Ask a Guy: Is There Any Chance this Guy Will Finally Commit? post image

I was dating this guy for a few months and things were great. He was fresh out of a relationship when we met and told me off the bat he wasn’t looking for anything serious. After three months, I got sick of this arrangement and called things off. A few days later, I asked if he wanted to hang out as friends. We had an amazing time and he ended up apologizing and asking to date me again.

Things were even better this time around. He opened up even more and talked to me about his issues and insecurities. Then he ended it again saying things were only going to get more serious and he couldn’t handle it.  After that we would hook up here and there but I wasn’t comfortable with the situation and said we should stop being friends with benefits and just be friends.

We still hang out here and there and text periodically. Every time we see each other we have an amazing time and I feel like we really connect. The problem is he tries to hook up with me when we hang out and I don’t want to do that unless we’re back together.

I was hoping that by staying friends he would be reminded of how well we click and was hoping he’d get over his issues. This plan doesn’t seem to be working, though. Part of me feels like he senses on some level that we’d be great together, but I also feel like if he was going to come back he would have done it by now. Will he ever come back and commit or am I wasting my time?

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I have been dating this one guy for about two years now, off and on. When we first started dating, he chased after me and took me out to expensive dinners and such. In the beginning, I told him that I didn’t want a relationship and after that its all been downhill.

We do date other people but for some reason we always come back to each other and date off and on. He doesn’t call unless I call him first and then he starts the conversion about us hanging out and making plans. I haven’t talked about a relationship with him for a couple years now but I’m sick and tired of this off and on thing. We don’t break up or anything we just loose touch and then reconnect somehow.

His friends have made comments to my friends like “they are probably gonna end up together.” Does that seem like that he talks about me to his friends? What can I do to take this to another level? Should I just outright talk to the guy? I don’t want to scare him off. And if he says that he doesn’t know how he feels or ‘lets see where this goes,’ does that mean he isn’t interested? After two years a guy should know.. right?

Overall does it seem that the guy is interested in me?  Do you think it’s wrong to tell him that either something happens with us or that’s it and we need to go our separate ways?  I feel bad because I feel that I’m giving him an ultimatum.

Oh by the way, we haven’t slept together, so its not a booty call, I think!

See our guy’s response after the jump!

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Decoding Male Behavior: How Guys Deal With Breakups post image

When I write an Ask a Guy, Sabrina and I will usually discuss the content before it goes live.

Recently the subject of guys and breakups came up and Sabrina and I went back and forth about what guys generally go through when they breakup. It came down to be too much to put into the article I was writing, so we decided that I should throw it all into an installment of “Decoding Male Behavior.”

To start, I wanted to write this article to dispel some of the misconceptions I’ve heard in regards to men and breakups.

I’ve heard things like: “When a guy’s relationship ends, he replaces her. When a woman’s relationship ends, she mourns,” or, “He’s just hooking up with such-and-such to spite the ex-girlfriend,” or “Guys just don’t care” and other nonsense.

To dispel the misconceptions, let’s take a look at some of the universal truths about guys and breakups – some of which may surprise you since they certainly are hidden from the surface.

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Ask a Guy: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer? post image

I met a guy online.  After a few e-mails, we texted with each other.  His first text message was sexual and, being a flirty person, I responded back with some flirtatious banter.  By the time we met up there was no conversation, it was virtually straight to sex.

We continued meeting up and for the first 5 times I took it as just sex.  Not just sex, but really aggressive, dirty sex and sexual role-playing.  A turning point came where he started showing another side of himself.  A sweet, caring side.  He even cooked me dinner.

I can tell he lusts for me, but given the way this started out I don’t know that there’s a chance any relationship could come out of this.  I’m not a clingy/needy type of girl and I give him space, but if there were any possibility of this becoming something more I’d like to pursue it.

What are your thoughts on a relationship happening after sex on the first date?  Is sex on the first date a relationship killer?

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Ask a Guy: He Says He’s “Too Immature” For Me post image

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months.  He’s 23 and I’m 26. When we started going out, I was applying for grad school and he was going to be traveling for a couple of months. He said if I missed him a lot he would send for me and I was welcome to join him at any time.

About three months into the relationship, I told him I really liked him and he said, “Who says I’m coming back?”  (Big change from just a couple of months…)

Now he wants to see if he can live in NZ permanently. I told him I’d miss him and he said he’d miss me too, but wanted to try it as it was something different. When I said I wanted to come with him, he said that he thinks he’s too immature for me and doesn’t know what he wants in life.

What’s the deal?

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Ask a Guy: How Do I Get Him to Marry Me? post image

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while now. We’ve had our problems but have worked through it all and I really want him to pop the question already. There was a moment when he talked about us being married, but he joked that I should be the one to get him the ring.  The topic hasn’t come up again since and at this point, I am just about ready to give him an ultimatum- either he proposes or I’m leaving.  I’m also thinking of just getting him a ring at this point just to move this thing along!

Can you please help me figure this out?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

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Ask a Guy: Does He Like Me Or Am I Bugging Him? post image

I met a guy about two and a half weeks ago. We had a long conversation, he asked for my number and he texted me the next day. Since we met, I was never the one to call or text him first, I kinda always wait until he does. I don’t mean to ignore him because I do like him but I’m scared I might be bugging him.

Now, he really doesn’t text me as much as he used to (he always responds if I text him though). Do you think he might get tired of me or give up if I always wait for him to contact me? Should I reach out to him more often? How do I know if I’m bugging him?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

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Ask a Guy: Initiating Contact Without Creeping Him Out post image

So I know this guy in a band and we hit it off really well. I’ve only seen him twice and that was when he was on tour twice but we ended up talking forever. He’ remembered me both times and if you know guys in bands, you know they see so many chicks from touring all over America so its kind of hard to remember faces.

I just saw him three days ago and he was being pretty flirty and saying things like “what’s the oldest you have ever dated?” and “you have such a beautiful complexion.” (Btw, we’re only 5 years apart.) I wanted to text him in a couple months when he’s back home and off tour and ask him how he’s been and how the band is.

But there’s a twist- he never gave me his number. I got it from my brother because they’ve talked before. Do you think it would be weird or bad if I texted him? And do you think he’d be mad or happy to hear from me? I really need a guys opinion and point of view on this.

See our guy’s response after the jump!

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Ask a Guy: Should I Give This a Second Try? post image

Last spring break I started seeing my ex-boyfriend’s best friend as more than a friend.  It was unexpected… and we didn’t mean to become interested in each other. He had just broken up with his girlfriend and was hurt, but he was trying to get over her.

He gave me the option of either staying friends until he was over her or to keep talking. I decided that I wanted to keep talking to him because I thought it would help him forget about his ex-girlfriend.

Things were going well for about 2 months and then he suddenly wanted to take a break and said he needed space for a little bit. I understood, and in the meantime was hoping that he was OK and that things would soon go back to normal.

Soon after, his ex-girlfriend friend-requested me on Myspace.  I didn’t approve her, but I checked out her page out of curiosity.  She had added new pictures of her kissing the the guy I was seeing (the pictures were dated though).

I confronted him but he saw nothing wrong it.  He was turning things around on me and I just couldn’t handle it.  I stopped talking to him and a little while later she cheated on him again!  He learned his lesson and ever since then we’ve been friends, but haven’t started things up again.

I know that he truly cared about me and he tells me that he does. He wants me to be happy and wants for us to eventually give it another try to see if we still have the same strong chemistry that we once had.  Maybe I am crazy for asking this, but should I give him a second try?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

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Ask a Guy: He Wants to Take It Slow… Now? post image

I have a question about a confusing situation. Here are some stats. I’m 38, my guy is 42. Both of us have never been married and have no kids. I met this guy online almost two months ago. We live about 50 miles away but decided that is no issue. He’s great! He is always telling me how much he likes me, I’m a sweetheart, how much fun he has with me, he feels so comfortable with me and how our sexual chemistry is just awesome. (We had sex on the first date, BTW, don’t know if that would make a huge difference.)  We spend every weekend together and usually one night during the week and he calls or texts me everyday just to say hi.

One month in, I asked him what he thought about being exclusive. He said he wants to take it slow and really get to know me and- much to my dismay- he has gone on dates with other women. I told him fine but I didn’t want to be casual forever and that I hadn’t been dating but will start if we’re not serious. I also told him if he didn’t see things going anywhere, he needed to let me know and I would do the same for him.

Well, almost a month later, he makes sure to lock in the weekend plans with me early in the week and always has something fun and exciting planned. He continues to come over during the week and still contacts me daily.

Do you think we have a chance at becoming serious? What’s with the taking it slow and the dates with other women? Should I ask him about being exclusive again and if so, when?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

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Ask A Guy: Am I Being Played? post image

I’ve been working with this guy for close to a year. I was always attracted to him but tried to play it cool and treat him like any other friend. It took him about 6 months to ask me for my number and I was really shocked because I didn’t think he thought of me in that way and I instantly started crushing on him. We hung out later that night after his shift ended. It was pretty casual, just small talk, and then he went home.

After that, he started texting me raunchy things about “getting naked” and “getting freaky” and such but I’d always object flirtatiously, like, “oh well only if you’re lucky” or ” maybe once you get to know me better.” So after about a week of us texting back and forth, he texted that he wanted to hang out again. I agreed but then he never texted back! We still saw each other at work and would make small talk, but I didn’t hear from him other than that.

I decided to focus my attention elsewhere and only worry about school, work, etc. I randomly texted him maybe a month later just to see how he was doing and he seemed happy to hear from me and asked when we were gonna hang out. I told him pretty much whenever I was available next. That night, he texted me around 2 am asking to hang out but I obviously said no since it was so late. He seemed cool with that, but then the conversations died down and I didn’t hear from him for weeks. Then I noticed that he changed his Myspace status to “In a relationship” so I figured that was why I hadn’t heard from him but I realized he must have been in a relationship that last time he asked to hang out.

After that, I completely cut myself off from him outside of work because I didn’t want to deal with the heartache. Now here it is, weeks later, and he’s asking me why I haven’t texted him in so long. I’m so confused! Anyway, I texted him the other night to see how he was doing. He asked what I was up to but then just stopped texting!

I feel kinda played for giving in to him but I still like him and I’m not sure what this all means. Any thoughts?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

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Ask a Guy:  What is the Best Place to Meet Guys? post image

I’m a busy, single girl living in NYC and I need advice on how to meet new guys. I’m a student in the performing arts – concentrating opera – so my access to straight guys feels a bit limited. Rehearsals and classes take up most of my time. I haven’t been on a date in over a year now – its crazy! I want to try something new where I can get to know more guys. I go to the gym a lot but other than that I don’t have much in the way of ideas.

As for not going on a date, I think its a sign that there has to be something I’m doing wrong. I generally feel awkward and nervous around guys so I bail out of talking to them even when there’s nothing to lose. They don’t approach me either, so I’m guessing I’m not sending out the right signals if I’m sending any.

There’s also the fact that my roommate made a bet with me – find a date in 10 days or I’m subject to being sexiled for a weekend. That would be severely inconvenient so if you could help at all that would be great! I would love to have a guys insight!

See our guy’s response after the jump!

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Ask A Guy: If He Won’t Commit Now, Will He Ever? post image

I have been dating a man for about 5 months and everything is pretty good. He was married for 10 years and has been divorced for about 2. His ex still gives him a hard time, but he says that he has moved on. He has custody of one child and she the other.

We spend majority of our time together. We go out often, I’ve been introduced to the family and he to mine, and he treats me like I’m his girlfriend. Last week I bought up the subject and the answer wasn’t what I expected. He told me how great I was and that he loved what we have, but at this time, he didn’t have the capacity to commit to more. I processed this and the next day told him that we probably shouldn’t talk or see each other anymore. My rationale was that I was too emotionally caught up and didn’t know when he would have the ‘capacity.’ He was in utter shock!

He said that he expected me to pull back, but not cut it off completely. Then, he back peddled and said he prays daily for god to release some of the things in his life. He also said that just because he doesn’t have the capacity today it doesn’t mean that he won’t have it in 2,4, or 6 months. Being a woman, I accepted his logic and things have been good. He continues to treat me well, but in the back of my mind I’m scared things aren’t going to change and that I’m wasting my time. I want to have kids and he knows this (and says this is fine) so this further complicates the situation because I don’t want to waste these years with someone who doesn’t have the capacity to commit at this time.

Lately I’ve also notice that when we talk about things like houses and cars he uses ‘us’ and ‘we.’ For example, I am considering purchasing a new car (sports). We were talking and he told me to purchase whatever I like, but remember that I want to have kids in a few years and that I would have to get a new car. I said that my future husband would just take my car and I would take his. He told me that if we marry that that car switching wouldn’t work (he doesn’t like small cars) and that I better buy a car that could hold the entire family (including his family). Mixed signals?

I’m really confused. Do I leave since the one thing I know for certain is that he doesn’t have the capacity or enjoy our time together?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

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Ask A Guy: Why Do Guys Vanish After A Great First Date? post image

I’ve gone out with three different guys in the past month. With all of these guys, we talk and have a good time for a few hours over coffee. He asks me out for a second date, and takes down my phone number. He even talks specifics for the next date (what day, what we might do). None of these guys actually call me to schedule the next date.

What is going on here? I can see this happening maybe once, but three times? …and what is the rationale behind asking a girl out and then never calling? If he doesn’t like me, why doesn’t he just not ask me out again, or just not ask for my phone number?

Read on for our guy’s response!

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Ask A Guy: Am I Wasting My Time? post image

I was at a party with some friends, and one certain guy was there that was a friend of a friend. I had known him throughout high school but we never really spoke or spent time together. I was very much attracted to him and wanted to get to know him better. At the end of the night we ended up talking for hours and then impulsively slept together.

Not too much was expected afterward from either one of us. However, I spent the night at his house a few days later and we ended up hooking up again. The next day he sent  me a note saying that he was really sorry but he wasn’t in the right mindset to be in a relationship right now and we should start spending time as friends and nothing more. As upset as I was, I accepted it and was happy to at least still have him as a friend. I really feel like we have connected ever since then.  He shares everything with me, and me with him.

Over the next two months, we hung out as friends. We started to hook up twice but he immediately pulled away and said that he doesn’t want to hurt me.  He said he wants me and that he really likes me but he couldn’t see the relationship going anywhere since we were both planning on leaving at the end of the summer. However, neither of us is planning on leaving anymore, so I can’t understand why he still won’t commit.

I feel like he’s afraid of getting hurt- he battles with depression issues and doesn’t seem strong enough to handle any sort of disappointment. I just get very confused because he runs so hot and cold with me. One minute I feel like he’s changed his mind and wants to further our  relationship and make a commitment, but then he’ll pulls away. At this point, I’m not sure if I should wait it out and see where it goes because I’ve really started to like him and can see myself dating him. On the other hand, I feel like I’m wasting my time and it isn’t  fair to put myself through the constant disappointment.

Is he ever going to come around, or am I wasting my time? Does he really like me or is he just making up excuses to cover his fear of commitment or lack of interest??

Read on for our guy’s response!
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Ask A Guy: Is He Committed To Me? post image

I recently started dating a guy who sometimes works night shifts and sometimes day shifts. When he works the day shifts I see him every day, but when working night shifts, we only have time on weekends which means I don’t see him at all during the week. Anyway, when Friday comes along he chooses to go out with his friends rather than being with me and I’m really confused because he always tells me that he loves me.

He also suggested that we buy each other rings as a symbol of commitment to one another. I told him I will think about it since we have only been dating for two months but I now I’m don’t think it’s a good idea to buy the rings, especially if he can choose to go out drinking with his friends over spending time with me.

I just don’t know how to tell him that I think it’s a bad idea since he hasn’t shown he’s really committed to me. What should I do?

See our guy’s response after the jump! [continue reading…]

Ask A Guy: Is He ‘Just Not That Into Me?’ post image

I met this guy online about two years ago. Everything was amazing at first and we dated for a month before he left for medical school. For that whole month, we saw each other almost every day and he said he really liked me and I was everything he was looking for and all the stuff guys say in the beginning when they really like a girl. After that month he left for medical school in Nevada (I live in California), making it a long distance relationship.

We tried to keep it together at first, I even flew out there one weekend, but he ended up sending me a long email telling me that he just couldn’t handle a relationship at that time because he had just started medical school and he was dealing with a lot. I didn’t talk to him for about six months after that. For the last two years we have been talking off and on but never actually got back together. Recently, we started talking again, but just as friends. About a month ago he confessed that he’d had a girlfriend for the last 6 months and she just broke up with him and he was really upset.

I gave him advice and I was there for him as a friend, trying to make him feel better, all the while still having feelings for him and wanting him to like me. I finally decided to tell him that I wanted a relationship and nothing else and if he didn’t want the same thing I couldn’t handle being friends with him and to not call me again.

Read on for the rest of this question and our guy’s response! [continue reading…]

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