5 Steps to Stay High Value When He Doesn’t Text or Call post image

5 Steps to Stay High Value When He Doesn’t Text or Call

You’re seeing a guy, all seems to be going great… and then you just don’t hear from him. What?!What happened? What did you say or do wrong?

Not to fear. I’m going to tell you how to move on with your head held high if a guy ghosts you or pulls away for no obvious reason.

If you’re a regular to my content, you know that I talk a lot about the importance of being a high-value woman, and hopefully, that’s something you’ve been working on. It’s part of the foundation you need for successful relationships.

But I will be honest that sometimes it can be really hard and there is no greater challenge than when a guy you’ve been seeing just stops texting and calling you. Now you’re wondering what to do when he doesn’t call. What’s the right move here?

Your self-esteem can take a major hit. Your immediate instinct may be to start picking yourself apart and wondering what you did to screw things up or scare him away. And furthermore, how you can fix things.

So let’s talk about how to come out of this with your head held high and while still being a high-value woman.

First, let’s talk about the most likely reasons a guy will stop contacting you.

He’s Just Pulling Back A Bit

One common reason is that guys sometimes just pull away. I have other articles on why men pull away so we won’t go into it so much here but pulling away is natural and normal in a relationship.

Maybe things in the relationship have gotten too intense or maybe you got serious really fast and he’s just taking a chance to breathe and get grounded again. If he was feeling pressured he just needs to step back for a bit.

Maybe it has nothing to do with you and he has a lot going on internally. Men tend to keep their personal issues to themselves so it’s possible it could be anything from trouble at work to family matters or even something more serious with his physical or mental health that he needs to attend to alone.

Whatever the case, usually when a man feels emotionally off, he wants to retreat and deal with it on his own. So he’s going to pull away in order to not “burden” you with his issues. All he needs from you is your support from afar and to give him space until he figures out his personal stuff.

He No Longer Wants To See You

I know. I know. This is the nightmare scenario you don’t want to hear about. When he doesn’t text back for a long time, he just no longer wants to see you anymore.

Yes, it’s most likely that he ghosting. Why won’t he just tell you to your face that he no longer wants to see you? Because a man would rather walk over a bed of hot coals than tell a woman to her face that he’s no longer interested.

Instead, he wants to believe you’re on the same page and he may genuinely convince himself this is the case. “Oh, she must also know that we’re incompatible or have terrible chemistry, or the dates have been kind of awkward. She probably moved on and is relieved that she’s not hearing from me, so what is there to even talk about?”

It sounds backward but in his mind, he’s not hurting you by having a difficult breakup conversation. He thinks he’s saving you from that by just disappearing. Men don’t want to be the ones to break your heart so anything he can do to avoid that is the path he’ll choose.


MORE: Why Men Disappear

OK, so that’s why it happens. If your guy is pulling away because he’s having a hard time, just give him some space. Don’t obsess over it and don’t badger him. Just let him be and focus on something else. Obsessing over a guy isn’t high-value behavior, so take a step back if you catch yourself doing that.

If he’s not texting because he’s losing interest … here’s what to do to walk away from the situation without compromising your sense of worth.

1. Realize It’s Not Personal

I know it feels personal when he doesn’t call. It feels like it’s because you’re not enough or that you fell short of his expectations somehow and you can easily slide into a trap of dismantling your entire self trying to find what’s “wrong” with you.

Nothing is wrong with you. Sometimes it simply comes down to personal preferences. I know that there are people out there who don’t connect with me or my message (trust me, they’ve taken the time to let me know how much they dislike me!) but other people LOVE what I put out. It’s not personal.

MORE: The Truth About When He Doesn’t Call (And What To Do About It)

2. Get Back In Touch With Your Lovability

It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling unworthy and unlovable when he doesn’t call or text for days.

Here is a good exercise to try when you’re done reading. It involves a bit of meditation but it’s super easy, I promise. And I am not someone who has a regular meditation practice but this exercise always works for me.

Write “Love” on a piece of paper write around it all the instances you can recall of feeling truly loved. Not just romantic love- it could be with a family member, a friend, or a quote or song lyric that makes you feel good and connected and alive.

MORE: 10 Things Confident People Do Differently in Dating and Relationships

Go ahead and write them all down, close your eyes, and spend about a minute really thinking about each one. For example, maybe the first thing you wrote down was your mom taking you out for ice cream after you got a bad grade on a test you studied really hard for.

When your mind wanders, just move on to the next memory. Keep going until you’ve gone all the way around and sat with the feelings of love in each scenario. This is a really powerful exercise that will retrain your brain to feel good and focus on the love you deserve and have to give and all the times you’ve both received and given it in the past.

High-value women know the importance of loving themselves first because without that, it’s difficult to let someone else love you.

3. Don’t Try To Win Him Back

Chasing him down and trying to win him back is not a high-value woman trait. Don’t show up places where he might be. Don’t stage accidental run-ins. Don’t send him cute, funny texts hoping that if you say the right thing and hit the right note he’ll realize he’s in love with you.

While it hurts and makes you feel like you just weren’t “enough” when a guy doesn’t call or text you anymore, you don’t need to lean into those feelings. The surest way to be a woman of high value is to decide that’s what you are.

With confidence and self-love, you can say to yourself, “Oh well, I guess it wasn’t meant to be because I know that the right guy for me wouldn’t leave it to chance that he might lose me by ghosting.”

The way to stay high value is to gracefully move on with your head held high and realize this isn’t personal, it’s just how it goes. High-value women do not waste their precious time chasing men. If a man doesn’t want to be with her, she knows a better one is just around the corner.


MORE: Why Men Disappear

4. Take An Inventory

This is the most valuable thing you can do when a relationship falls apart even if it was never a “real” relationship.

MORE: How to Get Over a Guy Who Doesn’t Like You Back

Knowing what to do when he doesn’t call can mean the difference between becoming bitter and jaded or rising up and using this as an opportunity to learn about yourself and become even better and more prepared for your next relationship.

This is a great time to reflect on how things went and ask yourself:

-What did I learn about myself through this relationship?
-What did I do in this relationship I’ll never do again?
-What did I do in this relationship that I can bring into my next relationship?
-Why did I not see that he wasn’t on the same page as me? Was I dating an illusion or swept up in a fantasy?
-And why is his rejection so painful?

Really dig with that last one to tap into the feeling and the fears beneath it. Get a journal and get everything out on paper so you can get it out of your system, learn from it, and use it moving forward.

5. Pursue What Makes You Feel Good

Instead of obsessing over, “Why doesn’t he call or text me anymore?” take this time to do the things that spark joy in you and make you feel good and alive.

Exercise, spend time with friends, read a good book. Whatever you choose to do, just focus your attention on things that make you happy and excited. Don’t dump your energy into something that is going to bring you down, like worrying that your boyfriend hasn’t texted you all day. There are so many more productive things you can do with your time.

In the past, if I caught myself spiraling with thoughts of worst-case scenarios, I would turn my attention to something else. I found a lot of good, productive things to focus my attention on and I quickly found relief from those frenzies, worried thoughts that make you feel like the world is going to end if you don’t hear from him.

The more you focus on good, productive things, the less time you waste on a guy who probably wasn’t that great to begin with. If he can’t even shoot you a text, why create any space for him in your life? Fill it with something else that actually adds to your life.

And there you have it. The two most likely explanations for a guy ghosting or pulling back his communications with you and how to react (or in some cases not) so that you don’t drive yourself crazy and can maintain your high-value woman traits.

I hope this article gave you some tools to keep your self-esteem intact when a guy doesn’t call or text. If you want to know more about what to do when a guy acts distant, pulls away, and seems to be losing interest in you, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

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Hi I’ve been following the no contact rule now for almost a month. He reached out after the 2nd week on advise from a friend and I shut it down straight away and said I’m fine. His mum contacted last week to see if I was OK also. I only noticed last week he changed his relationship status to single though and now he’s commenting on other girls posts. I’m not sure what this means or honestly I even want him back, we were in a really good relationship for 8 months although the final month I got a sense something was changing. I would be really grateful for any advise you can give me here. Thanks in advance

Reply December 22, 2021, 4:30 am


Thank u. I have a question:
I stock with someone I loved for 35 years ago, he liked me too, we kissed and years gone, he had to leave the country. I never heard about him, he married, and me too, each in a different country. But still thinking of him, and I am angry with myself because of this feeling. How can I forget him? The feeling disturbs me and I am obsessed with it.
Thank you.

Reply September 9, 2021, 4:16 pm


I am currently on the brink of potentially losing the relationship I am in and if you have any advice to help me save it I would be forever grateful. A few years ago I got out of a terrible relationship which honestly destroyed me and this new man is the one that has given me hope again.

In regards to my current situation. I have been dating him for almost six months now exclusively but with no title. We both had come out of long relationships that unfortunately didn’t go too well. He is quite guarded with his emotions but is affectionate. 3 months in he told me he wanted to take things slow as he realized that he had some issues still to resolve from his past relationship (it was on the weekend when he was meant to be getting married although they have been broken up for a year). I understood that it was a very big reminder of where he would have been in life and now isn’t so I gave him the space and continued dating him.
We went on holiday and spent his birthday together, I thought we were moving forward but after we came back I felt he went slightly distant. Although he still texted (not as consistent) and we had some video calls I didn’t see him for over 2 weeks and just felt distant. I tried to act cool with it and I finally saw him last weekend.
I thought it was a good sign he came to see me even if he was feeling unwell. I thanked him for it and acknowledged his efforts to show appreciation. He said, no problem – it was worth it. He then sent the following:
“So I think I’m at that stage in my life where I want to settle down and have kids and shit. I’m concerned that you might not be on the same page? What do you think?”
When we first met I told him I didnt think I wanted kids. I asked him to have a call where I told him I was open to it and I shared with him how this has changed for me and what process led me to this decision. Instead of being happy he only came across as shocked, couldn’t understand how I changed my mind and said he needed to think. He wondered why I didn’t say anything before and I mentioned that how could I as he asked to take things slow and I don’t know where I stand. That he is so guarded that I found it difficult to say anything.
The thought came to my mind that maybe he was using this as a way to end the relationship but maybe I’m wrong. I actually don’t know if he even cares for me and worst of all if he believes my reasoning for changing my opinion. That I came to this decision for myself and not for him.

Do you think he was trying to find a way out or is there any chance that his emotions scared him after the holiday and didn’t want to get further involved if there wasn’t a future? After I explained myself although yes he was shocked and said he needed to think. I asked him if he wanted radio silence to do that and he said no, to continue as normal. I texted him on tuesday to keep things normal and he responded quickly and nicely but he hasnt actually texted me out of his initiative the whole week and I did not text him again.
I just don’t understand why he would spend a great weekend, go on holiday, spendi his birthday with me and tell me im a priority to potentially just throw what we have out the window. I actually thought we could slowly build something together
He is very blunt and confident so I thought he would be more straightforward if he wanted to break things off. I’m just not confident because he is quite guarded and I can’t tell how he feels for me

I just feel like I am in limbo land until he mulls it over and is ready to talk about it. But I am dreading this and not feeling hopeful.

Do you actually have an opinion on this?

Thank you for your help

Reply July 24, 2021, 3:06 am


Women don’t have value. We are not property. Again, a little louder in the back…women are not property so we do not have “value.” This article pretends to empower women but it is actually doing the opposite-reaffirming a patriarchal system that treats women like a commodity. A woman’s worth is not the value a man places on her. Finding love is about finding the right fit for you, not trying to convince a bunch of Neanderthals you’re a high value property which a bunch of convoluted fake manipulations. If you need to convince a man of your “value” you might as well sell yourself into slavery.

Reply June 12, 2021, 3:18 pm


“Women don’t have value”.

So, Candy, what you’re saying is that women are worthless, lol. What a toxic thing for you to say!

A lot of women feel worthless, and need to be told they’re NOT. The article’s right, women should feel confident and worthwhile and attract a man that’s worthy.

Reply June 14, 2021, 12:39 pm

Eric Charles

“I’m going to misinterpret what you are saying, then attack my misinterpretation.”

Reply June 19, 2021, 11:27 am


Hey thanks Sabrina, great article. You are so awesome!

Reply June 5, 2021, 10:49 am

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