From Heartbreak and Back: Getting Over Your First Love post image

From Heartbreak and Back: Getting Over Your First Love


We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first- George John Whyte-Melville

It feels like the pit in your stomach is going to crawl up into your heart and die a slow, painful death. Killing you softly, the pit requires certain sustenance to go on. So, you begin to torture yourself, feeding the pit, because without that pit you feel empty and alone.

I dated him for four years. During my freshman year of college we locked eyes and it was all very magical. I assure you. I was a young, hopeless romantic. As I got to know him better I was sure that I would never love anyone as much as him. That I would never feel as comfortable naked around anyone else. That I would marry him, that we would have babies, and live happily ever after. I was seventeen.

Four years later I think we both knew, him consciously and me subconsciously, that there was no way we would work out. We wanted different things. I see that now. But back then all I saw was him pushing me away for no reason. I was mad at him and he was avoiding me at all costs. When it came time for it to really end I was devastated.

I say “really end” because at that age there are always those couples that break up a bunch and then get back together for some reason or another. Toward the end of our relationship that was happening too much and we were both unhappy. I believe that we wanted to stay together because we had built such a happy and loving relationship. I was very close with his family and we were best friends. It was one of the hardest things I have overcome in my life thus far.

After the break up I moved to London. I moved there to attend graduate school, get away from the drama, and start something new. Let me tell you- when the time isn’t right, you can’t force it. The time wasn’t right but I wasn’t over him no matter how far away I moved.

I wallowed in Damien Rice and vodka, prank called him from London, and even spoke to his mother once or twice. When I was back in the states for the holidays I would make my girlfriends pick me up and drive me past his house (he lived about a half hour away from where I grew up.) They obliged, probably out of pity.

At the time, I never, EVER thought that I would find someone else- someone that I would be happier with, feel more comfortable with, be able to see a future with.

They say it takes half the time you date someone to get over them. That is false. It takes you as long as it takes you and it took me about three years to get over my first love. And what I love about my recovery is that it didn’t take a rebound to do it. I did it on my own. I was single and loved it for two years, and then stumbled upon something magical.

Am I still a little cynical? Of course I am. Will I forever be scared to form a loving and hopefully, lasting relationship with men down the road? Yes. But I would never let that stop me from sharing love with someone else.

If you are aching, I swear you will love again. You will make it though and when the timing is right you will know. You just will. And don’t lie to yourself: Have those rebounds, go out with your girlfriends and be single- it’s the best anesthetic for a broken heart.

- SHAUNA BELLOW

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Rebecca

Thank god for this story and all of yours really… I’ve flippin GOOGLED about this just for encouragement… 10 years later. We official met after high school graduation. Did all of college together. My first love… My best friend … My everything. My first love. Broke up after 5 years. Got together last summer after 4 years apart. He says he can’t give me what I deserve. He loves me but isn’t “in love” with me. Sometimes I try to convince myself that he is gay so that I feel better. I can’t help but dwell. To compare every single guy I even have a conversation with. I am so loving. So giving. I just can’t seem to let my guard down again … I think I’m most afraid to try to force myself to not have emotion tied to such a vital and what was wonderful portion of my life. I don’t WANT to forget or want to have ill feelings toward that time… But to think about it is like a reminder fresh all over again … 10 years later….

Thank you all for being so open

Reply August 8, 2013, 7:24 pm

Zee

Reading this reminds me of my situation. We were together for 10 years and 9 months. Both successful with excellent jobs and career, bought a flat together after dating for over 8 years. Got engaged and I thought we were happy together until I realised that my ex was extremely unhappy in the relationship so we called it quits!!
In fact I switched continent to be away from him and still I struggle most days. However, I can most certainly say that it gets better every day and time is the greatest healer.

Its been 16 months since the separation, I haven’t been on any dates. I’m just trying the enjoy being on my own and being happy. I wish all the broken hearted people here a speedy recovery and pray that they find love.

Reply May 29, 2013, 5:50 am

val

I really enjoyed your post. My story is extremely similar and I just want you to know that I really appreciate your words. It gives me hope that I will love again.. it is year two for me.

Reply February 22, 2013, 12:50 am

Leanne

I’m just out of a year and a half relationship :( I met my boyfriend is Spain (we are from Scotland) when I was 15 and I genuinely thought we would be together forever. He was my first love and we lost our virginity and everything to one another.He ended it a month ago and I still can’t stop myself thinking about him! He ended it cause we werent moving forward as he couldn’t stay over.. And because I put school I’m front of him. He left school when he was 15 to go to college so he doesn’t understand how stressful school was and now he does nothing so of course he had time to put me first. He argued about everything but i still loved him and so never wanted to leave. He wanted to get engaged when i turned 17 and didnt want me going to uni so i could have children.. i didnt want that. I had to delete him off facebook when I found out he was seeing someone else as it killed me but he took it bad. A few days ago he text me even after him telling me he deleted my number and blamed everything on me saying I put in no effort it was all him and there’s nothing wrong with him wanting to be in another relationship with someone who actually moves forward.. Then after the abuse he said hopes he never sees or hears from me again :( how can someone who loved you so much and wanted everything with you now hate you so much :(

Reply February 16, 2013, 4:50 am

Elyse

My first love was when I was 21 with my best friend that I worked with. We were totally in sync, which I’ve never experienced that with anyone, not even my current friends. He recently broke up with me 4 days ago over the phone, saying that he wanted to be single again. We were together for 3 years and known each other for 4 years. I was completely devastated, shocked and couldn’t control my emotions. Why over the phone? I ask. He said he couldn’t look at my beautiful brown eyes and say that to my face but he kept saying that I was an amazing girlfriend, a wonderful lover and that I deserve better. I immediately hung up on him the first time, then called back asking him to meet me so he can say it to my face. He agreed but followed later with a text to call him back. I called back, a bit calmer than I was before and he gave me a more concrete answer. He wasn’t ready for a commitment. I asked if he was no longer in love with me or if he meet someone else. Neither one, he proclaimed. This made me more confused than ever but I let it slide. He proposed the idea of still being friends but I had to think about it. I never realized how quick I was able to dust myself off and think positive. I cried for 2 1/2 days straight, to the point where my eyes were so puffy I couldn’t keep them open and only slept for an hour the night he called. Everyone handles this completely differently. Some take years or months. Mine took about 4 days. I did call him back to say I would like to stay friends; however, for him, it will take much longer for him to calm down and jump into a friendship.

Reply February 11, 2013, 5:51 pm

Neha

This blog is for all of you who love to be in love. Stefanie Ellis, the creator of this blog, posts real love stories of others. Some are funny, some are inspirational, and some are just cute.
Thanks for share this post.

Reply January 18, 2013, 4:31 am

Please read

not to be a hoe i had sex with another guy to try to see if i could get over this and it didint help :(((

Reply November 14, 2012, 10:36 am

Please read

Hi, Im only 17 im a JR and im so heartbroken:( Ive been with this guy for like 3 years and a half he is only one year older than me yes he was my first love i lost my viriginty to him but i wasent his ? My first seriouse relationship ive been with him since i was 14 and i miss him but ever since he turned 18 he stared acting diff and started wanting to party and go to clubs and “Getting money” and “fuckin bitches” like really? He turns off his phone so i wont call him. I think hes talking to someone #ovi Omg i literly feel so depressed though like my life im miserable like i put him before everyone even my parents i would lie to them and like spent the weekeneds with him and his mom would know but mine didint i just felt so attached to him like hardcore now hes always with girls partying and i have that gute feeling hes going to get another girl pregnant !!??? like i just want to get over this feeling im failing like all my classes just because im always sad and crying ive even gone to consuling it dosent help. Like he would always cheat on me anyways and i can never be mad like the first couple of times he cheated on me he tried committing suicde like so i was like damn he must relly be sorry but like i know im stupied but u cnt help what the heart wants hes even hit me like we hit eachother hes never hit me in the face but like he would choke me then be sorry after i waited for him 9monthd in jail and 3 in rehab like he said i was his ride or die? like how can u just get over someone like that? like we were engadged like i know we were yung and shit but like thats how seriouser we were and for him to just move on like all fast? im so konfused not konfues but like lik exausted from crying tbh i even smoke weed and thats the only thing that makes me happy but i still think abt him? and the fact that he never thinks abt me? i cnt move forword without seeing him in my furute im taking boxing to like let anger out but after the class im litely like in depressed mode. i jus need help getting over it what do i do i have his number saved so its not like i havent already delted it i wake up at night crying like it bad i jus want to be a happy girl im tired of being depressed . like he just said “i fucked another bitch and got over you” and now there like always going on dates likw wtf he hardly took me on dates ??? and when i told him that he laughed ?? he just a cold hearted bitch now i cant help but to love him and i dont want to anymore i cnt picure myself ion the fututre without thinking we have a kid like i was pregnant but then i lost it while he was in jail and hes forever saying that he got back with me for the baby the thing that will litery kill me is if he gets another girl pregnant i just oray that karmam will get him like how do i cope with this feeling anybody?? plz respond to me.. i haridly get on this so email me if possible

Reply November 14, 2012, 10:32 am

Brenda Renkema

I think a lot of this getting over someone stuff anymore is not really as hard as we make it, I say this becasue I really for the first time cared for someone deeply that I could not be with, held on for years.. Then with enough pain had to leave, and it so far as been everyday just more and more happiness for getting myself a new life instead of waiting for him to return anything.

But then in my past I would get torn for months on end.. and looking back none of them I loved or even liked but back then thought they had something to offer becasue they said this or said that, you know pounded future fantasies in my head.

I think what happened is I have been alone for so long that without even realizing it I had transformed into a new more self-reliant person, and rejection hurts like hell especially when you genuinly care for someones soul.

But it is that same careing that made it easy this time, I cared enough about him in the end to care about myself, and he wasn’t any innocent angel, but he was my angel freind for a long time and was always kind even when he was not into me, he was kind in his manners, I do not think he just set out to ruin me.

So I am taking the best of what I had of him with me, and I was not as nice as I could have been, my past got in the way of being happier than I could have been – Many things actually stood in our way of ever meeting and becomming something solid.

But the longing and pains where sucking my energy for years, to where the investment was no longer a healthy thing to put into him, so it was for both of our best interest for me to move on, and I think that is always the case and how you need to see it.. It is for both of you, your feelings can change into optimismn if YOU let it happen, cry when you need to, but being “miserable” is not actually proof of any love .. Happiness and survival is.

And if he misses you suddenly when your happy nad have moved on.. let him work to proove to you it’s going to really last and that it is not just a game of getting you back, men are famous for that, you need proof by action and action is more than words could ever you give when it comes to a man, they will surely act when they know your the one.

Nomatter how much love you think you have, your love alone is not enough, it has to be strong for him as well, You do not want a partnership where you need to question anyone’s motives, you need to know it’s because he really loves you and made the choice to do that on his own, and when he is ready.

That is the most loving thing you can give a man, his desire to have you or even another if it needs to be another person for him, and for you – He should want you to have the best if from another if he cannot give it to you and let you go, NOT expect to have you waiting around in some agony, That is actually exteamly selfish and cruel, but some guys will take you there no problem, those are the one’s that cannot love anyhow, so why bother?

Your time is what you have, men they make typically the descision to propose, So use your time wisely – do not let anyone suck it away with games, nobody is worth that.

Reply October 28, 2012, 12:51 am

Haydn

Thank you so much for posting this. It’s been over a year since I left my first love. He never loved me, only used me. I gave him everything and got scraps as return. The relationship with my parents and sister disintegrated to such a point while we were together I honestly began to think that without him, I’d be nothing anyway as the bond between my family and I was so irreparably damaged.
Well, I’m glad to say I was wrong. He’d been cheating on another girl the whole time with me, and I was too stupid to realise, or rather too stupid to believe it. I’d gone through the whole rebound thing, self-hating, anything under the sun you-name-it, I did it. I thought I’d never get over him. Every other relationship I’d had since had been imperfect, no one had been able to live up to his standards. In every way, I felt he was The One for me and if only fate had been kind…we would still be together.
Now, in hindsight, I was wrong. And I cannot be happier that he isn’t mine. Seeing what he did to his girl with me makes me feel slightly sick. To think she was unaware the whole time, and that she surely loved him far more than I, they had been together for a year when he met me. I went non-contact in February this year and have been relatively sane since. I’m getting better and realised since I’m still a teenager, I have a long way to go and far more people to meet. Better people.
Thankyou so much for this article. It did help. (:

Reply October 1, 2012, 10:02 pm

Cakey

It’s funny. When I was with my ex(My first true love that I dated about 6 years)… I thought it was the most wonderful thing anyone could ever have created. I thought our love was special, deeper than a large majority of anyone else’s. Our love was from storybooks and fairytales and we would be together forever. I thought I was one of the lucky few that had find my first love and would stay with my first love. I lost my virginity to him and we both shaped each other to be what we are today.
But really…. The only thing that stuck us together was this weird obligation of a fantasy that we were meant for each other on a subatomic level.
I thought that breaking up with him would be a crime… A sad crime against the purest love ever found. I thought that if I broke up I would never find someone just right… Just like he was.

We fought constantly. I always wanted to break up. Tried… And each time he’d cry or I’d feel bad and in the end, despite all the bad we overcame it.

Oh the worst part was that it was long distance. Visited each other twice a year.

Then I broke up with him last year in the beginning of fall. He didn’t argue. And I knew by then that he was cheating on me emotionally with someone.

It still burned a lot. I felt betrayed because he couldn’t just have been honest and broken up with me instead.. Or at least be honest about his feelings. He had let me do all the dirty work. And I was still not over the notion that I would never find anyone like this.
It was a rough 4-6 months. Cried daily. Thought about suicide. Isolated myself.

Then as time went by… Feelings just dissipated. Im not even aware of when or how exactly it happened. But 6 months after the relationship I could say that I was fully recovered and over him. I could barely even remember the good or bad times. He was just air to me. I didn’t feel sorrow, jealousy, happiness or anything regarding him. Maybe just annoyance at his personality(i’d always found him annoying).
But yea… when this epiphany hit me, I just couldnt believe i’d actually wasted 6 years on him. I gather that we should have broken up 3 years in. Which would still have been pretty decent for most relationships. It became apparent to me that I’d never loved him for who he was, rather I loved the idea of what we could be together. And I’d lost myself in him. I’d seen myself as an extension of him rather than my own person.
I think that in the end, what really broke my heart was not letting him go. It was realizing just how much of myself I’d invested and sacrificed into the relationship.

But Im really proud of myself. I never needed a rebound either. In fact, I enjoyed being alone. The thought of being with others while I was still heartbroken just didn’t appeal to me(though I did flirt a bit left and right).
6 months for 6 years, I gather, is an incredible little amount of time.. I thought I would be heartbroken for years. Yet now I just don’t get why I wept in the first place.

Then….. I got involved in an even weirder relationship x_x after those 6 months. I started liking this guy that I’d been talking to online. The stupid thing is he lives even further away(on the other side of the world in NZ), and he’s almost twice my age.
But I think that it’s safe to say that I love him. I know people say that you cant know for sure till you met, which is true…
But how do I know he’s special? There’s not one thing I tried to change about him yet. I wouldn’t change him for the world. I mean he’s not perfect. Im sure we will have little bumps on the road. But in general he just…. Does everything right. Without even trying.

So I guess… While my first love I thought was perfect… This second love might very well be. But I am also less clingy now and more easygoing. I am not needy or dramatic. And I can just be happy and light. I made a ton of mistakes in my first relationship, but they taught me so many things, and I feel really happy that my first try was ‘wasted’ on my ex. I see now that I would have collected overall less happiness in my life had I stayed with him. Im so happy we broke up. And Im so happy I can be who I always wanted to be in my new relationship. Now I just wonder if it will last :)

Reply August 26, 2012, 2:12 pm

Amy

Wow….its so amazing to here such encouraging messages from everyone and know that I am not going through this horrible experience alone. And what I’m feeling isn’t wrong. I was with my boyfriend for 5 years however the first two years were very off and on because he wasn’t really mature enough. However three and a bit years ago we made it ‘official’ (even though everyone already knew)! We started this amazing journey together and went through two deaths within our families which we were able to support each other through. I also nearly lost my mum in a car crash and he was there all the time. We went through so much and then about a year and a half ago his friends decided to really turn on me(for literally no reason- i still do not understand it) and they wanted him to choose who he wanted but I only ever cared about how he felt so I walked away….he realised extremely quickly that the fact I hadnt made him choose showed I really cared about him. So we carried on together and we were amazing, went on holidays, created some lovely memories and then recently his friends started to cause an issue again however this time he accused me of lying and decided to go off with his friends. It was the hardest thing because they dont care about him-he’s a trophy to them and they want to win over me. But he never could and still cant give a honest reason as 2 why it ended although i ended it in an argument about his friends but we have always made them threats but they have never actually been acted upon however this time he did. He decided to do this just before an exam that i had which was so selfish and I dont think i will ever forgive him for that. However, he since has text me at 1 or 2am telling me how much he misses me and loves me but he doesnt text throughout the day. I’m hurting so much because I gave up so much for him, he became part of the family and I did with his. I look back on all the things that he didnt do such as stick up for me when i needed him the most and it hurts so much. I thought he was the one- I thought we were going to the highschool sweethearts that end up together but it didnt and i’m struggling to cope with that. The past year i have been really unwell and i lost a lot of my ‘friends’ because i wasnt able to go out and do stuff so i dont even have them to rely on. I had been hurt before by family members and he knew all this n promised never 2 leave or stop loving me. Another thing he said to me was that he is doing this for ‘us’ because if we continue at the rate we are going we will never be in each others lives again but he feels if we both do our own thing but REMAIN FRIENDS!!!! then maybe one day we will be together again but i have assured him that there is no place for him in my life anymore because he walked away when i needed him the most. I have to see him everyday because we work in the same place and its so hard seeing him with the people that he thinks are good for him- the ones that want him to get pissed(he hates alochol)!I miss him so much and its been two weeks. I want it to get easier and for the first time today I am beginning to become more positive about what my future includes and he also said that he doesnt know what he wants to do with his life whereas I do know and he says he didnt want to hold me back so he let me go. I just wish he would realise the pain he has put me through and for someone who loves me- he has hurt me so badly. Has anyone got any tips as 2 how i can help make this process a lot easier because i really am struggling ! Thanks

Reply June 14, 2012, 2:41 pm

Trisha Renee

I read Shauna’s story, and even read all the comments. And I can’t explain how much I am thankful that there are others like me, who just can’t seem to let it go. I know with time (LOTS and LOTS and LOTSSS of time) I will be able to get over him one day. But right now, it just seems impossible.
We met three and a half years ago. He literally swept me off my feet, but it wasn’t until six months down the road that I fell completely in love with him, because we had become best friends. Throughout the 3 years that we dated, we pretty much went through what a marriage would go through… or maybe it just feels that way. When I had first met him, he was on meth. I was the one to get him off of the drugs, because I was the only one who cared enough to. He’s been clean since. I was there for him through detox, I was there to bail him out of jail (he has a lot of issues in his life), I was there through everything for him… and same for me. He was there when I experienced personal bad family issues, or was hurt about something… whatever. Point blank, we were best friends. Very close. For a year, I lived with him. Slept with him every night. Woke up next to him every day. Fought through the battles of not having a job, not having money to eat or get cigarettes. Miscarried his child, that was very hard. But somehow, we remained positive and got through everything. Got blessed when he got a job that paid 800$ a week, but he was gone for a month at a time. So, I decided it was best for me to go back to school because if I wanted to be a mother to his kids or his wife (which we talked about a few months before we broke up, he asked my ring size), then I better focus on myself and get my shit in order…
Anyways. Toward the end of our relationship, we fought and broke up a good few times. The distance wasn’t good. We never got to see each other, which was something we weren’t used to. I had no problem with it, I could handle it. He, on the other hand, took it badly. He was edgy, angry… The first time we broke up, I was so hurt. But not being able to let him go, we still talked, and eventually got back together. He showered me with things. A new camera, a bracelet from Mexico, stuffed animals, my first tattoo, a dozen roses delivered to my door for my birthday.
I need to stop rambling. Long story short: He found out, THREE years after a hook up, that his one night stand had a child. HIS child. He was really confused, wanted the best for his out-of-the-blue daughter… and left me. He said I didn’t deserve to go through the pain. What upsets me is HE decided that for me. What happened to my thoughts? I could have handled it, I told him I had no problem with it. That I was there for him, like I always was…
It’s only been 2 months, but it’s been the longest, most painful 2 months ever without him. Every day for the last 3 and a half years, he’s been in my life. He keeps trying and trying to come back to me, but I’m just so hurt. And there’s much more to our story that I won’t tell. However, I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. Casey was my heart. My other half. I can’t even hang out with other people, because EVERY time I did, he was always there. He completed who i was as a whole. When I hang out with people, there’s just this emptiness. This wrongness, like… he’s supposed to be there, like he always was. Or, today actually, when I had a guy kiss me. I went home and I cried for an hour, at how I didn’t even feel the tiniest of sparks… I felt nothing. And with Casey, even after 3 years, we still had SO much passion in everything. Kissing, sex, even holding hands or cuddling there was just so much emotion.
He was my first true love. I had been in previous relationships, but… Casey.
Casey was my everything. I don’t want to let him go, but. I feel like I have to. I feel like we’re too broken to fix. We’ve been through so much now that there’s no going back. We have so many grudges and hurt feelings. But we can’t stay away from each other. We literally can’t.

i don’t even know where I was going with this comment…
Basically, I guess I just needed to vent.

I feel for all of you out there who are hurting, and feeling hopeless. I feel the same. But we have to fight through this… it’s all we have LEFT to do about it.

Reply April 20, 2012, 3:36 am

Karen

Hi there. Your story was very interesting. Obviously i dont know you or your personal relationship. But i do know this, whats meant to be, will be. And maybe right now is not your time. It sounds like you had avery mature, and “marriage-like” relationship. As in you have both gone thru alot together. That cant be forgotten overnight. My advice to you, would be to work on yourself. Find hobbies, entertain yourself, build yourself up. Breakups are a growing process. You both grow separetly, and sometimes you grow in ways you would have never been able to grow while being together. And again, if its meant to be, it will find a way to be. Many blessings to you. :)

Reply April 28, 2012, 3:50 pm

Trisha

I just saw this today. Thank you so much for the encouraging words <3 It means more than you know. :) I agree that if it's meant to be, it'll find a way to work out. I still have a lot of night where it's just really hard to get through… but I'm just doing all I can to keep a positive attitude. Again, thank you lots. Blessings to you, too!

Reply June 14, 2012, 9:26 pm

Mika

Hey Trisha; it’s been so many months, I wanted to know how you’re holding up?

I too, just went through my one and only breakup, on Dec. 25, 2011. It is 2013 now, and it took completely cutting him out of my life in the last 2.5 months to finally see the little light on the other side. Before that was a year of post-breakup torture.

I actually had to cope by moving out of the country, which was drastic, but it worked…

Mikah

Reply February 24, 2013, 11:56 pm

sam

»
Why did he cheat and said he still loves me?

Me and my ex were married for 28 years, had three kids that were on their own with their own kids. We got along great, did everything together, without any fighting. Life was good. I thought it was anyways, but I was wrong. My world came crashing around me all in one day. All that I knew and loved was gone. I got home and my husband told me he was cheating on me. I actually, figured it out by myself several months before, but I told myself I was overreacting. I ignored all the signs because I didn’t want to fight. I threw him out and divorced and now he is living with her. Her and her kids from another man have ridiculed my kids right in front of him, he sat by didn’t say or do anything. I feel like I need some closure and answers in my life, that I obviously am not going to get from him. I have read a lot of things online, it seems like he is going through a mid-life crisis. When all of this first happened he would still find some way to communicate with me. He would tell me none of this was my fault, I was a good wife, and I was a good mother, but he was still living with her. I finally told him to stop talking to me because it was too hard on me. To this point, I have been trying to live my life, been dating, and I push them away every time. One day out of the blue, he calls me up, says it was an accident. My first question is why he would call me after all this time. My second question is why he would let her and her kids destroy his relationship with his kids and grandkids. I know they are having problems, he has told me himself. I was also wondering what kinds of problems they would be facing right now. I am not sure how I feel about him right now sometimes I hate him and others I miss him. From what I have read and heard he will get bored with her and try to come back, is this true? I want him to feel the pain and misery like I did. I am doing really good on my own; I am going back to school. I don’t want it to be disrupted again. What should I say if he tries to come back to me.
1.why would he call me after all this time?
2. does he still love like he said?
3. he has told that him and her are having problems are they having?
4. why didnt he stand up for his own kids? in facted he said that her kids was better then ours? our kids are in college making some of their lives her are not

.

Reply March 6, 2012, 6:16 pm

Mari

I wanted to ask u how strong u had to be and if u ever saw him again? I am actually going through that right now its my 3rd day and im dying inside! Any advice on just a couple of things on how you did it?

Reply January 1, 2012, 9:52 pm

Nasista

You will be fine. You have to be very strong – but that is easy, because you ARE very strong. You have the capacity, you have the power, and you have the endurance. It hurts, of course. It is hard, of course! But it will be fine. I PROMISE. When my first love left me (admittedly, i was 16, but still), I was BROKEN. I broke down – wound up in the hospital, couldn’t see him for months without bursting into tears, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think of anything else. I thought it was the end, really. That was IT. But … it wasn’t. It took time, some really amazing friends (this also was very similar to how *another*, later relationship I went through ended), a lot of movies and crying, but with time, came healing. Persevere. Lean on your friends. Express yourself however is best for you (writing? drawing? photography?). And be patient. You WILL be okay, I absolutely promise. Better things are coming :)

Reply January 6, 2012, 9:47 am

melba

Wow. Such inspiration. Love hurts but it also brings fun things into our lives. Ive also been there ounce, and unfortunatly im still craving to be with him. I wish GOD still has a plan of us still getting back together.

Reply November 10, 2011, 3:57 am

Jessica

Shauna’s story is so real and gives me hope that things will get better. I just got out of a four year relationship almost a month ago. We met when I was 18 and fell in love fast and hard. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man, get married, have babies… white picket fence type stuff. We moved in together after about two months of dating and started our lives together. I never dreamed of another man. He was my everything, best best friend, I was part of his family, we were so intensly in love. This had gotten rocky though, we fought, over stupid things. Sometimes the realationship was really stressful and I felt like he didn’t treat me right. He could be controlling and possesive at times. We fought over money, keeping the house clean, normal things. Somewhere between year two and four the days became blurred. There was no more yearning to be with eachother, no butterfiles, the passionate love just faded. Weeks turned into rollercoaster rides with some days being great and it felt like I had my bestfriend back and I was still in love. Some days we fought hard and I told him I hated him, that I was leaving and I didn’t want to be with him. In ways I meant it but I didn’t. I never left. I always stayed. I think we both wanted to go back to the days where we were in much love and we were always striving to get there but I could never happen. We had just been through so much and we could never ever go back to what once was. One morning he woke up and was leaving for work. I looked at him and said in the most cold and utterly monotone voice that ” I love you… but I am not in love with you” We just shut the door and left. That day, I felt so bad and I must have called his phone twenty times. He never answered. He came home from work and told me that he couldn’t be with me any longer and “it’s over”. I had a feeling it was going to happen but I was devestated none the less. I called my mother bawling while he just stood there watching me. I was upset, I yelled at him, I told him he will never find anyone like me. I put up with so much of his s**t. for so long. I had a plan ticket in about thirty minutes and left in about two hours. I packed my stuff. We cried and we laughed, we hugged and said our goodbyes. I was in a state of shock. So here I am one month later. Across the country, trying to figure out my life. I vowed to not speak to him, to make him hurt as much as I was by not letting him hear my voice… or know how I was doing. about three weeks of that and I broke down… sent a pic message of my new car and then called him. We talked about life and how things were. He sounded great. He was doing great. He didn’t regret it. He made peace with his decision. I was devestated all over again. I am thinking ” I still love you, I miss you, How dare you, how can you be okay with this?” Everyday is a stuggle. I try and do things to take my mind off it. It works but temporarily. I recently found out he is now dating someone new and the heartbreak that has developed inside of me is about twice as bad. It’s hard to sleep and eating…forget about it. My stomach is a bottemless pit and my heartaches constantly. I feel anxious and nervous all the time. I can’t help but think about them and what new memories he is creating. I am jealous. I am spiteful. I want to be in love again. He tells me he still loves me and I will have the biggest peice of his heart for years to come, but we were toxic to eachother and things got bad towards the end. Why oh Why can’t I just think about all the hurtful parts of the relationship and all the pain he caused me??? I constantly think about my love for him and how close we were. Heartbreak is a process and it is different for everyone. It may takes months or years as I have found out reading other blogs. I want the pain to go away. I want to stop crying to to wake up six months down the road and be okay. It feels like I left a part of myself with him when I left. I know things will get better. time will heal. love will come. I will be happy again in my life. I have to know this. If you are suffering from heartache, you have to know this too!!! Life is too short. I know it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all. It’s so true. It’s a learning experience. It will make you a better person. Heartbreak hurts more than a gunshot wound and to be love feels better than anything in the world… it’s just the way it is. I just hope this passes and I can move on to the next step in the healing process.

Reply July 11, 2011, 1:05 pm

Marketa Carrington

U need this

Reply April 15, 2011, 12:39 pm

Marie

Shauna – Thank you for sharing. I’m going to be going through a divorce with my husband soon. We’ve had a 3 year relationship. He said it wouldn’t work due to difference in our morals and views. We still love each other but we just can’t get along. Were still married but he’s already had his rebound girlfriend. I however am staying faithful to my vows until my divorce is final. It’s hard but I know I will make it through. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s good to know I can get through this without a rebound boyfriend. :-) Thank you.

Reply January 5, 2011, 12:46 am

Jessica

Shauna – Thank you so much for writing your story. I too had a first love starting freshman year of college. I met him online and I was done for. We were together 4 years and the first two years were the best and after that i started to really see that he wasn’t who I thought he was. I had fallen in love with who I thought he was and not the real person. Didn’t help we were 3 years age difference (me 18 and him 21). So I pretty much listened to everything he said about love and life, like i was a sponge. It has only been about 16 months since I left him alone in his condo that he bought for the of us. I moved in with him after I graduated college and thats when i really began to focus my attention on the relationship. I was so busy with my undergrad there were alot of things that went un-seen or I just didn’t have the time to care. I really only saw the happy times then. However moving in I did see what was real, and that was we were two completely different people. He didn’t respect me how I should have been and he just was not what I wanted. So I decided to finally end it and the 3 weeks before I finally moved out, still haunt me to this day. That was definitely the hardest time of my life. I moved out to an apartment in a city where I had no friends or family, just my new co-workers at my first full time job out of college. I did have a couple of rebounds, mainly because I was just fully enjoying being single and finally doing what I wanted and not what my ex wanted to do. I then had a short relationship with someone who i finally started to have loving feelings for (at least I thought) and then he broke it off with me. That was very hard.

Now almost 16 months later I’am still single and slowly i’m finding other ways to make me happy. New friends, traveling, going out with girlfriends. I also just started grad school which is a good thing because it gives me less time to think about my ex. Reading this blog and the comments make me feel less alone and makes me realize that its really just the first love that I miss. I know I can find someone else to love, but i’m still holding on to my ex because I really thought he was my soul mate, and obviously still think he maybe be is a times. But even writing that I realize that it will never work between my ex and I because we are too different and there was alot of hurt that came with the relationship.

I have talked to him recently, which I shouldn’t have and now its just like i’m starting over with the heartache, regret, guilt, worry. etc. I plan on not speaking to him again. I realize that I still have a couple more years left to go in order to be fully over him. Its actually easier for him even though I broke it off with him because I was not his first love. So I think he is out there already having feelings for others, and that just makes me jealous.

I truely thank you for the story and I’m going to focus on enjoying my single life and living every day as it is my last.

thank you!

Reply September 17, 2010, 6:56 pm

drea

I like your story b/c it sounds like what I am going through now. I moved to another state after knowing deep down it wouldn’t work. I think i hurt myself more than I hurt him. In reality, i didn’t want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to make things better, move to another state go to school and live my life with him hopefully again. We dated 3 years and 6 months, we had a house and almost marriage. I wanted to go to school, get myself financially settled b/c we always fought about money and I know with the degree I currently have I couldn’t help like I should. i hope i can get over this. Which I know I will. I am glad you shared your story b/c it gives me hope. He was my best friend and his family I considered my own. Though I moved not to be selfish I hope life works out the way I foresaw it.

Reply December 6, 2009, 2:27 pm

liz

Thank you for sharing your story, i feel like it gives me hope that i can get over my x.

Reply September 15, 2009, 11:03 pm

Jules

Thank you for sharing your story. Having come out of a five year relationship…it feels so good to know that I’m not alone and that the time to be single should be cherished. So here goes…

Reply May 27, 2009, 2:31 pm

Sinead

Thank you so much for sharing this… having been out of a three year relationship for just about nine months now and still feeling heartache, it’s comforting to know that things will work out.

Reply May 22, 2009, 9:23 pm

Ms. Rose

Well I think you should all go out and spread …. your loving!

Reply May 11, 2009, 10:46 am

Meghan

I totally agree with Sarah. Thanks for sharing your story Shauna!

Reply May 11, 2009, 10:25 am

Sarah

Shauna, I love your story because you got over it with no rebound. I feel that is so key in getting over someone. You have to get over it by yourself. Im going through the same thing right now, and your story has aided in my recovery process. Thanks for sharing!

Reply May 11, 2009, 10:13 am

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