Ask A Guy: Why Do Guys Vanish After A Great First Date? post image

Ask A Guy: Why Do Guys Vanish After A Great First Date?

I’ve gone out with three different guys in the past month. With all of these guys, we talk and have a good time for a few hours over coffee. He asks me out for a second date, and takes down my phone number. He even talks specifics for the next date (what day, what we might do). None of these guys actually call me to schedule the next date.

What is going on here? I can see this happening maybe once, but three times? …and what is the rationale behind asking a girl out and then never calling? If he doesn’t like me, why doesn’t he just not ask me out again, or just not ask for my phone number?

Read on for our guy’s response!

Well, it could be one of two things. Either the guys really genuinely do like you and do want to go on a date or they don’t and they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

If they did want to go on a second date with you, then maybe the reason they’re not calling you is because they don’t think you’re into them. Guys can be somewhat uneasy at first when they meet a woman. It varies from guy to guy (and also depends on how many women he’s dated), but sometimes it takes a bright blinking neon sign in order for a guy to know that a woman likes him.

As guys get more experienced with women, they generally know that their best bet is to assume the woman is interested in them and act accordingly (respectfully, of course). However, not all guys come from this place of internal validation and they look to the woman for signs to see if she’s attracted. Meanwhile, if the woman is guarded, playing hard-to-get or just not a very expressive type of person, the guy will feel like “she’s not that into him”.

I mean, it is possible that these guys don’t want to hurt your feelings and so they say they’ll go on another date, but from what you described it does sound a little odd to have 3 different guys do virtually the same thing.

Now a woman might ask, “What are things that women might unconsciously do that signal to a guy that she’s not interested.” Off the top of my head, I would say:

  • Texting/taking a phone call during a date (I mean, if you genuinely have to and you’re apologetic, that’s fine. Otherwise, red flag.)
  • Not smiling.
  • Not really participating in the conversation. He talks and you respond with a minimal response and an unexcited tone.
  • Actively showing disinterest in talking with him – paying attention to other things happening in the room, checking the time, etc. etc.

At the same time, there’s a possibility that you could be coming across too eager. This is a definite scenario where a guy will want to get out of there as soon as possible and disappear. What makes a guy think you’re too eager? I think it mainly comes down to one thing: you communicate that you have some problem (you’re not happy with your life, you don’t like being single, you are depressed, etc.) and then you talk about how you’ve been looking for a relationship.

Guys aren’t anti-relationship. Guys will get into a relationship with a woman who brings out the best in them and who they feel great being with. But if you communicate to him that a relationship with him is going to be some kind of life-preserver or crutch or key to being happy, he will definitely not want to pursue a relationship. His feeling is that he’s got enough problems of his own to deal with without having to take on someone else’s.

However, these are definitely not the types of things that a woman would say outright. I can’t imagine a woman saying, “I am pretty miserable, but I want you to date me because I think it will make me feel better.” Who knows… maybe some women have.

Usually the guy pieces together whether or not dating you is going to be more of a liability than a good thing for him. He asks about your life. He gets a sense of how much you enjoy your life and what you do in your life. If you pretty much don’t enjoy anything – you don’t really like your friends anymore, you don’t like your job, you don’t like your lifestyle, etc. – then he is definitely going to avoid dating you because he doesn’t want to be the guy who has to perk you up.

So if you feel like you might fall into the category of being too eager for a date or relationship, then it would be worthwhile to start exploring ways to enjoy your life more in it of itself. Enjoy being with your friends, enjoy doing things that you love, enjoy what you’re doing in the meantime. Take care of yourself. Enjoy your life so much that you could be perfectly content not having a date or a boyfriend for a while. When you learn to love life while being single, love inevitably finds you. (Yuck, so cliche, but it seemed like a nice ending and it’s true.)

Hope it helps!

– eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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I met with a guy on dating app. He asked me to watch a movie in cinema together and we added on facebook each other. We were eating Pizza before movie. We asked about each other. It was gone well. We know a lot each other and I think that we had strong eye contact. After movie, he asked me to hang out to somewhere. He was free and I aslo. But I don’t know which place do I take him that’s why I told him that I would ask my friend the place to go but he misunderstood that I think hehe. He thought that I would go to somewhere with my friends.OMG):. I explained again but he understood like before. He texted on messenger about date was happy and to meet again if I want and then he would like to treat me food next time when he came back to my city next month. I texted him ”Good Night” and he also reply me immediately at that night. But It’s been 5 days he didn’t text me yet. I don’t know why? Ah! I forget one thing. He and I are different in country and nation. Our first date was went well. So, why didn’t he text me? Does not he like me? Is he interested in me or isn’t? Please give me some advice.

Reply February 13, 2020, 11:36 pm


I really needed that, thanks.

Reply January 7, 2017, 9:49 am


So I met this guy on tinder and we went out like 4 times and it was great, it seems like he really liked me based on other articles I read here, and then I told him to go on a trip with me and a friend, we had the best time there, we came back and he vanish for 3 days and during those 3 days i felt horrible and couldn’t stop thinking about what went wrong ( but I never called him or texted) finally he texted me and it all went back to normal for 2 hours then he took a lot of time to answer back . My question is why is he doing this? Is he like playing or is he’s not that interested like I thought he was please answer. Thanks

Reply November 3, 2016, 10:27 pm


Maybe he has other things going on in his life. For example, maybe his aunt died. Maybe he spent those 3 days feeling horrible that you don’t text him.

Reply August 6, 2019, 6:13 pm


Yeah that’s bs. So what is a good date to a guy??
I’m a gorgeous woman a great date good company guys say so themselves but of course treat me like a prostitute they’re hanging with for the night. Men are pathetic. I’ve been on 500 plus dates only a handful turn into second dates before the guy gets psycho and a jerk. Men are pathetic on another level

Reply October 24, 2016, 10:44 pm


You sound very confident, which can easily be understood as arrogance. it sounds like you have been on 500 plus dates and actually ended up in bed with lots of those men. And while it’s completely your business what you do with your body and who with, if those first dates know about your previous dates, they might just view you as a prostitute and might not be interested in having second dates to begin with.

Reply November 2, 2017, 5:33 am


All I can tell you is if you tried something 500 times and it is not working, you’re doing it wrong.

Reply August 6, 2019, 6:25 pm


Why are the ones who disappear on you after having a great date… Come back? This keeps happening to me and I can’t figure this out? Tia!

Reply August 31, 2016, 9:25 am


Actually the ‘great date’ that you guys were thinking are only great in your own mind, you will never know what your date is actually feeling, even if he/she tells you that doesn’t mean is true, so its just a waste of time try to figure out why a great date would turned out to be a no response after that.. And is not only guy who went silent after the so called first ‘great date’, sometimes girls did that do, at least I did that a few times.. not because of something is going wrong with my date, sometimes there can be many reasons, 1) you like the person but the interest is just not enough to make you see him/her again and again, 2) don’t take the texting thing too serious, we text more often before we meet with the person to fill the curiosity, again once you meet you with the person, everything went cold, curiosity fulfilled, many of people text so much at the beginning only because they are bored, the mind is bored, seriously all the sweet texts means nothing, what he/she type or say doesn’t really means how they actually feel, instead pay attention on what they do, nothing to analyse, see it with a clear mind 3) people went dating doesn’t mean they looking for relationship or something serious, many of them do it just for leisure, meet up and talk but doesn’t mean they must keep in touch after that, in life there’s so much to deal with already, if people need to keep in touch with all the people they ever date, I wonder if the person own 48 hours a day
Let it loose, just a date to meet new people, if you find he/she fun to keep in touch then just ask them out but if they arent seeing the same picture as you, all you can do is to let them go, they aren’t here to feed you with attention or acknowledge your worth, instead of keep demanding things from them, embrace the date, the fun time you had with them, make a life out of yourself

Reply October 17, 2016, 3:46 am


The sad blunt truth of why guys vanish after a great first date is because you were the only one who felt that it was “great”.

Reply August 23, 2016, 6:10 am


Long story short. Met this man online had a great conversation all week. He asked me out on a date, we had a great time a little flirty played some shuffle bord. He grabed my hand we walked around. Then he had to leave for family birthday. He asked if I wanted to hang out later, I said possibly. (Sometime Later) I invite him over were chatting about life. We’re watching a movie. We have some fun. No intercorse. I was astablishing boundries. He really wanted to. He didn’t have work the next day but was prepping for a big interview/ relaxing. I wished him luck he said thanks. Then that was it. 4 days passed. I casually asked how the interview went, nothing no response. I assume he just wanted a piece of ass. Glad I didnt put out. It’s the conversation and interaction that confuse me.

Any advise helps.

Reply May 8, 2016, 3:55 am


I dated a guy last Saturday and it went pretty well. Before ending the date, he asked to meet not only for a second time but also created an excuse to meet for a third time. In short, he talked as if we are going to meet in the future a lot more. Right after, I got on the train, I received a message from him repeating the same twice. First, he expressed that he was happy to meet me and wanted to meet again. Then, there was a bit of small talk and towards the end of this small talk, he repeated his desire to meet me again. Then, I asked him something related to what we talked before. Yet, he hasn’t answered me since then. It has been two days. Being busy felt a bit like an excuse to me as the next day was a Sunday. Or, despite not answering my little question from that night, would he expect me to send a message now after expressing his wish to meet me many times? He hasn’t read even my message. That’s why I felt that I should not text him but rather he should. I feel confused…

Reply February 1, 2016, 5:10 am


It is rather childish to be playing ego games with who should text who, when he could have never received your text due to a technical problem.

Reply August 6, 2019, 6:44 pm

He's testing his market value

Anyone remember this scene from the film “good Will hunting”?

Will: …this girl is like, you know, beautiful. She’s smart. She’s funny. She’s different from most of the other girls I’ve been with.
Sean: So, call her up, Romeo.
Will: Why? So I can realize she’s not that smart, that she’s … boring? Y’know–I mean…this girl is like … perfect right now, I don’t wanna ruin that.
Sean: Maybe you’re perfect right now. Maybe you don’t want to ruin that. I think that’s a super philosophy, Will. That way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody.

Just sayin…

Reply March 29, 2015, 12:35 am


Guys want sex.
It does not matter how she acts on the date. If she seems “too eager”, guys consider it as a greater change they will get sex.
No sex?
They move on to someone else.
They have not vanished; they are with someone else.

Reply March 15, 2015, 5:03 am


A M E N !!!!!!!!

Reply October 29, 2015, 7:01 am


I have this happen over and over again- like Im on a new dating site and every man I meet state they want an ongoing relationship as I ask them and they leave. Happened again today met I guy he wanted me to go to his work and hang out and he bought me lunch then I went home as he had a meeting. He was suppose to come see me at my apt later he never contacted me at all and he has my phone and texting. I came home to get ready and clean up etc even bought a few items he was going to buy wine. Hes gone silent. Guy before that we hung out at my place and he suddenly to ok off stating he had a text that his friend was in a car accident. talked to another guy before this never met him but we talked for hrs now suddenly hes not accessible either he wont answer his phone. He suppose to come visit me hes 2 hrs away- leaves a message hope your taking care of yourself, I miss you….Since last xmas I have met probably close to 15 men in a row who are just one dates then leave and on contact – ALL FROM DATING SITES where they can meet god 5 girls a day if they wanted to…

Reply November 29, 2015, 3:50 am


I’m sorry to hear so many girls have had an issue with guys cancelling on them. I can however say from experience (even recent) that it works both ways. The lady’s article sounds quite like my own story.

After our first date the girl asked me to text her when I was back safe as I had a long journey to see her, when I got back we texted a fair few times and it seemed even more positive than before the date. I felt so confident in her replys I asked her straight away if she would like to meet up next week. She said sure with several blushing smileys and kisses so I assumed all was well.

Come the next morning everything was different about her. When I text her asking how she was the replys were blunt, she’d gone from giving an excessive amount of kisses to a couple and deliberately started waiting hours to reply (having enough time to post several Twitter updates and selfies on Instagram).

She changed from being incredibly eager and engaging to disinterested and a chore to speak to. I feel maybe your man was the same as my lady, in the sense that at the time they may have sincerely wanted a 2nd date, but after sleeping on it decided they wanted something different?

I hope you’ve found some guy deserving of your time and please don’t dwell over these guys – they’re inability to at least inform you that they aren’t interested says plenty about how much of a “man” they are.

Reply February 14, 2015, 5:59 pm


I had this happen. One minute hes calling me ” baby” then after a second date he completely cuts me off. But still wants to ” keep in touch” and txt every day. What the heck!?

Reply December 11, 2014, 2:05 am


So what does a woman have to do to let a man know she’s interested? I strongly believe that not every man is that dumb. There are tons of women who CLEARLY show green lights in dating and the men they date still don’t go for it. Maybe there’s another reason for these cases. I just think I want to give a man the benefit of the doubt that he isn’t so blind-sighted on what it looks like when a woman expresses her interest in him. We’re not in grade school anymore. Poking you and running away isn’t the code for “I like you” in the adult world. And if there is any man that can’t read how drank a woman is, then he’s not mentally prepared to read that woman at all. Sorry if I sound bitter. Lol I have just heard the whole “men don’t know what move to make next” crap far too long and far too much to feel that women these certain guys are dating are really that misleading.

Reply December 10, 2014, 2:36 pm


Correction: “And if there is any man that can’t read how iINTERESTED a woman is, the he’s not mentally prepared to read that woman at all.” (This applies to women who actually reach out to these men expressing how content they are with him, making it very clear that a 2nd date would be a possibility.)

Reply December 10, 2014, 2:44 pm


I understand this is a little late to help Chrissy, but as a guy I had to make a comment here. There’s one of two things that could be happening here in my opinion…

Number 1:
I notice a common theme among women I’ve interacted with, they all say they want a guy who is confident, makes them laugh, and knows how to read them. That last one is key. Sure some guys are naturals, but the only way you get “good” at reading women, as a guy, is dating lots of women. Then something else begins to happen, you start getting good at the first two items in that list. You might think the date went well, but if he’s someone who has gone on a lot of dates, it could be “average” to him. While he might have every intention of following up, if he felt it was average, it could just slip his mind.

Number 2:
The other possibility is he doesn’t go on a lot of dates. Just a personal example of mine…the only way have any success with meeting women and going on dates is through approaching them in real life. I’ve tried online dating and out of 300 women I messaged, 30 read the message, and 1 responded to say “no thanks”. My results could be an outlier, but if online dating is the only method he’s chosen, he might not be getting that many dates and so he’s not good at reading women, and he really does need a neon sign.

These are the two extremes ie those men who go on lots of dates vs those who don’t. I’m sure there’s a continuum .

Reply March 16, 2017, 3:14 am


A big thing that I noticed for many ppl online is, a serious lack of maturity. There are so many ppl to choose from, so it’s easy for them to lose their focus, and run after someone else, until someone else comes along, etc etc.

Reply November 27, 2014, 12:53 pm


I had two dates with people I met online…First guy: we talked a lot, we texted a lot, he added me on facebook. Good morning, good night messages and whatnot. We went out, we went to a bar had a couple of drinks we talked about everything going out in our lives, we both agreed we had a great time…then he vanished, not a text from him ever again.
Second guy: same story, met him online…texted each other day and night. Agreed to meet in a public place. He asked me beer or coffee so I said coffee. He talked a lot, didn’t let me talk much…he seemed eager to talk and as soon as I was going to speak he would interrupt. We went to the park (after the coffee) sit there for half and hour and he spoke about his family and when we said goodbye he gave me the biggest hug and said he would love to see me again he also said “I really enjoyed this, whenever I don’t enjoy dates I am very quiet and I just listen, but I had a great time with you” said this I left…and guess? no texts…no nothing
needless to say I got very hurt for this, and I am just wondering if there’s something wrong with me.

Reply November 12, 2014, 11:54 am


aww Alice! I’m in the exact same situation! First guy and I had a marvelous time on our first date (we met online, by the way) and we planned out our next date and he was concerned that I wouldn’t be interested in a second. I assured him that I was. Then he cancelled the next day. He didn’t call me back. At least not yet?

Second guy and I had our first date and we clicked a lot better than the first. We meshed so well that we began talking about vague but personal aspects of our lives. Nothing too personal, but it was definitely 2nd or 3rd date material. We had a phone call after our first date and the phone disconnected and he hasn’t called back. I tried calling him back that same night but it would ring once and go to voicemail. I just assumed that his phone died. This only happened a day ago but it was just super strange to me that there has been no explanation or follow up of the occurrence yet. Maybe I’m too eager?

I feel the same way you feel when you say that you wonder if there is something wrong with you. I always self-check (sometimes too much) but I always come up with a blank slate when I try to go over any issues that may have occurred that went over my head. It makes no sense sometimes.

The only thing I do despite it all is just leave the ball in their court. I don’t understand men as much as I’d like to believe I do. However, this won’t stop me from looking further into other people. Sometimes having a healthy self-esteem is important. Never allow rejection or uncertainty hold the reigns to your joy. Be confused and be hurt. It’s natural. But deal with it in a way that, the first few dates are just like window shopping. You see what you like, you check out the price (just work with the metaphor lol), you may even try it on. But it’s not yours yet.

I’m truly sorry those disappointments happened to you and I hope that since then, things worked out and you are no longer feeling confused. Best of luck to you, Alice!

Reply December 10, 2014, 2:09 pm


Hi Alice,

Speaking as a shy guy I can say that sometimes no matter how well a guy thinks that date has gone, there may still be dount in his mind as to whether the girl likes him or not. If you like the guy text him. Some guys are just as insecure as girls. Did you ever think that they might be thinking the same, “Why hasn’t she text me, we had a great time?”.

Personally I would always follow up the date with a text, but I know plenty of guys who don’t take it any further unless the girl texts first.

Reply February 14, 2015, 6:09 pm


I met a guy on a free online dating site. We went out — got a quick bite to eat for the first date with a kiss good night. The second date, we met at his place because of his medical work schedule. We watched a movie, talked, cuddled, laughed and kissed plenty of times. He was going out of town for a work conference the next day for a couple of days. I text him to ask if he was back. He never responded. When I text had he been checking my profile on the dating site, his little name for me; he now said he was being “nice”. That was six months ago. I didn’t understand what happened. I was initially confused because things were going well. I thought it might have been something I said or done while on the second date that he didn’t like. Well, a few days ago, I found out he got married this October. His main FB profile pictures shows his/her hands with wedding rings. Now, I understand his “disappearing act”. His disappearing act had nothing to do with me. I guess he wanted to have fun before getting married. I didn’t give or loose anything except time!

Don’t Waste Time wondering what happened to these “Disappearing Men”. Just Move On and Continue Dating!

Reply October 20, 2015, 2:41 am


I went on a great date about a week ago. He took me out for drinks and dinner and we had a great time. We played some games and we kissed a few times. Throughout the date he complimented me and told me he thought i was attractive. He asked me if he could see me again, I said yes, of course. Then we kissed again. Then I went home. Haven’t heard from him. Asked him to get together next week to show that I am interested because sometimes guy need to knowknow or be reassured. He said he was busy that day and didn’t say anything else and didn’t reply to a simple follow up text (to start a conversation). It has been a few days, this ain’t going nowhere. If he didn’t want to see me why kiss me and ask me out again?? If I see him again, I do, but I am not waiting around for him.

Reply August 14, 2014, 2:49 am


oh man. same situation minus the kissing. what is wrong with these guys? i met him on an online dating site, which i don’t really do but we had some great messages we sent back and forth on there. i had to initiate the exchange of numbers and made the first text. you’d think that’d be enough to convey my interest besides me saying already to him, “Hey I like you, like talking to you.” Then he texts and asks if I want to meet about 2 weeks after we started talking, and I say sure. We go to “hang out” but it felt like a date, and… I enjoyed myself. He said once that he thought I was disappointed in him, and I was like, um, clearly no. After dinner and the restaurant was closing, I was the one to say “I don’t really want to go home because this has been fun, do you want to go to the bar?” So, he said yes, and we stayed together for another three hours just talking about stuff. We had to work in the morning otherwise I would’ve stayed longer, so we agreed to go home. He didn’t kiss me goodbye but mentioned not having dated more than one girl seriously. I asked him to text me and let me know he got home okay – which he didn’t. So I texted in the morning to make sure he had. He got back to me at the end of the day with just a “Yes, long day” no follow up… I thought… okay, I won’t smother. Didn’t hear from him the next day, to even just say “Hey, I had a nice time”… I texted him the day after that to see if he wanted to watch a football game at the bar – nada for four hours until I got a text that said he was spending the day with family. Awesome, cool, but no follow-up like: How about tomorrow? I got rid of his number so I wouldn’t text him after that, figuring the ball was in his court… It’s been a week since that date. I’ve pretty much given up and couldn’t have done more to reassure him. In the end, I’m the one wondering wtf I did wrong when I thought it was a great night and we were messaging each other every night before that. My only conclusion could be that 1. he’s not interested in me anymore 2. when we met, maybe he wasn’t that attracted to me (but tbh, I… looked pretty damn good).

If he’s THAT insecure, then we might not work out anyway, but I just… don’t get it. Tell me you aren’t interested, or don’t say you want to do other things the night of the date and then… completely flake on me. Men are weird.

Reply January 21, 2015, 12:48 pm


This whole first-date-no-call is annoying. I had a wonderful date with a great guy. He pursued like crazy, and we chatted nonstop on the night itself. The only place I think I went wrong is that I was too affectionate with him – but I was mirroring how he acted. I refused to sleep with him on the first night – I wasn’t ready, wasn’t in the mood, I didn’t want him as a one night stand. He was confused…he said, “If I liked you just for sex, I would have ended this date a long time ago.” Otherwise, the night was lovely. I don’t hate my life, and I was clear that I enjoyed my time with him. Next thing I know, he’s cancelled our second date, which he himself scheduled. Ridiculous. Another reason a man will not go on a second date? Perhaps it’s because he’s not looking for the same thing you are. If you’re not on the same page, then well… He still calls me baby and I can’t be bothered to ask for plans or go find him when he’s out even if he tells me (more or less) where he is.

Reply May 30, 2014, 1:09 am


I think it is hard to tell what people want on the first date. I met a guy online and on my profile, I make it very clear that I am looking to date hoping for it to evolve into something more. I want a relationship basically. I think that is pretty straight forward. I think it was made clear that he was looking for sex. I have so much respect for you for sticking to your boundaries.

Reply August 14, 2014, 2:53 am


Okay I have lived across the street from a guy for 6 years. He has had a crush on me the entire time, and tried to talk to me quite a few times but I was in a relationship and also not interested cause he is a year younger than me. About 6 months ago I finally gave him a chance, and we have been talking ever since. We had only been talking over the phone because he is in the Marines. He was very serious about our budding relationship, he showed a lot of interest in my child and also offered to pay for me to come visit him; I wasn’t able to go. He finally came to visit last month and we hung out, unfortunately I got very intoxicated as did he. His friends all liked me a lot, but I thought I had ruined things with him because he acted differently. Then, he went back to the Marines and started talking to me again and seemed even more interested than before. He is here visiting again this month. We hung out and he brought me out with him for his guys night – good sign, or so I thought. Well apparently not. He stopped talking to me and I asked him what’s going on.. he said he can’t be in a relationship cause he is about to be sent to Afghanistan. This is obviously a cop out. I just can’t figure out what I did wrong. One of his friends likes me and was buying me drinks the night we went out, I did spend a lot of time with him but for me we are just friends. The guy I was actually dating is very shy and inexperienced, but I payed as much attention to him as I could while still enjoying myself. We both were very intoxicated when we went out, he doesn’t even remember most of the night..neither do I. Could it be that he is irritated that I spent so much time hanging with his friend, or did he just decide he’s not that into me? Also, the day after he ended things he hooked up with another girl. It was odd because a few days before he was talking about how this girl is so jealous of me. It made me wonder if all he had wanted from me was sex, which he did not get and was not going to get for a while.

Reply December 29, 2013, 11:41 pm


Hi Eric,
I am extremely confused here. I went on a double date with my sis and her fiance. A Co worker of sister’s fiance was my date. Prior to that me and him had exchanged phone numbers. Calling each other back and forth, and texting each other non stop. But for some reason he just stopped doing that altogether all this week. I’ll text him and he’ll respond but he won’t text me on his own like he was before. he’ll answer me with a short answer and then that’s it. We all had a great ride plus he post pictures of me and him together on the social network. Not sure what’s going on with him or what I did wrong. Please help explain

Reply November 1, 2013, 2:00 am


The answer is more simple and painful. The girl is unatractive (better say is fat) and she concealed this “detail”. She did not give the guys pictures with her or in those pictures only her face ant tits are visible. When the dating hapened, the guys got scared and ran away.

Reply October 15, 2013, 12:24 am


Ummm no. Why does a woman always have to be fat to a man? Maybe the man is a baby and a wuss??

Reply August 14, 2014, 2:55 am


so what happens if the woman matches every aspect of her photos on the social media? There are plenty women that do that are stood up or rejected suddenly. I feel that some men think it’s polite not to outwardly reject a woman if he finds something not quite his taste. I find that some men may be too scared to be upfront or maybe some don’t find anything wrong with seeing a woman and diverting their attention somewhere else leaving that woman in a confusing ball of dust. Who the hell knows. Men are different though. The trend of silent rejection or sudden inconsistent communication is totally a huge possibility when dating which is why one should never put their eggs all in one basket.

I’m trying to start dates off with the mindset that we’re both auditioning for a role in each other’s lives. Sometimes one may not get a call back for the role not knowing what the issue was. So yeah, certainly a misleading picture of a woman online may send guys running but this is obviously not always the case. There are also other factors.

Reply December 10, 2014, 2:23 pm


I’m into this guy at work, he’s far more superior than me and we don’t get a lot of chance to meet as we work on different stuff. But we met before and that’s this chemistry I can feel he’s nervous around me. Usually he’s all smiles and easy with other people. Recently he made an excuse for me to work for him on something. I’m trying to play it cool but to be honest on the inside I’m melting for him. I know the don’t get your hopes up too early kinda stuff and I’m trying to maintain level headed. The problem is, whenever I see him I just can’t concentrate and be myself. I’m usually a very friendly and warm person to others too, but all that just gone out of the window when he’s around. I can’t even smile as I’m dead serious looking at him whilst guarding my heart at the same time. We make eye contacts and I’m trying to help him the best way I can on this project without asking for anything back as I’m generally a content person who wants to do my best and there’s no problem of me doing the same for him. My concern is, I’m too nervous and I’m falling too fast. We haven’t even started to be honest. What’s your advise? What’s the best way to play it so to speak (not referring to playing games here). I don’t want to fall so fast but I can’t seem to stop myself.

Reply September 29, 2013, 7:11 pm


“I can’t imagine a woman saying, “I am pretty miserable, but I want you to date me because I think it will make me feel better.” Who knows… maybe some women have.”

Haha, after this guy pursuing me via text and phone for several months, I went on a first date with him and on the ride back I did say that. I was just being honest. I really thought going out with him would perk me up. He said he wanted to go on a second date…but then stopped replying to my texts. I guess maybe honesty is not the best policy.

The funny thing is when I am happy being alone, I usually am not all that interested in dating. I’m interested in dating when I need someone around me. I guess that makes too much sense to actually work in the real world…dont feel sad and lonely, and that is when you’ll get someone. Not when you actually need someone. Brilliant. LOL

As it is, I think I will be fine without him. I do feel in the end I’m not ready to date right now, plus he wasnt all that attractive (nice though).

Reply June 2, 2013, 2:03 am


You wrote:
some kind of life-preserver or crutch or key to being happy, he will definitely not want to pursue a relationship. His feeling is that he’s got enough problems of his own to deal with without having to take on someone else’s.Ho

Really Ho?? Isn’t that disrespectful?

Reply May 23, 2013, 4:36 pm

Eric Charles

Haha, nice catch. Thanks, fixed it.

Reply May 27, 2013, 1:05 am


Hi Eric,
I went on a first date with this guy, who asked me out. During the date we talked for about 2.5 hours non-stop. He was a gent and paid for dinner, so later that night I texted him ” thanks for dinner, I had fun.” He texted back, “yeah I did too, have fun at work tomorrow ;)”.
When should I text him back…. All my friends are like…. Don’t text him till 3-4 days later or else you will seem needy. But I don’t want him to feel like I am not interested either. But I don’t know how to respond back to his text because it is a closed response….does it warrant a response? I really like this guy. We seemed to click, but….I hate playing the game….

Reply March 14, 2012, 3:18 am


Hi Eric
I had never found a website like yours that offers such practical advice. I like the fact that you say things as they are no matter how hard some facts are to take in. I have a male close friend that I have gone out with over the last several months but we ended up kissing twice and since then things have changed. Communication has really slowed and he seems more withdrawn but reading some of your articles has not only helped me answer lots of questions that I had but also learn how to deal with the situation and believe me I am doing really well that one wouldn’t know unless I told them so thanks again.

Reply March 6, 2012, 5:14 am


I’ve had a similar problem where the guys actually initiate contact after the first date, call and txts, coming on pretty strong and interested and then cancels the second date at the last second (practically standing me up) .. This has happened to me 3 times in a row? I liked these after they cancel I initially get upset, they apologize, but then I start chasing them by contacting them..which they respond to initially..and then it fizzles out..

Reply December 9, 2011, 10:45 pm


What if one is trapped in a depressing rural town due to a seemingly endless cycle of poverty and poor health?

Reply December 4, 2011, 9:21 pm

Eric Charles

You can either take the attitude of a victim or of a proactive person.
And if you feel this is the case for you, then you would do best to do whatever you have to do to free yourself from your situation. No sense in thinking about having a relationship if your life isn’t in order for it.

Reply December 4, 2011, 10:05 pm


What if ones life really is completely negative? And that guy really would be the only good thing to look forward to that day? What’s there left to do, be fake? I say its good to be yourself and instead if making up stories going on about how eventful your life is, go ahead and say look things arentgreat right now I’m not gonna lie.
Just my two cents.

Reply December 4, 2011, 5:35 am

Eric Charles

If one’s life is COMPLETELY negative, then they need to fix their life immediately. Good relationships flow from a good, full, well-balanced life.
Even in tough times, it’s possible to have a positive attitude and to be optimistic.
No faking necessary.

Reply December 4, 2011, 12:08 pm


What those guys did was rude, plain and simple. Asking for a date and not following up is a obnoxious way to act no matter how many pretty explanations you can think of for how it’s actually the woman’s fault. Why do guys do this? Because no one is willing to say it’s rude and unacceptable.

Reply October 28, 2011, 10:28 am


EXACTLY! I COMPLETELY AGREE!!! ???? ???? ???? It’s never the guy’s fault when he suddenly decides to go ghost on the female.. ???? If people would just grow up and take responsibility for their own inconsistencies, then maybe the world wouldn’t be such an abyss of totally broken families and broken hearts…. #JustSaying

Reply January 24, 2015, 1:14 am


ive been with this guy and we had a good time for the fist date in the second date we made out and he didnt call or text after that :(( what is going on?

Reply September 10, 2011, 1:00 am

Jessye Davis

Had a double blind “outing” with a mature man (Bob) (I am a mature woman). My girlfriend (Carol) set it up. My girlfriend reinforced to Bob that it was just an outing, not a date. So although we all had a great time. (Bob brought his friend along for Carol and we had great fun. Carol’s date asked for her phone number, but Bob never asked for my number. Bob really seemed to like me, but again he never asked for my number. Bob’s daughter is married to Carol’s son. I really like Bob, but again, he never asked for my phone number.
What does that mean?

Reply July 18, 2011, 1:50 pm


I think just saying you had a good time at the end of the date is enough. Let him pursue you, if he is interested. Asking if he feels the same or asking if he is interested comes off as desperate and probably turns guys off. No challenge.

Reply April 23, 2011, 12:20 am


Hi Eric

I want your help on understanding what happened in my last relationship. Its a long story, is there any chance I could email you in private?

Love Sara x

Reply January 6, 2011, 9:21 am


well, obviously, if the guy is interested, he’d ask you out again. not doin’ so just means he’s not that interested or not so into you. :)

Reply January 19, 2010, 9:14 pm


I have had this happen too. Usually after a date I will email or text, thank him for a wonderful time, the dinner, whatever, say I had fun and would be interested in hearing from him again if he feels the same. And then leave it. I have also asked them to be completely honest and tell me if they are not interested. I am a big girl and can handle the rejection rather then the days of waiting to hear from someone who won’t be calling.
I hate the dating game.

Reply September 7, 2009, 3:59 pm

Eric Charles

Yeah, you could say it like that.

It happens, but it’s usually not the case with secure and/or experienced guys.

Reply August 25, 2009, 11:13 pm


So you’re saying, “that he’s just not into you” could be because he did not think you were into him…

oh boi.

Reply August 25, 2009, 10:21 am


I’m surprised that you would be surprised. News flash: guys want a girl that’s into them as well.

Reply October 9, 2014, 12:21 pm

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