No matter how toxic (and pointless) it is to continue pining for an ex, most women have a near impossible time letting go and moving forward.
Let’s say you had a job where you felt perpetually stressed, anxious, and miserable. You put in all you could, even if it came at the expense of your ego and sometimes, your sanity. And let’s say you got fired from that job. Yes, being unemployed is scary so at first you’ll feel upset and worried, but you will also probably feel relieved.
You’ll realize it was for the best and will be thankful that you are now free to find a job that is better suited for you, one where you will feel valued and appreciated. You won’t spend sleepless nights pining for that old job, wondering what went wrong and what else you could have done. You’ll realize, with perfect clarity, that it wasn’t the right place for you.
Now let’s say you’re in a relationship where you feel perpetually stressed, anxious, worried, and miserable. You put everything you have into making it work, you give it your all, even at the expense of your dignity and emotional well-being. You put up a good fight, but it’s not enough and he breaks up with you. You were miserable with him, and now you’re even more miserable without him. You spend months, maybe even years, pining away.
Unfortunately, a relationship is hard to view through the same objective lens as a job. With relationships, it’s not just our emotions that get involved, it’s our egos, our past pain, our childhood traumas, our insecurities, our fears. Everything gets activated and when the bomb detonates, it can take months or years to clear the wreckage.