos to be more flirty??? Some statements or?s any™hing can help!!

Reply October 14, 2009, 9:56 pm


Eric, you’re succchhh a spunk!! lol <3

Reply September 15, 2009, 7:03 am


Why do you need to have your relationship status displayed on Facebook? I have mine hidden. If you’re actually my friend, then you know if I’m in a relationship or not and with whom.

I know, I know, it’s not real until it’s on Facebook. *sigh*

Reply September 4, 2009, 4:25 pm

Eric Charles

I’m with you Sterling… I don’t show mine. No time for that nonsense. ;)

Reply September 4, 2009, 10:08 pm


I have been dating a guy about 3 months.. I changed my status to say in a relationship, but didn’t connect his name to that status. Basically, I didn’t want to be bothered by other guys. He hasn’t changed his status from single. Now I want to step back and slow things down to his speed. If I change my status back, think he will get upset or just accept it as I want to take it slow too? I feel silly asking about this guess I can do what I want..

Reply July 16, 2009, 11:26 pm

alicia d

i wouldnt want ppl to know my status either.
then when u break up it will show and stupid annoying ppl will ask u why omggggg did u break up awwwww

Reply June 12, 2009, 12:07 pm

Eric Charles

Thank you.

Reply June 5, 2009, 11:58 am


Eric Charles is amazing

Reply June 5, 2009, 4:51 am


ok i love ask a guy… i have read every ask a guy article and all of the answers are really on point and great advice

Reply April 29, 2009, 9:48 am


amazing!!! and true… dating is complicated enough without bringing facebook into the mix

Reply April 29, 2009, 9:30 am

Germaine Windley

nice and does that go for myspace as well?

Reply April 28, 2009, 1:15 pm

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