There is nothing more exhilarating and terrifying than texting a guy you like.
The stakes feel really high and you want to make sure you’re making the right impression while also being authentic and true to who you are.
The pressure is understandable. Texting is our main mode of communication, and it can be a make or break in a relationship. And a lot can get lost in translation. The wrong text can cause a guy to lose interest or think you’re desperate when you’re not. And the right text can make him go from lukewarm to super interested.
MORE: How to Know If a Guy Likes You For Sure
To help you out, I’m going to tell you exactly what to text a guy to make him more attracted to you … as well as what you should never text a guy!
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Before we talk about what to text a guy you like, let’s talk about what a few things not to do.
1. Don’t always initiate first
Men appreciate having the space to come to you, so give it to him!
Initiating all the time comes across as too aggressive. Maybe you think it’s not fair, why should you wait for him? Well … because that’s just the way things are and everyone knows that’s the way things are. Guys know that women know if a guy likes a woman, he’ll reach out. So when a woman is constantly reaching out to him, it just comes across as … off.
Also, there is no need for you you always reach out. If he likes you, he’ll initiate. He’ll find a reason to reach out to you, he’ll come up with something!
MORE: How to Tell If a Guy Likes You Through Texting
2. Don’t be so chatty.
Don’t write a novel if he asks you how your day went. Let him learn about you slowly, that’s what makes dating fun! Give him the chance to ask the questions before you answer them.
You also want to leave something to talk about in person — and hopefully, you’re actually seeing each other in person and your relationship doesn’t only exist over text. Try to keep your responses to the point (but still friendly and sweet!), and let it be a dialogue rather than a dissertation on your end.
Also, watch it with the exclamation points and emojis, these can make you seem immature and like you’re trying too hard. They can also come across as crazy and that’s a surefire way to scare a guy away!
3. Don’t overanalyze
Stop analyzing texts, the quality of the time you spend together is much more important than how many texts are exchanged, so focus on that! Obsessing over something just means, “I don’t trust that things are going to work out the way I want them to so I’m going to question everything until I prove myself right.” Just let it be and trust yourself!
Now let’s talk about three kinds of messages that will make him like you.
1. Show interest in his interests
Men love sharing their interests with a woman they like. This doesn’t mean you need to like what he likes, just show an interest in what it is he likes
Ask him interesting questions, things like :
What is one thing that makes you feel alive?
What book have you read the most times?
If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
What is your favorite way to end a long day?
Show genuine interest in who he is. Most women don’t do this. Most women focus on impressing the guy, they obsessively wonder how he feels about them instead of actually learning about him.
MORE: Deep Questions to Ask a Guy
2. Positive upbeat text
Men love a happy, positive woman, so send some of that energy his way. Tell him something good that happened to you, or give him a compliment, or just say anything that conveys that positive, happy vibe.
Conversely, make sure you’re not being too negative and complaining. It’s fine to vent on occasion (but try not to do this over text, it’s much better done in person), but try not to dump all your frustrations on him because men just don’t react to this sort of thing very well.
3. Flirty texts
Now, this may seem obvious, but let’s talk about what it means to flirt.
By definition flirting just means do and say things that could be interpreted as showing interest or could be interpreted as just being nice or friendly or joking. The ambiguity, the blurred line is what makes it flirting and the reason flirting exist is to allow people to save face if the other person isn’t into it.
So sending “flirty” texts is the way to get him thinking about you because he just doesn’t know where you stand, and if he’s interested in you, he will want to dig in a little more to find out.
MORE: Signs He’s Flirting With You
For some reason a lot of women are fed up with flirting and would rather tell a guy straight out she likes him. While I appreciate the boldness, this just isn’t a good strategy. Knowing that someone likes you isn’t sexy. Wondering is.
The best way forward is to gradually chat with him and flirt with him.
If he flirts back, then he probably likes you or is at least somewhat interested in you. If he likes you for real, he will take things a step farther and ask you out.
A flirty text doesn’t have to be so thought out- sometimes something as simple as a winky face at the end of a sentence will do the trick.
Or a compliment because this can be interpreted as you being interested or just being nice.
Teasing texts can also be counted as flirty, just make sure it’s playful teasing and you’re not hitting any weak points for him.
You can get tons of flirty texting ideas here.
4. Don’t text him
I’m throwing this in there because I asked my husband for his suggestions on what to text a guy you like and he said, don’t text him!
The fact is, if a guy likes you, he’ll come up with a reason to talk to you. You won’t have to do much.
When it’s early and he’s still courting you, let him initiate. When things get more settled, then you can initiate more.
Finally, here is the secret to being amazing at texting- you need to be OK with the outcome no matter what. If you text him and your heart is racing and you can stop checking to see if he replied, that’s a big red flag. That means you’re attaching way too much of your sense of worth on how he feels about you.
MORE: Signs He’s Definitely Into You
You need to have an attitude where you’d be happy to get a positive response from him, but also totally fine if you get no response.
Just say it to yourself as many times as you need: “It would be great to hear from him, but if I don’t, I’ll be fine.”
The not caring creates that sexy energy that men love. When you care too much, it comes off as desperate and he feels pressured to respond to you in a certain way. So just stop caring! Focus in just being OK with whatever happens.
I hope this helped you understand the types of texts that really resonate with a guy. Now if you want to know what men really want in a woman, and what inspires him to commit himself fully, read this next:The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman