No one wants to waste their time when it comes to dating and relationships….but sadly, most of us do. The reason is that we let our emotions overrun our common sense and reasoning. We cling to the vision of what could be rather than seeing and accepting what is.
I always know when a relationship is going to fail. It’s a very unfortunate superpower. I know the end just when things begin but I can’t really say anything, and even if I did, it would fall on deaf ears and that friend would probably stop talking to me. I always hope I’m wrong in these situations, maybe this time my Spidey Sense was a little off. But no, it’s usually spot on. (Recommended reading: 5 Signs He’ll Never Commit)
There are a few reasons why I can see so clearly: 1) I’m not in the situation and that makes it easier to be objective. 2) I write about relationships for a living so I know a thing or two and 3) There are certain obvious, telltale signs that a guy is ready to settle down.
MORE: Why Won’t He Commit?
So what are the signs that he’s ready to settle down? I’m going to share them with you below. If your guy is showing at least a few of these signs, he is most likely ready to settle down with you.
Telltale Signs He’s Ready to Settle Down With You:
1. He Makes You a Priority
He puts you first. He puts your needs first, and he really, genuinely cares about meeting your needs. This doesn’t come naturally to most men so it’s a big deal when he reaches that place where he puts someone ahead of himself.
This is just one of those things that you kind of know. You know when you’re a man’s top priority, just like you know when his priority is his job or hanging out with his friends or anything else.
When a man is serious about settling down with you, he prioritizes you. That means you come first. Yes, sometimes there will be an urgent work matter or a social event he has to go to, but he will always let you know that you matter, that your happiness matters, that you’re the person he wants to be with. So ask yourself: am I just an option or am I his priority?
Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Does He Really Love Me?
2. He Factors You In
He checks with you before making plans. He makes major life decisions with you, he doesn’t make them on his own and then come and tell you about it. You are a factor in his
You are a factor in his decision-making. He considers you and your needs, he isn’t only thinking about and living for himself. He has made room for you and he considers how things will affect you.
Major life decisions don’t only mean huge things, like whether or not to take that job overseas, it can come in smaller forms like deciding to get a dog together. These are the sorts of things that really test your strength as a couple and determine how well you work as a team.
3. He Wants to Bring You Into His World (Like Really Bring You In)
He wants to meet your family. He wants you to meet his family. He wants your families to meet each other! He doesn’t just want you to meet them, he wants you to know them.
He wants you to form a friendship with his sister, to hang out with his crazy cousins, to really know what his family is all about.
And he wants the same with your family. He doesn’t just want to meet them, he wants to immerse himself into your world.
4. He Wants to Deepen the Relationship
He is not stalling for time, saying he likes things how they are and why change anything? He wants to take the next step and move things forward. This doesn’t mean he’s racing down the aisle, it means your relationship slowly and effortlessly evolves, it isn’t at a perpetual standstill.
Not only are things moving forward, he’s happy about the direction things are going in. He doesn’t ask for space or say things are moving too fast and he feels pressured. He is happily on the same page as you.
5. He Openly Talks About the Future
He doesn’t talk about the future in an abstract airy-fairy way, he talks about it in a real, practical way.
This doesn’t look like, “We should go to Greece next summer, that would be amazing!” It’s more like, where would we want to live? How would we raise our kids? Will we live together before marriage?
He takes future talk seriously and really wants to make sure you both want the same things and have the same vision for the future. He isn’t afraid to get real about commitment, he takes an honest, straighfoward approach.
6. He Prioritizes the Relationship
He wants it to work. It’s important to him, it matters, and he wants to see things through. When a guy isn’t ready to settle down, he has a take it or leave it attitude with his relationships. He doesn’t invest too much of himself. If things work out, great. If not, whatever, no big deal.
A guy who is ready to settle down is the opposite. He prioritizes the relationship and wants to make it better. He wants to meet your needs and be the man you deserve.
MORE: Why He Won’t Commit
Now, he may also prioritize other things like his career and such, but you will know that you matter to him.
7. He Discusses Finances
Money is a topic so intimate that even the best of girlfriends who share literally everything about their lives, may shy away. It’s just not something you openly discuss…until you’re in a very serious relationship, that is. When things are getting serious, money talk is inevitable. Life comes chock full of expenses…and how will you go about bearing that load?
MORE: Ways to Make Him Commit
What sort of lifestyle will your combined incomes allow for? How much do you want to save, how much to invest, how much do you want to put away for retirement? And how about your future kids? How are you going to pay for them?
These are all important things to consider before getting married and if a man starts discussing it with you then it’s a definite sign he’s in it for the long haul.
8. He’s Done Sowing His Wild Oats
He’s been there done that with the wild party boy scene and he’s over it. He has no desire to sleep with loads of women, drink to the point of obliteration, and turn back into a frat boy on the weekends.The novelty of going out and picking up girls is wearing off, he’s much more content to stay in with someone he cares about.
This doesn’t mean he never wants to go out and have fun, he may go out and go wild on occasion, and while it’s fun once in a while, staying in with you holds way more appeal and is what he genuinely prefers to do the majority of the time.
The abandoning of the party boy lifestyle is just a natural shift that occurs as a guy matures and really wants to settle down and enter a new phase of his life.
9. He Can be His True Self With You
He can be his authentic, true self with you. He takes off the “mask” shows you hidden parts of himself, the sides he hides from everyone else, the sides that only a privileged few have access to. He can be real with you, no fronts and no facade. He opens up to you, confides in you, and trusts you fully.
Guys know how rare and valuable it is to find a woman they can enjoy this kind of security with. It doesn’t come around every day so when it does, he will treasure it and hold it close.
10. You just know
And now for the clearest sign of all that he’s ready to settle down…you just know.
You just know he’s serious about you. You feel totally secure in the relationship. He cares about you and meeting your needs. You don’t have this underlying feeling of fear writhing in the pit of your stomach warning you that he’s just going to leave. You can relax and just be.
You know the feelings I’m talking about. They are the same feelings you’ve ignored and pushed to the side so many times before.
You thought maybe it’s just your insecurities flaring, or maybe things will be different as soon as he…calls you his girlfriend…tells you he loves you… asks you to move in. But it won’t be different, your gut is warning you that something is amiss. You just don’t want to listen because you really want things to work out even though deep down you know he isn’t on the same page.
I’m including these as bonuses because they aren’t 100% guarantees, but they are still pretty strong indicators that he is ready to settle down.
Bonus Sign #1: His Friends Are “Settled”
I was once friends with a group of guy friends who were all serial daters. These guys would tear through women like toilet paper. Then something happened. One of them met an amazing woman, a one-of-a-kind gem, the kind of woman you don’t just throw back into the sea. And soon enough they got engaged!
It was shocking! A few months later, one of the other guys started dating an amazing woman, and things started getting very serious…Meanwhile, another guy connected with a great girl who he casually knew for a while but didn’t really think of dating until he did…. and then another one met a girl by strange happenstance, he almost wasn’t going to pursue it but something in him nudged him to give it a shot…long story short, all those guys are now married to all those girls.
I think the reason this happens with guys is that seeing your buddy happy and settled causes you to adjust your mindset. It forces you to consider an alternate means of happiness, you realize that maybe dating and living the bachelor life isn’t all that fulfilling and maybe it’s time to take things more seriously and find someone to settle down with. I think it happens on a very subtle level, it’s not an outright mindset shift that forces a guy to marry the next woman he goes on a date with. It’s a slight shift in the way he sees things.
The point is… you are the company you keep. If his friends are hard-partying animals who think they’re still living in a frat house… chances are he’s not ready to get “wifed up” anytime soon. If he has at least some close friends who are married or at least in serious relationships, then chances are he is looking for that too. The more married friends he has, the higher the probability that he isn’t just dating for the sake of dating, but rather dating for the sake of dining someone to spend his life with.
** Caveat: this rule isn’t an absolute because.. well someone has to be the first in the group of friends to jump ship. This sign needs to be looked at in the context of the others that will be provided in this article. Also, there is often that one token single guy in every group of friends. The one who dates and dates and claims he really wants to settle down, but no one is ever good enough and he leaves a trail of broken hearts in his wake. Don’t date that guy!
Bonus Sign #2: He Is Happy With His Career
Most men, not all men, but most, need to have their career before they will consider settling down. Careers are important to most men. Careers are important to women as well but most women won’t hold off on getting married until she establishes herself in a career (however, this is a reason a woman might hold off on having children once married, but separate topic!). Most men need to feel like winners, this is a concept we talk about a lot on A New Mode. A man needs to feel like he ’s pursuing his mission. This doesn’t always translate to having a successful career, but often it does.
If a man doesn’t feel like a winner, he won’t want to be “seen” and there is nowhere to hide in a serious relationship so chances are he won’t be ready to settle down until he gets his ducks in a row.
Most men want to be able to give their partner emotional and financial security and will hold off on marriage until they feel they are in this place.
I hope this article gave you a better understanding of how to know when a man is ready to settle down. But there is more you need to know if you want a committed relationship that lasts. At some point in your relationship, a guy will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? Do you know what inspires a man to truly commit? Do you know what makes him see a woman as “the one”? If not, read this next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
These Are The Signs He’s Ready To Settle Down With You:
- He Makes You a Priority
- He Factors You In
- He Wants to Bring You Into His World(Like Really Bring You In)
- He Wants to Deepen the Relationship
- He Openly Talks About the Future
- He Prioritizes the Relationship
- He Discusses Finances…
- He’s Done Sowing His Wild Oats
- He Can be His True Self With You
- You just know
- His Friends Are Settled
- He is Happy With His Career