Let’s talk about when a guy isn’t interested in you anymore. First, ouch! This one really stings and if you’re in this situation, I feel for you.
Let’s start at the beginning. It seemed to be going so well!
He was obviously crazy about you and everything just felt right. Then something shifted … his behavior changed and you don’t know why.
Maybe this happened after going out on a few dates… maybe after a period of flirting where you felt sure this was building up to something … but then it just didn’t.
Maybe he’s just busy with work or school or dealing with personal issues or needs some space because you’ve been spending all your time together.
You’re not sure if you’re just being insecure, or if he really just isn’t interested in you anymore.
How can you tell the difference? It’s really not that hard.
If he’s losing interest, you’ll notice some of the following 11 signs.
The Biggest Signs A Guy Isn’t Interested In You Anymore
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
1. You feel it in your gut
Something just doesn’t feel right. You feel insecure and unsure of yourself, and that’s not typically like you. You question his motives.
If you’re wondering and analyzing and asking your friends for their opinions about his behavior, it’s a good sign your gut is telling you he’s losing interest.
When a man likes you, it’s obvious. If you have to ask yourself whether or not he still likes you, the answer is probably no.
The exception to this is if you know you’re insecure by nature and expect a man you’re dating to lose interest. This can be heavily influenced by previous relationships, or the result of low self-esteem. If this is the case, you may be seeing signs that aren’t there and your gut might not be completely reliable.
If you know this is the case, still listen to your gut but take it with a grain of salt and make sure to pay extra attention the following 10 signs.
2. He’s just not as interested in what you have to say
He used to pay attention when you talked and remember the small details, but now it’s like his eyes glaze over when you’re talking and later he’ll blank out on conversations you know you had with him.
A guy who’s interested will pay close attention to what you say and will remember what’s important to you. When we like someone, we gobble up everything they say. We can’t get enough, we want to hear everything, even the most inane details.
If a guy isn’t interested anymore, he won’t ask you as many questions and won’t try to engage in meaningful conversations. When a guy likes you, he wants to discover the real you and connect with you on a deep level.
3. He doesn’t initiate
Are you always the one reaching out? Did he used to make plans or make sure to get you locked down for Friday night, but now if you want to see him you’re always the one who has to contact him first?
This is a huge sign he’s losing interest. If a man is into you, he will make time for you. That means he’s not going to leave it to chance or leave it to you to make it happen. And he will stay in touch with you. He isn’t just going to sit back and wait for you to come to him.
When a guy isn’t interested anymore you’ll notice a dramatic decrease in the amount of calls and texts from him. When we like someone, we want to keep in contact. When a guy likes you, he’s always thinking about you and that’s why he reaches you- he’ll send you funny memes or interesting articles. Him staying in touch is also a way to keep himself on your mind.
However, it is important to note that as a relationship gets more settled, you probably won’t engage in all day texting marathons because that isn’t sustainable, so look at this in the context of the other signs.
4. He doesn’t prioritize you
All of a sudden he’s busy with work … he has to catch up with a friend … he has to go to the gym… something is always more important than you.
When you first started dating, if you made plans it was basically set in stone. Now he’s started canceling on you more and more, and the excuses are getting flimsier and flimsier.
Every now and then stuff comes up, and we all have to cancel on friends and loved ones. Life happens. But how often is this happening? It needs to be the exception, not the rule. When a guy likes a girl, he won’t flake unless he has a really good reason.
If it feels like he’s canceling on you because something “better” came up, it’s a definite sign he’s losing interest. If a guy likes a girl he would never risk this because he doesn’t want to lose her. If a guy is indifferent toward you … then he won’t care about the consequences of canceling last minute.
5. You’re the only one putting in any effort
You feel like if you stopped putting in the effort, you would never see him again. You’re always reaching out first, you’re always initiating plans. He may respond to your messages and may agree to hang out, but he isn’t proactive at all when it comes to you.
If you stopped reaching out to him, you would basically never hear from him. A good litmus test for this is to look at the way he was in the beginning of the relationship and compare that to how he’s acting now. The shift will be more dramatic than just settling into relationship normalcy.
6. He’s spending a lot less time with you
He used to save the weekends for you but now he always has something going on.
Keep in mind that things can be really hot and heavy at the beginning, but as time goes on it’s probably natural for him to start to back off a tiny bit in terms of how much time you’re spending together. He’ll start to miss his friends and want to hang out with the guys sometimes. This is healthy.
Don’t panic if he occasionally wants to do something else on the weekends when up until that point you’d been spending every weekend together. It’s usually not sustainable or healthy for a couple to spend every minute together, even when they’re crazy about each other.
But if you feel like he’s spending considerably less time with you and it’s bothering you, this could be a sign he’s losing interest.
7. He cuts your time together short
He’s still spending time with you and taking you on dates, but he’s always ready to end the evening.
A man who’s crazy about you isn’t going to want to get home early, or plan other things that mean you spend a short amount of time together and then he has to get to something else.
And a man who’s interested isn’t going to say he can’t when you invite him in after a nice dinner together because he has to get to work early in the morning.
As I said, there are always exceptions! You need to listen to your gut. If everything else feels right and he’s been working really hard and is exhausted, then sure, he may not want to come in one night.
But if something feels off and it’s becoming a habit and there’s no end in sight, he might be losing interest.
8. His body language changes
When someone likes you, it’s written all over them, from their eyes to the way they angle their feet.
A guy’s mannerisms around a woman he likes are different. He stares at her, he leans in, he angles his body facing directly in front of her, he may get a little shifty due to nervous energy. If he’s no longer doing these things… and instead, he doesn’t make eye contact, doesn’t stare at you, turns his body away from you, is tense around you, doesn’t sit close to you … then it means he’s losing interest in you
Another sign is he doesn’t flirt with you. He just kind of treats you the same as everyone else.
9. He’s going for long stretches without contact
Is he not staying in touch with you when one of you goes out of town for a week? Has it been three days and you haven’t heard a word from him?
This isn’t a good sign. If you’ve only been on a few dates this might be normal, but if you’ve been dating for a while then he’s not going to disappear for days at a time unless he’s losing interest.
A man who’s interested wants to know what’s going on in your life, and he wants to tell you what’s going on in his. A man who’s interested will miss you when you’re not around.
10. He doesn’t react when you talk about other guys
Maybe you notice his interest is waning, so you try to elicit a reaction by mentioning other guys (this is never a good plan, btw, if you feel that you need to make a guy jealous to find out if he cares about you … then he most likely doesn’t)…. and he doesn’t bat an eyelash. “Oh, you’ve been hanging out with Mike? That’s great, he’s an awesome guy” – and he isn’t saying this sarcastically, he really means it.
Men are competitive by nature. If you mention other guys and he has no reaction, he doesn’t even get a little jealous, it’s a major telltale sign that he’s no longer interested.
11. It’s going nowhere
You’re just in a bit of a holding pattern- the relationship has no momentum and is not really going anywhere.
So why is he still in it? Because it’s comfortable and for now, it’s easier to just stay where he is than deal with an uncomfortable breakup. He also probably has some feelings for you … just not the kind that makes him want to be in a relationship. But he also doesn’t want to totally lose you … so he lingers.
When a guy is losing interest, the momentum will usually go backward.
What To Do If Your Guy Is Losing Interest
So you’re pretty sure he’s losing interest … now, what can you do to reverse it? Well, you can’t make someone love you or badger them into feeling a certain way. But there are some things you can do to get the relationship back on course.
1. Give him space
Don’t contact him, just back off and give him some space. He might just be dealing with something that has nothing to do with you and you’ll only make things worse if you pressure him and badger him into opening up about what’s going on.
If you back off and then just don’t hear from him, he most likely isn’t interested in you anymore.
Don’t chase after him whatever you do. It won’t re-ignite his interest, and instead, will only push him farther away and make you feel foolish. (Read this article for more on how to give a guy space so he comes back.)
2. Ask him if you must
No response is a pretty clear response … but if you need more closure and clarity, you can ask him directly.
You can say you’ve noticed a shift in him, is anything going on? Or you can tell him you’ve really enjoyed hanging out with him, but it seems like he doesn’t anymore, is that the case?
Phrase it any way that feels most comfortable for you. But I wouldn’t go in with such high expectations.
3. Focus on yourself
Rejection hurts, there is no way to avoid that. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and do things you enjoy and that make you feel good.
Spend time with friends and family. Go shopping, treat yourself to a spa day, go on a hike, try a new exercise class- anything that will renew and rejuvenate you.
4. Remember you will be OK
If he isn’t interested in you, then it just means he’s not the right guy for you … or maybe he is and the timing is off. Either way, it’s not personal, so don’t turn this situation into evidence about how bad and unlovable you are.
You were fine before him, you’ll be fine after him, and you will find someone else who likes you just as much as you like them … and you’ll just know. You won’t be full of questions and doubts. It will be clear and obvious.
A Quick Note About Interest
Before we end, I want to offer some clarity on what we mean when we talk about a man’s “interest.”
When defined, what most women mean by “interested” is: Interested in creating and participating in the type of relationship I want…
Now not every woman is looking for marriage and babies right at this moment. And some are.
But the majority of the time, the woman is looking for a guy that wants to create and build a relationship with her … to know her and experience her more deeply, to want to experience more things together, to want to share more and have her know him more. A man who wants to deepen their connection because he sees a future with her in it.
They are creating something together and moving in the same direction … a direction of love, depth, understanding, and partnership.
But most of the time women don’t even consider this because they assume that’s just what having a boyfriend leads to. They think that’s what a relationship is supposed to be … but does he know that? Does he want what you want?
Because if he doesn’t, you’ll just be a convenient, warm, comfortable companion to spend time with (and if you’re lucky, have good sex with too), but that’s all it will be. It won’t materialize into anything because that wasn’t the frequency you were operating on from the get-go. You didn’t select someone who wants what you want.
The point here is you need to be selective. You need to exercise your power of choice and choose someone who wants what you want.
When we talk about is he interested, aren’t we really asking: does he want what I want? Is this going to lead where I want it to go or am I wasting my time?
If you’re already this far down the pike, yeah, there’s going to be an emotional investment into the guy, but… if you’ve already driven 100 miles in the wrong direction… wouldn’t you appreciate finding that out ASAP before you drive another 100 miles further?
Get clear and if he’s willfully not interested in things going in the direction you’re looking for, it might be time to pick a new direction for yourself and, perhaps soon enough, you’ll find a new person who’s happily heading in the same direction as you… and this time, you’ll know to see it.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
In summary …
These Are The Biggest Signs A Guy Isn’t Interested In You Anymore:
- You feel it in your gut
- He’s just not as interested in what you have to say
- He doesn’t initiate
- He doesn’t prioritize you
- You’re the only one putting in any effort
- He’s spending a lot less time with you
- He cuts your time together short
- His body language changes
- He’s going for long stretches without contact
- He doesn’t react when you talk about other guys
- It’s going nowhere