What is that special something, that intangible quality that makes a woman irresistible?
You’ve probably seen it in another woman before. We typically find it much easier to see someone else’s charm than our own. It’s difficult to describe, but some women are just magnetizing. Men seem instantly drawn towards them.
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It’s definitely not a matter of checking a list of boxes physically. Your appearance is part of it, but there’s way more to this puzzle. Truthfully, once you step into your full and authentic power, you’ll perfectly embody the most attractive version of yourself.
But how do you do that? It’s all about adopting the right mindset.
Here are 16 things you can do to transform into your best self, and thus make any guy desperate to date you!
Men love a bold, confident woman who isn’t afraid to show up as herself. She’s not tugging at her clothes, fidgeting, or avoiding eye contact. She knows who she is and she’s not afraid for anyone to see it.
When anyone is comfortable in their own skin, it shows. They don’t need to say or do anything to prove it. It’s just there.
If you don’t feel confident in your day-to-day life, it’s time to develop your self-esteem. Don’t think that playing small will make you more appealing. It will only blur your authentic self and make you invisible to the person who’s right for you.
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2. Showing genuine interest in him
It’s extremely flattering when someone makes a sincere effort to learn about you. Going beyond the average small talk that many conversations consist of takes effort. You don’t do it unless you are legitimately curious about someone.
A woman who knows how to navigate a conversation is inherently appealing. Even if he’s good at steering the subject towards you, and he will if he’s genuinely interested in you because when we like someone we can’t get enough, make sure you guide it back towards him at times, too.
Don’t get too personal too quickly. You want to show inquisitiveness without coming across as intrusive or overly-familiar. Read his reactions to help figure out how much you should press on a subject.
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3. Don’t talk yourself up
Another way to come across as inauthentic is to brag about yourself. Your accomplishments and awesome qualities should come up organically. It’s painfully obvious when someone interrupts the natural progression of a conversation to showboat.
Sometimes when you’re nervous, you accidentally end up talking on and on about yourself. This is an honest mistake because all you’re trying to do is impress him. But a confident woman knows she has nothing to prove, so she won’t feel the need to try. Remember that you don’t need to do anything special to be worth engaging with.
4. Ask interesting questions
A great conversationalist knows how important asking quality questions is. By asking a man insightful questions, you reveal your interest in him and also build a connection.
If you find this challenging, try to relax and listen when he speaks. Try to get out of your own head and focus on what he’s saying, as opposed to thinking about what you want to say next. Once you do that, good questions will come naturally to you. (And if it doesn’t, check out this list of amazing questions to ask a guy to get him to open up!)
Forcing questions just for the sake of it is unattractive and will come across as false. You don’t want to come across as desperate. Besides, if you aren’t truly present in your conversation, it will be tricky to remember the details later.
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5. Have a full, well-rounded life
Is your life full of variety, filled with the people and events that make you happy? When you’re fully engaged with life, you go after the experiences that bring you joy and develop you as a person. This automatically makes you a more interesting person.
If your life consists of just going to work and then falling on the couch depleted at the end of the day, that’s not good for you or your potential relationships. Seek opportunities that will expand and fulfill you.
When a man asks about what’s going on in your life, you want to have things to say! If that question makes you draw a blank, work on that before doing anything else.
6. Appreciate him
We all like being seen for who we are and appreciated for the things we do. Men, in particular, are starved for this kind of acknowledgment. They crave it more than anything else. Even if they don’t want to admit it, being recognized in this way means everything to them.
If you show genuine excitement and appreciation for him, he’ll love the way he feels around you. He’ll want to commit to the person who makes him feel cherished in that way. If you overlook and disregard him, he won’t stick around for long.
MORE: The Top Signs A Guy Doesn’t Like You
7. You laugh at his jokes
While this may not seem like a deal-breaker, complementary senses of humor are massively important to a relationship. Sure, everyone wants people to laugh at their jokes. But if your own partner doesn’t recognize your comedic genius, that’s a deflating environment to be yourself in.
Women often say they want a man with a great sense of humor, which makes men value this aspect of a relationship even more. He wants to be the reason you have a big smile on your face. He wants to be the one who can crack you up when you’re having a bad day.
Ladies, be real about this. If you don’t find him funny, don’t force a laugh. Do you really want to fake it for years?
8. You don’t play games
How relaxing is it to be with someone who only says what they mean? Mind games and arbitrary dating rules are exhausting. By being a straight-shooter, you’ll be a breath of fresh air to a man. You won’t feel the need to play games because you know what you have to offer is enough to make a man stay. Besides, who wants to have to trick someone into being with them?
Don’t get caught up in prideful games. For example, if he takes ten minutes to text you back, don’t wait thirty minutes before responding to seem “cool and unattainable.” It’s obvious what you’re doing, and it won’t make you appear confident. Rather, it will make you seem like a lot of work.
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9. You are passionate about something
We are intuitively drawn towards people who pursue their passions. It’s kind of like when you’re at a concert and can’t take your eyes off a band member. You’re not just noticing their appearance (although, that may be part of it!). What you’re responding to is the way that person throws their heart and soul into their creativity. We can’t help but notice and admire that kind of dedication.
When you talk about something you care about, your face lights up. Your energy shifts and radiates. It shows personality and a drive to pursue what matters to you. There’s nothing sexier than a woman on fire for the passions in her life.
MORE: The Top Signs A Guy Doesn’t Like You
10. You’re not afraid to call him out
Have you ever heard a man joke that his woman keeps him in line? Men actually respect it when you call them out on something. Maybe he tells you about a situation at work and instead of nodding along demurely, you politely question how he handled it.
Of course, you don’t want to do this in a bossy or rude way. You’re not replacing his mother. But it’s okay to put him in his place when he needs it. Even if his initial reaction is agitated, once he gains perspective on it, he’ll appreciate that you hold him accountable.
In an ideal relationship, both people will call each other out as needed. Otherwise, it’s challenging to grow and evolve as a couple.
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11. You can laugh at yourself
It’s stressful to be around someone who’s obsessed with being perfect all the time. No one can achieve that impossible standard. We all make mistakes and we all have embarrassing moments. If you can roll with it instead of getting flustered, you’re automatically ahead of the game.
Being able to laugh at yourself means you don’t take yourself too seriously. It also shows major confidence. Instead of hurrying to construct a seemingly polished and impeccable presentation, you’re totally comfortable showing up as you are.
12. You’re flirty
How fun is it to engage in flirtatious banter with someone? That witty back-and-forth is addicting and keeps you on your toes. It shows that the other person is having a good time with you. If he was bored by your exchanges, he wouldn’t have the energy to flirt back.
Flirty can turn desperate in the blink of an eye, so be attentive here. We’ve all seen someone go too far and humiliate themselves in an effort to flirt. Instead of hanging all over him, rouse his interest just enough and then leave him wanting more. Brush his knee with yours when you sit down, hold his eye for a second longer than normal, and offer your best coy smile. Honestly, less is more.
MORE: Foolproof Flirting Tips
13. Look your best
Taking a little time each day to make sure you look your best is always worth it. Even though your appearance is only a component of what makes you beautiful, it’s undeniable that men are visual creatures. You don’t have to change anything about yourself or conform to a certain mold. Just accentuate your best attributes and take care of yourself.
Looking your best isn’t just about appealing to a man. When you feel good about yourself, that has a ripple effect throughout your day. Just think about how differently you carry yourself when you’re wearing an outfit that makes you feel like a boss. You deserve to feel that way every day, so take the time to make it happen.
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14. You aren’t desperate for a boyfriend
If you’re frantic to find a boyfriend, that’s really a sign that you’re not ready for one. As cliché as it sounds, we won’t be happy with someone else unless we are happy with ourselves first. Once you know how to live a beautiful life on your own, you won’t be tempted to make the wrong person fit into it. When you’re content on your own, you’ll only accept a partner that complements and improves your already fantastic life.
Plus, desperation is a definite turn-off. Guys can sense when you’re trying too hard. If anything, you’ll only end up attracting the wrong kind of guy, the one that would like to prey on your insecurity.
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15. You’re positive
Are you the kind of person who sees the glass as half full, or are you the first to point out problems? It’s incredibly draining to be around someone who’s always down. Not to mention, the person always looking for negativity is on the fast-track to poor mental health.
A man wants to be with a lively, upbeat woman, someone who sees the good in everything. When things are tough, she finds the bright side. Instead of having a meltdown when you get a flat tire, she’ll crack jokes until the tow truck arrives. Who doesn’t want to be around someone like that?
This doesn’t mean you have to be some happy robot all the time. Everyone has their low moments, and you’re entitled to all of your feelings. But for your own sake as much as anyone else’s, stay positive whenever you can.
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16. You’re relaxed around him, you can just be
Some people are magically good at being themselves all the time. For the rest of us, revealing your true self is a feat that takes a couple of dates. That’s why it’s such a wonderful feeling when you really can let your guard down and not put up a front around someone.
If you’re walking on eggshells around a guy, he’ll feel it. It will put him on edge, too. The sooner you can relax and show up as yourself, the faster the right man will fall for you.
Staying calm and present is a shortcut to accomplishing all of the things on this list. Armed with confident self-awareness, you’ll be able to engage and have a good time with a man. That charming tenacity will allow your beautiful true colors to show.
I hope this article clarified what it really takes to get a guy to like you. But there is more you need to know. There is one defining moment in every relationship that determines if it will last, or if you will be left heartbroken, At some point, he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens, or ends. Do you know how a man decides a woman is “girlfriend material”? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
The next problem that can destroy your relationship comes when he starts to pull away and lose interest. Do you know what to do when this happens? If not, you run the risk of making the most common relationship-ruining mistakes. Read this now and learn exactly how to handle it: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
16 Things That Instantly Make Men Want to Date You:
- Showing genuine interest in him
- Not talking yourself up
- Asking interesting questions
- Having a full, well-rounded life
- Appreciate him
- You laugh at his jokes
- You don’t play games
- You are passionate about something
- You’re not afraid to call him out
- You can laugh at yourself
- You’re flirty
- Look your best
- You aren’t desperate for a boyfriend
- You’re positive
- You’re relaxed around him, you can just be