Ask a Guy: How to Win at the Texting Game post image

Ask a Guy: How to Win at the Texting Game

… (Previous page – Ask a Guy: How to Win at the Texting Game) I fully support her leaving and moving on to find a man who she is a good match with and who naturally lights her up… and once she does, the relationship will be something unlike anything she has ever known before.

If at some point in that relationship problems come up, it is my hope that she has the clarity to see the difference… that even good matches do need to grow together… move past things together… understand each other. In those cases, growing through the relationship and putting in the work is worth it… and in many ways can be the most valuable and rewarding part of the relationship.

A marked difference in those two circumstances is that when it’s true love, good matches know that they’re on each other’s side… not against one another… and are not sitting on an island, wishing and hoping the other will sail over to them.

The ability to recognize and handle problems in your relationship and correctly identify when it’s the wrong relationship comes down to your sense of peace, happiness, and OK-ness with your life in general. If you feel unhappy or unfulfilled in your life, relationships can become extremely difficult.

MORE: 11 Ways to Find True Happiness

Believe me, when I’m feeling depressed/upset/heartbroken I manage to leave a spectacular wake of destruction behind me, which only leads to further regret and unhappiness. And I know better — but a large part of what leads to a good relationship isn’t how much we “know,” but how we feel.

So if there’s anything you can do to raise your spirits and love life (rather than getting absorbed into a downward spiral about what’s happening with a particular person in your life), then that is where you want to orient your attention.

Create space in your life, find a way to “wake up” from the absorption in whatever negative feelings you might be having about your situation, and then fill that space with happiness. And in the meantime, you can hope that the other person comes around without needing them to make or break your mood.

Hope that helps,

eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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hi do you want to be best friend i think u sound really nice to talk too im not mean if u dont let me know

Reply March 28, 2017, 5:51 pm


if u want to date let me know love yall send a picture of u when u text back does then i send one back plz and thank you

Reply March 28, 2017, 5:49 pm


i want a brown skined boyfriend or black because im brown skined im not white sorry about that im not races i just dont got ant taste for no white boy sorry but love me some black or light skins boys

Reply March 28, 2017, 5:47 pm


man im single i want a boyfriend sooo bad so iwait untill one come to me one day and we be a nice and the best couple ever

Reply March 28, 2017, 5:43 pm


As a guy there is nothing I that annoys me more than a woman that takes me for granted. I’ve come to realize that sometimes it’s my fault because I’m always available. So now when a woman takes a while to reply I just make her wait. It’s my way of sending a subtle message that says ‘hey if you want to play games or be that way then there are consequences’. I’m not one of those guys that pretends to be an alpha by waiting a while to reply all the time. I just don’t put up with being taken for granted. I know women hate games just as much as we guys do but sometimes they will play them anyways to test a guy and I think they do this mostly unconsciously. Giving them a dose of their own medicine is important or else they will keep doing it and start losing respect for you. If they care it will get them thinking, if they don’t care then I know I have been wasting my time with her.

Reply February 9, 2017, 1:34 pm



Reply May 21, 2015, 12:07 pm


Hi Eric,
I’ve been reading He’s Not That Complicated, and Kelsey Diamond’s series. I thought this guy I met on a dating site lost interest in me for whatever reason. He disabled his profile, and today he sends me Xoxo. He really only text me once during what seems to be lunch hour. I responded the same way and added a smile. I sent him a relatively close suggested line from Kelsey’s book and he replied with Lol… you’re so silly you make me smile. I know I’m worth more than texting and two previous phone calls which both ended with phone sex. I’m just trying to figure out how to find out if he will follow through wanting to meet me, so I can just stop being bored and waste my time. I’m not a harsh person, but stick a fork in my arm! I’m done. Dating now a days is just too complicated. Thanks Kim

Reply December 18, 2014, 11:27 pm

Sabrina Groover

Hey Ive been talking to this guy for awhile and we text ALL the time, like all day everyday. we flirt and joke around, but in person he seems almost distant. he talks to me, but not in the way he talks to me on the phone. I really like him, but I have no idea how to make it less awkward when we hang out in person. Help!!!

Reply December 10, 2014, 11:40 am


you said in our e mail “you have to love him in
the way that’s deeply meaningful to

So how do we know what kind of love is meaningful to him? :)

Reply November 26, 2014, 6:43 am


Cool eric so cool!

Reply November 25, 2014, 1:46 pm


Good article! I really wish a guy I just ended it with could read this. Although he never played the “texting game”, he definitely played other games. He comes from a place of hurt (his ex cheated on him and basically treated him like crap). I always felt like it was a tit for tat thing with him. And he would set things up, almost to see if I would react (ie. we hadn’t become exclusive but he knew that’s where I wanted to go and one weekend his phone was not receiving texts. I didn’t hear from him all weekend and when I did, I told him I thought he was ignoring me. Instead of assuring me, he said, “Yeah, everyone thought so and my phone went ape shit crazy”.) Little stuff like that. I feel he needed the validation and would say things to get a reaction from me, which would validate him. Even though I told him on a number of occasions I liked him and thought he was great.

Literally two days after that convo about his phone, I had to have the “talk” with him and ended up walking away. What you said is so true, you have to be in the right mindset to have a successful relationship. Both parties do, it can’t just be one person.

Reply November 19, 2014, 3:26 pm


The best way to stop the texting ‘game’ is to refuse to participate in it. Tell him you will only talk live. I’ve found players will generally prefer to text-helps them keep track of their stories. Everyone else will pick up the phone

Reply November 19, 2014, 3:06 pm


Hi Eric,
“…a strong, mutually satisfying relationship isn’t an exchange… it’s two people coming together as a unit and complementing each other and bringing out the best in one another. ”
This is probably the only and best advice in one sentence anywhere to be read.
Thank You for that – in doubt, it’s all anyone needs to remind themself of – ever!!

Reply November 19, 2014, 2:46 pm

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