Ask a Guy: Signs a Guy Likes You post image

Ask a Guy: Signs a Guy Likes You


I’ve been getting mixed signals from a guy I work with.  He’s funny and nice to me… but he’s an easy guy to like.  He flirts with me, but I can’t tell if he’s just charming in general or if it’s because he’s attracted to me and interested…

I’d love to know what you’d consider the biggest, best, most clear signs a guy likes you… I just want to be sure whether or not he’s into me before get too excited…

OK, so clearly you like this guy, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking me for signs he likes you…

So let’s get the obvious, tell-tale signs out of the way because that’s what you came here for:

  • He finds excuses to talk with you
  • He speaks to you “differently” than he speaks to others
  • He tries to impress you (either subtly or not-so-subtly)
  • He compliments you with words like sexy or beautiful or hot or gorgeous or cute, etc.
  • He talks to you outside of the place where you met him in (outside of work or school, for example)
  • He jokes around with you and if he teases you, it’s the type of teasing that makes you laugh
  • He’s suggested you two hanging out or doing something together
  • He seems to watch you or stare at you

I could go on and on with a list, but what I’ve given you above captures the best, surefire signs he’s into you.

With that said, I don’t think a list of signs is the best information I could give you…

I say that because in many cases, women fall into the trap of what I call playing emotional detective.

The phrase “playing emotional detective” refers to when a woman obsesses over looking for signs and clues for how the man feels about her…

When she sees good signs, she’s elated.  When she doesn’t see good signs… or sees warning signs… she’s terrified.

As she rides the emotional roller coaster of good signs and bad signs, she becomes increasingly dependent on the guy acting a certain way or it will ruin her mood.

This is a trap for a few huge reasons:

  1. Most guys do a ton of stuff they’re not even thinking about… which the admiring woman interprets as some sign or secret message to decode.
  2. When a guy likes you, it’s obvious… Stop obsessing over details, men aren’t subtle.
  3. It’s way more powerful to assume he likes you than to walk on eggshells, constantly testing the waters to see if you measure up.

Here’s the deal…

I’ve sat around with dudes in my living room, at barbecues and pool parties.  These guys are telling raunchy jokes, talking about sports and openly scratching their balls in public.

It always amazes me when I hear women talking about signs and signals a man is sending them, as if they’re trying to decipher the Da Vinci Code.

Listen… that guy who you like is just a guy… he’s not a psychological mastermind… he’s more likely the guy who was just scratching his balls twenty minutes ago and laughing at “Family Guy.”

MORE: 5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Guys

Relax… stop obsessing… stop analyzing… stop making men complicated.

One of the biggest reasons that I loathe having conversations with women about the signs a guy is sending is because usually people (men and women) see what they want to see and project their own meanings and interpretations onto things.

I’ve studied psychology as my most devoted passion for the past 14.5 years… and I still can’t read people’s minds…

So I’m here to tell you that you can save yourself 14.5 years if you stop playing emotional detective and instead take on this far more effective strategy:… (continued – Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: Signs a Guy Likes You)

37 comments… add one

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tanika

hi there, im 17 and currently have been friends with my best guy friend for 3 years now. over the last year we have become extremely close wher we are just constantly around each other. he stands close to me and looks me in the eye while talking to me,he makes me laugh, he is always fidgety and brushing his hand back with his hair. he is kinda protective, well he is and he has the kindest heart. im scared i might be falling for him, and i dont know if hed like me…Help me pleaseeee :)

Reply July 21, 2015, 9:30 am

perfer not to say

im a nice girl and I like this boy@my afterschool activities. smtimes im a bit mean to him and he accepts. he makes silly comments that are funny ans make me laugh. I want to know if he like me. I like him so much I don’t mean to be mean it just happens

Reply July 18, 2015, 10:14 pm

Brian

Men can be a subtle as anything. I might write an e-mail to girl asking for something I could probably work out for myself. My subtlety is rather than just writing back “Thank you” I will add an extra comment, even if it’s a closed comment. This is my subtle indication of interest. I know that women might not read it that way and just think “it’s just a comment.” But that’s me. If I’m not interested I would just write a “thank you”

Reply July 7, 2015, 5:43 am

lisa

There is a guy at work who I think is interested in me only because of his body language and the way he stares at me. He tends to stand close to me or opposite me while in the elevator. He always initiates conversations with me. When there is another attractive woman close by he pretends not to notice her and shifts his face towards me. Only thing is that I think he is dating someone. I have occasionally seen him with another woman during lunch but he doesn’t really talk to her while I am there and he keeps staring at me. Other people have mentioned seeing him with the same female and how he talks to her and jokes with her but every time I see them together he never looks at her and avoids talking to her. I thought maybe I was wrong in thinking he was attracted to me. He is also friendly with everyone so that is why I am confused.

Reply June 20, 2015, 11:50 pm

lauren

Hello. So I have this guy friend amd were really close. Were always laughing and making jokss at each other. He somstimes acts in a very caring way and its so sweet. I think that I might have feelimgs dor him but im not sure he feels the same way. What should I do
Ps. Not very confident

Reply June 12, 2015, 8:35 am

Brian

when you laugh at his jokes, touch him on the arm while you are laughing. See how comfortable he is with this

Reply July 7, 2015, 5:47 am

sabrina

How can I make a guy commit to me only.

Reply June 3, 2015, 7:34 pm

Brian

If he doesn’t commit to you only, then he is not romantically interested. We men are quite happy and able to have a number of women at once without having any romantic attachment to them whatsoever. If we have romantic intention then we will generally stick with you only

Reply July 7, 2015, 5:50 am

Ciara

Hi! I went to my male friends 21st in September 2014 and I kissed one of his friends from college there.. I liked him as soon as I saw him and he’s the one that made the move on me.. I was the driver that night and I dropped him back to my friends house that he was staying at and we kissed again. I met up with him again with my friend that I know him through and a few others 2 weeks later. We haven’t met up since then because I’m doing my Leaving Cert and he is a very big farmer but we are still talking.. We both want to see each other during the summer.. I think about him everyday and I miss him like mad.. But I don’t know if he has the same feelings for me as I do for him? Anyone able to help?? :)

Reply June 2, 2015, 1:12 pm

Lily

Ok I’m 13 and I like a guy. We have 2 classes together, Business and Tech Graph. I’m the only girl in my tech graph class and there are about 15 guys. I love the people in my class – it’s so fun. The guy I like is sitting right in of my (alphabetical order) he’s a class clown and he is always joking to his friends before class and if I drop something, his is the first to bend down and pick it up for me.

One day, just

Reply April 11, 2015, 9:20 am

Kay

thanks this is help a lot i just asked if he liked me had now were going out

Reply March 19, 2015, 2:23 am

Julia

Ok i dont know if he likes me but I saw sighns he did. i’m not a stalker. well on instagram he follows everyone besides me and he knows me ????. Then, he is so loud when i’m not near him and then when i am near him he is shy and quiet ????. and when boys like you they are very shy and quiet and he is loud like a monkey :). And once the summer 2014 he looked at me straight at my green eyes and smiled and then blushed…. That was weird….. i told my friends that and she said he probably liked me a long time ago and hes over me I got very sad and cried. But i WILL always like him ????

Reply February 17, 2015, 9:22 pm

brie

i know how you feel julia i’ve liked a guy for ages but i still cant tell if he likes me although my friends think he does

Reply March 26, 2015, 9:01 am

Lindsay

I have class with a guy and we talk a lit during the week but on the weekends we don’t talk so I’m not sure if he like me but I like him a lot so I’m not sure wat I should do.

Reply February 15, 2015, 10:00 pm

noor

how do you know if a guy likes u

Reply February 14, 2015, 3:14 pm

rane

I have a guy who is constantly winking on me when he sees me,and whispering me “regards Ko” as what visayan dialect says he always whispering me that everytime i passed by him and it happened during my high school days. After few months or years we haven’t see each other anymore,and things now are getting complicated cause i am not yet legally separated with my husband yet,and he has a son also but there not married yet, this past few days weve met accidentally it’s our first time to talk to each other,and he ask my number and without thinking back i gave my phone number to him,..few minutes after we talk he started to call me and texting me,and he even fitch me and offer for a free ride i like him maybe because he was the first one who let me feel how to be Inspired,,he wanted me to go out with him but i am afraid on what will happen next i don’t want him to know that i like him too. What will i do?please advice.

Reply February 8, 2015, 6:18 am

Cha

setting:school
My friend told the guy that I like him while I’m just beside my friend. He greeted me “hi!” and I did not said even a single word.
It’s so embarassing. But honestly, I know that the guy likes me too because It’s really obvious. I always caught him looking at me. He bumped into me and I don’t know if its accident or what? and I saw him talking to his friends. and his friends are looking to me and so on..
but I felt dissapointed, because he is not supposed to know it. what am i gonna do? if i meet him? it’s awkwarddd. thanks.
please help me out

Reply February 1, 2015, 9:49 pm

Ali.R

Just what I needed to read.Women over think way too much when it comes to a guy they like.It will ruin everything!The man I like is a workaholic,down to earth movie buff(just to get an idea) whom I feel is one of the sweethearts that have been emotionally ripped apart.You have all been that girl that breaks his heart whether its unintentional or unavoidable,cause you realize alittle too late he’s not the one for you.Mr.Charles this web page calmed my over active brain to the max!He’s sweet, I’m not your typical girl who can’t function correctly without being fake as can be.THOUGH,when you start to psycho analyze and “play detective” you’ll ruin your chance.Be yourself!your original sexy! its unique authentic true and he”ll love it.However,if your gut tells you he’s a twat 9\10 he must be.Whether its the gangsta,the office whore,or your general slut magnet guy who has to stick everyone he sees.You KNOW.Ladies all ages don’t ignore your inner self this is our natural defense mechanism against the people who want to devour you emotionally or physically.;) -The regulator think on.Pleasant posting

Reply January 23, 2015, 10:19 am

Sierra

This is a ridiculous post. Most of those “signs” are signs he wants a fling. Different than liking a girl.

Reply January 19, 2015, 4:35 am

Kitty

Kitty
Hey! I need an opinion!! I have a friend who is gay (male) and I am a girl. We became really close. He was sending messages every day during Christmas holidays, so I was answering back. We are almoast every day together, holding hands. I can say, he became my best male friend. He always takes my hand first. Sometimes he does that after we drink, but he does that when we are not drinking as well. He kissed me couple of times. Few days ago when we were out, he became silent. Thats not his natural behaviour, so I asked what was wrong. He said that he is in love with me. I asked him since when and he said since always. I asked him if he was joking and he said no. He was really, really serious when he said those things. Later on the way home I asked him one more time if he really ment it, but he didnt want to talk about it again. I took his hand and we talked normaly about other things. We met for coffe today and he was all into me, really looking at my eyes withouth taking them from me. If he was hetero, I would be 100 precent sure that he is into me.
Anyway, I asked him if he really ment that what he said few days ago, but he said that he was just joking and how I even can think that he ment it for real. He also tried to convince me that he said in other context, but I am sure what I heard. It was clear as a day that he said he is in love. He even tried to say that I imagined all thing, because I am maybe in love with him. He is generaly really honest person, but when it comes about his own sexuality, he sometimes changes stories. Few month ago,he told me that he was attracted to some girl and that she made him to think that he maybe wasnt gay. He also said that all of us are bit bisexual and friends can be sexually attracted to each other… Couple of month later, he denied all of that as well, like he is not bisexual, he is just gay… He easly changes stories. Do u have any clue why he would denie it all?? He is married with a gay guy and I am married as well. We are in our late 20 es. I really like him as a friend and nothing more, but I would like if he can admit it at least, so we can talk about it.
I am generally very relaxed with him, because I know that he is gay, so holding his hands doesnt seem like someth. wrong. He knew that I broke up friendship with one of my male friends because he fell in love with me. Maybe that can be some reason why he doesnt want to admit?? I just dont understand why he denies his feelings if he admitted all before?

Reply January 14, 2015, 11:25 pm

Ali.R

I’ve never been through something so complicated.To me though,it sounds like he doesn’t want to be gay forever.Some bi people are just promiscuous and prefer the company of both sexes.You could be the climax in his life that changes him forever.Relax listen and respond to him.If a guy SAYS something like I LOVE you don’t over think take it in.guys say exactly what they mean to unless he’s a fibber who never says anything factual.If he said he loves you it must be his true thoughts.Don’t push him but don’t lose grip.Spend more time together have a drink or 2 then talk about how YOU feel and what your looking for.His response to that will sort your feelings.Don’t waste time or love it’s too precious.-The regulator

Reply January 23, 2015, 10:45 am

skyla

I have a few questions
1.a guy make’s me laugh all the time is that bad

Reply January 2, 2015, 2:25 pm

Danielle

So this guy???? i dont know him much but i seen him like alot of time and he tends to stare at me and one day he came up to me and like kina got my attention and on this very day at night i went to a dance and he was there and he was standing hy the door way and he knew i wanted his attention and i knew he wanted mine too so i looked back and look at him and idk he winked? Idk but it was sloweley blink or wink them he kinda had that smile embarassing smile i need answers does he like me or what ?

Reply December 31, 2014, 4:11 am

...

well i like this guy but i dont know if he likes me back. he teases me, stares at me alot, txts me alot but idek if he likes me back. i like him alot but i dont know if he feels the same

Reply December 26, 2014, 5:12 pm

M.

Thank you very much for the article. I think we women need to have more confidence and rely on facts. The man who deserves is the one who truly says no more looking. I’m here.

Reply November 30, 2014, 5:06 am

nsho chi

wonderful :-)!

Reply November 7, 2014, 4:44 pm

Suzel so True

“When she sees good signs, she’s elated. When she doesn’t see good signs… or sees warning signs… she’s terrified.”

I think you meant to say disappointed, not terrified!

Reply November 2, 2014, 9:57 pm

mishelle

Okay well if the boy you like is standing in line
And his friends tuch him and point and me wat dose that mean

Reply October 5, 2014, 12:37 pm

Ali

There’s this boy named Connor and he likes my friends (I think) but in 2nd grade(I’m in 4th) I was teasing my friend about that she had a boyfriend and Connor said” so what u have one to” I said “who he ” he said “u”

Reply August 9, 2014, 4:51 pm

Ali.R

Ali.The fact is your beginning to experience the want for a boys attention.Girls mature waaay earlier than boys.Listen to me.I’m 22 and been in your EXACT place.You hear it always don’t grow up to fast you listen but don’t hear.I wish I was your age.I would have paid attention in math.IGNORE the jealous ugly mean girls who wish to see you cry who wish to ruin your days to come.Boys will come around and want your attention later on.Right now little boys that’s what they are little boys are thinking about running,playing,looking at nakey people on the TV.They don’t want a girlfriend.Young lady be happy you have all the time in the world to have a boyfriend be a kid.One day you’ll have to work pay bills and stress.Be free happy be a child.Don’t grow up fast sweetie. Love -Ms.experience

Reply January 23, 2015, 10:33 am

Nadia

Great point. The world will not end if his one guy doesn’t have the hots for you! He’s still cool to be around and fun to hang with. So be cool. If he doesn’t want you that way, someone else will.

Reply July 7, 2014, 3:13 pm

Michelle

That was brilliant! Especially the advice about assuming that the man I question already likes me. It helped calm me down whenever I was around my office crush last year. It restored my self-confidence & faith in my self-worth.

Reply January 12, 2014, 9:04 am

Tasha

I think the compliments of ‘beautiful, gorgeous, sexy etc’ are cliched. Personally I’m over them, I’d rather a guy compliment aspects of my personality and for who I am.

I feel more appreciated and comforted in the thought that he likes me than any compliment on my appearance.

Reply October 22, 2013, 6:35 am

cyssy

damn that was brilliant!!!!! I was doing the doing the exact thing you were talking about ” paying emotional detective ” . A guy has been (what I think ) is flirting with me, he does everything on the list you wrote except for actually asking me out, which is the reason why I am confused. so thank you very much for your blog, I am going to take your advice and see how the cards fall…..
thx again :)

Reply July 16, 2013, 1:13 pm

Mizuki

So I’m curious how did it turn out? I’m in the exact situation as u, this guy who flirts with me in office but never ask me out, and I don’t know whether he’s making jokes or really likes me…

Reply October 27, 2014, 12:16 am

Raven

Is he single?
If single, a little flirt is ok.
If he is not, demand respect.
don’t play the game

Reply November 5, 2014, 1:42 am

Mizuki

According to colleagues he has a girlfriend, but when I asked him if he has a gf, he never replies to my enquires. I hate all these gestures of him flirts with me in the office, but when we were in maybe the lift or pantry, we barely even talk…

Reply November 6, 2014, 8:55 am

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