This guy and I have had a huge history over the last 5 years. Although we’ve never dated, we’ve been friends with benefits. We’ve both admitted to liking each other, but it hasn’t lead to an actual relationship.
When we’re together, it’s like we’re “dating” (he acts all boyfriendy), but other than that, we’re just friends. We don’t live in the same city and can go months without seeing or even talking each other.
He’s generally terrible at returning phone calls and texts (even to his closest friends and family), but lately he’s been answering my texts every time, he carries on a conversation and he seems to be a more open than he used to. Do I even make an effort to care about this guy anymore? What’s his deal?
I think you should take it for what it is: a friends-with-benefits relationship where you act like boyfriend/girlfriend when you see each other.
Guys are completely content with a relationship being what it is. We don’t need it to turn into a “full-blown” relationship or have it “go somewhere.” We can be happy with things being good in the moment and don’t need to have it “mean something” beyond that.
If you guys have known each other for 5 years and you’ve had this type of arrangement, it doesn’t sound like a bad thing. It sounds nice – so I mean, continuing to have him in your life doesn’t sound like a bad idea.
But entertaining the thought of starting a long-distance relationship does sound like a bad idea. I have had great relationships fall completely apart after they went “long distance.” And these were relationships with love and history… but they just didn’t make it.
I’m not saying that all long distance relationships fail (someone always has to jump down my throat about how their long distance relationship worked out), but in general, the odds are stacked considerably against things working out.
In terms of people and their relationships, it can happen that when a person’s life conditions change, their relationships change as well. Most cases where a new relationship starts up, a friendship changes (for better or worse), or a friendship turns into a relationship, are often preceded by some sort of life change.
My guess is that one or both of you are at some kind of crossroad in your lives. There is nothing wrong with you two having a great friendship and having it just be that (with or without benefits).
On the other hand, if his recent change in behavior is because he wants to date you, or wants the relationship to become something more than it is, I promise you, he will let you know. In the meantime, I would suggest that you don’t get hung up on wanting it to turn into some kind of relationship.
I guess all I’m saying is that if you are going to read into the situation, my read is that he’d love to have you there to talk with… and leave it at that. I’ll leave off by saying what I’ve said before- it’s best to just let things happen rather than forcing them in one way or another, which could ultimately ruin the good thing you have going right now.
Hope it helps,
- eric charles