How to Get a Guy to Like You, Make Him Want You, and Fall In Love With You
Love may feel magical, mysterious, and inexplicable, but it isn’t as random as it seems—there’s actually hard science behind it.
This is why we feel instantly drawn to some people but couldn’t care less for others. Why some people hold our interest after that initial attraction, while others don’t. There is a science behind attraction and what causes us to not only be attracted to someone, but to continue to feel strongly for them.
Yes, a lot of the time things flow so naturally it’s hard to imagine there are real, rational, concrete things going on behind the scenes causing those butterflies, and that is how relationships should feel. You should never force a relationship, and you can’t make someone feel a certain way if they just don’t … but you may be able to tip the scale in your favor and help Cupid along by doing certain things that will increase his attraction to you and keep him interested.
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
How Do I Get Him to Like Me?
Follow these scientifically proven ways to get build his attraction and desire for you:
1. See him a lot
Familiarity breeds attraction. Research shows that the more you see someone, the more attracted they will become to you. This goes regardless of how attractive you actually are or how attractive they initially found you. There is something about a familiar and friendly face we appreciate.
We’ve always been told that first impressions are what matters and that for guys especially it’s a yes or no right away when it comes to women. But attraction really isn’t a fixed thing.
We know that someone’s personality can make them more attractive to us, but it takes time to get to know someone. They obviously have the same face before and after you discover they have a fantastic sense of humor or are super smart, making them more attractive.
In the same way, studies show that just seeing someone frequently can boost how attractive you think they are.
What to do:
Get some face time with him. Do this only if it can be done naturally; don’t be a stalker and show up at places where you think he’ll be … well, don’t do that too often anyway!
It’s fine if, for example, you were invited to a birthday party and normally wouldn’t have gone, but you know he’ll be there, so that changes your mind. Because as far as anyone knows, you’re there for the party and not to see him. But know when to take a hint.
If you see him a lot and he’s had ample opportunity to take things to the next level and he isn’t doing so, it’s because he doesn’t want to. Familiarity breeds attraction, but it can also breed contempt. Remember there are two sides to every coin, and you need to go with what your gut is telling you, not just blindly follow a series of steps.
If you feel pretty strongly that he’s not interested, move on. Someone else out there will think you’re amazing. But if you think there’s a chance he could be attracted to you, use these tips to make him more interested.
2. Mirror Him
Seeing him a lot can make him more attracted to you, but how can you make him feel that spark, that connection? Mirroring his body language can help. Mirroring is something we subconsciously do when we like someone. You cross your arms, he crosses his, he leans in, you lean in, and so on.
Just because you normally do this subconsciously doesn’t mean you can’t do it on purpose: you can create feelings of closeness by mirroring him as a way of saying I like you and I feel the same way you do.
Studies show that the reward centers in our brains light up when someone we’re interacting with mirrors our body language, regardless of how attractive we find them. It’s thought this is because when selecting a mate, it’s optimal to find someone we can easily understand and cooperate with, and someone “speaking” the same body language makes us feel we’ve found our match.
What to do:
If he takes a sip of his drink, wait a few seconds and sip yours. If he leans in and folds his arms over the table, do the same. If he tilts his head while talking to you, you tilt yours. Subtly let your body reflect his posture. Keyword: subtle
Don’t take it too far and copy every move he makes, or you’ll look like you’re playing an awkward game of Simon Says.
3. Open Up to Him
Being a little vulnerable and sharing bits of our authentic selves can create a sense of closeness, and it’s what paves the way for forming a truly intimate connection.
One study found self-disclosure is the key to making people like you, and this goes beyond just romantic relationships. People who disclose more personal things about themselves tend to be more liked than people who don’t. Also, it goes both ways, because once we disclose more personal things to others, we like them more, too.
What to do:
Be real with him. Open up a little more than you normally would. Emphasis on a little. Don’t let all your skeletons out of the closet or overwhelm him with TMI.
Just be a little more authentic. If he asks what you do for work, tell him and maybe explain why your job is meaningful. Or if you don’t like your job, be honest about that and what you wish you could be doing, without going into full-complain mode. All basic questions have multilayered answers. So just peel back a little and give him more than the surface exterior.
4. Have a good personality
Good news- personality counts for a lot more than you think!
In one study, researchers asked men to rate how attractive they found photos of a wide variety of women’s bodies, ranging from super skinny to obese. But one group saw information about the women’s personalities before viewing the photos, while the other group saw only the photos.
Bottom line: personality mattered. We know men are visual, but the idea that they only care about looks isn’t supported by this study. Men who were given positive personality traits to associate with the photos were attracted to a wider range of body sizes than the group that wasn’t.
Not only were men more attracted to overweight women when they were told they had good personalities, they were less attracted to skinny women who had bad personalities.
What to do:
Work on being your best self.
You can’t turn yourself into something you’re not (and you shouldn’t want to!) but you can work with what you have. Refine your good traits and work to improve your bad ones. We all have them—nobody is perfect.
To do this you need to be a little introspective and get honest with yourself. This can be really tough. Nobody wants to think about what makes them less than a great person. Think about stuff that you’ve done in the past that’s caused negativity and deal with it. Ask someone you’re close to how they think you can improve.
One thing to keep in mind—like generally attracts like. The better the person you are, the better the person you’ll attract and probably end up with, and that will make for a better, happier relationship.
5. Wear Red
Red is known as the color of passion and love, but apparently, it’s not just symbolic—wearing red can actually increase a guy’s attraction for you.
Studies had already established that red on females increases male attraction in the animal world, but now a study has been done to see how this works for us.
In one experiment, men who talked with women in red ended up asking more intimate questions than they did of women wearing green. As we mentioned earlier, self-disclosure is key in attraction; if he wants to know more about you, he likes you.
In another experiment, men talking with women in red instead of blue chose to sit closer to the women in red. When men like you, they want to be close to you. The scientists running these experiments believe that for men, red means sex, and this isn’t just cultural conditioning, it’s biological. Use science to your advantage!
What to do:
Invest in a few good red pieces. This can be subtle like a scarf, or bold like a curve-hugging dress. Or maybe even experiment with a red lipstick. Basically, think a little more strategically when dressing for a date or headed somewhere you know he’ll be.
6. Do something exciting
Good news, adrenaline junkies! Thrill-seeking can increase feelings of attraction.
That adrenaline rush mimics feelings of arousal, so feelings of attraction are pretty much guaranteed to follow. You’ll not only have fun and a new shared experience to bond over, an exciting or scary experience will make you more attracted to one another. Studies have actually shown that shortly after experiencing something scary, men were four times as likely to call a woman than if they’d just experienced something ho-hum that didn’t get their adrenaline going.
Not an adrenaline junky? That’s okay, it’s not just scary stuff that leads to attraction. The increase in adrenaline from regular physical activity can do the trick, too. One study showed that after only 15 minutes of physical activity, people were more attracted to people of the opposite sex than people who did no exercise at all.
What to do:
You don’t need to jump out of planes or do anything too death-defying. Sometimes a scary movie or roller coaster or a really competitive board game can be enough. Think about what gets your adrenaline going and try to work that in when dating or hanging out with someone you want something more with.
And remember, the adrenaline rush doesn’t even have to be from something scary—it can be from physical activity, so hit the gym or go for a run with him.
7. Get your snuggle on
We naturally want to touch people we like, and most of us like being touched, so it’s probably no surprise that touching has been shown to build attraction. Studies show that when you touch someone, they are more likely to become attracted to you.
There are real science-based reasons for this: Touch can cause a chemical reaction within us and change how we feel about someone else. In the early stages of a relationship, touch causes a rush of dopamine that makes us feel high (love really is a drug!)
In one study, touching coupled with eye contact caused elevated heart rates and increased desire, and in another, it only took brief touches to increase likeability and attraction.
Touch remains important throughout a relationship. As time goes on, touch doesn’t fill us with as much lust, but it creates feelings of bonding and comfort.
What to do:
Don’t hang all over him, but try to increase physical contact. If you’re in a relationship or dating, cuddle, hold hands, and hug. Research shows that face touching and hand-holding were considered more intimate than other forms of touch, so if you’re trying to increase intimacy, keep that in mind.
If you’re not a couple yet, find subtle ways to touch him and see how he reciprocates. Brief touches are good and have been shown to make a difference. Studies have even found that female waitresses who lightly touch male customers get higher tips.
8. Be interesting
Above all else, the way to capture a man’s interest is to be interesting.
We don’t really need science to tell us this—it’s human nature to be attracted to people who are interesting.
What to do:
Live a well-rounded life. Live for you—not a man. What do you care about? How do you like to spend your time? What do you find interesting? Don’t obsess over relationships or depend on men or having a man around to gain your sense of worth. This just creates pressure for them to be your all, and nobody wants that kind of pressure.
You doing you is interesting. If you think there’s potential with him, take it up a few more notches by trying out some of these science-based ideas.
I hope this article gave you some insights into what makes a man fall for a woman. But there’s more you need to know. Capturing his interest is one thing, keeping it is another! Do you know what makes a man want to commit to a woman and what makes him see her as “the one”? If not, you need to read this next:The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Also, in every relationship there will come an inevitable point where he starts to pull away and seems to be losing interest. He’s not as excited by you, the spark seems to be fizzling, and you feel like you’re losing him. Do you know what it means and how to respond? If not, read this too: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
In summary …
How to Make Him Desire You:
- See him a lot (because how else will he know how interesting you are?)
- Mirror his body language so he’ll see how in sync you are.
- Open up to him. Self-disclosure is not just good for getting to know someone, it’s attractive.
- Have a good personality—it actually matters more than you think.
- Wear red. It’s not just a symbol of passion, it can actually ignite that spark you’re looking for.
- Do something exciting to get his adrenaline going, or just get physical. Not only is it fun and good for you, it can make him see you in a new light.
- Touch him, even if it’s just small touches here and there. It will make him like you more and can lead to more attraction
- Be interesting—you do you. You being yourself, respecting yourself, and liking yourself is ultimately the most attractive thing of all.