5 Types of Men to Avoid Dating post image

5 Types of Men to Avoid Dating


They say experience is the greatest teacher and if my dating experience has taught me anything, it’s that there are certain types of guys who always spell trouble.

Eric and I get flooded with questions from readers asking: “Is he serious about me?” Will he ever commit to me?” “He says he cares but he’s not acting like it.” This game of he loves me, he loves me not is exhausting and can ravage your self-esteem.

Think about how much time, energy, and heartache you would save if you could determine if he’s the kind of guy who will commit right off the bat.

The first step in having an amazing, healthy relationship is to choose wisely. To do that, you need to know what red flags to watch out for so you can extricate yourself from a bad situation before you get in too deep and wind up brokenhearted.

And with that, I bring you the five types of guys to avoid dating, and tips on what to do if you’re already dating one of the types.

TYPE 1: The guy who gets too intimate too soon
When a guy is over eager it can mean a few things, none of them good. The first is he wants to get you into bed, and he comes across as being extremely into you to expedite the process. He looks deep into your eyes, he tells you he’s never felt so strongly about a girl so fast, he’s extremely affectionate.

It’s also likely that he isn’t over his last girlfriend, this is especially true of guys who start acting like a boyfriend after only a few dates. His behavior isn’t so much a sign of his feelings for you as it is an indicator that he simply misses being in a relationship.

If he isn’t getting out of a relationship, then it’s very likely his strong affections are a sign of some kind of attachment issues or self-esteem problems.

If  you’re already dating him: It’s up to you to put the brakes on the relationship. Don’t see him every time he asks, don’t get into the mushy stuff (no but I’m crazy about youI’m even more crazy about you)– try to keep it light. If you’re in the early stages of dating, try not to see him more than 2-3 times a week. If he’s a too intimate too soon kind of guy he’s going to try to see you more frequently, say no!

You’ll know if you’re dealing with a guy with issues if he doesn’t respect your decision not to hang out all the time. If he pouts, whines, guilts you, begs, then there’s something going on. A guy should always respect your boundaries.

 

TYPE 2: The guy who says he doesn’t want a relationship right off the bat (or won’t call you his girlfriend when it comes to poop or get off the pot time)

It really just means he can’t see himself being in a relationship with you. Don’t stick around and try to prove him wrong, it’s a losing battle.

If you’re already dating him: Tell him something like “Look, I’m not into doing the casual, undefined thing. It was great getting to know you though.” Sticking around and showing him how great you are will get you nowhere. Actually, it’ll get you trapped in relationship no-mans land where you’re in a relationship, but not really.

Don’t be bitter about it, just be cool, confident, and honest. If he’s into you, if he truly likes and respects you, he won’t let you go. It’s as simple as that.

Just like neediness is the biggest man-repeller, self-respect is the biggest man attractor. Hold your own and don’t be afraid to walk away when you don’t get what you want, this is the only way to have a shot at getting what you do want.

MORE: When a Guy Won’t Call You His Girlfriend

 

TYPE 3: The guy who hates his job and/or doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life
Studies have demonstrated time and time again that while women gain their sense of self-esteem and worth from their inter-personal relationships, a man assesses his value based on his job or ability to have an impact on the world. When a man feels like he isn’t contributing or being productive, he will feel like a failure. And a man who feels like a failure is an extremely tough creature to deal with.

A guy who feels lost and directionless will be too wrapped up in himself to be a loving, caring partner who can be in tune to your needs. This guy will just bring you down with his negativity and will resent you if you happen to have your act together.

If you’re already dating him: Don’t try to pump him up or find a job for him or offer insights into what you think he should do with his life. This will only make him feel like a pathetic loser.

Instead, try to make him feel like a winner in all the other areas of his life. Make an effort to acknowledge and appreciate him for who he is.  And don’t place extra demands on him and get on his case for not being as available to you. The last thing he needs or wants is added stress in his life and if you become a stressor rather than a source of stress-relief, he’ll start to pull away.

If he feels great about himself when he’s around you, he’ll want to keep you around and he will make more of an effort to keep you in his life. You also need to be patient. It could take months or years for his situation to turn around. Instead of thinking about how great everything will be when he gets himself sorted, take him as he is right here and now.

MORE: He Lost His Job and Wants to Break Up

 

TYPE 4: The tortured artist (or hipster-ish dude)
This guy is the hardest to read and the most likely to go from hot to cold with no warning and often no reason (and if there is a reason it will most likely be the most absurd one you’ve ever heard, ex: you texted him back 15 minutes after he texted you thus indicating you are way too interested in him). Show too much interest and he’ll be scared away, show not enough interest and he’ll be too afraid to make any moves, show just the right amount of interest and he’ll get bored.

This guy will create grandiose illusions of who you are, will put you on a pedestal, will make you feel like the most spectacular being to ever walk to the face of the earth (because at first, he may very well feel this way). Obviously no one can live up to such enormous expectations and you will eventually show yourself to not be the goddess he envisioned and he will vanish from your life without a trace…. and feel fully justified in doing so! You might think I’m exaggerating, but any girl who has dated this kind of guy will know exactly what I’m talking about.

If you’re already dating him: I wouldn’t get my hopes up too high with this dude, he’s even more scattered and unfocused than the job-less guy and it will take him significantly longer to get his act together.

If you find yourself involved with a starving artist type, I say  keep it casual, have you fun, and don’t take it too seriously. If it’s meant to be, it’ll find a way to beat the odds and work. The odds are not great here so just have fun with it and don’t take it too seriously. Maybe if you’re lucky he’ll immortalize you in a song or poem.

 

TYPE 5: The guy who has never been single
Be very cautious of the guy who goes from one relationship to the next with little or no padding in between. There is no better place to hide from yourself than in a relationship and he most likely has a lot of unresolved issues and painful feelings buried deep down.

Chances are he has never really healed himself and hasn’t developed an identity outside of being in a relationship. Instead, he has probably come to see himself through the eyes of whoever he’s with and has a self-image that is entirely contingent upon what is reflected back at him.

Whatever issues he’s trying to suppress will spill out eventually and trust me, you don’t want to be the one in charge of cleaning up the mess.

MORE: How Guys Deal With Breakups

If you’re already dating him:  Try to take it slow an keep things open ended. And avoid becoming “official” within the first few months of dating. You need to give him space to work through whatever residual feelings he still has for his last girlfriend (and the one before her and the one before her).

If he comes on too strong, tell him that since he’s just out of a relationship you think it would be best for you guys to take it slow, and maybe even suggest giving him a  few weeks to himself. If he still wants to pursue things after this time, then you can revisit it.

I know it can feel scary letting go of a guy who you see potential with, but if he really likes you and if there’s really something there, he’ll come back. They always do.

Got another type of guy to avoid that I missed? Tell us about it in comments!

– SABRINA ALEXIS

29 comments… add one

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Peggy

I am speaking as an older woman-in my 50’s-Add the guy who has never been married/lived with someone/dated anyone for more than a few months/under a year! They will never be “ready” if they are 55 and haven’t found “the one” in all that time-lol!

Reply August 20, 2016, 4:31 pm

Lianna

So there was a guy I was talking for 2 years now, he said he wasn’t ready for relationship because he got to get his life together so he eventually did. In those 2 years we haven’t done much but made out. So I stopped talking to him because I notice after we chill and stuff, he doesn’t message me much and calls me when he wants to or msg me when he wants too? So that wasn’t fair for me. So end of August I told him how felt and told him he won’t work out and he’s always going to hurt me. I started avoiding him but he will snappchat me or even msg me out of no where. Then this January 2016 he msged me again how he wanted to see me. So asked him if we chill make it official so he said okay come here and we will talk in person. So I went to see him and I asked you can’t touch me intill you make it official ? He’s like yeah I known you for 2 years want to move forward and make it official and said were together. So I told him going to tell people and he said yeah go ahead. Which I know he’s lying because if he wanted this he would of made it official. So heard he was talking to someone else too and chilling with her has well since he moved to ottawa for his job purposes and comes to Toronto here and there since his family and friends are here!! He kissed me and oh boy we made out but never had sex, he was still the same and thought he will change this time. So after we chill that night told my Bestfriend and she told me he chills with another chick in ottawa which hurt me. But thought he would be different This time and care about me. So after he left to ottawa he texted me bye. And. Then texted me the next day but the convo was boring and died. So after that didn’t text him bec why should I try when he said he wanted this & since tryed for the past 2 years before. Intill this day he never texted me once which hurts me again because now felt like I’m used again, and a idiot! So what can I do to avoid him and move on? Why does he bother me when he has entertainment in Ottawa already? He knows I’m such a innocent and good girl that do most things with him , other then sex. He knows studying nursing but still treats me like I’m not worth it again. Why does he do this? Is it because he doesn’t want me to be with someone else? What should I do?

Reply January 29, 2016, 7:44 am

Mary

What about the ‘windbag’ guy? This is probably more for older generations. The guy who right off the bat knows more than you do, fights to dominate conversations, goes blank when you talk about something you’re interested in. I meet them all the time.

Reply November 11, 2015, 7:07 am

Gabe

I feel it appropriate to leave my thoughts and opinions here on this subject. I strongly feel it is “Advice” Such as is offered here which only lends dysfunction to the online dating world.

I am a guy, I’m 33 years old. I have had experiences with dating sites. More often than not I struck up friendships with the people I interacted with and I have been given a lot of insight by these individuals. Usually they are thinking in terms of cliché red flags, rather than thinking with their own minds and hearts. Ultimately I ended up meeting someone the conventional way. (a insanely embarrassing kerfuffle in a parking lot) but that’s another story.

I find it disheartening to see people simplified and grouped into five different categories. Despite what you may believe many men are -not- that simplistic. My sister met a guy online who exhibited many of the ‘red flags’ that have been named off here. She took a risk and they have now been happily married for 6 years. They sometimes drive each other nuts due to certain personality conflicts. Overall though they are happy together.

The fact of the matter is if you are too busy trying to protect yourself–especially by categorizing and completely ruling people out that have been lumped into a ridiculous cliché group, then you may be missing out on the perfect partner, all said and done.

Both people in a relationship have to be open to mishaps, imperfections, etc. It is important that you do find someone perfect–for you. Perfection is relative. However, forsaking men that appear to fall into these 5 cliché groups is the perfect way to rule out someone perfect for you before you even have a chance to truly get to know it for yourself. -No One- can so easily be lumped into either of these categories. And Guess what? even if you do try to avoid these groups you may still end up with a complete Jack***. There -is- no perfect formula!

You owe better to yourself–and the men you choose to interact with, than to exercise judgment based on these shallow stereotypes. And of course, always remember they are human beings with actual feelings, that hurt, love, and laugh just as you do.

All the best
~G

Reply October 31, 2015, 9:29 pm

Wink 227

These are so great Thank you – Gould you provide a profile of a player…there seem to be many guys that are trying to build a hareim. It would be nice to be able to spot them.

Thank you

Reply September 17, 2015, 9:53 pm

GL

The uncommunicator. Will not discuss ANYTHING. His feelings about you, where he sees things, or can’t explain himself. You don’t hear from him for days, has not responded to texts, so you give up but suddenly he comes back.

Reply August 28, 2015, 4:44 pm

M

Thank you Sabrina and Eric!
You two have helped me more than you will ever know! I met what seed to be the perfect man a few months ago, and thought I was in a great place personally and ready to handle anything! But after a few months my insecurities surfaced and stopped what seemed to be a budding relationship. I am so thankful this happened however because I’ve learned that the most important relationship that I have is with me-period. I am working hard at improving my self esteem and although it will take some time, I am worth the wait! Also, I was able to see that maybe he just wasn’t the right fit for me anyway, and that it is critical for me to know what I really want before behaving like a girlfriend! Thanks again and keep up the great work! Check out my website if you have a moment! 2CreateLoveHeal.com

Reply March 11, 2015, 10:16 am

Mariza Perena

Thank you Sabrina for spelling it out clearly, the kind of men we encounter everyday, some of whom we are already dating, while some we are already in a relationship with. I married a man with a world of issues within him that up until now, for 19 years, have made my and our family life not-so-wonderful. I am not perfect myself, but most of the time, i toyed with the idea of giving up on our marriage by letting him know we could be better off as best friends just like when we were not yet married. When i brought this up to him, he became mad threatening to abandon me and our four children ages 10, 15, 16, and 17. Afraid for my kids with him, i gave him another chance. Am i right in doing this? I felt awful, letting the children have traumatic encounters again with him, too.

Reply February 4, 2015, 11:30 am

Joyce

I have learned a lot about myself from this site that really did not know how to accept it I have come to term now and a have some good insight on what to look for and get the hell out wuick

Reply January 12, 2015, 2:28 pm

Joyce

Men please share your thoughts with my question Joyce
Thank

Reply January 12, 2015, 2:25 pm

Joyce

Ok so why do I do this to myself I never can find the right one now the last after I found out I exploded and told him everything on my mine he always turns it on me so I tried and tried to get to him down to the core now he has blocked me remove me from facbook calls and emails I had a book that in the process of being completed as his Christmas gift and this was before we got into it and told me he did not want to see it and does not want it. So why after all this do I still feel heartbroken I found out about all his lies on Facebook do I send black flowers saying I wish I never met you or just leave it . He has hurt me very bad

Reply January 9, 2015, 7:18 pm

GL

I had the exact same thing happen. I blew up and got blocked. I managed to get unblocked but of course I was the big jerk. I was very hurt, but in the end, I realized he has some major mental issues. I felt like I was on a string and he said mean things that totally contradicted how he behaved when we were together. Better to just be broken hearted and move on, the kind of anxiety I experienced disrupted my life.I told him that he should have just told me it was never going to happen and also apologized for any pain I caused. I’m not blocked anymore but I won’t ever deal with a guy like this again. All the signs were there. I took his blocking as being hurt and now it looks like he didn’t like me at all but liked the ego boost. They aren’t worth much more time than figuring out that they are mental.

Reply August 28, 2015, 4:51 pm

GL

Oh yeah….I’m waiting for his call. I know he’ll call. Guys who act like this are masters at keeping women on a string. They usually come around again.

Reply August 28, 2015, 4:57 pm

sukh

Awesome list. I’ve dated 2/5 of them. I’ve learned my lesson. Be aware of ppl trying to fill a void or not over the ex. Good luck ladies.

Reply January 5, 2015, 5:44 pm

Mariza

I can relate. It’s just a month ago that we last said goodbye to each other. Good news is, i was the first to say that to him. Before that, the guy also admitted to me we are filling up a void and he’s not over with another . Ouch for me, but that’s a lesson i gotta learn… 🙂

Reply February 4, 2015, 11:37 am

ambrosia Doodlbug

I have been single for 6 months and breifly dated two kind off guys. First one was all over me then after the second date started blowing hot and cold then stopped talking to me for about 3 weeks because i was being a pain contacting him all the time and generally come across as needy big mistake!

Second dude, was like the tables had turned and he was so needy and desperate to bein a relationship, where as I wanted to go slow and get to know him first. We had about 6 dates over a month and half (he wasnt local to me)…we got on famously, i didnt want to be exclusive, he was declaring his love for me, had my facebook profile pic as a wallpaper on his phone, showed all his friends etc my picture (the latter happened before we even met)…he was tryimg to buy my affection all the time, while i tried telling him that it takes time for feelings to naturally progress. Anyway as i didnt want to be exusive right there and then I got abusive texts etc and 2 weeks later got a girlfriend. All wasted off something potentially good because he didnt understand the concept off dating and was so needy and desperate. Lucky escape I had.

Reply August 31, 2014, 5:26 am

Fran

Yes, it was all wine, and XC skies with hot chocolate at first. Until we had sex. Then his true lover showed up. His work. I would hardly get into his car or he would barely be in view and he would start talking about his work. He was a university professor, you know. So of course his ideas were more important than those of the dirty masses. Including me. All decisions were his and I could feel my identity evaporating. So I got out. And he cried. Ya, I’ll bet he misses having a receptacle for all his crap ( I’m still in recovery so a tad bitter – I’ll turn the experience into some kind of spiritual awakening eventually.)

Reply August 19, 2014, 9:28 pm

maria

Am confused my bff tells me that he lives me n he don’t want anyone esle. That am the one for him. We have our days that are good n we have a great time together but after two or three days his tells me that I don’t love him n I just say it but don’t mean it. When I know that do love him when am not with him I feel that there a part off me missing n wants to be with him. N there time that I don’t know what to say to him when he gets like that. Cus his startup been ingredients n tell me to be quit saying something that I don’t mean n lets me to **** up the f up I don’t want someone that is not going to love me. I just get in a silent mod that I don’t know what to say anymore to him cus I think that his get mad if I say anything. Please help. Am crazy in love with him n don’t know what to do?

Reply June 21, 2014, 11:28 am

Carmen

Thank uuu so much for ur inspiration!!! Been fighting with myself on this one for last few months, my bf & I hav been together for 1.5 yr. I’ve kept my heart locked up for 14 yrs, since leaving the father of my two sons. The bf seemed lik “he wuz worthy of my live & utmost loyalty”…but his emotional complexity, past insecurities, jealousy, & big ego has finally damaged my love for him and all patience. Enjoyed time wit him, but I’m exhausted of all I can give anymore. Funny thing is red flag should hav came up soon as I found out his zodiac sign: Gemini. Never again will I fall into this kinda trap, as I knew him through sports bout 4 yrs ago, lost contact wit him…reconnected thru work, n I found out he became single thru that time period–hello, that wuz major flag–….as he wuz wit his previous gf for only 2 yrs. He definitely a hard-keeper wit his track record, to say the least. I hav better things to do right now, then to lose my beauty & energy on “self-centered, egotistical, & complexed guy”. There are other friends whom are still in love wit me & highly respect the person I am 🙂 thank uuu so much, once again! I’ve got more clarity in the direction I want to keep goin, to my sons’ career & our total happiness n functionality to attain their Dreams 🙂

Reply May 28, 2014, 3:38 am

Etta

I’m marry to a guy, who disrespected me. We were marryin for a little over 3 years n he was chatting with other womem on facebook about begin with them n a sexual way, they were calling his phone n texting him so i kicked him out, but do i feel so bad? N i since like i miss him. Hos grilfriend told me to leave him along. Why did into a relationship so soon
I took care of this man. He didn’t have a job, no money of nothing. Help me out with this.

Reply May 11, 2014, 2:21 pm

Troya Marie Caley

pls send me email bout my situation

Reply May 7, 2014, 1:00 am

Troya Marie Caley

What bout a guy yo
ou been with for four yrs and he says its over for you stop sending mn.ey to him after a yr. and then three yrs afterwards he says itsover.

Then you meet another man , he asking for money and dont sendhe says its over, this man got job,claims to have houses in one state lives in another and works ovetseas.

This is online dating

Reply May 7, 2014, 12:53 am

Bella bear

This was such a cute article, I love it!

Reply April 19, 2014, 6:16 pm

Sahera

I think you missed the type that’s over emotional or sensitive. The one that literally worships you and says he would die for you. If you did anything that hurt him he would threaten to kill himself, he is over protective and thinks that every other guy likes you and probably assumes that you’ll be the mother of his children even if you’ve only been dating two weeks.. That guy!

Reply February 2, 2014, 1:33 am

Lauren

Well, I just got out of a, on and off, 6 month “relationship” (but really wasnt in one) with a guy who fits Type 2, Type 3 and Type 4. Yep thats right, all mixed into one. What a mess. I should have said goodbye at date number 3. I hope I have learned something.

Reply November 20, 2013, 6:16 pm

Jen

I dated the tortured artist/directionless guy on and off for 2 plus years and trust me there’s no future. You’ll have amazing sex, interesting conversations and a blast spending time with him but then the other shoe will drop. If life isn’t going how he thinks it should he’ll show you how depressed and miserable he is. I gave so much to a guy like this emotionally and financially only to be dumped at the end of the day bc he realized he needed to get his life sorted out. Yep, that’s how it goes.

Reply November 7, 2013, 12:28 pm

Amy

If only I new back then, would save me lots of heartache. LOL
Great insight.

Reply August 1, 2013, 8:37 pm

Karen

Sabrina, you rock! This was so true…your articles are always so on point. Thanks!!!!

Reply August 1, 2013, 1:57 pm

Lily

I dated the type 2 guy. Then, following Sabrina’s advice I broke up with him and he kept pursuing me on facebook (liking all my statuses, pictures…). I was pissed off so I delete him off of my friends list. Was it too harsh?

Reply August 1, 2013, 1:14 pm

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