5 Signs He’s Not That Into You post image

5 Signs He’s Not That Into You

There is nothing more exasperating in the world of dating than a guy who seems really interested, but then also maybe not…but then yes…but no again. I’ve been there, and I know most of you have based on the comments and e-mails we receive.

When a guy really likes you, it’s usually pretty obvious. So too when a guy doesn’t like you. The uncertainty usually runs rampant if a guy seems to fall somewhere in between.

He disappears for days at a time and then texts you the sweetest message you’ve ever received. He says he really cares about you, but doesn’t really act like it. And while you’re on this topsy-turvy ride, all you want to know is does this guy like me or not?! You see, a guy can be somewhat interested, but not into it. Instead of seeing it for what it is, women make up excuses and justifications to rationalize the bad behavior away. They say he’s sending mixed messages or playing games or is afraid of getting hurt.

Ladies, my many years of dating and writing about dating have taught me one thing: there are no mixed messages. Either he’s into you or he’s not.

Here are five tell-tale signs that he’s not:

1. He doesn’t ask you about yourself or your life

If a guy shows no interest or excitement over finding out who you are, it’s not a good sign. I dated a guy like this once and it was the strangest thing. He literally asked me nothing about myself! And when I offered up pieces of information it didn’t even register. When I told him I write about relationships for a living there wasn’t even a flicker or intrigue (I mean, I know I’m not curing cancer here but come on!).

When we like someone, we can’t get enough. We want to know every story, every detail. When I was single, my litmus test in determining how much I liked a guy was how much I want to know about him (it was a good test because with my husband, I couldn’t get enough and even after our 7-hour long first date there was so much more I was dying to know!).

If after a date I felt satisfied and literally didn’t have any questions I felt were left unanswered, I would move on to the next. So basically the takeaway is if a guy shows no interest in your life, your hobbies, what you enjoy, etc., he’s really just not all that interested in you.

QUIZ: Is He Losing Interest In You?

2. He doesn’t reveal things about himself.

On the other side of the coin, if a guy doesn’t tell you anything about himself, it also means he’s not really feeling it. When we share information about ourselves with someone, we are investing in them. We are inviting them into our world because we see the potential for them to become a part of it. When a guy sees no such potential, he’ll offer up the bare minimum. You’ll get the basics: where he’s from, where he went to school, how he got into such and such line of work ….all the things you can just as easily find out on Facebook and Linkedin.

If a guy is into you, he will open up and will peel back that outer layer. He might not necessarily bring out all the skeletons in his closet to play, but he will share information that is more real. There is a big difference between knowing about someone and knowing someone.

MORE: 11 Undeniable Signs He Is In Love With You

3. Waits too long to set up the next date

If you go out with a guy and he makes no indication of ever wanting to see you again, or he waits a few days to call (it’s one thing to do this after the first date, quite another to keep doing it after the second, third, or fourth), it means he’s on the fence about you and isn’t really feeling it.

Why does he continue asking you out? Probably because he has nothing else on the horizon and … why not? If a guy is into you, he’ll make it known that he wants another date. He might mention other date ideas he has for the two of you (he’ll find a way to slide it in there, like you say you love Indian food and him being like “I know a great Indian restaurant I’ll take you to next time”), or he’ll flat out tell you he wants to see you again.

And in between dates he’ll stay in touch, he’ll keep you in the loop, he’ll reach out just to say hi or send you something silly because when you like someone, you think about them a lot, and when you think about them, you want to reach out to them.

If his calls or texts are few and far between, he isn’t interested enough to have anything beyond whatever it is you have right now.

MORE: 5 Tell-tale Signs He Likes You

4. He gives you excuses about why he didn’t call

He’s busy, he’s stressed at work, he has a million things going on, blah blah blah. If he’s into you, it doesn’t matter how busy he is, he’ll take 30 of the 86,400 seconds in a day to reach out to you, even if it’s just to send a quick text.

A guy pulling out the excuses early on is always a bad omen.  There’s no stability or certainty in the beginning of a relationships. For all he knows you have a line of guys waiting for their shot with you. If he’s into you, he won’t risk some other guy snatching you up while he was “too busy” working on a project.

Another bad sign is if he doesn’t call when he says he will.

If a guy says he’ll call you tomorrow and then doesn’t call until two or three days later, it means you’re just not a priority to him and he’s neither here nor there with the relationship. If you wanna go out with him again, great. If you start dating someone else, whatever. If a guy is into you, he’ll call when he says he will.

Looking back on my own extensive dating history, the guys who called when they said they would were the ones who were serious and very into me. And things never lasted more than three dates with the guys who made me sweat it out. When a guy likes you, he’ll bring his A-game. Men are competitive by nature. No guy is gonna let a girl he likes get snatched up by some other dude.

5. You can’t tell if he’s interested.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, when a guy likes you, it’s obvious…as in no secret codes or hidden clues to uncover. If you have a suspicion that he’s not feeling it, it’s probably because he isn’t (I recommend you read my article on the importance of trusting your gut for more on this). What women call “mixed messages” is actually one very clear message: he doesn’t want to be with you. He may want to hang out with you, he may want to hook up with you, but that is not the same as being with you.

I know this one is the hardest to digest and you’ll probably fight it with all your might and think that your own insecurities are the reason you suspect he’s not interested….and not the fact that he might actually not be interested.

If a guy wants you, you’ll know it. He won’t make it a mystery, he won’t try to confuse you. In fact, he’ll do the opposite, he’ll make it clear as day that he’s interested so as not to risk losing you.

I hope this article helped you figure out where he stands. Before you make any decisions, you need to be aware of two key moments in every relationship that will determine if it lasts, or if you get your heart broken. At some point, a guy will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit to for the long term? The answer will determine everything. Do you know what makes a man decide that a woman is girlfriend material, as opposed to just a fling? Do you know what makes a man want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

The second relationship issue almost every woman will face is when he seems to lose interest and starts to withdraw. He doesn’t text back, he is less attentive, and something is just off. He seems like he’s pulling away and you might lose him completely— do you know what to do about it? If not, read this right now If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

Got more signs a guy isn’t interested? Tell us what you got in comments!

These Are the Signs a Guy Is Not Into You:

  1. He doesn’t ask you about yourself or your life
  2. He doesn’t reveal things about himself.
  3. Waits too long to set up the next date
  4. He gives you excuses about why he didn’t call.
  5. You can’t tell if he’s interested.

Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

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Hiii thank you so much for this well-written and very clear article. Unfortunately, I’m still doubting…the thi ng is to start with, I’m not very open to the idea of relationships and I’ve always thought myself as not datable and relationship-material. Then out of nowhere, this guy whom I thought was going to reject me says he is willing to go on a “date” with me and we start seeing each other. I know it’s been only a week, but I feel already very attached to him and he says the same (he said it spontaneously, I didnt ask). So I glossed over the fact that I’m the one always writing to him and that I’m the one always initiating the dates (ok we’ve only been on 2 lol) etc… he doesn’t initiate anything. And now, I just learned that he was interested in dating my really good friend, barely two weeks ago, and he kept asking her out. He wasn’t the one to tell me, she was. And now, I’m just afraid that I’m his “rebound girl”; this girl he’s seeing who puts a lot of effort in the “relationship” so he doesn’t have to and who is his consolation for having been shot down twice by another girl
Plus, he said to that girl (my friend) that he would tell me about it (him asking her out) but he still hasn’t…
I’m very new to all this, and am kinda confused to be honest
But one thing is sure: I need to know if he isn’t interested or if I’m just paranoid because I really dont want to stay stuck in a one-sided relationship
Sorry, my comment is super long but I would very much enjoy your brutal honest opinions and advice :)

Reply July 27, 2021, 3:40 am


Thanks for addressing this difficult topic. Recently went through this where he was consistent about wanting to see me but it was always for very limited amounts of time, and never on weekends. In the end I ended it because my pride could not understand why after 1.5 months of dating he wasn’t letting me in to his life, and figured that he liked me well enough and loved the sex but didn’t see me as relationship potential. Kind of an overall, big picture assessment, and had to rely on my gut instinct, which is never wrong. Nonetheless a very distressing situation because I really dug him and I knew he really dug me too, on some level.

Reply March 29, 2019, 12:34 am


so there is a guy in my cca class and we talk a lot. but one day he told me about how he thought he saw me in the hall but it wasn’t me. and he thought to himself that no that’s not her, she doesn’t look like that. and he jokes around with me a lot and looks to see if I laugh at his jokes which I do. and he touches me sometimes usually on the arm. does he like me? because I like him and it has been driving me crazy!

Reply December 13, 2018, 10:04 pm


A guy really really doesn’t like you when he is always stepping on your buttons. I had this one ex who constantly did the things I specifically asked him not to do and I ended up dumping him for one of these such things! texting when he could be with you, not introducing you to people he is talking to and flirting right under your nose, talking to girls on the phone 24/7 and telling them he loved them and blah blah blah….horrible so not worth it!!! Never stop standing up for yourself!

Reply August 19, 2017, 12:20 am


i dont know what to do like i’m thinking, like should i go up to him and tell him how i feel because everyday i wanted to but i was to nervous and i ask for advice but no one helped me so i had to do it my self but i didnt do to face to face so instead i texted him on messenger and i said to him that i liked him and when he seen it he never replied back and i dont know if ignored it or if he just froze and had nothing to say and i am really bad at reading body language and the internet isnt helping. sorry but it’s true

Reply July 10, 2017, 11:19 pm


i was meant to say thet in the the text i dont know if he ignored it

Reply July 10, 2017, 11:21 pm


i have a crush on this guy in my class and everytime i see him we would always stare. so i text him on facebook and i ask him why do you stare at me alot and he lied to me and said that he was staring at this other girl but there was no one behind me only the wall and i dont know if he like me or not

Reply July 10, 2017, 11:10 pm

Kimberlee mallett

These articles are kind of helping on a scale of 1-10 10 being the worse. It’s an 7. I mean ik they say people my age are too young to be dating well in my school 9th graders are pregnant and dating. The reason this isn’t really helping is because this experience I’m actually going through right now. I like/have a big crush on my friend named Henry. Every One tells me I’m pressuring him to date him when it was our classmate Ryan. So Henry cares and acts like a boyfriend around me (does my hair, gives me the boy eyebrow, asks me to every dance/prom, calls me beautiful and his girlfriend). Then when someone asks if he likes me, he will say oooh yeah I do Kim’s gorgeous and mine. Yet every time I ask he says something different like I’m not ready or idk what a relationship is but when he’s home he’ll speak of me non stop. It’s also cause his parents embarrass him. So I am trying to do all these tips it’s showing up above but idk what else if anyone has any advice cause I don’t want to get blamed for pushing Henry and I don’t want the parents to come on the date I want the final story I love him i mean I’m only 17

Reply June 25, 2017, 1:00 pm

Tia walker

I’m speaking to this guy who is in the army but I’m not sure if he real because he in the uk for training

Reply May 5, 2017, 11:35 am

Lynn Killingsworth

I like a guy and I thought he liked me to because at every football game he would wait for me and everytime he saw me his eyes lit up like his whole world came alive..I often catch him staring at me when I hang out with my other friends…He just stares at me and smiles..So one day I decided I should tell my feelings for him..And it didn’t go so well…he rejected me and left me heart broken =/

Reply March 11, 2017, 10:16 pm


I understand that people just don’t stop dating other people when they first meet someone. Supposedly, they would stop dating and looking after they realize they met someone special. So we’ve been seeing each other for about 7 months. He says we’ve been exclusive and that he hasn’t dated anyone shortly after we met. I have a hard time trusting him. I think mostly because although he has been nice and attentive and sweet and generous and affectionate, he never indicated any commitment. We do share a lot of quality time and talks and enjoy being with each other immensely. He was always in touch, always call or text, tell me where he is and who he is with. That’s about it. No talks of commitment. Should I take it as a sign? He is very verbal and conversive. Makes me think if that was what he was aiming for, he would pronounce what he wants. That’s another reason why I don’t think he is committed to this relationship. Just planning to spend time with me. Couple times a week, weekends, holidays, get always, but never verbally say anything indicating whole hearted commitment. Don’t quite know how to take that. He doesn’t do any of the 5 above listed. What are you feeling??

Reply February 1, 2017, 4:36 am


Hi I’m lucinda.I’m really stuck in a simple situation and i hope you can help me..
I’ve attended a new school and it’s my first day…there’s this guy i know from that school…i’ve known him for months now but he’s just started to know me…and he chatted with me yesterday on the phone for so many hours..i’m on the road to success and i’m searching for my true love…i don’t want to the liking material..i think i might be in love with him coz it’s been months that i’ve been serious about him…i don’t think he likes me or not…but i think he does..i want it to be love but i just don’t know how to find out and my career is also in the way…i’m confused and stuck..please help me

Reply January 6, 2017, 8:50 am

Erika Forrester

Exactly how it happened with my ex boyfriend. He can’t hold a conversation, he doesn’t talk about himself, he doesn’t ask me anything, or anything! Got me frustrated for weeks. In the end we broke up after I rejected his invitation to go to a hotel. After 3 weeks of not seeing each other, he wants to sleep with me first and foremost. Of course, NOT.

Reply January 3, 2017, 1:56 am


I met a guy and he was interested. We kissed a few times and he wouldn’t leave my side. When I got home I already had a text from him. We texted a little bit and he said he wanted to see me again soon. I didn’t receive another text so I texted him a couple days later and I’m left with no answer. What the heck happened?

Reply January 2, 2017, 12:52 pm


A lot of these don’t necessarily apply if they’re already taken. Then, if they like you too, you will get mixed messages and what not.

Reply November 28, 2016, 7:37 pm


He’s doesn’t talk to u as much he won’t have much time to listen to u

Reply October 9, 2016, 5:59 pm


I have this boyfriend the we’ve been together for so long……. He do insults and ignore me… But will still come back and apologize
I don’t really understand him anymore…….. He hurts me anyhow he likes
But I do endure it cos of the love I have for him…….
But now everything is worst…….. Am confused and fed up
I need advice on what to do
Maybe to stay back or forget about him


Reply September 19, 2016, 2:23 pm


Hey yetunde, from a guy’s perspective, you should utterly and completely leave that guy. Sorry for replying late, but it seems like you are in a massive situation. For your mental physical health and wellbeing, leave him. Raise your standards to past where he is at, trust me, there is another guy out there that ticks all those boxes. Always imagine if you were actually married. This helps because you can easily gauge if you’d be able to put up with him for the rest of your life.
Hope this helped!! :)

Reply April 2, 2020, 1:50 am


My boyfriend and I have been together for a year.. and out of no where he says that he’s not happy anymore and that he doesn’t want to be with me… but 2 days later he’s cuddling me.. an I told him how I felt and now he’s acting like we are fine and that we are a couple. But he still has it on Facebook as single and he deleted all our pictures.. he changed his password on his phone… we live together and I don’t know what to do…

Reply September 19, 2016, 1:40 pm


LEAVE!!!! NOW it will turn into an abusive relationship because he doesnt love you, trust me pack up and leave now.You will be hurt later if you dont

Reply October 25, 2016, 9:32 am

Caroline Njeri

I have this guy he is my teacher and also my work pettener I feel like he likes me am not good with relationship every relationship fall so how do I know he is the guy who like me as a friend all he wants something more than a friendship when we are in class he looks at me, he likes to tell me to do things more than my school mate if I call him and he is busy he answers and tell me he will call back and he always call know matter what is the time so my question is does he likes me

Reply September 17, 2016, 3:11 am


okay there is someone in my past who asked me out. I was on my vacation when I met him and he made the first move. he texted me first.. he was known for being playboy but at that time it doesnt matter to me i thought i was just attracted to him because hes a hunk, then when i was on my way going back to my country home he texted me that he really likes me alot and he’s willing to wait i was touched at that time thinking he was changing, after a weeks hes sweet but after a month i the signs above but keeps on telling me how much he likes me.. i was so stupid.. i didnt even realize that he doesnt like me at the first place.. its been year and a half, and i saw him half year ago saying sorry and beg for one more chance, thank God i was thinking straight and rejected him in his face…

Reply August 15, 2016, 2:44 am


I have to admit, this article is very true. Men who like you will not keep you quessing and will genuinely bond with you on any level (throughout your best or worst). The age of the “loving f@ck boy should cease. (Kind of guy who is indiscreet about his sexual intentions..but cant hold an intelligent conversation unless it is to flirt his way onto a bed with you). Truth be told they come in every age, shape and relationship status..unfortunately (married too). I agree! Men who interest in you obviously show by their behavior and respect.

Reply August 2, 2016, 6:49 am


I have been rejected so many times that it’s hard to tell if a guy likes me or not sometimes they pretend like they do but they really don’t I want a guy that will not cheat on me , respect me, not judge me if my past, take care of me , make me feel better about my self, and knows that it’s hard for me to love myself but then will still love me no matter what I say or do

Reply June 29, 2016, 6:47 pm


What if the guy tells u about his life and asks about yours but u guys r not dating u just text each other and you r afraid he will reject u

Reply June 29, 2016, 6:42 pm


I like this guy but feel like he is into me and then he acts like he isn’t…. I am not looking for a relationship but wanted to feel wanted and I feel confused… I know he got hurt before and he said he doesn’t know how to open up again and I don’t know how to take that.. because its been years since he been with someone… I don’t know what to do

Reply March 28, 2016, 2:34 pm


Okay this is the very first time I haven’t been able to tell whether or not a guy likes me. My gut instinct is usually right but I don’t know this time at all. I work with him and he is always the one initiating the conversation. He’s always asking questions about myself and always telling me about himself. I always catch him looking at me and he has told me things like “you make me nervous” and he’s always joking around with me too. But one night he was saying how he was going to go see this movie and I day how I haven’t seen it and I’d like to, but he doesn’t say anything to that. He doesn’t invite me or anything. Later on he does though say i should play this game with him, I’m not sure if he meant play online or go over to his house he wasn’t clear but before I could say anything he continues talking to his buddy. And the reason I’m confused is because he not only jokes around with me but he does so with the other women. They are married of course but its still confusing he acts the same way around me and them. Help me I’m going crazy.

Reply March 15, 2016, 3:25 am

Just a Girl

This past weekend, me and a guy had our first date, he suggested we go shopping for food, cook a meal together, eat, and hang out, which we did. He started kissing me in the kitchen and the affection and kissing continued on through the evening, before, during and after the meal…until he left. When his hands started wandering up my top, I stopped him. We continued to make out until he left. The next evening, he sent me this text, “Hey girl, I had a nice time last night, I think you’re a good person and that we coul be really good friends. I enjoyed your affection, it’s too early to tell if it’s a connection thing but we could try again sometime if you want.” I texted him that I had a great time. We texted back and forth the next day, he called and we talked for about an hour. Since then we’ve texted a couple of times, but he hasn’t asked me out again. How do I proceed with this, build sexual tension, and not get put in the friend zone? Does it sound like I’ve been put in the friend zone or does it appear that there is a lack of interest…don’t want to waste my time? Your thoughts?

Reply January 28, 2016, 5:58 pm


This will be long and I apologize… Just want to explain my entire confusion here:( I met a guy three years ago… the first 5 months was AMAZING!! He was everything I wanted in a guy. Then out of the blue after sex one night he said “I just don’t feel anything anymore.” So I was devastated but started dating soon after… I had met someone that I was interested in and all of a sudden the guy came back saying he was sorry and loved me. Well I took him back only to have to “prove” my faithfulness. After about a year of showing him I truly loved him and cared he never committed to me. He would never let me post on FB he always had many other female “friends” even tho he said it was all platonic. ( I never believed him) The last year and a half has been horrible… he stopped wanting any physical and never takes me out… but likes to keep me as a phone buddy. He says he is working on issues and wouldn’t keep talking to me if he didn’t care.
I found out he had a “stalker” over summer …. my thought was no girl will get obsessed unless he has physically or emotionally been with her. He told me he goes out for “innocent” drinks with others but yet won’t with me.
I just don’t understand why he wants to keep this “friendship” going if there’s not any interest. He is not getting any sexual thing out of this from me.
I realize that if he truly wanted to be with me he would want to actually see me:( We use to talk daily with good morning and good nights… now it will go two days between contact. Just hard because I truly care and emotionally have fallen in love with him. He does live an hour away but never was an issue at beginning. I’ve told him that if all he wants is a friendship to just tell me but he refuses… He says I’m pulling him in until I get unsettled and then he pulls away…. WELL HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO STAY SETTLED WHEN HE NEVER WANTS TO GO OUT SO WE CAN GET CLOSER… HE JUST CAUSES ME SO MUCH CONFUSION:(

Reply December 8, 2015, 12:05 pm

Taylor Beard

So, im not very experienced in the whole dating, getting to know a guy well. I have always wanted to being I’m a girl who can’t help but want a typical love story but every time i have picked a guy, they have been the wrong one for me. They are usually in it for sex or just to have someone when no one is around as a friend. I kinda just gave up until I met this guy. He was unlike anyone I have ever met or been with before. He has all the qualities that make me believe in good guys. He’s funny yet shy but also nice and understanding and easy to talk to, conversation between us was endless, I could talk to him for hours upon hours. We hung out a couple of times but nothing happen, we just talked and got to know each other and it was a really nice change.
Then all of the sudden, he stopped talking to me less, and less, and less till finally he didn’t talk to me anymore… I didn’t understand, I still don’t. I have been hurt in the past way too many times and I’m ready just to give up hope. I thought the connection that we had was real and i still want to hold on to it as we still talk on campus when we see each other. Am I crazy just to hold on or should I just finally let go and give up. Rejection has driven me to not want to find my happily ever after, even though I know I deserve it.

Reply December 4, 2015, 12:18 am


What if he shows interest in you and your life and reveals things about himself, but doesn’t want to call or ask for dates because we’re just friends after a six month break-up period. I recently got out of a seven year relationship where we had long distance relationship for five years and were only together for two years. Is it wrong to be friends when there is a brother and sister bond between exes since we still care and want the best for each other, but no feelings involved, however there is still an emotional connection and history there?

Reply November 28, 2015, 9:29 am



Reply November 26, 2015, 12:58 am


Okay, so I met this guy about a year and a half ago and there was a connection. I coincidentally met him again just recently and he admitted he’s felt the same, but then he said he really wanted to have sex with me but didn’t specify if he just wanted sex or a relationship. He calls me “beautiful” and “baby girl” but I don’t know what he really wants.

Reply November 25, 2015, 5:51 pm


ive known a guy for nearly 10 years we started off talking then after a few months we really fancied eachother ..we ended up haveing great sex and i mean we just exploded couldnt get enough of eachother i been seing him on and off i just cant work him out he says he thinks of me everyday but now i hardly hear from him so why does he always say he misses me and he really likes me and respects me its like hes playing games he wants me to go to see him but then changes his mind ..im really confused ..and he will poke me on facebook and sometimes send me a text whats going on help

Reply October 19, 2015, 7:19 pm


I meet this guy online 5 months a go at first I didn’t show any interest on home but he never give up he keep on sending sweet messages everyday whither I reply or not until at the 4th month I realized that I already like him as well so I ask him why he never give up even I ignore him many time and tell him am not interested. He said he really like me and all he is asking is to give him change and maybe we can meet in person after a few months because he is about to come on my place for his job. So I give him a chance and I focus on him we had fun getting to know each other, we have so much in common and I think we can get along very well even in person. But this past 2 weeks he started to change he started not to text me everyday or even not reply my messages and he is always has an excuse that he is busy or stress. Thats what makes me confused! ????

Reply August 18, 2015, 12:05 am


These 5 are so true. Once upon a time, I fell into a trap seeing a guy, who once didn’t come up to our last date. That really hurt, and I learned my lesson I guess. Since he is a childhood friend, he still communicates once in a while. But it is clear to me now that he is not just into me.

Reply July 29, 2015, 8:59 pm


You seem to be a nice person.In the past I was ( at least ) tried to be a nice/good girl but today no way..
If a guy, even if he was a childhood friend, did that with me without any explanation, I’d put him in my list of the deceased people and wouldn’t say even a “hi” or “goodbye” to him.

Reply July 30, 2015, 2:18 pm


As a guy, I can say that this article is 100% accurate. If your response is something like “I told him that if he wasn’t interested, just say so and I’ll move on, but he doesn’t say” or something to that extent, that is not going to happen.
The last part of this article is the most important. We guys are not that hard to figure out. If a guy is REALLY interested in you, you will know it.

Reply June 18, 2015, 9:36 pm

Anabela G.

Thank you Joe! Yeah guys are not that had to figure out, girls typically are! And wait is this website only for adults? And I agree with you, I am a young adult. And I have a guy friend whoI used to like, he seems interested in hanging out kinda. I used ask him twice, and now he can randomly text how we should hang out. at the same time, he doesn’t text me unless I text him “Hi” first. He came to my house for a pool party I had, and know him from church. I want to stay in the Friends Zone for now though. Because I’ve always wanted a true guy friend. I think it’s because he is bored, wants to hang out with friends this summer, & I am the easiest one to go for. Usally when I say “good morning”. He says ir back with an explnation ponit & a smily face, and he usally askes “what’s up”. He is a very nice guy, and i know him from church. We don’t really hang out at church though, my group of 3 people I hang with. Does not get along with the group of his 5 friends. He hangs with all guys, and me all gals. Zack and I are the only peopel from those groups at church who get along. And we have spoken over the phone for about an hour once before, it was kinda deep. And he says “he only texts, and does answer his phone”. Oh haha sure xD. Too Long? That wasn’t even all

Reply July 25, 2015, 9:04 pm


“Never treat someone like a priority when they treat you like an option.” Personally, I agree with that. I’m straight in general, if I’m not interested in a guy, I say it to him. I think this show more consideration , instead of simply illuding people. The only thing I regret about a guy I liked is wasting almost a year to figure out he was not interested. If he had just said it, I would move on without being hoping mad with me as I am now.

Reply July 30, 2015, 2:37 pm


So I really am not sure that any of the advice in this article is accurate for all men. All men are different. I know a lot of the above sounds good in theory, but then I can think of tons of exceptions where this doesn’t really jive.

Not showing interest in a woman’s life – Ok, some men are very nervous in early dating and talk too much. Some men who aren’t interested ask women lots of questions and seem interested but they are faking it.

He doesn’t reveal things – Once again, he might be nervous, he might be shy, he might feel he need to listen to the woman. I know men who freeze up around a woman they are interetsed in.

Waits too long to set up the next date – Well, some men set up the next date at the end of the date, but sometimes they just want casual and want to seem interested. And sometimes men overestimate their interest and ask then meet another woman and cancel. And sometimes men are busy and are dating slow. Some men think if they seem too interested they will scare a girl off.

You can’t tell if he’s interested – What if the woman gets nervous on dates and her perception is off. What if the guy is nervous and it comes accross as disinterest.

I know men who did all the things that would indicate he liked a woman and he really did not at least not enough. I know men who would fall into the category of not liking a woman but they really did like the woman.

I think at a certain point some of these things might be valid but early dating is full of too many uncertainties for formulas.

Reply June 1, 2015, 5:35 pm


I have a problem, i have met a guy online. We Both have been texting and a few phone calls. Though now phone calls have dimmed. We both had relationships but we are single now. Though we live in different states. Im not sure if im ready for the leap to meet him, out of fear. Fear that he will not want me and fear that it could be real Feelings Even. Though he wants me to travel to see him. Also I have kids, he says I am complicated..

Of late he has died off in message’s. I have backed off but im crushed he hasnt messaged me. Its been two days, and nothing from him. I dont want to give in and text but i think hes waiting for that because normally I do cave in.

He has said he likes me and my smile gets to him and he trys to hid from it. but he doesnt like to make something out to be more than what it is because well to him ‘im not real!’ he cant touch me so how can I be… whatever that means. Is he saying im too good to be true or does he really just think I was just a random fantasy thing he was trying out. Or is he freaking out as much as I am.

Just need an input.
Little lost.

Reply May 9, 2015, 3:10 am


I don’t know what my situation is probably bad like usual, got this guy at work that works in a different department catch him staring once in a while when I walk by made eye contact other day finally big smile and asked how I am doing today decided to talk to him on a smoke break think he’s shy, could tell he was nervous puffing very hard on his cigarette I could hear it had to initiate it when it was something about him he was responsive than when I talked about something else about not having car with me today at work finished his cigarette and excused himself politely and went back inside maybe I made a mistake approaching him just going to ignore him for a while wait and see confused probably not a good sign been to blunt or its just me

Reply May 2, 2015, 10:11 pm


I’m a guy. He is shy and got nervous and did not know how to keep the conversation going.
Next time you see him, make eye contact and smile. If he reacts positive, he is interested. If he looks away, folds his arms, or doesn’t smile, that is a bad sign in my view.

Reply June 18, 2015, 9:41 pm


Of all the 5 signs, my guy gives me only the 5th one. That is, everything tells me he is very interested, except of the fact that he says… he isn’t. He made it clear that he doesn’t want a relationship, but he looks like he is truly in love. Maybe that is because our situation and history is quite complicated. We’ve had an affair when he was married. Then he got divorced and he wanted to be with me. But I was in a relationship at that time myself, so I didn’t really give him any reply. And then he started to seeing someone else (not too seriously). We’ve met after few months, ended up in bed again, but he said that he doesn’t want a relationship (before having sex, I have to make that clear – he was honest with me). He says it is a really complicated moment in his life now and he is not for any relationship at the moment – with me or with the other girl that he’s been seeing (he claims he’s honest with her as well in that regard). So now… I am confused. Everything would be clear – no relationship, just sex and hanging out. But what confuses me is that not long ago he almost proposed to me. And he has this look in his eyes of a deeply in love guy. I really don’t know what to do with that. Will he commit? Are we just going to have sex from time to time? What the hell is going on between us? Is he really so confused or is he simply manipulating me? We are going to see each other soon and I am really not sure what to expect. Also, I don’t know if I should continue seeing him (having just sex is not the best for me, as I’m afraid I’ve already started to develop feelings for him.)

Reply April 22, 2015, 8:00 pm


I’m a guy. My guess is that he was hurt a lot and has trouble trusting.
You cheated with him, maybe he is worried you will cheat on him. More likely though, it is just a general ‘I can’t handle commitment involving trust because I was hurt’ thing.

Reply June 18, 2015, 9:44 pm

miss s

Also I really love him and I tell him at all times but all he says is hmm hmm iknw you all might think this is wrong but age is nothing to me than just numbers I’m 23 and he is 45 but he dosnt at all look his age honest truth he is such a handsome black man a little tall but not much I’d say 6ft sumert and he is thin/skinny well not to skinny! Anyway going back to where I was saying something!!! Well basically the way I’ve spoken makes him sound bad but he himself is such a kind hearted man he has actually been the only one there for me as I have nobody all my family disoned me the only thing makes him bad is him cheating even tho he says he isn’t but iknw he is just by certain text I’ve seen in his phone without him knowing and because I took a number and added her to watsapp and we got speaking she thought it was him and sent me nude pictures of herself! He thinks I cheated on him but I didn’t and without fail if we argue does he mention the guy or sumert bout sleepin with him or someone else he goes on and says he dosnt care but if I say sumert about a man he gets really hyrated so I can see that it does hurt him! the big change in us is just breaking my heart I don’t knw were I’m coming or going if he wants me if he don’t as he dosnt really speak with me like we use to we don’t play he won’t kiss me he dosnt wake with me as he dosnt sleep in my bed he don’t hold me in his arms let me fall asleep or watch movies like he use to he is more time out rings when he wants sometimes ask if I’m ok tho he feels to touch me when he feels to what I have noticed aswel is everytime I get a bath and get ready to go out well only just recently well without fail does he want to make lov to me or sex what ever he says now days but to me its lov the way he does it! He has his ex pics in every phone he has even new ones recent but says he hasn’t seen her but he dosnt knw I’ve been in his phone!! Cus since the day he told me what he did I’ve always mentioned her name to him but he has always got funny its like he gets deffensive and sticks up for her but if I tell him he says no I don’t u just piss me of stop liv peoples life and stop live hers iknw he does but he trys to go on like he don’t yet he knows he does himself!! If an argument happened cus she would see and tell me they been together and he was in front he would keep quite but if she wasn’t there he would say she isn’t what he cares about the only thing he will love is the father up above he says he didn’t sleep with her but why is that why change when she gone and when she here he quite! I’m so heart broken right now because he is such a good man with a heart of gold and before him I was in a vilont relationship for 4/half years and meeting him was the best thing just wat he is doing but keeps denying! Everytime he is around me well when he is I feel so amazing I love him in the same place as me even if he sits on the other sofa all times and dosnt really respond to me but then when he goes I end up crying and constantly calling him just to try start a convo to say I lov miss and such and such ect hoping I will hear it back again but that hasn’t happened in a while now couple months I feel as if he does love me and dosnt wana let me go but cus he thinks I cheated cus was around a guy when we had a fall out but me and the guy we just friends well was but he dosnt believe me because when he started being funny with me I played it back like a fool and lied wouldn’t tell him owt and then he find out the truth at all times so that’s why he dosnt believe me but honest I didn’t anyway its like he goes on with me and says he dosnt care but the things he goes on like tells me he dus lov me don’t wana let any1 else av me but he can’t get close cus he thinks that thing of me!! Sorry if I’m going on but I’ve never spoken to any1 b4 I always hold how I feel to myself and just constant cry!! Please someone just help me bacause I don’t wana lose him or another girl to have him so do you think there is a way I can get him back the way we use to or do you think that will never happen? Just beg somebody helps me on all of this cus I don’t understand. It myself to be fair if I’m his or if I’m not does he care and love me or does he not I love him I sure do know that he atracts to me always he always on ma mind I also get really horny when I’m near him but if he isn’t near me I don’t bother he turns me on a lot does that say how much I like him to any1 but even if I feel that way I av to keep it to myself cus he hardly touches me! If anyone knows please reply back to me thanks miss s

Reply April 1, 2015, 1:31 am

miss s

Can you please comment at the bottom of it thanks don’t really know how these things work lol!

Reply March 31, 2015, 8:47 pm

miss s

Hi can I get abit of advice please? There was a guy who I had met 2years ago now well basically when we got together he was so nice saying the most romantic things and stying with me for the first few months non stop untill one day he didn’t come to see me and didn’t answer his call well when he did eventually get to me he acted a little difference well in my heart I had a feeling he was cheating one day I bumped into a girl he use to be with and we got into a conversation she was saying things trying to drop about him cheating on me with her but didn want to fully say it out well in the end se just told me well I had rang him and asked he denyed it and sid no so I believed then one night we had just made love and he addmitted he cheated after that I just didn’t trust him as he hardly wasaround me sneaking phone contact well he stated to act really different to what he was like when we got together anyway I constanly mentioned the girl to him untill he just didt take notice and hardly come home I ended up taking omething of his not because I wanted but I just wanted him to realise me again he then started to fade didn’t sty with me at allhardly had sex with me so then I got so upset I started to talk to a guy and hang with him in a friendship way untill arguments hapened and I come back home well my boyfriend thinks I cheated on him and I didn’t he also thinks I’ve sold my body and slept with my cousin but I havnt well he know won’t kiss me at all hardly has sex and if he he treats mesort of like whore and ask me to suc his dick and he never asked that before he dosnt even say he loves me at all anymore stays out a lot well if I mention the girl o him he gets really mad he has pictures of her in everyone of his phones but he dosnt know I’ve seen them can someone pleas help me and tell me what his signs are ezactally sayin to me as I don’t really understand myself?

Reply March 31, 2015, 8:45 pm


Hi Greg,

Hope you are well?

I’ve recently discovered your blog.. I’m in my third long term relationship.. The longest lasting 3 years.. I know you have a habit of saying guys are not into the girls they are dating but I kind of need to know if I’m wasting my time with mine.

I’ve been with my current guy for just over a year.. I’ve always been the guy in the relationship.. I’ve bossed them around and had them tell
Me excactly where they are, who they’re with and what they’re doing… With this new guy it’s a totally different situation..

I know you say that you can’t rely on man to make you happy but it’s all I have.. I had a really tough upbringing and so as a result I don’t have a family, I still keep in touch with my sister although she has her own family so she can’t mother me all the time and I don’t like to put my stresses on her..

Anyway.. So I’m a bit of a home bum.. I love staying in, watching tv, having a takeaway, I love the cinema and spending time with my family. My boyfriend likes to rave.. He takes E and occasionally takes cocaine if his friends are doing it.. I personally don’t like it.. I’ve asked him if he ever plans to stop he’s said yes.. Which is probably the reason I’ve stayed with him.

I’m writing this because I need to know whether to work at it, whether it will get any better.. We’ve been out on a night out.. It was one of his work colleagues leaving drinks and he invited me, me mingled.. On the way home we decided to grab a kebab (disgusting I know) I ordered a kebab and chips.. He was planning to go next door and get a Chinese.. He then decided to get a kebab.. I said just get dinner meat and share my chips (I only have a couple) … So then he absolutely flips on me and shouts at me saying ‘don’t tell me what to f*cking order or change my order’ I’ve never changed his order/ordered for him before.. And after we pay he storms out at too speed.. Then as I’m trying to keep up with him he stops and gives an exasperated sigh as if I’m miles behind him but I’m actually only a metre away and then powers off again.. Then when I ask him why he’s angry he starts shouting at me.. This is how it is every argument .. My friends dislike him and my family dislike him but I’ve never loved anyone more than i do him..

I just want to know if I should move on.. I’m 26.. I just want someone to love me as much as i do them…

Sorry for the long winded story but i just need a guys help.. None of my guy mates will get involved..



Reply March 13, 2015, 5:49 pm


i have been dating a guy for a year and some month nw he does nt call but whenever i call him or flash him he calls back and start telling me the reasone why he did not call becuse he was bizi at work he normally gives me details whenever he calls back but the thing is that if i dont call him for a week if he should call back he would get upset and askd why i didnt call him if he should tell me he would call me back he will not but if i call or flash he start telling me the reasone why he did not call

Reply March 12, 2015, 4:13 pm


Sorry, don’t agree with this at all.

I would happily give a girl my c game, even if I was totally into her. There’s tons of women out there, why would one expect to trump all the others!?

And I wouldn’t care if they did have men lined up, have you seen your average man these days!?

Reply January 8, 2015, 4:11 pm


I give up on the “mixed” signals. I mean why cant men for once just be honest. Dating is extra difficult now because its a hook up culture and you dont know if you will get the chance to bump into someone who wants the same thing that you want. I am currently seeing the guy “if he is in the neighborhood”. I really like him, but like what Eric and Sabrina says you really cant force a relationship from a man who doesnt want one. Im taking baby steps not to obsess about this guy really, and its hard. I really want him :( I thought we had something when we were dating for a week then he goes on holidays and *bam* – no communication. He just replied when he was coming back from holidays and then the communication increased because I think he is getting sad and lonely and needs a pick me up :(

Reply December 29, 2014, 8:55 am


How about the woman says “I love Indian food… I know a great Indian restaurant I’ll take YOU to next time.” This whole article implies such passivity on the part of the woman.

Reply December 20, 2014, 2:01 pm


my coworker asked me and my gf if it was ok for him to fart in front of us is this normal or is he trying to tell us something please help me

Reply November 18, 2014, 1:27 pm


can someone answer this question my coworker was in the office yesterday with my gf and I and he asked us both if it was ok for him to fart in front of us is this natural or is he trying to do tell us something please help

Reply November 18, 2014, 1:25 pm


Woops! In my comment immediately below, the following sentence should read: But now the SECOND man seems to be losing interest in me, as I haven’t really given him any clues to how much I am attracted to him.

Reply November 17, 2014, 6:43 am


I have been with a man in a very unhappy relationship for a number of years. He is going through an extremely pressing personal crisis and because of this I have been hanging on to see if things improve once the deadline has passed for this particular issue he has to resolve. We have not had sex for months and his health is bad. However, he is not willing to buy ED drugs, even though the free samples he got from the doctor do work and allow some functionality. But he ran out months ago. And we fight all the time. Meantime I met a very nice man who is obviously interested in me on the sexual level. He even told me he likes me. He knows nothing about me really, though. He doesn’t know about my relationship. I didn’t feel ready to tell him that I am also interested in him, since I feel obligated to see how the first relationship goes, especially since we’ve been involved for years and I want to give him one last chance. But now the first man seems to be losing interest in me, as I haven’t really given him any clues to how much I am attracted to him. I just told him a few months ago “I have a lot of major things going on in my life that I don’t want to talk about right now” and I left it at that. So if the first guy and I resolve our issues and patch things up, then it won’t matter about the second guy. But if I do leave the first guy — and there is a very good chance that this is what will happen — I wonder if there is anything I can do to pick up with the second guy now that he probably thinks I’m not interested. When I didn’t give him a resounding “I like you too” response, he probably concluded that I just want to be friends and that is maybe why he gave up trying to communicate on any meaningful level. And I have been afraid to try to talk with him now, for fear of looking like I’m chasing him or getting too heavy by having “a talk” which guys always hate. But when I saw him at a business meeting since then, I could tell he is still attracted on that physical level. But again not interested in talking anymore, which seemed to stop when I didn’t give him anything to think that I like him back that day he told me he likes me. I really suspect that when I didn’t say “I like you too” that he concluded I just want to be friends and that I’m not interested in him sexually — which I am. So now I am very confused about what to do or not to do. Should I wait until things are clear one way or the other with the first guy and risk losing out on the new one as more time passes? Or should I try to let the new guy know how I feel even if I am not ready to make a move? Or should I not do anything and wait and see if the new guy starts to communicate with me again on a more personal level? Or . . . ?

Reply November 17, 2014, 6:38 am


Ok, is it the same if he’s shy / timid with girls. I am with guys. And the above just doesn’t apply for me anyway.

Reply October 25, 2014, 12:26 am


I recently had my first experience with a guy who seems to be in the middle. He told me he liked me but he didn’t act on it. He never asks me about myself and he doesn’t tell me much about himself either, even when I ask. This kind of hurt me because I just recently decided to open my heart up again so I can move on from my past. But after this guy, it really just showed me how I’m not ready to be hurt again. I think I’ll close my heart again for another year or so and just enjoy my life. Dating is just too frustrating and I’m at a point in my life where I don’t need any more unnecessary stress. I’m throwing in the towel for now.

Reply October 20, 2014, 12:12 am

Gail Charles

He rather stay out play with my feelings an use every things but i have to wait for time or money

Reply June 28, 2014, 3:50 am


My boy is from england and I live in America, we chat and all of that but, I don’t know if he is really into me. We chat everyday, tell jokes, he always tell me how much he want to be with me and how much he loves me (he had even made wedding plans and kids! and im not interested in that right now) and then he start talking about us having sex.
I want to know if he only want to make out or he really loves me.

Reply June 5, 2014, 10:44 pm


well talking to people online is a bit different than talking right in front of them so if i were you i would be with someone in my own city

Reply July 10, 2017, 11:07 pm

Kelly Ann

I really enjoy these blogs, but my situation is more complicated to really know if the guy that I’m crazy about is interested in me. That’s because my child goes to a school where this man works in & I think that it would be close to impossible for anything to happen because it would be a conflict of interest. No, he’s not the Principal of the school, but close. I have been looking to move out of the town I live in, but for other reasons & I think that then is when I will truly know whether this man will be open to a friendship with me or possibly something more, but until that happens I can honestly say that my hands are tied.

Reply April 16, 2014, 7:07 pm


When your boyfriend makes you get off the bed so that he can have sex with his other girlfriend. I let this go for a long time, thinking I might be able to get back in bed with him. Then I realized, he wasn’t into me.

Reply March 19, 2014, 8:01 pm


I agree with all the comments – this type of thing is extremely frustrating! I’ve been talking to this guy for a few months and we’ve been on a few nice dates. He seems really interested and is super friendly and enthusiastic. But I just have no idea how he feels. And I don’t know if I should bring it up with him and ask him how he feels, or if I should just keep talking to him to see where it goes! Grrrr! It’s also been about a month since our last ‘date’… and yet he’s still talking to me daily (with great enthusiasm and kindness) but hasn’t asked me out again! I’m so confused.

Reply March 15, 2014, 6:48 am


Yes I agree with some points here. A guy I’m into at the moment will tell me about his life, his family in Europe, he introduced me to his sister, everyone said he liked me, literally be in the same room with me but he won’t call me at all when he said he will. I have texted him several times but he’d make excuses to not see me. He has emotional baggage and he has commitment issues. I can tell he’s interested in me but I can’t tell if he’d like to date me.

Reply March 6, 2014, 2:30 pm


I once dated a man like this one. He took me to a family party and everyone was so nice with me and his sister and I kept talking for a while. He never called me again so I gave up on him. After a couple of years, I met him at a friend’s party, I had the courage of asking him what happened and he said that he got scared because his family seemed to like me a lot and that made him feel pressured. He was totally honest that time, I could tell. He also said that having his family approval made him feel like he should be with me but he wasn’t ready to commit then. So he let me go. That night he asked me on a serious date and I told him no. What I learnt from this experience is that I should give more time to the whole “meet the family, meet the friends” sometimes, if that happens too fast it ruins the whole relationship process. I personally have never introduced someone to my family, because no one is worth that much yet. For some people is a huge deal. Hope this helps

Reply January 22, 2015, 10:09 am


Ok so I tried calling the guy I liked yesturday cuz I wondered why he didn’t get back to my message so I called uesturday he didnt pick up but he did leave a message saying Hey I’m at the gym right now I’ll call you when I leave it was 9:58 when I called and he sent me this . I was waiting till he was done but never got a call back what happened did he forget??

Reply February 28, 2014, 6:12 am


Freakin’ a this is exactly what I’m going through right now and the writing’s on the wall..but damn it’s so frustrating. Why the hell do they still contact you if there’s no interest, it’s like so hard to move on because you keep hoping that there might be something there. It is seriously one of the most frustrating things about dating, but thanks for posting. I just have to refer back to this when I go through this situation again.

Reply January 3, 2014, 2:15 am


Yes! I’m going through the same thing! It sucks when guys won’t just tell you how they feel. Obviously it will suck because you like them, but hey, i would rather someone be honest with me and let me know straight up because I would do the same. I’m at the point where I’ve stepped back and made no contact. That’s the only true way of knowing how they feel about you. If they want you, they will get concerned after they realize they haven’t heard from you, and they will contact you. If they don’t, they didn’t care. Yes, it is hard, veeeeery hard, lol, seems like it’s a constant emotional roller coaster, but you have to stop contacting them. It might take some time but you will get through it!

Reply January 24, 2014, 4:03 pm


There’s this guy friend of mine who was totally into me like 80% of all the signs listed in every article on the internet match with his behaviour.. We had met at a tuition 3 months before and had started liking each other for only a month. This was back in March ’13 when we were having our exams. The last time I saw him he was all tensed and asked me if I would appear for the exams again, and that he would re-appear (coz he reckoned his didn’t go well.)
After that day he has been out of touch with everyone I know! I sent him a text recently; he didn’t respond again.. I’m just so curious what happened! :(

Reply December 30, 2013, 10:17 am


The same thing happened to me. Me and this guy liked each other and we would talk endlessly. Then one day he just gradually stopped. And now I text him and don’t always get replys. Or I’ll see him in person and he’ll talk to me but not on the same level as before. What the heck

Reply May 28, 2014, 12:26 am


This isn’t my experience, but this is one sign which is one of the things you guys say a lot. A guy is definitely not into you if he says things like ‘I’m not looking for anything serious’ but he still goes out with you and you think the relationship might still be headed for the long term. Nuh uh. He might be into you a little, but not into you enough to really make you his girlfriend.

I also wanted to add one of the things that might make you think he’s not into you that much but he probably is, and just has a different way of showing it. That’s the whole ‘saying I love you’ situation. I get now that there are some guys who just aren’t comfortable saying ‘I love you’ but they are very demonstrative in showing it. You just have to be receptive, and it’s probably far better for a guy to show it and not speak the words at all than a guy to claim the words but treat you like muck.

Reply December 5, 2013, 9:23 pm

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