5 Signs He’s Not The One post image

5 Signs He’s Not The One

The most difficult relationship skill is recognizing when something isn’t working and summoning the strength to walk away. Love isn’t enough to ensure a relationship stands the test of time. Two people can love each other very much and still not be right for one another. We’d all like to believe that all you need is love, but the truth is, it’s a lot more complicated than that.

If a lasting, committed relationship is what you want, you need to be able to recognize the warning signs that indicate a relationship isn’t built to last.

Here are the top five signs that he isn’t the one:

Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Are You In A Toxic Relationship?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Are You In A Toxic Relationship” Quiz right now and find out if your relationship is toxic (and what to do about it)…

Does he blame you for his own negative emotions/moods (which then causes you to walk on eggshells because he might be upset)?

1. You Don’t Trust Him

Without trust, there is no relationship. Period. In a good, strong, healthy relationship you feel at ease. You feel safe. You feel secure. You do not feel constantly panicked and on edge, always anticipating the proverbial other shoe to drop.

If you don’t believe the things he tells you or are always questioning his motives and his whereabouts, there is something majorly amiss. You can’t spend your life constantly on the lookout, that’s just exhausting.

Sometimes a lack of trust develops because of something substantial. Maybe he cheated, maybe you caught him in a few too many lies. And sometimes it’s something that lingers in the pit of your gut. Even though you can’t quantify the reason, you just don’t feel like you can trust this person. Either way, it’s a big red flag and a major sign that your relationship isn’t going to last.

If he cheated or lied to you, then you’ll have to be honest with yourself in deciding if you can truly move past it and if you really, genuinely believe that he’ll never do the same thing again. If you can’t get to that place, then there isn’t much point in sticking it out. You’re just setting yourself up for a situation where you will always feel paranoid and insecure. Relationships are supposed to bring out your best, not your worst.

If you can’t quite pinpoint the reason for your trust issues, you should listen to your gut. Our gut instincts can be incredibly powerful. Just make sure you aren’t projecting your own insecurities onto him and aren’t making him pay for the sins of cheating/lying ex boyfriends past.

MORE: How To Know If He’s The One

2. No Depth of Connection
Sexual chemistry is great and is definitely important, but that alone can’t sustain a relationship. An amazing sex life is only one piece of the puzzle and yet for a lot of couples, it’s the only leg the relationship has to stand on. I know so, so many women who got so engulfed by the intoxicating chemistry they experienced with their partner that they overlooked every sign that clearly showed he wasn’t the one.

For a relationship to last, you need to have depth of connection. You need to know your partner intimately and this goes way beyond his bedroom skills. You need to know who he is, what he wants out of life, what his hopes, dreams, and fears are. You need to connect to each other in an honest, unguarded way.

Each person is comprised of many layers. In our lives, some people see the surface layer, a select few see what lies beneath the exterior, and very few see straight to the core. Your life partner should be in the last group.

Knowing the basics about someone isn’t knowing who they are. If you know the same things about your guy as most of the other people in his life then you don’t have much depth of connection.

MORE: 4 Rules to Have A Successful Relationship

This issue is one that can be fixed. Try to make an effort to connect with him in a real way. If he resists, or you still don’t feel like you guys are connecting in a significant way, then it means he’s probably not that invested in your or the relationship. Or maybe you’re just not the right fit for one another.

Attraction and sexual chemistry are never enough to sustain a relationship. If that’s all you have it’s fine, but you might want to move on if you’re serious about finding the one.

3. He Brings Out Your Worst
As I said earlier, relationships are supposed to bring out your best. The sad fact is, a lot of women end up shackled to relationships that bring out their worst.

Sometimes you might not even recognize the person that your relationship has turned you into. That was definitely the case for me many years back before I knew any better. I made the same mistake countless women make. I got so caught up in my feelings for the guy, that I overlooked the fact that I didn’t really like myself all that much when I was around him.

Throughout the course of our one year relationship, I was unrecognizable from my previous confident, happy, positive self. Instead I felt insecure, panicked, anxious, and perpetually on edge. I couldn’t let go though because of my strong feelings for him. Those feelings locked me in a tight grip and it was only when the relationship inevitably imploded that I was able to see just how toxic the situation truly was.

It wasn’t that he was a bad guy, he was just bad for me. It’s a fact that would have saved me years of heartache had I realized it sooner.

The point is, a relationship should lift you higher, it shouldn’t drag you down. It should help you reach your potential and become the best version of yourself. Of course relationships can’t be all sunshine and roses all the time. They take patience and work. However, no amount of work can salvage a toxic relationship.

MORE: Am I In A Toxic Relationship?

4.  No Common Values
In order to successfully share your life with someone, your fundamental values must be in alignment. Love does not in fact conquer all. If you are not fundamentally compatible, you will face major hurdles ahead.

Everyone’s values are different. For some, their values will be rooted in religion. Other people value a strong work ethic, some value a commitment to a healthy lifestyle. It may sound trivial, but I’ve seen very serious, long-term relationships end because one person couldn’t deal with the other’s lack of ambition or motivation.

If his values oppose your own, then this relationship is either going to be fraught with turmoil or you’ll have to make some serious compromises.

5. Lack of Respect
Respect is the most overlooked element when it comes to making a relationship work, but it’s one of the most essential. If you’re going to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship, you must respect your partner and he must respect you.

MORE: How to Have a Healthy Relationship

Respect is huge for guys. In fact, I’d say it’s the number one thing men want out of their relationship (for women it’s love). A man needs to feel like the man, he needs to feel respected. If you don’t respect him or the way he lives his life, he will resent you and will not want to be with you long term.

At the same time, you need to be with a partner who will respect you. This means he respects you as a person, respects your beliefs, respects you aspiration, and especially, your boundaries.

Eye rolling has actually been shown to be a big predictor of divorce and it’s no surprise…it’s a clear sign that a partner doesn’t respect his spouse!

I hope this article gave you clarity to see if your man is the right guy for you. Knowing when to walk away is one of the most important relationship skills. But there are two more things you need to be aware of. The first is that at some point In your relationship, your man will start to pull away. You may notice him becoming more distant and less engaged. It seems like he’s losing interest in you and you worry that soon he’s going to just leave. Do you know what to do to get things back on track? If not, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

The next issue arises at that inevitable point when the man asks himself: Do I want to commit to this woman for the long term? The answer will determine everything. Do you know what makes a man see a woman as girlfriend/wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to commit? If not, you need to read this too: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Are You In A Toxic Relationship?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Are You In A Toxic Relationship” Quiz right now and find out if your relationship is toxic (and what to do about it)…

Does he blame you for his own negative emotions/moods (which then causes you to walk on eggshells because he might be upset)?

In summary…

These Are the Top 5 Signs He’s Not The One:

  1. You don’t trust him.
  2. There is no depth of connection
  3. He brings out the worst in your
  4. You don’t have shared values
  5. You don’t respect one another

Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

18 comments… add one

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My ex was weird he would only have sex with me like once every other week and stay at the gym work out a lot ..very secretive never had a serious relationship.. never would complement me .. what made want him he looks good and was very kind .. I even thought he could be low key homosexual.. he. Would have a hard time expressing him self with words or show emotions.. I’m not longer with him .. now im not with him he wants to have sex with me smh. Ugh im good though he was the weirdest guy I ever dated

Reply October 27, 2021, 5:49 pm


I’m a mom of 6 children.I have been with their father for 17years mind you I’m only 34 years old….Within the relationship he has had 2 other kids that aren’t ours together.We’re married,I love our kids plus his but I am no longer in love nor in like with him…We don’t communicate.Hardly ever speak or share thoughts and we live in the same house moreover sleeps in the same bed…I dont like touching looking nor being around him.Should I stay or should I go I often ask myself…HELP!

Reply September 3, 2019, 4:04 pm


I’ve been friends with a guy for long and unknowingly I fell in love with him.I couldn’t hide my feelings and so I spoke to him about it.He likes me a lot,we spend a lot of time together, we kiss most of the times.The problem is he says he sees me as a sister/sibling yet he does everything that needs to be done in a relationship as a man.Am confused.should I move on or continue loving him.he’s just the perfect guy I wished for

Reply July 24, 2017, 7:04 am

Akua Bempomaah

I really want to know the signs If a guy truly loves you

Reply July 22, 2017, 4:09 pm


gainer et sa clique derreire du banc continu encore a rire du monde il prend les amateur pour des valise ,i joue sa derniere carte sil fait pas les series il sont tous dehors ,lil ont perdu le controle de cettes équipe .

Reply March 9, 2017, 12:50 am


My boyfriend is angry with me he said I denied him nd hv apologize but he refuses pls wat will I do I need an answer fast

Reply March 7, 2017, 11:02 am

Kendall H

There’s this guy. And I think I like him. He’s confident, he’s got balls (meaning like the gut to do things), he warns me about guys he thinks I’m into, and is very protective of me, but one major problem. I don’t trust him. Sort of can’t trust him. Should I just walk away now and leave it at friends?

Reply July 16, 2016, 2:17 am

Kendall H

*Correction he warns me about guys I’m into that have done bad things for instance, I was sorta into his brother and he told my BFF to tell me don’t go around with him because he’s trouble. Also one more question, is he just trying to get in my pants and Hu if I told him I like him and he didn’t say anything back but asked to hook up?

Reply July 16, 2016, 2:22 am


I reunited with an old friend of 20 yrs.

We lived in the same surrounding city and run into each other at bars. No chemistry on my end.
I left to work in another state. He happened to be the best man @ my sister’s wedding & I the maid of honor, nice to see him again. My surprise, he came along with my sister and husband the following year, for my dad’s second wedding. Again great to see him.
18 yrs. have gone by…was in an accident. Off work for 2 years. Difficult makin’ it on disability check.
Saw this guy on Facebook.
He would come and see me in Rochester and I would drive to Iowa to see him. After 3 short months he thought it would be best if I would move down to Iowa with him.
Sure, why not! My life is a mess…let’s just make it messier.
I had a job lined up, but during unloading the moving truck I was attacked by a rottweiler. Bit my upper left thigh ad would not let go. Stitches,antibiotics available anD res

Reply February 23, 2016, 1:37 am


I love him wgoleheartedly..but he seems like dont care at all..and he is giving exam as an excuse..we only contact each other like twice a month…what should I do..?????????????????

Reply February 11, 2016, 9:19 am


Hi there

My ex and I recently split up due to our lack of communication. I want to fix things. However, im afraid no contact will make him forget about me.

Reply February 10, 2016, 12:13 pm


So I e been dating this guy for 10 months and at first things were cool but after spending a lot of time together I realized he was being controlling he didn’t like how I flipped my hair or smiled he said I was too friendly and I needed to change because I had a starring problem cus guys will think I’m checking the out so I changed because I cared for him and those things weren’t true and I wanted to prove him wrong but recently he ask d if he could borrow my car cus he didn’t have a ride to work and I had to ask my co worker for a ride home (we already live togther) and going down the street I see him I the car crushing it with his friend when I confronted him about it he was acting as if I blew things out of proportion and blamed that it was my fault for getting him mad and that’s the reason he did that but I feel like I’m always wondering what he’s doing or always questioning his actions and I don’t feel appreciated I truly feel that I need to break it off but then again I feel like I don’t have a good reason although we have had a lot of drama on obit 10 months ????

Reply October 15, 2015, 2:07 am


My boyfriend and I have stop texting for a while because he want to focus on his exam. He said he will be busy for a month so I respect his privacy and career. But now I’m upset because it’s already 3 weeks I didnt hear anything from him. Just say hi would be enough but he totally ignore me. The last time I texted him, he just read but not reply. Should I start the conversation first since I’m worrying about his safety or just let him text first. All my friends said he did not care about me and I should let him go since he is not serious with me. Is it the right thing to do?

Reply September 22, 2015, 6:49 am


If a man hasn’t contacted you in a month then you need to move on. Even when I was deployed in the military I always found a way to contact my lover. The guys who didn’t were the ones that were cheating. No person, male or female, ignores the one they love if they can avoid it.

Reply January 27, 2016, 9:08 am


I agree Alonzo. When a guy is really into you, he will definitely want contact. I’m currently going through that right now. We used to text from morning to night. For the past two to three weeks the texting is mostly me. For two days now I haven’t heard from him. Deep down I’m still hoping we can continue to see each other. I feel his emotions might be shallow and off to the next woman he goes. Just when I thought I found the best catch out there.

Reply February 3, 2017, 1:17 am


like this

Reply September 8, 2015, 10:15 am


so this guy i havent seen in person yet but we are getting to know eachother he hasnt txt or called me back when he left the gym why hasnt he done that yet??

Reply March 3, 2014, 3:27 pm

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