5 Telltale Signs He Likes You post image

5 Telltale Signs He Likes You


He likes me, he likes me not…. now that is the real question.

Eric and I say over and over again that when a man likes you, it’s obvious. However, given the high volume of questions we receive from readers asking us to decipher whether a guy likes them or not (and the fact that “Does He Like Me?” is the most popular article on the site), it obviously isn’t so obvious to you when a guy likes you.

Even though I write about relationships for a living, I too can get thrown off when it comes to a guy I really like. When you add emotions (and a bit of ego) into the mix, it can be hard to see things clearly. Instead you’re seeing the situation through a lens of wishful thinking and sometimes a bit of self-deception.

Trust me, I know how confusing and frustrating it can be at times but the fact remains that when a guy likes you, it is obvious….you just need to know what signs to look for.

Read on for five tell-tale signs that he for sure likes you.

1. He initiates- If you’re at a party, he comes up to you and strikes up a conversation. If you’re not in the same immediate vicinity, he reaches out to you. Finding an excuse to talk to you doesn’t require much creativity. If he wants to get your attention, he’ll think of something.

If a guy likes you, he might ask you for things he didn’t necessarily need to ask you, or starts a conversation he didn’t need to have with you. Maybe his company is hiring and he asks if you know anyone looking for a job, or he knows someone looking for a roommate and he asks if you know anyone, or he asks if you have any recommendations for a place to take his parents for dinner. When he wants to get your attention, he’ll think of something, even if he just makes it up.

2. Listens to what you say and remembers the details- When we like someone, we can’t get enough. We want to know every detail, every story, even the insignificant ones. If a guy asks you a lot of questions about yourself and your life and shows a genuine interest in who you are and what you like, he is investing in you. You’ll get further confirmation of this if he remembers the things you told him: where you went to high-school, your major in college, the name of your first pet.

QUIZ: Does He Like Me?

3. Body language cues- A guy might come across all slick, but his body language can tell you a lot about how he really feels. Mirroring is one way to assess if he’s into you. If you notice that he mimics your body language, it means he’s trying to connect to you and is completely focused on you. Other body language cues to look out for is if he leans in when talking to you, maintains eye contact, and points his feet towards you.

Also notice if he looks at you after he makes a joke or does something funny. If he likes you, he’ll look to see your reaction right away. Many experts claim that a guy’s pupil will dilate if he’s interested but this can be kind of tricky to assess. Another strong tell is if he finds ways to touch you. It could be “accidental” like brushing against your arm, seemingly innocent like a high-five that lingers a little longer that it usually would, or intentional like putting his hand on your when you’re telling a story.

MORE: 5 Ways to Be Irresistible to Men

4. Acts different around you- If a guy likes you, he’ll act a little different when he’s around you. He might seem a bit nervous and fidgety, or maybe he tones down his usual “macho” attitude. You may notice he seems a little flustered or maybe even blushes a bit when you talk to him. If he behaves differently with you than other people in his life it’s a sign that he holds you in a different regard. Pay attention to the way he is with his friends and other people to get a baseline for how he usually acts. For example, if he flirts with everyone or is super friendly and attentive when he talks to anyone then it won’t necessarily mean as much if he acts that way with you.
5. He compliments your appearance- Every guy I spoke to while gathering intel for this article said complimenting a girl’s appearance is the clearest sign that a guy is interested. If a guy is into you, he’ll pay close attention to your appearance and won’t be shy about letting you know it.  Compliments are his way of telling you he notices you and wants to make you feel good. The only caveat is if it’s a guy who is already a close friend of yours. In that case, he might be complimenting you to be nice and doesn’t think you’ll take it the wrong way.

MORE: How to Get Out of the Friend Zone With a Guy

So there you have it, the strongest indicators that a guy is interested in you. Hope this gives you a bit of clarity and clears up any confusion for those grappling with the age old does he or doesn’t he question.

 

- SABRINA ALEXIS

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please help

I knew this guy Seince 5th grade. In 5th grade my friend told me he liked me. Now in 6th grade during gym I was talking about this other guy because my friend was wondering how I knew him and the guy I knew science 5th grade looked back at me and overheard me talking about this other guy and now he stopped talking to me. Doe he still like me or is he jealous that I was talking about another guy? Please help me .

Reply November 15, 2014, 11:57 am

SingleANDHappy

Speaking as someone who has been completely single for the past 20 years and will stay that way, I do NOT understand the headline of this article.

The headline says “5 Telltale Signs He Likes You,” and then the first thing says this:

“He initiates- If you’re at a party, he comes up to you and strikes up a conversation.”

So you’ve never met and are already talking about “liking” someone? There is NO way to know if you like someone just by seeing them with your eyes. Seeing is “physical attraction,” especially if you have never met. It’s not “like.”

The only way to know if you LIKE someone is a whole lotta talking to one another, watching how they react to you and others in different situations, etc. Stay away from ANYTHING physical/sexual and just talk with them. A lot. Then you’ll know if you like them or they like you.

Reply November 12, 2014, 11:06 pm

sara

I’m going through some relationship issues and I need major help.
I’ve been dating a guy since 6 months and everything seemed great at first but then things started changing. I know I made a mistake by being very needy and kept bugging him. Above all I used to talk to my friends about my relationship issues and obe day he read my conversation and got pissed but that eventually got sorted. 3 days back he told me he isn’t over his ex as it was a long relationship of 3 years and he needed time. When he started with me he was ready to move on but my behavior is disturbing him and now he thinks we rushed things and should have gotten to know each other as he isn’t able to figure out how to handle me. He asked me to start over as friends. I clearly asked him if he was seeing is ex again but he denied it and said that he is with me only . Also he agreed when I asked that what he wants is that we remain in a relationship but kind off take a break as friends. Anyways then I didn’t contact him and after one day just one day he texts me and tells me he misses me. And then he asks me

“What if after some time I want to get back with you. And you like someone else”

And he at one point is calling me his girl and at the same time a friend. He made it clear he’s doing it so that when a guy asks me if I’m single I have no reply. I really like him. We’re having casual talks and i think we might connect at a different level this time. Right now we’re having major exams and maybe he’s stressed out or something? I’m so confused about what he wants. I really really like this guy and I want him back in my life. Please please help me out and tell me how to get him back
Then we were also having a conversation about a random topic and he said that happens between couples. So I said so we’re not a couple and he’s like we’re on a break. I don’t know what’s going on And it’s effecting me and my studies

Reply November 7, 2014, 11:09 pm

Bo

Hi, I am sorry you are going through this and I understand how confusing it can be. I think you should really focus on yourself and with school. He is being selfish in the sense that he wants to keep you only for later and wants a relationship with you only on his own time, which is very unfair for you and you shouldn’t let him treat you like this. I believe you deserve a better person who is willing to be with you whole-heartedly and to put you first. I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but I truly believe that you should focus on yourself and just take a step back and re-evaluate this situation. It is hard but you will be able to get through this :)

Reply November 15, 2014, 1:52 am

Gracie

My crush always does the following(according to my very observant best friend and myself);
-He always stares at me
-He always smiles at me
-Always laughs when around me
-Checked me out three times
-Went behind me really close so I could feel his body on mine
-Found out my sister once told me to kill myself (happened a lot more before but he only knows about the one time) and got really pale
-Sat in front of me during lunch once and I wasn’t eating so he looked away and bit his lip
-When my tank top was falling he was looking at my chest and biting his lip
-He saw me writing something and looked at the top where it said “Suicide Notes.” And he got pale again
-I was showing my friend something on the computer (Demi a quote she said) and he leaned foward to see what I was showing her and smiled a little ( he knows I’m a little [I am actually a lot insecure but he doesn't know] and it said “I like my booty and thighs. I have curves get over it.)
-He sits in front of me in science and during a video he kicked my feet twice lightly and in the same video it said Turquie so his friend whispered something in his ear and he blushed and looked at me
-He asked me if I still liked one direction and when I nodded and said my name is Gracie Horan he looked kind of (just a little) jealous
- During a project he stood next to me and brushed his arm against mine (he always does that)
- He always stares at me when I walk into the room in the morning
- I went into my ELA class shouting LARRY SHIPPER (DON’T HATE ME I SHIP ELOUNOR TOO) he looked at me and 5 minutes later I looked at him and he was looking at me still
- At the beginning of lunch he was walking towards my friend and I and staring at me the whole time he was talking to us
- One day last year he was absent in math but came back to school for the afternoon and when I was walking to get my paper from the printer he asked me if there was any homework and because I finished it I said no (each time I think I’m done with what he’s been doimg for the past 3 years I’m like nope there’s that one too lol)
- There was an activity in math where I had to pretend to be a guy named Dally Winston from The Outsiders the next day he math he wouldnt stop talking to me about it and my friend teased me about of course she was in our math class wiggling her eyebrows when he kept talking

Reply October 27, 2014, 8:35 pm

Gracie

Torque sounds like twerk btw

Reply October 27, 2014, 10:46 pm

Sara

I got a match on Tinder with this cutie on July 3rd. He’s absolutely adorable, and honestly the most amazing man I could ever imagine God sending me. There are only a few things that make this too good to be true: 1) I’ve never dated a younger guy before just for the maturity sake, I am a very mature 23 year old and I’ve been in and out of long and hard relationships and I am no longer up to playing games. He is 22 and though it scares me, it seems he has his life figured out and he is pretty darn mature. 2) He is in the army. I love our troops and honestly I am really into this guy and I would gladly support him in whatever, but we all know the army guys have a reputation for being dogs. 3) He is getting out of the army around May and is moving to a different state.

I know this already sounds crazy and believe me once finding all of this out I expressed my concerns to him early on. I plainly said I think you are a great guy, but frankly I’m not up to getting to know you in that type of way if you are moving next year, because I don’t want to fall in love with you and then there be no us after May. He basically said he is not the type to fall in love and leave and to give him a chance so I did. The first week he wanted to meet me and of course considering I hadn’t been talking to him that long I was too shy and told him I was busy. He left for 14 days on leave visiting family and friends and then once he got back we kept trying to make plans and things kept coming up on my end unfortunately. I constantly apologized and would try to still meet up on another day, well finally we got the chance to meet, and I swear if you could fall in love on a first date I was probably there. This guy was everything I’ve been praying for and he is absolutely more than perfect. The date was amazing and of course I did something I have never done before and I let him stay over. I’m never that type of girl and I assure you nothing went on but a bunch of snuggling. (PERFECT DATE).

He seemed just as into me as I was into him, he constantly texted me and complimented me, it couldn’t have been any better. Then all of a sudden I noticed this other girl on his fb, instagram and snapchat. I tried not to worry because he hasn’t given me a reason to, but due to my last relationship full of being cheated on I can’t but help to worry. This girl eventually ended up being his number one on snapchat, still not a big issue right?! Well we made plans for that Saturday but the closer it came to it he began to become distant, he texted me Friday saying how much he hated his job and how he had punishment on Saturday for the army and wouldn’t be able to see me. His punishment was a 24 hr duty, well later Saturday when I got home and got on Facebook I saw this picture of him at a white trash bash. The party was just a small gathering of him and his buddies with a few of their wives and gfs, but still I felt like I had been lied to and blown off. I waited for him to text and basically he fibbed about it I believe and I just went off. I explained that I am an understanding girl and that if he had plans all he had to do was explain the party came up and could he see me Sunday or even invite me to go. I mean I wouldn’t have cared just don’t blow me off and don’t lie to me. Well he apologized a million times and I told him to drop it and he continued to apologize so I believe he was sincere about it. Then he made plans to see me Sunday and of course right before he left he got a migraine (he gets them all the time and takes medication for it) so I just tried to dismiss it in my mind as the truth.

I still felt he was being distant that week and I confronted him and just basically said look you know I am really into you (we’ve both already admitted it) but I just want to be sure you are even looking for anything considering you are moving possibly for good next year, because I don’t want to fall for you and you not even be interested in having anything. He replied back,” I want to see where things go. I really like you, but I’ve had relationship mess up fast in the past and I don’t want that to happen to us.” so I tried easing my mind a little. We ended up seeing each other that Friday and I hate to admit it because I’m seriously a good girl, but things kind of went too far and we slept together. I regret it sooooooo much because that’s just not who I am. It wasn’t either of our intentions as we’ve both only prior been with 3 people all super long relationships.

After that he seemed to be a lot better, we they have been super busy at work and I seriously am a very understanding girl, but he just seemed to fade away again, I confronted him the past Friday once more, because I am a straight up girl. I plainly said look I think you are an amazing guy but I don’t feel you are that into me, and that’s fine if that’s the case and once again he assured me he is into me just super busy. He said he will put in more effort and he promises after all this training we will spend lots more time together.

Here is my thing though. As you all can tell I fell really fast for this guy, I feel like I’ve known him my whole life and I am serious about him. I have already thought about careers I could do with my degree if things worked out and I moved with him. I know it sounds a little crazy but seriously I feel like God sent him to me.

Now on the flip side, I believe he is a great guy and he is sincere but honestly I have been hurt so much before I feel like maybe he is just saying that to appease me and that in fact he maybe likes me but definitely isn’t looking for anything. I just believe if a guy is into you that he will make time to see you. And we’ve been texting for 2 months and we’ve only talked on the phone a handful and face timed once and only hung out 2 times. I am beginning to get super bummed and I feel like I am getting mixed signals. I am so scared because I know I am falling super hard super fast and I don’t know what to do. I like him entirely too much to quit talking to him because I already couldn’t imagine my days without him, but I don’t want to be strung along to fall in love and then after May there be no more me and him.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!! =((

Reply September 17, 2014, 11:19 am

Lou

This for guys only.
The truth is that if a woman is interested in you SHE will find a way to make you aware of it. If you do what the writer says you will do if you are interested you will be dead meat.
The choice is made by the woman, always. Especially in the case of very attractive women. In fact, the more attractive a woman is the less obvious you should be about your interest. Nothing is less attractive to a woman than a man she knows she has conquered from the start.
Remember this, from the moment of meeting her nothing will ever happen between you two that she does not want to happen. Deal with it because it’s true.
We all know the old saying that ” it’s a man’s world “, right ? Wrong. When it comes to the world of romance it is exactly the other way around.

Reply September 5, 2014, 4:56 pm

Thomas Chimera

It seems to me that romance is the kind of thing that happens — more times than not — at first sight. You can build to it like I suppose is the adult thing to do, but to me the whole scrambled eggs of it is less a reasonable thing in your head than it’s some form of cupid’s magic. Of course if the magic dust does at first favor you with it’s presence, despite man’s innate efforts to mess it up, somehow the sleight of hand just never lets that damn rabbit in the hat ever die. Peace.

Reply September 4, 2014, 8:57 pm

dharani

hi guys!!!!!am in big confusion,pls help me on thz,am loving one guyz,he also accepted it,we used to chat at late nights,we continue thz fa one month,but now he is telling me”we stop talking fa 6 months” i dono what to do,bcoz i really love him a lot,wat to do guys??!!!

Reply September 3, 2014, 8:22 am

CT

Well, you could start by PUTTING THE F—ING CELL PHONE DOWN FOR A FEW HOURS A DAY!!!! GOD!! You text so much it has taken over for your actual language!! You abreviate thz, and fa, whatever they are….if you meant “this” for “thz” you’re way off the mark, and yet you don’t abreviate “months” (mos.), or continue (cont.), among others. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt because it very likely that English is not your first language – I hope!!

Reply October 20, 2014, 10:33 am

CT

I mis-spelled “abbreviate”. Oops!

Reply October 20, 2014, 10:36 am

Jessica

I’m looking for insight I’ll almost certainly never obtain from anyone other than the very person who has perplexed me for over 30 years now! Yes, 30 years! This man has to be the shiest person in the world! When a mutual friend introduced us back in the ’60′s we were both 20-something and single. (He asked her for introduction to me.) I had been involved with a different man for about 3 years but he was gone for several months establishing a business when I met Mr. Shy and we started seeing each other. Our mutual friend warned me that Mr. S. was abnormally shy (but ONLY) with women. I could tell and tried to reassure him with smiles, body language even though the man barely said a word all the times we were together. (BTW: we were never involved sexually.) Without seeming full of myself, I need to say that I was unusually attractive and never lacked for guys falling all over me. Needless to say, I was not used to a man who just smiled at me like he could eat me up, and kiss me a few times, but never ever talked about anything. He had everything a man could wish for so I am completely baffled as to why he should feel shy (scared?) around women. And, although he was quiet and well-mannered, he did not appear bashful or socially uncomfortable with others. After a few get-togethers, I became very flustered as to if he truly liked me or if not, why he kept seeing (only?) me. In my frustration, I made a couple of really, really, bad choices. The first one: After an evening of social drinking & music, I told him the only reason I was seeing him was because he reminded me of my boyfriend (they did look almost identical except for height). That wasn’t true at all but I just wanted to see his reaction. He didn’t show any!!! Just kept smiling that beautiful smile. The end to our relationship(?) came when his band had one last gig and he said: “You’re going to be there, aren’t you?” I looked at him and replied: “I don’t know. Good-bye Mel.” I chose to not attend the last session deliberately. I figured if he WAS interested, he’d call and ask me why I wasn’t there. Well, he didn’t call. Our mutual friend was present at his last performance and he asked her and she told him what I had told her earlier when she wanted to know why I wasn’t joining our girlfriends for our usual Friday night out: “I have my reasons.” That was it. In all the years since, I’ve never even ONCE run into him in this medium-sized city we share. I’ve tried to get information about him–if he was married, children? Anything. But there are no records that show he ever married, divorced, was widowed, had any children and, in fact, a friend of a friend who knows him said Mel has never married. We’re both old now. He lives only about 5 miles from where I do–each in our own homes. I married the old boyfriend because he insisted on getting married which was not what I wanted but I figured I ought to be doing what all my friends were doing but that was also a big, huge mistake. I divorced him within 3 years of the so-called marriage and reared our child practically alone. I’ve dated a lot and been socially active, but I’ve never remarried and, in my old age, realize I still love Mel. I don’t want anyone but him. Is it possible to be sooooooo shy as to live your entire life alone? Never marry or have family? Surely that isn’t normal. I’m beginning to toy with the idea that perhaps Mel’s shyness is much more severe than just bashfulness–could it be a form of Autism? Or some other complication? I feel bad he has (seemingly) missed out on so much love and intimacy at the same time I feel even worse imagining what a loving life we might have had together. Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? –Jessica

Reply August 24, 2014, 5:53 pm

tacara-mi

#1. Instead of all the hinting and trying to decipher “signals,” just ask him. If he likes you he’ll tell you. If you like him, then tell him. stop playing the games and be straightforward.

Reply August 24, 2014, 2:43 pm

Sarah

What if he is always acting strange around you, listens and remember about the things you have to say but has a girlfriend. He could be spending time with her he even said he doesnt get a lot of time with her but spends it with me instead. I dont know what to do.

Reply August 5, 2014, 3:30 am

april

Maybe he likes you more than his girlfriend and wants to go out with you instead

Reply November 15, 2014, 12:00 pm

Toma

I need advice . Me and my ex boyfriend . And then he abruptly broke up with me . And then I found out from his and I BestFriend that he started dating his best friend . And my ex boyfriend and I had a healthy relationship . And then I also learned from our common best friend that my ex is confused about who he likes more , me or his best friend . I don’t know . What to do . Help ! Please

Reply August 2, 2014, 7:00 am

Maria Gomez

i just started talking to this guy which i forgot all about but he found me on facebook i really like him but im so confused about his feelings for me he had not text me for 3 days so i decided to text him and tell him it was obvious he didnt like me in a manner i did him so that we would remain freinds that if he needed a freind to talk to i would always be there for him anyways he text me back put a sad face crying and asked if i was dumping him its things like this that makes me so confused about his feelings i asked if he was back with his ex which i know hes not happy at all with but he doesnt respond to my question and when i tell him he was posibly with some other girl he tells me theres no.other girls could you tell me what this means

Reply July 30, 2014, 12:15 am

ken

You’ll get further confirmation of this if he remembers the things you told him: where you went to high-school, your major in college, the name of your first pet – and uses the information to hack into your bank account.

Reply July 27, 2014, 10:16 am

Marty Mannor

Can this ever be rectified? I am a woman, 73. In my mid-twenty’s, through a mutual friend, I met and dated a single man my age. It was an apparent mutual attraction but I got impatient because the man is incredibly shy around women and I couldn’t get him to talk much or express himself. In ignorance and inexperience with this kind of personality, I made a couple of BIG mistakes in trying to get him to make his feelings known to me. In so doing, I stood him up on a night of great importance and I never heard from him again. I have been kicking my own butt for 50 years! I still love him, even after marrying, having a child, and divorcing another. I have remained single since my divorce 43 years ago and, as nearly as I can tell from asking around, checking public records, etc., he has never married. We live in the same town, not too far from each other; we’re both retired successful business people who’s homesteads reflect our compatibility. I’m sure he will never, ever contact me and I’m too unsure of myself, embarrassed, etc., to contact him. Is there any hope of us ever getting back together? I would like nothing more than to live the rest of my life making him happy. Any advice? Please email me with your thoughts.

Reply July 26, 2014, 7:19 pm

Prayed up

So 2001 new divorce meets hot guy tells him don’t fall in love . He is younger than me I didn’t want to give him a ready made life I wanted him to live and then decide. This worked perfect for five years no strings I had boyfriends during that time I’m sure he dated but we were just comfort and passion. We finally talked about dating for real after six years. He told me of his last dating experience in which he was stabbed hate to say she was crazy she stabbed him went to jail .. He is a gentle guy fast forward we are happy happy . He and I are supposed to meet out and instead I get a call that he can’t see me he is having a baby. Crazy stabbing girl was five months pregnant. I said good luck prayed for him and stayed away. We ran into eachother and just froze I pretty much ran away from him. He called right away it was crazy to have those feeling and not act but we didn’t . We did stay in touch a year later they broke up we were together since then it’s just been he keeps falling for her suicide crazy bullshit he goes back thinking it’s good for his child we see eachother all the time she knows she has always known about me. So now I’m the homewrecker and everyone’s heart is broken . He wants to be with me I’m his happiness but the guilt and the games the things she says to his child it’s just eating me up. I have prayed and trying to leave it alone.

Reply July 17, 2014, 8:32 am

Dan

The crazy girl probably has a cluster B personality disorder. Your guy friend needs to have as limited contact with her as possible, and needs to start collecting evidence so that he can get full custody of the child. He needs to do it now before he ends up in jail or dead!!!

Reply October 17, 2014, 11:59 am

caitlin

I’ve read all the emails and tried to understand the guy I’ve been talking to. We have actually discussed this and he flat out told me but it seems that he really don’t know what he want truthfully. He told me he wasn’t over his ex fiancé and he does like me and has since high school also I understand that’s happen, hes busy at work or I’m at work. I don’t text him all the time first most the time he texts first. I really like him and I’ve never liked anyone ever(liked the thought of some guys) but I don’t want anyone else and that I just want him but I can’t wait forever. I believe him that he’s not over his ex, but here’s the kicker he’s brought up the topic of having children with me.

Reply July 15, 2014, 3:24 pm

caitlin

I’ve read all the emails and tried to understand the guy I’ve been talking to. We have actually discussed this and he flat out told me but it seems that he really don’t know what he want truthfully. He told me he wasn’t over his ex fiancé and he does like me and has since high school also I understand that’s happen, GE’s is busy at work or I’m at work. I don’t text him all the time first most the time he texts first. I really like him and I’ve never liked anyone ever(liked the thought of some guys) but I don’t want anyone else and that I just want him but I can’t wait forever. I believe him that he’s not over his ex, but here’s the kicker he’s brought up the topic of having children with me.

Reply July 15, 2014, 3:24 pm

Katlyn

Yes, i would like to know how to tell if a guy likes you through texting. There is this guy i like and there is a chance he likes me too. but the only way we talk is through texting. he lives 30 minutes away and we both work. and he tells me im cute and funny and we send the little kissing emojis to each other. but…. idk. please help me!

Reply July 12, 2014, 5:09 pm

Amber

I have been with this guy for 2 months. I think I’ve already fallin for him but I don’t know if he feels the same way. We met online and we live in the same town. I messaged him on a website and in a day I heard from him. We stayed up all night talking and the very next night he took me out on a date. But after that I didn’t hear from him for a week than when I finally got a hold of him he said he had a family problem. Which I understand and forgave him. Than we talked all the time. He’s a truck driver and he’s gone for a week at a time which I’m completely fine with. He would text me when he woke up, called me all the time, and we would talk for hours but that’s when he was on the road. He’s been home for three weeks now and I’ve only seen him twice. He says he wants to be with me and wants to be together and sees us being together for a very long time maybe even getting married and have a kid. But when he’s home its like I don’t exist and I have to text or call him to be able to talk to him. We make plans but something always seems to happen on his side. I haven’t heard from him for a week and its like the second or third time that its been a week that I haven’t heard from him. Ive met a few of his friends but not his mother he says he wants us to meet. I have talked to his mother over text tho but it was really just her saying he was asleep and she would have him call me when he woke. And she knows that were in a relationship. I just feel like he’s not interested and I could really use some help please. Please help me? :(

Reply July 5, 2014, 3:06 am

Kathleen

I have been talking to this guy for a few months. We met at work and had a connection from the start. We had some of the same friends, so when I was with them he was there to. We would be near each other almost the hole time. We become closer as friends. I began to get feelings for him. One day I just told him, I mean what’s the worst that could happen, he doesn’t like me back. He ended up saying he did like me to, but wanted to get to no each other more, and he didn’t want to be in a relationship at the time. We got even closer. We could tell each other everything and everything. We talked about possibly being together in the future but he wasn’t ready yet. He asked me to be patient with him. He said he wasn’t talking to anyone else just me. He had a bad day one night and he asked if I could go for a walk with him, I did. This was the first time we hung out by our selfs. We bumped into each other a few times. I played the I’m scared card cause it was dark out and there was a noise. I grabbed his arm and he smiled at me. We ended up holding hands the rest of the night. He ended up walking ahead of me for a second and I said don’t leave me. He told me he never would. He would say little cute things like that. After i left he texted me and said that my hand felt amazing in his and that he had a great night. He told me he appreciated me being there for him. I told him whenever he needs me I’m here. Went on another walk a few days later and this time he kissed me. When I left he called me and said he missed me already and wish we had more time to spend together. We talked all night. One night he told me I was perfect and between us it always will be. We used to talk all day, but the past few months he has been distant. We only talk at night now. But not every night. And it seems like it’s always sexual. We haven’t hooked up yet, but have talked about it. And every time we try to make plans to chill the next day he never texts me back with a time to meet up. I asked him if we’re ok, and if he actually did want to see me and he yea he does. We made plans for the next night after I got out of work. I again texted him and he never texted back. He texted me at 4 am saying he was sorry he didn’t hit me up to chill, and that he wanted to make it up to me. At this point I’m not getting my hopes up with seeing him. That was a week ago and I still haven’t seen him. At this point I feel like he doesn’t even like me anymore. I no that we aren’t together so I can’t expect to be any type of priority. Should I ask him what’s up, and if he still feels the same way, or should I just back off and let him come to me? Do you think he has moved on? Please help!

Reply July 2, 2014, 10:32 am

Things are getting better. Still working things out but I'm being patient and I keep reading your emails and the books I ordered.

Thanks for the help. I’m learning a lot.

Reply June 21, 2014, 10:35 pm

al

#6- His tongue is in your ear.

Reply June 21, 2014, 2:53 pm

JAZ

So I been dating this guy for about 5 months, in the start he was all about seeing me all the time we are now in a serious relationship and we’ve met eachothers families, he travels a lot for work… I’m just wishing he was more attentive as far as communicating more sometimes I feel like we are strangers like talk for about 5 mins a day we both have busy Careers but after work. IDK he hasn’t been in a relationship in over 5yrs and I’m the 1st girl he gave a chance to… He’s use to hanging with his friends and working… Not making a woman his Priority. I’m amazing to him i just want the same effort put forth. What do I do trying to have patience only because he not use to it but am I kidding myself?

Reply June 17, 2014, 4:27 pm

Middi

Hello Jaz,

I sense your pain and frustraion as I read your post.

I would encourage you to talk with him, and let him know how you’re truly feeling. Point out all of the good things that you love about him, and let him know that you appreciate him. Remember men are more sensitive then us women..so tred carefully, but be 100% HONEST about how you feel.

He sounds like a good guy…perhaps he’s not aware of how you are reallying feeling. Let him know
that you’re hurt that he’s spends more time with his friends and career than you. Tell him to ‘Put himself in your place’…”how would he feel it things were reverse?”

Since people are rasied differently and come from various walks of life…he may not be ‘aware’ of his
actions. So let him know how you feel, and telll him *what he can do to make you feel more loved, etc.

Now I will throw this in here: He may not really be interested in you anymore, and just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings buy telling you he’s over you. He may have another girl; or it could just simply be that he has so much stress at work, that he needs to hang with the guys to relieve stress, and doesn’t want to bring that stress over to you. I only mention that because he only has 5 mins a day to talk to you??? That doesn’t sound right. No matter how stressed, or angry, etc., a person in a relationship is…they will speak more thatn 5 mins a day. If you care about somebody..YOU MAKE THE TIME..because you WANT TO…Period!

But this next part is KEY: Just state how your feel..DO NOT GUESS/ASSUME ANYTHING & DO NOT PUT ANYWORDS IN HIS MOUTH. Because he might take one of your fears and use that as an excuss to end the realtionship.

So inconclusion dear..BE HONEST…DON’T BE AFRAID. It’s better you get this out in the open quickly so the problem can be remedied, or you can move on. If the latter is the case…FEAR NOT,
you sound like a very caring and loving person..you will find your true love!

Peace and Blessing :)

Reply June 21, 2014, 6:37 am

JAZ

Hey Middi,
We are Actually doing Great we spoke and yes He’s trying to get use to having someone, He actually been amazing after we spoke and he Feared loosing me our Love for eachother is Growing daily 6months in and I think we are Growing Stronger thxxx!

Reply July 15, 2014, 3:35 pm

Middi

Great News!
Good luck and God Bless the both of you.
Keep the lines of communication open!
:D

Reply July 18, 2014, 7:49 pm

Brian

Did any of you women ever consider that a Guy may like you, even love you but prefer to be social with his guy friends? Or even GASP! with no one?

Reply June 26, 2014, 3:21 pm

middi

Yes Brian, but there is a big difference between spending time with your friends socially, and totally ignoring your mate. For example; If he’s spending every weekend with his friends and only calling his girlfriend to talk for 5 mins a day with no face time(meaning meeting in person, not an apple device)…then there’s a problem.
At this point she can either continue to be ignored, or talk to him honestly about her feelings (if indeed as you mentioned ‘he loves her’), or she can leave him and find someone who will spend time with her. Because let’s face it, you date someone to what? Spend time with them right? It seems for the lady I was trying to help, something’s not right, and a simple conversation with the one you love, would shed light on the situation. I hope it works out for them both.
Peace and Blessings

Reply June 27, 2014, 11:21 pm

JAZ

Brian,

When a man is Truly interested no one can Keep them away not even Friends, Most of his friends are in Relationships as well. I agree he should always have his space and his Boy time I would never take that away from him… Healthy Relationships require that. I would prefer my man wanting to be with me if Not I think there is an issue No?

Reply July 15, 2014, 3:38 pm

patricia

I’ve been with this guy off an on now for a year.we lived together for 9 months. Then he broke up with me. we wrote engaged
He told me he was moving on and with another girl two days later. well that was in Jan she went to jail in in April hr was at my door step that same say she went to jail
We’ve been together off an on ever since we stayed together for one month as friends with benefits then I told him I couldn’t do it anymore and I didn’t want to see him. Well three weeks went by he started calling and texting me again we got back together this time and we was just going tsee what happened OK until know we had a fight four days ago and I having talked to him told him to leave me alone I’m scared I’m being used until she gets out of jail which will be in about 4 more months if I knew he wouldn’t leave me as soon as she gets out I could be happy but I don’t know that and I’m scared love him because I think he’s using Mr for sex. Told him I cant handle being with him one month and being happy then one week sad then one month Happy its to much back and forth I can’t handlevitvno more he needs to decide what he wants. And who he wants I’m so miserable without him my heart aching for him and I mids him so much don’t know should I give up or fight to be with him I have four months left with him irvwithout him I’m so hurt and confused as to what to do

Reply June 15, 2014, 8:47 pm

Middi

My Dear Patricia,

Leave him. Please trust me on this. He is USING YOU. You’re instinct is right. Listen to your “inner voice” it will never steer you wrong! I know it’s hard when you’re in love, but you DESERVE to be LOVED in RETURN! An OFF & ON relationship is NO relationship at all. If he truly cared for you, he would stick by you and try to work things out. Or at the very least..be HONEST about his feelings. And this ‘friends w/ benefits’ thing…There is NO SUCH THING! Because a REAL Friend would have more RESPECT (sing it Areatha! ;) for you and would never even think of using a friend PERIOD. I do beleive he is using you for ***, comfort, company etc., and is buying time until the other girl gets out. And he’s probably using her too!

You see..”hurt people, to hurtful things.” He needs to do some inner healing work, but that’s not your place to help him do it. You see, a person who is well on the inside would never disrespect another human being the way you are being disrespected. I believe you are a beautiful, caring, loving person…put some of that love on yourself! Ask yourself “why do I tolerate such blatant disrespect from this man?” Love your self 1st, talk to somebody, HEAL YOURSELF from the ‘INSIDE OUT’…and once you do..you will ATTRACT the RIGHT kind of man into your life.

I know you can do it!
Peace and Blessing Be Unto you!

Reply June 21, 2014, 6:21 am

Arabia

Asia is right. I ran into one of those a few weeks ago and he almost did my head in. I had to take some pretty hard drugs to get over him, but get over him I did, and fast – in just a few days. The experience has messed me up good though. To do it I had to become a sociopath myself and stop feeling normal human affection. Future guys I meet may suffer due to this as I do not think I am able to feel towards males ever again. Since the “I’m into you oh no I’m not haha” guy? I’ve turned into someone just like him and have this burning desire to go out and start leading men on and teasing them to flip it on them like this guy did, and cause a lot of destruction :)

Reply June 14, 2014, 10:38 pm

Middi

My Dearest Arabia,

Please do not let evil men rob you of love, and a life full of happiness! Yes there are bad men out there..but there are more good men then bad..that’s why this world (as crazy as it has become) is still in one piece. The good WILL ALWAYS outlast the bad.

Please do not bring your self to a low level. You are better than that! Plus, seducing men, and then ‘flippin’ it on the WILL get you killed. Remember you a still a women. Also know that women are emotionally, in intuitively stronger, and smarter then men. Rise above the hate, fear, and anger you have, and shine like the beautiful bright star you are!

As I mentioned in an earlier post : sometimes we “ATTRACT” bad things into our lives, because
we haven’t dealt with certian ‘hurtful’ things in our past. Somethings we may not even be aware of.
So you have to ask yourslef : “Why did I attract this person into my life? What did like about him?
What did he GIVE ME that I felt I needed from him?

Although ‘Sociopaths’ maybe hard to spot, there are always signs like body language & intuition. We tend to IGNORE the RED FLAGS when we really like someone, or are lonenly or have low self-esteem. The simple fact is that you ALLOWED this person into your life..you ATTRACTED that person to you. I’m not blaming you. But the key is to find out why? Then you can do the inner work and heal yourself from the ‘INSIDE OUT” and attract the people that you really need and the ones that will TRULY LOVE you!

Keep your Head up!
Don’t let the wrong doings of others ‘taint’ your beautiful soul!
Peace and Blessings!

Reply June 21, 2014, 6:58 am

useni

i like newmode becouse it talk about the real fact about relationship

Reply May 22, 2014, 1:13 pm

Asia

Sociopaths can do all this and not really like ypu.

Reply November 7, 2013, 7:21 pm

Luke

and shy guys won’t, even when they’re interested, having said that the way shy guys desplay interest makes them seem awkward and creepy, so girls don’t like them.

Reply May 25, 2014, 10:18 pm

Middi

Hello Luke,

I can understand what you mean. But everyone at one point or another has to find the confidence
to over come that ‘shy/awkward’ state. It comes down to REAL ‘Self-Esteem’. Some people get it
at home at an early age, others get it at school, some from Mentors, and the rest through ‘trial and error’. The bottom line is; there are so many ways to get help and information on dating. But it takes time, patience and practice, and some people aren’t even willing to try. Shy people need to be encouraged, and supported by true friends, family, etc. But they have to WANT to CHANGE 1st

Peace and Love To You!

Reply June 21, 2014, 7:06 am

laura

Yes, but they can’t keep that fake mask for long.Eventually, their true ugly face will show.

Reply June 17, 2014, 8:30 am

Middi

Yes Laura, you are so right!

And that’s no matter how much we may like a person, you have to take your time, listen to your ‘inner voice’ (intuition) and acknowledge the RED FLAGS. There are a lot of lonely people out there starved for love and attention..and that could lead them to chose, accept and deal with the wrong people.

Be Brave My Friends…Real Love is just around the corner…but you have to think positive, work on YOURSELF, and be patient in love.

A lot of us claim to want the perfect mate…but are you yourself perfect? Are you what the other person is looking for? The check list that you have for your ideal mate…do YOU have all of those qualities as well?

If so, great…good luck. If not…”how can you ask for something, that your yourself can’t give?”

Peace and Love

Reply June 21, 2014, 7:13 am

Brian

Yes but what you don’t understand is that they don’t care if you find out, by that time they have already notched their headboard and they are done with you anyway.

Reply June 26, 2014, 5:05 pm

middi

My Dearest Brian, all we can do is learn from our mistakes.
The BIGGEST MISTAKE is sleeping with someone too fast. Yes, we all want love, and we all want the feeling that comes from true ‘intimacy”. But like you said; some people will play the game until they get what they want.

Only by WITHHOLDING yourself, and taking the time to truly get to know someone, will you WEED OUT the FAKERS. The 90 Day Rule will weed out the bad seeds, so that the good seed will stick! That means, date without *** for 90 days, and if that person is still around, without pressuring you for ***, then you may be off to a good start towards a healthy, loving Relationship. You see, those that seek ONLY *** or as you said ‘a notch on their headboard’, aren’t brave enough to seek a loving relationship. They aren’t brave enough to face the fact that they want REAL LOVE. They don’t know how to get it or accept it, because they have past issues that they are too scared to deal with. So they go for the ‘easy feel good fix’, then move on to the next one. They are so hurt and angry at themselves, they they don’t believe they NEED LOVE. So they take anything to numb the pain. I don’t want to get into the psychology of it all, but learn from this. You DESERVE LOVE, and we all NEED LOVE. But Love is Sacrificing. And most people have a hard time with this. Think about your best friend, or a close family member. When they **** you off, you work it out right? You all of a sudden become patient and forgiving. It’s not so easy to do with strangers right? Why? Because you took the TIME to get to know your friends and family members.
So take time to get to know the next person you date. And don’t feel bad if you get dumped for not putting out early on. That only means that you just saved yourself from getting hurt/played, and you are also saving yourself for the one that will LOVE you for LIFE!
Have PATIENCE my friend.
Love is on the way!
Peace and Blessings

Reply June 27, 2014, 11:43 pm

Brian

I agree, and you just gave them the recipe. But it doesn’t take a Sociopaths to simply be a hound dog, in fact I think most men for at least some period in their life play the field, and probably try to present any face you want to see in order to take you to bed.

Reply June 26, 2014, 5:24 pm

middi

The 90 DAY RULE will ‘Un-mask’ the bad ones.
Plus lots of talking, asking questions, getting to know the other person and KEY:
get to know their friends, family, co-workers. Reading body language is KEY.
Looking in the EYES, etc.

You see, people with ‘something to HIDE’, will avoid personal questions, won’t talk about family, won’t introduce you to friends, won’t talk about their jobs, etc. Even if they make all of this up and seem believable, if keep pressing, the lies will slip them up and the true will be revealed.

THE SIGNS ARE THERE! And even if I’m giving you some sage advice, or ‘play by play’ info for bad folks to use..it still won’t matter, because evil never hides for very long. They only get away with it because you THINK you’re in love, you IGNORE the RED FLAGS. Introduce them to your friends and family, and they will spot the fakers too! See, when people THINK they are in love, they just want to be with only that person, all the time. You need your friend and family to be the OBJECTIVE view; to see and pick up on the things that you’re to BLIND to see when your THINK your in love.

Common sense is greatly lacking on the world today, but never fear, as long as your are breathing, you can learn and grow.

To your Happiness
Peace

Reply June 28, 2014, 12:00 am

Brian

middi I could not agree with you more on the 90 day rule. If you don’t want to be used you need to know how young men think. I have tried to tell my daughter this but young girls seem to think they know better than an old man :). Or maybe she listened but just didn’t let me know she did.

Reply July 1, 2014, 12:45 pm

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