Who should contact first after a breakup

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This topic contains 36 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Mina 4 months ago.

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  • #525996 Reply


    I broke it off with my BF two months ago. He did not sent me one text or make
    one phone call during that time. I expected him to do so. So because I thought I made a mistake dumping him, I get in touch a couple of times to chat. He sounds really happy to hear from me and sends long text messages that are light and humorous.

    BUT He will never initiate a text to me but sounds enthusiastic when I start the conversations. On some of these occasions where I start contact, he may take his time getting back to me. Once a week went by. I sent a message asking why he was so quiet. He just said he was busy at work.

    I am not entirely sure he is interested anymore, especially since he don’t start texting first. If I never started a text again, would months and months go by where he would just let me go?

    Just need a few opinions. We have not talked about getting back together as I wanted to build rapport over a month or so and not pressure him.

    #526008 Reply


    Sounds like you regret letting him go.

    Look, either you want the guy or not….if you do then tell him you want another chance, if not totally stop contacting him.

    #526058 Reply


    If you’re broken up, there’s no reason for any contact, imo.

    #526059 Reply


    Why did you break up with him?

    #526061 Reply


    What do you want the outcome to be?

    #526069 Reply

    Amy S

    You know if the guy hasn’t made any effort to get you back then he isn’t interested. Hes passing time by texting you when hes bored only. Don’t go back or give him the chance to be uninterested and lame again. Find the guy that wont let you go so easily. x

    #526077 Reply


    We don’t know if the guy is lame. If I were dumped, I wouldn’t be so inclined to get in touch either. Hurt feelings, maybe anger, pride…

    Grace – Why did you dump him in the first place?

    #526078 Reply


    Agree with Red.

    If you want to try again then be upfront and honest with him about why. It doesn’t have to be long, but short and too the point such as: “I didn’t realize how much I would miss having you in my life and regret ending it”. THE END

    He may not want to, but the best way to approach it is to ASK. If he doesn’t then stop contacting him, and learn how to not be so hasty next time. Next time your thinking about breaking up, request some space (few days to a week) to see how not having him in your life feels before you pull the trigger.

    #526080 Reply


    I wouldn’t initiate with anyone that dumped me either! Why put yourself in the position of being rejected again?

    I think you have to tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. You ended it so the ball’s in your court.

    BUT think very carefully about why you ended it, what’s changed now and why you want him back. Do you really want him back or are you just missing him and lonely?

    #526140 Reply


    I dumped him because he acted commitment phobic. In the beginning he was all excited about our relationship, then as months went I spoke up about things regarding his behavior. I am quite direct and open about my feelings. He was not pleased with my comments and always got defensive. He was always very closed up and private. I felt he was a challenge.

    Want to go back because I love him. Have dated quite a few other men and I do not have the same magnetic spark with them as I did with him. I also figured I made some mistakes with him by creating drama over more irritating things. When I should have kept my mouth shut.

    I have always done the “dumping” in relationships and being critical. I had a father who was extremely indifferent, cold and uncommunicative. And a mother who left the family when I was 6 yo.

    Likely it is too late with this guy and I ruined it. Perhaps I need to work on myself before getting into anymore relationships.

    #526143 Reply


    This guy sounds like a super catch. You are playing right into his hands. You need to first think about why youbroke up in the first place, would he change fi you got back together and if youre willing toget past past issues. Dont let his inaction give you the illusion that you want to be with him. First really evaluate why you did it then just send one message explaining youre sorry, you want to get back together and leave it at that.

    #526145 Reply


    If you are quite direct and open about your feelings, then you should talk to him. Nothing to lose right? But working on yourself first is also never a bad idea. Especially if that thought crosses your mind. It may be something to consider.

    #526156 Reply

    Amy S

    Any guy worth their salt will fight for the girl they want to be with. I stand by what I said before and now you have confirmed how lame he actually was. A defensive, closed off, commitment phobe. That does not make for a happy relationship it means he is emotionally unavailable and that’s why he hasn’t fought for you. You think you love him because he reminds you of your father. Its not love its heartache. Want more for yourself and hold out for better. Everyone deserves a loving relationship but this guy cant give you this. I know its hard to hear but don’t waste time on the wrong guys. This guy hasn’t changed. x

    #526158 Reply


    So you WANT to go back to a guy who is commitment phobic?


    *shakes head sadly*

    #526214 Reply


    oh, i know what happened here. you thought breaking up would make him regret being commitment phobic and it didn’t work. instead, you are the one going to him, the way you’d hoped he come back to you… am i off?

    #526215 Reply


    p.s. keep walking, don’t look back.

    #526217 Reply


    I agree with Sad7 I think that tactic did not work and you now are regretful.
    I mean you broke up with him so I would see not reason as to why he’d be reaching out to you.

    Whenever I’ve been dumped I did not reach out after the break up.
    I mean instead of hoping he’ll get the hint and trying to build a rapport just tell him what is on your mind. GO from there, if he can’t commit to you move forward and yes perhaps its time to work on you.

    #526224 Reply


    Broke up with him because he can’t open up at all. He only told me what’s on his mind after I provoked him. Otherwise there were silences for days on end. That is when he thought I was carping him all the time.

    Now I feel I made mistakes in how I handled it. He is super sensitive. He even said once “why is everything my fault”? He also didn’t like some of my comments that were only jokes on my part.

    I am not sure what to do.

    #526230 Reply


    Do you feel that things would be different this time around?

    #526233 Reply


    It would not be different if he is emotionally unavailable. I would go in circles.

    If it was something about me that turned him off – might work if there was two way open communication to understand each other.

    #526853 Reply


    Dear Grace
    “I broke it off with my BF two months ago. He did not sent me one text or make
    one phone call during that time. I expected him to do so.”
    You broke up with him because you wanted him to commit to you, you wanted to test his love. That is why you contacted him when he did not text or call you for two months.
    Men hate it when women try to test their love. I did that with my boyfriend in the beginning, and he told me after that he knew I tested him and he hated it. Luckily he loves me enough to “pass” all of my tests.
    I agree with Amy S., If a man wants a woman, he will fight for her. Men don’t let go of things they like easily.
    From what I heard from my male friends, if a man loves a woman, he will miss her and contact her after 2 days or one week, doesnot matter who broke up with who. He will miss her smell,the conversations with her, her presence,… Men are actually not as strong as we think emotional wise.
    If you still love him, tell him that you would like to try again. Then leave it to him and set a time that you willing to wait for his response. If he does not want to come back, move on. Don’t look back, Someone better will come along. Learn your lesson for the next relationship, don’t break up, if you are not ready to let him go
    Good luck!

    #560397 Reply


    I hope his name is not Adam…lol

    I see this was posted a few months ago, I’m curious how things turned out?

    #560399 Reply


    Since I am a recent dumpee myself….

    You were the one who dumped him, why would he reach out to you if his only option would be to move on? It is healthy to not be communicating during a break up. He is probably confused about why you are now reaching out to him. You should be straight forward with your intentions. Maybe he has now moved on and now you’re too late.

    Just because you’re the woman, doesn’t mean he should be chasing you after you dumped him. He might be thinking moving on was his only choice, you were the one who decided to walk away first so ball is in your court.

    I agree with Hannah!

    #560408 Reply


    It does not feel like you dumped him… It felt like you announced a death penalty over a dead body….. It would have faded away by now had you not announced it…

    #560677 Reply


    Update. It has been two months since I broke up with him and he never came back to text or call once. Not even a Merry Christmas to show he cared an inkling about me as a human being. He is even on a dating site.

    I can understand if he won’t initiate any further contact due to being dumped. But this guy has to get his ego out of his ass. There were reasons why I got rid of him in the first place. Lying and never once explaining himself or trying to clarify things. He should be the one to come back and apologize to ME.

    Seems to be that guys (or even ladies) who have been dumped for these types of reasons think the dumper should be chasing them!! What?? If I wanted him back why the heck should I be the one to beg, chase and put my life on hold? I have been waiting for him to come back and apologize and explain things about the lying.

    It never happened and I can guess I know why now.

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