4 Ways to Make Him Commit and Want Only You post image

4 Ways to Make Him Commit and Want Only You

What does it take to get a man to truly commit and want only you? It’s a question I’ve been asked more times than I could count.

What men desire most is a woman who inspires them to be their best self. Being that woman is a much different mindset than what most women typically do these days.

So what’s the major error that trips women up? It’s their focus. Instead of focusing on the feelings and experience they create for the man, the woman fixates on her own wants, her own worries, her own fears.

And amidst this completely self-absorbed mindset consumed by what she wants, it’s no wonder that she’s unable to hook a man’s interest in a significant way, one that goes beyond just hooking up.

Sure, that woman might cook him dinners, perform in bed, and tell him how much she likes him, but none of that stuff penetrates a man’s psychology on a deep and meaningful level.

Forget about just getting commitment. When you understand and master the art of tapping into the deep parts of a man’s psyche, he will want to move mountains to possess you.

MORE: 5 Signs He’ll Never Commit to You

Men don’t start out there when they first meet a woman, though. She needs to reach him at that level by recognizing his ambitions, his fears, his motivations, his “mission” in life and where he ultimately wants to “win.”

1. Understand: Choice is Everything

I have a confession to make, when I was revising this article to get it ready for publishing, it was three ways to make him commit… not four.

The original article came off cold, harsh, and even depressing because I had left out the most important element of all when it comes to how to get him to commit. So in this revised version, I made sure to convey the one most important piece of the puzzle immediately at the beginning.

Who you choose is by far the most important factor in all relationships. So one of the most important ways to make a guy commit is to understand the reality of relationships, love, and your specific guy.

MORE: Guy Talk: Undeniable Signs a Man Is Ready to Commit

In my personal life, I meet all sorts of people. Some people are easy and fun to be around … I can spend hours with them, talking about things, laughing about things, and just genuinely enjoying their company. Being around them doesn’t require effort and I don’t want anything from them. I would have just as much fun driving in the car with them and chatting as I would doing something “exciting.”

On the other hand, there are people who I meet that immediately make me feel uncomfortable and defensive. I feel like I have to constantly be on my toes, choose my words carefully, and being around them is far from pleasurable.

Between those two extremes, there are all sorts of people who fall somewhere in the middle.

As a writer who talks about dating and relationships, what has always amazed me when it comes to relationships is how people completely disregard compatibility. They describe what it’s like to be with their man and it almost sounds like they’re talking about their arch-enemy… there is no comfort, no trust, no compatibility.

Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect. Sometimes the relationship was never good to start with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.” This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. (If this situation sounds familiar to you, be sure to read this article on Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.)

Personally, I needed to date around and experience several relationships before I had a good understanding of what I actually wanted, valued, and what resonated with me in a relationship. In my late teens and early twenties, for example, I knew that I wanted a girl that had a hot, fit body and a beautiful face.

Now, in my thirties, I realize how much I value having a woman who actually “gets” me … a woman that I can talk to for hours every day and never feel bored … a woman who I can laugh with for hours and hours on end … a woman that I know how to be there for and who knows how to be there for me.

It took me a while to figure that out. When I realized it, I mentally revisited my past relationships and realized something very important that I want to pass along to you…

MORE: 10 Telltale Signs He’s Ready to Settle Down 

When I think of relationships that didn’t work out for me in the past (ones where I wanted things to work out and I got dumped), I realize that the woman I was with at the time was never going to be that woman with me. Even if she wanted it to work.

I can clearly see now, years later after all the emotion and attachment is completely gone, we never would have reached that level of intimacy that is ultimately valuable to me in a relationship.

I couldn’t see past my attachment to those relationships, though, or past my blind desire to make things work because I didn’t want to fail, I didn’t want to be rejected, and I didn’t want to lose someone.

All those emotions have nothing to do with love or compatibility. They’re just fear, ego, and a false sense of identifying with relationship success.

Real relationship success is not about making a relationship with someone work when, at your core, you and he are ultimately incompatible. It can be hard to see if you’re blinded by fears of loss, self-doubt and relationship fantasies that you want to come true…

MORE: 4 Relationship Rules to Live By

The thing to realize is that people with great relationships don’t have the great relationships because they know great relationship secrets or psychological loopholes of the male mind. Fundamentally, people in the best relationships all have one thing in common: they don’t have relationships with people who are not a good match for them. They don’t let them into their life.

And what’s the easiest way to know if they’re a good match or not? Plain and simple – how do you feel about yourself when you’re with that person? Do you feel better about yourself? About life? About the things that upset you?

Or … do you feel insecure? Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Do you feel like you’re suffocating… holding your breath in anticipation of a relationship that you desperately want to come into existence but always seems just out of reach? Helpless, powerless, and afraid they’ll do something to hurt you?

MORE: 15 Guaranteed Signs He’s Never Going to Marry You

How you feel with the person you’re with is the best indication of whether you’re with someone who’s compatible or not. How much you want it to work is the worst indicator of a good relationship (in fact, usually the people who tell me how desperately they want something to work are highlighting how incompatible they actually are from their partner).

2. Attraction 

The man you’re into has to be sexually attracted to you. This one is not a radical claim, it’s just a fact. If he doesn’t feel a sense of biological, physical attraction to you, then nothing else I say will matter. His physical attraction isn’t the end-all be-all of his desire to be with you, but it is a required foundation.

That’s the bad news… if you want to call it that. The good news is that some of the most powerful seductresses the world has ever known were not the most beautiful.

MORE: 5 Signs He’s Not That into You 

My advice is to strive to be as attractive as you possibly can, and fortunately, this one is largely in your control. And for the things you can’t control … own it.

Too many women kill their attractiveness by walking around with insecurities and no self-esteem because they feel that something about their appearance is flawed and they’ll never be good enough to attract the man they actually want.

MORE: How to Learn to Love Your Body

Whatever your supposed fault is, I can guarantee that your self-doubt is far more unattractive. Nobody is perfect and no man demands or expects perfection. But those who own their imperfections are massively more attractive than those who do not or cannot.

There is definitely something attractive about a woman who owns her imperfections and is totally OK with them. Conversely, being insecure is a massive energy drain to you and the people around you. Insecurity stinks of desperation and desperation kill attraction.

So change what you can to be sexier and more physically alluring and appealing. Spend more time at the gymeat healthier, learn how to apply makeup to enhance your best features, train your voice to be pleasant and seductive (tape recording yourself works wonders), master attractive body language and facial expressions, dress to flatter your figure, you get the point. And that which you can’t change… own it.

3. Reach Him Deeply

What makes you irreplaceable in the eyes of your man? Your ability to reach deep into the depths of who he is and inspire him. To put it more bluntly, you must offer something that is much more rare and valuable than sex if you want him to treat you as something important in his life. I mean … duh, right? And yet this obvious truth gets distorted and overlooked.

Ask yourself: what are you bringing to the table beside a physical hookup that he values deeply?

Sex is readily available. Having it isn’t enough to make a relationship and withholding it isn’t enough to cast some kind of “love spell” on a man (maybe it worked 100 years ago, but withholding sex till X date is just plain obsolete now … he’ll just go somewhere else).

Men have a deep unconscious fear that their life, their contribution to the world and their existence is pointless, meaningless, and insignificant. At the same time, every man has hopes, dreams, and aspirations.

MORE: 13 Definite Signs He’s Not Serious About You 

And here’s the major lesson: In order for a man to feel truly alive and truly fulfilled, he needs to be pursuing his deepest aspiration and his “mission” in life. Your ultimate gift as a woman is to inspire him to do that, to realize his ultimate potential as a man.

4. Put Energy Into the Right Places

Creating the foundation for a strong, healthy relationship comes down to putting energy into the correct places. Worrying and stressing is not putting energy into the correct places.

If you’re still stuck in feeling needy and out of control, you’re not going to see the necessity of bringing that value to the relationship because you’ll still be fixated on your own worries, your fears, your insecurities. And with that fixation, you won’t be able to put energy into the relationship, you’ll have wasted all your energy needlessly worrying about stuff.

I understand that after you’ve been continually hurt and disappointed by previous relationships with men, you may have formed some insecurities and frustration around relationships. But in the end, those emotions do nobody a favor – they repel men, they waste your energy, and they make everyone miserable.

The only way to get out of that cycle and move towards building a firm foundation that leads to a good relationship is to find your own self-love and fulfillment independent of a relationship.

MORE: On Loving Yourself and Being More Confident

Remember: a relationship will never fill an emotional void, complete you, or “make you” happy. You have to show up to a relationship “whole” and happy already. If you show up “broken,” the man will either leave or you’ll attract the type of man who will take advantage of you … then leave.

The energy you put into the relationship is the only thing that matters. Putting in energy doesn’t come from a self-absorbed place, it isn’t attached to feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, anger, rage, resentment. You are outside of yourself and putting energy into giving him that “extra something” that makes you valuable, rare, and inspirational to the man.

I don’t care if you like it. I don’t care if you think it’s fair or unfair. It is a simple truth that people value those who bring a unique, special, meaningful value to the table. If you honestly think that you can have a man want to choose you and only you forever without bringing something deeply valuable to him… then you’re either choosing very low -quality men or you just haven’t thought through reality yet.

MORE: Why He Won’t Commit

Sex is not enough. And loving him the way you want to be loved is not enough either. When it comes to him choosing you, you have to connect with him in the way that’s deeply meaningful to him. Your energy would be better spent figuring out what this is rather than worrying about him leaving you.

Frequently Asked Questions
✅ How long does it take a guy to commit?

It is typical that if a guy is going to commit to you in an exclusive official relationship, he will do so within the first three months of dating.

Regardless of time together, if you are missing one of the key factors that get him to commit then you need to start paying attention to those things immediately.

✅ How do you get a guy to commit that doesn’t want a relationship?

When men say they don’t want a relationship, your best reaction is to believe he is telling you the truth and won’t change his mind.

If you want to know how to get a guy to commit when he specifically says he doesn’t want a committed relationship or can’t have commitment in his life at this time, then the solution is to tell him you understand, thank him for his honestly and walk away.

One of two things will happen: Either he will let you go (in which case you will know for certain that he was unwilling to ever be in a committed relationship with you) or he will come back, usually within 1 to 3 weeks, and hint at having a change of heart. If you stick to your standards and don’t entertain a dynamic unless being committed is possible, then those are the cases where commitment happens with the guy that said he couldn’t or wouldn’t commit.

It doesn’t happen all the time, but if it’s going to happen then that’s the only strategy for how to get a guy to commit that actually works when he says he doesn’t want one.

✅ How can I make him commit fast easily?

It’s actually quite easy to get a man to want commitment with you when you understand how to make a guy want you. In order to understand how to make him want you, you need to know what men really want in a woman.

A man can carry on with seeing (and sleeping with a woman) for weeks, months and even years with absolutely no desire or intention to commit despite all the time you’ve been dating each other. In fact, I wouldn’t even necessarily call it dating, I might just call it seeing someone.

If you want him to commit, it’s not seeing each other or sleeping together that will get him to commit no matter how long you’ve been carrying on together. It requires you understand what things actually reach his heart and make him want to commit (because he would never want to lose you).

When you understand how to make a man want you for every thing outside of the bedroom, then you’ll never need a guide on how to make him commit. The question of how to get him to commit will be so obvious and automatic that you’ll never think to ask it. The power to reach his heart is entirely outside the bedroom, which we’ll discuss in the next question.

✅ How do you get a guy to commit after sleeping with him?

If you’ve slept with a man and you’re worried whether or not you screwed up your chances to get in a relationship with him, don’t worry: Some of the happiest married couples I know slept together on the first date (and obviously they weren’t committed to each other yet!).

I’m not recommending that as a practice, but my intention is for you to know there is hope for a future and you can relax. The one most important thing to keep in mind is that if he has explicitly said he does not want commitment with you or can’t have commitment with you, then make sure you take that very seriously.

If he hasn’t said that to you, then you can just proceed with spending your time with him and putting in your effort in the areas that actually count with a man.

As a golden rule with men, here is something to always remember: Men do not fall in love from sleeping with you. Only women fall in love from sleeping with a man.

It’s all the other stuff that’s the secret for how to get him to commit, so put your focus there!

One more thing you need to know:

I hope this article helped you better understand what makes a man commit. But there is more you need to know. There is one defining moment in every relationship that determines if it will last, or if you will be left heartbroken…

At some point, he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens or ends. Do you know how a man decides a woman is girlfriend or wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

Another major problem is if you think he might be losing interest or pulling away. Do you know what to do when this happens? If not, you run the risk of making the most common relationship-ruining mistakes. Read this now and learn exactly how to handle it: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…

Hope this helps,

eric charles

In summary…

This Is How to Make a Man Commit to You And Want Only You:

  1. Understand choice is everything. Who you choose will determine your success.
  2. He needs to be sexually attracted to you
  3. You know how to reach him deeply, to see the depths of who he is
  4. You put energy into the correct places, not on stressing and worrying

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Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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The old adage of waiting till marriage for sex seems restrictive on the outset but if both parties are committed to it fully you really reduce a lot of heartache. Why is that an controversial take in modern times? Hookup culture has really devalued the intimacy, meaning and special, uniquely intimate nature of sex.

Reply June 16, 2024, 2:26 am


Hi! I love a guy….I have seen him 3years ago..I told him that i love him through texts but he did’nt responded.After so many texts he told me that he is completely not intersted…I was heartbroken at that time.After that I tried so much to impress him through my talents and my confidence…Eventually i started noticed him staring at me..whatever i did in the class he noticed…I think he was attracted with me too..but he never came to me and never started a reltionship with me…I am so helpless in this situation…sometimes he completely ignores me and sometimes he stares me alot

Reply October 16, 2019, 10:45 am


So I’ve known this guy for about 2 years now, at the start he didn’t seem too notice me, but as time went on he started texting me and telling all his problems and hopes. He tells me exactly the same things I tell him, its like we both want the same thing but how can I be sure? Not long ago he asked for my number and now he calls me every night and we talk for hours, I asked him why he wanted my number.. He went quiet and said “I miss you jem, that’s why”
He always has my back on everything and encourages me.. But how do I know if he wants me?

Reply June 26, 2019, 8:20 pm


Hello Eric,

I enjoy reading your articles. I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year. We dated before 6 years ago and the reason we stopped dating is because he said I was pushing for something he wasn’t ready for. I didn’t realize I was pushing. He’s saying now like he said before, he doesn’t want a girlfriend right now, he’s too busy. But yet he’s still interested. He has said things to me like, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot and there’s nothing I can do about”, “We are more than just friends”, and then he pulls away again. It’s been an emotional roller coaster ride with him. He lives an hour away, we only text once a week or so, and only see each other every 2 or 3 months. We get frustrated with each and have arguments but still want to see each other so there’s something there. We are both Scorpios so I’ve been reading articles about 2 Scorpios being in a relationship and reading your articles. I’ve tried very hard not to seem “pushy” and realize the relationship is what it currently is. But how long do I have to wait for him to want to see me more? What should I say to him?

Feeling Very Tired

Reply September 30, 2018, 2:27 pm


Hey there. If I may, I’d like to say that we are currently in a similar situation with the ‘ex-guy-comes-back-and-the-two-of-us-starts-dating-again.’ And I can understand the emotional roller coaster you are going through and the feeling of tiredness is not new to me most particularly since I am in my last year of getting my law degree. The stress arising from thinking about his slow reaction time to my texts, and the fact that we seldom go out together are driving me up against the wall. And so I finally but gently told him that I was seriously exhausted, not just because of him, and that I needed to focus on myself first so I was implying that I would be leaving him out there for awhile while I do my own thing.
Maybe, what you need is to stop thinking about how long you’d have to wait for him to want to see you more and focus on yourself first. I know its difficult to stop. But I think what you need is to gently nudge him and tell him that you want to see him more often, but that you won’t wait around for him forever if he keeps up his slow reaction time to your needs. Men don’t understand what we women want from them sometimes unless they’re relationship experts so I suggest you give your guy a little unobtrusive push. :)

Reply November 10, 2018, 1:27 pm


I started dating him on December last and he told me that there is no one else but now I notice that he’s been sleeping with her many times….It hurts me a lot I always him I don’t wanna lose him

Reply March 4, 2018, 5:12 pm


thanks, google.com

Reply September 3, 2017, 6:08 pm


This is by far the best article I’ve ever read in my entire life about relationships and how to understand a man. This article would definitely help my BFF understand this as she is the clingiest, neediest & most insecure person ever & fails relationship after relationship. The only thing she says is: “I’m a good person why I can’t get a good man for myself?”. She praises herself endlessly but, when She finally lands a guy, she’s suffocated them so much that they end up leaving her. And believe it or not, as a friend, that’s really hard to watch when u see your BFF being dumped especially when she asks why… That’s when this article comes in. This article should have her name on it.

Reply August 5, 2017, 3:37 pm


Hello. How can I arrange a phone consultation with you, Eric? Your straight-forward advice sounds reasonable and sound to me. I am in a 4-month old relationship with my boyfriend. I love him and he says he loves me, but he says he is afraid of hurting me. He confessed that he loves the excitement and euphoria when a relationship is new but gets bored and dissatisfied when the newness wears off. He is afraid that this will happen again and he will hurt me. He said I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him, that I treat him better than any other woman he’s ever been with and that he wants me in his life forever, even if that mean just being friends later. He hasn’t asked me to move in, hasn’t discussed marriage, but says he wants a future a with me. I don’t get this at all. My gut tells me he loves me but not enough. I want a future with him, including the whole ball of wax of marriage, but he says he doesn’t know if he wants to marry me or not, that we should just enjoy each other and live day to day. Sounds like bs to me. But I find it hard to be objective. He has been hurt deeply by past women who have betrayed and used him. I need help figuring this all out. Thank you very much.

Reply July 19, 2017, 3:33 am


Since I met this man he’s really nice but he always talking about sex that he wants me so bad and I’m not ready for sex or anything like that that what I want him to understand I don’t have no feelings I like them but I’m not ready for sex yet

Reply July 3, 2017, 7:23 am


I have been in love with the same guy for about three years,in the beginning he told me he did not want anything serious …so I did distance my self for a little while, however now we spend all are time together…going to the gym, going to his friends place cooking together …he keeps contact with me through out the day…it seems very much like a relationship with out a title…

Reply July 2, 2017, 9:25 pm


Same situation. He tells me he doesn’t want serious, but then sometimes he acts like he does. It’s been 2 years and I really love this guy- dunno what to do

Reply October 9, 2017, 6:00 am


Hey there. I was in the same situation. By ‘was’ meaning, we had broken up. I had been dating this guy for 2 years just like Bee. It was unofficial. He made it known to me a couple of times that he didn’t want a relationship. But we did everything people in a serious relationship did and I felt like he was leading me on. He was hot and cold and that led me to be unnecessarily clingy and aggressive and most of the time depressed. So he finally told me to shove off in the worst way possible, clearly expressing that he didn’t see a future with me. But you know what? He told me that instead of texting him everyday and showing him I love him, I should love myself. And that was the best advice I ever heard. So I did what he wanted. I left and didn’t talk to him for two months. After sometime he came back, but now I am treading lightly so I won’t hurt myself again.
My advice to you is: if you are not contented with your status quo, then leave, and learn to genuinely love yourself first. Do you honestly want a man who would continue to get the benefits of a committed relationship but does not want a committed relationship with you? If so then carry on but trust me that leads to despair. Leaving him and loving yourself first will benefit the both of you in the long run.
By the way as I finished reading this article I was amused since my ex guy was also named Eric.

Reply November 10, 2018, 1:00 pm


In your article ‘how to make him want you’ i couldn’t help thinking you were talking about me and i’m a woman. so in saying that, everything that you say a man wants is the same as what i want. thanx for the tips though.

Reply June 18, 2017, 5:05 pm


nice article.

Reply June 12, 2017, 12:46 pm


Finally you talked about the most important piece of the puzzle. Choosing. I think a lot of people just go with the 1st person to give them the time of the day and they try to make it work.
It is important to note that you have to be in a good place in your life, fulfilled and happy, before you can make choices from a place of self-love and respect. That goes for all choices, from who you will date to getting up and having a healthy breakfast.
This takes work, acceptance and yes, mistakes .

Reply June 6, 2017, 4:03 pm


I was in a fwb relationship with a man that I’m compatible with. But his ex wife and ex gf of 14 years both cheated on him. He never wants to date or have a relationship again. He says he’s un loveable too. It breaks my heart because I’m very much in love with him. He brok up with me 2 years ago because he knew I was in love with him without saying. We hadn’t talked again til last week. We had wonderful exciting sex. He said he hadn’t been with anyone in a long time.
I know, you’d say dump him, he’ll never commit. But I’m so on love with him it’s pure agony. I’m 62 and he’s 54, I’m divorced too. How can I get past his barriers?

Reply April 20, 2017, 4:46 pm


Hi, I am a 61 year old widow and dating a 62 year old man for going on 2 years now, he has never been married or in a serious relationship for any length of time before. He tells me randomly that he loves me and we spend almost all our time together. He is hesitant to move in with me because he says he wants to be 100% sure of his feelings. He says that sometimes he doesn’t feel love or attraction and then other times he does. He hasn’t been with anyone else since we met and we are neighbors and friends and enjoy doing multiple things together. I am trying not to push too hard because I have the feeling he does love me and maybe this will go somewhere. Other times, I doubt his love for me because he doesn’t just come out and make a commitment to me. Am I being too needy in wanting a commitment and him to move in with me after almost 2 years of dating? What advice would you give me in regards to this relationship? I have met his entire family and we spend holidays together with them and I get along great with them. He asks my advice on things and shares details of his past life and relationships and mistakes he has made in life. He also shares all his goals and dreams with me and asks me to help him make decisions on things because he has a hard time making decisions on things. I don’t want to hang on if there will never be love but at the same time I don’t want to let go of something good because he does treat me with respect and will randomly say I love you and is always hugging me and kissing me and doesn’t only demand sex out of the relationship.

Reply April 14, 2017, 1:16 pm


Hi Pamela! I’m sure you’d rather have Eric’s advice on the matter, but I just want to share my opinion if that would be alright. I am a woman who has been trampled on and broken by a man I loved sincerely and when I see the comments on here without responses, I feel a twinge of sympathy.
I garnered that a lot of guys mature late. But he’s 62 perhaps now 63. How late can he get to realize what he wants. And if he still acts unclearly about how he wants to take things with you, then I bet that’s how he wants it to be with you. I’m not a 62 year old guy so I can’t clearly shed light on what your man is really thinking but considering the fact that he has not been married nor had any serious relationship before, then i am 75 percent sure he wouldn’t have one anytime soon. Perhaps what he’s looking for is companionship with benefits and he found that with you. But if you two did finally hit it off, then may your bonds grow stronger.

Reply November 10, 2018, 1:50 pm


Hey.. I’m in love with this guy for almost 6 months now and we are in a long distance relationship..since from the day we met he treated me like I’m the only girl in the world he respect me like I’m around him always he calls me day and night.. And we hardly see each other because of his work and the distance between us.. Few days back I visited him where he stays and he introduced me to everyone around him and everything was good until I hold his phone while he was asleep.. I found out that his cheating for me which changed everything ..I’m a Moody person.. Then I asked him everything and he answered me some not everything.. Then he apologized about his doings and promise me that he will short everything out soon.. And I did forgiven him but sometimes i feel like I have done a wrong thing it will happen again and we are living miles apart so I’m afraid.. Please I need an advice on what to do!

Reply February 18, 2017, 11:22 am


Dimitri Raftopoulos and his Relationship Works have the answer…

Reply February 7, 2017, 5:38 am


Hello well .. This guy has Been pursuing me for almost 3yrs. We were intimate, spent all of our time together. He does for me, we go out in public. We talked about marriage and kids together everthing.. He knew that i wasnt emotionally ready at the time yet he assured me it was safe to open up and be kind…Then when i finally do and say lets do this he tells me no and starts to pull away… Now he says he not ready and not intrested anymore…what happened?

Reply January 28, 2017, 3:38 pm


Ladies…all I can say is if you feel insecure about your looks then make yourself more attractive for YOU! Not for a man. There’s nothing that increases a woman’s feelings of insecurity more than doing something to herself FOR a man, or for the purpose of attracting men. It may make you feel confident and powerful in the short term, but that feeling doesn’t last if your focus is on doing it for him. Your purpose should be feeling better about yourself and increasing your own confidence regardless of men. What men seem to forget is that women are not on this earth solely for their pleasure. How you feel about yourself should be totally independent of what men think.

Question for Eric: In #3 – Reach Him Deeply, you say “Your ultimate gift as a woman is to inspire him to do that, to realize his ultimate potential as a man.” Can you give some examples of what you’re advising? I get the concept but I have no clue how to act on it in a concrete way.

Reply November 19, 2016, 2:13 pm



I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 weeks or so. Yes, early days I know, but we have passed a lot of these things. I’ve met his brother, his casual friends and a lot of his close friends. Natural since we’ve known each other for 8 years really. Anyway I feel like I’ve ruined something great. We try and have a date a week, very casual ones though, we feel good around each other, talk is easy, we support each other, have some similar interests and hobbies, and the sex is great. It was only how one date night he was sick and I organised an easy night at his where I would bring over dinner, watch a movie and just hang out. He told me he wasn’t up to it and wanted some alone time. I get that. I have those days too. I also get that plans come up and that if there is a friend you can only see once in a blue moon then you take it. But, does it have to be the same night? Do I have to find out through a third person that he went to a party while sick on the night he wanted to be alone? Now in past relationships I’ve done the bad thing, let these things slide, hurt me and reward them for it; but I didn’t want to do that. I messaged him today – not trusting my voice – with something along the lines of ‘since you believe in honesty is the best policy, next time tell me alone time just means time with anyone but me.’ I told him I’ve been in that type of relationship before and I was really hurt by it. He said he understood and it was inconsiderate before slipping in the whole thing of ‘personally, i’m not looking for a serious relationship right now.’. Ok, I get that. Just shy of two months dating (even though we’ve known each other for 8 years) and we are young! We are only 22. I agreed with him but he also knows that down the line those feelings on my end might change. I also said that if they change for him to let me know since I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want him to be either. I’ve been in the whole one sided relationship before and the guy really hurt me in that situation. I feel like I’ve ruined it by telling him how I feel since he just slipped in that line and it just felt like another blow. I like this guy, I could see a potential relationship in the future but I’m just scared that even though I said I don’t want a label that he thinks that since i added that months down the line that could change. When that time comes I’m just wondering how to reach him to move from just casual dating to a proper relationship.

Reply August 28, 2016, 8:56 am


u have good articles Charles its really helped me a lot thanks.

Reply August 20, 2016, 5:49 am

Dana walter

Hi Eric,

This is Dana I just want you to help with my issue. I met a guy I obsorved his character he is genuine, and kind to everyone. The thing is that he is making me to feel that he likes me but when I started to talk him as a friend, he just telling me tat he got crush on some one else & her age is 22 and few days after he Says tat he is loving a girl from the same premises and she is 24. I didn’t understand what he is trying to tell. My question for you is did he making to jealous or he just wants avoid me.

Reply August 7, 2016, 3:53 am


Hi! Good article, but I just wonder what men should bring to the table? It’s a two-way-thing, isn’t it? And quite frankly, I’m not putting any effort into finding any man at all. :P

Reply June 30, 2016, 4:51 pm

Eric Charles

Select a guy that brings what you like to the table. Don’t select a guy who doesn’t bring what you like to the table. I would say 95% of relationship success ultimately comes down to selection.

Sounds simple and… well… it is. :)

Reply July 1, 2016, 1:02 am

Raveena Chopra

hie,i am into a relationship with a guy named ashish.i am having lots and lots of troubles due to my bad past and he too has really bad experience in his past relation.
Now the big problem is the guys i had in my past are somewhere in links with him and he is really in a very confused state to whether continue with this relationship and get into a commitment of marriage or not. he has forgiven me in every mistake.we are in a relation since 7 months and i almost broke his heart 20 times since then but he still stands by me in every situation,like yesterday my brother by chance got to know everything about us,in doubt that we are into physical relation with each other but he still is there for me and is ready to even talk to him.he cant see me crying.whatever i asks him he never says no.i have always created problems,troubles for him,he still says this is the last time and if anything happens again he will go away from me,but still he is here…i dont know how to solve this mess.firstly i want to tell my mother about our relation but the problem is he says we cant marry,,,so i dnt know how to tell my mother or convince her to accept our relation without us being into any future commitment.,,please help me anyone with this.

Reply May 27, 2016, 6:55 am


Hi Eric

I love the article and all of your material that I’ve read thus far. I actually was looking up topics yesterday like this one and I’ve found you.

I was wondering. I have a friend that says he don’t ever want to be an a relationship ever again because of the pain that he has experienced in the past from passed relationships but yet he wants me to open up to him which I did and he wants me to continue to open up to him. Why would a man want you to open up to them if they don’t plan on having a future with you.

Reply May 16, 2016, 10:04 am


That article was ON F***ING POINT. I apologize for the potty mouth… But there’s so much complete crap on the web. It was refreshing, well-written and absolutely correct. Big ups ????

Reply April 26, 2016, 7:58 pm

Aishwarya Sridhar

But please let me know where and how this works

Reply October 27, 2016, 4:58 am


Hello Eric, I wanted to introduce myself, my name is Inessa, and I’ve been wanting to write to you and say thank you for quite a while now!
I’ve purchased your book “He’s Not That Complicate”
about 3 months ago and my whole life transformation has begun. Reading this book was like grinding and swallowing glass, very emotional and liberating experience!
I would have to write a “War and Peace” sized book:), to express my feelings of admiration, appreciation, inspiration, and overall feeling of being grateful to run across you and Sabrina! I think I actually owe it to myself to put it all into words how I feel (i am not very strong at putting my feelings into words) and what an amazing experience it has been to read you articles every day!!! You almost seemed as unreal, virtual relationship guru, that doesn’t actually exist, lol, yet, you are real, lol, and actually from Boston, I live in Peabody, near Boston.
Out of all other advice out there that I was reading, your information is the most that made perfect sense to me, you, at your young age, you have a lot of experience that you were able to collect, organize perfectly and,…help people! It’s an incredible collection that is easy to read, relate and understand, material, which is fun, no BS:), freely given, not always trying to sell another product, deep, personal, open, detailed, incredibly valuable, abundant and helpful not only in relationships between man and woman, but in life in general. When you write about having a particular mindset, you talk about things that was a missing ingredient for me when it came to decide that you really are above a lot of other so called relationship gurus!
You truly are an amazing human being, handsome, sexy, and beautiful mind and soul!!!
I’ve been separated for 2 years now and was always trying to read about relationships, and understand what went wrong in my situation. So one after another, and onother so so book purchase lead me finally to your book! I pushed myself and finally started dating again. I’m dating this guy for one month now and your articles are absolutely priceless and of a high value to me! I would even really like to have a session of your advice in person, if it’s possible:), maybe you visit Boston any time soon?:)
Thank you Eric!
Inessa :)

Reply April 12, 2016, 1:15 am

Eric Charles

Hi Inessa,

Thank you very much for your warm and heartfelt message. I really appreciate it and I’m glad you like our work.

I moved out of Boston and I’m living in Miami now… but of course still have a spot in my heart for MA and all the “massholes” up there hehe. :)

As far as one-on-one sessions, Sabrina and I only do one-on-one email Q & A’s as of right now… we charge for that, but if you’re interested you can hit me up on Facebook about it.

Reply April 12, 2016, 10:15 am


Hi Eric, you are very welcome! I really like the fact that you got back to me so quickly, that made me feel special and cared for, thanks! :)
yes I noticed that you live in Miami now. I’ve been there once, I liked it there.
Yeah, living here in Taxochussetts full of massholes, lol. Never boring, haha.
Yes, I actually would be very interested in one- on- one
Q&A emails. What is the best way to contact you on Facebook, I know you cannot accept any more friend requests, so I guess just message you there, right? I send you a message there already, and since we are not friends on Facebook I wonder if you got it, I’ve been told once, that it could go in a separate folder which the person doesn’t see right away.

Reply April 12, 2016, 11:05 pm

sindy lanferman

Thank u so much

Reply March 14, 2016, 1:06 pm


Eish I love my boyfriend but we are fighting every single time

Reply February 19, 2016, 6:46 pm


Well nowadays it is Most of the women that Can’t Commit to just only One man anymore.

Reply February 10, 2016, 10:31 am


I need him back

Reply January 13, 2016, 5:46 pm


I want him back

Reply January 13, 2016, 5:39 pm

Artemis Papadogiorgaki

I’ve saved this to my phone. Thank you.

Reply December 17, 2015, 12:48 am


My love is love and care me soo mùç he unde?stand me also bt am soooo duffer I dñt un?erstand how to succes my long distance realatioñship

Reply December 10, 2015, 1:18 am


This article was exactly what I needed to read. It was straight to the point but very in depth with how simple it is to keep your man into you. Right now I could use the help with my current relationship. Eric Charles, if there was any way to get your insight on my current situation I would greatly appreciate that. Thank you for the great insight above.

Reply December 7, 2015, 8:44 am


i have been dating this guy for almost six months now, we have not started having sex, because i told him i am not ready we have talked about it and he agreed. But of late i feel he is pulling away, sometimes he will not call or text me unless if i call him or text him first, he is always postponing our dates and its like he does not want to see me, when i ask him he says he is just busy with work or he could not call me because he had no credit in his phone, i don’t really know what to do? should i just leave him alone or i continue calling or texting him first all the time…, does it mean he has lost interest in me? please help ,

Reply December 1, 2015, 3:39 am


The same thing happened to me. He is lying to you.
If a man won’t make time for you or call/text first, he does not value you. Drop him like a hot potato and find someone who deserves you!

Reply August 24, 2016, 6:04 pm

Rose Marie

6 months is WAYYYY TOO LONG to go without intamacy. Sexual attraction is human nature. If you made me wait 6 months I’d be gone.

Reply August 17, 2017, 12:45 am

aiti rai

i want my bf from that girl

Reply November 19, 2015, 6:00 am


Great article, amazing advice, and well-written! I love this website, I’ve devoured so much by both you (Eric) and Sabrina, and I’ve loved them all (and agreed with approximately 95 percent, haha!).

Now, I’m bit bummed because I can’t seem to find any advice about the opposite situation: what if the guy is showing you more commitment than you can handle? Not in a creepy first-date-“let’s marry and have babies”, but in a solid 3-months-“I care about you and want to see where this is going, and I’d like to move in together and five it a try”. I want that too, just… not for another year or so (it’s actually a LD relationship, I put the details in a recent forum post called “Anxious about playing house”). Any advice? :)

And for the incredulous ladies: Eric is right in what he says (and you’ll find compatible insight in the GOOD programs out there, because as wise as it is, it’s commonsensical); this stuff actually works. In no time, you’ll find so much commitment you won’t know what to do with it. :)

Reply November 12, 2015, 11:54 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks… well… after such a shining endorsement, I guess I kind of have to at least look at your forum post (hehe).

What you’re describing is something I’ve heard before from women… they read our stuff and actually apply it (all of it, inside and out) and all of a sudden they start running into situations like this where the guy, a quality guy, is pushing for commitment.

I’ll take a look, but my answer will have to be quick… I’m getting sleepy on the east coast here…

Reply November 13, 2015, 1:05 am


Thank you so much, Eric! I really really appreciate your quick answer and advice!

Reply November 13, 2015, 3:14 pm

Naomi van Jaarsveldt

Trust! A man want you to trust him and he want to trust you.

Reply November 6, 2015, 9:23 am


How do you know when it’s too late ? When not to try anymore. How do you know he is finished ?

Reply November 5, 2015, 10:25 pm

Jennie Weiss

This so called advice you give to women is the most misogynistic piece of crap I’ve ever read. Apparently women should forget about themselves and just revolve around what their guy wants. I guess that’s what success is about to you. I’m not surprised at all this is written by a guy.

Reply October 29, 2015, 8:21 pm

Eric Charles

Wait… what? How?

I’m happy to talk about why I wrote what I wrote…
I’m happy to walk through why I believe my approach is the most effective approach…
I’m happy to discuss what you believe might be a better approach.

I’m all for logical discussion.

But see… I can’t really take a comment seriously when it just wildly hurls accusations about my work, my intent and my character.

Then as icing on the cake, you insult the quality of the content based on my maleness (which is ironic, since the root of your grievance is to accuse me of being sexist…)

Again, I have always been open to discussion of anything (not just this article but my whole body of work over the last 13 years).

Reply October 29, 2015, 8:44 pm

Angela Frank

That my friend is a great rebuttal indeed.

Correct me if im wrong please Eric . What I think he is saying is that we are all caught up in what WE all want (which is pretty normal human behavior , male or Female ).
Eric is saying that perhaps we should look at what other people want for a change and focus in on that . Not at all to say give up your morals, boundaries, perspectives as strong independent woman.

Please be kind, this man is trying to help and has dedicated his life work to understand the sexes communicate better. Help that grow , ask intelligent questions.

Reply November 9, 2015, 8:20 pm


This article is surprisingly well written considering that most refer to manipulation of some sort. Yet, I would like to take a middle ground here in the positions taken by Eric Charles and Jennie. I think a fifth point, but moved to the top of the post should be on finding your own self love, and source of fulfillment independent of relationships, which helps you then do the second point say no to those who are not a good fit for you — i.e. know how to choose those compatible to you so that you can be yourself and also add value to his/her life. And yes, such relationships are reciprocal. It is not only the woman adding value, the man reciprocates as well. Both partners benefit. And commitment is a natural result, without having to manipulate the situation in any way. Thanks for offering different points of view.

Reply January 5, 2016, 11:44 pm


I think this is pretty head on! I most definitely would rather hear advice about a man from a man,that’s for sure! I think it’s a great article!! ????

Reply January 25, 2016, 8:47 pm


You may want to actually have a good idea on what you’re talking about before making conclusions about people. One of the things Eric stresses in many of his articles is that a woman needs to be happy with her own life and love herself before she can truly be happy in a relationship. He also points out that if a woman is happy on her own, she will attract love and that it is then up to her to decide if a man is right for her. Kinda sounds like she’s the one in control of her own happiness. How is that sexist? In order to learn, you need to read the entire articles, not just pick out the parts that you can twist into being offensive. However, it’s quite clear that you have some serious anger issues towards men, in which case, how can you possibly expect to be in a happy relationship with one?

Reply July 27, 2016, 2:03 am


Misogyny means hatred of women. There is nothing misogynistic about this article…

Reply January 16, 2017, 7:55 am


Hello Eric…
Wallah awesome advices I’ve been with my guy more than a year now even f we r in different culture he always telling me it doesn’t matter and when I answered ur quizzes it just like a test paper also been told by my guy for me ur ryt it’s about inner self must know not just bcz d eyes want to see…and I’m satisfied and happy with my friends guy bcz he is God fearing and teach me lot more of faith values which really was a different from my culture..ALLAH bless U Eric may U continue help people who r in need of advices regarding love and the likes….
Keep up d Good work????????????

Reply September 25, 2015, 5:03 am


hey i want to talk about my problem . is it possible ? i read this article but i want to talk about mine please

Reply September 23, 2015, 3:57 am


You have given the best advice that I have ever read from any article or book out there and trust I have read MANY. I see where I have been going wrong with my relationships and I see that I am putting too much of what I want them to be for me in it. I see where my negative thoughts have failed me and how I can go about changing me to be a better me for a relationship. Your views are so on point and I completely understand exactly where you are coming from. I will continue to read and reread your advice until I get myself where I need to be physically and emotionally. I definitely dont live in the moment with the man I have been with and I have gotten the I dont want a relationship thing from him but I definitely see where I went wrong because this man was interested in me from the beginning and he is still here. So I see where I went wrong. I see where I need to change just from reading your articles. I am seeing clearly. Now just to adjust my behavior and actions. I believe I will see a change in him. You cant expect people to change if you dont change yourself first… Thanks for all the great advice :)

Reply September 17, 2015, 2:16 am

Eric Charles

Thank you very much for the kind words. That means a lot to me and I’m glad you like what I’ve put out there. I appreciate it.

Reply September 17, 2015, 4:49 pm


OMG…I think we’re in the same exact place. And after reading this article, I think I know exactly what to do. I’ve been so consumed with getting hurt again, that I’ve totally missed the fact that the guy I was previously dating kept wanting to hold on to me, even though he keeps saying he doesn’t want a relatinship. THAT’S A CLEAR TED FLAG FOR ME. I recently broke it off with him because he refused to commit, but the next time, I’ll get it right….THIS ARTICLE IS SO PROFOUND!

Reply September 30, 2015, 8:20 am


Great article Eric! I have been reading lots of articles online about compatibility and commitment lately. Yours by far is a great read.

This guy I went on a few dates with recently told me that I was a cool person but he thought that we weren’t compatible in the long run. He still talks to me through texting often. After he told me, I didn’t react and simply said “oh OK”.Then he asked me if I was pissed off or upset about it. I simply replied that I was fine and he told me I was cooler than he thought.

We were playing the waiting game back and forth. He wouldn’t talk to me for 11 hours, so I did the same thing. We then started talking like normal again. It’s quite the whirlwind!

Reply August 23, 2015, 11:21 pm


I was wondering if you could help me out.

I have been seeing a guy for almost 3 months. From the start he said he wasn’t interested in a “full on serious relationship” and at that stage I wasn’t either. He then told me 5 weeks ago that he had feelings for me but wasn’t ready to commit to them yet. I was intoxicated and my reaction was “okay we should stop sleeping together/talking etc.” Up until this point it had been really perfect and he always replies asap, initiates to hang out etc. After this conversation he came back really strong without even a day in between where there was no contact and kept initiating plans e.g., going away together and paying for it. We didn’t sleep together for 2 weeks but as he lives with 4 of my best friends, we fell back into a sleeping together arrangement again and things pretty much went back to where they stopped. I had a conversation with him this week because I really wanted to know where I stand. He pretty much said that he didn’t want “rules” i.e., you can’t sleep with someone else, however for this time we would only sleep with each other and if we did sleep with someone else then we would have to tell each other and it would change what we have. I was happy with this. When it came to kissing other people, he said that because I wasn’t his girlfriend, I wouldn’t need to tell him if I kissed someone else because it would hurt him but if i were his girlfriend, he would want to know. I pretty much said I disagree and coming from a place of security that it would be nice to know that he wasn’t out kissing other girls. He doesn’t’ go out much either which he used to try and reassure me. I told him that due to the living situation and fear of getting hurt I may want to remove myself from the situation.

Overall I was happy with the conversation but upon reflection I’m wondering if he just sees me as a friends with benefits thing (even though we have feelings for each other?) or whether he sees it going somewhere and he just needs more time…

What is your advice with my next step? I’ve given myself a week away from him because of exams anyway and time to gather my thoughts. Should I bother bringing it up again, should I stop sleeping with him or should I keep sleeping with him in the hope that he will give me what I want eventually? I guess where I’m confused is that if I stop sleeping with him… he may see me as needy and full on considering it’s only 3 months in. But at the same time I don’t want to keep sleeping with him if it is just going to hurt me and he will never give me what I want.

Please help, thanks.

Reply August 19, 2015, 10:49 pm


Both must choose each other and a man must bring those things to the table as well to be worthy of a woman’s love.

Reply July 23, 2015, 9:41 pm


Yep! :-)

Reply August 12, 2015, 2:15 pm


That was the most spine tinglingly apt article I’ve ever read. So relevant in my life right now and will help me in our second attempt at happiness with my other half. So insightful. Straightened out a thought process that I had, but had jumbled! :-/ Thank you!

Reply July 22, 2015, 6:33 pm

Eric Charles

Awesome – that’s great to hear, thanks for the comment.

Reply July 22, 2015, 11:08 pm


I want to start off by saying thank you for adding a guys input Eric! My question is how do know if your inspiring him to be his best self and inspire him in his lifes mission if you dont know what that is? The guy im kind of seeing has only initiated deep conversation once and it was to ask what i thought about us. Am i supposed to ask him out right or am i supposed to try and figure it out all on my own?

Reply June 8, 2015, 8:37 pm


Thanks Eric, love your articles and advice.
How important is sexual chemistry and compatibility in a relationship? If all other areas are great but my man feels though he is missing that sexual chemistry with me even though he is very physically attracted to me, is that a deal breaker?

Reply June 4, 2015, 10:57 am


I really wanna know why this man won’t text me no more and when I ask him things about what’s going on with him he never let me know I don’t understand please help

Reply May 28, 2015, 8:34 pm


Extremely helpful post! I got a lot of great nuggets I look forward to practicing with this awesome guy :-)

Reply April 5, 2015, 1:01 am


So Eric I’ve been talking to this guy almost 2 years. He says he likes me a lot but does not know what he wants we not in a relationship he enjoys my company a lot I like him too but need more.I think he’s confused some times it feels like he wants to and then next time he pulls away say he been hurt so much he’s not ready .Do u think it’s an excuse or what .I know he seeing other people but denies it .Please give me your opinion

Reply March 8, 2015, 4:17 am

Sarah Carter

Dear Eric,

Is there anyway that I can contact you such as an email I have a personal question about some of this continent
Sincerely Sarah

Reply March 2, 2015, 7:33 pm


Thank u so much your email and articles I have been reading are great.! That are helping me realize that the relationship I’m in is not healthy. I meet this guy from a really good friend of mine.! He is a retired marine he is very different from the guys I’ve dated. Which is very different me, my parents like him a lot. But we argue alott. He says I have no discipline in my life he blames me for all the arguments we have, and its always my fault. I feel happy at moments but it seems I have to be very careful of what I say and do or how I act when I’m with him. He has left the house like 6 times.He says he really loves me but I don’t think he does. Or maybe I’m just trying to hard for this relationship to work which is not going to go anywere! Any advice will be greatly appreciated thank u very much.:)

Reply March 1, 2015, 12:57 pm


Hi, He sounds as if he has a lot of his own insecurities and is deflecting them onto you. He is constantly trying to change you, and tell you that you aren’t enough. You sound to me as if you are not comfortable in being yourself around him. You can’t petend to be someone else to please jom forever, so picture this you are trying to adapt yourself to who he wanrlts and he is still finding flaws. Aren’t you tired already,? he is damaging your self-esteem. There is someone out there , who you may or may not have met, that will adore you flaws and all, bit you have to love yourself enough to know when you are being tolerated , and ” handled”, not loved. This guy you are with, needs you a lot more than you need him, be careful not to allow him to force you to change into someone nobody wants, so thy he can keep you all to himself, while he used you. By that, I mean an insecure, unhappy person that doesn’t feel worthy of anything.

Reply May 8, 2015, 9:07 am


Wow! What a fantastic article! As I was reading through it, I was mentally ticking which of the qualities I already possess or things I’m already doing that are being mentioned in the article. I am very happy to say that in my current relationship, I’m either already doing all 4 things or one of them, I had already thought of doing that yesterday but have to wait until at least tonight to put it into motion. It’s only been 6 months and those have been fraught with obstacles, but so far, we seem to have survived all of them and I’m positive that we will survive the latest devastating thing that has come up just recently.

And, Cher is absolutely right. The only real way to ensure you get him to commit is to really and truly love your own self first and foremost. As the flight attendants on airplanes say, “Put your own oxygen mask on first before you help the person next to you.”

Reply February 22, 2015, 1:11 pm


Eric, although I think you might be “spot on” on your theories, I can tell you for a fact that at age 67 I’ve had a lot more experience. Here really is the very bottom line in finding a good relationship, “it has to be cultivated and tended to”. After 40 yrs of marriage, loss due to death, we had to grow up together, we changed as we grew, we had to adjust, we became grown ups, our ideas, needs and desires changed. No matter how hard times are, no matter how much you share in common, or laugh or cry together, the one thing—“the only thing that keeps you together through thick and thin, till death do you part” Is a high regard for the other persons “person”, and a hell of magnetic physical attraction. Easy as that. It takes YEARS for the former to develop—and you can only hope that the latter remains. There is no magic wand. It is hard work that can pay you back with a lifetime of wonderful memories.
My advice to all the girls out there—be open, and don’t be afraid to be yourself. Find yourself, grow yourself and learn to be happy with yourself. Learn to like yourself and spend time with yourself. Learn to be your own best friend—

Reply February 16, 2015, 11:53 pm


Hi Eric, I have situation that you’ve probably dealt with. I was seriously dating /living with the love of my life and we were so inove that we wouldn’t even consider anyone else. We were together for a yr and 5 months when an ex-friend ( homewrecker) began conversing with him in posts on social media. I trusted him, so nenever thought there would be risk. He ended up leaving me for her, moved in with her, and has been playing “step-dad” to her rotten kids. We’ve tried several times to work it out because he says he knows he hurt me, he screwed up and now he loves 2 women and he’s confused and has not been able to choose. He knows she wrecked us but can’t seem to get completely back to me. He even calls her stupid, and says he’s miserable with her. Now, I’m not so stupid as to not know that actions speak louder than words, but I love him and want to put us back together. She will never be the woman that I am and I think part of him feels sorry for her while I do not!! She has always been extremely jealous of me, but I’m in NO way jealous of her. Can you offer any advice? I know this is the condensed version of too many details to list…I wish I could talk to you. I believe there is hope as I know men at 46 go through mid life crises. At 45 myself though, I know what I want…hope to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks…

Reply January 24, 2015, 1:50 am


That guy is so full of sh*t! Don’t waste another moment of your precious life, it is far too short, which you may not realize at age 45—-but I’m telling you as a “senior” get on with living- lest you wake up tomorrow and find you frittered away your best years.

Reply February 16, 2015, 9:37 pm


Totally agree with Cher. One thing you have to know with any relationship is that if it’s not a “hell yeah!” then it’s a no, this man is not giving you “hell yeah, I want to be with with you” vibes. You have to cut your losses and move on, before you become his personal shrink.

Reply February 23, 2015, 9:39 am


Hi Eric,i really need ur advice thrs a guy whom i love i ve alrdy askd him out we’ve meet twice bt iam very serious about him..he said he does not want to b in a relationship..as he just had a break up wth smbdy…bt he also sayss that he will never let me go things would be the same as wen ur in relationship just it wont be official..but niwdays i feel he gets irritated while speakn online…i want him to be mine forevr…wat should i do to get him commit nd love me….

Reply January 18, 2015, 11:15 pm


Sayyada—you sound very immature, I think you should grow up and become an adult and figure out who you are before you can decide what it is that will fulfill you. Become your own woman, a good man will enhance that and not destroy it. You right now are on a path to romantic/relationship disasters.

Reply February 16, 2015, 9:44 pm

Wendy Colas

When is the right time to have sex with someone you’ve been dating for 2 months and half

Reply December 5, 2014, 3:48 pm


I am so pleased to have come accross this site.
Now what I want, is to dump him, before I go insane and just forget he ever existed….but I cant tell him its over. I want to do the dissapearing act. One issue though his a 10/10!!!!

Reply December 1, 2014, 5:02 pm


At the tender age of 24 I’ve met 2 10/10 kinda guys, they had the looks, the charm, the intelligence, etc, they were a “catch”. However, long story short, the sad fact is that neither of them wanted me. The point is that no matter how much of a catch a guy can be, if he doesn’t want you move on. Like I’ve said in a previous comment, if he’s not giving you a “hell yeah!” vibe, you best be moving onto the guy who will want you. You can never trick or convince a guy to fall for you. And usually you only find this out after seriously losing yourself in the chase.

Reply February 23, 2015, 9:45 am


Hey there,i realy need advise. Me and this guy have been dating for almost a year,we were great together(atleast thats what i thought) until he came to me one night and told me that he lost interest in me,he doesn’t love me anymore. I was shocked and hurt,but i got over most of that,only to find that i stil love him. He tried calling me once after the breakup,but i did not answer. Earlier this month i called him,asking him to visit me some time as friends, and he told me its too soon…My question is,if he did not love me anymore than why find it a problem to be friends. i enjoy my time wth him and want us to build a future together,what should i do?

Reply November 21, 2014, 3:29 am


Move on Beverly, find a way to distract yourself from your addiction to him. The longer you avoid him, the easier it will be to move on. There’s a much better guy for you out there who you will not have to work to be with.

Reply February 7, 2015, 5:07 am


Eric I wanted to say thank you! All of your articles remind everyone of what is really important about life and happiness! I realize that it is time to stop chasing ones that don’t want to be chased by me! I know I have a lot to offer but I am excited to say I am not scared to be alone I love my life, my friends! I love this article because it just helps remind me that I don’t want a guy that brings out the crazy if he likes my vibe and we click I am not gonna worry cuz he will want more! If it changes stop worrying or trying because you don’t want to work on something that is onesided! You have opened my eyes to see that if I can’t see my worth and value how can I expect anyone else! So keep writing your honest and inspiring pieces! I am so excited about my future and all the adventures this year could bring! Xoxoxo

Reply October 29, 2014, 11:34 pm

Eric Charles

You’re welcome — and thank you. :)

Reply October 30, 2014, 12:59 pm



Once again you have hit home with your wonderful words. I have opened my eyes thanks to you. I really enjoy reading your articles, they are making me see “the real perception men have.”

I truly appreciate it! “Round of applause!!! Yay!!”

Reply October 17, 2014, 9:03 pm

Eric Charles

Thank you :)

Reply October 30, 2014, 1:00 pm


Hi Eric,

awesome and this is beautiful writer on 4 Ways to Make Him Commit and Want Only You. it’s explained many things about the relationship. I’m enjoyed yo read and understand every each word of those sent on this article, especially about ” I can clearly see now, years later after all the emotion and attachment is completely gone, we never would have reached that level of intimacy that is ultimately valuable to me in a relationship. I can use for make in status of my facebook and many friends like that.
if you have another article..do not forget to send to me.
Thank you so much,

Reply October 6, 2014, 3:28 am

Eric Charles

Thanks Lucia, I appreciate it.

Reply October 30, 2014, 1:00 pm


So, I met him accidentlly one night on the way to a friend’s place after a party. th is guy’s bike had broke down n he also had bruises on him because had slipped. i asked my friends to stop to help him. my friends helped him n I, God knows why, invited him over to my friend’s place, one of the reasons may be because it was late at night and he stayed close to my friend’s place. He accepted. We hit it off right away. we stayed up all night, all of us and talked. next morning he also stayed back for breakfast. he randomly gave out his #. but i did not save it. instead one of my friend(guy) did. I was leaving the city pretty soon. so, my friends and i were planning for house party at my place. he offered to come, too and suggested he’d cook as a thank you for helping him.
well, i agreed (how could i not, he’s cute ;) ). i wasn’t sure if he’d show up. but he did. he did cook n it was awesome. during the party he asked me not to leave the city. when i told him i had no reason to stay back. he said there may be now. so we saw each other everyday after that. went out . he really took care of me, shared about his family. we really like each other. he even said lotta times he really liked me and that he was sad i was leaving. asked me to stay, coupla times. but i really needed to leave. he even came to see me off. things changed totally after i left. he did not call. when i did, he spoke normally and said he had been caught up. later after a week or two, he did nt show any interest to call. so i stopped calling too. once i called him n asked what was goin on. to my surprise he said we enjoyed together. but he cant do long distance. I’m flabbergasted how can anyone just shut off things just like that. was he pretending all the while?
there was this thing with him, though, Eric, he had these 10-12 hour he never said what he was upto. when i asked him, he brushed it off saying its confidential and i wouldn’t understand so soon. but he promised it was not another woman or relationship.

What do i do? what should i understand from this?

Reply September 23, 2014, 4:16 pm


Rachel, I’m a lot older than you. I’ve been through serious relationships, local and long distance. Bottom line, long distance doesn’t work. It’s not a relationship. I would say the only exception to this is if you’re already truly married, nothing else is wrong, and one of you has to travel for work. Still, that can only be temporary – the two of you have to reunite, want to reunite, and it happens.

You only just met this guy, and he made it clear he wasn’t leaving. You were still in the honeymoon/ infatuation phase when you left. He sounds like he really liked you, but he was right o keep it light when that’s where you two were when you left. Had you stayed and got to know each other better, you would have found out whether you two were really compatible/ on the same level, etc.

He’s not available in your current situation. Stay friendly from a distance and date other people. If you two end up in the same city again, you can explore the rest of where your dynamic goes.

Reply October 14, 2014, 11:56 am


Julie, i’m glad you responded to my comment. Thank you! i needed a perspective of a third person, which you did n i really appreciate it. What you said does make sense, we had indeed just met. i only wished i had stayed longer to get to know him better. but my family said they needed me and I moved without even thinking twice. Funny thing is, after i did move, my mom was like she felt sad for me that i moved quitting my job and all and that i should’ve stayed back if i wanted to. i was like in my mind, are you serious?! lol

Reply October 14, 2014, 1:31 pm


Thanks Eric this sound advice really speaks volumes for me, I value your insight and appreciate your work, just wish I had discovered you earlier! I enjoy reading your articles and really relate to your words and encouragement on making me be the best version of myself in relationships, thanks for sharing :)

Reply August 19, 2014, 3:17 am


I loved this piece, well done
Over the years this is exactly what I’d come to learn about relationships (where were you 10 years ago?)
This paragraph stood out in particular as I had never looked at those words like this before, to paraphrase….How much you WANT a relationship to work is the clearest sign the two of you are incompatible…..
Looking back to times I had said “I desperately want this to work” I think that at the time I really believed I was actually displaying loyalty and commitment. In reality I had simply plastered the ideal “potential” stencil over the relationship I could get at the time. Your comment made me think and I came to this:
– see your closest most wonderful friendships: how easy is it to hang out/uplift/forgive/laugh with your best mate, the challenge therefore should be how much do you want to work (as in bring value to) for this relationship (because it’s worth it) not how much you want this relationship to work

Reply August 1, 2014, 3:19 am


Hi Eric,
My bf an I have been dating for the past year an a half we don’t live together nor live in the same city, we only really see each other on weekends, it was amazing at first for the first part of the year of being together then all of a sudden he started accusing me of cheating on him with others guys let alone my daughter’s dad that I haven’t been with for 6 plus years, that im using drugs.. so tired of being accused of stupid things I’m ready to start doing them.. do you have any advice?

Reply June 13, 2014, 1:07 am

Jenny smith

Wow!! All I can say is thank you for writing. You have an awesome way of saying things, straight to the point no BS. This is what people need I tell all my friends about anew mode, lol I even quote some things you say on Facebook. I’ve been married for twelve years and I love reading your articles because it makes me a better person, wife lover!! Thanks again!

Reply April 7, 2014, 11:15 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks, I really appreciate that Jenny.

Reply April 8, 2014, 10:24 am


I hope you can help me with this. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now. Things started out great but the last couple of weeks I’ve been kind of moody and on edge due to stressing over finding a job. This weekend I tried to get him to stay with me but he said he would have to work, but wasn’t sure about Saturday due to a possible lack of a ride. So I asked him if I could pick him up Saturday or if he wanted to wait to see me till Sunday. He told me he would just see me Sunday that he didn’t know if he had stuff to do Saturday. Is it possible that I’ve been pushing him away and he’s wanting space or looking to break up with me, or am I just over thinking this whole thing?

Reply April 4, 2014, 5:20 am



I was in a situation that still confuses me. Maybe you can help. I know long distance is hard, but I was in one for 4 months. I showed up great – warm, joyous, playful. We had seen each other 3 times and were planning on a visit at the holidays. Due to previous things that were planned for both of us – international travel and grad school exams, we knew it would be 8 weeks to see each other. He travelled and we spoke 4 times over 12 days for 2-3 hours, just having fun. When he got back, he called 10 times in 6 days, emailed, texted, and wrote me a letter about what an amazing influence I was and how we had this great chemistry. He started saying “love you” at the end of a few calls, and I said “love you too”, but never initiated it as I knew we were falling and needed to see each other. I went on an international vacation for 2 weeks and common times to talk were difficult (and I was having fun). We spoke twice by Skype with him asking when we could speak again. We scheduled a third and I emailed him once or twice telling him what fun stuff was happening and wishing him well on his studying. The last call he was late for, which it felt dispointed as I had asked if he just wanted to talk when I was home and he insisted we set up a time. I only said it once, he apologized and we let it go.

He was supposed to buy his ticket to visit, and he had not. When I got home he called me. When I asked if he was still visiting, he said he wanted more, he did not know me as well as he would like, the calls were not building the relationship for him and seeing each other once a month would not be enough. That day and that day only during our calls, I said I knew the two months would be hard, that we still should get to know each other, that it thought we were falling, and that I while not there, I could have seen him as my husband (not yet, but could see it). I felt confused as he had been leading, initiating most calls, was the one saying love you, and asking to talk. He said that I was great emotionally and verbally and he did value me. I finally said, I want you to have what you want and wish you the best.

He said the same, and wrote me a letter thanking me for our time together saying I am grounded, compassionate, beautiful and intelligent.

Now, I feel humiliated about that day only, like I could have gotten him to stay and deeply confused about why he changed his mind. Any ideas?

Reply March 15, 2014, 10:12 am


Oh, btw, the calls and such were an escalation, during the previous months, we would talk 3 times per week for several hours, and text – mostly at his initiation, but we were growing the relationship….

Reply March 15, 2014, 11:08 am


What I think is going through his head: “I’m calling too much, saying ‘I love you’ first, hanging on waiting for her to have time for me, I look desperate and clingy, I’m over invested in this girl, I’m chasing, time to pull back and protect my ego”

I know you tried to get him invested again by following up with how much you like him, but he knows that would set a bad precedent where both parties feel insecure in the relationship, better to be decisive.

I don’t think there’s much you could have done differently, sometimes things just don’t work out.
Long distance relationships rarely work anyway.

Reply March 19, 2014, 5:00 am



To be clear, I was in no way making him chase me. I was warm and responsive. I was letting him lead and extremely responsive to that. If he wrote me, I wrote him, if he said love you, I said love you too. If he called, I called him back. If he did something for me, I would call and thank him. As to having time… I was responsive to his calls (clear about when I had plans, but would schedule a specific time), had time for 2-3 hour calls when he was out of town, and made time while I was on the other side of the world. I had also been very clear I was super excited to see him, even freeing up a possible 10 days for us to spend time and get to know each other.

Reply March 19, 2014, 10:04 am


You young people make it so complicated! The guy was stroking his EGO. He wanted flattery, nothing more.

February 16, 2015, 9:52 pm


Great article (as usual!). What are some ways women can inspire a guy to realize his ultimate potential as a man? My go to was to go to the deep, dark secrets, but from reading your articles that is a no-no and I should leave his issues alone. Asking questions seems to put guys on guard and make him and me feel like I am an investigator. You have previously said to let guys open up to you, does that go for sharing their hopes/dreams as well? Or how can I reach him on a deeper level?

Reply March 14, 2014, 3:29 pm

Jade Kelly

You are very welcome, credit where credit is due. I understand the dilemma you face (I am in a similar line of work as you) marketing is a way to reach a larger audience and spread your authentic message to women who need it most. These gimmicky writers end up sent to spam when they are always trying to “trick” women in to buying the latest ground breaker (which often it isn’t) there are many cowboys out there, and what I observe so often, sadly…is that many women BELIEVE it has to be difficult, perhaps even that there is something wrong with men and they must be tricked! the beauty of what you write is that you keep it simple and you speak in a way that reaches out to people, the great tragedy is that despite it being an uncomplicated and heartfelt message that truly works when actioned, it takes time and effort and a commitment to self growth to actually become this woman you describe. One who is happy, healthy and balanced…

I observe that many women read and understand this advice, but they don’t want to do the work, they want a quick fix right now. What they fail to realize is that a quick fix will only hold up for a short time and before long she’ll be back asking for more tips, even more wounded and disillusioned by her love life.

One of the most critical parts of this article is when you said a woman must stop considering only what she wants/needs and feels, and take time time to understand the differences compared to what a man needs. This relates directly to this insecurity that drives woman to look for a one time miracle solution.

Doing the work on yourself is rewarding beyond measure, and it works faster than people realize. There is no feeling that compares with no longer worrying constantly about your relationship and simply knowing it is working, without a ton of heartache attached to it.

Reply March 14, 2014, 3:09 pm


Like the advice but now I feel the connection I thought I may have had has gone from me towards the 2 year boyfriend ( we live apart & I have 1 child still at home with me). Its fine he can have his past times of long fishing trips & he likes to control the pace of the relationship. My problem is that now I do not care enough about a relationship with him anymore, so does any one else have this problem?

Reply May 23, 2014, 5:07 am

Eric Charles

Thank you Jade, I appreciate that.

In terms of marketing, I was someone who loved helping people with their relationships years before I ever charged a penny for it. So I appreciate that you like that I’m original and authentic in my work because the marketplace is filled with people who just want to sell you stuff (and the stuff they sell is recycled garbage – they don’t care if it helps or not, so long as their buyers don’t refund it en masse.) So thank you for that comment.

As far as sex is concerned, my concise comment on the matter has always been that a woman knows best when to sleep with a guy — it’s her choice and nobody has a place to judge or shame that. At the same time, she would do best to make sure that she’s doing it because she wants to and never, ever from a place of fear (fear that he won’t stick around if she doesn’t, fear of him losing interest if she doesn’t, fear that’s she’s not enough without having sex with him, etc.)

I appreciate the comment and I’m glad to hear that you have a great love life now — the fact that you stick around and still enjoy my articles is the greatest compliment I could receive.

Reply March 14, 2014, 2:45 pm


Am agree with u

Reply December 10, 2015, 1:20 am

Jade Kelly

This is one of the best articles you have ever written Eric, I hate these ad emails that say “HERE’S the secret…click this link, pay $40” I want to see you keep your uniqueness and not become gimmicky. Because this is what women truly need and in turn they will buy your product as I did, because they trust you.

I only really read these now through pleasure, as I did become that woman who learnt how to love a man the way he needs to be loved, and to love myself the way I deserve, and because I enjoy your work.

The only part I disagree with is sex, I would NEVER advocate with holding sex, but I do think a woman should wait until she knows the man well enough to want to be intimate with him. If he is truly interested he WILL wait a reasonable amount of time. If you’re the type of woman who says I have to wait until date 10, he will never take you seriously. I believe strongly in the mystery and clarity that a woman has in the early days. For it is then that she makes better choices about compatibility.

Great, quality article, this is not the typical advice we are seeing thrown around by other experts these days. It comes from the heart and it is sound.

Reply March 14, 2014, 2:27 pm

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