I fully support her leaving and moving on to find a man who she is a good match with and who naturally lights her up… and once she does, the relationship will be something unlike anything she has ever known before.
If at some point in that relationship problems come up, it is my hope that she has the clarity to see the difference… that even good matches do need to grow together… move past things together… understand each other. In those cases, growing through the relationship and putting in the work is worth it… and in many ways can be the most valuable and rewarding part of the relationship.
A marked difference in those two circumstances is that when it’s true love, good matches know that they’re on each other’s side… not against one another… and are not sitting on an island, wishing and hoping the other will sail over to them.
The ability to recognize and handle problems in your relationship and correctly identify when it’s the wrong relationship comes down to your sense of peace, happiness, and OK-ness with your life in general. If you feel unhappy or unfulfilled in your life, relationships can become extremely difficult.
Believe me, when I’m feeling depressed/upset/heartbroken I manage to leave a spectacular wake of destruction behind me, which only leads to further regret and unhappiness. And I know better — but a large part of what leads to a good relationship isn’t how much we “know,” but how we feel.
So if there’s anything you can do to raise your spirits and love life (rather than getting absorbed into a downward spiral about what’s happening with a particular person in your life), then that is where you want to orient your attention.
Create space in your life, find a way to “wake up” from the absorption in whatever negative feelings you might be having about your situation, and then fill that space with happiness. And in the meantime, you can hope that the other person comes around without needing them to make or break your mood.
Hope that helps,