Here’s a common scenario: you have a guy friend who is starting to feel like more than a friend, but you’re not sure if he feels the same. As far as you’re concerned you have great chemistry, really enjoy each other, and get along great … everything just seems to click.
Maybe this is a guy you’ve known for a while, or maybe you just met him. Either way, it feels like more than friendship, at least to you. And you just want to know what’s going on and what his deal is and if he has real feelings for you as well.
You don’t want to come right out and ask because then you risk ruining the friendship and making things awkward. But you can’t quite shake the feeling that your romantic interest isn’t one-sided.
Should you get your hopes up? Here are 21 of the biggest signs that he definitely feels something more:
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21 Biggest Signs He Likes You More Than a Friend:
1. He wants to know your story
When a guy likes you, he can’t get enough. He wants to know everything about you—every scar, every triumph, and every tragedy. It isn’t that men can’t have totally platonic friendships with women and be interested in them, too.
But when a man is interested in a woman romantically, how much he wants to know her reaches a completely different level, and the way he approaches learning her story will just feel different.
Does he press for more details about something that happened to you when you make an offhand remark? Almost like he wants to remember it like you do, like he was there? This means he wants to really understand your experiences and how they made you who you are.
A guy isn’t going to want quite this level of intimacy from just a friend. If he’s engaging with you in a way that feels like he’s aiming for a deeper emotional connection, it’s a sign he views you as more than a friend.
2. He initiates contact
Men show who they are and what they want with actions, not words. If he has you in the friend zone, he might stay in touch and hang out with you, but he isn’t going to be the one initiating all the contact and get-togethers, and he won’t be doing it consistently.
If he’s always the one to initiate conversations, either by calling or texting or approaching you in person when he sees you, this means he’s drawn to you and he doesn’t want to leave having a connection with you up to chance.
There are two important caveats to this.
First, the contact has to be often. If he’s reaching out once a month, then sure, he doesn’t want to lose contact with you for some reason, but this isn’t a sign of romantic interest. Maybe you’re in the same business as him, and this is how he networks. Or maybe he considers you a casual friend that he wants to keep. But a man who is interested in more than friendship will reach out often.
The second caveat is that he can’t just be initiating contact by calling or texting or running into you, he has to eventually be setting up face-to-face meetings, too. A man who is not trying to see you in person is not a man who is interested in you romantically
A man who is interested in you romantically will not leave it up to you to call or text, he will initiate that contact regularly himself, and he will follow up by pursuing face-to-face meetings.
3. The way he talks to you is different
If you’re unsure how he feels about you, watch the way he is with others and compare that to the way he is around you.
Is he more attentive with you, softer and less “macho?” Does he smile more often and is he more responsive when you speak? A man who wants to be more than friends with a woman generally isn’t going to talk to her like one of the guys, because he doesn’t view her as one of the guys.
Watch especially how he talks with other women you know. Does he maintain a lot of eye contact with them? Ask them a lot of follow-up questions? Show through his body language—turning towards them, smiling a lot, frequent touching—that he’s interested in them? If he’s not doing those types of things with other women, but you notice him doing them with you, it’s a clear sign he wants to be more than friends.
4. He can’t keep his hands off you
When a man like you, he’s going to want to be as close to you as possible, and that means touching you. Not in a gross, aggressive, inappropriate kind of way. What I’m talking about is more innocent and playful.
He’ll probably find excuses to touch you, like picking lint off your sweater, wiping an eyelash off your cheek, touching your hand when he’s telling a story, or even giving you a high-five that lingers a little too long.
The point is that when a man likes you, he can’t help but be physically drawn to you and this means he’ll want to touch you.
Of course, you have to keep in mind that there might be instances where he’s less likely to touch you, like if you work together and haven’t seen each other outside of the office yet. But in this case, the rest of his body language will stay the same, and he’ll stand closer to you than he otherwise would because he wants to touch you.
These innocent touches are also his way of gauging how you feel about him — are you receptive or do you immediately flinch and recoil? Some guys need a lot of assurance before they’ll make a move for fear of being rejected and humiliated.
5. He remembers the details
If he remembers the little things you tell him, things like your birthday … your best friend’s birthday … your dog’s birthday … (you get the idea!) then chances are his feelings are not platonic. A guy just isn’t going to pay that close of attention to the small details of a friend’s life.
Would he remember this stuff when it comes to his guy friends? Probably not, and if he treats you very differently from how he treats his guy friends, it’s because he’s putting you in a different category.
When we like someone, we can’t get enough, we want to know everything. When a guy likes a woman as more than a friend, he’s going to put more energy into his interactions with her in general. He’s going to invest more of himself, and that means paying attention to the things that matter to her and being able to “prove” to her that he cares by recalling it later.
6. He stares at you a lot
This isn’t just a guy thing, it’s a human thing. When we like someone or something, we like to look at it … a lot. If you catch him looking at you frequently then chances are he’s attracted to you, and when a man is attracted to you it usually means he wants to be more than friends.
I say “usually” because contrary to what we hear all the time, men are not only interested in how a woman looks. Compatibility is important to them, too.
Maybe he wants to be able to have a decent conversation with you, or maybe it’s important to him that you have the same sense of humor. If he’s serious-minded and looking for a relationship, then other things can matter a lot to him, too, big things like being of the same religion or having the same values. Or, he could be in a relationship with someone he truly loves.
My point is that if he’s staring at you then yes, he likes what he sees, but this is not a slam dunk. This is why a lot of women get confused … they’ll ask “why is he staring at me but not making a move?!” It’s frustrating, but the bottom line is, if he’s staring at you a lot it usually means he’s very likely attracted to you and likes you as more than a friend, but if he’s not doing anything else about it … well, it doesn’t really matter.
So, if he stares at you a lot, yay! Now, look at that in context. What else is he doing or not doing?
7. Finds any and every excuse to contact you
We know that a guy who likes you as more than a friend will initiate contact regularly, and he’ll find any excuse to do it. But he’s not just going to want to just send you good morning and good night texts, he’ll want to entertain you and show you who he is and why you should want him back.
This is what that will look like: he sees an interesting article … finds a funny meme … passes by that restaurant you were telling him about … learns your favorite band is coming to town …hears a funny joke you might like … and yes, he shares all of that with you.
If a guy likes you, he’ll find any excuse to reach out to you and any excuse to make you think of him and smile.
8. Initiates on-one-one hangouts
If he’s shy, not sure where he stands, or likes to take things slowly at first, he might not be asking you out on a proper date. But there are still ways to tell if you two stand a chance at being more than friends.
Does he try to catch you alone? Maybe he suggests you “hang out” (keeping it low-key) or if you’re in a group setting he pulls you away to spend time alone with you. These are signs that he’s drawn to you and wants a certain level of intimacy that doesn’t come from hanging out in a group.
Not everyone operates at the same pace. A guy who wants to be more than friends will be more assertive than a guy with no romantic feelings for you at all, but remember that if he likes you that could actually make him more shy and afraid of rejection and therefore less assertive in the beginning, causing him to move slowly to gauge your response to him.
If this is what’s causing him to keep things low-key in the beginning, he will step it up once he feels more comfortable. But if he goes for months on end initiating one-on-one hangouts but not asking you out on an actual date … not regularly calling or texting … not touching you a lot and showing in other ways that he’s into you, then you may need to question if he wants the same things you do.
There is always the chance that he’s gay, or asexual, or terrified of any kind of romantic relationship with a woman, but that doesn’t mean he won’t enjoy a woman’s company and seek that out.
Initiating one-on-one hangouts is a great sign, but if he likes you as more than a friend then he’ll step up in other ways, too.
9. He compliments you
If a guy likes you as more than a friend, he likes things about you, and he won’t be able to stop himself from sharing what those things are.
This is because he’ll want to make you feel good, and he’ll also want to make sure you know that he notices you and he likes what he sees.
Maybe he’ll tell you that you look nice today, or you smell nice, or he loves your laugh. Some guys will be less verbal than others, so their compliments may be more indirect. If you’re talking about how you handled a work situation and he tells you he thinks you did just the right thing, he’s complimenting you by telling you indirectly that he respects you. When he laughs at something you do or say, he’s complimenting your sense of humor.
Some guys will find it easy to compliment a woman because they grew up seeing it done or are very secure and it doesn’t make them feel vulnerable. Other guys will be less comfortable with giving compliments, or since they don’t value compliments themselves for things like new haircuts or outfits, it won’t occur to them to give those kinds of compliments to you.
But a man who likes you as more than a friend will make an effort to please you by voicing in one way or another how much he likes you. When you wear a hot new outfit, maybe he doesn’t tell you that you look great, but he’ll raise his eyebrows and smile at you. That’s a compliment, too.
10. You make him nervous
Does he seem a little shifty, a little uncomfortable, maybe a little shy and awkward? Pay attention to how he is in daily life and compare that to how he is around you. Is he just a shy and awkward guy in general, or are you evoking that side of him?
If it seems like you make him nervous, then keep that in mind when looking at the other signs here and consider whether or not other signs point to him liking you but not being ready to show it right away. Asking for one-on-one hangouts without asking for a proper date right away is one example. Taken together with him being shy and awkward around you, this probably means he likes you but will need to take things slowly.
But a shy guy who’s into you is still a guy who’s into you, and ultimately, given some encouragement from you, he will step up sooner rather than later and ask you out.
11. He gets jealous
If a man gets jealous when you mention other guys, or when he sees you talking to other guys, then he likes you as more than a friend.
How can you tell if he’s jealous? If his demeanor or his tone of voice suddenly changes, it’s a good sign he’s jealous. He may also try to ask you innocent questions to find out who the guy is or how you feel about him, “Oh, so is that the guy so-and-so is dating?” or “Is he the new guy in sales?”
Whatever the case, your mention of other guys or you being with other guys causes a clear reaction in him, indicating it’s not just business as usual but something he cares about personally.
12. He is just always around you
When we like someone, we’re drawn to them, and that means we want to be around them as much as possible.
A friend may happen to be wherever you are, showing up at places you frequent because he’s got the same circle of friends. But a guy who wants more will want to see more of you, and he’ll show up where you happen to be, above and beyond normal hanging out with friends.
This will happen often enough that it can’t be written off as coincidence and will be especially noticeable if he actively tries to join in some activity where you don’t naturally see each other. Does he decide to volunteer at the same place you do? Ask if he can join your hiking group, or show up at the coffee place you like? These are signs he wants to spend more time with you doing the things you love, and that usually indicates more than platonic interest.
13. He flirts with you
If he has a naturally flirty personality, this doesn’t mean much. As with the other signs, you need to compare how he is with other people to how he is with you. But if his way of flirting with you is different, then you’re onto something.
Does he tease you? If he’s playful with you and his body language indicates interest, if he turns up the charm only for you and not for the other women in your circle, then chances are he wants you to know he’s interested in you.
A man who’s naturally flirty will flirt with their friends, but if he’s flirting with you differently, or a lot more than with everyone else, then chances are you can have something more with him. (Can’t tell if he’s flirting? Read this article on the 13 telltale signs he’s definitely flirting with you.)
14. He’s always happy to see you
Does he seem to light up around you? When you enter the room, do his eyebrows raise at the sight of you? This is a subtle sign that a person likes the person they’re looking at. Does his voice change, his demeanor brighten?
The point is, it will be clear from how he acts that he’s very happy to see you, and this will be consistent. If he doesn’t really notice much when you arrive or he responds the same way he does as when someone else arrives, chances are he sees you no differently than the rest of the crowd.
If he lights up whenever he sees you, he doesn’t just view you as a friend.
15. He locks eyes
One of the biggest tells when it comes to determining whether someone likes you is eye contact. When a guy is making a lot of eye contact with you, it means he’s focused on you, and it’s a huge sign that he likes you as more than a friend.
This doesn’t mean that guys don’t make eye contact with their friends—they do. But a guy who likes you as more than a friend will do it more often, and he’ll hold the eye contact for longer because extended eye contact is intimate! We know this because eye contact that’s held longer than normal can make us feel awkward or shy.
If he’s holding eye contact a bit longer than normal, he’s trying to establish some intimacy with you, and that’s a good sign he wants more than friendship.
16. He doesn’t talk to you about other girls
A big sign that he only sees you as a friend is that he confides in you about his love life. Maybe he’s seeking advice, or maybe he just wants to vent … or maybe he senses interest from you and wants to make sure you know that he only sees you as a friend.
This is straightforward: A man who wants to be more than friends with you will not talk with you about his love life or other women he’s dating. If he likes you, he will never jeopardize his chances with you by making you think he’s unavailable. And if he does like you and he talks to you about other girls, it’s possible he’s trying to make you jealous but this is a very immature move so steer clear if that’s what he’s up to.
17. He goes out of his way for you
A man who wants more than friendship with you will go above and beyond when it comes to doing things for you, especially things that qualify as “taking care of” you.
You start to mention you need to install your window AC unit, and before you’ve finished your sentence he’s offering to do it for you. You just bought a new place and without your even asking, he’s offering to fix things for you or out your furniture together.
A guy who likes you will jump at the chance to help. Yes, there are guys out there who are genuinely nice guys and they offer to help friends with things, but guys don’t offer to mow a friend’s lawn or make repairs in their house. Chances are if you’re a female friend a guy like this will offer to help occasionally or agree to help when asked, but even with really nice guys, there are limits.
A man who always wants to help you is saying that he wants a certain role in your life that goes beyond regular friendship. He wants you to rely on him and be taken care of by him. As we’ve said before, a man shows you more about how he feels through his actions than through his words, and a man investing his time and energy into doing everything he can to help you is a man who wants more than just friendship from you.
18. He notices things about you
A guy friend is not necessarily going to pay much attention to how you look, because, well, he won’t be looking at you a lot.
But as we mentioned, a guy with romantic feelings is going to stare at you. He’s going to be trying to spend a lot of time with you, and he’s going to want to compliment you a lot, and that means he’s going to notice changes in your appearance.
A new haircut, a new dress, a new look—he’ll notice when you change things up. If a guy friend is quick to notice and mention when you change things up, he probably is attracted to you.
19. He pays attention to your social media
Not only will a guy who likes you as more than a friend show you that in the real world, but he’ll also show it to you in the virtual world. He’ll like your posts, comment on them, watch your stories, may even mention things he saw on your profile to you: “That trip you took to Costa Rica looked amazing!”
Basically, a lot of the signs we’ve mentioned carry over into social media. He’ll stare at you when he sees you, and he’ll check out your profiles on social media. He’ll compliment you in person, and he’ll like your posts. He’ll contact you regularly by texting or calling, and he’ll comment on your social media.
There are always guys who don’t use social media much, and this won’t apply to them. The key is, how is he on social media in general? If he doesn’t ever like or comment on anyone’s posts, then not doing so on yours might not mean much. But if he’s active on social media but absent when it comes to yours, then he’s probably not thinking about you romantically.
20. He respects you
Respect is incredibly important to men. If he respects you as a person, values your opinions, and seems to admire you, then chances increase that he will like you as more than a friend.
Men show respect in a lot of ways, but one way to know if a man respects you is that he will respect your time. When a person is valuable, their time is valuable, too. If he cancels on you last minute without a good excuse or acts like you should be available anytime, then he’s not showing respect for your time and probably doesn’t respect you, either.
Men respect their friends, too, so look for the other signs here to determine whether or not you have a chance at more than friendship with him, but remember that if a man doesn’t respect you, you don’t want to be in a relationship with him anyway.
21. He asks you out
And finally, the most obvious sign of all: if he likes you as more than a friend, he will make a concrete effort to take it beyond friendship by asking you out.
Maybe he waited a while to be sure he wouldn’t be rejected, maybe the timing was off at first but now it isn’t. The bottom line is, if he doesn’t ask you out, he may like you, even romantically, but he just doesn’t want to be with you, and who needs that?
You want a man who likes you and wants to be with you, and when that’s the case he will do something about it.
And the most important takeaway to remember: no man is ever worried about ruining a friendship if he has the opportunity to be with a girl he really likes.
I hope this article gave you clarity on how he feels about you. If you’re interested in him and you’re getting the sense that he’s losing interest, or pulling away, then you need to read this next article right now so you don’t risk losing him for good: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Also, did you know that there is one pivotal moment in a relationship that basically determines your fate as a couple? At some point the guy will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to settle down with? Do you know what inspires a man to commit? If not, read this next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
The Biggest Signs He Likes You More Than A Friend:
- He wants to know your story
- He initiates contact
- The way he talks to you is different
- He can’t keep his hands off you
- He remembers the details
- He stares at you a lot
- Finds any and every excuse to contact you
- Initiates on-one-one hangouts
- He compliments you
- You make him nervous
- He gets jealous
- He is just always around you
- He flirts with you
- He’s always happy to see you
- He locks eyes
- He doesn’t talk to you about other girls
- He goes out of his way for you
- He notices things about you
- He pays attention to your social media
- He respects you
- He asks you out