If Taylor Swift keeps going on the same track in the love department, she may want to consider naming her next album: “Maybe It’s Me.” Seriously, girlfriend is gorgeous, rich, talented, sweet, and yet she can’t–for the life of her—seem to hang onto a man for more than a few months.
I don’t know Taylor personally. I do know people who have met and interviewed her though and by all accounts, she’s an incredibly kind and genuine person, which is not something you find too often in Hollywood. The purpose of this article is not to bash her, but rather, to learn from her. I don’t really pay close attention to pop culture these days, but Taylor is one famous face who I can’t seem to escape, and who’s troubles in the love department have captured my attention (and sympathy!).
All I know is this is a girl who gives her all to relationships, usually gets burned as a result, then makes millions writing songs about it. It doesn’t sound like such a bad deal, but I’ll bet that Taylor would happily exchange a lot of those millions to find true love.
So where exactly is she going wrong?
Like many women out there, Taylor can’t seem to resist the bad boys. In a recent interview with Parade magazine she confessed: “I think every girl’s dream is to find a bad boy at the right time, when he wants to not be bad anymore.”
I think we can call commiserate with her on this one. In theory, we’d all like a “nice, caring, sweet” guy who treats us like gold. In reality, we find ourselves drawn to the mean, troubled guys who can’t be bothered while secretly holding onto the hope that we’ll be the one to get him to change his evil ways.
One of the most essential rules when it comes to relationship is you can’t enter into a relationship with a dream or an ideal, you get into a relationship with an actual person. You need to take him for who he is, as he is. Period.
If a guy is a known womanizer with a reputation for breaking hearts (ahem, John Mayer), then there’s a high probability he will also break your heart. Maybe at some point he’ll change his ways, but unless he’s at that point right now you’d be best advised to stay far away. A bad boy doesn’t just wake up one day and decide he no longer wants to be bad. That may happen in movies, but it definitely ain’t real life. In the real world, personal growth takes a lot of work and time.
She Falls Way Too Hard, Way Too Fast
When it comes to relationships, Taylor seems to go from 0 to 60 overnight. One day she’s spotted hanging out with a guy, the next she’s showering him with lavish gifts and showing up at his family events.
In the interview with Parade she explains: “I don’t think there’s an option for me to fall in love slowly, or at medium speed. I either do or I don’t. I don’t think it through, really, which is a good thing and a bad thing. You don’t look before you leap, which is like, ‘Yay, this is awesome! Let’s not think twice!’ And then you’re like, ‘We used to be flying. Now we’re falling. What’s happening?’”
What Taylor, and most girls out there, needs to realize is that a healthy relationship is one that begins with mutual interest that grows over time. An unhealthy relationship, conversely, usually starts with a magnetic pull that sucks you into the other person’s reality and takes you over. It’s a force that leaves no room for any thoughts in your head except those about him, a force that has you tensed up and holding your breath on the edge of your seat as you await the next call or text, a force that causes everything in your life that doesn’t include hanging out with him to lose any and all significance.
Unhealthy relationships are marked by high levels of infatuation and oftentimes, obsession. The tell-tale sign that the relationship is sprouted from unhealthy soil is if you experience these intense feelings before even getting to know the other person in a real way, and of course, justifying the way you feel by deeming it “love at first sight.”
To avoid being blindsided, or getting in over your head, it’s essential to go slow at the beginning of a relationship. Take time to get to know the other person on a real and honest level. If you can keep your head clear, you’ll be able to maintain a more objective perspective and won’t risk your judgement being compromised by a flood of infatuation-induced emotions.
She Leaves No Room for The Guy to Pursue her
A guy friend once told me that the minute a guy feels like a girl is chasing him, it’s all over. I have to say, there is a lot of truth in that statement. Guys enjoy the pursuit, plain and simple. That’s not to say they enjoy games, what they enjoy is the feeling of winning over a great girl, a girl who they worked for and had to earn. This isn’t only true of relationships (or men for that matter), it’s true across the boards: people in general value that which they had to work for significantly more than that which is given to them freely. (More: How to Make Men Chase You Without Playing Games)
Taylor doesn’t seem to leave any room for the pursuit. Instead, she latches on the second a guy shows any interest. From what I’ve read, Taylor tends to get a bit overzealous when a new relationship starts to bloom. She’ll buy a home near the guy’s house, she’ll buy extravagant gifts, she’ll go above and beyond to accommodate him. While all these things are nice, and while she certainly has the means for it, it’s just too much to do all this for a guy you’ve only been seeing for a few months. Plus, by being so aggressive, she leaves very little room for the guy to pursue her and when a guy doesn’t have that, his interest will quickly plummet.
She Doesn’t Know Mow Men Operate
According to Taylor’s song lyrics, she’s been blindsided more than a few times by guys who came on all strong in the beginning and then dropped her seemingly out of the blue. It may seem like the guys she dates are just jerks, but I think that’s unfair. I’m sure at one point they did have feelings for her and were sincere when they pursued the relationship. However, without a basic understanding of how men operate when it comes to relationships, it’s all too easy to scare them away.
The guys Taylor dates aren’t just men, they’re famous men, which complicates things significantly. While most men do want a relationship with a great girl, men have a lot more reservations when it comes to entering into a relationship, namely, losing their freedom. Because of this, getting a regular guy to commit can sometimes be tricky. However, that’s child’s play compared to male celebrities who can have pretty much any girl, at any time, and do so with no strings attached. (More: 5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Men)
Taylor’s penchant for smothering would be terrifying to a normal guy, so it’s no wonder she can’t get any of her celebrity boyfriends to stick around for more than a few months! Guys need an incentive to commit to a relationship, they need to clearly see that life as a bachelor pales significantly in comparison to the life they have with their girl. Taylor doesn’t seem to do this though. Instead, she feeds right into the fears most men have of being trapped and suffocated by a relationship.
She Too Needy:
Another recurring theme in Taylor’s love life is that the guys she dates seem to drop her in sudden, callous ways (i.e. 27 second phone calls). Taylor paints the guys out to be the bad ones, but as we’ve said before, when a guy feels a needy energy coming from a woman, he will want to get away from her and get out of the situation as quickly as possible.
Neediness is a death sentence for any relationship. It can manifest for all sorts of reasons but most often it occurs because the girl has some internal void that she believes can only be filled by a man. Taylor seems to always be dating someone, leaving little breathing room as she goes from one guy to the next. I admire the fact that she keeps getting back on the horse, but at some point, she may want to take a break from her relentless pursuit of love and just focus on being happy on her own.
I’m not saying this is exactly what’s going on, I just call it like I see it and what I see is a woman who is more in love with the idea of love than anything else. Guys can also pick up on this and it has no appeal. A guy wants to be chosen because of how smart, sexy, incredible, amazing, etc. he is as a person. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s filling some role that any other guy who’s interested could step into.
Got any thoughts on the matter? Please share in comments!
And check out this hilarious article that just proves the points I made in this article further: 7 Crazy Taylor Swift Girlfriend Moves in 2012.
– SABRINA ALEXIS