Let’s talk about how to handle being ghosted. Oof. This one hurts. And we’ve all been there. And if you haven’t been there yet, it’s coming!
My favorite ghosting story happened with this guy I’ll call James. We had been seeing each other for a few months and I really liked him, but then he vanished without a trace. But he did resurface a few weeks later … and I remember seeing his name appear on my phone and just feeling so happy and relieved to be hearing from him again. I forgave for ghosting me even before I heard the apology! But he wasn’t calling to apologize. He wasn’t even calling me … he accidentally called me thinking he was calling some new girl he was dating or hooking up with. He hung up on me as soon as he realized and I never heard from him again, ever.
Whenever I discuss this topic, it generates a strong emotional reaction. And I fully understand it. It seems immature, it seems childish, and it’s just so disrespectful. And how can you not take it personally? He didn’t even care about you enough to tell you he no longer wants to see you? So did he ever even care about you in the first place?
You just feel so hurt and you feel like such a fool. What were you missing? How did you not see this coming? And how can you ever trust guys after this?
So let’s talk about how to make the experience slightly less awful. I’ll try to give you some perspective on why guys “ghost” and how you can move on without feeling bitter and jaded so keep reading.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
First I’m going to tell you why guys ghost.
To keep it simple: a man would rather walk over a bed of hot coals rather than tell a woman to her face he no longer wants to see her. That’s all it really comes down to.
He doesn’t usually make the conscious choice to ghost. What usually happens is he plans to break up with you … but it’s the weekend and he doesn’t want to ruin your weekend … and the it’s Monday and he knows you have a big project at work … he keeps putting it off and putting it off … and then so much time has passed he feels like it would be silly to break up with you now and you’ve probably already moved on.
MORE: What He’s Thinking When He Ignores You
A lot of the times, we just tell ourselves what we want to believe. So he probably tells himself you’re on the same page as him … you also know this relationship wouldn’t work out, so there’s no point in having a whole conversation about it.
Watch The Video: He Ghosted You? 4 Ways To Feel Better Fast
Men aren’t as comfortable in overwhelming emotional situations as women. I’m not saying it’s right, it just is.
Now let’s talk about how to move on with your head held high.
1. Realize it’s not because you were insignificant
The real pain that comes from being ghosted isn’t from a broken heart. It’s bruised ego.
It hurts that he didn’t care enough to give us a proper ending!
It is a huge mistake to believe he ghosted because you meant nothing to him, because he never really cared about you and he didn’t even think you were worth breaking up with in person, or even via text!
This is not reality. This is your fear talking, the fear that maybe you are unworthy and unlovable.
A lot of us feel this way deep down. We feel like we will never have the love we want. And then when sometimes happens that aligns with this belief, we pounce on it and take hold! Your subconscious mind uses it to further the narrrative you’ve silently been telling yourself your whole life: See? I told you you were unworthy!
The subconscious mind is always looking to prove itself right, so it will disregard facts that don’t sync up with what it believes.
So why did he just seemingly toss you aside? Well … most men are just better at compartmentalizing their feelings. He can put them in a box and move it to the side. It’s not that he never cared. It’s that he doesn’t see the point in dwelling on the care. In his mind, it was never going to work out and you probably are also aware of this, so what’s left to think about or talk about?
2. Don’t reach out to him
I know you want closure. I know you think you need the closure and won’t be able to move on without it. But he can’t give you closure. Why? Because he probably doesn’t even know the reason why he doesn’t want you anymore. Most of the time it’s just a feeling.
Trying to get closure from him is a waste of time. If you reach out to him you’re most likely going to get more silence or an answer that just isn’t the truth because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings (see my point above about a man choosing to walk over hot coals than hurt a woman’s feelings).
He will not give you a detailed explanation for why he no longer wants you. He probably doesn’t know the reasons and even if he did, he would never say them to your face! All you’ll get from reaching out to him is some vague explanation about why he disappeared … or you’ll get more silence which will only rub salt into your wound because now not only did he ghost you … he is intentionally ignoring you.
You can give yourself closure. Closure means it’s closed, it’s done. The fact that he ghosted you is all the closure you need.
And that brings us to number 3…
3. Not everyone is a match and that’s OK
All this really means is he’s not the right person for you. It doesn’t mean you’re fundamentally flawed or unworthy or unlovable. It just means you guys don’t have enough chemistry and/or compatibility to fuel a relationship and these things are just beyond your control.
It takes two people to make a relationship work. I know you think this man was perfect for you, but clearly that’s not the case otherwise he would be with you.
Rather than picking yourself apart and dissecting all your perceived flaws, redirect your brain to focus on the fact that all this means is he wasn’t the right man for you.
Guys can lose interest for all sorts of reasons. And if a guy loses interest over something small, he was never really all that interested in the first place. A guy who really likes you, really likes you. He is in it and he’s not going anywhere and it’s going to take a lot to talk him out of it.
4. Focus on you
You have to put an end to the obsessive loop. Stop focusing on him. Focus on you.
Just focus on being your best self. Holding onto pain and negativity doesn’t serve you. You are not impacting his life in any way by staying angry, you’re only hurting yourself.
Try to stay busy and positive. Do things you enjoy hat make you feel really good. Surround yourself with people who love you and see the best in you. Make time for your passions and for things that make you feel alive, charged, and revitalized. This is how you’ll win here.
I hope this article helped you better understand why guys ghost and how you can recover from it. Sometimes it may seem like a guy is ghosting, but he’s really just pulling away and taking some space. Do you know why this happens and the best way to react? If not, read this next:If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
And do you know what truly inspires a man to commit and see a woman as “the one”? If you want to find out, read this too:The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman