“I’ve been seeing this guy and he suddenly stopped texting me out of nowhere, now what?!”
Sound familiar? This is such a common situation that there’s actually a term for it — ghosting.
It’s so confusing because everything seemed to be going great, at least in your mind. But then you stop hearing from him. One day goes by. Then another and another. Maybe you shoot him a text but you get crickets in response. What is happening?!?!
Almost nothing is worse than no response. You thought things were going great, but now you’re wondering if you’re crazy and just made everything up in your head.
Now what? What do you do next? Do you show up where you think he’s going to be? Do you try to track him down through some other means of communication?
I’m going to share the most crucial do’s and don’ts of dealing with ghosting so keep reading.
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OK, let’s get into it.
First, let’s talk about what not to do when a guy stops texting you. You can save yourself a lot of time and heartbreak by avoiding these common reactions to a guy ghosting.
1. Don’t Obsess Over It
When has this ever gotten you anywhere in life? Don’t wait by the phone watching the minutes tick by on a clock hoping he texts you back. All this does is feed into a desperate energy and mindset that doesn’t feel good and furthermore isn’t productive in the least.
There is nothing empowering about a woman desperately waiting by the phone to hear back from a guy. It just makes you feel sad and desperate.
When guys start picking up on this energy, they start to purposely drift away. The next time you panic over the fact that he hasn’t texted back yet and start obsessing over the reasons why … just let the thoughts go. Don’t panic. Don’t stress over it. Shrug your shoulders and move on with your day.
Tell yourself, “I am not the type of woman who sits at home by the phone waiting for a man.” Maybe you don’t really believe this, but say it anyway! Eventually it will penetrate.
2. Don’t Make Excuses
You know the drill. You tell yourself that he’s busy, he’s stressed, he forgot, maybe he broke his phone or lost his phone or somebody stole his phone, he got in an accident, he’s in a coma, etc etc.
Here’s the truth … if he likes you, he will find a way to get in touch! When a guy stops texting you for weeks, it’s because he’s just not interested. Nothing “happened” to him to prevent him from reaching out to you.
It’s never been easier in the history of human life to get in touch with someone today. There’s no excuse so stop making them for him! He’s showing you he’s not willing to put in the effort so stop holding the door open for him with made-up scenarios and excuses for his bad behavior.
3. Don’t Remind Him You Exist
When a guy ghosts, it’s natural to want to give a little nudge his way but what’s the point? If a guy likes you, you don’t need to remind him you exist! He’s not going to wake up with amnesia one morning and need you to bring back all of his memories. This isn’t a Hallmark movie.
He’s not going to say to himself, “Wow! I’m so glad she texted me. I totally forgot I’m completely in love with her!” See how silly that is? Because it doesn’t happen.
What does it mean when a guy stops texting you? It’s an indicator that he’s not willing to pursue things and put in effort. He didn’t just suddenly forget you exist or that he has feelings for you.
4. Don’t Ask For Closure
A lot of women convince themselves that they just need closure and then they can move on. They just want to hear from him one final time to wrap up loose ends and then close the door on whatever they had together.
But that’s not really what we want…
We don’t want closure. We want one last chance to plead our case and see if we can change his mind. There has to be some magic combination of words that will save this, right?
Here’s the thing though. You will never have to convince the right person to be with you. A relationship and feelings are not a negotiation. If a guy truly wants to be with you, you won’t have to plead your case like a lawyer in court.
Now, with the Don’ts out of the way, let’s dive into what to do when he stops texting.
1. Set A Panic deadline
We tend to panic before anything happens. All of these nightmare scenarios are swirling around in our heads before we have any evidence of anything wrong.
Here’s a little exercise I learned to do that will help you out when you’re wondering, “Omg. I haven’t heard from him. Should I text him if he stopped texting me all of a sudden?”
Instead of panicking in the first hour or day that he hasn’t responded, set a date in the future to allow yourself to start wondering if something is “wrong”. Tell yourself, “I just started seeing this guy and I haven’t heard from him in 24 hours. Nothing to worry about. If I don’t hear from him 4 days from now, then I can reassess the situation.”
Put it out of your mind until then. Here’s the best part, these things generally end up resolving themselves before you even hit the deadline you set.
And, if you don’t end up hearing from him, that’s ok too because it tells you right up front that he’s not going to put in the effort and you haven’t wasted any on chasing him.
2. Recognize He’s Not Worth Your Time
If a guy doesn’t want to see you anymore and can’t even be bothered to text you or call you to tell you that, then he’s just not worth it. The right guy for you wants to be with you. He is excited at the prospect of being with you and will make sure he stays in touch so that he doesn’t lose you.
Keep your heart open for a guy to come into your life who not only falls head over heels with you but also knows to value your time and show you the respect you deserve. And that includes not ghosting to end things.
3. Text Him If You Must …
I know this is what you want to do with every fiber of your being. You want to text him and figure out what’s up, what happened, what went wrong, etc etc.
I honestly believe the best response to his silence is no response. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you and that you’re still worrying and obsessing over him. If he just stopped texting, it’s because he doesn’t want to and you’re not going to coax him into being a better person or the boyfriend you had hoped.
But if you have that need deep down to say something and can’t convince yourself to just move on, then send him something short and sweet and see what comes back your way. I caution you that you should have very low expectations when doing this.
If nothing comes back, well you have your answer. If something short and cold comes back, then you also have you answer.
Or maybe he really did have a genuine excuse for vanishing and you’ll hear about it but this is such a slim chance it’s not worth putting yourself through the closure trap.
In the end, you don’t need to text him for this to happen because if he does like you and things came up that prevented him from contacting you in any form, then he will eventually reach out and tell you what’s up!
4. Realize It’s Not Personal
Unfortunately, ghosting has just become an accepted form of breaking up. It’s one of the worst trends to come out of modern dating.
The thing to keep in mind is that this doesn’t mean you are insignificant or not worthy of a proper breakup conversation. It has zero reflection on you. It’s a reflection on his inability to do the right thing. Or his fear of being the bad guy and hurting you. He would rather convince himself that you’re most likely on the same page so what is there to talk about?
Make this your mantra: “I do not want to be with a guy who doesn’t want to be with me.” And that’s it! Tell it to yourself as many times as you need to. Most women fall into the trap of believing they are unworthy and will never be loved, that they are doomed to be alone forever.
You get to choose the thoughts you focus on and keep in your mind. Start picking the ones that put you in a position of being the chooser and knowing that the right man will see your worth and put in the effort without you having to chase or convince him.
I hope you found all of this helpful. Let me know what you think by leaving a comment or question below and make sure you subscribe to our newsletter to get more great relationship and dating tips from me!
I hope this article gave you better insights and understanding as to why guys don’t text back, but there is more you need to know. Do you want to know what it takes to really capture a man’s attention and heart? If so, read this next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Also, there are certain times when a man will pull away- he may stop texting, he may start acting cold and distant. Do you know what to do when this happens? If not, read this next:If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...