5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Men post image

5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Men

Men and women. Women and men. We’re not that different, yet we can’t seem to figure each other out.

Don’t despair – I have a little secret that is sure to perk you up: men – yes, those creatures who are so often the bane of our very existence, the ones who puzzle us and tear us apart inside, the ones that cause so much grief but always keep us coming back for more – are not all that difficult to understand. In fact, I think I have an easier time explaining male behavior than female.

I have been writing about relationships for a while now and over the years I have noticed some prominent points of confusion, ones that seem to be shared by women of all ages from all around the world (no exaggeration). I can relate to all the questions we receive on a personal level because once upon a time, I too was banging my head against the table in an effort to understand why.

It wasn’t an easy process, but I eventually reached a point where it all made sense and all my questions and confusions suddenly evaporated. Fortunately, I’m not the selfish type and am more than happy to share everything I’ve learned.

Read on for universal male truths that can save your relationship and your sanity.

1. He doesn’t care about the texts (and neither should you!)

I don’t know what the biggest relationship concern was back in the days of touch-tone phones, but these days, it’s all about a guy’s texting habits: why he used to text so much in the beginning and then stopped, why he takes so long to reply, why he disappears for days at a time, why his texts are so short, etc., etc. The really sad/funny thing is that men have NO idea how intensely their texting habits are being scrutinized. None!

There are all kinds of reasons why this is such an issue for women and why men are so oblivious to it – reasons we’ve discussed at length in previous articles– but the takeaway is that this whole thing is a non-issue for men.

Most men see texting as nuisance. Yeah, they’ll text a lot in the beginning when they’re trying to win you over, but it’s not sustainable or realistic to continue at that level indefinitely. In the beginning, it’s all new and fresh and if he’s really into you he will be thinking about you a lot and will feel the urge to text you frequently. After some time has passed and the relationship is a bit more established, this urge isn’t as pressing and it begins to feel like work.

Sadly, a lot of relationships collapse before they even get off the ground because the girl can’t handle the sudden decrease in daily texts and instead of dealing with it, she lashes out at the guy and demands explanations for every text he doesn’t reply to.


The mistake that many make is thinking that the sudden drop in texts means he’s losing interest or doesn’t care. That’s not usually the case, though. Most often, he’s just settling back into his normal routine.

You can’t measure the depth of a relationship by the number of texts received on average per day or how much time has elapsed in between each text. You measure the depth of a relationship by the quality of the time you spend with that person.

You can spend all day going back and forth with some guy about nonsense. This doesn’t mean you have a great and profound relationship, it doesn’t really mean … anything.

MORE- Ask a Guy: When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back

Guys don’t think about relationships as often as women do. It’s just not where their head is at. It doesn’t mean they don’t care; it’s just not a central point of focus.

Countless studies have shown that women primarily gain their sense of worth and self-esteem through their interpersonal relationships while men measure their worth based on their ability to have an impact in the world and contribute in a meaningful way. (Source)

If a man is at work, then that is the sole center of his world and nothing exists outside of that. The fact that a man doesn’t text you as much or as often as you’d like doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you – he’s usually just focusing on something else and most men have a difficult time seeing beyond a given task at hand.

This is hard for most women to understand because women can switch from one task to the next and back again with much more ease.

2. Men communicate through actions more than words



We get a lot of questions that go something like: “I’m really confused, my boyfriend says he’s crazy about me and I’m the most amazing/wonderful/smart/funny/etc girl he’s ever dated but he always blows me off and he can’t hang out and doesn’t have time to talk on the phone or text back or take me out on dates and I really only see him late at night when he feels like it.”

OK, maybe not exactly like that, but close enough. Men intuitively know that words are important to women. Some men exploit this by saying things they don’t really feel or believe in order to get what they want, and other men hold back from expressing how they truly feel, knowing that once the words are out there the dynamic of the relationship will irrevocably be altered.

If a guy says he’ll do anything for you and then calls late at night and begs you to come over, claiming to be too tired to make the drive over to your place, then he has a very loose definition of anything!

If he says he really cares about you and misses you but then goes days or weeks without calling or making time to see you because he’s swamped at work, or some excuse along those lines, what he’s really saying is you’re not important enough to make time for.

The opposite is also true: a guy may not be saying something with his words and instead, express how he’s feeling through actions.

For instance, let’s say a woman is in a truly amazing relationship and the only problem is her man has yet to say those three not-so-little words. She may start to obsess over why he hasn’t said it and what it means. While she’s trapped in her head, she’ll ignore all the amazing things he does for her, the things that should show her beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves her!

Love is a big and scary word for a lot of guys. This doesn’t mean they’re incapable of feeling love, – it just means they often have a hard time saying it out loud. Women get so tripped up in relationships by honing in on the words while it’s really the actions that say it all. If he is there for you, if he is considerate of you, if he goes out of his way for you, if he opens up to you, he loves you.

Quiz: Does He Really Love Me?

Look, I don’t think I’m making any radical claims by saying men are the less communicative of the two genders. If you want to know where he really stands, pay closer attention to what he’s doing and put less emphasis on what he is and isn’t saying.

3. They want to give and make you happy – they just don’t always know how


Hold onto your seats, ladies, this might come as a major shock: men want to make you happy. Yes, that is correct. I know it can sometimes feel like he’s intentionally trying to make your life more difficult, and while he may be driving you nuts, deep down all he really wants is to provide for you and give you what you need. The only problem is he has no idea how to do it.

Men aren’t women. Our differences aren’t merely physical, they’re emotional and intellectual. It’s biology. Most men aren’t able to intuit the nuances and decipher the clues. If you want him to give you what you want, tell him what it is that you want!

The trick is to do it in a way that’s encouraging, not one that’s threatening, demanding, or nagging. When he does something you like and appreciate, acknowledge it and reward him for it.

Show him how happy it made you when he did such and such. Nothing is more attractive and appealing to a man than a woman who is thoroughly happy with him. When he sees he can make you happy, he will be motivated to do whatever he can to keep you happy.

You might be thinking: “But I always tell him what I want and he still doesn’t do it! I tell him all the time to bring me flowers and call me more and take me out and nothing changes!” In this case, yes, you’re telling him what you want but you’re doing it in a way that makes him not want to give it to you.

If you discourage him or nag him, he will feel defeated and will withdraw from you. The best strategy is to ask for and encourage what you want without complaining about what you don’t want.

4.  He’ll get over his baggage if he thinks he’s going to lose you

Whether it’s a breakup, a demanding schedule, a stressful job, or a painful past, it will become a non-issue the minute a man thinks he’s losing you. Guys will resort to all kinds of excuses to avoid being in an exclusive relationship – usually it’s because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you (but he still likes you and doesn’t want to lose you) and sometimes it’s the result of his natural aversion to being tied down (more on this in #5).

If he knows that he can give you some excuse about still being devastated over his last relationship and you’ll stick around, then you can be sure said “broken heart” won’t mend anytime soon. If he senses you will leave if he doesn’t commit (or if you actually go ahead and say this isn’t what you want and actually cut the chord), he’ll get his act together … fast! If he doesn’t, then he was never planning to and at least you won’t waste any more time on a dead end.

BUY THE BOOK: 10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men 

It may sound like an immature game, but why would he (or should he) put in more effort when he can get the exact same reward? If you find a Chanel dress on sale for $20 would you absolutely insist on paying the original market value of $2,000? I mean, that’s how much the dress is worth. The obvious answer is no, you wouldn’t. If you can get something for less, you will happily take it and would be a fool to offer more than the minimum amount.

This happens in relationships all the time. If a man scores an amazing girl who is there for him no matter what, he won’t put in an ounce of effort more than is necessary to keep her around.

If a man really cares about you and knows you’ll leave if he doesn’t commit, he will forget his ex-girlfriend’s name and commit to you in a heartbeat. He won’t delay for a second and risk some other guy swooping in and snatching you up. And if he doesn’t commit and still insists he “can’t give you what you want?” Well, he was probably never that into you to begin with and it’s better to know before you get in too deep.

5. Their number one concern is losing their freedom, always.

In the interest of making your life better and your understanding of men crystal-clear, I’m gonna skip the sugarcoating and cut right to the heart of it: men are terrified of losing their freedom. It may sound ridiculous or immature, but it’s the truth.

This is the reason men are so afraid of commitment, it’s the reason they withdraw when a relationship deepens, it’s the reason they go hot and cold, and it’s pretty much the reason behind almost every relationship issue you’ve ever had. Does this mean all men want to run around and sleep with every female that crosses their path? No. However, they will do whatever they can to hold onto the fact that they can go out and do whatever, whenever, for as long as possible.


Men don’t want to be locked down or shackled to the proverbial ball and chain. The nature of a man is to seek newness; men love to live in a world of unlimited possibilities.

You might be the most wonderful girlfriend in the whole world, but he still won’t abandon his inherent need to be free. The best thing you can possibly do is continue to have a strong sense of self and a life outside the relationship.

Don’t rely on him to be the sole center of your universe because the moment he feels that kind of pressure, he’ll run. Once you start pressuring him and demanding to know where he’s been and why he hasn’t called or texted and why he’s being shady or quiet or moody, he will feel like he’s losing his freedom and he will withdraw. If you persist and hound him further, he’ll keep withdrawing until he’s nothing more than a distant memory in your life.

If you continue to have your own life and are whole and complete, he won’t be afraid that a relationship with you will mark the end of his days as a free man. And this isn’t just about him –  it’s also for you. It’s extremely important to keep your life balanced, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

A lot of women let the areas of their lives that used to be important fall by the wayside as soon as they get a boyfriend. They quit going to book club, they don’t meet up with friends as often, they stop doing yoga regularly, they change their entire routine so there is less time for everything except him.

When you no longer have these other things filling you, you will inevitably turn to your man and the relationship to fill in the empty space. And when it doesn’t (and it won’t), you’ll resent him for not giving you what you need, and he’ll resent you for making those kinds of demands. Suffice to say this kind of situation never turns out well.

MORE: On Loving Yourself and Being More Confident

Remember, his aversion to being “locked down” has nothing to do with you. When you can understand where he’s coming from, you will save yourself from a world of endless frustration, pain, and confusion.

Focus on becoming the best version of yourself. When you achieve this, you will inspire him to be his best self and the benefits of a relationship with you will completely outweigh a life of “freedom.”

If you can understand and accept that men are naturally averse to being “locked down” (and that it has nothing to do with you), you will be able to relate to him from a place of compassion and understanding, not frustration and anger.

And I want to clarify that this doesn’t mean men aren’t anti-commitment. If men are anti anything it’s being backed into a corner and locked in a situation they don’t want to be in. Men want to have the freedom to choose. Let him choose you instead of ramming yourself down his throat.

I hope this article helped you better understand how men operate. But there is something else you need to be aware of before you proceed. There is one pivotal moment in any relationship that will determine if you last longterm, or if you end up heartbroken and alone. At some point, a man will pull away and he might start losing interest. He isn’t as responsive or as excited by you. You’re afraid that you might be losing him. Do you know how to respond? If not, you could make things even worse and wind up fully pushing him away so be sure to read this now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

The next relationship-deciding question a man will ask himself is: Do I want to commit to this woman for the long term? The answer will determine everything. Do you know what makes a man see a woman as girlfriend material? Do you know what inspires a man to commit? If not, you need to read this next The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

Due to the popularity of this article, we went bigger and wrote a book called “10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men.” While the ideas in this article are addressed, the book goes much deeper and uncovers a lot more about the mind of men. Buy it today on Amazon: 10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men.
10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men_small

These Are The 5 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men:

  1. He doesn’t care about texts, and neither should you
  2. Men communicate through actions more than words
  3. Men want to give and make you happy- they just din’t always know how
  4. He’ll get over his baggage if he thinks he might lose you
  5. His number 1 concern is losing his freedom

Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

375 comments… add one

Leave Your Comment Now...


My boyfriend and I dated for three months,unfortunately he told me that he needs to concentrate on his life that I disturb too much.Now we are no more communicating and I have been pleading him he ignores me.I don’t know what to do again cos I love him

Reply August 22, 2023, 9:45 am


If men care about actions more than words, does that mean they could be showing that they like you through their actions without telling you that they like you?
Actions such as:
– buying things for you without you ever asking
– asking you if you are alright frequently
– telling you they care about you and you can tell them anything
– putting their arm around you as you two walk
– hugging
– trying to tease you (maybe? idk)

Reply January 20, 2023, 10:42 am


This was very helpful for my mental health and my behaviors. You hit on key points to that I did not know I needed to know. Thank you so much! Probably just saved me from my own toxic behaviors and way of thinking of these things.

Reply May 2, 2020, 4:58 am


Hi… I read this article many times, but I just can’t understand what’s going on with the guy I like. He’s attracted to me for 8 months at least, he acts and talks like he’s falling for me everytime we meet (always with other friends, never the two of us alone) but when we are not together he rarely texts me and never asks me out. We kissed 3 times, and he was always the one starting the kiss. He remembers everything I tell him, he is curious about me and my life, he playfully tease me a lot, he notices little details about me no one ever saw… But he doesn’t want to be with me:he told me now he has no time and no brain to handle a relationship, he has a very heavy job and some issues with a close friend of his,he feels scared about having a new relationship, as he has bad memories about his previous girlfriend. He told me that despite all of this “he’s here” for me, and asked me for some time to fix some of his problems to make room for me, as now he can’t prioritize me…all nice from him, yeah… But why do I feel fooled? He replies me when I text him but only with a couple of messages, we see each other about every ten days and we are never alone,he doesn’t look for me but checks constantly my Ig and whatsapp stories…and when I told him I feel we are going nowhere and I want to move on without me, he smiled at me saying “please, don’t do it”. What should I do? It’s about 4 months I like him back, it took him 2 months and a half after he told me he wanted to kiss me, before he kissed me for real for the first time… I’m tired of all this. What should I do? And how can I get over him?

Reply December 21, 2019, 10:41 am


I am in a new relationship of about 5 months. I am really into this guy I’ve met his family he’s met mine. We can’t seem to communicate when we are not mad per say but need the other person to hear us. For the most part its great. I am very supportive of his free time.Then one of us will get a little snippy with the other one and we don’t know how to deal with it. I feel like he doesn’t want any emotion and wants a robot and he feels like I’m too sensitive and i don’t realize it. I hate when we do this . He can be snippy and its ok. I think its because we have both had bad relationships in the past. I get scared I’m being taking advantage of and he’s scared he’s involved with a real bitchy cake. My tone changes when i get tired , disappointed or upset. I try to tell him that even if my tone changes it doesn’t mean i’m mad or want to argue and i’m not being mean. If I get quiet He doesn’t like that either . If i get upset i get over it in under ten minutes. Then other times he pushes my buttons and i get very snippy. Then i feel bad and then he won’t talk to me. i need to let the little stuff go and i try but i also feel that he makes it more out of it than it has to be just because of my tone changed a little( not the real snippy times) .. This last time he asked for a few days. i texted after a couple days (I know I shouldn’t have but that was before i read your stuff) I have not contacted him sense. So out of four days i only reached out one day. In that time i have done some soul searching. Can i change and not be so sensitive . I think so but i don’t know if i will get the chance to try again . We generally go over it right after it happens (when he is talking to me) but then we still can’t figure it out. I have read several of your post . . We are in our 40’s why are we acting like teens… I don’t think its over because before he asked for time i asked if i needed to get my stuff and he replied i don’t want to talk to about it right now. I tried to be calm and say ok . Its killing me. We are supposed to go out of town for an event this weekend and i don’t know if i need to contact him about the room or just wait and if doesn’t contact me just cancel. I do think its both of us but i’m not naive enough to think i don’t have room for improvement. i do need to work on being a little less sensitive. Any advice on the what to do ???

Reply October 31, 2019, 8:26 am


As much as I’d like to applaud on this…it’s actually pretty dismissive of the effort many women deserve from men without guiding them by offering reward for what is essentially “good behavior”. Men aren’t dogs. They are aware of women’s biological maleup and should hold themselves accountable to the same effort in communication as what’s being asked here of women.

Also, many women seek new things and want freedom, not just men.

So, that said, perhaps give trying a bit harder a shot. The ol ball and chain excuse is dated.

Reply October 24, 2019, 4:22 pm


iam Tika, i really broken hearth right now. iam indodonesian women that i met my boyfriend english men when he is work in indonesia her coworker it was my friend’s boyfriend then we meet each other we are click and he propose to me that he want build very serious relationship with me and marry someday. in the begginning it was very good and happy between us. and he got new job in australia and he asked me to come over for live together then yea it’s almost 2 years now. and finally i found out many issues about his anxiety disorder, his dicorced with a beautiful and smart women seem like he still not mobe on yet i guess, drugs issues in the past. and he is very crazy active smoker and drink lately but even like that iiam trying to accept everything and i want to help him to thrive. i do keep ask him for take exercise because that i love to do. also to reduce smoke and drink but seem like he don’t want to liaten or change to be better. he often ignore me and he said sorry iam not normal at this moment and i don’t have idea sometimes why? but sometimes he said that his panic attack and anxiety coming. normally i would give him food in the bes s and everything. i really do care about him. and i contribute myself to love him. but finally what did make me very down and hopeless is he told me that he will never ever maried again to anybody!!!! it’s shocked all over my life. why he lied to me? why he did this to me??? why? i don’t know the answer. i leave him alone right now. we still talking but seem like he acoid to talk serious.

Reply August 26, 2019, 8:50 pm


I know my boyfriend (now either ex or friend i still confused because we kept text!) in online website. We lived in different country but at first time, he video called me just maybe to ensure that the picture in his profile was him. Luckily it appears as him lol. So, he said he likes me and want to jump in a relationship. i was like hold on man, thats too fast and he said he believed in me and then we couple for quite some months, then things happen, he just burst out his temper, using bad words. we had on and off relationship afterwards. its like i love him tho but im not sure, my friends would kill me if they know i still had that man in my life. but idk whats supposed i do. we talk a lot about life, sex, just everything… i try to distant myself, blocked. but i couldnt. and there he found me, texted me. then we now i guess still unsure but we really want to enjoy each other’s company… he still say he love me, miss me… but, im not sure what that is tho.

Reply May 20, 2019, 1:27 pm


Iv been engaged to this guy for 1 year, we are getting married in July. He is a great guy, however, every time we get into an argument he will ghost me. For a week! I have told. Him over and over it hurts me, but he doesn’t stop doing that. I’m getting very tired. I don’t know whether to hold or to move. We are In a long distance relationship

Reply March 3, 2019, 10:16 am


Hi rubs,
My bf now my spouse used to do that before we got married. But now he wont. It depends on you. If you cannot take it, just move on. After we got married i found other areas which were worse that made me tired. He stopped listening.

Reply April 5, 2019, 11:08 pm

Monica P Smith

That js too funny!cause i am in the same situation,but its been 2 years and well he didnt ask me to marry him..but every time i say something he doesnt like he ghosts me or if he just wants time to himself..It really pisses me off!But i noticed the more i just focis on myself and not let that bother me and blow it off..He comes around and calls and we are ok.I do think its selfish but that is just him.There are times when i dont make it a big deal and just have my own time and space..Hes ok..i know its tricky tho.But if you love him and are willing to work with him on it then yeah marry him

Reply August 4, 2019, 3:06 pm

Ann Fuller

Met a guy and we texted for about 3 weeks, non stop. Talked about how we couldn’t believe we found someone so perfect, etc. Went on 2 dates, he was out of town for about 5 days. We talked on the phone a lot also. Then one day out of the blue he stopped texting/calling everything….I did ask what was going on…no response….. why?

Reply February 11, 2019, 4:46 pm


Met a guy and we texted for about 3 weeks, non stop. Talked about how we couldn’t believe we found someone so perfect, etc. Went on 2 dates, he was out of town for about 5 days. We talked on the phone a lot also. Then one day out of the blue he stopped texting/calling everything….I did ask what was going on…no response….. why?

Reply February 11, 2019, 4:51 pm


Really then you need to keep on trying or go to his home and check on him

Reply March 9, 2021, 5:28 am


Hi Ann,
Your situation sounds so similar to mine. Ugh. Did he ever text or contact you?

Reply March 20, 2019, 1:12 pm


Yall you gals were most likely being used as a distraction.
Probably some dude who recently broke up and looking to fill in the void or distract himself from the pain with new people. most likely his ex came back or he went back to them.

Reply August 23, 2019, 12:00 pm


There is this guy. He asked for my number I didn’t the first time he asked me and the second time my friend gave him my number in front of me. So he started texting me we didn’t actually text a lot and he just stopped texting. One day he gave me a ride home cause he was there when I needed a ride and in person he’s so nice and looks so into me but he doesn’t contact me first? Why is that?

Reply January 14, 2019, 6:47 pm


I read all of your articles and Sabrina’s. I found so relieved of all the stresses and depression I’ve been through with a new dating. Thank you so very much. I now understand more about men without asking them directly, which can lead to the misunderstanding. Your advices are so helpful and it made my day. Thank you again very much.

Reply June 5, 2018, 6:09 pm


Thank you so much for all the bullsh.. information.
When i start reading this I thought it was a big joke… How can people even believe this?
This person who wrote this article must wake up and see the real world! Ahh god man…
Wtf, what planet are you from dude? :’D

Reply March 7, 2018, 3:31 pm


re: texts – its not that he doesn’t care … its because he actually has to perform and concentrate to keep his job/study – no-one is going to give him a break because he nice tits, or they think they’re going to get a shot at getting into his panties . (well ok, in somecases someone might, but that’s even more trouble)

Reply February 23, 2018, 7:50 pm


Very helpful information, makes a lot of sense. Thanks! :)

Reply February 1, 2018, 12:29 am


My boyfriend and I live in different state, and my parent doesn’t know we’re dating so we never really talk over phone but instead all we did was text. But I always have to start conversation and I have to wait along time to get a reply. I did consider in his place since he was working but the problem is that he would never start a conversation unless I start. Sometimes I would doubt if he really love me or just dating me for fun.

Reply January 11, 2018, 10:34 pm


Hello Anna I would like to be your friend as I read your message i was really trounced with it

Reply March 9, 2021, 5:34 am


My partner was never good at texting or calling me since we first started hanging out. At first, I didn’t care that I got one text per month from him because I didn’t have feelings for him. After we began an intimate relationship, I expected to hear from him more. I would text him almost every day and I would hardly get responses. He rarely answered the phone. He said he had a phone phobia but the didn’t get anxious talking to me. There have been times when we’re away from each other for weeks at a time and I don’t hear anything from him. It makes me feel like he’s not thinking about me. Although, everyone says that he doesn’t pick up his phone, including his mother.

Reply January 2, 2018, 12:26 am


I am in long distance relationship for last 5 months. We were planning to meet soon but off- late I have seen major changes in my boyfriend.
He was always very supportive and cared about everything. He has stopped talking about future and stopped calling me, we have spoken on phone only once since last month. This is getting very difficult for me to understand as we are constantly in touch via texting the whole day! I am with him via texting the whole day, I know his schedules, also he sends me pictures of him morning, evening & night. But when I ask to call he just simply avoids it and this kinda started to hurt me a lot. I am not sure what he is looking for in this relationship. I do not want to talk about this topics over texts and wanted to talk to him over call.
Please me understand why is he behaving very weird like this. He had gone through a breakup just before we met (2 months). Im not sure if he still mourning over it.
Please advise.

Reply November 6, 2017, 5:09 am


I have to disagree w/#1. While texting isn’t the entire relationship, in my experience, its a good idea to pay attention to how often your partner texts you. I’m not one to expect 24/7, but also I’m not gonna go for the once a day or less texting. In relationships, I always gave excuses to the guy as to why he hadn’t texted me in awhile, come to find out, he wasn’t interested in being w/me.

Reply October 18, 2017, 5:31 pm


I’ve been talking to this guy that I met on a dating website. We hit it off really well, and would talk all day via text. We had a blast talking to each other and after a couple of weeks went on our first date which went extremely well! He told me the following day that that was one of the best nights he’s had in a long time and that he wants to do it again. A few days passed, and his texting decreased. I asked him out for a second date which he happily agreed to. We went out a second time, and again he informed me that he had a lot of fun. The next day his texting decreased a lot and I didn’t hear from him until late that night. I asked him if I pushed him away or if he was upset and he told me that he actually thought he was boring me and that he pushed me away. We cleared everything up and moved on. The following day we were texting and he told me on his own, that I am the only person he’s been talking too and that he’s interested in me, otherwise he wouldn’t still be talking to me. He said that he doesn’t date multiple women at once. That made me happy! After that conversation, things really decreased and the past few days I have had to be the one to initiate conversation which doesn’t last too long, but he seems to enjoy it. He doesn’t make much effort anymore, and I’m wondering if what he said was even true?! If he truly is interested in me, why would he stop talking that much? I don’t expect a text every 5 minutes of course, or every hour. It’s just a dramatic drop from when we first started talking. I mentioned how we should go out again sometime and he agreed but no definitive plans were made. I feel like I shouldn’t just sit back and wait for him to come to me this time, but I’m not sure. Could it be that he really isn’t interested and just doesn’t want to tell me? I don’t know what to think and I’m ready to just say forget this guy and move on. Any advice is appreciated :)

Reply September 8, 2017, 11:58 am


Hey Lianna,
I hate to tell you this, but this guy is lying to you. It’s in the early phases and for all he knows some other guy could snap you up! But he’s putting in this minimal effort. Good for him, that he doesn’t date multiple women at once. That could mean anything, you don’t know what his definition of dating is. He’s not trying to get this on lock, he either has other prospects or he’s not interested; the thing is, they know no girl is going to stick around to be his Thursday Regular. He’s not going to cop up to that. Audrey Hepburn always kept a few other fellas on the back burner until she had a ring on it. You’re worth that, you’re worth his time, and if he’s not giving you that then find someone who is willing to. Do you really want a guy who takes you on a date and deadspaces? What about if you sleep together on a fourth or fifth date and he deadspaces? How will you feel after that? Fuck this guy, he is wasting his chance and you should take your ball and play in another sandbox.

Reply February 27, 2018, 2:29 pm


Hello there was a guy in the same class as me.i didn notice him at first but he suddenly staring at me and i notice that for a few times . And that action of him makes my heart flutter. I feel weird at first because he never talked to me before but staring at me with a serious face its sure catch my attention.its also makes me felt akward. It keeps on like this for a few days. At first i didnt want to think about it so i just ignore it. But recently he suddenly teasing me and looking and staring that makes me feel akward, happy, flattered. I tried to ignore it even my heart flutter more and more . Few hours after that he sat beside me and i am eating. It makes me felt akward and nervously but i tried hard not to make it obvious. He suddenly talked to me and for sometimes i thought he is not the one who talking to me. So i look at him a few seconds just to confirmed it then answered. After that when we walked in the hallway i saw him looking at me and smile so i smile back. Is he interested in me or what? He never intiated texting or calling me. It seems that i am the one who is more interested, liking and into him

Reply July 11, 2017, 6:02 am


Hi. I fell in love with my English teacher and we are in a relationship now,but he’s too busy ,he work from 8 in the morning until 10 at night. Before the begin of our relationship we were seeing eachother when I have class but after we started a relationship ,we never went out toghether! He says love me but I think we wont have a good relationship . Is it love that he cant spending time with me?

Reply June 6, 2017, 11:12 am


Need help I have been married for 14 years. Since January I have had a persistent man want to sleep with me. My marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be and he has a girlfriend. In march I met him at his house nothing happened both of us freaked out he couldn’t believe what he was doing in his house And I told him it was too awkward not right and not worth losing everything. He said he would not lose anything or give it up. I left when I did he told me to be careful. The next day he wanted me to come by. I couldn’t and told him this wasn’t right and asked him why me? He said he had been intrigued by me for a very, very long time. I asked him how since he had an awesome girlfriend he says it was just me my hair, my voice, my eyes how I treat people. After that I didn’t speak to him for a month. Out of he blue he said he was thinking about me and wanted to know if I was doing ok. Then still today he wants to get together for sex even though I have turned him down the part 5 months, I fkn to is why he would persue for so long. I like him a lot but I know it’s not worth it. Am I reading him wrong??! Is there more!???

Reply May 30, 2017, 3:59 am


There’s definitely more… after just seeing what happens when a marriage breaks down you definitely don’t want it no marriage is easy. This guy clearly only wants you for one thing and he obviously wasn’t that bothered if he left you alone for months if he truly wanted you he’d dump his gf and be single for you but he felt guilty when you were in his house. I suspect if you did something he’d push you away over the guilt immediately after and you’d have broken your vows for nothing it seems he’s got a relationship itch and wants to scratch it with you. You don’t know if you’re the only one he’s pursueing either. I think he’s getting a little bit bored in his relationship and wants some excitement but I don’t think either of you are ready for the heartbreak and utter destruction that comes from that. If you’re unhappy in your marriage leave. If you won’t leave it unless someone’s waiting for you then you need to look at yourself. Either way you can guarantee he would be with you after and you’ll have had sex with this guy got divorced after or lost trust from your spouse and will regret it trust me I know.

Reply June 2, 2017, 12:26 pm


Thanks for the input Shannon I greatly appreciate it I have a lot going on and my feet are not planted you know too I had been rude and inconsiderate but still he keeps hounding I told him it’s not worth it and backed away ignored him stopped replying it’s crazy but maybe I have to really push back using force. I am looking at what I need to do for myself stay or go my husband doesn’t talk and shuns everything out and is very selfish I know that is what pushes me away but he never I mean never wants to talk at all it’s so sad he didn’t even say happy anniversary and left for a 5 day fishing trip on our a14nth anniversary ☹️

Reply June 2, 2017, 12:33 pm


okay so my problem is this guy I been seeing for about 5 years, he always says he wants to marry me and he wants me to have his kid..even though he already has 2 (which is why I wouldn’t consider a relationship with him) anyways he buys me whatever I want, just today I was hungry and told him I wanted some tacos or some corn and even though it was raining and he lives kind of far, he came and brought me that..now whenever he sees me he gets a bonner (not even jk) even if I’m not wearing make up or nice clothes..so he always wants to do it..but this time he didn’t tell me that..another thing is he told me that he likes young girls..and some days before he told me that when he went to drop off his “niece” one of her friends said that he was really handsome and to present him to her..and when I asked and what you said okay..he said they would put him in jail..which I take as he obviously would take on her advances if she was of legal age.. then he usually will ask me for a picture even if he just saw me, and when I would send him one he would say how pretty I look or whatever, now this time I was taking pictures today and he kissed my cheek and it came out on the picture and he asked me to send him that one..then when he got home he texte me and my picture? so I sended him two, the one he wanted, and one of me how I looked today..and he replies “hello” … !!!! then im like hello? did someone grab ur phone or something and he said no an that because I didn’t send him the picture he sended me some of him eating or whatever..and one of this days he send me pictures that were obvious he took for somebody else..cuz I don’t even ask him for pictures..and in those pictures, was a chick in underwear.. now like I said I don’t really like him and would never consider getting with him, I just go out with him because he buys me things, but I cannot stand him trying to make a fool out of me and him thinking I will actually believe his bs..I have a lot of guys that I can/do go out with …I just hate it, I know he is lying, and he’s extremely bad it, and the fact that he believes I actually will fall for it insults me..what to do..is nice to get stuff but this is just too much

Reply May 22, 2017, 3:28 am


Just wished men made similar concessions that we do, but unfortunately we are to just put up with it. Men can do as they like, women have to change.

Reply May 14, 2017, 2:56 pm


This is SO true! hate that all the advice out there is “understand men” and then change accordingly. Be empathetic, understanding, patient…what about us and our needs??

Reply February 8, 2018, 5:25 am


So he and I were having study group frequently just before the final exam. And from there we began to text to each other on every day. I mean, every single day. He texted me first while me, just continuing the chats. But when I was about to end the conversation, he definitely will bring up a new topic just to make sure that our conversation will keep going.. (he used to ask me about how was my day, asking me to hangout together and much more). then, during the sem break, we were back to our home. And then he stopped from texting me. Few days later, he text me back. I realized that he had put so much effort to gain my attention (maybe, i am not sure) .. and again, he texts me from day to night and so on.. but now, our sem break is over. And he suddenly stopped from texting me.. our last chat was about he told me that he was already in the bus heading to our university.. can someone here tell me what is going on our friendship? does he likes me or just being nice to me?.. again he always texts me first and he’s the one who will never letting me to end our conversations.

Reply February 12, 2017, 2:32 am


Can I ask where you from?
Which university is that?
Because I have the same problem like you

Reply March 10, 2017, 8:00 am


he might have liked you in the beg, like he saw you and thought you were a nice girl or he thought that you were pretty so he would text you everyday because that is when he was intereste and was trying to get somewhere..but then he either noticed it wasn’t going anywhere like you said he is always the one that initiates talking…he might have had a sudden realization..or he found somebody else to pursuit or has a gf now. From my experience when I was in highschool and even some time ago at work..there would be guys that would be like extroverts, they would come out and flirt with me..the one at work would even tell everyone that I was his gf..then one day he just stopped talking to me..and even avoiding me..then a co-worker friend of mine that talked w him told me he just got a gf..as for the one in hs, that was when I was really shy so even when he woul talk to me I would be to shy to answer long story short I didn’t realize he liked me until he got his first gf then they broke up and I realized he would be staring at me and he would try speaking to me again but again I couldn’t because I liked him..is like he was everywhere..then I realized he was avoiding me..and I found out he had a new gf..what I’m saying is it could even be both…also maybe he just wanted to pass the class..

Reply May 22, 2017, 2:56 am


The guy I’ve been dating since October is now away vacationing in Asia together with both male friends and part of his family. He has been there for almost a week and will stay there for another three, but I haven’t heard a word from him since he left.
Our relationship was really in a good place before he left. We met several times a week, always had a great time and we have been exclusive the whole time. We have however not put any label on our relationship as it is a bit early for us both to feel stressed.

We didn’t decide, before the trip, about how much communication we were going to have, he just said that I had his email.
But I haven’t contacted him because I don’t want to seem clingy, and would love to be secure in myself enough to just let him has his freedom and get a chance to miss me.
But even though I can stop myself from emailing, I am, however, going completely crazy at home, shifting between feeling crushed that he doesn’t seem to care at all and trying to shut down the craziness and give him the benefit of a doubt.

I know that it shouldn’t matter this much, as I can’t do anything about what he’s feeling and just have to be fine with it.
But the crazy part of me won’t shut up!
Please help me to get some sense into myself!

Reply February 3, 2017, 5:57 am

Angela Barr

Ur care that’s great I totally understand but he is there ur here I know this sounds stupid but trust me shift the focus and by that yes think about him but it’s out of ur control so focus on what u love in life this is the time to listen to the negative thoughts which is normal but it’s not helping all u can do is try and focuss how good is to love u im 43 trust me it’s taken that long to work it out life is about u how u handle things trust me try and focus on what u can do today let him text u if u have to tell him u love him but let it go if he loves u he will ring when he is ready so embrace u time

Reply June 23, 2017, 11:17 pm


Guys stop texting because you pulled away or made them feel otherwise like the best option was to go quiet. Go find him in person and give him a reminder of who he is texting, and help him feel safe, like you’re not going to ditch him because he’s “needy,” or “not a challenge,” when he does text you.

They do also stop because they aren’t interested anymore, but this is by far the least of the reasons.

Reply February 2, 2017, 3:33 pm


I think I am a man, jajaja…

Reply January 30, 2017, 3:39 pm

Miss. Missy

If number 4 is true, that a guy will get over a stressful job if he thinks he is going to lose you, then I must have not been worth anything. Told my boyfriend of 5years his stressful job was too much for us, he ignored and I left… gave him 12 months notice.

Reply January 30, 2017, 3:02 pm


A little late on seeing this article, but I’m glad I read it. My friend and I were having a coversation, and she asked me was I looking to date anyone. I said of course, but with trying to finish college and finding work after college to support myself and the fact that I’m bad at multi-tasking (or my little to no experience of dating anyone) I don’t think I could handle it. Funny enough, she said I think more like a man, and from reading this article I can see what she means. This conversation happened before I’ve recently started talking to a guy in my class. I like him, and I’m pretty sure he likes me for the simple fact that HE texts ME first. I know most girls absolutely love it when their crush texts first, but I’m not an avid texter because I’m a rather reserved person and I never have much to say, and if I do want to talk I perfer it to be when we hang out. If this grows into something more I don’t won’t him to worry that I’m not interested when there’s absolutely nothing but radio silence on my end. I think its just a nuisance to text so frequently, I don’t even do that with my friends. And rest assure for him, he can have his freedoms whether it be choosing to hang out with his friends instead or wanting time to himself, the feeling is very mutual. I guess I’m so used to being successfully single that I’m trying to think about how this all is supposed to work and what standard will he hold me up to. I guess I shouldn’t be thinking so hard about this? I’ve heard it’ll all come naturally…

Reply January 20, 2017, 1:40 am


What is the reason’ he said me its over & as long as i insist no its not ‘ he says its over’ but exactly when i start to accept & block him everywhere like(some app & social media &..) he starts to care???????? Like Its not over ‘ ( is it something like playing?? ) !or childish character?! +he is 22years old

Reply November 28, 2016, 6:18 pm


seem’s like your easy to manipulate, also some people this days get really worked up over social media..I had this friend we were super close ..then her bf came along and he started hitting on me and she thought it was me long story short she treated me like crap so I stopped talking to her..now she never apologized or asked me hey are u ok haven’t hear from u bla bla..but when she realized I unfriended her…ohh then it was a prob..Is not like facebook notifes you..if someone unfriended you..but they do notify you when your blocked because if you try speaking to that person then it won’t let you…so seeing that you “dared” to block him and you being like it’s over, he takes it as a challenge..like he can get you back whenever he wants to and is also a way to test how much crap ull take..

Reply May 22, 2017, 3:04 am

San B

My boyfriend and I live long distance right now and he is busy most of the time. At the beginning I was agonzing a lot over why he wasn’t messaging me as much. After all he had promised to contact each other often. He just dealt with his feelings differently than I did. While I was reaching out to him for support, he threw himself head over heels into work and university, which meant less time for me. I saw it as a sign that he didn’t “miss” or “love” me as much as I did. Or that he maybe even saw someone else. It was quite upsetting for me and the fact that he didn’t understand me made it worse. Whenever I talked to him about it, he would get so upset. Once it got really bad and it frustrated him to tears why I couldn’t simply trust and believe in him. Why, despite always being respectful and attentive, he constantly needed to prove himself to me. And that’s when I began to understand where he was coming from. That most of the fears I had were my own insecurities and that I made him responsible for how I felt, instead of taking care of myself. If your guy is otherwise sweet and respectful, but simply wants to spend time apart from you to focus on his goals, don’t take it personally. Encourage him and spend some time with your friends (the ones you didn’t contact so much because of your relationship). Giving space can make room for love.

Reply November 20, 2016, 11:22 am

anqi cheng

You are amazing

Reply November 23, 2016, 8:51 pm


I’m afraid that by giving him room/space, that he will completely disappear. I want to trust him but I feel like he won’t let me in. We’ve been dating for almost 4 months and at the 3 month point, he called and texted less. He has been working crazy hours and our schedules are opposite of one another. I agonize of him not being interested or not caring, but I’m not so sure. Any advice/insight is much appreciated.

Reply December 22, 2016, 11:27 am


can I ask where your boyfriend from?

He is from manchester uk?

Reply December 23, 2016, 4:12 am


This makes me think of my Boo and it’s very soothing to read this. Our acquaintanceship is only 2 weeks old and falls under the ldr category as he travels for work. I’ve met him twice in person and he comes off as extremely caring. He’s not just a “text me when you get home” kind of guy. He’s a “I won’t sleep until I know you’re safe” kind of guy. He also remembers things I tell him like that super cool trip I’m fundraising for and he remembers that I’m training for my very first 5k. He’s flirty with me yet he’s the kind of guy who wonders how my day went. My ex never asked about what I did during the day especially while in the middle of kissing him. Maybe my ex might ask generically how I or my mother have been, but he never once asked “so what did you do today?”

Yeah…. Boo’s only flaw so far is his texting habits. He’ll text to let me know when he’s in town and he’s responsive to my texts while he’s in town, but it seems when it comes time to travel again for work there’s not a text in sight from him. Sooo…. what are some opinions?

Reply March 6, 2017, 7:56 pm


Two weeks seems too short a time to draw any conclusions. My advice would be to see where things are going, but to make sure to have your own life (and even see other guys if you so wish) and manage your expectations.

Reply April 28, 2017, 1:16 am

Neelam Patel

Hi . I will a india boy to get married with me a patel

Reply May 27, 2017, 11:07 am


I get so bored with ou gender doing all the work in a relationship with a man, and all they do is show up …..MAYBE.. it’s just not worth the trouble!!!!

Reply October 8, 2016, 12:28 pm

Lynn Marie

Why do you think these so called relationship experts write these books for women??? Because guys don’t bother to read stuff like this. They could care less. So if that’s the case, why should we care if they don’t??? I have been through hell with trying to understand guys, I think they need to try to understand us a lot better. And for anyone who wants to tell me I’m too picky, I’m not going to settle for someone who just takes me for granted, and I need my freedom too.

Reply March 8, 2017, 2:09 pm


i lik dis article,am datx a guy for a year nw and he says he loves me and wants to get married to me.i hv never been introduce to his family members or frnds,n he has a son already with his ex.things were gox on well for us but suddenly he stop txtx n callx as usuall n always respond in a rude manner to me .this began after we had a little prob.shld i keep on txtx him or break up with him.pls i need an advice

Reply October 2, 2016, 5:11 am

lyndsay sellars

I don’t know how to apply that to my situation,, My guy is in prison,& I am wanting him to say more in regards to his feelings for me,, we dated a little, a couple years ago,& we have stayed in touch i have no patience it seems,, I am the one who always is the giver,, i want someone to do for me this time,, I want to be the one who is thought of, the one that gets surprised with a card , just because,, His response is in due time, I know he is limited to what he can do,, ,I send him money , for phone , for emails, and all I ask for a little something,,,, Please help me

Reply September 18, 2016, 7:28 pm


Like everything else, example fruits, it is fresh in the beginning, after a while when freshness is gone, what are you going to do about it? Like beautiful flower, it will wither.
Just observe and understand.

Reply September 14, 2016, 12:06 am


Texts mean nothing. Theyre a free, no effort communication. Players use them to stay on your radar, at their convenience. I have no time for daily texts of How are you, it’s a nice day, etc. Unless the text is to arrange a date, lose my number! If a man wants to see you, he will see you. Not text about boring trivial stuff!

Reply September 11, 2016, 1:34 pm


Well said, Grace!

Reply April 28, 2017, 1:18 am


theres no ada truth than wat u said Grace

Reply May 7, 2017, 9:41 am


This Monday my boyfriend stopped texting me everyday like he used too and I started to notice the difference. That day and yesterday he sent me a goodnight text with kiss emojis and today nothing. I know he is free because the ACTIVE NOW status on Facebook messenger(not trying to be a stalking girlfriend). So if I break up with him starting next Monday, is it regrettable? We have never argued, criticize each other, call out names, etc…, We have plans for my birthday and for Halloween and I would not like to ruin those plans. Before reading this article, I thought I was either being cheated on or just cared by the boy I knew for 1 1/2 year. We are a weird couple with energy and sense of humor.

Reply September 8, 2016, 1:40 am


Oopsie! Forgot to check my grammers.

Reply September 8, 2016, 1:42 am


I think you shouldnt care too much about text. tbh, i used to always checking on fb messenger to see when was he last active. Ii realized it is driving me crazy because sometimes i saw him online but not replying my msg. Then I questioned him, he said he is not a fan of text message, when he thinks there is nothing important to say, he wont text back. But it does not mean he doesnt care about you. Guys just does not care about text. So we shouldnt too!

Reply October 24, 2016, 11:06 pm


As opposed to him caring about them like we do. Right…

Reply May 14, 2017, 2:59 pm

Erika Lewis

I stopped reading this article as soon as I read that women value their relationship more than men do. But it’s not my experience and I don’t want women to read that and ask you about is what the norm is. Men are just as insecure in texting and time differences as women are. In fact it is my experience that I was not insecure about the texting issue until men brought it to my attention. Men and women are not so different in regard to issues like this. I just don’t want women to think that they are the only ones thinking about issues like this

Reply September 2, 2016, 11:43 pm


THANK YOU. Thank you SO much. After reading this I was CRAVING to read this kind of good judgement in AT LEAST ONE comment.
You have expressed EVERYTHING I would have written.
Women, men, every one: have common sense. Be who you are. Expect good treatment. DEMAND good treatment. And have the integrity to give it yourselves.

Reply January 2, 2017, 12:32 am


One thing that people tend to forget is we as a species are really not that much different than any other animal. Our mating habits are pretty much the same, as they appear to be ‘hard-wired’ into our brains. Interested people should do research on the similarities between the mating habits of humans and lower animals. They may be surprised at the results.

Reply August 21, 2016, 12:17 pm


Why does my boyfriend not text me back?
Is it because he might like someone else?
He lives in a different state, what do I do?

Reply July 1, 2016, 8:06 pm


Love this, thank you so much Alexis. #4- What’s a good way to let him know this??

Reply June 25, 2016, 8:01 pm


“Countless studies have shown that women primarily gain their sense of worth and self-esteem through their interpersonal relationships while men measure their worth based on their ability to have an impact in the world and contribute in a meaningful way.” Any actual evidence to back that up? I would say that this is a pretty opinionated and sexist comment. Women don’t measure their worth on their ability to contribute in a meaningful way they just pine away after men… it’s 2016 and that couldn’t be further away from the truth. Just ask female scientists, doctors, surgeons of which there are many. It’s likely they are not hanging around waiting for your fat ass to make them feel confident

Reply June 13, 2016, 3:39 am


What about if a guy follows a strange texting pattern?
I have been getting to know this guy by text since the beginning of the month, we chat continously during the day. Until recently where he would skip an entire day and then the next day chat like normal, continously for the whole day, and then skip a day again….like a pattern.
What exactly can it mean if a guy does this?

Reply June 10, 2016, 9:21 am


The title of this article speaks to the ‘dumbing down’ of women….”5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know about Men”.

Thus, the first thing we need to know, is that we should be addressed as women, not girls or children. It all starts in how we define ourselves.

Reply May 16, 2016, 10:01 pm


I met this guy recently and he and I were attracted to each other and eventually we discussed and decided that we just want to be friends with benefits and nothing more , it took of in that note however more than just engaging sexually , he used to want to catch up he used to call me every day post work , check on me everyday during work and then 2 weeks post that we eventually did it , post which the calling. And catching up continued , he used to say things like I make him happy and he liked spending time with me etc , I was in a little puzzle cause ideally friends with benefits does not work that way . 2 weeks ago we had a small TIFF which he assumed was due to him when it actually wasn’t , he kept speaking about another girl which made me feel insecure in terms of wether I was getting in between some weird triangle , he assumed I felt for him and said he didn’t want more and just started behaving weird with me , later I explained myself and cleared the misunderstanding, he was okay now again he’s all off an this time I don’t know why . When we spoke the last time things were all okay ! I am so confused I dint even know what to do , does he want something more and is his ego stopping him from saying that ? Cause some how his actions dint match what he says

Reply May 8, 2016, 11:01 am

Johannah Villafuerte

Well my boyfriend has told me we are in break and he is claiming we both are single. Is that officially or not. Because people I know when it’s break it’s official or space is what he needs. But doesn’t make sense if he wants a break but talks to me. He talks to me one worded. He is in that position because he has a lot going on in his mind. I mean he can’t talk to me. Yes we fight a lot but I’m not here to figure it out using my mind. I’m here to communicate with him. Its so hard how he does it. He has his own my set and I do too. But figuring it out is not my intention to do. Its frustrating. I mean I love the guy and he says he loves me..but this is hurting me. He doesnt even want to talk to me for now. Whats going on? Whats going to happen to our rsltionship?

Reply April 19, 2016, 11:03 am


Men are not the only ones who have searching for newness in their nature. This is one thing that is consistent across the board, however the older you get the more boring searching for the new becomes. You will eventually realize that all those butterflies that accompany a new relationship will fade with every single person you have them for. So constantly searching for the new, and therefore never having the real love that comes with sticking with the “old” will become a major heartache for those that do not get this sooner rather than later.

Reply March 29, 2016, 1:07 pm


I think this article is about “game players”.

The reason people are trying to figure out each other is because too many men and women are “players”.

Players are emotionally unavailable for true or lasting relationships.

We try to understand how to make a relationship work with a player, but it can’t.

Players are unwilling or incapable of giving to the other person exactly what is necessary to make the relationship work.

They play the game only to their advantage for as long as it will work.

This is always a disadvantage for the person who is not a player.

Yet “non-game players” are normal people who seek a healthy relationship.

They respect each other and consider the other person a priority in their lives.

They want to find out what makes the other person happy and when they do it makes them happy too!

For those who want a true relationship, you’re better off learning how to identify players in order to avoid them.

A “relationship” with a player can never work as it is not a true relationship.

Reply March 28, 2016, 7:57 pm

Juanita Juniper

exactly. why do we have to spend so much time FIGURING PEOPLE OUT. It’s so boring!! Yes, they are game players, they don’t want to “make it work”, they want to take advantage of what they can get then move on. It’s sad. If they would just say so up front…. but no.

Reply October 21, 2016, 1:52 pm


I think this article is about “game players”.

The reason people are trying to figure out each other is because too many men and women are “players”.

Players are emotionally unavailable for true or lasting relationships.

We try to understand how to make a relationship work with a player, but it can’t.

Players are unwilling or incapable of giving to the other person exactly what is necessary to make the relationship work.

They play the game only to their advantage for as long as it will work.

This is always a disadvantage for the person who is not a player.

Yet “non-game-players” are normal people who seek a healthy relationship.

They respect each other and consider the other person a priority in their lives.

They want to find out what makes the other person happy and when they do it makes them happy too!

For those who want a true relationship, you’re better off learning how to identify players in order to avoid them.

A player will never give you a true relationship.

Reply March 28, 2016, 7:45 pm


Wow, so a woman’s role is to “put him in his place” because a man is incapable of doing that for himself. Instead, a man wants to get away with anything he can with the rationalization that he is incapable of doing better or does not have the strength to do it himself. What a lousy excuse! Should a man blame a woman for his own selfishness in taking advantage of her? Man up or continue to be a loser, dude!

Wow, so a man doesn’t need to take responsibility for his actions. It must be an easy life for a man if a woman’s “job is to make us not want to”. So it’s a woman’s fault that a man is a loser? You need to grow a set, dude! Try thinking about others instead of only yourself!

Reply March 28, 2016, 5:11 pm


^^^thank you. You took the words out of my mouth.

Reply October 2, 2016, 12:23 am


Interesting article. Many good points. The irony is that the roles are reversed in my case. The guy does everything mentioned in the article that a girl does and vise versa. I don’t care about quantity of the texts more the quality. Text me if its important, otherwise don’t text me at all just to shoot small talk. I like him, I really do, but I need my space too. If I don’t respond during the day, its because I’m at work. This guy texts me every single day. I mean its been months and there hasn’t been a day he hasn’t texted me first. I went on a birthday camping trip in the middle of nowhere woods. The guy texted me every day each text getting sadder and sadder as if I’d abandoned him, a baby puppy, on the side of the road. I didn’t have reception, I told him this might happen! He’s a sweet man, very sweet. And yes, communication is key. I think I’m going to just say sit down with him and say, “Hey, I’m flattered you think of me daily, but you never give me a day to miss you so we can actually catch up. Texting me everyday is not necessary. Also, I’d rather we talk in person and not always through text, okay?” And the whole guys afraid of losing their freedom. Yes, girls feel that way too. The idea of having someone know where you are all the time or what you’re doing all the time is a scary thought, one I usually run away from but I know its all about compromise, even if at times it feels like you’re loosing your freedom. You’re article was very helpful. Thank you.

Reply March 23, 2016, 2:40 pm


Guys are too weird. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

Reply March 15, 2016, 1:52 am


hi! nice article. i have a question about number 1. so we started seeing each other.for a month. because of work schedule we can’t see each other quite often. at the beginning he texted me really intens. like the goodmorning, goodnight thing. leave for work and stuff. after sometimes i am the one who text him first. when we spend time together we have a good time. but this texting thing really bother me. like u said he seems qoing back to his routine. what should i do. should i text him dailly the goodmorning and goodnight stuff. should i keep text him say hi. or should i waiiiiiit. i ask him and he said hes not the texting guy. and he doesnt want to cut it off the whatever we have. so my question is simple. what should i do, related to this texting thing. thanks ;)

Reply March 7, 2016, 7:17 am

marni mackay

Iv been in relationship nearly 2yr so. I was 30 he was 18yr. (He lied said he was 25)We got on well then I fell pregnant 2 months into the relationship..I’d never felt good enuff or understood why he liked me..He started doing things that are wrong to do if ur in relationships.He started going online social networking sites.liking photos adding women on his profile then hiding it and liein bout it.Even when I was pregnant he still chose to deny that he had been on it, even though the evidence was there..But this is the twist of it all
He had been hurt by his ex girlfriend.they went to school and grew up together. She always been into him buy he wasn’t interested.But then she stopped liking him which he noticed.He began liking her and he got with her.They broke up coz she was acting different from before. He was told she was usein him to get her ex boyfriend back.And she thought he was using her just to live in the house.but they both listern to wat other people were saying. He walked out and never want back..Since her her.i never went with another woman he made out he was hurt by how she treated him and he didn’t deserve it. I thought it was his ego hurt. But then iv found out that he wasn’t actually interested in me it was how I gave him attention and confidence. He still had strong feeling for her and he would consider getting back with her if she tried..He never put effort in me only to change me little bit but it’s clear to me now it’s so I looked similar to her.i don’t know wat I’m doin now iv a child with him and I do love him

Reply March 5, 2016, 4:55 pm


My boyfriend doesn’t text me but instead he is using face. He konws I have texted him but still he takes hours and hours to reply. He never calls. But still he says he love’s me. I never complain. I dont know from where to start. Im so confused.

Reply February 23, 2016, 12:17 pm


From personal experience, when I get texts I will check then to see if it’s something crucial for my existence. If it’s not I generally won’t reply until I’m done doing whatever I’m doing.

Reply February 25, 2016, 8:04 am


Hi, this very attractive bus driver keeps staring at me. We talked a few times, but I only get to see him every Tuesday. So a few weeks ago he said he will be changing routes, so I decided to give him my number. He hasn’t texted or called. Does it mean he is already taken?

Reply February 22, 2016, 11:50 am


It means either you were replaced by someone on his new bus route, he wasn’t interested in the first place, or he’s just waiting. Being taken has nothing to do with it.

Reply February 25, 2016, 8:24 am


Thanks for replying Sam ???? Question: waiting for what tho

Reply March 1, 2016, 1:23 am


Hi. Im sara! Im dating a guy which is famous in my country where i live! Hes a singer. I met him on the beach on summer and after that hes been texting me and trying to go out on a date which ive been refusing it all the time! he say he really likes me and care for me, well now in 2 months were seeing each other but what made me comment here is that i think now that he has the care and like in return hes kinda cold when it comes to text me or call me as he did before! What am i supposed to do? He used to be such a lover boy, im not saying hes not now i was just used with his nonstop texts and now he doesnt even text for a day or maybe i should text him first for him to replay. Im falling for him and i dont want to get hurt.

Reply February 20, 2016, 6:00 pm

Ashton Huskey

I want to say thank u for this article seriously my bf an I have a lot of trust issues an we are mending them we spent the weekend together an I have 3 children he has 1 we live 100 miles away from each other an only see each other once a week this week he hasn’t spoke to me much and I’ve felt like he’s been shady but he says it’s bc he just doesn’t want to text all the time I’ve gotten in my feelings about it to the point where I feel crazy!! After reading this I feel a little bit better. I have no real reason to think he’s cheating on me at this moment he said he loves me just doesn’t want to text all thetime got burnt out I felt I was over thinking all ofthis thank u for this pipiece of mind

Reply February 19, 2016, 2:11 am


Good article, for the most part. Some caveats, though.
The texting: yes, nonstop texts can become annoying for guys after a while; after the novelty wears off, it does become a chore to put down what he’s doing to pick up the phone and resume the thread of the conversation. On the other hand, we all like getting attention. A possible reason he isn’t responding as much is because he doesn’t want to seem needy; he’s playing the “distant” game because he thinks he has to in order to keep you.
The communicating: guys actually do have a lot to say, much of the time (I’m talking about IRL, not texts, now). He just doesn’t want to say too much and bore you, or worse, look like a fool. Maybe he really is a man of few words, but it’s far more likely that he just doesn’t think whatever’s on his mind is worth talking about.
The “Losing their freedom” thing: I have to disagree. A guy in a relationship is not afraid of losing his freedom – guys don’t even think about that, that idea comes purely from Hollywood and romance novels. They do, however, get frustrated occasionally by someone who demands more and more of their time when they think their actions have made it clear they would like time to themselves.
A final note: as far as communication goes, guys appreciate and respect directness. If you like him or something he does, tell him so! The same way, if you think he’s doing something unattractive or you’d like him to do something different, tell him that, too … like “hey, could you do/not do…”. If he likes you, he wants to impress you and make you happy. Making our women happy is what us guys live for. A lot of the time, though, you have to teach us what you want … often several times, and very clearly. But when a guy cares about you, he’s happy to try and learn, especially if you’re willing to learn from him, too.

Reply February 19, 2016, 12:47 am


What if it’s still new/in the beginning and he isn’t texting you all that much?

Reply January 26, 2016, 7:25 am


I have a bf that i love a lot but he asked me to have sex but i said no and told him i was mad he kept saying sorry and begged me to forgive him and told me he will never say it again does these mean he loves me or he is just faking it

Reply January 26, 2016, 12:35 am

Sharmeka hunter

Okay people there is a reason for everything.
If a guy is not concerned for talking on the cell with you, it’s because he is talking on the cell with someone else or have the in person company with someone else. He is having an emotional affair on you. Why would he need to talk to you, if he already has someone to talk to. This means he is keeping you around for something he may need. I can bet when he wants to see you that one or 2 days a week, in which I’m sure he expects sex, he is ready to talk on cell or answer your text. This I know I’m write cause I researched it heavily online, and what I found out that. People avoid emotional connection with those they have sex with so they don’t get more attached. They have emotional affairs. A man can have emotional affairs with men, and claim go be a straight guy.

Also you could be just the girl he uses to pass time traveling to work and from work. And an occasional roll in the hay. All the while he is calling you his girl friend.

It’s about action people. Never put all your faith in a relationship in the first 3 to 6 months. People can fake who they are and disguise theit motives. It just happened to me.

And this article is crap. Because I know plenty of women who don’t want to sit on the cell with a man all day and want their freedom. I’m one of them and every woman in my family.
And men who refuse to talk on cell, only do after they have had a load of sex with you usually. When the honeymoon for them, is over. Then the woman know they got played.

My advice for anyone you just meet, don’t date them frequently in the first 3 months, or it will seem like a relationship and you barely know them.

Don’t except night and morning phone calls until months in and commitment established in person. and don’t agree to be their boyfriend and girlfriend, in just one month. They are rushing tthings to get what they want without earning you.

In the first few months of meeting you, only accept calls during the day, this means lunch time til 8pm
Your adults hours is your business.

Take control over how you’r treated by preparing for common traps.

If you feel you got caught up with a man who has suddenly don’t text or call you back until nite or early morning or only can meet once a week for that weekly sex. Back off from him, distance yourself. Give yourself a few days at least of know phone communication, to help you emotionally detach from someone who is obviously stringing you along.

Flat out tell them, this is not how you see a healthy relationship, and going to date others. If they get an attitude just hang up cell or walk away cause they would do it to you, blow you off and have by being unavailable all the time except sex days

Also there are guys who love to talk to women and want to bond emotionally, go after them ladies. Talk to them for months before any sex. If he ain’t about just sex, he will not stress about sex til months down the road.

My guy would say he don’t text but always texted early in morning and nite. And why because he wanted to just control and see if I was with someone. But during the day, barely texted or called.

First off, women should never reach a man how to treat her with love and tenderness. He needs to do his own research in his free time. Research how a man can woo his woman, sweet her off her feet…etc.

A man who wants you will do his research and don’t sit around waiting on lectures from you to teach him.

Women do their research to find out how to please a man, man do yours.
Men should never have this frame of mind, “unless she complain, then I have no worries if I’m treating her right”

If got to teach your man how to be tender, romantic and committed, in the relationship that man is no ready for a relationship and it will seem like too much work to him I find this a problem with young arrogant guys.

Your guy was suppose to be your best friend long before you ever had sex with him, or you wold never have communication and commitment problems.

Reply January 24, 2016, 6:24 am

Juanita Juniper

very smart advice. I cannot stress enough, do NOT RUSH THINGS.

Reply October 21, 2016, 2:02 pm


You’re overgeneralizing when you say that women measure their self-worth based on interpersonal relationships and men measure their worth by how much of an impact they have on the world. I am a woman with few meaningful relationships–just with my parents, an aunt, and maybe cousins I see once a year. My primary sense of self worth comes from my academic and professional achievements. I deeply care about how much of an impact I have on the world.

Reply January 17, 2016, 1:17 am


MNRC – Totally agree. Along with wanting to make a positive impact on the world, I also feel hesitant to get into relationships, because I too, am afraid of losing my sense of “freedom.” So, yes – too many generalizations and oversimplifications. This website is helpful, but it doesn’t always explain the gray area of human beings.

Reply August 28, 2016, 5:00 pm

A Real man reading this nonsense on how we think

Now its not that i think you dont make sensible points but they are very very VERY general. and actually quite ridiculus. men dont think speak or act how you say we do at least not ALL men. some are ignorant but then some just go out of their way to do whatever they can to properly read their partner like me for example actually rather than “use actions” i will use words well yes im belive actions speak louder i would alter that belief for the benefit of my partner. that and you saying men cant decipher and read clue guess what, WRONG. some men are ignorant some are selfish and some are like me and are self-less and push themselves to make their girl smile. you have no understanding about how men think. honestly some of the things you said about women i could see offending them too. and about our freedom we arent scared of loosing it anymore that you are in fact figuring out what makes guys tick is as easy as saying “hey what gets you turned on” “whats your favorite food” where do you like to hang out” i dont see why men and women get so worked up in “figuring” one another out its as simple as talking to your best friend really in my eyes the only difference between men and women is biology thats all nobody is better nobody is smarter and dumber and most of all nobody is inferior to the other. and to think all of this coming from one “ignorant” man who cant decipher clues. just next timeuse those years of realationship knowledge before writing a misleading article.

Reply January 10, 2016, 4:20 am


“Countless studies have shown that women primarily gain their sense of worth and self-esteem through their interpersonal relationships while men measure their worth based on their ability to have an impact in the world and contribute in a meaningful way”.

Just wow. I hope nobody takes you seriously. Ever.

Reply January 1, 2016, 9:18 pm


Dear Sabrina,

I came to know this guy when we took the same course and we know each other now for more than 3 years. Initially, he’d always text and email me frequently telling me what he’s doing and so on. He showered me with simple gifts when he travelled. We hit it off quite well and then I started to develop my feelings for him.

However, after a while, he texts me less frequently and seldom buy gifts for me when he travelled. I confessed to him half a year ago and tell him that I really like him. He told me he has girlfriend and cannot give me anything. I told him we cut all contacts, but after a few days, he would still text or email me. As my feeling for him is so strong, I can’t stop continuing with him. We argue a few times on this but every time we would patch back whenever he started to contact me. Lately, he started to dirty talk with me and we even went to a hotel room to be intimacy. I asked him why he does that to me if he cannot commit but he says he wants to make me happy. I have many times wanted to end this friendship/relationship with him, but every time when he starts to contact me, I just cannot control myself but to continue with him.

Could you please tell me if he really only sees me as a friend with benefits or does he has any intention to further the relationship with me? I am very confused and vexed over this.

Many thanks,

Reply December 23, 2015, 10:56 pm


I have to agree with the article for the majority of what it postulates.

When we get text over-load it shows an obsession and desire to RUSH ahead with the relationship and fast-forward to a WAY TOO SOON engagement or something.

Nothing is more infuriating than when you do stuff that is nice for a woman, and the woman says “but what do you feel” A picture is worth a 1000 words actions are worth 10,000.

Also. If you think you can or should rely on ‘subtle hints’ or we “should know how you feel”… No… just no… If a woman doesn’t want to communicate how she feels or expects a guy to use the powers of telepathy to figure stuff out.. Then she doesn’t want the guy to know and doesn’t value proper communication, and thus, doesn’t value the relationship.

#4 is true. I was seeing a few women (casually) after I exited a LONG-TERM relationship. I didn’t always want to hang out, I felt that the women were Rushing to get me into a new long-term relationship after only a few weeks, and 2-4 dates.

Naturally the women began to move towards the premise of #4. I would “lose” them. I was totally fine with that for all but one, so when I saw that coming I made the plunge to be exclusive with her.

And don’t get me Started on #5. Totally true. Freedom isn’t the freedom to have sex with anyone I want. Freedom is being able to stay up till 3am somedays and watch TV. Go to the Gym at 11pm, Decide I want to go skiing with the guys on a long-weekend, Go to a friend’s house and Watch UFC with the guys… Freedom to look at woman without having to be covert or risk getting yelled at; freedom to NOT clean the bathroom because… screw it I can deal with it for a few more days… or weeks…Freedom to to play that video game when I should probably have gone out to get groceries… ooppss. no food for dinner. Go out for Sushi then finish it off with KFC.

the threat of losing your freedom too quickly or being in a relationship with a woman which wants to cultivate you into a nice little Topiary she can show all her friends how she changed a guy… keeps most of us avoiding saying the L word or getting a Ring until we’re DAMN sure that the ‘freedoms’ We are giving up are replaced with equally valuable alternatives.

Reply December 13, 2015, 4:21 pm


I needed to hear this honest side of things from a guy’s perspective. Helped me out alot just now and probably spared me from questioning my boyfriend further. Thanks for sharing!

Reply December 16, 2015, 7:10 pm


Thank you for posting the part about texting! It was definitely helpful.

Reply December 7, 2015, 9:12 pm


This has never been my experience. If anything im always being questioned as to why im not textinging 24/7 and they go nuts that im secure and not an attention whore. As for them needing their space… I have yet to find one. They are clingy and insecure. Of course they dont seem like that in the beginning but oh do they show themselves. Smh

Reply December 2, 2015, 7:34 pm


This was the MOST helpful and insightful article I’ve read in awhile. It was speaking right to my every thought and question. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this with me. You’ve shown me a different perspective that will help me better understand and improve my approach with my bout friend. Along with prayer this article has truly given me some peace!

Reply November 30, 2015, 3:54 pm


men are all filled with lies and fake?

Reply November 21, 2015, 4:55 pm


This is absolute madness I totally disagree with you

Reply November 19, 2015, 12:16 am


It is so funny to me that it only says “Men.” All of the things you guys used to describe how men act, feel, think, is exactly how I am. I am a female. It’s not always the men who feel this way. & vice versa. The female part you guys described was always the male I talked to. It depends on the person not the gender.

Reply November 3, 2015, 2:03 am

mae mercader

I don’t find this article useful. I think there’s something wrong with the author’s love life. What’s going on dear? Your article is so immature.

Reply October 22, 2015, 6:08 am


The only problem I have with this article is that its boyfriend – centric. Why are we entering our lives around how men interpret text messages and how we can alter our emotions to fit their perceptions of text messages? Where are the articles about guys interpreting women’s feelings about text messages? It’s ridiculous. We should love our selves. And if guys don’t want to communicate on our same wavelengths. The. Who cares?

Reply October 18, 2015, 11:48 pm


I have a boyfriend and we been dating for 3 years and he loves me now he is acting like he is sick and tired towards ms all the time.

Reply October 20, 2015, 10:19 am

My goodness

Agreed. I have seen countless articles telling women not to ‘nag’, that they should baby men and always speak nicely, and that this is the only way to ‘get’ a man to marry you. You cannot ‘get’ anyone to marry you. The decision comes from the man or the woman. Please understand: You can be the quietest, sweetest, kindest person, and not every man will want to marry you. Yet I have never read an advice article that tells men not to nag a woman.

Reply October 27, 2015, 12:18 am


i love my boyfriend i dont think he will cheat

Reply October 17, 2015, 9:59 pm


We all think so dear. But they do cheat. He might even hide it from you for the rest of your life. Men are the bitches.

Reply January 8, 2016, 1:03 am


I am a guy and absolutely agree with every point the author said. Pleass take a bow. You have the best understanding if a guys perspective from any girl

Reply October 12, 2015, 1:38 pm


This is article is useless and no one should take any of this crap seriously.
If you have issues with your boyfriend, pray about it. Don’t read this kind of trash.
This is why are youth is so lost. They have this kind of trash as advice.
Geez… with this kind of advice you will never find a great guy…. and you will
judge guys off this article. There may be some guys that act like this …. but most of them don’t. Most men work and they mostly focus on their job… not a text ..
if he don’t answer your text … big deal. This must be written for teens… not adults.
Hopefully, most adults don’t act this way. I know a lot of mature adults that don’t.

Reply October 7, 2015, 12:37 pm


Actually i agree with the author. I think people who disagree have never read much about how men really are. How their mind works. I agree cuz I’ve been “researching” how men behave to certain situation. She Absolutely nailed it. You need to open your mind a bit. Learn to face the truth instead of believing in fantasy world where men can do two tasks at same time.

Reply January 8, 2016, 1:09 am


this is complete modern day immature teen drama bs,I am a man with autism,and I write as a hobby so I easily txt far more often than my fiance does,mostly because shes more of a person to person talker and I work during the day, but I have never had more than one girl,unless it was only at a friend status and something evolved with one at which point I would shut it down with the others,from the sound of it most of the woman responding to this asking if they should put up with a guys behavior because hes taking on multiple relationships. My God I would go insane’ if a guy thinks hes such a playa he needs more than just you,then leave him! same goes for women

Reply October 7, 2015, 12:17 am


if a guy wants to date you but doesnt want to tell anyone and tell u he wants to do that so that the rumors stop spreading what does it mean !???he likes being wd me ik but is it that he is ashamed to hav or are people talking bad abt me !!?

Reply October 1, 2015, 4:23 am



Reply September 29, 2015, 12:39 am


thank you so mush for this article, but how are you so sure that men do not care about the texts? i mean… what if he doesn’t like me anymore or maybe he is sick of me, please smbd help me!

Reply September 27, 2015, 2:23 pm


but in the beginning he told me that he have nothing to offer me that he is just a poor boy trying to get his feet and the day that i camebto visit him i look around and i notice that the family does not have money in that way them i told him if i love ,i love with or without and he said ok but do u think if he finaly get his feet do u think he will remenber me despat all the good things i have done him even the time he needed my help badly and i help him are u sure he will remenber me at all.

Reply September 25, 2015, 6:58 am


if u love a guy and he call only when he need something from you and you be the one that will call him all the time and he did something to me by invited me to come and see why his father is around but sometimes he will call but our conversation will not last about 10mins and he dudge some of the things i want him to do for me but he always show concern in my dressing and if i did not dress very well he will tell me do you think he likes me or love me

Reply September 25, 2015, 6:40 am


This actually helps a lot…I always go back to the beginning of our relationship and wonder why he isn’t the same (he’s told me before that he had to win me and he did so that’s that) but I felt like there was more to it. I think this advice will strengthen our relationship just because it opens a new world to me.:)

Reply August 30, 2015, 9:04 am


This actually is helpful.

Reply August 26, 2015, 1:27 am


This article (and this website!) really helps me understand why men act the way they do. I met a guy through speed dating and we went on two dates. He recently told me out of the blue “I think you’re very cool, but I don’t think we are compatible in the long run”. I didn’t freak out about it. I simply said “oh. ok”. A moment later, he messages me again asking if I was pissed off or upset. I said “no I’m fine” (which I was sorta) and he said that I was even cooler than he anticipated. We continued talking normally for a couple hours after that. He then proceeded to not talk to me for 11 hours, so I did the same thing to him. After that long wait, I message him saying “I was super busy at work and my friend came in from AZ so I was hanging out with him”. He went on to say “I’m sure you were busy! Jeez!” At that point, I felt exhilarated that I was getting through to him more and more. It’s just very confusing!

Reply August 24, 2015, 11:09 am

Shonda Payne

That was really helpful for me personally, I been wondering why my man hasn’t been wanting to talk to me or see me and he has told me its because I askg to much, damand, and nag, I keep thinking its gonna help but now I see it really doesn’t so thank you hopefully I can save my relationship by not being so worried about if I don’t have to be lol

Reply August 23, 2015, 1:23 am


I fuond out that my boyfriend has 4 girl friends without me and one of them is staying with him I left to stay to another place,should I live him because I have tryed to talk to him about this and he does listen to me and now am tired of this.

Reply August 22, 2015, 2:22 pm


I found pics of my man’s penis in his phone, he’s not sending them to me, and he says he is taking them to send to me later. I have never received one…. Do men typically take dick pics and not send them to a woman?

Reply August 17, 2015, 9:44 am


That is not a good thing…. :(

Reply August 28, 2015, 12:47 am


Whoever wrote this from the guys standpoint must be a girl lol. FIrst of all dudes lose interest in texting because girls never make the first text saying hi or whats up they sit in there room doing absolutely nothing waiting for someone to show them enough attention that they may or may not respond, btw that was an ex. coming from a lesbian girl i know lol. (who’d know better then them right aha) This article needs a man writing for a man not a girl thats so psychoanalytic she thinks she can tell others girls what men are thinking. None of these apply to me lol, whenever i do get bored chasing girls its either because they dont put enough effort in at the start, or i find them to childish kinda like measuring relationship potential to texting. If you needed to text girls to procreate i probably wouldnt be here (My dad was dyslexic aha) im just staying texting is way over analyzed and this article is complete **** if u girls want tips here you go 1. Dont flake out on meetups 2. Why dont you text him out of the blue instead of waiting on him 3. Dont talk about urself all the time
4. shoot him a compliment once in awhile, it may not may not massage ur ego but its nice to go out of ur way for once

Reply August 16, 2015, 4:19 pm


Evan you didn’t sugar coat that at all I love it!!
what do woman want? World peace tell you the truth nobody
has a clue. Its just the game of love we only get to do this once enjoy all of it!!

Reply July 21, 2015, 11:36 am


Before you start loving somebody you must know the person well .
You can’t start love without having friendship him or her .

Reply July 19, 2015, 1:10 pm


a woman always want love when there they don’t really loves you
and they blame it on men when they are sad even though they are
sad we always have a right to go and love them and i am just a little
boy i just look at how my parents behave

Reply July 17, 2015, 8:34 am

Damon F

Texting isn’t just a nuisance, it’s a poor form of communication. Too much room for misinterpretation and misunderstanding, and far too time consuming when you can say twice as much in half the time with a phone call. If you want to hear from a loved one, call them like a decent human being.

Reply July 16, 2015, 4:11 pm


Thank you Damon I totally agree and I could not have said it better myself.

Reply August 23, 2015, 2:49 am


Totally agree…also, it’s the guys in my life who are into Watsapping for hours and don’t ever want to talk on the phone

Reply November 20, 2015, 4:51 am


definitely true for some guys, but I also know guys who are just as obsessive if not more as many girls over texting, who would not stand for an ultimatum and would leave the relationship, and who aren’t afraid of losing their freedom

Reply July 2, 2015, 6:00 am


I like this guy who’s cautious about women cause he got hurt badly. Anyway I notice when I text him, his replies are mostly one to three words long, but when we meet up, we usually have an hour and over long conversations. It’s the same when we talk on the phone. I’ve realized that he’s not really talkative via text but my situation is a bit complicated cause I’m splitting from my husband but haven’t left the marital home as yet. He’s the most supportive guy ever but I understand him now so I just text him maybe twice for the day, miss couple days and then arrange to meet up. He’s still around so I must be doing something right, right? We haven’t had full blown sex just messed around a little at the beginning and I don’t mind cause I need to sort out my life but him being there has helped me a lot.

Reply June 23, 2015, 8:19 pm


you guys should help me

Reply June 23, 2015, 2:50 pm


i like u guys u help so much
there is this guy i meet months ago.mary was friend with becia my friend i was not friend with mary so mary was dating a guy and the guy had a cousin oversea so wen the cousin cam he ask mary to look a girl for him even her friend so mary told bercia she accepted cos he was a nice guy but they have never seen each other and they where in different town so when the guy wanted to meet her barcia call me that she cannot came i pass like her cos i was in same town with the guy so she gave the guy my number that her number will not be passing but he can contact him with this number which was mind so we started chatting and i went and see him i did not like him as we discause i felt something for the guy we even kiss that day since my life i have never feel something for a guy like this but he knew it was bercia and the next day he was going back but we never had sex he went back we were still chatting and we were dating so one morning i told him the truth that am not bercia told him every thing he said why i didnt tell him he said is ok i told my friend am dating the guy she didnt care cos she had a guy and she told me i should go on so we chat everyday talk everything he was going to come back after four month to see me that what we plan so when he was in the country i told him that i had friends in his country so he ask me to give him theirs number i refuse cos i know my friends they can do what ever it takes to get a man so we started having problems cos of that i explain to him i dont trust my friends he said is ok we were fine so one day he still instead i refuse he was angry i love this guy do much i really love him so we stop chatting i was writing him he stay before he reply but i never give up cos i love him he wrote bercia so she told me i felt bad cos he was not writing me and i was sick i told him he did not care he wrote bercia and ask her how she was and school.that what she told me so i was angry and at that moment he had a fraction on his leg i was writing everday how he was sometime he reply like he is angry so when bercia told me that i wrote tell him how he treated me how i feel and how is writing my friend behind my back i could not go on i told him i have try to please i cut of the relationship i did not even reply me so one day on his profile pic a girl he was wishing she happy birth day put postcard in his dp so i got angry i block him i really love guy what should i do

Reply June 23, 2015, 1:22 pm


what that mean? when a guy say I am not sure if I want to loss you and his ask to breakup with you? Please anyone help .

Reply January 28, 2017, 7:22 am


My man recently stopped coming to my house at night and doesn’t answer my calls at night or day half the time. I go to his house late at night (I know I know) and he doesn’t answer his door. I think he’s spending the night with another woman while I am sitting here sad and lonely.

Reply June 18, 2015, 1:35 am


You should beat his ass when you see him. He know better that you is somebody that is important ! Don’t let him do that to you.

Reply June 28, 2015, 2:11 am


he is so forget him an go out get few drinks or whatever you enjoy an forget him an have fun with your friends then he’ll try coming around an you should do like he did you ignore him an move on.

Reply July 7, 2015, 10:07 am


Maybe you should just asking him then to write on here. If you have a phone call him if you have the number in your phone

Reply August 7, 2015, 1:27 pm

margret chipeta

I actually am the worst confused one, I really don’t know what to do. My life is stack,i really don’t know what it is to feel love like,i always feel the worst feelings when i think am in love.please help me what do I need to do to b loved or to feel like am loved?

Reply June 17, 2015, 6:17 pm


Maybe it’s the people you are choosing. Sometimes women lose their own value of themselves just to try to keep someone. When you meet the right person you will know.

Reply June 18, 2015, 1:32 am


Was this written in 1955 because I would just like to know where I can get a real Chanel dress for $2,000.Try 5000 and they go up from there.

Reply June 14, 2015, 11:31 pm


Great article. We all know that #4 does not work though. Giving an ultimatum?? Really? I’m sure there are many girls who have tried this and it failed. I have. If you have a ‘requirement’ and it won’t be met…then walk away FOR GOOD. If you have a need…talk to him about it…don’t ack like a 5 year old and threatened to walk out with hopes that your little game will all of sudden inspire him to love an insure girl. Even if he does…he will resent the force you used.

Reply June 14, 2015, 1:28 pm


Hi i am Sanaya from uk.
So I’ve been with this guy since almost 2 years, we get along amazingly well together, compliment each other and understand each other in the most perfect sense. He is studying law and keeps really busy. And we’ve made out and hung out before but lately we’ve got our colleges and moving to different cities, and i have just 15 days with him in our hometown and then we are separating. the problem is he wants to carry on with this relationship and says he is very serious and loves me. But he keeps giving lame excuses for not meeting me. Believe it or not it’s been 7 months since we’ve met and he still isn’t keen. This is our last chance to meet but he just has always something or the other to do.
I want to end this cause its stupid he cant make time for me when are in the same cities forget what will become of us in the future.
He’s always busy and always lettinng me down.
I could really seek your advice on this

Reply June 10, 2015, 6:05 pm


Wow sounds like this article is about guys in high school. I think one major point she’s missed here is: if you want to have a serious relationship, find a man, not a boy!

Reply June 8, 2015, 2:40 pm


YES i couldnt agree more, sounds like everyone i dated in highschool. now that im finally with older guys its a whole different situation!

Reply July 2, 2015, 6:01 am


What gets me is that if the guy doesn’t want to commit then why does he look for a relationship in the first place? All he is doing is confusing the girl. I think this is the most rudest thing a man can do… if he doesn’t want the commitment then stay away from the girl. It’s a simple solution. Stay single and stop wasting our time.

Reply May 27, 2015, 12:13 am


My boyfriend and I had been together for almost 2 years. He always uses to text me daily, call me at night, bring me out to date, being so nice to me. I know eventually all these will start to decrease eventually but recently, I’m the one who start texting, calling, ask him out(which he complaints that his tired from work, but his eager when other people or his friends asked him out instead.) And when he make a mistake, he never apologised but put the blame on me in everything. I asked if he still love me, he say he always do but he doesnt seem like it is. He has been working as a bellman in a hotel, I understand his busy job but even so he always managed to text me during break. Now he always have excuses saying phone cant be used during work or even after work he would not even text me. Seeing me is like a burden now to him. He always said his working hard to marry me and I’m not sure if that is an exuse for him to work and keep a distance from me.

Reply May 20, 2015, 9:25 pm


You should re-read the article, or better yet read Erics article about the art of Seducing a man. He talks about how a womans vibe and attitude effects the entire auroa of the relationship. Basically stop nagging your boyfriend. Let him know what you want and see if he makes it happen. If he does not, then it’s time you start building a life outside of him and stop being so available to him. Think about the person you were before the relationship when he was trying to win you over, the only way to get him back in this thing is to show him that if he doesn’t step it up you will be gone. Dont even do it with an attitude, just start signing yourself up for painting workshops, yoga classes, shop with your girls, go out for drink with friends, go out to eat. Do other things that, because busy. DO NOT revolve your life around your relationship and your man it will make him run. He doesn’t want to be suffocated.

Reply June 2, 2015, 4:15 pm


Evan, I totally agree men have not changed and “evolved” in relationships and that feminism has definitely affected the outcome of what is happening in the world today. I think men do have feelings they are told to push down or are made to feel that way. I have to say, the moment I started to love myself, I found a bunch of guys vying for me. And I am not what you consider perfect in this day and age with looks and body type. But, in knowing exactly what I am willing and not willing to “put up with” in a relationship AND being able to communicate that with the men, it has changed everything. I have left 2 of them for not giving what I asked for or told them what they were doing was going to get me to walk. They did not change the behavior, so I walked away. And I think it should be the same for men. Also, yes, sex is not an emotional part for a man like a woman and I think that is where a lot of hang ups come from for the relationship. You can have awesome, mind blowing sex, but if you can’t communicate or get along outside of the bedroom, it will never work. Been there, done that! Learned a very hard lesson. But, now I don’t let the great sex give me the feeling that he loves me because of it. I think, if we went back to the fact that every relationship has its ups and downs and make the effort to keep the relationship going despite what is accepted today, then we would have more that end up in continued marriage and not divorce. We need to respect, honor and appreciate each other for who that person IS, not a fantasy in our head. And yes, I have an alpha male who loves me beyond what I have even dreamed of. And he shows it, not only tells me, so ladies, real men are out there and there are more than we think. Let’s stop thinking HE needs to fulfill us and help each other throughout life and the relationship. And I do not depend on him to make me feel things, but he does make me feel like the happiest woman in the world, because I allow him to be the man in the relationship and I am the woman. Period.

Reply May 16, 2015, 10:44 am


I am a guy and i have no issues commiting, but my ex did. This is a two way street don’t make it about gender people. Bad article in my opinion, too many generlizations.

Reply May 14, 2015, 5:10 pm


Could not agree more. And the article really seems more directed at teeny-boppers and people who haven’t really had any real relationship experience in the first place, not people who are interested in having a mature relationship (that also includes things like fun by the way, just sans games).

Reply June 8, 2015, 2:42 pm


I disagree this article seems to right on point with today’s dating scene and relationships. It seems a lot of women depend on text messaging and words to make them feel wanted or secure about a relationship. A relationship about both making “quality” time for each other, going to the gym, outdoor activities, night outs, weekend get always and getting to know each other. It your relationship with someone is mostly over the phone and not in person, your probably not in a real relationship. I seen some of my friends spending all day texting a guy and seeing him close to never. You need to be able to communicate with the person about what you want and where things are heading but not from the beginning, you have to allow yourself to get to know the person. You can’t think because the guy’s showing interest that you need to get married! Girls you have to make him work for it. I’m not a teenage I’m a grown woman who lives in the real world…and believe me a lot of women are too needy!

Reply June 13, 2015, 1:31 am

Rebecca Politzer

Need I remind you that generational is extremely problematic How about instead of treating men like they are all the same and actually communicate about these things rather than making assumptions braced on gender.

Reply May 1, 2015, 11:02 pm

Paul Coleman

I need help Please
My lover (I don’t considered her as Girlfriend) had a discussion and she told me all her dislike/like, and I did told her mine as well, after sometimes when I run out off credit should will never call me nor text me during the day, but when ever I have credit I will always wake up early morning and time text her sweet messages that would make her smile before she wakes up, but when ever I’m out of credit and she has credit she will never call me nor text me during the day until 1130pm at night and we’ll only talk for like 12 or 25 minutes and she’ll fall asleep on the phone. So I’ve decided to ignored her, plus through our two years of dating she has been cheating on me and yet still, I still go on loving her but she still treat me like shit (sorry about the expression) but that’s how I feel. So I believe she loves me no more.

What should I do…?
Help anyone Please

Reply April 30, 2015, 10:34 am


Wow, I was with you Paul, until you said, for the past 2 years of dating, she was cheating on you. First of all, if someone is just your “lover” then there is no commitment she needs to honor to you and only you. If you want to complain about being “cheated” on, then a commitment needs to be there in the first place. So, since you seem to be using her, she in turn uses you. Maybe she thinks she should at least get that from sleeping with you for “free” so to speak. And I am not talking about paying for sex, but her emotions have to be put to the side because she lacks the relationship part from you. I think you need to re-evaluate YOUR motives instead of hers. Just my opinion.

Reply May 16, 2015, 10:17 am


From my personal experience I think these 5 points are just excuses we women tell ourselves to make us feel better in relationships that fall below our expectations Most times that I noticed a decline in texting for a long period of time was when a man had secured that I wasn’t gonna go anywhere and he had proceeded into texting his new conquest. With a man who wasn’t searching for a new conquest this pattern wasn’t continuing for more than 2 days in a row.
Yes I agree actions speak louder than words but from my experience men who were feeling things were using words too. They wanted the full experience not half measures. My opinion is that if a man only speaks with actions he might be doing it to satisfy his need to experience some things but it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to do these things with you. Maybe men don’t use as many words as women but they still communicate and say the same things with less.
A man who really loves is alert and actively listens to what you say. I have even seen it with men who were only flirting with me or even with a player who was trying to decode me. So if you are in a relationship and you just mentioned you like flowers (without asking him) and he never bought you flowers that’s because he is not bothered seeing you that happy. He has taken you for granted. Try arguing with him he will instantly remember that you said you like flowers and which flowers you like.
How does this translate to you?
The problem with #4 ( his baggage). Yes he might forget them if he senses he might lose you BUT he might forget them while there is danger. He will go back to his old ways as soon as the danger is gone. What you need to be focusing on is connection and make him feel happy around you and make him fall in love. That’s when he is going to forget about his baggage FOREVER.
About #5 (losing his freedom), that’s not something that is limited to men. Think about yourself being in a relationship with someone that you are not that into him. Would you want to settle down forever with this man? Even if you were with this man in a relationship because you wouldn’t feel infatuated towards him you would had had a natural incline to flirt and stray. Same happens with men. When men are truly in love with a woman they do step forward and want to be with her forever.
The problem is that most men are in a relationship for the wrong reasons and one of them is the benefits of having someone to care for them and the steady supply of sex. It is convenience. That’s why it doesn’t proceed further.
Ever talked with a man about the “girl of his life”? He would never mention about how he wanted to maintain his freedom. It would be all about how he couldn’t make HER give up other men and be with him.
It’s not rocket science.
If you spot any problems with a man it means he isn’t that into you. You don’t have necessarily to leave him. You might be able to work on highlighting his feelings for you. That’s all. The rest are just old recycled excuses that give the right for disrespect.
I give the same advice to men who think women are entitled to treat them with disrespect. She is not that into you mate. Take notice and take action.

Reply April 29, 2015, 5:23 am



Reply May 28, 2015, 11:35 pm


hi, Av been in a relationship for 2 n half years. I loved this guy and found myself so much into him . after a 6 months I realised that she’s impregnated his ex, on delivery he paid all bills for the lady n wen I asked him about our relationship he told me it’s ok since he dint love the other lady and we moved on. The problem is since we started our relationship am always the caller, the one to start texting and he replies when he feels like when I ask him about going to his place or people he tells me he’s still solving the issue he had with the other lady and if want marriage from him then I should be patient for five years. Am just so devastated, I love him so much. I have bought him gifts but he’s never bought for me, all he tells me is that am the one he loves. wen he’s around he doesn’t spare time for me. I just don’t know what to do. Am a person of good character and never wronged him. Am stuck

Reply April 27, 2015, 11:17 am


Thank you so much for thus article! I’ve been saving it for years now and it doesn’t get old no matter how many times I read it! Definitely accurate and I get your point all the time. I love this really. Thank you so much! :)

Reply April 25, 2015, 11:04 pm


I have this boyfriend at the begging of our relishiship he used o text me every day now he does not even want 2 give me his number.

Reply April 24, 2015, 10:58 pm


I am a women, I have been dating a guy for four months now, we started talking as friends in November last year 2014.
we started dating each other in January 2015, we are so connected with each other, we are very compatable, kind, caring and loving towards each other, we have ruffle the goals and attachments in life, if one of us are down we boost each other up, we feed off each other’s energy, we both like to act silly and bust jokes with each other in a text message or in person, the way how we are so close, it’s just amazing to me, are relationship is like we have known each other for year’s, bit we haven’t.
He really likes me and I like him a lot to, he told his mother about me and she told him to give me her number, but I didn’t get around to doing that.
we both encourage each other to strive to the top.
If he is in need of anything, Im always there for him, he used to play basketball, I would go out of town to support his dreams and video record his game match.
Last week Sunday, I texted him a happy Easter and his texted me that to, then at 12:56pm, I sent him a video of my son doing his recitation at church and from that he stopped texting and calling me, for four days, during that time I was texting him, but he wasn’t responding to me only until I said to him, if I can’t get through to you, I am gt to come to your house, he texted me back and said that he was at work and that I don’t need to go to his house, so I wanted answer and I kept on texting him and he told me not to text him while at work, cause that day he was working with his manager and that’s a new job he started.
just after 8pm Thursday evening he texted me back.
I accuse him of thinking of going back to his ex girlfriend for baby mother, he said that I was jumping to conclusion that why he didn’t respond back, I was so mad with him, i need to take a day break from texting him to get my fought together, then it hit me, somethink told me to look at my email, and I had remembered that I Sent him a video of my son in church, so I texted him and told him that I was sorry for doing that, I was just so proud of my son and that I wanted to share that with him, it was an innocent thing, then I told him don’t think I was pushing my children on you, cause I wasn’t.
I’m a single mother of two children who is in 1st and 3rd grade.
He has a son, that’s in kindergarten, he doesn’t really see his son on a weekly day basis only on the weekend. When he tells me about his son, I am happy, I don’t show him a way.
I’m a teacher and I just love children even if they don’t belong to me. So when I texted him shortly after that he responded back to me, saying that he expected my apologies.
then we started to hang out and talk more over the phone.
I was born and raised in England, so I just text him cause he doesn’t understand my accent, I know it’s lol.
Monday I made him a plate of dinner that would last him for the week, until Sunday when he gets more money to buy some food.
Then last night he sends me this shocking text saying that he is done, that he need to focus in himself now. And he also said that I need to just get it right.
What does he mean, can you help me ladies and gentlemen please.
Because yesterday he called me on my lunch break asking me about my hospital appointment and we were all fine.
and when I gave him his space for the three days, I didn’t call him or text him, cause that weekend he had his son over.
then the next day on Monday, he is calling me, saying to me why haven’t I called him, is that how you treat me know, I told him no I don’t to be a nag or get on his nervous.

Help this women plz

Reply April 15, 2015, 11:21 pm


I’m glad to hear a guy getting as upset as I am about this. I’m a girl and this article REALLY pissed me off. It is a piece of trash and honestly, is only spreading around old, distorted misinformation that makes it O.K. for men to act like subhuman pieces of shit to women. MEN ARE CAPABLE. MEN CAN LOVE. MEN CAN COMMUNICATE. And I am SICK of hearing these articles say otherwise. I am tired of articles giving excuses for men and women based on “biology”. Sorry, but sociology trumps biology in many cases, and people are more complex than this shitty article lets on. I’m glad you think outside the box, Evan.

Reply April 13, 2015, 7:45 pm


I am trying to better myself as a woman and a girlfriend. Thank you for writing the article. I still don’t understand why man was meant to be with wish lol. Wish me luck finding love and keeping it

Reply April 12, 2015, 9:36 pm

no name

It is a big excuse for me, “sorry, i’m a man, i need freedom” “so i wont tell you where i was and what i did, because i need freedom!” lol

Sorry i’m a woman and i need freedom too.

It is a real macho conception but men of 2015 can’t understand that yet and worst the women are explaining it quietly to convince other women to accept it.

It is a big excuse not to take commitment and men want everything at the same time and think that it is normal. including sometimes two or 3 women, and that’s their freedom to do so.

The only problem i have with this freedom, it is when this man takes decisions or act in a way that affect the freedom of the woman. exemple: he does’t say to his girlfriend that he cheat on her, So she doesn’t have the freedom to choose to send him to hell or to forgive him. Lies considered by a lot of men as freedom, are a non respect of the freedom of other persons.

and if you refer to claiming sms or news or to know where he was, etc..:

if the woman has to do it, it is because there is a lack of respect or interest in the relationship. Why do u have anything to hide to the person u choose to live with? What kind of relation is it ?

from this moment there is two ways :
– accept a man who doesnt care about u, and has his freedom and is happy (what most of servile women do, close their eyes on truth.)
– leave him

The positiv in this article is the balance you are referring to. Balance and trust. But advice to all women who read this funny article. Don’t love somebody that need his freedom. Guys that don’t give news are 1.stupid, 2. seeing another girl.

Reply April 8, 2015, 1:39 pm


Well, I disagree, the way this article is written it is not defending men’s rights to be snobs, its just giving women some advice to not smother men, its written for a girl who has no hobbies and literally leeches onto her boyfriend. Of course we love to be shown love, but we also love to have a sense of missing our significant other in our relationships, it makes the relationship more exciting, and I agree with quality of time over quantity spent idea

Reply June 6, 2015, 2:42 am


@AJ we are all human and some of us need more freedom than others. I don’t want to have to give my boyfriend a play by play about what I did all day nor do I need one from him. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. I have broken up with guys who smothered me to much, no one wants someone on top of them 24/7. You need to give someone space. I have a serious job and I want to be taken serious in my career, I can’t be texting all day like a teenage girl. If you keep texting someone and they’re not responding take it as a cue to Stop sending text. You girls/women should wait for a guy to text you first, one text after another doesn’t make you appealing! You want to be taken seriously Stop Texting!!!

Reply June 13, 2015, 1:59 am

Michelle Wallace

I can tell you meant every word because your keyboard obviously couldn’t keep up with your thoughts… That’s when I know I’m on a real heartfelt roll!!
Truth is rare – if you meet a woman that can’t handle you being real then she just doesn’t deserve a honest relationship in my opinion!!!

Reply April 7, 2015, 1:08 am


I am deeply in love w my bf of a few years.we often discuss marriage. My mom thinks he is obsessed with me though. Because my cellphone came up missing after a couple months of dating, he came over I had my phone. He left I couldn’t find it. This was a few days after my ex tested me asking to get back together.I don’t think he took my phone. Yesterday an emergency situation happened and I had my bf credit card I had my phone on the charger and missed his 17 calls..why didn’t he send someone to my house he has my neighbor number why didn’t he call my neighbor..my mom is convinced that he set up the situation to make me feel bad. I think that’s crazy.my mom said never marry him or have kids for him because I will regret it. He has never harmed me or shown up unannounced or gave me any reason to question him or his intentions.ever. do you think my mom has a point?

Reply April 6, 2015, 6:22 pm


I would watch my back if I were you. I think he did take it just by the story you’re telling. If your mother isn’t crazy, LISTEN TO HER. You probably have your head in the clouds. He sounds like a douche bag! I do think your mom has a point. Please, never rush into anything and always think twice. There are so many horror stories of abuse out there and I don’t want you to be another.

Reply April 13, 2015, 7:35 pm


Also, the fact that he is calling you 17 times in one day is stalker status and the fact your family feels so strongly against him is a HUGE RED FLAG.

Reply April 13, 2015, 7:37 pm


i love one girl she’s name is Amishwa but i can not say him to i love you.what can i do.i can not understand.i need help you.

Reply March 30, 2015, 10:03 am



Reply March 28, 2015, 4:50 pm


Have you guys actually met in person and how many times

Reply April 12, 2015, 9:38 pm


Love the rawness of your comments. Nothing is more attractive then telling it like it is.

Reply March 24, 2015, 1:12 pm


Ha ha ha ha. I am a male dating a women for the past year and a bit and I just have to comment, all these 5 points about males are all about the female in my relationship, she doesn’t put as much effort into me as she use to, she doesn’t seem to care much if we are talking or not, she goes disappearing without messaging me. I’m at a dead end I have no idea what to do or what I have done wrong?
Women help.

Reply March 23, 2015, 2:12 am


She’s either taking you for granted; or you’ve done something (or NOT done something) that has ticked her off which you’re supposed to work out for yourself, naturally. Maybe you didn’t show the same enthusiasm when she looked in a jewelry store window, or didn’t pick up on the fact she wants to go on a trip. The thing is, though – you’re not going to know conclusively unless you ask her. As a woman I prefer the direct question rather than dancing around on eggshells: it causes way too much stress. Of course, you might not like the answer, but at least you’ll know!

Reply March 23, 2015, 3:48 pm


Are you the one that puts all the effort into the relationship

Reply April 12, 2015, 9:41 pm


You haven’t done anything wrong, but I say get out. You need more from your relationship and by the sounds of it, she cannot provide it for you. In my experience, whenever I got that “sinking feeling” about a relationship, it usually turned out to be genuine sadness about the relationship. Do you feel you can talk to her? If you don’t feel you can talk to her or as though the conversation never seems to improve the relationship, you might want to save yourself the heartache and break it off. Also, brace yourself for this next sentence: She may be in “dating” mode and not serious about you. There is also a chance she is sleeping around or dating around and likes more than one person, so she might not want to hurt you by getting too close. :(

Reply April 13, 2015, 7:39 pm


My bf and I started our relationship in october last year. Before that we phoned each other almost everyday even though we have not met up yet. He lives in a different city. I have to take a plane for 3 hours to get there so it’s kinda hard to arrange for meet up. So for 6 months we had been contacting each other only through phone and we finally met up in oct. We had a great date for 4 days and he already confessed to me. I guess we had a very strong chemistry so I accept him. The day after that I had to go back to my city. At first it was still okay. We skyped almost every nighT. Though we’re in long distance i could still feel his love towards me. He often texts me sweetly (saying he loves and misses me alot) and we talked about our future Of living together. But gradually he became cold and distant. And on our 1st month anniversary he asked for a break. He said he couldnt stand long distance. We both cried during video call Though i dont know why he cried coz im the One who’s supposed to feel sad. The day after i didnt text him. He was the one who initiate it. I only replied with a cold manner. Like a stranger. Suddenly he became like his old self. He said he was lonely and regret everthing for taking me for granted. My heart softened. So our relationship became to get better like how it used to be. 2 months later he became cold againnn.. i said i love u but he never replied love u too. He said hes not sure till we meet again. So i met him this february. We had a date like lovers. (Hugs n kisses). I went back back home. He doesnt become cold now but still feel a little distant. Its still different compared to the time before the break. He is not as sweet as the old times. And hes so busy recently. I said I miss him so much and ask him if he miss me too. He said he does not miss me because he is busy. It hurts so much. Does he really love me or just enjoy my company? Please someone help coz im so confused. Are boys really like that? Coz if not all boys are like that then i would dump him for real. I am so tired of him. It feels like he doesnt try hard enough to keep me.

Reply March 19, 2015, 6:25 am


My ex boyfriend cared about texts, he lived by texting. Our entire communcation was based on texts. When I called, he didn’t answer nor did he call me back. It was a huge problem for me and it helped my decision to finally end it (after a year +). Even after ending things, he sent an apology via text….so annoying! I have never felt so disregarded before with other boyfriends (by means of communication). Am I to assume he just wasn’t that into me, or just immature?

Reply March 18, 2015, 11:02 am


He is both. That is incredibly immature. I was calling my boyfriends in elementary school. If he can’t even call you, he’s a piece of shit and really standoffish. Don’t be afraid to leave someone! It doesn’t make you a bad person. If he’s sending out “red flags”, DUMP HIM.

Reply April 13, 2015, 7:42 pm


You came fully loaded Evan. Pretty insightful from a mans perspective.
We have a drink sometime! LOL

Reply March 17, 2015, 8:29 pm



Reply March 10, 2015, 4:00 pm


This article has some good points and some average points. Bottom-line. 5 things girls need to know about Men….. What you need to know is
1. Focus on yourself the relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have and needs to be cultivated for the rest of your life. It’s the one that will last you a life time no matter what don’t abuse you, cheat on you or leave you be your own best friend everything else is secondary. You will find everything you need within yourself.
2. Focus on a higher power, God, angles, Buddha, Allah, whatever that is for you is fine. Turn inward God lives there and or to a higher power for your answers… Do not put your faith, trust, and worth in the worthless people and things that do not know your truth. Your truth does not change with the seasons, fashions, boyfriends, hairstyles it is forever perfect and good. Your truth will sustain you. Do not invest in illusions of curvy or skinny bodies, doing tricks in bed, or thinking something outside of you will get a man! Do not bet your most valuable parts and self – heart, body, mind, spirit, into relationships that may fail you… Find Empowerment within. You are the most important thing you OWN treat yourself as such. You must come first that is the order of life. Nothing is more important than your own happiness. Oddly enough all that you are seeking is within you already. The love, approval, and peace all in you not outside or in his pants. You have to cultivate the relationship with yourself to experience the jewel within, the joy and the empowerment. Stop worrying about boys and what they want and know what you need and want first.
3. No one gives or takes away your worth! You are born with endless deserving, value and worth. You have to pay attention to yourself and have a healthy relationship with yourself to experience it for yourself. He does not take it with him when he breaks up with you or give it to you when you have sex. Please! You are the Goddess you attract you create your life. You have the power.
4. Be Blissed out it’s the only thing you need to be attractive. Your happiness and that you feel good about you is the main ingredient to being alluring.
5. Always get a contract an agreement -everything on the table – clarify both your needs up front before you do anything. Must have your needs met first before you please, move across state, have sex with, agree to engagement, move in with, help, sacrifice yourself in anyway especially with a man/ relationship. Let him show you he can do- has committed, is being consistent, before you move from your Pedestal.

Reply March 10, 2015, 2:06 pm


Wow, I read your entire post. Quite true and re-enforcing : )

Reply March 17, 2015, 8:23 pm


This article has some good points and some average points. Bottom-line. 5 things girls need to know about Men….. What you need to know is
1. Focus on yourself the relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have and needs to be cultivated for the rest of your life. It’s the one that will last you a life time no matter what don’t abuse you, cheat on you or leave you be your own best friend everything else is secondary. You will find everything you need within yourself.
2.Focus on a higher power, God, angles, Buddha, Allah, whatever that is for you is fine. Turn inward God lives there and or to a higher power for your answers… Do not put your faith, trust, and worth in the worthless people and things that do not know your truth. Your truth does not change with the seasons, fashions, boyfriends, hairstyles it is forever perfect and good. Your truth will sustain you. Do not invest in illusions of curvy or skinny bodies, doing tricks in bed, or thinking something outside of you will get a man! Do not bet your most valuable parts and self – heart, body, mind, spirit, into relationships that may fail you… Find Empowerment within. You are the most important thing you OWN treat yourself as such. You must come first that is the order of life. Nothing is more important than your own happiness. Oddly enough all that you are seeking is within you already. The love, approval, and peace all in you not outside or in his pants. You have to cultivate the relationship with yourself to experience the jewel within, the joy and the empowerment. Stop worrying about boys and what they want and know what you need and want first.
3. No one gives or takes away your worth! You are born with endless deserving, value and worth. You have to pay attention to yourself and have a healthy relationship with yourself to experience it for yourself. He does not take it with him when he breaks up with you or give it to you when you have sex. Please! You are the Goddess you attract you create your life. You have the power.
4. Be Blissed out it’s the only thing you need to be attractive. Your happiness and that you feel good about you is the main ingredient to being alluring.
5. Always get a contract an agreement -everything on the table – clarify both your needs up front before you do anything. Must have your needs met first before you please, move across state, have sex with, agree to engagement, move in with, help, sacrifice yourself in anyway especially with a man/ relationship. Let him show you he can do- has committed, is being consistent, before you move from your Pedestal.

Reply March 10, 2015, 2:05 pm


I loved what you wrote we as women need to
cherish are minds, body, souls.

Reply July 21, 2015, 11:09 am


I really appreciate your post. It’s so easy to forget the most important relationship is the one with myself, and any other relationships come after. Thank you.

Reply June 3, 2019, 12:42 am


I think you might be a genius

Reply March 8, 2015, 8:15 pm


Literally all of this is trash. Who ever wrote this is literally giving the worst advice ever.

Reply March 4, 2015, 8:49 pm


Feel better now that you got all that out Evan. I know i feel better having read it. lol

Reply March 2, 2015, 7:02 pm


I still don’t understand. I like this guy so much and I’m sure he likes me just as much. He has not asked me to be his girlfriend yet and it has been almost 4 months. We hook up like 3 times a week. He has met some of my family and friends. He use to text me back all the time and I would not text him that often because I did not want him to feel like I was blowing up his phone, But like I said he was really good about texting me back or he was always the one to text first. But things are starting to get to the point where he doesn’t text me back at all. I am starting to get worried that maybe he is not into me anymore and I don’t know what to do or even how to feel about this. Should I leave him alone and just wait for him to text me? Or should I ask him if he is ok? I know I am not his girlfriend but he tells me he loves me. I am so confused.

Reply February 19, 2015, 7:10 pm


you hook up three times a week! why buy the cow when your giving the milk for free? your his weekly sex ticket you screwed up it will never work now so move one and next time get a cometment before you sleep with a guy……..what are your pathetic mothers teaching you for gods sake, NO MAN respects a women who sleeps with him before a commitment period!

Reply March 4, 2015, 9:16 am


lol lee im sitting here laughing because i zoned out about 5 sentices in. I think Even you should maybe vent but NOT ABOUT SO MANY ISSUES AT ONE TIME.

i really do hope you find Your ONE. there are a lot of us out here that are fairly cool ( not so many who are perfect but cool) .

Reply April 4, 2015, 6:04 pm


Don’t listen to John. That isn’t true, but next time at least make sure you guys are friends or that he respects you. UNLIKE what John said, you SHOULDN’T use sex to “trap” men into relationships. Men are not rabbits. They do not have to be “tricked” or “trapped” into a relationship. Having sex with a man before you are together is O.K. as long as you two have a conversation beforehand about what it means to the both of you. If he is telling you he loves you, but won’t reply, you need to lay into him. Seriously, at least ask him what is going on and be CONFIDENT. Don’t back down about how you feel. And if he says anything besides “I’ve just been looking for the right time to ask” DUMP HIM. He might be telling you he loves you so he can sleep with you. Like I said, I suspect this guy is total garbage for you, so you really need to get serious with him. Don’t let him guilt trip you into feeling bad, because he is mistreating you. And is the only way you two communicate via text? Because, next time, PLEASE try and spend more time with someone before you get involved. You’re setting yourself up for failure by getting attached to someone that you’re not even sure is your friend, let alone your boyfriend. Trust me, I’ve been in a loving relationship for four years.

Reply April 13, 2015, 7:52 pm


Also, how long have you been sleeping together? Because if it has only been a couple weeks, chances are he is emotionally immature; he might be confusing love with obsession, which is unhealthy.

Reply April 13, 2015, 7:54 pm


My bf of a yr. and I live an hr away from each other.. He has expressed concern of the distance repeatedly.. And now has told me due to me actually saying I Will move out to you, if it’s with you.. His response was we are not there yet.. But, yet says he wants me to move to him but in my own place.. And if I don’t move to him that it will only end up the end of us.. I’m willing to move to him and even my own place, but my issue is why?? If you want me to live by you, why not with you??

Reply February 19, 2015, 12:18 pm


Interesting…. He say you are not there yet. Where is there to the place he is clear he wants to sleep with someone else or there he wants to dump you. Look my dear you have to have everything you want in a relationship before you go moving anywhere. He is not sounding secure,and stable in this committment yet. Have you talked engagement yet, seeing you as a lifelong partner yet? Have you met all the important people to him and he your people. Are you feeling that he is in love with you, and you him willing to give you the level of a committment you desire? And what is up with if you dont move there it will be the end of you. Really well I hope you are moving for more then just him cause he sounds like this is a fun test for him. I would not move unless and untill he puts a ring on it or you have more reasons then him to move. Dont ever move in with someone with out a sold agreement of what are your terms. What you want for this move. Dont let him tell you how your life is gonna go you do have some say you are the prize here. Dont rearrange your life for someone that is not 100 % sure you are what he wants you deserve a stable clear headed partner that can give you want you want. Be empowered, be fem! You have your own life to manage let him him come to you. You are the sure one in this not him… Let him sell you on why you should move there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply March 10, 2015, 1:12 pm


GET OUT. He is trying to find an excuse to dump you and may be cheating on you. DUMP HIM!!! DO NOT move to him. DO NOT make sacrifices for someone who can’t seem to lift a finger for you!

Reply April 13, 2015, 7:56 pm

Natasha chaudhary

My boyfriend is very good and looking handsome. But he is very tough personality. When we fight together he’s being so rude after fight he said he is very happy when he was single and he wants leave him alone. After few days he’s normal and talk to me very soften words and romantic mood. In every fight he makes me that I am wrong. And then he treated me like nothing for him. And when I am trying to call him or msg he treats very rudely. I feel like, I have no self respect. Sometimes I thought that broke up this relationship but I have no dare to do this i love him so much. Mainly we fight on this issue that he has no time for me. When we meet and discuss on this issue, he told me that in anger he forget all the feelings and he hates those person who fight with him. I don’t know how to explain my feelings please help me to solve this issue. I love him so much, and he knows that. He also love me. But those time is very typical when we fight and he’s being very rude. Please tell me what should I do :(

Reply February 18, 2015, 5:28 am


Dump him! hes got issues with having a real relationship……dump him and if he wises up then hes a keeper if not then he is not ready for what you want!

Reply March 4, 2015, 9:19 am


It does not matter if you dump or not If you dont work on the relationship with yourself you will only attract another looser like him. You must get your self esteem as high as you possibly can! pay attention to yourself, and love yourself know you deserve the best from all relationships! Your answer will be so clear once you work on focusing on yourself. What you want in a career, education, health, spiritual life, financial, friends, what you want and what you are willing to do to have it. Focus on the type of relationship you want how you want to be treated and FEEL…. Ia m sure this is not how you want to be treated or feel so why put up with it. You dont have to be in a relationship. Get you right and a good person will match. the committment is to yourself not this fool!

Reply March 10, 2015, 1:20 pm


Sorry to sound so harsh, but you need to know that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. You are being abused and neglected and NEED to leave him for your own health and well-being. I’m serious; abuse can have lasting and detrimental effects to the human psyche. Listen to yourself, if you don’t believe me: “I have no self respect” “he’s being very rude” “Every fight he tells me I am wrong” —> You are probably dating a narcissist. PLEASE get OUT of the relationship and FORGET about the love you feel. It isn’t love at all. I think you like the IDEA of having a man, so you’re willing to settle for this sorry excuse instead. Don’t fall in love with an idea. You will know when you have found the right person and he clearly is NOT it. I am sorry, but you need to hear it.

Reply April 13, 2015, 8:00 pm


This is the best article I’ve read in a long time. Well written and informative. Thank you! I feel a lot better about my love life as an independent woman and I am happy to have read such a great work of art. So many great points!!!

Reply February 11, 2015, 2:43 am


Number 4 is oh so true!
My boyfriend was acting weird, he disappeared in the middle of a conversation (texts), cancel dates sometimes, he was kind of blaming me saying “I’m not sure you’re the serious type for a relationship” until one day I got so tired of his bs and I told him via phone that I was tired of it and that if he wasn’t to put any effort, on to the next.
He lives 2 hours and a half away from me, he came to my door almost begging for me to come back, he was ready this time to be in a relationship and that he was sorry. He was so afraid of losing me cause I was practically breaking up with him that he drove 2 hours and a half to apologize and be in a serious relationship with me. It surprised me completely and I’m not saying you should complain to him about everything cause that wasn’t my case at all. I was just saying the truth and not even in a violent way, I explained why I didn’t want to be with him cause I wasn’t liking how I felt at that moment of the relationship.

So yeah, men will get over his baggage if he thinks he’s going to lose you.


Reply February 4, 2015, 7:16 pm


I text my bf goodmorning 3 days ago.. then later that night i called. ..no answer. . im debating if i should try again?… r wait it out. ..

Reply January 26, 2015, 10:06 pm


Definetely stop and wait for a reply! You’ve already reached out plenty. Let him chase.

Reply January 28, 2015, 5:10 pm


I say play the field. He doesn’t seem that into you and probably is texting other girls. You should keep your options open and stop allowing one dude to have so much control over you.

Reply April 13, 2015, 8:03 pm


got into a little fight with my boyfriend i texted him and said hi he never responded what do i do

Reply January 10, 2015, 1:38 am


Are you the one that puts all the effort into the relationship

Reply April 12, 2015, 10:24 pm


God help us all

Reply January 6, 2015, 11:36 pm


haha love this comment bobby!

Reply January 27, 2015, 9:32 pm


While this article is on point with our differences and why they occur, it’s solution is the same of every other article written on the subject: “Men are this way and won’t change, so you need to change by not caring about your own needs to make it work.”

For once I’d like to see an article with the solution that men should be more considerate of women by showing their feelings, being willing to talk about problems, and recognize women need a lot more love and attention to feel wanted by their spouce, then giving them that love and attention. Although this is the exact way articles are normally written, but for males gain, try posting stuff like this and watch all of the men who would fear a world ruled by changing for women freak out. Redirected name calling, bullying, bashing, and out right unfocused anger because they have no logical reason to be upset.

But I’m just asking for equality. Stop with the pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen jokes and I’d gladly stand on the front line and take a bullet for my country.

Reply January 5, 2015, 2:27 pm


I completely agree, why do women have to change in order to please a guy? IMO if he’s not giving you the attention and respect that you deserve then eff’em. I just don’t understand how women are considered too sensitive when this article makes it sound like you have to walk on eggshells for guys so that they don’t flee from commitment. Sounds pathetic if you ask me, if you’re into me then show it, if you’re not then eff off.

Reply February 2, 2015, 2:01 pm


This is a website to women, Eric Charles actually has a relationship advice job for men too :)

Reply February 4, 2015, 7:18 pm


I agree with you, and this article puts men like the girl frien should learned how to live around him but knowing “the things she has to do to not upset him”. Is terrible that people actully think this is how is should be, and i even worse that they publish this stupid things.

Reply February 8, 2015, 5:25 pm


I totally agree! This article is complete one-sided garbage. I have never seen an article telling men how THEY can improve, even though a lot of men seriously need to learn. I am SO tired of these old “biological” studies being cited about generalized differences between men and women and then applying it to literally everything, including dating. IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT. Men ARE capable of communication and I am so tired of articles giving excuses for them. STOP! Men don’t need any more excuses. It is time they listened to what THEY need to work on as well.

Reply April 13, 2015, 8:06 pm


Why do I put up with someone who clearly only wants me for a booth call someone who I only see when he wants to see me that I am not happy with stayed faithful to for 21/2 years weather or not he has doesn’t matter I don’t ask question I don’t ask for much at all. I know I am attractive I know I am a good women but I can’t seem to let go when were together it’s great but the next day he’s as cold as ice and I don’t see him for another 2 or 3 months he has kids that live with him I know he works hard but I also know I deserve to be treated better why oh why can’t I walk away

Reply January 4, 2015, 10:15 am


I could have written your post. Same situation here. I’ve been loyal to him for 2 years but I’m lucky to see him once a month, sometimes it’s months. But when I do it’s usually beautiful and wonderful, but then he disappears. Guess he can’t handle intimacy with a woman. I do most of the things suggested in this article, I give him space, no longer get upset about his poor correspondence and communication skills, and I’m beautiful and intelligent while he lets himself go, and yet I still love him dearly and struggle to walk away, when other men would love a chance with me. This article doesn’t do many women any favors, when the fact of the matter is a lot of men out there are selfish and live in the now, and you are there at their convenience only.

Reply April 16, 2015, 6:07 pm


i need help with my relationship. seems like its over as i found texts from woman on his phone. he said i dont trust him and assured me shes a friend. we had a chat and said we wd speak on sunday. which is today. i have text couple of times but hes ignoring me. im feeling like i dont want to contact him. shall i just wait for him to get in touch. feels wrong. x

Reply January 4, 2015, 6:50 am


Confidence…..be strong….. Stay strong. You can do better!! What if your best friend told yoU the same thing. What advice would you give her

Reply April 12, 2015, 10:28 pm


This article is nowhere near true. Should get the facts right.

Reply December 25, 2014, 3:12 pm


#3 – I disagree. Men are in relationships for themselves. They want something from the other one. THEY– want to be wooed. I DID NOT do much in one relationship because I wanted to test the waters to see if he would give FIRST. The relationship went NO — WHERE. I expected romance. Maybe a candle-lite homemade meal or a romantic happy-hour at his place. You get it, something simple. NEVER happened with several. When I got divorced I realized the ex and many others liked to be wooed — I NEVER got wooed. I gave an gave and really got very little in return — actually nothing. I would visit him after work (10pm) there was never any snacks or hot chocolate, no hot tea waiting for me, especially in winter! No ice tea or lemonade in summer, either. I don’t woo anymore. They have to woo me — first.

Reply December 22, 2014, 2:14 pm


we all want something from the relationship……. bottom line is love. respect &trust. That only comes when both sides work at it. If it is not there move on ( i know thats hard but what this artical says is true. If he cares and thinks it through he WILL WAKE UP. but sounds to me like you need to work on yourself.
how we see ourselves is generally how they will see us.

Reply April 4, 2015, 6:20 pm


In all seriousness, this is a good article. I am a guy and I just wanted to see what this was about, and she hit the nail on the head. NOW, all we need is a female version of this so I can feel better

Reply December 16, 2014, 11:16 am

Dasha R.

What if your boyfriend used to spank you, but doesn’t anymore?

Does this mean he’s found another booty?

Reply December 14, 2014, 1:51 pm


no it means he is starting to respect you like a women who could have his children……its normal as a man starts to get attached he doesnt want a porno girl anymore but a Women in thr bedroom or at least thats what i hear.

Reply March 4, 2015, 9:25 am

Real man

All women are good for is to be impregnated and then kill them off after they give birth. They are filthy sub-creatures.

Most of the guys agree with me, gimme a high five!

Reply December 12, 2014, 1:09 pm


So true man…. I beat this broad up recently, she cried so much hahaha!

Women, if you dare mess with me, I’ll break your necks – I lift 50kg at the gym and they better be scared.

Reply December 12, 2014, 1:12 pm


Can someone say jaded loser napolian syndrome. Probably drive a big oversized truck too because we know men with super small packages talk this hateful.

Reply February 25, 2015, 12:46 am


It was the same pyschopath posting both times, the three minutes apart gives it away. Fortunately most men do not wish physical harm on women, they are just clueless about our needs and wants and don’t seem particularly interested on expending any energy finding out what those are and doing anything about it. All these articles claim men want more than anything to make their woman happy, yet I see very few actually even trying to. They just expect to be themselves and not change a thing, and can’t get why we aren’t happy with that. As if a relationship should not involve any compromise or sacrifice. Fine then, stay single. They will be perpetually so anyway, with that belief.

Reply April 16, 2015, 6:13 pm


Very well said. I agree.

November 12, 2015, 2:37 pm

Rebecca Politzer

Good luck with the death penalty jackass.

Reply June 25, 2015, 8:43 pm


Ya, I agree. If you’re in class with “them” all they talk about are — babies! The only current events that they are interested in if it’s about — babies! If you work in a job that employs mostly women, they only open their mouths to talk about — babies! They only bond with other women that have — babies! They don’t acknowledge single women! Another takes over their work when they leave to have a — baby. When they come back from having a baby, they special hours but nobody else is told so when the business phone calls come in you’re not told when they would be in OR out! They’re a lot of trouble during and after a pregnancy in the workplace. As far as school, they only return to show everyone the — baby and then drop out!

Reply December 12, 2014, 2:40 pm


I’m a female and I give you a — HIGH FIVE. I wish there was an island to discard them and leave them there to ENJOY their live with kids! In the mall, they’re in the way with their wide strollers, they dump the diapers in a store INSTEAD of the mall trash cans, Their greedy and lazy when shopping! This new generation, doesn’t teach social manners to their kids. Their kids belong at — home, not out in public. Their raising whinny brats. Since they don’t know how to conduct themselves in public then I don’t think they’re very equipped with raising kids into adults!! They only care about themselves in a workplace or school setting.
KTAR stated the NUBMER 1 secret men have: they’re afraid they will be forgotten, the kids will take over and they will NEVER get their wife back! At this age, I understand why men cheat! It’s a fact, a man loses his wife especially if there was NO friendship to begin with and most women don’t know how to have a friendship with a man. A women delivered coffee to this office that I worked at, she was shocked that when the kids left to college, there was no relationship with her husband — he left too.

Reply December 12, 2014, 2:55 pm


Wow you three have issues. Do you write just to stir the shit? I cannot believe you three think like this.

Reply December 16, 2014, 11:04 pm


You can’t handle the truth?

Reply December 18, 2014, 2:01 am


I smell ugly filthy TROLLS.

Reply January 10, 2015, 10:32 pm


I’m with Victoria , truth is always good, just amazing how you all think( sad), don’t forget you all have mothers and.. hold on .. wait for it…. they are women…..
shocking I know.

Reply January 20, 2015, 11:18 am


Those brainless idiots made me laugh. I do feel for them though, hopefully they’ll come to their senses. Poor creatures.

January 27, 2015, 9:29 pm


And you’re a worthless feminist inflicting poison on everyone. I’ve known plenty of women who have been nothing but predators on the take trying to clean out a man of his possessions and self worth. No gender has a monopoly on inflicting damage.

Reply December 10, 2014, 1:28 pm


Travis, what the heck des feminism have to do with her views? Grow up you idiot.

Reply December 12, 2014, 1:03 pm


Travis, what the heck does feminism have to do with her views? Grow up you idiot.

I’m sorry at, we guys can really screw up sometimes, but we are not all bad nor jerks like Travis.

Reply December 12, 2014, 1:03 pm

Johanna Lloyd

he says hes in love with me bt always on tango or fb texting girls j just don’t gt it he’s very pleased with me in bed and he’s alwSys horney hummmmm ?????

Reply December 9, 2014, 12:24 am


sometiems u hav to let ur man be himself. u can always spawn next season

Reply November 30, 2014, 2:34 pm

Sam Rikart

I’ve read so many of your articles. It doesn’t matter that I’m a guy. Just like I read stuff written for men I also read stuff written for women. I’ always interested in learning new things, or in seeing how the other half thinks. The problem is that almost all of your articles don’t really tell me anything useful – they’re all just written to hook me on reading more until you try to sell me another book. So far I’ve learned almost nothing from your website just as I learn nothing from similar self-help websites that cater to men. You’re all just a waste of time. Often, the book itself has practical suggestions, but always at an exorbitant price and always nothing really new that can’t be found lots of other places for nothing. What a waste of time.


Reply November 27, 2014, 5:14 pm


After reading this, i feel so at ease. I really hope this is true.

Reply November 27, 2014, 8:44 am

A guy

This is not true.

Reply November 26, 2014, 12:16 am


What do you mean not true? Care to elaborate?

Reply November 27, 2014, 8:38 am


Thank you! This article chilled me out.

I recently moved one state over and a guy I used to work with said he always liked me and we’ve been talking a lot. We went on a date and it was awesome. Now he’s talking about coming to see me. When this first started he was texting nonstop and now it’s less but he still checks in, likes my stuff on FB and Instagram and is making plans to visit in a week. So I need to quit overthinking everything and just calm down.

It’s just hard not to have control!

Reply November 25, 2014, 4:12 pm


Question. Isn’t there a limit as to giving the man freedom? I was taking to a male and female co-worker one day during our break. The guy said that a woman had the right to be a “bitch” to a guy from time to time and not just give him a clear walkway. I didn’t understand what he meant though. From personal experience, I dated this one guy and I was the ideal girlfriend I guess you could say. We spent about a year together I never had any doubts, I trusted him completely, and I felt that we completely loved each other. Turns out he had cheated on me about five months into our relationship and I was completely oblivious to it. I actually found out through one of my friends. I confronted my now ex and told me it was true. I gave him freedom, so I don’t understand what happened. This is why.I need some clarification as to what my male co-worker said.

Reply November 10, 2014, 10:58 pm


Spot on – especially the texting and freedom part. I’m a 28-year-old self-sufficient male. I travel wherever I want, whenever I want, I make all of my money online as a full-time writer, and I don’t have a boss. My freedom is the most important thing in my entire life along with my solitude. I have frequent short-term sexual relationships, but it inevitably all turns up the same. Doesn’t matter if I’m in Brazil or Thailand, whether I’m dating a local or an expat, there is always the same old song and dance about texting. I hate texting. I think it’s pointless. I get a text from my best male friends and I go days without answering, and most of the time I just never answer. Unless we’re planning something, meaning I’ll meet you in an hour at X location, there is no need to text. Whenever women I’m with start to pull this stunt, I immediately leave them.

I have a very specific set of ideals. If a woman is not able to give me space, it signals to me that she has no life. Because my work (my writing), my freedom, and my solitude (when I desire it) are the three most important, most fulfilling aspects of my life, I expect any woman I’m with to have goals for herself as well. When a woman begins getting hung up about every little text and phone call and what the tone of my voice means, then I know emphatically that she is weak, that she has no life, that she has no goals. I believe that no one can possibly over-think that much about mundane shit unless they simply don’t have anything going on in their own life. I mean really – who has the time to think about all that and obsess over it if they have actual goals they’re trying to accomplish in life? S

That’s why I see that as a warning sign. I don’t try after that – I just leave. I hope one day I find a woman who is strong, stable, and independent – doesn’t NEED me around and is able to meet me in the middle to enjoy the quality time we have together, not the superficial time she tries to create to provide herself with some kind of false sense of validation. If you can’t feel validated when no one is around – when you’re all alone, by yourself, and your friends are a thousand miles away – then you won’t ever feel satisfied no matter how much attention a man gives you or how much you whine about how he needs to hold your hand more, send you more flowers, and respond to your texts seconds after you send them.

However, I doubt that will ever happen. Because I’m so comfortable being alone and because I find my validation in work rather than relationships, this has never bothered me. But, still, I’m always curious to see if there are women out there who are strong and stable who don’t latch onto the bullshit in life (oh he didn’t text me on time!).

We shall see.

Reply November 29, 2014, 10:22 pm


Very interesting that you are comfortable with being alone yet you are on a website about relationships and dating. I think when you meet the one, whatever that exactly is for you, you might have a change in ideals. Not sure what you consider bullshit that us women are hanging onto but if you want a woman that’s like you and doesn’t need you around then why bother being in a relationship since you don’t need each other.

Reply December 16, 2014, 10:37 pm


I think it is more about WANTING someone rather than needing them. It is healthier to be in relationship because you want to be not need to be.

Reply December 21, 2014, 4:44 pm

Stephanie Elizabeth

I am sure that if you traveled the whole world, you will find someone who is not only a renaissance girl, but someone who inspires you. If a person knows you hate texting, they should find a creative way to let you know they’re thinking of you. I write letters-scented! I remember sending one out to an old childhood friend of mine and having her say “I got nothing but bills in the mail, along with your letter Stephanie.” I guess my ways are antiquated. I’m writing a story too for my childhood sweetheart and love, a book of coincidences that brought me back to him, which takes time too. I’ve been writing it now for the past two years, so that, along with my regular teaching job and all the other things I have added to my bucket list, is a great deal of work, but little by little I’m doing it. It’s a notebook about our life growing up in our neighborhood and the things that happened that led me back to him, my best friend and love, my lebenslanger schichsalhaus and my past, my present, and my future. And when he holds me in his arms, there is no place I’d rather be. Relationships are important. I have seen what can happen to a person who has no real friends. Don’t be that person.
A girl who inspires you will always be different, not only because of what makes her unique, but also for her sense of comfort with herself. Most girls I have met are concerned about mundane things, such as texting or cup sizes. There are girls out there who are passionate about what they do, like me, and you should be a part of their life, not their whole life as you said. I hope you find the girl who makes you feel inspired, and that even if you tried to, you wouldn’t want to be without. It may take a long time to find her, but when you do, you’ll be “home” with them. That’s how I feel when I am with my soulmate, and it is very rough, because he runs hot and cold and gives me so much and then withdraws, but I couldn’t imagine a life without him, and I will write about him and talk about him until the day I die. I hope you find your destiny. And when you do, don’t run away from it, as mine does sometimes. I hope you find your best friend and love, for that in my opinion is the best kind of relationship. Mine told me he traveled all over the world while serving our country, and all he had to do was go around the corner, and there I was. I hope you find the love of your life worth going to the stars and moon for.
Love Stephanie
p.s. Don’t ever get married, unless that person is your best friend and love, and that even if you tried to, you wouldn’t want to live without. Just my opinion :)

Reply December 30, 2014, 12:18 am


You come off as very arrogant, selfish and immature. Real strong, stable and independent women will not want men like you. Why? Because you don’t understand real women. You project your own thoughts onto women and disrespect them without trying to understand. The irony here is the fact that you diss women because they lack self esteem and “need” you for validation but apparently you have so much self esteem that you come to a site like this to validation your own.

Well let me tell you: real women want men who are responsible, mature and can handle their own weight in a relationship. They want a man – someone with strength as great as theirs, and not a boy – someone who just does as he pleases.

With your standards, you will only find someone like you instead: an arrogant, selfish and immature female version of yourself.

Reply January 3, 2015, 11:16 pm


As a person yearning and reaching to be a wondering writer such as yourself, I agree and understand that having the ability to go anywhere, anytime and do anything is important. As a person, not just a woman, however, who also knows what it’s like to truly be in love, I have to comment that you seem to know what you want, but not how to get it. Classifying every woman as needy and controlling is not fair since their actions stem from your same need, to feel secure in something, not that you were grouping all women. The majority of women, even today, are taught to let the man provide, be strong, and take care of them, which makes us think when you choose not to spend time with us that you don’t want to provide, thus find us not only unattractive, but unwanted. The need to feel safe is not met, we lash out in fear, and you are driven further away by your clostrophobic fears. It’s a vicious cycle that is only broken if you find a woman who you can teach you love regardless of distance, and proving you will provide completely and solely to her. You get your distance, she gets support. Even better is if you find a woman like yourself who strives for your same goals and dreams and won’t hold you back, but you find so captivating and completing to your own personality that you form an unstoppable team without questions of trust, dependability, and freedom. Then you travel the world experiencing everything with a mind as adventurous and cunning as your own, and nothing feels better than that.

Reply January 5, 2015, 3:00 pm


lol.. that was the best piece of advice I’ve ever heard about men. I’ve bought books, watched hours and hours of videos… read heaps of articles. And never quite got it. I have been told to play head games, mirror their image. That all sounded like too much work. Who wants to make keeping a boyfriend your full time job. Honestlyl.

Your article just tells it like it is. No scamming with a build up to make you buy a book. You spoke in lamens terms, and it made me giggle, and smile, and look at my man in a whole new light. I’m going to try it, and I think me and my baby will be just fine now.

Thanks for that love,

You’re the best!!!

Reply October 31, 2014, 2:34 am


The relationship I am currently in is the exact opposite of your article.

Reply October 27, 2014, 7:19 pm


helo frands, i tink sometiems its okay to admit u dont have an gf. sure, it kinda makes u an lameo but that’s o k.

call meh xoxo bean

Reply November 30, 2014, 2:35 pm


I have recently split up with my ex..he did wrongvin the relationship..yet he seems to keep changing his status so I see..one he put was he loved so much to loose so little not sure wot he means by this can u help me out thanx

Reply October 25, 2014, 8:41 am


This article was really helpful. Especially the part about withdrawal. It’s true. Freedom is the most important thing, and once he feels compromised and obligated and/or tied down, he’s going to feel pressured and run away. Thanks for your help..

Reply October 23, 2014, 10:23 am


Answer this my man left me after 2 years because I would not go out and sleep with other men. I’m at a loss.

Reply October 21, 2014, 8:42 am


If he really love you, he wouldn’t want you to sleep with other men. You deserve a better man than him.

Sorry for my english,it’s not my first language.

Reply October 22, 2014, 11:08 am


What if all the no-no that you have mentioned above is done by the guy instead? Like being very demanding, asking why am I moody and this and that, where have I been, why didn’t I reply INSTANTLY anymore like I used to, making me feel pressured that he can’t live without me in his life etc. How do I deal with it? I did tell him a few times that it’s sometimes kind of annoying, but he says he gets it and goes back to doing it. And I feel I’ll will burst if I have to repeat it again.

Reply October 14, 2014, 4:23 pm


That’s what most guys are like hun. Sorry.

Reply December 12, 2014, 1:05 pm


The problem with most people nowadays is that they really on stereotypes, and frankly you’re used to live by those stereotypes!.This is stupid, and I don’t think people will ever change, if they ever relay on the media or their parents to guide their hands.Wrong, wrong, wrong personally I think everyone should visit a therapist, if they are having relationship issues what’s the point in doing the same thing over and over again!.

Reply October 11, 2014, 2:57 pm


Well my experience…

My ex-husband was very kind at first , somewhere along the line he became a devil, my new boyfriend is acting like a robot being over nice ,promising me marriage , saying he wants twelve.. as soon as I told his brother this on phone, he replied his brother telling him I was hallucinating wtf!!! .. and telling me it was just a joke ??? Like seriously and what help ed me not to fall for this was experience and relationship advice. Now he wants twelve babies out of wedlock, I told him you use Condoms and everyone is happy , cos I will never be pregnant for a stranger, when the fun is over we all go our separate ways without baggages. I am sorry for any girl that falls for such guys. My gynecologist had an affair with me for three years (said we should move in together) I didn’t believe him though and will never move in with a guy just because we are ,or he is super rich or whatever. So he broke up. ,but I think it’s good riddance. I am so heartbroken but I work on myself and that gives me my joy and happiness.. I don’t give a damn about what men want …

Reply October 8, 2014, 12:30 pm


“Atimes I wish all men should stop marrying single mums and divorced women. Their failed relationship is a proof of their unsuitability for marriage business. And these kind of women are always men hating, men killing , men nagging, men shaming feminists. I know some guys will still go ahead and remarry these idiots. So unfortunate”

Reply December 12, 2014, 3:03 pm


I am a single mom and my failed relationship was due to him cheating while I was at he with our 5 week old baby..he said he needed some because I wasn’t giving it up…..I still wasn’t able to have sex because having a baby hurts. I am not an idiot, I don’t see all men as the same. We are all different with different happenings in life. I would be an amazing wife, I am very independent and take care of my own, I don’t need a man I want a man to share this amazing ride with .

So please don’t generalize I understand that most are just needy females that can’t settle down and accept shit for what it is, but I am not her and nor will I ever be.

Reply January 2, 2015, 8:48 am

Shawn D.

Texting is significant to me because I’m hearing impaired. Every guy I’ve dated understands that I can’t talk on the phone. So texting is my primary mode of communication. Not sure how all this advice helps me, because basically, if he stops texting, he’s stopped communicating/contacting me, period. It doesn’t take much to just text, “Just saying hey, busy for a bit, but talk to you later,” especially when dealing with someone like me.

In my case, not texting boils down to lack of consideration and non-interest.

Other opinions?

Reply August 29, 2014, 3:27 pm


Total agreement

Reply February 18, 2015, 6:41 pm


I really liked this article. Very helpful. With regards to the texting I have some questions though. I’ve been on three dates with a guy. And we’ve been talking for about a month. He is awesome in person but makes very little effort over texts. Yeah he never ignores my texts and he shows interest when I ask him out. But nothing more. Very passive effort. Is it too soon for this kind of behavior? I mean shouldn’t he be trying to give me attention and show he likes me? Or should I only pick up on what he’s showing in person since what you’re saying is texting isn’t that big a deal? Due to his busy schedule we only have dates once every week or week and a half so it kinda makes me question if he’s interested if we aren’t really talking during that time between dates?

Reply August 27, 2014, 1:38 pm


I have been with someone for almost 2 months we hit it off great however we may have moved too quick I stayed over a lot talked everyday met his family he met mine & he just recently made the decision he doesn’t want to be in a relationship I was crushed I fought to save our relationship but it just made it worse. Everyone says just give him time but how do I know he won’t miss me or he will just forget me like I don’t exist? I’m sure I screwed up but how do I deal with this guilt & not knowing what went wrong. He claims I did nothing wrong that I am a great girl but it’s just want he wants.

Reply August 20, 2014, 2:36 pm


Babe he him some time. He will likely miss you if you play your game right.
You have to act like you don’t care but in a good way.
Now this is the game plan:
Each time he calls you or texts you, act really happy and excited. Do this even when you guys cross paths. But it doesn’t end there, another thing you have to do is to act really busy immediately and promise to call him/text/meet him back once you are through.
All these should happen within 30 seconds. And you leave.

FYI I am a man and what this does is to make him doubt his influence on you yet without feeling unwanted nor insulted/degraded. You will see him rush immediately and he wil even forget he needed time off completely.

This kind of thing always works 100% on me and ALL MEN EVERYWHERE ,ALL RACE ( I Know this is bold )

Reply October 15, 2014, 11:44 am

Anna Khan

Really good..
I have a question a guy hates me little,he doesn’t talk to me…what should I do?I text him but he reply after some days…plz plz plz tell me what to do?

Reply August 16, 2014, 8:23 am


If a guy doesn’t like you there’s nothing you can do. What I would recommend is to DELETE his number and meet other guys.

Reply August 17, 2014, 3:33 am


I think these articles are very informative & it’s really helpful to know how men think. Having said that, am I the only one who thinks it’s annoying that women are told to accept that men freak out and get over it? Why don’t the men get over it? They’re the ones creating a problem. When they play Prince Charming early in the relationship, they should be a little more understanding that women are going to have hurt feelings when they stop this behavior out of the blue, without explanation. It doesn’t mean we are needy. It means we’ve taken men at their word and believed them to be sincere. Ladies, don’t fall for these men who sweep you off of your feet. There are plenty of men who are sincere and let the relationship progress at a healthy pace, thereby avoiding the freak out mode. Men who pour it on thick in the beginning, only to call you needy when you return the gestures are not good men to be with.
If they do this, just move on. The more we give into this behavior, the more it becomes accepted.

Reply August 15, 2014, 8:33 pm


Thank you

Reply August 12, 2014, 5:24 pm


good job! i like reading all your articles.

Reply August 6, 2014, 9:44 am


Thank u sooo much for this article! It was really helpful for me and explained a lot of things that I was previously confused about.

Reply August 3, 2014, 2:38 am

Ramona Rose

This is such a great read! Thank you for writing it, it’s liberating, empowering and real.

I have a question: do you agree that making plans in a relationship, is a given? That is, that a man will automatically make plans to see you and he will WANT to make plans?
Or does the idea of making plans for men equal losing their freedom? And therefore it is something to avoid, even when they commit to you? Can you puts things straight for me please.

The reason I’m asking is that when this guy wanted to make things official with me, he still didn’t want to make plans. He absolutely hates making plans, and that’s a big part of why he likes being single, that he doesn’t have to plan. It’s obviously something he sees as entrapment. He just doesn’t like to make plans. Even when we were talking about spending some time together one weekend, he wasn’t that fussed and the day before I was going to come up to see him, he just said ‘I don’t know what the guys are doing’.

Reply July 25, 2014, 6:51 am


Whoa, girl, that guy is bad news. If a guy likes you he will make plans with you no matter what ‘the guys are doing.’ A mature adult can schedule friendships and a relationship and this guy is blowing you off/treating you like his backup plan. Delete his number.

Reply October 1, 2014, 9:10 pm


You said one time in a comment that, Men only invest in a relationship (but I forgot the res tof the comment). Can you refresh me? Thanks

Reply July 23, 2014, 10:37 am

Gita kukreja

I dont know how to ask a question

But i am in problem , i am engaged girl its 2 months ago but i know he is not at all interested in me from starting we dont have love relation it is arrange marriage i dont thing so he ever fall in love with me

I cant break this engagement coz of family but i really want solution please highlight some solutions i am subscribed to nem mode also

He is not in love with me but he is not behaving anything bad with me his behaviour is good with me but he doesnt love me

I need help please

Reply July 9, 2014, 12:58 pm


Hi Gita,
I feel for you, actually I dont believe in love but I also DO NOT believe in forced marriage, every individual has the right to chose who to marry or choose to stay single if they wish. Have you spoken to your parents or to the guy about how you feel?

Reply July 10, 2014, 2:01 am

Gita kukreja

Hello Helen,
My parents have very simple living and thinking so they suggested to continue.
Yes i talk with my fiyancee i said indirectly also and directly also that u dont like me but he is saying it is nothing like that .
Most important thing is it is not that i am unhappy it is just that i am not happy i am a kind of girl i will not fall in love until n unless my fiyancee will fall in love with me thats the problem if there are any chances that he will fall in love with me i will become happy
One important thing is he is totally mam’s boy now everyone say every guy is mam’s boy but no no no he is very much listening to his mother n sister i dont know how to manage. But it doesnt mean he is not listening to me but only 10%
Is there any way that he will fall in love with me please please please help

Reply July 10, 2014, 3:52 am


Dear Gita,
Your problem seems to be the traditions of your culture. Like you, your fiance is obeying his parent’s by marrying. I dont know how you can make someone “fall in love”. You can either choose to go ahead with the marriage and risk a life of no love but with the possibility of peaceful co existence OR tell your parents you do not want to go ahead with the marriage. From what you wrote it sounds like you have some feelings for the guy.

Reply July 10, 2014, 6:35 am


simple solution! Be INTERESTING TO HIM. A song says, “do the things he likes to do. Wear your hear for him.” If a person likes you then there can be love. When my marriage was falling apart, I loved him but didn’t like him. I dreaded him coming home from work. I got a new relationship and we were the best of friends, lovers, partners. He is married today to another and sent me a mess thru classmates telling me that we had a great time TOGETHER. I’m reading between the lines — this one is BORING!! Make yourself interesting. Pay attention to current events, have an opinion about something. Men want a friend, an interesting partner in a relationship, whether a girlfriend or wife. Good luck!

Reply December 22, 2014, 1:35 pm


Oh, be a good cook. Good food, good conversation can bring you close, closer. The ex — when he left said about the new one, She — can really cook!

Reply December 22, 2014, 1:38 pm


You’re spot on, this article really helped me understand my boyfriends behaviour pretty well. He is all about actions and the texting part is definitely just a sign that he is still having his own life as I do as well. I mean I can’t always reply to him cos I work at all hours of the days but he doesn’t nag me and asks me why I haven’t replied to him, I would be like WTF if he did, so I see now how silly I was when I demanded and nagged in the last about not getting a response from any boyfriends I had in the past. I guess it boils down to respecting one another and being considerate of the fact that people have their life’s to live also. Thanks again for such a well put article. I really do love all your practical advice :)))

Reply July 3, 2014, 12:49 am


I love how this is an article about men wrote by a woman. I might as well write an article about how to to breast feed your newborn. Like how would I have a ******* clue?

Reply June 26, 2014, 3:25 pm

Sabrina Alexis

Maybe because the woman who wrote the article has been studying human behavior and relationships for over a decade and doesn’t pull the things she writes about out of thin air, but from information gathered via research and hundreds of interviews with actual men? Oh, and also the fact that she has been collaborating with a man (see Ask a Guy) since the site’s inception and every insight she provides is shared by him as well?

Reply June 27, 2014, 10:16 am


Thank you so much Sabrina!
The article made perfect sense to me! It actually presented almost everything I’ve been through in my relationship, and it gives absolutely true and helpful advice!
Although I learnt to deal with everything that is mentioned here, but sometimes you start getting in doubt… Reading this article every time gives me loads of positive energy and helps me stay strong and happy!!

Thank you very much! You have no idea how many people you’re helping with what you’re doing! You’re a world changer!

Reply June 30, 2014, 8:37 am

Eric Charles

Richie – is there a specific point (or points) you disagree with? Start there… it’s silly to say that a woman can’t write about men… she’s not claiming to *be* a man, she’s speaking as a woman who’s made observations, researched, etc.

Whether it’s my articles or Sabs, I’m not against someone having a counter to it, but you’re not exactly objecting to the content itself… you’re objecting merely based on the fact that she’s a female as your end point of the argument… Do you have an objection to something she said in the content?

Reply June 27, 2014, 10:30 am


This artical is total BS.
Totally one persons opinion through out the whole thing, and you should stop reading this trash unless you are trying to be just like the author.

Reply May 13, 2014, 2:00 pm

Eric Charles

Lol… well, this isn’t a scientific journal, nor is an editorial on the internet, so yeah it’s someone’s opinion.

What point (or points) in the article are you specifically objecting to?

Reply June 27, 2014, 10:31 am


I’m going to call rubbish on this article. For starters if you’re important to the man you’re dating at all he’ll make the time to text you, it’s not that difficult to do and takes no time at all. If a man says he’s too swamped at work or too busy to spend time with you then it’s time to be concerned because clearly he’s found something else he feels is more worth his time and frankly probably doesn’t really care about you.

I do agree that men have a fear of losing their freedom though, I find it ridiculous but I’m a woman so I don’t have that fear. Personally I’ve never been a naggy or demanding girlfriend, I never said no when a guys night was mentioned or said I didn’t want him to go some where or go out with his friends. I knew all his friends and frankly I really liked most of them and I got along with their girlfriends and them so it was never a big deal to hang out with them.

That part about men wanting to make women happy? not even the least bit true in my experience, what they want is to make you happy enough to get sex after that I really don’t think they care.

Also if a man suddenly stops talking to you for days at a time it’s not because he doesn’t have anything to say, chances are he’s just too busy being in some other chicks bed to bothered with you.

Reply April 2, 2014, 4:49 am

Eric Charles

Lol… so you feel the path to a man’s heart is “should’ing” him into how he should be, should act, should see things… sounds like a very “shouldy” way to go about things…

When either Sabs or I write something, we speak to the things you can control — your actions, your reactions and your thoughts. You can’t control the other person.

And the idea that he “should” be some way (because you want it that way) isn’t the best approach.

Reply June 27, 2014, 10:34 am


#1 !! I have never read dating advice online. This site is awesome!! Me and my bf have been together almost 3 years. He’s 26 and just moved out, and has been hitting the gym, creating a better and healthier lifestyle. The past couple weeks he has not been texting me as much. In the past he has called me multiple times a day and texted, being more needy then I am in general. We talked tonight about how I feel ignored lately and I asked him whats up. He said he just has been busy and wants to feel like a man, not a guy in high school, calling to just tell me he loves me a few times a day, he wants me to focus on finishing college, and have my own life and do what i want. At first i took it personal and was upset that he didn’t want to talk to me as much anymore. Now i realize he feels like it’s time to grow up! I think he feels too dependent and needy making him feel less of a man. After reading this he wants more freedom maybe. He explained to me that he doesn’t want to feel like he has to text all the time and have a time limit on texts, when he doesn’t really have much to say, and its nothing personal. Times in the past him texting/calling often can be too much, or him worrying about me getting home safe if i am out without him, and he leaves me all these texts and whatnot. So for other girls reading this, it works both ways!! We don’t want a needy man. It’s too much sometimes. They don’t want a needy women. Sometimes you can’t take things so personal (like me) and you have to always keep your friends and your interests. Worry about yourself sometimes, and not just pleasing him always. It’s a 2 way street, I need my needs met just as much as him. If you do your own thing and give some space, I think it makes men want you more. It makes me want him more too. My bf tells me he misses me when we don’t talk as much, and wants me to tell him all about my day and asks when he can see me next. Also, when something bothers either one of us, we say hey this is whats up and then we talk (not argue) and deal with it. So that is also true in this from my experience. #4 i can’t relate to at all though. All men are different, so people on here saying that it’s not true, it’s saying in general. IGreat article.

Reply March 17, 2014, 12:06 am


Great article! I’m having problems w #3. So spot on, my boyfriend wants to buy me stuff but dislikes it when I constantly Ask for smth. My question is, how do you ‘encourage ‘ them instead of coming of as being demanding ?

Reply March 7, 2014, 10:16 pm


I think she pretty well spelled it out, it’s all about showing appreciation, when men are rewarded, they want to do more of the thing that gets the reward, like how you train a dog by giving it treats, in this case the reward is appreciation, feeling as though he’s making you happy.

I also want to note that how much he desires your appreciation depends entirely on how much he values YOU as a romantic partner, and that has to do with how you inspire him and give him confidence, if you make your bf feel good about himself as a man, his desire for your appreciation will go up.

Reply March 13, 2014, 6:40 pm


This is another great article! Spot on! Thank you, thank you!

Reply January 15, 2014, 12:38 am


# 5 is correct, no man wants to lose the freedom to bang anything that moves – and doesn’t. #3 is wrong though, most men have no interest in making women happy, in fact, they specialize in making woman very unhappy.

Reply October 4, 2013, 6:41 am


# 5 is correct, no man wants to lose the freedom to bang anything the moves – and doesn’t. #3 is wrong though, most men have no interest in making women happy, in fact, they specialize in making woman very unhappy.

Reply October 4, 2013, 6:41 am


Helen, you have been hurt, and clearly more than once. However, I am here to tell you that you are not talking about men when you say that in reference to item #3. Those are boys.

A real man, in touch with what he wants and how his actions effect others will always want to make you happy.

The hurt game is played by boys who want to keep you unbalanced and at arms length. It’s a ploy to keep his freedom because he thinks a relationship isn’t freedom.

Men don’t have any of those issues. Sadly, it sounds as if you have not met many men.

Reply February 5, 2014, 2:23 pm


the blame game goes both ways, we men can easily say that women only want to bleed us dry of all our wealth, nag us to death, and generally make our lives as miserable as possible, because “girl power” or something.

Reply March 13, 2014, 6:44 pm

Eric Charles

Blaming is just plain ineffective and counter-productive, whether you’re a man or woman.

Reply June 27, 2014, 10:35 am

Susan M DeC

Sabrina I just want to take time to tell you and Eric how AWESOME your advice is, and how grateful I am for it, as millions all over the world also are I’m sure!…I am in my 40’s and could have used this advice 20 years ago, maybe I would have spared myself alot of heartache. I have a 16 yr old son, and much of this advice about men I can apply to him also in a way…I am truly feeling much happier and hopeful in life now that I am learning how men tick….THANK YOU BOTH!! I will def be buying your books!

Reply June 15, 2013, 12:05 am


”If he says he really cares about you and misses you but can’t see you because he’s so swamped at work, what he’s really saying is you’re not important enough to make time for.”

What a load of rubbish, women, get back to banging your head on the table please.
Noone gives you the right to say what we think, or feel.

Reply May 9, 2013, 3:44 pm


Well actually it is indirect communication.. and is an indication that they don’t feel their time is best spent with you.

Reply May 12, 2013, 5:49 am


In this case, you’re wrong…or at least not right.

To paraphrase – “Sometimes being swamped at work is nothing more than being swamped at work”.

There’s far more to this issue than the oversimplification you’ve provided here. You do your readers a disservice by not exploring this in greater detail, and presenting it only as “he doesn’t want to see you”. I’ve never had the opportunity to deny work when it calls – not if I want to stay employed.

Us “mens” don’t have the luxury of not working for a living…not if we want to date.

Reply August 21, 2013, 12:30 pm


I read this article and feel depressed because I seem to be behaving more like the male counterpart . I am not male. Do other women experience this?

Reply March 22, 2013, 1:36 pm


It happens to me all the time, it’s usually the man who is after me and always planning things to do with me, falling in love fast and pinin for attention…i would think it’s more about the attitude of the personr egardless of gender that influences the opposite sex. I’ve always felt like i’m the man in relationships.

Reply September 12, 2013, 2:31 pm


thank youj

Reply January 1, 2013, 8:39 pm

Frenchie land...

Reading the article made me sad. About two months ago, I met what I thought was a wonderful man through a dating website. I only dated men that people usually call “bad boys”. I felt he was different, I thought that he would never hurt me. Although I’m frankly not very experienced in the matters of heart, I saw something different in him; there was a peaceful atmosphere between us that I really enjoyed.

Few weeks after our first encounter, he admitted that he lied and hide some details about him. Well, I just told him that I understand why he was not willing to share his whole life with someone he has just met through the web. The next two weeks after his revelations were actually very great. I could sense that he really liked me. After those few days, he just stopped communicating with me. Texting was our only way to communicate. He canceled all of our meetings for about 4 weeks (I did it once, but I have a very good excuse… medical reasons)! I know he has an erratic schedule, but he was basically spending all of his free time hanging out with friends. I was hurt, but I thought that I should not expect to become the center of his world after only few weeks.

At the end of those 4 weeks, I was just mad at him, and discouraged. To be honest, my self-esteem is already low enough, it is not healthy for me to wait after someone who will perhaps never come to me. I texted him (which is basically to only way to communicate with him), and told him that I wasn’t quite sure if there was anything that could become meaningful between us if we never spend time together! I said that I was very deceitful because I really liked him, and that I was hurt that he could not even make an hour or so to see me.

I felt that I was rude (!), so I tried to call him. He didn’t answer because he was apparently with friends celebrating their victory somwhere. Fine, I was fine with that… We continued to be in touch, and I finally agreed to see him at his place after his job on Sunday night. We were distant the whole evening -actually, we’ve been physically distant to each other since the beginning- , and just before going to bed, he even asked me if I would be more comfortable if he was sleeping in the couch! At the end, we shared some intimacy (touching and kissing). His sister in law gave birth the same night, and since the next day he didn’t work, I suggested that he should visit his family on Monday (they live outside of the city). Anyway, on Monday night, I texted to know if everything was fine. He never replied…

I just feel he doesn’t make the time to see me. And it really does hurt me. I really try to be comprehensive, but it just seems that there is no room for me in his life.

And I don’t think I’m very desperate. Actually, I can assure you that I’m being asked out at least once or twice in a week by complete strangers in the street (usually, very attractive men).

Reply November 28, 2012, 12:15 am


If he wants to be with you – he should find a way. Two way street .. If you are not available to him .. He may realize that he misses you . Either way , I relate to your story and know that the right person will always want to make it work .

Reply June 17, 2013, 11:27 pm


This article is amazing. I have realised where i was going wrong in my past relation and what he wanted . Its true that guy need their space and their freedom.

Reply November 19, 2012, 11:44 pm


I think about the woman I love every waking minute. If you actually love someone, you can no more stop lvoing them than you can stop breathing…and either leads to death. Unless some pathetic dweeb has read one of those “how to win your woman” books for the tertosterone deprived, they simply love and show it whenever and however permitted.

Reply November 16, 2012, 7:59 pm

Eric Charles

That’s a dangerous thing to say…
I say dangerous because there’s truth in there, but none of the conditions around your circumstance are mentioned and it sets on an expectation that if a man isn’t SHOWING his love constantly, then it’s not real.
There are people in my love that I love and would do anything for. Even if I didn’t talk to them for years and they re-emerged and needed something from me. Even if they were no longer in my life.
So first – people use the word love to describe all sorts of situations – honeymoon phase love, intense infatuation, family love, sisterly love, “spiritually pure” love, etc. Love doesn’t require thinking at all – it just is. Infatuation and obsession is thought-based and though Hollywood portrays obsession as love… it’s simply not and just adds to the confusion.
As for the “testosterone deprived” men reading “How to Win Your Woman” books… that sentence read like it was written by a dissatisfied or embittered woman – not by a man honestly commenting on actual his relationship. Granted, I’m able to see the source of where the comments are actually coming from so I know the deal anyway… just saying though. ;)
In the grander sense, why *wouldn’t* women want men reading books on how to improve their relationships and make HER more happy, feel more loved, communicate to her better? Why wouldn’t a woman want that?
Why would it categorize the man as “testosterone deprived” and by converse, why would the “testosterone not-deprived” audience be the “good” guys here? Are you suggesting that the only suitable men to be in relationships are extremely testosterone endowed? Would you recommend that men who are unsuccessful with women should just do steroids? That would be quite a world to see…
It’s great that you think about your woman every day and that she’s like the air you breathe. Poetic, but it doesn’t hit me like real love – it hits me like the love performance Hollywood portrays as love. Just my opinion.

Reply November 18, 2012, 3:49 pm

no name

“There are people in my love that I love and would do anything for. Even if I didn’t talk to them for years and they re-emerged and needed something from me. Even if they were no longer in my life.”

ur so pretentious that u think they will be alive for ever, and u will be also. If u love people, it is ur present that u need to share with them, every moment. Otherwise, if u are lucky, yes maybe they will live long. Maybe they will die tomorrow.

Reply April 8, 2015, 1:54 pm


I like this guy
And according to people he likes me too
Everyone knows i like him he knows it too
He’s one shy guy
But he’s very talkative online

But near these days
He starts replying me with no more than 3 words
Is it suppose to be normal?

Help me what should i do
And i havent talked to him for a long time
Then people forced us to slow dance
We talked a little
And um
After that
Things kind of got awkward
I tried talking to him
And then he said ttyl
I said okayy
Then um
He didnt go online for 2 days
Does he not care
And he never texts me first

Reply November 5, 2012, 4:34 pm


i must say i resent most of what is written in this article. It is clearly placing all men in a single category, saying we are all the same and thats that. I came across this article because all this is happening to me. I’ve been seeing someone for 5months and suddenly she just stopped calling, stopped messaging. I always have to initiate calls and messages now. I know she is free and doing nothing and yet still doesnt find 10seconds to send a simple message. Its me who has ended up analysing, being frustrated and constantly waiting for the phone to ring. She comes to see me rarely, we have sex, then she leaves, now i just feel like im being used, it feels awful. When i try to talk to her all she says is ‘not now’ ‘i cant deal with it now, stop pressuring me’ she knows how much its doing my head in yet continues. I cannot agree with the advice given in this article, every person and situation is different and cannot be generalised.

Reply November 4, 2012, 11:28 am


Im with this guy for 5 months now, and he is ignoring me like to the max. He doesnt text me, doesnt call me, and whenever im on Facebook, he’ll go offline/logout. At first, he was very very close to me. We use to text/talk on phone continously. Now he says he is quite busy. But, when we talk or text, I really feel that he really cares by the way he talk. On the phone, he says ‘I Love You’ almost every 5 mintues. But recently, he is being like im a stranger. On the 20th was my 5th month anniversary, he wished me in the morning, saying that he was sorry for not being early coz he slept early last night, and he even told me that he wont be able to talk to me till Tuesday, as he is very busy. He has time for others, as he comes on whatsapp again and again to chat with others. But, he hasnt got any time for. Im very scared of this situation. I really dont wana end this relationship with him. I really need some advise on this matter. Is he really not into me now? Is he really ignoring me? Has he lost interest in me? What should I do? Need some advise. Appreciated much.

Reply October 26, 2012, 5:44 am


Nashy-this guy has obviously lost interest in you unfortunately. He is putting a lot of emotional distance between the two of you by not having any time to hang out online or even in person. It seems like he isn’t putting any effort in maintaining your relationship. It’s like he doesn’t care about the way you are feeling at all. Those declarations of love on the phone mean nothing if he can’t back them up with action. The fact that you say he is acting like a stranger is a blinking neon sign that he wants out of this relationship. Try distancing yourself from him-stop initiating all contact. If he wants to talk to you because he misses you, he will let you know in some way. If he doesn’t, then you know that there is a better guy for you out there. Wish you the best of luck!

Reply November 3, 2012, 6:10 am


These 5 things sum up exactly where I’m at with my boyfriend. In the beginning of the relastionship he struggled when he meet me if he should date me because he had planned on being free as a bird for the next year and work on his career. However on our first date he drove 50 miles to pick me up…he talked so easily the whole ride..kept saying he loved my company…after the second date he was hooked…I wasn’t tring to get him to like me I was being myself…secure and happy with my life…a few days went by and he insist we Skype eachother, we hit if off right away..he got so open right away, I loved that. We skyped alot for weeks, I live 50 miles away so we hung out a few days a week having the most fun. Everytime we spoke he always talked about the future with me…wanted to know if I’d move with him if he had to move for his job. He hated texting would mostly call..he insisted i meet his parents and friends 60 miles away before he went on his vacation he planned before we meet. Crazy thing now he accidently left his phone and I’ve only heard from him twice in 5 weeks..he’s busy with friends, love this guy but I don’t understand why he can’t find a phone card and call me..??

Reply October 21, 2012, 11:54 pm


I’m a man.. And honestly don’t agree with this article.

It’s as good an attempt as any man would make at explaining what a woman wants, but unfortunately, men know what men want and woman know what woman want.

Thank you though, this has given me insight into what woman think we want.

Reply October 18, 2012, 3:40 pm


In that case Charl maybe you can expand on what men want.

I found a few things here pretty accurate and please correct me if I’m wrong. Once again, we can’t make this a universal formula and apply to everyone.

I agree with number 4 and 5 the most. I’m not saying I should threat leaving him whenever he doesn’t treat me well. This happened t me not long ago. I was dating my bf quite casually for the past few months. It got to the point where I wasn’t sure what we were. He would give me very little attention. I finally told him how I felt and that I would feel hrrible if he treated me like a fwb. he reassured me that he didn’t and that he cherished our relationship. he wants to get serious and can see a future in us. So after voicing out myself, he became more attentive and even made up to me by taking me on a very awesome trip. It was great and I love how he appreciates me.

I do believe in giving my man freedom. Because I appreciate the freedom too. Actually, though I’m a girl, I function like a man. I like attention but too much attention turns me down. I’d get annoyed if my man doesn’t have a social life and needs to see me all the time. That’s not attractive. I use to bug my bf a lot too but once I thought in his shoe, I got over it. I don’t need to know exactly what he’s doing all the time. I don’t need to wait for his reply and analyze every message all the time. I’m slowly killing myself if I do that. Being all needy and clingy is never attractive don’t you think Charl?

Reply November 2, 2012, 11:09 pm


I remember when I met this great looking Italian guy at my college homecomming. He was standing outside a crappy bar with his friends and he was the only one that was not smoking. I looked at him and I was like wow hes hot. I had to tell him that even if he did not want to hear it so I told him he was really cute. A smile came upon his face and he said the same to me. I started to hang out with him at the bar like I had known him forever. I learned he grew up in state college and he had a sister that I went to High school with. He was in amazing shape and he was big into sports. We had so much in common and his sense of humor matched mine. We talked til 7am in the morning but after that we went on another date and dated for like two months until one day he decided to never talk to me again. I said why, what did I do, we are having such a great time with each other why would you just walk away. I learned that he did not have the best relationship with his father and his father was diagnosed with cancer. As much as my heart went out to him and wanted to pray that his father gets better and that he is able to re-establish a great relationship with his father. I also feel he probably thought why would I want a guy with a lower education level than mine but the fact was he was a christian and to me that means more than some education level statues. But the last time I had spoken to him I told him to go for his dreams to be a personal trainer because I can see how he can be an inspiration to a lot of people and per haps someday be a trainer on the biggest loser because he has that kind of ever lasting effect on people. But in my hopes I wish I could see him again and I am far away from home now and I am dating someone new but still some how I still think of the great times I had with this amazing guy. Even though the g uy I see now has a PhD and he is much older than me and pays for everything we do besides the fact we argue every day and it takes like nothing to piss him off. I hope someday my paths cross with the italian but if not I hope I meet someone like him because he seemed so perfect to me.

Reply October 15, 2012, 2:12 am


Don’t waste time!
20 years from now, you will look back & regret not doing some things, like finding where this guy is today in his life. Maybe he will fit better in your life today.

A relationship LIKE THAT only COMES ALONG — ONCE. I’m older now and see how true this is. You may not find that type of relationship ever again.

Reply December 22, 2014, 2:04 pm


I have been hanging out with this guy off and on for 5 years now. I use to get frustrated because he’d come and go, but I knew that he’s crazy about me. Finally confronted him and it’s because I have a child and he says that it’s just not how he pictured his life. I told him I understand because I figure it’s because of immaturity of being 26 and he has tried. He takes me out and has mentioned wanting to meet my son, but gets scared and takes off. Since I’m crazy about him and I know he is about me my question is…Is this just a maturity thing? Will he grow to accept I have a child someday if he likes me enough? Is there anything I can do to gradually give him confidence about the situation so he doesn’t fear it? I’m not relationship crazy so I am not pushy. I’d never expect him to be responsible for my child for my child to treat him badly for not being his father. My son would actually love someone like him around because they share the same interests. Plus just because I’m stuck at home with my child doesn’t mean I’d make him stay. Advise Please.

Reply September 12, 2012, 10:50 am

Call Me Later

I had a similar situation @ that age. Lack of maturity most def had a role, but it was mainly due to me not wanting to deal with any baby daddy drama. That changed up after I met her daughter…the freak came out of her! Now I say “if they have kids, they are down to f*ck”, @ least I’m honest.

Reply September 15, 2012, 12:55 pm


I do not understand what you just said haha

Reply September 17, 2012, 3:21 pm


What Call Me later just said is he was seeing a girl who had a kid. He met the kid (the daughter) and he was repulsed because he thought the kid was a freak – probably her behavior pushed him over the edge?
So now he considers all women with kids to be off-limits.
Many men feel this way. It’s a lot easier for a man with kids to find a woman rather than a woman with kids to find a man.

Reply October 6, 2012, 4:02 pm


No, he means that he met the daughter and it made the mom happy and she became a freak-in the bedroom so now he knows moms are good lays

October 14, 2012, 9:56 am


Yep, what Dani said.

December 4, 2012, 4:10 pm


Yes, you would make him responsible for your child; a single person knows this when getting involved with a person with a kid!! Yes, you would let your child treat him badly and then defend your child with, “he’s just a kid! CONSIDER talking about and sensitive issues that need to resolved BEFORE meeting your child!

Reply April 17, 2013, 1:59 pm


” I’d never expect him to be responsible for my child…”

Sounds like you haven’t been in a relationship long enough to know how big a word RESPONSIBLE is! As long as the child is in the room, you would MAKE him responsible. As the relationship gets serious — THERE WILL BE — more forced responsibility.

Reply April 17, 2013, 2:53 pm


Recently I’ve been through a bad break-up, so I didn’t want to date for a while. I instead got caught up on all of my college work and had began to hang out with friends more. But, one of my guy friends kept asking me out and was always coming on to me. I continually pushed him away, so he stopped after a while. It has been a couple of months and we are still great friends, but now I want there to be more, yet I don’t know whether he feels the same way still or not. What would be a good way of finding out?

Reply September 10, 2012, 12:16 pm


5 things every girl needs to know about men


Reply September 8, 2012, 7:19 pm


I like this site it gives me something I really wanna know about.

Reply August 31, 2012, 8:47 pm


well hi im quite confused because im 12 and my first boyfriend is some guy and he says he loves me alot and makes me feel special, i know that there are 10000000000 more girls prettier then me and one day he’ll fall for them, recently we joked and talked about marraige and stuff but i’ve noticed he keeps flirting with about 5 other girls calling them hot and stuff and she comments on there pictures on facebook more then mine, we talk 24/7 and know eachother inside out and never get bored of eachother, but i think hes a player because everytime we talk he brings up a different girls name, what do i do? HEEELLLPPP! Please!

Reply August 24, 2012, 7:01 am


Your 12… Its not love sweety. Trust me rather break it off with him and focus on school and enjoy your life? Your still so young, why do you want to get your heart broken by a couple of jerks? If I was you I would wait until I’m at least 16 to date. Sounds like he just likes the idea of having a gf. I’m 18 and I really don’t want a boyfriend right now, you want to know why? Because I have big dreams, dreams that i don’t want to miss out on because of a silly boy. I don’t want to waste my time when I’m not ready to settle down with a guy. Yeah, have crushes and go on group dates but even then I would wait till I was older. Your so young honey, don’t ruin your life by getting involved in things that aren’t meant for your age <3

Reply August 29, 2012, 8:56 am


Very good info to know…..but it does take two to make a relationship work! Even if a guy doesn’t think much of texts or whatever (and you think woman shouldn’t either) and in situations were the woman does think they’re important, what happened to the guy showing that he cares by doing something that the woman appreciates? Yeah, don’t judge where your relationship stands by how many texts he does or doesn’t send, but if a couple of texts through the day makes the woman happy, secure, whatever, is this too hard for a guy to understand, or are they all just that selfish???

Reply August 23, 2012, 11:44 am


so i have been reading on here different things so what im getting out of it all is when a guy gets scared he closes up all over because of one wrong doing of one woman but what happend to the whole guys aren’t scared of anything

Reply August 15, 2012, 3:14 pm


they are scared of one thing only – losing their freedom
but if you can find something else they fear (spiders, blood, the dark) you can have a serious amount of fun teasing them about it when you get upset with them
they hate it – but at least you can have fun.
i know im bad at times, but im also fed up with being mistreated

Reply October 6, 2012, 4:06 pm


well written! Girls over react to everything! :D Guys will just let a girl know they like them when they know how they truly feel about her and the whole relationship thing…it may take some guys a looooooooooooooooooooooong time to know but when they do, they sweep you off your feet…so I’ve heard ;D

Reply August 14, 2012, 9:10 pm

Ashley Marie

I was seeing a guy I liked for about 7 months, it was like we were datig but we weren’t. Everything was great, just one little problem…he wouldn’t commit. I tried being understanding because I know about 6 months before we met, he got out of a 3 year relationship with a very painful ending. He told me he was scared of being hurt again and just didn’t feel ready for another relationship right now. I did badger him a bit about it but after a while with nothing changing, I got fed up and told him we wanted two different things and that we should go our separate ways. That was 3 weeks ago. I haven’t seen him since.. I’ve actually been avoiding all the places he normally goes to give him a chance to miss me. Well about a week ago, he started texting me again. He tells me he misses me, calls me gorgeous, Hun, babe, etc., always asks how I’m doing and what I’ve been up to. I’m trying to play it cool like it doesn’t bother me but it really does. I really like him, I miss him and he’s got a great deal of potential boyfriend wise. I just don’t know if I’m actually getting anywhere with him.

Reply August 14, 2012, 10:35 am

Ciara M

Just curious: Any word on what happened with this?

I was in the same exact situation. We were both fresh out of long term relationships and we “dated” each other for almost a year. BF/GF to the fullest, except no title, no commitment. It finally got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore & I loved him too much to just settle. I told him it was all or nothing & it finally hit him… he wasn’t willing to lose me. Fast forward almost 2 years later and we’re still together, happier than ever. It CAN happen :)

Reply August 13, 2013, 10:18 am


i disagree with #5 … Freedom ??? don’t be silly … Freedom so they can hook up and find back up woman..PLEASE

well, by experience i use to give so much freedom that either i got blame of not caring or the other side was i got cheated on…. and both times it was with someone i live with

Reply August 11, 2012, 9:15 pm


Hi.I really love this gal bt I’m nt sure if she loves me too bt she said she lvs me.And another thing I found her dating another man.so me nd her dnt hv enough time cos we are nt dating openly we’re secret lovers.its like I’m her 2nd best.now I’m tired of that I want 2 own her,so what can I do plz help

Reply August 11, 2012, 11:05 am


ok i like this guy and i dont know if he likes me or not he usually texts me everyday he says he has a connection with me but im kind of confused because he tells me that he talks to other girls and he dosent want me to get hurt and i really like him alot and i care about him.so since that day he didnt text me i didnt text him back cause i wanted to give him his space and leave him alone for a while and i dont know if he’s ever gonna text me again i still have his number in my phone. oh yeah and he told me that the reason that he talks to alot of girls is because of his last girlfriend broke his heart but i just want him to like me and i really want him to trust me

Reply August 10, 2012, 1:23 am


Very well said.. This article was great.

Reply August 7, 2012, 5:18 am

danielle tinsley

I like this guy but like don’t honestly know if he likes me back he hardly speaks to me I always seem to make the effort which makes me think he doesn’t like me but he talks to these other girls I’m so jealous and I have to act like I don’t care when I really do but when I do talk to him he’s dead on but sometimes he looks at me like I have five heads and sometimes I think he knows I like him I can’t hide how I feel plus every time I like someone I get hurt and I fear rejection because usually I get it wrong I really don’t think he likes me plus there’s an age gap which kind of bothers me I’m older than him I don’t even know if I want relationship with him I just want somebody to tell me if he likes me because I don’t know also I got my hair done and he was the only guy to say it was nice he’s really nice he would do anything for anyone I need to know also how I can talk away to him because I don’t always
know what to say to him

Reply August 5, 2012, 3:19 pm

Tony@Relationship Advice For Women

Sometimes, guys have this barre to take the action due to the fear of the rejection from women. In this situation, it sounds like you both have this kind of fear. It depends on who will take the first step, sometimes it’s not a bad idea that women take the first step.

Reply August 8, 2012, 10:39 am


I am Bhavana , I am writing this from India, I am stuck in a very critical situation, I am 26 and I am not in so good condition in my career front ,I am trying hard to get on track which I will soon if my personal front gets resolved…
I am staying away from family with my roommates, I am going to this place called as “Apache Nxt lounge” ,I was going to breakup shock and I started going to this place with my few friends regularly, somehow the DJ and I got close and started dating ,we have lot in common, our bday and lot other things, which also made things more close because of the bonding, but down the line we both knew its not gonna work out in marriage because of family and religion and more likely to be frank I was not keen for marriage as the family background was very different…
Adding to it I am Virgo born on 6 sep ,I am very social by nature but don’t know why I don’t have friends In my life, I have couple of them but not the group with whom I can hangout and go for trips or dinner or even for evening coffee, so sharing what I am going through is also difficult than I decided to write you, who can be better person than you….
To elaborate more, there is another guy comes in lounge I know him through my boyfriend, I and my boyfriend in stage of breakup because it cant work out and major reason which he doesn’t know is I have madly ,deeply fallen for the other guy who comes in apache lounge, I know him last one year on /off , he had breakup with his girl friend and now he just come there to get drunk,, I have developed a deep feelings for him , I have not felt this way for any one ,as we grow old we see all the aspects of relation which can end up in marriage, I know this is the guy I can be with him, and for this I confessed him my feelings a month ago, for which he said he don’t want to get indulged as he said he never had such feelings as he always respected me as his friends girl friend to which I cleared that we are no more dating and I also told him this something which has not developed not in a day or two but its being in my heart from few month but I too wanted to give time to this …
I to be frank mistake and acted childish for persuade for the relation as I know he likes me too, but I think he is afraid or insecure of things like getting re involved in relation which I think he is not ready for , or problems in his career front, monotonous routine of work, or his ex girl friend he believes he will get her back in life is too unaware of where is his life going ,just going with the flow…..
When I started reading your book have come across important things which I have started following , I first cleared him through an sms , where I wrote him as to agreeing on his point of not getting involved as he is not ready , to make him comfortable that he can decide and settle things on professional level, I communicate him through sending few sms …now my ex boy friend has told me not to come to apache lounge anymore which is only place I can meet my beau…now this is a big barrier as somewhere I can at least see him for a while, which can make my day…..
As no one other than my roommate know about this It has make things very difficult where I am no more in relation with my ex boyfriend, so I went to the place where my beau comes daily, I am very confused what to do, I don’t have any charm in going to lounge , I don’t even drink there some time occasionally I just go there for some time ,meet my friends greet them and come back , I don’t have any place to go or hangout, I don’t even regret that what all I going in my life , what I want is to show beau that I truly have real,strong,dedicated,pure feelings for him ,its not just attraction, or affection, or sympathy, as what I feel that we don’t know much about each other as we hardly talk, we have casual interaction ,,I request you to please help ME !!!

Reply August 2, 2012, 2:55 am

Ellen @ Wannabe Health Nut

#3 is so true! I learned to just straight up tell my boyfriend if something was bothering me or if there was something I’d like him to change. I don’t nag, just a “Hey, it would really be nice if you could start…” usually gets the job done. I might have to repeat myself a few times, but the results have been worth it! I went through a period of feeling frustrated that I had to tell him (it felt so unromantic!), but “Ask and you shall receive…” as they say. :)

Reply July 30, 2012, 1:45 pm


We men are simple creatures. We love our women and if we are in love with you, our number one goal is pleasing you.

However we can’t reasonably do that which we don’t know how to do.Sometimes things need to be spelled out for us.Sometimes they even need to be spelled out VERY clearly. (As in speak very slowly and repeat as necessary.)

We need to be taught the things that please you.We are men and we (often) need to be trained. Training us however is not to be confused with changing us, and that I think is where miscommunication often begins and confusion sets in.

Reply July 30, 2012, 3:59 am


sounds great! But communicate to us whatever it is that you want! Don’t leave us guessing!! It takes 2 to make a relationship and 1 to tear it down!! MEN need to learn to communicate more and NOT leave it up to the female!!
Women are just as simple as men. “We need to be taught the things that please you.”-it’s very simple. Notice her environment. What does she like? What has she enjoyed doing in the past and add more or it. A relationship IS a partnership — a partnership can run like a successful business or not. It can EXIST or run successfully.

communication. COMMUNICATION. communication from BOTH.

Women don’t want to guess what you want.

Changing YOU is what makes a partnership OR business run Successfully. Employees must change to make a business run successfully — a relationship IS a partnership, a business!! TO run successfully EVERYONE in the relationship needs to change!

Reply April 17, 2013, 2:26 pm


Well said Andy…. you probably have a loving relationship. You sound like a great boyfriend.

Reply January 5, 2015, 3:49 pm


So letttme get this straight….. a guy doesn’t text you back quickly enough, or at all, forgive him.. don’t expect this of him because he might be busy…

But… if he says he’s missing you like crazy, but is too swamped with work to see you, then whats he’s really saying is that you’re not important enough to make time for?

Why is one okay/acceptable/to be expected and the other a signal of murky waters in regards to his true feelings for you?

Reply July 27, 2012, 3:21 pm

Love this site

I think because texting is insignificant to men you can’t use their responsiveness or text frequency to gauge the love they have for you. What I’m reading and what I’ve learned myself is that a man’s time and the amount he is willing to give you is a really good indicator. I would think if he had to work late once in awhile and wanted to reschedule that would be more than reasonable. However, if you regularly get excuses from them why they can’t make time for you it’s probably fair to say that he’s not that into you. Don’t read into texts. I’m a female and actually find it annoying when someone texts so regularly. I appreciate the effort but I recently started seeing someone in the last month that will text all day and night. It makes me feel pressured to stop what I’m doing to respond. I absolutely don’t but then I sometimes feel like a dick.

Reply July 31, 2012, 3:27 pm


This is my favorite post in ANM! Its kind of a troubleshooting guide, like the one that comes in a user manual, but for men! Excellent idea!

Reply July 26, 2012, 6:14 pm


Very well written and worth the read. Another confirmation that men and women can be easily compatible if you just learn and listen to the other’s actions. Your thoughts are all in your head, your gut is right the majority of the time. If you truly feel his compassion for you, he probably feels the same way about you. It’s no doubt a hard thing to express these feelings to each other. No one knows how to properly say “I like you” and feel comfortable that the other person feels the same.
Just continue to live your life. Force your thoughts outside of trying to read his. If you feel the connection, you are probably right that there is one.
Be the person he fell in love with originally.
Encourage his freedom, as well as your own.

Reply February 21, 2015, 1:10 pm

Leave a Comment


Sign up for our
free newsletter
and get a free chapter
of our book,"He's Not
That Complicated"