I met this guy through some friends and started liking him. He liked the girl that introduced us and she also liked him. One night we were hanging out and he and I almost hooked up. He told her so they are no longer friends due to her lack of trust in him, but now several months later he and I have been getting together almost every night. I finally told him that I like him and wanted it to be more and his response was reasonably better than I hoped for and he said he “kinda likes” me. I told him that I didn’t want to be just a “booty call” and he said he’s not like that, but he won’t make it more.
Now he won’t talk to me– no calls, texts, facebook messages, or emails. How do I get him to make it more than just “friends-with-benefits” or even go back to being just friends?
The issue is that you want more than friends with benefits, but you already act like a girlfriend. It would be like if Best Buy was selling TVs for $100 but then the cashier said to you: “But we want you to pay more…”
It’s tricky because at this point, you’ve already set your price. And to change it would come across as manipulative. The way out of this would be to simply treat the relationship as it actually is now instead of acting as if it’s more.
You are single. He is not your boyfriend. And he’s comfortable in this arrangement, so there’s no reason for him to choose anything different.
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you to be happy. But there is no reason he would do anything different than he has been doing since what he’s been doing so far has worked well.
Guys are very content with a relationships being what it is. If he’s enjoying himself and it’s working, there’s no need to have it turn into something else.
So how do you act in this situation? Enjoy your time together, but keep looking. Keep your options open. Look to your life to fill you up, make you happy, and make you fulfilled.
We’ve all seen it a thousand times… but when we’re in the situation ourselves, somehow we forget what it looks like from the outside. The simple fact is this: asking or pressuring someone into moving the relationship forward does not work.
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But being a limited edition prize to be won certainly does.
That is to say… if a man knows that he could lose you to another man who fights harder to have you, then he will bring his A-game to lock you down and have you as his.
And if he doesn’t, it is a crystal clear communication that he didn’t want a relationship with you in the first place.
If you want a relationship, don’t come to him with your hands out wanting. Show up in the relationship as happy and completely fulfilled already. And live your life as an available item on the dating market until a man locks you down.
Hope that helps,