I Like Him, But He Doesn’t Like Me
You like a guy, but he doesn’t feel the same …ouch. It hurts, and you can’t help but take it personally. What’s wrong with you? Are you not pretty enough? Not smart enough? Not charming enough? What’s his deal? Why doesn’t he like me back?!
A guy isn’t usually going to come out and give you a reason why he doesn’t like you. He may not have thought about it much to begin with, or he may just not be able to put it into words. But even if he can give a concrete reason, he most likely won’t because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Instead, he’ll give you some vague excuse and you’ll be left more confused than ever.
It really doesn’t matter why … it’s more important to just accept what is. However, sometimes you just need to know why. If he doesn’t like you back, then it’s most likely for one of the following reasons:
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My Crush Doesn’t Like Me
Here are the most likely reasons why:
1. You’re too needy.
This is a timeless turnoff. Just as confidence is a turn-on, a lack of confidence that causes you to act needy will drive him away.
When you need him to respond to you in a certain way in order to feel good about yourself, this puts pressure on him to be something for you instead of just being himself. A man likes a woman when he enjoys being with her, and he won’t enjoy being with you when he’s constantly worried about making you happy.
Another way of being needy is trying too hard to please him. A confident woman will be relaxed and just assume her guy is pleased just to have her around. She won’t feel a need to prove herself worthy or try too hard to make him happy. When you try too hard to please him, you come off as insecure and desperate for a certain reaction from him.
2. He likes you … he just doesn’t like you enough.
He may find you attractive, enjoy hanging out with you, and find certain aspects of you wonderful … he just doesn’t like you quite enough to take it to the next level.
This can be confusing. If he clearly loves being with you the way you love being with him and you feel a spark, then you’ll assume he feels that spark, too. But you can love someone’s company while at the same time feeling nothing romantic for them.
Or he may appreciate your sense of humor, or how smart you are, or the fact that you have a common interest you’re both passionate about. All of this can be true, but liking certain things about you doesn’t necessarily add up to him liking you enough to pursue you.
3. He’s seeing someone else.
Guys aren’t always forthcoming with this. Sometimes it’s because it feels good to flirt with another woman. Or maybe his relationship is still in the very early or casual stage and they’re not defined. Or maybe he just has a flirtatious guy by nature. Either way, if a guy is seeing someone else that he’s either seriously interested in or in love with, he’s probably not going to give you the time of day no matter how likable you are.
If you got the sense he liked you but he walks away and you never hear from him again, he could be seeing someone else or already interested in someone else.
4. You’re not his type.
Some people care about types a lot, for some, it’s not a big deal. Some guys absolutely will not date a woman who is taller than them, so it doesn’t matter how wonderful she is; if she’s taller, it’s a no-go. Some guys don’t care about height but may have other hang-ups about things you wouldn’t suspect.
Maybe you make a good salary and he’s uncomfortable with a woman making more money than him. Maybe you like getting dressed up and wearing make-up, and he likes the more casual, natural look.
It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, it just means that he has a set idea of his ideal woman, and you don’t match that idea.
5. He’s afraid of rejection.
It’s possible he thinks you’re not into him and that’s what’s holding him back. Some guys are more terrified of rejection than others, so this is always a possibility.
If you think this is the case and you like him, just be open and receptive to him. Show signs of interest without throwing yourself at him. A little bit of encouragement should be enough if he likes you. If he doesn’t, no amount of encouragement will change that.
6. You’re incompatible.
Chemistry isn’t enough. If you’re fundamentally incompatible, it isn’t going to work. Women ignore incompatibility signs a lot of the time because we take that old cliche “love is all you need” a little too literally. The fact is, being compatible is very important, and men are less likely to ignore signs that this is the case than women are.
If you’re incompatible, chances are you’re going to clash instead of click. And a guy’s not going to like a woman he’s clashing with.
7. The timing is off.
Maybe he just got out of a serious relationship, maybe he just got fired and wants to get his career back on track before he gets into a relationship. Timing really is everything. You may be perfectly compatible and have great chemistry, but if his head’s not in the game, it’s not going to happen and you can’t force it.
8. Different religions/beliefs.
If you disagree on some fundamentals like religion or politics, this could impact how much he likes you and whether or not he wants to be with you. These things don’t matter to some people, but they are deal-breakers for others.
If you like him but aren’t getting the vibe he likes you back, and you differ quite a bit on something important like religion or who you voted for in the last election, you need to seriously consider that this kind of thing matters to him.
9. You’re not giving him the space to pursue you.
Guys don’t mind when women show interest, but when they take it too far it becomes a turnoff.
Tone it down with the outward displays of affection, initiating texts, and coming onto him. Men don’t necessarily want to chase you, but they do want to work for you. That is what builds his interest and attraction—his own (ultimately successful!) effort to woo you. Guys want to earn the chance to be with you, not have you handed to them on a silver platter.
There’s a lot of confusion around giving a guy space to pursue you. It gets framed that “guys love the chase” or that you need to “make a guy work for you”.
The truth about giving a guy space isn’t about doing something that triggers attraction… it’s about not doing something that kills attraction!
When someone lacks confidence, they feel they need to constantly be doing something to impress the other person or to trigger the other person’s attraction. They are incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of giving a guy space to just be there with them in a relaxed moment because whenever they’re not doing something, they feel that the other person is losing interest in them!
In reality, when someone is uncomfortable with giving someone else space, that uncomfortable feeling seeps into every bit of the interaction.
Instead of feeling like you need to be doing something with a guy for him to like you, focus on feeling really good and really comfortable with just simply being there in the moment with him… not caught up in your mind, feeling like you need to make him like you, impress him or make something happen. Just relax.
When you’re comfortable just being there with him, that comfort will spread into the interaction and he’ll feel comfortable with you.
10. No one is good enough.
Some guys find something wrong with everyone. This could be a defense mechanism, or maybe he thinks a little too highly of himself and wants a woman who doesn’t exist anywhere but in his fantasy land. Whatever the case, there’s no need to psychoanalyze him and figure it out.
I know a guy who once rejected a girl because her arm looked fat in a picture, no joke. (He is now 40 and still single and looking … and probably will be looking for quite some time unless he comes down to earth!)
If you get the vibe he doesn’t like you because you’re lacking in some way or he thinks something about you needs to be fixed, it’s time to move on and stop worrying about why he feels the way he does.
11. He’s not attracted to you.
Sometimes a guy can think you’re awesome—he can find you smart and charming and hilarious, and he can even really want to like you in that way … but you just don’t do it for him sexually.
We can’t control who we’re attracted to and why, and this is really important for guys. You can overcome other differences in a relationship, but the attraction is either there or it’s not.
12. He’s interested in someone else.
Guys are goal-oriented and single-minded. When a guy is pursuing another girl that he really likes, he may focus only on her and ignore any other options that float his way.
This doesn’t say anything about you, and he can still even really like you. But if he wants someone else, he’ll be too distracted by pursuing her to pursue you.
13. He’s not a fan of your personality.
Just like you can’t be everyone’s type physically, you can’t be everyone’s “personality type.”
Maybe you’re loud and opinionated, and he likes women who are soft and quiet. Or maybe he likes women who want to be taken care of and you’re independent. Or maybe you’re shy and he wants someone outgoing. Everyone has their thing.
This doesn’t ever mean you should change who you are—if he doesn’t like your mode of being, he’s just not the right guy for you.
14. He sees you as just a friend.
Now, don’t make the mistake of believing he’s afraid of ruining the friendship, because most guys are not worried about that ever.
If it seems like he likes you, but he isn’t doing anything about it or he tells you he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship or something like that, he does like you … but only as a friend. Just because you feel more doesn’t mean he does.
15. He doesn’t like women.
We have to include this because … well, sometimes it’s the case! People don’t always advertise their sexual preferences, and while it’s clear as day for some people, for others it can be hard to tell.
So keep in mind it’s always possible that the reason he doesn’t like you is that you just aren’t his preferred gender.
16. He doesn’t want what you want.
Guys know when a woman is ready to get married and make babies. If he senses this is where you’re at in life … and if he isn’t at that stage in his life … he won’t want to get involved with you, even if on paper you seem like a good match.
Guys can be a little more sensible about this kind of thing at the beginning of a relationship. A lot of women will allow themselves to get involved with men in the short-term even when it will never work out in the long-term, but guys are usually a little more practical than this.
The biggest factor thst determines whether a relationship will last is if both people want the same thing and are on the same wavelength. If you don’t have that, you’ll just have a battle of wills that will most likely end in heartbreak.
17. It doesn’t feel good to be around you.
Men move toward what feels good. That’s basically what gets a man to commit.
There are several reasons it might feel bad to be around you. Maybe you’re a very negative person or you have an anxious energy or you’re desperately insecure and in need of his approval … whatever it is, he just doesn’t enjoy being around you.
The good news is that unlike a lot of the other points on this list, this one is largely under your control. Just manage your mood, try to be positive and upbeat and try to avoid letting negative thoughts take you over. This will make a massive difference in your relationships and your life overall.
18. He knows you’ll settle for anything.
A guy wants to feel wanted and chosen for how amazing he is … he doesn’t want to feel like he’s filling a space that any other man could easily occupy.
If you want a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend, he will be able to sense it and it will be a turnoff. Men want to be seen and appreciated for who they are as unique individuals, not for the role you see them playing in your life.
19. You did something totally unacceptable.
We all have lines, things we consider to be deal-breakers. These lines vary from one person to the next.
Maybe you got sloppy drunk and he found that unacceptable. Maybe you talked badly about someone, or you embarrassed him in from of his friends by sharing personal details about him or your relationship. Maybe you chew too loudly … honestly, it could be anything. If you think about it you will probably know if you did something that was a deal-breaker for him.
20. His family and friends don’t approve.
This is a bigger deal for some guys than others. It will depend on how close he is with his family and how much he trusts their opinion.
Even if he says he doesn’t care what they think, if he’s close to them then he is probably going to be influenced by how they feel about you. And if they really don’t like you, then it may rub off on him.
21. It’s just a feeling.
A lot of the time a guy doesn’t know why he doesn’t like a particular girl. He might think he should like her … that there is a lot to like and she has a lot going for her, but he just isn’t feeling it.
Sometimes it’s due to things like your vibe, other times he just doesn’t quite know what it is. Remember, it’s not personal. Not everyone is a match and that’s OK. Throughout your life, you meet tons of people. Most people you feel nothing for, some you become friends with, and a very select few become your best friends. And in the same way that not everyone is a match for a being a best friend, not everyone is a match for a relationship. It’s not personal!
If you like him and feel a spark, you can give him some encouragement if you think he’s holding back because he’s terrified of rejection, but other than that you should step back and let him come to you.
I hope this article gave you clarity on why he doesn’t like you back. I know it’s hard, but just trust that all it means is that he’s not the right guy for you. Now there are two more aspects of relationships you need to know if you want to have love that lasts. The first is that at some point, your guy may start to pull away. You notice he seems less engaged, he’s a little cold toward you, he’s withdrawn, and it seems like he’s losing interest. Do you know how to handle it so you bring him back instead of pushing him further away? If not, read this next:
If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Next, there will come a point when a guy asks himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? His answer will determine everything. Do you know what makes a man see a woman as girlfriend/wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to commit? If not, you need to read this too: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
This Is Why He Doesn’t Like You Back:
- You’re too needy.
- He likes you … he just doesn’t like you enough.
- He’s seeing someone else.
- You’re not his type.
- He’s afraid of rejection.
- You’re incompatible.
- The timing is off.
- Different religions/beliefs.
- You’re not giving him the space to pursue you.
- No one is good enough.
- He’s not attracted to you.
- He’s interested in someone else.
- He’s not a fan of your personality.
- He sees you as just a friend.
- He doesn’t like women.
- He doesn’t want what you want.
- It doesn’t feel good to be around you.
- He knows you’ll settle for anything.
- You did something totally unacceptable.
- His family and friends don’t approve.
- It’s just a feeling.