How to Be Happy: 11 Ways to Find True Happiness post image

How to Be Happy: 11 Ways to Find True Happiness

Most people spend their lives waiting for happiness. They cling to the idea that as soon as they get that job, as soon as they lose those last few pounds, as soon as they’re in a great relationships, then the gates will open and happiness will come rushing on through. Most people are misinformed. Happiness isn’t something that just happens, it’s something you need to actively pursue. True happiness doesn’t come from wealth or beauty or status or anything external, it comes from within.

In order to find true happiness in life, you need to work on yourself and make a few adjustments to the way you live your life. These tweaks are actually pretty simple and if you do it right, you will attain the kind of genuine happiness most people spend their lives pursuing.

Here are 11 tips to find true happiness:

1. Don’t Rely On Other People to Make You Happy. Relying on other people to make you happy will leave you endlessly disappointed. The reason most people feel unhappy in their lives is they expect other people to give them things that they can only give themselves. Think about it- if you continually outsource the task of filling a void and finding happiness, you will never be fully satisfied, instead you’ll be at the mercy of everyone you meet.

Only you can control how happy you are and how you feel about yourself. Stop blaming people for “making” you feel a certain way. Put yourself in the driver’s seat and accept responsibility for your own happiness and your sense of self-worth.

2. Conquer the Green Monster.  Jealousy is one of the most destructive qualities a person can possess. In life you will inevitably come across people who are better looking, more successful, funnier, richer, etc., but who cares? I’m sure you have qualities that they’re lacking. No good can ever come from envying what someone else has, it will just make you bitter and jaded.

3. Be Genuinely Happy for Other People.  This relates to not being jealous. If someone you know comes upon some good fortune- an amazing job, an incredible guy, a huge raise–be happy for them. They didn’t take anything away from you, and they probably struggled just like most people do on the quest to get what they want. If you put in the work, you’ll reap the same reward eventually. Remember, blowing out someone else’s candle will not make yours burn brighter.

4. Be Nice to People. You know who’s mean? Unhappy people, that’s who. Happy people feel good about themselves and about life and want to make other people feel good as well. Doing acts of kindness actually causes a chemical reaction that makes you feel really good. You can do little things, like smiling at strangers or giving up your seat on the subway for an old lady, or big things like volunteer work. For extra credit, try not to talk negatively behind someone’s back, or gossip. While it may seem fun, no one ever really feels good about bashing someone else.

5. Be Grateful. There’s a saying that goes: Happiness isn’t having what you want, but wanting what you have. Most of us are trained to look at what’s wrong in our lives, rather than what’s right. We yearn for a better job, a better relationship, better friends, a better body–we hone right on on what’s missing and overlook what’s right there in front of us. Try to change your filter system and instead zoom in on things to be grateful for.

6. Accept That Which You Cannot Change.  There are certain things you can’t change. You can’t change your upbringing, your height, your general appearance. You also can’t change the past. All you can do is move forward and try not to repeat the same mistakes. Don’t waste your energy thinking about what a crappy lot in life you got. Instead, focus on what you have and on how you can develop these qualities to reach your full potential.

7. Do something About That Which You Can Change. If you need to lose weight, hate your friends, are miserable at your job….do something about it! The surest way to feel good about yourself is to push yourself to go beyond what you thought you were capable of. Change isn’t easy, but you only live once and no one is going to live your life for you. It’s up to you to find the strength and motivation to take the steps to get what you want.

MORE: How to Achieve Your Goals

8. Let Go of Grudges. There’s a saying that goes: “Holding a grudge is letting someone live in your head rent-free.” When you hold grudges, you’re only hurting yourself. You’re allowing negativity to course through you and you’re keeping yourself stuck in a painful past. Forgive the people who have wronged you and just let it go. Maybe you think they don’t deserve forgiveness. Fair enough. But trust me, harboring feelings of anger and resentment is punishing you more than it is them, so what’s the point?

9. Let the Chips Fall Where They May. It took me a long time to realize that the sky wouldn’t fall if I personally wasn’t holding it up, and it’s a lesson that has changed my life! Most people can’t enjoy their lives because they’re so busy micromanaging every detail. Yes, there is a time to make things happen. There is also a time to just let things happen. Take a breath, loosen up your grip on life, and try to adopt a bit of a laissez-faire attitude.

10. Take Care Of Yourself. When someone is in a rut or in a bad place, one of the first things people will notice is they stop taking care of themselves. They sleep at odd hours, they eat junk, they lay around on the couch watching endless hours of TV, they go days without showering. Happy people take care of themselves. And the more you take care of yourself, the more happiness you’ll experience. It’s a wonderful cycle to get caught up in. Make time for exercise, make an effort to eat healthy, take pride in your appearance. Exercise and healthy eating will noticeably change the way you feel about yourself and will give you an inner glow that radiates outward.

MORE: Eating for Beauty

11. Watch the Company You Keep. Oprah once said “Surround yourself only with people who will lift you higher” and this is a mantra I hold by. The people in your life will inevitably have an impact on you. When it comes to friends, quality is always better than quantity. Weed out the negative people in your life who drag you down and spend more time with positive, optimistic people who see the good in you and encourage you to be your best self.


Got another happiness tip? Tell us in comments!


Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

28 comments… add one

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Sabrina, I love this article. It’s brilliant and so important!

If you have time, would you consider writing more about self-care and how to inspire yourself to do it please.

Again, thank you. The work you do here is wonderful!

Reply May 21, 2022, 10:30 am


It was really helpful. Most of the times I looked happiness out side but truly it is in side. I am happy to discover myself and it is a great help even to help others.May God bless you.

Reply April 18, 2020, 2:12 am

Essex Mendoza

Thank you for the very helpful article.

Reply March 8, 2020, 10:44 pm


It’s my great pleasure readily the article.
Be blessed touching positively the lives of those seeking happiness I being among .

Reply November 14, 2019, 8:03 am


Great article.Happiness is our property.
I am from Ethiopia. Happiness is not for rich.

Reply August 4, 2019, 2:48 am

Andrea Michele

Excellent mantras, much of what I’ve learned plus a few more, and great reminders too. Thanks!

Reply October 17, 2017, 12:29 am


I love this post Sabrina!

Reply September 13, 2017, 10:45 pm

Farzana Khatun

Amazing.. I love myself and now I’m going to love myself more and stop finding a guy.. Ur suggestions are osm

Reply June 15, 2017, 3:56 pm

Attiesh whyte

I love this so much. These are some really helpful things and i always learn something New….this is my favorite website. Thankyou.

Reply June 4, 2017, 6:10 pm


Sabrina, thank you very much for your tips! I loved all short statements and explanations to them. Some explanations are really more understandable and vivd, like, for example, in 3-d tip “They didn’t take anything away from you”. Yeah, that’s the problem when you can’t be happy for someone’s happiness!
And these tips are really about how to be self-confident. So, I can only add “Everytime look at your companions eyes and smile” :)
Thank you very much for usefull words! Good luck!

Reply May 10, 2017, 5:36 pm

Joy tope Akintan

i want to appreciate you for your wonderful tips, they are no doubts helpful and facts. the tips have realy steered up somethings in me and i feel even if all these tips are applied and one still lack that cordial and true relationship with Him(God) who gives true happiness we can never attain the hight of happiness we want. our strength can fail, our hearts may get weak, our soul may weaver but when we are adequately rooted in Christ, then we can enjoy the true meaning of happiness. invariably, we can appropiatly apply all these tips when we have the Grace and fullness of God upon our lives. matt 11:28.. thanks

Reply August 12, 2016, 9:18 am

Joy tope Akintan

i want to appreciate you for your wonderful tips, they are no doubts helpful and facts. the tips have realy steered up somethings in me and i feel even if all these tips are applied and one still lack that cordial and true relationship with Him(God) who gives true happiness we can never attain the hight of happiness we want. our strength can fail, our hearts may get weak, our soul may weaver but when we are adequately rooted in Christ, then we can enjoy the true meaning of happiness. invariably, we can appropiatly apply all these tips when we have the Grace and fullness of God upon our lives. matt 11:28..

Reply August 12, 2016, 9:17 am


I love your articles. They are very helpful. As someone who has suffered from depression, it’s awesome to see great ideas on how to work on being happy inside. My question is, how do you work to be happy in a world where you are afraid? As a black woman with two sons, it is a challenge to not have negative thoughts when I fear for my life and the lives of my children. I am not sure if you can understand what that’s like and I wonder if that unhappiness is something I can do something about considering the world we live in. What would you suggest?

Reply July 30, 2016, 10:38 am

arju bhat

great ! i loved it …im trying to find happiness in myself ..but at times im very active and at times i lose all activeness and interest in life …i keep worrying and that harms my life !

Reply June 7, 2016, 6:05 am


I was really good for me to read this. I am trying to find true Happiness for myself. Thank you so much.

Reply February 9, 2016, 12:20 pm


Hello, thanks so much. This is really favourite site, I’m encouraged. Keep it up.

Reply December 15, 2015, 4:47 am


Thanks is really encouraging I will keep to it

Reply September 27, 2015, 6:24 pm


Lovely article. Really true. I have been working hard on my happiness. Lots of fab points here that through experience really help. Life really is so much easier when you weed out the negatives x

Reply July 12, 2015, 4:56 am


This article is really helpful. Thanks for sharing.

Reply June 23, 2015, 10:09 pm


One way I have found to be happy is to keep in constant contact with my inner child. I eat cold cereal and watch cartoons, I go to a playground and get on the swings, I watch a lot of comedy shows and movies, and I make sure to laugh and encourage others to be as cheerful as can be.

Reply January 30, 2015, 12:02 am


I also found the doing something that you really enjoy (like dancing to your favorite song or watching your favorite show) at least once a day helps those happy juices flow.

Reply November 20, 2014, 7:55 pm

namita pipalia

Hey sabrina Thankyou for all your great advice im extremely grateful to you . Love you.

Reply October 6, 2014, 9:54 am

Dallas Sims

Hello ????
I have always been a happy person, I always have a smile on me for anyone passing by. I have always been independent, I bring Energy wherever I go, I meet and talk to people wherever I go. I’m very Honest and Trustworthy. Etc

However I am always wanting and willing to learn anything I can.
I am 62 years old and I believe I’m very intelligent.
I started getting these on my email and I have to read them, it has opened my eyes
And ears to men. I really thought I was good at reading men, but after reading all these, I have a lot to learn and willing to do so, I have used some of what I have read and the results are amazing, I am learning things that I would never think of.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart, even at my age I will have Love again
With what I am learning here. Again thank you

Reply June 23, 2014, 11:58 am


Smiling over mountains…they slowly start to melt away when you don’t keep a groommy look on your face.

Reply May 1, 2014, 3:35 pm



Reply August 24, 2013, 9:20 am


Great article! Thanks for the amazing advice, as usual!

Reply August 22, 2013, 5:51 pm



This is one of my favorite websites and I love reading your articles, but PLEASE! Proofread your work before you post it online. Grammar mistakes from professional writers drives me nuts.

In this case, it’s “lose” not “loose”.

Thank you.

Reply August 22, 2013, 2:24 pm


REALLY. An on line article about happiness and your bugged about one error?

Please focus on the intented not the unintended . The glass is half empty or full.

We bring our attention with us. Please start trying harder to see and speak the good.

Not saying be ignorant, be tolerant and refocused.
Peace to you and love and light ✌

Reply March 9, 2018, 7:59 am

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