Let’s talk about how to make a man fear losing you and why this is important in a relationship.
Here is what a lot of women do – as soon as a guy comes along who shows a little bit of interest she latches on forcefully. She abandons all other options, she deletes her dating apps, and commits herself exclusively to him even though he hasn’t shown anywhere close to that level of commitment or investment in her.
He knows that she’s just there, he knows that he can continue this “non-relationship” indefinitely. So why would be want to change things? He’s getting all the benefits of having a girlfriend without any of the responsibility. He knows she’s all in and he has no reason or motivation to change so the relationship doesn’t develop or go anywhere.
In order to get a guy to step it up, he needs to be afraid of losing you. This isn’t about being manipulative, it’s about knowing your worth and knowing that you’ll walk away if something isn’t what you want.
I’m going to tell you exactly how to do it.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
1. Keep your options open
This applies if you’re seeing a guy who isn’t your official boyfriend. Do not act like his girlfriend!
Women make this mistake all the time. They commit way too soon and then they put unrealistic expectations on the guy. Maybe she gets upset if she catches him talking to another girl … but he’s allowed to because he’s still technically single. Then they end up in this cycle where she’s always upset about something because he’s not living up to some sort of standard when really, he’s just complying with a situation that she allowed and perpetuated.
You can’t be OK with him not committing to you and then not OK when he acts like a man who isn’t committed to you.
It’s only when you keep your options open and give him the sense that he may lose you unless he steps up and claims you that you’ll get the commitment you want.
If he knows you’re obsessed with him and you’ll wait around until he decides he wants to be with you, then he’ll drag it out as long as possible.
2. Leave him wanting more
If he doesn’t fully have you, he’ll always be afraid of losing you and he’ll always be upping his game.
Here are a few ways to leave him wanting more.
- Don’t always text him back right away. This just makes it seem like you have no life and that is unattractive.
- Don’t talk to him all day long. Don’t be afraid to end the conversation first. He’s not going to interpret this as meaning you don’t like him or aren’t interested. It will only make him want you more!
- Don’t say yes to plans every single time. Don’t pretend to be busy, be busy. Fill your life up so that he needs to earn a spot, it’s not freely handed over.
- Don’t always keep him in the loop. Let him wonder what you’re doing. If he asks to hang out and you’re busy, just say you’re busy. You don’t need to say what it is you’re doing, let him wonder.
3. Have an active social life
This ties into the previous point, keep your social life fun and full!
Go out with friends, pursue hobbies, go to the gym. keep doing things you did before you met him, keep your calendar full, and don’t clear it for him.
Getting a man to pursue you or chase you doesn’t have to be about playing games or being manipulative. When you have a full life, this just happens effortlessly. Don’t play hard to get, be hard to get.
4. Use your walking power
Walking power is a term we created for having a mindset where you will walk away if a situation isn’t what you want.
You don’t do this in a threatening way, you don’t use it as an ultimatum. It’s a belief you carry internally.
It’s a mindset you carry within that says, “If this guy doesn’t treat me the way I deserve to be treated, if this relationship isn’t what I want, then I’m totally fine walking away.”
This is a very different mentality than what most women have, where they cling to the guy for dear life and do anything to make it work because they’re terrified of losing him.
MORE: What Men Want in a Woman
5. Have high self-worth
A man isn’t afraid of losing a needy woman because she needs him too much, she needs him in order to feel OK.
A confident woman with high self-worth is a different story. He knows that if he isn’t good enough for her, she’ll go, so he brings his best.
But how do you achieve this? I wrote a whole article on how to be confident so be sure to read that, but for some quick advice: fake it until you make it really works here. Act like a woman of high value and the behaviors will penetrate and you will become that. A good technique is to ask yourself: how would a confident person act in this situation?
Would a confident person go ballistic that he hasn’t texted back in a few hours and send him a barrage of angry texts? Or would a confident woman assume he got caught up with something and she’ll hear from him eventually and she’lls just put her attention elsewhere.
You can even choose a confident model and say, what would she do? Maybe it’s a friend or relative or even a celebrity.
Also- have passions! Passionate people are fulfilled people and fulfilled people have high self-worth.
6. Have boundaries
Confident people set boundaries and there are consequences if someone crosses those boundaries. And like I said, if you’re a confident woman, he’ll be afraid of losing you.
If one of your boundaries is that you don’t want him setting up last-minute dates, then you won’t accept them from him.
If he says he doesn’t want a relationship, then be OK telling him you’re not okay with that. If he really likes you, he won’t let you go.
Know your standards and don’t settle for less.
7. Prioritize yourself
A lot of women prioritize the guy above all else. Don’t do this.
Continue focusing on yourself – focus on looking your best, on feeling your best, and on putting your needs first- at least for now.
When you worship the guy you’re just setting yourself up to be taken for granted and walked all over
If you’re at your best, he’s going to fear losing you because he knows how magnetic that is and he knows other guys will be attracted to you so he needs to step up his game!
8. Connect to who he truly is
Men are starved for genuine connection. Most men don’t feel seen and appreciated for who they are
It’s important to connect to who he truly is- connect to the man beneath the mask. In psychology this is known as the shadow self. The shadow self contains all the parts of your personality that you don’t want to admit to having.
He may present himself as macho and tough to the world, but inside he might be really sensitive and have a huge heart. You have to look at who he really is, not at his persona.
Pay attention to what lights him up, pay attention to how he treats other people, pay attention to what kinds of compliments really reach him and light him up and connect to him at that level.
This will make him addicted to you and will make him realize he doesn’t ever want to lose you.
I hope this article helped you understand what makes a man afraid of losing you. There may also be times when you feel afraid of losing him, like if he’s pulling away and withdrawing. Do you know the best way to react when that happens so that he comes back and the relationship is better than ever? If not, read this next:If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Also- do you know what makes a man commit and see you as the one? If you want to learn what it is, read this too:The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman