I’m going to tell you how to build your self-esteem and self-worth so you stop wasting time on losers and chasing damage cases and get the love you truly want!
I talk to you guys a LOT about how important it is to be a high-value woman, so I figured it was time to talk about what that means and what it looks like and how to do it.
When you know how to show up as a high-value woman, your relationships flow, you don’t worry and stress about “losing” a guy, and you just plain feel great about yourself.
A lot of times, what keeps us in bad relationships is low self-esteem. Deep down, we don’t think we can do any better, so we stay and put up with bad treatment because we think we don’t deserve to be treated well or loved, or maybe it’s the fear that we won’t find anyone better so we have to make this work.
Being a woman of high self-worth and embracing the strong feminine qualities in a woman is what will allow you to get the relationship you truly want and deserve. It also makes you stand out so that you’re attracting high-quality men!
Here is how it’s done:
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1. Decide That You Are A Woman Of High Value
This is the first and most important step so really take a moment to feel into what this means. It’s as simple as declaring to yourself, “I am a woman of high value!”.
One way to get into the habit of thinking, feeling, and living this way is to watch the way you speak to yourself. Are you constantly putting yourself down? Saying that you’re worthless and needy and pathetic and you’re going to end up alone? Or that you’re not pretty enough or smart enough for a guy (or specifically the guy you want)?
Change the language! Replace it with an opposite statement. It’s ok if it feels untrue or it’s difficult to believe about yourself right now. But the reason this works with practice is that our minds are powerful.
One technique I use a lot is anytime I think to myself, “I’m so tired. I don’t want to do anything”, I will replace it and say, “I’m so energized! I’m going to be really productive today!” and all of a sudden I feel this burst of energy and I’m motivated.
This technique works for anything but self-love is a great place to start on your journey into building yourself up as that high-value woman.
2. Have A Full Life
You can’t wait around for a man to complete you or rescue you or make you feel whole. You’re going to be waiting a long time (if not forever!). So what is a high-value woman to do?
Complete yourself! Focus on having a full life of friends, hobbies, a career, and whatever makes you happy. Be that person in your life for yourself.
I’ve told you guys before that the summer before I started dating my husband was the best time in my life because I stopped stressing about finding a guy and focused on having an amazing life.
I focused on all the things that fulfilled me like traveling, reading, working out and taking care of myself, crushing it at my job, and getting better at beauty and fashion tips. It all added up to me feeling and looking good by and for myself.
Your life needs to be full of valuable things in order to be a woman of high value.
3. Look Your Best
Just to let you know, this is the only superficial item on the list that you will see. It all comes down to you and your life and how you act but we have to mention this at least because the fact of the matter is that when you look good, you feel good.
Wearing a pair of fancy shoes, or rocking a dress you know shows off your figure, or doing your perfect version of makeup for the day can all be things that can change your vibe and how you feel about yourself.
If you’ve experienced working from home at some point, you might have noticed that it’s somehow easier to be more confident and productive as you go about your workday when you’re at least wearing decent clothes and have made an effort. It’s a very powerful effect on our psyche.
And, let’s be honest, men are visual creatures. They’re more drawn to high-value women who take care of themselves in all aspects.
4. Have Boundaries And Stick To Them!
One of the biggest and most noticeable differences between women who have a high sense of self and women who struggle with it is having and sticking to boundaries. High-quality women know the importance of boundaries and, by sticking to them, they avoid being taken advantage of or taken for granted.
Healthy personal boundaries and high self-esteem go hand in hand. Having strong boundaries shows that you prioritize your needs and your emotions first and don’t allow yourself to get pushed past what you’re comfortable with.
When you have weak boundaries, you may find yourself tolerating and accepting behavior that doesn’t feel good to you and is actually unacceptable. Confident people don’t abandon their personal boundaries and beliefs in order to have a relationship. They bring their fully formed self into the relationship and if the guy wants something else, or something more, they leave.
One of the most important high-value woman traits is not allowing someone to bend their will or treat them as less than they deserve. They’re not afraid to walk away if a guy or relationship goes against and pushes their boundaries. For example, if they don’t want to be a last-minute option or booty call, they simply don’t pick up the phone or open the door for that type of behavior.
5. Use Your Walking Power
Walking power is our term for not being afraid to walk away when a situation isn’t what you want. It isn’t a threat or ultimatum to get a guy to do what you want. It’s a mindset that you quietly carry with you that says: if this relationship isn’t what I want, I have no problem walking away.
When a guy senses he might lose you, he steps up and starts doing his best. On the flip side, if a guy senses that he can just behave however he wants with no fear of losing you because you’ll stick around no matter what, he does whatever he wants.
There is a sense of peace and calm in knowing that you can just go if this isn’t right. And in also knowing that you’ll be fine, that you’ll move on to someone better suited for you.
What makes a woman high-value is that she can be easily lost. When you date with no fear and with the feeling that you will be OK no matter what, then you naturally transmit this and the guy automatically regards you as someone rare and special.
6. Don’t Obsess Over Your Relationship, Enjoy It!
People with high self-esteem believe they are worthy of love and don’t question how someone feels about them. They know that they are good, competent, and lovable and trust that the right person for them will see that for themselves.
They don’t attach their worth to what a guy thinks and, as a result, don’t feel stressed and anxious when a guy’s feelings are unclear. Instead, they assume he likes them and are able to be present in the relationship and enjoy it without being weighed down by fears and doubts.
They also don’t obsess over every interaction looking for meaning or clues and see this as a total waste of time.
7. Don’t Show Off Or Talk Yourself Up
Don’t tell someone who you are, show them. T
This is something I talk about a lot. Talking endlessly about your attributes and accomplishments is just a turn-off. This doesn’t come across as confidence, it’s arrogant and makes you look like you have something to prove.
People of high value don’t need to tell you how valuable they are.
A woman who reveals herself gradually, carefully peeling back the layers over time, is significantly more attractive than a woman who lays it all out there.
MORE: What Men Want in a Woman
I know you think that you need to tell him how smart/funny/accomplished/interesting/etc. you are right away, because how else will he know if you don’t tell him … but hold back. Trust that you are all of these things and let him discover you slowly rather than shoving yourself right in his face.
8. Don’t Rely On His Reassurance For Your Self-Esteem
People with high self-esteem know they are loved and lovable. They don’t need a guy to remind them every day. It’s just something they feel and know.
When you are insecure, you often need constant validation and become resentful if your partner doesn’t give it to you. You blame him for “making you” feel insecure in the relationship, or unloved, unattractive, etc. but in reality, that’s not his job.
Of course, we want those words of affirmation from our partners, but you can’t rely on him 100% of the time to give you those things. The foundation needs to be laid in place by you, otherwise, you will just be an empty vessel that can’t receive what he has to give.
The fact is, if you don’t feel good about yourself, nothing he does will ever be enough. If you don’t believe you are worthy of love, you will never truly believe someone else can love you.
9. Put Yourself First
Until you are in a serious committed relationship, put yourself first. Do not bend over backward trying to win a man over by putting him and his needs first.
Later in a relationship, you may need to put his needs above or equal to yours as a situation calls for but now is not that time – not at the beginning of a relationship.
Far too many women do this at the beginning stages of a relationship and then wonder why they’re not getting treated like the high-value woman they thought they were being.
Treating him like a King that you are here to serve is not what gets a guy to fall madly in love with you, it just makes you look desperate and pathetic. Guys fall in love with women they have to work for and who they invest in. They fall in love with women they have to earn, not women who serve themselves up to him on a silver platter.
10. Be A Good Person
I know, simple enough, right? You know what enhances your sense of value? Do valuable things. Be kind. Be kind to everyone and exercise your compassion muscle.
Find any opportunity to do good or causes that are meaningful to you. You’re not only being a high-value woman, you’re being a high-quality human being and that does a great deal to build up your sense of self-esteem.
The secret ingredient to building self-esteem is to do esteemable things.
11. Accept Yourself Fully
I think it’s safe to say that each and every one of us have things we wish we could change about ourselves. Our looks, personality, achievements, lifestyle, etc. We all have flaws but we also all have things that make us wholly unique, lovable, and acceptable.
It’s important to accept both the good and the bad about yourself. Embrace yourself fully. And work on the negative traits in healthy ways that work for you. It’s important to remember one of my earlier points about watching how you talk to yourself and this extends to how you treat yourself over things you wish you could change.
If you wouldn’t say something to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself.
12. Fake It Until You Make It
At the end of the day, one of the easiest ways to get into the mode and mindset of a high-value woman is to simply ask yourself what would a confident woman would do in this situation. How would she behave and act? And feel?
For example, if a guy didn’t text a confident woman back after a few hours, would she completely fall apart and cry? Or would she shrug and move on because it’s not in her nature to chase a man down?
She wouldn’t get bent out of shape and start overanalyzing every previous communication. She would go about her (full and amazing!) life knowing that she’s worthy and if he sees that, he will text eventually.
I hope this article helped you better understand what it takes to truly be a high-value woman. If you want to take it a step further, it’s important to understand what men really want in a woman and what gets a guy to see you as “the one.” If you want to learn all about it, read this next:The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman