6 Day Memorial


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  • #943807 Reply
    Kara

    I’ve been dating a guy since January and he and I said I love you last week. He had a friend die (of a brain tumor) and he said he didn’t think he was going to the memorial. Not an ex, just a friend. Well, I figured it would be like a quick trip. So I asked him if he was going when we were out of town last week. He said he wasn’t sure if he could get the PTO. A day or so later, he told me he was going–for 6 days. He asked if I was upset he didn’t invite me but it was all kinda last minute and I started a new move in my career today. I asked if he needed a ride to the airport and he said he was driving and parking there. I asked for him to keep in touch and text me when he got there–he didnt. He texted this am to wish me good luck at work. Around noon I texted him that I hope he was doing ok and I said I was busy but I love him. He hasn’t said anything all day. I texted hi and I wanted to tell him about my new work. He hasn’t texted back. The details seemed screwy, his family isn’t there, It’s not a place that he lived in but supposedly he’s staying with his cousin? Anyways, I’m trying to have empathy but I just don’t understand this whole thing. I get it, death is awful…but all these weird details just don’t add up. Am I overthinking? Why do I feel so off about this trip?

    #943808 Reply
    Ewa

    i think he might be on holiday with someone else…

    #943809 Reply
    Kara

    Last night he said he didn’t have time to talk about my day when I told him I wanted to tell him about my first day of work. I said ok I love you. He said nothing back. I said it would mean a lot to me while he is away for him to say I love you too. Nothing in response.

    #943810 Reply
    Kara

    I had a weird feeling, so I looked on Bumble where we met. It shows his current location is Los Angeles. He’s supposed to be back east. Do I believe bumble?

    #943811 Reply
    Kara

    I just asked him how is it back East? Is it cold? Location says he’s in Los Angeles. What do I do? No comment since last night after I said while he’s away it would mean a lot to me if he said I love you too. I feel like that’s not being needy, I have been in relationships where I haven’t vocalized things I need. Now I see his location is in a whole different place per Bumble. Los Angeles vs back east. I said “how is it back east? Is it cold?” I want to see how deep he goes in this lie

    #943812 Reply
    Gaia

    Ditch this guy and move on. Too many things are not adding up. He’s not saying it back. He’s not worth your time. He’s most likely playing the field still or traveling solo. Don’t keep reaching out. Pull way, way, way back and enjoy your life without him.

    #943813 Reply
    Raven

    Super sketchy!

    #943814 Reply
    Maddie

    You’ve only been dating 3 months. This is usually when people decide if they want to commit to a relationship. Sounds like you have enough doubt to know you don’t want to commit to being with this guy yet. While it sucks to feel like you’re falling in love and then realize maybe you don’t know this person well enough yet, better to know that before you get in deeper. I’d stop reaching out for now. Why do you want a guy who you don’t think you can trust? I also haven’t heard of dating apps having the wrong locations UNLESS he hasn’t logged in since the last time he was in Los Angeles. Which, if you’re serious together, maybe is what happened and he’s not logging in anymore? If that’s the case, then you are overreacting, but I’d still wait until he’s back to hash things out. Trying to figure it out over text and stalking apps just leaves room for miscommunication and anxiety.

    #943815 Reply
    AngieBaby

    Trust your gut.

    Maddie is right. The three month mark is where it either flies or flops and most of the time it’s a flop. This whole thing sounds really suspicious. However, there may be an explanation. Just leave him alone, let him contact you. He’ll either ghost or explain himself. I’m sorry, this must be nerve-wracking.

    #943816 Reply
    Kara

    Still no word today. My first instinct is to blow it all up. Send the screenshot that says he’s in Los Angeles and ask why he is lying to me. I’m going out with my gfs from my old job tonight and it’s going to take every ounce of my resolve to not send something like “wtf?? You are back east?”

    Earlier I asked him if it was cold back east, no response. I said how is it going? Hope he’s doing well! No response. He was on ig 2 hours ago. Not sure how he can explain this away.

    #943817 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    I wouldn’t send a screenshot. I wouldn’t do anything. You’ll look like a stalker if you start sending screenshots of his Bumble profile (the fact that he hasn’t deleted his Bumble profile says a lot). I’d stop contacting him at all, just go completely silent. You’ve sent him multiple messages and he’s ignoring you. Take the hint. This dude is a lost cause. No man who cares about you would ignore you like this.

    #943821 Reply
    Kara

    I said I was upset and thought we were going to talk to each other. Nothing. So I did send the screenshot. Guess it’s done

    #943822 Reply
    AngieBaby

    Whatever you do Kara, DO NOT send him one more text. That means don’t start drinking with your friends and decide to tell him off, teach him a lesson, etc. When you go all cray-cray he will just think he was totally right to get away from you and feel justified. He will not feel guilty or bad, not one ounce.

    This man doesn’t love you. Liz is right. Men who love you, care for you, value you do not behave like this for any reason, ever. Remember that. This is a valuable lesson.

    You shouldn’t have to ask someone to tell you he loves you while he’s away.

    I’m sure your gut is right – he’s with someone else.

    If you need to write down everything you’d like to say to him and then burn the paper, that would be a good way to get it out of your system.

    He’s probably not going to contact you again. At some point when you’re calmed down you could send a short text or email saying,” I don’t know what happened here but I deserved to have been told you wanted to break up instead of you just disappearing. Disrespectful and cowardly. Please don’t contact me again for any reason.” And then you block him everywhere, process with your anger and pain and move on and forget him.

    Why send this text ? Two reasons. One. He does deserve to be called out on his behavior in a straightforward way. Two. When they fade away like this, they often come back with lame excuses and try to worm their way back in to dating you. You’ve closed the door to that completely with this message. If for any reason he does contact you in the future, stone cold ignore him. You’re totally done.

    #943823 Reply
    AngieBaby

    Oh well. Never mind what I just said, I was typing while you were posting.

    #943825 Reply
    Kara

    I know silence of the pen and mouth is best. But I felt like I was being muted for no reason and lied to. I wanted to let him know I knew. And he never said anything in response. I don’t plan on having any more communication with him

    #943826 Reply
    Kara

    Angie Baby,
    He didn’t deserve to see how I knew he was lying. But he could have said anything if he cared. Saying I love you is cheap when you make no effort. Not even saying how is the new job? Etc. so yeah, I ended it I think. If he contacts me I’m going to say what you said. I’m never going to not listen to my gut again. I didn’t need to send the screenshot but I did. I don’t regret it at this point. Elaborate lies are too much to come back from. I’m not push/pull anymore I’ve done that before. Now I’m going to focus on my move at the end of the month and also learn my new job.

    #943827 Reply
    Kara

    What else is left to do but recollect myself and push forward. It was literally the second day at my job and this anxiety was way too much. I have a huge learning curve with my new job. I’m just not going to date for a while. This was too much anxiety and having other anxiety-inducing things at the same time is too much for me. I could see if he never had done something like this again—disappeared-I might have listened to him. But I know too much.

    #943829 Reply
    AngieBaby

    Just giving my two cents based on what I can gather what you’re written. Your life, you know best. Sounds like you handled just right. I’m glad you are going to focus on your job, this guy is definitely not worth any more of your time.

    #943833 Reply
    Kara

    Still hasn’t said anything since Thurs. I plan to not even say anything if he contacts me. People who say I love you a week ago and go silent, wrong location, no I love your toos. I don’t need to ever write him again. He basically dumped me by default and he was caught in a multi layer lie. It’s not my job at this point to give reasons

    #943834 Reply
    Tallspicy

    The biggest red flag is that you are both still on bumble. Weird.

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