How to Find True Happiness post image

How to Find True Happiness


How can I find happiness? It’s a questions most of us have asked. Many people spend their lives searching for the answer. Some of us go through life believing the right relationship will open the gateways to eternal happiness. Others believe it’s the perfect job. And there are those who fall victim to western ideals and believe happiness is reserved only for the beautiful and thin.

The idea of a happy and meaningful life has become unnecessarily complicated in some circles, says author and certified positive psychology coach Lynda Wallace, who left a high-powered executive career with Johnson & Johnson to pursue her real passion – helping individuals and groups achieve greater happiness and success.

“Happiness has been appropriately cited as a goal in political debates on issues from taxation to the social safety net to marriage equality, but the debate is often confused,” says Wallace, author of “A Short Course in Happiness: Practical Steps to a Happier Life,” which topped Amazon’s Self-Help Best Seller list.

“Some people claim that happiness is all in your DNA or bank account. The truth is that happiness is largely a matter of everyday choices and actions. There are straightforward, well-researched, and effective things every one of us can do to create greater happiness in our lives and in the lives of those we care about.”

The essential elements of a happy life are not mysterious, she says. Research shows that the happiest people do four basic things that make the difference: they focus on what is good and positive in their lives; cope effectively with life’s inevitable challenges; develop strong relationships; and pursue meaningful goals.

“We can all become happier by putting our efforts into these areas,” Wallace says.

One of the first steps we can take is to get past some of the common misconceptions about happiness that can stand in our way. Wallace offers these four examples: [Click here to keep reading…]

6 Guaranteed Ways to Be Miserable post image

Misery, as painful as it is, can be comfortable in its familiarity. It’s easy to sink into despair. Picking yourself up and forging onward is a bit more daunting. The problem is, a lot of us play a passive role in our own lives. We let circumstances and situations dictate who we are and how we feel, and then find solace in the fact that it’s not our fault.  In life, we can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to things, and that is oftentimes the difference between feeling free and happy or trapped and miserable.

Happiness doesn’t just happen. It’s not something that shows up at your door one day as a consolation prize for years of pain and suffering. It takes some work, both on the inside and out. Misery is easy because frankly, life is hard. Stress is inevitable, and so is heartbreak, rejection, disappointment, criticism, and feelings of defeat.

Being miserable is a combination of how you live your life and how you process the inevitable things that happen. A lot of us don’t even realize all the ways we’re creating our own misery.  And with that, here are six guaranteed ways to be absolutely miserable:

[Click here to keep reading…]

30 Lessons Learned On Life & Love in 30 Years post image

I’ll admit I’ve been afraid of turning 30 pretty much since I turned 22. With every passing year, I’ve felt a tug of fear over being that much closer. Now that I’ve arrived at what I long considered a dreaded destination, I must say….it’s actually pretty amazing. Like most people, my 20’s were replete with bad choices, too many shots, too little sleep, too much worry, valuable life lessons, ignoring of said lessons, repeating the same mistakes, self-doubt interspersed with feeling on top of the world, financial sloppiness, emotional sloppiness, waiting for it all to fall perfectly into place, and grappling with the painful realization that the real world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But now that my days as a 20-something are up, I can’t help but feel grateful, and—dare I say—empowered over how far I’ve come.

Every year on my birthday I like to reflect on lessons learned, defining moments, and whether I’m moving forward or standing still. Since so much of what I write is informed by my experiences, I could think of no better way to say goodbye to my tumultuous 20’s and usher in my (hopefully!) thriving 30’s than with the 30 best lessons I’ve learned on life and love.

Here they are (in no particular order):

[Click here to keep reading…]

Five New Ways to Be in 2015 post image

Five New Ways to Be in 2015


Whenever this time of year rolls around and people are in “change mode,” it can feel confusing and unclear where to start.  Many people have the same New Year’s Resolutions  each year and feel disappointed in themselves that yet again, they feel back to square one in not making the changes they had hoped for. An action plan is good, but if you don’t examine the overarching message system in your head, you may find yourself continuing to be mystified by your lack of success.

We live in a culture that focuses on doing, not being, and New Years Resolutions tend to be about what you’re going to do. So perhaps this year you can include some aspirations of what you’re going to be.

Here are some things to consider:

[Click here to keep reading…]

How to Be Happy: 11 Ways to Find True Happiness post image

Most people spend their lives waiting for happiness. They cling to the idea that as soon as they get that job, as soon as they lose those last few pounds, as soon as they’re in a great relationships, then the gates will open and happiness will come rushing on through. Most people are misinformed. Happiness isn’t something that just happens, it’s something you need to actively pursue. True happiness doesn’t come from wealth or beauty or status or anything external, it comes from within.

In order to find true happiness in life, you need to work on yourself and make a few adjustments to the way you live your life. These tweaks are actually pretty simple and if you do it right, you will attain the kind of genuine happiness most people spend their lives pursuing.

Here are 11 tips to find true happiness: [Click here to keep reading…]

7 Rules for Dealing With Difficult People post image

A few things are inevitable in life: death, taxes…. and dealing with difficult people. From work to friendships to romantic relationships, difficult interactions can hit us from all angles and can take a heavy toll on us.

A few days ago, I was doing some much needed reorganizing and I found this packet from a class I think I took many moons ago. I can’t remember who taught it, but the packet was filled with amazing and hilarious “rules” for dealing with difficult people.

Within these humorous insights are pearls of wisdom that can help you keep your cool during an argument or any other trying exchange.

I really wish I could give you the source, but no names were written on the sheet so all I have is the information. I couldn’t keep it all to myself though, so here are some amazing (and I’d even say life-changing) rules for dealing with difficult people:

[Click here to keep reading…]

5 Tips To Be a Better You This Year post image

A new year is upon us and with that, a time to turn over a new leaf and make some tweaks to ensure this year is better than the last.

New Year’s Resolutions are great and all, but they are usually superficial (lose weight, quit smoking, stop procrastinating, etc.) and don’t lead to lasting changes since it’s all over the first time you slip up. Getting what you really want out of life requires internal changes that in turn, change the way things work out in your life.

To help you get more happiness and satisfaction out of your life, I’ve rounded up five essential tips to help you be at your best.

[Click here to keep reading…]

Happy Birthday A New Mode! Top Lessons on Life and Love post image

A New Mode is officially three years old. I honestly can’t believe how fast the time has gone, it seems like only yesterday that Eric and I were sending e-mail blasts about the site to every single person we knew (and begging them to send blasts to everyone they knew!) to spread the word, while refreshing Google Analytics every 30 seconds to see how many visitors hit the site. These days, our readership has happily expanded way beyond our friends and families and instead of being a side project, ANM has turned into our sole project.

My mission in starting the site was to help our readers become the best versions of themselves and in the process, I have undergone a profound transformation of my own. Along the way, I have learned so much about life, love, happiness, health, and– thanks to Ask a Guy–a LOT about men.

The other day I was reflecting upon how much I’ve learned (and how badly I wish I knew all these things sooner!) and realized that sharing these insights would be the perfect way to celebrate our birthday. [Click here to keep reading…]

The Art of Forgiveness post image

The Art of Forgiveness


Earlier this year, in Bloomington, Indiana, Adam Sarnecki confronted a man breaking into a parked car. In a panic, the criminal shot and killed Adam.

Imagine the shock, anger and resentment you would feel if a similar injustice happened to one of your friends or family members. Perhaps you already know.

Remarkably, the father of the victim, Ron Sarnecki, responded to this tragedy with profound love and understanding. Although he was extremely upset about losing his son, Ron told reporters that he forgave the killer.

You may find it difficult to identify with this reaction, but there is a critical lesson to be learned here. Despite undergoing the traumatic experience of losing his son, Ron Sarnecki is now on his way toward a peaceful life. He has learned to forgive.

At some point, we’ve all been wronged. Perhaps you were in an abusive relationship or a friend turned her back on you, and you’ve carried bitterness and resentment with you ever since. You likely had no choice in what happened to you, but here’s the good news: you do have a choice in how you react to this adversity and how you will live the rest of your life. Is it time to release the heavy burdens of anger and bitterness that have weighed you down for so long? Is it time to forgive like Ron Sarnecki did?
[Click here to keep reading…]

Set Yourself Up to Be Happy post image

Set Yourself Up to Be Happy


Jean finally receives the news she has been waiting for. However, she’s immediately disappointed – if she accepts her new promotion, she must move farther north, where the winters are long and frigid. She was hoping her promotion would allow her to stay in a warm climate. Jean can’t imagine being happy in such harsh weather. After much deliberation, Jean decides that she will not accept the promotion.

We all know that our decisions today will impact our happiness in the future. If this is true, what influences our daily decision-making? The answer is our predictions of our future happiness. In the above scenario, Jean decides to not accept her job promotion because she predicts that she won’t enjoy her life in a place with such cold weather. But how will Jean ever know if she made the right decision? What if this promotion would have led to an upper management position? What if she would have acclimated to the harsh weather after just a year or two? Each day we make decisions based on how happy we expect to feel in the future. Let’s take a closer look at how we make such happiness predictions.

QUIZ: How Happy Do You Feel?

It may surprise you to learn that, like Jean, people are not very good at knowing how happy they will feel in future situations. Indeed, many scientific studies suggest that people overestimate how unhappy they will feel if something bad happens1.

For example, one study asked participants to predict how unhappy they would feel two months after the end of a romantic relationship. When that time arrived, the study results showed that people had predicted that they would be less happy than they actually were. In another study, women overestimated how unhappy they would be after receiving unwanted results from a pregnancy test. When a negative event occurs, we often end up feeling less upset than we originally expected. Why does this happen? The difficulty is that our happiness predictions are biased. Awareness of these biases allows us to make better decisions on important matters such as our choice of romantic partners, where to live, and how we pursue happiness.
[Click here to keep reading…]

The Most Important Relationship Advice You Will Ever Receive post image

Over the years I’ve been in my fair share of relationships. I’ve also been what felt like the third party in many of my friends’ relationships as I used my years of wisdom to help them through every step of their relationships. There is one key ingredient that will determine the success, or failure, of a relationship. When I look back at the times when I’ve struggled and felt tortured trying to figure out why guys act the way they do, and when I see my friends in similar predicaments, one major and fundamental issue is invariably at the heart of the matter.

Eric and I dish out a lot of relationship advice on this site. We help you understand why that guy who seemed so into you at first is suddenly acting shady or why the guy that acts like you’re boyfriend won’t just call you his girlfriend. While we’re happy to supply you with these explanations, we’d be remiss if we didn’t cover one fundamental truth about relationships: you will never find love with another until you find it within yourself.

I know, it’s one of those facts that makes you roll your eyes but in truth, it makes all the difference in the world. When you love yourself, you don’t care why he’s being shady and blowing you off or why he won’t just put a label on it because you know your worth and your value. You won’t even need to call up your loyal girlfriends and listen to them tell you that you can do so much better than him because it’s a freakin’ given! [Click here to keep reading…]

Bad Habits to Stop and Good Habits to Adopt post image

I am definitely not perfect, nor is anyone else out there. However, I am someone with a vested interest in improving myself and finding ways to live a happier, more meaningful life. I know what it’s like for things to seriously suck. I know what it is to feel like the world is conspiring against you. I also know that changing the way you think about yourself and carry yourself in the world can have an enormous impact on your life as a whole.

I have thought a lot about the idea of bad habits to stop and good ones to adopt (no, I’m not talking about things like smoking, eating fast food, biting your nails, etc).  It isn’t always easy, but I do it and in turn, I have seen some pretty incredible results.

Read on to learn how to improve your life and happiness with a few minor adjustments! [Click here to keep reading…]

More Bad Habits To Stop And Good Habits to Adopt post image

A whole new year is almost upon us. A time to do away with the bad and start anew with the good to make this next year a great one. We still have a few weeks before the New Year, but that doesn’t mean we should wait to start putting our best selves forward. From superficial improvements like buying clothes in the right size to mental improvements like letting go of the past, little adjustments can make a world of a difference when it comes to your life and overall happiness.

And with that, I bring you another installment of bad habits to stop and good habits to adopt. [Click here to keep reading…]

Achieving your Goals post image

Achieving your Goals


Goals are an essential part of human existence. Our goals breathe meaning into our every day lives. They push us forward, drive us, motivate us, and inspire us to become even greater. I have many goals- some big, some small. Over the years I have accomplished many of my goals and there are some that I’m still working on. This blog, for instance, was a major goal of mine for years and for some reason, I was unable to lift the idea off the back burner and move forward with it. I have been giving the concept of goals a lot of thought lately and have uncovered some wonderful techniques that have helped me and will help you in attaining your goals and becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Read on for more! [Click here to keep reading…]

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