My ex and I had a perfect nine months: no fights, some arguments of course, but everything was great.
I was always worried a little about this ex girlfriend. She left him for another guy and he never got over it… or over her I guess.
When she became available again, he left me for her! I don’t understand what happened … I just know I want him back. What should I do?
Relationships, as a concept, are somewhat misconstrued in how people think of them.
See, when most people think of a relationship, they think about two people relating to one another.
When something goes wrong, we are quick to assume that one person wronged the other or that one is at fault.
The relationship people have with themselves is often ignored… and is most often what is to blame.
Most people have poor relationships with themselves. Low self-esteem, insecurity, self-doubt, regret, shame, guilt… the list goes on and on.
The problem with the ex-girlfriend leaving this guy for another guy is that he never repaired the relationship with himself after she left. In the back of his mind, he felt as though she took a part of him… that he wasn’t good enough… that he was not worthy enough.
For a guy, it is nice to have a relationship with a woman. And when the relationship is going badly, the guy suffers.
But it is unbearable to a guy to feel as though he is ineffective in “winning the heart” of his woman.
Think about it – guys don’t typically call girls “losers.” A guy could call a girl a “loser”, but it wouldn’t be as crushing as many of the other cruel things that he could say.
But women call guys they don’t like “losers” all the time. It’s a crushing insult to a guy because it implies that he is incapable of winning… ineffective to bring home the bacon… unable to overcome the obstacles of the world.
So your ex boyfriend probably loves you very much, but had never gotten over the idea that he wasn’t “good enough” to have her. His thinking is a mistake, but feels real to him.
And he’s made the assumption that if he could have her back, then it would mean that he’s “good enough” now and overcame whatever was formerly unworthy about him.
It all comes back to the relationship he has with himself though. Nobody can make anyone else feel “worthy” or “good enough”. That feeling can only come from within.
In time, he will get over his baggage. My advice is to wait until he does – you don’t want to date a guy who’s chasing illusions and doesn’t have a good relationship with himself.
I would recommend moving on with your relationship life… the worst that could happen is that you leave yourself open to new possibilities, new fun and new companionship.
And since this guy has already shown that he’ll come crawling back to an ex, it’s possible he’ll follow in suit here.
Especially if that girl he’s with previously left him for another guy. It’s likely that it’s only a matter of time before that relationship collapses again.
And be sure to take our quiz “Can I Get My Ex Back? quiz to know if this relationship has a chance.
Good luck and hope it helps,