Trying to get over a relationship I know was not good

We dated for five years. He asked me to be exclusive and I remember being so happy. Two months into our relationship he ended up going back on dating apps and I caught him red-handed. I didn’t walk away at that point in time. I don’t know why, I was so hurt and didn’t believe it. I was excited I wanted to be loved. He would continue to text other girls in front of my face, even though I was under the impression that we were more in a relationship than he didI guess. Finally I had enough and I did break up with him about 2 1/2 three weeks later, we ended up getting back together and stayed together for another four years we live together during this time he made comments that my weight was a problem comments about my weight during intimate settings. He commented on how he used to be able to pick up girls easier he would check out girls in front of me. He would say that he didn’t want to be in a relationship where I couldn’t express my feelings to him, so I tried to express my issues with him but every time I did say something “like you know the way you talk about other women makes me feel really uncomfortable. “ He would just say it’s not like that. He would often go on trips to see concerts with his friends and never included me. I would express the issue about how I wanted to be included and he would just say “ it’s not like that “ and never acknowledge my feelings or include me slowly and surely I was getting more and fed up and I kept saying to myself the next time he does this, I’m gonna break up with him. this past April over Easter long weekend he went on to a concert with his friends again, and again I was not invited. I was so hurt and angry. I was thinking about breaking up with him Then a week later he ends up breaking up with me. I moved out immediately during this time I also got a new job. On June 2 I moved back into my condo and I started my new job. I thought I was doing much better understanding that the relationship wasn’t good for me and my needs weren’t being met and now all of a sudden it’s hit me like a brick wall. I feel stupid for not walking away sooner I feel hurt that he never really loved me or valued me or treated me with the respect I deserved yet still deep down. I just want him to regret losing me to tell me he’ll change, and be together. and I know that’s not gonna happen and I just need help getting over this grief of losing him. I know the relationship wasn’t even as good as I thought it was. I know I was attached to the potential and not really him and that’s not what the reality is, but it still hurts so much. I am going to counselling to get help through this advice on getting over. It would be great.