10 Things Confident People Do Differently in Dating and Relationships post image

10 Things Confident People Do Differently in Dating and Relationships


… (Previous page – 10 Things Confident People Do Differently in Dating and Relationships) be enough. If you don’t truly believe you are worthy of love, you will never believe someone else can love you. What happens is the relationship becomes a battle of wills: you fight for validation, he retreats because he feels pressured and suffocated, you view his retreat as a sign he doesn’t love you and fall into despair, he resents that nothing he does is good enough and the fact that you don’t trust how he feels and stops trying, you see this as further proof he doesn’t care…and either the relationship ends or continues to make you both miserable indefinitely.

10. Confident women choose wisely.
confidence-tips-5Confident people use their head and heart when choosing a romantic partner. They are able to quickly assess if someone is emotionally healthy and can give them what they need in a relationship. They don’t let their ego get too intertwined with their emotions and they make sure they are fundamentally compatible with someone before they get too involved.

A core concept to understand when it comes to relationships is like attracts like. Meaning, a confident person will attract another confident person. An insecure person will unconsciously seek out relationships with men who will make them feel more insecure. They will want the unavailable guys, the guys who can’t commit, the guys who have walls up. These are the ones they will feel infatuated by, not the ones who show real, genuine interest. Oftentimes, this happens because on an unconscious level, the insecure girl feels that if she can break through his walls, or get him to change his ways, then she’ll really be worthy and valuable. This never, ever works. Instead, she just ends up compromising her integrity even further by chasing the relationship.

If you don’t value yourself, then you will always be attracted to people who don’t value you either. Confident people value and accept themselves for who they are. They embrace the good, and are accepting of the not-so-good. As a result, they attract quality partners and are able to connect on a real, genuine level, one that leads to real intimacy and a healthy relationship.

Got anymore confidence tips? Tell us in comments!

53 comments… add one

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Reply June 13, 2017, 6:42 pm

Kayla

This is the best thing I have ever read regarding self esteem! It was hard to read as I have low self esteem but I have been working on it for a long time. I have Had my heart broken a lot but I have always known it was my own problem that I had to fix on the inside. This has helped me so much and I’m going to STRIVE to be like this!!!! Thank you ❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️

Reply June 2, 2017, 3:59 am

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Reply May 31, 2017, 5:43 pm

Shanker

Very good article. I like the explanation of the 10 points ( to verify). Well done Sabrina.

I’m a male, and point out that these points equally apply to males, to other situations like friendship and sales too. I’m in sales, and see these points clearly help me to review my way working as well.

I’m of the opinion that there are only very few issues that are gender specific. By and large, most of the issues apply equally to both. So, I eagerly read both classified articles!

Reply March 26, 2017, 7:22 am

Carere

Isn’t it ironic that the article said the first thing confident woman do in dating that they don’t questioning the man like her or how he sees her. But at the end of the article they pointed you to another quiz to find out how much the man like you lol.

Reply March 11, 2017, 11:04 pm

Rani

Thank thank thank you so much for this article! I’m reading this over and over again

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Reply February 14, 2017, 8:58 pm

KR

I read this blog from time to time and I just would like to share my two cents here. This article feels very insecure-woman shaming. So if you’re a female and you feel any of these insecure ways at any point, you’re doing everything wrong? You’re the problem? It sounds like you’re saying insecure women should just stay home and save men the trouble until they snap out of it and get their shxt figured out. This is very black and white. I see there’s a lot of compliments noted on this article thanking you for helping to “confirm” that they are the problem. I think it’s just evidence that women love to beat themselves up. It’s nice to know what “confident” people think, (like how the OTHER half lives) but we’re humans. We could be a mix of any of these emotions at the same time. I feel like the structure of this article is for women to count how many ways they are wrong, and take ALL of the responsibility for their unhappy relationships. It’s important to be the confident woman, I get it, but if this was the only article on the topic I’d be pretty depressed. Do you get where I’m coming from? Just wanted to share my feedback on particular post.

Reply January 31, 2017, 11:50 pm

Matt

I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment. I’m male. Just wondering if someone can point me to this prototypical “confident” woman . #getreal

Reply May 17, 2017, 10:04 pm

Ashley

True wisdom and very psychologically logical. Great article!

Reply January 31, 2017, 11:09 am

Amy

This is a fantastic article. I wish I could send this to my friend who is in a bad relationship but I don’t want to offend her!

Reply December 17, 2016, 2:15 am

Jane

Good article but, once again (as you did several times) I would say this is PEOPLE and not just WOMEN.

Reply November 20, 2016, 1:02 pm

linda729@hotmail.co.uk

Thought this quite interesting

Reply September 4, 2016, 6:43 pm

Neka

Very interesting!!!! Making me look at things so differently now.

Reply July 30, 2016, 11:44 am

Ada

“Healthy boundaries” seems to be vague because the standards are different for two people. For example, I would do little nice things for him because I care about his feelings and I’m willing to. However, for some guy, he might confuse it to be that I’m willing to throw myself at him whatever he does, so he doesn’t need to earn me anymore.

Conclusion: even if this boundary is healthy for me, he might mistaken it as my stickiness. Therefore, I should also take his “boundaries” into account and respond according to his reactions as well.

Reply July 28, 2016, 1:24 pm

Jane

i know what you mean…. bet you are a Virgo….

Reply November 20, 2016, 1:04 pm

Nikita

Yes I totally agree with you. We are all human, and no one is perfect. Even the most confident woman is vulnerable on the inside, and they’d be lying if they said they weren’t.

Reply May 26, 2016, 1:50 pm

Ginny

This is why women should date several men at once. You do not have to be perfect-looking to do this. Date several men at once; even the ones you don’t think you’d be that into. You’ll have fun getting out on dates, getting to know new people, and being flattered by eager suitors. This will allow you to decide, on your terms, who gets to move to the next level, instead of desperately hoping the one guy you’re seeing will fall in love with you and ruin the whole thing with your reek of desperation. Good luck, ladies. This stuff can be tough!

Reply April 21, 2016, 1:14 am

Meagan

I have so enjoyed reading y’all’s articles the last few days. They have been very enlightening. I do have a question though. What if you get to the following point in a relationship as you described in your article…
” What happens is the relationship becomes a battle of wills: you fight for validation, he retreats because he feels pressured and suffocated, you view his retreat as a sign he doesn’t love you and fall into despair, he resents that nothing he does is good enough and the fact that you don’t trust how he feels and stops trying, you see this as further proof he doesn’t care…and either the relationship ends or continues to make you both miserable indefinitely.”
I think my boyfriend and I have definitely hit that point. He says he wants to get married and when I ask him why he hasn’t proposed yet his response is always “I dunno”.
If I begin working on my own confidence and really want to make this relationship work do you think it will turn around? Do you think it could be a great relationship if I worked on myself??

Reply March 24, 2016, 3:38 pm

Orsolya

Meagan… you have a chance but you are missing the point. The only way you will be able to authentically raise your self-esteem is if your goal is not to marry the guy but get the best for yourself. Getting him to marry you isnt such a virtue, but marrying someone who is worthy and doesnt respond to your question with avoidance, thats what is hard, thats what matters and what should be the goal of your self-esteem boosting.
I know its hard, you love him, he tells he loves you but until you are not self-confident and he doesnt know what he wants from you, you wont be able to decipher whether you want to take your relationship to the next, hopefully long-lasting level.
Good luck anyhow!

Reply December 22, 2016, 2:15 pm

Rani

What a great answer Orsolya, i totally agree

Reply March 6, 2017, 5:29 am

Jaimy

I think its important to realize that even confident and well-put together women make these mistakes. I know that I am a very confident woman who is able to do all the things on this list however there are times when men really do start to give mixed signals and you start to second guess his level of interest or his level of commitment and intent. I find that this usually happens right before the relationship becomes serious. I can easily do all of these things in the beginning but once it starts to look like my feelings are involved and he may be confused about if we should move forward or not, I start to react differently. It’s a very natural thing to do and no matter how confident you are, once you’ve been vulnerable with a love interest, that confidence starts to wane a little bit if you think that disappointment and rejection is nearing. Nonetheless, it doesn’t make you any less of a confident woman if you don’t do this stuff all the time. The best thing you can do is realize that its not going any where and walk away. That is what a confident woman does, she knows when to walk away.

Reply November 30, 2015, 9:52 am

Yz

Your comment is true confidence. Vulnerability is power. Walking away is still very hard to do though

Reply March 2, 2017, 7:02 pm

Daniella

I absolutly love these articels. They help me out :). Thanks for writing and publicing them :). Greetings from the Netherlands ;). Daniella

Reply October 16, 2015, 6:14 am

Andrea

Thanks for this. To me it’s helpful. If you are not that confident and you want to learn how to be, this gives you a few tips to start with. Anyway knowing how confident women think made me realize I am thinking about some things in a way which hurt me instead of help. So you adopt a few of these ideas and use them in the vast and crazy world of dating. You need to protect yourself if you want to make it through some of the trials you will face.

Reply September 26, 2015, 9:55 pm

Nicole

I’m pretty sure this describes no living woman lol

Reply July 21, 2015, 2:19 am

Jill

Couldn’t agree more. This is not a real human being but rather an unrealistic idealization that doesn’t exist. No matter how confident or highly you value youself relationships require vulnerability and risk. That in itself can trigger some insecurity or doubt in all of us because there’s always the possibility of getting rejected or hurt. I don’t see that as bad as long as I stay aware and not let it dictate my behavior.

Reply August 30, 2016, 3:17 pm

Misty

Really confident women who have very high self-esteem won’t even BOTHER accepting a date from a guy who they instinctively know is not right for them so there is no worries about finding out if he is this or that and then having to leave. I also believe that having very healthy boundaries and high self-esteem allow women to be so alluring and sexy that even men who set out to never fall in love with them, just do. All sorts of men that are usually “unavailable” to normal women become fully and completely emotionally available to her. I know this because I’ve always somehow managed to get men who are emotionally unavailable to most women fall for me and fall so hard, THEY twist themselves into little pretzels to date ME!…

Reply July 18, 2015, 2:19 pm

Iza

You sound like you’re full of yourself and seek validation or something; you know there’s a difference between high self confidence and narcissism, right?

Reply July 27, 2015, 4:28 am

Tara

I don’t agree with your assessment of Misty at all Iza. If you put out what you want, you are going to get it back. That isn’t being narcissistic or seeking validation. I know, from personal experience as well. After 2 long term abusive relationships and going through abusive, controlling men, I finally learned that I am the one with the power and kicked all that sh!t to the curb. I will never date or have another relationship with an abusive, controlling man because I value myself and have high self-esteem and my results are just like Misty’s.

Reply June 18, 2016, 5:13 pm

Ivy

I am a little confused on #1. It’s great for a woman of confidence to assume a man likes her and just go out and enjoy the date. However, sometimes a man does in fact give a woman mixed signals or something will feel off to the woman that she doesn’t yet understand. Is a confident woman immune to rejection? No, I don’t think so. Confident women also find themselves with dates that might not be interested or compatible with them, or show them signs of interest. Does a confident woman not notice if she sees these signs? I don’t think so, I think a confident woman will in fact notice the signs. I think it’s not that having a date with a man who might not be interested in her, or who might give mixed signals isn’t a possibility, I think it might be in how she perceives it, the attention she gives it, or perhaps that she feels disinterested herself in the guy who may give a mixed signal. In any case I think I am interested in a bit more clarification on point #1 cause it seems a bit confusing and perhaps incomplete to me. In a perfect world a woman could be confident and not face rejection or disinterest but this isn’t a perfect world so how does it help for a confident woman to assume a man is interested even if she might get signals to the contrary?

Reply May 26, 2015, 1:50 pm

Misty

Hi Ivy,
If you are confused by this statement in the article, “Confident women don’t analyze if he likes them – they assume he does.”, I may be able to explain what it means to me and see if it resonates with you…To me, it means that by the time a confident woman starts dating a guy, there’s no doubt in her mind that he really likes her and wants to have a relationship with her. I know I don’t even pay no attention to men I might find physically attractive, and even single, but I won’t even CONSIDER a date with the guy if I sense he wouldn’t be a right fit for me. I tend to “analyze” the man at first meeting…in about the first 5 minutes, I pretty much KNOW if I’d ever want to date the guy or not. I don’t even consider these “encounters” as a guy meeting or flirting with me to see if he wants to go out with me. If I give a guy more than a passing moment’s attention, then he’s going to be someone worth pursuing and those guys ALWAYS treat me like a queen. Oh, at first they may be all fearful and “flighty/flakey” but after a couple of dates with me, they pretty much all fall in line. Men just tend to fall in love with me with or without my encouragement…THAT’S what having high self-esteem and self love can do for you.

Reply July 18, 2015, 2:35 pm

Jo

Difficult to know how to let a relationship unfold organically without stressing about it and knowing when he’s not going to commit and walk away!

Reply January 20, 2015, 12:45 pm

Estraya

I really enjoyed reading this! It only validated how confident and special I really am. I’m the type that will not accept just any man. If you don’t meet the qualities and expectations than I’m moving on. I have one gf who tells me I’m too picky. So what! It’s my life and I have that right. So again, thank you.

Reply October 27, 2014, 2:01 pm

Anja

You helped me sooooooooooo much!!!!!! Thank you so much! I hope you write more articles like this one. It made me feel alive, I empowered myself. Thank you again!

Reply October 23, 2014, 12:59 pm

Christie

While I understand the above statements, (and there is much logic to all of them) I find it interesting that the title says “people” and the content specifically speaks to “women.” I’m guessing because we are the biggest offenders as we are the more emotional gender.

I think there are conflicting messages here. While on one hand, according to this blog, a “confident” woman doesn’t “overthink” a man’s intentions and actions, this entire SITE is dedicated to deciphering a man’s actions and intentions. (“How to tell when he’s no longer interested.” “7 Ways to Get a Man to Love You …”) I think the above statements are utopian goals that we all try to achieve, (and they are good)but in reality, it is impossible to date and not get feelings involved. Even the most confident of people have deep-seated insecurities somewhere and we learn how to handle disappointment and rejection. Because even if we inherently understand that a date just wasn’t a “good fit,” it will still sting. It will still feel like rejection. I think the bigger goal is to learn how to manage the “sting” and move on without lasting effects on our self-worth.

I do understand the rationale behind the above statements and I get the concepts they are trying to convey. I just know that relationships aren’t like business transactions. I think it’s healthy to admit when you are hurt, insecure (etc.) instead of “acting” like none of it phased you. Once you deal with the reality of the situation, you can deal with it. You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge.

Reply September 17, 2014, 12:36 pm

Eric Charles

I think you make good points in your comment and I also think that I can clarify this a bit…

In running a site like A New Mode, we need to speak to the burning question that a reader has when they’re in pain. It’s not that we’re looking to teach people how to play “emotional detective” better – it’s that if someone is clicking on this or that article, we know where their head is at and we know how we can help them get out of pain and on a path that will lead them to clarity, happiness and peace.

Many of the readers are smart women who have their lives together… but at some point, they find themselves in a situation where they’re completely overwhelmed with emotion over their situation and they can’t untangle the mess. So, for example, when I’m writing about signs a man is losing interest, I’m not launching into a bunch of ways to read his mind… I’m speaking to someone in the head space of worrying about her relationship and saying, “Look – step one is get to a place of clarity and bring as much happiness into your life from as many other areas of your life as you can. Once you do, a lot of what was bothering you will improve and your mind will show you the right path for anything you need to do from there (now that you’re in a calmer, clearer place)…

Long story short, we need to start with where the reader is before we can help them see the way out of their troubles. I’ve never advocated acting like/pretending you’re one way and secretly you’re dying inside… that would essentially be telling them to build an elaborate mask/wall and would be counter to a good relationship.

What we advocate is being able to approach your relationship and communication in a way that will bring more love, more understanding and more connection into the relationship. Hopefully that brings another level of context into what Sabrina wrote here.

Reply September 20, 2014, 8:46 pm

Ralphie

I agree wholeheartedly with your post. I am a very confident woman but I am not a perfect woman, there is a different between the two. I think it is easy for me to do all the things on this list when I am getting to know someone and we have not yet been intimate. But once we pass a certain threshold, it is difficult to maintain a certain face when you start to realize that you may get hurt if things don’t work out. So naturally, you begin to do things a little differently from the way you did them at first. Everyone’s insecurities start to rear their little ugly heads around this time. And yes, everyone has them. What I think its important for women to understand is that at the point where you stop feeling as confident, it usually happens when you are catching feelings and need reassurance. And if the man is not reassuring you at this point, then your feelings are valid and it is not indicative of low self esteem or a lack of confidence. All of my dating situations that turned into real relationships involved me feeling pretty secure the majority of the time. And I felt secure because the man made me feel secure about his intentions. It’s hard to remain confident, rather you are a man or a woman, when you start to catch feelings and the other person isn’t reassuring you that they feel the same with their words or actions. . I think the true sign of a confident woman is learning when to walk away. Don’t linger in these situations too long. Trying to remain calm, cool, and collected when deep down inside you feel uneasy and anxious is not good for you or the other person. It is a sign that something is off if you have to try to be all of these things. Confidence is knowing when to walk away.

Reply November 30, 2015, 10:16 am

maria

Thank you, Sabrina!

This article is one of the best and most important ones in here. I totally agree with every word in it.

High self-esteem does not only have a positive effect on your love life, but on your whole life in general – it simply makes you a magnet to all sorts of good things.

I agree our parents in a way shape who we are, but IMO the main reason for low self-esteem is FEAR (fear of being different, of what people will think and of being judged), and not poor parenting, and therefore the focus should be on to free yourself from fear instead of analyzing things that happened in your childhood.

I wish every girl in here would read, learn from and take this article to their heart. I wish them the great great life that comes with doing so/it.

Reply August 8, 2014, 1:36 am

Ashlyn

Thanks Maria, I think my low self esteem is to do with the fear of people judging me like you said. I hate feeling this way but I can’t help it. I’m 25 and I just hope I can grow out of this because it’s so silly. Every time I do something that causes me anxiety I just say to myself “What are you afraid of?” and the answer is usually something ridiculous and i try to shrug it off 🙂

Reply August 8, 2014, 9:26 am

cfw

Excellent advice. Hit home for me. In a nutshell, and ex from 20 yrs ago moved in next door the same day I did, sparks flew like they did 20 yrs ago we started dating again. Been hot and cold…more hot than cold. Hes getting over a fwb who he developed feelings for so its been an experience and through this I definately learned some real important issues about myself and this website has really helped me understand that even though I believe Im doing the right things that im actually sabotaging and if you can find that confidence the rejection does not have to be painful. Water off a ducks back. Thanks

Reply August 7, 2014, 7:33 pm

Brandi

I really appreciate this. I must say that having your own self confidence can be alot of work on your part to work on you but once achieved its totally worth it. I really think that this is a progression for all of us to try to have a healthy self-esteem and I think we all should remind ourselves how worthy we are to ourselves and that life is too short to stay insecure.

Reply August 6, 2014, 8:10 pm

TJ

This article is very well written and right on time for me. Just what I needed to hear. Thank you, thank you!

Reply August 6, 2014, 5:25 pm

mitsu

Some inspiring tips here. What I did in a relationship just proofed me not a woman with high self esteem. But how can I boost it up?

Reply August 6, 2014, 2:10 am

mitsu

Hi Sabrina, it’s great that I received your email telling us how to value ourselves the next day after I made my comments when I’m struggling how to improve it…lots of thanks! I’m trying it out now.

Reply August 11, 2014, 12:27 am

Robbie

This is a great article and i love all the new mode relationship advice. I just want to say something about this article that is important. A confident person had a secure attachment as a child. So confidence was a gift given by good parenting. Insecure people have had difficult attachments as children and insecure parenting, so it is not their fault that they are like this. Insecurity is not something that should be judged, not can it be easily changed by following these excellent instructions.

I have found that going to a good therapist and dealing with my attachment issues has been very worthwhile and has helped to change my behaviour. Without that professional help i was just feeling frustrated that i could not seem to magically reach the level of healthiness and confidence that is so well illustrated in this article.

Reply August 5, 2014, 9:44 pm

Bec

I completely agree. You have phrased that really well. Life as an insecure adult working through attachment issues is challenging. It’s like other kids got something special that you’re trying to make up for. It’s a long and interesting journey. I think I’ve finally had the last of the bad choices in relationships. I can really see how my behaviour drives this and I’d love to do things differently. Some therapy and meditation has really helped.

Reply August 7, 2014, 9:15 am

estrella

I truly love all these comments. I’ve been in a relationship not heathy for me. Now I have no clue how to meet men.I have been always from my job to the house not having any type of outside social life.

Reply August 5, 2014, 8:33 pm

Norly Soleha

Gosh… reading this article makes me realize how low my confident is. The guy I really like ended our relationship and I was confused. When I read each point, they are all describing me. I have things to focus now, which is my confident and self-esteem.

Reply August 5, 2014, 7:51 pm

Kassaundra

I’m confused……how can you say self-esteem ISN’T necessary, when based on everything stated in your article, it IS?! Self-Esteem IS essential AND vital to any type of relationship (work, personal, romantic) because like you said “poor self-worth is what traps us in bad relationships, what sabotages new relationships, and what causes us to feel so devastated and broken when a relationship ends.” I agree that self-esteem doesn’t guarantee a happy relationship, but it does make the process easier, more enjoyable, and less stressful. Without self-esteem a woman will “attach her worth to a guy; she won’t know what not to accept and will allow herself to be pressured or guilted into doing things she doesn’t want to do; she won’t act in accordance with who she is and she believes; she will cater her behavior for a guy or do things solely to keep him interested and happy; she won’t learn to value herself and weed out anyone who doesn’t truly value her.” So again, how is self-esteem NOT necessary? Like the old saying goes “if you don’t love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to?”

Reply August 5, 2014, 7:25 pm

Jamie

This article hit home for me. When you don’t value yourself, you’ll be attracted to those who don’t value you either? Needed to hear that. Because you’ll walk away or not be able to receive the ones who do actually value you. Thanks 🙂

Reply August 5, 2014, 6:02 pm

Shar

Once again, blown away!! Realitycheck.com saving this in my favorites… thanks again 🙂

Reply August 5, 2014, 4:21 pm

Christy

Thank you for writing this.

Reply August 5, 2014, 2:45 pm

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