How Do I Know If He Really Cares About Me?
“No one ever fell in love without being a little bit brave.” – Mario Tomasello
There’s always that little section in the “falling in love” portion of a relationship where you do a quick gut check. Maybe this guy seems too good to be true. Maybe you’ve had enough heartbreak in the past that you’re hesitant to fully let yourself fall again.
No one could blame you for wanting some certainty before you invest your time, energy, and heart into another person. People can be fickle, dishonest, and confusing. Unfortunately, love is a maddeningly mysterious emotion and state of being. There’s always going to be a certain amount of blind faith and guesswork.
At the same time, it’s only wise to observe your relationship to the best of your ability. Stay aware of the dynamics of your relationship. Consider the opinions of your loved ones, the people who want what’s best for you.
Look for the signs that he cares about you and sees a future with you. We’ve compiled a list of 16 of those signs below.
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How to Know If He Truly Cares About You
1. He’s always honest.
In this current dating world, there are many people who play mind games. It’s wildly refreshing to be with someone who is upfront. This doesn’t just mean that he doesn’t lie or cheat – that should be a given. Real honesty means he’s open about how he’s feeling, how his life is going, and what he wants.
Sometimes honesty can be hard to hear and even harder to give. In a relationship where you don’t want to risk hurting someone’s feelings, you tend to err on the side of caution. Sadly, once you start to keep things to yourself, communication shuts down and the relationship deteriorates. Be with a man who understands the value of honesty.
2. He’s an active listener.
An engaged listener is a hard thing to come by. In many conversations, it seems like people are merely waiting for their turn to speak. Even as you speak you can tell they’re not really digesting what you say. Some even find it socially acceptable to scroll through their phone while you’re talking!
The right guy will listen when you speak. He’ll wait until you’re finished before he adds anything. Hopefully, he’ll have some genuine thoughts that apply to your situation. Sometimes advice is appreciated, and other times it’s just nice to have someone listen. When you talk to him, does he ask questions? Or does he just nod along while his mind is clearly elsewhere?
3. He asks you for your opinion.
In addition to offering you advice, it’s a good sign if he is curious about your thoughts on his life. We all have that close circle of people we go to when we need guidance and support. We value the opinions of the people we care about.
For example, if he’s having a problem with a coworker, does he confide in you? Does he listen closer when you share your advice, or does he brush them off? If he acts like your thoughts are unimportant, move on. Either he’s not feeling it, or he’s not really worth spending the time on.
4. He remembers the little things.
When you like someone, you pay attention. Guys are no different. If you order a soy mocha with no whip, he’ll file it away in his mind as “your drink.” If you say you hate dirt bikes because your little brother got in an accident once, he’ll make a mental note. There’s a file cabinet in his mind with your name on it and if that isn’t filled with the little things, he’s not that invested.
Remembering the little things doesn’t mean he has to memorize every detail about you. Sometimes people forget things, and that isn’t a sign he doesn’t care about you. Look for the overall pattern. Does he make an effort, or does everything seem to go in one ear and out the other?
5. He wants to share his hobbies with you (and vice versa).
It’s a sweet sign of affection when a guy wants to let you into his world and all that encompasses. Depending on how “dorky” certain hobbies or interests might be, it’s also a sign of trust. When we like someone, we want to know what they think about our favorite things. How many times have you seen a movie and instantly wanted to talk to your friends about it?
Make sure this goes both ways. Just like you’ll patiently spend time learning about his passions, he will want to do the same for you. You can pretty much guarantee that not everything you find endlessly fascinating will seem quite as epic to him. Ideally, he’ll value spending time with you and learning about you over doing what he would most like to do every minute of the day.
6. He wants to see you happy.
Even if he doesn’t understand why a certain thing makes you happy, a guy who likes you will have secondhand-joy just because you’re excited. Just like you would gain pleasure from seeing his eyes light up, he will feel the same about you. Does he look for ways to brighten your day, or does your mood not seem terribly important to him?
There are big and small ways he can show you he supports your excitement. Maybe your favorite band just released a new album and he offers to play it in the car on the way home. Maybe he even surprises you with tickets to said band’s concert, even though it’s not his preferred genre. However he goes about it, the bottom line is that when a man truly cares about you, he will seek out ways to make you smile because making you happy is the number 1 thing that will make him happy.
7. He drops other plans if you need him.
This doesn’t mean he’s a flake who always bails on previous commitments. In fact, that kind of behavior is the kind of thing you’ll probably want to steer clear of. But if you need him and he makes it clear you are a priority, then he’s showing he truly cares about you.
An example might be that you’re having a brutal day and he ditches “guys night” to comfort you. Maybe he finds out you’re in bed with the flu and leaves work early to bring you soup and meds. Essentially, he’ll take every opportunity he can to show you how highly you rank in his life.
8. He introduces you to the other people in his life.
You wouldn’t ask just anyone to meet the important people in your life. It really says something about how he perceives you if he wants his loved ones to know you. Who you bring into your life is somewhat of a reflection on yourself. He’s not going to bring home someone he only has a passing interest in.
Whether it be inviting you over for Thanksgiving dinner or simply to bowling night with his friends, including you in his life indicates real attachment. Try not to be too nervous when you are introduced to these people. He thinks highly enough of you to want you to meet them.
9. Your family and friends love him.
The people who love you most tend to be the most reluctant to welcome a significant other into the fold. Even if you don’t have a stereotypical dad on the porch with a shotgun, you’ve probably experienced cynicism when introducing a potential new boyfriend to your circle.
For this reason, if the people who love you also dig him, he’s done an admirable job. It’s not an accident. He’s put in an effort to impress your tribe, and that should be noted. It can be quite intimidating to meet the family and friends, so give kudos where it is due.
10. He includes you in future plans.
If you’re the type to be skittish about commitment, he may be hesitant to get too detailed about future plans. Still, timid or not, the future is going to come up. His attitude towards it can tell you a great deal about his feelings. It could be something as straightforward as asking you if you’ll be his date to a wedding in six months. Grander plans might include discussing with you whether or not he’ll take a certain job offer.
However, be cautious of the man who always talks about dreamy plans. How likely is it that these lofty ideas will actually pan out? Invest your time in someone who is realistic about the future and how you two could potentially work within it.
11. He’s got his life together.
Raise your hand if you have, at one point or another, taken on a project boyfriend. Sure, all of his other relationships ended because he was emotionally unavailable, but things will be different with you. Or, okay, maybe he sleeps on his stoner friend’s couch for now, but he swears he’s looking for a job any day now. Don’t feel bad. It happens to the best of us. Just don’t fall victim to the temptation to step into the mother role. Once you’re there, it’s very hard to claw your way back out.
Instead, be with a man who is settled in his life. It’s can be hard enough to keep your own life at the level you want it. You don’t need to spend your precious time trying to fix someone else’s. Avoid this predicament by being with someone who you don’t feel you need to change. If he isn’t serious about having his own life in order, he isn’t committed to building one with you.
MORE: Is He Into Me?
12. He doesn’t want to go to bed angry.
Being with someone who consciously puts in the effort to resolve arguments swiftly is a gift. Letting things fester for too long is a recipe for disaster. You become bitter and resentful. If you go too long without solving a problem, it can filter into other aspects of your life and snowball into something huge.
Make no mistake about it – everyone needs some space once in a while. Taking a couple hours to calm down and think about the problem can be super useful. You may come back with less anger or even a new perspective on the issue. Just don’t let it drag on for days and become something even worse than what it started as.
13. He thinks of you as a team.
You go through your daily life differently when you’re taking someone else into consideration. Instead of immediately telling his buddy that you guys are down to see that movie on Friday, he’ll check in with you as to whether or not you want to go see it. Before he picks up food on his way over, he’ll shoot you a text and see if you’ve eaten yet.
These little actions can seem insignificant, but they represent a mindset. Basically, he won’t go through life like he’s a single unit. He’s got a partner and he acts like it.
14. He makes sacrifices for you.
No one should be constantly sacrificing for their significant other, especially if there’s not an equal amount of compromise from both parties. However, small sacrifices can go a long way in showing you that he’s invested. Maybe he illustrates this desire to make your life easier by unexpectedly doing all of the dishes. Or maybe he offers to go see that new romantic drama you’ve been itching to see, even though he’d much rather see the action flick.
Being willing to do things that aren’t necessarily ideal for him all of the time is a sign of appreciation. In an optimal relationship, both people will feel glad to make these little sacrifices. Even if it’s not what they want in that moment, they know that the devotion will be reciprocated down the line.
15. He’s attentive to all your needs.
Sexual compatibility is an essential factor in a relationship. One of the biggest hindrances to success in this area is a lack of communication. It can be hard to give requests or opinions on something when you’re afraid of how it will be received. Some guys are sensitive to anything that could be perceived as a critique in this area. Even gently delivered suggestions can be taken the wrong way.
A loving and respectful man will be present with you and ask questions. He’ll understand that every woman is different and will be open to learning. An immature guy who isn’t invested in the future may be more selfish or intolerant to a discussion in the bedroom.
16. He checks in with you.
One of the best indicators that a guy truly cares about is how often he asks you how you are doing. This doesn’t just mean asking you how your day was, although that is beneficial as well. But a guy who truly cared will typically dig deeper and making sure he has a good grasp on how you’re feeling about the relationship.
If he shows a lack of interest in your thoughts in this department, that’s a bad sign. It means that he isn’t worried about you going anywhere. He should want to know that you are happy in the relationship and that any issues are aired out before they turn toxic. You are half of the equation, and you need to be nurtured in it just as much as he does.
I hope this article helped you figure out how he really feels about you and how much he cares. Knowing where he stands is important, but it isn’t everything. If you want love that lasts, there are two crucial things you need to know. At some point, a man will ask himself: is this the woman I want to commit myself to? His answer will determine everything. Do you know what inspires a man to commit? Do you know what makes a man see a woman as girlfriend or wife potential? If not, read this next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
The next issue arises when he starts to pull away. It looks like he’s losing interest in you. He’s not as responsive, he’s not as attentive, and things just feel off. Do you know what to do to get things back on track? If not, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
Biggest Signs He Cares About You:
- He’s always honest.
- He’s an active listener.
- He asks you for your opinion.
- He remembers the little things.
- He wants to share his hobbies with you (and vice versa).
- He wants to see you happy.
- He drops other plans if you need him.
- He introduces you to the other people in his life.
- Your family and friends love him.
- He includes you in future plans.
- He’s got his life together.
- He doesn’t want to go to bed angry.
- He thinks of you as a team.
- He makes sacrifices for you.
- He’s attentive to all your needs.
- He checks in with you.