It can feel hard enough trying to figure out if a guy likes you, but even harder when it comes to figuring out how to tell if a shy guy likes you.
Kids have amusing ways of deducing whether or not someone likes them. These methods might include asking other friends to ask the object of their affection “who they like.” Let’s not forget the classic pulling of daisy petals – “he loves me, he loves me not.” Raise your hand if you also tried to count the petals in advance and rig your chances!
It seems that even as women grow older and wiser, the age-old question of whether or not a guy likes you remains frequently indecipherable. You ask your friends for help as you attempt to decode text messages, and then promptly wonder if you’re reading too far into things. People offer conflicting advice, and the confusion about what kind of signal you’re getting can be enough to make you freeze up.
All of this typical back-and-forth becomes even more bewildering when the guy you are interested in is shy. When a guy lacks the confidence to show you how he feels, sometimes you have to do some sleuthing of your own. At the same time, this can feel scary because what if you are trying to see signs where there aren’t any?
Here are some hints to look for when you are wondering if a guy on the shy side is into you.
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
The Biggest Signs That A Shy Guy Likes You:
1. He’s different with you.
How many times have you rewound a conversation had with a guy you are crushing on, wondering what on earth came over you? There’s something surreal about the experience of interacting with someone you are attracted to. Adrenaline takes over and before you know it you are rambling about something you have zero interest in, or possibly even worse, feigning indifference in regards to things you actually care about.
Naturally, the same thing can happen to guys. They want you to see the absolute best version of themselves. Sometimes this manifests itself in extreme confidence, which is really just fronting. Other times the nerves are overwhelming and a guy becomes quiet. When the person you are interested in is already not a chatterbox, to begin with, this can make conversation quite challenging.
Regardless of how this change presents itself, be on the lookout for it. Get an outside opinion by asking your friends who might see him when you aren’t around if they think he acts differently around you.
2. He keeps conversations digital.
Having a face-to-face conversation with someone is a stimulating experience, particularly when romantic emotions are part of the equation. You’re looking for facial cues as to how they are reacting to your words. You’re thinking about eye contact – are you making too much or too little? Even your own body can become foreign as you think to yourself: what do I usually do with my hands?
For this reason, having a conversation online or via phone can be somewhat of a relief. Sure, there are key elements of the human experience that you miss out on, but there’s certainly less pressure to respond perfectly and on the spot.
Don’t take it as a bad sign if he seems to opt for digital conversation. This is still a form of reaching out, and not an effort he would be making if he had no interest. It could be that having some introductory, getting-to-know-you chats digitally will give him the confidence required to take things to a more personal level.
3. He gets nervous and fidgety around you.
It seems to be a key scene in many romantic comedies – guy meets girl, guy trips over banana peel, and girl is secretly charmed. You can replace “banana peel” with any number of klutzy moves, but the idea remains the same. When you like someone, your powers of coordination and general cool demeanor can temporarily abandon you.
Even the most confident of men can fall victim to this universal feeling. For an already skittish sort of person, this additional anxiety can be paralyzing. If the guy you’re into has a habit of dropping his keys, phone, or his cool around you – take note.
This excessive nervousness could also cause him to avoid eye contact or take a few steps away from you. While these things would normally be evidence that a guy is not into you, with a timid guy, he could just be trying to avoid making a fool of himself in front of you. (Make sure to also read this article on body language signs that mean he definitely likes you.)
4. He stares at you a lot.
For a mode of communication that requires no physical contact or words, eye contact can be surprisingly intimate.
We’ve all been caught staring at someone and then attempted to smoothly look past them to something else, as if that’s what we intended all along. Of course, the accompanying blush that usually joins this action makes it appear less effortless.
Much of the time you can even notice this behavior without looking at the guy yourself. Your peripheral vision often picks up on someone looking directly at you. When you feel this, try sneaking a peek yourself and see what his reaction is. If you’re able, you could try offering a smile as well. This could put him at ease and suggest reciprocation.
Just like you might use lingering eye contact to hint at a stranger in a bar without actually approaching, a shy guy might stare at you when reluctant to strike up a conversation.
5. He’s always happy to see you.
There are conflicting studies regarding exactly how much of our communication is nonverbal. No matter what the percentage is, there’s no denying that our body language often speaks our true feelings loud and clear. Pay attention to the changes in a man’s body language when he sees you, is near you, or speaks with you.
While a big smile is one of the easiest ways to spot warm body language, there are some less obvious ones to look for. Sometimes it’s as simple as a quick hand-comb through the hair when you approach. It’s often noted that our pupils dilate when we see something (or someone) that we like. Of course, if you try studying the width of his pupils while you’re talking to him, you could scare off even the most confident gentleman!
Instead, look at his general posture. Are his arms uncrossed? Does he lean towards you, particularly when you’re speaking? Does he search your face, often doing a loop from your eyes to your lips and back again? Don’t worry – he’s not noticing a piece of food stuck in your teeth. He’s looking at what he’s interested in.
6. He remembers the details
If the man you’re crushing on is very good at remembering little details about you, your life, and your friends/family – this is a huge clue. It takes considerable effort to remember important dates about another person’s life, or to follow a situation they are going through. For example, if he asks you how your Aunt Lorie’s 50th birthday party was, you are most certainly on his mind.
This could also show itself in simpler things, like when he orders your favorite drink without having to ask you what it is. Sure, these things are also present in a relationship between two good friends. But if this is someone you’re not already close with and they are showing this level of interest in the details of your life, that means something.
At the very least, it means you wouldn’t be crazy to see if there are any other signs he likes you romantically.
7. He gets jealous when you talk to other guys.
Introverted people are more likely to suffer in silence when feeling jealous, but there are still subtler cues that will slip through if he is feeling envious. It probably won’t be illustrated through bold confessions of love or sudden defiance in the face of potential rivals. Like many other signs offered by shy guys, you’ll have to do a little digging.
Return to the study of body language. He might stare in your direction much longer when you’re talking to another guy. Maybe he’ll even find an excuse to come closer to you while this is happening. Though it comes across as a little childish, he might be a little stand-offish if he thinks he’s seen you be reciprocative to the attention of another guy.
The most obvious sign of jealousy would likely be if he outright asks you about another guy in your life. Maybe he’ll ask who the guy you were just talking to was, or he may have questions about a guy he knows is already present in your life. These inquisitive prods should be noted as an interest that would be abnormal for someone only interested in being friends.
8. He’s super helpful.
It can be intimidating for anyone to suggest spending time with another person. Throwing that out there is a vulnerable move, especially for someone who isn’t particularly outgoing. What makes it less scary is if you feel you can offer something useful to the person. Extending an offer of a favor is much less nerve-wracking than just saying: “Hey, do you want to go out sometime?”
Observe how he reacts to you needing help or assistance in some way. This doesn’t have to be something as grand as helping you move. Maybe it will even be something a tad cliché, like opening the tight pickle jar. Whatever it is, if he’s into you then he’ll be eager to use it as an excuse to be in your presence.
Note how quickly he jumps to assist you, and if he attempts to snowball that into something else. After the ice has been broken by a helpful favor, it’s a little easier for a timid guy to pursue a conversation, or to broach the idea of hanging out.
9. He can’t speak.
Sometimes our bodies can really betray us in our time of need. Why is it that right when you would like yourself to be at your wittiest, your mouth often turns to cotton? Your instinct in this situation might be to crack a joke about how you really can speak or to try and hurry past the awkward moment.
For someone with an ample dose of social anxiety, the easiest path out of this scenario could be to shut down. Delivering short, one-word answers is one way to avoid stuttering through a painful sentence. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior usually indicates a lack of interest. Consequently, if the guy you’re talking to seems weirdly tight-lipped, don’t rule him out. He could simply be trying very hard not to say anything he’ll be embarrassed about later. The problem is not so much disinterest as it is overwhelming, incapacitating interest.
10. He seems really interested but just isn’t making a move.
We’ve probably all had the experience of talking to someone who seems a bit delusional about a romantic interest. Maybe their desire is clouding their judgment. You’re hesitant to encourage them to go for it without more evidence that doing so won’t be potentially traumatizing for them.
This can be painfully true when interacting with a shy guy. It’s simply never going be his style to throw it in your face that he’s attracted to you. Who knows, maybe that demure attitude is even one of the things you like about him!
Regrettably, it’s also the thing that can make for a rocky start to a relationship. Rejection is one of the worst feelings, and putting yourself out there is hard for even the most gregarious of fellas.
MORE: 11 Signs He Likes You
So What Should You Do?
If you feel like the signs are strong enough to lean in your favor, you can test the waters by being noticeably flirtatious. Hold his eye for a few seconds longer than normal, and throw in a coquettish smile for good measure. Mention a movie that you’ve been dying to see, or a restaurant you’ve heard is really great. Nudge the door open for something more, and see if he takes the bait.
Be aware that this may initially throw him for a loop and make him even more subdued around you than before. Go with your gut here. If it seems like he’s responding well to your enticing actions, dial it up.
However, if he shuts down – it’s best to move on. You don’t want to make him uncomfortable, and you don’t want to waste your valuable time. It could also be that he really is interested in you, but at this point in his life is not confident enough to pursue anything more.
If you are feeling a little bolder, you could straight up make a move and see what happens. It could be something as simple as, “I like you. Do you want to hang out sometime?” Of course, a negative reaction from him will be a bummer for you. If you think you can bounce back without too much trouble, you should give it a try!
Being interested in a shy guy can require more patience and powers of observation than normal. Despite this, if it all works out and he grows more comfortable opening up to you, it can develop into a wonderful relationship.
I hope after reading this article you know for sure if a shy guy likes you. But I also want to make you away of 2 crucial moments that will determine if your relationship lasts or if you end up heartbroken. At some point, a guy will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine everything. Do you know how a man decides a woman is “girlfriend material” as opposed to “fling material”? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Here is another issue almost every woman will face: He starts to withdraw and seems to be losing interest. He doesn’t text back, he is less attentive, and something is just off. He seems like he’s pulling away and you might lose him completely— do you know what to do about it? If not, read this right now If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
These Are The Signs A Shy Guy Likes You:
- He’s different with you.
- He keeps conversations digital.
- He gets nervous and fidgety around you.
- He stares at you a lot.
- He’s always happy to see you.
- He remembers the details.
- He gets jealous when you talk to other guys.
- He’s super helpful.
- He can’t speak.
- He seems really interested but just isn’t making a move.