Decoding Male Behavior: How Guys Deal With Breakups post image

Decoding Male Behavior: How Guys Deal With Breakups


When I write an Ask a Guy, Sabrina and I will usually discuss the content before it goes live.

Recently the subject of guys and breakups came up and Sabrina and I went back and forth about what guys generally go through when they breakup. It came down to be too much to put into the article I was writing, so we decided that I should throw it all into an installment of “Decoding Male Behavior”.

To start, I wanted to write this article to dispel some of the misconceptions I’ve heard in regards to men and breakups.

I’ve heard things like “When a guy’s relationship ends, he replaces her. When a woman’s relationship ends, she mourns,” or “He’s just hooking up with such-and-such to spite the ex-girlfriend,” or “Guys just don’t care” and other nonsense.

To dispel the misconceptions, let’s take a look at some of the universal truths about guys and breakups – some of which may surprise you since they certainly are hidden from the surface.

Breakups are hard on all guys.  Simple enough to say, but I know plenty of women will talk about some guy who was an  insensitive jackass to her after the relationship fell apart.

The fact is: If a guy is profoundly obnoxious or terrible after a breakup, it is just testament to how rough the breakup was on him. Some people simply cope by lashing out.

MORE: 5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Guys

But what about the guy who breaks up and goes totally cold?

Jerry Seinfeld once said that breaking up a relationship needs to be like taking off a Band-aid – One motion: OFF! In the same regard, when a relationship ends, it is much much harder for a guy to go back and discuss and revisit and talk through and explain, etc. etc.

In fact, guys like to keep their emotional spectrum focused on a tight range of emotions – somewhere between amusement and contentedness. So any interaction that a guy knows will bring him out of that sweet range of emotions is an interaction he’s going to do everything he can to avoid.

Personally, I have had breakups where I pretty much went cold. It’s not that I simply stopped caring. I wanted her to be OK, I wanted good things for her in life, but I knew that nothing was going to make the situation better.

No discussion was going to fix things, no clarity was to be had – it would have just been an emotional toilet for both of us. I realize it probably came off jerky, but when I cut off communication, my heart is in the right place. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a monster, I won’t completely cut a girl off, but I definitely won’t discuss anything along a relationship conversational thread.)

But what about the guy that immediately gets into a new relationship right afterward?

This is a no-brainer – a guy does this because he doesn’t want to be alone and he doesn’t want to “deal with himself.”

If he jumps into another relationship, he can still maintain his dose of external female validation and self-esteem. It has its cost though and eventually devolves into a crippling neediness. Guys need to work their internal issues out, which brings me to another question…

MORE: Ask a Guy: How Can I Avoid Being the Rebound?

But what about the guy that “goes off the deep end” and just starts hooking up with every girl he sees?

A guy once told me that “A man is devastated at the end of a relationship to the extent to which he sold himself out.”

What does it mean for a guy to sell himself out (in the context of a relationship)?

Every guy has a set of core values for who he is, what he stands for, and what he really wants out of life. Sometimes in a relationship, a guy will really, really love a girl and may start to compromise these core values. Maybe he changes his lifestyle, stops hanging out with certain friends, or changes his habits.

It seems innocent enough, but over time the guy begins to starve for whatever it was he got from the things he gave up. It changes the guy and, in turn, changes the relationship. As a result,  the relationship usually suffers and, in the case of this example, ends.

When the relationship ends, that guy is… (continued – Click to keep reading Decoding Male Behavior: How Guys Deal With Breakups)

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saud salim

:'(

Reply August 23, 2015, 1:39 am

Sam

My husband of 3.5 years (we’ve been together for five years) left me, saying he’d been unhappy and he wanted time to think. (I think he actually just wanted time to get me used to the idea of divorce, but that’s neither here nor there.) I think I hurt him – I was not paying as much attention to the things he needed as I thought I was. It has been a case of misunderstanding, and I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong. I take all responsibility on myself – after all, I’m the one who hurt him – but he’s the sort of man who doesn’t get attached to other people the way most people do. He doesn’t have much trouble walking away, and he’s dated a lot of women. He doesn’t tend to change his mind about break-ups, but he’d never gotten married before, either. We’d made a lot of plans for the future, and I had no hint that he was either unhappy or planning on walking out. We just bought a house, and I’m pregnant. But he’s being very cordial (not totally silent, just very…cordial and distant). Do I have any chance of getting him back? I’m giving him space and time, not calling or texting, not bothering him, not bringing up anything sensitive, not pushing. But every time he stops by the new house to drop something off (the vacuum, etc.), he takes something else with him. He’s my other half, and…well, I’m not a guy. Do I have any chance at all? If so, what do I do?

Reply August 15, 2015, 4:05 pm

Ale

So I dated my ex for almost a year (10 months), I feel like I opened my heart up to him and revealed my past of hurt to which he always told me he wasnt that type of guy. He was also the first to admit that he was in love with me. I always put him first, sadly, sometimes before my own family because I was in love. He then dumped me for reasons still unclear today. He says I was too jealous, which I know I wasn’t, I always gave him the freedom to hang with his friends. Honesty was very important to me. Then he says that he just wanted he freedom. I had heard that he was hanging out with this girl friend from work. I knew about her before our break up and he was the type of guy who didnt want me to hqng out around any guys. So when he started talking to her he told me that I could talk to whoever I wanted and immediately I became suspicious. Well he got let go from his job (3 days after we break up) and he continues to see this girl. Updates his twitter profile to a picture of them two. He even retweets all sorts of love stuff. I confronted him about it and he would always say that it meant nothing. To believe him and what he tells me. I like an idiot chased him for a month. I did things I should have done like I bought him things and still slept with him, why? because he told me that he still loved me but needed time. I was naive and believed it all because I was in love with him. He said we would be together in the future. Made what I believe to be fake promises. We still argued because he would act hot and cold with me. One day he would be very flirtacious and would comfort me in my time of distress. The other day he would be a complete jerk to me. So after days of confusion I asked him to simply be friends. Cause what i was getting was friends with benefits which was what I did not want. Last time I hung out with him were with my friends and again he acted flirty and touchy. So after that day I decided to take a break from him. Being around him was messing me up. The first 3 days he would just like my fb status which he rarely ever did when we were together. Fast forward two weeks later… He’s in a new relationship. His step mom who loves me dearly informed me that he was posting on his twitter love things about a different girl than the one he was originally hanging out with. She advised me to find out because it wasnt fair to me. I wanted to confront him about it. I felt like he owed me the truth because it would give me the closure I needed to move on. I called and left him a voicemail asking how he was. Two hours later I called him again and he blocked me on his phone. I was soo hurt and angry. I went to his house and saw his mom. His mom told me that he did in fact have a new gf. That he went to a party had a threesome and ended up moving in with one of the girls who happened to be older than him and had money. I also found out that he had lead on the other girl from work as well. Idk if his mom was telling the truth or lying cause she is not a good person.She always tried to make me feel less of a person. So in a way I feel like she got joy telling me this. She said it was my fault for disappearing and that all men do this. So from that day, I blocked him from everything social media and my phone. In the end, I feel like I needed to find out because I never got closure from him. What hurts the most is that I asked him to be honest with me even after the break up. I told him that I didnt care if it hurt. I just wanted to know the truth. He didnt even tell me that he was in a new relationship. I had to find out for myself. He grew up in a group home so maybe thats why he is who he is. Like he doesnt know how to love or care about others. Looking back he wasn’t really a good bf. He made me cry a lot even on my birthday. He criticized me for being vegetarian saying that he didnt meet me like that. Before the break up I was looking for an apartment for us. I was going to get a second job and put school on hold because I wanted to be with him. I was thinking about us and I was willing to put my dreams on hold. He on the other hand did nothing to help us reach that dream of living together. He just wanted to smoke pot. He had a job but had no intention of going back to school or doing really anything. I’m not saying I am better than him but it was a one way street. I was giving more than recieving. I thought I could motivate him and maybe even change him. I learned my lesson though.

Reply August 14, 2015, 2:29 pm

Lauren

Well the guy I was with for a while decided he wanted to be just friends as we are great together and have a great time but he didn’t see a long term future. So, we became friends and made good friends for 3months+ remained in regular contact and met up and hanged out etc then all of a sudden he just disappears -no warning at all… Why? When I did hear from him he was horrible and nasty and said we were no longer friends but couldn’t tell me why.

Reply August 9, 2015, 8:21 pm

kosher-brown

Well just last night i cried my eyes for a guy who told me we were right for eachother and he loved me we didnt date long but as soon as a bad situation came up. He bailed out and cut me off. I simply said it was a test and it will make our relationship strong but he wasnt buying it. Even went as far as to tell me I was not really crying and that i was forcing myself to cry and Im like really. He said he changed his mind because i was being disrespectful and I was rude and this was just a bad dream and to forget about it. I mean i couldnt believe the words that he was saying. He was a straight jerk and he was 10 yrs older than me Im 25 hes 35 everything about him was perfect until this happend

Reply August 9, 2015, 6:14 pm

Sarah

Eric, I wanted to thank you for the great articles that you write! Other dating websits/advice would always just leave me feeling paranoid… But reading your articles makes me feel very positive about my dating life. And yes, a lot of the advice can be tough to hear, but I’ve realized that you can’t control others actions… But I can control my reactions to them. I also used to think that I always needed “closure” with a guy when the relationship ended, and I’d always be looking for answers. In the end, this didn’t make me happy… It always just stirred up all the feelings again when I knew in my heart that the relationship was over. I think the true closure comes from yourself sometimes, and just accepting the situation and moving on.I think that’s definitely one of the most important things I’ve realized. Thanks again!

Reply July 24, 2015, 3:14 am

Ann

The guy I was dating for the last six months has said we should now pursue a “committed friendship” as he his energy to explore a full relationship with me (which includes my six year old) has parted ways with his heart. So I am now faced with options of either continuing a friendship with him, parting ways completely (no contact), or some middle space of texting, talking and hanging out once in a while with him with no real depth…. His vote is to continue a friendship because “you never know what might happen” and says this is not about the him and I connection at all but about the lack of exposure to my child feeding his discomfort/confusion. Do I stop talking with him all together until my heart heals??

Reply July 7, 2015, 8:47 pm

Beth

Sorry Eric Charles, but cutting someone off and not discussing the relationship issues shows how immature you and many people are these days. Most relationship problems can be resolved, but people today are too lazy and unwilling to work at them. Relationships and sex have become a dime a dozen. You are become so used to having multiple relationships and sex that you devalue those things and sex is not sacred and relationships are just disposable whenever you get tired of the person and you want a ‘new experience.’ This says something about you than the other person. You have serious commitment and insecurity issues I gather. In fact based on your previous posts you sound extremely insecure and like you have very low self-esteem. You don’t need to be in a relationship or misleading women. You need to be in therapy to work on your issues because you have some.

However, I suspect you are not long-term relationship or marriage material anyhow based on the comments and stories you write. You come off as very selfish, self-absorbed and constantly in pursuit of this fantasy idea of happiness. Seems when you get bored of someone or you don’t want to put the effort into it you will bail and cut the person off. That doesn’t suggest you are mature or doing the right thing. It suggest that you are narcissistic individual who has the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. Instead of communicating you just run away like a kid. Sorry, ladies (and men), but any man (or woman) who acts like this is emotionally immature. They are not ready for a relationship and will never be marriage material. Avoid these people if you want a serious commitment that will be long-term and marriage. And long-term means more than a year or 2.

Reply July 1, 2015, 1:52 pm

Eric Charles

… who are you actually angry at?

Your comment goes on and on about your opinions about me and what’s wrong with the world, and then you write another comment shaming someone asking for help. Sorry, but maybe everyone else isn’t “the problem” here…

Good luck.

Reply July 1, 2015, 6:12 pm

Someone

Hey eric I believe you are wrong. If you dated someone for a longer period of time you owe them closure. Not endless discussuion but two or three follow up mails for example. Just ro make it easier for the dumpee. It happened to me – i wrote a nice goodbye letter to my ex; not clingy or begging him to come back because i knew it was over. More have a nice life, was lovely to meet you. We also lived in different countries so there was no point in pursuing an already broken relationship. He never responded. Eventually not even saying goodbye when I flew back home. And that really hurted. Almost more than ending the relationship. Made me feel completely worthless. Questioning the whole relationship. I have hopefully moved on now as i dont know his reasons, i did not do anything bad and one mistake or missed perception of him does not devalue me. But a simple courtuosy when appropriate would not kill your principles or pride and might made it easier for the other. You might respond it is my ego talking which is definitly true, but is it right to crush someones ego just because you are in a position to do so?

Reply July 22, 2015, 4:49 am

Eric Charles

Hey, I mean… sure, I think that is a good thing for people to have closure in a relationship… but I didn’t write an article about what is a good thing for people to do. I wrote about what guys actually do (regardless of whether or not it’s healthy or good) and the reason why…

In an ideal world, two people would have a rational conversation about how the relationship is over, do their best to tie up any loose ends with the other person and then wish them the best… but not everyone is there emotionally (man or woman)… and because of that, it’s helpful for the person on the other side to know how to process that and let it go…

Closure is great and healthy for everyone involved, but it takes two people who are emotionally experienced enough to understand the value of closure… when you don’t have that, one person might end up waiting for closure from the other person that’s never going to happen… not **needing** closure and instead understanding how to let it go is a much stronger place to be…

.. but obviously when two people can have closure, that’s best and healthiest for everyone.

Reply July 22, 2015, 11:08 pm

B

Well said. I’ve just been dropped by a guy who ‘says’ he loves me. It is obviously his pattern using women. He was such fun and is hard to forget but there is deffo no future with such mrn. Letx move on.

Reply August 7, 2015, 7:20 am

Damaged

I am hurting right now. I was in an affair for 5 years. (Please don’t judge). I met him and he was married with 2 young kids. I am much older and it started as a friendship. I would listen to his problems, his unhappiness, how he was struggling financially. I helped him in every which way I could, yes financially in it about $25,000 over a 5 year period.
He depended on me, asking me never to leave him. I had full access to his Facebook, his phone bills as he couldn’t speak English well and I helped him in every way I could. He’s an Entertainer and his Facebook is full of women having photos with him. I always blew it off as “his job”.
I noticed one time a year into our affair that he has constant text messages – like 350 in 24 hours. I questioned it, he admitted he met a girl after a gig and she kept wanting to talk.
I believed it.
He made me feel special, and I got deeper in love with him.
He finally left his wife, he started going on small trips here and there saying it was a singing gig but there were no photos etc .. just touristy type like New York at Christmas.
I kept telling him, if you have someone please just tell me, I am stuck in a marriage and I can’t get out because of my children. He would always assure me by saying “are you crazy” – there is no one else but you.
I am very smart and can usually figure out a person, not this guy, he is the best con I have ever come across.
I was stupid enough to continue the affair, seeing him when I could .. I felt so amazing being with him, helping him, getting his career to a higher level.
I bought all the lies because I was blinded. He would disappear for days and then say he was in jail because of child support then post photos of a Mexico, when I asked when did you go to mexico, he’d reply, that’s Malibu … I’m not stupid.
He told me his wife wanted his Facebook and not to write anything for a week … then posts photos in the middle east somewhere.
The more I asked, the more he lied and covered up. How easy is it for him to tell me he’s home .. he could be anywhere right ?
Soon after his divorce he said he just wanted to be friend but still wanted financial help from me. He still wanted to sleep with me.
He would get mad if I asked questions and get more distant. These past few months he asked to stop the fighting and just be really good friends as I was his everything but we don’t have a future.
The next day he disappears, 3 days later he posts a photo in Paris .. I told him, friends don’t hide things from each other – that’s fine if you have someone and went to Paris , just don’t lie !!!
He got mad and blocked me off Facebook …
He then emailed me and said Good morning and I said, we can’t be friends if you are secretive with me ..
That was it, it’s been 9 days and all contact has stopped.
My girlfriends show me photos this past week of him partying but not with one girl in particular.
How can he be so evil, a liar .. after all I did for him, I pulled him out of the stickiest situations and he just lies, dates others and walks away.
I too am shocked and devastated although I saw it a long time ago.
Please tell me what I should do – just erase him from my life ?
What about the 5 years of dedication I gave him ?
I have feeling and he stomped all over them … I risked my kids, my marriage and I am so unhappy with me life now, while he is enjoying the good life

Reply June 29, 2015, 12:23 pm

Beth

First off, shame on you for getting involved in an affair. Yes, I said it. You should feel awful for you are doing to that man’s wife and children. He’s a piece of crap too, but you aren’t absolved of the harm you caused and the fact that you have no freaking emotional self-control. You didn’t just fall into an affair with him because you couldn’t help yourself. You just allowed yourself to lose control.

Secondly, that man is using you. Helping him financially and you are not his wife?? Are you insane?

Thirdly, you are not in love with him. You are in love with the ‘fantasy’ of who you think this man is. This man is a loser. He has no respect for himself or other people. He lacks integrity, compassion and empathy as well. You’re seriously saying these are the qualities you are in love with? Are you kidding?

Lastly are you seriously asking how can he be such a liar, evil and manipulative. You’re a liar and manipulative too! You are willing engaging in an affair with a married man. Have you not grasped who you are as a person? You need to leave him alone immediately and get into therapy because you have some serious issues lad.

Reply July 1, 2015, 2:03 pm

Rachel

Beth, I completely agree that being in an affair is wrong but, I am also aware that people make mistakes and have done things that they regret. Telling people off about what they have done won’t fix anything and it won’t erase what happened. You haven’t walked in her shoes so don’t be so quick to judge her. There is a major difference between giving people advice and making people feel like shit. Also, I pretty sure this woman was asking for Eric’s advice not yours. As for the woman who calls herself damaged I would like to tell her that what she has been through does not have to define her as a person. She is a human being and she deserves to be respected. My only advice to her is to A. Not get into another affair, B. Remember that this man that she had an affair with does not deserve her and C. Please try to figure things out with your husband especially since you have children. I can tell you that divorce aucks ass for kids a lot of the time. I would know I am a child of divorced parents. Whatever you do please have your kids best interest in mind.

Reply July 7, 2015, 4:42 pm

otaku

Hi Eric, I am in a long distance relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend last February then I found out through Facebook that he went on several dates with a girl who kept tagging him, announcing their dates.That happened a month after we broke up. He eventually confirmed it. I was hurting but I told him I was happy he found someone near him and that I hope it works out well for him this time. But a few days after that he messaged me saying it didn’t work out because the girl can tell he is still in love with me. A few weeks after that we decided to give us a chance again. My problem is that I’m getting jealous and thinking obssessively all the things he did with his dates, things we haven’t done yet or things he hasn’t done for me. I don’t want to feel and think this way. I want to tell him but I’m scared to ruin our new relationship.

Reply June 24, 2015, 1:45 pm

shayne negosa

I am in a relationship for 3 years then in a sudden he stop communicating with me…i am trying to call him and send msgs but then no reply…i dont the real score between us.does it mean he is breaking up with me already?!?help me please…i vant the deny the fact that i am still hurting..

Reply May 27, 2015, 3:49 pm

Sabrina

Hope you could help. I just need some advice on how I could move on and what should I do.

I just decided to break up after 6 years of being in a relationship with him. 2 years ago, he broke up with me cause he needed time and space and I discovered 3 weeks after he was having an affair with someone else. During the time that we werent together, he never stopped on sending messages to me and never admit that he’s really having an affair with that girl who is also in a relationship. I asked him why? He said he was just attracted with her but then he realized that he really loved me. To make it short, it took 6 months I gave him 2nd chance. Its been more than a year since we get back together, I was checking his facebook and saw he kept on viewing the same girl account (reason for our break up last time) and even sent messages to the bestfriend of the girl asking where (Danica) the girl works and how is she doing and even cracked a joke he’s been dreaming about her. After reading that message, I then finally decided to break up with him. I felt that this is the best thing I’ve done but at the same time feel really bad for dumping a total of 6 year relationship. He defended his self and said he never had any communication with the girl, that he was just trying to get some news about her. He told me, he thinks I dont trust him. So I answered, I tried my best to trust you but you gave me reasons to doubt it. He also said he dont wanna lose me, that it hurts cause he loves me, and asking if we could atleast stay friends? I actually said being friends would be fine. I just need help cause right after the break up, he sent me some messages as if nothing really happened. I stopped replying on him to give both of us some space. Should I tell him to stop sending msgs to me for awhile until we’re both okay? Or should I just simply not reply? I just feel bad that all of a sudden I didnt reply. I felt like I could have told him, hey let’s not talk for awhile so we can both move on. What should I do? He’s my first boyfriend and never had an experience like this

Reply May 10, 2015, 10:06 am

superstar

My boyfriend And I have been together for 4 years we used to have a wonderful relationship couldn’t of ask for a better father/step father n boyfriend but in the last 6 months his changed spit at me calls me a whore slag bitch cunt etc n has even gave me 5 black eyes n bruised ribs he goes to work from 7am till 4 430 pm then goes straight in his shed doesn’t talk hardly 2me or his son or step kids he doesn’t come up to bed he goes out from 130am -530am I ask were his been his said none of my bisness his life’s fuck all to do with him he got in a moad n said he had a new girlfriend then the next day I ask who she was he said he didn’t say it its all in my headi said don’t u even think about blaming me n he said well if I did I was only mess in about can’t u take a joke omg how’s that a joke. My heads hurt in n I’m so depressed I take kids school then sit at home alday with my baby I c no one I’ve even started getting NY shopping online so I don’t have to see people in case its her n I wouldn’t no I told him to leave n he said no I’ll put u bin hospital b4 I go wot donu think I should do

Reply May 9, 2015, 4:59 pm

Alexis

To whom it may concern. … I got myself in a situation… I dated a guy last summer for 7 months. It ended badly. We haven’t spoken since. I met him thru his bff, which is a mutual friend. We have discussed the breakup many times. My ex started dating someone not even a week after the break up and he has told others he was never really in love with me. It hurt for awhile…. Been 6 months and I got over it. And in some twist of fate I started dating his bff. We were sneaking around for a few months cuz he felt it would hurt my ex if he found out. I was very understanding to a point But I never understood why since the relationship wasn’t real. We really cliqued. We were happy, I was happier then I ever been in a long time. He had feelings for me way before my ex came in the picture but it was bad timing for both of us. My ex knew how he felt, and adked him oermission to date me. He told me that he never realized hiw he felt about me til i was dating his bff, and he didnt like it at all. He told me I made him happy. He also told me he loved me. I knew I was falling for him as well but I didn’t say anything. My ex was out of town for 2 weeks and we wanted to figure out how to tell him. When he came back home, things got weird between me and the bff. He said he felt guilty cuz I guess my ex’s true feelings came out about how he still felt about me. He ended it. It was painful for me. He said that I’d find happiness someday, that he didn’t wanna lose my friendship and was afraid of hurting me, that he knew this was gonna happen. I asked him straight out about when he told me he loved me, did he mean it, he said he didn’t know. Like he lied to me, just like my ex did. It felt so real to me!! He has chromes disease and didnt want to let me in with that situation, like he used that as an excuse as well. That he needs to get his head straight. My question is, and I wonder til this day, its been almost 2 weeks since we broke up, did he really truly love me? Did he push me away cuz of my ex and if there is some possibility that he maybe hurting over this too? I can’t talk to him about it cuz I just asked him to leave after our conversation. I was crying a lot as well, he knew how hurt I was, but I don’t know if it hurts him too. I know nobody can read minds, I just need some sort of answer, good or bad, for my piece if mind. Thank you for listening 😉

Reply April 27, 2015, 11:10 pm

Kristen

Im glad I found this article, because I need it after what I just had to deal with.

So I dated this guy for about 3 months. Everything was going great; he told me he loved me, wanted to get married, have kids, move in together etc. Then he found out his mom is really sick. He did make up his mind though that he planned to move back home at the end of his lease to be with her. So for a while he gave me the runaround; he barely spoke to me, he did not want to see me or anything. He met up with me about a month after he found out the news and said that he did not know anything about his moms condition, and that he did not know what to do about us. He basically said that he goes out with his friends alot, and that he really turned to alcohol, so I figured him withdrawing was his way to cope with everything. About 3 weeks later, he travels home to see his family. I message him to make sure he got back okay. He responds and said that him and his dad were figuring out some things, but that it wont happen between us. I figured thats where it was going, but was hoping maybe things would change or he would at least confront me about it to my face. So a few months pass, I figured he was moving and would be back home by now. My friend just recently relocated to a new store for work. I came in to see her and it turns out that he is still working there (he was supposed to be gone at the beginning of the month). I also found out that he was sleeping with one of his coworkers behind my back at some point and is now staying with her. I even heard this rumor a while ago, and confronted him about it, which he adamently denied the last time I saw him in person. He still plans on leaving, but since some of his fellow coworkers have gotten fired around the time he was supposed to leave, they have yet to find a replacement for him. He knows that her (my friend who relocated stores) and I are friends, and that she will tell me the truth. He said that he doesnt want to confront me about any of it, but just “leave it as is”, and my friend told me how messed up that was. But apparently he did not flinch or say he was going to do anything.

What the hell happened? Please help. I am torn between the idea that he does really love and care about me, but can’t deal with all his emotions and stress in his life with his mother so he is just acting out; and the idea that in truth he just never even cared about me at all. I have debated on saying something to him to see if anything will come of it, but as he made clear he doesnt seem to want to confront me. To me that sounds like he has not truly moved on, but that he has not dealt with any of his emotions. My friend seems to think that this was all too real for him and he couldnt handle it, but that eventually he will come back. That this new girl he is with is just filling a void so he can throw her away to the side when he leaves and that hes using her for a place to stay. I dont know what to think at this point.

Reply April 23, 2015, 12:34 pm

Melissa

I remember finding this article when I was going through a bad break up last year.

He and I met at a party and most of our relationship was long distance. He broke up with me a year after we met and was harsh about it. He said he never loved me, knew it would never work, etc. I was crushed. About 6 weeks later he came around wanting to get back with me. I gradually got back with him simply because I loved him. I knew better but I loved him. I moved to his city to be near him. Two months after my move he ended up breaking up with me again, this time to go back to an ex, someone he had once said had broken his heart. I was crushed again and so humiliated.

Then after one week the no contact rule I got a call that he died suddenly. We never spoke again after the break up.

It seems like I will forever be stuck in the pain of losing him with minimal closure and only mostly painful memories of a rocky relationship. I can’t focus on any good times to commemorate him because of the way he ended things. I feel like I was nothing to him, our good times were a lie.

Even though it hurts so much I know I’ll still miss him forever. He died less than 3 months ago. It still feels like shock.

Reply April 20, 2015, 11:05 am

Meredith

We were together 7 years. He broke up with me 18 months ago by email & voice mail. We are 40, so I really expected a bit more from him. He had 2 kids, I have one. My daughter considered him her dad. He ended it because he just wasn’t happy anymore. The last 2 years of our relationship were tough, my dad was dying of cancer, he & my mom moved back to va to be closer to me. So my priorities changed & 5 months after my dad died, I got dumped. Worst part, he never said goodbye to my daughter. I was devastated…even worse than that, we work together! It was & still is very difficult. 6 seconds after we broke up, he found someone new. They are still together. He still try’s to talk to me, wants to be with me sexually & says “it’s not what you think” which is funny because they are all over Facebook which my daughter unfortunately finds. He is obviously a very good liar or thinks he is. I made the mistake a few months ago & slept with him. I felt horrible, he didn’t & wanted to continue to meet! All the while keeping his unknowing girlfriend. His latest line is “she is not who I want to live my life out with, there is only one person I see myself with”. Why would he say this? He knows I struggle, I’ve dated but no one serious. I still love him & he knows it. Why be so cruel & lie about his gfriend? What’s the point?

Reply April 12, 2015, 6:57 pm

dimples

Hello I ended a two year relationship back in January for the final time….we had broken up before but it just didn’t feel right…..as bad as I wanted it to work it wasn’t going in that direction…..he started being less affectionate and I no longer trusted him, aside from that he is 36 with no real plan for his future or ours…in a nutshell he is emotionally immature and instead of continuing the cycle hoping that he grew up, I ended it….and we ended badly in the midst of an heated argument……so after the break up…I blocked him from every avenue to me….social media, emails, phones etc…..not to get his attention but to get myself to a place where I was emotionally healthier…..and if he reached out before that time i would give in and our cycle would start again……so after two months I removed the blocks……out of curiosity I did check to see if he also had me blocked…..he didn’t…..BUT….about 24 hours after I removed my blocks, he blocked me back………really? Any insight on why he would block me back? I didn’t get trapped in the “game” of it and I didn’t react in anyway…..didn’t block him back nothing……after two months why block me back? Just curious.

Reply April 2, 2015, 8:02 pm

destiny

because you can’t block someone that has already blocked you

Reply June 25, 2015, 1:26 am

Gacie

Hello, I ended my relationship a few weeks ago around 3/8. I couldn’t seem to get over something he did (he didn’t cheat). I told him I needed time. I also sent him an email a few weeks ago explaining how I felt and why I’ve stopped texting him and that I was letting go of “us”. He sent a few “I’m sorrys” via text but I felt it was more of “hurry up and forgive me so we can have sex. He made no effort to call, email or send anything other than I’m sorry over text (these texts came over the weekend of 3/14). After not responding for about a week. He sent me a text stating, my email was too late and that I should move on as he already has. He proceeded to tell me he met someone, went on a date and she’s made him Really happy. She’s perfect and they have a lot in common and they’ve been hanging out nonstop since they met but, taking it slow. He also told me he never read my email and he wants no further communication with me. I’m So hurt and feel blindsided over this, we were together for over a year. I know I broke it off but I also said I needed some time. How do I stop feeling like I was just used and the feeling of being “swept under the rug”. How can he move on so fast and be so head over heels for her? Or is it even true? This has messed with my head and heart tremendously.

Note: I didn’t prefer to end things over text or send an email but my ex is so difficult to communicate with. In fact I hate texting but it’s all he does.
He doesn’t like talking on the phone and I refused to meet up with him when he sent the “sorry” text.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Reply March 25, 2015, 5:11 pm

D.T

I’m writing this because I feel so bad, crying everyday everyday about the love I lost, because it was in the end my fault…

I was in a Long-Distance Relationship with my Girlfriend, 17 Months, I’m not lying, it was my fault, I hurted her so much, we played games together most of the time, talked on Skype, used webcam, exchanged Pictures, everything was so wonderful, but I had this second side of me which I weren’t able to control all the time, my rage, my pride, not to lose in a FUCKING GAME. I raged at her, told her to be better in a fucking video game, screamed at her when I died, and my pride, my second side didn’t allowed me to say sorry to her, it went so much worser in the past weeks, she was afraid to do anything with me, she didn’t said I love you anymore when we chatted, we didn’t talk too suddenly…Then she broke up with me, and my heart, my good side, the site that always loved her died. I lost my most precious girl because of my pride, because of my rage… It’s been 1 week now, I’m still crying everday I can’t eat anymore, I feel that I’m hungry, but when I eat something I puke or it’s just too disgusting to eat it… My heart hates me, my own heart hates me for what I did, I can’t change the past, but I know I can’t let the rage win over myself, I banished my rage, forever. She said she has no feelings for me anymore, I don’t know if it’s true or if she needs time, but I can’t get over her, I just can’t, I want her back, I want her sweet voice back, her messages, I wanna hear her laugh, when she opened up, when she cried because something bad happend in her life, I miss it all…
I don’t want you to go…
If you are in the same position like me, even tho you/he/she didn’t broke up yet, think about it, go deep in your heart and think about it, if you don’t want to lose her, open your eyes, ask her directly if she doesnt like something on you, if there is something that brothers her, don’t go through the same shit like me…

I still love her, I will never stop loving her, she was the one and I can’t forgive myself that I did that to her, I’m sorry..I’m sorry…

I love you Fra….

Reply March 25, 2015, 11:25 am

feeling worthless

I was with a guy for 2 months I feel hard and fast I ley my guard down BC he showed me he really cared. I felt he really loved me and he would do anything for me without me asking he would help me out and just little things then after work I came home and looked at his phone I know untrustworthy but I felt I needed to and he was talking to his ex how he wanted her didnt want to be with me and was going to leave. We fought he told me he loves me didn’t want her deleted her on Fb in front of me I made him leave so I could think he deleted me on Fb and added her back and is in a relationship with her he started blaming me saying I accused him of stuff when I didnt all I told Jim was he was loosing weight then he accuses me of loosing weight saying I’m doing something at work which I’m not… He hasn’t spike to me in 2 days I haven’t contacted him. I’m so heartbroken I love him but hate him I don’t want to see him but I want him to hold me I can’t bring myself to delete his pictures but every time I look at them I break down and cry BC I miss him.. He made me feel like our relationship was a lie that he was using me but when. He was here it was like he was so in love with me.. I hate that I love him still I don’t understand why he would do that and how can I move on and trust another man

Reply March 24, 2015, 6:13 am

Rushi

Hi.
I had a boyfriend of 1.5 years .. We are both hardworking teenagers and our families are against relationships or the whole concept of dating at this age. But both of us love each other dearly. We know each other really well. Everything. He is like family. And someday when we are both financially independent we wished to marry each other. But we fight a lot. He broke up with me twice and I guess he was afraid of commitment. He always tried to patch up and I always used to say yes. He didn’t date any other girl other than me for two years. I love him so much. This time he broke up with me and I asked him, Begged him to not give up on us again. He told me we fight a lot and he doesn’t feel the same way. Three weeks ago he said he loved me and cared about me a lot and now he tells me he doesn’t has any feelings for me. It is strange. He has done this twice. Now he tells me -“I want to be a good friend and I want to part amicably” . I am sick and heart broken of his excuses . He flirts with every other girl and tell me that I am the girl he ll always come back to. What should I do ? Should I let him go..? I love him and I know he is the one.

Reply March 19, 2015, 2:40 am

Cam

My exboyfriend of 11 days has already found himself a date to ball. Within a week he managed to talk to a girl and ask her to ball. We’d been going out for 1 year and 11 months and he chose to end it badly. He broke up with me over text and now I’m upset that this girl posted a picture on Instagram of him asking her to ball. I can’t believe how insensitive they both are. And I can almost 100% be sure that she’s a rebound. We’ve broken up one time before, and he had a rebound girl too. Except this girl had the decency to say no. This is not the case this time. I’m not sure what to do because I started tweeting about how she’s a rebound and that he was a lesson for me and I texted him completely getting everything out that I’ve been wanting to say and told him that I was only gonna say this once and then block his number. I know this girl must be a rebound but after what he did to hurt me even if he did come back like last time, I wouldn’t take him back. Honestly at this point it’s been a week and a half and there’s no way he had time to heal, I didn’t have time to heal. I was already dealing with the breakup and this hit me ten times harder. I don’t know what else to do but to move on and hopefully she realizes she’s a rebound, but we all know that she wouldn’t of gotten a ball date if it wasn’t by default. She was the second best. The biggest problem was the friend group. Things changed, in the beginning we’d always spend time together and we were happy, he didn’t care about his friends. But come this year mainly we started having fights about his friends being a priority over i. I was always there for him, they were not. And it hurts me so bad what he did and I just want everyone to know how awful a person he is. Me and this girl even had beef before now. And her friends are saying I sound desperate and am a jealous bitch. It’s actually the complete opposite, I’m not jealous, I’m extremely hurt.

Reply March 15, 2015, 6:37 pm

Maria

Hello. I was with my bf for 10 years and we had 2 amazing kids. We recently seperated and it hurts so much. I love him so much still. He decided that he needed to go because he wasnt happy. He said that he loves me and cares for me but wasn’t happy. I just couldnt believe that this was it everything that we went trough . I tried to make things work but now he tells me that he doesnt love me anymore and that the only relationship he wants with me is to co parent for the kids. When I see him , I could feel the feelings that they are still there. Maybe its just me and I’m in denial. I just wish there was a way to make it easier.

Reply March 10, 2015, 2:16 pm

Nikki

Hey Eric,
Great article and I definitely agree with all of these wonderful insights! Could you please touch on the topic of what it means when a man wants to break up but then continue to talk and communicate every day in the same lightheartedness as if nothing ever happened? I would consider those mixed signals, but Im sure the meaning is very simple. Thanks!

Reply March 9, 2015, 8:43 pm

Charne

So I met this guy a week ago and we fell for eachother and just a week before we met him and his girlfriend broke up ….so during this whole week he’s led me on and I’ve fallen very hard for him …and today we were together all lovey dovey then when I went home he said over bbm I have to tell you something and he said that it doesn’t feel the same and all that …so now I’m really shattered and heart broken …but he said that he still wants to be friends ..but I can’t help but everytime I look at his name I cry …I just wish he would get over the break up and move on …I’ve fallen for him so hard and I came out of a bad relationship a month ago and I thought it was the end of the world until I met him and he fixed it ….but now its broken and I feel worthless and empty …I need him .

Reply February 28, 2015, 1:11 pm

Jess

I dated a guy for a year. We did the long distance thing and that while it seemed hard, we got through it. And j mean like flying across the Atlantic to see each other. When the distance was finally gone and he was here in the US, he changed. We were in the most intense love I have ever experienced and then he just seemed to fall out within a month of being in America. Could one semester of American college rly change his views? We talked about the future plenty of times so I know we both intended for a longer relationship. What kills me most is that he didn’t fight for it when I broke up with him. He doesn’t even seem affected. He hasn’t called. How could he not be upset after all we had been through??

Reply February 26, 2015, 3:45 am

Carin

Hi. It’s nice to read about guys for a change. We didn’t really have a father in the house so when it comes to guys it’s still a mystery for me. At the moment (and for the past few months actually) I like this guy, but really like. I might say in love, but I’m scared to use that phrase. It’s just amazing, this feeling, and on top of it, he is the most wonderful, amazing guy I’ve ever met. Now the catch… He broke up with his girlfriend some 9 months ago and they were really close, like going to marry close. And for some really weird reason I suddenly ‘saw’ him for the first time, what type of guy he is. I immediately fell for him. So of course I couldn’t say anything then, he was heartbroken! Some timing… So now, I still can’t stop thinking about him, I try to forget cause we only see each other once a month more or less. But yeah every time I see him again, it comes rushing back. What can I do??? I’m really confused cause I don’t want to make things awkward for him or cause him trouble… But I’ve never liked a guy like this before, that I know. Itvs such a beautiful warm feeling, being content, a feeling of coming home. I’m probably way over my head. But yeah I was thinking of telling him… I’m just so lost in all these wonderful feelings. And a bit scared… He is just so wonderful, caring, warm, humorous and kind… What to do what to do what to do……

Reply February 23, 2015, 6:24 am

Justin 22

So about ten months ago I started talking to this girl online. We played video games and whatnot. I end up getting her number and I started to flirt and next thing you know we start using the L word.. We really had a amazing connection. I really love this girl she been with me during the times I really needed someone to lean on. Like when my brother past away. During 7 months of our relationship I never got on cam or sent her pic. I was a catfish. I was using another dude pic pretending it was me. I end up telling her and she accepted me. She said her mornings wasn’t the same. She wrote me love letters and everything and she only lived two hours away from me. Here is the catch, she has a boyfriend that lives on the other side of the US and they have been online dating for five years. They never met but the cam and everything. So shes dsting me and him..she ends up breaking up with me because I was moody and I stop brightening up her day. But she loves me and wants to be best friend. So I end up meeting her before he ever does and after she broke up with me. we had a amazing time. We kiss hold hands and she tells me she loves me. I tried and I tried to get back with her but it was no hope.. She wanted me to get over her and forget about her but when I go hang out she gets mad and things at me telling me to have fun with the **** I flirt with. So she kept shooting me down and telling me it’s never going to happen again and she has a boyfriend for five years. So I’m like OK I give up I think we should stop talking for a week so I can get over u. She seem sad when I said that. I told her im not going to forget about her I just need time to get over you.. I can’t get over u if we still talk and play games and watch movies online at together.. Did I do the right thing? I really love this girl.

Reply February 5, 2015, 9:48 pm

Isa

It hurts when the person that you love does not reciprocate. I am sorry to read that your brother passed away. It is possible that you love her more because she was there for you in this difficult time. Now that you know where she is at, it is a time for you to know more about yourself , love yourself and decide what you want from life with the right decisions and actions, have confidence and faith , eat healthy, do exercises and socialize with good friends, give her some space. She may reconsider. Some people will tell you, go and date other girls, this is up to you. In the meantime live in the present and plan for the future. Read more about relationships and attraction and use the tools that will bring you a good life. Do what you have to do for what you want. Everything is going to be okay.

Reply February 6, 2015, 11:08 pm

will 26

Hello, im currently heartbroken and I want to sharemy perspective of being a guy with a broken heart. I broke up with my ex almost a year ago, we dated for 8 years. She is the love of my life, I believe I wont ever get a girl who is as sweet,intelligent,selfless as her. When we broke up at first it doesnt sink in so you just cant believe.it and try o suck it up but tI only works for a while, like the article says its good.to hang out with friends I found it really helpful to hang out with friends since they distract you and give advice when you need it but,the hardest part starts when you get excited for any reason and you want to share it but you dont have that significant other that means so much to you everytime you need to have a conversation and you just cant because she is the only one that really gets you, it sucks that everytime you go out something reminds you of her, that happens all the time…I had that stage too where you go out anytime you.can just to do something distracting but eventually you get bored of doing that, for instance I drink at home and listen songs.that remind me of her,I get drunk and I start singing balads in spanish or english obviously I cry and sometimes text her… so basically thats one of the many things ive done while being sad I know that everyone is different but I find it helpful to write whatever you feel sometimes. Best wishes.

Reply February 4, 2015, 3:57 pm

kay

heartache & pain in breakups is never easy at any age, although I’m a strong believer that in time it will get easy & that feeling of being alone, like you’ve lost an arm will fade. if you cry, then cry. don’t let pain rule you- if you do then the good stuff waiting inside of you is being delayed. Let it out & then try to move on. iv’e been there recently & I’m trying to keep myself busy- it’s not easy but iv’e told myself that I’m preparing myself for something better in my life! good luck

Reply February 4, 2015, 4:30 pm

Lucy

My ex boyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago after over a year & a half relationship. I’m 27; he’s 25. Two weeks after he broke up with me inadvertently over text, he was with a new girl. I think they are still together, however I am not too sure. I still love him SO much. I’ve had lousy dates and no prospect, I feel, of finding someone who I feel is as great. He occasionally messages me, usually to show me a funny video or photo that we share interests in. After not speaking for a fortnight he randomly added me on Instagram. This is all me over analysing into probably nothing but how can I move on when no guys interest me?

Reply February 2, 2015, 12:57 pm

Anonymus 34

Hi,
I don’t know if this is the right topic, but I’d like to ask something…
Ik was told that he needed time, I gave him that. He literally told me “I’m so busy right now, can we pick things up in about 3 months?” I asked what it would change and got no answer.. I sent an occasional message, got short replies back… Then after 3 months I asked if he still wanted to pick things up. He said no and gave an excuse “it’s too difficult”… then I got “I have no time” so I asked if he was worried that he would give up the stuff he likes to do. Then he got mad and said that I didn’t understand and that it stops now. I then said that if he doesn’t like me as a person and doesn’t want contact, that he should say that. So he said “not interested and no contact” I get this and leave him alone… Why would he feel the need to send a message after that to hurt me by saying that I keep on texting ? I’m not retarded, I stop when they ask me, all I wanted was some clarity. Why is that difficult? He hurted me more by not telling what he wanted…

Reply January 26, 2015, 9:01 pm

mariam m amuh

we broke up like 1month 2weeks back,we have a cute 6month girl.We have been dating for 7years and 1 year of marriage but it has been problems seen we started living together.

Reply January 19, 2015, 1:36 pm

Isa

I am sorry to read that you are having marital problems. After the ceremony, the dress, the party and excitement of the wedding , the first year, now you are at a new level of intimacy: marry and with the first baby. More responsibility, less sleep, less time for your mate, exhaustion, balancing family and work and this amazing moments where you breastfeed your baby at four o’clock in the morning looking at the sunrise and you feel amazing that you are part of a loving universe, you feel so complete that you think:
“ Anything that happens is worth this moment”, Amazing isn’t it.? Everything else is minutia, can be resolve.

This is an opportunity to know yourself and to find the gold nugget inside this problem and opportunity to growth and evolve. The good news is that there is a lot of possibilities, marriage counselors, therapies, programs, books and information on the internet about the subject .You deserve to have a happy and fulfilled life .

At the same time when you make your decision you need to take into consideration your baby, that is going to bring a lot of joy and adventure in your life; if you allowed it, you are there for a ride. The baby deserves to be raise in an environment where he/she can develop his innate talents and attributes to contribute positively in life and be happy (Goleman, Emotional Intelligence” If the father is around and has the qualities , willing to learn to be a good father it would be the ideal situation.

If you want to stay marry the big word here is “commitment” to yourself that you are going to make it work, a compulsive and stubborn attitude. Some people may disagree with me, why put so much effort in making things work? It should be natural some say; maybe some people have the “genetic lottery in marriage” but the most of us have to learn, practice and experiment and see what works . We can give up too but the next relationship will have its own challenges because what it is called the Imago
( Getting The Love You Want A Guide for Couples by Dr. Harville Hendrix )
Another good book in the subject : “ We Can Work It Out, Making Sense Of Marital Conflict” By Clifford Notarious. PhD & Howard Markman PhD.

You have to consider your motivations too, why do you want to stay marry? Is it worth the trouble ? How can I make it work ? Why do you want to go back to be single if this is the case ? Is it social status? Is it to raise a family? Is it companionship, sex etc etc ? Begin a journal and ask yourself this questions.
Take care of yourself eat healthy food, exercise, learn o relax, process your feeling and size the moment, if you need help from others ask for help, learn to be strong, for you, for your baby, your baby needs you.

.

Reply January 20, 2015, 11:59 am

Taylor

I was engaged and had been with my fiancé for nearly 10 years. We’ve had rough patches but we always worked through it. He cheated a few years back and we even worked through that. One late evening I saw he was still up on Facebook so I text her and asked what he was up too. He said just drinking a little and was nice. I then said he should shut it down or he’d be hung over the next day. He usually laughs when I say shut it down but this time he responds with…”I’ll shut it down but this isn’t working between us :(
I was like “wow” …I asked why and what was going on. He just says “it’s not you its me”
That was all he had to say…haven’t heard from him for days. We are in our 40’s but I feel so confused …maybe he cheated…if I knew I could move on easier. :(

Reply January 12, 2015, 12:31 am

Isa

Ten years, girl, that hurts. He said it , it is not working. Guys do not like to be told what to do , it is better if you express your feelings about the situation. What do you feel when he drinks ? what do you feel when he is hung over? something like “I feel worry about your health when you drink , I do not want you to lose your job”. You have to improve your emotional connection. I find that men are starved for praise and recognition, anything else they hear it is criticism and disrespect, sad to say. even if he loves you he rather be respected that be loved.

Reply January 12, 2015, 4:27 pm

Taylor

So true. Over the coarse of ten years I have expressed my feelings and concerns about his drinking and possible influence with his work. If he gets one more DWI, he will be locked up. He hasn’t had one in over ten years…not since he met me. I was his designated driver…smh. He has insecurities that also included he has always worried I would find someone else. I started a new career that involves me working more outside of the home. He’s never had anything to worry about in this topic with me but I always tried to reassure him. Two years ago he cheated on me with a girl for the whole weekend while he was outa town on business. I found out on my birthday…smh. I’ve forgiven and I know deep down its possible he could do it again but I wanted to give a second chance. I still have not heard anything from him…he’s 45 and does throw fits by being stubborn but this is ridiculous. I do care about him but this is no way to treat a woman. I don’t nag about the drinking but I do playfully tell him he should shut it down and eat something so he won’t feel so hung over he next day. He usually laughs it off but that night I have no idea what was going on since it was a text message break up. The horrible weather we’ve been having has also not helped my mood… :(

Reply January 12, 2015, 5:58 pm

Isa

In summary, you have been with this man for eight years and then he cheated on you, you gave him another chance, now you suspect that he is doing it again and on top of that he has a drinking problem and you feel worry that he will have one more DWI and that he will be locked up. This is a mess !!!! you are right, this is not a way to treat a woman and he is opening the door for you to set you free from this madness.

Reply January 13, 2015, 3:35 pm

Taylor

True indeed. It was two years ago that he cheated but he does have a personality (drinking) that’s hard to trust. When he’s sober he is very different such as a corporate style guy , intelligent and hard working but boy he can pull a 360 once he cracks open a beer. He turns into a (feeling sorry for himself) pitty party. I’m feeling a little better each day. Still no word from him and it’s easier to get through each day if I don’t hear from him. I still wish the dang weather would act right…rain, earthquakes and cold. Some sun would do me good. Lol :)

January 13, 2015, 3:57 pm

Heart Broken

I dated the sweetest guy ever and in just 8 months I fell hard for him. Our relationship was great he would do absolutely anything for me and would never cease to tell me everyday how much I ment to him or how beautiful I was to him. Many people also admired him because he was such a gentle and kind person. During the relationship his Mother died and he went into shock for 2 months. I was very fond of his mother and supported him immensely during his time of loss and grief. Things became increasingly difficult after he got out of his shock and he started losing feeling. He ended up breaking up with me saying “I don’t know how I feel, I’m so confused about what to do in my life, I haven’t felt this way in such a long time (depressed), I need to get my mind straight..” Ect. I was very understanding and told him to have all the space that he needed and cut off contact. A few days later I sent a message of encouragement to which he called me in tears saying how he still doesn’t know how he felt. I could tell he was frustrated he was swallowing hard and choking up and sighed a lot as if he couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. After that he completely cut me out of his life he ignored me until I finally came up to him and asked how he was doing. He seemed spaced out and quite honestly not “all there” my heart broke to see him like that but he told me that this wasn’t the last time we were going to talk. He said after he gets his mind straight he will talk to me but it was going to take a while. Once again I was very understanding and told him more words of encouragement. 2 months after the breakup he asks this girl,who he had a little thing with before our relationship, on a date. He and her have been hanging out shortly after our break up and officially have a thing now. I’ve never been so hurt and confused in my life I did so much to support him. Granite I had my moments when I was sour but I absolutely loved this guy and did so much for him. How could he move on so fast? Especially when I was there for him when his mother became more sick and eventually died. He says he can’t be in a relationship right now but yet he’s already going for another girl. I’m devastated, angry,hurt,confused, and feel that I ment nothing to him…

Reply January 7, 2015, 10:52 pm

Lucy

I am no expert, but maybe you are a reminder of how great his life was before his mothers death. He could be having issues with the memories attached to you. Or maybe you exude characteristics that reminds him of his mother. The only thing you can do now is focus on you and your emotional and mental health. He can and will take care of himself. He is probably dating this woman to take his mind off of his grieving.

Know you did your best and you put in your all. Know that you are a good person and timing is everything. Know that weather you feel like it or not, you were a part of his life during this trying time and you will not be forgotten. Know things get better with time. Know what you deserve and what you want. Learn and grow from this. Love yourself.

Reply April 22, 2015, 4:13 pm

Faye

That was great advice Lucy!

Reply August 24, 2015, 4:18 pm

Sarah

I was seeing someone for about 6 months, everything was amazing, he was super thoughtful etc, but we never had the conversation of what our relationship status was. It never bothered me enough to talk about it as he had said he was not with other people. All of a sudden we didnt speak for 2 days, I didnt txt either. Eventually I asked what was going on, and ultimately we ended things, as he said he didnt want a relationship. We both cried and he said how much he was going to miss me etc. I said I couldnt be his friend and not to contact me. We left it at that. Ive been devastated but Im slowly trying to move forward. A week has passed and all of a sudden, he makes his presence felt on my facebook, and starts ‘ liking ‘ things that were a while back. He also txt me asking me for my email address and not to ask any questions. I sent it, and then received nothing. He said dont worry Im not expecting a reply. I was anxious about the whole thing, as I assumed it was some emotional essay that would make him feel better, and me awful. I didnt want him to think I was not replying because of the content, rather then actually not recieving anything. So I let him know I had nothing. He said he sent it. I eventually text and was like maybe Im not supposed to see it. Happy new year etc. He answered its with the gods now. And said happy new year back and hopefully well have good ones. Im so confused. Why ask me for my email specifically, when he could have just txt me, or facebooked me a private message. Why back out ultimately ? I am just so confused. I was left feeling awful at the end of it and I feel like well he got what he wanted and got to talk to me, and now move on….dramatic perhaps.

Reply January 2, 2015, 7:41 am

Isa

This reminds me of my first boyfriend that he always broke up with me before Valentine’s and Christmas,and New year, he thought it we got together this days it was too serious, it hurt at the time, it was not mean to be. Eventually we broke up completely. Six months is still an illusion, seems he is getting cold feet. keep on dating other men , be happy, before sex clarify that you want exclusivity and long term commitment if this is what you want. There are plenty of fish in the water.

Reply January 2, 2015, 5:21 pm

Evelyn

I’ve only been with my ex for 10 months and I really fell for him hard (which was pretty stupid of me) he cheated on me and I caught him through his messages and other social medias. When I confronted him about it, he acted like he was cool and chill about it and then started pushing the blame on me he said things like “you forced me into this relationship” and I told him that’s still no excuse to what you did and he should’ve just broken it off with me. I honestly felt like he was only with me for the regular sex but he insisted that he actually ‘cared’ for me and ‘liked’ me, NOT love but ‘like’
So now I’m torn into pieces and just don’t know how to get over this. It’s so hard to forget him because we shared many stories, secrets and memories together. I’m scared to trust other men, I’ve rejected many guys who’ve asked me out on a date. I want to move on but I’m so hesitant to take that step.
I can’t understand what he did, he never really explained why he stayed with me and cheated on me. I feel like the corny things his said were lies, on that day we broke he said “You needed me to help you” I didn’t understand that, so he stayed because he wanted to help me with my situation? Isn’t that called empathy? I feel like I’ll never be able to put this to rest, but hopefully, one day, I’ll get through this and take a bigger step forward.

Reply December 23, 2014, 7:13 pm

Nicole

Evelyn, he is a cheating, lying POS. He was with you because you were of use to him. Do you honestly think he would’ve broken up with you first then be with someone else? Nope, because he is a characterless low life who wanted to have his cake and eat it too, count your blessings you are no longer with him. Think how you would’ve felt if you were with him 5, 10, 20 years from now and found out he was a serial cheating, lying POS. Open your eyes, I know its harsh but he was using you, just like rest of the cheaters do. Come and join us at chumplady dot com, because being cheated on is emotional and mental abuse. Cheaters blame their actions on everyone else and wont take responsibility. Come over to this site and find this article, “trust they suck” everything you need to know and how to heal is there. My best wishes and hang in there.

Reply December 23, 2014, 11:56 pm

A guy that's fighting

I need some help from you all. About 2 months ago my fiance broke up with me out of the blue. We were together for three and a half years. Granted we were going through a bit of a rough patch and that she has some difficulties in her life concerning personal choices, but I did not expect at all that she was questioning our relationship. Sure, there were things I could have done to make it better such as appreciate her more and spend more time with her. There was no serious disfunctionality between us, didn’t hit each other or swear each other out. I spoke to her about 5 weeks later and spoke to her just saying that I love her, miss her and want her back. She told me that she can’t go on carrying everyone, needs to find out who she is and that I should do the same which quite honestly is not true. She then ended the conversation with that maybe one day we will be together, maybe never but definitely not now. It was some hurtful stuff to hear but I did not defend or argue with her and just said I respect her decision and left. She then texted me about an hour after I left saying that she is very sorry that she could not give me the answer I wanted and that everything will be ok, that’s all she can say. I only responded and ended the msging with, there is no need to apologize, it’s ok, i respect your decision, enjoy your night and be safe. I love her very much but I don’t know if I’m grasping at straws here if she could just leave so easily (she has left me before) or do I just give her time, not take what she is saying to heart and pick things up when she is ready (if she even ever comes back)? No, she does not have someone else and I have been told that when someone asks does she still love me she breaks down crying. Can someone please explain all this to me?

Reply December 20, 2014, 2:38 am

Nicole

How do you know 100% there is not another guy? You don’t. Its either that or she doesn’t feel safe with you in that relationship.

Reply December 24, 2014, 12:05 am

A guy that's fighting

Well that’s a sucker punch to the go-nads if it’s the case. Thanks Nicole.

Reply December 24, 2014, 7:14 am

Nicole

You’re welcome and one more thing, when someone, male or female tells you “they don’t know what they want, they are confused, lot of maybe’s, it means 99.99% of the time they don’t know WHO they want” Do a little PI work and you’ll see, know and learn the real truth…Don’t be the back up plan…my best wishes to you..

Reply December 25, 2014, 11:50 pm

Ms.July

This comment is for the guy thats fighting. How are things going? I am in the same boat. I broke up with my ex and trust me it had nothing to do with another man.

Reply January 11, 2015, 2:44 pm

Jenny

Maybe you can help me. I dated my now ex boyfriend for over a year and a half. Just about a month ago he decided to end it with me which i still cannot seem to grasp. You see, he had been bringing me flowers and texting just to say i love you because he knew how much i loved those things. Anyway he cited the reasons for the break up as he needed time and space to think which hurt me a lot because we have been through quite alot and he had told me he could see himself marrying me and that he needed someone like me in his life and that we were good for each other so the whole break up came as a complete shock to me. Of course after he left, i did the typical thing and was calling and texting him because i was so confused and hurt and he was also my best friend. Fast forward 6 days and he accidentally texts my mom “night baby (:” i of course had a melt down. I confronted him about it the following day abd he just said thats how they talk and stuff. But he had also send my mom a text saying i never ment to meet someome new and i dont know if its even goimg anywhere. Fast forward a few weeks and i het a call from this new girls mother asking about the food i used to feed my exs and mines dog. I confronted him about this again and he tells me that he didnt know anythinf about it. I also asked if him and this girl were dating and he said no so u then asked if they were sleeping together and he said ya but its not of your business. Im so heart broken over the whole thing because i had actually believed him when he said he could see himself marrying me but i do not know what to think about this girl. I do not know if it is a rebound thing or not. I lean more towards rebound because of this girls history with men (which is cheating and the sort) and the fact that i also know her personally. We had been friends sith her while we were dating and he knows all if the stuff she has done and always thought she was gross and crazy. Thats why i am so confused. I dont know if he is just using her to not face his feelings about me or if he had her lined up wich i find hard to believe. He also told me he had his family delete ne on social media so that i wouldnt be reminded of him but i have a feeling that he did it because his mother is the type of person that would see soemthing about me and say something to him. He also deleted my family and i just feel he is doing this so that he does not have to see me and face his his feelings. The break up was so impulsive and he also has adhd. I should also mention that they are not actually dating just sleeping together but it hurts just the same so i dont know if thats still considered a rebound

Please help!

Reply December 14, 2014, 1:04 pm

Isa

Yes some men do that, they boo you for a year and then they change their mind, it feels immature, it feels awful, it hurts. I do not know if he will come back to you, at this point it does not matter if he is afraid of commitment. You have to keep him on his toes, a give and take, a dance. You have to take back your power. For now, you have to take care of yourself, feel good about yourself, embark in a new and exiting project, meet new people, flirt with boys, go on some dates, change the color of your hair, go for new clothing, go out with friends etc. take a course or buy a book about relationship. Erick and Sabrina have good advise. If you think about him often change your thoughts,write a diary; cut any communication with him, any communication will feel to him like you are being needy, he won’t’ be receptive. When you get back to yourself, he may feel your shift in energy and maybe he will look for you if he really loves you, if not is because he is not for you. Believe in yourself, you deserve somebody that can give you real love, a good man that knows what he wants and that wants to make you happy. You deserve it.

Reply December 14, 2014, 5:30 pm

Jenny

I compeltely agree with you and thats what i am working on. I actually just bought myself a journal today. Im just having such a hard time seeing how he could ho from bringing me flowers and texting me to say i love you just because to this. When we initially broke up i was contacting him bevause we have almost broken up before but we always work through it. I figured it was just another one of those things. Hes got a new group of friends who do not have a good influence on him and i feel that’s part of it. The sad thing is i still want him back bevause i know the type of guy he was and could be. Hes at am awkward stage right now and i dont know if he will come back although im worried that if he does i will ruin the relationship with my family.

Reply December 14, 2014, 8:16 pm

Jenny

And i just noticed that i put 1 1/2 yrs it was actually 2 1/2 yrs

Reply December 14, 2014, 8:18 pm

Nicole

Jenny, stop making excuses for his bad behavior and read my reply to Evelyn. You are smoking hopium and you are thinking the “potential” that’s not there. He showed you who he is, believe that.

Reply December 24, 2014, 12:00 am

Sarah

Me and my ex were together for 2 1/2 years. In love and loved each other the whole thing. We had some battles and hardship in our relationship, we stayed together to make it work. He had left on vacation and was telling me was in his head and had a lot to think about. We still keep seeing each other but it was different. Eventually I noticed he was talking to someone else and he ended it. Not because of her but because he couldn’t get over somethings in our relationship. blah blah. It ended up being a bad breakup. We haven’t spoken in 3 months and I have not looked at anything he has been doing. The other day he ran into my uncle at the bar and went up to him and spoke with him for 45mins and told him how good he’s doing and traveling blah blah. His girlfriend was there (same girl) and he had to introduce her. Sooo my question is why would he be telling my family how amazing he’s doing? When a simple hello and hope all is well would do. Should I contact him? I do still love him and hate how things went down. Our relationship mean’t a lot and I hate to go into the new year feeling like this. Do you think he misses me? PS he has no idea about anything about me. i don’t use social media much.

Reply December 2, 2014, 5:11 pm

Gwen Meyer

Move forward. Let him go. He broke up with you for a reason. I know that’s hard to hear. But its true. It may not seem like it now but you will find someone else. It’s only been 3 months and it’s still fresh and still hurts. Do not talk to him. Start dating again. Go out with your friends and enjoy your life. He has moved on and you need to too.

Reply December 13, 2014, 9:18 am

Hon

Hi all,
I was with a guy for about 6 month. Everything was great at the beginning. He was soooo into me, he called several times, and we had a really good relationship, till one night that we had sex. I was virgin but that night I lost my virginity. In our culture, usually girls should be virgin till their marriage, but we live in canada! After that, I had a very bad time, I felt soooo bad!and he said our relationship is complicated! I didn’t even understand what did he mean! we were together for 2 month after that night, but he suddenly started to get space, he became cold! Once I saw a picture of a girl in his computer but I didn’t tell him anything. It was weird because some facebook photos of a girl was saved in a folder with her name! one night, I asked him to explain who that girl is and I saw he is contacting his ex in viber, they were texting in viber! after one week, he stopped calling me and I called him and asked what’s going on and why he is changing! then he said I need space. I hang up and that night he called me again but I didn’t want to talk to him! I texted him the day after and told him:I respect your need for space and I like you, so I think it’s better not to contact for a while. Then he responded: thanks for understanding me! I’m under pressure and I need some time to relax and think what I want. I hope everything will be fine at the end!
After 2 weeks something came up that was related to our relationship, I contacted him and asked him to call me. He called me after one day and we talked about that issue. And we met after 2-3 days. He said he is thinking and it’s not a breakup, but people break up sometimes! and I said we cannot be in space forever, so let’s pick a deadline. He said he is ok with whenever I say. I said we were in space for more than 2 weeks, 2 more weeks would be enough! and last wednesday, 2 weeks passed and I didn’t hear anything from him. Also, last weekend was his birthday but I didn’t send him a text or anything else. I don’t know what should I do now? do I have to call him and ask him to talk? I like him so much and I want this relationship to work, but I don’t know what should I do. but I don’t know if he is contacting his ex or seeing the others! Please help me what to do now…..
Thanks

Reply November 25, 2014, 1:36 am

Isa

Go out with other boys and see what happens, he may come back he may not. Eric and Sabrina have a good program and book about relationships to know better how relationships work. Before you have sex again it is better to talk to the boy about exclusivity and long term commitment to avoid disappointment in case both of you are not in the same page . Good luck.

Reply November 25, 2014, 1:15 pm

Hon

Thanks Isa for your comment. From the beginning he said he is looking for a long term relationship and since he is 32 years old, he wants to get married eventually! but I don’t know what happened suddenly that he disappeared! even 3-4 days before this happened, he asked me to join to a hiking group and we went hiking all the day with our friends! but suddenly …..

Reply November 25, 2014, 2:36 pm

Emily read

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago, Saying ” he dont feel the same anymore and he just would like to be singal” now we still have to live together due to the contract on the house and either of us having somewhere else to go.
We were together 2 years and he is the love of my life.
But the things is he broke up with me and is now playing mind games, he comes to be and hugs me tight at night, is all close in the day asking if I’m ok and worrying about me. When I go out asking where I have been and who I have been with and still has not told anyone about our break up!
What does this mean? Please help I’m heartbroken, but how can you belive it’s over and what he says when he acts differently?

Reply November 20, 2014, 4:02 pm

cheyenne

Me and my bf broke up two weeks ago and we live together. We had an amazing relationship it was like a fairytale. We broke up because I started getting worried that it was to good to be true and startrd blowing uo his phone and being one of them clingy girlfriends. Hes given me so many chances. Im not makig any excuses I know its my fault. We live together and have agreed to be friends a civil. Its yard yes but I have nowhere else to go. He says he will always love me. He said he needs to move on and be with other people to see if this is what he really wants. What does that mean?.

Reply November 17, 2014, 2:41 pm

ruthie

I am in the same situation right now, as to what it means I am trying to take it at face value that he isn’t as into me as I am into him. because I wouldn’t be willing to end things just to figure things out. My guy told me he loves me could see himself marrying me but he has so much confusion that he never lived on his own, never got to live in the city like he has wanted, we could have done the city thing together so to me it just seems like excuses reason for him to get out. he said he 100% wants the chance that things could work in the future but I am heartbroken and I know once we move out of our place in a week he is free to date and that is scary he will meet someone and move on….

Reply December 3, 2014, 10:00 am

rose

So me and my bf broke up the day after halloween hes in a different state than me the distance was to much and insecurities on my behalf got in the way and i was constantly needing reassurance….it took a week and a couple of days before he actually responded to me…and told me how he felt he says he still loves me but as far as fixing things hes not quite sure….what should i do im really confused

Reply November 15, 2014, 3:53 pm

carla

Try to give yourselves some space. Give yourself time to think about your insecurities you were talking about and reflect. Trying to work things out immediately may damage any chances of reconcilliation. I was dating a guy who had a few and it exhausted me emotionally to the point that I just felt relieved when it was over. But he gave me space and time to recover and think on some things and he also did the same. We ended up becoming close after all that. Just give it a little time and try to learn from it. Hope this helps some.

Reply November 17, 2014, 9:30 am

ruthie

Did you guys end up getting back together?

Reply December 3, 2014, 10:02 am

amy...

Dear eric….I’m 17 year old…7months ago I had a breakup with my bf..happens 2b in my school at 1st he didn’t seem 2 care but afew months later he suddenly started looking at me and I feel really uncomfortable with it then about 3 or 4months ago he made contact with me.he doesn’t chat to me on social site but he invited me sometimes he’ll have short conversations with me 2 of his friends invited me aswell the one pretended to not know that me nd (his friend)my ex had something going on…I need help…should I cut all contact with him????

Reply October 22, 2014, 1:56 pm

Isa

Exactly.

Reply October 24, 2014, 7:45 pm

Krista

Ok. I know that you are going to tell me to run like hell, but I am still going to ask. I went through a breakup that led to a terrible custody battle and was definitely damaged. Fast forward a year. I met what I thought was this amazing man that from the day we met wanted to spend time together and spoke about marriage and having a life together and even asked me to pick out rings at a surprise jewelry store visit. A few red flags came up. I have a son. He has a son… As it turns out he 3 sons and a daughter. All from different women. Not a big deal. But the. He told me he had cheated on every woman he’d been with (he had been married several times previously… Not necessarily to his children’s mothers) and wanted to do things differently with me. I believed him. I wanted this to be true. And everything seemed great. We were very sexually compatible. We spent time together. Our sons would play. Everything seemed to be going fine. But only several months go by and then he’s busy and making excuses all the time. I spend a few weeks going back and forth trying to figure out how to change stuff back. I pull away and he says everything I need to hear to stay right there. Waiting. But I know something is wrong. So he blows me off one night and I drive by his gym, he lives there. And there’s an additional car there that’s clearly a girls. So I call, no answer. He finally text me the next day and I point blank say I saw the car, what’s the deal. He says he doesn’t want to out up with someone who is crazy enough to drive by. But I know how I am. I had to see it with my own eyes, not on a hunch. So I tell him he’s not good enough for me and I’m done. And haven’t heard from him since. I know. He found someone else and I should move on. But dammit I wanted to believe him!!! It’s been a week and I’m still thinking about him. What do I do?

Reply October 13, 2014, 2:37 am

visionary

Move on with your life andvwork on yourself.

Reply July 27, 2015, 5:36 pm

bonnie

I met a guy..we texted for 2weeks before we met as he was in the middle of having a back operation..he had been divorced for three months..I told him it was too soon to start seeing someone…the next thing I knew we were dating..we had a lot in common..he liked everything about me that you could imagine..then two months into our relalationship he broke up with me..he said it was to hot aand heavy and that he jumped in to fast. He really needed his alone time..he was sorry he hurt me.and sorry he was so mixed up…he’s a a hard year with his breakup and not being able to work and do the things he loves due to the operation..we still text do the odd things together and dinners..he said he wants to be with me sexually but its not fair to me because he doesn’t know when he wants a relationship. He doesn’t want anyone and that I win hands down. Its just not his time to commit. I told him how I felt about him and that I respected his decision and that he needed to help himself to heal..to become that man he once was..he says I’m a dear friend to him and maybe we could be more someday..I give him space and I go do my own things..he is very honest and sweet..I’m not needy and I don’t need a man but he is the best man I have ever met and I don’t want to lose him..I’ve read your book..” Men are not that complicated”..my question is..do I have a chance with him in the future..

Reply September 29, 2014, 2:18 pm

Mia

Thank you Isa and number one for your input and comments,,,,I do have one thing that bothers me a lot still,,,,,

I tried my best to succeed in this relationships because I really loved him, but I dont think I always acted like the best partner in the world because I would be hurt, disappointed or desperate that he didnt want to commit and I wanted that so much…..I dont know if I ruined my relationship, and it feels awful,,,did I? what could I have done? I just really wanted to start a married life with him so I must have acted desperate, but then, he didnt want to and I couldn’t stay there forever….

the other thing that breaks my heart is to think he didnt want to marry me but that he would want to marry someone else,,,,,if I think he has commitment issues I feel a little better but if it was that he really didnt want to marry me then I dont think I could handle it,,,,,after all, I loved him and we had many very happy memories together….

after he disappeared from my life with no goodbye or explanation, I have been too sad, I need to stop thinking about all this, but I would like some input on this before I close this file, and maybe the whole file regarding relationships, I dont think I would ever want to try and have another relationship ever again, I already gave it my all and it didnt work, so I never want to be disappointed and heartbroken ever, and besides, I am 35 so that part of my life is probably over anyway….

please let me know what you think, I need some help or guidance, thanks so much

Reply September 16, 2014, 11:14 pm

Mia

Thanks numberone for your answer,,,,,I am curious though, how did your 3 yr relationship went? did it end or are you still with that person or have you been able to move on since then? I just dont know what to do now, I dont know how to go on with my life at this point that I am already 35 and a half! and heartbroken like crazy with no clue of the events,,,,,,thanks so much for the input,,,,,saddest part is the good moments were so amazing, I miss so much cooking together and just sleeping in his arms :( I cant believe he would leave that…..I guess he just didnt really love me after all…

Reply September 13, 2014, 12:12 am

isa

Was he sick ? Did you asked his mom ? would be sad to say that he was abducted by alliens and with that you can not do anything or kippnapped for ramson but the fact that nobody asked for it and that he send you an email that says that he loves you and misses you means that he is ok. Unless you want to spend money on a detective or a computer guru to know where the email came from and go there and ask if you really want an explanation. If he is ok, what can a beautiful and young 35 year old girl do? What will you tell to your best friend?. It hurts to be disappointed, It is going to be difficult to forgive him and forget him but it is possible. Go back with him ? and if he does it again ?. I could say that go an have the best vacation, pamper yourself, go to the gym an get the best body that a gym can provide and be the happiest and fulfilled person, follow Eric and Sabrina’s advice to the core, and let him root of jealousy when he sees you marrying a great man, When you do, you will see that he was not worth the trouble.

Reply September 13, 2014, 10:26 pm

isa

Definitely, he was kidnapped by alliens : (

Reply September 13, 2014, 10:35 pm

Mia

Hi, I would really appreciate some clarity if anyone has any idea of this: I am 35 yr old girl that was dating a 40 year old guy for 3 and a half years, we were planning a wedding and suddenly he starts withdrawing and now he has disappeared, he also blocked me from his accounts and its been 2 months….the weirdest thing is 3 weeks after he disappeared he sent me an email that only said “I love you and I miss you everyday” to which I replied “I love you and miss you too so much” because I thought he would give me some good explanation for the 2 weeks, which I know is weird….but nothing, he just disappeared for good. I believe he didnt really want to get married and he taught it was just easier to disappear, but then why the email, to make himself feel a little better for leaving? Its just mean! and I didnt deserve that…….I know I made mistakes too along our relationship, and I believe there might have been another girl now but how can anyone be so heartless,,,,not even an explanation?? he even talked to my parents about it! I had a ring! ….I am devastated,,,,and I dont even know what to do now,,,,,can someone give some idea of what is all this??? and what do I do now am not as pretty an young as I was when I started with him,,,,,,so I really do feel miserable,,,please help

Reply September 11, 2014, 11:40 pm

Isa

Why do good men fall for bad girls ?

Reply August 7, 2014, 8:57 pm

Rocco

Same reason good women fall for bad men…LoL
Let me know if you find out why.

Rocco

Reply August 19, 2014, 5:55 pm

Faye

Lol good come back!

Reply August 24, 2015, 4:27 pm

Natasha

Eric, I really found article helpful but can you please explain this one. After my breakup a few months ago my ex not only went completely cold, he started denying to people we knew (common friends) that we ever even HAD a relationship at all. This is perhaps even more devastating than the actual break up. He tells me people that I was just a spiritual friend. When he sees me at social dances he ignores me, wont even greet me, like I never even existed to him. What is going on here?

Reply July 17, 2014, 12:26 pm

Rocco

You believed in you and him.
He didn’t.
I lived through the same thing.
Very, very sad how our hearts can be fooled and we allow ourselves to be put us in a position like that.
A great little app reallllly helped me understand what was going on in my life, heart and head and help me get back to myself. It is called HeartBroken.
Even though it was written for men, I see that a woman with a vested value in a relationship would have to walk the same basic steps to a pure recovery.
Always remember, you Loved him with all your heart.
You deserve better.
Now, heal then go out there and get what is rightfully yours.
Good luck and God Bless.
And remember, you did not lose him, you lost the dream you had.
(White Picket Fence, etc.)

Rocco

Reply August 19, 2014, 5:53 pm

Amy

Hey,
So this guy I have been talking to for 4 months just told me it’s over. We both care about each other. The reason he ended it was because I asked him if he was talking to another girl, I went ballistics on him when I asked, because a friend of mine saw something on his social media that seemed like flirtatious, I asked him and he was a little upset that I thought he would do that, he just ended it and it was so unexpected. I apologized, but I really don’t want to throw away what we had. The whole time he was texting me about this he didn’t show any emotions like how I was. He just asked questions and answered my questions. Is he completely over me? Or will he come back? Any advice on how to have him understand how I felt? Or advice on how to get him back? He does have a busy work schedule usually 12 hours a day 5 days a week. When we do spent time together it’s great.

Reply July 14, 2014, 3:49 pm

carla

totally back off of him and let him come around to you. i know this is easier said than done but this is the best way. giving someone space after the fact allows them time to cool off and understand their own feelings to be able to act on them clearly. if you hover around and try to push for an answer that pressure will breed resentment. if he doesn’t come back around then let it go. yo can’t force a persons feelings. if he does then good luck just be clear about your intentions. and Facebook is not the real world. people say stuff on there all the time. however if your gut is telling you something is not right…then follow it and move on. why would you want someone who isn’t being clear with you?

Reply September 13, 2014, 1:46 am

Jen

So I am completely confused. After my one year relationship where my ex boyfriend was already talking about marriage and our future. He fell out of love and broke up with me. 4 months after the break up he is now engaged. He broke up with me through the phone (since we were sort of long distance) and never spoke to me again. Even to this day won’t say a word. I’ve maybe made 3 attempts to say something nice. Even wrote a very nice letter a month after the break up wishing him the best and agreeing this would be best. Also a couple weeks ago I congratulated him on graduating. Haven’t heard a word since the phone call when he broke up with me. I am happy for him, but just so confused on his actions. Why does he refuse to speak to me (he broke up with me!) and why is he getting engaged so quickly??

Reply July 8, 2014, 11:31 pm

Latoya

My daughter father broke up with me a month before I gave birth I asked him why he choose to say something now that I’m about to have his first child he told me he just got board. I don’t know how’s that when we was doing everything together even sweeping in he same bed we got into a heated arugement and he told me that he has emotional feelings for me but I don’t know what his emotional feelings are. We currently live together but sleep in two separate bedrooms I love this man to death! He played with my heart he spoke to other females during my pregency and now he’s talking to someone new. What should I do? I tried talking to him I even asked what e wanted its like he don’t know what he wants

Reply July 3, 2014, 12:08 am

vivica

So I just broke up with my child father, I moved out of his house. The readon why I did was because one night when he was working night shift he sent me a message and I wanted to cent on how he doesn’t show me affection and how I felt like he rehected me a lot. He used ti drink and party a lot before we had our child, hr did stop after ee had her and he was with mre all the time but it felt like I was living with a friend instead of a lover. Many time I caught him looking at females on fb and adding girls hr didn’t know. Well that night he basically told me he didn’t love me unfortunatly and that he made a mistake he simply wanted us ti be good parents. That night I left he wrote on fb that he was devestated ect but when he got home and saw I tore up every love letter I gave him he deleted that comment and started acting out. He does out all thr time now and I just saw pictures of some females that work at a bar when he went out with some friends I guess they took them to a guys friends house. I guess I’m just devestated bc I gave him everything and he just simply acts like I had no value. I reallydid love this guy and its hard to get it thru my head how much he ddidn’t care for me

Reply June 27, 2014, 9:42 am

Mary

Hi,

I had a great guy, great dates, attention, kind etc… We were together 4 months. He is a mature student with pressures of exams and then finding summer job and money to pay next years college and cost of living. He got stressed and stood me up once (with phone call apology) and drove 2 hrs to see me the next day. I over reacted, didn’t listen to him and then broke up with him. Just I live 2 hours away and hadn’t seen him in ages so was hurt. He was hurt by this and he felt I didn’t like him as I made him do so much work (like he always had to call me).
The next day I felt awful and emailed him explaining my actions (the why) and also apologising for not listening. He emailed back saying he was sorry but he can’t do a relationship now as too stressed and doesn’t want to disappoint me, although he really likes me. Since then I haven’t contacted him, it’s been a week. I am trying to give him the space he needs. Do you think he will come back, or have I blown it with a great guy?

Reply June 4, 2014, 5:13 pm

blaze

Yesterday (my birthday) my (ex now I guess) boyfriend said he didn’t think it would work out and that he wanted to stay friends (via TEXT). I asked him if he still wanted to see me today and he said he wasn’t sure. I asked him to please come see me or call me later when he’s alone because I want to explain myself. What happened was Facebook said he was “active now” a few times while he was actually driving out of province & I didn’t believe him at first.. I’ve gotten cheated on and my heart broken too many times to just be able to believe people when their story doesn’t match up with facts or other peoples stories or technology. I have trust issues and he knows that. Before then, we never even fought.. But now he won’t answer my texts and I’m really sorry I didn’t believe him and I want to try to explain myself.. I was falling for him so hard.. I think I should get a chance to explain before he just dumps me like that..

Reply May 20, 2014, 7:35 am

Susan

My boyfriend who is I think commitment phobic and has many many issues including depression his wife left him 8 years ago an since then he has made it his mission to never get close to anybody again (he’s admitted this) but we have been seeing each other for 12 months now and I have don’t nothing but show him love and understanding which has not always been easy. He had opened up so much to me and we were getting a lot closer and making progress and plans for the future. He tells me last week that he needs to be on his own but has started to see somebody that he works with, although he wants to keep in touch with me…….do you think that its possible he was so scared to finally let his feelings show for me that he has had to do this?? Do you think he ill regret his decision, we have never had an argument even and I know he has strong feelings for me….any replies welcome please as I feel so hurt right now

Reply May 12, 2014, 3:12 pm

Nicole

no he wasn’t scared and I bet you $20 he was seeing that chick before he broke up with you(cheating that is) He wants to keep in touch so he can have his cake and eat it too and have 2 women at his disposal, learn the game hun. When a man says he doesn’t know what he wants or he wants to be alone, I can assure you there is always and I mean always another woman is in the picture, way before he broke up with you. He is not scared, he is just full of shit!! read chumplady dot com, or buy the book “manipulative man” or “why does he do that?” then you will understand.

Reply May 30, 2014, 8:23 pm

Faye

Nicole you are RIGHT ON THE MONEY HONEY! One of my ex’s told me that personally out of his own mouth! He told me “When things start to go wrong with your chic, have another one lined up”. Another one told me “The problem with women is that when a man breaks up with them, they take them back”. He said this is the WRONG thing to do! Because if you keep allowing him to do this…”he’s not worried about you because he knows he can ALWAYS come back! Like Eric says in the article they will use this to THEIR ADVANTAGE! TAKE THE ADVICE AND ‘LET HIM GO”! Usually when all the dust clears, you wonder what the hell you saw in “them” in the first place. YOU DESERVE BETTER TREATMENT, AND YOU WILL BE BETTER OFF! JUST CHOP IT UP AS A LESSON LEARNED! ONLY U ACTUALLY NEED TO LEARN FROM IT.

Reply August 24, 2015, 4:39 pm

Danielle

I first want to point out that I was married for 8 years then in a relationship with another man for 3 years when I caught him cheating the same way my ex husband did….then it all changed I met Paul he was everything a woman could ask for he was handsome driven funny smart amazing with my two kids got along great with all of my family same personalities he was also very sensitive emotionally we also had an amazing sex life …we were together for 7 months and we had a lot of baggage I had to deal with because pf the drama my ex’s had caused in the beginning of our relationship….last week we broke up and ive begged ive pleaded ive done everything I could think of and all ive had was him telling me how he will desperately miss me my kids and my family but he’s seeing someone new now and he’s anxious to see where it goes…what the hell how can someone replace u just like that like u didn’t mean anything…help me understand his thought process here this is killing me ….

Reply May 11, 2014, 10:16 pm

Nicole

Do you want me to be honest? Because he didn’t give a shit about you and it was all about him! People who loves you, truly loves you wont cheat on you. He is playing you, pay attention to actions NOT his lip service, he misses you but seeing someone one else, so you are the fall back girl if this new one doesn’t work out, cmon hun, he is a loser. Read the “manipulative man” Let him go and know your worth. Come and join us at chumplady dot com. You will know and understand more.

Reply May 30, 2014, 8:16 pm

Mia

Okay so it’s been several weeks since my breakup and it hasn’t gotten any easier & the fact that we were long distance the entire time makes me feel his feelings may have never been real , I feel so insecure about the way stuff ended I can’t stop thinking about him and its not fair every time i go to text him i talk myself out of it i feel that his feelings weren’t as strong as mine so why set myself up to get even more hurt than i already am. I need closure … What do i do ?? what is a guy’s reaction their relationship coming to an end and then his ex reaching out ?? How can I tell if he misses me ?

Reply April 27, 2014, 1:37 pm

Maura

Just broke up with a guy I had a long distance relationship as well….it is very difficult thinking who he may be with……….his ex, another girl…. could not deal with it anymore…so blocked him on fb…and I am not planning on texting him either….
I am very sad……………………………..

Reply May 17, 2014, 10:03 am

Mia

Yes it sucks not knowing of feels are mutual & all that other stuff but I started looking at it from a positive point of view we had a good run he’s a good guy I learned a lot from our relationship I’m going into the next one wiser , you’ll be fine

Reply May 17, 2014, 1:19 pm

Stacey

After 4 years my boyfriend broke up with me. I did the usual begging to work on things. He was so back & forth saying he loves me but needs time to think & regroup. It’s been several weeks since we have communicated. (I’m trying to give him space) I want him back. I thought it would get easier, but time is just making it worse for me. He recently sent me a birthday text saying friends wish friends Happy birthday. I didn’t respond to the text because I know I’d go back asking to work this out & blowing the “space factor” I was trying to give him. I want to test the waters to see if we could rebuild. How do I go about doing that & how much time should I wait before I do contact him?

Reply April 24, 2014, 12:40 pm

Lacey B

It’s been 1 month since my breakup with my boyfriend. I saw that he already had an online dating profile. WTH?! I am still going through the phases of our breakup. I can’t even fathom the idea of meeting and talking to a new guy right now. It may seem the norm that guys will do this to avoid their feelings, get sex, boost ego but it hurts. I pray that more guys can heal in a more positive, beneficial, healing way.

Reply April 24, 2014, 4:24 am

Eric Charles

Hi Lacey,

I can understand why seeing that would hurt.

I mean, I can imagine it feels like a betrayal… here you are feeling all this pain, heartbreak and sadness… and he’s off putting up an ad for a new woman and (perhaps by extension) new sex.

When you’re in that position, it can feel like he almost owes you a period of grief. It can feel like he’s disrespecting the time you had together because he’s not miserable, depressed and holed up hidden away from the world.

I can imagine as you’re feeling that, you resent him. You’re angry at him. You feel hurt by him.

And yet… beneath all of these feelings… is your thoughts, beliefs and perceptions about the situation. Your thoughts, your beliefs and your perceptions about what he’s doing are *really* what’s making you feel bad.

The fact is: You don’t know what he’s feeling. You don’t know what he’s thinking. You don’t know his intentions.

All you know is that right now, you’re hurting and you feel it’s his fault for making you hurt like this.

How do you know he’s not dying inside, feeling like his heart was torn in half… and he’s just trying to distract himself from the pain because he really, truly does not know any other way to dull the piercing pain he feels in his heart right now?

How do you know that, as he’s looking for other women, that his mind and heart won’t scream, “You’ll never find another woman better than the one you had… you made a mistake!”?

How do you know that he doesn’t feel completely wretched about himself right now?

You don’t… The only thing you can know is your feelings at this moment. The truth is, the way you’re looking at it right now is having you feel bad.

Believe it or not, when the way you’re thinking about something in a way that feels bad, that’s your mind screaming at you, “This is wrong! You’re on the wrong track! This isn’t the truth in the grand scheme of things! Thinking like this will only lead you to a bad place… a place of deep suffering.”

Whether you realize it or not, you have a mission right now in your love life. Your mission is to remember what makes you feel happy… and to participate in that. Your mission is to think the thoughts that feel happy, do the things that make you feel happy, look at life in the way that makes you feel happy.

Believe it or not, this is a lesson that love and life tries to teach everyone… and if you’ll listen to what you’re feelings are trying to show you, you’ll end up in a better place than you’ve ever been in your whole life. You need to listen to your feelings and let them be your guide. Follow what feels happy, fulfilling and puts you at ease. Drop all that feels intoxicating or bad. (By intoxicating I mean that it might feel irresistible to feed into in the moment, but you *always* regret it later… it *always* makes things worse.)

Instead of resisting being able to accept the situation and be OK with it, resist your urge to judge the situation. Find the part of yourself that can say, “I don’t know why things are the way they are right now, but somehow this is for the best.”

Reply April 24, 2014, 11:05 am

Lacey

Thank you. :)

Reply May 12, 2014, 12:39 am

Jane

Hi I would like to ask for advice. A few months back, I had a boyfriend and we were trying long distance (SF/LA). Things were pretty rocky and we constantly wanted more attention from each other such as asking “why didn’t you text back?” or “why did you go MIA?” At the time, we were both attending different colleges. We never really worried about meeting new people; however it happened. I did not initiate the action, but while a couple of friends and I were watching a movie, a guy suddenly leaned in for a kiss. It was literally so fast i couldn’t even stop it. Of course after I said don’t do it again. After countless debates about telling him or not, I decided to tell him. My boyfriend saw the whole situation as cheating. Prior to telling him, we have already kind of discussed about breaking up. That was the reason because we were having problems and because I in a way felt really guilty for not doing anything about that kiss. I felt like I did not deserve him anymore even if I wasn’t the one who initiated it. After he calm down about the situation. We had a long talk. During that talk he told me the timing for how everything happened was what messed up our possible chance of ever getting back together again. He said if it would have happened in a different order such as not mentioning break up first and telling him about the situation earlier, then maybe we could have worked it out but now he says its impossible for us to date again. He felt like I was trying to hide it.
The problem is, I still like him a lot and I do want to date him again. The other problem is he told me he likes being single because he has time for himself and its less stressful since he goes to a pretty difficult school. I agree with him but at the same time I don’t want him to be single and available because if another girl replaced my spot in his heart, I think I might die a lot inside. I don’t know what to do, I dont want him to forget about me, but I feel like he already has.
He says he feels neutral about me, I seriously have no idea what that actually means. If a guy says that what does that mean?
Does he still seem interested in me? Should I still try to get him back? Should I leave him be? In a situation like this, if I were to continue going after him, what are some hints for me to know if I am successful or not?
As of now we do still text time to time and I honestly have a lot of fun texting him. I don’t know about him but he does text back and asks me questions.
Help?

Reply April 17, 2014, 2:41 am

Ray

Thanks Eric for writing this. Don’t mind any male haters!! You just helped me understand my ex wasn’t lying when he saiid he did care., even though he moved on.

Reply March 26, 2014, 7:45 pm

Lisa Wilson

I think this is probably true, but is very patronising. Guys should retreat into themselves and spend time with their friends and learn to “forgive themselves” for their bad behaviour during relationship/break up. Ok. That’s nice for him or maybe he can implement his male appendages and be a decent person so he has nothing to forgive himself for. There is no excuse for behaving badly, male or female, I’m sick of seeing male “logic” as an excuse for being a jerk. Also the explanation for why they go cold is the most patronising thing I’ve ever read. It roughly translates into “I don’t want her anymore. I don’t want to deal with this anymore. I will ignore her” don’t sugarcoat this.

Reply March 26, 2014, 9:37 am

Rosa

Soooo true!!!!! although they react different from us girls, it doesnt mean they can behave like a*s*s*h*o*l*e*s and get away with it saying that “us guys are like this and accept it”…. they feel emotions, but the freaking culture (and moms too) program kids to be cold, not cry or “be a man” ….all is bullshit

Reply April 24, 2014, 1:04 pm

Chips

I totally agree! How can they forgive themselves if they act like jerk and treat women as crap?! The ex broke up over a phone when i came back from a trip and i was completely blindsided. His excuse were tired of texting and calling as he’s not that ‘type’ of guy. Geee….that was such BS! Throughout the times we were together, i was accommodating to him, and really care about him only to be hurt in return. WIsh he was honest right from the beginning he just wants to be single and not lead me on.

Reply October 20, 2014, 1:51 pm

summer

My boyfriend of about one year (he broke up with me literally two weeks before the year mark) just recently broke up with me. He also bought me a pretty pricey ring for the year mark (not engagement, we’re only 17). We had been fighting a lot ever since school started back, which we were about 3 or 4 months into when he ended it. He was dealing with a lot of stress trying to apply to colleges and dealing with scholarships (he’s a senior, I’m only a junior), and I was dealing with my own stress from school work. While we were dating, I got on birth control, which I found was the source of most of my mood swings and random crying fits. Unfortunately, I realized this a lot later than I wished I had because its one of the main reasons he cut it off. I became quite a pain in the ass and had a habit of taking out my stress on him because I felt as if he’d never leave. He broke up with me once around September, but the breakup didn’t last for even 24 hours because the next day he came up to me saying he wanted to work it out. Things were fine for a good bit until school became even harder and we went back to having our good and bad days. We had gotten into an argument one day and I began crying and he broke it off once again. The difference between this time and the time before is that he sat there and bawled with me the first time for hours, but he was stone-faced the second time. The next day I went to school in hopes that he’d change his mind like the time before, but he didnt. That weekend he tried remaining friends with me, saying he still loved me and valued our friendship, but I couldnt help but call him crying by the end of the day asking why. He became annoyed and I then missed all of that next week of school and stayed home crying. My dad had blocked his number on my phone to prevent either of us trying to contact each other. The week after that, I came back to school and tried to act like myself again. I went out of my way to try to fix up my hair and accessorize with my uniform in hopes that him seeing me appearing to be fine would get to him. It did. That Friday we got in a huge argument at lunch over him accusing me of starting a rumor that he had cheated on me. Typical high school drama. We went our separate ways after exchanging a few harsh words. That Saturday night we both attended a party of a mutual friend. I made sure to dress myself up knowing he’d be there. I honestly had a great time, but he seemed to keep to himself the whole night. I was afraid to go up to him and ask if he was okay because we had gotten into an argument the day before and I assumed he’d just tell me to “fuck off” or something along those lines. I asked his friend what was up and he continued to tell me not to worry about it, that he was just really high (something he normally doesn’t do). He ended up leaving the party early. Next day come to find out that all the times he disappeared during the party, he was actually sitting on the front porch crying. He left early sobbing, saying “I really miss her, man” repeatedly. Why his friend didnt tell me this upfront is still a mystery to me because to this day I feel like I could have done something and things would be different. The next night I called him asking if he was okay and we cried on the phone to eachother until 3 in the morning saying we missed eachother. All that next day we talked like everything was normal, then that night he called me and said he couldnt forgive me for what I had done to him. Saying that I was flirting with one of his best friends at that party (I wasnt) and that I shouldnt have made him watch that because it was “too soon” for him when HE was the one who broke up with ME. He also stated “I though I loved you, but I dont because of what you did to me”. I began sobbing to him and apologizing for things I really didnt need to apologize for, and then he hung up on me. Two months has passed since then and all of his friends still remain friends with me and hangout with me. A lot of them have dropped him because he’s been treating everyone rudely for talking to me and isolating himself. Come to find out recently, he’s now dating a new girl, and not just any girl, but the one girl who he used to talk about hating the most. This girl has liked him since middle school and has had an unhealthy obsession with him, like she does with many guys, for a while. He used to constantly tell me that he was going to get a restraining order against her and constantly called her a “whore” or a “slut” because shes notorious for sending nudes and hooking up with a lot of guys. He hated this girl and wanted nothing to do with her, but the moment she reached out to him in his “time of need” shes become his guardian angel or something. I feel like it wouldn’t hurt as bad if it were someone else. Now they’re dating and it has only been TWO months since we broke up. All she does is tweet about how in love she is and she posts pictures in sweatshirts that I once wore as well (which I find humorous). The weird thing is is that he doesn’t post anything about her, he doesnt hug her, or even hold her hand in public- things he always did with me. When we were out in public, he always proudly had his arm around my waist. I was the first girl he ever brought home to his family and took to family occasions. We went on family vacations together and became really serious, probably too serious for a high school relationship. His mother told me that even as a child he wasnt affectionate and it was funny seeing that all change when I came along. Another thing that I find funny is that when he first asked me to be his girlfriend, he made sure to hop on his phone and change his relationship status on facebook. I know it sounds silly because it’s just facebook, but he still has yet to make it “facebook official” with her. In the beginning, the new girl, Brittney, stated that they “didnt want it to stir up any drama so it was kept on the low” but she ended up telling everybody anyways, so now that everyone knows, wouldnt it make sense to go ahead and publicize it? I mean, she has, but he doesnt at all. Another incident that happened just the other week was when me and a group of friends (some that were his friends) went out to dinner and then to a soccer game. His closest friend, Chris, recieved a text message later that night from my ex boyfriend. He yelled at him via text message for hanging out with his ex girlfriend over him. Chris brushed it off and told him to get over it and that he was the one who was acting weird with everyone. Yesterday, a friend of mine screenshotted some text messages from Brittney, the new girl, that she had sent him. That night her and my ex boyfriend were apparently driving around following our group of friends, which is funny because he told Chris that night that he was hanging out with one of his guy friends, Zack. But the reason he knew that Chris was even hanging out with me was because they were following us. The purpose is unknown. I just find it funny that he felt the need to waste his gas to either A, stay updated on my whereabouts, or B feel the need to show up wherever I was with her on his arm to tick me off. I mean that must mean he still cares in some way right? Because he’s making the effort to piss me off. But I also wonder how he can move on so quickly into what she is making out to be such a serious relationship. She states that “God put them on this earth to be together” and literally the first week they started talking again, she told everyone they were going to get married. I have no clue if hes feeding her these lies, or if shes making them up on her own because he doesnt talk about their “relationship” to anyone. I’d like to think hes just using her to get over me, because when we broke up he always called her crying, and she was the first shoulder he had to cry on. My mother claims that if I give it a couple of months he’ll break up with that girl and come crawling back to me, just like she says my father did to her when they went through this same situation (as adults, so it was obviously more serious). I even confided in my ex boyfriends mother about it because she was really cool, and she said that hes one to push his feelings aside and stay mad about a situation for a while, and to just give him time. Honestly, all Im looking for is an answer as to why hes being so stubborn to admit hes not over it and why he was so quick to go into this new relationship with someone he always despised.
I know my story sounds childish compared to all the others who have commented on this article haha.

Reply January 31, 2014, 1:27 am

Lindsay

I met this guy, *Ryan at a party freshman year. We started talking and I asked him to hang out with a bunch of people but he said he was busy. A month later we hooked up and started a physical relationship. A year later I started dating this other guy, Ryan texted me one night, I told him I was seeing someone and he said he wished he had asked me out. That summer he messaged me, asking about girl troubles. He had recently broken up with this girl and was asking me advice. We ended up talking a lot for about a month or so, then nothing. School started back up and he texted me saying he was sorry. Our physical relationship picked back up over the next year. Then senior year I texted him and he said he was seeing someone. We graduated, and over the last two years he has randomly texted me even while he was in a relationship.

About a month ago he texted me saying he was thinking about me. I was curious so I replied. Apparently he had been taking care of his mother during the last stages of cancer and was doing a lot of self-reflection. He wanted to apologize for the way he acted in college. We started talking everyday from when he woke up till I went to bed. At one point I was going to visit him and stay over. I realized I had feelings for him and told him I didn’t know if it was a good idea. I asked him where this was going, but he said he was just “conversing” with me.

After a few days of not talking, we started talking again. Our conversation became more intense (personal things.) He asked if I would visit and I agreed. So one weekend I went to his place, he cooked for me every meal and we watched movies all day. Sunday morning came and before I left I asked if this was going anywhere. He told me that he didn’t want to invest the time in anyone because he was dealing with his mom’s death and her belongings.

I was hurt and left kinda suddenly. A few days later I texted him, he said he hadn’t texted since I left because of how quickly I left. I told him that I was hurt by what he said, he explained that he didn’t mean to direct it at me, but that I had started a new job and he was focusing on selling his mom’s house. I asked him if I was wasting my time, or if there was something between us. I told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but was wondering if there was a possibility for one in the future. I told him to take some time and think about it. A day later he told me he was sorry, but he felt like he would be holding me back and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was hurt and asked him why he wanted me to visit so badly, and why he was talking to me so much if he wasn’t at least interested. He said that wasn’t his intention to hurt me and that he was sorry for leading me on. I told him not to text me again, and we both admitted that we were sorry for the way this was ending.

Did I do the right thing, by ending it? Was he just playing me, or does he really care and was scared to admit his feelings? Should I contact him or move on?

Reply January 20, 2014, 7:00 pm

Melissa

I’m a widow, lost my husband to a drunk driver and waited 11 years before I started
Dating. I met a very nice gentleman we became very close very fast. He’s a real charmer.
Found out his divorce wasn’t final but separation had been final for several months.
Fast forward we moved in together, very much in love to this day.
My grown son was very Leary of this man that left his home in bankruptcy and moved across country to live with me so he wasn’t ready to let my grandchildren around him. This made my Bf angry. He was here 3 weeks and I found a love letter to his ex. She had apparently became ill and he said he wrote it to her to help her feel better. II made him move out. He then flys ex down here to help him move back. Then starts crying to me to forgive him. I did. However I would not let him move back in with me. He had to take an apt. Through the next months we enjoyed each others company tremendously however I would still catch him talking to the ex. He always had great reasons, or excuses.i also caught him answering personals on Craigslist, he said his self esteem was down because he felt pushed aside. The last coupe de gras was when he got angry at me because he was not invited to my sons for Christmas Eve he took his ex on a two week trip to California. I was defaststed but forgave him because he just has that little boy charm that makes me feel he was just acting out and he loves me so much or though I wanted to believe. My son at this point would NOT let my grandchildren come around as long as he was here so I would have to ask him to leave when I had them. He finally moved back to his home state telling me it was my sons fault. I finally went no contact and he still texts me love songs and then gets silent which really keeps me torn up
I just want to know. Should I have told my son to kiss my rump and not sent my bf home when the grandchildren were coming?
Should I have stayed with him in Christmas Eve and not my grandchildren?
Have I totally messed up or am I on the right track getting this liar and Cheater away from me? I still love him so much. It’s the private moments and the wonderful charming things he would say and do that I can’t seem to get out if my heart.

Reply June 8, 2013, 2:08 pm

Debra

Dear Melissa, Why take crumbs from a man who does not have anything to give you but charm? I am sorry for the pain you must have had over losing your husband. My husband passed away three years ago. He was my soulmate, my darling. I have grown so much in the past three years. It is with God’s help that I am learning about men and the difference between charmers and a really good man. Our problem as women is when we click into mommy mode and find all kinds of excuses for the behavior of the immature man who is ruining our life! Why let this man continually take from you what only a husband should have? Your son is correct is is exhibiting moral behavior you could learn from! I don’t mean to be harsh, but so much pain and heartache comes from giving men the kind of intimacy that should only be given in marriage, and having the man use you up, then move on to other amusements, leaving you devastated. Let that man go back to his X, that is what he wants anyway. You can put yourself on a higher plane than being a type of “call girl” for a baby! I hope things work out better for you and that you find a man who will consider you a woman of value and not a nurse maid. For this to happen, you must value yourself and not throw your pearls before swine!

Reply September 16, 2013, 9:48 am

Amy

8 weeks ago he decided to end our relationship, there was no specific reason, but overall I was feeling he was pulling away from me a few days before that.
I tried to email him few times after the breakup, but no respond from him at all.
since about 10 days and on, he was leaving some sad comments about missing on his facebook page, but he never tried to contact me.
it has been 16 day since the last email I sent him.
we have been so much in love, never argued about anything, until this moment I still so much in love with him, and I miss him so much…
I want to ask, is there any chance, that he will try to contact me again? or after 2 month of a break up he will be long gone (I mean from man prospective )?
And after how long of waiting he might come back?

Reply April 16, 2013, 9:31 pm

Jessi

Hey girl, I’m going through the same thing. did he ever come back? I’m worried as well.

Reply May 29, 2013, 3:39 pm

Bianca

I went thru the same thing. Mine broke up with me one year ago and I still miss him. He contacted me four months after we broke and up he seemed to have regretted but wasn’t clear. It has been one year of hell. What helped me tremendously was a book called “He is scared, she is scared”. It explained what was going on in his mind. I highly recommend you to read it.

Reply June 11, 2013, 2:01 am

Maria

Hi Eric,

I had no choice of breaking up with my boyfriend after being cheated on with the same girl on three occasions and speaking with the chick– complety realizing I made a big mistake cause she said she was scared but worded it the same area that I did and made my life a living hell with the staring and gossip going about the situation. Now I ended the relationship with the packed most of his things except what was in thr laudry and mail– I have asked him to stop having his mail come to my home and have tried to make arraignments to drop off or he can pick up his things he says he will an never does or is always busy and now it’s three months– why would he do this communication is none and I was really upset and went off thr day of thr break up.. What should I think is going on- should I mail him his things? Need some advice…

Reply March 5, 2013, 7:19 pm

carla theriault

Don’t mail his things. DONT! move on. There’s no point in waiting on him to respond to anything. Sorry to be blunt but he does not care. And there’s no reason for you to waste your heart or energy on someone who does not do the same. I have been there, caring for someone and trying to be decent to them even though they were not decent to me. Bottom line if their things were that important, then they would make an effort to get them. NOT NOT NOT WORTH IT AT ALL! You deserve to be treated better. In fact, get rid of his things. They serve as a constant reminder of his horrible presence in your life. Run far far away from him, and say, good riddance to bad rubbish!

Reply March 5, 2013, 11:31 pm

Amy

I couldn’t be bothered reading what everyone had to write and their opinions and I really don’t care, I just wanted to say thank-you because your words have given me a huge insight into the minds of my ex. You’re exactly right and I believe he has gone and is going through the stages you have mentioned. It’s given me a sense of realization and closure. I couldn’t thank you enough.

Reply January 3, 2013, 3:37 am

Shani

Hi Eric,
I don’t think you’ll get the chance to reply to my comment but I just want to also thank you.
My first relationship ended about 2 and a half months ago. He was initially really understanding about it but he definitely got less patient. He hooked up with someone a week later, became angry when I told him I was having a rough time, and as time passed and I had finally come to terms with the break up (kinda sorta), I tried to point out the positive things I got from the relationship and he lashed out by saying he wasn’t ready to reminisce on the good times just yet. Which although caused me to break down, made me realize that he does care and miss me, and it hurts him as much as it hurts me, but rather than letting himself think too much about our relationship, he avoids it and thinks it’ll all just disappear. But I know one day, when he tries to actually have something deep with a girl, I will be the first thing that comes to mind. And I pride myself in knowing that I still do mean a lot to him, whether he wants to confront that thought or not.
Thank you for making me feel a whole lot better than I have been recently.

Reply October 11, 2012, 2:56 am

achrysalis

thanks! this, and so many of the other pieces ‘speak’ to me. as indeed they do to many people here – so gracias for doing what you do, the thought and the empathy.

i don’t think my current situation is any more unusual than others. its just that each of us has to endure our own lives and struggles, and sometimes these get hard. the short of it is that i have been single for a long time now (after a painful divorce 10 years ago), with intermittent relationships, none of which worked (often because i wasn’t ready). now i finally feel that i can (maybe) be with someone – and – as luck would have it, the person i like a lot is a very old friend. unfortunately there’s a complicated history there too – we had a brief something many years ago, and he couldn’t handle it ( he was coming out of something then). he disappeared for a while. we met again some years later, when i was with someone else, and he too. and got back as friends, which was great as we were very close at one point. the last some years its been like that – light, very friendly, and certainly nothing that could be even remotely complicated. suddenly this changed for me a couple of months back. this was soon after he broke up with his 2nd long term partner, moved out, and began seeing more of me. and all the usual stuff – more emails, calls, meetings, chats on messenger etc. and then i went out of town for a month – and he was meant to come and travel with me. this didn’t happen – there were health issues in his family, and i must confess i was a little relieved too. i wasn’t clear if i could move it up a notch without us ever speaking about what had happened between us in the past….

to cut this long ramble short, we were in very close, and extremely fond contact when i was away. when i returned he was away. suffice it to say that he’s been back almost a month, and hasn’t made an effort to see me. even though before i returned it was all plans about what we should do. i made contact a couple of times – in fact, each time, i initiated contact. but i feel he’s pulling back. i never push if he doesn’t reply. partly i feel confused and hurt; partly its self preservation. we all know people who want to make contact, do so.

yesterday morning i suddenly got a chat message from him (even though i was offline) saying he was sorry he missed me the other day on chat, but is now out of town on work and is back next week; and that he had been sick in between which is why he didn’t call. hmmm…..i didn’t reply – because i don’t know what to say. everything sounds wrong. and excessive, given where we are at the moment. i can’t say that i am not hurt or confused. i am. yet, i like him enough to give him a long rope.

and after reading some of your pieces (both of yours actually) i feel he is still confused and messed up with his break up. and then there is this strange thing with me – partly terribly comfortable because of the history of friendship; partly, terrifying maybe because its clear that if we moved it beyond this stage, it would have to be serious….

so, taking a leaf out of your book, i have tried to focus on myself, my interests, friends, work, etc. and try not to think too critically of him; as indeed too fondly. after all, who knows what will happen? i don’t want to get hurt – that’s all!

thanks for listening!

Reply August 12, 2012, 12:08 pm

Ashley

Hi Eric,

I was with my ex for two years I moved from my home state where I grew up at to be with him when he was transferred for the military. I gave up everything I knew to be with him. He did propose to me in December of 2011 and we were supposed to get married July 21, 2012. A month and a half from our wedding day he is texting a girl he met once over 1, 400 text messages in 3 days and yes it’s not a typo I do mean over 1,400 messages. He didn’t feel it was wrong and thought she was a cool girl and wanted to get to know her. I did not agree with him, but he turned it around on me saying he can’t trust me when. All I do is go to work, cook, clean and take care of him and the dogs. He called our wedding off over text message. The day before I found out if I had cervical cancer or not (I don’t thought :). Then he broke up with me the day after my cancer results. I packed my bags and moved to the sunshine state. What’s hurts the most is he said he didn’t want to get married because marriage isn’t for him and he doesn’t want kids ever. Even though he just got married August 8, 2012 to the girl he was texting. He knew her for 2.5 months and only saw her on his days off 10 days out of the month maybe if that. I feel like I have been slapped in the face and I’m embarressed about it all. How do you get over something like this and have a life again? Help me please…I want my life back.

Reply August 9, 2012, 10:24 pm

Machine

You sound like a teenage girl,no offense.Well,his confidence went up when he joined the military.Be grateful that he cut you loose early.Thank God the guy didn’t have kids with you and then leave you lol.No offense,but 2 years isn’t long enough to whine about lol.Wait until you’re with someone over 5-10 years lol.Be thankful to God and cut your losses.Don’t blame him for your demise in Florida.Just live your life.Your peers in girly films seem to do this well.Educate yourself and worry about your career.Men are a dime a dozen,and the same holds true for women lol.Good luck,I hope you don’t have cancer.

Reply September 4, 2012, 9:37 am

carla

that is so sad. I am sorry this happened to you. I experienced something like this once where the guy actually left me after 5 years, and married a girl after a year. It took me months to get over it, but looking back now I can honestly say I’m glad he ended things. There were a lot of thing he did that bothered me and he just wasn’t the right one for me. Rejection hurts of course. It makes you feel like less of a person than who the guy you love chose over you. I bet if you looked back into that relationship one day after time has passed, you will see that he probably wasn’t the one for you. Just because it doesn’t work out with someone does not mean you suck, it just means you two may have not been right for each other. The other girl is not some goddess among women, she just might match his preferences more. No woman or man is perfect for everyone. Kind of like how not every shoe fits. You will, with time come to the point where you say, “good riddance” or something of the like. If someone can leave you just like that, then why waste time caring about them? You’ll see I promise. I’m sorry that he didn’t have the decency even to commiserate after giving 2 years of your life to him. But you are better off not caring for sure.

Reply March 1, 2013, 11:49 am

Ecs_11

Hi Eric, first off I know my comment isn’t exactly suitable for this particular post but I am still going to go ahead and post it anyway. I would like to thank you for your amazing website and your very enlightening e-mails. You’ve helped me greatly and I highly think of you and of anewmode. I am submitting this comment because of the tremendous depression I felt after reading your full series/newsletter titled “Inner World of Men”. It is probably the most depressing thing I’ve read in my life, especially the e-mail about how you and Amy broke up. I understand the point you tried to make was that on the road of love you will get heartbroken but can I please say one thing? True love is one where both partners fight to their last breath to stay with each other. The reason I am greatly affected by the story of you and Amy is because it highly resonates with the relationship I currently have with my boyfriend and best friend of four years. We’ve been through exactly what you and Amy went through; we went through HELL and then some. Ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends getting involved, self-esteem issues, guilt-tripping, so many “breaks”, you name it – but we’re still together – STILL together after fighting so hard for four years to be with each other and now we’re in a place that we’ve never been in before. We’re in a place of pure clarity. And we have the exact same love you and Amy had, the same chemistry, the same passion, the same understanding and romance you described in Part 8, maybe even more so. And yet there were times when we couldn’t stand each other, there was a phase in 2011 when we would fight if we were in the same room for more than 5 minutes. We honestly traversed the realms of heaven and hell a million times. And I’ve been so bad to him to, trying to torture him for mistakes he’s done. I’ve neglected his needs as a man, I’ve crushed his ego, and he’s broken promises. Yet we never left each other’s side. He never cheated, and I never stopped taking care of him. We stuck together, we fought hard, we fought until our bones gave away from underneath us. Yeah we’ve taken “breaks” and “personal space” but despite all that anger and bitterness whenever he walked into a room my whole world would light up, everytime. He stuck by me – I turned from the cool, passionate, adventorous gf who would make love in the back of a subway train to the jealous, possessive, crazy gf and he STILL stayed by my side. He turned from the romantic chivalrous knight in shining armor to a cold-hearted bf who doesn’t return calls or texts for days on end. And yeah there were times when I wanted to kill myself because of him, but whenever I saw him sleeping at night, peacefully breathing by my side, it’s like all those demons and all that anger was washed away in a heartbeat. And that’s how I know our love is true. That’s how I rest assured that if we stayed together 50 years from now we’ll still love each other and the flame will still be burning. He held on to me in my worst times, he stuck by my side and I stuck by his – he tolerated me at times when I couldn’t tolerate my ownself and I’ve forgiven him for everything. And we made it through, today, we’ve reached a stage in our relationship where he’d verbally beat someone up if they interrupted my speech, and I’ve reached a point where if someone insults him with so much as a word I’ll cut that person from my life completely. I said all this to get THIS golden point across: When you find someone who loves you and at the end of the day can still lie by your side at night despite all your flaws, STICK WITH THEM. Cherish them, hold on to them, love them with all your heart. NEVER let go, NEVER. Two people who TRULY love each other would never give up on each other. “Love never fails”- 1 Corinthians 13:8. That’s what making it through the thick and thin is all about, that’s what through health and sickness is, that’s what genuine love and a great relationship is! Love isn’t just butterflies and cotton candy, love is sticking with your partner when the sh*t hits the fan and you’re elbow-deep in misery. Love is going through hell and back but still holding on to each other and still being capable of loving each other despite everything. When you were describing Amy in your newsletter it sounded like you were describing the love of your life, your soulmate. How could someone let go of a love like that? Even if things get sour, and they ALWAYS do in EVERY relationship, it takes BOTH of you to hold on and make things better. Things need to get sour so you both learn how to make it all better. We make mistakes to learn, and grow together, helping each other become better and stronger in the process. A relationship is like a seed, it will endure tides and storms but if you treat it right and learn how to take care of it, it grows up to become a magnificent tree. Never let go, never. I am posting this so that I can give HOPE to people out there, and tell them relationships aren’t like fruit, once they go rotten you can’t make them better. YES you can, and I HAVE. All you need is faith in yourself, your partner and your relationship. And you need to come from a place of love. All that heart-ache and anger and holding on to little mistakes just LET IT GO, forgive, forgive, forgive. Let it go. Let it go until there is nothing left in your heart for your partner but love. Love generates love, it’s pure positive energy that will attract good things with it. Anger, fear, guilt, blame, those are negative energies and all they’ll bring with them is more negativity and ultimately a terrible break up. Come from a place of love and I mean cherish their FLAWS even. Make a love journal if you can, write 10 things that you love about your partner everyday /or a list of good things that your partner does for you and contemplate it – and then go thank your partner for it. We humans tend to forget how good a person is to us and we just focus on what they did wrong or what’s so bad about them. We’re so focused on the thorns on a rose that we completely forget its beauty. It’s so sad it really is how people LET a good relationship slip away, especially when there is always a solution. I know I’ve written so much but as you can see I’m a passionate person. Eric, I want nothing but love and peace for you and love and peace for everyone out there and everyone reading this. I say this because the thought of losing the love of my life paralyzes every cell in my body and I really don’t want to see anyone go through that.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

Blessings
Ecs_11

Reply August 7, 2012, 5:33 pm

Eric Charles

First, I appreciate the comment.
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You have to realize that the story was simplified and I could only get in so much detail… it was 10 episodes long as it was they were big e-mails.
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It wasn’t meant to advocate anyone’s actions from the story… It was meant to bring things to the table to discuss, like you’re doing here.
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It’s a story from my own personal experience and I did use it to highlight certain points and universal relationship experiences, but it wasn’t meant to counter your point of sticking together.
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Life changed around us and we both realized that we had more living to do. Amy and I lived in the glow of youthful idealism and innocence never lasts. We went separate ways for reasons that extended beyond what was written. But that’s partly by design because I wanted to open the discussion and address the points that came up thereafter…
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Like I said, this was years ago and I was in my mid-20s. I’m 30 now… I’ve learned a lot and gained plenty more years as a dating coach. But I didn’t want to tell the story in a way that sugarcoated what actually happened. If I did, it wouldn’t have been helpful.
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Don’t be depressed – it’s just a story and ultimately the story is meant to help and bring things to light.

Reply August 7, 2012, 5:52 pm

JClair

We should appreciate that Eric is sharing deep private stuff so we can have a better understanding of men and relationships.
.
Eric, I have a question regarding this article and the series. When I broke up with my ex, he started dating another girl. After a month they were a couple in Facebook, had tons of pictures together, spent every waking minute together and obviously this led to a needy and troublesome relationship. When they broke up, he was single for a year. After this year, he contacted me again and after a while, we got back together. It’s a great relationship, but he is having a bit of a commitment phobia (which he didn’t have in our previous relationship). Do you think it’s related to his other relationship?

Reply August 7, 2012, 11:21 pm

Toni

Hi Guys,
I need some advice here… I broke off a relationship with my ex after a little over a year of dating. He was childish for his age, 35 acted like he had the mantality of a 20 yr old, he started getting too comfy and calling me names when he drank and got upset with me, mostly bc I didn’t agree with his point of view, he also has a tendency of over exaggerating past arguments or situations.
We did work together for about 5 yrs. Recently he started a page on FB with the people we use to work with, in which I was invited by past coworkers. I noticed that he has recently blocked me from this page… How incredible immature for a 35 yr old man to act.
Granted we have been broken up for 3 months now..
He didn’t block me from his FB page, just the page with our ex coworkers..
I really want to put him down and tell him how stupid it is….
Any suggestions??

Reply August 4, 2012, 10:32 am

Stephanie

Yes, I have noticed that in my ex’s behaviour as well. I kinda pity them in a way…

Reply July 27, 2012, 11:20 pm

Machine

I guess you’re the amazing vagina?No worrys honey,you’ll dry up when you’re 40 and no hot man will want you then lol.

Reply September 4, 2012, 9:45 am

Lonesome

And what about the guy who starts seeing a different girl two weeks before he plans to break up with his girlfriend of over two years?

Reply July 22, 2012, 11:14 pm

Joe

I would hate to be in that man’s shoes! If it were me, i would be running back to tell her the truth. I’ld accept the heat for what i had done. And pray to god that one day she’ld forgive me! I once was like him, I dated this girl for years but I thought the grass was greener. We fought alot so i figured there was something better and if not i could go back to her. I was wrong on all accounts. I lied and she caught me so instead of beong honest i hurt her and i left her and i started calling and going out with soneone else. But she wasnt her and she couldnt ever replace my baby. I let her go and I lost her forever. The biggest mistake I ever made in my life. The only one I hurt in the end was me. So don’t worry, the guy will long be sorry and because you were fair to him, you’ll find love and happiness like she did. I left her and i let her hurt because it wasn’t easy on me. I lied about everything. Now I’m the one that hurts for what I did and i will most likely miss this girl for the rest of mu life. But my selfish ways and lies cost me everything. This is a road I would never wish on anyone.

Reply July 31, 2012, 12:28 pm

Dani

hey Joe

thanks for comment Joe

can u please scroll down to my post

do u think my ex regrets

the “other woman” (aka grass is “greener” person) stalked and harassed and tried to traumatize me until he got in on it, the result was a very bad car accident i got into.

with no support, this happened.

do u think he cared?

Reply July 31, 2012, 2:47 pm

Dani

ps

not that i should care

so mad

so sad

Reply July 31, 2012, 2:48 pm

Dani

though

July 31, 2012, 2:48 pm

Paula

Wow Eric,
So many people ask for your advice and you ignore 90% of them…The only time you comment is to think someone for liking the article or defending yourself.
Kind of a douche bag thing to do.

Cheerio

Reply June 29, 2012, 4:56 am

Eric Charles

I would love to answer everyone’s questions… there aren’t enough hours in the day…
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I run two companies and only 10% of the work I have to do is writing content. It’s a lot of work.
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Plus, I’m doing it for free… I don’t know how much free time you donate to complete strangers, but I’ve happily donated thousands of hours over the years.
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My mentality is that I give as much time as I can give… and when I give my time, I try to do it in a way that will help millions of women, not just one individual (yes, this pink-drenched website gets over 5 million visitors in a year, so imagine the amount of questions I get…)
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So I mean, that’s the reality of it. If you think my way of handling things is “douche bag”-esque, just remember that I never charged anyone a dime for it.

Reply June 29, 2012, 12:04 pm

Samantha

Hi Eric,

Just wanted to say that this is a great site and I definitely appreciate everything you do for total strangers. I totally get that you don’t have time to give every single woman a couple paragraphs of advice about her individual situation. However, if someone has a particularly interesting question or if you see a lot of women with similar questions, I’d like to hope that you’d use those questions as ideas for new blog posts.

Reply July 2, 2012, 12:46 am

Eric Charles

Yeah, I try my best to do that. I am tremendously grateful for everyone who posts comments and asks questions on here and on the forum. Tremendously.
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There are many times where I’ll see a similar question pop up a few times and it’ll spur me to write a post about it. I almost always read the short questions and comments.
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It’s the long ones that I can’t get through… tough to read and usually it’s 1% question and 99% unnecessary details that are intended to maintain the illusion that the situation isn’t what they fear it is… Pretty much the longest questions are from people who already know the answer, they just don’t want to face it.
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I say that with love though – I’m not trying to be a dick. But there’s some helpful truth to that statement (maybe not a truth we want to acknowledge, but it’s true…)

Reply July 2, 2012, 12:53 am

Machine

Amen preacher man.

Reply September 4, 2012, 9:47 am

Eric Charles

Thanks.

Reply September 4, 2012, 7:02 pm

zesty

Hi Eric,
I am just coming out of the tunnel of despair after a break up four months ago and discovered this site a couple of days ago. I am so appreciating your insightful and articulate sharing. This writeup in particular really helped me turn a corner. Specifically, how you explained why a guy that loved you one day can seem to have gone cold the next. Also the narrow range of emotions in the shallow end of the pool between amused and content — so true!

My love was not articulate or even of average ability when it came to communication — except for in his song writing. Looking back I can see how little focus he has given to his personal growth, self awareness, and emotional intelligence. We were long distance and I felt we over relied on texting to the detriment of related voice to voice telephone communication. I think he took it wrong when I asked him to quit texting me cause next thing I knew he was dumping me by saying I loved him more than he did me. I was stunned and shocked, especially as this happened on Valentines Day about a week before he had a tour date in my town.

My driving motivation was to not have things end on a bad note. I wanted to see him and make peace and celebrate / honor the blessing of our connection. He refused. I’ve kept the lines of communication open these last four months by texting, emailing — never calling. He ignored me time after time. Just this last month he has responded back in a slow manner a couple of times, then this week we had a real time exchange via text, in which he said some very sweet, healing things about his feelings for me. Of course I immediately fell into hope that he might be coming back, then all my anguish came up, and now I feel I finally have gotten to the peace and closure I craved: he sent me a good note, now it can end that way — on a good note.

If you have any insights about this story, please share. Otherwise, I just wanted to give you a deep and hardy thanks for your writings and articulate insight.

In gratitude,
Zesty

Reply June 19, 2012, 2:49 am

gizmotech

Yes, but at what point does he develop this “crippling neediness” to the extent that he fixes himself and at what point does he work out his issues? I have been split from my ex (fiance) for less than a month and he has already jumped into another relationship. As far as I can tell, that has been going on for at least a week and a half. I love him but I split with him because of those issues he has not dealt with. Neediness, manipulation, guilting me, picking ridiculous fights to try to control, never being satisfied with anything I did or how I showed love and affection. So, when will that happen? If he would do that, or would have already done that, we would still be together. I felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs when I found out he was already in another relationship. My only choice now is to work on my own issues, try to somehow put my heart back together and move on. I am very unsure at this point if I will ever truly trust anyone again. Seems he only wanted me to fill a void that ANY other willing woman can fill. Hurts a lot.

Reply June 18, 2012, 11:07 am

Dani Mulvenna

hey eric

my ex and i broke up brutal situation i had a *feeling* he and one of my “friends” liked each other. we broke up but she still made my life hell, got all of our friends against me, set up camp at where he and i would hang out, isolated and abused me

he and i were a good unit but not tough enough for this. i was getting depressed and had to go on sick leave from my job.

a few months after the breakup he is contacting me *begging* me to meet up, but my gut is telling me that it is to: see me but also to see if he can get closure and meet as friends, so that he would not feel so bad then going over to my “friend.”

he then started harassing me non-stop and she and her friends were harassing me as well (felt like high school bullying to be honest). would have been able to handle it if i was working and had my friends etc. but i was unemployed and like i said the other friends were already being dicks to me.

anyway both he and she were messing with me as best they could (her more than him).

tragically, in early november after he was text harassing me, i was so upset i got into a Very bad car accident. i have a head injury from it. as a result of the head injury a few months later i fell and got a Very serious leg fracture. it taking one year for me to walk again.

he came to the hospital after my leg fracture but, after being discharged i took a cab to his house and he instantly called the police on me, trying to make me look like a stalker (which i never was). the police arrived asked him to Speak to me and be compassionate. he did and it was ok. i left the next day (no funny stuff, i was very injured).

question is: do you think he feels bad about this? most of this situation was concocted by the “friend” of mine (known her 1/2 my life so she knew the buttons to push and some very traumatic stuff from the past etc).

he eventually contacted her asking her to “help” me (Him to her: “she is not eating or sleeping don’t know who to ask can you take her for walks and food she won’t speak to me she is angry with me); she instantly said “i have no idea what you’re talking about .. i heard she (meaning me) “lost it” on a few other friends, call me” (with her number); they even tried to plan an “intervention” to “help” me (this was all of course just an excuse to contact each other; neither attempted to actually help me At All).

So – i almost died and have a permanent head injury and Brutal leg injury as result from this hell situation. Do you think he feels bad?

You know they cannot hook up (she is still trying Super hard to, they are in touch on FB and both doing creepy attraction crap to each other on there).

Do you think he feels bad about what happened to me? I know she does not, I have had the misfortune of bumping into her a few times in the last few months and she subtly laughing at how terrible i am doing. my demise was her goal, *anything* to make me less attractive to him.

what do you think?

Reply June 17, 2012, 8:38 pm

Nina

Wow, Dani

Can I just say that I am so sorry for what you went through. I am glad you were able to survive such hell but I am sorry you went through such a horrible accident. Their actions (both his and hers) infuriate and disgust me. How can people be so cruel!? At this point, I would not dwell on thinking about him or his feelings. He sounds like a horrible person and proved it with his actions. Wow, I’m still in shock. Horrible people, these two. Focus on yourself and healing. It will be hard to not think about him and any questions regarding the experience but I wouldn’t waste 1 millisecond of thought on this scumbag.

Reply June 25, 2012, 6:40 pm

carla

stay away from them. all this negativity coming from them is just so bad for you. find new friends and never look back. focus on your life and getting things back together for yourself. none of them sounds like a decent human being-even the guy you love. it’s just not worth all that. as for the other woman, let her laugh and do her thing. people who live like that end up hurting themselves somehow. they may even find their way back to you when they do. PLEASE DO NOT FALL FOR THAT! good luck with everything. and stay away from them.

Reply March 1, 2013, 12:13 pm

Michelle

My story is as follows: My ex and I met in High School, he contacts me again via Facebook after fifteen years, he’s in the Army and stationed in Korea at that time. We talk everyday, for hours, and he starts saying “I love you” and promising marriage almost right out the gate. We begin dating, then he leaves Korea to come back to the states….he avoids me for a week. We “get back together”, and spend almost all of his leave together, at which we are still talking about marriage, kids, and the “future”. He gets stationed in NY at Ft Drum, I go to see him in March, he breaks up with me via TEXT MESSAGE three days later. Everything is MY FAULT, he says I’m “irrational, unstable, rude, and inconsiderate”, all this happy horseshit…he never makes amends, never talks directly TO ME about any of this shit…now I’ve found out that he cheated on me and is now married to the girl he cheated on me with, less than two months after breaking up with me.

I know how to pick them.

Reply May 28, 2012, 2:29 pm

Machine

Well,anybody not desprate themselves,could see the guy was desprate.You don’t email old flames,unless the sea had dried up lol.Hence,they’re plenty of fish in the sea.If it’s too good to be true,it is.Always rember that hunny.True love doesn’t send you an email lol.This old flame,it’s obvious,never let you go lol.Well,he has let you go now.You should be happy.

Reply September 4, 2012, 9:55 am

Tegan

Hi,
I’m really confused at the moment I’m 19 and have just finished my first year of Uni and suddenly my boyfriend of 2 and a half years became cold about 3 weeks ago and then dumped me on Friday. I was in complete shock, we’ve always been eachothers emotional support and I know long distance was hard on him but we were doing well just over a month ago. He was saying that he really loved me and that he wanted to marry me and that he missed me only like 5 weeks ago. But now he’s saying he doesn’t miss me nor care about me?! How could this happen do quickly, we always promised we’d be honest if we met someone else so I asked and he told me that that wasn’t the case he just felt that he didn’t care anymore. But when I suggested that we use summer to see if we could get it to work he pretty much panicked and said that if that was the case then it’d just be the same next Uni year… I asked him for a goodbye kiss (I expected a peck on the lips) but he gave me a tight hug and a proper kiss and I was trying to pull away but he held on tight?! What the hell is going on? He’s also been texting me more than he was the past 3 weeks… What should I do?

Reply May 28, 2012, 6:24 am

julio

Hi Tegan. seems like this guy really cares about you but he is trying to speed up the break up process. And the only thing I can advise you to do is to end it with him in good term. The fact that you want to work things out with him over the summer is antagonizing for him since your practically making it sound like you are playing with his emotions. to make it simple, he sees it this way “if you cared to be with him, you would not let him be alone”. I am not saying your cruel but based on what you explained, that seems to be the case with him his point of view.

Reply July 10, 2012, 11:52 am

Machine

What should you do lol….Finish college and move on with your life.You haven’t put in enough years in your life to recive an answer.Live longer and go through many more breakups please.You’re still a baby,grow up.Focus on your career and wake up.Well,life is hard,so get use to it.

Reply September 4, 2012, 10:00 am

Samantha

So, short question for you Eric, if you don’t mind. Things were seemingly going great with my guy, but then he broke up with me. A few months later, I sent him a brief, non-gushy “I’ve forgiven both of us” email, and then he lashed out at me worse than I ever thought he could. If the break-up affected him THAT much, then why’d he dump me in the first place? And do you think he’ll try to come back? And if he does try to come back, should I still trust him after he lashed out like that?

Reply May 15, 2012, 10:20 pm

carla

no point in waiting around for him. it hurts but often we miss out on happiness because we’re too busy looking at the pile of sad that we want back so desperately. even if things were great and it happened out of nowhere, realize this: he dumped you. he was willing to take the chance to let something go meaning it wasn’t worth it to him to hold on. do yourself a favor and do the same. someone who just lets go for good does not see the value in you as worth it to keep. I wouldn’t trust him. his behavior sounds confusing though i have no idea what he even said. still, move on you’ll eventually be happy you did.

Reply March 1, 2013, 12:21 pm

Samantha

Thanks for the advice, Carla. Point taken.

I’ve gotten a lot of mixed advice about this guy. Some people tell me to give up on him and move on because he “has problems” or “doesn’t know what he wants.” Others say that I should hold on because, if he truly likes me, he’ll come back eventually. On both sides, a lot say that he seems really scared.

I’ve gotten a lot of mixed messages from him. Sometimes he’s friendly/flirty and he often gets really shy around me. But, other times, he flips out and pushes me away (which is normally extremely out of character for him because he’s honestly one of the gentlest and most caring people I’ve ever met).

Honestly, I don’t know what’s going on, but my best guess is that he genuinely likes me but that he’s extremely scared of getting hurt. (He did tell me that he’s afraid of starting new relationships in case they end badly and I know he’s been hurt badly by women in the past.) Whether he ever manages to get through those fears or not, only time will tell.

For myself, I’ll always love him but he doesn’t control my life any more. If he comes back, then we could potentially have a really great relationship but, if he doesn’t, then I’m not going to chase him or wait for him.

Reply March 1, 2013, 2:40 pm

Missy

Great article Eric, has given me pause for thought. I’m in a new relationship with a great guy & I believe we have both found what we are looking for in a partner. We’ve said as such, & he tells me so. I’m still a little gun shy from a breakup 2 yrs ago with a man that dumped me without hesitation for his toxic ex wife (& his lovely children)- we were dating 6 mths & he was divorced for 5 yrs. He admitted later she tricked him to break us up & it only lasted a few weeks, very nasty stuff. 2nd time she did that to him. We have remained friends of sorts. This experience has made me suspicious of my new man whenhe refers to his ex wife or ex girlfriends in any way, either a winge or an anecdote. He is straight up & very honest & I doubt I will lose him to his nostalgic emotions like the other boyfriend but it still lingers in the back of my mind. In your experience, do men pine for lost loves even if that woman was the worst thing that happened to him? Guess I’m looking for straight answers as well as security haha.

Reply May 15, 2012, 5:12 pm

Neika

Was dating this guy for 5 months and things felt off for a few days out of the blue and he asked for a break to think and deal with stuff Im not clingy nor stay where i dont feel wanted so i granted his request i had refused to speak to him ect.. b/c i was giving him his space then couple days later he as a girlfriend except he’s still telling me he wanted me back i said no and held my ground weeks go by and he starts to get emotional and starts to show that he cares n wants me back so i take him back except things that he said would change didn’tm i was giving 80% i admit because i didnt wanna give my all againjust yet and then he leaves once more but he was only giving 50% if that much. Nothing changed i felt unwanted, single and unloved by him he just didnt seem serious about making it work so i broke up with him and he was saying how he loves me and stuff but i wasnt really trying to hear that so a day later he as a new girlfriend….. Im hurting and he seems ok… does he fit any of your catigory ?

Reply May 12, 2012, 8:47 pm

julio

Yes he does. Seems like both of you have been careless of the relationship and have beaten the value of the relationship out of it. The right thing is to start fresh with someone else and have strong values you can honor in the relationship. He sound like he is hurt by certain things in the relationship. Let him be happy finding the right person in life while you do as well. One thing I learn after a relationship ends is to learn from the mistakes and value myself more as well as how to protect and cherish the new relationship and if my partner wants to break the rules I believe in then they careless to be with me.

Reply July 10, 2012, 12:04 pm

Machine

It’s obvious your fat living at the farm.You’re pulling my legg right?Just 5 months and you need an answer lol.Well,you don’t deserve an answer after,only, 5 months lol.Put in another few years tops lol.

Reply September 4, 2012, 10:04 am

Eric Charles

Easy now…

Reply September 4, 2012, 7:01 pm

SV

Hi Eric,

I have recently gone through a really tough breakup. I was engaged to someone I loved dearly and who had been a good friend to me back in high school. We started dating my freshmen year of college and he proposed to me last year in April at the end of my sophomore year. My ex fiance broke off our engagement this past February (my last semester of my junior year). He has completely cut me off and it hurts to know the one person I trusted would do something like that. He’s told people that he “realized” he didn’t love me even though he cared about me. The night he broke off our engagement and called off our wedding (yes, we had set a date) he told me that he was confused, that we were so different and compared me to his friend’s girlfriends. I don’t understand how he completely changed like that. Someone told me that my ex fiance has gone back to being the “real” him that he use to be, the one who would party and drink. I loved him dearly and am going into my senior year now of college and soon to graduate school. How can he be so cold, like he doesn’t care at all about me or the fact that we were engaged and planning a wedding? He did say twice before (one being during the break up) that he was scared he would never meet someone who loved him as much as I did or cared about him the way I did. So, why did he have to do what he did? It just does not make sense. I am sad by the engagement break up and was wondering, is he really that happy with his decision and acting like we never mattered?

Reply April 25, 2012, 12:50 pm

perla

Show details


> Well here is my story. I was engaged and both madly inlove and planned to get married in december.
> From the begining i have noticed that his sister and brothers wife are very controling of henry my fiance.

> I never said anything about his sister but his brothers wife got on my last nerve, she would tell him what to do abd try to controle him infront of me.
> I always told him to put limits yo her coz things were getting out of hand and it was like i didnt exist.

> They would get very upset if my fiance didnt do wgat they want and they did not get that he was engaged and me and him were planning our future.

> We kept fighting together coz i wanted him to put limits to his brothers wife specially that i will be living in the same building with his sister and brothers wife. They were not only trying to controle him only they were trying to cobtrole me and they would get upset coz they couldnt.

> My parents and friends started opening my eyes that he has no personality abd how will ur life be with him.

> To cut the story short at the end he understood whats going on with his brothers wife and he promissed to put limits for her coz she was out of controle.

> The day he put limits on her it got out of controle and the whole familly got involved and i turned out to be the bad person and he left me.

> I tried to talk to him and fix things and even told him lets not get the familly involved at the end we love each other abd we will get married.
> He would agree and as soon as he is away from me he would get scared if they knew he is back with me. For 3 days same senario. Then he tells me to go tqlk to his sister and brothers wife and convince them and make them like me so me and him can be together.

> Im shocked and lost and i feel as i never knew him. He is 38 years old and iam 32. We r not kids.

> All the people i know r telling me to wake up abd he is not a man and life with him will be controled by his familly.

> He is scared for them to even feel that he might be talking to me again.

> He just left me like that im hurt and really shocked.

> I tried everything to get him back but now i will dissapear.

> Im really hoping he loves me like he showed me all this time and that he becomes a man and has personality to fight for our love. Coz honestly im tired of defending what he did infront of familly and friends coz im starting to feel they r right.

> Please im desperate give me ur advice.

Reply April 24, 2012, 12:21 pm

Ching

Great article.
My ex told me he has moved on 2 weeks after we broke
He does seem to fall under any of the categories you mentioned…. or does he ?

Reply April 22, 2012, 6:53 pm

Andrea

The more that I read everyone’s comments on here its confirms the answer to my question even more. I have been in a relationship for 10 years and we have 3 children. We’re both 27 now and have been together since we were 17/18. I couldn’t even imagine how long it would take me to type out a question here that would turn into 50 questions. My point being we have had a great 10 years, there has been so many trials and tribulations its not even funny. Cheating, breakup’s, makeup’s the list goes on… I still to this day don’t understand the things my man does and says, the excuses he has and the shit he does and quite frankly if I sat here and wondered about it I wouldn’t be any closer to an answer as I was at the start of this comment. I’ve made a decision to leave him soon, I just need to sort out all of the small annoying things that go along with the end of a breakup. That by far will be the hardest thing I will ever do so far in my life. I don’t think its easy in any breakup but this time its not over any dramatic scene or drunken escapade. I’m doing it because I have finally realized after all these years that shit doesn’t change and neither will he . He like’s living the way he does – he’s become comfortable in every sense. How we fight, our make up style. Everything unique to our relationship he likes and so, he will never change. Our relationship unfortunately has turned me toxic…

Reply April 5, 2012, 1:04 am

Tasia

Your comment sounds so much like what I am going threw right now. I’ve felt so alone thinking that no one could possibly understand. The horendous fights, the way he conviently forgets, how comfortable he is with how things are. He is never going to change and I’ve reached my breaking point. Always before he is the one who says during a fight, I’m gone, I’m done, Its over. I have never said anything close to that, but now during quiet times when hes not around and I’m just thinking, I accept that it is time to let him go. Even though I know he’s going to jump right back into a relationship, and pray on my insecurities. Even though I am going to have to be the one do mourne the loss of us alone.

Thank You For Making Me Feel Less Alone.

Reply May 25, 2012, 11:06 pm

Jessica

I broke up with my bf of 3 and a half months out of anger but it was not for no reason, I was a **** one weekend and that gave him doubts about our relationship, he ignored me all week only talked to me if I messaged him then he was short with me, I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing, finally he said he was having doubts about us but he expected me to wait 3 or 4 days to discuss them. I got so angry b/c i thought wow he doesnt care to fix our relationship or he wouldn’t be selfish and make me wait 3 or 4 days to talk so I dumped him via text message. I know that it was wrong of me to dump him by text, it was a long distance relationship and he clearly wasnt finding the time for me. I seen my bf at the time one day at week in which I drove an hour each way to see him and I always spent that 1 day a week hanging out with his friends, seriously who does that, it makes a girl feel great that the only alone time she can get is in a bedroom. Why are guys so selfish? Now I am the **** that dumped him and his best friend is saying nasty things about me. I just don’t get it. Did I actually hurt the guy that clearly only cared about what he wanted and didn’t even think about my feelings, the worst part is that I actually love the guy and I apologized but he doesn’t care. Now he is ignoring me and probably won’t ever speak to me again. Why are guys so immature and all about themselves? he seriously doesn’t think I don’t care god I cared more then anything and now a second chance can’t be given? some one please help me understand the mind of men.

Reply March 31, 2012, 8:53 pm

Jessica

Any thoughts on this one Eric? still trying to figure men out. I have not spoken to the ex in over a month.

Reply April 16, 2012, 12:21 am

wow

Thanks Eric for posting this up it’s made me realise that the things guys do may seem heartless but in reality there hurting to. It’s made me understand why he’s acted they way he has. We where more than friends/dating only for a little while but this guy left me the most confused. I will never really knew why it ended as only he knows the truth but it’s nice to know that going cold is common and now I realise why he did so as there was no point there was nothing left to say and it would only stir up emotions. Even when I found out there was more to it and texted him as a friend I heard nothing back. After reading your article I now understand he could of texted me something harsh but I think he generally cared about me so he said nothing. All the evidence over the past month has pointed to him feeling a loss on some level and caring for me on some level not to hurt me…well I hope lol. I will never really know if was because he wasn’t ready or wasn’t interested but at least after reading your article it’s opened my eyes to how guys deal with breakups and even though it may seem harsh or they ended it…it’s their way of getting over you. I need to tell my friends about this article thankyou :)

Reply March 30, 2012, 8:28 pm

Netty

Wow – wow is right! This article by Eric really opened my eyes and like you, Wow, I contacted the guy that I was dating until recently and got no reply. We dated semi-seriously for a little more than 7months and I had a personal pledge that I would only invest as much as he did, which I think helped when he decided to end things. Not that I didn’t care, I cared a lot about him and what we had shared. And afterwards, whilst hurt, I still cared and contacted him out of concern/friendship but heard nothing. This was confusing, hurtful and I’m glad I stumbled across Eric’s article to settle the confusion behind him ignoring me, it at least puts my mind at ease even if it isn’t the “real” reason for not replying. A great read & great to hear that you, Wow, now have a greater understanding of men’s behaviour, as I now do.

Reply April 16, 2012, 8:28 am

Eric Charles

Thank you – glad you liked it.

Reply April 16, 2012, 9:56 am

marina

How about a sociopath who you’ve known for six years, yet never met? few instances but it never worked out thankfully. We had a weird 7 month phone/text relationship and I told him off I’m done with the games, he goes you act like we’ve been talking for 6 years. Then raged then kept saying he doesn’t care.

Reply March 30, 2012, 12:08 am

marina

Eric could you help me? what’s wrong with him to do this? and what’s wrong with me to let him keep doing it for an extra 7 months. He kept flaking over and over while I started feeling sick, he said he promised that he’s gonna make it up to me so I said ok. the next day he ignores me all day, so that broke us up. and after he caused some drama he did admit that he hung out with two women that night and got drunk. and he was angry and yelling at me.Any advice please?

Reply April 17, 2012, 7:08 pm

Gaurav

It’s Amazing. Every word is true and courteous.
I am impressed, not just because I wrote a book illustrating a boy’s life after a breakup and teenage depression, but also because the way you understood the reality and wrote it.
It must have took you a lot of observation and discussion.
Great admiration for you man….

Reply March 29, 2012, 11:37 am

Eric Charles

Thanks a lot man… I appreciate that. Sounds like you could relate too. And yes, this was written through personal experience, observation of friends and hearing stories from men and women around the world.

Reply March 29, 2012, 12:36 pm

brokenhearted09

i have more questions.. i seriously dont know what to do anymore.. i have a friend that was my classmate back in HS, we didnt have anything back then but after 2yrs of graduation,we started hanging out and started to have feelings for each other. he asked me out many times and finally on the 7th time he did,i said yes. i didnt wana go out with him but he was asking for a chance many times and told me i wont regret it coz he will make me happy. so i tried..we went out for 6 or 7months but maybe only5months we were happy. i end up getting pregnant, the moment i found out i was pregnant,he told me to calm down and was so supportive. i really didnt worry that much coz he was so nice and all. but after 2weeks maybe, he just bacame colder and colder each day.. he told me he isnt ready for a child.. who is ready for a child?! i wasnt too..and still am not.. i planned to do abortion in order to save our relationship but told me he cant be with me whatever i do coz he wants to be free and does not want to have a gf. he said he still has feelings for me..he is so caring and sweet sometimes but most of the time mean.. i just dont know what to think,to believe, and to do.

Reply March 29, 2012, 1:05 am

Mustang123

Eric,
Great article, but got a couple questions for you….
Recently I met a guy through friends and he invited me over for a BBQ with a bunch of our friends (lets call him brian). I then asked if “Dan” could come, who is my boyfriend, he said fine. Also, my boyfriend and I live together are no longer romantically involved due to some issues on his part.
Anyway, back to the BBQ. I then went and met this girl that had almost the same name, birthday a day apart, and tons of other things in common. We were bonding out of control, and she seemed really genuine. I overheard people calling her brian’s girlfriend, and I was like okay cool he has a girlfriend were on the same page! Now I don’t have to worry about awkwardness if he was hitting on me. I was even excited for them, because I really thought she was cool. She then left that night and somehow we ended up owning the ping pong table undefeated and were genuinely laughing and having a good time as team mates.
His girlfriend and I exchanged emails earlier so she could send her this funny video online and she signed it (Brian’s friend) I was then really confused and thought okay maybe they are just starting to date or something. I then saw him at a social gathering a couple days later and he was really flirty with me, and eventually told me and my friend that him and his gf had broken up due to a big age gap. He said that he wants a girlfriend and all, but isn’t ready for marriage which is more what she was looking for during that time in her life. Then the whole night he was flirting with me, and texted me a couple days later asking me what I was doing that night, and I just said I had homework because I did. He also asked me to come to his friends lake house in a month for a birthday, and I said “how many people are going, a lot?” and he said “yes” and I was like “okay cool I think dan would be okay with me going then if a bunch of people are going, he’s just never on the social scene anymore”. Brian knows who dan is and we ran into him a couple years ago when we first started dating. Then a couple days later at a friends birthday brian and I were playing pool and he went to get a beer and got stuck at the bar talking to my bitter jealous ex from 3 1/2 years ago who had seen us playing, and they talked for like 15 minutes which was weird…cause I swear they weren’t even friends.
At the same time this is going on..my boyfriend got off work early and came and gave me a quick kiss and stole my pitcher and chugged it and walked out to the patio to say hi to people. Brian then came back and said “so you go out with dan huh?” and I was like “yeah I thought you knew that”. After that brian was really distant and I felt like a horrible person, but to be honest it was all a big misunderstanding. I dunno how I could have made it more obvious without being rude. At that point I just felt horrible and didn’t have the guts to say anything, but we’ve still been hanging out with friends. There is just a really huge chemistry, and many many many things in common that I’ve never had in common with anyone. Finally found the first guy to consider my “type” even though I thought I never had one. Everything he says seems to match up with all of my interest and hobbies. This one night at the lake house everyone was really drunk and we were talking all night pretty much and towards the end of the night he hugged me and said I really like you, and i’m so glad I met you, and this past month and a half has been really fun hanging out with you. I just I dunno really like you. and then threw in the “you know as a friend of course”. I said “I like you too” it just kinda slipped out, and then I was like “i’m really glad were friends”.
The thing is i’m probably moving out of my place with my boyfriend in a month, and I’m pretty sure we’re gonna break up because I think we’ve just grown apart. I just don’t know what to do about this situation with Brian. Who would go after a girl that was so similar to his ex girlfriend only 10 years younger? Is that automatic rebound? There is just a really big attraction and all of my friends have been saying that they think we would be really good together. I really like him and could see something with him the timing is just really off and I don’t want to hurt feelings, or give another hit to his ego. Or come to find out that I was just a planned rebound. I just don’t want to get into a situation where things become awkward. I wanted to say something like..”listen brian your a really great guy, and really like your presence, I just have way too much respect for you to even be in the category of a rebound, can we be friends?” What would you do eric (sorry about the really long post, just kinda a lot of detail to this story)

Reply March 28, 2012, 3:44 am

Vee

Hi Eric, thank you so much for this article – this is exactly what I needed. I just went through a break-up, with the guy doing it via e-mail. He was very very honest with me about his feelings, he said that he cared and loved me but he just has so many issues to deal with (almost all of which I knew about) and it wasn’t fair to me to go through those with him – he also apologized profusely and hoped that one day I would forgive him.

I had told him that I want to talk about it personally and he agreed because he wanted us to also talk about it personally but a week after telling me that, he hasn’t replied, so I’m guessing that talk will never happen. Am I right in thinking that? I know that he really is going through a lot, and understand that this has been so hard on him also as it has been for me. I’d like to think he is being a total ass, but based on the article maybe I should be thankful as he had been more out there with his feelings to me.

Reply March 25, 2012, 6:57 am

Lily

If a guy doesnt tell his friends we’re broken up but just tells them we’re having problems does that mean he’s not sure if he wants to stay broken up? Or is it that he doesn’t want his friend to know for sone other reason?

Reply February 18, 2012, 9:26 pm

Confused

I’ve been through the ringer in terms of bad relationships, dating, chasing women and such over the past 12 years. After the last one played me heavily and turned out to be very manipulative I developed a crush on someone else but put it aside despite seeing obvious signs on the part of this involved older woman. Things such as changing her hair including color and style, she even used a really soft tone when we talked the last time two and a half months ago. Anyway so after that I recently met someone, asked her out but she recently went MIA for a week and I have no idea what is up with her? Should I just move on or is it worth waiting and giving her benefit of the doubt to explain?
I do not want to fall so to speak as what she does not know due to previous rejections I have stopped drinking and smoking, (the last drink ever was on Feb 14th 2007.) Hence why valentines day is more sensitive a time then usual.

I do not understand women at all and have had my heart torn to pieces several times, each time taking some me time to re-evaluate things and change such mentioned above. Do I just use honesty, sincerity and openness with this person? There are some things from my past I would really rather she not know about.

Reply February 4, 2012, 1:07 pm

Kate

Always be honest. One day you will meet the right woman who wont hurt you. Men and women are all the same really. x

Reply February 9, 2012, 8:35 am

carla

if a woman/man loves you there will be no giving of the benefit of the doubt. they want to be with you and it will be clear. think of yourself when you love someone. you are caring and attentive and not confusing to the other person at all. if they are not that way, then they are not interested or in love etc.

Reply March 1, 2013, 12:25 pm

Kate

Eric..

I think my ex is the last guy you describe. I text him saying how much I still love him and wish it had been different and how much i miss him: no response. We met up and it overwhelmed me so much how in love with him i still am i ended up crying about it. i told him i dont want to be with him because i know where he is at in his life emotionally and mentally wouldnt make me happy etc (he couldn’t commit to me properly and sort out his clingy ex girlfriend)… but at the same time I cant bear the thought of him moving on.

I am still hopeful when he sorts himself out and i sort myself out we could still be as special as we were when we met… but all he said was ‘I still care about you, but I can’t deal with all the emotional stuff and spilling myself out… I have repressed it all… I want all the cliche stuff i want to be friends and have you in my life but I just cant deal with all that emotion and things… ‘.
I am so confused.
We were together for about 10 months. It was so amazing. And it fitted. But it was so the wrong time.
I want there to be hope.
I don’t know from what he said if there is…

Reply January 29, 2012, 5:08 pm

Kate

(he dumped me by the way… when his friends all kind of turned against me/us… and well yeah I just dont know now if what he says means there is any hope for a future with us…)

Reply January 29, 2012, 5:10 pm

mels

When my ex and I broke up, he threw everything away. When I say everything I mean EVERYTHING!! All of the pictures, dishes, sheets, decorations and so on. Not to mention everything that was mine that I forget in the apartment. I feel like he threw me away. Like I am trash to him.

Reply January 26, 2012, 2:31 am

Michael

@ Mells. You said that your ex threw everything away related to you when you broke up; I understand perfectly why he did; and you should too.. Me and my ex girfriend broke up 4 years ago; I broke it; she couldn’t live with my past; and I hated myself for it; so to be free I left her. I also got rid of everything she ever gave me; gifts; works of art she made herself; letters; stories and poems and so forth. The reason I did it; was becasue I was hurt; so much that I couldn’t keep anything that reminds me of her; it was too painful. Even though I got rid of everything; it didn’t help. I am 23 years old today; broke up with her at 19; it feels like yesterday. I know I shouldn’t be with her; had all these dreams of us together forever. Sometimes we hurt because our dreams are shattered. But life goes on; the will rise again tomorrow on new opportunities; new horizons.

Reply April 17, 2012, 3:24 pm

Ampi Roldan

oh my… I feel so bad for my ex now! I made him lose his friends :( I am a bitch.

Reply November 23, 2011, 12:24 pm

Eric Charles

You’re not – a “bitch” wouldn’t think she’s a bitch. She would just continue on mindlessly on her path of destruction.
.
You care and if you could change things, you would. But you can’t – you can only learn for the future.

Reply November 23, 2011, 3:22 pm

Melissa

There is a guy that I like A LOT like I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him. We were pretty good friends last year and I am positive he liked me. He always stared me or told me things that were cute and flirty. But summer hit and we didn’t talk more than once. And now that school has started we pretty much ignore each other except at lunch but I have to wave or say hi first. I don’t know what to do anymore because I can’t get over him but I think I should… What should I do?

Reply October 22, 2011, 2:32 am

Confused

Ask yourself if you still feel the same about him? I think the two of you should talk, discuss the situation on one level or another. I was in a similar situation but it turned out this girl made some things quite clear such as she was ignoring me as a means of moving on.

Reply February 4, 2012, 1:11 pm

molls

ok me and my exboyfirend were dating for 3 months and i knew him for four. things were good until the last months we had small fights, he broke up with me and after a month of breaking up he is now friends again with his ex girlfriend before me. when we were dating a made him delete her and now that were broken up he has her on facebook. why would he add he because when we were dating he said he was over her and that she was crazy and he wouldnt go back to her. i know i shouldnt care but i do, im trying my best to get over this guy i dont have him on facebook but when we were dating he said i was the best thing in his life, that he would never dump me, etc… and oh yah a friend told me he had made an account on pof and talking to girls on it and adding them on facebook.

Reply August 19, 2011, 8:00 am

blessing

How do u make a relationship work that is not build on trust ?

Reply July 28, 2011, 3:06 am

Confused

Based on my experience if there is no trust in a relationship it will most likely not last. Both people involved need to be comfortable around each other otherwise neither of you can grow as people.

Reply February 4, 2012, 1:13 pm

Axle

After a holiday , i thought i would go back to this girl ive falln for 3 months ago… But she never did.. She said the feelings have changed.. Although she kept on txting me how much she misses me and how amazing everything was back thn

Left with 2 options:
Its either i could just let things go and wsh for her happiness
Or i could fight for it

Im on the fighting stage part … Was it justified?

Reply July 24, 2011, 9:01 pm

Adeana

@Axle If u really wanted something or someone you would work for , show her that you are into to her and that you care etc. At the end it would worth it!!!

Reply December 12, 2011, 11:05 pm

Brianna

Eric, my boyfriend broke up with me at the end of this past april and about a week later started hanging around this other girl. I recently found out that he has lied to me on numerous occasions about hooking up with other girls and has continued up until now to still sleep with me. I didnt want to have him completely removed from my life because i still have feelings for him and i didnt want there to be bad blood between us so I allowed it to keep happening. I have made it known that he’s hurt me and he has yet to apologize or even acknowledge the fact that I exist. He has said mean things to our mutual friends and I dont understand it because HE was the one who broke my heart yet I’m the one being treated badly. I keep contacting him, which I know I shouldnt because I want to give him his time to himself but I miss him so sometimes I cave and text or call him. I want to try and give him time to miss me, (do you think he will miss me enough at some point to try and talk to me?) and I want us to be friends or at least civil with one another, but how long do you think I should wait to try and have a good relationship with him? or should I wait for him to contact me(even though I dont think he will)? and also do you think theres a chance that he would ever want to possibly get back together?

Reply July 19, 2011, 11:28 am

Adeana

IGNORE him is the best thing to do!!! Delete his # and u will get over it before u even know . then he will realize one day when them same girls hes chasing after stop checking for him , he would run back to u and that when he will realize what he had have gone . i always quote never take a good woman for granted.

Reply December 12, 2011, 11:11 pm

Julie Linnehan

I met this guy and we immediately hit it off. He slept at my house almost every night and we would literally talk for hours upon hours laying down next to each other (It was never about sex). I wasn’t working at the time and he can use his phone at work so we would text for the entire time he wasn’t at my house. We both told each other we loved each other after a month. He would send me songs and get me cards…etc. He is 7 years younger than I am and told me that he has gotten burned terribly in the past and doesn’t open up to anyone, not even his friends or family. He told me that I was the only person in his life that he ever opened up to like that and I know him better than anyone. Total time we dated was almost 3 months…He worked so much and I felt like I never saw him so one night I jumped the gun and broke up with him..he said that I was all he thinks about 24-7 and loves me.. I texted him the next day and said I made a mistake and he said that he didn’t want to be strung along and I obviously have doubts. I texted him once after that and got no response. I waited a week and called him and told him I was sorry. He said he was mad and hurt that’s why he didn’t respond…he told me he missed me and that he never wanted to break up and I broke his heart and came straight to my house (we didn’t have sex) Over the next few days I could tell he was acting different, (wasn’t texting as much but still texting I love you too!!!) He didn’t come over at all…I finally sent him a text and said I am kind of confused..not sure if your ignoring me..if your all set just tell me. He never responded, I never texted him again. A week later I sent him this really nice email saying that I did love him and wish him only the best. I said even though my feelings were hurt that he didn’t explain or tell me anything, that he’s a good person and he was what I needed at the time.. That was 3 weeks ago.. he never responded. I never contacted him after that and won’t…but I am so in the dark here it’s not even funny. Oh, my favorite part is that he told me he would never just stop talking to me, he’s not an asshole and would tell me (I said that I’ve done that in the past) And please understand I am the most un-needy person there is, I never clinged to him or blew up his phone or anything crazy. How the hell can you just not talk to someone ever again.. unless it was not serious…

Reply July 6, 2011, 12:51 am

sdas

Peoplle do crap and act weird all the time.. Move on! It’s really heartbreaking to read your story though!

Reply January 25, 2012, 3:46 pm

dee2cute

I’ve been in a relationship for seven years and when I say hey lets take it farther he wants to play hide go seek now this is a man with three different baby mother’s. And I trusted until now he don’t responsed to my text or calls unless its about sex now and I’m like wow really he chased me down and begged me to be with him what is going on. Somebody explain this to me.

Reply June 26, 2011, 9:50 pm

Confused

Sounds like this person is not thinking with his heart but rather ego, not all guys are happy if we finally get what we are after. Not all of us are like this though, there are good guys out there.

Reply February 4, 2012, 1:19 pm

J&J

I was in a 3.5 year relationship with this guy. Broke up couple times and the pass one year we were in a long distances relationship and things went rocky because I couldn’t trust him. He broke it off with me, I think I was because of our arguments and me being a bit pushy. I went crazy begging him, apologizing and threatening him. Slowly he started to act cold towards me, asking me to move on, has no feelings for me, and that he only see us nothing but friends. Before we broke up he been already talking to this female friend of his and right after we broke up he was talking to her alot. A week later I asked him for another chances and he said sorry and that he’s starting to like this girl. Through the relationship I committed so much to him and I don’t know how he just move on so fast. Couple days ago he posted a picture album just for them on Facebook (which he never did for us) and stated them together in a relationship. When we was together I had to make him post a picture of us on facebook but now he’s willingly doing it for this girl and knowing that we are friends on facebook and it was like all over my wall on facebook and in my face. I was wondering could he be serious about the girl? Or is she just a rebound? Because I feel like he’s so sweet towards her. He would bring her home and take her out and communicate alot. He’s not the type of guy that hops in bed quick. I just wondering if he’s doing all this on purpose so I can move on? Because when we broke up he said I deserve better and he’s nothing and he likes to struggle through life and don’t want me to because he knows I’ll be successful with out him. I’d to know how would you guys describe this kind of break up for him?

Reply June 5, 2011, 12:07 pm

tt

I was with the guy for 3yrs. There is an 8year age different. (I’m older than he). For the most part we had an ok relationship. We maybe broke up 3 times and gotten back together within 2weeks. There was a big misunderstanding and I thought he was cheating. His cousin gf came to our house. He got dressed and went and sat in the car with her. I went outside and didn’t see his cousin i the car with them and I automatic thought he had something going on with this chic. Not to mention I have never seen her just hear him say that was his cousin gf. I had just had an medical abortion the day bf and my hormones was all messed up. I freaked out and called the police and had him removed from my house. He was hurt. Days later he said he was not messing around with her and that he had loaned her money the week before and that she came to pay him his money back. He said he didn’t tell me what was going on because he didn’t want to hear my mouth about him loaning her the money. Now he was sitting in the car leaning towards her for about thirty minutes. It doesn’t take 2seconds to pass someone money. She could of passed it thru the window. It’s been three weeks since the breakup. the first couple days we texted eachother. He said I really hurt him this time and also told me he wanted me to keep the baby. Now he gave me half on the procedure. I asked him why didn’t he say something and why did he even give me half. The first week week we talked on and off even texed. He called me several times one night and I didn’t answer. The second week he got a new phone and didn’t share the number with me. He called me from his hotel phone telling me how happy he was and that he didn’t need a woman to get over me. i got his new number and called and texed him and he just hung up in my face. Later that night i waited outside his hotel until he got home and ask if we could talk. He said we didn’t have anything to talk about and that I should move on with my life. That was on a Thursday night. The following Monday, he calls and tell me he woke up with me on his mind and he misses me and wanted to have sex. He later called back and said he was sorry for calling me he just had a weak moment. He called again two days after that discussing his friends to me, saying he keeps thinkin about me and asked if we could have sex. Iasked if he had any condoms and he said that’s ok because he’s not sleeping with anyone else and that he was tying to get over me so we didn’t need to have sex. He called on Friday and I didn’t answer the phone because I felt he was trying to play mind games. So on Saturaday, I get another call from his hotel room and ignore it as well. I was fed up. He tells me to move on with my lif but he still calling me and also he got a new number and didn’t give it to me so I can’t call him. I wanted to settle this with him face to face. I drove to his hotel. I knocked on his door and walked off. he peeped out the door and I walked back in his direction and asked him why he keeps calling me and at that point a girl comes out of his room. he denies calling so I asked him how the incoming calls from his room get on my caller id. The girl asked him to let her out the room but he didn’t. He pushed her back in the door and I told her he just called me. I asked her wht time did she get there and he yelled out she been here all day. I didn’t feel any pain from seeing her because she’s not as pretty as I and she looked like a ditry slut. It was sort of a relief . His friend drove up and I told him what was going on and he said my ex is stupid and that we going to get back together. I told him I can’t see it in my future. I told my ex I accept it being over just stop calling me trying to play games so I can move forward. I wondered if my ex was trying to make me jealous by letting me see the girl. When I seen her I laughed to myself. I think he’s so hurt and is slepping with the first piece he can find. I forgive him and will always love him. I will be here for him as a friend but that’s as far as it goes. I know the girl doesn’t mean anything to him because he had her at a ragady motel. No man could ever take me to a place like that.

Reply May 1, 2011, 2:42 pm

marissa lopez

I’m a mother of 2 and my boyfriend/baby daddy broke up with me today we have been together for a year and a half, we were so in love with each other and idk what went wrong..I love him so much he means a lot to me. He pays for my phone bill and he had disconnected it but then I reconnected it to call him and try to talk to him he didn’t disconnect it after that but he rejects my calls and when I text him he textes me back but he’s saying things that are mean if he didn’t care he wouldn’t txt me backk right? But then on facebook I noticed that he right away changed his status to single and onn top of that he deleted me and earased some photos of the two of us.. he says its over for good but b4 when we were together he told me that he’s never felt so much love for a girl till he loved me.. he treats me bad sometimes like always yelling at me, making me cry and calling me names.. I forgive all those things he does becauze I love him but does he really mean when he says its over for good or he just says things that he doesn’t mean?

Reply April 26, 2011, 8:57 pm

Sxl007

Btw i failed to mention…i called him “mylife” because he was previously calling girls that on his page…and so i did it sarcastically. which is why he put up the childish status…he also text me saying those were close friends.
anyway he is 24, about to be 25. I erased everything from him. But i would really like him back. I just want to know if I should forget him or will he come back.
Thank you veyr much Eric & I will stay posted with all your great advice!!

Reply April 13, 2011, 1:28 am

Sxl007

Dear Eric,
I wish I would have found your site a little sooner.
I went on 2 amazing over the top dates with this guy. He ( a week later) drove an hour away to spend 4hours with me before going to work. We texted, called 5-10times a day to each other (both ways). Then one day he ended it via text. I didnt reply & come midnight that night he called said he was sorry & wished he hadnt done it. Days later I asked “are we talking again” his response was “idk”. That evening I put a fb status “about partying” which he commented to with a joke & I commented back saying “”my life” i’m single & having fun”. He then put up a childish status saying “to answer your question we are not talking haha.” I text him to deleted it and i was hurt and having a panic attack..etc. he ended up deleting the stauts, blocking me. Then sent me a text saying “eraseme, your genuienly an amazing good girl & i hope you find that someone special that deserves you.”. i waited 2 days til i text him saying “we both acted immature, i erased my fb & now im going to erase your number. i didnt want things to be this way. i hope one day we can be friends, if we ever want something serious call me.” its been a day, i havent heard from him. ERIC will I hear from him? Or do I move on?

Reply April 13, 2011, 1:25 am

Taylor Swift

My friend told me about this website after a really hard breakup that I went through and I was totally in the blue. I asked her do you think the breakup was hard on him? And that’s when she introduced me to this website. I am so glad I found this article because it changed my feelings about the breakup completely. Instead of being sad all the time and feeling like I was the only who was broken I knew it must have been hard for him too. So I stopped by his house and talked about it and we decided that even though our relationship as “girlfriend” “boyfriend” didn’t work out we could still be close friends. Now everything seems so much better and I am really happy everything worked out. I even got a new song out of it.

Reply April 2, 2011, 7:41 pm

aileen

two year relationship. when a man says “walk out that door, don’t plan on ever coming back”. does he really mean it?

Reply March 20, 2011, 8:02 am

Chrissy21

So I met this guy and he pretty much came straight out and said no strings attached, and I respected that. Then I eventually started to like him after he took me out two week straight literally and we were together literally from dusk to dawn, and when we weren’t together we were talking. He would call/ text me to say good morning before work or before I would wake up and would be waiting outside my job when I got off to surprise me. I never told him I had feelings because he said no strings attached, and the third week we hung out, he turned 21 and completely changed. He goes out drinking every night and talks to me whenever he wants to. He just completely pushed me away, and try to come back. I’m still stuck on the guy who treated me nice, not the new 21 year old. What should I do?

Reply February 20, 2011, 1:58 am

Lara

thank you Eric, a very interesting read and actually now some things I really didn’t understand about a past break-up suddenly make sense. A couple of years back I and my now-ex had a break up because my visa ended and none of us was ready to follow the other one to another continent for good. My ex terminated the relationship 2 weeks BEFORE I left the country,in order to start a relationship with another girl right away, although I was then allegedly still ‘the one’ for him. He impregnated the new girlfriend within 6 weeks and was then still hitting on me a couple of months later, when he was over in Europe for a visit – not telling me about the pregnancy. I should add that the two are now married with a kid – and happy, I guess. Seems like being one’s rebound can actually have a happy ending 😉

Reply February 16, 2011, 10:20 am

LilyXX

Hey Eric,
I’m 19 year old student and in a relationship with a 20 year guy who I’ve been going out with (this time) for about 4 months. He’s the first guy I’ve ever gone out, so when we first started out (it was only for two months), when he eventually ‘out of the blue’ decided to end it i was devastrated. I know it seems like i should have known he was feeling that way but I didnt, and for a few months afters I was still not over him breaking up with me. We are in the same degree at university, so it was really hard seeing him happy everyday and enjoying life with other people. After 3 months of not much contact, mostly because i just couldn’t stand seeing him, he asked me if i wanted to get back together. Me, delighted i suppose that he still wanted me? said yes. I know a lot of people will think me a immature teenager and I suppose to some degree I am still and I certainly am inexperienced when it comes to guys. But i’m just really confused about this ‘thing’ I have with this guy.

Though I love being back with him, and really enjoy spending time with him, sometimes I think i havent really forgiven him for dumping me that first time. He has several close girl friends who he always hangs out with, and the thing which annoys me the most I suppose is that when he dumped me, he always had them to go back to. Just I dont know, i love being with him but maybe still resent him a little, i suppose i just not mature enough or something??? I don’t want to break up with him just want to know how i stand with him and i suppose need advice on how to move on from the resentment and bad memories

Reply January 31, 2011, 11:27 pm

Adrian

Hi Eric,

So I dated this guys on and off three times now in two years. The first breakup was completely his fault and the two times after that were residues I couldn’t let go off since the first. He’s asked me back out both times. This breakup, I guess I realized what I’ve done and wish to do it right, but he seems to be trying really hard to move on like burning my letters and having with harsh updates. I just wanted to know is it fair or selfish for me to ask him for another chance at the relationship or should I just let him be? Thanks.

Reply January 24, 2011, 3:14 am

sara

Hi Eric,

I really found this helpful! It explains alot about most of the guys I met and why they reacted the way they did when I met em. I guess guys are sensitive in a way : )

Reply January 6, 2011, 11:39 am

Tuna

@Eric, As I was reading this, I can’t stop thinking about the way a ex-boyfriend, ex-bestfriend treated me (we used to be together years ago, but ended on friendly terms. and now we’re hitting each other up again). One moment he was love sick and always sending me texts, emails, etc saying he misses me or leaving funny pick-me-up jokes for me. and then kabaamm! out of nowhere, he cuts off all communications with me for over a week and then tells me we need to talk. then he says he wants to spend some time trying to find his identity and focus on school…but that’s not the perplexing part. the perplexing part is that when he ended things, he told me he still wanted to talk to me later on and that we should keep things limited to fricking facebook. Then he goes and ignores me for months, not even bothering to respond to my funny comments or stuff. wth is wrong with him? is this normal behavior for men? i mean seriously!! or am i just some needy emotional girl? lol

Reply November 17, 2010, 7:38 am

ladysteel

How will I know weither your guy feels lonely after he made the move to break up. Does he also feel regrets for what had happen?

Reply August 19, 2010, 9:30 am

Eric Charles

Hey Fes,

Thanks man, I appreciate it. Believe me, I was every one of the “guys” described in this post at one point or another… in the worst way at times too. I would do a lot of things differently if I could go back and change the past, but it is what it is. Frankly I’m just glad that I can see it for what it was and I’m a lot more grounded because of it.

Reply July 26, 2010, 7:59 pm

Fes

Great article even for guys to understand and put things together. I was actually one of the guys you mentioned after a long relationship.. wouldnt have written it any different

Reply July 26, 2010, 6:16 pm

L

So then how do you help a guy realise he has these issues that he needs to actually deal with…on his own as a single person and to stop just avoid dealing with them or taking responsibility for himself by going from one girl to the next?

Reply May 16, 2010, 1:14 pm

Rose

Thanks a bunch :)
I’m really enjoying your articles.
Greetings from Holland!

Reply May 2, 2010, 2:33 pm

Eric Charles

Hey Rose,

It depends how much he’s worked it out in his head and truly addressed it. I know if it were me, two months would not be enough time. I also know that I would think that it was enough time and I was over it… only to figure out down the line that I wasn’t…

Check this out: How to NOT Be a Rebound Relationship

Reply May 2, 2010, 2:28 pm

Rose

Okay, so I have a question about this:
What if I’m getting involved with this guy, who’s acting really flirty towards me, but his 3yr lasting relationship just ended two months ago? Would two months be long enough to ‘get over his ex’? He told me he mourned for her and was very sad about this break up. Should it be a red flag for me that he still seems to have these sad feelings about her?

Reply May 1, 2010, 4:29 pm

Eric Charles

LOL. Looks like I hit a raw nerve for you.

Don’t worry, buddy, you’ll get over it. Every guy gets “crapped all over” sometimes by a girl.

But you’re acting like a straight-up “hater”. I don’t have to point out how pathetic that is… Personally, if I don’t like something or agree with something, I just move on.

I always appreciate comments, but you’re not a commenter. You’re a guy with bitterness and hurt feelings about your own relationship stuff and you’re coming here and taking it out on me.

Get over your own crap. Leave me out of it.

Reply February 20, 2010, 11:03 am

Troy

Not much of a decode Eric. This was written almost the way a girl would look at the issue. Are you really a girl?
“But what about the guy that immediately gets into a new relationship right afterward?

This is a no-brainer – a guy does this because he doesn’t want to be alone and he doesn’t want to “deal with himself.”
What utter nonsense. Did you actually say something here? Because I can’t find it. Maybe the guy does that because the emotional female crapped all over him? You’re looking at this from an entirely female point of view.

Check your pants, see if there’s a penis down there…

Just saying

Reply February 20, 2010, 9:54 am

True Love

Few good point here and there but overall every guy is different and relationships and reasons to get out of them are different too for people involved. So because of that the way guys deal with breakups could be totally different, some guys want to hit a brick wall , some want to hit on another girl etc.

Reply December 14, 2009, 6:37 pm

Sabrina Alexis

Great job with this, Eric! I wish there had been someone decoding male behavior a few years ago when I could have used this!

Reply December 8, 2009, 3:51 pm

Ching

I have begged and pleaded him for 6 months via emails mainly. Yes I know I have stomped on my self esteem.

Reply August 7, 2012, 10:43 pm

Laurar

Bf of 5 yearscompletely but me off after a fight we had over the phone. It’s been over a week since he has blocked me of Facebook and everything. Ihave done the same. I find out from a mutual friend more that he is happy and talking crap about me. It’s easy to because we let 2 hours away. Im glad it’s over but I was so good to him.he has no respect. I am devastated. To say the least.

Reply April 26, 2014, 12:25 pm

Laurar

Bf of 5 yearscompletely cut me off after a fight we had over the phone. It’s been over a week since he has blocked me of Facebook and everything. Ihave done the same. I find out from a mutual friend more that he is happy and talking crap about me. It’s easy to because we let 2 hours away. Im glad it’s over but I was so good to him.he has no respect. I am devastated. To say the least.

Reply April 26, 2014, 12:26 pm

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