Ask a Guy: He Hasn’t Texted Me Two Days, What Did I Do? post image

Ask a Guy: He Hasn’t Texted Me Two Days, What Did I Do?

I’ve been seeing this guy for the past month. He’s been very sweet and I really like him.  He lives over an hour away, works during the week and hunts on the weekends, so seeing him regularly has been difficult.

At times he would text me in the mornings, but then he gets busy. Eventually, he started going days without texting unless I send him a text first.

He’s talked about us doing things together in the future.  He’s even said nice things about me to his mom.  But now it’s been two days without a response to my last text – did I do something wrong?  Should I send him another text?

I am always amazed at the number of questions about texting.

Let me break this down.

You met this guy, he’s really sweet and you like him.  You believe there’s a future with him because he’s mentioned the idea of you doing things together in the future and he’s talked about you to his mom.

QUIZ: Why Isn’t He Texting You Back?

So you make those facts your focal point… and you’re curious as to why he might not text you back, when it seems “written in the stars” that you’re meant to be together.

As a guy, I read your story like this…

… guy works during the week and is unavailable on the weekends…

… guy lives an hour and a quarter away…

… guy goes days without texting you…

… and so far all you’ve really had is three dates, some text exchanges and a couple of verbal allusions to doing things together in the future.

This sounds to me like a case of “jumping the gun”.

I mean, this guy’s life is packed… from what you described, he has virtually no free time.

And maybe this is a guy thing, but we don’t put any value into words until they’ve been substantiated.  He says you’re going to do things in the future?  That’s nice.  He talks to his mom about you?  Great.

What has he DONE so far?

QUIZ: What Is His Texting Style?

As far as I can tell, occasionally texted you and gone on three dates… not sure if they were officially dates or not, but you’ve seen each other 3 times.

Personally, I hate being disappointed in my life.  And I learned years ago that the way to avoid being disappointed is to not get excited about things until they’ve come to fruition.

So here you are, all excited about this guy and the possibilities of a relationship and frankly it’s way too soon to get excited about anything.  I’m not saying that there’s no chance for a relationship here, but your excitement is blinding you from the simple reality:

You don’t have anything yet.

It’s not that you did anything wrong.  It’s just that you don’t have anything yet…

To varying degrees, guys know that women get all wound up about this whole texting thing. Did he text? Does he text you back? Does he text you regularly?

As a guy, we’re thinking, “What the hell is all this texting for?  What is the point of texting?  I don’t have anything to say, everything’s fine, I don’t need to be distracted, I’m busy, etc. etc.”

If whether you should text or not is your biggest concern right now, you’re missing the big picture.

You don’t make a big deal about whether or not you send a text to one of your friends.  Or your family.  Or even a co-worker.

Yet, because you’re so blindingly excited about the possibility of a relationship with this guy, you’re nervous about every little move you make.  Somewhere along the line, you became convinced that texting was an art form akin to disarming a time-bomb.

Relax.  You can text a guy if you want.

If he doesn’t respond once, he may have been busy when he checked it and then forgot to respond later.

But what about just simply sending one simple quick reply to let me know he received it,” you respond.

Guys don’t think like that… when I get a text from a girl, I’m not thinking about replying as sending just one message… I think about it as kicking an avalanche of messages into motion from the girl.

And when I’m busy, I don’t want that distraction … it’s annoying when I’m completely occupied and I send a message saying I’m busy, then in response, I get a whole cascade of messages … or the girl just leaves some open-ended bombshell on the table like, “OK :(”

As a guy… when you cause the “unsmiley face” to happen, you know she’s going to make you pay one way or another.

Every guy has experienced that.  Maybe not with you, but with some other girl.  We don’t want to deal with it… we like to keep our consciousness stream-lined, not distracted by emotional / relationship issues.

So if you want to know why a guy doesn’t text you… it’s probably because men in general (myself included) don’t like texting.  Period.  It’s typically an annoying interruption.  When we text, we do it for you.

There’s no harm in sending him a text and just checking in if he left you hanging.  Don’t be accusatory, be pleasant… if he ignores a second text from you this early in the relationship, he’s just not feeling it.  Move on.

Also, if you want some help figuring out if why he’s not texting back, the best thing you can do is click here to take our “Why Doesn’t He Text Back?” quiz and find out right now…

I hope this article helped you better understand a guy’s texting habits. But there is more you need to know. There is one defining moment in every relationship that determines if it will last, or if you will be left heartbroken…

At some point, he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens or ends. Do you know how a man decides a woman is girlfriend or wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

Another big reason why women worry about a guy’s texting habits is because they think he might be losing interest or pulling away. Do you know what to do when this happens? If not, you run the risk of making the most common relationship-ruining mistakes. Read this now and learn exactly how to handle it: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

Hope it helps,

eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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How about this one: I meet a bartender and he flirts constantly with me, taking over for his bartender friend in order to take my orders himself, asking me if I’m single and sharing that he’s on dating apps. I leave my number on the receipt and he texts me that very next morning and adds me on Facebook. He seems super interested, and I let him do the perusing. I text him back with polite chat, asking where he works and what he likes to do for fun, asking about his day. His turn to respond and he doesn’t text back all day. I let him be the first to text the next day and he apologizes for being busy, so I try to strike up another conversation. I even tell him if he’s not a texter that I have an hour drive home from work every day if he ever wanted to call instead of text. Three days go by with no response. I send him a text after three day’s and say hey dude I’d love to get to know you but if you’re not interested just let me know. And of course he says he’s interested just busy, and that he’d stay busy for a whole other week. So am I just supposed to allow that and let him beckon me whenever he feels like it? Or should i just write him off now. I figure if I was hot enough in person to pursue he’d make at least a little time to pursue me afterwards and not make me wait around for him. Maybe if he was a friend in person and I could trust him I wouldn’t mind waiting, but telling a total stranger to wait around when I have better things to do than check my phone in hopes that he’s responded, seems a little too much For him to expect. You know if the girl said to wait he’d have moved on to the next hot girl at the bar, so why should I wait for him.

Reply October 15, 2020, 8:11 am


Here is the thing. On 1st August, I got a text from an unknown number, I found out it was a guy. So I asked where he got my number and name from and he said “from a buddy of mine”. So I asked him what his deal was and he said he saw me one time in one of the school seminars and he took a liking to me. So yeah we texted for two days on WhatsApp but after that. He went off. He stopped being online. So I decided to text him via SMS and he replied,mind you after 1 month and a half. We texted for 3 days but I was the one always initiating conversation. And when he does, he wishes me a luvly morning immediately as though he just doesn’t want to text yet he always calls me by endearments. I’ve never seen him but he’s seen me before. I dont know what to do.

Reply October 11, 2020, 3:11 pm


Oh yeah… well, that’s all good until HE doesn’t receive a prompt reply, or HE is the one being ignored. True story bro.

Reply November 8, 2018, 11:50 am


Well in 5 days it’ll be 10 months for me my boyfriend his zodiac sign is a Taurus btw and I spent the weekend at his house Friday til Tuesday rather and he was all lovey dovey happy having fun playing around with me and my turn ons and all that and he’ll play his video games sometimes or watch tv but everything was find and Dandy between us he was all good and all then suddenly Tuesday came and he acted funny it’s like he woke up and decided to treat me like we having problems or something like he was all in a bad mood I asked why he seems pissed off he said “I’m not” then I asked what was wrong because he slam the front door when it was time for me to go home and he said “nothing damn” like I was annoying him and see at first I thought maybe he wasn’t pissed off or that nothing was really wrong with him that maybe he was just tired and wasn’t in the mood and didn’t want to be bothered because he kept trying to go back to sleep after he worked on his truck a little so I thought maybe that’s why he was in a bad mood cause he was tired then when we got to my house he didn’t kiss me or anything all he did was tell me “bye I love you ” and then he didn’t text me til that night he said “good night love you” but that’s the last time I heard from him and it’s been 2 days now since he last texted me I really need advice on what’s going on cause he never went this long without texting me I didn’t do anything wrong he was all lovey dovey one day then now he ignoring me and before this we was sexually active with each other and did other stuff together and he loves being active with me and when I do stuff for him but the next day after that he was all in a bad mood and I didn’t think much about it cause I thought maybe he was just tired and wasn’t in the mood and all but now I’ve gotten worried what’s going on cause 2 days he been ignoring me and the last thing he said was “bye I love you” and “good night love you ” so I really could need advice on what’s going on cause him ignoring me is sudden

Reply March 16, 2018, 3:09 am


I had not heard from my crush in three days. I was feeling sad so I searched the ‘net for answers. Just as I read the author’s suggestion to calm TF down, he texted and asked me out:)

Reply January 7, 2018, 4:12 pm


…also I never text him first. My heart can’t handle tge rejection of being ignored so I don’t risk it.

Reply January 7, 2018, 4:14 pm


hi im always reading your articles and it was awesome coz i get a learning from it,i just want to ask this coz i have a guy we always texting each other and one time i send him message its take him to answer and i ignore him for 2days no text and after 2days he send me message he said hope you have a great day and i said yeah i had and then he said ok. great . thanks ,im bothered if what is it all about

Reply September 17, 2017, 6:05 am


OMG, this is all so incredibly long and over-complicated! I’m not dating this guy yet, but we’ve recently started talking and his preferred method of communicating (in his own admission) is texting (I know, alarm bells are ringing for me too), but in the spirit of being cool, calm and collected I have decided to go along with the WhatsApp comms for now in the hopes that if/when we do meet, he’ll be inclined to call on occasion (I’m not holding my breath for that either).

Anyways, we were text chatting intermittently yesterday, and my last message to him was around 7pm asking how his day had been? Nothing unusual there! It’s now 10.40am the following day and still no reply –
which is very unusual for him. I won’t bombard him with texts (not my style) but I’m confused to say the least! I’ll hang back and see if he does contact me, but these psychological war games are a f***ing joke! If a guy isn’t interested, just SAY SO. If a guy is interested (as he kept informing me before this period of silence), then for goodness sake –
say something and/or show it! It’s OK to like someone and be keen – we don’t deduct points for showing interest lol.

I swear to God, at this rate, I’m getting a cat and cancelling my Tinder subscription. Dating sucks the joy out of life.

Reply April 27, 2017, 5:45 am


I’m currently having the same situation here and I really get the point. If he’s interested, he’ll text back. And I completely agree with all of you saying that you prefer to see each other rather than texting (I hate how technology turns everything complicated). I HATE texting trust me, I don’t make texting a big deal. But then it keeps me thinking, I think the problem with girls being in the relationship as someone who want to keep texting, is because we are still in the beginning of dating phase where it is started through texting. Girls want to keep texting not because we prefer texting, but we are hoping that it will get us to the next level, which is going out with the guy. We don’t prefer texting, I think we’re just afraid that if we stop texting, it will not get us to the next step of this relationship. You know what I mean? Because if we don’t get closer (in this case first step is by texting), how will this relationship jump straight to going out frequently? Does it make sense? Is guy’s first step always through texting? I’d really love to hear some thoughts on this.

Reply January 26, 2017, 11:54 am


This is just like me only I got super annoyed at him, I’ve been stressing a lot over work recently and him pulling back just flawed me.
Anyway I told him to delete me from his life and he agreed but not before telling me that he’d been busy with work which is why he hadn’t replied [in my mind this was him holding out an olive branch]
So I called him and he said we should be friends[I know, like that’s gonna happen], I agreed because again I was flawed and didn’t wanna get upset with a guy I’d known a couple of months. The next day I sent him a text apologising for my actions to which he replied the next day saying he’d give me a proper response later, he was heading to work. I haven’t heard anything since. I feel like it’s over but I don’t know whether to move on yet, not that I’m ready to anyway. He used to text more but when he’s busy with work we don’t communicate much which is fine. Everything was pretty perfect and now I don’t know what to do, my girlfriends say he played me but it wasn’t like that. I feel humiliated.

Reply January 20, 2017, 1:08 pm


This constant whole scale argument that guys do not like to text irks me. Stop making generalisations. I know quite a few men, not boys who do text consistently and dont have a problem with it at all. In fact some of them are the ones who get itchy or start to question a woman’s interest when she doesnt text for hours. My guy is as macho as they come and when I dont respond for hours he lets me know he is concerned (and this is not a new relationship, far from it) . Men have feelings. Stop trying to tell us they do not care and we must just accept that they are pigs, essentially. Its not true. If a guy is interested in you and he knows you value text messages, he MAKES time to reapond or to make contact. Simple.

Reply November 19, 2016, 8:11 am

Eric Charles

You are misinterpreting the article and then arguing against your misinterpretation of the article.

Reply November 19, 2016, 4:27 pm

Katherina Roe

So true, nobody’s to busy to not text for days. Distraction? No.

Reply June 9, 2019, 5:00 am


I’m a woman and hate texting. Eventually, I’ll answer. I’ve found myself not answering a man I cared about right away, and sometimes days went by because I am focused on work and other things in my life (aka being productive)Those that know me well understand this about me. Others take it personally and these type of people usually have too much time on their hands, are co-dependent, and need hobbies as their personality type do not mesh well with mine.

I know this response was from 3 years ago but I so resonate with this article!

Reply August 12, 2019, 5:48 pm


Hello, so me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for 8 months and a week now, we only saw each other at the starting at the relation for about a week and a half in Oklahoma. Then he moved to Florida and I moved to colorado… in this 8 months that we haven’t seen each other we have had fights and a couple of problems that made us almost break up but we got over it. 5 days ago he told me i was really clingy and i got mad because I been like this since day 1, for the rest of that day we texted a little and we fighted… then, on the next day he told me that he doesn’t know if he can continue any longer with this. he said the distance is going to bring us apart, that he doesn’t have any other girl (which i believe), and that he loves me, but he wants to be with me together, knowing that we can’t because we are not 18. The other day he told me that i was being too clingy which got me mad because i been like that since day 1. I tried to understood so i left him alone, we didn’t texted for 2 days which is alot because we never been without texting, we talked about it with just a few texts and decided we will be together, today ( christmas eve) he answered to 3 texts, and then didn’t respond.. aaand i was being very needy (i accept it :( ) i sent him a bunch of texts and he hasn’t seen them yet… my question is…. Is this because i been being needy and he just needs time that i should give him, or is it that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? And i really need help because I love him, I really do

Reply December 25, 2015, 6:28 am


Ok Ive read all of these before and well now my situation has changed. I am online dating long distance… kind of. Well I guess it can still count as dating. We’ve been talking for almost 3 months now. Well the only reason him not texting back bothers me is because he sometimes also don’t answer my calls. I have no idea if he’s at work, sleep, or doing tattoos (his side job). We all haven’t met each other in person (he used to video call me all the time and that also stopped) but he asked me to be his girlfriend and I declined because I need to witness actions that he’s going to treat me the way he has claimed in the past before I commit and give myself wholely. Can you give me advice on what the case may be in this situation? I’ve mentioned to him how it makes me feel to go days without hearing from him, now I feel vulnerable and that maybe I’m being taken advantage of again as this is exactly what my ex did to me (he’d go weeks without answering my casks or texts and I’m trying to not repeat the same mistakes I made with him). Ive tried many things such as not making a big deal about not hearing from him just respond like nothings happened, then I told him how I felt nothing changed, so I also tried stop texting him first. We haven’t talked in days and I feel clueless last time we actually held a conversation he told me he didn’t want to lose me, but tbh he’s pushing me away and I don’t know if this is intentional.

Reply November 23, 2015, 11:46 pm


Hi Eric

I completely agree with your views on guys and there priories. I’ve never really had any experience with a guy. Some people say I can be hard to read. I’m not sure if maybe I seem interesting from a distance but when someone gets to know me they realise I wasn’t as intriguing as they thought. There is this guy that I’m really attracted to that I used to work with.

He started messaging me after he got me a different role at my current job so I could see him more. He said he was really into me and thought I was an amazing person. We were messaging at first and then he started to talk to me more in work. At first I felt this excitement because I worked with him and I liked the way he made me feel. I thought he was mysterious compared to the other guys.

I was leaving my job so he said he thought it was better because he hated that he had to ignore me in work because he had more responsibility. We had arranged to meet up just on our own which we hadn’t done. I thought it was going well to begin with we were holding hands and just enjoying each others company. Then as we went to go get some food he asked what time I was thinking of going home.

I immediately knew he wanted to get away from me but I didn’t really know why. I sent him a message and it took him days to reply back. When he did reply he was really blunt and I was left all confused. I just wanted him to say he’d lost interest just something to not leave me in the dark. So after weeks of him not messaging me and me not knowing if I should message him I deleted his number because I felt it was driving me insane.

The day after I deleted his number he messaged me and said he was sorry he hadn’t replied and I was even more confused. We both started flirting again but not like we used to. He said he knew what days he wasn’t working so I could let him know if I wanted to meet up. I don’t know if I should message him to see him again or if he is just trying to walk all over me because he thinks I’m that sort of girl. Do you have any advice as to if he is still attracted to me and if so why did he leave it for so long.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this

Reply October 24, 2015, 7:12 am


Ok so a guy I have been friends with on social media started messaging me a few months ago asking if he could take me out sometime. We started talking daily about two months ago and he always initiates the contact. A month ago we went on our first date and have been on 5 dates so far. He has said many times that we click better than he has with anyone else. He texts me good morning, a couple more texts during the day, and always a good night text. Two weeks ago he told me he no longer considers himself single and asked if I wanted to be exclusive with him. I said yes. Last week he started a new job so I expected him to be very busy and knowing he was going out of town this past weekend I asked him if I could come over and make him dinner before his trip. He said yes but then the day of the dinner date he cancelled because he had so much left to do before his trip. I completely understood because it was his first week in a new job and he was leaving town. He asked for a rain check and I said “Absolutely! I know you have a lot on your plate and we can definitely see each other when you are back in town, no worries”. He left town the next day for the concert and I have not heard from him in 6 days now. I was the last one to text the morning of his trip and I just said I hope he has a blast at the concert. He never replied to that and nothing at all for 6 days. I know he is back in town and I see him posting on Facebook. So I know he’s not dead or in jail or something crazy. I just can’t understand why he would persue me, ask me to be exclusive, and constantly comment on how much he adores me and sees a future with me and then…. Falls off the face of the earth for nearly a week. I’m confused and heart broken. I feel like if a man wants a woman he will not let that go unknown so he would be calling or texting if he was still interested. Right? I’m in shock right now. Please give me some advice here. Is there any point in contacting him?

Reply October 15, 2015, 4:54 am


So i met this guy in Colombia last year at a concert. We exchanged face books. He started messenging me about metting up. We were both gong to the same event so we decided to meet. However, it was super crowded and it didnt work out. He kept texting soni asked him if he stilled wanted to meet up. He saud yes but never replied. To be honesto it didnt Bother me. I dont live in Colombia, i just thought it would be fun to get to one know him. Then i went back to Colombia this summer and out of no where i get a whatsapp text from an unknown number. It was him. He saud he was purchasing tickets for the same concert we meet and he remembered. He know that my family was from Colombia and asked when i was gong. Anyway we started texting. At first it was always him who would text or call. It was all fríendly texts but then the texts got flirty. I am not stupid a long distance relationship is hard and never works out. Plus i am only in college in dont need a comittment right now. The problem is i like this guy. He is funny and i didnt mind the harlmess flirting we were doing. I thought we could at least be friends. But after a copule of weeks i felt like i always had to text him first. Most of time he would reply. One day i sent him a hello text. He replied saying sorry i have just Been Busy so havent had much time to talk to you. I didnt feel ofended injust didnt text him. 2 days later he texted back. I waited a day to text him back things seemed fine. He would y evert day bu the did text me 2 days later. But after that i felt like i had to text him first. He sent a quick reply. I thought maybe one of my texts had upset him. Although i had not started a fight ir tried to make him feel guitly. Again he replied that in should nog worry he has just Been Busy. That was on sunday. I replied ok and sent him. Text about complementing his profile pic. He never responded and hasnt texted me since sunday. The problem is i can see he is o line on the whatsapp. So should i asume he just doesnt want to talk a anymore? How long should i wait to text him? What should i say if i do text?

Reply August 28, 2015, 7:47 am


I met ths guy sat .I ws carrying heavy grocery plastics. He saw me waiting by the robots thn he made a u-turn to come nd hlp me, whch he offered to drive me home..whn we got to the house we talked abit nd he asked 4 my digits. .thn b4 he left he looked deep in my eyes 4 a minute thn he said ”u beautiful”’..yoo I ws charmed bt he hasn’t called yet I’m going’s been 2 days now :(

Reply May 11, 2015, 5:04 am


Is every girl with me when I say that I wouldn’t need to give out a “texting avalanche” if the guy just called once a day? Is that really too much to ask? I work two jobs that don’t involve me looking at my phone constantly from 9am to 1am at night. I have a few pockets in there that can easily be “talking with my guy” times. I wouldn’t need any reassurance if I just got one phone call a day. Is that hard for a guy, really? 5 min on the phone? It just seems like I’m not important enough to get 5 min of his time. I’m in almost the exact same situation as the girl above, and can also relate to what the writer has said. I just think if I’m importantly enough to date, I’m important enough to get a phone call. And if you have to skip a day because you are too busy, then text me and tell me. That makes YOU important enough for me to stick around.

Reply March 27, 2015, 3:12 pm


Wow, you make it sound like women don’t have busy lives too and just spend all day thinking about guys. That’s bullsh*t. I’ve got way more on my plate than the guy that I’ve been talking to. I’m a teacher and a Masters student. He just works in an office and does not have any outside responsibilities. So, if I can make time to text him, then he can definitely make time to text me.

Reply February 11, 2015, 10:26 pm


The thing is that we’re good at multitasking, men aren’t, that’s why we can have our busy lives and still reply to a text. I don’t think he means it the way you’re saying, maybe it’s like this whole multitasking thing.

Reply February 27, 2015, 5:29 pm


I’ve been with this guy for two months and at first it was all laughter constant texts and phone calls before we ere together and now we are he feels the need to pick and choose when to call me? He sends one text not even that and he rang me like 10days ago and doesn’t really speak to me. He’s told me he loves me but he doesn’t really show anything anymore he lives couple of hours away from me but I understand he’s busy and has a life but he can’t make time for me? He simply can’t give me 5minutes of 24 hours? I don’t know what to do tbh.

Reply August 24, 2015, 6:23 am


Well said! It takes 2 seconds to text. If I can make time, he can!

Reply October 3, 2019, 4:17 pm

Eric Charles

@Amber – I see this sentiment said a lot by women and there’s something good to consider here:

For a guy, the problem isn’t sending the one text. The problem is if there’s a possibility of sending that one text or one reply will lead to an ongoing series of interruptions that he then feels obligated to reply to as well.

That’s really what men want to avoid.

I’ve had women who I loved texting with and women who I hated texting with. What made all the difference?

For the ones I loved texting with, it was understood that if it wasn’t a good time to text, I wouldn’t reply at that moment or maybe not even at all. She didn’t take texting all that seriously or need a reply from me, and if it was important she would call me specifically about whatever the important thing was. Texting was casual, easy, open-ended and no-pressure. That worked for me and that’s what works for guys. And also, when I texted it was from a place of fun and enjoyment.

Now, what did I hate? I hated feeling obligated to have to reply to texts. I hated feeling obligated to send certain kinds of texts a certain way (good morning texts, good night texts, “show care” a certain way in texts, etc.) It felt like a tedious, burdensome, annoying chore. A total drag.

And to make matters worse, if I received a text or sent a text, it was interpreted as some kind of social contract that now I have to reply to some ongoing conversation promptly… or else it would be an issue and a conflict. Extremely draining and annoying.

So what would I do? Mind you, this is with a woman I really like… I would wait for a moment in my day where I was free and available and reply to texts then… or send off a text then. I would wait for a portion of my day that was free enough that if she started texting me back, I had the attention and space to respond to the conversation.

The thing is, I’m extremely busy with work most of the time so these kinds of breaks are few and far between.

So yeah, it takes 2 seconds to text but a lot of the time it’s not the text that’s the problem, it’s the way that one text manages to open a whole problem and a series of interruptions that are frankly no fun to deal with.

Reply October 3, 2019, 5:14 pm

Eric Charles

@Samantha – Wow, good for you.

It’s not about making the time though. It’s about it either being something that makes his life better or makes it harder. If texting with you is a pain, he won’t do it.

Reply October 3, 2019, 5:16 pm


I would first like to say that I’m so glad I found this site. It is very insightful and helpful. Now, I have sort of a problem and could really use some advice before I start jumping to conclusions. Well to make a long story short, I have been talking to this guy for about 2 months now and I really like him and I thought he really liked me, well I decided to have sex with him a few days ago and it was amazing. He text me the next day first thing in the morning and I took a long time to text him back but not intentionally and the same thing happened the day after that and he told me that he was glad we finally got to spend some time together and that I was amazing etc. etc. well it’s been 3 days now and I haven’t heard anything from him since then and now I’m confused as to why he isn’t texting me anymore or even responding to my texts that I sent him. In trying not worry or fret but its kinda hard trying to play it cool. I just wanna know what happened? Why is he behaving like this? Is it because I took so long to text him back those few times because he’s an eye for eye type of guy and I do know this about him for certain. Or is it some other reason why he’s not talking to me? I want answers. Thanks

Reply December 29, 2014, 11:59 pm


right now im going through a similar thing. my crush and i really like each other, and we have for 2 months. we would have those exciting flirty texts everyday. but he hasn’t asked me out because we can never see each other, weve only met twice. a week ago today, he started reading my messages and ignoring them. twice in this 7 days HES respinded with “im really busy im sorry” when i said stuff like i miss you, but I respect that you’re busy”. but he still likes my instagram photos, sees my snapchat stories, and even makes his own snapchat stories!!!! his sister goes to school with me and I see her and her dad everyday, but they don’t know i exist, or else my crush would get into so much trouble. I miss him like crazy and I don’t know how much longer he will be leaving me hanging like this. what do I do?

Reply December 13, 2014, 12:13 am


Dear Eric Charles, I just would like to say THANK YOU

Reply December 7, 2014, 9:52 pm


Well my Bday was Nov 13th & they guy I’ve recently began dating bday was Nov 11th. I made it a priority to acknowledge his special day and talked to him throughout that day. He didn’t do anything being that we both worked on our birthdays and would not be off until the weekend. My bday rolls around & I Didn’t get a happy bday. I got a good morning text I responded & nothing more. I figured he forgot abt my bday being that he didn’t mention it when he text me. So that night I msg him stating “thanks for not at least taking the time to wish me a Happy Birthday.” He msg me saying he was so sorry he’s in the ER and happy birthday. Now my thing is u weren’t in the ER that morning when u text me so that was not an excuse but I didnt speak on that. I msg him back saying “I hope everything is ok.” Well that was 3 days ago I just heard from him today and the only thing he messaged me was “hey.” No explanation no apology or anything. I did not text back because I dont want to end up going off on him or saying something smart. I just think the whole situation was rude and he showed no consideration. Am I wrong for feeling the way I feel or not? Mind u we usually speak everyday I’m in no way shape or form needy he is the one that approached me wanting to be in a relationship and for us to be exclusive then I give him a chance and it seems like something always pops up and U think maybe I should just seize contact with him. A few weeks prior I noticed his behavior changed anf he acted distant and I asked him abt it and his exactly words were “I know you talk to other guys or are close to another guy besides me.” He did not ask me if there was another guy or anything he just told me he knew but that was the furthest thing from the truth. He wouldn’t let me explain kept dodging the subject when in reality I am just cautious and prefer to move slowly in a relationship after things that occurs in my last relationship that I probably could of avoided if things were taken slower. Then he got the picture and realized he hadn’t let me explain he jumped to conclusions but he never apologize. Idk its like does he have some self esteem issues or woman issues from the past brcause he seems to Sabatoge our relationship based off assumptions to facts or actions from me to make him think anything.

Reply November 17, 2014, 5:06 pm


What if they only ever text? Every date arranged by text, every question and response done by text….he never calls, just texts!!

Reply October 7, 2014, 6:10 pm


Men are hard to work out!
I’ve been seeing a top guy for 4 months, he’s been seperated from his ex for 3 years, but wants us to be a secret coz of his daughter!! He says he likes me heaps but just wants to keep this quiet for now! It’s really hard for me, coz I’ve fallen for him and I’m so confused! I was going to end things, but he didn’t want that to happen! So I’m just going to b patient!!

Reply September 8, 2014, 10:55 pm


It gets no better with age. I went on a date yesterday with someone I met online: we are BOTH 49!!!!! We has a great day, I thought: went to a gallery, for drinks, strolled around lots, had dinner… spent 7 hours together in total. He sent me a text saying “lovely meeting you”. I replied, “had a fun day. Would be great to do it again.”


I’m guessing he has no interest in doing it again. If he did, he’d have replied something like “sure, let’s make plans in a few weeks” or something, anything…

When you get to be my age, you realise very quickly that if someone wants to hang out with you, they let you know it pretty clearly, and quickly. If you have to decode, decipher, try to ‘figure’ out anything, try to find the ‘meaning’ in things he does, then you should move on. If you don’t, it’ll wound your self-esteem. You’ll be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Reply July 27, 2014, 8:40 am


This guy just started texting me a few days ago and told me he liked me then out of now where he just stopped and its been 2 days. Should i text him again or is he not intrested?
I’m Confused help!

Reply July 17, 2014, 10:52 pm


I’m all for straightforward advice but the tone of this reply wasn’t necessarily warranted. I’m not into excusing this behavior as “just being a guy”… Have to ditch the silence games at some point in adulthood if there was a commitment or, sex, implied. Yet adults still do this; nice interview for the job, no call back. I’m sure anyone dislikes being led on to dead ends. Saying guys just don’t like to text is not always true. My new bf; I see him text all the time . It’s ok cause it’s his friends who are closer to him…But that’s the difference that I don’t like. I feel like we shouldn’t date unless we were that close first. Sounds pressuring but really, I’d rather be single than be in a fling. I’m 25 and I think I’m too old for that. Even texting seems questionable but well, it’s the new age. I want to find someone who becomes a best friend and then try to make it happen. Not try to make a best friend out of holding hands long enough. It’s been a couple days since we spoke and a week since we’ve seen each other. It’s fine if we’re trying it out but he already wants to be partners now, not just “potential” anymore.

My past relationships failed after giving them “space”…They even said “You never text me” …Did they want me to? They acted just like the guy in this question, not to mention cutting any conversations short. I’m not panicking, just would like it to be clear.

Reply March 5, 2014, 7:33 pm


This comment looks familiar but can’t remember if it was me. Well I’m 26 now. I’m still with my boyfriend a year later. It’s strange how this was almost exactly a year ago save for one day. I love my boyfriend and he communicates more now.

Reply March 6, 2015, 6:01 pm

Eric Charles

That’s cool — if you (now) could have given yourself advice for what you posted, what would it be?

Reply March 7, 2015, 12:26 am


how about me im in a ldr
and my guy job is dj so we know how hectic that is, usally we talk once or teice a week but not this week he said he loves me and i feel that and he told me thousand times as well as marrying me, the only time where he replied was when i accidentally woke him up but didnt get mad and said i lvoe you…so whats going on? is he aoviding me or im being paraniod? does he still want me tobe his wife and spend life time with me ? does he still lvoe me?

Reply March 1, 2014, 4:03 am


I agree with a lot of what Eric says, yet I think that it really depends on the person. If someone wants you, they will keep in contact with you. If they get annoyed or irritated about you messaging them, then they just don’t like messaging YOU (and is time to move on in my opinion). It’s not necessarily about all guys not liking to text in my opinion. I agree, if someone loves or really likes you they will love hearing from you whether it’s a phone call, text message, email, or social media message (ex. Facebook).

Reply August 17, 2013, 5:22 pm


I have read multiple articles about how girls are “needy” and how we have to “back off” when a guy starts to pull away. I have to call bullshit on some of this. If a man I’m seeing suddenly starts to pull away I’m supposed to back off and give him space?? Ok, how much space?? A day, a week, a month, a year??? From what I’m understanding is that I have to change myself from being the caring, communicative person I am because some man can’t seem to grow some balls????
I have to walk on eggshells and not disturb him until he realizes what he wants and that may NOT even be me! Not responding to a text is a choice. Not calling is a choice. Suddenly becoming MIA is a choice. He’s CHOOSING not to do these things so WHY in the world would you want to be with a man who obviously doesn’t care???? This JUST happened to me. I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months. In the there were phone calls and texts and dates every week. He bought me flowers and cooked me dinner and immediately after that the calls, text and dates came to a halt. I did not text him, I stepped back and gave him space. It’s been two weeks. My birthday is tomorrow. I have not heard a word from him in 3 days. To me, it’s done. I’m moving on. I need a MAN, not a boy who can’t communicate his feelings appropriately. I think women need a wake up call. I realize now that I was a FWB and that’s both his wrong doing and my stupidity. The way I look at it is I’m a self sufficient, financially independent, intelligent, fun woman. I deserve a man who will respect me and not play head games. I think it’s unfair to tell woman if they just hang on or just give some space and not be “needy” he’ll love you. (cough, cough bullshit!) Guess what? I’m a woman. I’m not “needy” I’m more emotional and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

Reply July 22, 2013, 1:31 am


EXACTLY!!! “You’re too clingy” ummmm I wasn’t clingy, freaking out about what was wrong when we have regular communication going. ugh men who refer to women as clingy and needy are just so “slow” i dont understand how they dont notice anything wrong when you talk/text to a girl daily and the skip days out of nowhere! of course she’s going to wonder what she did to push him away! theyre the same way, they just don’t want to admit it or they stop caring/trying once they have the girl

Reply August 13, 2013, 11:02 pm


You say you’re not needy, but you kind of come off like it. Three days? Really? Perhaps he has things going on in his life. The world does not revolve around you. Try thinking outside yourself. There are plenty of reasons he may not have responded and most of them probably have nothing at all to do with you, so try not to infer based on absolutely nothing that it’s about you or how he feels about you, whether he cares or not. It’s three days. Chill. The worst thing you can do…what will push a man…ANYone away…is to make them the center of your universe. Maybe he’s a total pig, but maybe give him the benefit of the doubt until you find out otherwise. It’s human nature to back off some when the “thrill of the chase” seems to be waning. So, yes, backing off when that happens IS your best course of action. No point in getting all overwrought and bruised-ego’ed about it. It is what it is. It has nothing to do with you. Period. It’s the way people ARE and that does not make them bad people or mean they don’t have “balls”. Men were meant to pursue….they want that hunt…so let him hunt you. And again, chill.

Reply June 29, 2014, 2:03 pm


#PLEASEPREACH. THANK YOU, GIRL. Its like, at LEAST have the tits to be straightfoward, ESPECIALLY if he just stopped texting for DAYS. ON. END. and says something akin to, “I love that youre so straightfoward” to the girl. Sometimes, there is such a thing as too clingy.

But, there’s also such a thing as, “This guy is Balless Wonder AND a hypocrite.”

Reply December 15, 2014, 2:10 am


Hi there is this guy I like and we are just good friends, but we both have made it clear that we could see each other in each others future. He doesn’t like to text, obviously what guy does, so I guess I get the why he does not text back sometimes, cause I will try and keep a conversation going, but sometimes well most he just stops replying back. We are not together at the moment because I have not moved up there yet for school. He was excited at first when I told him I was moving, but unfortunately my moving date got pushed back a month so now he is just all calm and just like o ok thats whats up and everything. Before he was like I cant wait for you to move and I wish you was here, he feels a relationship is what he is missing and he hopes its me he can get in one with and feel that void, and stuff like that, but now i am not getting that. I get maybe now he is like I believe it when I see it type, I mean understand if that is the case, dont want to get any of his hopes up, and what not I def. understand that. Maybe I am reading to much into it. I really think we would make a great couple, when we are together just hanging it feels right…What do you think?

Reply July 18, 2013, 3:57 pm


Hi Eric,
I’m so glad I came across your article. For the past week I have had a struggle over whether or not I should end things and move on from the guy who I like whom I have been speaking too for a month and 3 weeks. This struggle came last week when I didn’t hear from him all week after he texted me that he will get back to me about hanging out again when his free. I was beginning to think he wasn’t interested in me anymore. So I sent him a text to see how his sisters and best friend’s birthday was and got a really positive reply that he can’t wait to catch up with me again which I told him to let me know when he does want to catch up again. My mind started to go back into negative mode when I heard nothing back and it’s been five days. I was really thinking of telling I was going to move on because he’s obviously not interested in me until I read your article and thought hey we have only hung out twice and that we don’t have anything yet. I usually end things when I don’t feel like this aren’t progressing but after reading this I realised I need to be patient for one and two we don’t have anything yet. You have saved me from making myself look like a fool for ending things before they began; overanalysing his texting habits and losing a really great guy ?. Now just have to keep remembering this and say positive until he asks to out again which I hope is soon.

Reply November 15, 2012, 9:49 pm

Kayla Tijerina

so my problem is about the same as (he hasnt text me in two days what do i do ) exactly he lives an hour away and is an accounting manager at a stripes, only i suspected that he was cheating so i did the un thinkable and cheated on him i had to tell him felt bad too hold it in ,he brokeup with me acted like he cared and 2 days later is with someone else , then like 3 weeks later he wants to be friends with benefits what is his game what is this can itrust him if i get back with him or is it just a game , i ws a virgin before and just thought if i did what i did he wouldnt have an excuse to hold on to me , soo was he cheating ??????????????

Reply November 3, 2012, 1:24 am


He’s not the only one playing games. Why would you cheat on someone b/c you “suspect” he was cheating on you? I don’t understand your logic. And you’re trying to make it sound like it’s all him! I think you need to take a break from all relationships from this point forward until you get it together. Relationships do not work when the people in them are insecure and jealous. It’s always going to be a hot mess.

Reply June 29, 2014, 2:07 pm



I met this guy at a club. We danced, had fun, we kissed and I left. He texts next day to see if I wanted to get together soon, to which I said yes. A couple more texts back and forth ( the day after clubbing) and we stop with his text. The following day I send a text saying, I thought about him due to something. He hasn’t texted yet and it’s been 3.5 days already he hasn’t replied.

I fail to understand why he hasn’t replied if he seemed so interested in me. I want to know because he seemed like a nice person and it was kind of elusive (or the alcohol). Don’t feel these things often. Please reply :-).

Reply November 2, 2012, 3:59 am


Actually I get upset when family or friends don’t respond. And to be honest my guy friends text the shit out of their friends. And the difference is my family and friends respond. I think this is all guy illusion of “omg a girl did it so this must be her being a problem” bull. Boys get excited over texting it’s just this society causing this negative view on women. I listen to men complain all the time. I’m in a working field with mostly men. The attitude against women is bull. They get just as excited.

Reply October 9, 2012, 7:05 pm


What is meant to happen will happen. Don’t get excited until he asks you out. Until he wants to be exclusive. Trust me. I learned that the hard way. I personally don’t believe in women chasing men or even perusing them. It’s their job.

Reply September 17, 2012, 5:41 pm


That does help and I agree after 3 ‘dates’ you don’t really have anything. But what in my case we lived over an hour away and across 3 months had had 8 dates. I’ve just moved to the same city (not for him so don’t panic! :)) But he can still take a couple of days to reply. I understand that if a guy is busy he may take two days, but isn’t that just plain rude if you’ve asked a specific question or are arranging to meet up??

Reply August 20, 2012, 6:26 pm


So my boyfriend, we are enganged to be married in june 2013, we have been dating for a 2 years now and all of a sudden in the last two weeks hes been lying to me about where hes been going when he leaves for hours at a time. I cant get ahold of him at all anymore. Hes been distant not wating anything to do with m. I’m not allowed to go anywhere with him. Is he just sick of the relationship, or is he cheating??

Reply August 14, 2012, 6:09 pm


Ask him straight up. That’s the only way you’re going to know. We can’t answer that for you without inferring things about a situation and person we’ve never even met. If he lies about it, you’ll know.

Reply June 29, 2014, 2:09 pm


Need serious help!! I already know the answer however i feel as though i need someone to back me up here. Been with the same guy for almost 3 years, we’ve never had a great sex life from the beginning and now it’s dwindled down to a quarterly commitment. He always rejects me when i try to initiate, when we do have sex (once every 3 months) it’s all about him. He never tries to please me at all. Foreplay is not a word in his vocabulary. I have discussed this with him on numerous occasions, even asked him if he was gay. All i ever get in response is “all you ever want is sex”. He claims to be in love with me and doesn’t want to break up. I am at the end of my rope, feeling like a foolish idiot. I really want him to desire me, I love him very much…. My self esteem has taken a nose dive as a result. Any suggestions, comments? Pretty sure i should just boot him out! We are both 35 if that makes a difference.

Reply July 29, 2012, 10:36 am


Girlie,you need to leave. Love must be intertwined with lust. You deserve someone who worships all of you, including your body! :)

Reply June 17, 2013, 8:58 pm


How do I post on here?>

Reply July 28, 2012, 7:22 pm


I think he’s cheatin on me !!! But I’m not sure weird calls but he Dnt answer the samenum every time Nd txts how I will know if that’s agirl he told me he’s is his friend oh god Wt to do I asked him he gt angry Nd he told me u Dnt trust me Dnt b wiz me Nd u pushed me away that Wt he said help plZ ! Tnx

Reply July 23, 2012, 8:18 pm


your comment is super hard to read because you are missing a ton of vowels, but i would say that yes, something is shady. when a guilty person gets called out, they often get angry that they got caught and in this case it worked because his anger made you insecure and afraid AND it made you stop questioning him. instead of HIM feeling nervous, which he should because he is up to something shady, now YOU are nervous and feeling like it’s your fault. i wouldn’t put up with any of that at all. i would say “yeah i don’t trust you because you are not being honest or trustworthy” and i would dump his ass.

Reply July 24, 2012, 10:52 am


I think he cheating on me but I’m not sure there’s always a number in his phon he don’t answer infront of me Nd when the same number and him a msg he hide the phone Nd when I ask him who he tell my friend I don’t want to answer Nd become angry ” u Dnt Dnt trust me stop doin this leave me alone if u Dnt trust me” I Dnt know Wt to doo how to know if he’s cheating on me or Nott :((( plZ reply tnx

Reply July 23, 2012, 5:47 pm


I have been dating this guy for about 4 months. He would ALWAYS send me good morning texts and we would talk all day. Now he says hes busy and he cant handle talking to me right now . He would hangout with other girls and go to parties. He always says he loves me, but now I don’t really believe it. He confuses me and sometimes would go a week without talking to me, until I would finally text him. I don’t know if I should just give up on him. It seems like I don’t really matter to him anymore.

Reply July 22, 2012, 8:31 pm


the problem is that you are still thinking of how he acted four months ago instead of how he is acting now. there is a saying: “Men vote with their feet.” it means that his actions will show how he feels. look at the hard facts of how he is acting NOW:

-he doesn’t text you
-he doesn’t want to talk to you (saying “i can’t handle this” is BS for “i don’t want to”)
-he hangs out with other girls
-he only replies never initiates

i would stop talking to him. don’t get wrapped up in memories – people change and situations change. don’t sit around blaming yourself, you probably didn’t even do anything “wrong.” just move on to a man who chooses you.

Reply July 24, 2012, 10:57 am


Important subject. Addressed well ! Thank you for the insight Eric.

Reply July 20, 2012, 1:08 am

Janet Adeline

Hi Eric:

I couldn’t agree with you moe about guys opinion about text. Women seem like to text men and enjoy the time of sending and reading replies. My male freind said the same thing about texting, they don’t like to send text. Especially when they are working on something, men like to work on their own and don’t like to get disturbed.

I have learned this through the previous breakup. Now I don’t get frustrated when my partner doesn’t reply my text message.


Reply July 19, 2012, 9:14 am


Hi Eric,

First off thanks for writing this Ask a Guy post! I’ve missed reading them and I was excited to see this new post when I checked today.

I have question– Should I be worried if my boyfriend doesnt text me for days at time and we’ve been in a relationship for half a year? We’re both busy people and we meet up only once a week; he stopped planning dates now and I dont know what to do about the lack of frequent contact.

I’ve given him space and haven’t texted him during times where he’d stop texting me for 3-5 days every week, but this has been going on for a month or so and I don’t know what to do.

How do I initiate more frequent contact with him without acting needy?

I miss how often he used to text me when we first started dating; he used to ask how I was doing every day if not every other day.

Does he just not care about my day anymore? Or do guys just not like sharing day-to-day details through text like girls do?

And is no contact whatsoever (no texts/calls from him) monday through friday until we see each other later in the week normal?

Thanks for reading this,


Reply July 18, 2012, 11:42 pm

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