How Do You Know He Loves You?
We are saturated with ideas about love everywhere we look, but what does love really look like?
We learn what love is supposed to be first from our families, and if they’re dysfunctional that’s not much help. Then we learn from young relationships with other kids who don’t know what they’re doing, either. Then we learn from movies, which spread a romanticized and unrealistic version of love … and it goes on and on.
Most of what we see is surface love, not the real deal. So many of us have our guards up high because of bad experiences and we can’t see past our walls. We focus on the bad signs instead of enjoying all the good we have.
At the same time, no one wants to be blindsided or taken advantage of or stay with someone who doesn’t actually love us, so the question is…
How do you know when a man loves you?
Take The Quiz: Does He Really Love You?
When a Man Loves You
1. He pays attention to the little things.
When we love someone, we remember the details. If he loves you he’s going to pay attention to you, and that means knowing what you need and like because he wants to make you happy.
We remember the little things when we care about someone, the things that make them smile … and we try to give them those things, a lot!
This doesn’t mean a man who forgets your anniversary one year or someone who doesn’t remember the day you started dating doesn’t love you. Some people are not detail-oriented or focused on things like this. But if he’s not that kind of person and you are, he will try to remember for you. More than specific occasions, he’ll remember the important things about you.
2. He is vulnerable with you
Not all guys are super soft and emotional, and some have a harder time opening up than others. It can take time, but if a man truly loves you, he will be his raw, authentic self with you as much as he can be.
He will show you the parts of himself that most people don’t get to see because he won’t feel a need to shield himself behind the usual mask he wears. A man who lets down his guard and shows you his vulnerable side trusts you and feels safe with you, and this is a huge component of love. He’s not only loving you, he’s trusting that you love him back.
3. He is your biggest fan.
A man in love will be your teammate. He’s going to see what you can achieve and really believe in you. This is because, in addition to trust, love means respect. Respect is about truly seeing someone for who they are and caring about their well-being and wanting what’s best for them. So he’ll encourage you to be your best and he’ll celebrate every success with you as if it were his own.
A man who loves you won’t try to hold you back for selfish reasons. If your dream is to go to graduate school or spend a chunk of your time doing volunteer work or focusing on a project that takes you away from him, he won’t try to stop you because he wants you all to himself.
He will praise you, support you, and encourage you, because he’s your cheerleader and number 1 fan.
4. He sees the real you.
He may see you more clearly than you see yourself. Sadly, most of us focus on the worst parts of ourselves and we can be pretty harsh and judgmental—our own worst critics. Someone who loves us will be honest with us, but he won’t be harsh (well, not unless we really need some tough love! But that will be the exception, not the rule.)
Someone who loves you sees the real you and loves that person. He embraces all the elements that make you who you are: the good and bad, the fun sides and the quirks.
5. He will try to meet your needs
The fact is, he’s not going to be able to meet every single physical and emotional need- no one ever will. But a guy who loves you will try his best.
He will hear you out when you need him to listen and try to give you what you need, but he’ll also call you out when you’re being unreasonable. Loving you doesn’t mean putting up with any kind of behavior from you. A man capable of loving you will also love himself, and that means he’ll expect to be treated well just as he treats you well.
He will never try to make you feel ashamed for your feelings or the mistakes you make in the relationship. He won’t gaslight you or make you question your sanity. At the same time, he won’t be your manservant, catering to your every whim and accepting whatever you do. He’ll respect you and himself.
6. He wants to be around you a lot … but not to an unhealthy degree.
The best couples aren’t the ones who are glued together. They are the couples who enjoy spending time together, and probably spend most of their time together, but also enjoy having space from one another.
It’s not healthy to be each other’s everything. True love is about trust, so you don’t need to always be together to feel safe in the relationship.
True love is also about loving the other person for who they are, not just who they are with you. That means they’re going to do their own thing, maybe for self-improvement, maybe for fun, and so will you. When you can grow as individuals, you can grow together, and it will only make your love stronger.
7. He is your best friend.
So many couples act more like enemies than friends. They fight constantly, don’t show respect for one another, and don’t have each other’s back.
When a man loves you, he sees you as his best friend—a best friend he’s also super attracted to. This is ultimately what all the hype is about—what could be better than this? Your best friend is always looking out for you. The last thing they want to do is hurt you. They’ll go out of their way to help you and make you happy. When you’re sad, they’re the one you turn to.
At the very minimum, a person you’re in a relationship with should be treating you like a friend. Once he loves you, he’ll treat you like a best friend.
8. He makes you feel safe.
You know he isn’t going anywhere—you trust him fully.
You feel completely comfortable being your true, authentic self and you don’t have to worry that one mistake, or you going through a hard time and not being your best self, will cause him to fall out of love and leave you.
He encourages you to speak your mind. He’s not offended by your opinions or thoughts just because he doesn’t agree with them, and you have no fear of reproach or judgment. He feels comfortable enough to call you out when you do something you shouldn’t have or to say something when he disagrees with you, but it always comes from a place of respect.
MORE: 13 Signs He’s In Love
9. He will be there for you.
You are his priority and there is no question about it. He’s there for you because he wants to be there and because he’s committed. If you ever need him, he will drop what he’s doing unless it’s impossible.
Because he’s your teammate and your partner, your happiness is as essential as his own.
With all the superficial ideas about love out there and all the bad experiences we’ve had, it can be incredibly hard to figure out if what you’re experiencing now is it. First, you need to ask yourself how he treats you: look at these 9 signs for a start. At heart, they all have to do with showing trust and respect and a concern for your well-being and happiness.
Then you need to ask yourself how you feel. Do you feel loved, treasured, respected, happy? If you don’t, are some of these signs missing? If you’re questioning whether he loves you, there’s a reason. Either he doesn’t, or you’re having a hard time accepting love. If the relationship isn’t working, you need to work on yourself or face the fact that what you have might not be the love you’re looking for.
I hope this article showed you how men behave when they truly love a woman. But there is more you need to know. At some point, a guy will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine everything. Do you know how a man decides a woman is “the one”? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Here is another issue almost every woman will face: He starts to withdraw and seems to be losing interest. He doesn’t text back, he is less attentive, and something is just off. He seems like he’s pulling away and you might lose him completely— do you know what to do about it? If not, read this right now If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Take The Quiz: Does He Really Love You?
In summary …
How to Know If He Loves You:
- He pays attention to the little things.
- He is vulnerable with you.
- He is your biggest fan.
- He sees the real you.
- He will try to meet your needs.
- He wants to be around you a lot … but not to an unhealthy degree.
- He is your best friend.
- He makes you feel safe.
- He will be there for you.