Men and Relationships:  5 Signs He’ll Never Commit post image

Men and Relationships: 5 Signs He’ll Never Commit

The one question you will never hear a guy ask when he starts dating a girl is: “Will she commit to me?” It just doesn’t happen. Questions and uncertainties regarding commitment seem to be reserved for the ladies.

Women of all ages and across all cultures are united in their quest to determine the following: Does he like me? Is he serious about me? Will he ever commit to me? And trust me, I get it.  I’ve experienced those gut-twisting feelings, the ones the leave you with a constant sense of impending doom in the pit of your stomach causing you to question everything, including yourself.

It’s understandable. I mean, there is a lot at stake when you put your heart on the line and you can end up wasting months, or years, of your life on a man who never intended to keep you around for the long haul. And the aftermath of these situations is never pretty.

So what can we do to spare ourselves the time, energy, and heartbreak that goes into determining how a man feels?

After giving this topic a lot of thought and consulting with several guys, I’ve uncovered five tell-tale signs that he isn’t going to commit to you now or ever. 

1. You don’t know anything real about him
You can talk to someone for hours and hours every day and not know anything real about them. You might know details about their life, but you don’t know who they are, their real and true self that exists beneath all the superficial fluff.

When a guy is serious about a woman, he shares himself with her. He lets her into his world and shows some level of vulnerability. This is a big thing for a man. Men aren’t used to opening up and showing their emotions and they are much more selective when it comes to letting people in.

When a guy opens up to you, when he shares his dreams, his fears, his hopes, his wishes, his motivations, etc., he is investing in you. By investing in you, he is committing himself to you.

If a guy doesn’t share his true self with you, if he won’t let you see who he is at his core, the chances are high that he’s not in  in it to win it and doesn’t see a future.

If you’re really unsure as to whether a guy is serious about you or not, take a look at the things you know about him and consider if you know who he really is.

2. He disappears for days or weeks at a time, then acts like it was no big deal
If a guy truly cares about you, he will want to make room for you in his life. Even if he has a lot going on and won’t be available for a few days, he’ll send a text or message to let you know he’s thinking about you.

If he takes vacations from the relationship with no warning it means he isn’t worried about losing you, and this is never a good sign. If a guy knows for certain that you’ll always be there waiting in the wings, no matter how badly he behaves, he won’t respect you and he definitely won’t want to commit to you–why should he when he knows he doesn’t have to? There would be absolutely no benefit for him.

His disappearing acts serve more as a way to let you know this relationship isn’t serious and he is still free to do what he wants. It’s his way of letting you know that you aren’t a deciding factor in where he goes and what he does.

MORE: Why Guys Disappear and How to Deal

3. He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship
This seems like an obvious one, but unfortunately, it’s not! In fact, I think the most common relationship in this day and age is the non-relationship, that is, when you’re dating a guy and you’re basically boyfriend/girlfriend aside from the fact that you’re not.

The ugly truth is this: when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, what he’s really saying is he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

I know you think you’re the exception and your situation is different. I’ve been there and I’m telling you, it isn’t. You’re like every other girl in a non-relationship. You’re a great girl who maybe sold herself a little short and is in a situation where the guy calls all the shots and is just taking you along for the ride as you sit patiently in the back seat, waiting for him to decide you’re “good enough.”

If he tells you he doesn’t wan to be in a relationship, or he has “commitment issues” or hates labels, just take it at face value and do yourself a favor and move on.

MORE: When a Guy Won’t Call You His Girlfriend

4. He doesn’t take you on real dates
If your dates consist of you going over to his place and watching a movie or you cooking for him, then he isn’t taking you or the relationship very seriously.

When a guy is invested in you and cares about you, he wants to go out of his way to impress you and show you he cares. I know most women don’t feel this way, but trust me, when a guy likes you, it’s obvious.

MORE: Does He Like Me?

If he puts in the bare minimum when it comes to dates it means he doesn’t feel like you’re worth the effort. Are there exceptions? Sometimes. But even if a guy is jobless and broke and doesn’t have the money to take you out, he’ll find some sort of cheap and creative way to show you he cares.

When a guy cares about a girl and sees a future with her, he wants to bring her into his world as much as possible. He wants to introduce her to the things he likes: movies, music, books, hobbies. These aren’t things that require much of a financial investment but they speak volumes about his level of emotional investment.

If you’re the only one making the effort to keep the spark alive and do special things, it’s a sign that he isn’t very invested in you.

5. He won’t introduce you to his family
A lot of women make the mistake of thinking that meeting a guy’s friends is a big deal. Maybe some guys view this as a big deal, but most don’t. Maybe he just wants to show you off because you’re hot, or maybe he just doesn’t think much of introducing girls to his friends. I have plenty of friends who looked at meeting his friends as the holy grail… the tell tale sign that he’s all in, he’s committed. It’s not. Meeting is family is where it’s at. (Side note: While meeting his friends isn’t the biggest deal, if he won’t introduce you to them it’s a definite red flag.)

When you’re in a relationship, talk of meeting the family should come up. Maybe you don’t meet them right away, but he should give you come sort of indication that it’s on the horizon. At the very least, he should let you know that his family is aware of your existence.

If he doesn’t talk about his family, or changes the subject anytime you bring it up, it’s a sign that he has no intention of making the introduction.

As I mentioned earlier, when a man is serious about a woman, he brings her into his world. By keeping you away from his family, he’s essentially saying he doesn’t see you being in his world for the long run.

I should point out that there are guys who introduce almost every girl they date to their family and don’t really see it as a big deal…and maybe their family is used to this revolving door of girlfriends. However, if he’s serious about you, he will take this meeting a little more seriously than he has in the past. He’ll be excited, and maybe a little nervous about you meeting them because he really wants them to like you, and for you to like them. If he doesn’t really seem to care, then even if he does introduce you to them it’s a sign he isn’t fully invested in having a future with you.



Got anymore signs a man won’t commit? Tell us about them in comments!


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I think to my best of knowledge, a woman should first find her Wealth within herself but in a Man. Then you will be able to know what kind of a man deserves you. From the above then you’ll be able to know the signs and make the right choice of a life partner. My advice:Ladies never find your wealth in men. They will only take advantage of you by disrespecting your values.

Reply September 8, 2016, 4:49 am


Heres the kicker. Im the monster shes talking about. She is probably the best passive aggressive manipulator ivevever met. I told her from the start i wanted to take things slow, that i liked her but couldnt commit so seriously. She said ok. Than the games started. She pushed me into a corner and i told her thatvwould make me run. She didnt care, she had to have her way, because her feelings are all that mattered. So i cheated. So she found out that I cheated and beat me up mentally for 2 years she tries to explain that it was only one year that she lied and mentally abused me for being up for cheating on her when I already told her to just take it slow with that wasn’t good enough for her so we get back together couple months after we break up I come to find out that she was lying the whole time that she was on sex pages that she was talking to guys that she was on a dating site here and cook in Denver she’s just a fucking liar and then when I confront her with proof of what she was doing and how she was lying she still will not admit it twist it around that it’s okay that I didn’t ask her that that she forgot blah blah blah whatever she’s gotta say to make yourself not look like the snake that she is that’s what she saying and then even now she tries to manipulate me and when I don’t go for it she gets pissed off so she’s a narcissistic bitch and very snake-like and she’s the kind of woman that you know I mean she puts herself over her her child her her father you know she swore on both of their lives that she wasn’t doing something or whatever and then the next day I found out that she was lying because she don’t care she doesn’t care about anything except for herself and she’s getting older now so she’s just throwing it all over the place and she’s going to find herself in the garbage very soon

Reply August 13, 2016, 10:41 pm

Georgia Fernandez

Sometimes, we girls fell for somebody who would never ever will commit. Mostly, the person who is now had fallen in love aka More than just a Crush ends up being hurt. I had girls telling me how deeply in love they are, and soon gave a lot of time and effort but in the end-the guy never was “into her”. For me, I had a similar experience too. And though it hurt me buy I learned a valuable lesson too. Just as what Beyonce said: ” If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.”

Reply August 11, 2016, 4:09 am


I’ll make it simple because it’s been a year and 5-6 months this guy and I have been hanging out & started talking like a few months ago. He said a lot of things that made it seem like he didn’t want to be with me. He does say good things. But I don’t want to get into detail. It’s a long story. He’s not my boyfriend. We do like each other and care for each other. At the start was really hard and difficult for me… but things change now and I’m more happy about myself & he said that when I’m happy he’s happy. He said I’m glowing. So, he’s moving back home to his parents place and said I can come over to see him sometimes and wants to do it right since he’s going to be him. We were talking about being a role model to his youngin’s. But when I asked him if I could see his little sister. He said “one day”. He said it’s not like meeting his mom.. I was confused. And I never met his mom… Never said I wanted too because I know it’s early. Than in my mind I was like then why are you inviting me over to your house… Knowing that I would see them.. Look he said a lot of things in the past and so have I. But I’m focus on now.. so does that mean I’m overreacting or he never really wanted to be with me anyways… I feel like I am wasting time ever since this started anyways…

Reply July 30, 2016, 3:07 am


Hi. I met this guy in January. We meet every weekend. He’s introduced me to his mom who is lovely. I’ve also met a cousin of his. Never met any of his friends but did have the opportunity a couple of times before. We get on really well. The problem is, he doesn’t want to give our relationship a name, those were his words. He also told me he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. We do have sex almost every time we meet. He says it’s good sex. Do I continue waiting for him to be ready for something more serious or do I just be his friend and end the good sex?

Reply July 9, 2016, 10:19 am


i met a guy in one of the social media and in very beginning days he asked me to be his girlfriend and several times complained that i was not sexy or hot like i seem his girlfriend i told him i m the way im. Then we met and in first meeting which was for 2 min we just shook hand and saw each other. 2nd meeting we had some romance and after that he showed his interest but when i asked for marriage and commitment he said he has to complete his studies and that he does not want to marry for another 5 years as he was fresh graduate of medical and further he needed to compete his doctorate. this caused me to tell him i wanna move but he resisted and said he loved me and want me to stay this caused me to be with him. he told about his nature that he is too quite not good in texting and chatting and calling. but he says im one in his life and very dear to him whenever i get fedup and find way for breaking up he takes it so easy and just says i want u to stay. no arguments nothing he does. this time i broke with him seriously as i think he is not the guy to commit or marry me anyways i dont knw it is the right decision i made or not please guide me

Reply July 2, 2016, 10:41 pm


Very often, men love to be in relationships and are quite content to be a loving, kind companion to their partner. Likewise, very often, men don’t wish to “commit” to their partner because the stark legal reality of this form of “committment” can be very destructive to a man’s finances. I hate to over simply it, and I’m certainly not speaking for every man, but believe you me, that “commitment” you are so desirous of is extremely one-sided and very dangerous for the average man to sign on to, to say nothing of the man with significant assetts.

Reply April 19, 2016, 9:36 am


I ended a “fake relationship.” It took me a long time to realize this because of my feelings for him but all the points above are true. When someone wants you in their life or they’re serious about you, there’s no second guessing. Not surprisingly he was liar and a sleaze, and even non-relationship material although I couldn’t see it. Love can blind you. Ending it is the only way I wouldn’t let him hurt me anymore

Reply April 15, 2016, 9:57 pm


I broke up with my boyfriend on text a few days ago, i dont know if that is really appropriate because we are on a long distance relationship. We’ve been together for 5 years. I already met his family for several times and met my family too for so many times. I can feel his sincerity but im still confused. I still have doubts. I have broke up with him several times but he’s not taking it seriously and keeps on texting me after a few days. He always told me and talked about us settling down after 2 years but im still confused, and i still keep on doubting him. Still doubting his sincerity. What should i do? I need some advice.

Reply April 8, 2016, 8:16 pm


Most women nowadays Don’t know the meaning of Commitment.

Reply February 18, 2016, 3:20 pm


I have being dating this guy since October last year, I have spoken with his mom twice on phone and even with his friends and colleagues in his office but since December he started acting funny.he hardly call nor text me during week end’s even when I know he doesn’t go to work on Saturday’s and Sunday’s.He used to call me every now and then even during work hours.I got so angry and quit the relationship bcoz I felt He’s no longer interested,but trust me, am so missing him. He hasn’t call since two days now.Did I over react? Advice pls.

Reply February 3, 2016, 2:55 pm


The guy I was seeing scored 2 out 5. He truly threw me off and pretty much deceived me. When we first met, he commented on how women do not give him a chance and how he is cursed with the bad luck of being a nice guy. I was afraid to date people since I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship with a narcissist. I decided to give him a chance since he insisted that he was different. Overall things were going great he took me to meet his family for Christmas and the after that he asked me to be his girlfriend after we were dating for a few months. A week after he asked me to his girlfriend I noticed the we started communicating less and he was not making plans to do things with me. So basically all his hobbies he was leaving me out of it. I confronted him and he said that he was not ready for a relationship. Pulled the typical it’s not me it’s you deal and said that he wasn’t sure if he was ready to love anyone. I broke up with him because I didn’t want to deal with this, the guy is over 30 years and still afraid of commitment? He said that I was the perfect of his ideal woman and that in the future it would me. To me that is wrong to create false hope to someone because if you know someone is special to you, committing to them should not be a hassle. At least that’s the way I see it when I have committed to the people that were special to me. I tried to be polite and leave it as a friendship. That turned to be a bad idea because he kept on making comments that we would get together in the future. I do not want to be a backup plan for anybody, to me I rather be single and not be involved with anybody and is pretty selfish for someone to do this to somebody. If you are not ready or are willing to commit to someone and you want to date a person that doesn’t sleep around you this will always fail. I am sure this is probably what truly happened to him and he is too dumb to realize that the reason why women leave is because of his commitment issues and not the BS excuse that he is being dumped for just being a really nice guy.

Reply January 28, 2016, 2:40 pm

HurleyGirL Boston

I can totally relate with being with someone that wants to treat you as though you’re their girlfriend in a committed relationship yet they emotionally they have no need to connect with you or feel the need to include you in any of his own activities other than the usual sexual situations & doing things that involve very little emotion to do together it’s sucks but worst part is I continue to get wrapped up with wanting to believe it’s just bad timing for us &I that if we had be in better situations in our lives than he would want to commit to me …. my gut knows better but I must be a glutton for punishment because I keep breaking my own rules while he keeps proving my gut right What-The-F***!!!! Fml.

Reply April 8, 2016, 8:23 pm


I’ve been dating my boyfriend for six months and we started discussing yesterday if we foresee the possibility of a future together. I’m all in. I was widowed two years ago and never thought I could be so happy and in love again, though it hasn’t been long. He says he cares for me a lot and may perceive it as love one day; that he sees it as a strong possibility but cannot say either way. I feel like, when you know, you know.

I’m feeling like I should bolt to protect myself. I’m still young, 29, and want a husband and family. He’s an amazing guy though; we have a beautiful healthy thing. Am I blowing an opportunity to be with someone wonderful if the possibility of love still exists or should I get out now if it’s not a sure thing? I cannot bear to be hurt again.

Help ia appreciated.

Reply January 23, 2016, 11:15 am


No. You are not blowing it. Trust your instinct. Your logic is right on. If he doesnt know now he will never know. Thats not to say he is not allowed to change his mind later because people are allowed to change their minds but they are only accountsble when they make up their minds. Does that make sense? If he need more time to decide about being in a committed relationship he can do that without you.

Reply February 12, 2016, 10:54 pm


I had exactly the same scenario, it hurt me a lot as he was my perfect match so was I according to him. The sad truth is they play the victim but you start noticing why women walked out.

Reply March 14, 2016, 1:42 pm


I have been dating my boyfriend for almost nine months, he is constantly on his phone or is on Facebook, when I go to talk to him about being on his phone to much he gets upset with me, I don’t work but he dose and I can understand how stressful that can be, I told him that I want to know how he truly feels about me and our relationship and he tells me that you know that I love you, I told him I know that he loves me but that don’t tell me how you feel about me or our relationship, he says I’m sorry baby I’ll try harder and we will talk when I get out of work, well things didn’t go that way because, I told him about how is on his phone and how that made me feel. So he rolled over and just went to bed. Now he has been laying on his phone and I just don’t get it, please I need advice. Help me.

Reply January 21, 2016, 1:31 pm


Maybe you could give the guy the benefit of the doubt by cnenidsriog that maybe he wasn’t a local and had no clue, just some dumb luck. Maybe he was a visitor that was just passin’ through. I can’t believe that an avid angler would do such a thing in a small neighborhood lake.Farts

Reply December 14, 2015, 9:02 am


I was dating a guy for two years. It was a long distance relationship. I saw him every weekend for the first year then every second weekend. His adult daughters for some reason didn’t like me so he felt the need to keep the relationship secret from them. He kept telling me they knew about us. His daughter had a baby so I made her a blanket them I messaged her on Facebook to see if she got it. She said she had and thanked me. A few days later he emails me and tells me to never contact his daughters again and thst he wants nothing more to do with me and it was over. I feel totally blindsided and I’m devestated.

Reply December 7, 2015, 3:07 pm

A true Taurus Queen

Just curious- did you ever find out why he flipped out on you? Wondering if he had a secret life- another gf or wife?? I hope you have and continue to heal.

Reply January 26, 2016, 4:00 pm

Uber Aware

I can say that ALL of these 5 points are TRUE about my situation. And I’m FEMALE. He doesn’t know anything real about ME. I disappear for days or weeks (or longer) and act like no big deal. I don’t want a (intimate, sexual) relationship with him (only friendship). I’ve told him so. I refuse to kiss him. I don’t go on real dates with him. IF we go out, I pay my own way/half. I wouldn’t introduce him to my family.

So, I’m saying that these can be true of females that don’t want a LTR with a guy as well as vice-versa.

Reply December 4, 2015, 12:58 pm


I have been with this guy for 5 years we see each other every day, he visits my work I visit his, I know his friends we spend weekends together with my and his son they called each other brothers, but in the bedroom doesn’t is very little activities like once a month and that’s because I asked for it, even though he is 15 older than me, I always tell him how much I love him and how much I wish we could get married and spend time together for ever, I give myself 110% he has never said that he loves me and he says he’s not ready for marriage but when I tell him that may we should be just friends he reply that he can’t let me go, but I seen text messages where he flirts with other girls. I haven’t said anything about it but hurt me very much, so now I made a dateline to break up the relationship in few months, I need a good advice please help

Reply November 28, 2015, 11:51 am

hope arnold

Well, I have a semi interesting and new situation. I’ve never written before but here goes.
Met someone in the Virgin Islands on a 3 month trip, we were inseparable. We were both out of relationships but “never happier” with each other. I came home to deal with some business and due to return in December. This am we spoke and he pretty much said he does not see things going long term. When I asked what changed, he said, you have a whole life in LA and it made me see this might not be possible. I said well, I’m in a place in my life where I can and am getting a place out there and becoming bi-coastal, looking to open a new Business etc. He said he just does not know if he can deal with a relationship, “the fights, drama, etc.”I did not elaborate that we don’t fight or that those are old relationships. I just said, I hear you. I said that I was not going to be comfortable continuing just a friendly sexual relationship but just friends was ok. He said, he really wanted to wait till he sees me (I’m supposed to stay with him and his family the month of December, stay with him and be his date at the family xmas party. He said, “I’d better be on that plane” only a week ago.) I said, are you saying you are not wanting a relationship or you don’t know? He said he doesn’t know but he does want to move ahead without expectations and that our situation, me being gone and talking every day required us to have a conversation about a relationship Waze. As of now he says it’s too early to know if you want something long-term.
I just left it loose, said we’ll chat later. I don’t know what to do but just move on. I am going out there dec. 5 to see him for that month. I’m not sure if I can feign foot loose and fancy free or if I’ll even what to see him by then.
All the other things in your article above don’t apply. He takes me out, he calls or texts or sexts, daily. He treats me like a princess and reminds me always that I’m the only one on his mind and he has zero desire to see anyone. He said if he cant have a relationship its not about me but that he just needs to focus on him for a while.
I don’t want to knee jerk, cut tail and run. I think it’s normal not to know when we’ve only been hanging for a couple months. That said, I’ve been down the road with a wishy washy guy who thinks I’m “amazing” but is not ready. I do not want that again.
I don’t want to be bitchy or ignore him but I’m really devastated to hear he is already shoring this thing up in his mind as a no.
I guess it could be me being gone so long but… Like you say, I don’t want to make excuses either. What do I do? I need advice.
Ps. We spent 60 days straight in each other’s company, total honey moon phase.
I have met his family
He always calls and checks in, I rarely if ever message him first.
We are very sexually compatible and flirty still over the phone.
Everything seems right on path except BAM, he’s not sure he can see a future.
Help? I know you answer people sometimes and I want to get it right.

Reply November 22, 2015, 7:27 pm


Ive been in a “non relationship” on and off for a year ive know him for 20 years but things changed a year we both broke up with our partners. Ive meet his family friends and even go on days out with him and his son hes meet my friends family and sons he’s always there when i need him. The problem is he tells me he needs time and one day we will be together then tells me hes got no emotions and doesnt care about anyone because he ex wife hurt him so im always getting mixed signals. I’ve told him that i dont need a person like that in my life ive been to hell with my abusive ex i don’t want my sons and family to get attached to him then for him to walk away. Im heart broken but i feel that im wasting my time coz i never know how he feels l. Any ideas ladies or gents???

Reply November 22, 2015, 2:12 am


I have known this guy for probably 2 + years now. When we first started hanging out we were together everyday. If I wasn’t at work, I was with him. We both were tied down to other people at the time but clearly preferred being with each other. Well, things eventually burned out because I would never agree to being “his woman” because I knew he had another lady in the picture. So, at first we quit talking for a couple of weeks, then months, but no matter what, I would move, change my number (not to avoid him I just did it for other reasons) but no matter what he always ALWAYS seems to find me somehow and weezle back into my peaceful life. Most recently, we had an argument and I was just happy to go on my own way and not talk to him ever again and BAM less than a month later, there he is texting me that he’s at my apartment complex and to come let him inside. I’m single, he’s single, so we went into our normal “activities” but this time he started the whole “I want you to be my woman” spiel and even more horrifying “I want to get you pregnant.” Now, he won’t be getting me pregnant as I won’t allow it HOWEVER, if the guy wants me to be his woman so badly then why does he take 4+ days to text me? He says he’s swamped with work, which he is particularly busy, but come on. Send me a hello while you’re pooping or something. And not only that buy he makes me “swear on his life” that I haven’t been with other guys between our encounters. I haven’t, not because I feel some sort of loyalty there, but because I too am incredibly busy and don’t meet people. That and the ones I do I just am not interested in. So, my question is if he wants me to be “his woman” then why does he call or text out of the blue to hang. To me it’s obvious that he just wants sex, but at the same time, why track me down time after time again, ask me to be loyal even though there’s no commitment and get all territorial over me? I don’t understand, either let me be your booty call or at least respond to a text within 24 hours. And I’m not sending him annoying texts either, most of the time they’re complimenting him or sharing some random but funny event that took place. Half the time I forget I even went a text and then he responds suddenly and I’m reminded that he exists. I don’t think I’m obsessing over him so I don’t see any reason why he would be withdrawing, he clearly expects loyalty, so why not respond to a text. I know for a fact he has his phone glued to him because he needs it for work. So I know he sees my texts but he just doesn’t respond. It’s incredibly frustrating. I just really don’t get it. Could he actually have feelings for me still and is just standoffish because of our history, or is he just feeding me some lines to try and keep me on stand by when he gets the urge. Which is fine, but why tell me all of the other crap when I have blatantly told him I’m fine with being a booty call but don’t lie to me about where you stand. Or maybe he just doesn’t know what the heck he wants. I don’t know that’s why I’m asking, please enlighten me.

Reply November 21, 2015, 3:50 am


How long do I wait? My guy works overseas for 6 weeks and comes back for 4. A routine of 30 years. I have known him almost 3. Still haven’t met any friends or family.or even his flatmate! Have been spoilt with perfume, dresses, lots of ‘real’ dates & often tells me I’m gorgeous but …he still controls the relationship-no contact unless he initiates it ( keeps his phone switched off all the time unless he wants to contact). Confused? So am I. Your advice?

Reply November 20, 2015, 3:53 pm


I am trying to take your advice with this new guy we went on one date and i did not call him the next day but now he is being needy saying you don’t care about me and he says you hardly ever call me but im trying to not be “needy” myself becuz i would normally call a guy after the first date. I need advice on how to act with a new guy

Reply November 18, 2015, 12:04 pm


I don’t know but I really like this guy alot we met on Facebook I never use to reply to him he came across as a nice guy lovely we went on a date and the second date he expected me to be there on time I wasn’t he went crazy shouting saying nobody cares about him driving like a crazy man I said I care he calm down in 1 hour dropt me home we kissed for 1 hour in the car he called me every day little bit is my fault he asked me what I do in life I lied alot only because I was embarrassed I didn’t have a job he did he kept asking me to tell the truth he will come to my place I go to his but he always expect me to be there exactly on time????then I fell in love with him he distance himself from me he said I lied to much and how iam becoming clingy I apologise so many time he said his not instrested I tex like 20 time to say sorry one day he called on private number and said what do u want I said just to be friends and be forgiven then he said iam coming over we still talking he drives 1 hour to my place to see me but we have sex laugh for a bit but it feels like he doesn’t like me like before it feels like just friends for bennifet he doesn’t call like before he calls just once a week to say u ok how are u where are u I will say just came back from my mum he will say hows your mum and your sister and why I didn’t invite her to my sister grudution party I don’t know if he means it now if I tex he says I tex to much confuse

Reply October 4, 2015, 8:26 pm


I mean he said why didn’t u invite me to your sister grudution

Reply October 4, 2015, 8:30 pm


Had I come across this article 5 years ago I can almost guarantee I would not be in a relationship with my boyfriend let alone be living with him…
Met him at a very rough time in my life, failed relationship after the other – granted in hindsight I was very insecure, needy and desperate for validation that a man wanted me.
We agreed to be friends with benefits, I ran after him like a desperate little school girl (even drove an hour almost every weekend from my hometown just to see him, he was unemployed, broke and in massive debit due to his ex), he made me feel good, happy, wanted, desired and he made me laugh till it hurt. Total infatuation!
And then about 2 years on, there was a bit of a medical scare, this totally changed the dynamic between us. And all the things in the article happened, and I mean every single one! I knew he was seeing and sleeping with another woman, it was pretty obvious when everyone we associated with when we went out would mistake me for her… Nice right? But he denied it to the end – naturally. The lies and truth all slowly came out about a year later.
So 3 years on and I start really evaluating everything and it hit me like a ton of bricks on New Years Eve 2013 – when once again he had disrespected, belittled and humiliated me in the club by practically throwing himself at a woman who was old enough to be his grandmother, what the hell am I doing here!? He doesn’t care about me or love me as he said (I didn’t say it back by the way – and that cut him deep), he doesn’t give a continental crap about anyone or himself. And how pathetic am I to hang around hoping he would see how much I loved him. So I did what the younger more confident me use to due. Have him his personal things back – keys and that – to the last of the cash, went to the bar spent it all on tequila and danced my ass off. He kept looking for me but I was just so disguised with him at that point that it would have lead to blood being shed. The following evening I tried to express how I was feeling about everything and him too, however he wasn’t listening cause he was on his phone texting and totally not validating my feelings. Well that was the straw that broke the camels back. I went back to work and home the following day, totally devastated that I had let myself be used, made a fool of and disregarded for so long. That I had become so insecure that he could basically treat me like garbage and I kept running back. Needless to say by the time work was done I was so furious and ashamed of myself that I sent him a message saying that he won’t be seeing or hearing from me for a while, I need time and space to decide what I want from my life. About 2 weeks later he sent me a text begging me to talk to him – simple straight forward answer I am not ready to talk to you but when I am you will see me in person. In that time I really looked back on everything that had happened and who he was…. Finally saw him for the emotionally damaged, insecure, low self esteemed and needy person he actually was, not the loud outgoing jokester that he pretended to be in public. We were like two ships stuck in a storm being pushed together by the waves that was our childhoods. We feed each others need for validation if it wasn’t so funny it would have been tragic. And the realization that I did actually want to be in a relationship, get married, have children, be respected, loved, valued and desired by a man who wanted the same things was confirmed for me the night before I went to see him again. Two weeks of living on coffee, no food and zero sleep can help boost a girls confidence especially when you lose 20kgs. Needless to say he knew it was coming when I got there and he tried to avoid the conversation the entire weekend, Sunday night come Monday morning I started the conversation – I wasn’t leaving until I said what I came to say, and I did – all of it, every single pent up resentment, frustration, disappointment, hurt, disrespect, humiliation, rejection and heartbreak. Boy was it good to actually say it all with out shedding one single tear too. When I was done he started speaking but only broke down in tears, begging for forgiveness and a second change to prove to me that he wants and can be the man that I want. I won’t share everything in detail that he said but there was confessions, apologies and promises made. Which I hold him to till this day every time he treats me like before. Most people would say that’s emotional blackmail but it’s not to me, if you make a promise to me you better keep it or not make it at all, that’s the kind of character I have always had. Besides it reminds him that I choose to be with him because I want to not because I need to…
A few months later he got a great job, threw himself into it, worked hard and excelled at it, his confidence levels rose, the felt like a man again and it showed. He was happy with himself again and with life. A few months later I moved in with him and started a new job, well it wasn’t all peaches and cream. My insecurities reared their ugly little heads and I lost my job, pushed him away and basically had a little of a melt down. And again when I actually needed him, he wasn’t there, lying about where he is, staying out till all hours of the evening, arguing with me over petty things and demeaning me again like the in the past. Naturally communication came to stand still, intimacy is none existent and the resentment started building up again. But we’ve worked through it all and we are stronger together now for it.
The point of sharing this story is that we all have our own insecurities, baggage and fears that will pop up once in a while – we are human after all – the important thing is to really be honest with yourself about what they stem from or whom and acknowledge that you are not perfect and use your insecurities to find what it is you really want in life. Sometimes we need to stop and take a step back to really see the other person for who they are or could be if there is a mutual desire to change for ourselves. Be forgiving of yourself and others, love and respect yourself first and foremost, never let anyone make you feel invisible, and to see both sides of a story. Had I gone back to my old wild ways like that new year’s eve, I would not have had this amazing journey of self acceptance and nor the soul gratifying experience of actually finding and knowing myself finally.
That young naïve, eager to please and desperate for “love” little girl has evolved into a wiser, stronger and more aware woman in her 30th that doesn’t regret anything that has happened in her life so far. I have a man in my life who truly loves, accepts, understands, cares and respects me in everyway. He provides for me, gives me shoulder to cry on when I need it, lets me have my PMS mood swings without taking it personal, he values and appreciates me. We have our arguments, sarcastic little jokes and silent treatment tiffs occasionally but we always apologize to each other and take responsibility for what we say. We have grown together these past 2 years, in a way I think we saved each other from ourselves, he showed me how to be less emotional more rational and I have taught him to feel his emotions not think his way through them.
I still remember the exact moment I fell in love with him – when he let his guard down and let himself be vulnerable for the first time as he shared all the tragidies, pain and growing up feeling totally unloved and unwanted, it all made sense to me then why he was the way he was, and while we watched a beautiful sun rise creep up over the city skyscrapers of Johannesburg on a spring morning I knew then that no matter what the future holds for us, I will never be the same again and the love between us would change both of us in a profound way to the likes that neither one of us actually fully realized yet.

Reply September 20, 2015, 2:55 am


The guy I have been seeing for a long time gives mixed signals. He says he doesnt want a relationship but I have met ALL his friends and family. Mother brother aunts uncles father his kids his kids mom etc and I love them all like they are family. we been together 6 years and been living together but he always says he’s not ready. How backwards is that! We take trips together outings with his kids and mine like a family. Cook outs, get togethers but he still isnt ready. WTH is this? Part of me wants to move on and part dont. I feel like I have everything I want but the title. I think its an excuse to say he’s single so if he wants to see someone else its not cheating. But they would get the short end of the stick because we are always together. I can hang out with him and his friends like I’m one of them. We go out on dates. I just dont get it. Its confusing. We also have a business together. Its like wtf do I do. DO I end it and move on because he wont give me a title or do I just enjoy what we have? I want the damn title. Id like to get married again but knowing its just him and i committed secure is just as good right now. How can a guy give so much but not give anything? I’m confused as hell. Help!!!

Reply September 17, 2015, 1:45 am


ask him what his future plans are. If they include you don’t worry about the title.

Reply October 2, 2015, 2:02 am


The guy I was seeing not only introduced me to his family, but would talk about me to friends so much, that when I finally met them, they knew all about me and eager to meet me. But then he pulled the “I don’t want a relationship, but I care about you and want to continue being with you” spiel. Despite really liking him and wanting to be with him, I had enough self-value to end things then and there. It hurts and I was left feeling really confused by his actions, but I’d rather hurt now then invest more time just be crushed later.

Reply September 14, 2015, 12:53 pm


Ok so….I’ve been with this guy 8 months we fell in love and he said it first he asked me to be his gf but throught out the relationship we had a lot of things happen that made us more close including a death im my family that tore me to pieces. But then I find out during that death he’s been flirting with other chicks on facebook telling them if he was single he would do this and that with them and that they are so special to him and how beautiful and what a goddess they are I blew up and got furious he said that it was Cuz I didn’t give him attention wtf!? I always do ?! But now months after that he says he was never ready for a serious relationship and that he can’t commit and I asked him what this relationship was after he told me he wanted me to have his baby’s, marriage all that shit now he’s saying that we are just chillin now … Wtf does that mean!? I keep asking what are we and he says we are just chillin and he says that he can’t give me the love and time I want I only want to see him once a week he says thats too much that im bring controlling how!? I don’t get it what is we r just chilling???? 🙁

Reply September 11, 2015, 10:53 am


Hi! I’m confused as the man I have been with (for 2 years) shows some of the signs but not all. For example: he has introduced me to his family, we are in an exclusive relationship, and I definitely know the real him as I am very interested and supportive with his goals etc so he shares them with me. He is, however a very independent man and will not be told what he can and can’t do so he will go away for weekends with his friends or visit family on his own. Should I be worried that he is not investing? He also does not like to talk about the future or any plans as he is very career driven and will ‘see where things go’. I’m not sure whether I’m wasting my time waiting for the time when I feel like my future with him is secure. Also he does not relish in taking me out for real dates (he made such an effort at the beginning of the relationship, days out, picnics etc); it is no longer like that as he is always busy with work and as I live at home still I always make the effort to go round to his (of which is always after he has his time to go to the gym) are my efforts wasted as I’m always thinking of fun days out and taking him out? Am I a door mat? I’m trying to get the enthusiasm we had back but he seems too settled to try and date me, but to resistant to properly commit or settle! Help!

Reply August 30, 2015, 9:28 pm


You need to pull back and give him space to chase you again. Spice things up

Reply October 2, 2015, 2:06 am


End the relationship. If you want someone to tell you they want to spend the rest of their life with you then end this relationship because that other guy is out there.

Reply February 12, 2016, 11:10 pm


I am dating a guy whom I was dating 2 yes back n h was wonderful he’d go all out for me n he was married by then.the problem is that I bumped into him sometime in may n he was like oh my gosh I’ve been hoping to find u after a yr n all that h was telling me about the separation n his wife n that I am the woman h ever wanted blah blah w gave it a try guess what he gave me stress for 2 months when its on weekend he spends Tim with his friends h couldn’t even answer my call n h couldn’t even bother calling back h was so cold so different from the man he was b4 we would fight over that until I get enough n dumped him but what surprises me every time I dump him h would call n apologise n all that until I tell him that m tired of his excuses,apologies n promises that h can’t keep coz h Neva changes his attitude.
This guy wouldn’t even text me back on watsapp h would call me seldom of which I stopped calling him coz h was ignoring my call.every time I complain he would tell me that h is stressed bcoz of the situation he is facing right now n I’d tell him that h was in the same situation when h wanted me back in his life n how did h think he’d cope in this relationship.But guess wat now the guy calls anytime even on weekends h calls me h even text I took the back seat n gave him the steering in this relationship I told him that its up to him to make it work bcoz I tried so many times to make us work n h is the one who failed.
So tell me could h b trickin my emotions m really confused but I kind of liking this one I was also confused in June n July asking myself too many questions coz the guy wouldn’t even let me visit his house but now h says I can come as I please

Reply August 14, 2015, 4:08 pm


Interesting article…My boyfriend USED TO show 4 of the 5 signs…the only one he didn’t do was the very first one…I have always been his “friend”, his “confidant” in many things…not all, but a lot, even when we WERE only FWB….he was supposed to marry another woman that his family had chosen for him. Well, scratch that! He is with me and totally faithful. If you follow Sabrina’s advice, you WILL be able to get him to COMMIT to you and ONLY YOU…

Reply August 5, 2015, 9:55 pm


My partner who i live with doesnt have chit chat and tell me things like how his children are as they have rang him or text i have to constantly ask him if they are doing ok or have they been intouch. He never financialy gives me anything at end of a working week he makes me waight for days till i have nothing then i must ask for housekeeping money . He also doesnt involve me in conversation over taking any hols from work or if hes been intouch with anyone im constantly asking or guessing he always assumes about issues like well were you going and assumes ive made plans before finding out by asking me and at tea times he never asks children if they want tea and makes his own anyway leaving it up too me i need advice on what hes actually doing this for pls help with any advice thank you

Reply July 23, 2015, 6:27 pm


I’ve been and live with my boyfriend for 22 months. We reconnected on face book after knowing each other back in high school. Anyway, he is 48 and I’m 45. I have 3 kids and one lives with me. My 8 year old son. They don’t always get along. Anyway what I need to k ow is he doesn’t invite me when he visits his daughter who lives away from him. He excludes me from family functions because his sister doesn’t like me. What bothers me is he doesn’t ask me to go…I don’t understand when I always want him with me. Idk what the heck is going on. I just feel left out and it doesn’t seem to bother him. He is leaving for the 2 time to visit his daughter in Los Angeles and I was not invited. Why? Help!!

Reply July 6, 2015, 4:27 pm


just simple…he is not willing to spend a single penny for you…I did date a man who brought me to a nice cafe, ordered drink for himself and did not order anything for me.

Reply June 10, 2015, 7:46 pm


Ive been seeing a guy for about 6 months and because of his work schedule we only see each other on Friday nights then he goes back to his place on Saturday morning because he works on Saturday nights graveyard shift Saturday through Wednesdays. He has not introduced me to his family except his 10 year_old son. Is this a sign that this is not serious?

Reply May 30, 2015, 6:05 pm


I know this article is correct and that these are the main signs a man is never going to commit to you, but, my boyfriend has all 5 of these “signs” but he DID commit to me in the most romantic way. He serenaded me. He played me a song (he knows songs mean a lot to me) that told me exactly how he felt about me. He said through the song that he wanted me by his side always so he would never have to feel alone again. He also told me via the song that even though people had tried to keep us apart (his family), he wanted to make up for the lost time.

That IS Love and Commitment and I see it in his eyes and smile and gentleness every day now.

Reply May 26, 2015, 11:18 am


I have been dating a guy for three years. Long distance. And when we are together its great. Just recently I told him I loved him and he said “thank you.” He states he does not know what his feelings are for me. I had prepared myself for this possible answer so it wasn’t so much of a blow. I asked what the status of our relationship was and he said he wants to continue dating me. I told him that by now I had expected to move onto the next phase of our relationship which was living together and that continuing to be with him I was not seeing or expecting this to happen especially when I want to get married and have a family. He wants to get married and have a family as well but this wasn’t the time yet because he states that he is trying to get stable. Still. Out of the 3 years we’ve been together, 2 years he has been trying to get stable. I totally understand because who doesn’t want to be stable in their finances and life? But why can’t we accomplish this together? I would like to support him mentally and emotionally but he’s “the man.” There was a time in our relationship he put our relationship “on hold” because of getting his life together and told me he understood if I dated other men. This went on for 6 months. We kept in contact every once in awhile and eventually picked up where we left off. But now…he didn’t tell me loves me and blows off the “moving in together” subject. He’s in the military and out in the field for 3 weeks and won’t see him for a month. He’s going to promote which he says would help him stabilize. Should I date other guys and wait till he comes back and see what his decision is? Or just move on?

Reply May 19, 2015, 8:44 pm

Ms P

move on because if he hasn’t make a decision in 3 years…He won’t make it believe me. When a guy wants to be with you he won’t waste anytime. but telling you to date other men?? I don’t think he really cares about you because no guy in their right mind will tell you something like that if he cares about you. enough said!

Reply June 22, 2015, 4:36 pm


hi sabrina am in a relationship with a great guy,its now 8months we go out and he always introduce me to his friend as his wife,and his brothers know me but i have not yet gone to thier home.we havent had sex yet but sometime he ask for it but i tpld him i cant have sex before marriage,i love him and i dont wanna lose him what can i do

Reply May 18, 2015, 12:28 pm


Hi Sabrina,
The guy I am dating matches 2 and 3 out of 5. Do you think it is still a sign that he will never commit?

Reply May 2, 2015, 2:44 pm

sharon white

I never received my book in the mail

Reply May 2, 2015, 9:34 am


Hii.. Sabrina .. I have some confusions about my guy friend we are really good friends from last 1year and on the other side we are friends with benefits also .. He does everything for me anything that makes me happy infact he says that he wants me to be happy and lighthearted.. I’m serious for him and about him im just 50% sure that he is also serious .. We have everything with each other that proofs we are bf/gf .. He says he wants to be with me forever .. I’m his best buddy .. And he loves me as a friend .. When I ask him does he love me more than a friend .. He always says no I don’t we had sex also im kind of his half wife and he just says no for those kind of stuffs .. But the prob is when he gets too drunk he says he loves me he sees his future with me as a wife and he wants to be a best son-inlaw etc.. When ever I ask him for relationship he refuses that and says listen I can’t give u relationship and explains why also .. Says I have some problems my circumstances are not good neither fanacially nor personally I will not be able to fulfill your needs .. And sometimes he reacts so irritated .. When ever I say I wanna go don’t want this friendship/relationship anymore he never let me go too,he gets jealous when I talk about phiscally for other guy or I give more antenion to other hot guy .. So I don’t understand what he wants is he serious or he is not .. And ya he has family problems and financial problems with himself

Reply March 24, 2015, 3:48 pm


I’m a Christian don’t believe in sex before marriage and my guy is not but believe and pray as much as I do.for 3 yrs his been asking me out told of no sex till marriage he was fine its 3mnths dating now his trying his best to control and respect my decision but latly his complainin about not copping his a man and don’t want to cheat coz he don’t want to loose me.I’m soooo confused I lav him but not sure if he won’t break my heart plz help

Reply March 18, 2015, 4:48 pm


I got 4 out of the 5 signs.
1. He took me to meet his family for the holidays (he surprised me on that one)
2. He takes me on amazing, well thought out dates.
3. He is open to me about himself, family, friends.
4. And he doesnt disappear for days or weeks.
BUT he did tell me, he wants to take things slow and doesn’t want a relationship right now, that I’m the only woman he’s with, but likes the simplicity of what we have (which is pretty much a relationship, just with no labels)
I have never been so confused. He even jokes about he and I, as old people and all. He goes out of his way to make sure I’m safe and comfortable. Like a boyfriend does. He gets little small jealousy bouts, if he sees guys checking me out. So I really don’t get it.

Reply March 7, 2015, 1:24 pm


I have the classic situation, been with my boyfriend for over a year, however he took a sabbatical from work for a few months at the end of last year so we have just reconnected. Everything was good until a couple of weeks ago when he started to pull away…ended up with him telling me we are not on the right “schedule” for settling down /kids, as I am in my early 30s. Although it was hard to hear, I want to be with someone who can see a future with me, and even though I wasn’t sure he was the one, I still need the possibility of a future /kids…otherwise I’m just wasting my time and need to walk away.

Reply March 2, 2015, 10:24 pm


Very wise woman you are!

Reply February 12, 2016, 11:02 pm


I lived with a male friend that only wanted to be friends but we slept together and he never take me out anywhere and i wanted more. Over the months i feel enlove with a man that has anger problems and nasty person that dont take care of hiself. Hes a felon ans getting ssi no job whatsoever and a failer of treating women so i left him be hind to get with my clingy enlove ex boyfriend who is a drug addict

Reply February 18, 2015, 5:30 pm


Not the best choices. I would dump both and just be single until I find a guy who isn’t a felon or has anger issues or can’t treat women and children right or isn’t a drug addict. You don’t want ANY of those types as they can become very abusive and wrong relationships

Reply June 13, 2015, 2:28 am


I have been dating a guy for 14 months now and in many ways he’s fantastic. He is always telling me how much he loves me, he opens up to me and he does put the effort in when we go out on dates. The problem is that he works nights, so I only see him once a week. I’ve tried talking to him about spending more time together when working hours allow, but he promises he will see me more, but constantly lets me down. He keeps putting off meeting my mother and I have yet to meet any of his family. Am I wasting my time here or is there some way of talking to him that will make him realise how important this issue is for me? Right now I am close to giving up on him because this behavior implies that I am not a priority in his life.

Reply February 7, 2015, 7:45 pm


I have known this guy for about 10 months now and had been in love with him ever since i met him for the first time. I am a girl not into dating a lot of men, i had been on very few dates and had a bad experience into relationship wit a guy in the past. Not knowing the rules of dating, commitment and the love games, out of innocence or foolishness call it whatever, I CONFESSED TO THIS GUY, thinking that i will feel relieved after the confession. However i felt relieved but could never move on. Later i saw some signs of him interested in me and yesterday over a casual phone conversation he planned to have a dinner date for both of us
i dont know if i should move ahead or move on..??

Reply January 29, 2015, 4:53 am


See him, but see other people too. Keep busy. Have a life outside of dating and by all means;Make yourself date other people!!!!

Reply February 3, 2015, 12:48 am


I have absolutely no problems with my guy with four of these, but I still haven’t actually met his family. He’s met almost all of mine, he’s indicated that his at least suspect my existence, but he’s also indicated he hasn’t actually talked about me with them either. Except for an aunt.

Now, our situation isn’t exactly cut and dried though. I’m a complicated girl, he’s a complicated guy, both our families are conservative Christian, and we’re not exactly in a sort of relationship those sorts easily tolerate, let alone accept.

I’m not talking polyamory, though we’re both open to it and have talked about that, and I know I’m bi, and he suspects he might be but has never actually explored it.

I’m a pre-op trans woman. Might be never op if we don’t ever get out of the red ink. And while he’s cis, the conversations that could result from the revelations of our relationship to his folks could be just as devastating as were he trans himself as well.

So, I wasn’t all that eager for him to meet my family, and he isn’t all that eager for me to meet his. He’s not even particularly eager to talk about me with them, just in case the conversation gets into dicey territory concerning my physical status.

When I got into a romantic and sexual relationship my family relationships became even more strained. My bf doesn’t even believe in the same things his parents do, so there will be no ecclesiastical support for him, and his father is presently battling with cancer…

In short, while all of these points are great points and make a lot of sense in general terms, number 5 especially can become a lot more complicated if one or both people in a relationship are trans with conservative families and there are any further strains and complications on the situation. I think this article especially could be made much more inclusive to people with less privileged backgrounds. Nothing is ever as simple as this.

Reply January 25, 2015, 12:23 pm


its been 3 years now my bf andi being dating, his mother passed away while we were together for 2years, I went to the funeral but funny thing is immediately after the funeral he asked me what time I am living, now when I am telling him I wish to meet his sister he shuts me down, I told him since there is no where we are going I am living him, he said I am blackmailing him and because he loves me and do not want to lose me he wil take me, this is not how I wanted it to be but I was fed up because we’ve been together for so long I thought oneday he will consider it but noo he ddnt so now I dnt know should I go meet the sister or not? he is 33 I am 23 his sister is probably 39

Reply January 22, 2015, 11:41 am


Hey Pertunia! I have the same advice for you as for Zanya and girl:
Get OUT!!!!! MOVE ON!!!! Your problem here is your addiction to the jerk. Do whatever you can to move on. 3 years is way too long without any type of commitment. The guy is broken and not willing to “fix” himself. Why should he? You’re putting up with it. Move On and start dating others immediately, no matter how bad it hurts. Your life and quality of life is at stake here. Kick this guy to the curb. If he really does love you, he will come after you, if not, good riddance to bad rubbish. Do whatever you can to break that awful heroin type of relationship addiction! and MOVE ON ALREADY!!!!!!!

Reply January 22, 2015, 5:05 pm


Been with my boyfriend for almost 2yrs nw every time i talk to him about him coming to see my family he would just shout me out and seems like he doen’t want to talk about it or want to see them.. he also doen’t want our relationship to be known n i’m so sick n tired of it.. i asked him one day how old he was and he never told me. i feel like he’s hidding everything about himself he’s life n our relationship. He said to me that this relationship will stay the way it’s and will never come out or be known by anyone.. i told him i need some time to think about all this nw i feel like breaking off this relationship but idk what to do? plz help me out here…

Reply January 16, 2015, 9:59 am


Hey Zanya, Get OUT!!!!! MOVE ON!!!! Your problem here is your addiction to the jerk. Do whatever you can to move on. 2 years is way too long without any type of commitment. The guy is broken and not willing to “fix” himself. Why should he? You’re putting up with it. Move On and start dating others immediately, no matter how bad it hurts. Your life and quality of life is at stake here. Kick this guy to the curb. If he really does love you, he will come after you, if not, good riddance to bad rubbish. MOVE ON ALREADY!!!!!

Reply January 22, 2015, 4:49 pm


I know this guy at gym. He works at a fitness school. The first time we have met I was shy and more fat etc. He told me lessons about life and was very curious about me. Well for me it was love at first sight tho for him probably not coz I told him I like him. But he didnt like me that way tho he liked my personality and me being spontanous. Well after a year or so we became friends “close” friends. We talk like everyday on whatsapp eventhough not big texts. We see movies at my home he saw all my friends… well he did see my whole life and still is close. He teases me a lot like a lottt and touches me a lot etc. But from his side I just saw one of his best friend.. I dont know him that much as he know me. Its frustrating for me especially I cant move on easily coz my mom likes him too and always ask to meet (they asume im with them too) and cHat with him too which i think is awkward. And he always give me hope.. So what to do!? Im lost ..

Reply January 6, 2015, 2:44 am


Hey girl, I have exactly the same advice for you as for Zanya etc.
Get OUT!!!!! MOVE ON!!!! Your problem here is your addiction to the jerk. Do whatever you can to move on. This guy is not into you and he is using you. The guy is broken and not willing to “fix” himself. Why should he? You’re putting up with it. Move On and start dating others immediately, no matter how bad it hurts. Your life and quality of life is at stake here. Kick this guy to the curb. If he really does love you, he will come after you, if not, good riddance to bad rubbish. MOVE ON ALREADY!!!!!

Reply January 22, 2015, 4:53 pm


It was 3crazy yrs he couldn’t acknowledge me as a girlfriend.he was always at my place I provided dinner his favorite foods .he knew my feelings for him .he never tried .I cried out for attention constantly never got a dinner or a movie never a hug out of the blue .I cannot describe the way he made me feel.

Reply December 21, 2014, 1:47 pm


I’ve been on and off again with this guy named Scott.. we break up because of his commitment issues, and ALWAYS eventually get back together. He always seems to run back… He recently told me that he doesn’t see a future for us. BUT since then he makes sure we spend everyday together. If we plan to go on a bike ride, but the weather is bad, he cooks me breakfast instead. He is constantly texting and calling me, taking me out to eat, going on trips with me. If he gets something new, like a bike or a garmin, or a drone… I’m the first person he shows. We talk about our futures, our dreams our hopes our fears.. In fact the last time we broke up, he started to see the world more like I see it, things that are important to me he has started to do, learning languages, anti- human trafficking, non-profits… He wants to start a business together and we always make travel plans together…. he cant take his eyes off of me and any excuse he can get to touch me he takes. He has signed up to be in classes with me next semester… and he serves me all of the time- he spent 2.5 hours during finals week trying to get the keys out of my locked car. 🙂 He started doing his hair how I’ve always wanted him to do it… everything I’ve every wanted in him… he has started to do- life ambitions, weights at the gym..european suits… religious stuff… etc.. BUT right now I’ve put a hold on any kissing… and I’m going out with other guys.(he hasnt been out with another girl since he met me) He has always said he doesn’t know what he wants…and he apologizes for being non-commital…. I love him- but do I need to let him go? stop seeing him completely? will he ever decide we might have a future?

Okay… So I know it should be obvious… like you said… he said he had no interest and we had no future… but if actions speak louder than words when he says “I love you” but his actions say otherwise… shouldn’t it be true for the other way around?


Reply December 19, 2014, 12:03 pm


Are you sure you’re not dating MY guy? Sister, could you and me ever trade stories…

“I don’t love you,” “I’m not attracted to you ‘that way,” “I don’t want a relationship right now”, but at the same time (a) spends all his time with you, (b) shatters inside if you date other men or one even looks at you, (c) tries to alter himself to be identical with what you’ve said your ideal man is, (d) always comes back once you dump him… the number appears to be growing!

In what factory do they make these frustrating men? And more importantly –

Why is it the Universe won’t send you another one better than him when you’ve become fed up and want to break things off with him? That, today at the end of 2014, McKenzie, is my story!

Reply December 24, 2014, 8:15 pm


I don’t get it. I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year. He has clearly said he does not want responsibility of a relationship right now, and he doesnt want to feel the need to report to someone all the time. He’s just not ready for commitment at the moment as he is still on a mission to find a job in his career field of interest, and to finally settle down. Okay so I should just believe he is not ready to commit? Wrong. What about if he does do these things above and has told me he is not ready? He has introduced me to his family, I have hung out with his sister and cousin and him, the rest of them know I exist and he said I’ll probably meet his whole family. One and four he has done as well. He has opened up about what he wants to do for his future, his aspirations, his goals, he’s invited me to activities that he likes to do, he has taken me out, etc. Then he has also done 3 and 2. He has gone MIA for almost a day and recently almost two days. Like he’s mentioned or like I’ve read on here, I get he’s busy focusing on looking for a job and like I said before, he has straight up told me he doesn’t want a relationship right now. So what am I supposed to believe? I should still continue with him cause he has done most of these things despite he has directly said he doesn’t want a relationship RIGHT NOW?

Reply December 8, 2014, 1:21 am


Lily, I am in the almost exact same boat. Maybe we can exchange stories. I wish I could figure out if I would be better off just moving on. But I am falling inlove with him after 6 months. I just can not believe that it is me. I have asked him to his face… do you just not want to be with me? And he says that is not it. It is that he is not ready to commit.

Reply December 17, 2014, 10:22 am


Lily, I spent eight (yes, EIGHT) years waiting on a guy exactly the one you describe. We spent holidays and vacations together. He took me to family weddings and celebrations. He was jealous any time I started seeing someone. He would send me flowers, buy me gifts, take me out on dates. He would call me and keep me on the phone for hours, then make plans with me, act mushy, tell me how beautiful I am, AND then tell me he did not want a relationship right now. This cycle was endless and soul-crushing and maddening. I still can’t quite believe that it all amounted to nothing. I wrote him off a year ago, telling him everything I felt and that I did not want to keep in touch anymore, secretly believing he would come chasing after me. He did not. So maybe that is what I would tell you to do. Lay your feelings out there for him, walk away, do NOT call or text or email. If you ever hear from him again, I guess that’s your answer. I hope it works out better for you than it did for me.

Reply January 9, 2015, 11:36 pm


Jody, I’m in your EXACT situation right now, I felt so broken after he said he didnt want a relationship. I really love him but knowing that he didn’t contact you after makes me so scared to let him go even though I want to for the better, But he was so great like why would you let go. Was it worth it? Or did you regret anything. If you had the chance to do better would you?

Reply January 21, 2015, 3:30 am


We are together for about 5 months now. Overall it looks good. Even when we don’t see each other for a few days (we both have complicated schedules ) we always text to another other, most of the time only to show we’re thinking about each other. He has a little baby girl (She’s a year and a half) from a previous relationship that he endend right before his ex told him she was pregnant. he didn’t know that when he leaved her. Their relationship revolves only around their child, there’s no spark left between them. And i met his child a couple times. He’s very nice and tender to me, he listens to my feelings even if he doesn’t know what to respond, but he’s a guy 😉 He also already talk (a few times, in various context) about the love he has for me without saying straight “i love you”. Of course, I didn’t respond on this each time he did it. But i’m doing my best to show him how much i care about him. When he introduces me to people, it’s always has “my partner” .
But in the same time, he always says he wants the relationship to remain simple. To keep things simple. I haven’t met many of his friends because he tells me we have time for this. When i told him a week ago I wanted to see him more he responded “I hear you” and “why can’t let things simple as they are now”. I told him I was happy with the way things were, tht i was just saying something that i feel because i like spending time with him. But since i told him that, he’s not distant but he’s keeping distance with the relationship. Like he’s taking a few steps back. We haven’t seen each other much lately (due mostly to his schedule) but he doesn’t try to know when i’m available and i’m the one asking him (in a simple way of course) when he’s available for a date. He seems happy to seem me, but I feel hos efforts less and less and I really don’t know what to do about it. I’m willing to be patient, everyone has his own rythm, but I’m very scared things won’t go to the next level of commitment. I haven’t express my love for him yet, and i don’t want to do it. I’m afrais to scare him more, i’m afraid he will take this as my willing for a commitment he may not be ready to have.. What should I do? thanks for reading this 😉

Reply November 25, 2014, 5:50 am


We’ve been neighbors/friends for 6 yrs before we both divorced our partners. In that time we shared so much about our lives & both felt a connection that was intense, easy as if we belonged together. I’ve never felt so loved or in love before & he confessed the same. But there would be times he’d argue & no communication for month until he’d see me somewhere or just text out of blue asking to talk & again we’d be ok as nothing happened until another 4-6 months & he’d do it again.. this happened at least 5 times in 1st 4yrs together. Until our 5th yr his sister told him what he was doing wasnt healthy for him or I. He told me there would be no more running from him, he loves me & all that crap is over with…Plan was I’d buy home & he’d sell his to start our lives together well I bought my home 2 1/2 yrs ago he loves the house, but seems we’re 2 people living in separate homes as the signals are confusing to point I’m starting to feel he doesn’t know what he wants.
He’d tell me fix up his basement so I have room for my things, bring my things there sell my home, don’t go home etc.
We have fun loving relationship fishing, singing, kidding around, very loving to something said taken the wrong way to an explosion argument but this time I left (his home) this has happened 2x this last event has left me feeling what am I doing? I do love this man with all my heart & he knows it. I feel & know he loves me but … I always feel things are on his terms.. this time I feel am I wasting my time sure he likes dinner on table clothes & house cleaned.. I don’t stay over anymore since last argument nor do I use my key, I wait for him to be home first. I’ve explained how I feel, tells me to stop but I don’t feel the same from his end. It’s like a light switch was turned off. How do I stop & get back the sense of security as I’m guessing that’s the whole issue not feeling secure. Or have we run our course & it’s just time to walk away & live our lives.
My ex lives across street, he uses that as excuse alot yet he goes & asks for favors etc yet wants me to limit my talks … its frustrating 6 yrs is along time & he had me end many friendships he didn’t agree with yet his friends can do no wrong.
Am I just paranoid ?
I need some outside thoughts.

Reply October 20, 2014, 2:22 pm


Hey Elizabeth, your guy has a sort of passive form of borderline personality disorder. All things have to be his way or else he withdraws which is very passive aggressive abuse, and even more bothersome in a way, than aggressive aggressive abuse because it doesn’t seem like abuse, whereas yelling or a hit or slap or punch are definitely abuse(so people get away fast), but this withdrawing when he doesn’t get things his way is still abusive, albeit passively (but you don’t feel it so intensely as being hit, so you don’t know you’re being abused and stay around for more of the same). So sell your house and get away from the abuser. It has nothing to do with you, this man just has deep seated mental problems that he’s not aware of and/or not willing to work on, and by wasting your time with him, you are depriving yourself of the opportunity to meet someone who is mentally healthy and can really and truly step up to the plate and be in a real relationship. I know its hard ( I have been in the same situation), but you need to move on. Take your heart back and find someone who can treat it the good way in which it needs to be treated.

Reply November 17, 2014, 6:22 pm


i have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now. long story short he was on two deployments and recently got done with his service. we were always perfect he seemed to put so much effort into our relationship and once he got done with his service he moved about 30 minutes away from me and he has and had no job. so i would be the one driving up as much to see him. i started noticing that he was pulling away. if we would go a week without seeing each other it was fine for him. he never bothered asking when we were seeing each other. and just the other day ( which has been a few months since he was done with his service) i called him out on not trying anymore and i felt like i couldn’t go on with how things were going. and he finally lets me know that he has felt confused for the last few months and he has been trying to figure it out. he loves me but he feels like we are just friends. i am very confused and heartbroken. i thought this guy was the guy i was going to have a future with. we decided to take a few days without talking, don’t really think this is gonna help much as i am going crazy. i don’t know if loosing his job is the root cause of this problem or what. he says he feels as if i deserve better and i am the perfect girl but he’s just confused. he doesn’t want to loose me since i am his best friend. idk, I’m going crazy. i was just really hoping for some advice!

Reply October 8, 2014, 6:50 pm


Liz, any time a guy tells you that you deserve better, believe him. He’s already told you he feels like you are just friends. Keep it moving, girlfriend. You can indeed do better.

Reply October 10, 2014, 6:54 pm


Liz listen to Jo that’s correct. I would want a man with a job and car too so we both can split things equal, the dates, food etc. do better girlfriend

Reply January 9, 2015, 3:54 pm


Jo & ty,
Way to support the troops — LOL.
From a guys point of view, sometimes us males like to get all our ducks(job, career, life direction, etc) in a row before taking on additional responsiblities (wife, kids, etc). ty you put liz’s beau in a catch 22, he’s trying to take the time to get his life together(job, car, career, etc) before asking her for a committment — but to you he’s worthless because he doesn’t have a job and car (why shouldn’t me feel insecure when today’s female puts so much weight in material things). So much for soulmates and true love.

Reply February 3, 2015, 11:50 am


I used to say the same things as these girls here, “You can do better!”. But I found out (late in life, maybe because I’m now more patient) that you’re right. Guys need time to line things up. Fight dragons without us wondering “why haven’t you called?”. Then get the girl. The difference stems from us girls having sharing relationship connections as a primary need ready to go all the time (nurture) and guys see it as a responsibility primarily, and “nurture times” as a welcome treat in between battles/challenges. Maybe what’s missing these days is the unspoken but more realistic layer of community of extended family that a woman used to have more for day-to-day connection with than her man. Nurture focused on building up reserves of food and cloth, rather than just about direct love. Maybe it’s no coincidence that the only couple in my family who’ve been married for 40 years and happy are in Italy, with the women making pasta while the men do “whatever those smelly guys do”, to quote my aunt. Maybe it’s in the fairly recent “romantic princess meets prince charming, who whisks her away” ideal that the seed of destruction lies. My own long term relationship (the longest) came about only when I gave up on that fantasy, and every day it’s about giving the other person room to grow. To be themselves. That’s when people (guys and gals) like to be around each other for the long run. Because it’s not a sacrifice. It’s a bonus. It’s me plus the guy. And for him, it’s him plus me. But there’s also his family, and mine. His friends, and mine. Not just two halves. So when I feel lonely for him I don’t expect him to answer every call, but instead work on something we can share later, when he can afford to relax and connect …

June 30, 2015, 6:44 pm


Liz, your guy might also have some PTSD from his deployments which is making him feel unsure and mentally unstable. As a friend to him, see if he is willing to see a mental health professional as he might be suffering PTSD and might need to have therapy or meds. I would also recommend that he start taking a good liquid magnesium chloride daily like Trace Minerals Research Ionic Liquid Magnesium Chloride “Mega Mag”. And start with 100mg for the first few days (1 dropperfull) and after a few days work up to 200mg (1 dropperfull in am and 1 dropperfull in pm), then after a few days work up to 300mg (2 droppers full in am and 1 in pm) and then after a few days work up to 400mg which is the USRDA (so 2 dropperfulls in am and 2 dropperfulls in pm). Magnesium Chloride helps calm the system and will help if there is any PTSD. Its also good to eat lots of Romaine Lettuce and Odwall OJ as both are high in Folate which will also help with anxiety and PTSD.

At this point, I would just see him as a friend and move on to date other guys. Something has happened to him in his brain to make him unsure of things (eg anxiety) and until he gets his anxiety treated he will be unsure (anxious) about everything and everyone. So help him out if you can by suggesting these things, but take care of yourself and detach and force yourself to start dating others. People who are not right in the head for whatever reason will not be able to be a good romantic partner. So take care of yourself and see that you stay right in the head, suggest counseling for him, and move on to others. Maybe after he gets some mental health treatment and supplements himself with magnesium and foods high in B complex and Folate, after a while he might get calm and sane enough again to see what a great girlfriend you would be for him. If he is too nervous and not sane, he won’t be able to see that no matter how great you are. So right now move on and date guys who can see what a great catch you are.

Reply November 18, 2014, 1:30 am


Me and my friend joe have been intimate since july 23,2014.I have met a lot of his friends,his parents and have spent time with him and his daughter which he has custody of.I live with one of his guy friends he’s known for 12 yrs.My roommate has caused arguements between us causing jealousy issues with me and joe.My roomate said joe had been hanging out with his x he broke up with a few months before we started dating.I ignored it and then we were at a friend of his and she shows up.7 yrs. with her and she has had a lot of cancer issues I was told.Both breasts removed and a total hysterectomy. We got in a big arguement once and joe kept on saying he isnt anyones boyfriend I believe to hurt my feelings.We have went camping which was a very relaxing romantic night for both of us. A few wks later we got in another arguement and he told my roomate my texting him all the time irratates him.So I stopped and left him alone.We are on speaking terms and he sometimes comes over watches tv with me and we end up having sex.I normally am the one to text him.About to let him go and just see where I stand.Lonely and scared.

Reply September 16, 2014, 1:06 am


really? Girlfriend get with the program. he is using you and its sad that he has his child involve. If I was you I’ll remove myself from that whole situation. It seems like it’s just causing problems with the roommate and joe. don’t be scared just as fast as you found Joe you can find moe lol. I’m sorry about his x girlfriend and hope God heals her body but you need to take care of yourself too, don’t let this playa have you stressing, move on girl!

Reply January 9, 2015, 3:58 pm


I know guy from high school. . He told me that he is crush on me since high school. And he say he really like me. I thought of him like as friend. He really want me so badly. I haven’t looking for a boyfriend and haven’t been relationship for 5 years. He and I started talked and text almost every day in past few months. He was asked me go out with him for drinking. I went out with him. Nothing serious. Few month later. I decided invited him to come my house and its happen. I feel I should not first place with him. He text me and told me that he falling in love with me. I say myself “no”. I don’t want to hurt his feeling. So I decided go ahead to see him 2 times a day every weeks. We have good time. I have feeling for ready for relationship. I did asked him about relationship. He don’t want to have serious relationship with me. Because I’m single mother of 4 kids. He is worried what they say to him and will hurt his feeling. Hr jave very sensetive feeling. This started month when I text him and he did not response back and sometime he text for short. Its very less for him to text. He used text me all the timed. Whats happen? I feel what do i do? Should I stop text him and leave him alone? He seem not want to see me anymore. I do want see him. O well. I decided to stop text him and move on.

Reply August 25, 2014, 2:13 am


It sounds as if you’re feeling lonely and being with him was a break from that. Being a single mother of four is not easy. It doesn’t sound as if he’s ready to deal with children. But concentrate on your children and yourself. Men are like taxis. Another will come along. Just keep working on yourself and when you’re not looking, the right one will come along.

Reply September 6, 2014, 2:32 am


I have been with my BF for 4.7yrs. He is 48 never been married, never had kids & never had a live in girlfriend until I came along. I am 38yr married & divorced once with two kids, 20yr old son who lives at college & 14yr daughter who lives with us in his house. When we 1st met, he told me he was in love with me after 5months & after a yr told me he wanted to marry me & have babies. He asked me to marry him without a ring. A year & 1/2 later ( now 3yr 1/2 ) he changed his mind & didn’t even Tell me. He told my mother when she asked him about making plans for our wedding. In the fourth yr he agreed it was time for us to move in together ( my daughter too as I have her mon-fri ). A half yr later he said moving in wasnt working for him. And after I had to get full physical custody of my daughter ( her father got remarried & didn’t want her anymore ) he told me he didn’t want a full time kid in his house. Some days he says he is fully supportive of me & states he ” respects ” me for being a good Mom & other days he’s telling me I have to move out or ” make ” her father take her on weekends when he is supposed to!! When I told him if I moved out, he would never see me again & I never wanted to see him ever again & asked him if he was Ok with that he said yes. When I asked him over & over if this was what he really wanted…he would NOT answer me!!! Mixed signals, words & emotions constantly! I don’t know ever who’s coming or going! I can’t ever get an answer honest or not ( I wouldn’t know anyway ) when asking him the hard questions & sometimes the small??!! I told him I just want real & honest answers so I can move on weather its with him or not but he sends the conversation in circles & drives me nuts!!! What on earth do I do??? Its only been a year since I moved in with him selling my home & furniture most of my things ect…now I’m stuck for a bit until I can save enough to make a new start with my daughter on our own if I have to….again!!! HELP!!!! Joanie

Reply July 22, 2014, 8:33 pm


Get out of there, get away from him, and get on with your life. I know that sounds cruel, but you have to do it to save your self esteem. I was in a similar situation for six years. He told you this wasn’t working for him. As cruel as it seems, and it is, that is how he feels. You’ll realize he was telling you all along that he wanted out of the relationship. Don’t waste anymore of your life on him. He doesn’t deserve you. Best of luck. Jo

Reply September 6, 2014, 2:00 am


I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. He has already shown all the opposites of the steps above…he opens up and confides in me, he has introduced me to his family, he doesn’t go more than 1 or 2 days without texting me, and he takes me on dates that are going out (the aquarium, walking in the park, baseball games, going out to eat, etc). He does invite me to come over to his house to eat/watch movies sometimes as well but we both enjoy the alone time we get at his house. The only problem is that he said he doesn’t consider us “in a relationship” right now but he says we’re getting there. He told me that he also hates labels because his worst relationships were the ones with labels and everyone gets more focused on the label than the relationship. He said it puts too much pressure on the relationship because all of a sudden, if you decide to have a guys night or aren’t able to make it to your girlfriend’s family dinner, you’re considered a jerk. I told him that in my experience, not having a label makes it easier for the guy to just leave me. But he said that it’s actually easier to him to leave someone that is his girlfriend rather than someone he doesn’t have a title with because then he can just say “I want to break up” and it’s done. I asked him that if he doesn’t believe in labels, how will I know if/when we are in a relationship? And he told me I wouldn’t…that it’s all just more of a mentality thing. So idk if he’s serious about me or will ever commit? I know he’s been hurt in the past by someone that tried to force a label on the relationship and it ended up tearing them apart. But is he just using that as an excuse?

Reply July 19, 2014, 10:09 pm


When men give you excuses, it’s time to move on. He wants to be friends with benefits. You deserve better.

Reply September 6, 2014, 2:34 am


I’m still in love with my first love from wen I was 16. Now I’m 25 and he’s 27. Over the years we’ve been broken up we’ve reconnected and hoped up a bunch of times and also there have been times When we just reconnected and talked and talked about meeting up but never did. We broke up Wm I was 17 cause he had cheated even tho he wouldn’t admit it. And allot of the times we stopped talking or hanging out after we had reconnected was cause of his ex girlfriend the one he cheated on me with. But no matter he always comes back to me more than once saying he regrets ruining our relationship ND that he takes full responsibility and that he had it made with me how I was so cute ND how our sex life was amazing. We hadn’t spoke in a little while like over a year. ND I’m now in the hospital from a serious car accident where I need reconstructive surgeryon my arm so it’ll be a few mon the until I can go visit him.he had moved to another state but has asked me to come visit wen I’m better.t h e first week we reconnected this time he was very sweet saying you call anytime that he’s here for me ND being flirty ND saying all those mushy things he’s said before and some. But after talking and reciprocating those missing u feelings ND flirting in return..after a week he has stopped texting everyday before he would text just to day ho before falling asleep if we hadn’t spoken all day.but I’ve had to text him first that last 2 times we talked ND the conversations were short ND he’d say I’ll call u in a little bit hun and never did. Those 2 times I texted first are the only 2 times we’ve talked in a week. I truly believe he is the one. I still love him just as much as I always have. But now idk what to do.did I get a little too mushy and make him feel like he don’t have to try anymore cuz I’ll be here whenever he wants me. What do I do? Do I leave it alone for now since I can’t even go visit for a while anyway or do I give it another week or 2 and text or call him if I haven’t heard anything? Plus I love him ND our sex life was great and neither of us have been with anyone for about a he playing games to keep me around for a visit full of fun and sex? I want more than that. I want us committed nit just hooking up cause that didn’t help keep around the other times we reconnected. Please help! Need advice

Reply July 12, 2014, 10:53 am


It sounds as if he thinks he can just come and go as he pleases, and you are confusing sex with love. You are not his door mat. Don’t let him treat you like one.

Reply September 6, 2014, 2:04 am

Audie Murambiwa

Another red flag is when his best friend or any close acquaintance of his starts showing interest in you. Sounds odd but these guys know their friend probably more than you do and they have certainly shared a great deal of information. The guts in such an act are fuelled by the fact that the friend knows there’s certainly no future for you and your man. His reasons for liking you are secondary- its the gut fuelling reasons that are primary. Turn your back to both of them and move on with your life.

Reply July 2, 2014, 5:09 am


Excellent point!

Reply October 15, 2014, 2:44 am


I wrote a comment and seeking advice I see where many have commented and do not see where any of you have provided feed back or advice. Please looking for advice on my situation.

Reply June 3, 2014, 10:08 pm


Well I read the article and I do question if my man wants a relationship. In the beginning he told me that he did not really want a relationship since his job has him traveling and I would get Friday, Saturday and some Sunday since he is usually in bed Sunday by 4:00PM or earlier. According to him most women would not want such a relationship. However, it’s been 2 1/2 years we been back and fourth until Oct,2013 where he told me he wants to make more time for me and keep in contact with me. We do see each other every weekend and we are not spending 24 hours together as I sleep over go do my thing at home and return back and hang out. He does not really like going out since he is on the road most of the time and wants to spend time in his home or as I say his comfort zone. Which I do understand. He does tell me he loves me, he is drawn to me, enjoys being with me, respectable, compliments me, we talk, laugh, and enjoy each other. I have met his family and his only son really likes me, however, he has not met my family. He has met my son but I have never really forced the issues with my son since in the past I was engaged and he died which was hard on my son. Since we have been back and fourth I did not see the point on getting my son involved just in case things don’t or would not work out. I do know he is not seeing anyone else since we do spend most weekends together unless I’m on call and even than we fit time together. He is just very independent and has had bad experience with his first wife who cheated on him as he was always on the road, and his second wife he states he married her since she pressured him or as he stated she nagged him. They ended the relationship since her teenage daughter made it a point to do everything possible to break them up and was always in trouble with the police and destroyed things in his house. Another reason the wife never accepted his son. It’s been 2 1/2 years where we have gotten to know each other and evolved to where we are at now. However, he has lived on his own for more than five years and is set in his own ways. We have spoken of living together in the future and he has talked several times about marring me which in the beginning said he never ever marry again. He brings this up many times and I’m not sure what is real. He tells me that I have to raise my son as he did with his son. He has told me that no women has ever made him feel as I do or clicked with him as I do. I do want more from him and don’t know if this will ever take place. There are times he is so loving, caring, and when I arrive it shows that he’s happy to see me and spend time with me. There are other days where he wants to get things done at his house or spend time with his son and will just do his thing. He tells me I’m welcome at his house anytime and he enjoys having me there. He has even said I wish you could just stay but I have my house and a 14 year old son and I’m not sure if he is afraid that things will not work out with my son. I just had my son stop in on Sunday they spoke and he was very nice to my son and after I left he text me saying my son is a nice young man and a gentle man. I was somewhat nervous as to how he would react towards my son but to my surprise he was respectful and pleasant to him. So is this man a keeper or am I wasting my time?

Reply June 3, 2014, 10:01 pm


HI julia,
I think that if a man wants to be with you he will!!! There’s no ifs and or buts…seriously!!! I think its ******** when people use excuses for their behaviors (well she/he cheated on me and now I’m scared!!) Nonsense.
Trust your gut…seriously!!! our intuition is always right!! he sounds like a good guy but so what?
stay strong. I think that the fact that your doubting this relationship says a lot!!
And the two of you should be spending quality time with each others kids. And the fact that your not also says a lot. You shouldn’t be holding back because of your past. take a chance or get out of the relationship.

Reply June 25, 2014, 6:23 pm


Hi Lani, good advice!

Reply January 22, 2015, 4:57 pm


I am 43 and my boyfriend too 🙂 We have been together now for 2.7 years, I have been married twice, and have one teenager son and a 4 yr old. I have been divorced for over 5 yrs…and my bf was married once for 7, divorced, and no kids. He is very wealthy and a farmer, which is my passion, to be a farmers wife. We met at a bar one night, and I was just out to have fun-with no intentions to meet anyone that night. Unfortunately, I drank too much that night(not a drinker) and ended up sleeping with him on the first night that for me is a big NO-NO…However, we seen each other on and off for 5 mths, but it seemed only for dinner dates that ended up with one-nighters( I was ok with it then as I was not ready for a relationship) then in the late fall of 2011, he searched for me and confessed to me that he really was into me and couldn’t stop thinking of me-He took me out on a NEW official date-as if we were starting NEW and sweep me off my feet with expensive dinners and shopping..We have been together since.. We are both Faithful to each other and although its Lonely sometimes, I understand that’s part of his work-he is a workaholic, I have brought up the “issue” which has bothered me for the past 4 months and everytime I bring it up–He changes the subject or tells me don’t be so “shiczy” I do want to marry you–Just give a guy some time, that’s all…Lately, I have noticed that he’s been pulling away, but he took me to see his dad for his birthday last month and his mom on Mothers Day(5th time I have seen her)–and he has introduced me to his friends who all seem to like me, however he doesn’t hang with them since we became exclusive-he works and he said all he needed was me and past that part of his life(which he does have a friend he hangs with everyday)–a work/family male friend. Anyway, he does seem distant lately and even mentioned that if it wasn’t for my teenage son, he would have moved me and my younger son in months ago, and married me..(he told me this last month–when he freaked out because I decided to go out to a makeup party with my girlfriends-he came and cried and said he couldn’t believe I wanted to take two weeks off to think about our relationship-that’s when he took me to dinner-he said this–and we had great makeup love, and now hes busy working again–and recently he made the comment “maybe I should let you go, so you can be with a younger man and someone who will financially take care of you better” I replied, well I don’t think so..and we left it at that–I tell myself that hes distant due to work–But I am having doubts–in the meantime-I So Welcome anyones ADVICE, on this matter–starting today I have decided to stay more busy…but if I don’t text or call him anymore–my fear is that he will just “go away”….don’t know what to do???

Reply May 21, 2014, 10:43 am


Is your biggest fear that of being alone? Don’t be. It’s difficult at first, but it gets easier with time. If it feels wrong, it is. Distance yourself from him. If it’s meant to be, it will be. But don’t keep trying to hold it together for fear it will fall apart. If you have to do that, it isn’t worth having. Take care of yourself and your children. They should be your first priority.

Reply September 6, 2014, 2:27 am


oh wow that was quick. He was spending time with you because he claimed it was busy, bs! U was an easy target and he preyed on you, now he found another women to do the same thing with. Just move on your still young and have plenty time to date or even marry again. take care of your child and spend all that lonely time with him because he needs it. good luck!

Reply January 9, 2015, 4:04 pm


Ty, a man with a car and a job (to afford it) have to take time to work (especially farming — not a 8 to 5 occupation, but 12-16 hour a day X 7 days a week job (especially during planting and harvest time). So you want to be a farmers wife?

Reply February 3, 2015, 12:12 pm

Kerry Kjellsen

I’ve known this guy for 7 months. When we first met we were friends with benefits and he was seeing other girls. In February he stopped setting the other girls. We talk or text everyday, see eachother almost everyday, are with eachother 24/7 on weekends. My problem is he says he can’t give me what I want. We dint have sex anymore….the last two times we did he was a jerk the next day. I asked him about it and he says he doesn’t want to hurt me. When we are together he’ll caress my leg or touch me or something. Should I talk to him about how I feel our should I just let it be what it is? I do like him allot. One when he was drunk last month he told me that he likes nee allot but wants to do this dissent. I’m really confused!!! Please help me.

Reply May 8, 2014, 1:20 am


I hate to sound mean, but you made a huge mistake in accepting the “friends with benefits” situation. (Been there. Done that.) I always say don’t sleep with a man any sooner than six months; they can’t pretend to be someone else any longer than that. Then you won’t feel bad for having slept with a jerk. If he’s lost interest in sex and that was the essence of the relationship, it’s time for you to move on. It sounds as if he already is. Good luck.

Reply September 6, 2014, 2:22 am

Brittany Gamble

I’m super confused. The guy I’m seeing has some but not all of these. For example, regarding his family, I know about them, he talks about them all the time but they live in a different state. He hasn’t even seen them in almost a year. He calls me almost every day but he won’t on his off days which could be grouped together. He’s told me he’s not ready for a relationship but hearing his past, it’s understandable. I”ve tried breaking things off with him several times but he always says things like, please don’t leave me or you’re the only good thing in my life right now. I want more than this arrangement and he’s said he can’t give me more. He’s told me he loves me but he’s also told me he’s manipulative. What can I do? Am I just being played by a smooth talker?

Reply April 14, 2014, 9:44 am


Yes. He’s manipulating you. Smart girl. Go with your gut.

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Reply December 17, 2013, 8:03 pm


Ive been with my bf for almost two years. He got a job in another state after a year and i moved here with hi. After a couple weeks of being here i found out he had a profile on a dating site. We spit for a couple weeks and tried things again but when we would argur he would bail and stay at a hotel for days but constantly blow up my phone with ts with text messages. He would go to work and stay gone for hours going to places like best buy walmart home depot and then come home and act as if it was no big deal to not tell me anything. Its been a nightmare to say the least he would do the strangest things like leave work and go to parks and chill for hours at the end of the path. He would go to storage and sit there for hours. We would fight about it because imoved here to be with him no family or friends just my two kids. He would tell me he didnt feel he should have to pay half the electric because they were my kods. He has a son he doesnt ever get to see because of his ex wife which i helped him with for legal advice since i work in law field. i just dont know what to do anymore im at my wits end. I do love him i just done think he loves me back although he does and has cried when i started to pack to move and begged me to stay. He takes meds for sleeping and ADD but i just dont know if it is the meds or if he honestly just doesnt give a crap. He never takes me anywhere or invites me to go woth him. We have never even gone grocery shopping together. I just think its strange. Not normal in my opinion. I cook allthe meals and bring the food to him and go out of my way to make him happy. Please help

Reply November 17, 2013, 9:03 pm


You need someone who is stable and consistent, and that isn’t him. You and your children are what’s important. Walk away. He’s damaged goods.

Reply September 6, 2014, 2:18 am


I know this post is a year old & my hope is that by now you’ve gotten out of this relationship Nicole..? I agree with Joanna 110%. This guy is still operating on an immature & childish mentality himself regardless of his age & is in no way ready to be in or have any kind of serious adult relationship or any kind or responsibility for that matter. I hope you packed yourself & your children & got out of there. This guy will never grow up & be a man, he is going to always be a parasite, a thorn in someones side & will always be full of nothing but excuses & looking for someone to blame for everything that’s wrong in his life, he’s in search of a mommy never a girlfriend or a wife. You’ve already got two children to raise you don’t need another one.

Reply October 8, 2014, 5:23 pm


Mine only had one and only in part. He did intoduce me to his family, he actually took me out of state to meet his parents. He would not introduce me to his children. After ten months I decided that he was stalling for a bigger reason than he was letting on to ( I’m just not ready)… So I left. I have suspicions that he still has feelings for his ex. They were split for a year when we started dating but my gut tells me that something wasn’t right. I am not about wasting time, using it to mend a broken heart is as good a use for it as any so long as I am not on a dead end road. I am heartbroken, though. That he let me go tells me that his feelings for me were tepid, at best. :-/

Reply August 16, 2013, 3:16 am

Jenine Cinco

The only frustration I have my current boyfriend is that he never took me out on a real date. Everything else above he does. He says he is serious about me and do not want to lose me, but I feel that I need to always make the initiative to keep our connection. Now, I understand he’s jobless but when it comes to his car, he’s all out buying all these expensive stuff. Should I imply on breaking up already? I appreciate your response Sabrina or Eric.

Reply August 12, 2013, 11:31 pm


Can help me here? He said he didn’t want a relationship because he lives in Canada, he said it on our first date and is true because he had to go back to Canada a few days later. I also found out he flirted with other girls at a time. I guess he didn’t want a relationship, period. nor with me or any girl here in Miami, right? Please help me figurethis one out! Did he see something wrong in me?

Reply August 8, 2013, 11:27 pm


He told you the truth. He doesn’t want a relationship. He just wants to flirt and fool around whenever he can. It isn’t you, Hon. He’s just immature and nowhere near ready to be with just one woman.

Reply September 6, 2014, 2:12 am


He said on our first date he didn’t want a relationship because he was leaving and he did. I found out he flirted with many. I guess he didn’t one with me or any other girl. Em I right?

Reply August 8, 2013, 11:09 pm


Sounds like he was looking for a lot of one night stands before he left.

Reply August 21, 2013, 9:10 am


I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!! this guy that I was dating had every one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, these are so demeaning for a woman, it eats away at your self esteem, this guy was in his late 50’s!! Worse experience in my whole life, without DOUBT!! never again!

Reply August 7, 2013, 6:05 pm


The guy I was just seeing scored a 4/5 with being let off hook for #5 since we only had 6 dates and I didn’t even think of meeting his family at that point. It’s over, no surprise there, so glad I only had to waste a short time.

However, on #3 there are articles on here that I read where it said that sometimes that is a valid reason which I do believe is possible in some cases of timing. However, if you have #3 along with other signs above then really it’s a no go.

Reply August 7, 2013, 1:14 pm


What a bummer! This makes me look back and think that not a single guy I was ever in a relationship has been that serious about me. In my experience, if I start to exercise my self-respect and boundaries in ANY WAY, most guys disappear and never look back! Maybe it’s just a Boston thing…

Reply August 7, 2013, 12:04 pm

Eric Charles

Sabs and I lived in Boston for years… so we can verify that we observed a lot of this while we were there, but we have a worldwide audience, so it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s just Boston.

I can understand the “bummer” feeling though – I mean, if it’s a lesson learned, then you’re that much closer to getting a relationship you are happy with… one that works and gives you what you really want.

Reply August 8, 2013, 11:10 pm

johnson james

Mine only had one and only in part. He did intoduce me to his family, he actually took me out of state to meet his parents. He would not introduce me to his children. After ten months I decided that he was stalling for a bigger reason than he was letting on to ( I’m just not ready)… So I left. I have suspicions that he still has feelings for his ex. They were split for a year when we started dating but my gut tells me that something wasn’t right. I am not about wasting time, using it to mend a broken heart is as good a use for it as any so long as I am not on a dead end road. I am heartbroken, though. That he let me go tells me that his feelings for me were tepid, at best. :-/

Reply September 18, 2016, 2:54 am


Same here. But I just dust it off & keep moving forward

Reply August 27, 2013, 5:40 am

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