Let’s talk about a common term that gets flung around in the realm of relationship advice: the chase.
The chase isn’t about playing games or following rules or manipulating a man into wanting to be with you. If you go about it like that, you will always lose.
Why is it important for a man to chase you? Well, it goes back to basic biology. Men are hunters, it’s in a man’s nature to want to pursue… and unfortunately, a lot of women have taken that away from him by going after him hard… which actually only succeeds in scaring him away.
Maybe going after things aggressively has served you in other areas of your life, maybe it got you where you are in your career, but it won’t help you attract and keep a high-quality guy.
The chase is what gets a man to pursue you. Pursuing you leads to investing in you and this is what causes him to really fall for you.
This is how it’s done.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
1. Have an amazing life
The key to getting a guy to chase you is to not be available. I’m not saying play hard to get, you should be hard to get.
The way to do that is to have a full amazing life. Have a lot going on, so much so that he needs to work to earn a spot in your life, it’s not just handed over to him
And have passions! Passionate people are alive, they’re magnetic, and we want to be around them because they inspire us.
If you have something your passionate about, do that more. If you have no passions, find some! Write, paint, dance, sing, play an instrument, cook, bake, volunteer, there is so much out there!
When you cultivate an amazing life for yourself, you will have a life that he wants to be a part of.
2. Don’t invest too soon
You don’t win a man over by investing in him and committing yourself to him fully. In fact, that’s how you scare a guy away.
Don’t invest in him until he has invested in you. Try to keep yourself one pace behind him in the relationship. Don’t prioritize him until he makes you a priority.
If you aren’t his girlfriend, don’t treat him like your boyfriend. Continue to date around and keep your options open, this will get him into gear real quick.
When you commit to him before you’re even in a relationship, he has no motivation to change anything about your current situation. Conversely, it’s the ideal scenario for him. He gets all the benefits of a girlfriend without the responsibilities.
3. Stop trying to win him over
This one is about a mindset shift. A lot of women focus on winning the guy over, let me show him how amazing I am, what a great girlfriend I would be, how loving I am, and so on.
This doesn’t impress a man. It just makes you look desperate and needy.
Shift your mindset to one where instead of asking, does he like me? You ask: do I actually like him?
Is he good enough for me? Is he worthy of me? Can he enhance my life?
Look at him from that lens. When you’re with him, stop analyzing your behavior so much. Just be present and remember that you’re the prize here, so stop acting like he is some sort of deity.
You have a lot to offer. You have a lot to bring to the table. Remember that!
4. Leave him wanting more
This is really important especially in the beginning of a relationship
This will take restraint on your part because I know how all-encompassing those feelings are in the beginning when you like a guy and he’s pursuing you.
If you really want to capture his attention, you need to be a little out of reach.
This means you’re not always available when he wants to see you – and if you follow my previous tip about having a full life, then this will naturally be the case.
Don’t share everything right off the bat. Don’t send him paragraphs when he texts you a question. Don’t answer questions before he’s asked them. Let him learn about you slowly. This is exciting and intriguing.
And above all, don’t talk yourself up or talk excessively. This was always a problem for me, I tend to talk a lot, especially when I’m nervous.
The excessive talking is a big sign of insecurity. We feel like we need to just show him everything right away. I need to tell him a funny story so he knows I have a sense of humor, I need to show him that I’m alluring and that I have a big heart and that I have an active social life so I’m going to talk about that a lot too and I need to show him I’m smart so I’ll brag about my degrees, and on and on.
You’d don’t need to show him anything, let him discover you slowly. The excessive talking and showing off just makes you seem dramatic and desperate and like you have something to prove, all of which are visceral turn-offs for men.
5. Use your walking power
Walking power isn’t something you say out loud, it’s a belief you carry internally. It’s a belief that I am not afraid to walk away if this situation isn’t what I want.
Only needy people settle for bad relationships and poor treatment because deep down maybe they don’t believe they deserve any better.
A woman of high value doesn’t accept being treated badly. And she isn’t afraid to walk away if a guy can’t or won’t give her what she wants.
Here is what you need to remind yourself of- you will be OK no matter what. If it works out with this guy, great! If not, you’ll be fine.
You’re not clinging to him desperately hoping he’ll save you from something.
You enjoy him. You like him. But you are not afraid of losing him.
6. Be a high-value woman
I kind of covered this earlier but it’s worth being its own category because it’s crucial.
Men don’t chase needy women. They chase in demand, high-value women.
You determine your worth. That’s right. It doesn’t come from how many people follow you on Instagram, it doesn’t come from who wants to date you, it doesn’t come from how many compliments you receive in a day- it comes from you.
You decide to be a high-value woman. You decide how people get to treat you. You decide this based on what you put up with.
I know this isn’t always easy, so fake it until you make it!
Act like a confident woman. Would a confident woman stick around with a guy who was stringing her along, being all in one minute and vanishing the next?
Would a confident woman rip herself to shreds because a guy loses interest?
Would a confident woman settle for a guy who says he doesn’t want a relationship desperately hoping she can get him to change his mind?
No. Confident women don’t do any of this. They don’t put up with what they don’t want and this is why they usually get what they want.
So decide right here, right now, you are a confident, high-value woman and act the part!
So that is how to get a man to chase you authentically. But there’s more you need to know. What happens when a man pulls away, which happens even to high-value women. Do you know how to bring him back? If not, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Next, do you know what makes a man decide and commit a woman is “the one?” If not, read this too:The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Here is how to make a man chase you:
- Have an amazing life.
- Don’t invest too soon.
- Stop trying to win him over
- Leave him wanting more
- Use your walking power
- Be a high-value woman