Why Guys Disappear and How to Deal post image

Why Guys Disappear and How to Deal

Here’s a scenario that might sound familiar. You’re seeing a guy for a little while, it could be weeks or maybe months. You text a lot, hang out, have fun, things seems to be moving along swimmingly and a relationship seems like it’s just around the corner.

Then poof … he’s gone. He disappeared and ]has vanished without a trace.

He might do the slow fade out, meaning he stops initiating contact and when you reach out to him he takes hours or days to reply. This goes on for a while until you take the unfortunate hint. Or he “ghosts” and just disappears. He doesn’t reach out and he doesn’t reply when you contact him.

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When this happens, the girl becomes desperate to know why. Maybe his vanishing act came after a period of him pulling away. Or maybe it came suddenly, out of the blue. It doesn’t matter, it means the same thing: he’s not into you and doesn’t see this relationship going anywhere. Maybe he met someone else or maybe he just had an epiphany. The damage is done, there’s nothing you can do so don’t torture yourself over it.

I’ve been there, so, believe me, I know how awful it feels. Like the absolute worst.

why-guys-disappear Like many women, my reaction was a mix of rage and indignation. Why can’t he just be a man and break up with me to my face?? What a coward!

So why doesn’t he just say this to your face?

Because it’s an uncomfortable conversation to have and he doesn’t want to have it. Simple as that. Also, men just aren’t as equipped to handle emotions and emotional situations as women are, so they avoid them.

TAKE THE QUIZ: Is He Losing Interest?

Girls don’t like having the breakup conversation and guys absolutely despise it.

Most men would rather walk over a bed of burning hot coals than tell a girl to her face they’re not into her. So they ghost. And most of the time, they will reason that the girl is probably on the same page so there is no need to reach out.

They tell themselves that she must know this isn’t going to work out and calling and telling her something she already knows would just be silly, so that’s the end of that.

And most of the time, they will reason that the girl is probably on the same page so there is no need to reach out. They tell themselves that she must know this isn’t going to work out and calling and telling her something she already knows would just be silly, so that’s the end of that.

The reasons don’t matter, the facts do. If he disappears, it’s because he isn’t the right guy for you. If he was the right guy for you…well he would be with you!

He wouldn’t have come up with a list of reasons to never see or speak to you again, and proceed to never see or speak to you again. I know it’s hard to accept, especially if you really liked this guy, but you really do need to just trust that it’s for the best. Why would you want to be with a guy who doesn’t want to be with you anyway? That would be horrible. You want to be with a guy who can’t believe his luck that a girl like you would choose him!

OK, so now that we know why, let’s talk about what to do to help you move on to greener pastures.

1. Don’t reach out to him….under any circumstances! He may have left you, don’t let him take your dignity with him. Girls will come up with all kinds of deluded reasons why they absolutely must initiate contact. I just need closure! I want to know how he’s doing! I HAVE to tell him about this really funny thing that happened!

He stopped initiating contact with you because he is no longer interested in you. The sooner you realize and accept this, the better off you’ll be in the long run. Remember, if he wanted to see/speak to you, he would.

2. Don’t take it personally. When a guy disappears, it’s almost inevitable to feel a flood of self-doubt. What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough?

You didn’t do anything wrong and you are “good enough” to have the relationship you want with a man you want, this guy just wasn’t it.

I know plenty of gorgeous, smart, funny, successful, amazing women who have had the vanishing act pulled on them and it didn’t make them any less gorgeous, smart, amazing, etc.

A guy can lose interest for any number of reasons and oftentimes it has more to do with him than with you. The worst possible thing you can do is take it personally and start beating yourself up over it. This will eat away at your self-esteem and will repel any new potential suitors that might come along. Try to keep your ego out of your relationships as much as possible. Your relationship status should never determine your worth as a person.

MORE: On Loving Yourself and Becoming More Confident

3. Stay busy. As with most painful experiences… only time will heal. As time works its magic, the best thing you can do is stay as busy as possible. Immerse yourself in work, spend time with friends, check out a cool new bar or museum, try out a new exercise class. Keep your schedule jam-packed so there isn’t a crack for him to slip right in. And do NOT check up on him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other social media portal.

If you feel the need to check up on him, go look at funny YouTube videos or call a friend. Staying busy and keeping your life fun and fulfilling will also have positive long-term results and will put you in a better position to attract an even better guy.

Now lets all breath a sigh of relief that those Houdinis did us the courtesy of finding something better!

You can stop a disappearance before it happens if you know what signs to look for. Take our “Is He Losing Interest?” quiz to find out exactly where he stands!.

I hope this article helped you understand why men disappear and gave you helpful tips on how to deal with it. But there is more you need to know. Before a man disappears, there will be certain signs. He may start to withdraw, to lose interest, and you just feel that something is off. Do you know what to do to get things back on track? If not, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

Ever have a guy pull a vanishing act on you? Tell us how you dealt with it in comments!

Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

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My situation is very different. The man I was seeing is married. He pursued me like crazy in the beginning. I wasn’t all for being with a married man, but at that point in time, I had just went through a very hard time in my life and this man came along and said and did all the right things. We got involved quickly. He would text me everyday all day long, call me on his way home, come see me at least twice a week. He then started fading. But then would come back after a few days. Then, he’d go a week. Then come back, then two weeks, on and on. Always come back. This time, he came to see me right before Christmas and we were like we always are when were together, very passionate and very into each other. He was supposed to come back and help me with something I needed done and never came, never called, never text. It has now been 6 weeks and I haven’t heard from him. He has never gone this long ever before without contacting me. I refuse to text him. 1: because he is married and I’ve never initiated contact, he always did. 2: he is the one who said he’d be back to help me, so it is his responsibility to be contacting me. 3: I have too much pride to reach out to him since he hasn’t initiated any contact in 6 weeks, so I’m just waiting to see what he does. I know this is probably the best anyway because nothing will ever really be right with us since he is married. I know I just need to let him go (which I have, I’m not contacting him). It just bothers me so much that he hasn’t said NOTHING to me. I have no idea why he stopped contacting me. I want to reach out, but I feel like it’s really him that needs to reach out to me! And, after all of this time that has gone by I feel like I’ve done really well in not contacting him. It just drives me crazy not knowing why he stopped contacting me. I have four ideas but will never know really which one it really is.. 1: his wife started to suspect something and they got in an argument and he got scared so he stopped contacting me.. 2: He’s started to see another woman and cant juggle 3 women at one time so he let me go. 3: He felt guilty about seeing me so he just stopped. 4: He’s just not into me anymore and just poof, vanished because he don’t want to hurt me. I guess I have to take my pick because he’ll never admit any of these reasons. I choose to keep my dignity and not reach out but it is so hard not knowing why he stopped contacting me. We are adults, if he wanted to stop seeing me, all he had to do is just say it. I dont know why he stopped but I do know this. IF he wanted to contact me he would. Even if he’s scared she may find out, he could call me from a work phone or someone else’s phone. But he is not. Apparently he could care less if I’m upset, mad, hurt, left wondering what happened. He just don’t care and that hurts. Every day I just try to keep him off my mind. I think it’s more about him doing this to me than it is anything else. Him just discarding me like this is shameful and leaves me feeling very, very hurt.

Reply February 2, 2022, 10:02 am


As a woman whose husband cheated, what you did was not right. No matter if they say they are miserable, unhappy, etc, you should not have entered into a relationship with someone else who is married.

Reply April 14, 2022, 4:17 pm


I’m probably going to get banned for saying this but fact is anyone who gets involved with any man mainly while knowing he’s in any relationship being married or not is known as a homewrecker or well technically any whether aware r not but frm my understading this is only facts and look it up if u think I’m lying I am just saying so think before you make the mistake again those r who ppl refer to as a homewrecker or even a slut to some is that what you want to be labeled as or are you going to have some respect for the other woman as well as yourself and not do that again I’m just saying okay imagine how she must feel especially if he has kids with his wife u should not be any more than disgusted he did that to not just u but her too them okay think about her pain nobody wants an unfaithful partner and its hard to deal wwith when finding out our worst fear that we have one now how can u still want that sick twisted mind idiot really ur better than that & u need to realize what he did to her he will do to aanoter that’s all im ssying im sorry if harsh not trying to downgrade u but I’m just being honest face the facts put urself in her shoes she’s the wife not you a side piece how could u even expect u to last with that loser he’s married she’s the one he’s got something real with sides should not ever expect anything lasting or realluly i dont understsnd how r why 1 wuld even ever Get involved at all that’s asking for drama bs and heartache discard all there Is with that but anyway now I’m sounding negative towards u not trying to tho my apologies I’ve said enough just try to see and understand my point I’m sorry u expected more tho anyone who cheats cannot be trusted for its very likely he’ll b any different and not cheat with every partner he’s supposed to be in a relationship last thing k don’t be a loser and settle for one learn from this and become a respectful woman whose not going to put a label on herself anything like that now I’m done take care hope this helps u to see the reality to it all

Reply April 21, 2022, 6:39 pm


A man that is in love will stop at nothing to catch and KEEP the one he has fallen in love with. He will be driven to stake his claim so there will be no risk of losing his prized person to another. There will be no games. He will not do things or behave in a way that would cause the woman to wonder. He will be on top of everything. She will not feel the need to pursue because he’ll be doing all the pursuing. Don’t settle for anything less. This is how a man in love will behave. No question. No riddles. No on and off. His off switch no longer exists for you.

Reply January 24, 2021, 12:50 pm

Nutty Nutz

This is 100% TRUTH!!! It’s that simple. That’s exactly what my ex fiance was like.

Reply May 8, 2022, 5:39 am


This article is sooooooooooo true and so well summarized. Yes, indeed I have been victim of this several times and it is extremely painful and frustrating because you open up to the guy and invest your time and energy just to be disposed of like and unwanted item.

Yes, it is true. The best way to deal with this is to mirror the behaviour and do not contact the guy anymore. This way you at least preserve your dignity. Anyhow, most of the times these sort of men tend to re-appear out of the blue a month, two or even a year later with the stupid message “Hey, what’s up”. Obviously at this point you feel maximum like sending back an emoji of the middle finger.

However, the older I got I started to think about it more and realised that if we (women) do not just contact them after they ghost us… Yes, we do preserve our dignity BUT we continue to allow this behaviour to happen!!!!! Because NOBODY tells them off! Since there is no reaction from us they think it is ok and they just get away with it and repeat this hideous behaviour again!

But if each of us that is writing here woud send them a “scolding” msg about a month later… Yes, it would not bring the guy back. Yes, perhaps he would think you are a drama queen. But why would you care if anyway he doesn’t speak with you.

But they would know next time that this is not OK. And if another and another woman would do the same to him… Then on a 5th or 6th time they would think twice if they are going just to disappear without a word!

So dear girls…. We are in this together!! If we keep just staying quiet in order to preserve our dignity we are also allowing and in a certain way supporting this behaviour.

Reply November 3, 2020, 10:06 pm

Carrie Noworolnik

I was seeing a guy for 3 weeks. The first couple of weeks were fabulous! We couldn’t get enough of each other. We were both smitten. I would get texts all day with cute Bitmojis and Emojis. We saw each other 8 times over those 3 weeks. He told me week 1 how he was falling for me. He told me personal financial information because he said he sensed this thing we had was headed somewhere serious. We made plans for the summer and meeting each other’s kids. Then the third week he asked me to come to his place and I would stay the night (he lived about 35 min away) because we would have wine and get to know each other. I sensed in his eyes when we talked that he was indeed falling for me. Then we hooked up but that wasn’t our first time having sex together. Everything seemed great. He even woke up and made me coffee in the morning before waking me. I left around 10am. Later that evening though he was a bit different. He said he was tired and hung over. Then the next few days his texts were shorter. Not as well thought out. No silly sexual references. I told him I was unusually comfortable with him and he said I should be. When we would speak on the phone it was fine but again, the texts were different. We met for coffee that Tue and I felt in my gut that something was different. He talked and complained about work. There was no making out in the car like we did other times we met at lunch. We spoke later that evening and again, he seemed fine and we made a date for the following Saturday. Then Wed I got a “Good Morning” Bitmoji but then we didn’t text during the day. I knew he had a big meeting with his boss so I told him I wouldn’t bug him until later. Later on that afternoon he didn’t reach out to me. I texted him to tell him I was taking my daughter to the Dr and not to call. All of his texts were short. Nothing flirty. No Emojis. He was different and I knew something was up. I texted to ask how his day was and he just said “ok.” He asked him if he was alright because he seemed off. He just said he was eating dinner and then asked if I was ok. It was odd. When I got home I called and got his VM. I texted that I sensed something was up. He called me right back and his voice was very shaky. He just said he had a bad day at work and needed to hang with his son. But I knew there was more to it. He said I didn’t do anything wrong he just had a bad day. I said ok. Later that night he texted and sounded very irritated and reiterated that he had a bad day and just needed time with his son. I felt scolded. I just knew there was more to it. Sure enough the next morning I got a text that said what his boss said and that his focus wasn’t on work but then he went on to say that I was amazing and I didn’t do anything wrong and our time together has been great but too time consuming. Then he turned it around on me and said I was pushing the gas pedal down too hard and he wasn’t sure what he wanted and this started out to be fun but he got a sense it was headed somewhere more serious (remember week 1 he said he was falling for me and he said it was headed somewhere serious not me.) He then said I had him on a pedestal and he didn’t feel he deserved it and had we been further into the relationship he wouldn’t be so scared of it but being it’s so new his guard is now up. None of what he said made sense. I didn’t get it. I responded and reminded him that he was just as guilty of moving fast as I was and I must have done something wrong for him to be saying this. I also told him I agreed it was moving fast but I was following his lead. He never replied. I never heard from him again! This was a month ago. I was devastated! He got me to open up my heart when I’m normally very guarded at first. I normally take my time in getting to know someone but we clicked immediately and I felt with every fiber of my being that this was special. Now I am dumbfounded! I saw his dating profile on Bumble last Sun. I was inconsolable because if dating me was too consuming with work, why would he be looking for something new? I don’t know how I will get over this! There were no red flags at all. It wasn’t until those days after I spent the night which was his idea. I am guessing me spending the night was too real for him and he got freaked out or after seeing the real me he just changed his feelings and didn’t know how to tell me. Those texts that Wed and Thu was not the same person I was texting with before Sunday. I don’t get it!

Reply March 17, 2019, 12:44 am


He was interested in having sex with you but not so much interested in you. Do not contact him anymore. Date many people but do not sleep with them. Interested men with continue to show interest. Those who are not will fade and disappear. While dating (but not sleeping with) these men. Get to know them and vice versa. At the same time make the most of enjoying single life. Do all the things that make you happy. Sometimes women delude themselves about a situation because it is what they want. This will cause heartache and pain. Relationships are two way with both putting in the effort. Remember this. Men have no problem spending time/money on what they really want…
Good Luck

Reply September 4, 2019, 3:34 am


Hi i’m Fay.
I have a bf and we ere together like 2 years more we are LDR. He always vanishing, sometimes untill 3 days or more. But when he text me or he call me, he act like everything is fine after he vanished.
If he is busy I’m fine, but he doesn’t. He said he just dont like to texting, dont like to stay on phone for a whole day. And also not possible to call bcs his country (UAE) is block all the apps to make a call.
I’m tired to talking about why he vanishing, many times i talked but he keep vanishing and come back.
He said he love me, but he seems like dont. Bcs if he love me he will make me important, and keep in touch with me no matter how busy he is, no matter how much he travels and no matter how much he has going on in his life.
And 2 next months we going to have a vacation.
I’m so confused and stress with this situation. What should i do?

Reply June 3, 2018, 7:55 am


i was with him for several months and he pursued me, gave me flowers for valentines day, took me to dinner, picked me up in his car, spent weekends together, and made plans for future events. Then suddenly he went cold. He changed his phone number and ghosted me in mid conversation about coming to my birthday. After seventeen days I was stressed at his sudden ghosting, I missed him and the situation was nagging me, haunting me, and so I decided to go to his home fifty minutes drive away and confront him. I told him i knew he was never going to contact me again. I remained calm and neutral and respectful as I wanted to retain my dignity. He replied he was just busy and sure he was, he was full of lame excuses and denials and I believe some lies as well. He never once showed me any of his past warmth such as reaching to touch me etc, while I was there. I took a long hard look at him and saw him for what he really was and realized I wanted to let him go, that his attitude toward me was undesirable, and that I really couldn’t even like him anymore. I was so glad I went to confront him and get closure, even though he could not come clean and just end it properly. My closure was that I ended it myself by giving him a quick hug, saying goodbye and going down the steps knowing he’d never contact me ever again, and that I couldn’t care less. I was over him. A great burden was lifted from me and I felt free again.

Reply May 21, 2018, 10:29 pm


over a week ago we had an amazing outdoor activity. We are both runners. So we spent that weekend training, and we had lunch and laughs afterwards. After that weekend, he never contacted me or we haven’t talked. Not until the holidays when I sent a greeting for the holidays. He responded a day after thanking me for the simple gift I gave him. I did not respond to his last. Then yesterday, I shoot him a message on facebook asking for a certain schedule of an event. Until today he has not responded, though I see him always online on Facebook. He has a habit of responding late or worst not responding at all to my messages and he has his reasons. But, I’m still not use to it and it worries me every time. Could it be a red flag? Or am i just overthinking and overreacting?

Reply December 28, 2017, 10:37 pm


Been there recently and if i put my logical head on I realise hes got lots of Issues. Im very upset but Im trying really hard to work on myself and confidence and self esteem I hadnt relised how men and women think so differently and Im 60

Regards xlizx

Reply December 26, 2017, 2:57 am


My guy has been incognito for a little over two weeks now. I am in the middle of getting ready for my brothers wedding this weekend and there has been a lot of stress that i was chatting to him about. Before then, we were fine i think. Who knows anymore.

So last time i heard from him was a non response to my messages.

This is what i believe, and the article was spot on: the right man will not leave you. And you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man. I have felt the beginnings of self doubt and sadness; and even anger. But i stop them from becoming full blown by reminding myself that if his reason for disappearing is because of his unwillingness to support me when i’m going through a stressful time, do i really want that kind of relationship? I truly value my happiness and value as an individual. So a shoddy treatment of me from someone who claims to love me is not on.

And if he ever does come sashaying back, i will let him know how i felt and he can stay only if he is 100% on board….and he will have to prove it.

Reply August 17, 2017, 3:09 am

Gulasch Topf

When you go would you even turn to say I don’t love you like I did

Reply July 31, 2017, 1:45 am


Out of sight, out of mind!!!

Reply June 16, 2017, 11:24 am


I don’t know what people do in these cases. I have been dating someone for one month maybe 6 dates. Last week 3 days in a row. We have been talking each single day of this month but he is so busy during the week because of the job and we don’t text so much during the week, but at least we arrange dates, ask about other’s days and he says me good night/morning. During the last 2-3 days I have kept the conversations a little bit cold since he only texts me to say good night and then says I am going to sleep (this only during this week). Then he asked to do something during the weekend. I kept it cold again and said I have plans for Saturday. Then he asked about Sunday. I said just: I would love to…:)
Then he dissapeared on Sunday.
Is this because of me being a little bit cold (but I have reasons because I consider it disrespect when smn says I am going to sleep now) or what? i don’t understand. If smn looses interest why asks to do smth on weekend. Should I move on or write to him? I find disrespectful to ask smn and to dissapear .

Reply June 18, 2017, 1:18 pm


Im committed to moving on but think about him everyday. I miss him like mad but i can no longer give him the best of me when he dips out all the time. He has done this the whole 4 years together. He has run so many times and always comes home. This time he is never going to return. Its been 3 months and he is a no-show. I am dealing with rejection, emotional abuse and co-dependancy. I am getting therapy now and i want the day to come when he doesnt consume my thoughts.

Reply June 12, 2017, 1:33 am

Nicole Renee

So.. I met this guy at his job. Totally not looking for anyone he walked up to me and I thought hey he’s cute let’s give it a go. I hadn’t been in the dating life since me and my Childrens father stopped talking (which is for 2yrs). I’d admit now I had trust issues, I didn’t want to let him in and now I know why. We were talking everyday, he met my kids and we finally made it official. He asked could he move in, I was still skeptical but I said ok. Unfortunately I had unprotected sex with him and even after that we were still cool. He told me it was a slight chance I could be pregnant and yeah I got mad but it was as much as my fault as his. Then after that conversation he just vanished. No calls, no messages, deleted me off his social media, I’m hurt. Now I’m waiting to see if I’m actually pregnant. Which sucks if I am because he just left. I figured he probably does this all the time and I just fell for the scam. I’m so hurt..

Reply May 24, 2017, 2:22 pm


I am so sorry;(. I really wish we all can be more honest to each other…I hope your feeling better now… ❤️

Reply January 7, 2020, 7:33 pm


Look, I think people need to know (sorry for the caps, but) THINGS AREN’T DEFINABLE. People aren’t definable, relationships aren’t definable. We meet someone, we go head on into “being serious”. Just slow down. As a woman I’ve been told by magazines, reality shows, media that relationships are this or that but the real deal is, humans are too complex to be fit into criteria. We get too caught up in how people are supposed to act and our expectations continually suffer because of it. You need to LET GO. What is a certainty is that you can always keep being plugged into your own life, at all times. Just because you meet someone and they don’t turn out to be who you thought or they disappointed you because they didn’t behave a certain way or meet certain expectations doesn’t mean that it wasn’t worth it. We get too caught up in reality Bachelor/ette romance crap, love at first sight fantasies, Disney stuff, the fairytales that have been spoon-fed to us since kids or we read magazines about guys not calling you back because they’re not ‘that into you’, or girls not calling for the same reasons. The list is exhausting. Real relationships take time, lots of it. Real love takes time. Genuine respect, friendship, emotional connection is important when you first meet someone you might like. Not infatuation, which is what fools us most the time, and infatuation plays a BIG part when you first meet someone. I’ve been ghosted PLENTY of times by men but that’s not to say I haven’t ghosted guys either – and also probably when I wasn’t aware I was doing it! Sometimes I didn’t realise men were interested in me and I ghosted them unintentionally when it turned out they were interested, so, I have done the ghosting myself. Thing is, everyone talking on this forum about being ghosted has probably done it themselves to others whether you realise it or not!!! So think about the people you’ve ghosted and left in your trail of emotional destruction!! ha!

I just think you can’t expect too much from people, especially those you have just met, hooked up with a few weeks ago or have known even for a few months. You still truly don’t KNOW them. I’ve known a couple of old people who were married for fifty years and they would look at each other and still wonder ‘Who the hell is this person?’ People are complex, we have our sets of issues and our own lives and we can’t compare ourselves to others who appear to have perfect relationships when behind closed doors they are probably dealing with shit we don’t know about. The real trick is: remain PLUGGED INTO YOUR OWN LIFE – at all times. Keep pursuing YOUR passions, your dreams, honour what you want in your life and take pleasure in meeting those people who cross your path for however long they choose to, but also take pleasure in who YOU decide to hang out with. Things are not fixed. Life certainly isn’t. People certainly aren’t. Humans are complicated. And it’s not always about the other person and what they’ve done to you. It’s also about YOU and who is right for you. Take back control and see the logic. It’s not just, “I met the greatest person and I’m so sad they weren’t into me.” Let emotion take a back seat, enjoy your life, take into consideration that you are still a catch, that you too have power (not just the person who decided to leave) and you should weigh up LOGISTICALLY whether they were actually, indeed, right for you.

Reply May 22, 2017, 5:21 am


Thank you for this! It is exactly what I needed to read. You have no idea how much better what you said has made me feel. THANK YOU!!

Reply June 22, 2017, 6:39 pm


Wow! Love it! Thank you!

Reply July 5, 2017, 12:21 pm


This is SO helpful. Huge thanks.

Reply July 10, 2017, 8:04 pm


If two people consent to be together physically, then expectations should be involved. I wonder if you have found the love of your life using this method? Dating should be for the intent to marry and settle down. Casual dating (or sex) and just enjoying the other person for a moment with no intention of ever settling down is a waste of time. Yes, people are complex, but that doesn’t mean you should just assume they are too complex. It is true that we have been conditioned into a non-reality world of romance, but emotions are there for a reason. We should not keep our emotions completely in the background, but there should be a balance of logic and emotions.

Reply October 4, 2018, 10:44 am


Well, my little ghost and I were ‘perfect’ the first 3 months of our 6 month relationship. We had a lot going on: First of all, we were LDR (the worst!) but only 2.5 hours away – I have had worse, secondly, he has 3 kids, which I was excited about, third, I got sick. Oh, Lordy. . . his tone towards me was that since he has 3 kids, me being ill, I would be “just one more person to take care of. . . ” Ummm, nice. He began to slither away, but we would always get back together. 3 weeks ago when I was in the hospital for a week after suffering my first seizures while at work, my ghost had had enough. We never had words, I asked him, so, this is it? He said that he isn’t going anywhere. . . but I haven’t heard a peep from him in 2 weeks, whereas, we used to communicate 15 times per day. He is 57 and I am 51; this isn’t some lovestruck teenybopper relationship and one would think that at our age, we would know better to play games like ghosting. Especially him with 3 kids @ home. Guys like this are easy to get over. What ever his reason(s) may be, he’s being a jerk, which is a side I never saw in him when we were dating, but by the Grace of God, I see his true colors. Now, if he got sick, of course I would be by his side, we promised we would never leave each other, and we had so many plans as a new family. So, I am making the effort to work on myself, mentally I feel great. I am finally sleeping and feeling rested allows me to make better decisions, I know I didn’t do anything wrong, so it’s his loss. I am exercising more and getting fresh air, therefore am losing weight and ready to take on the world again. I am working harder because I don’t have the constant worry on ‘is this going to be the day that he dumps me?’ I had sent him his stuff back roughly a month before I had the seizures, so we were mutually on our way out, but would I like to hear from him? Of course, and I am sure I will. But the key here, is to remain strong and not contact him. I don’t know if I can go so far to tell him I am ‘single’ and seeing others. Perhaps will just let him know that I am open to dating (should he ask) and thank him for the call. Each day I am really proud of myself for not finding an excuse to call (I’ve done that before, and unless you have a child with this person, there is NO reason to call/contact when it’s over.) as I don’t want him to think that I am psycho, and that’s what guys do, is they twist it to where we want them so bad. Yes, we do, but we want things like they were in the first 2 months or so when we are on our best behavior. My guy (I won’t call him a “man” because he is not one. . . ) and I didn’t do anything wrong, life just got in the way, and imagine that! People have lives and the world does not evolve around him and that penis. . . .

Reply May 4, 2017, 11:13 am


I started dating a man in August 2016. When we met it was like it was meant to be. We hit it off like I have never with anyone before. It was a fairy tale. We ended up falling in love and spending plenty of time together. He had told me that everything he had ever searched for that he couldn’t possibly find he found it in me. He professed his love to me daily. Always told me how much he loved me. We joked around we laughed we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. The only thing that bothered me was that he never really put effort into showing me that he loved me. No birthday card, no Xmas presents, no valentines card. This started weighing on me after a while. I would bring it up in conversation and he would tell me that he loved me and promise it would be better. I still loved him though. What we shared in time spent was worth more to me than materialistic things. Well one daybi decided I was going to take my things and leave because I was unsure anymore about how he felt.he was spending more time with frienda, coming home drunk often, he changed the lock code on his phone, I just felt there was something more to the story. I wanted to know if I was worth it to him so I decided to give him a few days to figure out What he wanted. Well all of a sudden he just nonlonger reaponda to text a or phone calls and ignores me for days until I show up at his house. He then tells me he needs his space to figure out if he’s making the right decision. (Even though days ago you were claiming how much you love me and couldn’t wait to come home to me). So then 4 more days go by . no response to texts no phone calls no anything. Then he texts back and tells me his grandmother had passed and he would be with his family for the next few days. This left me so confused because at a point like this I would want my other half present. But not him, nope he wanted to be left alone. So a week later no response no phone calls so I show up at his house again asking for answers. He told me that he still loved me he just had a lot on his mind. He felt that he had lost himself and doesn’t know how to get back to the person he once was. He claimed he was so sorry for dleaving me hanging that it wasn’t fair etc. Needlesa to say, I stayed the night. I never fell back asleep because of all of the emotion running through me. Neither did he. I opened my eyes to him staring at me at one point. He grabbed my face and told me he was so sorry for .everything. We held each other rubbed each other and eventually hooked up. The following morning we had gotten up and he pulled my hand to come lay with him on the couch. We binge watched one of our shows that we always had. He held my hand all day and called me babe like normal. At one point I was going to go home and shower and he told me to shower at his place and just put his sweats on. So it seemed as if he didn’t want me to leave. I spent the night again. We cuddled all night and hooked up again the next morning. I left for work like normal and he told me he loved me Kissed me said have a good day babe text me later. Things were back to normal it felt. Until that night. I got one half ass text. The following day another half ass text them bam- back to ignoring me all over. So days later he finally agreed to talking. I went to his house and he had the rest of my stuff thatv I hadn’t taken in a box. He claimed how much he loved me but he was very selfish during our relationship and don’t put much effort and for that he was sorry. He said he disnt know What he wanted but he needed to find himself again. And that was basically it. Not even 48 hours later I passed him and he had a girl on the back of his bike. I text him and no response. Days later and still no response. I know I sound crazy for even bothering to put effort into trying to figure this out, but I love him. My 7 year old daughter was highly involved as well. I feel as if I got no real explanation as if it were just the easy way out and he threw us out like trash after claiming how much I meant for the last 8 months. How much he loved us and how much of an amazing person I was. Always wanting to be with me. I spent 5 of 7 days at his house a week for 5 months. It was like he just flipped a switch. Thursday he couldn’t wait to come home to me and Friday he acted like I never existed.it just makes no sense to me. At all. We never fought over anything. We had little disagreements but they never left us angry. We never had a real argument. We always got along. 8 1/2 months later I’m left crying consistently, I can’t aleep, my appetite has fallen, I feel as if I’m crumbling. I gave this relationship everything I had

Reply May 2, 2017, 1:34 am


I am guilty of ghosting a borderline personality disorder women. I left her hanging, blocked her on all social media accounts. I deactivated my own Facebook account for a while. She is not a bad person but sadly she is not normal due to her borderline personality disorder. Mind you I am not a narcissist, I am a codependent nice guy/white knight. I educated my self enough to let go

Reply April 28, 2017, 11:52 pm


You have every right to remove yourself from a relationship where you don’t feel comfortable. That does not make you a bad guy. However, it’s horrible to just cut off communication with no warning. It’s very rude and inconsiderate. A simple text saying, “I am sorry, but I don’t think we’re a good match and I would like to move on” would have done the job.

Reply August 18, 2017, 9:26 pm


Last year on New Year’s Eve by chance I went to a club and instantly hit it off with a guy, he seemed so lovely and charming. After a few months of dating I introduced him to all my family and he came to my cousins wedding. After 6 months we booked up to go to Greece together for our first romantic holiday, 7 months into the relationship and a week before our holiday he rang me up and broke up with me. Because of this I had to struggle to find a friend to do a name change with and take his place.
Once I came back off holiday it was a month after the break up, I went to his to get closure because I wanted to know why he did it. We spoke and it was like nothing had changed, in fact he couldn’t keep his hands off me. I stayed over a couple of nights and for another four months we remained in touch and close emotionally and sexually until he just decided to not contact me at all which was strange considering he told me he still had feelings for me. I asked him if we could talk as I still had feelings for him but instead he just opened my messages and ignored me then blocked me off all social media.

To this day I still don’t know what happened, but although he chose to dispose of me like I was nothing, I am grateful that I am not with a guy that doesn’t value me, because life is too short to be wasted on time wasters. I am glad now I realise he was just leading me on to suit his own selfish needs. However he has left room for someone who will value and love me like we all deserve to be, moreover we all deserve an explanation when people do not reciprocate those feelings that have been invested from the other party, as it takes a bigger more responsible people to do that and some people just do not have that capability. Therefore time-wasters do not deserve our time!

Reply April 25, 2017, 10:01 pm


Sorry that should be

More responsible ^*( person ) to do that.

my phone Ha.

Reply April 25, 2017, 10:19 pm


I am guilty of ghosting a borderline personality disorder women. I left her hanging, blocked her on all social media accounts. I deactivated my own Facebook account for a while. She is not a bad person but sadly she is not normal due to her borderline personality disorder. Mind you I am not a narcissist, I am a codependent nice guy/white knight. I educated my self enough to let go. I had realised she was playing with my emotions so instead of reacting to her I chose to drop her like a hot potatoe to protect my own heart and feelings. So am I the bad guy?

Reply April 28, 2017, 11:59 pm


Last year on New Year’s Eve I by chance went to a club and instantly hit it off with a guy, he evened so loved and charming. After a few months of dating I introduced him to my family and he came to my cousin so wedding. After 6 months we booked up to go to Greece together for our first romantic holiday. 7 months into the relationship and a week before our holiday he just broke up with me, I had to struggle to find a friend to do a name change with. Once I came back off holiday and sour a month after the break up to talk. We spoke and it was like nothing had changed, I stayed over a couple of nights and for another four months we remained in touch still until he just decided to not contact me at all. I asked him if we could talk as I still had feelings for him but instead he just ignored me and blocked me off all social media. To this day I still don’t know what happened, but although he chose to dispose of what we had, I am just greatful that I a man not with a guy that doesn’t value me, because life is too short to be wasted on irrelevant people.

Reply April 25, 2017, 9:30 pm


Please note Error ….

Reply April 25, 2017, 10:12 pm


Are you ladies really this dense? You created this world. Your wanted feminism. You got it. Now its turned dating into “pump and dump”. No man worth anything is going to commit to you. Why? We risk 50% of our shit if we do. By the time, the woman reaches 30 – he’s had 100 men riding the c&CKK carousel. You don’t think we know that? Then u reach your mid 30s and you think some White Knight wants to come along and marry you? Are you out of your mind? How delusional can u be? This is all because you were sold the Feminism bag of goods. You feel entitlement. Everything is about the woman. Girls go on instragam and Facebook and all they do is post pics of themselves. Why? So they can be “Liked”. Look at me! Love me! I’m the American Woman. You go to the bars – its all GUYS and like 2 girls – you get hit on constantly by Men. Why? Cause you want attention. You want Men to bow down to you. The men there are and on Dating sites (which are all men too by the way)- only have 1 objective: sex with women. Thats it. Thats what Women have reduced themselves to. Never once does a Woman ask – what do I bring to the table? What can I do for HIM? Nope. Its all about me, me, me, and oh by the way…me again. Give me more MEN. let me date hundreds of Men. While us men – just bang away. When we are ready to commit, we commit to the young girl who hasn’t slept with 100 men. You ladies are so freakin delusional – its unreal.

Reply March 11, 2017, 1:06 am


Bitter much?

Reply January 13, 2019, 10:50 pm


Such a crybaby. Blame it all on women because you don’t like the state of things. That helps… nothing….

Reply January 13, 2019, 10:52 pm


Arrff can’t I be the exception.
I met that guy, didn’t ask him anything and he came to my life. I was distant, i am always scared of getting hurt. he was taking me to date, kissing me, holding my hand in the street, talking about future and holidays.
I was not texting that much, scared of disturbing him.. he was the one texting. That friday, he texted me, it w

Reply March 5, 2017, 5:00 pm


so he texted me to know how was my day. We exchanged message for a while until i almost mentioned our plan that HE MADE for the weekend. and no news nothing just disappeared.
i wait with days and text him, he just said he was busy he is sorry and hope i am well. and now he is in america for 2 weeks.
i just wanted to believe yes he just got a new job and he is really busy … but all of those articles … i guess i just have to face the truth

Reply March 5, 2017, 5:17 pm


This is really great advice – for dealing with the facts and the damage.
But lets not forget that if a man has entered a woman’s heart or if a woman has entered a man’s heart, there is a human responsibility, repeat, human responsibility, to disengage truthfully. If we skip this one step, and pretend in our society that it’s ok for people to just leave when they please, without requiring responsibility and reciprocity that are BASIC, HUMANE qualities.. that it’s ‘cool’ for people to do whatever they please – we only end up demoting ourselves to disposable beings. We are made to relate, react, love, hate, reciprocate.

So in my opinion the person who finds themselves ‘left behind’ should swallow the pride and reach out to ask for the very basic thing they deserve : a conversation, a closure. It shouldn’t be any of our concern if the said party doesn’t want to handle tough conversations. They should – they must – come forward and deal with the situation, as they have equal part in having created it.

Please realize that if we keep pretending to be ‘cool with it’ we are lying, to ourselves first and foremost. It is not cool, not cool for most of us, but beacuse we seem to tolerate, now it has become common practice for men to leave without any accountability on his part. Lets please be real.

Now, this advice is really good in the case that the said party does not respond, despite our effort to reach them (only once). In that case, we have done our part -for ourselves-, and this person was a coward – not a man we could have counted on with our lives. imagine all women (and men) acting this way, once entered into relationship, that people pull their own weight and feel genuinely accountable for their actions. Wouldn’t it be easier? Wouldn’t we have a more trust-based society?

Please quit downplaying matters of the heart into games and manipulation and how-to’s.. Matters of heart are no joke!. One or multiple heartbreaks, ongoing dysfunctional relationships.. are major sources of stress and physical diseases (think heart attack, cancer, et cetera).

Please wake up!!

Reply February 23, 2017, 3:14 pm


I like what you wrote there. By allowing an easy exit to such people, we are forcing ourselves to tolerate bullshit, when we completely deserve an explanation. Why should one person bear the brunt of a break up when both were party to it? Not fair.

Reply March 2, 2017, 10:55 am


This is THE BEST reply I’ve ever seen so far of anything I’ve ever read or researched on this subject. I am a hypnotherapist and study about relationships and advise others. I have not read anything until now that describes what you wrote, in such a simple, easy-to-understand format. I often use the term “disposable relationship” to describe how the dating scene is now. People just vanish… both men and women. It’s as though “ignore” is the best way to behave. Avoidance is painful. Anyone, either male or female, who has been ignored or avoided, understands that this hurts. But people continue to respond in the very way they don’t like to be responded to.
I say the truth always sets you free. There are tactful and diplomatic ways to step back from any relationship, while being honest, direct and respectful. Keep in mind the other person’s self esteem and imagine it’s you sitting in the chair. How would you want someone to reject you tactfully? And also keep in mind that life sometimes surprises us and that person’s path could cross ours again in the future. Be kind always.

Reply March 20, 2017, 2:43 pm


Danielle, Although I wholeheartedly agree with you it’s still isn’t going to change the fact that unethical people will be what they are. They will not comply with the rules of ethics and decency. This is why we need to be as clear minded and clear vision as possible and make an effort to not get entangled in hopeless love affairs. You know putting the cart in front of the horse. At least if we took time to get to know someone for a few months and really know who they are and what they offer and if it is what we need and deserve we’ll decrease the chance of getting burned. Once we’ve gotten burned by these type of characters will show they don’t care and nothing we do to try to have them explain or reveal themselves will matter because it simply doesn’t matter to them. That’s the rub and why it’s so painful and unfortunate. Sometimes we just invite in the Trojan Horse.

Reply June 10, 2018, 1:44 am

Carrie Noworolnik

I did reach out and asked for clarification and he didn’t respond. I later tried to call him and it went right to voicemail so I’m pretty sure he blocked my number right after my text response went to him.

Reply March 17, 2019, 1:04 am


I have this guy who has pulled away from me for a while now… We truely enjoy being together (out or in bed) but he rarely contacts me while we would just talk 2 or 3 hours a day before that. He would jump to the internet right after his work to talk to me but now, even when he has the time he just doesn’t seem to be interested in talking to me. I told him that I NEED to talk to him after having sex so that I wouldn’t feel used. He said ok sure but no change
I asked him if he wanted to get out of the relation and he just said no! I want this relation but I know that it’s selfish to keep it with so many problems I’m dealing with right now(He’s going through so much)
What I can’t understand is he said whenever he’s angry of sth or can’t deal with it he comes to me so that we could talk and he would be ok again or find a solution for it and he really did so! But no I talk to my friends bf(who’s a friend of mine) more him
What now???

Reply February 17, 2017, 3:00 am


Should I move on or give him more time?

Reply February 17, 2017, 3:01 am


Sorry, sounds like he is using you for emotional support, intellectual support and sex.
Does he ask you what you want or need in any life area? Is he curious about you? Does he give you what YOU need?
Im guessing no (but would love to hear otherwise).
And if indeed no, please look for the nearest trash can and dump him.

Reply February 23, 2017, 3:31 pm


I have been also ghosted and the funny part is I can’t understand what has happened. We meet from a reputed matrimonial site and started relationship in Dec 2015 when we met for 2 day vacation. We were texting and talking on phone a month before we met personally. I wasn’t that into him in the beginning but he was really chasing and really I will say earned my attention. We were in relationship for 5-6 months and I started seeing decline in interest after 2-3 months. The meetings starts getting canceled and then I was out for business trip for 2 consecutive months and then went to my home country. I also started having feeling that he is losing interest and may be somewhere I felt stuck as I can’t see anyone else and I am not sure if he is that interested. When I came back it was my birthday and he said he is busy that weekend and can’t meet. But he was making plans to go for a trip the other weekend (But never mentioned that we are gonna celebrate my birthday). I got heart broken and I asked him that I want to talk and then he just stopped texting me back and opened his profile on the online dating site where we met first. He texted me after 2 days of my birthday just a wish and I just said thanks. After a week I felt that may be I should initiate a contact and wont mention about our differences. I called and texted and he never responded. I also started moving but after a month I really missed him so I though I will give one more try and I emailed him just a simple saying sorry and that I love him. No response after a month he texted me saying he needs help with some of his school work. I said ok. He came and just didn’t wanted talk about relationship bcoz I thought it was over and helped him that day and during dinner he just catched up what he was doing for those 2 months and I told him about me. He again started communicating showing interest but never talked about what happened. But again after the week I was on a bussiness trip out of country. Texts again started to get less and less. I would see him on facebook but not text me back and I got angry and blocked him. But then again during halloween I just wished him just like to other friends and he immediately started responding. We started communicating once again. Then he asked me to join him for thanksgiving dinner with his family. It was great time his dad liked me :). He also treated me as if I am his girlfriend and was perfectly treating me. Until I came back to my city. The texts started slowly getting less. Now the last time was when it was 31 dec and I wished him for new year and he responded. After that I also stoped texting and after 20 days I texted asking how he is doing. I texted 3-4 times in week and telling what was going on with me. I could see he has read messages but didnt bothered to respond. I just did a final text saying that I am relieved he is ok as i can see he read texts. I won’t bother him anymore with texts and just wished him for birthday which is in Feb. It has been 10 days I havent heard from him. I sent him birthday gift which he should have received when I was texting him but ne never bothered to say thanks. But I will just think that may be we were not compatible all along. But I am in Love with him and it does hurt sometimes.

Reply February 5, 2017, 12:50 pm


Does anyone have insights? Or just leave it on time and move on. As they say, if it is meant to be then it will be.

Reply February 5, 2017, 1:34 pm

Molly Gibbs

Move on, girl. He sounds like a selfish jerk,no matter how sweet he might have been when things were new.

Reply March 1, 2017, 8:36 am


I am a female and I met my disappearing man in Feb 2016, he flirted and flattered me and as I was single saw no harm in becoming FB friends. Well, he went all in messaging me, saying how he could live with my smile forever, he loved me, we should go on holiday together [we hadn’t even gone on a date], live together etc etc…..he was so full on I backed off bigtime which didn’t put him off at all. I kept saying we should just be friends but when the onslaught continued I deleted him.

Our paths then crossed a few weeks later, he was polite but that was it. I thought that maybe I had acted a bit harshly so suggested he looked me up on FB again, which he did. We chatted online and on the phone every day, he toned the conversation down a bit so I didn’t panic and run off again. Then one night he revealed his true self and I realised he had just be playing or ‘messing’ with me when he had gone over board at the beginning. Funnily enough this made me relieved as I had thought he was a psycho :-)

Anyway, to cut a long story short we met up again in person 4 mths after our initial meeting, he expected sex but didn’t get it…he said he might buy me a wedding ring one day. We would then meet up when we could, he called me his girlfriend, we had amazing sex, he went FB public after I said I didn’t like the fact he hadn’t changed his relationship status from single. He deleted a load of girls without me requesting it.
We spoke or texted every single day, normally many times throughout the day.

It wasn’t all great, every so often, especially when things were going well, he’d throw a spanner in the works e.g suddenly accusing me of being unfaithful[totally untrue] and then not talk to me for a day or two. He’d come back and things would be great again. I told him how I felt when he gave me the silent treatment, he seemed to listen as it did stop. However he does love playing games, he loves the drama – he admitted it. He also let slip that when he ignores me he knows that all I will be thinking about is him all day every day.

Anyway, fast forward to now, he was talking about moving in with me but first he needed to visit his family over seas. We had a lovely farewell, I had lots of calls from him at the airport and then one or two when he arrived with them – there is a time difference. Then there was a tragedy in his family, I got a text telling me this, I responded sympathetically and he replied thanking me for my understanding and saying he loved me…..and then nothing! For three days I tried to get in touch, I left voicemails and texts – nothing whiney, just hoping he was ok and to let me know when he is free to talk. Nothing. It’s been three weeks now that I have heard nothing. I know he has family stuff going on so I’m not expecting to be his priority at the moment, but surely he has 5 mins to send a text? Time differences don’t matter for them. The fact we used to talk all the time has made this cutting off so hard. He hasn’t logged into FB or messenger for over a week now. I don’t know what to think, unless going back to his family has made him realise there is no future for us [I am of a different culture and religion] and I guess eventually he wants to move back there. I go from sobbing to feeling actual pain to anger to forgiveness – I’m a mess!!
It’s comforting to know others have gone through it and come out the other side, good luck to us all :-)

Reply January 31, 2017, 2:52 pm


I am guilty of ghosting a borderline personality disorder women. I left her hanging, blocked her on all social media accounts. I deactivated my own Facebook account for a while. She is not a bad person but sadly she is not normal due to her borderline personality disorder. Mind you I am not a narcissist, I am a codependent nice guy/white knight. I educated my self enough to let go. So am I the bad guy here?

Reply April 28, 2017, 11:55 pm


Thanks a lot to this article. I just learnt that it is not “I’m not good enough” or “He doesn’t like me” or “We are not at good for each other” or “It’s wrong for me to fall for someone who is beyond reach”, it’s just that “He is not emotionally available for the moment”. And what I could do is to choose to wait for him to recover or to move on to find another man. And I will never have this idea that “Men who fall for me are mostly wrong men because I’m not interested in them”, but I will now have the idea that “I would like to be with a man who thinks it’s his great luck to have a girl like me”. And also I now understand why lots of beautiful girls end up in a happy relationship and marriage with men that don’t look as attractive as the girls do. These girls are actually smart and wise, they are mature in choosing a partner and they love themselves and also let men love them in the deserving way. I’m beginning to put myself in such a position. I will be trying to be busy and stop checking up his social network and enjoy my life as much as possible. This article is the best among all I have read before for its enlightening truth thrown on the confusing fractions of life facts.

Reply January 31, 2017, 9:52 am


oh go marry a hunchback then and be happy yeah right BYE

Reply February 1, 2017, 12:04 am


Ashley, you are right. But I don’t believe that all good looking girls end up with ugly guys as I have seen very good looking and successful guys with not very attractive women and I have also seen good looking pairs together. I just think maybe it is just a matter of fact who clicks together. Relationships make us strong as we get most heartbroken in relationships. I have seen myself getting most affected whenever I was in a relationship. Hope you get the guy you deserve soon :)

Reply February 5, 2017, 2:10 pm


I just recently got ghosted. Was seeing this guy I worked with for two months. I thought everything was going well and then he stopped texting and didn’t seem like he wanted anything to do with me. I texted him a few times and never got a response. The other night when I was working with him, this girl came in to see him. Turns out he has started to date someone else. He told some other people that we work with that he told me that it wasn’t going to work because I didn’t try and I didn’t say much. I never got a text saying any of that. If he would’ve just had the balls to tell me it wasn’t working out I would’ve been fine. I don’t want to see him or talk to him ever now.

Reply January 13, 2017, 12:55 pm


You are least know why. Many of us would LOVE toknow why. Even if it hurts. Because it gives us closure.

Reply February 15, 2022, 11:53 pm


Dear girls, the best way to not be hurted by guys is to NOT EXPECT. Then you just won’t care if this guy you have been dating disappears. You’ll be like “ugh, okay, next”. The problem is when we meet a guy and we start to like him we fantasize about him too much. Be more simple. If a guy disappears then okay, be glad you can keep searching for a better one;) theres so many good looking and interesting guys to meet!

Reply November 30, 2016, 4:15 am


You must be one of the lucky minority who can tread lightly and be able to disengage relatively easily. The only time i find i do this is when Im not in love with the man. It does become difficult when I have strong feelings for the person. Unfortunately the more experiences I have had, the pickier I have become and therefore the people I give real chances to beyond meeting once or twice – boil down to whose I do care about. I have dated countless people.. enough to aboid encounters with those personalities I know I wont have a depth of connection with.
What is your strategy? Or do you think this is just the way you are in general? Woth other people, friends, etc too. Im curious..

Reply February 23, 2017, 3:39 pm


I just got ghosted by a guy who seemed really into me. He called me two days ago, drunk in his moms basement, demanding that i leave work to get him. I told him to sit tight i could be there in 2 hours but i couldnt leave work. He got really aggressive and said i made my choice and he would not reason. I ended up leaving work early and he wouldnt answer my calls. I think he was looking for a way out. Things had been fast and intense between us. Well i blew up his phone and bitchrd him out in a voicemail. I dont care what it makes me look like. He is a considerate person and hes talked about breaking up with girls. He could have tols me. At first i thought he was mad for not leaving work, but i called him asking him to tell me if he was ok. He owed that to me after his drunken agression. Well screw it ill be sad, but he was a total jerk to me about leaving work and couldnt wait just two hours. He got me from a bar once, but he was safe at his oen house he could have waited.

Reply November 15, 2016, 11:36 am


A guy did this to mewhy string me along? and i said tto him multiple times ok youve lost interest which he denied. He then ignored me for a month after i told him not to contact me and that behaving like that and saying he was still into me was text book stringing someone along. He recently had the nerve to contact me like we where still friends and i would want something to ddo with him even though i made quite clear that ignoring me for a month at atime was both extremely disrespectful and upsetting for me?

Reply October 30, 2016, 6:04 am


This is why people shouldn’t “date,” as in, go on a ceaseless string of random dates with one dude after another. The more random strangers you go out with, the more you will get the “ghosting” deal. Relationships unfold organically, at the right time, and not after a series of pointless dates with strangers.
And telling people “not to take it personally” is laughable. Dates ARE personal, and when a man disappears, it’s essentially saying, “thanks but no thanks.” Ick. I can’t think of anything more offensive!
So yes, get angry, get upset – and then stop dating.

Reply October 13, 2016, 8:42 pm


Agree with that completely. I dont come from a dating culture. People simply meet, like each other, and become lovers. They dont keep on deliberately meeting other people to make sure they have shopped around for the best deal. So I have dated now many times in this culture – and Im back to square one

Reply February 23, 2017, 3:42 pm


Damn right here! Not too happy with the current dating culture. Meeting strangers, and then having trust issues as we have no clue about how genuine or not their back ground is. Many are married cheaters looking for a quick lay and that is all. Relationships are meant to develop organically over a period of time, with a strong base of friendship and trust. This whole ‘more fish in the sea’ approach has dehumanised relationships.

Reply March 2, 2017, 11:01 am


Quite judgmental and making many assumptions. You don’t know if they are careless in their dating. I was and am not. It happens to the best of us. Many women on here had real relationships.

Reply February 15, 2022, 11:54 pm


I met him at work. He would follow me around and even sit with me on break, tell me how beautiful I was. He always complimented me. Told other co workers that he really likes me.

Then poof, no more coming to find me or sitting with me at break time. Weeks go by and I run into him as we work in the same place. He says he does not see me much anymore and what’s my work extension so he can call me. I gave it to him..and he never called.

I refuse to track down a guy. As much as I’m hurt and sad….the next time I see him, I’m gonna tell him to play his games elsewhere..life is to short and I don’t have the time.

Im taking my power back…even though my heart aches.

Reply October 2, 2016, 10:08 pm


So I met this guy while I was at work. And everything seems to be going great. Even people at my work thought that he was into me as well and that it was pretty obvious. We finally texting each other and everything was just going awesome. He even told me that wherever this may lead he is 100% invested in it, and that he is going to prove it etc. etc.

And then one night he agreed on meeting up just to talk. He basically stood me up and did not call or text nothing. Of course I was upset and I told him that wasn’t cool. I took the opportunity to talk to him again when he sent me something on one of the social media and told him that he was clearly ignoring me and hasnt said anything, I knew he opened it so I got upset and told him that I would be completely backing away now and that he could delete me off every social media. He didnt said anything and just did it.

I thought that was very rude and of course it hurts. Especially when you believed in everything he said, I felt really stupid.

Reply September 30, 2016, 9:32 pm


I had been dating this guys for almost two months, we were not official but he gave me every reason to believe we were getting serious. He called me every day and we hung out a numerous amount of times. Then suddenly he was gone without a trace. Stopped calling, stopped replying to my texts. I pretty much begged him to give me closure but he didnt have the balls to do it, so i did. Called him a coward and a complete waste of my time. It just hurts that someone you spend every day talking to doesnt have the respect and common decency to give closure. I’ll never understand that.

Reply September 8, 2016, 5:25 pm


I ghosted on my girlfriend. We met on Valentine’s and dated for about 6 months. Somewhere in the middle I began to experience severe physically debilitating symptoms (to date). I think I gave her sevral hints that I needed my space, that I could not go on dates or even intimacy. She could not understand this, I mean she seemed supportive but our relationship could not go on, she kept making plans and asking me to do this and that, when all I had in my head was that I needed all my focus and attention on my health. The last time we hanged out I was at a very low point health-wise. I could barely walk. The next morning she got up very early and said she had to leave even though I asked her to stay a little longer so she could help me, have breakfast etc. She said no and left. She texted me for a few days but I did not reply, and that was that.

Reply August 14, 2016, 3:25 pm

Darlene Reigle

After 17 months of being separated from my stbx. I decided to try dating again for first time in 17 years.signed up with an online dating app and it drove me crazy with how so many men out there start off conversation sexually so of course those messages got deleted. Well a month and half ago out of no where i finally had a man start off conversation normal. I was very hestiant to even reply but something in me said its the first one just reply and see how it goes. So i did and it went very well. So well i kept telling myself this man is just too good to be true. We talked and met each other for 3 weeks every day. He made me feel so alive again. The last time we were together we talked for hours about every thing and anything. He left hugging me tight and kissing me like everything was good. Then bam never heard or seen him again. He ghosted me :( i dont get why people do this to others. Why do you take all this time and effort to get to know and be with someone and then just ghost them. No reasons seen no red flags of it happening. It really is a coward move. With this it makes me feel its not even worth trying to date.

Reply August 2, 2016, 1:03 pm


He lied. He hates being lied too and can’t even be frank with me or others. He blocks me on Facebook the day or two before his overseas trip. Who does that? When I found out I felt cheated, used, sad. Makes me think about why his ex cheated on him… maybe because he has a hard time getting it up haha.

Reply August 1, 2016, 5:30 am


I’m sorry to say that even dating in the senior years, there are people that are grand mothers (and grand fathers) that behave like this.

For young people in their 20’s, think if they behave like this when it’s just the two of you supposedly all hot for each other and they can’t handle emotions or respect you properly, what will their melt down be like when real life happens, like being married, raising children, managing household finances, caring for your parents in their final years.

I don’t believe in “it’s not meant to be” as an answer, but I sure believe in knowing when I dodged a bullet thanks to someone else showing their true colors.

Reply July 31, 2016, 12:56 am


The older they are the more apathetic they are. trust me

Reply September 3, 2016, 9:17 pm


Reply February 23, 2017, 3:57 pm


I’ve had a similar situation. I met this guy online and went out with him for almost 3 months. I was excited that for the first time ever I met a truly decent guy (someone respectful of me). At the end he said he was busy to meet up and not looking for commitment. (Yet my profile was crystal clear that was why I was there online). Fortunately for him he looks like he has already found someone else in 3 weeks!!! (Yes I checked his facebook profile). And the only date I’ve had since went down like a lead ballon (okay it wasn’t that bad….but it didn’t feel as enjoyable).

Although I knew at the end of ourr last date that I felt I’d never see him again because of a couple of his responses and body language…..but I guess I didn’t want it to be true.

Reply July 2, 2016, 4:19 am


My boyfriend Kenny dumped me on Valentine’s Day, since he break up with me
He does’t call me anymore, he left me, and disappear my boyfriend did not say
Goodbye to me, he is not into me. And doesn’t see this relationship going anywhere,
He does not call me back on telephone, he doesn’t want to be with me anymore
My boyfriend Kenny has. New girlfriend, he never want to see me. I feel so painful
So much.

Reply June 29, 2016, 1:15 am


After 3 years of very challenging relationship, my fiancé and I split temporarily ( or at least that’s what I thought) because I couldn’t stay overseas with him, and I had no money left and either a job in Spain. He is Polish American but didn’t want to come here after his divorce almost 4 years before. So we were planing to meet since 2 months after both of us saving money. But I wasn’t in the best of my shapes so he said he would buy my a ticket. But the day that we planed to talk about this. He dissAppeared from what’ssap and hangouts and when I came from work to ask about when we would buy the tickets to my country to meet there again, he not longer answered me anymore. We used to keep contact everyday, and the day before we even had cam talking for almost an hour! And he didn’t mention anything! I been crying since then. I’m so in shock because there were times that I wanted to end all this torture when I saw him not taking the decision of meeting again because of money or this or that. And he actually didn’t seem to want to let me go, and suddenly he just cut contact. We used to text everyday several times he telling me what he was up to, and me too. So it actually took me by surprise that after just 18 hours ago he was making plans with me of all the things that we will do when together again. He just dissAppeared. He knew he could say good by at any time in in the past 6 mo the that we were heading this long distance thing. So why he waited that much! I even asked him several times and told him that tif there was someone else that he was into. Just let me know, but he sworn that there wasn’t another woman. I know him! He is not the kind of man that stays alone. So the worst part is that now I’m torturing myself not only thinking that he had this planned long time ago and just wast waiting for the day of stabbing me in the back like this, he either knew that I been living with my family and didn’t get settled with a lease here in the USA because I had the hopes of seeing him again and he knew this same week my family treated me like crap, and I couldn’t wait to get out of here and see him again and all those plans of this past week. He dumped it and left. I’m destroyed emotionally. Now nit only I’m stuck in this situation where I put myself after traveling with him for 2 years and half and I spent my money on the relationship. But also he left me broke emotionally.

Reply June 16, 2016, 4:06 am


You have to be head/heart strong to the core
He knows he’s a douche, you are not, why would you settle for a dynamic like that, you would be miserable!
Self care..be selfish, do one thing a day that makes you feel good, however small/however big
Good luck, I am thinking of you!

Reply June 11, 2016, 11:12 am


Sorry for bad English since it’s not my mother language.
So this one happened to me as well. We had been dating for 2 months. And I really wished that this could work out well. Since the very first day, I already knew it’s gonna be hard since he’s almost 20 years older than me. He’s that friendly Canadian and I’m just a shy Asian girl. Right now we’re both not living in our country. I’m gonna go back to my country in 2 months while he decided to stay. We already talked about this from our first date, he’s gonna live where I live, and that’s the sweetest thing ever. We met at work. He’s that tall and dark and charismatic and funny and sweet guy that everyone loved. My look is also not bad as well, I have a lot of guys chase me, but I fell in love with him. Then we decided to start dating. In the first month it was really sweet and smooth, it’s been a long time since I felt like I’m loved. I was so in love that I couldn’t see his flaw. For me, he is perfect.
Then suddenly after one month of dating, everything was just falling apart. No more calls, no more late night texts, no more ‘let’s go eat’ in the middle of the night. And lately I noticed that he was always in bad mood every time I met him. It was always because something happened at work or about his family and everything like that, and I always tried my best to cheer him up. Even when I was in bad mood, I never told him, because I don’t want things to get worst if both of us was in bad mood.
Long story short, the last message that I sent to him was “Hey, how’s work?”
He doesn’t reply. Until now.
It’s just like… Poof…. He’s gone.
No explanation. No goodbye. Nothing.
I called him like 3 or 4 times everyday for about 5 days, he didn’t answer. I sent him a long chat, asking him if he was alright, but he didn’t even open the chat.
I tried to be cool and not to annoy him, but I lose my control for days and I did what I did. Because I just need some explanations about what happened, I just need him to clarify if we were okay or not. I need answers. It’s gonna be better if he said to my face “we’re done” than nothing at all.
The worst thing that happened is I started to blame myself. I thought if I didn’t do this, he wouldn’t be like this. If I did that, he would never leave me.
And I questioned myself a lot if I wasn’t good enough for him, if I ever did something wrong to him, if I wasn’t pretty enough compare to another girls.
This is really bad because I started to lose my self-confidence, I become more and more insecure.
In the end, I know it’s gonna be hard at first. I don’t even know what will happen if he wanted to come back. I’d probably be stupid and let him just go back to my life. But for now, I just let myself cry and time will heal.
I keep thinking to myself:
If he loved me enough, he wouldn’t let me go. But he did.
You don’t want to grow old with someone that doesn’t love you, do you?

Reply June 8, 2016, 10:30 am


He just left like that? You have not heard from him? I am so sorry.

Reply June 11, 2016, 11:16 am


Several days ago, my friends, who didn’t know that me and him are no longer together, met him at the bar. They said he was hanging out with his friend and he was fine. They even sat together. And the next day after that he texted me, he didn’t say that it was over, but instead he said that I deserved someone better. I didn’t reply his text after that, because I don’t want myself to wait for his reply anymore. It’s better like this. I’m gonna feel better in no time, I hope. Thank you for caring, Tash <3

Reply June 16, 2016, 8:12 am


Summer! I feel you talking about my own story!!! I really lived the same situation. When I came back to my home country, we kept talking for almost 3 months (everyday). He promised to come to visit me and visit my parents as well, but he vanished. My friend also told me that he saw him in a bar having a good time with his friends. And I never heard about him!! Well thanks for sharing your story. And stay strong!!! :)

Reply August 23, 2016, 12:23 pm


I went on a couple dates with this really nice man I met online last year things seemed to be going great
Amazing actually
Then communication slowed down stopped answering my texts I kept at it though kept messaging him once and a while I would get a brief answer back with like a heart then that stopped completely I tried reaching out to him to let him know when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was having surgery I was still convincing myself he loved me but no response back at all so kept myself busy and eventually moved on and started to date again now yesterday I got a text from this man he was saying how he joined the army and didn’t want me to worry if he got hurt or killed so he didn’t tell me now he is saying how sad he is he hoped to come back and make me his wife made me feel guilty
Did I do something wrong he pulled the disappearing act on me so after months I just assumed he just disappeared and moved on with my life

Reply June 6, 2016, 9:53 am


If you’d only communicated with him online and never met him he’s a scammer pure and simple. He isn’t even the guy whose picture or profile you read. It’s all made up.

Reply June 10, 2018, 2:00 am


Although this happened in March it still brings fresh wounds. I can’t believe how bold I was to meet face to face with him by my bold idea of visiting him finding out why he stopped talking to me. He had all the it’s me not you talk, Moving away from the city his family lives, not sure about what’s going on in his life, saying he shouldn’t be in a relationship as it’s not a good time, afraid of commitment. . Yada yada. And this came after he didn’t visit me for over a month ish even though he works like 8-9 mins from my house (he lives 40 ish mins away). I never liked someone so deeply and strongly. I embarrassingly cried reading this. He broke up with me the weekend before one nursing class ended. .

Reply May 29, 2016, 2:02 am


From listening to/reading about the experiences of guys who have ghosted, I agree with Jools in that the reasons for disappearing are not always strictly limited to them losing interest. Sometimes, it can be just testing your interest level, if they have reason to believe you may not be that into them. There are other reasons as well, which they may not wish to confront you with. A friend of mine had a guy ghost on her because he’s heard (wrongly) she had cheated on him! The difficulty very often in these cases (which compounds the process) is that most women (myself included at one time) automatically assume he’s vanished because he isn’t or has lost interested, so ‘react’ accordingly, which often only serves in turn to strengthen his original point of view.

Reply May 14, 2016, 8:31 am


In short:

1: A worthy man who is really into you and excited to carry on seeing you and feels you have invested in him, will not in any way jeopordise this by ghosting.

2: A worthy man who is really into you and excited to carry on seeing you but feels you don’t feel the same way may ghost. Believe me, he will pick up on small incongruencies in your behaviour and a lack of attraction on your part, some women can be incredibly flaky. If he values his self respect he’s not going to wait around for you and worry about what will be, if he wants to remain an attractive prospect to you he will disappear with complete absence of drama until you show you care enough. Look upon this as he senses you need more space and so he’s creating this until you show you want to close the gap. If he doesn’t hear from you adequately and decisively he will continue to walk away. This way your last memory of him isn’t a whining, needy insecure man, just someone in pursuit of someone else who values his company and meets his needs.

3: All other scenarios, read 1 or 2 again. He’s not worthy and/or not really into you and not excited to carry on seeing you.

Reply April 28, 2016, 2:20 pm


Jools, thank you. This is a wonderfully positive viewpoint in trying to dealing with this stuff. Number two – hats off.

Reply February 23, 2017, 4:55 pm


Although i still think the dignified nimber two individual should swallow the bitter pill and prode and be generous to tell the person they are dating what is up. Instead of disappearing.
I have come across such a generous, good man once in my life and he is the only ex i have stayed friends with. He cared to tell me he was not interested over coffee, and from hia oint of view what i should stop doing. In a week i was over him. Compare it to two others who disappeared with no explanation- took me months and im still not completely over one of them.

Reply February 23, 2017, 5:46 pm


I got ghosted today and i texted all night like a “dumb-a.” (no regrets, I do what I want) But quite honestly, I actually think this is kind of funny. Ive always been so into him (well, ya, obviously I was into him since I was dating him.) But now after this disappearing magic trick, Im not into him anymore. Because I didnt know he was a magician. Im just not attracted to that sort of thing. Good riddance Mr Copperfield! Maybe he drank a strange magic potion.

Reply April 26, 2016, 5:16 am


Hi all

I have been with someone for three months . We used to argue quite a bit .. Once he broke up with me over text but but called me tthe same evening to tell me he was sorry and he would not do it again . I ageed . Went on holiday the week after on my own as needed the space . I came back all refreshed we were getting but I was still a bit cautious .

Last Saturday he invited me round to his house and we spike about things . He said this would be the evening we would either discuss whether it was a make or break . The rest of the evening went very well . He agreed and realised he just wanted to take it slow and take each day as it comes

I also told him that I needed to leave a bit early as I had a family evento attend to the next day … He was very disappointed but soon got over it . We still had a good evening we had takeaway watched a movie and even became intimate . I offered to come back after and he agreed to allow me to come back . next morning he advised that he received a message from his parents asking for help so of course I couldn’t come back .

I left on a positive note and we didn’t argue .

Monday gone I realised that he had deleted me off Facebook I sent him a ‘hello’ message but he never responded

I am heartbroken and I don’t know what happened
We are both in our early 30s

I opened up my heart to him.even though I was cautious and he kept pushing as he could feel that I wasnt opening up enough . we even both talked about what we wanted in our relationship .

Please help x

Reply September 28, 2016, 9:33 am


Please I need some perspectives because I’m very confused, this is gonna be very large. I met this boy at party, he seemed very interested and asked for my number a lot of times during the party at the end I decided to give him my phone number because he was so nice and thought he deverved an oportunity. The next day he texted asking If I was being serious about meeting again( we were drunk during the whole party) I answered “Yeah, why not” so he asked me during the week where and when we’d meet. We had our first ¿date? I honestly don’t even know… So we met to drink some beer and have dinner and It was really amazing, we talked about many things including personal and deep conversations. I learned a lot about him and I dicovered he was a a much more interesting person than he seemed previously. Just right after he drove me home he texted me he had a great time and thanked me for it. During the next week he texted me suggesting some plans for the weekend and that he felt like to see me. But he suddenly stopped texting during a day and a half, then on the same friday he invited me at his home and watch a movie though It was late I accepted and he picked me up. He knew I recently had lost a close family member so I was a bit depressed, he even commented it… I don’t if my sad mood made him awkward or something. We have a nice time at least in my opinion but he didn’t try to kiss me or cuddle even though we were in his bedroom sitting really close on his bed. During the way back I was quiet and I felt unsecure about tI his “date”. I texted him the next day telling him that I had a nice time and that I enjoyed his company and he answered somthing like “Are you serious? :O, well that is mutual” then I asked him when will we meet again and he replied “whenever you want”. On monday of the next week he texted me saying he wanted to see me which I answered that I did so. We texted some casual messages. In the middle of that week I asked for his exam( we had troubles to meet that friday because he was busy with that exam). He replied and asked me how was I doing. But then the weekend arrived and he dissapeared during three day of four I guess he ghosted. I got really upset when I saw him on Facebook with a lot of girls from pictures of parties. Then when decided to forget him and move on he texted me again after that weekend only saying something like “Hey pretty” I ignored him. Then in the middle of the week he texted again: “Hey Lucía will I see you on the weekend, I want to see you so much”. I didn’t know what to do. On Friday I replied “I won’t meet you unless you have a great plan”, he read it but didn’t reply until the next day I didn’t even expected him to reply this: “Sounds like you didn’t want to see me XD”, i texted back ” I think I could say the same for you” then he sent a lot of messages saying he texted me but I didn’t reply him and blahblah. Then told him It is not a good idea to see each other and that’s all. He asked for explanation and I told him this: “I like your company, you are really nice but I want something more serious, and I think we aren’t looking for the same thing because you seem to want just to be a friend” and he replied that he had no idea I wanted something with him and asked what did I see in him and that he wanted just to hang out as “only friends” wasn’t fully true. Then I got scared and I closed myself telling him Whatsapp is not the right way to talk about that and that wasn’t the right moment eather. Then he asked when we will see and I answered “Not today” and I finished texting me back “Okei, you tell me when”. And that’s all I’m confused and frustrated. Does this guy understand me?, I think he is not being serious. I don’t know If I should text him to meet and talk or just wait for him to initiate contact. What do I do? Is he making fun of me? I don’t want to waste my time. He’s the kind of energetic, restless and happy boy as opossed to me I’m much more laid back and quiet. This is not my mother tongue I hope you understand the whole text.

Reply April 18, 2016, 8:08 am


“I don’t want to waste my time”
That says it all. Always go with your gut!
He sounds exciting but in reality extremely immature, might shower attention on you when you’re together, but in reality knows you’re special and he’s not so ghosts hanging out posting pics of other girls to beef himself up regardless of how that might make you feel.
All I can say is don’t give your heart any more than you already have. You want someone as special as you, trust in that!

Reply June 11, 2016, 11:32 am


I met this guy, he wouldn’t give up trying to get my number ..I did not want to talk due to the fact that I just lost my child’s father that I was with..plus buried a guy I was with for almost three years ..so I have just basically given up on love specially find out the things they done behind my back after they past away..I finally decided to let him in..he bought my daughter things, he text me throughout the day even if he was at work, he always told confessed his love for me and my daughter and how he would always be here..so this past Monday he kelp telling me I need to go see what size my ring finger was and I did..he told me he had some making up to do because he told a lie like a week ago we had plans but he never came through on them…yesterday we video chatted that morning the last thing I remember him saying was baby I’m going to call you back ..I called his phn when I got off work the same day it went strait to voice mail..and it was like that the whole weekend he just went ghost on me ..Im so hurt because I put every thing in the relation ship that I had help left..I still gave him a chance its messed up specially when he knew what I been through all the unbroken promises for what?

Reply August 8, 2017, 11:04 pm


I met a man online. We dated for two months, inseparable since our first date. We talked everyday, he promised to make it work. Said he wasnt going anywhere that i was it. We spent the night together Wednesday, we spoke Thursday. Friday, he texted saying me missed me and i never heard from him again. I dont get it at all…it burns. I fell in love, he told me he was falling too.

Reply April 3, 2016, 12:13 pm


That was exactly the same as me. He ‘ghosted on Tuesday 20/9, this week, without any hints. He even prepared his work lunches at mine on Sunday and stuck them in the freezer for this week in case he stayed over during the week. He was talking about moving in only last week, which seemed to make sense. We spent a glorious night together, he left to go home for work in the morning. We spoke the next day on the phone before bed, nothing unusual – iv played that call a trillion times in my head – texts all that day were fine……………then POOF!! He was gone in a quick whatsapp msg ‘I love you but I want to go it alone, dont want a relationship at the moment’, not a dicky bird since, and I was the one taking things slow……………im still reeling……Never heard of ‘Ghosting’ until now………

Reply September 25, 2016, 8:47 pm


Paula, ghosting is when a guy completely disappears without telling you or explaining why. Your guy broke-up with you and explained that he didn’t want a relationship. Still sucks, but it’s not ghosting.

Reply December 27, 2016, 2:13 pm


I’m a guy. In fact, I just “ghosted” a girl about a month ago. I’m completely aware of what I did. So why am I here? I don’t know…. Guess I felt like googling this topic to see what other girls thought of the practice.

Let me break it down for you: He didn’t feel that he had anything invested in you. Period. It’s really that simple. Do you care about a stranger? A random person on the path of life? If you’re a man, probably not. Men are highly quantitate beings — indeed brutal — and they have no problem ghosting someone they barely know. Men care about the things they care about and couldn’t care less about the things they don’t.

The Author is correct. There could be a million reasons as to why he ghosted you, but don’t kid yourself on the likely reason(s). I would put the odds of there being a “problem” with him at around 10%. The reason was probably you.

Take my latest ghosting… She was unemployed, had no capital, was in debt, no direction, no ambition, too emotional, divorced, 34 years old (I’m 27), lived with mommy, no education, 5 tattoos, 2 abortions, and was clearly on the path towards obesity (hard to tell from her fraudulent and misleading online pics). By all standards, she was the definition of a loser.

Why would a man waste his time explaining to someone like her the reasons for his departure? How do you tell someone they’re a loser? Frankly, I think my actions were rather compassionate. The truth, as I would have told it, would have caused her extreme emotional distress. Why would I want to do that to someone? Men may be brutal, but most aren’t sadists. It’s much easier to ghost her. And that’s how men rationalize their actions.

If you’ve been ghosted more than once, the reason is YOU sweetheart. Take a hard look at your life and try to better yourself.

Reply March 31, 2016, 4:23 am


I’m questioning how accurate the last portion of this is, “If you’ve been ghosted more than once, the reason is YOU sweetheart. Take a hard look at your life and try to better yourself.” I’m a mother of two. I have well paying job, a home, a vehicle and make my own decent money, so not looking for hand outs, I don’t have any issues with my kids father and I’m a pretty positive person. Dated a guy for about 3 weeks, things were going well, he told me how much he liked me, he was the one to always initiate contact, and even ask me to go places with him, but he always cancelled, or went “ghost” on the dates that he ask for to begin with. I told him to lose my number, haven’t heard from him, I’m not a bug a boo, so I left it alone.. But, where did I go wrong?

Reply March 31, 2016, 5:59 pm


I don’t know if my statement is scientific law, but it’s pretty accurate. You’re obviously not a loser, but it’s not like you don’t have baggage. No offense, but two kids is baggage from a single guy’s perspective. Right or wrong, single moms have a difficult time on the dating scene. Single men view the family dynamic quite negatively, unless they already have kids themselves. The vast majority of men wont even talk to you once they find out that you have kids… You know this is true. It sucks, i know. But to be fair, you must see it from their perspective too. Dating single moms, from an eligible bachelor’s perspective, is an entirely different topic and can of worms. I’m not going to blab on and on about it… But I can say, with a reasonable level of confidence, that it was likely a major factor in his decision to ghost you.

Guys are fantastic conmen. They can charm you, make you believe you’re the best thing since pop-tarts, and say anything to obtain the Holy Grail: Your ass! Ever noticed how a guy ghosts you and then suddenly — maybe two or three months later — he randomly calls you? It’s because he was horny and forgot to jack-off. I don’t mean to be crude, but men are quite transparent once you see the world from their perspective…. This is why I always tell the women in my life to consider the men they date very, very seriously. Date men of quality and responsibility, ditch the bad boy. Actions have consequences. Sometimes you’re dealt a crappy hand, despite your best efforts. But many, many girls can’t honestly claim they’ve sincerely tried to vet a good guy before allowing him to stick his dick inside of her.

I was raised by a single mom for most of my childhood BTW. So consider that before or if you respond…

Reply April 1, 2016, 1:41 am


Hey, Matt. I was dating a guy that just disappeared, I am a single mother, but he is a single father, too. I am a doctor, earn my own money, I am funny, smart, in good shape. The last thing this guy told me was that he needed me with him, we even talked about marriage, he is a doctor, too, we like all the same things, he seemed to be crazy in love with me and then he suddenly just vanished. He stopped answering my calls, I checked on his Facebook and he was actually having fun. Then, what happened? It was my fault? Was because I am a single mother and he is a single father, too? I just think he was too coward to tell me face to face that he was actually lying to me.

Reply April 30, 2016, 10:21 am


Well, it’s impossible to know why. Certainly there was a reason, but who knows Maybe he thought your bathroom was ewwwww or that you smelled funny. Maybe he saw another piece of ass at the store and told himself: “Screw that chick, I’m hittin’ this instead!” Who the hell knows?! What is known is that you weren’t very important to him. You weren’t important enough to be notified of the change in policy, and not important enough any confrontation.

August 4, 2016, 7:46 am


I am glad to see all theses responses even though it’s painful for everyone. My husband passed about 5 months ago and I just started dating again in the last month. He was sick for years. Anyway first guy told me he loved me, then jetted. After borrowing money of course. 2nd guy was a long distance phone and we just set a weekend for him to visit and then I haven’t heard. Man, I really miss my husband! I never even heard of this 10 years ago. I’m thankful to have a different outlook though after your stories.

Reply April 1, 2016, 10:05 pm


Happy to help. Never ever ever give a dude money. Seriously. He is a total deadbeat dickhead if he asks for money. Unbelievable.

Reply April 1, 2016, 10:41 pm


What if he is coming and disappearing several time?

Reply April 11, 2016, 12:53 pm


What? Why would you give money to someone you don’t know? Period. If a girl asked me for cash on a second or third date, I’d say no thanks and lose her number. Frankly, I wouldn’t help her out unless I was extremely serious about her. The world is full of con artists and losers, don’t give them cash. Ever. If you do, you deserve your entire investment.

April 25, 2016, 4:08 pm


And I’m sincerely sorry about your husband… Truly.

Reply April 1, 2016, 10:44 pm


Matt, you sound cool, it’s nice getting a male perspective on this issue. Thank you.

Reply April 8, 2016, 11:44 pm


No problem.

April 25, 2016, 4:09 pm


C’mon. I am a well educated woman with a great career. I am very much independent. People generally describe me as fun to be around, caring and interesting person. I don’t have any emotional baggage. I have broke with all of my exes on friendly terms, because we just saw there was no joint future for us. I don’t have any kids. And I am often complimented for my looks – my face and my body. Etc. I feel bad writing such positive things about me. Anyway, I am writing this because just this week I’ve been ghosted by a guy I’ve been seeing and who was judging from his acts very much interested. We went on dates, we talked to each other on the phone almost every day or we exchanged messages. And then just one day we we’re exchanging messages and at one point (and the whole conversation was quite flirty) he just stopped. Disappeared. And that was it. That can not be about me. And that is something that happens to a lot of women out there. So don’t make such judgments based on your own (one time) experience.

Reply April 10, 2016, 3:11 pm


At the end of the day, it’s basic human respect. No amount of excuses or saying that the other girl didn’t have this or that will replace the fact that you took the easy way out. How much would it have taken you to tell her it’s not working out and good luck? Why would you torture someone who might not be in the best place in the first place for days not knowing if you would call?

The day you have a daughter and this happens to her. Give her the same speech you wrote here. Look her in the eyes and tell her it’s her fault.

Life is all about karma. I don’t buy this kind of behavior. especially if you were in a relationship for months. There is a right and a wrong. You did the wrong thing. Own up to it like a man.

Reply April 28, 2016, 8:43 am


Exactly. Typical short dicked man mentality.

Reply June 11, 2016, 11:35 am


You’re wrong. Life isn’t about karma. There is no God or supernatural force guiding this world. There are no independent arbiters ensuring people get what they deserve. Your passion on the issue doesn’t justify or support your argument.

If I feel, right or wrong, that breaking up with a bump on the road is going to be stressful, dangerous, a waste of time, or all three, I’ll ghost her. I don’t care about the collateral damage or that she may feel it was mean. I care about me and my personal wellbeing. Every other advanced monkey on this planet is the same way, and don’t let them tell you otherwise.

“Own up to it like a man” what the hell does that mean? Get over your delusions! You strike me as the type of person who approaches life from the perspective of what things ought to be or what they should be based on your personal feelings. I approach life from the perspective of what it IS. Men owe women nothing. Women owe men nothing. Life is difficult, and then you die.

Reply November 27, 2016, 2:01 pm


Do you feel better now? Good luck..

Reply June 11, 2016, 11:34 am


Ok, I want some advice to! I’m 23, have a good job, my own flat. I wouldn’t say I’m at all clingy or overly emotional. I met this guy and we instantly hit it off, went out for about a month everything was great we texted constantly throughout the day, everyday, then he’d call me usually, everyday. Seemed really into me. Then one weekend he went away and the whole time he was calling and texting just to chat, nothing specific but it was nice to know he had me in mind. The next day I texted him and just asked how the weekend was and never heard from him again… I have no idea what happened! At first I thought he’d met someone else on his weekend but to be honest its not like we were official so I don’t get why he would cut me out! I tried to message a few times after to check in but even when he did reply he was so obviously ghosting me, i don’t get it!

Reply July 10, 2016, 10:04 am


Matt wow you must be a huge catch… Omg how could woman not want you…. And yeah I am being a smart ass.
You brag about ghosting a woman and justify it. Man I hope it happens to you.
Take a look at your life and try to better yourself. How about you have some goddamn feelings. You are an empty shell of a man.
Enjoy the dating scene.

Reply September 24, 2016, 11:09 am


No. It just shows your a coward and don’t have the decency to pick up the phone and tell her like a man if not in person. It’s evident you can’t deal with confrontation head on and act like an immature boy that rather take the easy yet cowardly way out. Narcissistic, coward, not yet a man. If you ghost out, it simply means you haven’t yet grown a pair

Reply October 31, 2016, 5:04 pm


You’re delusional. You approach life from what ought to be according to your perspectives, not what it IS. Call me a coward. It’s fine. Men will continue to be themselves. The fairytales that daddy read to you before tucking you in at night were fantasies. I’m soooo sorry.

Reply November 27, 2016, 2:05 pm


And therein lies the problem … fairytale stories written by men and read to us by Daddy. How could most women not be influenced?

Reply May 22, 2017, 3:29 am


Were you thinking about this quantitative list BEFORE dating this person?

Im guessing not – and no, dear, once you have started dating her, no matter how unpleasant it may be – you are responsible to give a few minutes of your precious time to this human being so she is not left in the dark, particularly during what sounds to be a difficult, aimless phase of her life.

Remember, her not having quality or quantity does not mean she doesnt have a heart (unless shes a sociopath).

Reply February 23, 2017, 4:05 pm


You don’t have to be insulting to tell them why. It’s very painful to not know why. It leaves the one being left confused with no closure. You could have said, “I need someone more together”. That would be honest without being hurtful

Reply February 16, 2022, 12:02 am


Broken hearted…
I met a man on a dating site we hit it off right away. He told me he was legally separated. Not like me to see someone that isn’t fully divorced. But decided to go ahead as I had a good feeling about him and he made me laugh. After a while I met him and he seemed just as nice as he did online. We started to have sex and it was great for us both again we were a good match.
He worked out of town a lot up north on oil rigs. We would text a lot.
Then i started to notice that he wasn’t so much. Yet he would answer me later in the day or evening. It got to be that I was initiating all the text. And when I would call he never called back or mentioned that I called.
We were seeing each other for a year and the last time we chatted he told me he missed me and sweet dreams. And now he has just disappeared in thin air.
I tried contacting him but no response. He last talked to me on March 9th.
I am heart broken. And need to know why……….

Reply March 28, 2016, 10:23 pm


So sorry this happened to you..i hope you are mended at least a bit by now.
Danielle’s avoid list:
1. Married
2. Married living separately
3. Recently divorced
4. Recently broken up
5. Actively cheating (yes, girlfriends count)

Reply February 23, 2017, 4:16 pm


Hi guys I’ve red the article but I still want to someones elses point of view for my particular situasion
Please comment I need ADVISE here!!!

So I’ve met this guy like 6 months back at a event and we began to talk over the phone for long and I fell TOTALY in love with him !!! he would always say stuff like yeah we should go do something for real but after 4 months we still did not do anything till I aventually orgenised something . Well we saw each other and wow ! He is even more beuatiful then I rememberd and we really clicked again and he laughed at my jokes and gave me twice like this really nice hug . But after it he did not texts or anything-I heard he told my friend he wanted to see if I care and texts first- so I did , just saying it was nice seeing him and blah blah and we talked for n month again over texts but he was not as flirty as always and my heart was obviously broken because I knew then he did not like me ones he saw me , then we stopped talking and he has not made a sound for a month now and I just can not get over him although everyone says just move on … because it is kind of a long distance because I know for a fact if he seas me again and give me one more chance that he would really like me . I know if he missed me hed texts first but I miss him so and want to to texts him firts all the time asking him why he just disapeared or just saying I miss you . Like I do not know what he thinks so I do not know what to do !!!!


Reply March 21, 2016, 5:43 pm


It’s really impossible to know why. What is known is that he wasn’t in to you, for whatever reason. Listen to your friends and move on. Also, read my comments above….

Why did he string you along? Do you know what a stock option is? He wanted to maintain one on you. And by this, I mean a sexual option. For whatever reason, he let you expire. His charm was his method of maintain this said option, call it the premium.

Don’t beat yourself up over it.

Reply April 1, 2016, 2:40 am


Mind if I get your perspective?

I met him last July 2015 online. We were friends first before he flirted with me and courted me and finally got me to be his girlfriend Sept 24. He lives on the other side of the world.

We were happy the next months. Talking daily, getting each other through tough times. I opened up to him deeply. He told me about his problems and his family and he would always reassure me when I get insecure.

He was perfect. He had flaws but I love him for those imperfections. He encouraged me to do well and be better. He got me to see myself more positively. He told me I made him smile daily and that he couldn’t believe he can fall anymore in love everyone he goes to bed. Despite the distance, we were fine. We made it work. We both made time and he’s even lose sleep because he wants time with me.

Around November-December he got busy. Working two jobs handling Christmas sales. I was understanding. Trying not to be too needy, I supported him and waited. He was gone first for a week. We talked daily before that. A week or so later he was gone for like 16 or so days but we got to talk after Christmas and my new year. I counted down with him
He had to leave for work because his hours were still crazy…I didn’t hear from him again except for a message Jan 16 that he dropped his ipod in the toilet and he was using his friend’s phone to tell me he doesn’t know when he could afford a new one.

Then silence for months. I took a leap of faith, contacted his coworker/friend last month and casually asked about him. When his coworker/friend mentioned me all I got from his coworker was “he says he remembers you” and that’s it.

I don’t understand what happened. I was pretty insecure and he knew that but he was he one having nightmares at night that id leave him.

Nothing seemed out of place. Before he had to leave for work my new years eve, he showed me my Christmas gift and told me visiting him to pick up the gift would be his Christmas gift.

Reply June 1, 2016, 3:14 pm


So did you ever meet this guy? In all honesty, online relationships are a huge joke. I don’t mean dating sites, I mean distance relationships. If you can’t meet them, feel them, cuddle them etc.. What’s the point? Why date a phone or a computer? Maybe once VR really takes off we all can date the studs and models of our dreams. VR will be the death of material relationships… Anyway, back to your situation… Yeah, umm… What did you expect from an internet ghost? Too much! And that’s the problem. You seem honest and impressionable. Unfortunately, these qualities are handicaps that blind you to reality. Frankly, I would have been suspicious that he was a scam artist. Love and attention from a land far, far away is a typical scam artist angle. Did he attempt to ask favors? Did he ask for gifts? Don’t beat yourself up over it, let him go. Try to find someone locally, it’ll be more rewarding and uhh… cough cough… real.

Reply August 4, 2016, 7:33 am


Recognize him for the mean spirited person he is.

Reply February 23, 2017, 4:19 pm


Well this happened to me on March 5th… Me and my boyfriend was dating for five month cause March 4th was our 5th month anniversary, long story short, he was supposed to take me out for dinner but never did because he came up with an excuse saying he has some running around to do,I didn’t make a big fuss bout it so I let it go,we planned to go on another day and that day came by and I haven’t heard from him, and it wasn’t like him at all. I tried calling him and texting no respond,another day go by still no answer…and on a Saturday, I called his sister, his sister told that she caught my boyfriend with another girl,so that tore me apart, I was work crying trying to composed myself without people seeing my tears..I never once in my life been cheated on and it hurt,his sister told me to calm down and just forget about him but how can you when all you do is think about him,he used me to get whatever he want far as clothes and accessories and I was kind enough to get it for him but my thing is how can you get over someone who doesn’t love you not care like I truly do?

Reply March 6, 2016, 12:20 am


He also changed his number and never got to me

Reply March 6, 2016, 12:22 am


Went on 3 dates with a guy…we got on really well, I could tell he likes me (he’s been checking me out for a long time) – so the last date he spent hours just kissing my hands and face, holding me and telling me how much he likes me; poof! vanished!! So I haven’t contacted him either … been a week… but it’s killing me!! jeez what is wrong with these guys!! What makes it worse is I actually liked him!!!!

Reply February 28, 2016, 5:51 am


Holly, i know this was almost a year ago, but this EXACT same thing just happened to me. I have gone on three dates with this guy. Throughout the three dates he would give me all the validation a girl could want that he liked me. He’d tell me how he can’t believe that this is happening, he would tell me its unreal, he would tell me how beautiful i am, he even told me how much I remind him of his mother. Not only with what he said, but his actions.. he’d hold me in his arms, hold my hand, he’d almost dig his face into the curve of my neck and inhale me (sounds weird but wasn’t lol), kiss my forehead, kiss me, he never for one second gave me any doubt that he wasnt keeping me around. He would even insinuate things to come in our relationship. Well, now hear I am, three dates later(but three weeks later of constant talking and him making efforts to see me everyday), no sign of leaving, completely started to like him, and he won’t even speak to me :) GHOSTED. What did you end up doing? Did he ever end up talking to you again? Are y’all friends? Im 20, and in college, so i am probably dealing with a typical douche on my end. Just wanted some advice, because I do like him and i am the type of girl that never dates guys because i am way too picky & very independent, but he made me feel so protected and safe i just am having a rough time actually letting this one go. I hope you see this.

Reply November 6, 2016, 11:10 am


I am dealing with the slow fade right now and it’s tearing me apart. This is the second time he’s done this to me. :(
I have adored him since we met 15 momts ago. The first time he did this was after we got intimate. I do not take being intimate lightly and I was devastated and very hurt. He made up excuses that he was busy with kids and work.
I tried to date other guys but after each date I came home even more sad because the fader was a great date, great conversationalist and funny.
So after several months I texted him and we agreed to see each and catch up. At this point it was a friendship.
Around thanksgiving things heated up again and we’ve had a lot of laughs. our texts usually turned into sexting which I’ve never done before. I can’t deny I had a lot of fun. But it’s because I truly truly care deeply about this man.
Well here we are.. A week into the slow fade. I was praying this wouldn’t happen again. I asked him if I did anything or said anything to upset him and he said Absoletly not and that he’s just been busy. ::((
I’m not going to text/call him going forward. This pain is so deep and I’m mad that I shared so much of myself with him.
If he isn’t feeling the same way towards me I’m wondering if he can tell how much I care about him and it’s made me scared?? He was very hurt by his ex wife and I think he has commitment issues. I was easy going, no pressure, fun , good company etc…
I don’t know what I could of done differently. Heart broken.

Reply February 26, 2016, 6:01 am


I’m experiencing that kind of scenario at the moment.
I met a guy online few months ago, we chatted constantly every weekend Fridays and Saturdays to be exact, then after a while it went to only Saturdays and sometimes nothing, now he’s totally gone.
Usually he was the one who always write me first, I just waited for him… Now I’m thinking if I’m going to casual write him… I’m confused

Reply February 23, 2016, 3:06 pm


That’s also happened to me now. I wonder why he stops texting me or maybe I should start to write first.

Reply February 26, 2016, 1:10 am


I wrote him twice, but sad to say I didn’t got any answer. It sucks to be left out hanging. I was just hoping for a short response, even if he says that he loses interest in me it’ll hurt but atleast I don’t have to wait for him anymore. I still remember what he has told me “just know that I will come back, I don’t want you to worry that suddenly I won’t want to talk to you” It’s been a month already and where is he now, gone with the wind.
So I guess I have to move on and get over it.

Reply March 4, 2016, 4:45 am


@ Cathy
I think there’s nothing wrong if you write him a short casual message, Give it a week or two, if he didn’t answer back, maybe it’s best to start moving on and slowly forget him. It sucks and it’s hurting inside, but there’s no point wasting your emotion and waiting for someone who doesn’t really care about your feelings.

Reply March 4, 2016, 4:53 am


I wanna give a guys perspective here but only my own or a certain type of male perspective from the time I was guilty of doing this. Anyway I hope this helps some of girls out there feeling confused by why a guy has suddenly disappeared – Here goes, even up to a few years back I had terrible self esteem, I mean completely dire. It wasnt about anything in particular- just how I viewed myself as an all round package anyway.

Anyway, because of that, whenever I got close to a woman my terrible self esteem would sabotage me and i’d play games. They wern’t even conscious games really but more on a sub-conscious level. I’d be getting along with her really well but something would trigger my self doubt so out of the blue almost as a test i guess, I would just disappear on her or ghost her and not reply to her txts or calls, etc.

It was an attention seeking ploy in hindsight to see how interested she really was or if she was really interested. Also another thing i’d do is i’d tell myself that isnt that bothered anyway and because of that I justified the behaviour to an extent. So I would keep doing these little attention seeking ploys and basically I would intentionally self sabotage myself and thus push her away. It’s still not something i’ve completely solved but i’m a lot better than I was. Anyway, I hope that gives one possible perspective of why it might be happening to you depending on the guy of course and thus his possible reasons. Feel free to ask me questions if you wan’t. I literally stumbled across this post looking something else up lol.

Reply February 18, 2016, 8:33 pm

Karina Shechtman

Hi Ryan,
Thank you for your perspective. So did you find any girl interested enough to chase you?

Reply February 20, 2016, 3:27 pm


I think I am the same type as you who like to test the others except l’m a girl not a guy.
However, I wonder how the relationship is going to be if both guys and girls play game on each other.

Reply February 21, 2016, 10:57 am

At My Best

I get the attention seeker in you Ryan,
We all justify our behaviour to an extent. I’d like to think this was the cause in my situation but this guy comes across as completely confident and self assured. We connected in early December. Things moved forward at reasonable pace over the holidays and accelerated when i stopped seeing another guy I was dating. This guy welcomed me into his home and made me feel like part of his family, he made plans for us to do things together and treated me with respect, I felt like his friend. I was on leave from work and he was busy renovating his home (this worked for us both) then 2 weeks ago his work was coming to an end, and when I expected this to make way fro time for us to spend together he announced he had ‘friends visiting from overseas’ and would be busy that week. I didn’t understand why he hadn’t told me this in person the day before?!? It took me awhile to reply to his text, when i did it was high-five happy and sexually overt, not a great reflection of me, I don’t drink but when i re-read the text I sounded drunk! Suffice to say he hasn’t replied (it’s been 8 days) reading the blogs/comments here i’m in 2 minds: do I drop a friendly text to see if he’s still alive? (a reply would prove he’s selfish and wounded to me) or do I get on with my life, only to wake up each day thinking ‘will he contact me?” We didn’t argue before the last contact, and I have $4,000.00 worth of (his) merchandise at my place. In the 8 days I’ve come to own i was overly invested in this relationship because I enjoyed the connection, and that we don’t really know each other very well but I can’t understand why he doesn’t want his stuff back, or why he’d be willing to throw away a friendship at the very least.
I’d appreciate your opinion!

Reply February 24, 2016, 1:31 pm


Hi Ryan,
Thank you for your comment. Maybe I am wrong but I had a feeling that they the guy I met behave in a similar why that you did. Looking backwards or maybe on your current experiences – what would you say would be the best for a girl who cares about a guy like you to do? I am pulling away now since I was pushed away. Was there any girl or behaviour that you reacted differently?

Reply February 29, 2016, 5:59 am


I had a similar experience in my LDR but I can never be sure if she was slowly trying to make me a friend as to let me down gently, or she saw I gave her space so she gave me more as not to chase, her texts became less warm and more about small talk, she stopped saying good night before bed (which she’s done 99.9% of the time for nine months), she was definitely withdrawing as I watched over several weeks not just a couple of messages, the quality and frequency of her communication deteriorated and I felt it. I was overwhelmed with feelings of being taken for granted and she was changing the terms of our serious relationship into texting buddies, not what I wanted to settle for. I loved her madly so rather than whine, I disappeared for a day and half, she chased asked me if I was ok but her tone became angry very quickly so I asked her to talk calmly and we can talk on the phone but she said she didn’t want to talk! Since this (a fortnight) I haven’t attempted any more contact as I feel she was wanting out and she got her excuse to get out. I will walk and not look back UNLESS she puts an adequate amount into a mail/text/call in a calm, loving manner telling me she made a big mistake and apologising, offering to come and be with me and that we’re having a romantic relationship, not a demotion to friends who text small talk. Anything else would be crumbs and not enough and it’s over. Hope this helps you.

Reply April 28, 2016, 2:51 pm


Hi Ryan, Thanks in advance for your help.
So if the guy thinks and behaves like you, what do you think the girl who cares about him should do to change his mind? I have decided to pull away now since I was ignored. Was there any girl or behavour that you reacted differently to?
Geraldine N

Reply April 3, 2016, 11:12 pm


This also happened to me but it’s nice to know I am not the only one. We had been dating for 4 months and everything was good. A day before valentines day we were texting and laughing at each other and he was supposed to pick me up that day after work but didn’t answer my call so I thought he fell asleep. The next day (V-day) he wouldn’t answer my calls or texts but I noticed her posted a snap chat, so that’s when it hit me he was straight up ignoring me. It’s been 4 days since then and he still has not contacted me. I’m just going to block his number because I don’t want to wait around for a text or call that might never happen. Although it sucks, I realize that I don’t deserve this and he’s just not the guy for me. With time, I’ll meet a great guy and be thankful it didn’t work out with this Houdini.

Reply February 17, 2016, 12:33 pm


First I want to say that I am not a person who dates. I haven’t dated in years and am not even sure how to date. But I met this guy at work, he was not even my type and I was not at all interested in him. He would flirt and had a good personality and one day I suddenly looked at him differently. We started seeing each other. I wouldn’t say we were boyfriend or girlfriend but he told his mother about me and his best friend and told his stepdad that he was happy. I asked him one day why he never kissed me and he got really nervous by this question and told me he was scared and nervous and said kissing was ro intimate. We only saw each other for about 2 months and it is when I asked him this question that things changed. No more calls but he would text but the texts were not as often, maybe once a week instead of everyday. I could feel the distance that he was creating, and when I called him on it he said things were going to fast and wanted to slow things way down. He had not had a relationship in 2 years and didn’t even date anyone but me since then. He dated a girl 30 years younger than him who hurt him real bad. I wonder if this has something to do with him being nervous and not wanting to kiss me. I wonder if he’s afraid of caring to much about me and getting hurt again or maybe I scared him when I asked him this quesrion. Just confused because I don’t have an answer to whay happened. And the worst part is we are going back to work in the Spring and have to see one another and I can’t help to wonder what he’s rhinking. It seems to me that he would want to give me some type of answer to not make it so awkward when we see each other.

Reply February 16, 2016, 12:07 am


Ok so Guys dissapearing on me has happened to me twice in less than 6 months. I dated this guy for almost 5 months and he just *wosh* vanished and never spoke to me again. Now thats not confusing at all *sarcasm*. Then I met this other guy at class in 2014. Last year 2015 we finally went on our first date and he vanished for a couple of days, then finally texted. Almost two months later we went on our second date and since then has not contacted me again.

Reply January 24, 2016, 12:28 am

Lana I.

Im confused and don’t know what to do… I met this guy on POF, we texted every day from the end of sept and finally met right before Christmas… We have since gone on dates and spent a lot of time together…. I have to go out of town once a month for work and and we have always texted while I am away… The last time I saw (Sunday) I kissed him good night and told him I’d let him know when I got safely to my hotel the next day… The next night (Monday) we exchanged a few texts and then he didn’t answer my texts for 2 days so I got concerned and called him (Wednesday night)… He told me he was “grouchy” and hadn’t been sleeping well for the last several weeks but that he wanted to continue seeing me… I told him I would call him when I got home… I didn’t receive any more communication from him, so when I got home (Saturday) I called him and got his voicemail… (here’s where I may have messed up) since he hadn’t initiated any communication for the last 5 days I assumed he was “ghosting” me and left him a message saying I would like to come by and get some things I had left at his house and to talk with him… I didn’t hear back from him so I sent him a text saying the same thing the next day (Sunday), I tried to leave it open so he could contact me… It’s now been a week and I haven’t heard from him… I haven’t called or sent him any messages… I don’t know what to do… I feel that I may have communicated the wrong message… Is he ghosting me or am I ghosting him… I’m so confused… Any advice on what to do next would be great…

I left a box containing around 50 DVDs at his place and would like to get them back…

Reply January 23, 2016, 6:42 am


I met this guy online a few months ago. We texted a little at the start. He went away on holidays and when he came back I texted him. He replied a few days later and then we started texting each other on and off every couple of days. Every time I suggested to meet up he had an excuse. One time we set a date but he canceled at last minute. I pulled away. Then a couple of weeks later he texted me out of the blue. Said he was staying with a friend in a town near me and again I suggested a catch up. He said he couldn’t and then I gave up. Thought he was just wasting my time. Two months later on Christmas Eve he contacts me via text and every other day we texted back and forth. Last week he suggested at last minute to meet that evening. I thought he was going to cancel but he didn’t. As soon as I met him I was smittened. We seemed to have connected and laughed a lot. We were having drinks and I was aware that he had 3 before we even met. He remembered everything that we spoke about via text and one phone call. We kept finishing each other’s sentences and thought along the same line. We moved onto another place to drink. He was a little more quieter but not by much. When I was heading back to the car park with him, the parking station was closed. We both laughed and said it was a good thing anyway because we had both had alcohol. Then I remembered I left my house keys in the car. I had no other way to get into my house. There was a hotel opposite the parking station and he suggested we spend the night together. I felt like I didn’t have much of a choice due to the distance of where I traveled from and the two of us had been drinking. I agreed. He then kissed me so passionately that I was glad he was holding me up. When we were together in the room there was plenty of kissing. He said his tummy was upset and probably was due to the combination of drinks but later I noticed that he had a failure to perform. No movement. I assumed it was just the alcohol. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t say anything. I kept kissing him. He said he wanted me and that he was sorry that he didn’t feel well and for getting me all bothered. I said it was ok. The next morning I didn’t initiate as I didn’t want to embarrass him. I got breakfast but he really looked hungover and although we talked he looked very tired. As he walked me to the parking station he kissed me passionately again. Asked me to text him when I got home and that he would talk to me later that night. I texted when I got home and told him I really enjoyed the night. He replied an hour later that it definitely was a good night. I sent another text in response to the soccer game that we were going to talk about that evening and he hasn’t even read it (based on Whatsapp). Sunday night I felt that maybe he was embarrassed by not having sex so I sent another text. Not read and ignored. I was miserable and baffled. My friends husbands all said leave it or if I want true confirmation he isn’t interested in me ring. I did and he didn’t answer and I left no message. No return phone call was made. I’ve been ghosted. I felt a connection and didn’t portray myself in a relationship…I just wanted to take it each day as it comes. But disappearing without an explanation when you click with someone is really hard. He sent mixed signals. I try not to take it personally but did I reject him in some way? Should I have initiated sex? Was he not interested and I misread? Why kiss me passionately goodbye. On the cheek and saying I had a good night says enough. Hurts more when they tell you they will call you and pretend everything was great. I felt that he might have been in a relationship when we met but no confirmation of it. It’s been a week and I keep replaying the whole date. I’ve been trying to stay busy but my mind keeps wondering off to him and the date.

Reply January 22, 2016, 9:29 pm


So sorry this happened to you – similar thing happened to me. Was messaging a guy on happn. We clicked, there was loads of banter. After 4 days straight of messaging about how our days were going, it got flirtier so that by days 5 and 6 there was straight out sexting – at my initiation, not his. Day 7 and I take a step back and think, this is not right. We are already on to the phone sex and I dont want a casual fling. I want an LTR. I need to get this guy to ask me out now and see if there is anything between us otherwise this needs to stop. Im not going to be his emotional crutch. Im not going to be the person he can message at 7pm when work is done just so he has something to do. And Im not going to be his buddy at bedtime either.
So… learn from this how to spot someone who may ghost:
1. No urgency to meet
2. Happy to banter with no real emotional connection
3. Bringing up the issue of his ex cheating (very briefly but when little else emotional connection has been established its a little odd)

And so we met on Day 8. I pretty much pushed to meet although the agreement to go for a drink was mutual. We had a lot of fun. There was definite chemistry much to my surprise (my guard was up). I am a vivacious, outgoing girl. He was perfectly chatty, maybe a little staid? He did disclose during the evening that he thought I was beautiful but that he had never thought of himself as particularly handsome… (again.. insecurity? Another sign…) Unfortunately I made the schoolgirl error of drinking on an empty stomach and got very drunk. I had every intention of going home but somehow I ended up sleeping at his place, in his bed. I do remember telling him that I was not going to have sex with him and I am sure he at no point forced the issue in spite of our hot sex chat online. Underwear was kept on. No sex. I did get up to vomit in the bathroom and he held my hair back! By morning there was a vague fumble which ended up with my hand down his pants. And then the alarm goes off. He gets ready for work. I get dressed. As we walked to the train station I made a joke (im very sarcastic) about knowing how to make my way home if I had sneaked out early as he lives by a landmark. He went very quiet and eventually said , yes it’s easy to find your way around here. At the train station he kissed me goodbye on the lips, said ‘see you later’ and that was it. I sent him a message that evening to say I hoped he had not had too bad a day considering the lack of sleep and inevitable hangover, that I was sorry I had got so drunk but that I thought he was lovely and Im glad we met up. No response. Just grey ticks on whatsapp. And I can see his last seen so I know he’s been active. I had the signs beforehand that maybe he has little emotional intelligence. Maybe he’s not over his ex and still lacks trust in women. But I cannot waste time worrying. My rational head knows this. But my heart hurts; someone I had such rapport with clearly didnt like me enough or fight his fear or whatever to follow up. But I, and in fact, you, did nothing wrong. All we can do is busy our time and carry on. Take the signs and guard our hearts a little better next time.

Reply February 6, 2016, 4:35 pm


This has happened a lot every time it’s been through the internet. I would talk to them and everything was fine, and then they just stopped answering. Some of them not answering me back is fine because I didn’t feel like there was a strong mental connection anyway. There would be others who were excited and wanted to text and all that. We’d text for a bit and they’d want to meet up and such. I said ok and then they’d say they’ll contact me tomorrow to ask about scheduling a time. Next day nothing. Following day, nothing. I just delete their numbers after 1 day of no contact.

One of them talked to me for hours and then disappeared only to contact me back like 2 months later by asking me if I wanted to go out to dinner and a movie. I had no idea who he was, and I was like, “Who are you?” He replied all disappointed saying “Oh it’s _____ and we talked a few days ago.” I said, “No, I have chat history saved up from a month ago and there’s no history for your phone number. You probably got the wrong person.” He would be like, “No, I have the right number, but you don’t remember me…” I said, “Well, that’s what happens to guys who do disappearing acts and think the women you disappeared on would stick around waiting for you.”

Pretty much all the ones who were so excited and were talking up a storm would be the most likely culprit to suddenly vanish. I just don’t care anymore. I stopped caring years ago as I’ve encountered too many disappointments with getting emotionally used. Thankfully, I didn’t have sex with any of them, so at least I have my dignity intact.

Now, whenever I talk with someone, I just assume they’ll disappear sooner or later and out of the blue and it has nothing to do with me at all. Most are liars, and the other ones are cowards. I’m just thankful I don’t have to go further with any of them. Of course, this deeply saddens me because after years of searching for good, kind-hearted, decent men, I haven’t found any that are straight. I found plenty of good gay men, who have been my rock. But no single, straight man in my age bracket (30-40) but not any older or younger ones are sane or man enough to be a man and not a pussy running away crying because he “can’t handle emotions.” That’s total bullshit!!

Men use to be men from what I remember about 15 years ago. Even 10 years ago. Feminism have destroyed the relations between men and women by allowing men to be “equal” to women which means they are just pussies. What a f*cking shame!!

Reply January 5, 2016, 4:31 am

Holly Golightly

It’s not all feminism; it’s society as a whole, and families, that have created this mess. Here’s a list of what has caused the deterioration of our society and why men are cowards:
1. Mommy told them they never do anything wrong and, as a result, they do not accept consequences for their actions;
2. White middle class males have been hammered upon ever since people like Gloria Steinem came onto the scene and pretty much emasculated all males.
3. The Internet, social media, iPhones and all those techie dvices now make it easier to not-be-a-man. You can be ball=less and disappear and at your convenience text someone, or not, telling them you’ve moved on.
4. Society, as a whole, has degenerated into a morass of non-judgmental, liberal acceptance of bad behavior and making excuses for those who engage in it. There is no accountability; there are no manners; etiquette and Emily Post are anachronisms. It’s all the new “norm” and for those of us who were fortunate enough to have a wonderful upbringing (which is rare nowadays), then we can look at ourselves in the mirror and be thankful we cannot or will not stoop to such lowlife activities. It IS lonely at the top.

Reply January 11, 2016, 4:34 pm

At My Best

Your opinion is priceless Holly Golightly I couldn’t have said it better myself, you should write a book!

Reply February 24, 2016, 1:16 pm


This has also been my experience over the last ten years. Especially since online dating.
I also assume they will disappear most of the time.I find most of the men lie or cheat or arn’t emotionally ready for a relationship. The men I’ve dated come on very strong and tell me how much they like me and can’t understand why I haven’t been snapped up etc. Then poof they vanish into thin air.These are men in their late forties and fifties so it never changes. Ive also searched for years and concluded that since the event of feminism men don’t have to try any more as woman have made it too easy for them by sleeping with guys without commitment. I also don’t sleep with men if they haven’t made a commitment which most shy from. When reading other forums for woman on dating men vanishing or not committing seems to be a very common theme.
Yes I agree its a shame

Reply March 9, 2016, 10:13 pm


Kim and Anna,
I fully empathise with your experiences. I was just ghosted yesterday. Met a guy through online site. First date went flawlessly (probably the best first date ever – and I do go on a lot of dates). Guy came on very strong an confident – started to talk about checking out various events in town in our next dates, bringing me on a holiday etc (I didn’t even suggest any of these!). A week later, he initiated a second date and proposed to do it on Sunday. Sunday came, did not hear from him. I checked in with him to ask confirm, radio silence. Evening passed by and I realised I’ve been ghosted. Luckily things did not get intimate – but I don’t understand why his style of ghosting. Why do the ghosting after initiating second date? He could have just stay quiet after first date – that would make his point more effective, no? Anyway, its my second time being ghosted. And the guys that I date are meant to come from pretty good background (i.e. good education, professionals). I guess decency does not naturally come with good education and exposure huh. Ghosting in your 20s is childish but understandable. But these guys are in their mid 30s and 40s. It makes me dread what liberal society has turned men into. Maybe we should bring back the hard times.
I have read other’s experiences here and it sounds like many have been through worse (being ghosted after months of dating/being ghosted by the same person multiple times), the burn that I felt initially was insignificant compared to what others commentators had been through.
I am a positive person and I truly do not want to be a cynical person when it comes to love. I don’t want to live through the rest of my life going through first dates every other week just to be ghosted, nor do I want to approach a guy first time round and already label him a ghost-in-waiting. Guys out there, emotions and love are scary for the first few times. It is scary for us too. But if you choose flight rather than fight, they will remain scary to you, until you confront them head on. If there is no chemistry, or timing is not right, just tell her. It will be less scary the second time you communicate similar message. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Or like I said, perhaps we should bring back the hard times so we can get real men back……

Reply April 11, 2016, 4:11 pm


My boyfriend of 5 years did this to me several times! Then whenever i get over it and get my life back on track he comes back and manages to destroy it again. He is currently in the “ignoring” period again. I guess in his case its not ghosting but it became plain emotional abuse, as he has known me for so long and still manages to hurt me on purpose when disappearing. Any advice on how to handle this?

Reply December 13, 2015, 11:08 am


Look up “narcissist” on Pinterest. You will unlock the door to a perspective that will make so much sense to you.

Reply January 27, 2016, 11:42 pm


I feel for everyone going through this ghosting experience. I am going through it now. He stopped texting yesterday. The phone calls stopped Thanksgiving week. We were dating 2 months. Long distance. He called me beautiful as a nick name. We had sex multiple times. He was soooo into me at first. He initiated the texting and phone calls. He led me to believe he was falling for me. Now there is nothing and I’m devistated. It’s the worst pain ever. I’m angry and sad and feel so alone. Reading your comments helps. I want to text him so bad but I haven’t and I won’t. I don’t know why it would matter, but I want to know why he isn’t into me now. So quickly. And there was no goodbye, no thank you said or anything. We didn’t have a fight. I am devistated and not sure what to do. Feeling ick.

Reply December 11, 2015, 7:25 pm


I’m threw as well it ducks it hurts but after reading the article above it has just helped me so much to really see its no our faults God moves out the bad for the good ones when it’s time God will tell us

Reply January 6, 2016, 6:47 am


This EXACT thing just happened to me. Maybe we were seeing the same guy? Lol!

Reply January 10, 2016, 3:28 pm


i´d like to thank everybody for sharing. i spent the last few days crying and devastated and thinking up messages/emails to send him. now i am laughing at how all of us women react the same way and just make things worse. so there is no frikin way that i am going to text him after reading about your experiences. i can´t force anybody to talk…and there is no point in losing my dignity. i am still sad, but feeling much better.

maybe it´s time for us to start ghosting…give them something to chat about:)

Reply April 5, 2016, 1:27 pm


Also, this really takes a toll on the one being ghosted physically. I looked at a picture from last year before the major ghosting started and I looked so fresh and happy, with a pretty glow, and then I looked at a picture of myself from a few months ago and I looked so gaunt, sad, and aged. These dysfunctional jerks are going to prematurely age us if we let them! This depression, feeling of rejection, worry and stress ages you! Lets take care of ourselves.

Reply November 13, 2015, 4:38 pm


They are wounded souls in male bodies, with ego and cocks that sometimes confuse them and make them say things that they really cannot fulfill. Many are usually high on the narcissistic spectrum. They are magnets to co-dependents and vice versa. Its a mutual emotional sickness. They usually have abandonment issues and afraid of real emotional intimacy and commitment. As well, they cringe at losing their freedom.

I was ghosted almost 19 years ago by a guy who I was going to marry. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. I was young and naive, and bought the dress. Then he disappeared. 18 years later he called me back FINALLY. I kept wanting to laugh as we conversed, and he said he should have married me. I went to his Facebook page and he follows many pages of porn looking women. He shared a photo of his ex wife and she actually looked very nice. He, on the other hand, grew up to be sort of overweight and greasy looking, less well carried on a shorter man. I finally had to block him when he called me twice between 5 am and 6 am. All I could think was “WTF!?” I hate being cajoled by the sound of a ringing phone that early.

Now 20 ish years later after a marriage and death of my spouse 8 years ago, I am begin ghosted again. But there’s the idea that he thinks I will wait. He’s done this a couple time. I’m so tired of this ghosting bullshit. I thought men outgrew this but even pushing 50, some are still at it. This has been a year and a half now, and of course it started out lovely with him pursuing me and awesome chemistry, similar perspectives on the world and meaning of life. But then ….. THE DISTANCING CAME. The broken promises of I will be back in a few weeks from work and it changes to months … and months.
Laughable if I wasn’t so emotionally involved. I have drafted a Dear John letter but am waiting to be absolutely sure. Its been 3 days since contact. Hmmmm…. What to do? Sex was so good. Not sure if I can find that again. But my resentment and hurt is now greater than the sex ever was.

Wish my husband would not have died and left me. :..(

Reply November 13, 2015, 5:17 pm


Omg i felt like crying reading ur msgs im sorry life’s been so cruel. I had a man propose to me too then ghosted on me. We were in a long distance relationship i quit my job spent so much money traveling to meet him a few times spent time and money looking for work where he lives even bought a wedding dress then suddenly he ghosted on me..no explanations no closure. I used to be young and vibrant and now I’ve lost so much weight and so jaded even tho I’m trying so hard to stay positive and work on my self-esteem, the wound is just too deep

Reply March 15, 2016, 12:47 pm


Ughhh I hate this. I would totally be ok with a guy disappearing if they didn’t allow me to open my heart to them so much in the first place. It was a mutual connection and feeling then it just suddenly vanished on his end apparently. Its still fresh and I feel sore and confused. Im allowing myself to date other guys and make new plans for the next stage of my life. It’s unfortunate when you know you don’t have the same connection with the new guys you’re hanging out with. Yucky. I think men should realize embracing special feelings instead of running away from them is way more rewarding

Reply October 22, 2015, 7:45 am


I feel you. Honestly I would be fine if HE hadn’t been the one to get emotional first. Him doing that made me open my heart and now I feel absolutely used. Why does this happen??

Reply October 22, 2015, 12:42 pm


It’s been 3 months plus now, do you think time healed you?

Reply February 6, 2016, 9:13 pm


I’m being driven crazy and if anyone can help me it would be great. We are long distance and it’s been a few months and we’ve seen eachother many times. He’s very busy traveling for work but has checked in every few days saying he misses me. He’s told me he loves me and very emotional things, but in the past week or so he’s pulled back, and has been cold. This is something that happened before as well. I’ve given him space and I’m warm and kind when he does text me, but it’s making me cry because I don’t know if he’s playing with my head or what. We aren’t exclusive but he ocassionally alludes he doesn’t want me seeing anyone else. I think he’s sleeping with other women. Please help me.

Reply October 21, 2015, 4:14 pm


Worst advice ever. First, in order to understand men, take advice from men, not women. Second, society it’s so busy telling women that they are perfect (see your point two above), that women don’t take the actions they need to, to improve the things that drove the man away. I know many men that constantly try to improve themselves to find an amazing woman. And contrary to popular belief, we aren’t sex crazed fiends looking for the next one night stand. Here’s a secret: men WANT an amazing woman. We want a great relationship. The problem is that what drives us away are the things that some women do and continue to do that they don’t fix.

Don’t beat yourself up over what you did wrong. But take a positive, proactive approach to dating and find out the things you can do to keep a great guy and he will love you for it. Don’t let people tell you that you are perfect and don’t need to change. None of us are perfect and we can all improve ourselves (especially men!). Just get out there and do something about it! We are looking forward toI think it would be a great fun experience and you would enjoy it. I went last year meeting the new you and having a wonderful relationship with you. All the best.

Reply October 20, 2015, 10:46 pm


Bad typing on phone.

Last sentence: “We are looking forward to meeting the new you and having a wonderful relationship with you. All the best.”

Reply October 20, 2015, 10:50 pm


MH – I think the issue addressed in the article is that these men “ghost”. When you just disappear and leave no feedback, how is the girl supposed to work on it? It’s one thing if a guy breaks it off with a girl and tells her she is too insecure, clingy, dramatic, etc. Those are concrete things she can work on. But to leave someone high and dry by disappearing? That is disrespectful and cruel.

Reply November 4, 2015, 8:13 pm


Yes ma’am it is. Sitting here crying now because dont understand what happened. I only knew the guy for a week but he text me good morning, called me when he got to work, text me while at work, and called when he got off. All along we were never in a official relationship but for a girl its great to get contacted by a man and especially when you believe he is a good one. He got sick one day and stopped contacting me for no reason. I called him on past Wednesday and he sounded sick but don’t understand the distant. Everything was going great and now just distant. Everyone keeps saying wait until he comes around but nah I don’t want to wait because I do not deserve this without a good explanation. Maybe I was to clingy, am insecure, told him too much about me. I don’t know what the reason but do know his hurts me and shows what type of man he really is.

Reply January 16, 2016, 3:35 pm


I’m widowed, no children, no big baggage, attractive in my early 50’s. I too was charmed, pursued and wooed relentlessly. When the sudden shift of daily text stop, the no replies and stone cold silence ensued, this is when he claimed I was needy, pushy, clingy….you name it. Oh, the best one. I was accused of playing games. When did having open honest communication become a reference to these negative factors? When did dating become such a game? I have read many blogs about dating and most are about men and their feelings, how we are supposed understand their strong pursuit and we should be thrilled with the ghost act. 12 days into my no contact. There will probably be no contact from me again. Good bye Mr. Wrong. You don’t get permission to hurt me again.

Reply February 22, 2016, 10:27 pm


I agreed more, MH we would like a insight from a guys prospective as to why he didn’t text back or called after tons of I love you and I miss you from his part. I don’t think we are talking apart a certain age group that does this, I’ve been ghosted by 25 year old to 55 year both claiming to love me.

Reply February 6, 2016, 9:20 pm

Karina Shechtman

Amy well said.
Yes MH, we don’t mind a real MAN saying: “I don’t think we should see each other because_____________” hell, I would respect a man doing that!

Reply February 20, 2016, 4:00 pm


So what would you recommend a girl does when a guy withdraws because she has been a bit needy.

Reply February 19, 2016, 5:52 am


Going through this “ghosting” thing now. I had a serious crush 3 years ago on a class mate at high school and he knew I had a crush on him, we became great class mates meaning we hung out only when at school and at class, infact at class we two were inseparable. He liked me but he mainly used me as ego booster. We both used each other as ego boosters actually but I really wanted more then he got himself a girl friend, so we stayed just as friends. High school ended and I knew it was best to cut all the ties just like that to eas the seperation pain. We said our good byes hugged and went our ways. He must really have thought I would text him sooner or later, at least at his birthdays since when as class mates we texted each other almost everyday all day long. But no I wanted a clean break and went on with my life. And all of sudden last mounth he texted me after 3 years of total silence! I didn’t feel anything because I’m over him. I was very surpriced and a bit confused. Why text me several years later just like? Did he miss my ego boosting? I replied hours later and he didn’t reply back! Viber time stamp says that he was last online 30min after he texted me nd sknce then not online. Haha what the? I don’t cre that much although I spended some energy writing this text but really I’m just so curious about hus behviour, he swallowed his ego nd texted me years later and then didn’t bother reply back and ghosted on me. I guess he texted me on impulse and then regretted it and is not man enough to face it hmm

Reply October 18, 2015, 7:28 pm


I was talking to this guy on a dating we tried for a few meet ups but things kept happening and we were both busy we talked for four months!! I think for about 3 of them we talked almost every day sometimes there were a few days we didn’t cause we had friends over etc. We finally met. I was so nervous I was a rambling mess but we hung out for hours at the end of the night his work phone rang ( he was on call ) and he ran out. I got a good night kiss and all he said we will have more time next time etc etc. I sent him a text the next day just saying hope you weren’t too tired at work because he was already tired from being on call earlier that day. Crickets then two days later just sent one more say guess you were. He eventually answered but just a yes told me his schedule then an ugh. I had sent him one more after that and he didn’t answer for days. I know I jumped the gun should have just let him disappear in peace but for my own peace of mind two days later I said ‘ok I’ll take the hint. Take care and be good!’ He had NEVER answered. But now he keeps viewing my profile WHY? Let a girl move on in peace! I mean even if he doesn’t want to text he could message me online and say hi. But to keep viewing my profile that’s f’d up.

Reply September 21, 2015, 2:42 pm


I had the same exact thing happen to me. We’re talking for a really long time through text and then we met up and had a really good time I thought. Kissed good bye and then he was really bad at answering my texts after that. At first I thought it was just he was busy. But then he did something annoying, deleted me on Facebook and blocked me?! Childish, clearly he wasn’t interested so I sent him a text have a nice life. He never answered. BUT he still checks in on my snapchat all the time?! Wtf, go away and leave me in peace.

Reply December 20, 2015, 1:44 pm


Hi there,
I need help!!!! I broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago after a year and a half of relatiionship for no reason. He just started to act like he didn’t want to do, or plan anything, and wasn’t spending enough time with me, so I addressed the issue to him, and first thing he said was “I know I’m not making you happy” so I asked him what was wrong, he said he didn’t know, I asked him if he needed some time and he reply yes. I was speechless to hear that. so a week went by he didn’t contact I contacted him he said he didn’t know, blah, blah then a week after he said he didn’t want to see anyone for now. I’m so bad, sad and don’t know what to do. I waited a few weeks then I called him he didn’t reply. I know he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore, but its hard for me to understand and to accept that he just stopped loving me all of the sudden? should I move on what should I do?? please help.

Reply August 24, 2015, 5:36 pm


I know I am just a mess when it comes to these things as anyone else but the one thing I have learned is just because a guy is unsure or seems unsure of his own feelings doesn’t give him the right to mess with yours. Move on because you deserve that!

Reply September 21, 2015, 2:50 pm


So I was chatting with this guy on fb for a few weeks. We hit it off and I live on Maui another island than him. But was going to visit the one he is on. But a week b4 we had a really bonding text back n forth. Then said gnight, then poof gone out of thin air. I did what any smart girl would and came straight here for advice. I sent him a text 2 days b4 my trip to see if he’d text back but nothing so I went and had fun didn’t text or message him. Once I got back I sent him a pic message and said oahu was fun :). The next day he texts me “I’m sorry for everything.” Idk what to do now though. Help!

Reply August 22, 2015, 5:20 am


Men are such a cowards

Reply September 7, 2015, 4:18 pm


Hi folks
Please help ease my pain.
Meet a guy on a dating website. He chased me, with endless texting etc how would I feel about a long distance relationship. We got along so well
. So after about a week of this he decided to come down and see me, he lives four hours away.we had a great weekend and the chemistry was great, it’s been along time since I felt this way. He returned home and we continue chatting. Then he had an issue with his ex and I didn’t hear a word for 12 hours. He finally contacted me and explained what happened. Since then things were not the same. So he went camping with his kids and I heard nothing. I messaged him a few days later and nothing. Messaged him today nothing, he’s completely ignoring me, not answering his phone or text. Hes blocked me from WhatsApp and the dating site. Completely blank, not a single word. I’m rather confused and very much hurt. He was so full on, saying I make him happy etc etc than boom nothing. Complete and utter blank.
Any thoughts please

Reply August 19, 2015, 5:22 pm

Sabrina Alexis

Wait, have you met this guy in person or no? Something sounds very sketchy and amiss here, maybe he’s still married or isn’t who he saiys he is. Either way, I don’t think this is much of a loss to you. I know it hurts, but at least it ended before you got in any deeper. I think it sounds like you dodged a bullet though, so try to just move on and not think about him anymore.

Reply August 20, 2015, 1:00 pm


I had a similar experience as yours, met a guy on a dating site who lives about 3 hours away. He was chasing me, always initiating contact and finally I agreed to meet in person although I wanted to keep it slow. We got along really well and had a great day together. When he left, he told me how much he liked me and that we absolutely had to meet again if we both have some free time etc… We kept texting for the next 2 weeks and I started to talk about another meeting, but I had a very full work schedule, and he said something like, “no need to hurry, I won’t run away from here…” I didn’t get the hint. His texting became less frequent and when I started another attempt and made a suggestion for a meeting, he answered, “I’m not sure about that weekend, probably my friend and I are planning to do something”. And that was the last thing I heard from him. I reached out to him twice, but no reaction. I know I mustn’t take it personally, but still it hurts because I feel like he didn’t really mean it when he told me what a great girl I am :(

Reply September 26, 2015, 5:24 pm


Hi I am new to this dating thing, we were used to doing it the old fashion way before the Internet was around. Anyway cut a long story short, started chatting to this guy on Tinder,we are both in music so we understand the unsociable hours and the pressure that comes with it. Anyway basically has been texting everyday, and get on really really well have a great sense of humour and banter between us that other people who are not working in music would not necessarily understand?
We went out for a meal about 3 weeks ago, and decided that we would like to see each other again. The work commitments do get in the way as basically he has to travel away and I also work with my music projects as well ( all checked out and very genuine). However the last couple of days he has gone unusually quiet? But the banter carried on just before this there’s nothing and changed there whatsoever… but I am starting to feel a bit of a distancing situation occurring?
May I just add that there has been no intimacy whatsoever, but we seemed really into each other. I don’t want to go over the top and question him as to why he has become a little bit quieter, but at the same point I need to understand why? He has always said to me that when he is back from work he will adk me out again or over his way for a meal?
This situation is quite bizarre because literally we have not stopped talking to each other…. he lets me know as soon as he has landed in another country for work, how the job is going, sends me pictures and updates all the time, but the last couple of days have been different from his side not mine… I don’t mind if he’s changed his mind or he has met somebody else, but I think he should at least have the courage to tell me and not just blank me… do you think I should confront it and just ask him why? We are both mature and not in our twenties or thirties… so really not into all this game playing and hookups rubbish…. should I just ask him out right if there is a problem?

Reply August 14, 2015, 2:13 am


I’m a guy and I did that all the time, although not for the reasons mentioned here. When something begins I feel like I give and give and give. I do the first step (because if I don’t, nothing will ever happen), I show attention, I call, I step over my insecurities to say and do things I’m not so certain I should, I pay more attention to how I look and what I’m saying and in general do a great deal of things I wouldn’t do if I cared less. At some point I feel the need to know, if she appreciates my efforts or if she’s taking them for granted? Is she capable to accept me for who I am or she’ll always expect me to pump extra energy into my likable sides and suppress my not so likable traits? I’m not doing that just because I don’t want to die alone, when I like someone I really want to be worthy to be with her, but I know that at some point I’ll run out of my reserve, and it might be really painful to discover she doesn’t like me anymore when that happens. What if something bad happens and I will just sit alone and depressed drinking myself to sleep? Will she even call and ask how I’m doing, ask if I need anything? Or she’ll just be mad at me for not giving her another fix of her “nearly perfect boyfriend” fantasy, or find someone else who will do? So I pull out before it’s too late, and usually they don’t pass my little test, my current girlfriend did and we’re together for 4 years now.

Reply August 9, 2015, 12:53 pm


This is interesting… You ghost as a test to see if we will reach out? I can understand that but when we do choose to reach out and the guy is not having it- it HURTS. Especially when it’s someone you felt really good about :/ it’s confusing and we’ll never know why it happened.

Reply August 10, 2015, 2:30 pm


Thank you for sharing, Charnel. I’m going to reach out and make sure he knows I really do care and appreciate him before I assume he’s just ghosting me. Perhaps it’s just a test. Oh dear I may need some moral support. No idea.

Reply August 10, 2015, 9:26 pm


Haha Rachel, the last part where you said “Oh dear I may need some moral support. No idea.” really cracked me up. I am too in this dilemma, should i or should i not take another risk to text him? I really have no idea too.

Reply October 22, 2015, 2:53 am


so did you end up texting him.?.

Reply July 11, 2016, 8:22 pm


Thank you.. this makes sense, explains behaviors of some, for me. But- dont you think it’s a little disingenuous to present oneself as superman initially and expect that person to like batman instead a few months down the road?
Why not be yourself from the beginning? Trust me when a man acts so super like that and gives and gives.. it can be overwhelming and stressing for a woman. Really we should stay true to our real feelings, nature, impulses.. in exploring other people. Otherwise you are only hunting, once the hunt is over and youve eaten and satsified- perhaps you are justifying your loss of apetite by the ‘test’?

Reply February 23, 2017, 4:32 pm


I lost my mate of 23+ years to cancer over a year ago. After six months of mourning, I joined a club. Met a guy who didn’t want a relationship. Spent a couple months having some great times. He broke it off after some conflict with others at club. Got over him and began to work on myself. Lost some weight and was okay with things. Out of the blue, I met a guy who was everything I ever wanted. I ignored the fact that he was divorced less than six months and the bigger picture I refused to see was he had gone from a 30+ yr marriage to an affair with a female 30 years younger. I had moved in with him. We were great, everyone thought, and we spent almost a month in loving bliss. Not. He refused to delete his ex from his FB page. Looking back, I see him distancing himself ever so slightly . I had asked if he wanted me to move out. No was his answer. Came to a head recently. I was not feeling well over that weekend. By Sunday night, I asked if he thought I should leave. I went numb when he said yes. He thought it was best. Swore it had nothing to do with ex. I believed him. Wrong. After hospital stay and he would not text back , call or see me. I forced a confrontation. For me, it was what I wanted. I’m dealing with possible cancer and he could care less. Gets easier each day. Should have been just friends. My daughter thinks he’s gay. Lol. Maybe? Don’t think so. On top of the rest, he has no intention to get married. I sure didn’t and don’t. His 36 yr old ex will surely not want to stay single for the rest of her life! Right? He says he’s staying where he is and she lives in a nearby town. She is self absorbed. Prayers for an mri that I have tomorrow. God bless all! I was lucky once. Need to be grateful for that.

Reply August 5, 2015, 7:23 pm


If he disappears I agree he must not have been interested, but if he pulls back then I wouldn’t generalize the reason being “he’s just not into you, get over it.” It’s like if dating were black and white like that then there wouldn’t really be a dating world, people would skip over dating and jump right into relationships like back in the day. Women tend to over react at times (I’ve done it), like if he doesn’t reach out for two or three days she’s like “OMG! He’s gone! Thought we were good!” then she starts blowing up his phone, demanding answers, or when he finally reaches out she’s snappy and cold instead of calm, cool and confident.
If he dips for a week then yeah, I’d say he’s not interested. Days? Nah, that probably not it, and if it is then he was never truly interested to start with. If he dates other women because you and him haven’t discussed being exclusive that could be another reason why you might not hear from him for a day or two, he’s juggling.

If you don’t want him to juggle then tell him. When I tell a guy what I want or expect I prepare for the worse, and the worst case is he doesn’t want the same thing, and you MUST move on. The problem is some guys aren’t honest enough to tell you he doesn’t want the same things, so he tells you he does and then does the bare minimum just to keep you around. Hate those types. In that aspect, you can’t ignore the signs like they said.

If he says one thing but does another, then it’s time to start doing a slow fade out of your own. No need to have the conversation on what you both want again, that stage is over and you don’t need to sound like a broken nagging record. Just take his actions for words that he forgot to disclose to you and back off on your own. I did this with a guy I was dating and when he didn’t respond to my text, I didn’t ask why and I didn’t put out more than I was getting; that way I didn’t feel cheated when we stopped talking. I felt it was more mutual, even though I wouldn’t have mind continuing to date him because I really liked him, but I was fine either way.

Reply July 27, 2015, 12:54 pm


Good advice! It just seems to happen to me every time.

Reply October 1, 2015, 3:21 pm


I joined a dating website. Filled my schedule with fun things to do and as the article says “immersed” myself in work. And other social interaction.

Reply July 26, 2015, 6:13 pm


Absolutely call the person on it. Seriously.

If more men were called on this kind of behavior, they’d stop doing it.

If you see a serious withdraw from the guy, just text ‘Hey. I’ve enjoyed being with you and I’d like to see you again, but I haven’t been getting the same vibe since I last saw you. If you’re busy or you’re not into it or whatever, that’s fine. I’d appreciate the communication either way’.

Done and done. You are the better person.

Reply July 12, 2015, 12:00 am


I did that, messaged him and told him he needs to not be a coward and should have manned up and told me he didnt want to be with me anymore. He said he does and hes just really busy and still wants to be with me i fell for it then bam he disappeared again i didnt say anything this time i just ignored him as well and he messaged me after 2 wks talkin about he had a death in the family had to go home ( diff country) and didnt wanna pay roaming charges. I replied with my regards and then asked how he was…NOTHIN back like why even message me in the first place. Smh he is playin games and @ freakin35 yrs old grow up man!!

Reply July 14, 2015, 10:11 am


I am in this crappy situation also, I have been dealing with this guy for a looong time.

Basically: We met, Hit it off greatly, Texted everyday, Saw each other regularly, Practically fell for each other, He was a Sweet, Kind, Caring, Yet Slightly misunderstood person. Dated for like 2 months, Then BAM Everything changed.

I haven’t seen this guy in a year and he insisted we remain in contact. He vanishes for weeks, I don’t hear a word from him in this time, Then reappears from thin air. Of course i’m always friendly, As i’m not the confrontational type (Hence why i’ve sat back and allowed it Ugh!!) And he’s always stated that’s a trate he loves in me. I’ve tried initiating contact a few times, But he disappears mid conversation (which i find rude) And then i won’t hear a peep again for weeks on end, So i stopped doing it. He’s also told me work is all his life consists of and he is a pain when it comes to relationships (due to past experiences that have messed him up). This is the main reason i’ve stuck around, Feeling like he needs a friend sometimes, And the person i am being there for him. Yet he keeps telling me i miss you, I like you more than anyone and i do hope to see you again. Weirdly, He’s NEVER ignored one of my messages, But doesn’t exactly stay long enough to converse. He started all of this from the beginning, Wanting to date me and claiming he was really into me. You’d think i’d be over this by now but nope, He’s making it really difficult. When feelings are involved it’s easier said than done to just walk away from someone who at one time meant the world to you. As of right now, I’m just trying to busy myself and study the thought of knowing deep down that i need to let go. I’m hurting everyday though, But i’m realizing this situation aint getting any better. I’m contemplating whether to just not say anything and expect another message from him in weeks to a months time, Or to open my mouth and state my opinion (in a nice way). Hard thing is i care about him a great deal, But my emotions with this situation are all over the place. But I can’t help feeling If he wanted to be with me, he would be right?

I wish that if a guy has lost interest they’d say so. They’re not helping us by letting this string like behavior continue. If they’re doing it because they don’t wanna lose us, it’s a dull theory, Cause they just wouldn’t do it in the first place if that was the case.

All i can say to anyone in this situation is if you see your “relationship” heading in this direction, RUN!!

Reply July 8, 2015, 3:20 am

lovely leo

I am so with you, why not just say. Im sorry but i am no longer interested …good luck though. But maybe not so dry lol I have sent similar messages to guys so they are not just waiting around

Reply July 8, 2015, 4:36 pm


Thank you, Exactly!!

It just messes our heads up in the long run, And then we have trust issues, I appreciate honesty, I’d much rather be told if someone is not interested in me.

I know i’d tell someone If i wasn’t feeling it. Cause it’s not fair to lead them on.

Reply July 9, 2015, 5:19 am


So glad I found this site today! Yes was very hard it was my birthday I am just say over 45. I signed up for POF not even 3 weeks ago. I had a few dates that were rotten, once guy was nice buts just wants sex. I told them to favor and leave a message first then we chat awhile, the if that’s good we exchange phone numbers. So this one guy started chatting but he seemed busy when he contact me, keeps it short. Hes a single dad, new to dating, recently sepd for 6 months, so right away I asked him are you sure your ready as this is not good for me and he said his marriage is DONE. So we chatted. He wanted to meet me on a sunday morning but he was a no show. I left an upset message to him so he knew I was angry (I had 3 no shows that week!)….so 5 days goes by and he leaves me a nice apology that was quite sincere. I said I forgive you but why did you wait so long to tell me? So we get chatting again, he wants to call me…He called and told me the reason he missed the first date is his ex came to his home (he has his 2 kids) and found him on POF and freaked out. Then he said she wont be allowed back here (he was angry). Then he said hed like to see me later that evening. We chatted for 30 mins or so. He seemed down to earth and nice. He came with not really a lot of notice (40 mins) for me. He seemed very nice, kind of shy. We hit it off, both were somewhat nervous. We made out. He told me hes getting a big surgery next week on his hips and would have to work OT this coming week to make up the time, so he wanted to see me the following Monday (which is a holiday). Also hes driving his daughter to move to Toronto with her things. So I told him its best if you call me then. So that was sunday night, I did not hear from him at all even online. I left two message: one that I really like him and that I don’t want to be an option, I want to be a priority, and I understand he cant provide that as he will be bedridden for 1 month. And I also noted it was my bday that day. So at 530 pm last night (Friday) he messaged me back. It was very heartfelt. First he said I hardly had time to come on here (which I found odd but hes doing long shifts). He said he really enjoyed being with me, that he does not want to lead me on, that he does not want me as an option and that to be fair to me, he would hold off seeing me until after his surgery and hes healed (2-3 weeks from now)…and he would like to date often to establish an ongoing relationship (to see if it will go that way). Then he wished me happy birthday. THEN the last line, he said I wont be able to get to the computer much to talk to you as Ill be bedridden (he uses a computer not a tablet or iphone for POF)…but that caught me! Cause I said wait you have a darn phone and know my number!! So 2 hrs later I went back into the dating site and noted he was not in my contacts list. I tried to message him, it came back BLOCKED (he blocked me). I was quite upset. After one hour I called his cell, he had it call forwarded. I left him a good voicemail, I was angry hurt and upset, actually in tears, as it was my birthday, my best friend died of a heart attack 2 months before, I cant find work and I have no family here…So he did not call back. Today I went into POF and he is COMPLETELY GONE, he took his profile off! So I did the same as I hate this online dating thing very horrible men on here! Would rather live single than go through this stuff, all games! Either his wife, ex-wife found out again he was on POF and got him to delete his account OR he met someone new and hates the dating site too so went off or its temporarily deleted. He will be bedridden for up to 6 weeks. I offered to come help him, he declined. He told me when he came to see me that he ton his kids hes ‘visiting a friend”….Im so heartbroken. I was in tears when I called him, I thought he would have the decency to at least call me back to clear the air! Cause we got along well I don’t get it. My profile stated I want to find someone to marry, not ‘casual dating around”, he knew this….why would he waste his time then…if he just wants a fling…

Reply August 1, 2015, 2:17 pm


I have been friends with this guy for over a year. We work together so we see each other often. It was a casual friendship, not like talking everyday and that kind of thing. Well earlier this year things changed. We got super flirty, and sent many inuendos. One day, poof, he pulled away for no reason. Once I got him to open he he told me he is confused and he doesn’t know what he wants in life and has so much going on. Ok, I told him I get it and gave him nothing but space, leaving him alone. I would text him a “checking in” text about once a month for a few months.

Well we finally connected again and he basically said he us into me, but doesn’t want a relationship right now because he has a lot of other thIngs going on with hobbies and work, etc. I was fine with that, I was in the same boat. We agreed to be a friends with benefits type thing which I was way ok with. The first time he and hooked up he dropped off the face of the earth. Went 2 weeks with no contact at all. He finally stopped me in the parking lot at work and told me he was having a lot of life issues at once and was trying to sort them out, but he would be in touch. And he did, but it was like texting my grandma. So boring and dry compared to how it used to be. So I finally had to just come out and ask what the deal was. Was that a one time deal, or was that something we could do more often. We agreed to do it more often.

So we hook up again and now the same thing. I text no response, no contact at all. It’s been 2 weeks now.

I am at the point of not knowing what to do. We both like each other, just not the right timing for either of us. I am way ok with thus friends with benefits thing we kinda have, but I do not like the whole disappearing thing after each time. I am starting to think he is getting in his feelings and needs some time to push them back.

Any ideas on how I should continue to handle this? I don’t want him out of my life, but I am not ok with our current situation either.

Reply June 28, 2015, 8:15 pm


We were together for 9 months and lived together for 4, we were in love, building a future together. I went to work one day, came home and everything was gone, he had moved out … I found him at a friends house – we started to work things through, he said we were back together and after he got home from his work trip he would move back in. We talked while he was away every day maybe twice… I caught him in a lie about when he checked out of his hotel and wondered where he was? Well after I confronted him I never heard from him again, he has blocked me from all communication – calls texts, emails – except when the couples therapist called him to change the time of an appointment we had together he said he could make it but at at a different time? Then he confirmed a second appointment for next week ??? I’m so confused he won’t talk to me or respond to my email- but he says he can go to couples therapy in a week?? Help

Reply June 25, 2015, 6:10 am


Yep, met this guy on match, we spent some good times together for about 2 months(our first date we talked for 6 hours and never even got around to out food!), he freaked and said he did not think he would meet anyone like me so soon(been divorced only 11 months). We met for lunch and I told him that I understood, that when I had been divorced for 11 months I was in a relationship that I shouldn’t have been in and I truly just understood how he felt. He said he just felt overwhelmed. Fast forward a month, has been texting on and off everyday, he has his kids the entire month of June so I didn’t expect to hear from him much. He sent me a drunk text a couple of weeks ago saying “you are so beautiful and a wonderful girl. Who knows what could happen in the future”. Then he said “I think I love you”. Then on and off texting, on fathers day I wished him a happy holiday and he said “thank you. I know this day must be hard for you(my dad passed). Sorry I havent texted much I’ve been tied up with family”. Haven’t heard from him in three days now and not sure what to do. Figured I should just take him at face value that he doesn’t want anything right now and move forward- but concerned that he’s just “man caving” on me lol

Reply June 25, 2015, 12:21 am


Dear Sabrina, one thing that I don’t understand and don’t agree with as for your above article is that we shouldn’t reach out for the guy when he ghosts.

I mean, if things in the relationship were deep enough, then a guy just owes us something. For me, a closure is crucial. Like with the guy that I described below… We’ve known each other for years, we were having sex for a year, he even proposed and moreover we won’t avoid some contact, because we work in the same field. I really think he owes me, I need to know where I stand. Are we lovers, are we co-workers or should we pretend that we don’t know each other? He can’t just ghost like that…

I needed to know, so I was reaching out for him. I tried a few times, but there was no response. Then I assumed it’s over, but still, I needed a closure. And since he refused to talk to me, I provided a closure by myself – by sending him a goodbye email. I didn’t even need his reply (I know him, so I expected that he wouldn’t reply), but at least I have what I wanted – a closure. And it feels so much better.

I still feel insulted and angry, because I really believe he owed me. But at least I know where I stand – it’s over.

Long story short – I don’t agree that we shouldn’t reach out for him. If a relationship was deep enough, men owe us. And we can ask for what we deserve. And if they refuse to give us what we deserve anyway, we can provide a closure by ourselves like I did.

I don’t know what his reaction was to my email, maybe he was just sick of me and didn’t want to see any emails. But I really don’t care! It’s not my problem. I needed a closure and I have it. That he is a jerk is a separate thing.

Reply June 12, 2015, 9:54 pm


I’ve been seeing this terrible ghosting guy… I mean he was hot, we had fun, but his way of dealing with problems, his way of communication, i.e. ghosting, is just unbearable.

First of all, in his case – ghosting doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to continue with the relationship (as I’ve learned after a year of seeing him); it only means that he want to pull away for some time… and then he will be back (but you never know when). Second, ghosting is not only pulling away for him. Ghosting is a way of dealing with almost any problems. When there is a fight, he ghosts. When I’m hurt and I tell him, he ghosts. I can leave many messages telling how hurt I am, what I feel and need and why… and there will be no reply… until he’s ready. Ghosting is like waiting for things to calm down for him. He probably thinks it’s a smart strategy, but in my opinion it was very unfair and driving me crazy.

First time he did it, he just stopped initiating contact for two months. After that he contacted me and he… proposed! Just like that. In our first conversation after two months. We’ve been staying in touch for some time and seeing each other, but… we’ve had some fights etc. (of course he was ghosting every time that happened). And our last fight went pretty bad. I told him in front of other people that I don’t want to see him never again. As a consequence, here we are – another ghosting act.

Again, I don’t think he’d like to just end things. He wants to wait, as always, until things get calmer… I don’t know that for sure, but – that’s how he always does, so probably this time as well. But I can’t handle it again. I won’t wait again. It took him two months for the first time, I have no idea how long it would take now. I tried to contact him a few times, no response. So after a week I just send him an email saying goodbye.

No response either…. but what can I say. He’s just immature, that’s how I see it. My ‘goodbye’ email was really nice. And that hurts that he couldn’t – even via email – thank me back for the beautiful moments we’ve shared.

Guys are weird.

Anyway, as you often write here, we can’t settle for less that we want. Ghosting – as a method for anything that goes wrong in a relationship – is something that I definitely cannot accept. For me It’s way too difficult to handle, and I just find it very unsensitive and unfair.

Reply June 12, 2015, 9:32 pm


I am just reading some articles about NPD (narcissist personality disorder) and am discovering that what my guy is doing is not a simple ghosting act but rather a silent treatment. Some specialists take silent treatment to be an emotional abuse. Results for the victim: obsessive thinking about the narcissist, confusion, anger. Anyway, I just thought I might clarify that below my comment that apparently my story concerns a little bit different thing that the article concerns. It’s not a simple ghosting act, it’s not a guy who lost interest and didn’t know how to tell me, but rather a passive-agressive punishment and a manipulation. According to those articles he will be back… silent treatment can take up to several months. And then I will have to be strong to not become his victim again.

Maybe it’s possible to deal with some people who are a little bit narcissist, but my guy is a real emotional vampire. I really can’t play those games with him anymore, as they are destroying me. If he comes back, wish me lack!

Reply June 15, 2015, 12:35 pm


I’m going through the same thing. My guy text me and said he was in a foul mood and need time. After a week I checked in him and he hasn’t said nothing. I haven’t done anything to him I don’t understand how he could just stop talking to me. I keep texting and texting and I get no reply. I know he is dealing with a a lot but I told him I would support him and ride out with him through it all. I’m confused and hurt

Reply August 10, 2015, 7:29 am


Do they really come back? Do you ever regret writing the letter? Where do they go? Mine has blocked me from calls , texts – maybe even emails, the feeling of anxiety is off the charts – I feel like I’m spinning down the drain – to be discarded like I meant nothing to him … Ugh, it’s awful- and in the midst of no communication with me , the couple therapy dr reaches out to him to confirm an apply, and he says he will be there next week for a session, I think I am having more anxiety over the fact that he won’t show up?? I don’t think he will in my heart and there goes another 5 days of spinning out of control and worrying – how can they be so strong to not communicate at all??

Reply June 25, 2015, 6:27 am


i need your help please , if you could write me back
please i need your advise

Reply June 10, 2015, 11:46 am


well.. will definitely look forward to honest insight…

Alert: No judgmental Attitude Please

I am a single mother of two teen age boys, and recently started working for my own business. I am pretty happy as I am, a stable base is most important and not actively seeking men, was very content to just concentrate on business. As it happens, when you least look for it… destiny knocks.. :)

I play on a chess forum, and there is this really expert player, I befriended him and asked for lessons. well, he turned out to be owner of multinational company, an extremely intelligent, extremely rich and very balanced man. Gradually we talked and long night chats, deep discussion and had loads of fun. Since I knew that he is married with two sons and I do not want any troubles, I declined when he offered to meet in real.

I am no miss world, but I am witty & funny and I have this inherent love for myself (feel like a queen without throne- lol); silently we both got very attached – to me it was perfect, since all I missed in my life was emotional warmth of a man which he provided (I just can not feel connected to any man – it has to be very intelligent and principled person, otherwise I dont feel anything).

He told me he loved me dearly, thought about me incessantly, want me like crazy and I live under his skin. and then … as he called me again later that day he said and I quote: “you know you have teen age boys and I too, I wish you all the best in the world, I will always be there whenever you need me, goodluck” and then he left.

that was last week, I did not realize that will be last we will talk….
I am not going to contact him- I respect his FreeWill..
I am perplexed, I was not spoiling his marriage, we genuinely connected on a mental and emotional level – why would he just run away like this??? Is it because he knew that there will be no sex and no nothing more or what..

why wont he explain or atleast try to.. Could anyone please explain..

Reply May 25, 2015, 6:17 pm


He probably got caught by his wife… But I feel like he figured why risk his marriage and kids for some one unknown & not fully committed. He probably didn’t want to continue talking to you because he did like you a lot but the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. I bet if you didn’t mind home wrecking than he would have left his family for you. Truth!

Reply June 9, 2015, 7:12 am


If it’s the early stages of a long distance relationship, and there’s a bit of ghosting, is it the same of ‘he’s just not that into you’?
Early stages meaning you kissed when you first met but other than exchange numbers,no talk of a relationship or anything serious other than he said he likes you.
I’ll get responses to texts usually but a few minutes in and I might not get a response later. And it’ll be dormant for a month or so til I text again and then it repays. Pretty sure I’m kidding myself thinking he is trying to back away every time he gets interested and likes me but he realizes its long distance and doesn’t want to get into it.@_@ I’m not obsessed with the guy, it’s more of an obsession with wanting to know why. Why is that! ?

Reply May 25, 2015, 11:51 am


I have recently been “ghosted” for the third time… I gotta say, it sucks!
This time around it wasn’t a slow fade out like before.
It was an overnight change, literally. We were talking and our conversation was fun and happy and then, because he works nights, we said goodbye. Then right before he went into work he sent me a heart symbol through text (<3) and it made me happy.
The next day, I didn't hear from him. I waited a couple days thinking he'd contact me eventually…but he didn't. So I texted him. I got friendly replies but obviously something had changed.. and then eventually he just didn't respond and I haven't heard from him since.
I am so confused about how things could be so happy one day and so distant the next. I refuse to text him again though because of my pride which just leaves me sitting around, wondering if he'll come back or if I lost him forever.
I know the smartest move would be to accept the fact that he pulled a Houdini act and move on but it's easier said than done..

Reply May 19, 2015, 12:20 am


I completely understand you. It sucks !!! I hope you find someone who will treat you how you deserve to be treated!!!

Reply May 21, 2015, 5:43 pm


I understand you too and I know how it sucks. But believe me – it sucks much more when it happens not at the early stages, but after years of friendship, a year of having sex and his proposal (see my above comment for the details).

It’s been a month now since I wrote my goodbye email to him, no reply. I am moving on, I won’t forgive him this time, but I still think and hope that he will contact me eventually and we will talk and explain things as normal, adult people should.

Anyway, sorry for you, but it’s better if that happens at the early stages. At least you know already what kind of a guy he is. He would do that again, and it would hurt more if you invested in the relationship. I really regret that I forgave him the first time he did it. Should have been wiser than that – I could predict that he would do that again.

Reply June 12, 2015, 11:39 pm


I’m going through it now :( god it is the worst pain. You think to yourself how can someone take advantage of you and use you then just disappear. And the worst thing is you know he is ok and not losing any sleep at night but your just fighting to make it through another day. With me I got kiss and a see you in the morning then he vanished. It’s disgusting but karma has a way of going around.

Reply July 27, 2015, 6:00 am


I went on holiday to Portugal for a few months back in September and met this amazing guy. We hit it off and we end up hooking up before I left. Even when I got back home we continued to talk everyday. I fell in love and planned a trip back there this summer. However, a month ago today he stopped talking to me. I get the hint & refuse to chase him but it hurts so bad. I can’t wrap my head around it. How can you say you love me and then just cut me off like I am nothing?! I try moving on but some days I just cry and blame myself…. I miss him even though he did a sh*tty thing to me. I guess time will heal… Can’t wait to be over this ????

Reply May 6, 2015, 6:21 pm


Awww Sweetie, men do stuff like that when they are getting too close…your guy probably has baggage that he needs to deal with and perhaps he thought that he could not handle an LDR…Let him go..I know the feeling..but usually they do reach out within one to two months, they miss the feeling of being wanted and loved and they miss you but usually for the wrong reasons…I would say let him go and try (and this is going to be very hard) to keep your options open…start dating..indulge yourself…You are strong enough and smart enough not to have chased him…Most women try to reach out in desperation, I have done it in my lowest and darkest times and made a complete fool of myself..Oh yeah, I cringe at the stupid things I have done…Ive only just learnt to relax and step back and realize that if a guy truly likes you, you don’t have to chase him, he will like pursuing you, in fact he will love it, he will want to have you all to himself and snatch you before anyone else takes you off the market..All you have to do is respond to him positively. be sweet to him, and act like the queen you are…Be yourself, Be happy, he will come back and by then, you probably wont care because you will be busy getting it on with a nicer, more worthy guy who will call and text you and make trips just to see you( instead of the other way round) no matter how far away he lives ;) ..Love and light :)

Reply May 12, 2015, 1:07 pm


Natasha you’re amazing! Thanks for the advice it truly helped me out a lot :)

Reply May 21, 2015, 5:38 pm


Your advice truly helped me as well. It does hurt and it is so hard to make ourselves understand that it is something out of our control. This isn’t the first tI’m it has happened and it keeps getting harder each time, but I think I handle it better now.

Reply June 15, 2015, 12:09 am


You just made his sound so clam. I’m going to back off my guy and focus on me. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I was so good to him and we were just fine. I don’t know what happened and I feel so idk I can’t explain. I keep textin and textin and he not saying nothing. I don’t get it! ???? I’m so confused right now

Reply August 10, 2015, 7:36 am


Ok so I been talking to this guy for 4weeks , i met him on the gram. He asked for my number and I thought he was cute so I’m like ” why not ?” So We eventually started talking on the phone every night and even falling asleep on the phone ! I’m talking about 11Hrs on the phone, i never did that before. But anyway we eventually considered our relationship as a bf gf type of relationship and we were exited to see each other. We eventually seen each other in person and I know for a fact that we liked each other because he kept kissing me ! And he called me back that same night and even sent me a ” good morning Beautiful text ” but then as that day went on things became a little weird I started seeing him flirting with other girls on the gram and he started acting weird…I asked him if I did anything wrong he told me no. He always says ” I’m just having my own little problems” so I believed him but when I text him , sometimes he doesn’t even respond or he would just respond late.. At first I was thinking he was getting depressed about something but he wouldnt tell me what’s wrong. He still texts me but he texts like he’s not interested in me anymore, and I don’t want to keep texting him because I don’t want to seem desperate…but I really think he’s gonna start texting me normal again but I’m really upset about the way he’s been acting and treating me should I just leave him alone??? #help !!! And should I text him back when he text me? Because I don’t think I should

Reply April 30, 2015, 2:15 am


I think you shouldn’t talk to him. I’m going through a similar situation and as much as it sucks you have to move on. Stop talking to him and if he starts texting you a lot again he is probably interested. But it sounds like he got everything he needed from you and got bored and is finding another girl to talk to. Guys suck but there is definitely a good guy out there for you. Keep your head up & I wish you the best. :)

Reply May 6, 2015, 8:29 pm


I recently just broken up with my boyfriend last week..

We being together for 3 years and things were real good untile last year my ex s parents were to move to aus in September 2014 and ask us to come over for my ex’s birthday for the month so we were really excited and lloved up and everything , when we git ov over we barley did anything he want to sit around looking on YouTube or doing what to do we didn’t even anything for our 3year anverssiry but got to babysit while he went off on bikes for his bday I just kind let pass because we were awa then his parent ask us to move over for the year and they had jobs set for us .when we came back something change in him I know he was depressed missing them and the fun had their but I told will be back not worry he had lost his job aswel and I was only temparly working and we were in my dad’s place to help save moneyjust shorten things down bit basic since we came back I was the one trying looking for and wavering money while just sat in the room wouldn’t come out not talk to my dad or anythingso then his mom called and thought of an idea if he went over and worked first and paied mental get over and oblisy pay back when I get over so the was grand like he was still all love and etc into me… But plans got change he had to move tso months ago to help out his nann that was sick and he told me don’t worry I’ll keep in contact and rember I love you and that were still going so I went to see like the odd week or when I could go up and it was great he seem so in love with me he couldn’t stop holding me he call and me when I got back home nowthis change we hadn’t seen each other for three weeks and I always asked him if he defiantly sure he wants me and he say yes of course I do that I would tell just don’t like play me :L and he was one telling the plan and how we’re getting over and how we’re going have a great life together but two weeks ago I had talk to him on the phone he seem so happy to be talking me and mention to me about the visa etc and couldn’t wait to see me the a few days later I hadn’t heard from him so I text him to check up he rang me in the most angry tone I said hello cause of bad recepsion and he yelled at me “if you’re going so angrey I’ll hang up the phone”and wasn’t angry at all and I was asking what’s wrong what happend and wouldn’t say so I ask I’m I still going with you and said yes he said I love you talk to you in the morrowing but I rang an hour later to make sure he was ok that could to me and told doing the visa today like we were lament to and he said what ever you want and I said whatdo you mean and he went to were going get along or will be unhappy that we fight all the time whicht don’t and blah blah but he was like I always love that do want to be you and miss you but we wouldn’t work over their and I said why are you saying this why would you wait tile now to tell when going to go he had told not join to Collge course or other thing s because Will over their so I hadn’t got real reason why and it was over the phone he couldn’t even say we were over so I’m ment to meet him I’m Friday and figure what the happend why did he lead me on this far I was devastated that have broken up I’m confused my world up side I and I really love him I came a place to stay while his family went of I put the effort in now ihave to now try out a new plan while he house over liveing the life btw he gets everything handed to him… So what now

Reply April 29, 2015, 4:03 am


Sounds like too much drama and your making more of an effort than he is. Start your own life and make a new plan without him. He seems all set and he is being rude to you! It does suck and it will for a while but like this post said keep busy and time will heal. Good luck with everything:)

Reply May 7, 2015, 11:04 am

ms P

I had a really hard time reading your story…I only understood half of it.

Reply June 22, 2015, 11:01 am


So this has just happened to me and has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world.
We ‘met’ on Tinder texted for a little bit and then met up. Ive had so much fun with him the last 3 weeks, crazy spontaneous fun and so this guy has really got under my skin. I knew all along that it wouldn’t last forever but then he started saying things about the future and friends of his I’ll meet etc. All seemed great! But he has vanished, no texts and no calls this week. I called him on Tuesday after seeing him on Sunday and he ignored my call/didnt return it. So I know that’s that. I feel so rejected and actually find it damn rude.
Thing is he gave me his hard drive to put movies on and I still have it. I thought I’d wait a while and then text him saying, Hey dont forget I have your hard drive. This isn’t to reach out to him I just dont want to look llike I just want to hang on to it since it was up to me to give it back. Or do I just wait to see if he asks for it back? If he doesn’t ask for it back- does he really not want to see me again that much??!
Random I know but would appreciate a viewpoint!

Reply April 25, 2015, 11:03 am


Don’t contact him. Seriously. It’s rude as hell for him to ignore your texts/phone calls, and he doesn’t deserve to have his hard drive back. Throw it away, set it on fire, mail it back to him if you really want to make sure he gets it, but don’t contact him. That just makes you look desperate.

Reply April 26, 2015, 12:29 pm


Totally agree!

Reply April 30, 2015, 7:31 pm


I agree too. My guy (see my above comment for details) has my stuff! It’s not that I have his, he has mine. And I have contacted him saying that I want my stuff – no reply. So not only he vanished, my stuff vanished too.

Reply June 12, 2015, 11:45 pm


1.he is above your league. Men have to date down for sex but only marry in their league
2.hes just not that into you meaning he is above your league. If women went for men in their league this won’t happen.
3.karma. Women flaked on men in their younger years n now they see how it feels

Reply April 21, 2015, 8:53 pm


And Ali what if you’re a girl who has dated “down” (I say this because I go for personality and chemistry more than looks) and they still disappear?
P.s. That karma bit… That may be your personal experience but don’t let it cloud giving advice. I’ve never flaked on a guy and have only ever experienced disappointment from men despite being kind and loyal.

Reply April 26, 2015, 12:19 pm


I can relate to most of you. I’m really not sure yet what to think of my situation. I’ll explain it. Ive been dating this guy for 9 months. He was a frequent customer at my job and I saw him often but we never really spoke. We would have small talk every once in awhile like people do when passing each other but nothing significant. This went on for about a year of seeing him at my place of business at least 2 to 3 times a week. Then last June he finally got up the nerve and asked me out to dinner. We were pretty much inseperable since then. We had our jobs and other obligations but in our free time we were always together, either at his place or mine. Around the six month mark I realized I was falling for him and that I actually loved him. Greatest guy, very sweet and very respectable. The only problem I had with him was that he never like to stay the night with me, or stay the night with him. We did a few times but it was a big hassle for him because he is a light sleeper. I was hurt about this and he could see that so he on occasion would stay the night just to make me happy even if it meant he wasn’t getting any sleep. I came to realize it was a big problem for him so I stopped expecting him to do the sleepover thing. It bothered me a lot but I got use to it. Yes we were imitate all the time but he would always go home or I after the night was over. I felt a little cheap doing it this way but the guy was a light sleeper and him being a self-employed landscaper required him to get a good nights rest so I left the situation alone. I finally got up the nerve to tell him I love him at around the 6 month mark…I was sort of expecting a I love you too back because through his actions it felt like he did. He couldn’t say it back when I told him. I was crushed. I actually got a little hot under the collar about it which I shouldn’t have. I said if you don’t want to say it back thats fine, I guess you don’t love me or you would say it. He replied, how do you know??? I said, well because you won’t say it back! He really didnt say anything about that and the subject was changed. Then here we are at the ninth month mark. Its spring time and he told me he would be pretty busy since this was his busiest season. I was fine with that…I wasn’t expecting us to be able to hang out all the time like we did in the fall and winter time. What I was not expecting was for him to go complete NC. I let a week go by without him contacting me and I started to feel confused. I mean come on, thou can’t even call me? I know he is busy, but too busy to call me for 5 minutes. I would even take a once a week call, but to no prevail. i finally broke down and told him that the no contact was unacceptable and didnt make any sense to me. He said, listen, I haven’t forgotten about you…Im just really busy. I know you don’t like this but its the way it has to be…after the spring and I get most of my work done things will be different. I said I find it hard to believe any woman finding this acceptable and he said listen..trust me Ive been through this before (with his past girlfriends) and they reacted the same way. He got a little frustrated and said this is why I don’t have girlfriends, just because of this situation…that they always take off when he gets too busy in the spring time. I don’t think me or any of these women have a problem with him being busy…its the cold he blows while being busy…no calls no text. I asked him why he can’t even call me. He really didnt say anything except for me to try to understand, that he had a bad winter and his financies were all screwed up and he needed some time to get back on top of his game again. Of course I was incredibley hurt. He was so loving and attentive to absolutely no contact at all what so ever. I did call him once and he did call me back and was very nice and talkative. Told me about his work issues and finances he needs to fix. I called him the following week and no answer. So I texted him and asked him how he was doing since i haven’t heard from him in awhile. He texted back saying Hi, Im headed to bed now. I texted him last week and he did text back saying he is working hard and busy. Ive decided to not contact him anymore, let him come to me. Im taking it he needs space and to catch up on his finances and his work. But I just don’t understand the no contact thing. I know men sometimes need space for themselves to be men. I know towards the end of winter he was having a hard time financially and it really bothered him as far as having the means to take me out and buy me things, which I never once asked for anything and I never got upset if we never went out, I was happy just having dinner at my place or mine and watching movies. Im financially independent and I own my own home, my car is paid off. He on the other hand is no were near these establishments. He did mention to me that it bothers him at his age (of 43) he hasn’t reached the milstones all his friends has reached or what i have reached. I have never judged him for anything, I just enjoyed being with him and I love him. He has yet to say I love you back. The only thing he would say is that he has feelings for me. I did sort of screw up and tried to have the talk with him a week before the spring hit. Like where is this going conversation? Of course he really didnt have much to say about it, said he just got off work and was tired and didnt need the drama, he actually said it in a nice way! Anyways..its going on three weeks and no contact despite me initating text and me calling twice and he only answered the first one. I know he is going through a lot of issues right now but just don’t know what to think of this. I feel like he is off in his cave. Im not ready to label him a jerk and walk away. He said he is use to women walking away when he gets like this so maybe he is expecting the same from me, I don’t know. All I can do is just lay low and see if he reaches out to me. I miss him and what we had together but Im trying to give him his space right now. I just hope Im not being a fool waiting by to see what happens. What do you guys think??

Reply April 18, 2015, 8:05 pm


While your waiting around and to help distract you I strongly recommend you read “Why Men Love Bitches” it is soooo helpful and I guarantee you will be happy you read it. Give him space and if he doesn’t talk to you then Eff him and move on. But maybe if you give him space like he said he will come around… Just keep doing things to keep you busy and avoid waiting around for him to call. Best of luck :)

Reply May 6, 2015, 8:40 pm


This is probably the second time this happened to me, and it makes me feel like guys think I’m some sort of psycho, which I know for a fact that I’m not! I met a guy on tinder, started talking for a few weeks and he asked for my number. Continued to talk and then he asked to meet for drinks. First date went great, we stayed up until 3 am talking. We continued to text each other from morning till night every day! Every other date went swimmingly up until the 6th date… we decided to meet up to watch a hockey game at a bar. We both were okay with drinking quite a bit and ended up getting very drunk (he was as well)…we went to my apartment and started getting frisky but unfortunately we thought it would be a good idea in our inebriated states to have the DTR conversation.. he told me he was just looking to have fun and did not want to be in a relationship, which sober me would have totally respected and honestly not really care about but drunk me got overwhelmed and slightly overly emotional. Anyways, I texted him the next day apologizing and he responded saying it was not a big deal at all. We talked for a little bit, then I sent a mundane text about what I had for lunch, then I heard nothing from him. Usually he will shoot me a text within a few hours at any given time, but now I’ve gotten nothing. To add insult to injury, he’s completely re-updated his tinder profile and has been very active so I know he’s on his phone. I can’t help but feel personally responsible, it upsets me because my drunk actions caused a guy to flee when I would never have acted that way sober. Any advice?

Reply April 12, 2015, 9:54 am


Perhaps you wanted a relationship with him. The texting from morning to night every day, and texting about mundane things certainly indicates that.

Anyways, it’s time to move on. Don’t contact him anymore. If he doesn’t come around, its his loss. Find someone new to spend time with, go out with your friends. Get your mind off of him, and be mysterious. Show him you’re living a full life, and you’ve got other options!

Reply April 14, 2015, 1:18 am


I have this male friend, that we’ve been talking on and off for the last 10 years. He lives two states over from where I live, with some of my other relatives in the same town. We would talk for a while and it would go a week or so, and we would talk again. Can you just send a text like” I’m fine, have a good day, we’ll talk in a couple of weeks?” Nothing. So we recently made plans to get together a couple of months ago, just a date to see how it goes, Made the date, figured out what we were going to do, and I had to hang up. I send a couple of text messages, saying I can’t wait to see you, etc. No reply, next day, I would say something about our trip, No reply. Two days go by, I tried calling him, he didn’t call back. So fine I left him alone, he put me on ignore. Three weeks go by, still haven’t heard from him, and he finally calls me, but at 330am, sorry but I’m asleep. He doesn’t want to leave a voice mail, or text. It’s like, “here I made an effort to calling you, oh but sorry, you were sleeping, sorry to miss the call”. another week goes by, I text: “Happy Easter”. He says “You too”. “I said thanks”. Then he says “Call me”. Really? I told him, my phone isn’t working right, all I can do is text.” A few minutes go by, I replied: “That’s what I thought, have a good nite” . He will probably try to call in the middle of the night. His excuses for always not calling me, he’s always working. From 8 am to 11 pm, every single night? He does have to take a minute to eat, right, just send me a text, hello, everything is ok”. I just give up with him. Blows hot one minute, cold the next. He doesn’t like to text because of the little letters on the phone. Mine is the same way. He wants his way, it was a test for me to see if he continues texting and try to talk me into calling him like he always does. You know, I get the point, he has no time for me, but he’s friends with my grandma, and calls her every night. They live in the same town. I just don’t get guys who will talk to you then put you on ignore. I guess he has issues, and doesn’t have time for me. I got stuff to do anyway, and I’m tired of the BS. Anybody know guys that do that??

Reply April 4, 2015, 9:34 pm


Yeah, they’re called “playas”. They have options that’s why the late night/early morning calls.

Reply April 7, 2015, 4:04 am


Hey just want to share my recent ghosting encounter with you all, what do you think about this dude I was dating??

I have been dating this guy for more than 2 months, but he has not asked me to be his gf or to be exclusive yet. Given the short time i have not got very concerned. We kiss and hold hands in public and totally act like a committed couple, it is not like he is not showing his affections towards me.

We tried to hang out last Tuesday night but he said he could not due to his younger brother. But he immediately suggested last Wed night and texted me at 5 pm on wed to make sure we could hang out. We went to the restaurant that I picked, and he tagged along and enjoyed it. I honestly can say he did try to make me happy.

so that was last Wednesday night, after dinner we made out at my place and he slept next to me for a few hours before he had to leave. He said there would be a party in May that he wants to take me to, and I could “pretend to be his gf.” Then he immediately changed and said, ” not pretending, I will call you my gf.” He also said that he would get pissed if another guy hits on me. The final conclusion is we would hold hands walking into the party so everyone knows I am with him, aka I am taken. He showed to be possessive of me, even though he has not officially asked me to be his gf.

He even said next time we will play more PS4 games which indicate that he would come over to my place.

When he was leaving, I walked him to his car and he said, I love you. He said that before and was the first to say it. He kissed me multiple times and texted me right after he got home to let me know that he got him safely. I texted him back and said I miss u already. He read that message around 10 am when he was in class! That was the last I heard from him.

Today is Tuesday, he has not called me or texted me. We used to text at least once daily, now it has been 6 days. I don’t know whether he is hiding in his man-cave to pull away or he is losing interest… Last time was completely fine and I did not sense anything was wrong. But the harsh reality hit me that he has not texted or asked me for almost a week.

The thing that really pisses me and confuses me were him saying I love you, suggesting a party in May, more video game time together… He even held my hand when I walked him to his car! I sensed nothing was wrong.

I texted him on Sunday at 2 pm just briefly, hey r u ok? No response.

At 4 pm I texted him hey r u alive? No response. Both iMessages are delivered but have not been read until today. Maybe he blocks me, but for what?!

To me, he is either dead or I just wanna slap him!

Reply March 31, 2015, 10:41 pm


Why would he change so suddenly? He was giving me all the strong signals before last Thursday. To check someone’s message in class means u r thinking about them. But now there has been nothing!

This is so messed up, his I love u is sooo cheap to me.

Reply March 31, 2015, 10:46 pm


that sounds like something that recently happened to me and I am at lost for words. What do you do?

Reply April 16, 2015, 10:18 pm


Have you tried calling him? Maybe something came up…sometimes you never know what is going on…Is he active on any other social media?…If so, then he is a player and should not get any more of your attention…I would send him a message like “I’m assuming you are dead right now and your spirit is reading all my texts…may lord have mercy on your selfish rotting womanizing soul” lol…But in all seriousness, don’t text him ever, don’t tweet him, instagram him, whatsapp him, or do anything stupid like reaching out to him ever again, until he contacts you again, believe me it works….block him if you have the strength…(I wouldn’t be able to but maybe you are stronger)…And when he texts you (Which usually happens within the first to second month of NC which you are strictly going to follow but don’t hold your breath) don’t text him back till 24 hours later…make him suffer…and be cool when you reply to him like you could not really care less anymore..Anyway by then you won’t really care enough to even reply…

Reply May 12, 2015, 1:23 pm

Ms P

“I’m assuming you are dead right now and your spirit is reading all my texts…may lord have mercy on your selfish rotting womanizing soul”
LOL funny!

Reply June 22, 2015, 11:40 am


Lmao :) too funny

July 7, 2015, 9:44 am


Same crap just with a twist. I met a neighbor who is very cute and my age. He invited me out and we really clicked. Talked every day, had tons of chemistry but then my ex found out, he called him and kind of intimidated him. Then the guy ran away like he was on fire. In the next few days my ex called him, apologized and kind of said he wont be interfering anymore so we reconected. Well things were never the same after. He wouldn’t make weekend plans but would still constantly text me and send me pictures from wherever he was. Eventually my dumb self even went over and slept with him. I remember him saying he would never string me along – he didn’t lie. He also said he loves kids and would love to get to know my child, wth?!?. Continued to text but avoid weekends until of course valentine rolled around. 7 days no contact!! I didn’t contact him, instead I made valentine plans with someone else – lucky Im quite attractive and have tons of options. I suspect he also saw me with my new date. Eventually I left some of his belongings in front of his house, texted him I did that and his response was – I did a crappy job hope we can be friends Im working on myself – supposedly he cant connect or some other dumb excuse. My response was..- work harder, you hurt my feelings but I moved on and please leave my belongings at my door. He never responded and still has my stuff. Well the painful thing is he really lives very close to me and even though I havent seen him I see his car and he knows if someone is staying over and also I do want my stuff back- advice to everyone – never date close to where you live..

Reply March 19, 2015, 11:37 pm

Ms P

Good for you girl! that’s the way to goo! kick them to the curve! if they don’t treat us how we deserved to be treated then good luck…if we don’t see each other again then I’ll see you in heaven…that’s if you get there! ha

Reply June 22, 2015, 11:44 am


This happened to me. He was the one pursuing me trying to get me to be with him. Taking me out being there for me. He was the wooer I guess you could say. Eventually I fell for him. Somewhere down the road of good times, and cute dates he didisappeared. He never answer my texts, he always calls when I text him but he stopped doing that. He forgot about our dates we had planned and he is gone.
Sadly this isn’t the first nor the second nor the third time the vanishing act has happened. It seems that every guy Vanishes on me.

Reply March 17, 2015, 10:01 pm


I’m really sorry to hear that it happens to you so often! Just to reassure you – not all guys are like this. I’m 30, after two really serious relationships, and many more random things. And it happened to me only once. Apparently (as those comments show) many men like to do a ghosting act, but most of men are normal and able to communicate like any normal person does, to say goodbye, explain things etc. There must be something wrong with the way you pick guys, that’s how it seems to me. Think about it and keep looking for someone normal. Good luck!

Reply June 13, 2015, 1:07 am


So we were dating for 4 years and left my house after a weekend together and we haven’t spoken much since. He won’t call or text. If I stop by he gives me the cold shoulder. I ask him what’s wrong and he says nothing. I ask why he vanished, he said he didn’t. It’s very sad and frustrating. I do miss him and he has done a lot for me through the last 4 years. The only thing is we have had no physical intimacy at all in the last 3 of the 4 years. He said he wasn’t interested. He isn’t a social person so I know he’s not out at night and I know he’s home most weekends. I don’t understand what happened. I don’t know if he wants me to leave him alone or what? I’ve asked that too.. “Do you want me to leave you alone?” He just says, why would I want that? Yet he still doesn’t talk to me or see me… help!?!

Reply March 16, 2015, 7:45 pm


You have had no physical intimacy for 3 out of the 4 years you have been dating? AND he is giving you the proverbial mindf*ck on top of it? You don’t say how old you are, but my guess is you are fairly young. Intimacy is THE GLUE in a relationship. I would be running for the hills. Why would you stay with someone who A: isn’t interested in you sexually, and B: by his actions, doesn’t care if you are in his life? Do not listen to his words. Pay attention to his actions. Don’t you already have the information you need to get out of this relationship? There are SO many other men out there that would love to be with you. Run, sweetie, run!!!!

Reply March 17, 2015, 7:46 am


Thanks Ann…and FYI… we are both 40. Never married either of us, no kids.

Reply March 17, 2015, 2:11 pm


And I’m only his second girlfriend he ever had.

Reply March 17, 2015, 2:12 pm


The first thought that came to my mind is that he is either terribly depressed, so much so that he does not seek the intimacy that you so want to provide him with, or he has turned asexual or is in the midst of a midlife crisis …I have been with emotionally unavailable men before and no matter what, no matter how many times they faded me out and kept coming back (I am stupid, I know), they were consistent in their approach to sex…They wanted it and they sought it out…Maybe he is going through a bad phase in his life right now, with no marriage, no kids, he is probably wondering what the point of it all is. He might need therapy…But it is not your responsibility to babysit him through it…Let him go and sort himself out..You have tolerated it for too long, and you deserve so much better..If/when he sorts himself out and decides to stop being a big, grumpy baby, he will come back and pursue you. Till then, continue to date, open yourself to other men…You might not even want to be with him by the time he comes around (Which he will). But don’t hold your breath waiting for that. As Ann above said, watch his actions and don’t go by his words…I need to follow that advice too. Be good to yourself..

March 17, 2015, 3:36 pm


Definitely there is something wrong with him. Really – don’t take it personally, if things between you don’t improve. Good luck!

June 13, 2015, 1:11 am


Please help me out! I met this guy online on a website that advocates marriage. We just chatted and then swapped numbers. From text msgs to phone calls that last hours and hours. Now I am 25 and he is 31 so we are both adults. I feel like Im a likeable person. I am honest in my interactions and friendly and I’m not judgemental. Anyways, we talked for 2 months over the phone and snap chats and a couple of Skype calls and he was on my Instagram. I have a couple of relationships before but I had chosen not to sleep with any of my exs although, love was there but I was never comfortable. This guy, being from the same
Ethnic background did ask me, how far I had gone with my ex and I was completely honest about it. Anyways, now that I think about it, there were a lot of red flags like he was 31 and the longest relationship he had was 6 months. He was investing a lot of time in getting to know me and although, he knew, my life style was a
Different than his. ( I don’t smoke or drink by choice) I do have a lot of friends who do and I told him that as long as drinking and smoking is not a habit and a life style. I’m
Okay with it. He talked to me non stop, funny videos, told me how he felt about me and could really see me in his future and told him mom about me. I didn’t want to involve my family or friends just as yet. Anyways, he lived on the other side of the country–sent me flowers and rosses in valentines day and all that crap that girls Dream
Of and told me he has never met anyone like me and I was too good to be true but tjah he wants to settle
Down and I seem like someone he’d want to be with and all that jazz about how I intrigue him and how much he likes me and how will never hurt me and will be honest with me. Always. Although, I guess his past relationships were a good indicator of how he has trouble being with anyone normal. I just got sucked into his web of lies. He made me feel so special and told
Me to trust him. He tried visiting me a couple of times. I was busy one weekend–finally, he surprised me and told me that he is here and I went to see him–kinda insecure tjah maybe he won’t like me in person and I saw him and really liked him. He brought me flowers, made reservations at s very fancy restaurant and took me
There. I was freaking out so he gave me a small card before going to the washroom that said ” please relax. I like you!” And then I tried to relax. I felt like we had a good time–he took me to a really nice place after the restaurant where you can see the whole city and after that I went home cas I had told
Him straight up I wouldn’t be sleeping with him or anything and he knew that. I thanked him for everything and now that I think of it, he might’ve been distant replying but it seemed okay. The next day we met up
Again and went on rjis road trip
And spent a few hours there, ate, had fun and came back around 7 pm and he drove, paid for everything. Although I insisted –our conversations were casual and playful and nothing serious cas we had talked about things over the phone . He took pictures with me there, selfies and looked so happy and we held hands and walked a lot anyways we got back to
The city –I dropped him
Off at his hotel and said, he is tired and we should meet up for dinner and i said, I’ll come pick him up. We didn’t end up meeting for dinner cas he also has a friend in the city and also cas he woke up around 11:30 pm so I suggested we can catch up tomorrow and he said his friends here anyways so that sounds better. He was leaving the next day, so I met up with him and asked him if he wanted to spend time with his friend instead but he said no and we went for brunch and then a walk and had a good time. Again just casual
Conversations nothing too too
Major and then befor dropping him off at the airport, I asked him if he had fun and liked cas I met him online and really liked him so wanted to know and he said of course he did and why else would he spend so much time with me and I said , maybe he is just a nice guy and he said no he can be a jerk and if he didn’t like me he’d not spend time with me. I can’t believe I was so
Insecure. It’s just that over the phone and countless hours that we had talked for and things that we shared, I had developed that kinda relationship with him where I felt
Comfortable asking him. I even bought some lil
Presents for his lil nephews cas they always talked to me over the phone and asked for kids stuff and he’d always joke about how I never get them
Anything . Anyways, in our culture, we don’t kiss or sleep
Together unless there’s is at least some sort of commitment and he had been kinda guy who hadn’t been in a normal relationship but anyways when we said goodbye he only kissed my forehead and hugged and told me he wanted to come
The first week of Next month if it was okay with me and I said yeah, but I am there for work tjah week so I’ll see him
In his city instead but I will surprise him too and not give the actual date and he laughed and aid don’t worry I’ll be mentally prepared and make reservations. He was such a gentleman through out the trip that I could see myself falling in love. Anyways so after that he texted me when he landed and I didn’t hear from him the next day and he was flying to another city for work so I told him to have a safe flight but then didn’t hear from him the whole day so I freaked out called and texted saying even if you didn’t like me, you ca atlesst tell me you are okay and I’m worried and he replied a few hours later that he is sorry that he made me worried but he is okay and he will call
Me later. But he seemed so distant so I left it at that. Next day I texted him
To which he relied he will give me a shout later but that was last Tuesday and he hasn’t called or texted. And I was so broken cas this guy did so mcij for me and made me feel so special but now I’m drowning in self doubt and can’t help but think it’s cas of looks or he hated my personality. Although, I’m the same person but I don’t know. I just can’t understand how someone can go from being sooo close and attached to you to just no contact and so dry. I went crazy and deleted my Instagram so I don’t have to see the posts he had tagged me in and all the mushy stuff etc. he hasn’t been in a relationship with a girl who doesn’t smoke weed or drink or goes clubbing. He has not been in a relationship where he said he felt like he wanted to marry the person except for one girl who he was friends
With for a long time but turns out she was cheating on him and even before that he was with her on and off and then completely let go. And he has been with models and girls who have had Timmy tuck and stuff like that. I’m not bad looking. I’m maybe a 7.5 or an 8. He is cute but not the hottest but I have always been insecure and I don’t even care about looks just the chemistry and how much I liked him and how much I cared for him and I felt
Like he did too and I could see myself with him. I feel so ugly and stupid and insecure right now for acting so dumb. Please help
Please. I don’t know what to do. I’m
In his city in a couple
Of weeks. Obvs I don’t wanna reach out to him and be desperate but he already prolly thinks I’m crazy for deleting my Instagram. What didn’t he like about me? We’ve had numerous conversations about this. If he did t like me why didn’t he politely tell me. What do I do? I can’t seem to forget this guy. I know it’s been a week and I’ll be okay in time but I actually really really felt something and it makes me
Sad that he didn’t respect me enough after all
This time
To tel
But instead lied and then went dry and vanished. Should I try to reach out when I’m
In his city ughhhh

Reply March 16, 2015, 2:37 pm


sounds like you spent too much time doing nothing but having a good time with a ‘brother’.
you should have moved on long ago.
you have been too available.

Reply March 30, 2015, 6:27 pm


it’s impressive to see to how many people this happened; at least I am not alone. I always thought tht this would not have happened to me but was so wrong.
I met this guy online one month ago we started chatting he was smart and funny. After a while I decided it was safe to give in and give him my number. We kept on chatting (sometimes we messaged for entire nights!) until we agreed to see each other. I was very unsure because from the pictures I had seen he was totally not my type but he was smartand funny so I agreed. So we meet and he actually turns out to be pretty hot! First date went really well and we agreed to see each other the day after. So the day after we meet at 3pm and the time flew so fast we ended up staying lunch dinner and after lunch togheter (we said good bye at 4am in the morning!) He comes back home text me and we message a lot (we had just shared a long kiss nothing more). We keep chating and agree to see each other two days after. The date goes well and we make out (though I was still not comfortable sleeping with him so I did not). He asks me to dinner twice but I was super bussy so I couldn’t and then comunications start to became more scarse. We finally decide to meet again a few days ago but he only could late at night and the stupid me (that wanted to see him) accepted what really looked like a booty call. We did not sleep toghether at least. Anyways He told me he had to leave for the weekend so wouldn’t be aroud and have not heard from him since and it’s been 3 days! I’m going crazy here becasue was the first time I started liking someone in a long time and I hate rejection! what the hell happened ?! I hate the fading act awfull!

Reply March 15, 2015, 10:15 am


It’s still too early in your case to say for sure whether he is fading out…I would say give it a week…Sometimes guys need time to reevaluate and just take some time for themselves. If you don’t hear from him in a week, you can definitely let him go…And don’t initiate contact with him at all. No texts, no calls…nothing…because if you text him, and you don’t get a reply, you will be obsessing about it for the next three, four days…I’ve been there, I know…Its the worst feeling ever…And if you have already texted him, don’t text him anymore and keep yourself busy so you don’t think about him anymore, for the sake of your own mental well being..Just let him take the lead now and then respond accordingly..

Reply March 15, 2015, 12:02 pm


Looking at all the comments it looks like it happens to.a lot of people it hurts like crazy to be just cut of with no warning or reason from someone’s life im.wondering what the hell I’ve done and when it’s going to stop x

Reply March 9, 2015, 9:37 pm


Yeah it makes you reevaluate yourself and doubt if you are even worthy of being in a healthy, loving relationship…The best thing you can do is let it go and not take it personally…The fact that they don’t have the balls to break up in person, to just disappear reflects more on them than on you..I also have the tendency to attract flakes to myself…My last relationship was with a flaming narcissist..He kept coming, winning me over with his apologies and his amazing sense of humor, and then pulling the fade out on me the minute I got reeled in..It happened thrice..Its like hitting my head against a brick wall, I always felt stupid at the end…Let it go..don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing that his behavior affects you…You have no idea how empowering it is when they come back to check on you (Oh he will) and you show them that you are perfectly fine and did’nt notice their absence or that they faded out at all…Just don’t let him take anymore of your energy, time or dignity..

Reply March 13, 2015, 4:23 pm


Please help me out! I met this guy online on a website that advocates marriage. We just chatted and then swapped numbers. From text msgs to phone calls that last hours and hours. Now I am 25 and he is 31 so we are both adults. I feel like Im a likeable person. I am honest in my interactions and friendly and I’m not judgemental. Anyways, we talked for 2 months over the phone and snap chats and a couple of Skype calls and he was on my Instagram. I have a couple of relationships before but I had chosen not to sleep with any of my exs although, love was there but I was never comfortable. This guy, being from the same
Ethnic background did ask me, how far I had gone with my ex and I was completely honest about it. Anyways, now that I think about it, there were a lot of red flags like he was 31 and the longest relationship he had was 6 months. He was investing a lot of time in getting to know me and although, he knew, my life style was a
Different than his. ( I don’t smoke or drink by choice) I do have a lot of friends who do and I told him that as long as drinking and smoking is not a habit and a life style. I’m
Okay with it. He talked to me non stop, funny videos, told me how he felt about me and could really see me in his future and told him mom about me. I didn’t want to involve my family or friends just as yet. Anyways, he lived on the other side of the country–sent me flowers and rosses in valentines day and all that crap that girls Dream
Of and told me he has never met anyone like me and I was too good to be true but tjah he wants to settle
Down and I seem like someone he’d want to be with and all that jazz about how I intrigue him and how much he likes me and how will never hurt me and will be honest with me. Always. Although, I guess his past relationships were a good indicator of how he has trouble being with anyone normal. I just got sucked into his web of lies. He made me feel so special and told
Me to trust him. He tried visiting me a couple of times. I was busy one weekend–finally, he surprised me and told me that he is here and I went to see him–kinda insecure tjah maybe he won’t like me in person and I saw him and really liked him. He brought me flowers, made reservations at s very fancy restaurant and took me
There. I was freaking out so he gave me a small card before going to the washroom that said ” please relax. I like you!” And then I tried to relax. I felt like we had a good time–he took me to a really nice place after the restaurant where you can see the whole city and after that I went home cas I had told
Him straight up I wouldn’t be sleeping with him or anything and he knew that. I thanked him for everything and now that I think of it, he might’ve been distant replying but it seemed okay. The next day we met up
Again and went on rjis road trip
And spent a few hours there, ate, had fun and came back around 7 pm and he drove, paid for everything. Although I insisted –our conversations were casual and playful and nothing serious cas we had talked about things over the phone . He took pictures with me there, selfies and looked so happy and we held hands and walked a lot anyways we got back to
The city –I dropped him
Off at his hotel and said, he is tired and we should meet up for dinner and i said, I’ll come pick him up. We didn’t end up meeting for dinner cas he also has a friend in the city and also cas he woke up around 11:30 pm so I suggested we can catch up tomorrow and he said his friends here anyways so that sounds better. He was leaving the next day, so I met up with him and asked him if he wanted to spend time with his friend instead but he said no and we went for brunch and then a walk and had a good time. Again just casual
Conversations nothing too too
Major and then befor dropping him off at the airport, I asked him if he had fun and liked cas I met him online and really liked him so wanted to know and he said of course he did and why else would he spend so much time with me and I said , maybe he is just a nice guy and he said no he can be a jerk and if he didn’t like me he’d not spend time with me. I can’t believe I was so
Insecure. It’s just that over the phone and countless hours that we had talked for and things that we shared, I had developed that kinda relationship with him where I felt
Comfortable asking him. I even bought some lil
Presents for his lil nephews cas they always talked to me over the phone and asked for kids stuff and he’d always joke about how I never get them
Anything . Anyways, in our culture, we don’t kiss or sleep
Together unless there’s is at least some sort of commitment and he had been kinda guy who hadn’t been in a normal relationship but anyways when we said goodbye he only kissed my forehead and hugged and told me he wanted to come
The first week of Next month if it was okay with me and I said yeah, but I am there for work tjah week so I’ll see him
In his city instead but I will surprise him too and not give the actual date and he laughed and aid don’t worry I’ll be mentally prepared and make reservations. He was such a gentleman through out the trip that I could see myself falling in love. Anyways so after that he texted me when he landed and I didn’t hear from him the next day and he was flying to another city for work so I told him to have a safe flight but then didn’t hear from him the whole day so I freaked out called and texted saying even if you didn’t like me, you ca atlesst tell me you are okay and I’m worried and he replied a few hours later that he is sorry that he made me worried but he is okay and he will call
Me later. But he seemed so distant so I left it at that. Next day I texted him
To which he relied he will give me a shout later but that was last Tuesday and he hasn’t called or texted. And I was so broken cas this guy did so mcij for me and made me feel so special but now I’m drowning in self doubt and can’t help but think it’s cas of looks or he hated my personality. Although, I’m the same person but I don’t know. I just can’t understand how someone can go from being sooo close and attached to you to just no contact and so dry. I went crazy and deleted my Instagram so I don’t have to see the posts he had tagged me in and all the mushy stuff etc. he hasn’t been in a relationship with a girl who doesn’t smoke weed or drink or goes clubbing. He has not been in a relationship where he said he felt like he wanted to marry the person except for one girl who he was friends
With for a long time but turns out she was cheating on him and even before that he was with her on and off and then completely let go. And he has been with models and girls who have had Timmy tuck and stuff like that. I’m not bad looking. I’m maybe a 7.5 or an 8. He is cute but not the hottest but I have always been insecure and I don’t even care about looks just the chemistry and how much I liked him and how much I cared for him and I felt
Like he did too and I could see myself with him. I feel so ugly and stupid and insecure right now for acting so dumb. Please help
Please. I don’t know what to do. I’m
In his city in a couple
Of weeks. Obvs I don’t wanna reach out to him and be desperate but he already prolly thinks I’m crazy for deleting my Instagram. What didn’t he like about me? We’ve had numerous conversations about this. If he did t like me why didn’t he politely tell me. What do I do? I can’t seem to forget this guy. I know it’s been a week and I’ll be okay in time but I actually really really felt something and it makes me
Sad that he didn’t respect me enough after all
This time
To tel
But instead lied and then went dry and vanished. Should I try to reach out when I’m
In his city ughhhh

Reply March 17, 2015, 10:42 am


Rabz, Under no circumstance, will you reach out to him, text him, tweet him, call him or have any sort of contact with him..The thing about men, unfortunately is that they love the chase..And they also like confident women who at least seem not to require their reassurance…You have contacted him enough..Let him get some space, some time to miss your presence..He cannot do it with you constantly reaching out to him..Guys need time to themselves where they can feel like men again..they are not like women who need to close the space, with constant contact..So just let him be…Try not to think about him…I don’t think he was turned off by your looks or personality..But sometimes insecurity can be an attraction killer since the guy feels pressured to reassure the girl over and over again, so it can be a bit draining..so Now you need to step back from your phone, because nothing is going to happen by sitting by and waiting for him to reach out to you…He will come around if he is meant to be with you…Don’t give him anymore importance or time or energy…It is painful when things don’t work out, believe me, I have been there over and over again…But losing sight of ourselves is not going to do anything..Yes he is a jerk for losing touch, he is a big jerk for not telling you, but by reaching out to him you are giving him a negative ego boost…Just let things run their course…And try to open yourself to other guys on that site…I need to take that advice too, though its been difficult to even look at other men’s profiles..but you just have to push through your disappointment..By the time he comes around, you will probably have found someone else who respects you for who you are and is not scared off by a few extra texts…and you probably won’t even want him anymore..so be Kind to yourself, buy yourself a pretty dress, wear some heels, and go out with your friends.You never know, you might meet someone really awesome who will make you forget this guy who you met online..

Reply March 17, 2015, 11:31 pm


Thankyiu so much! No I haven’t reached out to him. I feel like crap though. You have no idea. Please help me please. Im so stupid for deleting my Instagram cas that way atlesst he could see me everyday and miss mee. I see from my friends account tjah he is already following some other girls. Hotter and prettier and with a better body. It’s making me so sad. I don’t know why he did this to me. I don’t know what to do. The problem with me is tjah I’m not much of clubber or a drinker but I want someone whos not a completely goody two shoes either. Someone with a good heart but ability to understand and tolerate differences and has some street knowledge. So
I reject good guys and then this is how I get treated.

March 18, 2015, 6:49 pm


The narcissist! Me too, I said I wouldn’t take him back, but somehow I get caught up with his charm and hilarious personality only for him to fade out.

Reply April 30, 2015, 7:48 pm


The narcissist! Me too, I said I wouldn’t take him back, but somehow I get caught up with his charm and hilarious personality only for him to fade out.

Reply April 30, 2015, 7:57 pm


it may not be you – it may be your views, what you talk about and maybe your politics.
guys don’t like to be insulting, so they will just let ‘you be you’ and fade away – to someone else not so demanding or opinionated.

Reply March 30, 2015, 6:29 pm


Spot on

Reply April 13, 2015, 9:41 pm


I have been speaking to a younger guy I met online from.a different.city who seemed really nice he as been calling me..most night messaging me everyday told.me.im the girl he as rebooking for ect and we have been planning to meet.up then I started noticing he was speaking to other girls and taking.longer than usual to reply I guess he was doing the fade out thing so I dissent message him today at all I usually message him everyday then I got home from work went to message him on Facebook and he has blocked me wtf.i don’t know what I’ve done but there’s a pattern emerging it has happened a few times before it’s really starting to annoy me.and im so hurt I speak to his friend who says I should give him space and hold out but I don’t know weather I should just walk away I don’t want to look pathetic ? Help ?? X

Reply March 9, 2015, 9:34 pm


So I met a guy online and he was from my country but both have lived here since we were kids. Things started off great and moved quickly. i met all his family and they really liked me. He was already saying he loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend once he knew his family liked me. Then we spent the night together after about a month. then he got a little busy and one day he was suppose to see me after work but he said he fell asleep and I noticed him being a little distant. So I was passive aggressive in the way I acted and he said I was mean to him so he ignored me the next day but eventually texted saying I love you. we dated a few more weeks then he said he had to go on a deployment and he came to see me when he got back. So that night the last thing he said to me was a text message saying he missed me and to send him a picture. When I sent him the picture he said I was so beautiful and ever since then he won’t return my texts of my calls. It’s been almost 2 weeks now. When I reactivated my profile on the dating site I saw that he was back on. I’m just left feeling so confused. He talked about having kids and getting married. Also how things were so amazing between us. It’s just not a good feeling.

Reply March 5, 2015, 3:05 pm


Oh I hear you, it sucks especially when you have been intimate with them…Thankfully, mine never got that far…I strongly believe though, that in your case, he just needs time to re-evaluate things..Guys tend to behave that way when things become too intense and they are actually developing feelings and it scares them off a little…Too bad they don’t consider all this when they are courting you, and more so before getting physical with you..He probably does like you, but does not know how to deal with it..and then there is the whole stupid “Thrill of the chase” phenomenon which really pisses me off..Just continue being the awesome person that you are, and don’t acknowledge him, nor text him, nor reply to his texts for a while…he needs to understand how its going to be without you in his life…He will come around, but make sure he works for it this time, if he is sincere…Hopefully by then, you won’t care anymore.

Reply March 5, 2015, 3:46 pm


Thanks Natasha for the response! I did text him a couple of times after trying to get him to respond, which I realize now probably pushed him more away. I did stop and never called him though. Then recently he deleted his Facebook page which I think is so weird cause I never contact him on there since we both don’t use it that much. It’s been almost 3 weeks now =(. Im still so confused and hurt. I keep thinking about what happened. But the only thing to do now is to move on. Men suck!

Reply March 12, 2015, 5:07 pm


I know right? It’s the self doubt, the agonizing wondering of what we did to push them away which keeps us waiting…We keep hoping in a small part of our hearts that they will reach out to us, that they are just sorting things out and somehow when they do that, we will be validated…It’s scary how such flaky, dishonest, cowardly behavior can reduce confident women like us to nervous wrecks…Just let him go..It will hurt and you will miss him…But don’t give in to the impulse to contact him anymore for it…For the sake of your own sanity and dignity…In my case, he contacted me on Monday (after my final text) acting all normal “How have you been Sweetheart? Had a good weekend?” (Can you believe this asshole?) unaware (or perhaps aware) of the agony I went through the whole weekend..I acted normal of course and was my usual pleasant self pretending that everything was cool. I am actually flabbergasted at how they can act like everything is so normal when both of us know that he is screwing up bad…We chatted for a while and I let the conversation trail off and did not pursue it anymore and he went back to his quiet, disappearing self..No word since then, and I pride myself on not giving in to the urge to check on him however casually…So this is it, I will probably never hear from him, but I think Over the weekend I will be so busy with other stuff that I will be able to get my mind off him…Keep yourself busy…Buy yourself something pretty, get a new haircut..or indulge in some delicious gourmet icecream…Anything which will stop you from doing something stupid like reaching out to him…I keep telling myself and you should do…if/when they are interested they will contact us…and if they don’t they are not worth the importance and energy that we waste on them..Be strong, you deserve so much better :))

Reply March 13, 2015, 4:10 pm


You said it so well! Ur amazing! =). Thank you for making me stronger. I will be keeping busy so I won’t think about it although it’s very hard lol. I know I do deserve better and so do you!! I feel so stupid sometimes cause deep down I want to hear from him. When I first found out that he was ignoring me I texted him a bunch of stuff and basically called him an asshole. So I doubt I will hear from him again. But I have not contacted him in almost a week. It just hurts cause I really did fall for him and he looked me in my eyes and said how so in love he was. I mean who does that? I know that if he really did love me he wouldn’t ignore me like this. I’ve learned not to overreact next time and have some patience and restrain from looking like I’m the crazy one. maybe one day we will hear from these guys again and by then I hope we have found and are with the good guys we so deserve!

March 14, 2015, 12:07 pm


Martha I’m going through a similar thing too right now. The guy I’ve been seeing told me he could see us being happily married and that he hoped that our kids had my eye colour. He told me that 8 days ago and I haven’t heard from him in a week. You finally think you meet a guy who truly cares about you and wants a future with you and then poof it’s like you don’t even exist anymore. It really hurts.
Did you end up finding any closure?

Reply April 12, 2015, 6:57 pm


I just very recently had a guy do the fade out on me…in fact he is still doing it and it hurts like hell…We chat and he is very loving and then disappears on me for 3 to 4 days. It hurts like hell and i do not know what to do. The off days,( especially the weekends where there is no contact at all anymore), are depressing as hell and the days we are in contact are heavenly, So today was an on day. but I was feeling so emotionally exhausted, and tired I decided to call him out on it..humorously of course since confrontation is not my strongest point.

So here’s how it went on Whatsapp;

Me: So met anyone interesting lately ;)
Him: Naah..How can I with you on my mind?
Me; Yeah sure Mr Fadeout.
Him (10 minutes of silence while he is online): lol What?
Me: Mr Fade out..Its been quite a while since we spoke actually… the next time I hear from you is going to be…next wednesday??..lol.

Complete whatsapp silence for almost 15 minutes, no explanation, no denial…just silence…Then I (for some retarded reason) started feeling bad for him like I had exposed him or something…and changed the topic to something else to which he responded normally…It was a little pathetic actually…If I didn’t like him as much as I do I would think it was hilarious…

I think its only a matter of time though, before he disappears completely..I would not be surprised if this was the last time we spoke, since he knows I’m on to him now and he does not have to pretend anymore..I feel like a lamb to the slaughter..I hope I can muster up the strength to let him go completely when that happens and not go all psycho on him and blow up his phone (I have refrained from doing it so far but I dont know about the future, I feel crazy enough to do it)…God help me..Men are such jerks :(

Reply March 4, 2015, 9:42 pm


My cousin has the same issue. She’s been with him for 6 months and he says he doesn’t want a commitment but he will act like her boyfriend when he’s with her and then disappears for a few days. I think they need to feel like they are in control and not have to answer to anyone cause then they are ” in a relationship”. So annoying. She really likes him so it’s hard to leave. It’s hard to let go but we all really do deserve better!

Reply March 12, 2015, 5:12 pm


Looks like I am headed in the same direction as your cousin..Damn, This guy finally contacted me first on Monday, then on Friday after the final text I sent him, I did not contact him at all last week, I was checking to see if he would initiate contact without me texting him…I guess he needed some sort of ego stroke and was worried that he would lose me as an option. which was why he suddenly felt the need to reach out..In fact he sought me out twice that day which broke down all my screwed up defenses…and I gave in and texted him on Sunday casually ofcourse but still *Bangingmyheadagainstthewall* Why??, It was going so well and I had to spoil it all by texting him on Sunday…anyway he answered quickly perhaps because he was already online and the conversation went fine, flirty, like everything was going fine and infact it got a little inappropriate…I think he was checking to see if he could get a sex chat out of me but I am not sure, I smartly sidestepped the situation while still being friendly since I don’t want to set some sort of precedent for any possible relationship we might have in the future, ..jeez…Men…I think he is feeling me out, checking if I will be open to some possible FWB situation in the future. if nothing else, something that will NEVER happen…I think I need to take a stand and tell him to either stop flirting with me and assuming that I am interested in being his fall back girl or stop contacting him altogether..I don’t mind if he wants a platonic friendship, but don’t disrespect me by putting me somewhere in between a friend and a girlfriend. I am not FWB material….Anyway, nothing is lost yet..the reality of the situation is that I have not slept with him yet…so that’s how its going to be…but I need to figure out whether I want or need to be staying in touch with him at all, I dont know if I should just cut him off permanently but I don’t know if I am acting too hastily, though with his wishy washy behavior he has already signalled that I am not a priority..Why oh why are men so complicated and why am I still feeding on the crumbs of this ambiguous situation??? FML,,The only reason I have tolerated this so far was because I really liked him as a person before getting attracted to him as a man..so I am looking for that person who I started liking before things got all weird and before he started acting wishy washy. My life is a mess..:<(

Reply March 16, 2015, 7:48 pm


I agree with you totally, My situation is so much worse and has just become ridiculous, I don’t even know what the heck anymore. My life’s a mess too LOL But we just get to a point where enough is enough, And believe me it’s took me too long to get to that point.

My gut is telling me something is wrong and i’m feeling like i need to listen to it. I can only take solace in the fact that we’ll all be ok in the long run i’m sure. Lots of love <3

Reply July 8, 2015, 3:56 am


Im 24, and i bumped into this guy who is 2 years younger from my high school last November. We never spoke in school I used to know his brother that’s about it. A day later i found him on tinder and realized he had swiped right on me too, and we both laughed about it and decided to meet up. He was here on holiday for 3 months and would fly back to Melbourne which is oceans apart. I had just got out of a serious relationship and didnt want anything serious. On December he invited me to a party and then he asked me out, as much as i was scared to start a relationship knowing he would go away soon i still said yes. We kept it discreet as it would be the talk of the town in my small city if people found out and it was only our close friends who knew. It was supposed to be a fling when our feelings grew every time we met and i spent so much on him and chose him over work many times. things were going ok until this month when he slowly started withdrawing, he started making promises he wouldnt keep one being spending valentines with me which dint happen. He chose family over me which i totally understood cos he was leaving soon. After he left to melbourne on 20th it broke me, where as hed just say he misses his family and home (His family stays here) and now hes totally cut me off doesnt respond to me i see him online all the time, I feel used and hurt cos we promised each other vl be there for each other during this phase of separation. I knew he’d eventually cut me off…but talking for just one day after reaching there hurts so much. I feel so depressed and so angry with myself for loving him back i feel like i deserved more. He’s just 21 (going to turn 22 this year) so all i say myself is he’s not mature enough or have the courtesy to let go in a nicer way. Im probably never going to have a fling again or a relationship with a guy who just came on holiday :(

Reply February 24, 2015, 2:52 am


I met this guy 5years ago. We were close friends until we kissed at a party for the first time 2years ago and I really freaked out. He was the last person I thought would kiss me or like me or whatvr so I never talked about it because I was afraid it screw our friendship. Since that day, we started having “something else” (but never talked about it) and we ended up hooking at every single party and social event (we even went together to a wedding and a friend’s prom). But we were still “friends”. 6months ago we started “officially dating”. We spent the whole week together; movies, dinner, shopping, museums, gym…we even had classes together and he would always take me home after that. It was a very healthy relationship because we were “friends who liked each other and dated”. The last day of school (on december) we went to the mall and we ended up hooking in the car (I know, ridiculous ha). Don’t get me wrong but It was very special because we also had a very deep and emotional talk. We even talked for the first time about those times we hooked at parties. We said it always meant something special and how we liked each other. He told me he wanted to have sex with me but I didn’t know what to answer because I freaked out. I told him I also wanted to be with him but I didn’ feel ready in that moment. He told me it was ok, he kissed me and told me that I had to tell him everytime I felt unconfortable with him….and that was the last time I saw him. We went on winter break and he graduated from college. During break we talked and texted every single day but we never get to see each other in a month. I thought it was not that bad because we both were on holidays with our families, but In January I started my last semester at college and it was very hard because he was not there anymore…and he also stopped texting me and he was out of my sight. He texted me two weeks ago and told me he like ld my fb profile pic and that I was the best dancer he knew (i dance jazz contempo). I anwered that that that was sweet and that i missed him. He never answered back. WTF with him?? This guy is 7 years older than me (he was studying his 2nd career). Why did he change all of a sudden? Was it because I didn’t have sex with him? Or because I’m younger or because he’s stressed about money and job (he’s not doing well right now). I’m really confused. We used to be really close friends and when we tried something more (HE startes it) he dissappears. Sorry for the long comment. I really need advice. Im confused. Should I text him?

Reply February 9, 2015, 1:07 pm


I think you made a wise choice by not sleeping with this guy. Good for you! There was never really a boyfriend/ girlfriend type relationship from what I read. I think he did want sex and since he didn’t get some he decided to go ghost on you. While he may be older that does not bring wisdom. I see that men take a long time to mature. I say leave it be and stay focused on you. Since he’s not doing well this probably is not a good time for him to be focused on a relationship. Best of luck to you.

Reply February 17, 2015, 12:57 pm


omg thanks for replying :) Ugh it’s really sad to think that he just wants sex because in all this years he never tried anything like that (or at least I didn’t felt it that way..i don’t know). He called me a couple of days after I posted this haha (kinda drunk) and told me he really missed me and loved me but I was just like “I’m sleeping, we talk later” (obviously It didn’t happen). Now, a couple of days ago he started texting me again and we had a long casual talk. until he started saying “i love you, I miss you,,,” again, but I wasn’t taking him seriously (I was like “is that so?” and blabla). I don’t know if I should give him a chance or unfriend him. …Oh god, maybe you’re right and he just wants sex O_____O (did you read we were close friends since we met 5 years ago? how can I deal with that?). LOL I’m really naive with this issues…

Reply February 23, 2015, 2:32 am


It pains me how many people have been through something like this. Three years ago I met someone while I was abroad. He was so nice to me, always looking out for my safety, appeared honest and genuinely caring… but we never really had anything exclusive, although I visited him and met his family in France and he came to visit me for a few weeks the last time in Canada. We were basically in an unofficial long distance relationship and I had told him that I loved him. We decided that I would go back to France for almost a month to visit him over my school break. He also said he would pay half of the plane ticket since it was so we could see each other. I booked the ticket with my card and he told me he would transfer me his half of the money. Long story short, I never received his half and a few months after booking the ticket he stopped responding to my messages. I never heard from him again and I never went to France because I had no place to stay at the last minute…so I basically lost a thousand dollars on a non-refundable plane ticket. I later saw on his Facebook that he went on a trip to Canada at the same time that I was supposed to have been with him in France. I still don’t know why it happened. I wish I had closure. It has been a struggle everyday to not think about it and wonder why or how he could do such a horrible thing without saying anything.

Reply February 7, 2015, 11:25 pm


Oh my God I went through literally the same thing! Except it was a 50 dollar bus ticket luckily for me. Basically the night I was supposed to leave he told me via text that he suddenly “couldn’t handle the commitment” then blocked me off of every social media outlet, including Facebook – and we weren’t even friends!

Reply February 15, 2015, 11:18 pm


OMG I have almost the same story. I met a guy on my holiday abroad and although it was supposed to be just a little fun we fell in love. After I came back to Europe he kept telling me how he loved me and also about some future plans, kids… I also told him I love him and i meant it.. he suggested i should visit him so we will not stay long apart and that he will pay me half of the ticket which was about 1000 dollars as well. after few months, that i spent whole weekdays texting and weekends on skype, i found very cheap flight tickets so i suggested the visit. i didn’t ask for a cent to repay. his answer was suddenly emotionless and official and he told me he will not be at home that time. and that was it. he basically stopped texting and calling. no plans, no more i love you. i was so confused and brokenhearted but also offended. for the next few months he wrote me from time to time and i kept hoping that he must still fell for me but i only felt worse, uncertain, guilty for i don’t know what and wasn’t able to move on. he probably only needed someone to boost his ego coz he knew about my feelings. gosh i never was so broken, i really loved him. at the end i decided that the best thing would be to cut him off completely from any media coz you can not live your life bound to someone who does not really want to be with you. i believe in this simple rule: if a man wants a woman, he would find a way how to be with her. cannot imagine how terrible you must have felt buying that ticket and him not replying to you. some people can be so mean and cruel. they don’t consider consequences of their behavior. and after they cause all the wrong they don’t care at all about the other person’s feelings. i wish this made me stronger but in fact it still hurts.. hope something better is waiting out there.

Reply March 13, 2015, 4:57 pm


i feel so sorry about your story, the same situation about to happen with me but I’m lucky that he broke communication first.
In my case i met him online we had such a great conversation, he was amazing and we felt good with each other he sent me songs every night and wrote long email to me which is no one do this to me before. We shared thoughts and have things in common. He wanted to flew to meet me (different country) and he made plan himself and I loved that plan and then he disappeared… I thought he sick or anything i email him to asked if he was okay but he answered me ‘hi, beautiful i had big test today, miss you so much, I will tell you about it when I get home’ I think he never gets home :(
I lived with parents so I about to spend my money on renting some place to be with him when he comes, i researched about hotel near the airport which was he asked me for and trip planning blah blah I don’t mine to spend money with him because he have to pay a lot to get here to meet me I never expected him to pay all, that’s what I think, look what i get back, nothing, he never answer my email.

I have to thank you, you are so brave to share this kind of situation. I can’t imagine if I were you. i know it was a lot of money that you spend on ticket. Im sorry to replay this late you might forget about it but now I just remind you to it again.
I just want to say, good luck Naomi you are nice person and you will meet someone better eventually:)

Reply March 25, 2015, 10:41 am


Wow! I am so glad I have found you. I have started dating again and these are the exact things I have been dealing with. Of course I feel like it’s all me and that I have done something wrong. I dated this guy a few times and I thought we had hit it off then he just disappears. I have blocked him from all social media just so I don’t check up on him. I feel so much better after reading what you have said. I am taking this as a learning experience so that when the right does come along I will be confidant and not full of stress and worry.

Reply February 7, 2015, 10:37 pm


Hello, I’ve been dealing with the remorse of my recent actions in my relationship. I’ve been with my man (on and off) for over a year. Recently he started talking about marriage, moving in together, etc. We went out on a Friday night and I unintentionally drank to much alcohol and said some horrible things to him in public. I came off like a drunk bitch in front of his acquaintances. He slowly backed off after that and then eventually disappeared. He hasn’t contacted me nor responded to me texts since then. I feel so horrible for losing my composure and class. Its as if he either I don’t exist to him. I feel within a weeks time he has already met and slept with someone else. My gut feeling just tells me. How do I shake this feeling of guilt and incompetence? I feel the reason he disappeared was because of my actions.

Reply February 7, 2015, 11:28 am


I think it’s really awful that this guy has not responded to your messages. If, he decided that your night of drunkeness was too much for him he could have the courtesy to just say so. In the future when you are out with a man, please be mindful of how much you are drinking. In no way is that meant to blame you , it’s just a way to avoid such a situation happening again. Try not to replay that night in your mind and move on. What’s done is done and now you need to live in the present. I hope something I’ve said helps you out.

Reply February 17, 2015, 1:04 pm


Just curious what do you think of a situation where two people who met each other at a party “friend” each other on a social network where she texts like she talks but also engages him about himself/his day and he always sends back just “stickers” or 1 phrase. Never much input from him. He still initiates contact though. Is he sizing her up or tethering her? Maybe he’s not as good/quick/patient at texting as much. If he dislikes her chatty/effervescent demeanor and finds it annoying I guess he wouldn’t still be contacting her anymore. Not unless it’s because he likes the benefit of having somewhere convenient to crash out? It’s been 3 months, 24/7. They hang out together every now and then but it’s strictly friends, platonic, not a date, but with sleep overs – separate rooms. (He lives a couple of hours away and works nights and weekends.) But what’s up with the charades with the stickers – could he really not have that much to say? Or maybe not to her in particular because he doesn’t want to lead her on? Or maybe her timing is off and he’s pre-occupied for a full exchange. In person, conversation is normal and usually light. They share a number of similar interests, and like the same things and seem to enjoy each others company. So what’s with the stickers?

Reply January 26, 2015, 11:16 pm


About two months ago I met a young guy from an online dating site. At first I was hesitant to message him back but, I thought what the heck. Boy, do I wish I had not done so.
I ended up messaging him back and we chatted online for a few days. After a few days of that I decided to give him phone number and we began to exchange text mesages. At first like they all do he was chatting me up and sending all kinds of cute little messages throughout the day. I was excited because it had been a while since I acutally liked someone one a little bit. He also started calling and over the phone we talked for hours on end. We finally had our first date after one week of talking and we ended up having a good time.
After the first date I waited until he messaged me again and asked me out. The next date was amazing to say the least. We went to a parade, nice romantic dinner, dessert over candlight the whole nine yards. Although I was trying to keep my cool I was starting to like this guy. Plus we startedd talking about taking things slow because we wanted this to eventally turn into a relationship.
The holidays come and we exchanged gifts and my first fail was sleeping with this asshole because I felt safe with him. By New years eve, I was in bliss and things were still going pretty good.
I noticed the next morning one new years day a distance in his behavior but, I thought nothing of it. I figured he was just tired. Then as the days went on less contact and he was even planning things to do on his own without my company. I figured things have been hot and heavy he just needs his space. I didn’t even question it….that is unitl one day. One night he called me and revealed somethings to me that really made me think twice about everything. He told me he cheated on both his exes and that at this point he does not want a realtionship. I was dumb founded by this change of heart and his cold nature. Needless to say when we got off the phone I spent the night crying. Like a fool the next night we had a date and he continued to say more things that really hurt my feelings. An example is that he still has his profile up, I’m not his girlfriend, and that I needed to lay off on the PDA. Again I was like blown away by the attitude he had. The next day he tries to make things normal and hits me up like nothing happened. I try to keep a levelhead and let it all go.
Where I finally lost it was when this guy told me that he had gone on a blind date with a coworker. I dumped his ass that day…..but the story goes on. I allowed him to sweet talk me back and tried to give him another chance.
After this incident things between us were never the same. I began to feel insecure whenever he took longer than usual to contact me. He also continued to go out and do things without inviting me, and the communication go less and less. One day I finally went to see him and call him on his shit. We again tried to talk things over.
Now to the ghosting the day after that conversation about making thigns work I text him and he responds to my text right away. Later that day I get the bright idea to face time him on my lunchbreak and he doesn’t answer.So silly me I text him to tell him I just called, this asshole reads the text and never replies. By the end of the day I’m furious and crying like a little baby. The very next day I pick myself up and end the realtionship for good via text. He never responded back to that text. Although I really liked this guy my integrity and love for myself always comes first. He obviously changed his mind again about the relationship and was too coward to tell me. Moving on to better.

Reply January 26, 2015, 6:43 pm


Omg, how did I fall so far so fast? I’m sitting here laughing my ass off as to how cray-cray I’ve been acting – I literally did everything the quiz results advise not to do! Omf, I’ve never been this ridiculous or hung over a rack for a guy! My entire dating experience has been to have guys fall over themselves chasing me. Trust me, that’s the way I prefer it. But yes, I was totally duped by this guy. We had a very real and intense, though short-lived affair. Then he told me that it was just getting to much for him, the intense longing of not being able to be with me(long distance) and hated not having control over it. So I pressed him for an answer:do you want to to end it? No answer. Eventually got a response saying that he just can’t deal ‘with the emotional roller coaster’ that this was causing him. And I just couldn’t leave it there! Can u believe it? I so desperately wanted closure, or more, and told him so. Well, it’s time I stop playing myself for a fool for this guy. He’s Just Not That Into Me! So what if we shared the best sex of our lives? Pish, doesn’t matter, He’s Just Not That Into Me. Freaking life affirming! Yes, my loss. But his too! I at least had the balls to call off an infatuation/fling that I wasn’t into anymore. I am Leo, hear me ROAR!

Reply January 14, 2015, 7:06 pm


The good thing is that you will actually experience “the best sex of your life” when you meet someone who is actually into you. It will be mind-blowing. Promise.

Reply January 15, 2015, 12:13 pm


On-line dating has been an interesting adventure, to say the least! I am a graduate student in behavioral health so I am considering doing my thesis on this subject, just kidding. I am learning the hard way, but I am learning! These guys baffle me with their come on strong fantasies, calling you sweet heart, baby, or beautiful, all based on a picture. I will admit I have been sucked into this BS a few times, but now I know the red flags. The dates are always fun and then they drop off. I analyze everything, and the one thing I say is “I am not his girlfriend and he really doesn’t owe me anything” his loss and I move on! I am no longer going to chase a guy, if he is interested he will chase me. I just really wish they would cool it with their charm before someone who can’t handle it gets hurt. Save the sweet talk for when you are interested in a woman, you’ll be doing your self and a lot of women a favor.

Reply January 13, 2015, 10:32 am

Fate Newlyn

Funny you should say that, because I am doing sociology, and often think how this would make for great research! I am in my 40’s and have been chatting online for a few years, I have met all sorts, and have learnt the hard way too, that this is just not for me anymore. I have been separated for about 2 years, and went online to chat. Most of the guys either wanted someone to have ‘sexy talk’ with or, the ones that seemed genuine told you they loved you within a few weeks, and we know that is not possible!. My emails have been hacked by people I had met online, not to get finance info, but to spy on me and read my chat history, so beware!
I eventually met a guy in the same position as me, he lived on the other side of the world, and we just emailed everyday, getting to know each other. We did fall in love and it was great, we spoke on the phone, emailed, chatted on video, and even met after a year. We got along so well, but 4 months later, after a misunderstanding he asked for a 6 week break.This was the hardest thing I had been through for a long time, wondering. I didn’t hear from him and waited until this week (week 9) to email him and see how he was going and were his head was at. He got back to me and told me that he loved me and always will, but he had reconciled with his wife, and she was now pregnant. He had said it was difficult decision, but after a lot of thought it was over between us. I know that is was not a normal relationship and we would not have been able to think about being together for a few years, as we were both still rearing children, and this is for the best in the long run, but the hurt I feel is overwhelming. The hurt is for the fact that he asked for a break, instead of ending it there and then. I have spent the last few months thinking of ways to change how I act, to not nag him, to be the perfect partner for when the break ended, I was thinking of all the things I had to tell him about during the break, that we had missed out on, and all that time he had no intention of coming back. I know I loved him truly with all my heart, did he love me, as he said he did, and showed me during our 15 months together? I will never know, only he knows that, and he will be the one who has to ponder that. I go over everything that we said to each other over the last 15 months, there doesn’t seem to be any reason to pretend your in love or lie, he could have left anytime if he didn’t have those feelings, I gave him the opportunity when things got hard because of the time difference, but he insisted that we were worth the extra effort needed, and I thought that too. He never asked for anything, it wasn’t sleazy and no online hanky panky,but we shared our thoughts, dreams and love.
I’m done online chatting/dating now, you just can’t really know where someone is coming from honestly, they can be and do as they please,and you can never truly know. It turns you into another person, one that is always suspicious or insecure.
Having said that, it is still so fresh and I can’t think of anything else, the tears keep flowing. I know I won’t contact him again, and I’m sure he won’t contact me, but how do I just erase these painful things from my mind and move on?

Reply January 14, 2015, 7:55 pm


Your story really affected me! It sounds so similar to mine! Reading all of these heartfelt stories has really made me think! Time to wake up and move on, however hard it is. And yes it will be really painful for us both. Men, they do get us all in a terrible mess!

Reply April 27, 2015, 5:42 pm


I have been dating a guy for 6 months, we met online, he’s a truck driver. We were friends first for 3 months, nothing romantic just talking on the phone, movies and dinner when he came to town- getting to know each other. We became exclusive in late October as he told me I was his girlfriend. I took a week or so to think about it because I was not sure about the distance thing given he’s consistently on the road. I liked him and really thought he was a great person and we didn’t rush into anything so I gave it chance. We’ve had a few small disagreements that include him responding to my text messages sooner rather than later and I admit I questioned myself a few times on whether I could be with him given he was always gone. Most of the questioning was done with best friend and I never let him know how I felt because I was trying to give it a chance because sometimes good things come to people who are patient and he claimed to be moving to my city within 6 months to take a more permanent job. Fast forward to Christmas- he tells me how much he cares and loves me but within the next week, his calls become less often however he says its his schedule and he’s sleeping while I’m awake and when I’m sleep he’s up driving. I have been patient with him but to me it sounded like an excuse. I noticed over the next week, the same thing happened, calls are less frequent so last Tuesday, I called him and asked what’s going on with him, same thing, his job. I admit I pushed him and was picking when I should have just let it go. I asked him if he still wanted to do this and he got mad about me asking that, said I was asking stupid questions that he would answer later. I tried to call him back because this was really our first disagreement, no cuss words back and forth or belittling but it was the first time he had hung up on me. I have not spoken to him for 6 days so yesterday, I reached out to him but he didn’t answer. Tomorrow will be 7 days that we have not spoke to each other and I am not sure if were still together or not but I just do not feel that a 7 minute conversation should cause a person to not talk to you for this long. I feel like its other things that I cannot control in his life and maybe the distance is too much for him or he could just be being a jerk, I don’t know. Are we broken up?

Reply January 12, 2015, 12:35 pm


Yes hunny, you’re done. I Totally get ur need for closure, for him to just tell it straight, but likely, you’re not gonna get that. He’s just not into you anymore. The good news is, that doesn’t diminish you and what you have to offer some other great guy. One who cares enough to freakin respond!good luck

Reply January 14, 2015, 7:27 pm


unfortunately it wasn’t just a 7 minute conversation- you sensed him cooling off and pulling away long before that. you can’t beat yourself up about it, if every relationship worked out there would be no single people on the earth! Time to let go and move on- pursuing someone who’s got their back to you is a depressing prospect; the sooner you let him out of your life the better it will feel. after all YOU are the central character in your life, people will come and go. some will be in your life for minutes, some for decades, but you’ll always have love in your life. on to bigger and better!

Reply January 15, 2015, 12:26 am


He told me his mother was in the hospital due to a stroke and that he’s been dealing with his family and couldn’t talk to me for awhile. We had been dating for about 4 mos. and we talked everyday up until now. I sent him a long message consoling him saying how I hope everything is ok but he never replied back. He has been on FB every single day though. I sent him an FB message because, naturally, I am sad for him but he ignored that too yet continues to get on FB all day, everyday. I know that people dealing with family issues can be distant and withdrawn but I just wanted to make sure everything was ok and he’s ignoring me completely. It’s been a week and a half and nothing! I’m almost wondering if it was the truth or if he used it as an excuse to disappear. I don’t think he’s that type of guy and I know that would be a terrible lie to tell someone but I cant help but wonder. Is it ok for me to reach back out to him in a week or so? We had a really intense situation where we were in constant communication for months so him just disappearing is hard for me, but its even harder to know that’s its because of his family or because he’s sad, stressed and dealing with something as hard as a sick parent. What should I do?

Reply January 22, 2015, 9:34 am


No. Do not reach out to him again. You have 1. already sent him a long message which he ignored and 2. another message on Facebook. He is choosing to not respond to you. Have some dignity and do not reach out again. Remember always: if he wants to get in touch with you, he will. Guys who care about you do not blow you off. Seems like maybe this ran its course. But please do not reach out to him again.

Reply January 22, 2015, 10:06 am


I think it’s kind of harsh to say that he does not care about me. If his mother really is sick, then that may actually be his priority right now. Although I do think that he could atleast try to respond. I will take your advice and not contact him but not every guy who pulls away is an asshole who doesn’t care about you. My ex fiancé would do this sometimes, mostly when he was stressed.

January 22, 2015, 11:58 am


Did you ever hear back? Are you in Calgary by any chance? Sounds exactly like my situation

Reply April 24, 2016, 10:18 am


Ashley, you say “not every guy who pulls away is an asshole who doesn’t care about you,” but I find myself scratching my head and thinking….I would *never* leave someone I really cared about who was trying to communicate with me hanging for this long! Tell me honestly…would you? Yes, men and women are different, but some things remain the same. If you deeply cared about someone and wanted to be with him and cared about their feelings being hurt, you would not ignore them. He has to know this is hurting you. And no one, no matter WHAT is going on, is that busy that they can’t take three seconds and send someone a text saying, “Been busy, got your message, don’t worry, I’ll be in touch.” Then you cite a failed relationship as an example of how it’s okay for guys to pull away. Ashley, what you need to do is look at YOURSELF…take a long, hard look…and say “What am I worth?” Apparently, YOU think you’re of so little worth that it’s okay for men to ignore you. That’s a problem. Guys have a sixth sense concerning what they can get away with, and you have a past history of guys who apparently think they can take you or leave you…and you’ll stick around waiting for them to figure it out. This needs to change. Every woman…and man for that matter… deserves to be with someone who values their feeling and treats them like worthy human beings. If you put up with this behavior, it will be yet another blow to your self worth. If this guy contacts you in a couple of weeks? It will be the best, most satisfying feeling in the world if you can somehow find the strength to say, “Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t date men who ignore me for three weeks. Hope you find what you’re looking for because apparently it’s not me.” I said this to a guy who was jerking me around once and it felt SO GOOD. And he wouldn’t stop chasing me after that. His loss. Keep telling yourself that. Some things SHOULD BE, and are, deal breakers. Ignoring someone you’ve been dating for months is one of them.

Reply January 23, 2015, 8:03 pm


Well, he did reply and apologized for taking so long to respond and said that he was just trying to make sure his family was ok. Personally, I don’t think my value or worth is dependent upon rather or not someone responds quickly. To be honest with you, I ignore people sometimes too. And it’s not because I don’t care about them. It’s usually because I’m too focused on something else. This isn’t about my self worth and I find it quite offensive when people say that. For the first time in 4 mos he didn’t reply back quickly and it was because his mom was sick. It only took him a week to reply. People deal with stress differently! Maybe I’m hit a bit more understanding them other people are.

Reply January 23, 2015, 8:25 pm


“This isn’t about my self worth and I find it quite offensive when people say that.” So, apparently, you get this said to you a lot. Interesting. Maybe you should wonder why? And obviously it IS about your self worth because most women wouldn’t stay with someone who treated them like that and insist that the person cares about them. Nor would they fly off the handle and get offended at people who try to help them. People who, BTW, unlike your boyfriend, can take five minutes out of their lives to ANSWER you, a stranger who means nothing to them.
Ashley, it’s obvious you came on here to vent and you only wanted to hear what you wanted to hear. And you were going to twist and attack the words of anyone that tried to help you. I probably shouldn’t have bothered once I read the extremely defensive, borderline confrontational comment you left another person who tried to help you. Hmm, maybe like you, I’m a bit more understanding and try to give people a second chance too, even when they have demonstrated the undeniable desire to ride a runaway crashing train to the bitter end. Good luck to you, because you’re going to need it. Once the first “vanishing” occurs, others are sure to follow. Apparently your ex-fiancee conditioned you to think this is acceptable behavior in a “loving” relationship.

Reply January 24, 2015, 1:36 pm


Shannon, to be honest with you. I do hear it but its usually from other women and NEVER from men. I think a lot of women have this very delusional perception of how much someone else’s world should be revolving around them and it obviously causes many women a lot of problems in their relationships. When you talk to men however, they just don’t see if the same way. Im sure you’ve read numerous books about men being one track minded whereas women tend to be multi-focusers. This isn’t something that someone just made up, its kind of the truth. You are obviously on here too. And I bet you’ve had so many unnecessary problems with your significant other where you wanted all of his attention to be on you 24/7 and it caused arguments and disagreements. I just think that women tend to be too quick to say that a man doesn’t care over something as silly as not calling them every 5 seconds. In this situation, he was dealing with a very sick parent, and as I said before, people deal with grief differently and there is no right or wrong way. He DID tell me that he was dealing with family and may not be available as much as before. And when I was sending him messages, he didn’t reply. That’s what made me a little mad. But no man in the world has never not done something like that, at least once. Its a complete and total overeaction to say. “OMG the man who has been telling me he cares about me and doing all these good things for me all of the sudden doesn’t care about me because he didn’t reply!” That’s just way too dramatic! I only came on here because I wanted to know if I should keep trying or back off; his mom was sick so the circumstances are different. If he didn’t reply and ended contact with no explanation, then I would not date him again! But in this case, he dropped communication because of a family issue, that’s completely understandable! The more and more I get relationship advice from other women the more I realize that the most of you will just cause me more arguments and more problems in my relationship. All this being overly sensitive about every little thing someone does, or this self-centered perception on love where in order for him to truly care about you he has to cater to whatever you want all the time, its clingy and exhausting and no one can live up to that standard for too long, not even any of you ladies! No wonder so many men cheat and leave most of you. Im the person who ended all of my relationships and my boyfriends were caring and thoughtful men but when we out grew each other, I ended them. Also this idea that my ex conditioned me is just bullsh!t. Maybe you ladies date men who don’t have much of a life. My ex was in medical school and I was in grad school and working so neither one of us had that much time on our hands. Also, the guy Im dating is not my boyfriend yet, which is another reason for me not to be all pissy about him not talking to me while he was caring for his sick mother. The funny thing is that he’s already been back in touch and apologized more than once and actually told me that he appreciated that I was patient during this time because he was an emotional wreck and felt like he couldn’t talk to anyone. I mean his mom almost died for god’s sake! So Im supposed to be all like, “NO you need to text me and call me, your behavior is unacceptable and I don’t care if your mom is dying” LOL, no way! God some of you women are too damn self-absorbed and you call that having respect for yourself. No, I call that being inconsiderate!

January 24, 2015, 4:16 pm


Ashley – no matter how you slice it, not responding to you for an entire week was not cool on his part. That’s what Shannon and I were getting at. It sucks. It’s the title of this website. Our experiences do color how we view things. I know for me, going a week without even a response would upset me. Perhaps you don’t feel the same. Have you heard from him since?

Reply January 26, 2015, 9:42 am


If someone disappears, they’re not into you. Move on and meet someone who is.

It’s not rocket science, people.

Reply January 7, 2015, 4:53 pm


This statement needs to be at the forefront of this article. Because it is SPOT on.

Reply January 8, 2015, 9:51 am


that’s exactly the problem. people take it personally and think “if only i can show him what a great person i am!!! then he’ll know!!” BUT the giant problem with that statement is that it assumes you don’t deserve someone who REALLY IS into you! Hanging on when there’s nothing there is being pessimistic about yourself and your future. relationships have to be mutual, and if your partner doesn’t have the time or interest to hold up their end of the bargain, it’s time to carry on with your wonderful life and meet the next one!

Reply January 15, 2015, 12:28 am


But BLaw maybe the woman really likes the guy and doesn’t have the motivation to meet someone new – don’t guys sometime need more time to get to know a woman? or are you one of those who believe in live at first sight and only give those women a chance? I do agree if they are your “partner” they should have the time and interest or move on but then you wouldn’t be calling someone like that your “partner.”

Reply January 15, 2015, 6:28 am


absolutely guys need time to get to know a girl- my LTRs have been with women i grow increasingly fond of as time goes on.

BUT here’s the thing- it seems some women i meet don’t understand that whereas you can gradually get to like her more, you can also learn to like her LESS over time. in other words some women i have dated became less and less someone i could be with the more i got to know them. This really should not be a mystery… the way a woman conducts herself, her general patterns of thinking and communicating, you can’t learn all that overnight. and sometimes the more you learn the more you like her, but sometimes the more you learn the less you like her. Generally if i am very attracted i have NO IDEA whether i really like someone at the beginning.

Time will push it either way. sometimes it seems for women time ALWAYS makes them more emotionally attached… and i’m sure there are exceptions, but for me and for guys i know time will often help you fall out of interest with someone… for a whole host of reasons.

Reply January 15, 2015, 1:55 pm


Thanks BLaw. Just curious – what could some of the reasons be that make you fall out of interest with someone? I do not come off as needy or pushy and know to show my appreciation and be genuine. I meet guys who seem “attracted” and things seem to go fast – like we click. But then after 3-4-6 months of hanging out, sometimes dating, sometimes sex when it goes that far- and when there is, it’s awesome, I later get friend-zoned. And there is no other woman that I know of. I just get the line they think I “deserve someone better, better looking, more money, more time, more brains.” They tell me I am “such an awesome catch but they can’t give me what I deserve.” But I have no expectations and they know this. Is this a line, where they were just curious, or could I actually be intimidating them without realizing it? I am very independent. I’m curious, do guys back off if they feel they are falling too hard for someone? I think my guys were just emotionally unavailable and didn’t expect what they were getting with me. Another issue could be I am older than they think. They think I am at least 10 years younger because I don’t look my age. They are in their 40’s and I am in my 50’s. They give histories of being badly burned. But they can see I’ve no baggage and am just interested in companionship, conversation, and integrity, not necessarily anything heavy, no games. I go with the flow at my age but desire exclusivity. Maybe that’s my problem. Last year I dated 4 guys. 3 turned intimate. 1 was an on-again/ off again of 5 years who had an alcohol addiction, the other a player/a FB, the other was complicated and led nowhere because he was still pining over his ex and just wanted a friend, and the 4th was 30 years younger than me but mature for his age. Yes, I’m serious. I guess it was just infatuation and then it wore off. I was not what they were looking for or perhaps they weren’t even looking and I was just convenient. Why do you say time will “help” you fall out of interest? Interesting choice of words. Thanks.

January 15, 2015, 5:05 pm


Funny how dissapearance happens very often during the xmas time.I had similar situation.Did not hear a word from him for a week and then he responded to me that he wanted a peaceful xmas without a phone.But I was worried that something might have happenend to a person.
So everything changed for me also
If he was such a dick and could not write a word to me i figured this is not a person i could trust. And also I understood that he is definatley not into me.
Another new experience.
Thank you for sharing!

Reply January 7, 2015, 2:54 am


unfortunately there’s a lot of men out there who can’t man up. When i’m not feeling it i will communicate it, but not all men do that. “wanted a peaceful christmas” is like a girl saying she lost her phone all weekend… unless you’re in a hole in the ground with no internet there are always ways to get in touch.

Reply January 15, 2015, 12:31 am


Man, what is going on with guys? Is it the holidays or what? I too want closure, what does it matter if we seek it, if a guy doesn’t want to see us anymore, I don’t think it really matters what he thinks of us…

Reply January 3, 2015, 3:32 pm


I couldnt be happier that i came across this forum. Im in a similar situation. Ive been trying to understand what happened. I met this guy at my job 6 months ago. We instantly were drawn to each other, almost like we were old souls. We worked in different departments but couldn’t seem to stay away from each other, we would use our lunch breaks to meet up to talk and just embrace each other. About 2 months ago he change jobs so we started seeing each other on our off days. We would talk daily, whether via instagram, phone calls or text. Things were great even talking about moving in together after i return from a 2weeks vacation just this month. While on vacation we communicated non stop, he was constantly telling me how he couldn’t wait for me to be back in his arms and us living out our love together each and everyday. I return from vacation only to have him block me on instagram. I sent him a message asking why am i blocked i got not reply. I refuse to call or text him again, but i cant help but to feel extreme sadness and confusion. I want closure, i would think i at least deserve an explanation.

Reply December 31, 2014, 8:09 pm


Do you deserve an explanation? Absolutely, you do! What you need to ask yourself is: are you willing to continue following him around like a wounded puppy, looking for an answer he’s too chicken (or too bothered) to give?
He’s just not that into you hunny. If he was, he’ d stick it out to the end.

Reply January 14, 2015, 7:34 pm


Hi, just need some advice. Been dating a guy for 6 months. Both said we loved each other and things were good. We have broken up a couple of times, but always made up. Recently lost my car due to an accident and he was even letting me borrow his and was my main source of transportation. Had an argument a week before Christmas and I said I was done. He called and text begging me to see him saying he missed me. Eventually I gave in. Things were great, he took me to work and pucked me up Sunday. Hugged and kissed me goodbye, and told me he’d be bringing me the truck the next morning so I could use it for work the next week. He never showed, knowing I needed the truck, ignored my text and calls, and just disappeared. I know he’s OK cuz I saw his truck at his work site yesterday morning and at his house last night. Nothing from him for two days now and he left me with no transportation to work knowing I really had no one else to help me. We’ve met each others kids and friends. I’m so confused and hurt right now and have no clue what the hell happened. Even when we were mad at each other in the past, he never left me in a bad situation. But to just disappear out of the blue and leave me no way to work. Just in shock right now.

Reply December 31, 2014, 9:45 am


Maybe he’s tired of breaking up all the time and the arguments. Six months in and off/on and breaking up a lot does not sound healthy/loving. If he blew you off and you haven’t heard from him, consider it done.

Reply January 7, 2015, 9:35 am


I’ve been played hot and cold before and I’ve been deceived by ex boyfriends in the past but I’m in a situation at the moment that I really cannot get my head around. I’ve been seeing a lovely boy for about a month, nothing too serious or official but we get along really well and are comfortable in each others company.

The last time I saw him was a week ago- Tuesday 23rd, just before we both went home for Christmas. It wasn’t our best date and we did have an awkward conversation at one point about not having very much in common but we still spent the night together and parted on happy terms in the morning.
Since then I have heard nothing from him whatsoever. No call, no text, no snapchat, nothing. We were meant to be spending the day together yesterday (Monday 29th) when I came back from my parents so I called his mobile on Saturday and Sunday night to discuss plans. His phone went straight to voicemail, I texted him, no reply.My housemate then called his phone and it went straight to voicemail aswell…

Part of me believes that it is just my bad luck again, he’s changed his mind, and doesn’t want to talk to me, sad but move on. But then I can’t help but think if the call keeps going straight to voicemail (not even one ring)- maybe his phone is just broken/ switched off/ been stolen and he hasn’t got it fixed yet?
Maybe something has actually happened to him? But then if his phone is actually broken, wouldn’t he come round to my house to see me and explain? Should I just take the hint? …
I like to think I have developed thicker skin over the years but something keeps nagging me – this is so out of character? Am I being naive?

Reply December 30, 2014, 6:42 pm


I was seeing an amazing man for about 6 months. We last spoke this past Tuesday, had plans to see each other on Wednesday, Christmas Eve. He never showed. I haven’t heard from him since. He won’t answer my calls or respond to my texts. I have no idea why! I am so hurt and confused. We didn’t have a fight, nothing! Up until this point we had a great relationship! We had been talking about moving in together in the near future, he had told me that he wanted to get married this summer and we were starting to talk about that! I have absolutely NO idea what happened or why! I can’t get him out of my mind. He is 41 and I am 43, so it isn’t as if we are young and inexperienced. I would simply like a conversation with him to have some insight as to what happened and to have some closure!

Reply December 28, 2014, 8:54 pm


I was dating a guy for almost 2 years. On Sunday he was in a bad space and we were talking he told me he had to call me back because his ex wife is calling on the other line. about an hour went by and I call him he did not pick up at emailed him he didn’t respond so what then I went to Facebook to message him at that point I realized that he had unfriended me. when he did call, asked him what was going on? He said talking about the children etc. I said it took you an hour to talk to your ex. 5 minutes passed then I said to him so you’re not going tp mention the fact that you unfriended me without even let me know? He said yeah because she noticed that you are my page and it upset her. I said but you didn’t even let me know so far one that’s disrespectful to me because you’re just unfriend me without even saying anything. I said it appears you are still available to her. He said its not what I think. I told him that I have feelings too and I feel very hurt I also felt that I was not a priority in that no matter what as long as she is going to have something against what he does and if he responds that way we could never have a healthy relationship because she will always control what he does. he said no its not like that. how about you go figure out what it is that you want because clearly it’s not me. On Monday yesterday he emailed me I didn’t respond he call me at work I didn’t respond, called a second time I picked up. He said on to give him about a week to get his stuff together and that he will call me and let me what’s going on I told him. I said this real convenient that right around Christmas you need a week and then after New Years. don’t call me because it looks to me like you’re playing a game you said no its not what you think I just need to get all my thoughts together I said what if that’s the case then what happens in a week he said within a week, he would have a plan laid out for me of what I’m going to do. Honestly I am hurt, I can’t stop crying, I can’t eat, sleep, and have turned off my socialmedia accounts.
And I do not know how to get through this..

Reply December 23, 2014, 8:43 pm


Sorry to hear this happened to you. From an objective point of view, it sounds like he still has unresolved feelings/dealing with his ex-wife. The non-responses and blatant unfriending of you then asking for time = he’s being a coward to you. I would not answer him at all when he tries to come back with his tail between his legs. You are his back-up. Did you get involved wit him while they were married or recently separated? If that’s the case, he probably never got over her/the end of their marriage. Two years is a long time. I wouldn’t deal with him again if I were you. Like Oprah says, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” My bet is that this isn’t the first time he’s been flighty towards you. Move on and do not respond to you when he reaches out again (which he inevitably will). He has treated you very poorly.

Reply December 24, 2014, 7:53 am


Thanks Moon. Yes. I agree. And he did try calling and emailing me saying he needed a friend . yes. It has happened before. He would make it seem like life was stressing him out. I ignored the red flags. I did not answer nor respond last night when he tried contacting me. I now know based on his actions and looking back, he is emotionally unavailable. Honestly I’m still hurt either way. And yes they were recently divorced, but separated for almost 2 years. So not together for about 3 years when we started dating.

Reply December 24, 2014, 1:35 pm


He’s such a shit! I’m sorry you’re hurting, but realise that he’s just not that into you to take care of you’re emotions and perspective. Kick that ass to the curb, hun. He’s just not that into you

Reply January 14, 2015, 7:43 pm


Talking to said guy for 2 years. Finally met had a good time. Texted for weeks after and I know he is busy and we live a while from each other. Told him I liked him and want to know him more. Won’t text me back. Trying very hard not to text him and tell him off and guess it didn’t work out glad we met. Blah blah. .. Hard to not know what he thinks and I guess it’s not much for me cause no response is an answer within itself. Definitely feeling like an idiot. Not the end of the world but rejection hurts.

Reply December 21, 2014, 6:58 pm


Why did you “talk” to him for 2 yrs without meeting him?

Reply December 22, 2014, 9:02 am


I was just separated and coming from a hard marriage. He lived father away. I wasn’t sure that we would ever meet at some point.

Reply December 22, 2014, 2:37 pm

Fate Newlyn

Tina, I know exactly are you feel (as I have discussed in a previous post. It was so real for me, and I thought it was real for him too. Like me, he was anxious if he didn’t hear from me for a day, our lives didn’t feel complete without that contact, and our meeting went so well after a year of talking, I was really in love with him, and he was too (I think!…he was the one who fell first) It is now 2 months since he asked for a break and not a word, its like he has deleted me from his life. I still have not contacted him, but I am on the verge. As I have mentioned before, after he sent the email asking for a break, I waited ovr week to reply. I didn’t beg, bt offered him space and hoped we would find our way back to each other. In my heart, I am thinking that just maybe he didn’t get this email, and that he blocked me for ignoring him. Of course this maybe just wishful thinking, and he is not contacting me because he is just not into me anymore, but I would like to reach out one more time before he forgets me, wish him a happy new year, let him know that I waited to hear from him after the 4-6 week break (at least he said!), and not heard from him, and leave it at that. What do you guys think? Can I reach ou one more time? Of course he my have blocked me or not reply, but I feel I need to do this for my own peace of mind. There was no fight or nasty words exchanged between us prior to this break.

Reply January 5, 2015, 6:18 pm


Talking online or over text can create the illusion of chemistry, but it’s not real until you meet; you may feel like you know someone but in fact you no virtually nothing about them until you get a feel for what it’s like to be around them. Penpals can definitely be fun! alas romantic penpals is a horrible idea until AFTER you have met.

Reply December 22, 2014, 2:05 pm


Yes the whole thing “felt” real. I guess I needed that at that time. Kind of held on to that it was special.

Reply December 22, 2014, 2:40 pm


I’m sure it felt real for him too, but if you let yourself make assumptions about it in real life (before meeting) you set yourself up to get hurt :(

Loving friendships can happen anywhere, but for actual romance you need that 3rd dimension. It sounds like it was a supportive situation for a while at least and maybe that’s just what you needed!

Reply December 22, 2014, 3:27 pm


Since you are the only guy posting to this article, I have a question for you; are we wrong for wanting “closure” even after dating for a short time? Is it okay for us to “say goodbye”? I don’t think it makes us look weak, besides what does the guy care?
Would love your feedback!

January 3, 2015, 3:26 pm


I haven’t been able to find someone with the same situation as me but I know exactly how this feels. When I was a teenager, I was a part of a forum and met a lot of other teenagers there over so many years and one guy in particular I grew really close to. I’ve known him now for 7 years and pretty much the whole time we have spoken every day. We’ve argued in the past about various things but he has been part of life for so long that we just felt like a couple even though we weren’t. He lives in a different country to me and we’ve skyped and talked on the phone for hours but always remained friends even though we both knew we had feelings for each other. The distance obviously stopped anything developing but now he’s completely disappeared out of my life and I can’t adjust to it. It started when he lost his phone so he had to email me and the messages grew shorter and became more sparse so it ended up that I was making the effort to carry on conversations. Eventually we had a bit of an argument about it and he was claiming I didn’t care about him and he thought I was serious about him, which was stupid as he was hardly making any effort with me any more and suddenly he stopped replying to me. I sent him a long message basically saying that I feel being accused of not caring is unfair when he is distant from me and told him what exactly I was feeling and he didn’t reply at all. I sent it weeks ago and still nothing. I have no idea what I’ve done. To go from 7 years of being in each other’s lives in some way to nothing so abruptly is so hard and I really want to contact him again but I do not want to lose my dignity. I’m at a loss and it’s horrible.

Reply December 18, 2014, 6:24 pm


Rachel, although I’m a lot older than you, I completely understand what you are going through. The loss of that daily contact is really like a huge hole in your life. That contact was what made me smile everyday, gave me something to look forward to. I have many other things in my life, career, study, friends, but the love and friendship from my ‘friend’ was what made me happiest. Having him gone, and not knowing whether he will return is one of the most painful things I have endured in a long time. I too am determined not to lose my dignity and be the first to contact, I want him to miss me and want me like he once did, I’m not going to beg, but the thought of him never reaching out again, fills me with dread, and I need to know if this is just a break, as he said it was, or if it is completely broken. We shall wait together, ok?

Reply December 18, 2014, 7:56 pm


All I see anymore are complaints and frustrations related to texting. I have made a promise to myself from this day on to stay away from men who text. They’re cowards. They come on strong, test you out, let you go on and reveal yourself, sometimes they reveal themselves. They bait you and bait you. I enjoyed the best of texting with a BF where his thoughtful texts brought smiles to my face and the worst where we’ve ended what we had through texting because it was so conveniently instant. (My lead because he cheated.) I had the Midnight FB text too and that worked for a while but I didn’t want to be involved with an insecure fool who needed multiple partners. I’ve hooked up with what I thought was a sweet, considerate young man by getting to know him though texting. And now I have someone constantly “poking” me on Facebook and sending me stickers who I consider a new friend, maybe more. He’s a middle aged man and I’m almost 60. Sometime I text like I talk but that’s me holding a dialogue. I figured if they weren’t interested they’d back off. But I won’t be tethered either. This texting scene is absolutely ridiculous. My communication outside of texting is great with them. But texting is poison. I’m tired of making excuses that they were too busy to say hi, or reply. Why can’t men just be consistent. This texting game is just that — a game so they can play with us. Quit texting. I’m not the needy type. I give my men plenty of space. I always show genuine appreciation. And realize this also I am not looking for an instant relationship either. But not replying back means you’re history. I’ve better things to do than wait around or get hung up waiting for texts. If I’m not worth a reply text, you’re not worth my time. They’ll get the message eventually. I am not going to compete for text attention. What would men do if women just suddenly stopped texting? If he’s gone, he wasn’t worth your time anyway. This texting among people just starting out is poison and all I see is an epidemic of hurt women for whatever reasons. It has made relationships more problematic than they need to be. It’s BS. Don’t text them. Have them call you. LOL, the younger guy told me “today people only make phones calls if it’s business or an emergency.” Okay, there you have it, Tethered. Oh my battery just died. I don’t buy that they don’t want to be distracted – let them actually tell you that. It’s okay for them to distract us when they feel like it. Just look around – all you see anymore is texting, texting, texting. What the hell is so damn important that you have to be joined to your phone? It’s an addiction to. Unhealthy.

Reply December 16, 2014, 10:27 pm



Reply December 16, 2014, 9:14 pm


Hands down I praise you men like down at the end of the day they aren’t real men just a bunch of whims who don’t deserve any kind of women

Reply December 16, 2014, 9:47 pm


Women should just focus on their careers. All men are bastards who Always cheat and abandon. The women who are actually in exclusive relationships are usually being mistreated by the man in some way anyway. Move forward alone girls and have a stress free life. In modern times, women don’t need men for anything more occasional sex and to pick up the check when you want to go out to dinner. I’ve learned not to invest ANY of my heart, in any man, for any reason, anymore.

Reply December 16, 2014, 9:11 pm


You shouldn’t give up hope, there are still some decent men out there, don’t give up, you just had bad luck

Reply December 18, 2014, 10:03 pm


was in a relationsip with a guy for two years, at the time he was financially struglling so he asked for help and i helped him but he didnt know how to stop, kept making promises abt our future so i finally put my foot down and said i cant help u further if u cant do anything for me or commit to this reationship, Well this man caused me to lose my job and so forth we eventually sat down and talked abt it and how we were gonna fix it, and he saying I am gonna fix this I will call u later well this was the last face to face convo this guy because a few days later he changed his number and blocked me on social media and i havent heard from him in two months, I was devasted like what did I do.

Reply December 14, 2014, 12:48 pm


All you did here was fail in your attempt to rescue an immature asshole. Relationships HAVE to be two-way streets, and believe it or not there are plenty of men around who are ready to offer real love and support for the same. Unfortunately there’s also a lot of egocentric losers out there too.

Reply December 22, 2014, 3:30 pm


i dated a guy I met off a dating website for 5 months, definite chemistry and we had a blast together, the same kind of goofy humor, like the same music and enjoyed each others company. I had just come out of a 8 year relationship which was not a happy one and it felt so good to laugh and smile again. There was reciprocation on his part, we spent 3-4 days per week together every week, except when work schedules didnt allow. Then about 2 weeks before the vanishing act he started saying he was feeling really depressed, spending more time alone, but still seeing me atleast twice per week. I knew he had a problem with depression as he had been thru an episode a few months back and came out the other side ok. So I just tried to be there for him and support him thru it. i noticed he stopped having sdex with me and got concerned, but before I could even ask him about that he explained it away with his depression. He still made plans with me. We went out on a friday and I talked to him 2 days later on a Sunday when we made arrangements to see each other the next day. I went to his house and he didnt answer the door, he usually left it unlocked for me when he knew I was coming over and it was locked, i tried calling his phone 2 times incase he had fallen asleep and nothing, so i left sending him a text message that I understood if he needed space and to let me know if there was anything I could do. I never heard another word from him, that was 6 days ago. I found him on the dating website we met on with a new profile picture up stating he was still looking for a relationship. 4 days after this happened I sent him a note on the website saying that I was writing him mostly for myself because I didnt want things to end badly, because he had brought so much happiness to my life after i had been so sad for so long and I would be grateful for that. More than he deserved that’s for sure, but Im a kind hearted person and try not to judge others because I dont know the whole story of what made them the way they are. Bothe f us are in our mid to upper 40’s he had never been married. anyways to be told to come over and then for him to hide in his house was a horrible way to be let down. my heart is broken, even though I know Im better off, that action completely made me feel that I meant absolutely nothing to him at all and I felt used and like a piece of trash to be discarded. I was never mean to him or clingy, only kind and understanding and non judgemental, so it really hurt, especially since it was the first time I let my guard down after having it up for so long. Im having a really hard time getting over this and could really use some support

Reply December 13, 2014, 4:44 pm


Hi Lori, I don’t think I can offer you much advice, but I certainly know what you are going through. We are both also in our forties (See post below), and both insisted we didn’t want to play games, we fell for each other quickly, and I have to believe that he must have felt something, but now I feel like I have been played at some stage or to some degree. Yesterday marked the end of the 4-6 week break period he initiated, and I have not heard a word from him since the day he asked for it. After we were everything to each other, I too now feel like he has blocked me or changed his profile, he has just disappeared. I too gave him my whole heart, which I had closed for so log after meeting so many jerks on line, he seemed perfect, he emailed everyday, he phoned and told me how much he loved me, but I now believe that he used words to keep me hooked, and failed to follow up with actions and give to the relationship what I did I cannot believe that he would give me that false hope that it was only a break, without even letting me know at the end of it that it was all over. Today I feel again like the day he asked for a break, all the hurt, anger, confusion, and tears have returned. it would have been more humane to end it 6 weeks ago. I am putting everything into trying not to send off an email asking for some sort of closure. I am grateful he showed me that I could love again, but now I think I have lost all trust in people,and feel that even though I had worked on my neediness issues during the break, and held the belief that all he wanted was to give me time to reflect on my behavior as well as his own feelings, but now I’m afraid this experience has shown that my insecurities were somewhat founded. Maybe I’ve led a sheltered life, but I really didn’t think that he or people would play with someones emotions like that, when I was so honest with about everything, I expected the same in return. I still love him so much, miss him like crazy, even though I starting to realise that he doesn’t deserve my love. I know that if I haven’t heard from him by now, with the kind of relationship we had, I will never hear from him again. It’s like the last 15 months have been wiped away. Hopefully you and I will come out of this not too damaged.

Reply December 14, 2014, 5:53 pm


Boy have I got a must read for you.
Bit of background…two almost 30 y.o’s, him 4 months out of a 7 year relationship/engagement.
I recently met him off a dating site. We exchanged numbers and coincidentally remove r our profiles at the same time. We texted a tiny bit here and there, but I didn’t feel ovely interested so it didn’t go much past how’s your day. About a month later he contacted me, I gave it a chance and we ended up talking for hours and discovered tons of common things and coincidences about highschool, etc. Awesome chemistrym. Texted literally all day for 3 days and decided to meet. Meeting was even better, super comfortable and lots of natural chemistry with really good, quality, sincere convo. Within a week we saw eachother 3 times – th firstweekend I stayed over and it really felt like I knew him forever.
My radar for bullshit, maturity, sincerity is pretty much stellar. I’m not needy nor do Iread into thingm and this felt 100% mutual (best feeling). He wasn’t over expressive but we mutually marveled at how much we already liked eachother, etc. I know when someone is laying it on thick. He wasnt and i truly believed he was extremely sincere, saying things like ‘ive told you more then I’ve told “Tammy” in pur entire relationship. He seemed like a very reasonable, mature guy and it literally seemed perfect
After a week first red flag…he said he felt like things were going too fast and he felt ‘weird’. I asked what he thought we should do to slow down to which he said nothing, as it felt natural. We exchanged 5000 texts in three weeks and talked on the phone at night and saw eachother during the week and overnight on weekends. Whik with him he seemed 100% enamoured and not in a cheesy try hard way. One of the easiest new connections I’ve ever had. I should note he said he could see this going somewhere and wed made clear after week 1 we were exclusively seeing eachother.

THEN the morning after we spent an awesome intense night together he was quiet via text. I asked if anything was wrong and he more or less said Yes, I’m not ready for where this is going, for a relationship.. I told him he was thinking too hard and ahead. Then he said he was confused and couldn’t see himself with me. That he felt like while in his super Lgon term relationship he had regretted not doing things an if he got iyo one with me, th same would happen. He wanted to lone wolf it.
Mistake 1, I shoulda told him to bugger off righthen and there. But he was articulate and sounded confused and I made the excuse of well, he’s fresh out a relationship. Anyway, he said he wanted me in his life and we could try being friends. We had prearranged plans for my birthday three days later and I decided I wanted to go anyway, at least we could talk and part ways nicely as I knew friends wasn’t an option. I asked him plainly if he simply wasn’t interested anymore or if he had someone else. He calmly and adamantly said no.
In the interim I noticed him make googly eyes at a female on Instagram. He’s not a huge user so his activity was easy to spot. Not to be vain but she was nothing g special to look at smissed it but it caught my interest.

He dumped me via text. I told him I didn’t understand wtf happened and that it was shitty of him to not do this on ohone or in person. But would respect it and to call, I just wanted clarity. He claimed to not understand i himself, he fekt numb, and disappeared for a day more or less.

My birthday plans were two days later. We still texted but minimally and he came to pick me up midday for food and a little excursion. We ended up spending 24hours together and had a really great conversation and I was supportive about the journey he was on, fresh out of his relationship and encouraging him to figure it out. He insisted he still had a Crush, was articulate and seemed genuinely confused. Throughout the day we attempted to keep things friendly but we kept naturally gravitating toward eachother. He was like we CANNOT have SEX…I said fine, I wasn’t into someone not into me anyway. Well long story short I stayed over and we slept together.

He drove me home and I was a bit confused. I told him friends wont work, why don’t I just give you space for like a week then we’ll reconnect and see where things stand. He said yes and seemed into this idea. A day later I sent him dome work photos with little to no reply. He was happy to have distance. He stopped liking my photos on social media and liking this new girls. We made plans for Saturday, at 6. I last spoke to him Thursday evening where he told me to have a Good night. I texted him the next morning confirming for Sat and got no reply.

NOW IT GETS CRAZY. By Friday evening, I sensed something was up, so I phoned him and left a single message, really neutral just indicating I hadn’t heard ROM him, etc. I checked the Instagram page of girl and it was now private.

NEEDLSS TO SAY Saturday morning came and with no response, I noticed he had REMOVED me from social media and made himself private. I phoned him…AND HE CHANGED HIS NUMBER. This has literally been a nightmare. Not only did henot have decency to ccancelled, this man dropped off the face of the Earth AND made it so that I couldn’t contact him, all without A SINGLE WORD.
He never once even insinuated he wanted m to permanently leave him alone. The time and energy it must have taken to change numbers…what on Earth. I was under the impression that number change was reserved for harassment, etc

All of this occurred within 4 weeks.
He completely duped me and I feel completely degraded. We sincerely shared a LOT emotionally and I was very clear with him…just tell m if youre into me, it hppens. So yo completely do a Houdini AND change number was extremely alarming and has left me totally feeling like I’ve been punched. Its really done a number on my confidence because let me tell you, I truly trusted thi mans character and would have never thought him capable if something so cruel and immature.
My friends think he’s a douchebag and probably seeing that girl.
I’m 30 and neve experienced this. First time for everything!

Reply December 9, 2014, 11:53 am


OMFG lady. This is going to sound cruel and I apologize in advance..you’re needy and gullible and have poor personal boundaries. Here’s what’s wrong with the picture.
1. He was on the rebound.
2. You met him after only texting, which is lazy communication.
3. You slept with him the first week of dating based on strong infatuation, not true intimacy, which takes time to build.
4. You ignored the first indication he wasn’t into you and had most likely used you for sex.
5. You ignored the second indication he wasn’t into you by creeping the profile of the girl he actually was interested in, which makes you a bit psycho.
6. You continued to contact him and have sex with him after he officially dumped you by text, which makes you a whole lot psycho.
7. You tell yourself you can’t understand it even though the red flags were very clear, which indicates your BS detector could use some fine-tuning.
8. You *are* needy and desperate and really should work on that before you attempt dating again.
That being said, yeah, the guy was a douche. I’m not defending him in any way. It’s up to YOU to protect YOU, though. Take some responsibility.

Reply January 7, 2015, 4:37 pm


I really feel this is not a constructive comment. You’re judging this woman based on the small picture….”making a long story short” in a very negative way that is not the least bit empowering. And that’s too bad, because this is one of the few places where women can express themselves and feel supported. I like to feel I’m a rational human being, but even I’ve “creeped” on profiles of people I thought my object of affection was interested in…that makes me a psycho? If so, most of the United States is psycho, because we *all* do that sort of thing nowadays. It’s known as Facebook stalking. People who get self righteous and critical about it…like you…in my experience are the worst offenders of all, they just won’t admit they do it. Have some compassion for someone who is heartbroken and hurting and reaching out for support. She was in love with this guy. So, she called and/or texted him more than I would have done personally….I don’t think that would have changed the outcome anyway. He wasn’t for her. Someone else is, someone BETTER. Telling someone they’re needy and desperate doesn’t make them magically gain self esteem and feel their own self worth, it just makes you feel superior on your throne of perfection and feel good about yourself. So maybe it’s better if you keep your unhelpful, condescending remarks to yourself because obviously YOU have a lot to work on if you need to go on an internet forum and diminish others to build yourself up.

Reply January 8, 2015, 7:11 pm


My online boyfriend of 15 months asked for a 4-6 week break after a few misunderstandings and perhaps my ‘neediness’ issues.We are both in our 40’s, it was a loving long distance relationship, and we have met about 4 months ago, which was fantastic, we got on as well as we always did through phone, email and video..After I received the email stating he was sorry, but needed this time, as he couldn’t deal with this while dealing with problems at work (he also told me how much he loved me) I waited a week to reply, so I wouldn’t be too emotional in my reply. I told him I would respect his need for space, and that I hoped we were not too broken to find our way back to each other. I signed off until then. I have not contacted him since, nor him me. It is approaching the end of this period, and I’m scared. This time has been hell for me and I miss him every day. I don’t know what to do if I don’t hear from him, and don’t know how to react if I do, whether it be good news or bad. Please help me get through these last few days, and give tips on how to deal with outcomes. I have spent this time dealing with my neediness issues.Thanks

Reply December 8, 2014, 4:08 pm


I think i’m definitely in the same situation. I met a guy online about a month ago and right off the bat it was constant texting and getting to know each other. We added each other on Facebook, and our first phone call lasted 4 hours! It was like we had known each other for years instead of just a month. In this time he has told me that he wants to take things slow and eventually be serious with me, and I reciprocated those feelings. He kept on showing clear signs of interest until the last week where his texts were getting less frequent and conversations were running short. When I asked him if things were okay and that when i noticed he was getting distant I was willing to give him space, he asked me why I was giving him spaced and that he liked hearing from me. It’s mainly been me texting him and he does text back when I do, but it just feels like there’s something going on with him. He kept telling me that there are some family issues he has going on and he has University to deal with, but I think his feelings for me might be dropping. As of now, i’m not texting him again until he wants to text me first so i can at least tell if he still wants to talk with me. He still claims to have feelings for me but there is still that undeniable shift in communication. I’m not sure what to do or how to proceed.

Reply December 2, 2014, 6:32 pm


Hi Lindsay,
Wow, in reading these comments, there is a lot of crap going on right now with guys! My situation relates to yours very closely. We met online, first date was lunch on the 2nd of Dec., communicated every day and had three great dates, the last one being on the 12th. Anyway, a definite connection, total talk of things “we” would do in the future…the last time he contacted me was the 17th. I have sent a couple of texts just to see if he’ll respond and maybe tell me what is up, he responds, but that is it.
I wanted to check with you to see how your situation is? I have heard that guys get a bit weird around the holidays, especially with a new girl.

Reply January 3, 2015, 3:12 pm


I signed up for a week free trial for a dating website, not really expecting too much. I ended up really hitting it off with this guy. We constantly emailed back and forth, had a ton of things in common, and never ran out of stuff to talk about. He canceled his membership and my trial expired, so we exchanged numbers and planned to meet up. The first date went great. Never a lull in the conversation and we just clicked. He asked me out again right there. He texted me about 30 min after we left and we continued texting the rest of the night. I left for vacation the following weekend, so three weeks after the first date, we had our second. He invited me to his place for dinner and movies. We hung out, had a great time again, and had a killer makeout session. We talked about sex and specifically how long we wanted to wait. We agreed on 3 months. He talked about wanting to see my apartment and other things that would leave me to believe this would not be the last time I saw him. He told me to text when I got home, which I did, thanking him for everything and told him I had a great time. His response was “your welcome” and thats the last I heard from him. I texted him the following evening (Monday) apologizing for staying so late, and said I hope he got enough sleep. He didn’t respond. I wasn’t too worried because he told me his little brother was coming to stay with him for Thanksgiving from Tues-Sun, so I figured he was preoccupied. He also mentioned that on Thanksgiving they were running a Turkey Trot together, so Wednesday night I just sent him a text wishing them both luck. Again, no response. It’s now been a little over a week with absolutely no contact from his end. He did spend the week with his brother, and he does work A LOT, so I’m not sure how much of it is him being really busy or if he lost interest. Everything just seemed to go so perfectly on the last date, I just don’t understand how he could’ve acted the way he acted and said the things he said if he wasn’t interested. He is also very confident and gentlemanly and doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would just ignore someone to get rid of them. How long should I give him to reach out before I lose hope completely? If I still don’t hear from him for awhile, is it a terrible idea to send him a casual “hey haven’t heard from you in awhile hows everything?” type of text? Hellllppp. I really like this guy and it would be really disappointed if I don’t hear from him :(

Reply December 1, 2014, 9:57 pm


Hi Suzanne,
My situation is so similar! May I ask what has transpired over the past month? My guy at least responds to my texts, but we haven’t seen each other in three weeks and he hasn’t made first contact with me since the 17th. I was going to give him the holidays to get through whatever it might be that he was dealing with. This article was good, but I still am one who wants closure.
Please let me know what has happened.

Reply January 3, 2015, 3:19 pm


Hey! I never ended up hearing from him again. I was really disappointed for awhile because I really liked him. I was also pretty angry too, as I felt like he le

Reply January 3, 2015, 7:25 pm


Hey! I never ended up hearing from him again. I was really disappointed for awhile because I really liked him. I was also pretty angry too, as I felt like he led me on with everything that he had told me. I got over it, joined a new site, and have been dating again. I’ve met one person in particular that I’m really into, so we’ll see what happens! Date 5 should be coming up soon :)

Good luck!

Reply January 3, 2015, 7:34 pm


Any insight here would be MUCH appreciated — here’s the scoop: I had been seeing this guy for about two weeks. He’s 30, pursuing is MBA. I’m 22, and while we were seeing each other, I was laid off from my job as an editor, and was pretty shaken up about it. Despite this occurrence, I took him up on an offer to go to his bayhouse for a day trip that upcoming weekend. We had been hanging out for about two weeks, and while he had been very good to me (i.e constant contact, paid for dates, respectful) I didn’t feel ready to sleep with him. I knew it would probably come up, and I knew that I wanted to give it more time. So, I end up staying at his place that night (we’re back in the city now). We had a (what I thought) was a really fun night with this friends and roommates, and I decided to spend the night. I got in his bed fully clothed in pajamas, he tried to take it further than making out, I respectfully declined. I told him that I’m really into him but I don’t feel ready, and he was saying a lot of nice things back. I leave in the morning for brunch, and don’t hear from him the whole day. I text him the next day, and get short, limited responses. Is it just that I didn’t sleep with him? Could that really be all that it took? We had a really balanced thing going before that, and he even encouraged me to text him more. He was kind of my unicorn, and I’m just wondering if it was a timing issue (I’m not in the best place right now, he’s super busy with school) or if he really just lost interest in me.

Reply November 29, 2014, 10:03 pm


Was this yesterday? You need more time than your story indicates to decide whether he’s cooling off lol… patience grasshopper

Reply November 29, 2014, 11:12 pm

Siobhan " Bon Bon"

This has happened to me a number of times. I hate when guys do that. It’s really not right it is so mean to treat people that way. All of a sudden you just stop calling and texting the person. Especially when everything is going great. What about when he tells you I love you I am in love with you and then all of a sudden poof no more. I will never in my life talk to a person like that again. Please stay out of my life. No girl deserves this.

Reply November 26, 2014, 2:57 pm


I’m so glad I found this post! I was talking with this guy for two weeks and he would text me constantly and call and we would talk on the phone for hours. He initiated a hang out and asked for my address to pick me up, said he was about to leave annnnddddddddd nothing. I called that night to see if he was okay and he sent me straight to vm. It was just so shady and the part that annoys me is why say you’re gonna come pick a girl up if you’re not? Haven’t heard from him since and I’m getting over him, but it definitely was a blow.

Reply November 26, 2014, 2:32 pm


I didn’t realize this happened often! This just happened to me. I met a guy six months ago on vacation, we hit it off when we got home. We talked throughout the whole summer but did not start hanging out till September. First date went really well, went out to eat and then went to sit by the lake. We stayed up till 3am talking, we didn’t even realize the time. He dropped me off and then kissed me goodbye. Second date went well as well. This time we went to go see a movie, his friends called him when we got back to my place, apparently they were all downtown. I asked why he didn’t go and whether or not he needed to leave? He said “no I told my friends I’m with you tonight.” In fact he told me his friends know that if he’s not at work or school or with them then he’s with me. So texting back and forth and snapping as usual. Third date comes along we go out and once again have a good time and we don’t realize we were up so late talking. As he was driving me home he held my hand and then we kissed good night. We talked regularly after that, and snapchatted like she usually did but then last weekend I had to work and study for a midterm so we didn’t talk for 4 days. On the fourth day I snapchatted him and he opened it so I texted him saying hey what’s up? No response…. The odd thing is he has NEVER ignored me before. He always texted me back. But I brushed it off maybe he’s busy or something. So I snapchatted him at midnight and then went to sleep. I woke up at 5am and sure enough he opened up my snap but never answered my text :s this is when I knew something’s wrong so I texted him asking him if everything’s okay etc. I normally snap a bunch of ppl through out the morning so I snapchatted him and a bunch of other ppl a video of what my dog was doing. Once again he opened up my snap but never responded to my first or second text…. Haven’t tried contacting him since. I don’t understand how we were doing so well and then he just disappears :s he stopped snapchatting in general as well, all his best friends are gone so he doesn’t respond to anyone, I was his top snapchatter as well. Maybe he’s goin through a family issue? Whatever. I’m still broken up about it I guess I just don’t understand.

Reply November 21, 2014, 1:57 am


Just had this happen to me, and I’m so confused! I met a guy on a dating app, talked for 2 weeks, then had a date. Hit it off, had a great time, immediately he asked for another date. Lots in common, laugh, have fun together. We date for 3 months. Things are going well. A few weeks ago, I just feel something is off. I trust my intuition. I waited a week, hoping he’d bring it up (he didn’t). I asked him his schedule for the week and when we could get together (knowing I had the intention of asking him in person what was going on)…and he just ignored the question and talked about his work. His contact slowed during the course of the week. At the end of the week, I realized he was disappearing and texted him apologizing for the method of communication but since we couldn’t get together that week, and I felt something was amiss…that I wondered if he was seeing other people. And that I wasn’t, and would like to spend more time with him. I didn’t mention a relationship, a committment…just asked, so that we could be on the same page. No answer. And then he was gone…I texted, I emailed asking if everything was ok…no reply. I know his cousin, so I assume she’d tell me if he was in an accident or something. No, he’s fine. After two weeks, and no response, I finally texted him and asked if I should just assume that he didn’t want to see me or talk to me anymore…and if that was the case, it would have been really nice if he had been adult about instead of disappearing. He texted back immediately no…that he was just thinking about things and he’d reply soon. “Soon” never arrived. The baffling thing to me is that he’s still keeping me as a FB friend. I just really don’t get it. I really liked him and I saw potential in this. I was taking things really slow to get to know him and make sure I wanted a relationship with HIM. And he still ghosted. Really disappointed that people lack common decency, courtesy and respect in communicating with others. It’s not like we went out for one date or even two. We had been dating for 3 months. Ugh.

Reply November 19, 2014, 3:13 pm


You say you were dating for 3 months, yet somehow the question of exclusive never came up before? It sounds like you were very sparsely seeing each other… which is not at all the same as actually dating someone for 3 months. The exclusive talk is easiest after sleeping with someone, and you don’t have to use that word, you just communicate that you’re not sleeping with anyone else and it’s ok with you if you guys see how it goes and stop seeing other people.. or something.

The way you you describe him vanishing and your reaction sounds like the way you communicate with someone you barely know. 3 Months is a lot of time and there should be at least a modicum of trust and comfort built up by then.

What i hear on boards like these tends to repeat itself. Person A is more emotionally vested, so person A places assumptions on the situation, yet because person A is an intelligent and perceptive individual, you know deep down you’re more into it- which is why the exclusive talk never comes up: FEAR of driving them away. Well sorry to say but that is not a real relationship- if there’s any chance in hell the exclusive talk will push this person out of your life… you’re not a romantic interest, you’re an option.

Don’t fall for it. Settling is for the birds. And what’s more- when you are willing to settle for less attention or investment than you want, everyone can smell it on you and you become less attractive. The answer is to realize the person you want in your life WANTS you in theirs (And i’m not saying there’s only one out there… there’s tons!). Don’t waste time with jaded serial daters, they’re a dime a dozen.

Reply November 19, 2014, 3:26 pm


We saw each other once or twice a week. We talked basically everyday, even when traveling. I know I made the mistake of not having an exclusive talk after we slept together (and no, it wasn’t until a couple of weeks and a few dates in), but I am not a serial dater and I don’t sleep around. I was trying to do things in the right way and not rush to a relationship or label it a relationship, mistakes women often do, and I have done before years ago. I felt there was a modicum of trust and comfort. He was affectionate, chivalrous, and sweet. He always texted after every date to say he had a great time.

Until the last date. Nothing bad happened. It was an afternoon date doing a fun Halloween activity.I expected that he’d stay longer after he dropped me off as it was very early evening…he didn’t. That was a red flag to me, if you’ve been physical with someone and they have something else to do. He said he had a great time. He said he’d text me when he got home. He didn’t. A few hours later, I texted him and said I had a good time and was looking forward to seeing him again soon. He answered, but something just felt off. Then the following week, when we would instant message and say hi at work…started falling off. And it continued from there.
I have been in longterm relationships for much of the last few years, and I’m newish to dating again. I wanted to make sure I did everything right. No being pushy, taking my time- getting to know someone before I rushed into a relationship. Which is what I thought I was doing. This came out of left field as I really really thought things were going well, except for the last week that I saw him in person.

And what really bothers me the most is when I did call him on it, to reply back and say no, I shouldn’t assume that we’re done, and he’d answer soon– that’s really immature and selfish. It doesn’t take 2 seconds to text and say “Ok, this isn’t working out.” It would have stung, but at least I wouldn’t be wondering what was going on.
I let my friends talk me out of confronting him much sooner than I did. I’m about communication and honesty. I thought he was too, or he would have never made it past a first or second date.

To be honest, I feel he’s been seeing other people, which hey, was his prerogative if he desired as we weren’t serious, and we were just dating. BUT we *were* dating for months. I realize it was getting to the point where decisions were going to have to be talked about, but I wasn’t pushing for that. So I figure he met someone else he liked better, got back with his ex…whatever. It would have been nice to have learned he was done from him, and not radio silence. Heck, lie to me- tell me it’s you and not me…anything is better than nothing.

Reply November 19, 2014, 4:04 pm


And funny enough, he texted over the weekend. Haven’t talked it out but a bit of it seems to have been work stress. I’ll listen to the excuse *ahem, reason* and see if it warrants a second chance. If not, oh well. Lesson learned.

Reply November 24, 2014, 2:06 pm


Your analysis of women’s fear of driving men away, and the deeper awareness of why is spot on. I just did that… failed to initiate honest conversation…and the end came fast and rather painfully. He disappeared with a riddle of a text message that I dont have the interest in trying to decode. I’m newly divorced and rather new to dating so all of these games are new to me, Alas, I will not make that mistake again. I will speak up when things feel off, not by text but face to face. This texting business is so juvenile. Nor will I hang around with a man who is not reciprocating my attention and affection. Lesson learned.

Reply June 25, 2015, 8:57 am


Well here goes my story, I was going through a breakup from a guy who was emotionally abusive towards me and decided to go in a dating site for a rebound a guy who wasn’t that much my typed messaged me and he seemed different from all the other guys I dated in the past so I gave it a shot, we met at a book store and walked around the park the first time we met it was nice but when he said goodbye he side hugged me and ran off I thought he wasn’t interested in me so I let it pass, he texts me the next day to ask to see me before he goes away on a family vacation for the next two weeks I was too busy to see him then so he ended up going on his family vacation and I thought I would never here from him again he contacts me the second he gets back to see me which I was very surprise he still remembered me and wanted to see me we went out in our second date it was nice, on the third date he explained to me he has a very serious case of OCD and anxiety disorder and that was part of the reason why he ran off the day we first met due to an episode he had, I am not the person to judge because my brother had autism and I have a good understanding when it comes to mental disorders. We been seeing each other for few months and he introduced me to his family and friends and this has been the first time a guy ever has introduced me to their loved ones and I felt special and flatter. Eventually I wanted to deign what I was having with him since if he’s not seeing anyone else and I am not seeing anyone else and I met his family and we see each other so often I think it’s time even knowing when he told me his last relationship was four years ago and his longest relationship was only for a few months I still wanted a label. I opened up to him on halloween the way I was feeling he said he really likes that he would like to continue seeing me but can’t so the relationship label. I was ok with it and we cuddled and kiss till I got home, he texted me right after to seri got home safe and everything seemed great, until he started a new job the day after the talk I had with him. I texted him good luck at the job the night before he started he says thanks :), then I didn’t reply till a few days later to see how he was doing we texted back and forth a bit then he stopped, he then texts me two days later to see how I was doing I told him I been going through some stress and all he says was you need anything I am always here for you to talk, this was the first time since we been dating that not once he initiated to see me at all that weekend or anything just texting back and forth and him replying every few hours, I texted him the day after to ask about his weekend then texts me over a day later to say it was good how about you I replied same good weekend also then after that poof never texts me again barely see him on Facebook anymore literally pulled a ghost on me I never been so confused about something like this in my life and I just have this emptiness inside and I can’t stop myself from crying, why couldn’t he just tell me from the last time I saw him he doesn’t want to see me anymore, why text me first then slowly drift away, why drop me when I accepted all his flaws and try to comfort him Everytime he had an episode, why let me meet your family and friends when I wasn’t anything serious to you, all these questions stuck in my head like glue and no answers, I know that it takes time to move on but really how can a person just be heartless and cruel like that

Reply November 16, 2014, 12:43 pm


its been two weeks, and I hadnt hit him up after he bailed on me cause of family troubles and he hasnt hit me up either. Its hurts but just got to move on I guess…

Reply December 12, 2014, 6:13 pm


So in a situation where you have a talk and you give him an ultimátum, he decides he wants to work things out he doesn’t want to break up, he would just like me to make it interesting again like before? He wants me to motivate him? What the heck does that mean? To show up at his house in costume lingerie? Lol I’ve tried looking up new restaursnts, walks to the park I just don’t know what direction to go towards, what does it mean when a guy asks you to make it interstitial again?

Reply November 7, 2014, 12:24 pm



Here’s an example of what you guys are talking about from the guy’s point of view. Now in this case I have not faded out completely, but I have lost interest in her, and since I don’t know any of you I’m going to be TOTALLY honest lol.

– met her on Tinder. talked back and forth etc, had a wonderful phone chat before meeting up. we seemed to have a ton of interests in common, so we set a first date.

– first date was a carnival. it was an awesome first date, wonderful kiss at the end, we had a great time. She talked very fast and quite a bit, but said she was nervous so that’s ok. Only BAD thing about the first date is she is a tiny bit heavier than her pictures (but since she is super gorgeous in the pics she still is plenty gorgeous in person).

– lots of texting after the date, etc. she texted me straight up to ask if i was religious, what are my politics, and do i want kids and how many. This weirded me out but i like this girl, she’s exotic, very successful, speaks fluent French and just all around cool, she’s also funny! so answer the questions and give her the benefit of the doubt.

– second date rolls around. good times at a nice restaurant… she’s still talking quite a bit and i’m starting to notice… having to manufacture interest in the conversation sometimes since i don’t really get a turn to talk. one of her favorite topics is preventative medicine, along with medical horror stories about friends and even offers me some advice on vitamins etc. I do not use medicine, i think it’s a plague in this country, and i think we are vastly over medicated in general- i’m quite fit and healthy and believe myself to be healthier without it.

– big halloween party at my friend’s place after dinner… holding conversation becoming a little more difficult. Where is the girl i talked to on the phone? can’t seem to find any interests in common, she doesn’t ever ask me questions or seem remotely curious in the things i think about. i offer up some stories here and there, talk about stuff i’m passionate about… she nods and smiles and waits for her turn to talk.

by midnight i’m totally exhausted, i feel uncomfortable in her presence. i’m a good actor so she can probably tell i’m tired but i’m not cranky or anything, still all smiles and laughing. she was a 9 when i met her now she’s a 6 at most… i’m noticing physical details i don’t like and i realize this is because my attraction to her personality is slipping.

ANNNNNNNND it’s gone. just like that. i was EXTREMELY into this girl… but the first date glow went up in smoke on the second date. i’m not sure if she even realizes but we are talking less. have a movie night tentatively scheduled… i have zero intention on trying to sleep with her, since i don’t see a future in it.

So there it is, everything that happened, and my little story about how i was totally dazzled by a beautiful girl i met on tinder, and the magic wore off completely.

Reply November 4, 2014, 3:51 am


Thanks BLaw. What a shame it didn’t work out. May I suggest that in the future you find some way to give your prospective women the pointer that you don’t appreciate women who have the gift of gab, rather than waste each other’s time or hurt anyone feelings. Perhaps you were feeling she was a bit narcissist for your comfort level and was going to be too much work for you. It could be that she’s used to being around passive, shy guys who were good listeners. I’d give the both of you one more chance – she how she controls herself on “movie” night – see if she lets you watch the movie. But you owe it to both of you to tell her she needs to slow down and let you get a word or two in because you’re not a simpleton and also like to talk. By date 6, if there is one, if she hasn’t somehow shown you how she appreciates your company and made you feel good about yourself, tell her you’ve lost interest because another woman has come into the picture who likes to hear you talk about yourself and things you like and she gets you and you “click.” That should make her think long and hard, maybe enough for date 7 but be sure to compliment her when you see she’s letting you get a word in and explain why that means so much to you. I’m not being sarcastic. She probably doesn’t see how this is such a turn off factor to you. At least she doesn’t sound like drama for you if you are emotionally available and not in crisis. Good luck. And ladies pay attention or you’ll lose his attention – men like to talk too if you’re going to make their ears bleed. Come up for air, take a couple of deep breaths, give him a minute to think about what you just said if he’s a slow responder – don’t jump around the place running circles around him. Keep it under control.

Reply November 4, 2014, 6:28 am


Well Said, Ruby!!!

Reply November 4, 2014, 6:38 am


Thanks for sharing a male perspective. You said it all in the first few sentences: you lost interest. This is why guys disappear. “They are not that into you” if they do the fade contacting you. It is really that simple.

Reply November 4, 2014, 8:28 am


You’re right- but losing interest is sometimes the result of sabotage… if you don’t demonstrate that you are curious about the other person’s life, they will probably get bored with you.

Now in her defense 90% of the ladies i meet bore me to tears, but i’m a creative artist/author/geek so the regular people just don’t cut the mustard (same w my guy friends).

Still, talking without listening is never a good thing. It will cost you both friendships and relationships.

Reply November 19, 2014, 3:32 pm


I am sorry it didn’t pan out. Interesting perspective…I like what you said up there. I have had guys “ghost” on me. Later when i really thought about it, it probably would not have worked. I like what you said up there… Time can move the relationship either way… as we get to know people, we either like them more or like them less… Its nothing personal.

Reply March 6, 2016, 4:59 am


I met this guy about a month ago and we connected instantly… we would text everyday, went on this amazing date, and talk about catching up after I finished exams! I knew he really wanted to see me. Last week I couldn’t talk to him that much as I was studying a lot and then I asked to catch up with him this week and he said sure thing and I messaged him what day he was free and he didn’t reply… I haven’t heard from him in 4 days! I know he’s been extremely busy with work and it’s been going well for him but that didn’t stop him in the earlier weeks! Could someone please help explain to me what could possibly be going on??!

Reply November 4, 2014, 3:37 am


If he wanted to reach out to you, he would have. It takes 2 seconds to respond someone and he didn’t do that for you. Chalk it up to one good date and keep fishing. He isn’t the guy for you.

Reply November 4, 2014, 8:29 am


I met a guy on an online dating website (needless to say, profile is now closed…). We chatted for a month, he would phone me and we would talk for hours non-stop…it was going great! We then started seeing each other and hit it off from the get go!! I remember last conversation where he told me he misses me and our conversations…..then a day later he went M.I.A…I tried to phone him (not realizing this is actually him disappearing)…2 days later I told myself well, I will not allow any man to do this to me….sure I cried for an hour, then dressed up, phoned my friends, poured my heart out and here I am still mad as hell at him, but obviously he was not the one and I decided that I am worth much more than the way he treated me / handled the situation…I did however, knowing that he wouldn’t reply) sent him a farewell message just to give myself that final peace of mind….

Reply November 4, 2014, 2:06 am


Did he ever reply to you after you sent the farewell message?

Reply November 15, 2014, 9:11 pm


No….but I felt better….and I know I deserve better….

Reply November 21, 2014, 2:41 pm


After when I read your story and everyone else’s on here I decided to hit my guy up and tell him the truth saying hey I miss hanging out with you he never even replied back to me but yet he’s been on Facebook since that text I sent him, it hurts but gives me closure to I guess everyone here deserves someone better including me cause the guys who tend to just run away and not confront are the most cowards lessons learn.

Reply November 21, 2014, 7:02 pm


They are definitely the biggest cowards that exist!!!! You do deserve the best and you will find it….good luck dear!!

November 24, 2014, 2:48 am


funny, update: he texted me later on after I posted this comment saying yeah sorry.. been crazy busy.. literally just like that, I replied a day later well me too, since we are both crazy busy whenever we are free we can hang out again. since then he never replied again its awhile now hes too busy to text me back but go on facebook all the time ok. like he wasnt interested in me cant just tell me point blank instead of leaving me hanging #douchebag

November 24, 2014, 1:55 pm


Just remember…..people always make time if something is important to them….so that really is one lame excuse from his side….forget about him, the right one will come and make you forget about all the bad things of the past….keep strong and don’t bother wasting one more second on this guy!!!!

November 25, 2014, 4:52 pm


He texted me two days later, again to see whether I was available to hang out this week, I had not replied yet since he doesnt take his time to respond to me, at the end of the day I am keeping my options open I might see him this week, but at the other side I am going to see other people as well..

November 25, 2014, 6:04 pm


This has just happened to me and I have to say I’m finding it hard because I’m usually so cautious. But he was so persistent. He messaged me every single day for 10 months. He would email me at work, Skype me 2-3 times a week and we would talk for hours. He was living abroad for a few months but started making plans for us for when he got back. He booked tickets for an event 6 months ahead of time. I kept pulling back but he kept stepping up and making the grand gestures – he flew back on the spur of the moment to surprise me. I went out to visit him twice and he made so much effort, planning stuff for us to do, taking me out, remembering things I said I liked and surprising me. On his birthday he said he couldn’t wait to spend his next birthday with me. I started to let my guard down and he made me feel so comfortable and so loved and we had so much fun. The 2 days before he was supposed to spend the weekend with me and a month before he was due to move back for good, I got a message saying he didn’t know how to say this but at the moment he thought it would be best if he didn’t see me that weekend and that he knew it was completely out of the blue and unfair but he was sorry. So I replied saying ok but asked for him to give me an explanation when he was ready and I hoped he was ok (by the way I was totally devastated.) He replied almost straight away saying Yes of course. I’m ok… I think. I never heard from him again. I sent him another message a few weeks later saying I was going to stop waiting for an explanation but I hope his move back went well and take care etc. We’re still friends on FB (should I block/delete?!!) and I can see he’s now back in the UK but I’ve heard nothing. Maybe I missed the signals in the days before he sent me the message, maybe I finally relaxed and felt this was something that was going to last and didn’t realise he wasn’t on the same page. I don’t know. But thank you for this article… to know it wasn’t just me. That you do get through it.

Reply November 2, 2014, 3:16 pm


It happened to me a month ago! I wish I would have read this sooner! We dated for 6 months. He pushed for a commited relationship around month 4, but also said he never wants kids or marriage. He became very jealous, and controlling. Also, he suffers from ocd, so I wonder what role that played in all of it. After his seemingly perfect birthday weekend he told me he “was done”, he still cared, but he wanted to be alone for awhile…that it may make him “appreciate me more”. He said I was the only girl who he ever felt protective and jealous over, but didn’t want to be together. He sent very mixed signals during our last conversation. I had no idea what to think. A week later he told me he wanted to try to work things out with his ex girlfriend. I had one bad day of anger text messages, one email of peace making (not begging or trying to get back together) but I am done with contact now. Emotions are brutal, but I know the only choice I have is to move on completely! The thoughts still haunt me. Will he contact me? Is he happy with his ex? Does he miss me? How could he do this? …but at the end of the day I know I will never get the answers, and view it all as a learning experience to make my next relationship better!

Reply November 1, 2014, 12:54 am


he found my profile on professional network and added me. then we talk on whatsapp till he asked me to visit him . i just thought it would be great experience to go out of my country and visit him. after my divorced i rather shut my self. hes. a good looking guy, 7years younger . things were awesome and we spent two weekend at his place.
but then he start keeping his distance as he started new business. no more hello and cold response till i found out accidently on facebook ,another gal posting a pic of her and him in car , and she kissing his cheek. it was shocking and hurtful.
he said theyre only fren. but then i found other pic after.. grrrrr
we keep argued since, as he keep saying theyre only friends. its been two months and we still having bad communication..
but then he started talking about spending weekend in an island. im very confuse on what he want.
he said he dont want to in any commitment as hes too busy with his business..
i step back and try to leave him but he always pull me back .. and its really not comfy to keep thinking whether hes seeing her still or not. and he always asked me to stop talking about it.
if hes not wanting me why he still keeping.. and still want to meet me ?
grrr sometimes i think hes playing me around,,but i cant seems to let him go. stupid me :(

Reply October 31, 2014, 1:59 pm


I am entering this comment under an alias just to be careful and avoid the guy i am writing this about from seeing it. I as well met a man on tinder. He was very straight forward and i liked that about him. He never hid his interest in seeing me as soon as he could. We ended up meeting and pretty soon a pattern developed. We would meet, hook up, and then go our separate ways. I am a virgin so this was all new territory for me. I would’ve never gone along with that had I not thought this dude was something else. but I’m really not into games or being passive aggressive, so I called him out on it. On the not texting me until he was ready to see me, on the just flat out ignoring the texts I would send him. His response?
“Just be a good girl. Do you wanna keep doing what we are doing?”
Dropped the guy as fast as i could. Basically, even when you do get the “closure”, or just A answer, it almost always leaves you feeling as confused as if he had just vanished and never said why.

Guys are dumb. Not all of them, but most of them are spineless douchebags. The beating yourself up about WHY he left is a pointless phase you just gotta get through. And then you’ll find another new guy you can try and spin something great out of.

Reply October 27, 2014, 11:35 pm


Smith, I just had to respond to your comment!!! Do you live in London? If you do, then it is possible that I may know the guy you referred to in your comment!!! Why???? My instincts strongly tell me it’s the same guy I met on Tinder.
He is well educated and fun to be…. However is the worst passive aggressor ever!!!! It’s almost like a push and pull game with him…. One minute, all fun and loving …. The next is silent treatments and ignoring texts.
Thank God, I never slept with him…!!! The truth is that passive aggressors wanted to be wanted…they love the attention their childish behaviour gets them. When they switch on the silent mode, women ten to text and call more and that way they bask in that attention. I learnt that pretty fast and stopped texting and let him do the chasing…! That quickly his interest! I have known him since June but will not sleep with him till I am certain He is sincere and committed to us being together…. Truthfully, it may a long time coming!!!
However, I know Every girl remembers her first but don’t feel bad….. The fact of the matter is some people fix themselves by breaking others!!! You should only feel sorry for them cause they really are sad and lonely inside and their theatrics is really a weak cry for Help!!!!
Don’t give up, Girl…..Love is Out There waiting for you!!!!

Reply October 29, 2014, 9:54 am


I met this guy on tinder 6 months ago. At the time I just wanted to get back out there and date. He wasn’t from my area so I figured free dinner and nice conversation! Well, the date went really well and one thing led to another… You know how it goes. I saw him again memorial day weekend and we kept in almost daily contact until almost a week ago. The worst part is we made a plan for me to visit him this weekend (my ticket is for tomorrow) and because he hasn’t returned any of my texts, I’m cancelling my trip. I feel cheated. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. But I did find someone I cared about, still care about. I don’t know what happened but it’s a horrible way to treat a person, nevermind someone you’re sexually/emotional whatever involved with. He told me he cared about me. Was that a lie? About a month ago my grandmother passed away. He was more than there for me. He reached out constantly, asking about me, my parents, etc. I’m having a hard time reconciling THIS guy (the guy I knew for the last 6 months) and the guy who just up and disappeared. I have to end it tonight by sending one last message letting him know I cancelled the trip. He’s not an idiot so I can’t believe he would think I’m still going but I feel it’s something I should do. He’s not my boyfriend. But there was a connection. I never thought he was this person. How could I be so wrong?!

Reply October 22, 2014, 3:09 pm


My dream guy came to me and was eager to talk to me and I was very hesitant to talk to him because I have been single for two years and when he came in my life trying to really get to know me I couldn’t let him down. So we talked all day even when he was at work. We would talk all night until the morning and he’ll call me when he got up and we would talk all day. We lived long distance but we would tango and oovoo each other every now and then. He would tell me everything and we would laugh and we only had two arguments but it wasn’t bad at all. Long story short he disappeared on me after we had texted Saturday evening. An it’s been 4 days since he texted me or called me. I did call him and text him but no reply . I cried two days straight and moped all 4 days not coming from my room. I can’t let go because he met my dad and no guy has ever met my dad and brother and got along with them. We talked about the future and how he was coming to see me in nov. And 3 months later he will leave on our 5 month anniversary. It hurts but I felt a feeling over come me and I just instantly felt better. I don’t know what it was but I guess I’ll know later. But like all women you can’t get over something that was really good and you can’t let go because it was a good relationship you’ve had from other guys. Well I think it’s only me but that’s why I can’t let him go just yet. I’m not going to contact him I’m just going to wait and see.

Reply October 22, 2014, 2:56 am


i’ve met this guy in Tinder, we chatted for almost a month, all the time, about everything… He said he’d love to meet me in person, but I had to go abroad for work for about two weeks, so we planned a date right after that. Meanwhile we kept chatting on whatsapp, he stayed up ’till 5am in the morning to talk to me because of the time difference, and when I got back we went out as planned. The date went very well, we went for a drink, a movie and another drink, we were talking and it was just like we’ve known each other for ages. He walked me home and we hugged on my doorstep. I haven’t heard from him ever since. He totally disappeared. I wrote him “Hi” on whatsapp but he never replied.
I really don’t understand. He was the one suggesting this could lead to something more while we were chatting, he even told me what he wanted to do for our second, even third date… He talked about things we could do together after retiring (!) and that he’d love to have me around until then…
I was just being myself, just like we were chatting on whatsapp, I don’t think I’ve been pushy or anything, I just went with the flow… I felt we were having a great time and that he didn’t want it to end (we stayed in the pub until we were asked to go because it was closing). He kept smiling at me and so…
This is driving me crazy…

Reply October 20, 2014, 6:49 am


You only went out once. He decided after that he wasn’t that into pursuing it further. Don’t sweat it. Get back on Tinder and keep dating til you find someone.

Reply October 22, 2014, 9:38 am


after all that he went for the hug but not the kiss. unfortunately this sounds like he decided the physical vibe/attraction just wasn’t there. 10 years of texting and chatting can be dispelled after 10 seconds with a person if you just don’t feel that personal connection face to face; and it’s really about more than just attraction, people have a way about them, and it might just make you uncomfortable, like someone’s energy is just not at all what you expected. Lesson learned here would be NEVER put too much into something before you have had a chance to meet someone and really feel whether you click in person, it’s easy to get hurt that way.

Reply October 22, 2014, 11:40 am


Goodness. What you are experiencing is totally what happen to me now.
like you, i too, need closure from the guy. If he is not interested anymore, then just say it. Dont let someone like us to be baffled by all those question.

Once we got the answer, we can move on.

Anyhow. I really hope you will be strong and then if he still doesnt answer your text or clarify his stands, please, just move on and never text him again. That is what i am doing right now. Trying to get over him and open my heart for someone else.

Reply October 17, 2014, 2:51 pm


I met him and we both liked each other and we hit it off. It was nice and we connected very well. we met again and he surprised me with a nice phone and then after that he went distant and he could not talk, text back and i thot may be he needed some alone time. I later realised he wasnt interested at all and its very painful. was the gift meant to say good bye? am really confused please help.

Reply October 16, 2014, 8:38 am


i am currently suffering the vanishing act this guy has been pulling on me for a while now.
the first time we met was magical, it was a fairytale, my freinds keep saying it was like love at first sight. we felt such strong attraction that we were both baffled. he made such an effort to ask me out and to show me and everyone how much he liked me. he went all out, swept me of my feet and made me the happiest girl in the world. he was from germany and it was summer vacation so he had to go back but he promised me he would make an effort and that distance won’t break our relationship but then all of a sudden he started pulling away and minimizing contact. i didn’t understand what was going on at first, i admit i panicked and did all the things i wasn’t supposed to do like texting him and giving him attention, i thought of every single excuse why he wasn’t texting me back or calling ( busy with work, family issues .. ), i blamed myself for everything and thought am i not good enough? did i get too clingy? did i nag too much? maybe i cared about him too much or maybe i was focused on what he liked and didn’t show him the real me.. my self-esteem and confidance hit rock bottom and i started doubting myself and hating myself. after reading your articles everything started making sense to me that he lost interest and i realized he doesn’t like me that much anymore. i stoped texting him and i moved on, i detached myself from him and all the memories. for a month i didn’t talk to him the decided to text him blaming him for his unkept promisses( again my bad!!) but still he ignored me. again. the thing is, i know i deserve more and i know i don’t like him that much anymore because of what he did but to be treated this way just hurts on a deep level. now i need to work with the damage; thank you so much for helping me see this and helping me move on! i must say that you’ve been an amazing help :)

Reply October 13, 2014, 4:48 pm


I think the explanation for what happened in your situation is actually simple. He has a girlfriend in his hometown. He went on vacation planning on having a nice fling. He may have told you differently; who knows, maybe he even thought he would continue the relationship once vacation was over. But, in the end, it’s nothing you did wrong. He probably went into it knowing he was going to pull the plug when he went home. As painful as that realization is, it may give you closure to realize his behavior is not your fault and not because of something you did.

Reply October 17, 2014, 3:02 pm


I’ve been through the fadeout before. And I’m currently going through one now. I’m trying to get him to just talk to me and explain what’s happening, because he’s just not making it clear.

Been dating for a few months, everything is fine, but roughly 3wks ago it was like a switch flicked and he changed overnight. He’s become really cold towards me and it’s gotten to the point where I cannot take it anymore because it’s bought back my major depression again. I just have a feeling there’s something more that’s happened and he’s not being honest with me at all. And he knows I need honesty.

I’ve been trying to get